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For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.
I'll be honest: I really, really (really) loved Mouret's dresses from a while ago. They were architectural and interesting and structured… basically everything that 2023 is not. (They're much harder to find than they used to be — at NET-A-PORTER it looks like most of the dresses are for evening, but this one could definitely be a desk-to-dinner dress if you need one.)
In any event, the brand's suits are beautiful, also — this burgundy one is a great example. It's classic, the color is amazing, and I like the way the pants have some flow but aren't overly wide.
The blazer is $1100, available in UK sizes 6-16, and the pants are $650.
Looking for something similar? Elie Tahari has lucky sizes of a cordovan suit on sale, and Madewell has some lucky sizes of a cabernet blazer on sale. (This may well be a case where the fancier designers are already onto the Fall 2023 collections and will have lots of burgundy in stock, while the more affordable stores are still trying to get rid of Spring 2023 inventory, without a lot of burgundy…)
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
anon
After returning from a great vacation, I’m realizing that I really need to address my work-related anxiety. Most of it stems from fear of not performing well, making mistakes, or just plain not having enough time to do everything that needs to be done. I am in a management role, in case that’s relevant. It shows up as having a pit in my stomach, even for very routine tasks that I can easily do, sometimes procrastination on big projects (which is a horrible habit that only adds to my anxiety), and low-level dread about being assigned new tasks. Are there any resources that can help me with this, or do I need to see a therapist about this? It’s just plain embarrassing. I’m in my mid-40s and have been relatively successful thus far; I don’t think anybody would guess that I feel anxious about my job all.the.time.
anon
I’d start with a therapist that does cognitive behavioral therapy. They can help you identify and re-train the thoughts that are fueling your anxiety. I think folks on here have recommended The Anxiety and Phobia workbook – the therapist may have other recs, too. If the therapy doesn’t do the trick, meds might help.
And go easy on yourself – it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I hope you feel better soon.
AIMS
The only thing I find truly helps me is doing the things that are causing me to feel anxious. YMMV, but it’s remarkably effective for me. When I fall behind on this, I start really small – schedule the tasks that I am putting off etc., and even that helps get the ball rolling.
anon
A low dose of anxiety meds would probably work wonders.
Anon
Yes – I used to feel this way all the time. I started a very low dose of Zoloft for post-partial depression and it was life changing, including dramatically reducing this feeling.
Anon
+1
I also agree that it is worth considering, if this is a lifelong problem.
anon
Already on that, unfortunately.
Anon
I started a relatively low dose (10 mg) of Lexapro for post-partum anxiety and it has done wonders for my anxiety, but it has also zapped my motivation. It’s really hard for me to get anything done. And falling behind on work projects is causing renewed dread and anxiety, so it’s not great.
Anon
I’ve felt this way for a long time too. I’m in therapy and on anxiety meds, and have been for a long time, and it helps but I still felt this way often.
But honestly — and perhaps this is terrible advice — the only thing that helps is tackling the things I am scared of or have been procrastinating. Sometimes I just sit at my desk and give myself a pep talk — “I am anxious about doing X because I’m afraid of Y or Z. If that happened, it would be embarrassing, but not be the end of the world. I would still have [wonderful things in my life unrelated to work]. I probably wouldn’t even get fired because Y or Z are not fire-able offenses. So I’m going to do task X now to the best of my ability and and hope that it is enough to avoid Y or Z”.
I’ve been working on this a lot over the last few months and it’s helping me. I think the key is naming what is scaring me. Sometimes I realize that it’s that I don’t know how to do some small part and I switch to learning how to do it before tackling the bigger project. I’ve managed to get a lot of old-scary-pit-in-stomach tasks off my list, and it’s made tackling new tasks a lot easier.
anon
Same. For me, therapy and meds helped me get to the place where I was actually able to do this.
Anonymous
Lexapro!
Anonymous
For those who are age 40s and beyond and you are someone who says you’ve never felt better in your life – can you share things you do that make a difference to your physical or mental health? Literally anything from – specific foods to work outs to anything else.
I feel like I’ve aged a lot since age 35. I’m 42 now. Some of it has been the 3 years of working from home for the pandemic. But honestly I started feeling aged by 35, ironically when I left biglaw. Oddly I thought people said health was bad in biglaw and yet somehow there it was just a matter of getting through it and doing what I needed; I ate what I could, slept when I could and did what I needed to and had energy. Now it’s much more — why do I have this upset stomach or whatever. Some of it is just age 40s related menstrual and digestive things changing. But IDK I feel like I’m surrounded by 40 plus year olds who don’t seem aged, are constantly like I’m running my first marathon or whatever.
FWIW I do get physicals, bloodwork, and all is well so I’m not trying to substitute yogurt for healthcare. Yet I do feel like I need a lifestyle change. Right now I have a very easy job so feeling meh is fine, but I have some ambition to do some harder stuff again. Yet I’m held back from even trying for jobs I want because it worries me whether I could keep up with long hours and travel, if I’m exhausted, just eating whatever, have gut issues. I’d love to re set for say 3 months and see if I feel energized again.
Anon
Lifting!
Mpls
+1 – and upping my intake of protein. I aim for 0.8 g per lb of bodyweight, but it ends up being more like 0.6 on average.
Anonymous
+1
And eat red meat! Women our age need iron, protein and good fats.
Anon
I had a stupid amount of energy in my twenties, so I definitely don’t feel better at 42 than at 25.
That said, I don’t feel 42. I run (and even have a master’s course record), do yoga, eat well, and generally have the goal of hitting 70 and feeling 50. I figure that plenty of people my age are crushing it, so why not go for it?
Anon
Do you exercise at all? Because that’s the only way I have any energy, have any mobility, don’t feel like a slug, etc. The less I exercise, the worse I feel; the more I exercise, the better I feel. And I don’t do crazy workouts or run marathons – I ride my bike or walk for 30 minutes, or I do a HIIT workout at home for 20 minutes, or I go to the gym for 45 minutes. But I try to get some exercise 5 of 7 days out of the week and it makes a big difference. I eat a reasonably healthy diet and don’t smoke or drink much (although I do drink about 3 drinks a week), and I’m sure that matters too. But I would say that my friends and I who get regular exercise seem to have more energy and fewer health problems than our age companions who don’t exercise much.
I am 46 and I won’t say that this is “the best I ever felt” but I feel pretty darn good, and am up for whatever outdoor adventure opportunities present themselves and don’t have to worry that I can’t do something or couldn’t make it through some experience, like a vacation with a lot of walking or a lot of time on a plane.
Also just want to say: on the gut issues, it’s worth seeing a medical professional who can walk you through doing an elimination diet to see if you’re eating something that’s triggering your problems. I have had to quit gluten and unfermented dairy (milk, half and half, ice cream, etc.) because when I ate those, I would have persistent digestive problems for days. I had attributed it to stress, but it was actually my diet. Now that I don’t eat gluten and most dairy any more, things are 90% better and I no longer have to worry about business travel, long in-person meeting days affecting my stomach so badly that I need “recovery days” afterward.
go for it
Lifting weights 2x week, piyo 1x week (video), yoga 1x week (video).
Maintaining a close circle of friends whom I see / communicate with regularly via text & in person
Eating no sweets or snacks during the week, just weekends/special days..ahem except todays chocolate emergency
Def getting enough sleep. I am an early riser… no matter what time to bed, therefore earlier is better!
Anon
Running my own race. I’ve always been a bit of an oddball, and when I was younger, I wasted too much time, stress and energy trying to conform to others’ ideas of what life was supposed to looks like. Frankly, there’s a lot of that right here on this blog and many days, it’s a good reminder of the life I emphatically do. not. want.
Let all that ish go. Chase YOUR dreams, not the ones others or society has laid out for you. Ignore anyone who would discourage you. It sounds like you have the basics down – generally healthy, enough money to get by, etc. It’s up to you to live life on your terms.
Seafinch
I feel like a million bucks at 45. I lift weights, eat a lot of high fat, high protein food (that I make myself with little to no, shortcuts ), and sleep a lot.
Anon
1) Pilates. I prefer this over lifting. I have done regular lifting and Crossfit before but my core has never been as strong as with Pilates and it really makes a big difference for me. This might not be true for most people but I have sloppy form so weigh lifting means that I don’t do things right and then end up not feeling great.
2) Walking everyday, usually 4-5 miles. I get SAD but even in the winter, I made myself go out.
3) Filtering what media I consume. I do read some news and listen to NPR but all my podcasts are on the easier, fun and pop-culture side.
4) Planning things with my friends and other activities that are out in the future to have something to look forward to.
5) Better eating habits, I eat oatmeal every morning and generally only consume non-processed foods. I also limit alcohol.
6) My lovely dog, Just thinking about her when I am out and about makes me happy.
Anon
Can you share what kind of Pilates you have found most helpful?
Anon
I go to a place called IMXPilaties (it is a chain) and do various classes they offer. All of them get the core. I do the reformer (the machine where you lay down), Tower and Chair.
I like classes in general, not self-directed workouts because I just have to show up and listen (another reason I don’t like weight lifting, I can’t make myself do it and I also get bored when I do go). I also like that I can talk myself into going no matter how I feel because I can just take it easy.
BB
I’m 39, so close but I do feel like I’m in the best health of my life and think it will continue into my 40s. Funny how several people said lifting because finally starting strength training was one of the biggest contributors! I started just from the Peloton app. I have actual abs for the first time in my life! I also found a daily workout routine that works for me and stick to it.
Mentally, I stopped GAF and being honest with myself about what I enjoy to recharge. If I enjoy a YA series, I’ll read it. If I want to lounge around all weekend doing nothing but binging tv shows, I’ll do it.
Anon
I’ve posted this several times before, but look up the North Shore Betty video that was produced by Patagonia last year. She only began mountain biking in her 40s and is now shredding in her 70s. That video gave me the best picture of what I want my middle life to be like.
Anon
Mid-50s here, and I feel that way. In no particular order:
– regular exercise (cardio, strength and flexibility) more days than not
– regular and sufficient sleep schedule
– no (or very little) processed food
– sunscreen/hats/UPF clothing
– knowing that I have all the right MDs in place to address my various needs and that I am on schedule for regular checkins
– knowing that I am doing my job well (no matter what people who don’t know may imply)
– enjoying a secure and healthy and joyful primary relationship – really I should put this at the top. We did not meet until I was 40, and this has been life-changing for me
– knowing that if I lose my job, I will be financially OK
– this one has changed during the pandemic, but generally knowing my own best style (hair, brows, makeup and also clothing) (This is a little bit of a work in progress because it’s changed because it’s too risky for me to get to the salon as frequently as my short haircut needed, so now my hair is longer and I’m not as confident about what to do with it as I was with the shorter style – but with time I will figure it out).
– knowing what are non-negotiables for me (examples: I will not let nasty comments go without saying they are discriminatory, I know what non-profits are important to me and I support them). (Again, this is a work in progress because I feel like so many people are doing such courageous things (Ukrainians fighting Russians, doctors continuing to provide care no matter what, etc) and I feel I am not pulling my weight.)
– being old/experienced enough to be able to provide valuable insight even when I don’t think that what I am contributing is revolutionary.
Anon
Exercise
B vitamins
Enough sleep
Making time for fun
Great therapist
Anom
47. I stopped eating meat when I’m at restaurants bc I felt bad after. It was too rich for me. Diet-wise I also need lots of fiber (beans, lentils) in order to stay regular. Outside of the gastro symptoms of age – Getting time outside, more sleep (now that my kids are older), some exercise. These all make me feel better.
Anon
No packaged food
My cardio is climbing stairs
I have enough money to invest in nice clothes
I don’t care about trends, just what suits me
I mostly eat at home
Drastic cut down on candy, chocolate and ice cream
I went grey and now I pay a lot of attention to keeping my hair in good condition
anon
I’m 46, and I don’t feel 20 anymore, but I also am way fitter than I have ever been. For me the biggest things are:
* really consistent exercise – nothing too intense, but I lift 3x/week and I walk at least 4 miles every day (not all at once – I go for short walks around my neighborhood multiple times a day)
* not worrying about my weight, which has led to a lot more ice cream and a lot more food in general, and also has reduced my mental load when thinking about food and really improved my ability to strength train
* doing small bits of mobility and flexibility stuff during the day (a 5-min series of sun salutations in the morning, a quick stretch break between meetings, stretching my calves or pecs while I’m waiting for a red light on a walk, etc)
Anon
I’m having stomach so am currently off coffee, tea, and carbonation. Any ideas for a caffeinated beverage I can have? I’m mid semester of grad school (while also working) so having a caffeine option would be great.
I usually eat a clean diet but am willing to go off that slightly to find a solution. But I won’t be trying energy drinks or anything like that.
Anon
There are many drink mixes (drops or powders like Mio) that are caffeinated. I have to read the labels carefully because I can’t have caffeine.
Anon
Bai 5 has caffeine (most of the flavors anyway).
Anon
Why not caffeine pills? I bought some when I had a work trip where I knew I wasn’t going to have access to my preferred method of caffeination.
anon
*Jessie Spano has entered the chat*
OP
Yeah I’m still scarred by that episode!
anon
I’M SO EXCITED! I’M SO SCARED.
Anonymous
Some groceries carry caffeinated water.
Anon
Nuun makes caffeinated hydration tablets. A lot of sports drinks have caffeine because people see it as a “pre-workout supplement.” As someone else said, I have to be careful and read labels because I shouldn’t have too much caffeine and it appears in more products than you’d think.
Gail the Goldfish
Bai. It’s stupidly expensive, but so good. Has the caffeine of roughly a cup of green tea. My favorite flavors are the mango and the blueberry.
Anon
Do you feel the pull to take risks in your recreation? I’m thinking about the Titanic submersible and conversations I’ve had with friends on this subject. One camp (the one I’m in) seems to understand the draw of these activities – at some fundamental level, I just *get* that pull, that desire to do things that put you on the edge. When I hear people complaining that they can’t understand why anyone would go to Everest when they have young kids, I realize that I do understand it, even though I wouldn’t personally do it. But most of my friends seem to be in the exact opposite camp.
My threshold for risk is a hell of a lot lower than the submersible people (skiing and mountain biking fast do it for me), and I always practice good preparation and have protocols and backup plans. I talked to a few outdoorsy friends (ones who understand the Everest draw and ones who don’t) who say that if risk comes up, they can deal with it, but that they don’t seek it. They prefer hikes and other adventurous activities that are fun and can be exciting, but aren’t that risky. I enjoy those things too, but nothing makes me feel more alive than doing something that really tests me, mentally and physically, in the outdoors. I need the risk – it completes the equation for me and I get freaked out and edgy if I go too long staying inside too much (where the only risks are the not-fun kind). We’re TTC this year and I’m really curious to find out how pregnancy and motherhood change my mindset, if at all. Where do you fall?
Anon
I’m childless so can’t speak to the change aspect, but I am not a risk taker in my recreational activities. For me, adding the risk of death is stressful, and I don’t like having stress mixed in when I’m trying to relax!
anonshmanon
+1. I once did a parachute jump, just to see what it’s like. I declined buying the upgrade where you jump from higher and are in free fall twice as long, and that was the right decision. The 15 or so seconds of free fall were not that enjoyable to me (not panic inducing but definitely unpleasant). Gently descending with the parachute open was better, though not amazing enough for me to make it a hobby. Adrenaline is not something I need in my personal life, but I love that there are many different ways for people to find entertainment and release stress.
Anon
Motherhood and pregnancy changed things: I can risk my own stupid butt; however, I am not risking my kid’s life or having him grow up without his mom.
Anon
OP here and I won’t be surprised if I end up feeling the same. I lost my mother very young (nothing to do with risk or adventure) and I will therefore never be able to discount how hard it is. At the same time, I have also seen so many family members suffer in quiet ways and be miserable with the grind of their daily lives. I know I won’t be a good mother if I can’t get out and push myself.
Anon
You can “push yourself” without risking life and limb.
Anon
Lots of things risk life and limb, including riding in cars and walking in snowy conditions. You can’t live a bubble-wrapped life.
Anon
Eye roll. You’re tiresome, Anon at 4:13 pm. There are pretty obvious differences between hang gliding and driving to work. You know when you equate the two, people think you’re dumb, not clever, right?
AIMS
I was much more zen about this stuff before I had kids.
Anon
I’m an adrenaline junkie, but I prefer lower-risk adrenaline. Most of my hobbies are active and outdoorsy: trail half marathons, triathlons, hiking, mountain biking, camping, surfing, etc. I’m also the poster below who asked about volunteer firefighting. I like activities with a little risk, a lot of challenge, and (for me) a big reward.
I’m also pretty well-versed in what to do when things go awry. I always make sure I have the necessary supplies with me (first aid supplies, waterproof layers, more water and food than I think I’ll need). My CPR and First Aid training is always up to date. I have taken additional classes in outdoors preparedness / safety. I brush up on this before I head out for a big hike. I always let someone know where I’m going, what my expected route is and what my expected ETA is. I don’t try new activities / routes solo, and always make sure I”m with someone more experienced at first.
I also like things that are exciting, but I always avoid something that could be dangerous (closed trail, bad weather). As you said, I can deal with risk but I don’t seek it. The activities I do are exciting and fun on their own, I don’t need to risk my life.
I’m also, ironically, a risk manager. So, I’m literally a professional at recognizing a risk, analyzing it, and determining what’s the best path forward.
Also, as are most outdoorsy people, I am very aware of how powerful nature is, how quickly something could go badly, and how dangerous it can be. I try to never tempt fate. I always hope for the best but prepare for the worst.
Laura
This is how I feel. I love to do adventurous things, but I’m also overprepared. I want to have a good time, not have a problem. Might as well live my one life to the fullest.
Love that you’re a risk manager! So hey, you know what you’re talking about
Anon
I don’t feel even the slightest need to take risks for the sake of taking risks, but I don’t refuse to do things that are risky if I otherwise find them worthwhile. I absolutely understand why people climb Everest and I’ve been in a submersible (for work). How could I say no to having the chance to do something like that? I felt like it was as safe as it could possibly be, but if something did go wrong, I’d a million times rather die at the bottom of the ocean than in a car accident on my way to work in an office because some idiot couldn’t stop texting while driving. So many people do that every day and it’s just dumb. I’d rather have my risks come with a pay off of doing and seeing things that I couldn’t see otherwise. I think that the desire to explore is part of what makes us human, though taken too far it’s also what causes a lot of our problems, so it’s a trait that’s probably best in small quantities.
Anonymous
Hmm. . . I find myself wondering if you’re the same Anon who posted directly above you, who is working, going to grad school, having stomach issues, and trying to figure out how to get caffeine!
To answer your question, yes, i understand that this type of personality exists, because I trust people are telling the truth when they say that’s how they are. But no, I do not need threat of serious injury/consequences to make me feel fully alive. It wouldn’t even occur to me to need those things.
Anon
I am the caffeine needing anon above and this is not me! Though I love adrenaline / hard outdoor workouts too. I just only get to them ~ once a month now.
Anon
I mountain bike and ride on trails, and we hike and we go whitewater rafting and have done other lake/river/ocean activities. So our activities do involve some risk, but honestly, not much. Millions of people spend millions of hours doing these things every year and never get hurt or killed, so I don’t really think much about the risks. I feel like it’s riskier driving my car on the freeway during rush hour, frankly.
Never would I ever do anything like get into a deepwater submarine as a recreational activity (I’m claustrophobic). I will also admit I do not understand the appeal of climbing Mt. Everest, now that a bajillion rich people have done it (and despite that, a large number of people still die on the mountain every year). I do believe that some of us need certain types of external stimuli to feel alive and like the breaths we’re taking in this life mean something. My husband and I both feel that if one of us dies biking or hiking or rafting, it would be a devastating loss, but at the same time – I’d rather die on my bike than hooked up to a bunch of IVs and a respirator in a hospital. “It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door” – you can get killed crossing a street or driving to work, or tomorrow I could get diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor – so to me, better to make the moments count and feel the exhilaration while we can. I wouldn’t make the choices some people make, but they probably wouldn’t make some of the choices I’ve made either.
Anon
I’m far more concerned about dying in a car accident as well. Drivers in my area have been incredibly irresponsible for several years now. High-speed lane changes with no turn signals seem to be the norm now. If I had to choose one, I’d far rather die in the ocean than in a wreck on the interstate.
Anon
I’ve never been a big risk taker, but I’ve definitely reassessed post-motherhood. The riskiest thing I’ve ever done is probably fly in a helicopter and I don’t think I’d do that again while I have young kids.
Anon
Well I live my life by the Hunter S Thompson quite of “life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body..,”
I enjoy intense outdoor workouts / hobbies. I never seek out a risky situation, but with hobbies like mine they occasionally pop up.
I want to live my life doing things I enjoy. I happen to enjoy mountain biking and backpacking and skiing, among other activities. None of these are super risky but for sure are riskier than other hobbies (I also enjoy knitting and reading).
On the other hand I think the Titan escapade was beyond stupid for someone to partake in. As much as I love the beach, I do not mess with the ocean.
Anonymous
I think risk for its own sake is stupid. Taking a calculated risk in exchange for a benefit is another calculation. I know there are some people who get a thrill out of the risk itself, but for me risk is a downside that has to be balanced against the value of the adventure. It doesn’t enhance the adventure; it detracts from it. Challenge and risk are also very different things. I will seek out a challenge even though I won’t purposely seek out a risk.
Anon
I totally get the appeal of climbing Everest and going to space, although I wouldn’t do the former for physical fitness reasons and wouldn’t do the latter now that I have kids because of the risks involved. But this Titanic thing just seems dumb. I’d so much rather scuba dive on the wreck of a less famous ship and actually get to see it up and close and personal. Getting a brief glimpse out of the window (maybe…apparently the majority of this company’s dives didn’t even reach the Titanic?) just doesn’t seem that interesting to me, cost and risk aside.
anon
No. I like being active and doing things with my body. I have zero desire to become an adrenaline junkie and do stupid things that have potential to kill me.
No Face
I limit my adrenaline-seeking behavior to roller coasters. I will ride them until my body won’t let me anymore!
I am not agile, so risky sports don’t appeal to me.
Anon
I used to race bikes, and once I had my son I found that I just no longer had the stomach for the risk. It wasn’t a conscious decision – pure instinct.
Anonymous
I ride horses. It definitely has it’s risks (and I feel them more the older I get. I swear kids just bounce back from falls. Not so much in your late 30s). I wouldn’t say I feel a pull to take risks, I just love riding enough to manage it (I’m not going to ride the green broke baby horses like I would when I was younger). And no, there’s no way in the world I would ever want to hike Everest or go in a submersible.
Anon
I’m old enough that I know two parents in my greater kid/parents circle who have died doing risky sports (skiing, motorcycling) so I’m even more careful now. I’m not a thrill seeker myself anyway, but I did make my husband get rid of the motorcycle when we had kids, and as an actuary, I stand by that decision.
Anon
Only skiing.
Anon
Is anyone here a volunteer firefighter? I’m going to be moving to a town with a volunteer company (currently live in a city with professional fire fighters).
Wondering what the time commitment is, what’s the training like and if it will be a hostile environment for a woman. Obviously this changes from firehouse to firehouse but I’m interested in anecdata!
anon2
I am not a firefighter, but I have been around a number of firehouses – mostly professional, some vol and some a mix. Partly in one of the most sought after departments around and partly in a rural area. It has been a hostile/sexually charged environment for every woman I have ever met in these companies. They all had to grit through it without complaining or else never get promoted (pro)/be miserable or give up and go home (vol).
I am pretty tough and hard to offend, but I would not choose to volunteer my time this way. YMMV
Anon
+1… I was going to say I’ve never heard of a volunteer fire department that wasn’t 100% male and they definitely skew “traditional” with everything that implies about values, politics, etc. I think it will be a very hard and isolating experience as a woman, and personally cannot imagine doing this.
Anon
I know a woman who is a volunteer firefighter and she loves it. She’s very fit and active and can hold her own with the men. They do really cool challenges like the fundraising skyscraper stair climbs etc. I always donate to her fundraising activities because I secretly want to be like her. :)
Anon
Any favorite summer recipes? Looking for things with things like peaches etc that are harder to find in the fall/winter!
Anon
Yesterday I made a piece of really good toast and put some brie and a fresh peach on it, and it was so delicious.
I also love a caprese salad or a BLT with very fresh tomatoes.
For me, summer vegetables are so delicious I want the recipes to be simple to really show it off!
emcee
Ooh, that reminds me – the neighborhood FB page said the peach truck was back. I need to stop by.
Anon
Panzanella. We eat it almost weekly in the summer.
Panda Bear
It’s still too soon here in New England, but once we have fresh tomatoes, I use them as much as possible. My favorites are panzanella, eggplant caponata, BLTs, tabouleh, and pappa pomodoro.
Anon
Not recipes per se but I love the combination of peaches and blueberries. I’ll do smoothies, pies, pancakes, or oatmeal with this combo.
Vicky Austin
Smitten Kitchen has a peach blueberry cobbler recipe I love!
Nesprin
Cucumber + watermelon or peach + avocado+ tomato, all cubed and topped with feta, mint or basil and vinegar
Anon
I love a grilled peach for dessert. I just cut it in half and put it on my grill pan. I can add in some vanilla ice cream or even buratta. My bf loves it too!
Vicky Austin
Oh that reminds me, I pinned this recipe literally half a decade ago and have yet to try it:
https://www.cookingclassy.com/grilled-peaches-vanilla-bean-mascarpone-honey-granola/
Seafinch
Half Baked Harvest’s tomate, cherry, peach burrata salad. it was my favourite find last summer. making it for a party on Saturday.
Anon
BLT
Fresh as possible corn on the cob
Blueberries everything
ArenKay
Cold melon soup (Melissa Clark’s Dinner in French) and peach/olive oil cake (from Food & Wine). Both easy, and divine.
Anon
just a PSA for all the brides, and yes i know an invitation is not a summons, but a room block where the least expensive room is $399 a night should not be the only option.
Anon
Can’t you just stay somewhere else?
Anon
Plenty of weddings are in areas without many hotel options. Or, in an area with no Uber and only the hotel with the block has a shuttle.
Some of these are annoying destinations, but some are just in the couple’s hometown and it’s a rural area.
Anon
Sort of recent bride here (got married four years ago): everyone has a complaint. Many people want you to have the wedding during the nicest time of year. That’s great for travel and spending a weekend there, but means the hotels can be more expensive. Out of control more expensive. I got a LOT of flack for having my wedding during the off season (far enough south that snow wasn’t an issue); flip side is no one complained about the cheap flights and $95/night Courtyard Marriott hotel block.
Anon
+1 I don’t think you can win. We had our wedding in a popular tourist destination in the peak summer seasons and we got a lot of compliments about how fun and interesting the location was (and it is! much nicer than either of our boring rural hometowns), but the official wedding hotel was $350/night and the “cheap” room block we arranged was a motel and was still over $200/night. And this was 15 years ago, pre-inflation and travel boom.
anon
I think the “everyone has a complaint” idea is correct, and it is partially why I was never interested in having a wedding in the first place. I eloped and have zero regrets.
Anon
Ummmm I guess you’ve only been to destinations with plentiful hotel options and uber availability. What if there are no other hotels at all? What if the other local hotel has frequent Yelp reviews about the bed bug infestation? What if you need to take the shuttle because driving a rental car to the venue means driving on unfamiliar cliffside roads at night? These are all real situations my friends have encountered.
Anon
If there are no other hotels or the other hotels are terrible, why are you blaming the bride for picking a pricey one? I’m not sure what you’re expecting the bride to do here.
Anon
Exactly. And why exactly is it only the bride’s fault? Presumably she’s marrying someone else too!
Anonymous
The bride and groom should have chosen a different location, then.
Anon
It’s kind of a d!ck move to choose a destination with only one hotel and that only hotel is expensive.
I feel the same way about choosing a place without good transit options (Uber, walkability, etc) and not providing a shuttle.
Anon
But it’s impossible to please everyone! Most cheap places are boring, and if they choose a more affordable location, you’ll just complain about how boring it is.
Women here are so angry and hostile about weddings. I don’t know anyone in real life that complains this much about just being invited to a wedding. If you don’t like the bride and groom that much, or can’t afford to spend the time and money, decline the invite. An invitation is not a summons.
anon
Maybe don’t have the wedding in that location?
Anonymous
Not the OP, but we subsidized the rooms at the resort where we held our wedding so it was more affordable for guests (and worked it out with the hotel such that guests didn’t know we were subsidizing). I agree a $399/rate is kind of absurd to expect of guests, unless you’re in an area with plentiful hotels.
Anon
FYI I’m responding to the 2:46 commenter who asked why OP can’t just stay somewhere else. I don’t know OP’s budget or whether that’s an average price for the area. But it’s obtuse to ask why the OP can’t pick a different hotel, there are so many reasons why her options could be limited.
anon
I mean.. that’s a steal for some locations? A room block is also not a summons.
Anon
Yes but if that’s the hotel that is closest to the venue or the one where a shuttle is offered it makes it pretty difficult to stay at a different location. I’m also of the mindset that if the couple expects people to attend and make flight arrangements, take time off of work etc, then they should make everything as easy as possible on the guests. I honestly hate wedding culture in the US. So unnecessarily expensive for everyone.
Anon
OMG just don’t go then. Except I have a feeling you’re getting a lot of personal satisfaction out of complaining about every single aspect of other peoples’ weddings.
Anon
The difference between a wedding planned with guests’ convenience in mind and a wedding planned without regard for the guest experience is HUGE. And I don’t mean how expensive or fancy the wedding is. One of my favorites was a casual backyard reception. I’ve had destination weddings that were logistically better than local ones. But if you make it a pain for your guests it can overshadow the joy of the occasion.
I doubt anyone on this board complains to the couple IRL. Venting anonymously on the internet is harmless.
Anonymous
Do you actually mean that;!:”
Anon
We declined a wedding invite one time where the wedding and reception were being held at a mountain lodge, which was basically the only game in town in terms of places to stay, and the rooms were $300 a night, in the early 2000s when our joint income was under $40k a year. We would have had to stay two nights because of travel arrangements, and the rooms plus the airfare made the wedding completely unaffordable for us to attend. We just said we couldn’t get off work; my husband’s friend wasn’t happy but they’re still friends.
Anon
I declined multiple weddings I couldn’t afford to attend when I was younger and poorer and my friends all understood.
Anon
I declined a couple of weddings for cost reasons. It’s unfortunate but not all of us have unlimited budgets.
OP
when i got married i purposefully chose somewhere with 3 options ranging from like $150-$300. also, this wedding is not in the middle of nowhere, and there are other hotels nearby, but they aren’t offering transportation from any other hotels
Cat
ok so schedule an Uber with your cost savings or take an Uber to the fancy hotel to get the shuttle from there?
Anon
+1 try to find something close to the fancy hotel and either walk there or take a ~$10 uber ride to get the shuttle? This really does not seem like that big a deal to me.
Anon
All but 1 wedding I’ve attended have been in areas without Ubers
Cat
ok if you have 1,000 reasons you don’t want to go to this wedding then just don’t go? Or drink responsibly so you can drive yourself back to the inexpensive hotel.
Anon
I am not the OP. Was just providing anecdata that Uber is not always an option.
I know that an invitation is not a summons but to be being invited to a wedding is such an honor I don’t see how I could turn down an invite over the cost or logistics; likewise I’d be hurt if that was a reason someone turned down an invite to mine. That being said, it’s also rude when the couple makes the wedding difficult or expensive to attend.
Anon
Seriously this. The OP is just looking for reasons to be offended.
anon
I think it’s hilarious that you expect a couple to offer transportation from multiple nearby hotels to the venue.
Anonymous
yes! and the bride or her representatives should actually go to all hotels they’re recommending, and make clear where any after parties/brunches/shuttles are going to be held.
signed, person who paid $900 a night in tahoe for a nasty ass hotel room that smelled, like the entire lobby, of cigarette smoke.
Anon
$900 a night in Tahoe! OMG
Anon
I feel that while you won’t please everybody (and shouldn’t aim to!), it should not be a burden for your guests to attend your wedding.
I’ve been to weddings that have required planes, trains, and automobiles to get to. I’ve been to several weddings in rural or exurb area with no Ubers or taxis, no hotel blocks, no shuttles or other transportation except driving, but the reception went til 1AM and the bar was giving out shots.
I will always show up for those that I love but some people make it a PITA to get to their wedding.
Anon
Wow, the defensive brides showed up in the comments! If you have an expensive wedding you and your future spouse should accept that fewer people will be able to attend. That’s just economics. And no, you don’t get to be offended that they take a family vacation the same year. (personal experience)
Anon
I see you’ve never planned a wedding.
Anon
Two actually.
Anon
I don’t see anyone saying they’re mad people didn’t attend their weddings? I see a lot of “if you can’t afford it, don’t go.” I think it’s perfectly reasonable to decline a wedding that involves above average time or expense to attend, but unreasonable to be offended by an invitation to an expensive or hard to get to place.
Anon
I think the people who get offended by the invitation are just getting off on being judgy.
Anon
Wow I can’t imagine choosing a location that’s expensive / inconvenient and being okay with the fact that some guests weren’t able to make it as a result
Anon
I mean, everyone has a different definition of inconvenient. As an upper middle class person with plenty of vacation leave, I don’t really find most destinations in the US that hard to get to and I’d much prefer to attend a wedding in a beautiful albeit pricey and somewhat remote coastal location than, say, Cleveland. And I know a lot of people who feel the same way. Others disagree and that’s ok. People don’t have to attend every wedding they’re invited to. But I don’t think you’re an evil person just because you don’t choose the cheapest, easiest to reach place. People aren’t going to see eye to eye on that anyway.
Anon
Man, there are some commenters here who seem to truly hate weddings and the people who have them.
Anon
They’re all terminally single.
Anon
Haha no, I’m on my second marriage, going strong 20 years in.
Anon
Haha I assure you, we’re not! I don’t hate weddings. I just think it’s more important to celebrate with loved ones rather than only make is convenient for the wealthier friends/family. If you can’t afford it, then you can’t come and I don’t care! Really??? A wedding should be about celebrating with loved ones, not the most extravagant location.
Big Move
I live in a deep red state that is getting hotter and drier by the year, and the whole situation is honestly getting me down. I already donate to campaigns, call my representatives at all levels, and volunteer in the community.
My partner and I visited St. Paul/Minneapolis last week, and it just seemed like a whole new world. There are services, the cost of living isn’t astronomical, there are bike lanes, there are lots of activities, there’s diversity, there’s an excellent food scene, etc. One of my closest friends and her husband live there, and due to the nature of her job, they meet a lot of transplants and have formed a circle that we’d be able to join.
The biggest con to moving is leaving our friends and our jobs. I love my job but I’ve been there less than a year, and the job I left I was only there for just over a year (it was a bad fit). I am an only child and both parents have passed, so I don’t really have family here. No kids. My partner’s parents and sibling are here, but he’s said he’d be okay leaving them, and he’s excited about potentially leaving.
I know the winter is insane, and I am not underestimating it! Has anyone else made this type of large move under similar circumstances? I’m 40 and I wonder if I’m restless because I kind of feel like I’ve wasted half my life, or is this really something I could do and want to do.
Anon
I think you should go for it. If it doesn’t work out, you can always move back. It’s never too late to make a change like this. Plus, winter is a wonderful time of year. We need to flip the script on it being miserable for everyone because it just isn’t. Invest in the year you need to get outside safely and find some fun hobbies that are social and enjoyable and that can only be done that time of year, like ice-skating. Winter is one of my favorite seasons!
Vicky Austin
I have spent significant childhood time in MSP and also lived in North Dakota for three years, and I promise you can survive the winter weather! Life in these states is built for said weather. There will be a slight learning curve, but you will be fine. If that’s the only thing holding you back, I say go! Maybe your current job will be open to you going remote?
Vicky Austin
Oh, and to echo the Anon above me – winter can be wonderful. We live in TX now and a small part of me misses the North Dakota winters!
Big Move
I WISH I could go remote — I’m a career law clerk for a state court, and they won’t let me work from a different state, unfortunately. That would be the perfect scenario.
Vicky Austin
That makes sense for your specific job, but darn!! Regardless, it sounds like you want a change; I’d definitely explore it more for a few months and see how you feel.
anonshmanon
Would they let you for a brief time? Even just spending 4 weeks working out of an airbnb could help you envision yourself in a new city.
anonshmanon
sorry if that’s a stupid question, not sure what that job entails!!
JTM
My family made this move 2yrs ago, except we moved from the Twin Cities to Atlanta.
It’s daunting but if you start early and make a plan, it’s very manageable! Life is too short to be somewhere that you don’t enjoy, so if your husband is on board, go for it!
emcee
Not much advice, but I do know a couple folks from Minneapolis and they love living there. I am a weenie about the cold and my solution is to throw money at it (good gloves, coat, heated car seats, etc).
Anon
With no kids or eldercare obligations, I’d be inclined to find a flexible job and work from Minneapolis or another cooler climate in the summers (unless this kind of thing is impossible in your industry). As someone who grew up nearby, Minnesota winters really are that awful, and I think moving away from friends can be really hard as an adult. Dong it part-time when the weather is nice in Minnesota would be the best of both worlds for me.
Kids and aging parents of course complicate this.
Anonymous
MPLS is not at all cool in the summer. It is miserably hot and humid and many homes do not have central AC.
Anon
Well it’s definitely cooler than whatever deep south state OP is coming from! It’s all relative for sure, but I’m in the Midwest, though considerably south of Minneapolis, and I think MSP has a lovely summer climate. Winters however are a no-go for me.
Anonymous
OP never said she lives in the South, much less the “Deep South”, whatever that even means today.
Anon
You’re right, I read “deep red state” as deep south, but she say it’s very hot and dry, so I’m guessing Minnesota is going to have a better climate in the summer. The only parts of the US that are cooler than Minnesota in the summer are Alaska, the Pacific Northwest and maybe parts of New England, and it doesn’t sound like OP lives in any of those places.
Mpls
+1. It’s in the 90s this week. And humid. Though, most places have AC? Some might only have window units (older homes that don’t have duct work), but I would say that most homes available to buy are going to have AC units of some sort.
Anonymous
A window unit is not remotely comparable to central AC.
anon
I am a huge fan of MSP, but I absolutely loathe our summer weather. My dream would be to spend the summers in Seattle (where I lived for five years), and the rest of the year here.
Anon
I’m considering making a big move – moved for my husband’s job five years ago and hate it to the depths of my soul. The kicker is that most of the people I like here also hate it here and want to love, so it’s not like my acquaintances/friends are even guaranteed to be around.
One of my friends made such a move – made no sense on paper but their family did it anyway – and she is SO much happier. I hear it in her voice and her messages – she’s thriving.
Tl;dr – go for it.
Anon
I went to college in the Twin Coties and have a lot of friends still there. The winters are no joke BUT can be manageable or enjoyable under the right circumstances. Really lean in to winter special events and invest in proper clothes to make it fun – there is tons of cross-country skiing, the ice shanties event on the lake, special solstice events, go stay at a cabin in the woods with a fireplace, things like that. For me the worst part of winter was digging out a car and having to drive, so if you can help make that easier by living somewhere with a garage OR where you can live a lot of your life by walking, that makes a huge difference.
Anon
I think you both should start looking for jobs and see what happens.
Mpls
Hi! The Twin Cities are great. I think it really helps that you have connections/friends here already, because the complaint a lot of people have is how to crack the established friend groups. There’s definitely a culture where people are still friends with people from high school, and just don’t have time to add more (that has varying level of truth). So transplants tend to make friends with other transplants. People are also most social in the spring/summer. If you move in late fall/winter you will not meet your neighbors until spring. Unless they are helping you snowblow your driveway.
Winter is no joke (this last one was brutal, due to length and amount of snow, but not so much the cold. It was regular amounts of cold, but not the bitter subzero stuff). Summers are hot, humid and usually full of mosquitos. Cabin traffic is *real* in the summer (people leaving the TC on Friday to go up north to the family cabin for the weekend).
Anonymous
Can you visit in February and see if you still like it?
Anon
Minnesota’s been talked about for a couple years now as a climate change haven. https://www.mprnews.org/story/2021/10/04/climateproof-duluth-why-the-city-is-attracting-climate-migrants
The start of your post talks about climate change, and we just sold our forever home and bought a different one based on climate change. A handful of you here follow me on Insta. We left a ruby red small town in VA (like, dudes “guarding” the town’s c o n f e d e r a t e monument with s e m i- a u t o w e a p o n s ruby red) and bought in a tiny town in blue Connecticut. The difference in OMG amazing. There’s the obvious fact that rising sea levels won’t wash this house away, but the local culture is SO refreshing. An educated populace! No beer cans tossed on the side of the road! Town meetings aren’t full of right wing nut job conspiracies! Cooler weather! School funding! Every area has its downsides, and our new one isn’t without them, but it’s a million times better.
I hate the idea of geographic sorting – the idea that we’re sorting ourselves into areas of political homogeneity – because we need to work together for the good of the republic. We wanted to get involved in our community. I hoped our blue votes would make a difference. The town’s voting history was generally 66/33 R/D when we moved in, but our little red town got worse – WAY worse – off the deep end worse – over the last several years. We’re both from a middle class background, and we have plenty of relatives who supported 45. We can understand the MAGA crowd and the Bush crowd (what’s left of them). But when there were MORE c o n f e d e r a t e flags in 2023 than when we bought in 2018, when g u n s started appearing at town meetings and on the town green “to keep them libs out,” when the town wouldn’t fund even the basics for the local schools, yep, we self-sorted ourselves right on out.
We’ve found our new town to be incredibly welcoming. I can’t tell you how many hour-long chats we had in our driveway our first weekend, how many invitations to dinner. As I told my cousin years ago when she was considering a cross-country move: go for it, you can always move back. So I’m in the give it a go camp – you might love it.
Anonymous
Minneapolis is not exactly the photo negative of C o n f e d e r a t e. It’s weird to me that the home of the George Floyd incident and a DOJ determination of institutionalized racism is being treated as some kind of liberal haven because it is cold.
Anon
There are bad cops everywhere, unfortunately. Not sure it’s fair to blame Minneapolis for that incident. Also I don’t think “liberal haven” & “not racist” are synonymous… The most racist place I’ve ever lived (including several red states) is Boston, which is undoubtedly what most people would consider a liberal haven.
Lily
We are having a powder room repainted and wondering what the best paint options are. The reason we’re repainting it is that for some reason the prior owners used flat paint and for whatever reason, no matter who is using the sink (kids or adults), lots of water gets splashed on the walls and it “stains” the paint (at least temporarily til it dries, but over time there are actual water stains). The ideal solution would be to tile the backsplash and sides but barring that, what would be the best paint finish and color (light? dark?) to avoid this issue? I always thought eggshell was best in bathrooms, but should we go with semi-gloss or will that look bad? The goal is to hide water splashes as best as possible.
Also, what colors do you like in a powder room, assuming dark wood vanity, beige tile flooring and a gold-framed mirror? I think it needs to be a warm, not cool, color, but am stumped.
TIA!
Jules
No thoughts on the paint finish, but what about a soft cantaloupe or a darker terracotta color? I like a dramatic color in a small space.
Anonymous
good ideas, thank you!!
Lizbet
I have painted my last two powder rooms this color, which makes me think of cantaloupe. It’s very comforting and surprisingly neutral: https://www.myperfectcolor.com/paint/27444-sherwin-williams-sw0081-peach-damask
Cat
Semi-gloss is way too shiny. Eggshell will be more durable. Would not go any shinier than satin.
anon
Satin will work well. Eggshell might be too matte, and semi-gloss will highlight any surface imperfections.
Mpls
I’ve always done semi-gloss for bathrooms and kitchens, due to durability/cleanability. Satin could be good too.
Personally, I’ve never noticed imperfections on any of the walls I’ve painted due to paint sheen. I know lots people throw that out as a reason to avoid the glossier sheens, but I’m not 100% convinced that’s a thing. Or may it is and I’m just not bothered by it.
Anon
Some lines offer bathroom paint to specifically stand up to moisture.
Anon
Semi-gloss for a bathroom is the way to go.
Anon
I like semigloss in a bathroom, and I also like dramatic colors and pattern. the more dated it is, the bolder I’d go.
Anon8
Travel advice request: my sister and I want to take a trip for Labor Day weekend and are looking for ideas of where to go. Probably about 5 days total, and it has to be over Labor Day weekend due to our schedules.
Criteria – less than $700 flight from NYC, prefer nature to cities, aren’t big food or museum people and prefer to do activities rather than relaxing, nothing too hot (I know this excludes most of the south and SW)
In the past we’ve done Iceland, Switzerland, LA and Joshua tree, Boulder CO, and Disney world.
Any ideas?
Anan
Atlantic Canada? Nova Scotia/Cape Breton Island are lovely.
Anon8
Hadn’t considered this, thanks for the idea!
Anon
+1 for Atlantic Canada. Maine is also lovely that time of year and generally less crowded than July/August, even on the holiday weekend. Acadia area is beautiful and has lots of active stuff to do.
Anon
I’d definitely go to Maine. Sounds like it checks off all the boxes, depending on flight costs which I know are astronomical right now.
Anon
From NYC, Maine is driveable, depending on your tolerance for long road trips. Portland is about 6 hours and Bar Harbor ~9 hours. It would also be rare to have to pay more than $700 for flights.
Anon
I can’t imagine the traffic will be good Labor Day weekend.
Anon
Yeah I would certainly want to avoid driving up Friday afternoon or driving back Monday afternoon. It depends on how much flexibility you have in your schedule. But generally Labor Day is better traffic-wise than summer weekends, even non-holiday weekends (at least on the Boston-Acadia segment, which I’ve done countless times, I’m less familiar with the NYC-Boston part).
Anon
You’re also assuming someone from NYC has a car.
Anon
Nope, not assuming she has a car. Car rentals are a thing, and you’ll want a rental car in Maine for sure, so there isn’t much added cost to starting the rental at home.
Anon8
We actually went to Maine a ton growing up so we’re looking for something more exciting (to us) for this trip, but I agree it’s beautiful in the fall!
Anon
If you’re interested in a low key trip within driving distance, I loved Watkins Glen. I think it’s only a 4 hour drive from NYC.
JoJo
Banff? Montreal? San Juan Islands?
Anon
The flight budget would probably be tough, but I’m looking at the Azores for a Labor Day weekend trip with my mom and it looks like the weather is pretty mild that time of year.
Anon
Actually looks like the flights (non-stop from EWR) are only ~$800! So not quite in your budget but not that far off.
Anon8
Ohh I didn’t know there were any direct flights from NY. Very intrigued by this idea!
Anon
I’m intensely jealous of everyone who can easily fly out of Newark. United has been adding flights to the most interesting places lately! They also have non-stops to Palma de Mallorca and Malaga, Spain, both of which are probably a little hot in early September but would be lovely in late fall or spring. I’m ORD-based, so a big hub with good service in the US but we don’t have the same international options that you do.
Anon
I’m SFO based and a United flier, so unless I’m Asia bound, I inevitably end up going through EWR. I just accept it at this point.
AIMS
Martha’s Vineyard?
You can take a boat for way less than your travel budget straight from NYC if you can time it right.
Anon
1) Pilates. I prefer this over lifting. I have done regular lifting and Crossfit before but my core has never been as strong as with Pilates and it really makes a big difference for me. This might not be true for most people but I have sloppy form so weigh lifting means that I don’t do things right and then end up not feeling great.
2) Walking everyday, usually 4-5 miles. I get SAD but even in the winter, I made myself go out.
3) Filtering what media I consume. I do read some news and listen to NPR but all my podcasts are on the easier, fun and pop-culture side.
4) Planning things with my friends and other activities that are out in the future to have something to look forward to.
5) Better eating habits, I eat oatmeal every morning and generally only consume non-processed foods. I also limit alcohol.
6) My lovely dog, Just thinking about her when I am out and about makes me happy.
anon
You might’ve convinced me to do Pilates. I started lifting over the winter, and even though I definitely didn’t feel like I was doing too much in the moment, I ended up having all these weird muscle pains in spots that had never bothered me before. I clearly tweaked something because it was very localized, not across the whole muscle.
Anon
Yes, this was one of my issue too. I think weight lifting is great but good form is really important. It is also really hard to check your own form for many exercises even if you have a full minor. Having the carriage (where you lay on the reformer) to helps with checking your form to ensure your hips and back are in the right position.
I find that Pilaties is good for both strength and flexibility. You increase the spring loads as you get stronger and also change your range of motion as your strength and flexibility improve.
The strength building has two parts, one is pushing to extend the springs and second is controlling your movement to not get pulled in as the spring contracts (I think this mimics a technique used in weight lifting where for example you push up a bar for bench press but then bring it back down slowly, resisting gravity. I think this was something that Arnold made famous but not 100% sure).
Anon
I just got a bunch of plums and a bunch of peaches in my CSA box. We will eat some as fresh fruit, but probably not this many. I have made peach cobbler before – can I make a peach and plum cobbler, both fruits together, and have it taste decent? I am seeing recipes online but am uncertain how the textures will end up working together.
Moose
Yes! Would be very tasty.
Vicky Austin
I don’t see why not! Or try https://smittenkitchen.com/2020/05/any-kind-of-fruit-galette/
anon
Don’t hate me, but I despise the noise of fireworks on the 4th of July. Actually, in my neighborhood, the booms start this week and I am thoroughly over it by the time the holiday rolls around. My city is just … insane about fireworks to the point where it’s not fun or enjoyable. It raises my anxiety so much to be around the noise and the commotion. My DH and kids loooove the holiday, while all I want to do is hide until it’s over. Unfortunately, I did not plan a trip to a remote location, so any thoughts on how to not hate the holiday? I can be social during the day but I’m thinking I may hide in my basement with a pair of headphones this year. I know, I know, it’s “one day.” But I’m telling you that it’s really not in some locations, and I hate the sensory overload that comes along with the holiday.
Anon
Hey, no need to convince me, I’m with you. Ear plugs like the Loop ones to dampen some of the sensory overload?
Anonymous
Why would we hate you for this? Why not just accept that you’re overwhelmed by it, and to the extent that you can, give in to that? We all make accommodations and try to help the dogs who spend July 4 trembling and cringing from the sound; why wouldn’t we also help out a fellow human being?
Do what’s necessary. Headphones, earplugs, noise machines. Head to the basement or leave the family behind and drive out of town for a day. It’s all fine. Make a plan for how you’ll give yourself a break during the worst parts, don’t try to force yourself to be OK, shrug off any guilt about how you “should” be with your family on a holiday, and do what you need to do (even if there are whining kids, family members making fun of you or telling you to toughen up, husband who doesn’t understand, etc.).
Anon
Oh I’m 100% with you! I live in a small town in the Midwest. It’s legal to shoot off fireworks here for two weeks around the 4th and people take advantage of it every. damn. day. (and some days when it’s not technically legal). In our neighborhood it goes past midnight, which is way past my bedtime.
TBH, we always travel the week of the 4th, usually internationally. It’s just a non-negotiable me for me at this point in my life because I don’t want to deal with this holiday at home (plus traveling that week saves me one day of PTO since I get the 4th off). But we can rarely go for more than a week, so we always get to experience some of the “fun” on the front or back end.
Anon
Commiseration. I hate it, too! You are definitely not alone. It’s a nonstop assault on the senses and you don’t get a choice to opt out. My city is similarly crazy about fireworks (maybe we’re in the same one?) and it seems like the 4th lasts a week or more.
Anon
You can hang out with my dog in his dog bed and be grumpy together!
I worry more about the idiots who shoot their guns into the air. It’s a NYE problem too.
anon
I also hate the noise, but even more I hate the risk the fireworks pose not only to the individuals, but the whole community. One errant firework could cause massive devastation here (dry western state).
Fireworks are illegal here, except for professionals who work with the fire department to put on a responsibly show. I’m really grateful to everyone who spends time calling the police department and elected officials to report illegal fireworks. There’s been a lot of enforcement on the supply side and this year so far is way better than it has been in many years.
Anon
Are you in Vancouver, WA?! I LOVE fireworks, and the dogs I had when I lived there didn’t notice the noise at all. I appreciated that I didn’t have to buy any fireworks of my own, since every block had its own fireworks show. I couldn’t understand why people were setting off colorful fireworks during the day, but whatever.
Why not go to the coast by yourself?