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Updated: Sep 6, 2023 182 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: J.Crew Factory

Suit of the Week

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corduroy blazer and pants worn with white sweater

For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. Also: we just updated our big roundup for the best women's suits of 2023!

Corduroy suits are definitely on the more casual side of things, but I'm loving the rich color and the simple cut of this corduroy suit from J.Crew Factory.

(The pants and blazer also come in a winter white, although the matching miniskirt (sigh) only comes in this color, “brandy.”)

The blazer is $149 and available in classic and petite sizes, while the wide-leg pants are $59 and available in classic, petite, and tall sizes.

(If you love the color but not the suit, the reader-favorite sweater blazer is out in a “new color” that is very similar to this one.)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anon

    petty complaint/help me deal! My BIL is constantly correcting people for anything and everything. Of course I don’t mind being corrected on big or actual errors, but it’s little things he could easily let slide or just correct in a slightly nicer way. An example is, I’ll suggest lunch at a certain restaurant at 11, and he’ll respond in a kind of snarky tone “well, that’s impossible, since that restaurant doesn’t open til noon”. He could just as easily say in a nicer way “oh it doesn’t open til noon, want to go then?” Maybe it’s a tone thing. Anyways, we see him kind of a lot and it’s been getting on nerves and just want to vent!

    • Anon

      “Okay, we will got at noon or pick a different restaurant. Why is this a big deal, BIL?”

      • Anonymous

        +1. I have a BIL just like him and this is how we handle it, right down to asking why he cares so much, lol.

        • Anon

          You laugh. I have found that fake-smart people think exactly one step in advance. “The restaurant isn’t open at 11! Ha ha!” They don’t bother to think of the next step (here, suggesting noon or a different restaurant).

          • Anonymous

            I do laugh, because you’re right.
            “we could meet at 11”
            “but place isn’t open till 12” (said in fake-smart ‘gotcha’ tone)
            “ok we will meet at 12 then”
            “but you wanted to meet at 11” (here is where my BIl will add a hint of smugness)
            It’s like driving in circles with people like this…

    • Anon

      Ugh, my exH was this way. He seemingly lived to correct me. And everyone else. I even pointed out to him that I didn’t always think everything he said was right but I kept my mouth shut unless the error mattered, which is much nicer than nitpicking people. I guess he couldn’t help himself. I think it’s an indicator of severe insecurity and feeling like one is one up on others by correcting them. Pathetic really. I sure as hell don’t miss it and I’m sorry your BIL is this way.

      • Anon

        I’m not a huge “children must respect their elders” but if my kid (at any age!) did this I’d be furious

  3. Anonymous

    what are your favorite easy fall meals? i have enough seasonal depression that i swore to myself last year that i would make it easy for myself this year. even better if they freeze well so i can do some in advance…

  4. Anon

    Re Jonas Bro divorce: I love how the spin is that his family loves Priyanka and that is like the only good take I’ve read on her ever. IDK what she is like IRL; she is stunning and sort of very much a person of great presence; her hair is #goals. I do not know any of these people but a friend was the family dentist for a while (NJ is a small place and one just knows things vs friend has a HIPAA problem).

    • Anon

      Huh? I thought the other brother got divorced (the one married to Sophie Turner)

        • Anon

          Yes but a point of friction has been mentioned “by a person” that Sophie Turner didn’t like how the family really loved Priyanka (or some nonsense). No mention of Brother/Wife #3.

          • Anon

            Danielle does not have a career and has been in the family way longer than the other two, so I expect that relationship has the least friction with the family.

          • Anonymous

            That’s complete garbage. Mama Jonas ran roughshod over Danielle – there’s tons of video on that from their reality series. And they didn’t like Priyanka until she caved and started using their baby for sponcon like Danielle and Kevin do.

            I suspect Joe got caught cheating with a teenager. He’s known to like them under 16. And that’s why they are desperate to get ahead of the news cycle by trying to smear Sophie. Like who is going to believe Sophie Turner was partying so hard that notorious drunk Joe Jonas had to divorce her. Especially when the only recent party pics they have are her at a work wrap party. Definitely looks like he had something to hide.

          • Anon

            Oh I meant now. I wasn’t saying they were nice to Danielle in the beginning but I’m sure now they prefer her to the other two. They seem very traditional and I think they resent that the other wives work.

          • Anon

            Eh I could believe Joe is interested in a more settled, quieter lifestyle than Sophie. He’s nearly a decade older than her and mid 30s looks very different than late 20s for most people. But that’s why you don’t marry a 23 year old and make her pop out babies immediately.

          • Anon

            Plenty of 23YOs are parents IRL but I feel like she needed a few years off after GOT to just have a bit of Spring Break in her life. I think she is 27 now, which isn’t exactly a child bride.

          • Anonymous

            There’s like a million interviews where they both agree she’s a homebody and that he struggled during the pandemic because he likes to party and is super social. It’s zero percent believable that she’s a party animal. She finally saw her UK family and worked a bit this summer after two years of popping out babies during a pandemic and he’s freaked out that marrying young didn’t allow him to mold her into a sponcon SAHM.

          • Anon

            I know people have kids at 23 but it’s unusual these days in highly educated and career-driven circles, and I would imagine Hollywood is included in that. Other than high school classmates who literally never left the zip code they were born in, I don’t know anyone who became a mom before 25 and very few who became one before 30.

    • Anonymous

      I hate that they are painting her as a bad mom. She’s been working in the UK and he’s touring. One of them wasn’t going to be with the young kids or would be blowing off major income and their dream. But he isn’t held to the same standard, much less expected to move to her country. Everything I’ve seen on her socials (only peeked yesterday), it looks like she hangs with ordinary folks and the folks haven’t changed over time. If you’re really a party person, there’s usually not all of that. Don’t know her from Adam but seems like she’s getting an unfair shake with things.

      • Anon

        Right — like he’s got the kids but he’s also touring, so he has a nanny or two with the kids, which is fine, but let’s not be a martyr. I feel bad for her — if it’s true that she wishes she had gone to college, trust me, throwing up with randos in college is nothing to miss. I just feel bad that they are tugged b/w two countries, so that will be hard on all going forward. IDK why I feel invested in this other than the Daily Mail won’t leave it alone and it has been a slow news day after watching all of the Burning Men people have their bad camping experience come to an end.

      • Anonymous

        It totally looks like a concerted effort by his side to paint her as a bad mom. Such an ugly look on him – that’s the mother of your kids – shut that down asap.

        Buzzfeed even has an article up that’s hilariously calling out the other gossip sites for the blatant attempts at hit pieces.

        Taylor knew.

        • Anon

          I don’t get it — so many articles in so few days. It’s like his side (his mom?) can stop talking. If he or his lawyer had any sense, they would shut this down. Your fans wear skirts and may take a different side than you think.

          #winteriscoming

          • Anonymous

            OP’s post seems like a weird attempt at a PR person feeling out a new line as to the reason. Like Priyanka fans vs Sophie fans or something.

          • Anon

            It would be awesome if the Jonas PR people are lurking here. It could be a very fun fall on this site.

      • Seventh Sister

        I am *dying* to know where they intend to divorce. My understanding is that UK courts generally don’t uphold prenups, and I assume she signed one post-Vegas marriage or a post-nup when they went back to CA. The less-wealthy spouse usually does pretty well in London, and I don’t think there are quite as many leaks from from the courts over there (unlike say, LA, where TMZ seems to get half the filings). I thought she was a dreadful actress in GOT but she’s quite pretty, so I assume the parts are out there for the future.

          • Seventh Sister

            No, it’s common but it’s not necessary. You generally have to meet a residency requirement in the place where you want a divorce. Nevada had the shortest residency requirement for a long time – that’s why there were all those divorce “ranches” in Reno for well-off CA women.

    • Smokey

      I’m confused by some of this and this morning’s discussion. What does Taylor Swift have to do with it???

      • Anon

        She dated Joe a long time ago (~2008) when they were both teens and wrote some snarky songs about how he broke up with her in a 20 second phone call.

    • Anon

      I don’t know who any of these people are and have never felt so confused reading a thread here, lol.

  5. Anon

    Any platelet donors here who are around 130 pounds? I keep getting asked and then the person sees me and says not to bother b/c of my size. It’s 120 pounds to donate whole blood where I go (and I do that regularly) and they seem to want my type for whole blood anyway, so IDK why I get asked. A family member is currently undergoing cancer treatment and I’d switch to platelets if it’s feasible now that I know that there is a great need for this.

    • Walnut

      I was a regular platelet donor at about that weight, but that was a decade or more ago.

  6. Anon

    Kibbe body types — is this sort of like getting your colors done but for your shape / personality? Also, does age matter? What I’d wear at 25 is not what I’d wear now that I’m older and primarily leaving the house for an office job or weekend errands ( = shirt with words, athleisure).

    • Anonymous

      It is sort of like getting your colors done but for your shape. It doesn’t focus on levels of formality of clothing or on your personality. I am a “flamboyant gamine” but my personality is not at all flamboyant. It is about silhouettes and visual principles that apply to all levels of formality.

    • anon

      I think it’s a bit odd in that it somehow conflates body type with personality. It is somewhat helpful in figuring out why some things instinctively work/don’t work, but it’s not going to help you come up with your own sense of style.

      • Anon

        I don’t know about personality, but I guess I can see how someone’s physical appearance and affect might correlate with what they can get away with socially as a social persona, or even just how they are perceived? Like how curvy and thin women, or short and tall women, are sometimes perceived differently despite their best efforts.

    • Anon

      “Dramatic classic”

      I intuited that oversized blazers just overwhelm me (narrow shoulders, no bust) and this sort of confirms that they are not worth even trying on.

    • Anonymous

      I think that the 12-part colour seasons are genuinely helpful, and based mostly on physics (light, colours and reflection ) with a dash of woo.

      I think that Kibbe is entertaining, and partly helpful, but based mostly on woo.

      • Anon

        My personality and body resemble each other less and less with each passing year.

        • Anonymous

          Where does Kibbe say anything about personality? I took multiple quizzes and they were all about physical attributes–the shape of your shoulders, the size of your hands, etc.

          • Anonymous

            Depends how far down the rabbit hole you go – there are personality elements, descriptions of mannerisms, traits and behavior. You’ll find descriptions like that a dramatic will be a natural leader, a romantic sensitive and charming, a natural warm and open…. thing like that.

          • Anon

            I’m a “natural” but in my soul I’m a romantic. When Melanie Griffith says “I’ve got a head for business and a bod for sin,” it’s the other way around for me.

      • Anon at 3:45

        Add on:

        I think that taking proportions, build, shape, weight distribution, face shape etc. is very useful, as is structure vs. flow, soft vs. harsh, playful vs. simple. When I think mostly woo with Kibbe, that’s because of on the link to personality and specific cultural ideals. I think it’s fun, and I think having style icons and personal avatars is very useful when considering personal style.

  7. Anon

    OOTD: I’m wearing a summer cotton dress. I’d usually never wear it to work as I feel like the fabric reads casual. But it’s 2023, so IDGAF and wore it because I wasn’t wearing it on weekends enough and missed wearing it. It’s not crazy casual or inappropriate, but not workwear.

    • Explorette

      Good for you! I think work wear is anything goes nowadays. My office’s partners are frequently seen in hiking/golfing pants. I have absolutely worn summer dresses to the office this year (plus sweaters because its freezing).

    • Anonymous

      A few people in my office started wearing ruffle puff dresses and then our leadership banned all dresses and we have to wear pants to work…

        • Anon

          Yup. My very work-appropriate Ann Taylor and J. Crew shift dresses are now not allowed.

          I’m very displeased.

          • Anon

            That’s such a dumb way to handle dress code issues. Send an email reminding people to check the handbook and then talk to the “offenders” directly. If you ban an entire category of clothing you might as well institute a uniform.

      • anon

        This style is fascinating to me because it’s not something I see literally anywhere I go in my Midwest college town. Maybe a bridal shower, on the youngest guests. It blows my mind that they’re so popular elsewhere.

        • Anon

          Also in a Midwest college town. I agree they’re not as dominant here but I do see them and own a few. I’m a late 30s mom. (I’m defining rufflepuff broadly, not just the Hill House nap dress which I basically never see here.)

      • Anon

        OMG this is the exact opposite of the NYC law firm I worked in during the 80’s where women were not allowed to wear pants!

    • Anon

      I never in a million years would wear logo thong sandals (like the Gucci or Tory Burch ones) to work b/c IMO they are just casual shoes, no different than a $15 flip flop. And yet, that is 2023 office-wear. I haven’t seen man-dals in a while, but I am regularly seeing midriffs and shoulder-tie sundresses (I run too cold for that — need to hide my heat-tech camis that I wear to stay warm).

      Maybe a thread: what isn’t workwear?

      • Anonymous

        What a great idea for a thread. Hopefully Kat will take note and we can finally cover that ground.

  8. Anon

    Homeowners – have you made the switch from gas to induction range? Did you have to upgrade your electric?

    How do you feel about the switch?

    Backstory – my GE cafe gas range from 2008 has been an absolute workhorse but the computer part of it went bad. So new range. I looked online at Wire Cutter reviews for both, I’m aware of the Inflation Reduction credit for switching to induction, but not sure we’d qualify, I called my electrician (old house, we have a regular electrician!) and he can’t come do the wiring for induction till early October. The range top currently works, not the oven.

    This would all be easier if I could just replace the gas range with another gas range, and that is a consideration. WWYD?

      • Anon

        Same (but my oven is electric so I don’t get the click click click of it constantly re-lighting or whatever they do now which is hella annoying if you WFH and your office is in the open-concept downstairs).

        • Anon

          I’m OP. My current range is gas cooktop, electric convection oven. The perfect combination. I couldn’t use the oven if the power were out anyway because it has touchscreen controls. I sorta don’t think I’d want to be baking/roasting anything during a power outage anyway. But yes, giving up the gas burners on top of the range would be a bummer in a power outage. One point against induction.

      • Chl

        I’m curious if this is regional as power outages came up when I asked about heat pumps. I can think of maybe twice in the past 10 years when my power was out more than like 5 minutes. Does the power go out a lot in other places?

        • Anonymous

          I’m in the north east and yes it does. Not infrequently for snow or ice or big storms bringing down trees. Being able to boil water and make tea and fill up a hot water bottle keeps the home habitable

        • Anon

          Way more than that for me! I grew up in a rural area, so it went out a lot, sometimes for days. But now I live in a city that’s prone to tornadoes and ice storms. Most people here have an outage every couple of years that lasts at least a day.

        • Anon

          I’m in a midsize southern city and do have a couple of long outages per year. I cook down my freezer and minimize what I have in the fridge/freezer during the summer because it happens reliably enough. When the power goes out, I just use my camp stove or grill. I wouldn’t base my purchasing decision for a range on this.

        • Anon

          In large parts of California, deliberate power shutoffs have become more frequent in the last couple of years, as a preventative measure in high fire danger. It’s not something that I would take into account for a stove purchase personally, but I did get a big battery to keep my phone charged. Then again, obviously all that gas is also a bad idea wherever you have earthquakes…

          • Seventh Sister

            In Southern CA, we’ve definitely had more power outages in the past few years. Not specifically fire-related in my area, but the infrastructure is old. It is nice to have it when the power is out, but not a huge benefit. We’ve rarely had a power outage last for more than a few hours.

            We have a very “dumb” gas stove that I love and will keep until it dies. No electronics, five burners, nice big oven. The oh-so-progressive, ” let them eat Erewhon smoothies” set in my neighborhood is all in for induction stoves, which seem nice enough but I don’t feel like replacing a working stove is worth it unless someone wants to buy me an induction stove.

        • Anon

          Mine does, I live in a wooded area and our power lines are generally not underground. My generator can’t power the heat pump, so I have a wood burner for emergencies. I would prefer gas but we have no service.

    • Anon

      Just replace it with gas unless you really want induction (that’s what I would do). If you have to go from 100 to 200 amps (or 200 to 400) just for an oven/cooktop, that’s a big job for just this one appliance. OTOH, you should probably be at 200 amps anyway so if you have 100, you may be having other issues. My house is at 200 amps but we could not support another major electric appliance. I guess in the future we might have to go to 400 for a potential electric vehicle, but that time is not now.

    • Anon

      It sounds like you’re not one of those Ride or Die gas cooktop people. I’ve only had gas once, and it was nice, but I’m not enough of a stovetop cooker to notice (I bake). Do the recent reports on particulates released into the home by gas ranges sway you at all?

      Our new home came with an induction cooktop and I like the novelty of cooking with it. My only complaint, which I vented on the other induction cooktop post the other week, is that it has a touchscreen to control temp, which is dang obnoxious when cooking. I just want a dial rather than mashing my finger repeatedly on a small plus or minus symbol, but I’m old-fashioned and still like paper books, too.

      Don’t forget with an induction you need certain pots and pans.

      • Anon

        “Dang obnoxious” made me laugh. That was my husband’s comment when we looked at the floor model induction range.

        I have been a gas ride or die person forever, so I’m just trying to figure out how much of a dinosaur I am at this point.

        • Anon

          “Dang obnoxious” FTW. That is not what I want in an appliance (or anything else).

      • Cerulean

        I love my induction stove, but yes, get the knobs, not the touchscreen kind! We’re big on cooking and have been quite happy after two years with induction. We have solar panels and are slowly replacing our gas appliances with electric.

      • Anonymous

        As a counterpoint, I love my induction touch top, with individual timers for each pan, and loathe stove top dials – but I have a tiny kitchen, I don’t have counter space to spare.

        Love my dials, normally, but the individual timers are golden!

      • Seventh Sister

        I’d feel more concerned about the particulates if we didn’t have a hood/vent above the stove, which we use often, and windows in the kitchen that are open at all times.

    • anon

      I’m currently looking at ranges with induction cooktop/electric oven combo and hope to replace my gas range soon. I’m pumped to make the change as soon as I can, primarily for health reasons. There has been a ton of academic research in the last few years on a) how much unhealthy stuff gas ranges pump out and 2) how very unhealthy the stuff is. I mitigate by using the exhaust hood, opening windows, and using an air purifier, but that is annoying and not always practical.

    • Anonymous

      Had both. Prefer induction. Get a European brand as they have been making induction cooktops for like 20 years so they know what they are doing. I have a Bosch. BIL has a gorgeous Miele.

      • Anonymous

        Adding that we have a small backpacking camp stove and a kettle that we can use if we lose power. Rare but not unheard of in our area. Not worth the gas on a day to day basis for a situation that only comes up every couple years.

    • anon

      We are in a similar boat (although our existing gas range is a Kenmore from 2000!). We were planning to move to a mixed-fuel setup because I really want an electric oven for the more even baking temps, and then I realized that the gas stove was triggering some asthma for me, so we are going to go to all electric and get an induction stove with an electric oven. We will need upgraded electrical service for this, but we’re also planning to move to heat pumps for our water heater (soon, probably, our current one is even older than the stove) and for the dryer too (hopefully not for a while).

    • Anonymous

      There’s nothing wrong with swapping gas for gas!

      However, we just renovated the kitchen and did induction. I was troubled by the air particulate data with gas. I live in California and all of the wildfires and smoke have made me care a lot more about air quality. We also have solar panels, so I was motivated to move as much as possible to electric to maximize the value of the panels.

      Our induction stove is a Miele and I’ve been happy with it, but it definitely has a learning curve associated with it.

    • anon

      Have had all the range configurations over the last few years due to moving and buying condos and cabins. Had a duel fuel Viking and LOVED it. Bought a cabin with no gas (propane) hook up and decided to buy a low end induction range (Frigidaire for $1200). To my surprise, I love it! New condo didn’t have electric to support duel fuel, had to go with all gas, bought a Blue Star for $4K+. I hate it! Don’t discount the difference between baking with electric vs. gas. Maybe it’s just the Blue Star, but baking with gas sucks. Go induction, both for the speed of heating/cooling – love being able to move my big LeCreuset pots around on the stovetop without potholders- better environmental impact and superior baking with an electric oven.

    • Anon

      Do you have kids? My parents have an induction stove and one of the biggest selling points to me is safety – obviously you can still burn yourself on a hot pan, but not on a hot stove. We don’t have kids yet (currently pregnant) but would consider upgrading once they’re old enough to be in the kitchen for this reason + air quality/environmental benefits. My parents love their induction stove l, their main complaint was having to buy new pots and pans.

  9. Elle

    Would you invite your bosses family to your co-ed baby shower? I’m leaning towards no, but I’ve never had a boss that worked in the same office as me before (I’m at a satellite campus).

    • Anonymous

      No way in heck.

      I have some actual, real-life friends that I met at work that I invite to these things (and also invite them over for dinner or for my annual Christmas party or my wedding) but I’d never invite “work friends” or anyone who supervises me to anything social (outside of a work social).

    • Anon

      Some of my IRL friends started as work friends so they came to my off-campus shower. But a couple of women I worked with insisted on throwing me a work shower (which I didn’t want but it got to the point that I would have had to be a b1tch to shut it down because they were so excited) and fortunately that took care of inviting non-friend work people. My boss was traveling but sent a gift, which was actually an awesome gift and was so sweet.

    • Anon

      I would not invite anyone that I report to or who reports to me to my baby shower unless the shower was being thrown by my office.

  10. Anon

    I’m having (so far) minor health issues and it’s making me double down on my resolve to only ever work places with separate sick leave and PTO. For unrelated reasons, I had to take a job with a combined leave bank and never, ever again. All of my PTO for the rest of the year is being used for doctors appointments, tests, and procedures.

    Our single bucket of leave (19 days) also expires at the end of the calendar year; you cannot roll any days over or otherwise accumulate more than 19 days. Aside from my medical issues, I haven’t been sick once this year but yet I’m still using over 1/3 (I’m actually getting close to 1/2 now) of my days on medical issues. I’m “lucky” that my supervisor is being “flexible” and allowing me to WFH on appointment days to save commuting time. My job is 4 days /week in the office normally but my supervisor actually is very understanding which I appreciate.

    I’ve had 4 appointments with 3 providers in 3 different towns over 6 months to get the go ahead on some testing I need to have done. Testing requires sedation so that’s another 2 days of PTO I’ll lose (I need 2 tests on separate days). Obviously the medical system is annoying (shouldn’t take this many steps to get the test!) but honestly I wouldn’t mind it if I wasn’t burning all of my PTO driving an hour for appointments (I live .5 miles from the largest hospital in my city, but of course couldn’t get any appointments there).

    I refuse to believe that a company without separate sick leave is a good place to work or a place that cares about employees. I work at a F100 company that’s constantly rated highly as a “best place to work” but it’s BS. I feel the same way about companies that skimp out on company holidays.

    • Anonymous

      Yeah I went from government (12 sick days a year, unlimited rollover) to a job with one PTO bank and I am miserable. Ironically, in my 5 years in government I only took 6 sick days (3 when I was sick, 3 when I had an outpatient procedure and needed to recover). I also took an hour or two of SL here and there for appointments a few times a year, but I don’t remember how much that added up to (I guess enough to cover my annual dentist, eye doctor, PCP, GYN, and derm appointments).

      I switched jobs in 2022, then got COVID for my first (and so far only) time in 2022 and burned 4 PTO days on having COVID, and then was able to WFH for the remainder of quarantine (but I was miserable and didn’t feel well the entire time) but then had to come back to the office immediately after quarantine ended, even though I still was dealing with fatigue.

      I took this job because we had to relocate for my husband’s work and this is what I could find, but I definitely want to end back up in government for several reasons, but sick leave is definitely one of them!

    • Anonymous

      Agree. I’ll lose two days for mammogram and colonoscopy and usually need a second mammogram because I’m prone to cysts—and that’s before anything found. I also think it encourages working with Covid and we should be better.

      Fwiw, I’ll also never work for anywhere with unlimited PTO again. All that does is equate to even fewer days or feeling extra guilty because there is always a work crisis competing and nothing is “owed”—not to mention you leave with nothing.

      Separate sock and vacation is the dream.

    • Anon

      Yup there are a lot of bad things about higher ed but we have lots of vacation time and nearly unlimited sick leave and those benefits will keep me here foreverrrrr. I could never go back to combined leave at this point. Parents of kids in daycare and people with chronic illnesses would never get vacations!

    • Anon

      Could having a separate bucket of time for medical appointments be an accommodation?

      • Anecdata

        a company might agree to it, but legally (US), nope, precedent is that letting you go to medically necessary appointments is a reasonable accommodation companies have to find a way to let you do – but they absolutely can require you to use up PTO first

    • Anon

      If you have a diagnosed medical issue, look into taking intermittent FMLA leave. You should also consult state law as well. Then you could use paid leave for doctor’s appointments and leave your PTO separate.

      • Anon

        I thought FMLA was unpaid?

        Unfortunately, still waiting for a diagnosis. And it’s like 50/50 if there’ll be something to diagnose or not…

      • Anon

        Aside from the issue of FMLA being unpaid, one of the things that healthy people don’t understand is how difficult it is to deal with an undiagnosed medical issue. I have a chronic illness/disability that took years to be diagnosed correctly, and in the meantime it was really difficult to even talk about with people, much less get disability or FMLA accommodations. Until you have a diagnosis, you often don’t even have the language to explain to people what’s going on, and half the time you just feel like you’re just going crazy and imagining things. The time before I was diagnosed was when I was sickest, because I wasn’t being treated, but also least able to get any kind of accommodation or even ask for sympathy or guidance from people without a lot of skepticism. It’s permanently set my career onto a different (worse) track in a way that I don’t think had to have happened if I’d been able to get better treatment and accommodations faster.

    • Anon

      I’m sorry. This is so frustrating. I hope you can telehealth some of the follow ups to discuss results to save more time (if medically appropriate).

      • Anon

        Yeah it’s annoying because every appointment up until now could have been telehealth but that’s wasn’t available for various reasons… grrr

    • Anonymous

      I think not having separate sick leave should be illegal but I do not make the laws, sadly.

    • Anonymous

      All of our systems are only established and work for people who are healthy. The wheels fall off when you have any sort of chronic or acute medical issue.

    • Anon

      I absolutely loathe one-bucket PTO. I never took vacation because I needed to accrue PTO in case of illness, and ironically enough, working non stop is a great way to get sick.

    • Anon

      I have a single bucket and hate it as a “lucky” person. I can avoid using sick leave if I make up the billable hours another day that week. I’m not a caregiver for kids or a sick family member. I can WFH if I’m contagious but well enough to work. But the unpredictability means I lose a few PTO days every year, unless last minute I can finagle an extra week off in December.

    • Anon

      Preach!!! I could have written this. It is absolutely unfair to people with greater illness or family obligations.

    • Anon

      I am very late, but wanted to chime in.

      First, I am so sorry you are going through all of this. Health issues alone are a lot to deal with. Getting them diagnosed and then figuring out whether treatment is an option and if so what to try is another level of stress that no one needs.

      However, having been in the camp with separate vacation and sick leave but now in a one-bucket system, I would not go back. When it was split, I got one week of sick leave and anything more than that came from my vacation time. Vacation time came with rules they said I had to request it at least two weeks in advance. Having a toddler meant that my 5 sick days were gone early on each year. Getting sick after they were used up and not being able to read the future to know I had to put in for it two weeks ahead meant a lot of going to work sick. And a lot of coworkers in the same situation coming to work sick, so we shared with each other. Oh, and if you didn’t use your sick days you got them paid out at the end of the year, so there was always that one coworker who came in with the plague so they could get their payout. People were punished for trying to be responsible and rewarded for being a public health threat. That was a vicious cycle.

      Now I have one bucket of PTO with flexible rules. It is enough days – with some rollover allowed – that I don’t have to gamble on whether I will catch a fall cold when planning my summer vacation, and I don’t have to time travel off I need a short-notice sick day.

      I think the biggest issue is companies that don’t give their employees enough time off, whether it is in one bucket or two, and put restrictions on it that take away our agency in choosing how to use that time off.

      • Anon

        The problem was that your former company had weird, rigid rules around PTO. Two buckets is normally fine.

  11. Anon

    My grandmother passed this morning and I’m so sad. How do you all process grief? I just want to hug her again.

    • Anon

      I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s really, really hard.

      For now, just let the grief wash over you, honestly. I’d take at least some time off work. Cry when you feel like crying and don’t judge yourself for feeling sad. It’s a sad time.

      Feeling your feelings fully is really the only way through this. It sounds crazy now, but a day will come when you realize you’re less actively sad. You’ll always miss her, but the grief won’t feel so emergent.

    • anon

      I am so sorry. I lost my grandmother a few months ago and it’s just really really hard. I did a lot of journaling about how much she meant to me, and what I missed about her, and my favorite memories. For me, that was really helpful, as was just talking with family and telling funny stories about her (like the time she had me drive her to the newstand so she could buy Playboy to send to my cousin who was serving in Afghanistan).

    • loss

      I think about them all the time, and even “talk” with them. It’s lovely. Because they are so vivid in your memories this way. Otherwise, some things fade too quickly, I find.

      This is also a great time to write down some favorite memories/stories. Sometimes I go back and re-read these “memories” and really love it.

      It’s ok to be sad, and to cry. It really helps me.

      I ask their friends/acquaintances to share favorite stories/memories with me. Everyone feels better after doing this.

      I’m so sorry to hear about your grandmother.

    • Smokey

      I’m so sorry for your loss. My husband and I are grandparents to two beautiful grandsons. We are working hard to build a lasting relationship with them both, with hopes (and sadness) that they will one day grieve our passing. Your grandmother was lucky to have been so well loved by you, her granddaughter.

    • eertmeert

      I am sorry for your loss.

      A few things helped me following my dad’s death. Someone said that “Our loved ones are only a thought away” and I used this all the time to keep him close. I also tell him that he is always welcome to visit me in my dreams, and when he does it is the best. I also look out for signs. I know he sends them, because I’ve seen them before. Like, distinct, no way this isn’t a special, particular sign to me from my dad. If I don’t see them for awhile it’s because I wasn’t looking in the right direction at the time. I have a reminder set in my daily calendar for thinking about my dad. It’s just a little mental checkin. Sometimes just a second, sometimes minutes to commune with his memory. I stay connected to his presence in this way. It is a shitty second place to having him here, and i don’t lie to myself about that. It’s better than nothing, and since he isn’t here, it’s what I have. I treasure it.

      The other thing I heard is that the loss we feel is love without a destination. It is a particular care and warmth without the person there to receive and reciprocate. It takes time to adjust to the loss, and it is so painful to be bereft of their presence.

      I forget which author, maybe Thich Nhat Hanh, who wrote about his grief in losing his mother. After some time he realized that his mother is present in him, in his very cells. I feel this with my father, and my grandfather, and my uncle, my aunt, my grandmother, etc. They are all in me.

      These are realizations I came to over years. I got used to missing loved ones, to not having them there to hug and answer questions and laugh with. It is sad and hard and – as i said – not the same as having them here, and definitely worse. But it’s unchangeable so I let the pain wash through me and it got less intense with time. Never goes away, and sometimes it pricks so hard.

      Again, I am so sorry. I hope you get to hug her in your dreams.

    • Anonymous

      I’m so sorry for your loss. Sadly, I have been there many, many times. I’ve lost grandparents where it was expected any day and friends due to freak accidents and illness. It’s absolutely horrible. My best advice to get through it is to go easy on yourself. Grief takes time and unfortunately there is no quick fix or way to really get over it. I have learned it can take an entire year. You have to go through holidays and birthday and other events. You will cry at random times when you least expect it and that’s ok. Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed. It just takes time.

    • Anon

      I’m so sorry for your loss. Honor your grief. Know that the day will come when you think of her with grief but also more with a sense of warm love. Missing her will be sad but the warm memories will be larger than the grief.

  12. Anon

    Anyone part of a book club in Los Angeles (or near there) that they enjoy? I took up reading fiction again during the pandemic. I’m loving it, but would like to continue reading in a more social way. I’ve tried looking online, but a lot of groups near me seem to be defunct.

    • Anon

      I do a zoom book club with college friends. We’ve been going strong for 6 years and it’s a really fun way to chat regularly. We are 6 friends in 5 different states.

      • Anon

        6 years is impressive? How often do you meet? Is it a fixed time or does it have to get scheduled? How much do you all read in between meetings? When life happens, do people skip meetings or attend without having read the chapter? Do you use discussion prompts from the back of the book or does conversation just flow?

        • Anony

          I’ve been a member of two long-running book clubs. One is still going after like 15 years although I unfortunately now live too far away to make it more than a few times a year; one lasted about 5 before a critical mass of members moved too far apart, and efforts to keep it together on Zoom didn’t really work out. Both of them had a default day (say, the third Wednesday of every month) but there was flexibility to move it with a reasonable consensus. There would be one book per month; members take turns hosting and the host picks the book. Occasionally, either people skip or attend without reading (that person might chat and catch up about life stuff in the beginning but respect the space for the book discussion, and would have to understand there would be spoilers if they were still planning to read the book later). Neither really used the discussion prompts in a formal way, although sometimes people might bring them up; usually the host opens the discussion by saying an idea they have about the book and it flows from there.

          • Anon

            I was once part of a book club that’s now in its eighth or ninth year. At this point it’s a ship-of-Theseus situation bc I think there’s only a couple “original” folks who still attend, but the name and structure is the same. I see them post on FB.

      • PolyD

        I’m part of a book club that’s been meeting for over 20 years. People have come and gone, and then come back again. Many of the people who started it are still in it. I’m a little shocked to realize I’ve been in it for 17 years.

        We don’t have a set day, but try to pick the next meeting when we meet. We’re also very chill about whether or not you read the book – the only caveat is that there will probably be spoilers, so be prepared if you haven’t read the book.

        We meet about every 6 weeks and it’s nice to have to look forward to. We met by Zoom a bunch of times in the depths of the pandemic, then met outdoors when we could.

    • books!!

      Ripped Bodice in Culver City has book clubs, if you like romance! It’s a great bookstore.

    • anon

      I was in one in LA for a long time, but it was through a very extroverted friend and then eventually the group got very picky about adding people. I would recommend asking friends if they know of one that has openings, or alternatively, if you’re up for it, starting one yourself!

  14. Anon

    Does filing a report with DOL Wage & Hour actually work most of the time? Is there anything that will help make sure it’s effective? A friend of mine who immigrated to the US last year is working for an employer that isn’t paying him for all of the hours he works. I’ve told him to keep a spreadsheet of his actual hours and document every time his boss asks him to stay late. He’s looking for another job, but isn’t in a position to quit without something else lined up. I’ve told my friend I’ll help him file a DOL complaint when he’s ready. (As an aside, knowing all the details about this situation, it is absolutely a company taking advantage of a desperate new immigrant and it makes me SO MAD.)

      • Anon

        It’s a federal contractor and my friend is working on a federal project, that’s why I was thinking federal. (Did I mention I’m furious about this situation?)

    • KJ

      It works. The laws are pretty clear cut and the enforcement agencies are aggressive. He should plan on getting a new job anyways, though.

  16. Anon

    Quick question because it’s been 20 years since I hired a sitter. Going rate in the DMV?

      • anon

        This seems really low. I made $15/hr as a college student and after as a date night sitter in the DMV area, in 2007-2010.

        Currently live in NC and pay college students $18/hr. More experienced is 20+. I would expect DMV to be in the 20-25 range.

    • Anan

      Montgomery County and I pay $23/hr for my kids (11, 6, and 4). If it were a high school sitter i would probably pay more like $20.

    • Anon

      When I was in eighth grade in the 1970s, the going rate was 50 cents/hour. I asked a couple families for $1/hour, and no one ever called me again.

      • Anon

        My 1990s rates as a teenager in the Midwest were $1/hour/per kid, at my mother’s suggestion. Found out later that my mother was woefully under market rate, which explained why I was such a popular sitter.

      • Anon

        The Babysitters Club girls used to run day camps for $5/kid/day – sure wish I could find something like that now!

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