Suit of the Week: Akris

99 Comments

1. Are there any apple-shaped people out there who have a denim jacket they love? I recently decided I want one but am hoping something is soft and stretchy and kinda flattering. (Or do you just wear on your shoulders like a cape?)

   1. I have a denim jacket but it is neither soft nor stretchy. I am wearing the h*ck out of my LL Bean Utility Jacket though, but would love to find a denim one that is a bit more versatile (all jacket denim seems to be the ultra-rigid kind that the original mom jeans were also made out of).

   2. Talbots Classic Jean Jacket is exactly what you described and comes in tons of colors.

   3. I am not apple shaped, but I just got a denim jacket from Gap that is relatively stretchy and soft (and I suspect will get more so as it gets washed). I would not call it flattering on me, as that usually involves nipping in at my waist to show my shape, but it layers well over dresses and pants.

      1. 2nd this. My Gap jacket is a million years old, but it’s stretchy denim and has stood the test of time (and, ahem, weight fluctuations).

         1. Same here. I’ve had a Gap denim jacket that still fits me 20+ years later. Two of the fashion bloggers I follow also recommend the Kut From the Kloth Helena jacket in the Sweet wash: https://www.nordstrom.com/s/kut-from-the-kloth-helena-denim-jacket/5876128?color=SWEET&mrkgadid=3313966207&mrkgcl=760&mrkgen=gpla&mrkgbflag=0&mrkgcat=&utm_content=34014198899&utm_term=aud-944257668433:pla-258155491862&utm_channel=low_nd_shopping_standard&sp_source=google&sp_campaign=662927206&adpos=&creative=145518921004&device=m&matchtype=&network=g&acctid=21700000001689570&dskeywordid=92700049880626216&lid=92700049880626216&ds_s_kwgid=58700005468304836&ds_s_inventory_feed_id=97700000007631122&dsproductgroupid=258155491862&product_id=21245386&merchid=1243147&prodctry=US&prodlang=en&channel=online&storeid=&locationid=9027580&targetid=aud-944257668433:pla-258155491862&campaignid=662927206&adgroupid=34014198899&gclid=CjwKCAjwj6SEBhAOEiwAvFRuKLx7zEHKOsi6vvhrH_rUaRnq5TZRUAU8bh02IylmpWg3Wn3yUrOzCBoCRu8QAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds. It’s super soft and stretchy.

            1. coming here to say +1 to the Kut from Kloth Helena jacket — have it in white and a medium denim wash — really stretchy and love it. Only downside is no side pockets and small front pockets.

   4. I have one from Loft from several years ago that is very stretchy, soft, and feels broken in. I’m not apple shaped but I’ve never buttoned it — I’m not sure that it would make sense to do that.

   5. I am an apple and have an oversized Madewell jean jacket. It’s relatively soft and stretchy. I don’t know if it’s flattering though—I definitely leaned into that (probably old now) trend of big denim jackets over dresses, etc.

2. TLDR: Does wearing a mask ruin your makeup?

   I’ll be returning to the office soon for the first time since the start of the pandemic. The only outings this past year have been to places like grocery store without makeup. Normally, I wear a sheer BB cream for work (pre pandemic and for WFH). I’ll probably try wearing makeup for an upcoming grocery store trip to test how my makeup holds up but am also looking for any tips and tricks for readers who have been through this.

   1. Makeup ruins the mask and contributes to maskne.

      1. Yeah, no way I would wear makeup under my mask if I was wearing it all day long.

   2. Any light makeup like a BB or CC cream smears all over my mask. Regular long-wear foundation rubs off a little bit, but not terribly. Setting with a finishing powder definitely helps, too.

   3. Yep masks definitely get makeup-y. Cap Hill Style recommended the Urban Decay setting spray as pricey but very effective as a solution.

   4. I am wearing concealer + a light setting powder all over instead of foundation. When I wore actual foundation, I got maskne. Some of the powder gets on my mask, but I still look fine.

      1. This is what I do.

   5. Do you need to wear skin makeup if you are going to be in a mask all day anyway?

      1. Not the OP, but I don’t wear my mask all day at the office, just in the hallways and bathrooms and break room when not eating and with clients. So personally, I do wear makeup and sometimes a mask over it.

         1. Same, especially if I’m going to be on video conferences without a mask.

   6. I’ve been in the office this whole time and wearing a mask with make up (light foundation, powder, and blush) daily. I haven’t found it to be a big problem – the masks get make-up on them, but it’s not badly and it’s just on the inside, so nothing to really think about. I haven’t noticed it being enough to remove the make up in a noticeable way. I haven’t noticed an up-tick in acne.

      FWIW, I mask when entering the building or in the common areas, but take the mask off while in my office, so it’s not on all day. Probably no more than 30-45 minutes total most days, so YMMV.

   7. Cap Hill Style blog has written about this and has specific recommendations

   8. FWIW, I got my second vaccine last weekend and wore undereye concealer, the urban decay setting spray, and eye make up and I had my masks (N95+cloth) on for about 45 minutes for the vaccine appointment, no lines in the concealer at all on my nose/cheeks from the mask, and my makeup stayed put all day. This was the first time I had tried the setting spray and it really seems to work.

3. At work, my hips never bother me. Not sure what kind of chair I have, but has a stretchy webbed fabric seat.

   At home, I sit on a wood stool at the counter, a wood bench in my closet, or on my half of the bed (about half on the bed; have on wood). My hip sockets feel so terribly sore, like I need replacement hips, but the area is very well padded (extreme pair shape). This never used to happen. Is it a chair thing? I am 4 days a week at work starting next week (kids will be in school then — HOORAY).

   1. Yeah pretty clearly? Stretch.

      1. +1

   2. I have RA and my hips hurt so bad when I sit for prolonged periods (even with the fancy erg Herman Miller chair in the office). If you have a counter, or a tall dresser, put your computer there and stand from time to time. Then stretch at night. G o o g l e stretches for hip flexors for ideas.

   3. I mean, it’s pretty clear you need a proper chair for working at home. My back wouldn’t have survived without one.

   4. Last year I developed awful back pain because I was telecommuting from a dining room chair. I bought a lumbar cushion and ergonomic seat cushion and the back pain almost instantly went away.

   5. Pigeon pose has saved my hips & lower back. Even with a good office chair I bought late last summer, I’m noticing more tightness in my hips than pre-pandemic. I think I sit longer at home than when I was in the office. Back-to-back meetings used to mean walking to different conference rooms, but now it’s just endless zoom.

   6. In the beginning of WFH a year ago, I called our firm’s office manager and asked her to send me a link to whatever chair I have in my office so I could get a duplicate for at home. It has been a lifesaver.

   7. You need a better chair at home. Or at least cushioning for your wood seats. Also try stretching – pigeon pose and hip flexor stretches, as others have mentioned. I find that foam rolling my hips and psoas helps a ton too.

4. Does anyone else ever felt like a token at their male-dominated firm/company/ organization? I am increasingly perceiving that my company has me in my current role mostly for appearance reasons as it has a reputation for being unfriendly to women and lacking diversity.

   I’m not the only woman, and there are a few who seem to have made it work here – so maybe I’m paranoid and this is actually a personality/image thing that I need to improve. I admit I am not great at navigating the politics of this particular workplace; I’ve been here several years and still feel like no one has been willing to clue me into to the unwritten rules – so I’m constantly struggling, even though outwardly it looks like I’m successful based on my title and progression.

   1. Yes, I’ve been the highest ranking woman executive at two companies now. It’s no fun. They still talk over me in meetings and other people repeat and get credit for my thoughts. But my headshot is prominently featured in external materials! So there’s that.

   2. I think it’s normal to feel like that to some extent. I am in a technical role where diversity is abysmal, but there has been a concerted effort to improve it and I am not the only woman in my position (but still one of not many). Who is your mentor? Do you have multiple? Honestly you will have to put yourself out there and ask what the unwritten rules are, but that is also one way to become more “in”. People love answering questions and helping others, it’s human nature.

   3. I work in Property/Construction as Corporate Counsel and I’m still constantly the only woman in the room. I’m a Director and Co-Owner of the Company. I still get asked if I can manage the slope/ stairs at building site inspections and mansplained to constantly about construction jargon even though I clearly know what I am doing- Every so often and at least once in every major transaction when there are new arrivals in the room I have to say “excuse me, I have a suggestion , but maybe one of the men in the room might like to make it more loudly and with less finesse” – generally works.

5. I’m wondering if any of you have ever been diagnosed with PTSD due to emotional trauma. I’ve recently begun working with a therapist and am working through some issues that I’m just now realizing were emotionally abusive, some of which have been pretty severe. My question, have any of you been through this and been able to continue to maintain a relationship with the abusive person (in my case my H). Or did you feel like in order to heal you needed to get them out of your life? It is hard to even be at home or in the same room with him right now and I’m having a hard time deciding if I just need to leave the situation or if it can possibly be rectified?

   1. Why on earth would you want to stay with your abusive husband? How is this the question? Who cares if it maybe could be rectified, it does not need to be. Call a divorce attorney and get out.

      1. Listen, I know you think you are giving straight talk, but please be careful with the tone and approach you take with abused women.

         1. + a million
            if “just get out” worked with abusive situations, there wouldn’t be any

         2. +1000. OP, you cannot fix an abusive husband, but please take care of yourself and make a safety plan.

      2. I read it as an incident or incidents that have happened in the past but do not happen now. I’ve heard of such scenarios when a spouse was going through a mental health crisis, other medical emergency (brain tumor?), or in some instances their own PTSD (thinking of a soldier I know) but then ended up getting help and being a better spouse. This could be something that happened 10 or 20 years ago and OP is just starting to delve into how it impacted her.

         1. OP, here, one of my concerns is my kids and what would happen going forward. The second issue is, these are things that have happened recently and repeatedly, the latest being severe enough to lead me to get into therapy. I didn’t realize the extent of the abuse and how the seemingly little things have added up over time to result in a controlling/abusive situation. At this point I’m really not sure he understands, but he has said he will not do it again and I’m wondering if without him actually doing some sort of therapy as well if he can change or not. If I try to work on myself to move past this will I ever really be able to be comfortable that it won’t happen again or will I constantly second-guess everything.

            1. Yes he will do it again. You shouldn’t get comfortable. You need to talk to a divorce lawyer about how to get out safely.

            2. If he’s like my former husband, he says he understands because of course he understands. It’s not that hard. And the reason he doesn’t stop doing it is that he doesn’t want to. I spent 15 years thinking I could make him understand before I realized this.

               As for the kids, that makes it a lot harder but I do think it’s bad for kids to see one parent abusing the other.

               Also whatever you do, don’t go to joint therapy with him. It is absolutely contraindicated for situations like yours.

            3. “OP, here, one of my concerns is my kids and what would happen going forward.”

               Are you suggesting that children are better off seeing one parent be emotionally abusive to the other than they would be if the parents were divorced and the mother could heal?

            4. Lauren, in a divorce it is likely that the father will get unsupervised parenting time, often as much as 50%, even if the father is emotionally or otherwise abusive. Many mothers feel that the best way to protect their children is to remain married. It’s never as simple as it ought to be.

   2. First, I’m sorry for your experiences, and I’m so glad for you that you’re getting therapy!
      I would say, in my case, it would be very very hard to stay in a relationship with someone if they had not acknowledged that their behavior harmed me, expressed remorse, made amends, and I felt like it clearly would not happen again. Family of origin has alcoholics, hence the AA terms, and I’ve sat in a few al-anon meetings which clarified that nope, family ain’t gonna change or do ANY of those steps so the relationship was severely curtailed and limits set.
      Your therapist can help you work through your next steps – maybe make that the clear goal of therapy after you feel like you have a handle on the immediate symptoms of PTSD?

   3. Oh gosh. I’m so sorry.

      I had to go full no contact with my emotional abuser. He kept trying (sent me flowers for a year after deeming them stupid during our relationship) and would occasionally reach out to me (ignored, blocked, and email rule to send directly to trash). He circumvented my system by using an email I was not aware of to confirm that THREE YEARS AFTER BREAK UP (emphasis mine) we weren’t getting back together bc he was considering trying to date again.

      To echo the poster above, keep working through this with your therapist. Maybe you can stay, but I could not even after he finally accepted it and promised it wouldn’t happen again.

      1. I never knew you dated my ex…..

   4. It depends on a lot of things. If the abuser is has gotten meaningful help and made significant changes, there may be a way through. But if the situation only has the potential to continue because the abuser is making no of limited changes, I don’t think it’s possible to maintain a relationship.

      Also, it’s not an either/or. You can leave now, for now, to give yourself the space to process, heal and assess next steps. Even if it can be rectified, you need to do those things first, and they will be a lot harder in the presence of your abuser.

   5. I was emotionally (and physically) abuse by my father. I tried to maintain a relationship with him until I finished college and then gave up. He used to call and leave me angry voicemails. When he died I felt nothing but relief — it hadn’t occurred to me how much I lived with a fear that he would show up at my job or home. I’m in my late 30s now and I would say it took ~15 years for me to recover from about ~15 years of abuse.

      If it’s hard for you to even be in the same room as him, that means it’s time to leave. I’m sorry what you are going through. It’s hard.

   6. I tried to make it work with an emotional abuser for 15 years and even after left him, I had relationship PTSD symptoms for a couple years. He never took the slightest bit of responsibility, other than when he swert-talked me into staying the first two times I tried to leave him.

      If the abuse isnot in the far past and if he hasn’t taken responsibility and made amends and changed his ways for a very long period of time, my vote is “leave.”

      1. +1 I’ll also add that leaving the abuser, or removing them from your life however you do it, does not erase the trauma. You have to put in the work in therapy to heal from it. Even if the abuser drops dead tomorrow, the trauma isn’t magically over.

         Wishing you the best OP!

         1. Boy, no kidding! I was with my sweet current husband for YEARS before I kept second-guessing everything and thinking “wow, with Other Guy this would have been a huge fight…”

   7. As someone who was raised in an abusive home as a child and then was later attacked by a boyfriend in adulthood, I say no. I think that even if you want to forgive and make it work, you may find that your feelings have changed irreparably. I would take the time to work this through with your therapist. I don’t think it is unusual for your initial reaction to be wondering if it can be fixed, but, once you have time to sit with the realization that it was emotional abuse, you might find that you don’t want it to work, even if it can. (If that makes sense.)

   8. I’m so sorry about your situation.

      As for actually answering your question: it’s time to start making a plan to get out. Abusers generally don’t stop. Abusers generally won’t ever stop. They do not want to change, they choose to abuse.

      For your own sake, the best thing for your long-term health and situation will be to get out. That is plan A. Plan B is surviving until you can get out. Don’t base your life and future on the illusion that an abuser will change.

      This sucks so much. But right now, be safe. Start planning your exit, in secret. Don’t tell H. Talk to a domestic abuse hotline from a secure phone. It’s amazing to talk to somebody who actually understands.

      Be safe. Hugs.

   9. Also, in case you haven’t heard this or haven’t heard it often enough: I’m so sorry this is happening to you. You do not deserve it, it isn’t your fault, and nobody should have to live that way. Big hugs to you, OP.

      1. + 1 million

6. I’m taking it as a sign of growth that I got some pointed criticism at work that, just two years ago, would’ve sent me spiralling for days. Not today! It bugged me, but I inwardly shrugged and still feel like … well, opinions are like a-holes and there is nothing actionable in this ass-vice.

   1. Bahaha your last sentence! I needed this today.

7. What is everyone’s preferred mask these days? What’s comfortable and filters but doesn’t make your face drip with sweat?

   1. Following. My original Johnny Was masks are getting stretched out around the ears and need to be replaced, but I don’t think I’ll get those again. I’m looking for more of a contoured fit now.

      1. I’m still a fan, and they’ve changed the model so that they have adjustable drawstrings around the ears.

   2. I have the Athleta Made to Move masks — I think they aren’t making them anymore? If I needed more I would definitely get those again. My partner really likes the uniqlo airisms ones, especially that they come in larger sizes.

   3. Gretchen Scott

   4. For lower risk situations, Old Navy—three layers of cotton, big enough to not worry my nose is going to slip. For higher risk situations, an N95 that I bought from one of the manufacturers the NYT profiled that are having trouble selling what they produce.

   5. I have some duck-bill masks from Etsy that I like a lot. I really find masks that are farther off the mouth much more comfortable. The seller is LeScratchingPost.

   6. Baggu!

8. Reposting from morning as I was too late:
   Could you please share tips for treatment of scars after laparoscopy (or c-section, as they are similar)? Thanks

   1. I used pure vitamin E on a surgery scar, not just a vitamin E cream, but the real deal. Jason Extra Strength. Ingredients: Tocopherol acetate. Nothing else. You can’t even tell I have a scar there unless you get up really close (and considering it’s on my foot, that would be weird).

      1. thanks!

9. Okay, I posted a while ago and then followed with an update. Short version: I was letting my team put out sub par work. Well, LOTS of time, some retraining, some new systems, and changing the name on a couple reports (why did the button that said ‘Green Report’ spit out the Red Report? if you actually wanted the Green report you had to go into the Yellow Report and then ‘In Progress’) and it’s 1000x better. Formerly nasty colleague actually complimented us and gave the ULTIMATE compliment of giving us the remaining information/tasks they were withholding from us.

   Well, this worked out so well that I decided to work on the impossible. I have a staffer who is utterly and completely incompetent. They make giving them an assignment (ANY assignment) so much work for their supervisor that they actively avoid work. Their actual work tasks took me about 4 hours/week MAX when I was covering for them. WELL. I started giving them tasks. Really basic projects. And now I have concrete examples of totally unsatisfactory performance.

   Government and unionized and honestly… I know it’s pointless! But I”m doing it because this person needs to be held accountable. And also because… it’s not fair to the rest of my team! Who works HARD. Why are we tolerating this because this staffer hollers when we try to hold them to task?

   1. Congratulations on the huge turnaround!

   2. That’s wonderful. Regarding *that* staffer, keep holding them accountable and they will eventually leave. Mine took 2 1/2 years and in the end there was crap from HR, blog posts calling me every name under the sun, but ultimately my thorough documenting of her (lack of) performance meant that it was just noise in the end. She is gone and your person will be, too, eventually.

   3. Maybe your staffer needs a transfer?

      1. FOISTED!

10. Is it legal for vaccine providers to give the Pfizer vaccine to a teen under 16 with the parents’ consent?

    1. Not currently.

    2. Since the EUA is for 16 and up this would be off-label use. There are lots of drugs/devices that are not cleared for kids but are used anyways. Physicians can use drugs/devices off-label legally (out the exact scope of their FDA clearance). But they do so based on scientific data and it would be at risk if they did so without being able to back it with data. It’s highly doubtful that a MD would vaccinate a kid under 16, there is no data (yet) to support it and it could be risky for them.

       1. I want to push back on this. I have a rare condition without much research. The docs use things off-label, not approved for the condition precisely because there is no research. That’s what off-label is.

          For the <16 year old, if they are 13-14 or so, I think a family doctor might make an exception. I think it's known now that Pfizer's vaccine will be approved for 12-16 very soon. If it was an 11 year old, then no.

    3. I volunteer regularly at a vaccine site, and this would absolutely be a no-go.

    4. Yes, but you can’t just demand it from any clinic. You’d need to find a doctor willing to do it.

11. Attn Kat- when I try to comment from my work laptop (Chrome) I get taken to the “tech troubles, we’ve had problems with visitors from your country” page. Commenting from my iPad – no problem.

12. How do you keep track of what you need to do at work? What makes this system work for you and what makes it not work?

    1. I have a master list of everything I have going at one time and a daily to-do list. Plus my team uses Trello for keeping track of big-picture projects.

    2. Following

    3. Old school, but I have to write it down on paper or else I forget. Digital reminders are just too easy to dismiss. Also, on paper it’s easier for me to break it down into PROJECT 1, sub tasks 1-5 and PROJECT 2, subtasks 1-3, delegate tasks 4-6 to junior staff. On the other hand, this means I do end up having to spend time transcribing my scribbles to a digital form before I close out a project for good.

       1. There is a lot of power in writing stuff down. It does something to imprint them in my memory. I have tried many digital solutions, and very few of them have stuck around for very long.

    4. My team uses JIRA boards
       I write a to do list in a notebook for myself. The first items are always email, slack, and check the jira board. Before I stop work for the day I make sure I write down the next days items. Meetings also go in this list.

    5. My to-do list was getting out of control so I started using ClickUp a few weeks ago. So far I’m liking it. There are lots of templates for different kinds of projects but I’m just using the really basic ones. There are plugins you can install to import items directly from Outlook.

    6. I started using Sticky Notes and just keep a list of what I need to do. I tried using pen and paper, but my to-list is always evolving and sometimes dependent up on other people so it’s easier to use my computer.

       I also have a “Follow Up” email folder to keep track of emails that need a detailed response or where I need to do some research before responding.

       I use OneNote for detailed notes about projects or meeting notes. Any follow up items from meetings go on my sticky note.

    7. I calendar deadlines in three places. I use a paper calendar, my assistant calendars thing in outlook, and I also use tasks in outlook. Then I use my electronic folders and make one for each case. In that folder, I keep different documents–some are research trials, drafts, client communication, and just random thoughts about the case. I also keep an outline of tasks that need to be completed on a particular case and mark them off as they get done. Overall, I like the philosophy behind “eat the frog” and so I always do the thing I don’t want to do the most first thing in the morning. I also categorize things into needs to get done today, needs to get done this week, and then longer term projects.

13. If you needed new interview clothes but knew you would rarely need or wear them again (due to medical dress codes), what would you get? Assume that borrowing or buying secondhand are probably not an option on a week’s notice.

    1. I’d get a sheath dress in a dark color plus a blazer, possibly in a contrasting color/texture, because you can always wear them separately in the future. Please note that this is a fine interview outfit in most fields. This board skews heavily toward law offices, which may account for the horrified reactions any time someone says they’re not wearing a full suit to an interview.

    2. How about getting a dark colored sheath dress and, frankly, keeping it in the back of your closet for funerals?

    3. Sheath dress and blazer, depending on the employer.

       1. +1, and I’d get it at Macy’s.

       2. + Dress and blazer. I wear my MM LaFleur jardigan as my blazer.

    4. Another +1 for sheath dress and blazer, and also to Macy’s. My go-to is a medium gray blazer and a black dress—and as another comment suggested, I have also worn the dress to memorial services in the before times. This combo was “interview level” dressed up for my workplace (state government agency in the PNW, not a lawyer).

       If you are in a situation where you feel comfortable shopping in-person, I have found some excellent options on the Macy’s business wear sale racks. Good deals used to be more reliable in person and harder to find online, but I haven’t looked since pre-2020 so this may have changed.

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