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Suit of the Week: Banana Republic

light blue suits for women 2019For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. The first blue suits of the season are starting to come out! As I posted about a few years ago, light blue suits for women seem to be a perennial classic in spring — and they're surprisingly versatile. Wear them in place of a gray or navy suit on more casual days — break them into separates — and have fun with complementary colors like purples and reds. The pictured suit is part of BR's lightweight wool collection, which is “naturally breathable and wrinkle resistant, and has excellent stretch and recovery.” The jacket (Long and Lean-Fit Lightweight Wool Blazer) is $199; matching pants are available in both Logan and Ryan fits for $90-$110. Today at BR you can take an extra 40% off regular-priced items, and an extra 50% off sale styles. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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143 Comments

  1. Where would you go for a short side trip from Paris (probably 2 nights, 3 days including travel there and back)? My BFF lives in Paris and I’m planning a trip to see her. I want to go somewhere on my own for a couple of days in the middle of the week while she’s at work.

    4. Depends on time of year, but if it’s in the spring, Giverny and Monet’s Gardens are AMAZING!!

      1. I second that! Highly recommend Giverny with Monet’s house and gardens – this can even be done on a day trip.

    5. Loire Valley? Stay at a chateau, bike around to see a few others, drink wine? Reims and champagne tasting are fun though I’m not sure there’s enough to occupy 2 full days. Same with Giverny; it’s a great and BEAUTIFUL day trip from Paris but 2 nights would be too long.

      Other countries/cities? London/Brussels are super accessible thanks to the Eurostar.

      2. Just did this and loved staying at Domaine Des Hautes de Loire. Take the train to Orleans and rent a car there.

      3. +1 on the Loire Valley. Rent a car, hit Carrefour for picnic supplies, and then hit the Chateau Chambord, followed by the Chateau Chenonceau (my favorite!). I liked staying at Chateau d’Artigny near Tours. You can dine there or we liked Le Moulin Fleuri across the creek a lot (half mile away as the crow flies, but a few miles as the car drives). Day 2, you can go south and go to Fontevraud Abbey (really well done), followed by a drive by of Chateau d’Usse (the model for the Walt Disney Castle) for photos, followed by Chateau de Villandry (the best gardens!). Return to Paris the next day.

    6. I love history and wish I had done more than drive through Normandy. I’d go back for the D-Day beaches.

    7. I love history and wish I had done more than drive through Normandy. I’d go back for the D-Day beaches.

    8. Depends what you’re looking for. There’s vineyards and whatnot, but we opted for Bayeux and saw the Normandy Beaches and the whole WWII thing. It was outstanding.

    9. Here are my thoughts:
      Inside France – assuming no driving by you: Loire valley, Bordeaux, Nice, Arles/Avignon, Strasbourg
      Inside France – some driving: Normandy, Burgundy, WWI/Reims, further into Loire valley
      Outside France: London, Amsterdam, Bruges Belgium,

      1. Re normandy, you can train from Paris to Bayeaux and join a very small group tour for the beaches/WW2 sites through Viator. Did that a few years back and it was incredible.

    10. Just did this exact trip to Reims and Epernay this past summer. Reims had way more history, Epernay had more accessible tasting rooms that didn’t involve cave tours that were EUR70/pp and up. I’m use to Napa/Sonoma and the idea of just a tasting was somewhat foreign at the houses that bank on major cave revenue. Reims had an absolutely STUNNING cathedral and medieval history museum (and you can take a roof tour of the cathedral). However, if you’ve never been to the Loire (we all had), I’d recommend Loire Valley–the chateau are unreal.

  2. Birthday gift idea for my MIL? She really loves gardening. She has a little terrier. She cooks, but isn’t super passionate about it, and she doesn’t really drink. She loves lemon more than anyone I’ve ever met – she puts the juice of an entire lemon in one glass of water (we already got her a lemon tree). She isn’t super political, but she loves the Daily Show/Colbert. She’s an MA at an OBGYN clinic. She really went all out on gifts for us at Christmas, and we didn’t exactly (we were in the middle of moving and didn’t have a ton of extra money), so we want to make it up to her for her birthday. She loves warm/soft things, like blankets and robes/slippers/pajamas (she is a very serious napper on the weekends), but we have gotten her a lot of that over the last few years, so I feel like we shouldn’t do that again. We got her a nice flannel sheet set for Christmas. I’d like to spend $200 or less.

    1. LL Bean wicked cozy blanket is awesomeeee. Heated blankets are also nice too. Does she have an electric citrus juicer? As a lemon lover, I use mine daily.

      1. When in doubt also- tix to go visit her or for her to visit you (if you don’t live nearby).

      2. Or go the other way. I just got a fancy manual citrus juicer and I adore it!

        https://www.homedepot.com/p/Cilio-Commercial-Cast-Aluminum-Silver-Polished-Lever-Pull-Citrus-Press-C309164/306795732?cm_mmc=Shopping%7CG%7CBase%7CDD%7C29-28_SMALL+ELECTRICS%7CNA%7CPLA%7c71700000032305472%7c58700004739227935%7c92700040282227289%7cpla-295527925390-68625854367&gclid=CjwKCAiAyfvhBRBsEiwAe2t_i8qA6qGIcXqLX2rF4Vn3qCoQFc4PMljGZfdNAoKaEvLwF7ozTQ7eEhoCyOoQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

    4. – Garden Tour (these happen as local events and overnight group tours)
      – membership to botanical garden/tickets to visit BG if she’ll be visiting someplace (e.g. New York botanical garden)
      – gardening books (gardeners LOVE these esp in winter to plan for for the spring)
      – if you know what her favorite type of plants are (e.g. Iris, roses…) find some unusual varieties for her
      – artistinal floral/herby scented products (candles/lotions)
      – if she’s got the space maybe a set up to do small scale hydroponic herb gardening indoors

    5. Not an extravagant present, but my husband loves gardening magazines. I try to find him the British ones- they have the best pictures and articles of substance. I will also get him a gift certificate to his favorite gardening center- planting season can get pricy!

    6. Not an extravagant present, but my husband loves gardening magazines. I try to find him the British ones- they have the best pictures and articles of substance. I will also get him a gift certificate to his favorite gardening center- planting season can get pricy!

    7. Not sure what kind of terrier she has but someone got me an awesome LLBean dog coat for my little guy.

    9. Cuddle clones custom pet slippers.

      Or maybe that’s just because I want those!

  3. Okay, this is a weird question, I know… a couple of my friends have said to me that, if I want to meet someone new, I need to “make myself available” or “change my energy.” Is that a real thing? I mean, I am much more confident and project a different image of myself when I feel good about my body, but I’ve never dated or met people that way and I am not good at being flirtatious or whatever. I work out at my university’s gym, which is free, and I have friends there. The men among the regulars who aren’t students have noticed my weight loss and suddenly want to come over and talk to me, but I’m not all that interested in any of them. I used to know a woman who said that, as soon as she was ready, she would open herself up to dating and the right guy would come. I always thought that was a load of hooey. One of my friends offered to hook me up with her energy medicine person, but I googled that and it seems like it’s mainly about changing your energy for healing. What do you all think about these concepts? I’m skeptical, but open to hearing more.

    1. I think it’s nonsense. I mean, yes if you want to meet someone you should be emotionally available (not in love with an ex or deeply depressed or something like that). But I don’t believe there’s anything to using your “energy” to attract people.

      1. Well, one person was advocating that I need to cut things off with my ex, with whom I still talk. I just can’t do that. We’re friends and rely on one another. I don’t think it makes me less open. I don’t feel “taken.”

        1. What does that particular friendship bring you that you need? You don’t have to ghost him but try putting that friendship on the backburner and take that emotional energy and time and redirect it to new people.

        2. Ding ding! There it is. Your friends are telling you how from an outsider’s perspective you are not emotionally available because you’re still hung up on your ex. You don’t have to be pining away after your ex to remain too attached for comfort. You don’t need or want a relationship because your ex is filling that role. You saying “I just can’t” stop talking to your ex and you “rely on one another” shouts co-dependence (and seriously what do you really need to rely on your ex for?). Ime you need some distance from an ex to move past them, they can be your friend, but not a close one, and not one that you need for emotional stability – there is no room for a S.O. in that case. I guarantee anyone you date will be annoyed at best and threatened at worst that you feel like you rely on your ex for anything.

          1. +1,000

            Isn’t that role the one you want your actual SO to be in? If yes, then you have to make that space for potential SO now. Why are you dating if you aren’t willing to allow someone else to fill the emotionally supportive role that an SO should fill?

          2. Yep, this. Honestly, it doesn’t sound like you’ve made peace with not being with the ex.

          3. He doesn’t live here. I don’t refer to him in conversation. How would anyone who met me know or care about this?

        3. We are pretty close, as friends. We talk every day and get a lot of emotional support from each other. It would be very hard on both of us to do that. I have to think about that.

          1. Every day?!? Whattttttttt This no just no. You need a life where you don’t need dailyyyyyyyyy interactions with your ex.

          2. You are not emotionally available. No one wants to date someone who is emotionally unavailable. That’s what your friends are telling you.

          3. It would be very hard on both of you because it is the rest of the break up. I’m so sorry you are facing that life adjustment, but I agree with the other commenters–you have no need and no space for a new SO because your ex is filling that role.

          4. Totally fine (this does NOT say “co-dependence” to me – co-dependence has a different meaning).
            But be conscious of – and maybe change – the way you talk about Ex. I mean, I often don’t wear a wedding ring but will frequently talk about my husband or kids as a way to throw up defenses around myself in a conversation that is getting flirty, and it definitely changes the tone of the conversation. Is that how you talk about your Ex?
            A person who wants to get to know you will of course eventually find out that you have a good positive relationship with your Ex. But is that in the Top 5 or Top 3 things you want to “put out there” about yourself? Just be a little more conscious about it the next few days and weekends and let it sit and you can mull it over and think about it.

          5. Talking to an ex every day and having them be a key emotional support person is not healthy. No wonder you don’t have room for a new man in your life. Are you going to talk to him and your ex everyday? If you’re not ready to step down your ex’s involvement now, why do you think you will be if you meet a new guy? I would never date a guy who talked to his ex everyday unless they shared custody of young children. And even then, email or text seems easier and less personal.

            I’d dial it back to a weekly text, absolute max. Either you’re with the ex or you’re not.

          6. Yikes, you’re definitely not emotionally available for a relationship with somebody who actually lives in your city.

          7. Yeah, I have to agree that if you’re talking to him every day and he’s your main source of emotional support, you’re not really available for a new relationship.

            When I left my ex he didn’t contact me for weeks after I moved out. I was heartbroken but in retrospect it was the very best thing he could have done because it helped me break the attachment to him and the relationship, and move on. Sounds like you haven’t broken the attachment. As anon says above, it’s the rest of the breakup.

    2. If by “make yourself available” or “change your energy” they mean “act friendly and open and interested in other people,” then yes changing your energy is a real thing. You don’t have to want to date the guys at the gym to engage in casual chitchat with them. You don’t need to flirt, just be yourself and be interested in something they’re interested in. It could be as simple as exchanging a few words about the class you just took at the gym. Even if you’re an introvert, making little positive connections with several people throughout your day will make you feel good, and if you are looking for a romantic partner it will increase both your pool of potential matches and your perceived availability. Imagine that your perfect future partner goes to your gym and sees you have a pleasant, casual conversation with another guy. This catches his eye and he thinks, wow, she seems nice. I want to meet her. The next day, he is the one who comes up and strikes up a conversation with you.

      If your friends are talking about energy fields and crystals and magnets, that’s all a bunch of hooey.

      2. Yeah I take this “energy” stuff just to mean smile, make eye contact, generally look friendly and open and engaged in the universe. I absolutely have “on” days where I’m just generally a friendly person vs. tired cranky “off” days where I’m not feeling it and want zero contact with any random humans. Anon 2:14 makes sense to me.

        1. One of my coworkers/friends has said that I am “not nice to men,” but she only ever sees me at work, where I’m in a position of authority and don’t have any reason to be overtly friendly or flirtatious with anyone. And it wouldn’t be appropriate! I am always friendly and direct, but often don’t have time for chitchat, especially in a public setting at work.

          1. You work in higher ed admin right? You have time for casual pleasant chit chat at work! It’s appropriate and normal and your coworkers notice you don’t do it and are directly telling you that you should.

          2. Oh, she just thinks that I should be chattier with men. I truly do not have the time for that at work.

          3. You do. Don’t be silly. You have plenty of time to post here! You want a man (u don’t youre hung up on your ex) be nice to men!

          4. Well, I don’t post here when I’m out working with students and faculty! But I am nice to men. And I’m friends with my ex, but I get what you’re saying.

      3. Oh, I’m friendly to the guys at the gym. I am generally focused on my workout, but if they approach me, I talk to them. We all know each other from working out there almost daily (especially those of us who are there on weekends, when it’s quieter). I’m sure they also see me talking to other people, whom I know from outside the gym. I am generally a friendly person, but often focused on work when I’m on campus

      6. +100 this.
        I am in my 30s and single and I 100% when you are actually open to meeting people, you end up meeting more people. I assume that’s what your friend means (or hope anyways).

        I… would not go to an energy medicine person. probably ever?

    3. There’s a book that was popular years ago called “Calling in the One” that goes over what I think they’re trying say. I read it and don’t remember much about it, but I think there is something to be said for making yourself open to relationships whether it is changing your mindset or just putting in effort. But as far as actually meeting people, honestly I think the data scene has permanently changed to favor online dating.

    4. I think this is only true if you’re naturally very extraverted, flirtatious, in your twenties, and constantly surrounded by single people. The rest of us either take practical steps to meet people, or we don’t.

      I agree with 2:12 as well.

    5. This happened to me so I believe in it.

      I had mild depression in my 20s and was really closing myself off from new people. I did some therapy, started exercising regularly and consciously tried to be open to new people and experiences. Met a great guy pretty quickly, it only lasted about 6 months but I met DH a couple months later and went on a couple good dates in between. That was probably more dating that the 3 years previous when I was more closed off to new people.

    6. When you said “energy medicine person” my first thought was Asheville.

      Do you have RBF? I like having an RBF personally, as it keeps the idiots away and I can turn on the nice for the people I want to talk to.

      Honestly, just carry on. You do you if it’s working for you.

      1. Nope, no RBF. I have an open face, I think, and I’m fairly extroverted. I am just often focused on other things and don’t take time to be friendly and chatty. I also think it’s kind of the whole “being open to it” thing, which is bunk, in my opinion.

        1. Well you aren’t open to meeting someone. You can’t be bothered being friendly and talk to your ex daily. Which is fine! Be single!

        2. It’s not bunk. You are still in a serious emotional relationship with your ex. You are not making yourself available.

        3. Girl. Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time I was still in constant contact with a guy that I had dated but could not date for #reasons. We weren’t romantic, we weren’t in a relationship, we weren’t dating, we almost never saw each other. We just texted all the time.

          I was emotionally unavailable AF. You are a member of my tribe. I can tell. I didn’t peg myself as emotionally unavailable because I was all, oh, we’re not dating, I’m not attached, I know he’s not an option for me, I’m allowed to date whoever I want… but subconsciously no guy would measure up to the intense and well-developed connection I already had with this guy.

          I’d meet great, great guys. I’d like them and recognize intellectually that they’d be better matches for me than that other guy–who was utterly not an option–he lived across the country and didn’t want to date me. But I’d still feel connected to him and use the strength of that connection to discount the budding connection with someone new. (Oh, I like him, but he doesn’t make me laugh as much as other dude, so he must not be the one. I’d rather just laugh with other dude.) Moreover, it’s just easier to get your emotional needs met from someone like your ex. He knows you. You like him as a person. You have history. He gets you. It’s higher reward and lower effort. It’s like trying to break in a pair of new, cute shoes v. sliding back into your well-worn flats. When you’re getting your needs met like that there’s less motivation, less space to let someone new in. That’s what people mean by unavailable.

          Being open to it is totally not bunk. Do you need to go build yourself a nest of sage and quartz crystals under a full moon while chanting with your energy healer to become “open to it”? No. But you need to have space in your heart for someone new.

          2. I have also been that person. Two weeks after I broke it off with the long-distance guy, I met a great guy who I dated for three years. (Now also an ex, but, life.) For me, it took trying to really date the long-distance guy and us harshly confronting some of the issues that had been standing in the way but were unspoken for six (yes, six) years. I wasted so much time. Don’t be me.

          4. I have also been this person! It is common. NOLA, it’s hard to let go of that emotional connection with the one who didn’t work out, but when you do that, you’re starving yourself of the emotional relationship that you could have with someone who *could* work out. You and your ex broke up for a reason, you know? Most relationships aren’t completely dysfunctional. Part of your relationship did work and still does. But you have to let go of the part that worked in order to let go of the part that didn’t.

    7. You just need to smile more. I’ve been there and it’s really that simple. It takes care of any projected lack of warmth and make you more approachable. Congrats on getting into shape!

    8. I’ve always had the opposite experience – as soon as I get in a new relationship it’s like I’m irresistible. I always think, where were all these guys when I was single???

      1. My husband and his buddies refer to that as having the lack of fear because you are not looking, which makes you exponentially hotter and more approachable. They maintain it works for men as well.

    9. I dated a *lot* before I met my husband. I didn’t date at all in high school and only sporadically (and miserably) in college, so I still have a lot of deep-seated disgust for snotty dating advice.

      My belief is that you can’t find the right person until you know what the right person for you is like. If this is a laundry list, you’re doing it wrong. If the list is about superficial traits or hard-to-obtain traits (ex., must make a half million dollars a year), then you’re doing it wrong.

      My list was: smart, very kind, Christian, and has a good relationship with his family (or, if his family is nuts, builds good long-term relationships in other parts of his life).

      Be open to meeting new people. I met my husband through a friend. Ten years ago, I thought she was a fun person and wanted to get to know her better. She’s been married forever, and my husband also just thought she was a nice person he wanted to get to know. Those guys at the gym might be best friends with a man who would be great for you. If they are jerks, ignore them because they are jerks. If they are decent, smart, fun men, talk to them.

      Look open to dating. I’m not a fan of telling women to wear pearls to the gym (a real thing I saw at my very southern alma mater), but lip gloss is your friend. Outside of the gym, swipe of mascara and lipstick go a long way. Take a long look at your wardrobe. Bright colours, tactile fabrics (silk, cashmere, boucle), and flattering lines (for me, v necks or moto jackets) go a long way. Like, a really long way.

      Thing is, if you are projecting “hands off,” then good, decent men aren’t going to push the issue. They will respect what you’re projecting. Rom coms get it exactly backwards.

      1. Yes to the last paragraph. OP, you make it sound as if you are projecting “hands off” to everyone. If you don’t want to expend the energy on chitchat and casual acquaintances then you can certainly make that choice, but if you are looking for new friends or a date you are not sending the right message.

      2. I did that in therapy after my divorce. I looked at the kind of guy I was involved with and realized that I was all wrong about what I wanted. I then met someone who wasn’t at all the kind of person I *thought* I’d be with, but matched me well in some very substantial ways (career focus, passion, etc.) but not in others that I previously thought were important. That person is now the ex that I am still friends with because we are really well suited, but he chose to move away and then let his own issues get in the way of having a healthy relationship with me. Not everything can be resolved for us unless something major changes, but we’re still close because we really support each other. He says he loves me, but I constantly tell him that saying it and showing it/meaning it are two different things.

        At any rate, as for the gym, it’s the university gym, so often with a mix of faculty, students, and community people (many of whom I’ve come to know). I have bought all new gym clothes, so I’m wearing things that are flattering, other than the sweatshirt I wear to get there. Trust me, the older guys (not students) have noticed…

        1. Oh no, no, no, no. This guy is not your friend. He is keeping you on the backburner in case no one else comes along that is more convenient. Treat yourself better than this.

          1. +1. I spent years with several guys on the back burner. I “loved” several of them, talked and texted and flirted with them and occasionally slept with a few, but didn’t want to commit to any of them. For me, it takes a lot of work and a very active type of love to be fully, actually committed to someone. (I’ve been with my current partner for 6 years and married almost 10 years. I finally took the last of the other men off the back burner when I got engaged–5 years into my relationship. FWIW, I’m not in direct contact with any of them now.)

          2. To be clear, I never slept with anyone while actively dating another person. But I’d stay in contact with back-burner guys during relationships, and when a relationship ended, I’d find time to visit whichever back-burner guy was currently available. My point is, it’s an unhealthy pattern for both people to stay in close contact with a romantic partner where a relationship is a logical impossibility.

        2. Oh my god. NOLA. I love you. I’ve been reading for years. You are 100% not available because you’re already in a relationship with your ex. It’s time to break up.

    10. It honestly sounds like you’re getting pretty good advice from your friends, which is being echoed here. You (perhaps incorrectly) seem too attached to your ex and (again, perhaps incorrectly) don’t seem nice to men. You see that it’s all about the perception here, right? These are the vibes you’re giving off, so either course correct and see if you have better luck dating, or maintain status quo in your dating life. Genuinely not trying to be snarky — it’s just that our friends often see things we don’t because we’re too close to the situation, and they’re shedding valuable insight about how you come across to others.

      1. What anon at 4:14 pm above said hit the nail on the head for me. I don’t see myself giving off vibes at all, but it’s probably there, because the relationship I have with my ex is comfortable. He isn’t here and I don’t feel “taken” but there is that comfort level. Something to think about.

        2. I think you’ll get there. IME (I’m the same Anon as Anon at 4:47 under 4:14’s post), I don’t think you have to feel taken, or ever discuss the relationship, for the relationship with your ex to be impacting your current availability. Dating is hard, getting to know new people is hard, and if you don’t have the motivation of needing a “person” you’re less likely to put in the necessary effort. In a way, it’s making you pickier than you otherwise would be.
          Relatedly, I seem to have the best dating luck right after I get out of a long-term relationship. There may be something about having that hole in my life that I’m looking to fill that creates more opportunities to meet eligible men. Conversely, once I’ve been out of a relationship for a while, I’ve built other supports into my life and that hole isn’t quite as needing of being filled. Just a pattern I’ve noticed and was recently reflecting on.

  4. The discussions about winter running and health for lifetime wellness have me re-thinking about my exercise routine because I am self sabotaging for the dumbest reason…. I am capable of waking up before work to exercise (not so chipper to call myself a “morning person” but also know I function fine at the wee hours), but lately I’ve been trying to adjust to evening workouts because I am snoozing through my morning alarm clock justifying it in my sleep that it’ll be easier to get ready for work with dry hair, and I can work out in the afternoon and sleep on it wet after showering. Spoiler alert- the afternoon/evening workouts are getting skipped because I am too tired from the day to be a responsible adult and those plans go right out the window. Am I better off getting into a better wet hair don’t care routine and keeping my morning workout if my body can handle it? Is a wet hair bun ok if that means workout complete? (In house trade association if that matters).

    1. So this is totally me, and I don’t have it figured out but here are some of the things that work for me:
      (1) wet bun is fine in my book, but my workplace isn’t super formal (in house tech).
      (2) I prepare my workout outfit and work outfit the night before and lay everything out on my dresser. I drag myself out of bed and just throw on the clothes in front of me. I also leave out a banana on the counter because I need to eat something before I run.
      (3) you probably already know this, but getting out of bed is ALWAYS going to be painful, and once you get going, you will be so pleased with yourself.
      (4) the only way I make evening workouts happen is by signing up to a non-cancellable 7:30pm class. Every time I’ve told myself “I’ll just hop onto the elliptical when I get back from work” I could then be found on the couch watching Netflix. I have acknowledged this and stopped trying to make it happen.

    2. I work out in the morning most mornings before work (because I have found that the evening workouts basically never happen unless I have a class booked but then I’m stressed about making it there).

      FWIW, I do not wash my hair every time I work out. Can you get away with not washing your hair every time? Sometimes I just put a little dry shampoo in and my hair looks good as new.

      If you have to wash your hair, I think a tight wet bun is probably a better option than not working out at all.

      1. Same here. I try to only wash my hair twice during the work week – usually once on a day I work out (and I have to hustle a bit) and once on a day I do not work out (can take my sweet time).

        It would not be appropriate in my office to show up with wet hair.

    3. This may not seem relevant, but do you have light or dark colored hair? My hair is dark brown and in the summer I wear it in a wet bun to work pretty much every morning because the humidity is brutal and there’s no point in blow drying. Because of the color of my hair, it barely looks any different than when I put it in a bun when it’s dry. I’m doing a sock bun, though (I know this site rags on them a lot, but I have fine hair and using a small insert is the only way to make a cute bun – it’s not a cinnabon sized situation), so may be slightly different for just a regular bun. If I have an important meeting our something, I’ll take an earlier class and blow dry, etc. at the gym.

    4. I work out in the morning and shower but don’t wash my hair. I shower again at night to wash my hair (which right now I only do about every third day, but it’s more frequent in the summer).

    5. You might find this weird, but my secret weapon for morning workouts is to sleep in my work out clothes. I put on clean work out clothes before bed, including socks, and I put my running shoes by the front door with my keys. When I wake up I literally just have to put on the shoes (I also put in my contact lenses) and walk out the door. Conversely, if I do skip my am workout, I have to shamefully take off my work out clothes, which makes me feel guilty, so lying in bed thinking about having to do that also makes me more motivated to get up. Since I started doing this I am much more likely to follow through with my AM workout. I often tell myself “just 20 minutes” and then once I get going it feels great!

      I too, have a lot of trouble with PM workouts. I’ll make it to my riding classes because I enjoy those and pay $$$ for them but getting me to the regular gym after work- just doesn’t happen.

  5. I went on a first date last week. It was ok, not AMAZING but not terrible, and I agreed to a second date after he gets back from his vacation this week. He’s now been texting me multiple times a day, asking how my day is going, sending vacation photos, etc. I don’t really have the time or the interest to be in a long-running text conversation with someone I’ve gone on one date with. It’s honestly making me feel less interested in him. He doesn’t seem to be getting the hint with my slow responses. Am I wrong to feel like this is a turn-off, and how can I shut this down?

    1. Why don’t you just tell him that you’re busy at work, and can’t respond but you look forward to hearing all about his vacation when he gets back?

      He can’t take hints because he doesn’t know they are hints. People are not mind readers. Hints are not good for a communication, be direct with him and then see what happens. If he disrespects your boundaries, then you have an issue.

    2. I’ve been out of the dating game for a long time, but I think it’s a good sign that he is already trying to include you in his life. It probably means he isn’t dating anyone else. Just don’t stress about texting back right away. You might tell him that you are looking forward to the next date, but that you are very busy with work right now and you would love to hear about his trip next time you hang out. I don’t think you should write off a nice guy too fast just because he is thinking of you and communicating a lot.

  6. Talk to me about networking as an admin. I’m in finance but work as an admin assistant so not IN finance. I’d like to attend some Women In Finance events/groups to make connections and eventually advance in the industry, but I’m worried that people will think I’m overstepping or that I shouldn’t be there since I’m not *really* doing finance stuff. Networking in general intimidates me, so this may be all anxiety talking.

    Or am I completely off the mark and everyone would welcome me?

    1. I think you’re off the mark and people will welcome you. Don’t let impostor syndrome get to you!

    2. I think you’re effectively a student who has no experience in the field. If the group or event is open to students or recent grads looking to break into the field – many networking events are! – then I think it’s completely fine. But if this is really networking aimed at women who are already in finance and not at outsiders, then I think you’d be a bit out of place.

      1. This, also… a mentor/friend who has made the switch that you hope to make or who gives you good advice and means well and will be happy for you, is needed.
        Also…. if you can get the money or loans or…. I strongly suggest getting a graduate degree in finance, most likely an MBA. Part-time programs are OK! But these will help you make connections and switch careers, even if you want to be in the same industry. Law, finance, consulting, engineering…. all of these have strict divides between the professional side and the back-end paperwork side. I’ve been on both sides. It’s tough when you’ve got great ideas and a quick mind, but the divide is there and you will have to ford over it to do what you want to do. Good luck.

  7. RAWR, I was just stood up by an interviewer. I was already not-so-keen on the organization, but then I got to their offices and it was literally empty! Not a single person was there so I left a voicemail and walked out. So rude and unprofessional, I am mad at myself for even saying yes to the interview and wasting my time.

    1. This is really weird — I wonder if they had to close the office due to an emergency or something and forgot to call you? (Maybe the power went out or they didn’t have heat today?) I’m sorry, but I would wait until you hear back until you write them off for good.

  8. I love the color of this suit! I had a lighter blue J Crew suit 12+ years ago at my first job. I loved it, but the sleeves got dirty quickly and I had to dry clean it more frequently than my other suits, so it didn’t last as long. But I loved it.

    I currently have a Theory suit that is a bit darker than the pictured suit but lighter than a traditional navy. I also really love it, but it’s starting to show its age, so I’m going to have to retire it soon. This may be a good replacement.

  9. I know this is discussed often but are there any work-appropriate, laptop-compatible backpacks you like for under $100? Tumi backpacks are beautiful but I can’t justify spending that amount. I’m currently using a $20 vinyl tote from Target that is starting to fall apart.

    3. I have a Dell Professional laptop backpack, given to me by my company because my laptop is too big for a normal laptop bag. Its not cute but I love it. It has so many pockets and fits everything I need. I take it everywhere whether I’m bringing my laptop or not. $50 on the Dell website.

  10. I’m thinking of having an affair. Please talk me out of it.

    I’ve been married 10 years, have two kids under 5. I met someone at a conference recently and, boy, do I want to sleep with him. Probably nothing more serious than that. He’s married too (though indicated that he’s done this before…).

    My husband and I have a fine relationship, but, I don’t know, maybe the boredom that comes with nearing middle age is setting in? I’m at an okay place in my career, we’re done having kids (though still very much in the thick of the exhausting young child years), and there doesn’t seem to be anything big to look forward to. And so this idea is enticing because it’s exciting and new and fun.

    Please say things to get this idea out of my head. I can’t stop thinking about it.

    2. Imagine yourself explaining to your children that you and their father are getting a divorce because you were bored and decided to sleep with this guy.

      And take steps to address what you are dissatisfied with in your life. You know this is not the way.

      2. +1 Can’t say it any better than this. If you are dissatisfied with your life, you owe it to yourself and your children to address those issues first. I also think you owe it to your spouse, but that is not a universally shared moral.

    3. Do you want to know you’re a horrible selfish lazy person who’d rather cheat than work on herself and her marriage?

      1. Thanks evil Grandma and judgemental clergy person stereotype! Go back under your bridge and look in your mirror you are NOT helpful here.

        1. You don’t really have to be a clergy person to think cheating is horrible and selfish. If her needs aren’t being met in the marriage, she can leave the marriage. Doing something behind his back for her own pleasure is pretty much the dictionary definition of selfish. She is only thinking about her own desires, and not about what would be most decent to a person she committed to for life and supposedly loves.

          1. Agree with Anon. Sometimes you just gotta call a spade a spade. If you cheat on your spouse when you have a “fine” relationship and two young kids just b/c you are bored, that makes you a bad person. And if you cheat with essentially a random flirty guy, even worse. OP still has a choice here, though.

          2. I’m an aethist and I agree. Cheating instead of getting divorced if you are unhappy is selfish AF. Your kids deserve better. So does your husband.

        2. Lol what? You asked us to talk you out of it! I think you shouldn’t do it because cheating makes you a bad person. How is this perspective surprising to you?

          1. OP here. That was not me. I appreciate all the replies so far and have been absorbing a lot. I am not defensive about this- I know it’s a bad idea and that’s why I’m asking for help. I can’t seem to get it out of my head and I need to be reminded of all the reasons it’s a terrible thought.

    4. Cut off contact with this guy. Tell your husband you’re on the verge of a midlife crisis and need something to change. Plan a vacation without the kids. If you can’t do that, at least take the day off work and plan a day date that involves getting a hotel room with your husband.

    5. You wouldn’t be asking this question and wouldn’t be so wary if you thought it was the right thing.

      My ex husband had an affair. It was physical and emotional (you say “probably” nothing more serious than sex, so you’re not closing the door on the emotional aspect). It completely devastated me. Our marriage ended because of it, and I still feel the effects of that giant betrayal in every relationship since. My own self esteem and mental well being took a huge hit that I’m also still recovering from.

      Please either find something else that’s new and exciting to make you feel less bored OR talk to your husband/end things if that’s what you want. I would have been so sad for the marriage to end, period, but this was way, way worse than him just coming to me and saying he was over it. If you don’t want to end the marriage and still love your husband, then consider that this could be the worst thing he’s experienced and you’d be the cause of it.

    6. You can always sleep with him later.
      Would you try talking about it to a trustworthy friend, or maybe even husband? “I have such a crush on this guy at work…” would that break the spell?
      Would you consider divorcing first? There’s a lot of options here.
      Just thinking about and wanting it isn’t nec. guilt but please try other options first.

    7. I’m 49 and have been married 25 years. I adore my husband who happens to be smarter, funnier and better-looking than I am yet he somehow does not seem to realize it. Still, there have been 3-5 times during the marriage that I was seriously tempted, as in it took everything in me to resist. I cannot tell you how happy I am that I never cheated. Take it from someone further down the road in years and RESIST. I seriously think you would deeply regret it. Now, turn to your husband and tell him that you need for you two to step it up as a romantic couple. He will be fine with that! :)

    8. AFAIK my parents didn’t cheat on each other but I am still in therapy for the damage done by watching the implosion of their marriage. I’d love to invoice them. Care about your kids? Don’t blow up your marriage like this. (I am not trying to say that parents should stay together for kids/not get divorced for kids– my parents separating was the best thing. All I’m saying is that kids can pick up on unhappiness and strife even if you think you can hide it– and you’re certainly not gonna hide it if your marriage blows up cause you cheated at a conference.)

      Does that help?

      If you’re bored and have nothing to look forward to, book a vacation. Sign up for a glass blowing class. Redecorate your living room. Get a new gardening tool. Go to a meetup. All of those things will entertain you for FAR longer than the circa 15 minutes this guy is gonna give you.

    9. Everything about this strikes me as so completely selfish. Boredom is a really stupid reason to betray the people who count on you the most. Get a dog or something, jeez.

      1. +1 That’s what really gets me. It’s so selfish. Which also makes me think that OP is not going to take any of this advice and she’s just going to do what she wants no matter the consequences to those around her.

    10. This past year, I found out my dad had an affair when my sibling and I were your kids’ ages (we are now in our 30s). I seriously considered ending my relationship with him. I haven’t done that but I definitely keep him at an arms length and he doesn’t get to see his grandson very much even though he lives about 15 minutes away.

    11. I did exactly this, and my partner will likely never find out, and I would never do it again and wish I hadn’t done it.

      Met a guy at a conference and there were sparks! So exciting! In fact, the most exciting part of it was the time spent considering the possibility that I *might* have an affair. Actually sleeping with him was not very exciting. Feeling physically ill afterward was not exciting. Feeling guilty afterward was horrible, and continues to be horrible. Telling my partner would only hurt him in an effort to relieve my guilt, so I just feel horrible about it by myself.

      So, if you want to be talked out of it, consider this – you are literally experiencing the most fun part of it right now. Things do not get better, or more exciting from here. There is no upside ahead of you if you go down this path, only a range of options from bad to worse.

      1. That last paragraph is 100 percent true. Learn from the mistakes of others, OP.

    12. I am going to perhaps be kinder than some of the other responses, because I think you know this is wrong. That’s why you posted here. It’s tempting, it’s hot, and you want to have an adventure, but you know it’s wrong. Maybe you want to be yelled at so that you can be sure? If so, you’ve come to the right spot :)

      My therapist told me that she tells her marriage counseling clients to have s3x four times a week. I’ve probably already posted that here because it seems like A LOT. But what if you tried that? Lately I’ve been making more of an effort just to do it regularly, and (unsurprisingly) it gets better each time because we’re doing it very regularly… like everything else in life. And raising kids is such a drain of energy and emotion and time, and I think it’s normal to drift during these years, but s3x is a relatively quick way to connect and recharge.

      Why is this appealing? Validation? (You would probably get better, more meaningful and lasting validation from doin’ it a lot with your husband.) Adventure? (Do something difficult and wild that doesn’t hurt your marriage — jetski or learn to fence or something.) Having a juicy secret? (Have really weird k*nky s3x with your husband! It’s fun and brings you closer instead of tearing you apart!) Knowing you’ve still got it? (You’ve still got it — the fact that this other guy wants to do it is all you need to know.) Your husband is an abusive P.O.S. and you need to do this to feel like you’ve got a way out? (You don’t need to cheat, but please do leave him.)

      Anyway, I’m rooting for you. I know you know what’s right, and I believe you’ll make the right choice. <3

    13. I totally get you. And I sometimes feel the same way. I’m happy with my marriage, I just sometimes want the excitement of sleeping with someone else. And then I think about how guilty I’d feel and how upset I would be if I found out he was sleeping with someone else.

      I deal with it through a combination of telling myself there will always be other men to sleep with and this is not something I need to do RIGHT NOW. And then I focus on my actual husband. And lots of self-gardening or whatever we’re calling it these days.

      1. The wanting excitement is normal. That flirting with this guy makes you feel good about yourself is also normal.
        I also concur that betraying someone who loves you is suboptimal (although I personally think one night of just sex is less of a big thing than some other people here).
        What about sex with your husband and pretending it is someone new? Your fantasies are yours…why not explore that before you do something that might blow up your life?

  11. Work Q: if a same-level co-worker sent an email to a partner saying that a particular task should be assigned to a third person instead of you because of what she perceives as your weaknesses, and specifically states at the top of the email that she was dropping you from the email chain started by the partner (but she obviously failed to do so), would you say anything?

    For what it’s worth, I think the case for the assigning the project to the third person could have been made without bringing my strengths or weaknesses (real or perceived) into it.

    1. Yes, I’d reply all with “I don’t believe you intended to include me on this email.”

    2. Only if I thought it would achieve something for me. Probably not if I was just angry and wanted to make her look bad. I honestly don’t know if that’s the right course of action, though. It feels like it would be letting her off the hook for doing something rude and unprofessional.

    3. Are you the same or similar years at a law firm? If so, I don’t think this is inappropriate. Once I was a mid-level, I would often be consulted or provided my advice about staffing on my cases. often that advice consisted of, A is good at X and should do item 1, B isn’t as good as C at Y so C should do item 2, but B is really great at Z so should do item 3. And sometimes that advice consistent of saying that i didn’t think that someone should be staffed on a matter. I worked primarily with one partner, and part of my role was to advise how to assign projects to

      1. Yes, that’s correct. I actually think her advice on how to staff this particular project-within-a-matter is fine (it was along the lines of “B isn’t as good as C at Y so C should do it.”) I do agree that C should do the thing because C will do it more efficiently and it is likely more cost-effective, but I didn’t like that she phrased it more like, “C knows how to do Y and B doesn’t,” which isn’t true and I felt makes me look somewhat incompetent.

        It’s also a really small firm and the dynamics here can be weird and adversarial. I’m used to being in a bigger firm.

        I’ll leave it alone for now (like I said, I don’t disagree with the substance of her advice). Thanks.

    4. I would talk to the other associate nicely and ask what they thought I could do to improve. “Hey, this is awkward, but you actually copied me on the email about staffing X matter. I understand you are concerned with [weakness]. Would you mind giving me a few examples? I’d like to work on improving in that area.” And then listen, and don’t be defensive.

      Whether or not you actually have those weaknesses, someone thinks you do, and is openly telling others about it. I would want to figure out what the source of their concerns is and nip it in the bud.

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