Suit of the Week: Calvin Klein 205W39NYC

125 Comments

1. My boss cleaned up my desk while I was out. It had four legal pads (with notes), some post-its, a few papers? A couple reference books? Really nothing egregious and definitely nothing confidential. It’s in a public area though and apparently looked too messy. I’ve really made an effort to keep it presentable but I guess it looked like someone who sits at this desk actually does work and that was a problem?

   Should I feel violated by this? I feel sort of violated. She assured me she didn’t review things.

   1. Did she mention anything to you about it beforehand? That seems really bizarre.

      1. No!

   2. I don’t know if “violated” is the right word but she crossed a line if she cleaned up for you without asking you to do it first.

   3. Like out for a meeting, or out on vacation? If on vacation I can maybe see this if a client was coming in or something, but if you were just away from your desk for a couple of hours and returning later in the day? No.

   4. This is so bizarre. I seem to remember a similar question on Ask A Manager recently – you might try searching to find it. I always like her advice.

   5. I would not. I, on the other hand, do feel violated b/c Frank opens up my drawers when I am not there and he has removed my soiled clotheing that I wear to work during the week and take home on Friday to have my cleaneing lady wash for me. I am missing 3 pair’s of socks and at least 5 pantie’s b/c of Frank. I wonder if he brang them home to his wife? FOOEY b/c she is NOT my size!

2. Favorite super easy whole 30 recipes? I want to try it in January but I’m not a chef and the recipe books are pretty intense.

   1. Nom Nom Paleo makes really easy recipes and many of them are whole 30 happy

   2. I’ve done the Whole 30 twice. Some tips:
      – Biggest advice is keep it simple. You do not need to make a complicated recipe to eat Whole 30. Chicken + Roasted Veggies + Sweet potato is a Whole 30 meal, sub salmon for chicken, etc.. As is roasted veggies with an egg on top.
      – My favorite way to prep chicken for the week is to put it in the crock pot, cover it with water and then cook for 4 hours and then shred it. You can then season as needed for different recipes/meals. You can also cook a package of ground beef and/or ground turkey at the beginning of the week. I personally had no interest in making a thousand different sauces, so I bought a couple of Whole 30 compliant ones to keep it simple. It is pretty easy to find Whole 30 compliant salsa (trader joe’s has one), guacamole and tahini.
      – Skinnytaste recipes are usually pretty simple and she has a Whole 30 category. Inspiralized doesn’t have a Whole 30 category, but has a paleo category so you can adapt accordingly. Trader Joes (and I think Green Giant just started making them too) sell frozen spiralized carrot and zucchini noodles. They also sell them fresh, but I liked to stock my freezer so I always had them on hand. Whip up a meat sauce and eat with zoodles (or spaghetti squash).
      -A few specific easy recipes DH and I liked and have stayed in the rotation since completing the Whole 30: Stay Fit Mom’s Easy Paleo Homestyle Meatloaf, Skinnytaste No Bean Turkey and Sweet Potato Chili (i hate chopping and since my super market sells pre cut butternut squash i often sub that for sweet potatoes), Skinnytaste Spaghetti Squash with Meat Ragu, Paleomg 5 ingredient pizza spaghetti pie, Real Food Whole Life Sweet Potato Hash (i LOVE this dish, put an egg on top and you have a meal)

   3. I ordered the “official” Whole 30 cookbook and found most of the recipes to be pretty basic.

      1. Maybe I just need to learn how to cook?

         1. I didn’t do anything that I considered over the top like make my own ketchup or other condiments. I just ate a lot more mustard and vinegar. :) But if you have a food processor, most of them really aren’t too bad – especially the one pot meals.

      2. One of the big points of the Whole 30 is to retrain your taste buds and eat basic food. A follower is supposed to avoid “copycat” or “legally compliant but still treats” foods, like mashing up an overripe banana and making pancakes, and just stick to whole foods.

         Lots of basic, not-too-exciting foods.

         I hate to discourage anyone, but I tried 18 days of the Whole 30 after a couple years of eating Grain-Free. It was too restrictive and set me back with a massive binge that I’m *still* trying to get back from. Lots of life factors go into that (like the fact that I hadn’t eaten bread or baked goods in 2 years) but I went wild, felt guilty, ate more because “tomorrow I’ll get back on” and then fell apart again 3 days later. Whole 30 felt like that last Jenga piece that finally caused my Healthy Eating to come crashing down.

         1. That ridiculous rule about no “copycat” foods has turned me off Whole30. For example, in my normal diet, I never eat pancakes because I just don’t like them that much. When I tried Whole30, I got so freaking sick of fried and scrambled eggs for breakfast that I decided to make a technically compliant banana pancake for breakfast. I then got told my Whole30 wasn’t “real” and that I had “cheated” because I was “recreating favorite foods.” Um, no, pancakes are not a favorite food! I found the entire thing far too restrictive and off-putting for very little benefit.

            That being said, Nom Nom Paleo has good recipes. I’ve also heard (but have not personally tried) that Mel Joulwan’s beef stew is amazing.

            1. Yeah, that is kind of dumb that they gave you grief over the word pancake (I say “the word,” because somehow I doubt they would have lost it over “pan-fried banana hash”).

   4. Also if anyone has ideas of good whole 30 compliant meals I can make and freeze that would also be helpful!

      1. i have a long comment stuck in moderation so check back later.

         1. Thank you!

   5. Tessemae condiments/dressings are great and nearly all are Whole 30-compliant.

   6. Meatballs, leave out the cheese and breadcrumbs.
      Potato latkes (NYT recipe) using almond flour.
      Spiced cashews (lots of recipes online).
      Instant pot salsa chicken.

      One tip – get everything non compliant out of your kitchen to avoid mistakes. We put everything in plastic totes on our porch for the month.

3. Do you think weight can hold a person back professionally?

   I’m a straight size 16 (pretty standard in the US, correct?) and I’ve noticed that my company promotes slender, conventionally pretty women. These women don’t have better education, or experience, or training then me. (Quite the opposite, in fact.) It feels like management has a “type” that they want to represent their company, and I’m not it.

   The promotions are more sales roles, if that makes any difference.

   1. Yes. Definitely. Especially in sales/marketing, but not exclusively.

   2. I think it can, yes. Should it? No. But I think it can, especially in sales roles. I think that’s dumb, but there it is.

      I feel ya, though. Size 14. I haven’t experienced what you are experiencing (vastly different work environment), but I know it’s out there.

      1. 14P here, and I feel it…

   3. If this is true it’s horrible. I believe it might be true, but I honestly have never noticed it either way. I think confidence is hugely important, but shouldn’t be tied to physical appearance.

   4. Pretty sure that research shows that yes, there is a negative professional impact.

   5. Sadly, I think it can. I am a 10/12 and I have noticed over the years that I don’t think I’ve ever met a C-level female exec who is noticeably overweight, and only rarely are they even on the larger end of straight sizes. (Lots of very portly men, of course.)

      1. YUP

   6. Yes absolutely. This is well documented and researched.

   7. It is well established that weight for women and height for men are indicators of professional success. That might be ridiculous and unfair, but it is definitely true.

   8. Sadly I agree – I even heard it from a partner’s mouth once, complaining about how one of the summer associates looked “like a linebacker” and how bad it would look for the firm to not “match the rest” of us. It was disgusting to actually hear it. And, of course, he (the partner) was no athlete himself and some of the conventionally attractive associates he collected like charms were total airheads. There will always be places or people who focus on those things but there will always be those who focus on the substance. OP – pay no mind to them. Do good work and be a good person. If you feel undervalued, find a place that sees (and pays for!) your value.

   9. I got out of marketing as a career partially for this reason. I kept seeing conventionally-attractive but not-very-smart-or-qualified people get promoted over me and other people I knew who were hard workers, but never going to win a beauty contest. Apparently it’s worse in some industries than others – I know pharmaceutical sales is an area where being model-pretty is more or less the only way to get ahead. I went back and got a master’s degree in business and now work in human resources, where they absolutely do not care what we look like. Accounting/finance even more looks-neutral in many companies (in my company it almost seems to be a liability to be too good-looking if you’re in accounting/finance, like you’re not cerebral enough or something). Marketing, sales, publicity – and any company where top-level jobs are only given to people with marketing or sales experience – yeah, you’re going to be limited with how far you can get if you don’t meet conventional standards of beauty.

      P.S., where “pretty” is prioritized the other thing that usually gets prioritized is youth, and if someone is lucky enough to stay breathing, guess what’s eventually going to happen to them. I’ve known several women who got plastic surgery because they felt pressured to stay young-looking and conventionally attractive. If this fate doesn’t appeal to you, think about switching fields.

   10. Twenty years ago one of my closest friends lost 60 pounds and was hired to be a CFO of a company at 28 years old. When I visited from out of town, she confided that was terrified she would gain back the weight and that she felt like she would have never been in the running for her current job without the weight loss. My first inclination was to tell her that weight doesn’t matter but after considering it carefully, I believe that EVERYTHING matters. Weight certainly SHOULD NOT matter but like most other things, it does.

   11. Late to the discussion, but when I worked in higher ed fundraising, it was very clear that certain deans preferred attractive single women both for their fundraising prowess (assuming older rich men would prefer them) and because they would be traveling with them. Wish I were joking.

4. This is REDONCULOUS. It looks like the misbegotten offspring of the 80s and a prostituted NPC from a sci-fi game.

   1. …with, like, four season wool glen plaid…leiderhosen?

      1. or… something??? WTH?

   2. +1

   3. It looks like something from Fifth Element.

      1. I actually love the styling at the link, with the red skirt and yellow sleeve…things. Basically everything except the boob harness.

   4. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was.

5. Any recs for a good flat fee financial adviser for NYC?

6. I’d like to get a gift card for my sister for a takeout delivery service like Seamless, UberEats, GrubHub, etc. She lives in upper manhattan. Which of these services work best in NYC? Thanks in advance!

   1. my favorite is Seamless!

   2. Seamless. 100%.

7. I’ve been reading for many years, including all of the April 1 postings, and I have never laughed so hard at a pick. This is the work attire equivalent of the thong jeans. It’s only value is to push the point that what a woman wears is irrelevant to sexual harassment. The same does not go for ridicule.

   1. At first I thought Kat was featuring the suit and there would be something about how it would be fine but for the styling (up for debate, but regardless). But then I realized the…bandeau thing was part of the suit and I laughed out loud.

      1. Same. I couldn’t see the issue at first. I thought the mannequin had a white and gray striped top on. Then I looked closer.

         1. Same here! It took clicking on the link to figure out there wasn’t a striped top underneath.

   2. And it’s just soooo ill-fitting too (sleeves too long and, if you see the full length, the pants are pooling around the model’s ankles). Makes me think even the stylist thought it was absurd and didn’t even try.

      1. Yes, this!

      2. It’s the most bizarre pairing of wholly inappropriate and frumpy. In all the colorways. Add the knitted arm-warmers over suit jacket sleeves (not the part that needs optional additional coverage!) and, well, I literally cried laughing.

         1. Looking through the pictures, you can take off the bandeau thing, so I guess it is technically salvageable.

8. My husband just found out that his vacation doesn’t roll over, so we are taking a last minute one-night vacation to DC next week. Recommendations for a restaurant in/near Dupont Circle (where our hotel will be) that is good for vegetarians? Prefer something not too kid-friendly, as this will be our first overnight away from our own kids since our youngest was born and we want to take full advantage. Obviously, someplace where I can make weeknight reservations on a week’s notice.

   1. Iron Gate, hands down. It’s a beautiful place. The food is fantastic and I think should have good vegetarian options. Reservation shouldn’t be a problem.

      1. +1 for Iron Gate. The ambiance is amazing and perfect for what you’re looking for. It’s mediterranean with lots of small plates and the food is delicious.

         Rasika has great food, but it’s not where I’d go on my one night in DC without kids…

   2. Rasika is really great modern Indian, walking distance from Dupont and is good for vegetarians.

   3. Rasika in the West End. Close-ish to Dupont.

      1. +1 for the Rasika recommendations! You’ll want a reservation, but it’s usually not too hard to get one, even on short notice.

      2. +2. Iron Gate and Blue Duck Tavern are decent backups, too.

   4. Thanks, everyone – we have reservations at Iron Gate for dinner and at Rasika for lunch the next day.

   5. Lapis Bistro was AMAZING! Has lots of vegetarian options. I *think* you can walk? Afghani food, and lovely ambiance.

9. My bf of one year is refusing to join me in spending 3 days with my family over Christmas. He would rather spend it alone at a literal cabin in the woods that he has almost entirely demo’d. He is also acting petulant that I won’t be spending Christmas “with” him.

   My mom had Alzheimer’s disease and my dad is in a wheelchair. They live one hour away in a house that I bought for them.

   It seems clear to me that my bf resents all the help I give them, even though I can help them while having enough left over to pay 80% of our bills (I WAY outearn him and work far more hours). It’s not like I go visit them every weekend, enough though I feel like I should. He keeps a tiny apartment but basically lives with me, so I do see him almost every night of the week and of course weekends.

   I just can’t believe that his resentment is such that he would rather be alone in a torn apart house than see my parents. They are pleasant and interesting people, though my mom is declining for sure. It is not like our holidays are fraught with tension. Everybody has aging parents, right??

   1. Oof. I’m guessing this is less about liking your parents and more about wanting time alone with you, but his attitude stinks. If there’s resentment between the two of you only one year into the relationship, that isn’t a great sign. You sound like a loving, committed daughter and while I sorta get that he might be feeling left out/displaced, he needs to use his words and tell you that rather than punish you.

      1. What a total looser he is! Why would you have s-x with a jerk like this? I would tell him to get LOST and NOT come back! FOOEY!

   2. Without knowing anything else about your relationship or the situation, I’d consider dumping him. Even if his feelings are legit, they seem to be incompatible with your life choices regarding your parents. I’m really close to my parents, and so providing help that they need (within reason) is absolutely something I wouldn’t skip out on. If it’s that important to you, he may just not be the guy.

      Or maybe there’s another issue at play. You could ask him.

   3. Yes, dump him. Full stop. Also, I hate to say it, but it’s more than likely going to get worse/be more time consuming/cost more money for you in dealing with your parents. The absolute last thing you want is a BF who resents how much time and money you spend caring for your parents.

      1. +1

         Good grief.

         Just, no.

         1. +2 – I can’t imagine staying with someone that unsupportive of you.

   4. As someone who lost a grandmother to Alzheimer’s, visiting people with this disease can be pretty awful. I’m speaking more for my mom than myself here – she continued visiting her mom out of a sense of obligation but made it clear to everyone around her how ghastly she found the visits. So I’m not sure I can really blame him for not *wanting* to visit them, and you seem to have an overly peachy view of what visits with aging parents (especially ones with dementia) are like. That said, if you want him to show up, he should show up and he certainly shouldn’t begrudge you going to see them regularly. It doesn’t sound like you guys are a good match for many reasons, including that he resents the time and money you spend on your parents and it sounds like you kind of resent that you earn the majority of the money.

   5. I feel like I could have written this 4 years ago. Please listen to this advice: Dump him. You deserve a partner who supports you in all things, but chiefly your relationship with your family. I see so much imbalance between the two of you from just your post – you are not getting enough out of this in comparison to what you are putting in. Be brave, move on.

      1. This should have been me, but I kept thinking that mabye he would change. So I continued to treat Sheketovits as a boyfreind, and kept humping him instead of dumping him! FOOEY! If I had to start again, I would have dumped him right off, instead of what I did. DOUBEL FOOEY!

   6. I dont know. That’s a pretty intense family/holiday experience, especially for 3 days. It sounds like he is not “using his words” enough, but I’m on his side on this one.

      1. You don’t know enough to say that. It’s 3 days, not 3 weeks. If he can’t handle it now, he isn’t going to be more mature in the future. If someone detests my family so much they can’t spend 3 days with them, bye. My family can be tough, but they’re my family and I want the important people in my life to not be so immature they can’t deal for 3 days.

         1. I have a close family member with both dementia and a wheelchair. I know where of I speak.

         2. For your first year together, expecting someone to give up their Christmas for you is a little intense.

            1. Yeah I fully agree with this. I think the Christmas issue is a red herring.

            2. He’s not giving up his Christmas, he is spending it alone in a partially torn apart cabin. The big issue is that he would literally rather be alone than spend time with her family. That’s a serious rejection of your family situation. And like people said, if he can’t do three days after a year (which for most adults is a pretty serious relationship) he’s not worth your time.

            3. I’ve been married for 15 years and I would much rather be alone (even over a holiday) than with my in-laws. I don’t think it’s a “serious rejection” of my husband’s family, it’s a combination of the fact that I’m an introvert from a small family who finds big family gatherings that last for days very overwhelming and that my in-laws are not the nicest people in the world. And judging from the number of comments here about various in-law issues, I’m far from alone in thinking a few days of solitude would be preferable to a few days with in-laws. And yeah, OP’s parents may be kinder people than my in-laws, but caring for aging parents is tough and not fun and especially for someone who doesn’t have experience doing it, I can completely understand why he’d prefer to be alone.
               The issue here isn’t that he would rather be alone but that he can’t compromise and do something because she wants him to do it. I do lots of things that I don’t especially want to do because they make my husband happy (and vice versa). That’s called marriage. If he can’t do this thing for her, I don’t think he has long term relationship potential.

            4. I don’t think it’s unforgivable that he would prefer to spend it alone, it’s his attitude about the situation that is a red flag.

            5. Is he someone who really values his alone time and has typically spent Christmas in some solitary way like this? That’s not really my taste, but I wouldn’t hold that against him if it’s something really important to him. Being petulant about it or resentful is a bigger problem, though.

   7. You’re only a year in, paying 80% of the bills, and he’s resenting you for spending money on care for and wanting to spend time with your aging, ill parents? Nope. So much nope. All the nope. Every single bit of nope in the universe.

      These are not the actions of a mature person who wants to be in a committed relationship – these are the actions of a spoiled child who wants to have a good time/an easy life at somebody else’s expense. Don’t spend one more second of your life being the somebody else who finances his extended adolescence. Especially because – spoiler alert – someone who feels THIS entitled THIS early on to even so much as suggest funds you have set aside for your aging parents’ care and comfort should be spent on him instead will NEVER, EVER show even one single shred of gratitude for the things you do actually do for him and the shared lifestyle your hard work finances for the two of you. It will always be “gimme gimme gimme, more more more” no matter what you do. Let this dude run that game on someone else, and save your emotional energy and funds for someone who will actually appreciate you.

      1. This this this.

         Nope nope nope.

      2. +1 ESBONITU!

   8. DTMFA. If anyone is being a jerk about my family, that’s a hard line. Especially if it’s my grandma, who also has Alzheimer’s. The time with her is precious. Men are not. This infuriates me for you. He can go recover from being dumped in a cabin in the woods. Hopefully he’s snowed in.

      1. Team Sloan all the way.

      2. This is brilliant.

   9. I can honestly understand him not wanting to spend 3 days with your parents, as I would not want to either, but he could come up for a day if he really wanted to spend the holiday with you. The fact that he cannot understand why you would want to see your parents is surprising. It also says a lot that he doesn’t have plans to spend it with his own family/friends and would rather be alone.

      1. I don’t like spending three days with my in-laws either. But I suck it up and put on a happy face because 1) I want DH to do the same when we visit my parents and 2) it’s important to DH. You sound resentful (of both this and other things) and I would be too. Have you tried to talk to him about it? I hope it’s just a big misunderstanding and resolvable but I fear you’re right.

         1. Yeah but she’s not his wife. She’s his girlfriend of a year.

         2. I suck it up for my husband now, but I definitely didn’t when we first started dating. I don’t think I stayed at his parents until we had been dating for a few years and were engaged. Gotta enjoy the freedom to celebrate how you want while you’re still officially single!

            1. I agree that as her bf he’s much less obliged to suck it up. What bothers me about this is that he’s not content for them to both go their own ways. A commentator above explained my feelings much better than I did: he won’t compromise. He can go his own way, but then he doesn’t get to sulk that she does the same.

            2. This. I have perfectly lovely and wonderful inlaws. In fact, I would voluntary go and spend time with them without my husband. However, I would much rather, on holidays, have him go and spend time with his parents and me with mine. Each of our families just celebrate holidays differently and I am used to and prefer the way my family does things. Selfish? yes. But it’s my truth. However, I am an adult, I have great inlaws so I suck up my in laws’ weird traditions and bad food and drink a lot of wine.

   10. The resentment sounds deeper than just the issue with the parents. Is he supportive of your success?

   11. DTMFA. It’s one thing for him to prefer not to come with you, but if he can’t be graceful about your totally understandable desire to see your family over the holidays, that’s a dealbreaker. Asking you not to go would be kind of unreasonable anyway, but I could live with it if he could talk about it like a grown up. Otherwise, no. If you have aging parents, there is a big likelihood that this problem is going to get much much worse over the next few years – you don’t want to be going through that with an unsupportive partner. And even if it somehow doesn’t, this seems like a sign that he thinks that his desires are more important than yours, and that’s going to come up again in some form or another.

   12. It doesn’t sound like you like him all that much? Which is the best reason to break up with someone.

       1. +1

   13. Where is your resentment that you’re fully supporting a boyfriend who is happy living in a shack? Yes. Dump him. A cat would treat you better than this.

   14. I think we need a 4th new rule. If he ain’t married you don’t pay his bills.

       1. Hoo boy yes yes yes.

       2. +1 I wish I had known this rule when I was with my ex!

   15. I understand him not wanting to spend the holidays with your family–you’re only one year in, and it sounds like an intense situation, particularly for someone who would rather chill out in a cabin. The red flags are that he resents you spending Christmas with your family, he resents the money and time you spend on your parents in general, and honestly, you seem to resent paying the bills and spending every night and weekend with him and his cabin. So, yeah, I’d say it’s time to break up.

       1. +1 I don’t think this is really about Christmas. Sounds like you’re resentful about a lot of things (was it necessary to mention you bought the house for your parents? Resentment there too?) I think the icing on the cake is his lack of desire to be with you on Christmas. You know what you need to do.

       2. To clarify, I’m not suggesting you should be paying all the bills or spending all your free time with him–just pointing out that you don’t really seem happy with the relationship either.

   16. Since you asked – yes. You should dump him. I MIGHT be wiling to accept the part where he wants to spend three days alone in a cabin over Christmas rather than spend it with the family of his girlfriend of one year. But (1) the part where he is giving you grief for spending the holiday with your infirm parents instead of joining him and (2) resents the financial assistance you provide with your own money to your own parents (who are not in good health) is just unacceptable on so many levels. It reveals a self-centered nature and demonstrates a real character flaw and lack of shared values that will be fatal to any long-lasting relationship.

       Break up with him and look for someone who thinks the fact that you are a good person and daughter is a virtue and not a flaw.

   17. I’m on team Dump Him, too.

       It’s one thing to hate the holidays and want to be alone during them (I hate them and I’d rather be alone than deal with them so I get that). But it doesn’t really sound to me like that’s the problem. The problem seems to be that you resent each other for your (perfectly valid but very different) choices on a number of avenues. It sounds like y’all are very different people, who do not need to be dating.

       Also: if he doesn’t live with you why are you paying any bills for him, much less well over half?? I’ve never split bills with a partner I didn’t live with and I don’t get why you would.

   18. Oh yes! I was dating a guy when my mom was dying and he resented any time I spent with her. It was all about him and how I was choosing to spend time with her and not with him which meant I must not love him and wasn’t committed to our life together. My big regret is not dumping him sooner. One of the main benefits of being with someone is to help you and support you through tough times, they should not make them harder. Time with your parents you will never get back, but you can find a boyfriend who is on your side!

   19. Thanks everybody. I have a lot to think about, so maybe it will be good for us to be away for the holidays. Quick replies:

       1. I *do* love him and I do like him most of the time…but I am reeling that this argument came up this morning!

       2. I don’t love that I have to provide so much parental support – who would love that? – but I count my blessings that I can. Eventually I will sell their house and likely make a decent rate of return. I certainly will not have lost money.

       3. When I say I pay his bills…what I mean is, he moved in with me. It was supposed to be temporary while he worked on his home…he works professionally in construction. But there is no progress since he ripped out the walls/kitchen/bath several months ago. I have tried to get him to commit to finish the job so his place is livable by June 1st, and he was non-plussed, wanted to know what the rush was, etc. He doesn’t make enough to pay me “rent” for living in my place while also carrying two mortgages for his torn apart homes.

       He DOES do 90% of the cooking and some cleaning and half the laundry. He also buys groceries around half the time. I pay for most dates. He also supports my success in theory, even if he chafes at the late nights and minimal vacation time.

       I don’t resent his smaller economic contributions to our partnership so long as he contributes in other ways but now I have the creeping sense that this is becoming too unequal on the whole:( Thank you ladies!!!

       1. He does not sound like a mature adult.

       2. Support in theory is worthless.

       3. Equipped with this additional information, I maintain: You deserve better. I have no doubt that eventually you will dump him — this simply won’t work — and I think it should be now.

   20. Wow your boyfriend sounds like a self absorbed d0uchebag. Why are you with him at all?

       1. Also, my mother died this fall. I’d give just about anything to go back in time and spend three more days with her.

          Anyone who makes you feel bad about that is just a huge NOPE

10. 2 questions for attorneys…
    First, is it weird to keep reapplying to a firm that has rejected you in the past? I’ve never interviewed there, and every few months theres an open associate attorney position I’m interested in.
    Second, in law school, 2L year, I was a member of a “third tier” student journal. It was practically more of a legal blog than a traditional journal. There was a write on competition for membership, though I have no idea how many, if anyone, were cut. I published one article. The “journal” kind of disbanded for a semester 3L year, and then started up again at the very end of the year with all new people taking over, so I was not apart of it. Would you list this on a resume? I currently do not and think I’m suffering for it, because so many firms prefer journal experience.

    For reference I’m a second year litigation attorney.

    1. How big is this firm? It’s hard to tell if this is a revolving door of associates, a fast growing firm, or they are looking for a unicorn to fill this position and it’s a re-post. Can you work your network and get some more information? That may also help raise your visibility to get an interview.

       1. its a revolving door and fast growing, from what I can tell. But that is a good suggestion!

11. I am, yet again, sick. Sinus infection that moved down to chest/bronchitis. This is the third or fourth time in maybe 18 months. My PCP has suggested I see an allergist/immunologist. I’ve never been. What should I expect?

    1. Just curious why your PCP suggests an allergist/immunologist and not, like, an ENT. Or maybe you have been to an ENT? I’ve got chronic sinus issues too, which is why I ask.

       1. I am not sure. I did not know to ask about an ENT vs Allergist/Immunologist. All I know is that on their website they deal with chronic sinus and bronchitis issues.

          1. FWIW my allergist is also an ENT. I think many are both.

             The first thing they’ll want to do is test you for environmental allergens. Then depending on what you’re allergic to and how bad it is, they’ll go from there.

       2. Different poster but same problem. My dr also referred me to a allergist/immunologist to see if I (a) either had an allergy irritating my upper respiratory tract or (b) had lowered immunity to fight things off. Neither turned out to be the problem

          Next stop is ENT to see if my deviated septum or other abnormality may be contributing to the issues.

          I will say that I had my tonsils out a few years ago and it helped enormously with the number of times I get sick. Having my tonsils out as an adult was totally fine and I do get sick less (though still a lot).

          I have pneumonia twice before I got the vaccine and haven’t had it since. But sinus infections, bronchitis, other upper respiratory infections happen to me so often I’m resistant to several antibiotics.

    2. FWIW, I went to an ENT for basically this same problem and she ended up recommending me getting allergy shots because she believes the sinus problems are nearly always triggered by allergies that then spiral into months of sinus infection. So this doesn’t surprise me much. If you see an ENT, be prepared for them to stick a light up your nose/into your sinuses and for it to be pretty unpleasant. Allergists will probably have you do the skin reaction tests.

       1. If you get the skin reaction tests and have a particularly strong reaction be prepared for it to be relatively uncomfortable. I think I was tested for 48 things (one panel of 24 things on each arm) and I was allergic to 46 of the 48 with very strong reactions to 40+.

    3. I just took my father to see his Immunologist.

       The reason your doctor referred you is because it is not normal to have that number of recurrent sinus/chest infections. And most sinus infections do not progress to lower respiratory infections.

       The doctor wants you to be checked for alterations in your immune system that might make you more susceptible to recurrent infections. You will have some basic blood tests. And possibly, depending upon what they find, might have recommendations of additional vaccinations or other treatments to help prevent infections.

       Very reasonable. Most doctors do not understand what Immunologists do, and wait to long to refer you.

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