For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.
Loving the look of this simple wool crepe suit from Armani. To me this is more of a winter white (and honestly I wish they had it in black or gray), but the simplicity is just gorgeous — love the single button and curves of the jacket, as well as the bracelet sleeves, and the contouring on the skirt and slight flare at the bottom are lovely. The jacket (Armani Collezioni Wool Crepe Jacket) is $1245, and the skirt (Armani Collezioni Wool Crepe Pencil Skirt) is $515, both available at Saks Fifth Avenue.
Mmmmm. Love. But wish it were grey.
Of course I love it. It’s way out of my price range!
Ladies, sorry for the threadjack but I’m hoping I can get some advice here –
I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety for many years. Thankfully, it hasn’t been so bad as to prevent me from functioning at a reasonably high level. On the other hand, the fact that it is not completely debilitating has kept me from seeking help or taking it seriously at times. I finally sought help several years ago. Two years of therapy did not help. I went on medication – a very low dose of Celexa – and that pretty much cured me. I felt like a completely new human being, like I was seeing the world for the first time, and was able to function at my best for the first time in my entire life. Unfortunately, it also made me gain a ton of weight – I went from a size 0 to 6 in one year – and I stopped getting my period. I decided to try something different – my doctor put me on Paxil/Wellbutrin, and I did well on that as well, and my weight gain stabilized and periods returned to normal (I’m now a 4 and happy with that).
Then my husband and I decided that we wanted to have a baby. Paxil is very much not recommended during pregnancy, and my Dr. and gyno told me I should be off it for a couple of months before starting to try to get pregnant. I tapered off very slowly and had horrific side effects – it was like having the flu for 3 weeks, nothing helped, and I threw up (twice!) in public. Most of it subsided but some side effects remained – I had weird digestive issues for about two months. In month three, I got horrible anxiety attacks every single day for weeks. When the really bad anxiety started, I went to my doctor and she prescribed me Buspar, which helped but gave me horrible dizziness/nausea for about an hour a day. I eventually discontinued it and the really bad anxiety has not returned.
Meanwhile, my husband was laid off, we lost our health insurance (I’m currently in grad school with no decent options), and all of our baby plans have been put on hold indefinitely – at least until he finds a stable job and our savings rebound.
Now I’ve been off Paxil for several months and the depression has come back with a vengeance. I can barely function. I’d like to go back on something, but I’m too scared to go back to the medications I’ve tried because of the above issues. My doctor is willing to see my for cheap but she doesn’t think any of the other meds would be appropriate for me. She says that Celexa and Paxil/Welbutrin have been the most successful for her patients. I’d love to go to a psychiatrist who might have better suggestions, but have no insurance right now. We’re living on savings and while I can occasionally make it to my doctor (she charges me a nominal sum in cash), I can’t afford a psychiatrist out of pocket. The fact that I’m feeling incredibly depressed makes it hard to make any decisions right now – I can’t really get myself to care about anything, other than just making this all stop. My husband is horrible about giving advice – its all “what do you think you should do” and “do what you think is best.” I have no idea what to do.
I’m wondering if anyone has had similar experiences and can give me any advice or insight.
I struggled with depression for at least 17 years. In the end, if you’ve found meds that work, and you have a doctor that will work with your financial situation, you have to take what you can get. Remember that your life plans can be gotten back on track later (weight loss, insurance, baby plans, etc) but none of that will matter if you can’t get yourself up and moving right now.
Get the help you need!!
Yes, this. Paxil/Wellbutrin worked for me for a long time, and seems to work for many people. After you’ve stabilized your moods you’ll be able to think SO much better about how to deal with the other setbacks!
found a peanut
I have no experience with depression. But here is my two cents:
First, it’s not clear from your post why you can’t go back on Paxil – your baby plans are shelved until your husband finds a job, and by then you will have money/health insurance and can deal with the Paxil/pregnancy problem. If I were you I’d go back on Paxil.
Second, if you are feeling awful, it is worth it to “splurge” on a doctor’s appt. If someone had a broken leg, you would tell them to go to the emergency room and get help ASAP, regardless of their ability to pay. Your situation is just as important. Go to a psychiatrist, put it on a credit card, and then figure out how to pay it. Your health is more important than money.
Agreed. Treat this just like you would a serious problem with your physical health (if you had diabetes, you wouldn’t stop taking insulin because of a lack of health insurance, right?). I would talk to your doc about what other options you have, because it doesn’t really seem like leaving this untreated is a good option for you.
(peanut – I am guessing the OP doesn’t want to go back on Paxil because of the withdrawal side effects she experienced. She probably doesn’t want to have to go through that again when she goes off paxil in preparation for getting pregnant.)
Also, you may want to check out the archives over at dooce.com. I know she dealt with anxiety/depression issues while having 2 children, and I think for one she stayed on antidepressants while pregnant/breastfeeding, but I don’t remember what drug it was. Basically, while there are concerns about taking certain antidepressants during pregnancy and while breastfeeding, you have to balance that against the dangers to your child of having a severely depressed parent.
I don’t have depression, but I have experience managing medical conditions while uninsured. Will your doctor prescribe Paxil for you again, even though she’s not a psychiatrist, since it worked for you before? That’s probably your best bet if you can afford to pay for it out of pocket (and managing your depression should be a financial priority just below housing and food, really). Since you’re not trying to conceive at the moment, it should be fine; just get back on the Pill too if you’re not already.
Can you get (free) samples of the drug? Can’t hurt to ask, right?
i would also say, if you can’t get insurance maybe consider signing up for a prescription savings card from your pharmacy of choice (i have used the walgreen’s prescription savers’ club card before) and see if you can get reduced price on prescriptions that way! also, if you have not tried the generic of paxil it may be a good idea to ask your doctor if s/he thinks that may be a good alternative for you. according to the walgreen’s website, 90 tablets of paroxetine would be $12 using the card (but paxil is not covered).
Thanks for the advice so far, some clarifications —
I’m concerned about going back on Paxil because of the horrible side effects of going off – I really don’t want to go through that again, it was brutal and terrifying. But it makes sense that something that makes you feel that much *better* can also make you feel that much *worse*. But at the same time, I feel like I need to go on something, ASAP… I’m not thinking clearly and don’t know what the right trade-off is in this situation – feeling better in the short term v. having to deal with the withdrawal again in the long term.
Oh, and I was doing generics from Target, I think it was about $20 a month for the prescription which is totally doable, thank god. Also, those 6 month emergency funds everyone talks about? Spectacular idea, so glad we did that.
Please keep any further advice and insight coming, I really appreciate it all. Thanks, all!
Try Wellbutrin first. Then maybe Wellbutrin + Celexa and only go back on Paxil if those aren’t helping. Your doc can help give you more info, but Wellbutrin by itself should lift the fog at least a little, and maybe you won’t need to get on Paxil.
You said you’re a graduate student — does your university have a med school with a psych dept? When I was in grad school I had no insurance but needed surgery — they let me pay it back over years.
On the other hand, since you said you wanted firm opinions: you’re suffering right now, so go with what you know worked well (the Wellbutrin/Paxil generics) and wait until you need to go off it again to worry about that. By then, if you have insurance, a good psychiatrist can likely give you some interim medication to help you transition out.
Good luck to you — you are in a terribly, terribly stressful situation and my thoughts are with you!
First of all, I am so sorry. I’ve been there and I know how expensive this stuff is. But honestly, if you don’t have your mental health, you don’t have anything. My psychiatrist is $250 out of pocket but it would be worth every penny if you could discuss this with someone who might have some ideas either for different drugs or a better withdrawal plan for the next time around. If money is tight, see if there is some sort of reduced fee clinic near you or a university with a psych PhD program. Someone there might be able to point you in the direction of a more affordable psychiatrist. If you’re not thinking clearly, I think the most important thing is to get to a place where you CAN think clearly and then come up with a plan.
You say you tapered off the Paxil very slowly. Maybe it wasn’t slow enough for you? I know two friends who had horrible side effects when they tapered off of similar drugs very slowly, seemingly because “very slowly” wasn’t slow enough for their bodies. Obviously YMMV, but they both had fewer problems when they slowed the tapper to “very, very, very, very slowly” (we’re talking shaving-paper-thin-bits-off-of-the-pill-with-a-razor-blade slowly).
Also, for anyone who is un- or under-insured and on a brand name drug, I’d suggest looking into the drug company’s patient assistance program. (These programs were a life saver when I was in law school – my school’s insurance didn’t cover prescriptions.)
I have suffered from depression. As you know, depression is not simply a matter of not being happy. It can be dangerous. So while I’m sure it is not an easy decision, if you can barely function now and you know Paxil works for you, if it were me I would go back on the Paxil. The stress of an unemployed spouse is no laughing matter (I have one!) You need to get yourself back to a level where life is okay and you can think a bit more clearly. My mantra is “we make decisions based on the information we have at the time.” Even if you later have second thoughts, be nice to yourself and trust that you made the best decision you could at the time, given the totality of the circumstances.
I have no medical knowledge whatsoever, however I can’t help but wonder if your going off the Paxil the first time was managed the best way it could have been.
1. See if you can see a psychiatrist in some way you can afford.
2. If yes, see a psychiatrist; if not, go back on Paxil (e.g. see your current doctor).
3. When you’re ready to plan for the baby again (and financially more stable), see a psychiatrist for sure and make sure to get better help tapering off the medication – or who knows, maybe you’ll be able to just switch to a medication that you can continue through the pregnancy.
Hi – I was on Zoloft for awhile and had to go off it because it was causing me to have horrible, horrible heartburn. I was taken off Zoloft and put on Celexa. The withdrawal from Zoloft was horrible, but not as horrible as yours.
I have read that withdrawal from SSRIs such as Zoloft, Celexa, etc. can be made more bearable by taking a dose of Prozac since Prozac’s half life is much longer than other SSRIs, so the withdrawal symptoms are not as severe/noticeable. Maybe you can ask your doctor about that?
What about getting back on the Celexa, then? Gaining 20lbs may be far preferable to the withdrawal effects from Paxil.
I don’t know much about anti-Ds, but wonder if it would be worthwhile to see if there are different methods for going off the drugs that might lead to an easier withdrawal period (different step-down doses, different timing, maybe you taper off in conjunction with taking another drug). I also wonder if you actually take a different dosage, maybe lower than before but still high enough to help, if that might change the withdrawal scenario.
Sorry you are going through this. I agree with others who say you really need to deal with this now, and not worry about the future too much. Not to be too morbid, but dealing with this now will help ensure that you HAVE a future.
I have suffered with severe depression and anxiety for many many years – including terrible times during law school. It is a serious medical condition and requires specialized attention. I received my first psychiatric medications from a primary doctor but have found that seeing a psychiatrist is the only effective way to manage depression long term. Most psychiatrists have a sliding scale for uninsured patients and many will also allow you to make payments. My advice: See a psychiatrist!
I recently have gone through very close to this exact same situation. After years on Lexapro for severe anxiety/panic attacks, which caused me to gain a significant amount of weight and therefore made me more depressed than I was before I started the drugs, I weaned myself off a few months ago in hopes of losing the weight/figuring out a way to deal with my anxiety without medication before I get married and start a family. The withdrawl symptoms were awful, though I started losing weight and felt pretty much anxiety free until two months ago… when it came back almost worse than it was before. My whole life felt like it was just falling into a gutter.
I started counseling after it “not working” earlier as well…turns out I was talking to the wrong person! I’ve only gone to three sessions, but I am starting to feel like “me” again. I’ve also really committed myself to working out, eating healthy, absolutely no caffeine, limited alcohol, and a pretty devoted yoga practice. I know this sounds like a lot, but I think in terms of anxiety a lot of what you put in to your body (and take out via exercise) affects your feelings dramatically.
My advice to you is to really start focusing on the things you can control in this situation (nutrition, working out, positive affirmations, etc.) and to see if you can find a counselor who works on a sliding scale for people in your insurance situation. I know that my counselor is very accomodating to individuals without the means or insurance to cover his fee. I agree that deciding to take or not take medication is an intensely personal choice, but I’ve found that the medication did a great job of “taking away the symptoms” but not really fixing the problem, which for me is more of a pattern of negative thinking.
I truly wish you luck in all of this, and know that it will absolutely get better. It just takes time to get there.
Also, as far as counseling/other types of intervention, you may want to look into your local university or non-profit womens wellness center for free/cheap/prorated psychotherapy and support groups. In the DC area, the Womens Center that does this & I think GWU as well. The clinics are generally run by PhD students.
I think it’s been mentioned before but I can’t say enough good things about the Women’s Center for anyone in DC/NoVA. One location in DC and one in Fairfax County (Vienna). The provide all kinds of counseling and therapy including career and financial counseling and have less experienced Ph.D. students who are very affordable for those on a budget but are very good and are supervised by licensed practitioners.
Life is hard for you right now. I really feel for you. But you need to take charge of this and get yourself better. The analogy of a broken leg is apt — you’d just go to the ER and deal with the consequences. I’m uncomfortable tackling the meds issue, since I am an MD, but way way way out of my field. But here are some ideas about getting help:
1) Call Planned Parenthood. They may know psychiatrists/psychologists who treat people on sliding scale.
2) Is there a University Hospital in your city or nearby? Call them. One, there may be training programs for psychiatrists/psychologists who might do sliding scale, or you might qualify for charity care. My university hospital does literally millions of dollars a year in charity care, and we would much rather have you apply and grant it to you then to chase you will collections afterwards.
3) Look up suicide hotlines. I know you are not suicidal right now, but they may have community resources that you can tap into for sliding scale services
4) Google “mental health” and your town. You might find new resources you didn’t know about (I know this is sort of obvious, and I’m not trying to insult you — just don’t know what you’ve tried at this point, and when I’m suffering from anxiety, my problem solving goes out the window).
5) When I was a medical student/surgical resident, the graduate medical education office gave us access to free counselling. Is there something similar to this in your grad school? You may need to confide in a trusted dean, etc, to get resources. As an aside, a resident I knew who was suffering from profound (suicidal) depression had a lot of fear about reaching out to someone (surgery is still a field where mental health issues can be somewhat stigmitized) but when she did, resources were mobilized quickly and forcefully, and many people are deeply happy about her recovery. There are people out there who will help you.
I am sorry for your troubles. If nothing else, know that this community is rooting for you (I find this threadjack particularly poignant in light of the contentious debate on the previous thread — sort of a counterpoint to some difficult conversations).
I have had depression for years; been treating it for about five now. Like you, therapy did not improve my mood. My therapist agreed that my depression seemed to be totally chemical. I went through about a dozen medications before I found a combination of 3 that more or less work with the fewest side effects. While I was testing different meds I was going to the doctor about twice a month. This was a long and difficult process but the results were worth it. I too had the horrible withdrawal symptoms when I stopped taking Effexor – hot flashes, dizziness, racing heartbeat, digestive tract out of whack. Right now I am on a low dose of Paxil, plus Abilify and Nuvigil (to counteract the sedating effect of Paxil). This cocktail ain’t cheap so I am grateful for my work’s health insurance. Unfortunately, you just have to try every possible med to find the one that works for you. This is impossible to do without health insurance. Right now you know Paxil works for you (despite the withdrawal symptoms), so you should go back on it just to get you through the next few months or until you get health insurance again. Yes, the withdrawal is terrible. But being depressed is worse. You cannot think clearly while you are depressed. This is a good forum for talk about medications – http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/. It is not a substitute for seeing a psychiatrist but it is comforting to know there are others out there with the same struggles. Please hang in there and e-mail me at lawtalkinggirl (at) gmail (dot) com if you would like to talk more. You can make it through this!!!
Have you looked into herbs/supplements? They may be a good interim solution, though they are not without their own side effects and quality supplements are not cheap. A reputable holistic practitioner can help you design a supplement regimen that can be maintained even through pregnancy.
I cannot give you any specific advice, but I’ve seen the supplements work. It is safe for me to say, however, that you need to take vitamins, B-complex and D in particular. Make sure you get fresh air and exercise – if you can’t drag yourself out of the house, ask your husband to “make” you do it.
I would be careful with this. Certain supplements for depression (St. John’s Wort in particular) can reduce the efficacy of other drugs, including birth control pills. (Not to mention the fact that supplements are not regulated in the same way as drugs. I would be worried that you don’t really know what you are taking, and while it might work, it could also be completely ineffective, or worse, be dangerous.)
Meant to add…the exercise suggestion is a good one. I know it is hard to get out the door, but once you do it a lot of times it does make you feel better.
Thanks everyone for the feedback. I’m going to go to my doctor today and go back on Paxil/Wellbutrin. No idea what the long term plan is, but you are all right, I have to take care of the short term first.
@eponine – I considered going back on Celexa, but I can’t afford to replace my professional wardrobe – again – if I gain any more weight.
Definitely look in to whether your school has a counseling center. Most do, and provide free or very cheap care!
You might want to see if you are deficient in progesterone and/or vitamin D. I was for both — I had more PMDD symptoms rather than just depression, but I was certainly depressed. Went on Lexapro. Was able to go off because my GP (who is fabulous) checked my Vit D and Progesterone levels, found I was way low, and now I’m just taking a high dose of Vit D and am on a progesterone cream (not progestin — this is natural) that I apply topically daily.
You have gotten a lot of good advice here. A few other extremely useful and active discussion forums are http://www.anxietyzone.com, http://www.crazymeds.com, and http://www.paxilprogress.com.
Many doctors including many psychiatrists do not understand the concept called “biochemical individuality.” This means, a drug that works well for one person will not work for another. Also, there can be serious side effects to psychiatric drugs that in my experience you are never really warned about. There is much we do not know about the long-term effects of many of these medications. Yes, they can be a godsend, but they can also be a nightmare. Caveat emptor.
My current doctor takes an orthomolecular approach, which is a type of complimentary medicine. Orthomolecular is scientific but it is practiced by a small minority of practitioners. I absolutely love him. He has had great success treating many conditions including anxiety and depression, and charges patients nothing unless they can afford to pay (he does not advertise this fact, but I found out once I got to know him). The work is a passion and a vocation for him. It took me years to find him. He will prescribe medications, including antidepressants, but prefers to explore orthomolecular approaches as the primary and ideal solution. His ethos and focus follows closely the methodology of the Pfeiffer Clinic in Chicago. There are conditions such a pyrroluria, low thyroid, histadelia, histapenia, and many others, which can cause crippling depression and anxiety which have been treated successfully using natural therapies (vitamines, minerals, amino acid supplements, diets) which alter your biochemistry – which is all that antidepressants do, just using a non-natural substance.
Please google some of the terms above to get you started. Send out a few inquiries and find out of there is someone who could treat you quietly on a limited budget. There is a lot of information out there and some of it is incompetence and even quackery, but the more I deal with “mainstream medicine” the more incompetence I find there also. There are EXCELLENT doctors (MD’s) who use an orthomolecular approach. Sifting through the research can be overwhelming, but really worth it in my opinion.
My experience is that most MD’s are too arrogant to look at orthomolecular medicine because they have exceedingly high opinions of themselves and think they know everything. They are also money-hungry and don’t really care about the long-term effects of a “treatment” on their patient. The Hippocratic Oath means nothing to many of them. It takes a scientist with humility to consider that there is so much we do not know about these conditions and who will go the extra mile to find a solution for his patients that helps and does not harm them. I hope you can find such an individual.
Good luck and I hope some of this information helps.
Your city may also have low-cost/sliding scale mental health clinics. One saved my ex-husbands life, before he was my ex-husband
Completely gorgeous, but:
1. Way out of my price range
2. I can’t imagine wearing a white suit, so I really wish it came in a nice charcoal.
Love, love the suit. Reeeally wish they had it in gray.
This is stunningly gorgeous.
One of those “in that daydream where I am picturing myself looking particularly fantastic, I will be wearing this in my mind . . . ” :)
I used to think being a lawyer was all about wearing suits like this and saying intelligent things.
This made me smile. Thanks. :)
Ha! Glad it’s not just me. Oh well, the fantasy version of me will be wearing this suit. It’s gorgeous!
I imagine Christine Baranski wearing this on the Good Wife, and looking AWESOME.
I love Christine Baranski! I didn’t realize she was on the Good Wife, I may have to start watching. I will still watch Sybil reruns to catch Christine as Maryanne!
Threadjack: I have really, really dry hair. It’s like straw. I’ve tried every product you can imagine, as well as rinsing it with cold water (yikes!), but can’t seem to find anything that helps. I’m thinking about trying olive oil in a last desperate attempt to have soft, silky hair. Has anyone tried this? Does it work? Is it impossible to get out once you’ve put it in?
never tried it, but how often do you wash your hair? i have heard people with dry hair say that washing their hair less frequently but rinsing/conditioning it more often helps. i have a somewhat oily scalp and only wash my hair every three days (rinsing or washing my bangs in between full washes). i’m sure someone with drier hair could wash their hair even less frequently.
have also heard very good things about morroccan/argan oil and coconut oil for the hair – and as a kid i remember hearing some girls talk about putting mayo on their hair as a conditioner. i don’t think olive oil would present a problem! you probably would just have to shampoo and rinse two or three times after application.
Agree with morrocan oil. Shea butter works well too.
Olive oil removes color from hair very well.
Second the coconut oil. I have a lot of South Asian friends who have long, gorgeous hair and use coconut oil on it. Have never tried it myself after a nasty run-in with coconut oil as a youngster (strangely, seems to be the only thing I am allergic to) but I have seen the results and wow, it seems to work wonders.
Yes on the olive oil! It works fantastically well. I used to do it relatively frequently, and was always happy with the results. Try and do it when you can leave the olive oil on for 4-5 hours — I used to do it on Sunday afternoons, where I could just wrap it in a towel and bum around the house. Never had trouble getting it out of my hair, though I would shampoo it about 3 times! I don’t know how long the results really lasted – probably a week or two?
Another trick: take a bit of your regular moisturizing conditioner, and leave it in – let your hair dry with your conditioner still in it. I started doing this one summer when I was working in a very humid city to combat frizz, and have continued doing it ever since – my mom every time she sees me now goes on and on about how smooth and shiny my hair is these days. I just use Pantene Pro-V. Works like a charm, plus my hair smells really good! Leaving in deep conditioner for a night also works well to make my hair silkier, but I always have to wash it out the next morning cuz it’s a bit too heavy.
Olive oil is great for my coarse, curly, Jewish hair. I know a lot of fellow Jewish ladies who use it too. I normally heat it, put it on my hair when it’s dry, wrap it in a scarf overnight, and wash it out in the morning. My hair usually looks a little limp for a day or two.
Mayonnaise works less well, and avocado even less. I’d avoid coconut oil because it smells, but it works fine too.
Oh, and you’re using a sulfate-free shampoo and a leave-in conditioner on top of your rinse-out one, right?
SF Bay Associate
I used to wash every other day with regular shampoo because a daily wash was so drying. Now that I’m blow drying/attempting to style my hair on a regular basis, I need to wash daily. Sulfate-free has made such a difference for my hair – it stays soft and nice despite all the washing. I like L’Oreal’s sulfate free line a lot (great lather/conditioning “feel”), but I also like Burt’s Bees because it smells so darn good.
1. Nothing wrong with oil — I use gardenia on my ends sometimes; morroccan is great, too. Olive oil or mayo will do the trick also.
2. Make sure you get haircuts regularly to trim unhealthy ends. A lot of people hold on to hair that’s unhealthy, when they could cut it and have much healthier hair in the long term.
3. I swear by this conditioner called Mane and Tale. They sell it in Walgreens, Rite Aid, and some other drugstores. It’s originally intended for horse hair. It’s fantastic. I use it as both a reg. conditioner and a leave in. It’s about $6 for a huge bottle. Try it!
oily scalped one
Some suggestions for you:
1. If you’re currently washing your hair every day, stop! This is probably the #1 thing that dries out hair. Try to go as long as you can without washing your hair–without it becoming gross, of course. If you don’t exercise often/rigorously, you could probably go at least a few days.
2. Avoid blowdrying, straightening, curling, etc., if you can. Try to let it dry naturally with a towel as often as possible.
3. I’ve found that dying my hair usually dries it out, a bit. If you currently dye your hair, try switching brands or using a natural dye.
4. I’ve never heard of people applying olive oil to their hair, but that could work. Coconut oil definitely would. I’d imagine there are many natural oils out there that you could experiment with. They are all going to smell, to some degree, so find one with a scent you prefer. Apply to the scalp, roots, and ends.
5. Make sure you’re getting enough vitamin E, and that you have an all-around healthy diet.
6. Do others in your family have dry hair? There may not be much that you can do :-/
Burt’s Bees makes a great avocado deep conditioner (it comes in a tube). I put it on my damp hair on Sunday afternoons, leave it over night, shampoo out the next morning – makes my hair silky smooth.
Oh, and fish oil (ingested) helps too!
I have really really dry, fine hair, too. I’ve used both olive oil and jojoba oil on it. They both helped a bit, but yes, they’re hard to get out. I had to shampoo my hair 4 times last time I did the olive oil thing. A hairdresser put moroccan oil on my hair last time I got it cut and for about a week it was amazingly soft, so I think I may switch to that instead.
Thanks for all the ideas – I will definitely give coconut oil and many of the other suggestions a try!
I would try Kerastase products. I’m a huge fan! My aunt ruined her hair with some dye, and her stylist told her to use Kerastase. It worked wonders! A bit pricey, but totally worth it. I also just ran out of Biosilk and I’m interested in trying the Moroccan Oil treatment. The cold water rinse works for shine; I’ve never heard it being used to soften hair.
I love Kerastase too as a splurge. Definitely worth a try. But given their price points I do not buy the shampoo as IMO you could find equally gentle shampoos at a lower price.
Yea, I alternate between Kerastase and the cheap stuff.
I agree with the Kerastase recommendation. I use their Masquintense deep conditioner every time I wash my hair (usually every other day), leaving it in for 10 minutes or so. I color treat my hair and straighten it daily, but this makes it really soft. It’s worth splurging. I also like Biolage Hydratherapie shampoo & conditioner.
Beautiful. I would wear it in this color; it’s less harsh than white.
Anon for this
Threadjack: I have a minor issue at work that I’m not sure how to deal with.
I am a petite and thin woman and my female coworkers are constantly commenting on what I eat or if I’m NOT eating. If I bring a yogurt for breakfast, they will say something like, “Oh, is yogurt all you eat for breakfast in the morning? Is it because you aren’t hungry anymore or…” or “Yeesh I wanna make sure you eat more than just YOGURT all day!” If I eat a big lunch or a snack, it’ll be something like “Oh, you can eat that because you can afford to!” or “I’m so glad you’re eating that, because I can’t and I want to make sure you eat!”
I don’t really know how to respond to these comments – I don’t think they are mean-spirited at all and they are all coming from older female coworkers who I have generally good relationships with. It’s just very weird for me to be the target of this – if I get a salad I’m “not eating enough” and “should eat more” and if I eat a giant burrito it’s only because I “can afford to eat things like that.” Honestly I don’t understand why commenting on what/how I eat even happens at all, but would like a polite way to respond to statements like these.
I would just try to use humor or ignore it. It doesn’t sound malicious so I don’t think you need to have a sit down talk. I had a coworker that did this and I alternated between, “Mmm. Ricecakes!” (I genuinely liked them), and “it’s good to have a fast metabolism!” — all said with a wink and a smile. Eventually it stopped being an interesting topic of discussion.
Now, my problem is a woman at work who asks me what I am going to eat for lunch everytime I see her, and everytime that it’s NOT a salad, I feel like she judges me for making a bad decision! You can’t win. I just think of her as “Crazy so-so” and take each inquiry as comical “further-proof” that I’m right.
Anon for this
I think that’s great advice. It’s just tough for me because I am the youngest person in my office, so I think these women are honest-to-goodness trying to be nice when they express concern that I don’t eat (even though I do eat), but it also feels kind of infantilizing/awkward/over-concerned too, which is definitely not a situation I want to be in at work.
Ignore. it. If you’re slim, the rest will envy you. If you’re curvy like me, the super slim will say things about how they’d like to have your figure (which may be compliments but are not what you want to hear from co workers). Tall people envy petites. Petites wanna be 6″ tall.
Bottom line – you can’t win/grass = greener on other side.
This is ridiculous, but so common! My former boss once asked me, at a quiet table full of our colleagues, whether I was anorexic (in response to my ordering something light.) I think he was kidding, but jeez. That is only my worst example–there are many.
I think shrugging and making eye contact with some kind of sweet expression tends to work, until, as AIMS says, it just ceases to be something that seems worth discussing. Of course, it never was–but the point is to make it boring for the other person, and/or to show, without showing, that this isn’t something you should have to field questions or comments about.
This was me several years ago. I wish I could advise you on what to do, but I still have no idea. But don’t blow it off, because these kinds of comments matter – when I gained weight (not on purpose) it resulted in a huge freak-out because so much of my identity was tied up in being super skinny. When I did some soul searching, I realized that my body being commented on on a regular basis was a major contributing factor to this.
I think comments on a co-workers weight, body type, or eating habits are NEVER appropriate, even if they are not meant in a mean spirited way.
I agree. Not appropriate. We’re all hard enough on our own selves already.
Ugh. I feel your pain. I get this all the time from a couple of female staff in my office. I lost a lot of weight about a year ago, so now I get comments like “Oh, you’re eating a cookie, but you’ve been eating so healthy!” Which btw, is not even true. The weight loss was a combo of just eating less (not necessarily eating healthy all the time) and exercise. There is also one woman who is constantly saying things like, “What is that???” about my food with this tone of voice that indicates she finds it gross. (And no, I am not eating nasty ass stuff at the office. I usually get these comments on pasta or casserole type dishes that I bring in leftovers of.) I find this really annoying.
I usually just kind of give them a half smile or a confused look. I have also done the Emily Post “Why do you ask?” thing on occasion. This hasn’t made them stop though, and I will be interested in seeing if others have better suggestions as to how to deal with this.
Is it possible your co-workers’ comments are projections of their own weight/body issues? I grew up around people who would say things to thin people like that, and it was clearly a projection of their own crap.
I think it is absolutely inappropriate to comment on what anyone eats (unless it’s like a life-or-death situation like allergies, etc.).
Anon for this
I think it may be, but that makes it even harder for me to know how to deal with the situation, if that makes sense? I certainly would not want to make any comment about having a fast metabolism to someone who is/has been struggling with their weight, because it would be insensitive!
I don’t think you can control other people’s issues, and if they are projecting them onto you, you shouldn’t feel responsible. The only thing that’s insensitive in this situation is someone making you feel uncomfortable about your food choices.
Maybe when you get flack for a burrito, you can just smile and say you are compensating for all those salads and yogurts, and when they comment on the yogurts, smile and tell them that you’re saving room for your big enchilada dinner? Honestly, there is no good out. Some people just have nothing else to say. Try to not let it affect you, especially since you say you have otherwise good relationships with these people.
I have a colleague who frequently comments on my food choices – I’m thin, but have high cholesterol that I’d rather control via diet than drugs, for as long as I am able. Finally I said to him in a nice, light voice, “Jim, I’m 36 years old. Turns out I can totally feed myself!” He backed off. You might need to adjust sarcasm levels to your personal nosy Nelly coworkers. I don’t think he was as much interested in my food as feeling guilty for eating fries (about which I have no opinion! I really don’t care – my salad is not a critique of your french fries.)
I have totally used the “I’m an adult, I can feed myself!” line before a well-meaning but very overbearing coworker trying to force a bagel on me one morning. When you say in a joking way, I find it can be pretty effective in stopping the food/weight commentary.
I get that, too, a lot, and I’ve never known how to deal with it. If you eat something healthy, it’s a comment, if you eat something not healthy, it’s a comment.
The other day, I attended a non-work meeting where people brought their own lunches and sat next to a woman I had never seen in my life. Before I even pulled my lunch out of the bag, she says “Oh, I bet you brought something healthy, didn’t you?” I had no idea how to answer that. (I had brought lentil salad, which I had selected because it was somewhat healthy in a satisfying way, but also because I like it, but most of all because it was a solid one dish meal that didn’t need to be heated up, making it handy for the meeting.)
What bothers me even more is the self-depricating comments that overweight women make to me along that same line. I never know what to say to those- if I agree with them, I’d be insulting them, but what am I supposed to do, argue with them and say they look great? Ick, I wish people would just not comment on each other’s bodies, period.
Mmmmm… Lentil salad……
I get this a lot, too. There’s a contingent of women who seem to notice if I’m not at the birthday party (we have cake for everyone’s birthday where I work… and there are a lot of birthdays), but they also comment if I am there. Sometimes I feel like eating cake and sometimes I don’t. SO?!
To be fair, this might be because they are commenting on you not BEING at the party, I would think if you only go to SOME people’s birthday parties people will talk about your relationship with the people whose parties you DON’T attend, regardless of what you eat there.
Self-deprecating comment: I’d say, laugh it off? They’re probably just trying to bond using a joke, so just acknowledge the comment with a smile and move on.
I cannot believe so many of you have had to deal with this! I thought I was the only one! I am about 30-40 pounds underweight and I’m 5’8″. I have been asked if I was anorexic, but only in middle school when kids don’t know any better. Don’t ignore it!! It will only build up inside and make you blow up at them. I would definitely say something and nicely ask them to stop. Also, it doesn’t sound like they are trying to be hurtful. They are probably just envious of you, but I know that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.
I dealt with this for a long time (and still do, occasionally), as I am tall (5’7″ and I wear heels daily) and thin. When I started my current job I was going through a lot in my personal life and literally had no appetite because of the resulting stress, which made me even thinner for a period of time and didn’t help matters.
I found my older, female, more ‘motherly’ coworkers commented a lot on what I was or wasn’t eating, but I found that laughing it off was the best way to deal with it. Being defensive made it seemed like I had something to hide or like there was a larger problem (when in reality I’m blessed with good genes and when I’m under lots of stress, I typically lose weight).
Eventually, once people realized what was normal for me, it became less interesting and now I rarely get comments on it. I know it can be uncomfortable (no one likes their eating habits and weight scrutinized, no matter what size you are), but it gets old and people will find something new to discuss sooner or later.
Oh god. I think this is something women do to bond, I myself find it quite boring and bordering on intrusive. In my opinion, when you are eating with people the only polite comment about food is, “My, that looks delicious!”
Being on the slim side myself, I’ve gotten comments both ways, too – either you are eating SO healthy or you are lucky because you are eating crap. Sometimes I say, “well, you are only seeing me eat now, not over the course of a day or week,” other times, especially if I am eating something I made myself, I go into a discourse about cooking so it’s about the food rather than me. I also usually try to change the subject, because again, I find talking about eating habits to be generally boring.
As far as what to say when friends go on about how “fat” they are, I usually say with honesty, “But you look great!” Another thing that I haven’t used yet, but am tempted when a friend is talking really negatively about herself is to tell her that I really don’t like to hear people talk that way about my friend.
Have you tried privately mentioning, in a friendly and casual way, that all the focus on what you’re eating makes you uncomfortable? I think if you bring it up individually with the women that you’re friendly with, it will raise their awareness. I bet if you do this with a handful of them, they will stop making these comments on their own and will also deflect some when others make them.
I’m a 2nd year associate who went to law school after a few years working. One of my coworkers became partner and member of the decision making crew very early in his career. So while we are both in the same age group, we are in very different places professionaly at my firm. I also do work directly for him.
It is painfully obvious that his wife and I get along great and my husband and he get along great. If we didn’t work together we would be super couple friends probably. So far we have only socialized at firm functions.
I feel really awkward about suggesting any outside of the firm socializing, however because of the vast gaps in our professional roles. We have both discussed having house parties but never actually invite the other though we leave it kind of open and implied. So, is it okay to “hang out” w/ the people you get work from and who directly manage you? If it was male partner/male associate, female partner/female associate would it be different? At least here it would be couple/couple and not 1 on 1 so hopefully it would avoid any rumors.
I don’t understand all the nuances of this, but I would say if you do decide to socialize, I would definitely do it always as a foursome in the beginning, because those kind of rumors are terrible to get started.
I think it’s totally fine to invite him and his wife to a party or happy hour, or whatever. I socialize with coworkers of all levels, and have been invited to parties at a superior’s home and have invited superiors to parties at my home. Just follow the normal socializing-with-coworkers rules – don’t drink too much, don’t dress too revealingly, don’t behave boorishly, etc.
I think the issue, if any, is that he’s your direct manager, not that he’s senior to you. I’d feel uncomfortable socializing with direct manager, esp. if there are other ppl who also work for him who he isn’t socializing with.
I don’t know the dynamics of law firms, but if this was me, I’d kind of wait until he wasn’t my direct boss, or at least wasn’t my only direct boss.
I think this is totally fine. If you were a male associate and you and your partner did couple things (or guy things) together outside of work, I think a lot of us would tell you that this is not only fine, but really good for your prospects of making partner at your firm. My only bit of advice on this is that sometimes (sadly), partners don’t really want to hang out with associates – in other words, your partner might have issues with this. At one of my BigLaw firms, the partners did not even go to lunch with associates. So, if he declines a couple of invites, don’t take it personally.
As a manager (though not in a law firm) I would NEVER socialize outside work functions with any member of my direct staff, unless there was a pre-existing relationship, and even then I would cut way back on the socializing. There are too many issues, and it can have the appearance of being inappropriate, even if it isn’t. (Plus, it’s hard to keep it from getting inappropriate – meaning that it’s hard to divorce the fact that you’re genuine friends with a person from the necessary managerial decision making that happens with your direct reports.)
You have two options: you can actually invite your manager to a house party, and see what happens, and follow that lead, or you can speak directly to your manager about his policy on socializing outside of work functions with direct reports.
Could someone explain the difference between a CFA and an MBA? Is it a big deal to have both designations? It seems to be so polarizing, and I have no idea what the issue is.
Kind thanks in advance for any help.
I’m not sure if my answer is going to be too basic, but, here goes- a MBA is a (typically) two-year graduate level university degree in management. It doesn’t necessarily mean you are specialized in finance, although you probably have some financial background. You could do a MBA and have a major in marketing, or international business, or whatever. It is a great thing to have and opens up lots of job opportunities.
A CFA is completely different. It is not a university program, but is an accreditation, given by the CFA institute. In order to become a CFA you don’t have to go to school, per se, you self study and pass a test, then another test, then in order to do the third and final test you need several years work experience in a financial field before you write it. When you pass all three exams you get the CFA accreditation.
You can, any many people do, have both. People who have a CFA and not a MBA likely did an undergraduate degree in business, as the tests are notoriously difficult and would be very tough to pass without a financial background.
Thank you, great explanation.
Totally gorgeous! But alas, totally unaffordable for me as well…
Adore this. Wish it was grey or black or any color other than oh-my-god-white.
If you ladies did own this suit, in this color, how exactly would you style it? I am particularly interested in what you would wear under the jacket.
The lovely, uninterrupted V-line is one of the reasons the jacket looks so lovely to me, but then I realized that the model doesn’t seem to be wearing anything underneath!
Whoops, didn’t mean to type in “lovely,” twice. I’ll leave it as a tribute to how much I adore this suit!
A simple camisole under the jacket. The suit’s a knockout so there’s no need for anything too fussy.
Does anybody watch What Not To Wear? In one episode, I think Mayim Balik, who was one of the many women who received a makeover on the show, bought the same suit jacket, except that it was in green.
All the caveats about white suits just fly out of my mind when I see this beauty! Thank god I don’t wear suits to work or I’d be tempted to spend serious $$$.
Not bad. Too trendy for the money imho, but that may just be me. I do appreciate the unique and feminine details but think it may read as too “girly” (submissive, soft, etc.), especially in white. I think perhaps that I would be more comfortable in this as suit for socializing, rather than for business.
Corporettes, I need your advice for a work-related issue.
I and colleague A are supposed to have a 2-hour online training for which she booked a small meeting room. We grab our laptops and stuff and go to find colleague B sitting there waiting for a 1 hour training to start 10 minutes later.
Colleague B did not book the room (since we did) and there were other empty room so I kindly asked her to move. She refuesed and argued for 5 minutes how it was a chore to take her laptop to another room and why wouldn’t the two of us move to another room.
While colleague A (recently hired ) was about to leave, I stuck by my stance and said no we booked the room for a two hour training so she can move to an empty room what’s the big deal?
Honestly, I do not want to go to a room I didn’t book for one hour (and may be evicted from if booked by another person) and then move for the second hour back to the room I had originally booked.
Colleague B was upset, took it personally and said if she were in my shoes she’d NEVER do that to me. I just smiled and walked in saying “sorry about that”.
I am tempted to go apologize more but I am making an effort to set good business practices.
I just don’t get it. It takes 30 seconds to book a room online and people wouldn’t do it and still expect you to move around and be late for your meetings.
Rant over. I just had to vent.
Ugh, sorry you had to deal with that. Colleague B sounds like a pill. I wouldn’t apologize more, but I might send her a link to the page where you can book rooms :)
Totally agree, right down to the suggestion to remind Colleague B how to book a room for herself (or if she is above booking rooms for herself, at least how to check to see which rooms have already been booked).
I’m sorry, but if there are pleanty of extra rooms and she’s already settled, just move. Then call the room booking and confirm the room is empty. You seem like that person when there were 20 empty study rooms in the library during nonfinals week who would book one and make everyone move.
Sorry, I’m on colleague B’s side about how you seem irrational/unable to give a little.
I think it really depends on the office culture. If it’s standard practice to always book rooms, then B is wrong, and shouldn’t have argued. If it’s standard practice to just root around until you find one that’s free, and you know that everyone else who comes to the room you eventually end up in will also just be looking until they find one that’s free, then fine, move. It sounds from the post, though, like people tend to book rooms in the OP’s office.
Working under that assumption, it’s not irrational to a) book a room so you don’t get displaced, and b) refuse to risk being displaced because someone else irrationally doesn’t understand that when you don’t book a room, you risk getting displaced. The very reason Colleague B doesn’t want to move is why Colleague A and the OP don’t want to put themselves in that position, not to mention that it’s rude to Colleague C, who will inevitably turn up and want the room that Colleague A and the OP have migrated to.
Do fifteen seconds of prep work and avoid the issue, Colleague B.
I’m having a hard time seeing this suit as work appropriate. It’s more like an evening suit than day-wear.
LOVE it! Wish I could afford it!
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