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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I spied these pale pink trousers a few weeks ago — they felt fresh then, and they feel fresh now. (Also, I’m seeing a lot of pale pink in surprising places, like denim blazers — and I kind of like it). The pants here are fully lined and have a bit of spandex — they’re $109 at Talbots is regular (sizes 2-20) and petites. Talbots Signature Cotton Viscose Straight Leg Pants Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-1)Workwear sales of note for 4.25.24
Our favorites are in bold!
- Nordstrom – 30% off selected shoes and beauty for a limited time!
- Ann Taylor – 25% off tops and sweaters
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Brooks Brothers – Take $100 off every $300 you spend, plus extra 20% off clearance (already up to 75% off)
- Boden – 10% off full-price styles
- Eloquii – Spring Clearance Event, up to 75% off
- Everlane – Spring Sale: up to 60% off 600+ styles
- J.Crew – 50% off select swim
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off sitewide
- Lo & Sons – Mother’s Day Sale, up to 40% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Friends & Family sale, save 20%
- Talbots – Friends & Family Event! 30% off entire purchase
- White House Black Market – 40% off entire purchase
- Brooklinen – Anniversary Sale, 25% off
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Stay tuned for a list of our latest threadjacks!
First Year Anon
I’m really liking the pink denim blazer! Too bad it’s too pricey for a fun piece! Any cheaper alternatives out there?
AIMS
I am on a similar quest; check out Monday’s coffee break for some cute recommendations.
Topshop also has a very cute pale pink one for $90, but, alas, its only available in size 0 and 12.
XC
I’m in love with these pants. Does anybody have any info on how they fit? I usually buy the Marisa trouser style pants from Loft as they seem to be the only pants there that are comfortable in the thigh area. Are Talbots pants accommodating for slightly curvy shapes?
mbs
I wear Marisa at loft, and find the Signature fit at Talbots fits best. Talbots also has a Curvy fit, that I think corresponds to the Julie fit at Loft – smaller waist, larger hips.
mbs
I did buy a similar pair of pants in navy last year at Talbots that looks like the same fabric and they wrinkled and stretched out so horribly I only wore them once. But these may not be exactly the same, hopefully they’ve improved the fabric.
Ellen
Yay! Pink Pant’s! That mean’s it’s ALMOST Easter! But I can’t buy or wear any pant’s for work b/c the manageing partner forbid’s it. He say’s it is NOT ladylike to wear pant’s at work. FOOEY b/c when I take the subway, I do NOT like it when men looke at my leg’s especialy if I have to hold the pole. One guy was stareing at my legs (and tuchus) and said he would slip me a $20 if I did a pole dance for him. Can you beleive that looser? I am sure he would NOT so I just smiled and said that I already have a job and a boyfreind, which is onley 1/2 true.
I told Willem I would NOT go to Belgum with him, and he was mad. Even though the ticket was refundeable, it was only for an exchange, he said, and now he will have to use it within 1 year. How is that refundeable, I asked? I think it mean’s different thing’s in Belgum then here. FOOEY!
Myrna want’s me to bring Harold down this weekend to the Battery Park where they are all haveing a cook-off at her firm. She is in charge of soda’s (FOOEY) but I can eat as much as I want, and if Harold bring’s 2 boxe’s of Crumb’s, he can come also. I am not sure why she want’s that bald guy down there, but I said I will ask. FOOEY! Mabye there will be other guy’s from her firm for me, but NOT Sam. DOUBEL FOOEY!
Rain Coat with a Hood
I can’t seem to find a professional looking raincoat with a hood. Yesterday’s post was great but it’s too windy for an umbrella most of the time in my location so I really need a hood. Any suggestions? Bonus points for a removable liner/tall sizing/available in or shipping to Canada!
Thanks!
Anon
I wear the Patagonia Tres (shell only) for rainy days, and then zip in the down liner for when it is cold and rainy or cold and snowy. It’s expensive, but worth it.
Equity's Darling
This is what I do also- I love my Patagonia Tres Parka, it was expensive but worth every penny. Everytime I zip it up, I think “gosh, if I lost this jacket, I would buy another one in a heartbeat”.
And available in Canada, and good for winter!
Blonde Lawyer
I have an Anne Klein all black knee length rain coat with hood. I got it at either Burlington Coat Factory or Nordstrom Rack. It doesn’t have sporty rain coat material but more like trench coat material. The rain just rolls off.
Olivia Pope
This sounds ideal. I need to hit up those stores. Maybe I’ll find something similar!
Anonymous
Nordstrom has several including a nice London Fog: http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/london-fog-heritage-trench-coat-with-detachable-liner-regular-petite-nordstrom-exclusive/3396685?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=2375500&fashionColor=STONE&resultback=700&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-searchresults-_-1_4_D
Anonymous
ack… quick someone convince me that I don’t need a short red London Fog trench when I already have a long one!
Anon
Kat featured this coat before. I bought it and love it.
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/michael-michael-kors-trench-coat-with-detachable-hood-nordstrom-exclusive/3757138?origin=PredictiveSearch-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=2375500&fashionColor=&resultback=697&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-searchresults-_-1_3_C
BankrAtty
Boden Rainy Day Mac
anon-oh-no
Burberry makes one. I got mine a few years ago during the NAS. Its a little pricey but totally worth it. I has a detachable hood and a removable liner. Plus it comes in fun colors in addition to black. Mine is red and i just love it.
Wildkitten
London Fog has hoods, and on sale – http://www.londonfog.com/womens-spring-outerwear.asp
L2fly
I purchased the Eddie Bauer WeatherEdge Girl on the Go insulated trench last year, and love it (link to follow). It comes in multiple colors, and petites, regular, and TALL (yay!). The lining is removable, it has a hood, but no belt, which I also love as I’m not fond of belts flapping around and inevitably getting caught in the car door. I’m in between a MT and LT in Eddie Bauer, so I ordered both, and ended up keeping the MT as I don’t live in a very cold climate, so didn’t need extra room for bulky sweaters, and didn’t want a lot of extra room if I took the lining out. This is the perfect trench for traveling, as the removable lining lets you adjust for the weather, and its conservative enough to wear for business meetings as needed.
L2fly
http://www.eddiebauer.com/catalog/product.jsp?ensembleId=35636&&categoryId=168&categoryName=TRENCH-COATS&pCategoryId=103&pCategoryName=OUTERWEAR-JACKETS–BLAZERS&gpCategoryId=3&gpCategoryName=WOMEN&ggpCategoryId=1&ggpCategoryName=EB&catPath=~~categoryId=168~~categoryName=TRENCH-COATS~~pCategoryId=103~~pCategoryName=OUTERWEAR-JACKETS–BLAZERS~~gpCategoryId=3~~gpCategoryName=WOMEN~~ggpCategoryId=1~~ggpCategoryName=EB&viewAll=n&pg=1&cmPathInfo=null&colorId=803&colorId=769&colorId=803
Erin @ Girl Gone Veggie
There’s still a half hour left at Lofts online extra 60% off sale prices flash sale! (Enter code flash at checkout) I scooped up a combination of 5 dresses, a skirt, and two blouses for $200!
kjoirishlastname
I do like those pants…I don’t think I’d wear them as a suit, though, that may be a little much for me.
But, stop the presses. I am wearing colored pants. I don’t consider denim, brown, black or gray to be “colored” at all. But I found a pair of spring/apple green velveteen gap pants at goodwill the other day. I heart them. Wearing them with a ruffle-neck white t-shirt, hot pink cardi & hot pink flats. Thisgirl is breaking out of her mold.
DontBlameTheKids
I need a picture! That sounds like a lot of color, and color is exactly what I am in the mood for!
brace yourself
hope this is kosher??
http://i1204.photobucket.com/albums/bb420/srchrsq712/Mobile%20Uploads/2014-04/02C0AF44-A50D-4EBA-8C72-8DB789B363F4_zpstlzwgnmt.jpg
Rosalita
You look great! :)
Blonde Lawyer
I LOVE IT!!! You look awesome!!! I now think I need green pants.
Brit
That is awesome! I always think I look like Christmas when I mix reds and greens, but the pink works!!
lucy stone
I love it! :)
hoola hoopa
Love it! You look great.
Monday
I have a pair of “neon coral” pants for work that I got on sale but have ended up wearing very often. In spring, they match the mood, and in winter, they protest the mood!
sweetknee
Why am I so afraid of colored pants ? Tried on a pair of cute coral ones two weeks ago, and just could not pull the trigger. I can think of 5-6 tops and cardigans I have that would work with them, but just keep thinking anything but a neutral below the waist is “loud”.
kjoirishlastname
That’s what I thought too, until I saw my BFF wearing bright pink pants & a black top to an evening out for drinks. Loved it, and have wanted more colored pants ever since. Pull the trigger! You can do it!
LizNYC
I thought so too, but then I snagged dark purple skinnies on sale at JCP for $11 and thought what the heck. I’ve worn them once to work (bc they’re OK at my office) with a more muted top, cardigan and tall boots. I felt conspicuous, but I got compliments, especially since I’m usually a which-pair-of-black-pants-is-this girl.
Bonnie
Aubergine pants were my gateway pants. Now I own cobalt and red too.
Parfait
I have some red pants. I adore them.
Senior Attorney
Colored pants are the bomb. A friend of mine bought the BR Sloan pants in orange, and then decided she was not an “orange pants” kind of girl and passed them on to me. OMG I heart them so hard and I wear them all. the. time. Yay for colored pants!!
DC Darling
I was so in love with the BR Sloan pant and bought it in 5 colors….only to have them all shrink in the wash. What a waste.
Senior Attorney
Ouch!
I dry clean mine.
Gail the Goldfish
I need some new skirts for work that are machine washable. Anyone have a favorite? I’m looking for grey or tan. No preference on shape, just need something work-appropriate, spring/summer weight (which puts The Skirt out of the running, as the ones I have are heavier and are starting to pill, so maybe I shouldn’t have been machine washing them…) that I don’t have to dry clean or hand wash.
kjoirishlastname
I have had good luck with the Target (merona) pencil skirts, oddly enough. Their double-weave cotton blend ones wrinkle a lot, but the one that I have and love is a boucle-type weave in pink/black giving it kind of an oxblood look. It’s fully-lined, and true to size. Wears & washes really well. I think that they change up their fabrics seasonally. Looks like they do have the doubleweave, but there are some that are patterned–might be less noticeable than the solid ones for wrinkles.
Cb
I mentioned this yesterday but I’m in love with the Uniqlo pencil skirts. Just received them the other day but they fit me well and appear to be of good quality.
Gail the Goldfish
The ponte or the stretch? How do they fit?
Cb
I have the stretch. I wear an 8 in Jcrew skirts and got a 12 UK and it fit similarly.
Gail the Goldfish
Thanks!
hellskitchen
I have been eyeing these since Zora said they are on clearance on their website. But it seems like they don’t sell these in stores and I don’t have enough things to buy from Target to get to the minimum for free shipping :-(
zora
it’s so easy to return in store, though. I just buy a few extra clothes and then just return them without even opening them.
Wildkitten
smart.
Anon
The Limited
CPA
+1
DontBlameTheKids
I have a Banana Republic pencil skirt that works well. I don’t think the tag says machine washable, but I got it on sale for $20, so yes it is! It’s held up through the abuse surprisingly well for the last two years. I think it is cotton, so that helps.
PinkKeyboard
The Banana Republic cotton (I think sloane?) pencil skirt is some sort of stretchy blend that I put in the washer and just hang to dry. They are lined too which is nice and very comfy.
Gail the Goldfish
thanks, everyone!
hellskitchen
TJ – I went to Macys to have my watch battery replaced and they said that for Movados they recommend the full service package of $65 which is essential to not mess up the machinery inside the watch. It includes cleaning etc and it wouldn’t need any servicing for 2-3 years. I asked about basic battery replacement which costs $20 but the guy at the counter said it was his strong recommendation that I get the full package for a Movado watch otherwise there is a risk of the watch not working properly. I can’t decide if he was being honest or just trying to sell me the pricier package. Have any of just replaced the battery without any other complications?
Cornellian
I just had the battery replaced, but it was at a Movado store, so perhaps they did do some deeper service I don’t know about. How old is the watch?
ORD
I’ve had a Movado since 1987 and have changed the battery plenty of times at jewelry stores with no problem. Never heard of the full service package.
Lyssa
Same here (well, I’ve had mine for around 10 years, and probably only replaced the battery once, but it was no big thing and I didn’t pay anything high enough that I remember it).
DC Wonkette
Same – also band replacements, and it’s over 20 years old.
GovAttorney
Nothing to add about Movado specifically, but in general good watches rarely need servicing beyond a change of battery. Sounds like he’s selling you a bill of goods. Watches are fairly simple to fix, so deal with it when it happens. It’s not like a car throwing a timing belt.
Carrie
Sounds very suspicious for me. I usually go to watch/jewelry repair stores, and it is always cheaper to have these issues addressed than department stores.
Blonde Lawyer
Check out the Movado website and their service center. I had to have an ESQ fixed under warranty and there is a whole list of recommended services and prices. The place also has to be an “authorized” repair shop to keep your warranty.
Bonnie
I think he was trying to just charge you more. A watch battery should last 2-3 years without any additional service.
Godzilla
I went to Macys for my Movado watch and they said the battery change cost depends on the style of the watch. I think they quoted me $35? But they couldn’t guarantee the waterproof quality of the watch if they opened it up. If I wanted it waterproof, they recommended going to a Movado store and/or authorized Movado repair place that can do the air-testing to check that it’s still air-/watertight.
If that’s not important to you, just swap out the battery and call it good. I want my watch to be air-/watertight.
hellskitchen
This is exactly what I was told Godzilla – that this full package would ensure waterproofing – but they quoted me much higher than they quoted you. Maybe I need to go to another Macys and see how much they quote.
Godzilla
Oh no, $35 was just for the battery replacement. The Macys I went to isn’t qualified to do the full deal so they recommended that I go to a higher end department store, which I still have yet to do. I fully expect to pay $50-$60.
Anonymous
I take mine to a jewelry repair shop, and they also charge a variable rate based on the quality of the watch. It was explained to me that it’s because those watches require more time and care to ensure a good job. But I also suspect it’s passing on the cost of their liability insurance, which makes perfect sense–I’m sure there’s direct effect on the price of the watch being worked on and how much their liability insurance costs.
anon
I had a movado that I took to a jewelry store to have a new battery put in. The watch ended up not being waterproofed, and it fell apart, and the jewelry store wouldn’t take responsibility (I can’t recall why) and it was going to be $500 to fix the mess up. Pay the $65
Godzilla
Yikes. Plus the watch can be anywhere from $500+ to begin with.
hellskitchen
Yep, I am worried about this. Sounds like I might have to bite the bullet and pay this amount for peace of mind.
Heartbleed
Anyone else really concerned about the Heartbleed news?
I changed all my online banking passwords this morning, but am not sure what else to do…
hellskitchen
They recommend not changing your passwords until the store or bank fixes the issues on its end, otherwise your new password could be at risk of being compromised. But I am itching to change mine, as I don’t know what else to do either.
Heartbleed
Fortunately, both of my banks are clear. But I’m still waiting on a few online stores.
mascot
Yes. I want to change my passwords, but at least one article I read suggested that doesn’t do you any good if the company has not fixed the SSL issue on its end. The article also suggested that this problem has been around for a couple of years. Yikes.
t/j: someone on here had a really good system for hard to crack passwords that could vary with each site. Suggestions?
Anonylicious
I use a password manager (KeePass, in my case) to keep most of my passwords. (Mainly for sites that deal with my financial information in some way.) I sync the password database across my devices via Dropbox and it copies it to the clipboard for me. This way I can have long, complex passwords that even I don’t know.
The only downside is that Dropbox is blocked at my work, so I can’t access it, but in practice that only stops me from online shopping during the day. So, really, that part is for the best.
Sarabeth
I would not trust Dropbox with that data; they’ve had some serious security breaches. This was the first google hit if you want more info: http://readwrite.com/2013/04/10/dropbox-tries-to-lure-back-enterprise-customers#awesm=~oAWShOGnPgRnkV
I use a password manager as well (Lastpass) that does the syncing themselves. Since that’s their entire business, I trust them to take security more seriously than Dropbox, etc. do.
Anonylicious
Yeah, that is a concern, but KeePass is open source, which I like, and the database is encrypted, so I feel reasonably confident. It’s always a tradeoff between security and convenience, and I figure this is probably still better than using the same password everywhere, which I was guilty of before. I do hear good things about Lastpass, though.
Anon
I found a system I like. You choose a “base” password so maybe it is [mothersmaidenname][1][website][address]. So for Amazon it would be Smith1amazon3622. All your passwords are different then but you don’t have to remember 20 different ones.
NbyNW
This is BRILLIANT! Sorry for the Ellen caps.
emeralds
I do this. So far, so good…
Lily-Student
I do this too, seems to be good so far!
WestCoast Lawyer
I like this for creating different passwords for different sites, but what do you do when a site is compromised and you have to change your password?
anon
What I do is [Smith]1[amazon]3622 and then the next iteration would be [Jones]1[amazon]7329 where Smith and Jones are family names or pet names or the street I grew up on and the number combination are numbers that are easily remembered like the end of someone’s phone number (parent, phone number for childhood phone etc).
Anonylicious
You can use this tool to check and see if a given site is vulnerable: http://filippo.io/Heartbleed/
If it is, hold off on changing your password. If it’s not, you’re good to change it.
mbs
Wow, Amazon is still vulnerable, I would have thought that’s one site that would have been on the ball and fixed by now.
Anon
It looks like most Amazon services are OK now.
http://aws.amazon.com/security/security-bulletins/aws-services-updated-to-address-openssl-vulnerability/
oil in houston
anyone knows if Chase is impacted still?
Seattle Freeze
According to the tool posted above, Chase checks out okay.
kjoirishlastname
also, we talked a lot about shoes & flats, socks & no socks (I was lurking between craziness here). Does anyone have a good recommendation for those tiny not-socks that you wear under ballet flats? I’ve only ever found 2 pairs that I liked, and can’t seem to find them anymore. The ones made of pantyhose material seem to cover too much foot. I really need something that just comes over my heel and just the very tips of my toes, so as not to show under my flats. I wish I could remember where I got these…I do like them for taking up space in my flats, but I also like them for keeping my toes a little warmer, as well as keeping my shoes from getting quite as slippery in the summer (a big problem for me, if the lining in the shoe isn’t suede/fabric/real leather–if it’s smooth poly it just seems to be bad)
NOLA
Hue has something called hidden liners. I found them on the website but couldn’t figure out how to copy the URL on my tablet.
NOLA
http://www.hue.com/Socks/Foot-Liners.aspx
AIMS
I get mine in Nordstrom Rack, I think they’re by HUE… I get black ones and “nude” ones and they’re very low and have a grippy thing on the back inside to hold on to your foot. They’re the best ones I’ve found for a) not being visible, and b) staying on.
M2
Yes, these. I am wearing them now :-) They are by HUE. When I bought mine a couple of years ago they came in a bright red-orange package that said “ultra-low” on it, but the low-cut socks currently available at Nordstrom.com appear to be similar (if not the same).
Pilates Princess
I’ve gotten the lower cut socks from WalMart, the private label. I purchased them a couple of years ago, but they may still have them. Although, I find all socks of this nature to be strangely uncomfortable. Good luck.
Orangerie
Target makes some good ones, but make sure to get the kind that have the silicone gripper on the ankle. The other versions have more fabric and always show around the edges of my flats.
Orangerie
I have also ordered these and they work great:
http://www.amazon.com/Womens-Hidden-Cotton-Liner-Cream/dp/B006L3V6QC/
(same features as the target ones: cotton, low profile, and silicone pad on the ankle)
rook
I get mine at Target. They have two different cotton styles (not pantyhose material, I hate those too). Of the different styles, one has a little more structure, so I think it stays on my heel a little better, but I still like and regularly wear both styles. I can’t send a link because my work thinks socks are p*rn apparently, but I bought both in store in the last few weeks.
AttiredAttorney
Yes. The only ones I’ve ever found that are TRULY low profile enough not to poke up around the edges and come in both 6-10 and 8-12 sizes for feet of all sizes are found at WalMart of all places. They’re are their “George” brand and can be found in the hosiery area.
PSA Lands End Clearance
There are some REALLY great deals in LE clearance for some lucky sizes…Just put a long-sleeve button down, 2 pairs of pants & fine-gauge jewelneck sweater in my bag for $11 total. I’m gonna keep going!
PSA
2 pairs of pants, 3 tops for $28 incl. shipping (which was nearly half of the total!)
Wildkitten
Ordered everything that had been sitting in my basket! It wasn’t as cheap as it was for y’all but it was at least half price on everything I had saved.
Sabbatical
Ok maybe not so much “sabbatical,” but I’m seriously considering moving to New Zealand or Southeast Asia for 6 months or so. I’m mid-20s, sick to death of my job, no kids/husband/mortgage, few thousand in the bank. Has anyone here ever done anything like this? I’m afraid of quitting a fair job and not being able to get another one when I come back, but I also feel like I should go while the getting’s good.
Meg Murry
My cousin did a “teach English in Thailand” program for a year or two and loved it. She came back and worked a temp job and then went to grad school though, so no info on getting a job back.
roses
Can you look into doing a short fellowship in your field at a university in a country that interests you? I think it would be a red flag if you didn’t have anything on your resume for 6 months, but a short-term opportunity would be a perfect filler.
Anonylicious
I think if you can swing it, spending time living in another country/part of the world when you’re young is a really, really valuable experience. It broadens your horizon and makes you a better global citizen.
Even though I was in a place where I was getting shot at when I lived overseas, most of the people I met a) weren’t the ones doing the shooting, and b) were just people, like I’d meet anywhere back home. Still, exposure to another culture at that level had a profound shaping experience on me. Even in a war situation, cultural exchange happened, so just think how much more you’d get out of a peacetime experience than I got out of mine.
tl;dr: I say go for it.
emeralds
Yup. Moved to Spain to teach English for a year after a 2-year contract position ended, turning down a not-great-fit-but-would-still-have-had-a-401(k) job to do it. Wouldn’t trade it for the world. If you want to go, GO. I don’t actually ascribe too much to the “Now is your only chance!” thing, because I believe that if you’re willing to make it a priority and sacrifice what you need to sacrifice, you can always do stuff like this…but it certainly is easier without an SO and kids to deal with, which is one of the reasons I went to Spain last year instead of taking the job.
If you’re interested in NZ specifically, look into the BUNAC program. Also might want to check out my acquaintance from Spain’s travel blog (youngadventuress dot com) (I feel like I link this all the time, so I need to put the disclaimer that Liz is not paying me!)–she moved to NZ a few months ago and posted a lot about the transition. I think she did one about her visa situation.
For Southeast Asia, second the suggestion that you find an English teaching gig. I have a ton of friends who have done this; if you’d like me to put you in contact with them for any questions, email me at singlebluenail at gmail. Possibly also check into Princeton in Asia–can’t remember exactly what their requirements are in terms of years out of school, but if I’m remembering correctly, they take people a little farther out of college as well.
Anon
Definitely do it. I am planning to do the same in about a year and a half. You can find all kinds of places that need volunteers. Just make sure to look into the impact of the organization on the community. Southeast Asia is definitely cheaper than New Zealand. I would look into South America too. Most of the countries have opportunities to teach English as a tutor or at private schools, and you’ll be able to learn spanish. I loved my travels in Chile and Argentina and plan on returning soon.
Anonymous
In my early 20s, I was tired and frustrated and losing sight of what I was working towards, so I took a year off and travelled across the African continent. It was a phenomenal experience- probably the only time in my life I will ever be responsible to no one but myself. I came back with a whole new focus as well as a revitalized set of goals and ambitions. It was a game-changer for me and I recommend it to anyone who is feeling a little lost!
Help!
After several misses, I’m turning to the hive for help. After 2 years, my beloved iPhone 4s case is really starting to show its age. I’m not looking to upgrade my phone yet (waiting for iphone 6 to come out) but I desperately need a new case. I’ve ordered a couple but don’t like any. Either they are too bulky and cover up the buttons or are too slim and slippery. My old case was slim but still kind of grippy. because it was kind of like a matte plastic rubber. Any suggestions? Unfortunately since it’s for the 4s, many of the good cases are no longer made. Would like to spend $20 or less. And no Elago cases, those are completely awful..the one I’ve been using in the meantime keeps sliding off whatever surface it’s on so the case already has a crack! I’m not rough on my phones (see: old case of 2 years has no cracks) so it’s kind of surprising.
AIMS
Jcrew Factory. My favorite cases ever. Won’t work for you if you want one of those bulky protect against every worst case scenario, but I hate the way those look, and honestly, I drop my phone in this one all the time, all day, and it is completely fine. They also feel nice, unlike a lot of “cute” cases.
The regular store doesn’t have 4/4s cases anymore, but Factory still does:
http://factory.jcrew.com/womens-clothing/bags_accessories/phone_cases_more/PRDOVR~66731/99103384920/ENE~1+2+218+22+4294967294+216+205~~~0~15~all~mode+matchallany~~~~~phone/66731.jsp?isFromSearch=true
And they’re on sale.
roses
Have you looked on Ebay? They will likely have the older out-of-production cases.
mascot
I used an iFrogz on my 4 and liked it Try Amazon or Target
S
getuncommon dot com. Someone here recommended it and I LOVE it. Cute, not bulky and I’ve dropped my phone three times without any damage.
Help!
Thanks, guys. All good suggestions, I’m going to research all.
Diana Barry
Ebay! I got mine from someplace in China and it was like $3 plus $3 shipping.
Lily-Student
I have the Jelly Belly case on my iPhone 4 and it’s slim but still grippy. I’d imagine it’s on Amazon or eBay.
Comes in a range of colours
Rosalita
My favorite cases have come from kiosks in the mall. They likely come from China too.
zora
i always get the belkin cases, they last forever and i have never had aproblem with one. They are not too bulky but cover the edges of the phone. I have the Belkin Essential case, and there are still some available on Amazon in a few different colors for the 4s.
You can also go to the apple store and check out some cases in person, they are still carrying cases for the 4/4s at this point.
Breezyred
Nitize now sells Biocase cases for Apple products. I have been using them for a few years and have been very happy with their products on my last couple iPhones. The cases are available here: http://www.niteize.com/product/BioCase.asp or on Amazon. I find them to be not bulky, rubbery instead of slippery, and allow me to fully access all the bells and whistles. I’ve converted my mom and husband, both of whom have very different tastes and preferences for iPhone cases, so they seem to have some universal appeal.
Anon
I have a problem which admittedly sounds pretty ridiculous but here it is anyways: I’m a single lawyer with a busy job, a lot of friends and am actively dating. However, I’ve found lately (ever since the weather started getting nicer again) that I’ve become ridiculously overscheduled – I’m talking like drinks or dinners with friends or dates pretty much every night. I miss having an evening to myself to go to the gym or just cook and relax in front of the TV but I also have major FOMO and don’t want to say no to anything. Plus I’m not able to stay late at work to catch up/get ahead because I’ve been so social lately. Not really sure how to fix this other than saying no, which gives me crazy anxiety and makes me feel like I’m missing out on so much. Any ideas?
roses
Set aside X number of days that you have to yourself per week, and let your friends know that you’re not open to hanging out then. (“Mondays and Wednesdays are my late days at work, and I take Spin on Sundays”), or something like that. Also, think about the things you talked about the past 3-4 times you’ve met up with your friends – did anything happen that you would have felt REALLY left out about if you missed? My guess is no.
For dating, yeah, going on fewer dates might mean you meet less people. But perhaps it will also make you more likely to carefully consider who you accept going on a date with, so you’ll have a higher chance of success.
Meg Murry
Put one or two nights a week on your calendar as “me night”. When someone asks you to make plans on a “me night” you can either reschedule your “me night’ to another available day (if you have one) or say “Sorry, I have plans this Thursday, what about next week on Tuesday instead?” No one needs to know your “plans” are the gym or vegging in front of the tv.
As far as the gym goes, could you ask friends to meet up for a workout class or something active instead of always doing drinks and dinner? Or schedule a date involving renting bikes, etc? I personally love that now that the weather is warmer I can get exercise somewhere other than the gym – I’m just not a gym person if I can at all help it.
Pink
I get the FOMO, but I also think that if you need a night to stay in and recharge, do it, since there is diminishing returns on attending things while frazzled.
AIMS
You should schedule alone time. The same way you would schedule a yoga class or drinks. You don’t feel bad saying no when you have plans, right? Treat this the same way. “I’m sorry, Tuesday’s no good, I’m doing something, how about next week?”
Hildegarde
I am in similar life circumstances, and often have felt they way you describe: overscheduled but afraid to miss out on anything. Also, I just like seeing my friends and being involved in activities. Over the past year I’ve addressed this problem in two ways.
(1) I thought carefully about which people and activities I truly enjoy or are beneficial. I realized there was one group of friends I saw on a regular basis because we’ve been casual friends for a long time, but I don’t actually enjoy their company as much as I enjoy other things. I’ve cut back on seeing those people – I still hang out with them sometimes, but I don’t accept every invitation and I only occasionally initiate invitations to them. This means they sometimes do things without me, but when I hear about them and get the FOMO feeling, I (calmly, rationally) remind myself of all the times I participated in similar activities and regretted it because I was tired, or could have used the time to get work done, or read, or whatever. I’ve now mostly trained myself not to regret it when this group hangs out without me.
(2) I just decided to accept that this is the phase of life I’m in. As people get older they seem to have slower social schedules, so I figure this pace will slow down naturally over time as my friends want to hang out less, or friendships become less close, or I start to care less about possibly missing out. I guess I assume I’ll have time to rest when I’m older, and I’ve rarely heard of people regretting the time they invested in friendships.
NOLA
I find this very interesting because I am the exact opposite. My first response to everything is to say no because I have my own routine/plans that I don’t want to disrupt. I have to make myself do anything social, although I have fun when I get there.
Anon
I’m in the same boat (single, dating, social friends, busy lawyer job). Here’s what works for me: I stay in every Friday night. I cook dinner for myself, watch a movie, go to bed early and sober, and wake up completely refreshed on Saturday. If I get invited to something I just say I have other plans (which I do — plans with myself!). I’m always exhausted at the end of the week anyway, and no one gets frustrated if you have other plans on Friday because it’s a busy social night anyway. And (in my experience at least) people don’t like to schedule first/second dates on Friday night. During the rest of the week I generally have plans if I’m not working late, so the weeks still feel hectic, but knowing that I will definitely have time to relax at the end of it helps a lot.
cbackson
I call this my “Friday night date with me.”
SALAD
This may be a dumb question but I am sick of having crappy salads. I tend to go to the “make your own salad” places and then I get overwhelmed by the choices and end up with a blah salad. Or worse a blah salad that I paid $10 for because I put in too much stuff.
So, with that in mind, what are your favorite lunchtime combos from these types of places? I don’t eat much meat but not opposed to the occasional bit of chicken. Thanks!
anon
I think a mix of textures is key. Some kind of salad green obviously… but then if you can add seeds for cruch, some cheese or avocado for creaminess, maybe even some nuts (those caramelized ones are awesome but not the most healthy)… and I like to keep the dressing light and simple, like vinaigrette, so it doesn’t dominate all the other flavors.
anon
seriously, I can’t write vinaigr*tte without getting stuck in moderation? Kat, this is ridiculous, can you fix it please?
I think a mix of textures is key. Some kind of salad green obviously… but then if you can add seeds for cruch, some cheese or avocado for creaminess, maybe even some nuts (those caramelized ones are awesome but not the most healthy)… and I like to keep the dressing light and simple, like vinaigr*tte, so it doesn’t dominate all the other flavors.
rook
Well what are you usually putting in them?
rook
I like walnuts, dried cranberries (yes I know, sugar), blue cheese and sometimes steak!
SALAD
Usually its some combination of: cucumbers, chickpeas, roasted red peppers, cherry tomatoes, avocado, peas or corn, egg, orange segments, asparagus….
I sometimes add blackened chicken. I try to stay away from nuts or cheese because of fat/mild allergy issues. One combo that more or less works for me is: blackened chicken, orange segments, roasted red pepper and cucumbers, but I get bored of that. Plus I don’t like eating meat all the time.
Erin @ Girl Gone Veggie
I do spinach, pear or apple, goat cheese, and chicken breast or pecans with balsamic vinegar every day for lunch. It’s really good!
Anon
Start with a base of greens (spinach, lettuces, kale, whatever) and then give it a theme.
Greek – tomatoes, cucumbers, feta, fresh dill if possible, kalamata olives, oregano
Southwestern – tomatoes, black beans (or whatever kind they have), corn, cilantro, cheese
Fancy bistro – apples/pears, nuts, dried cranberries, goat cheese
Asian (okay i realize that term is sweeping and vague but not sure what else to call it) – carrots, broccoli, sesame seeds, baby corn, whatever gingery or miso-y dressing they have
Anon
Oh, and avocado goes with everything. I add 1/2 to a whole avocado to all my salads (yes i love it, no I don’t have a problem :) ).
LizNYC
If they don’t have suggestions at the salad place, then find recipes or already-constructed salads online that you like, write down the ingredients and voila, you’ve got a tasty salad!
I like chicken, dried cranberries, goat cheese, walnuts and balsamic. I also like chicken, corn, tomatoes, avocado and beans, if they have them, for more of a southwest feel. (I also usually hate dressing, so I’m weird.)
buffybot
I have two combos that I favor:
– arugula or spinach with chicken (if it’s flavored like chipotle or whatever, so much the better), cucumber, corn, peppadew peppers, carrot. Avocado would also be good but it gets expensive.
– kale with chicken, sundried tomatoes, goat cheese, cucumber, possibly olives.
Em
I’m addicted to the District Cobb salad at Sweetgreen (if your city has it) even though it’s approximately $87. In fact, this thread has probably spurred me to get it for lunch today, no doubt leading to my eventual bankruptcy.
Gail the Goldfish
Oh my god I miss Sweetgreen. My usual strategy for salads is to try to imitate the Chic P from Sweetgreen. I have not yet truly succeeded.
Anon in NYC
My salads tend to be a bit straightforward, since I used to get overwhelmed by salad bar options as well. Here are two of my standard combos:
Cucumber, tomato, feta, black olives, tiny bit of red onion, and chicken or chickpeas, with oil & vinegar. Greek inspired. Sometimes I add avocado.
Chicken, dried cranberries, blue cheese, chopped nuts, tomato, with a balsamic dressing. Sometimes I add avocado to this, but with the blue cheese I try not to combine both fats.
mama of 2
My go-to combinations:
Greek: Lettuce, feta, chickpeas, tomatoes, cucumber, with red wine vinegar-based dressing.
“Fall Salad”: Lettuce, apples, chicken, blue cheese, walnuts.
Rainbow salad: Lettuce, tomatoes, carrots, corn, peas, chicken, ranch dressing
SALAD
Thanks ladies! I know it shouldn’t be this hard but this is the sort of thing that just doesn’t come naturally to me. I am making myself a phone list of combos from your suggestions and will stick to those.
AARGH WORDPRESS
Dear WordPress,
Could we please not start every day with you telling me I’m posting too quickly? I haven’t posted since yesterday lunch.
Sincerely,
Frustrated!
Anonymous
Its not you. Also the fact that people get furious about this and getting stuck in moderation above is funny to me. Its a free site! Relax
MBAwannabe
Solidarity.
Emmabean
I just moved to a new office, and the door is solid wood with no hook on the back. No closet anywhere, either. How do you ladies hang your jacket? I think my options are (1) screw a hook into the back of the door (hard to do myself); (2) get an over the door hook; or (3) get a free standing coat hook. I’m thinking 2 is best, but does anyone else have any thoughts?
rook
Command strip hook
Senior Attorney
+1
It takes like one minute and you’re good to go.
marketingchic
+1. Mine’s been going strong for about 8 years.
Breezyred
Command Strip hooks are beasts. They stick for as long as you want and hold everything. And, they make so many colors, sizes, etc. now. Some are not even obvious plastic hooks.
mascot
Ask the office manager to install a hook on the door.
mascot
Not because you can’t do it yourself, but because in most places I’ve worked, they try to limit people from nailing things into the wall/doors willy-nilly
Godzilla
Also, union issues.
See what other offices have and request something similar.
Diana Barry
+1. Our office has a designated person to hang things – in smaller offices it might be the building manager.
Carine
(4) I have a two-hook thingy (tech term) hung on the wall behind my door. It’s hidden when I keep the door open (which is most of the time) and I like having the extra hook to hang bags, etc. I also like that my stuff isn’t swinging around when I use the door.
Double-Bingo
I’m in the same situation, and I LOVE my free standing coat rack. It’s got an umbrella stand at the bottom, too, which is a plus.
girl in the stix
over the door hook or wreath hanger
TBK
Does anyone have any suggestions for a site where you can post photos (and videos?) for friends and family, but that is password protected? We’ve decided not to put photos of the little guys on Facebook and I’m looking for someplace else to post so all their adoring fans (aka grandparents, aunties, and grandparents’ friends) can see them.
Anon
I think you can make an Instagram page private/invite-only, so that a general person could see that you have a page (if they know your username) but none of the actual photos/videos. I think.
Sarabeth
We do this. Downside is that people have to make an instagram account, which can be intimidating for tech-phobic friends/relatives (including my parents).
Carine
Not sure about photos, but for videos we just have a youtube account and set everything to private, so that the videos can only be accessed with a special link. We email the link to viewers. We don’t share videos very often, so it works fine for us. I tried a private/secure tumblr page for a while, with photos and videos, but didn’t keep up with it. It was cumbersome and could be finicky with uploading. I assume there’s something better out there that would meet your needs.
Anonymous
you can do this on flickr. also flickr allows you to retain all copyright.
SALAD
Also Shutterfly. We have friends post pics and video there and then we get a monthly update of stuff to view. Obviously you can set it to be more frequent, but once a month is plenty frequent for everyone other than maybe grandparents.
Anon in ATX
+1 I have a shutterfly “share” site for our little guy. You have to specifically add who you want to be able to access the site. But the video is limited to 2 mins. for free accounts.
JJ
I love my Smugmug site and you can password protect all of your photos on there. I really like the availability for anyone to order prints (but having a website that’s much more user-friendly than Shutterfly) and have the prints be a very high quality. Also love to ability to publish to Facebook from the site, as well.
EB0220
I use google plus/picasa for photos and videos, but it’s a bit harder to use for people who don’t have a google account. You could also do a password-protected blog if you want to write things as well as post pictures/videos. (I am not that motivated, though, I just send update emails periodically!)
CDA
Dropbox
SD Girl
I posted photos of my friends’ secret engagement on photobucket. It was easy to use and you can setup a password that you can share with whomever you want.
Blonde Lawyer
Yes! I LOVE Shutterfly. You can have multiple share pages if you want with various levels of password protection and privileges. You can also have multiple tabs with different albums on them. I have one that is vacations, one that is photography, one that is general stuff, etc. I also have a completely different share page, as in different url, for certain events I photograph so that I don’t have all the participants going to my private page. It is all free and you can custom design a lot of it.
Double-Bingo
DH’s brother and his wife created a password-protected tumblr with pictures of their little guy, and sent the link and password to family and friends – it’s one of my favorite internet things to check every few days!
anonsg
+1
Tumblr’s awesome and comes with nice themes to use too.
anon
Hello ladies, I am a long-time follower of this site, but this is my first comment. I think I am just needing to get this off of my chest more than anything else, and I respect many of the comments here.
My DH recently earned a trip to Panama through work. He earns his company’s trips most years, and we typically go together, as he is allowed to bring one person along with him. I just started a new, very stressful and time-consuming job in finance, which DH and I decided together was good for our family in the long run, although we knew it would be difficult for the first couple of years. Because of my new job, I was unable to go on the trip to Panama, and DH decided to take one of his friends along instead. While this is a “free” trip, we will have to pay about $1500 in taxes, which pretty much consumes our travel budget for the year. Our one year anniversary is coming up in June, and we’ve discussed some possible plans, but are limited because of the time constraints of my job, as well as our desire to remain somewhat on budget for the year.
DH is on the trip this week with his friend. I was fine with him going until it became real, and now I’m kind of a mess. I rely on DH a lot throughout the week for support with my new stressful job, especially in these first few weeks, so without him here it’s been a lot tougher. I am also experiencing all kinds of resentfulness about the money we’re spending on this, our lack of a one year anniversary trip because of this, and my feelings of jealousy about him being on an awesome week-long trip while I am still working. I feel so guilty about having these negative feelings, because I know I should feel happy that he is enjoying himself on a trip he earned. He has expressed regret about choosing to go on the trip without me, and is not calling/checking in often, which I’m afraid may be because he feels guilty. I feel like I need to accept that this is what has happened and move on, but I’m having a tough time doing that. Advice? Am I truly terrible for feeling this way?
Sorry for the length and rambling, I’m trying to write quickly so I can get back to work.
ss
‘Am I truly terrible for feeling this way ?’
Well yes, although it’s a pretty understand-able lapse. Do some extra-nice things for yourself to get through the week, and then get your better self into gear to welcome your hubby home without laying the guilt on him.
Lyssa
It’s not terrible to feel that way, but it might be terrible to hold it against him or let it impact your relationship.
ITDS
I don’t think you’re terrible for feeling that way. I’m not sure what support DH provides you during the week that you’re now missing. If it’s someone to vent to, come here and vent. If it’s cooking and cleaning, order takeout and don’t bother cleaning.
Anon
I would second ss’ advice. You are human, and I don’t think it is “wrong” to feel the way you do although it would be wrong to take it out on your husband. Do some extra special stuff for yourself this week while he is gone and then suck it up and move on when he gets back (do not let the resentment show). There is nothing wrong with calmly telling him you are lonely and would appreciate him trying to check in a little more while he was gone. You could also use this week to research fun, local alternatives (maybe a staycation) for your anniversary so you have something to look forward to instead of dwelling on missing this trip.
Baconpancakes
Are you terrible for feeling this way? No, you’re understandably jealous and feeling left out.
Should you take it out on your husband? Also no. You know it’s not his fault you can’t go on this trip, and you should make it clear to him that while you’re feeling hurt, you’re hurt by the situation, and not him. If you can, I agree with ss that you should welcome him home happily, meet him at the airport if you can with a cupcake or have his favorite beer in the fridge when he gets home. That will set the tone that you’re not laying on the guilt, and that you’re glad he’s back.
That said, it seems like he’s blowing your joint travel budget on himself and his friend, with no plans to make it up to you. Marriage is full of sacrifice and compromise, but one year in, that seems a little rough, particularly with your anniversary coming up. After you’ve made it clear that you’re happy he’s home, could you ask him to try to do something special for your anniversary, maybe lower cost, but something that he takes responsibility for planning and executing?
Lady Tetra
Hey lady, go easy on yourself! It’s totally fine to be jealous that he gets to go on a fun trip and you don’t. Don’t feel guilty that you’re not completely happy for him. It’s only for a week, and it will go by pretty quickly (especially since you’re so busy with work!). Make some plans to do something fun with a friend if you can.
The money is a different issue that you guys should talk about when he gets back — will be be willing to put up a little extra to make sure you can celebrate your anniversary? Maybe give up lattes or something along those lines? You could also start saving and making plans for a extra-special 2nd anniversary trip, and you might be better off doing this considering your new job and time constraints. Good luck!
Lady Tetra
Sorry, this was for the anon who was jealous of her husband on his trip.
Anie
lol.
Rosalita
I’d be jealous and a little sad too. Your feelings are totally ok.
But that doesn’t mean he’ll need to hear about it the minute he gets home.
As for the money, first year of marriage is often a major tax hit, as now you are both in a higher tax bracket. I got married last year and we had to pay several thousand more this year than we ever have in the past.
Silvercurls
I found a silver lining for your story. In your own words: “He has expressed regret about choosing to go on the trip without me…” It’s like the O. Henry story “The Gift of the Magi” except (**spoiler alert**) that unlike in the story, you and DH don’t have to give up all of your treasures to realize how much you care about each other.
Okay, yes, there’s the $1500 and the fact that you won’t be taking a trip together this year. But you two can still do something low-key-but-still-special, or a series of local & low-budget special somethings. (As for the rest of your sentence about DH not calling so much, probably b/c he feels guilty…well, he’s human, too.)
You told him to travel in a moment of generosity. He was happy to take the trip, probably b/c he was so pleased about his work achievement that got rewarded with travel. Now you’re both having second thoughts about being apart. Not a bad thing to learn about yourselves, as long as you follow Baconpancakes’ advice not to express your dismay at the circumstances by getting mad at DH.
Too long to read:
Missing a trip, and entirely blowing this year’s travel budget? $1500.
Finding out how much yo miss each other when not together? Priceless.
Silvercurls
Ack! Last line: *you* not yo.
panic breathing
I need a TJ for a minute…We have 2 kids, and have been through h3ll and back with our marriage, but things are good, and continuing to improve. My youngest is almost 4, and we had always thought that “man to man coverage” is ideal, rather than a “zone defense” option. Our house isn’t really suited to more kids, but it could be if we combined bedrooms of our 2 boys.
DH just texted me and said that he has a call in to the “vasectomyologist”
I am freaking out. I had a super long cycle last go-round, and was seriously relieved to see nothing when I POAS.
I have heard from so many mothers that they KNOW absolutely, without question, when they’re done. I don’t have that feeling. I can’t say that I DO want to have another, but I also don’t want to close that door forever. I’m still young (34), but DH will be 50 next year. Financially, we can’t swing another kid. At all. But, I’m in negotiations with the higher-ups about a raise. I have no idea what kind of numbers we’ll be seeing, but we won’t know till closer to July when the FY turns over.
How on earth do I navigate this??? I feel like, because of our tenuous relationship at times, that I am backed into a corner and can’t say anything but “ok” for fear of losing my DH. This probably is the best decision for our family, but I just can’t bring myself to close the factory. Plus, on a totally selfish note, if I’m done having kids, I don’t want to ever have another period again as long as I live. I know that hyst. is the only option in that case (unless I’m missing something…) but I’ve looked into IUD also, but of course, there’s no guarantee that it will reduce/eliminate periods for all patients.
Someone talk me down.
NOLA
I don’t have a lot of advice to add, but I think, if you just go alone with your husband having a vasectomy without a say in it, you will be resentful. Is this something he came up with on his own or have you discussed it at all?
I just read Jane Green’s new novel Tempting Fate, which was partly about this very thing and what the woman went through. Not that this is what would happen, but it highlights those feelings.
panic breathing
We’ve discussed it before–this isn’t totally out of the clear blue sky, but he also knows (or knew) that I am having a hard time coming to grips with never going through any of that again. I wasn’t the happiest preggo woman, and I was ridiculously exhausted and almost non-functional for the first year of my kids’ lives. I didn’t float through it like some do, but still, it was my favorite part of their lives thus far. And I have a lot of sadness thinking about that never happening again. Like heart-aching sadness at the thought of never being pregnant, or having a newborn, or nursing (which was a pain, but I loved it). All of that was a pain. It was hard, and it was thankless, and it tested every ounce of my emotions, but I loved it.
HMRC
I can relate to feeling incredibly sad about never experiencing pregnacy and childbirth again. I, too, loved the newborn phase. It helps me to recognize that, no matter how many kids you have, there will always be a last baby. (I also construct elaborate and impractical fantasies about being a surrogate for a friend who’s going through fertility challenges.)
Godzilla
I know other wiser ladies on here will jump in but your husband is considering a procedure that affects you and your family – you should have a discussion on this prior to the actual snip. If family planning is that important to the both of you, why wouldn’t you consider an IUD prior to a vasectomy? More than the babies issue, this looks like a communications issue to this outsider.
Meg Murry
I agree on the communication issue if he’s scheduling the actual procedure. If he’s only scheduling a consult to get an opinion/pricing/understanding of how much time off he’ll need after etc, I think it falls more into the “exploring all options” rather than “non communication’>
panic breathing
^^this–he’s not scheduling yet. He texted saying he “has a call in to Dr. X”. I fully expect that we will discuss all of the options, but most importantly, I just want him to know how I feel. I don’t think he will ever fully understand or appreciate the mama-sadness that goes along with this, but I can at least do my best to communicate how I feel.
The thing that scares me the most is that this is a decision that will single-handedly change (or instill a lack of change) our family based on a variety of reasons, but is made on the assumption of the status quo, which as we all know, is ever-evolving. The status quo is that I don’t want another kid right now (which is why I was totally freaking out when my period was late), but I want us to be in charge of that decision. What happens if I get that raise I’ve been hoping for? In another year, we won’t be paying out the nose for childcare. Our situation WILL change, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it will be more conducive to having kids.
Maybe the raise plus the added bonus of lack of childcare costs will make us want to travel, not have more kids. That’s fine. I would love that idea. But I just don’t like the idea of closing the door entirely.
Rosalita
Sounds like this is an appointment you should both consider going to, and then discuss your options afterward.
Susedna
Another vote on the communication issue, plus a power issue. It raised a huge red flag for me when you wrote “I feel like, because of our tenuous relationship at times, that I am backed into a corner and can’t say anything but “ok” for fear of losing my DH.”
WHOAH. Why is your relationship tenuous? If it’s really true that you can’t do anything other than accept/be resigned to his unilateral decision (which will affect both of you), for fear of his leaving, that’s a big problem. What is he holding over you that allows him to make such big decisions without your buy-in? I would suggest couples counseling as well as individual counseling.
SALAD
Breathe, lady friend.
Some thoughts. Not to sound mean, but if you can’t even feel comfortable saying anything but “ok” in this situation, maybe more kids with your DH are just not in the future. It’s not a hard conversation to have, you can say, “hon, I’m not ready to make such a permanent decision. Can we hold of on the nuclear option?” If that’s not an option given your past, I am not sure more kids is going to be the solution either.
Also, FWIW, you may not want to think of it this way, but you’re not closing the door forever, he is. A lot can happen in life. Just saying. It might help you to think of it in different terms.
Finally two more thoughts: vasectomies can be reversed, esp. in the first 10 years; and you can easily reduce your periods with a BCP where you skip the non-active pills. Also, just my two cents, but it sounds a little reactive and hyperbolic to say “if I am done having kids, I never want to have another period!” — Periods do more that just inconvenience you; early menopause/hysterectomy is not fun at all and impacts you in all sorts of unforeseen ways. I don’t think that’s what you’re suggesting you want, but believe me that you will miss your ability to have periods one day.
tesyaa
A hysterectomy that preserves the ovaries should not have the effects of menopausal. As an aside, I am perimenopausal and I’m not looking forward to the hormonal effects of menopause – dry skin, weak bones, weight gain. As long as I’m still getting periods I feel young, believe it or not.
Sarabeth
Yes, periods do more than inconvenience you – for some of us, they cause intense pain that requires narcotics for days, leaving us unable to function normally for 10% or so of our life. If the OP is in that boat, I highly recommend avoiding periods completely! In my case, that was possible with a Mirena.
Meg Murry
I also couldn’t bring myself to completely close the door, which is why I have the Mirena now. I’m probably done, but I can’t bring myself to 100% admit that, so the Mirena allows me to feel like I still could have another if I really wanted to, but it would have to be a 100% conscious decision – no more “oops” babies. My periods are basically nothing more than spotting at this point – annoying, but not full out periods. I’m guessing your husband is going with the nuclear option since you have been waffling? I understand his wanting to have something concrete in place – my husband was the same, although his solution was no LGP until I took care of it or gave him the go ahead for the big V. Not exactly playing nice, but necessary to get me off the fence and make a decision/actual appointment to get it taken care of. Also one more factor for us – Mirena was free (100% insurance covered), vasectomy was elective and not covered by insurance at all.
panic breathing
what a great point about free vs. elective insurance. I’ve been debating going on Mirena anyway, but with the healthcare coverage now, it makes it easier to decide to go that route. I had been thinking about it after the birth of baby #2, but it would have been several hundred dollars, and if it didn’t meet my expectations, it would have been money wasted. Now at least I could get it installed, (that’s right, I said installed), and if it doesn’t work, no skin off my back, I can go back to BCP.
Older anon
I’d just like to point out that I didn’t hear a lot of discussion (maybe I missed a post) about your husband. You said he’s almost 50, and you aren’t ready to have another baby now, but maybe later..
Well, if you even wait 2 years, your husband will be SEVENTY when your child graduates high school. I think it’s totally fair that you should have to give a little consideration to him in this whole thing. I heard a lot of you you you, you aren’t sure, you don’t want to close the door, you don’t want the family set in stone…what about him? If HE doesn’t want any more children, I think you should listen to him.
panic breathing
absolutely a consideration, and one I don’t take lightly.
thank you all for your input.
anon-oh-no
there are other options. talk to your gyn.
Pregomama
For nursing/working mothers, how long did you continue to nurse? I have a 6 month old and my supply is no longer keeping up with baby’s demand, even as we’ve introduced solids. I could probably keep baby on my milk only through July or so by dipping into my freezer supply, but after that I’d have to start supplementing with formula. And that would be while continuing on my pace of pumping every 2.5 hours at work, which is hugely annoying/disruptive.
DH thinks I need to “do what you can but don’t go nuts” and just ease up on the daytime pumping, which would result in a 50/50 mix of bre@stmilk/formula. It’s my first, so I’ve been roughing it out, but bre@stfeeding has been a battle the whole time with me. I can’t imagine doing this whole thing (latch issues, cracked/bleeding n1pples, milk intolerance, soy intolerance, low supply, pumping while traveling, etc) all over again with a second baby.
kjoirishlastname
Nursed my first until he self-weaned at about 10-11 months. I had supply issues with him too, but part of it was that I wasn’t on top of supplements (fenugreek & motilium), and didn’t work as hard early to build a freezer stash. He has a dairy allergy, but it was never a problem via my milk–apparently I don’t pass milk proteins. By the time he quit, I was down to nursing once in the morning, once or twice in the evening/bedtime, and maybe once overnight. I can’t remember. I pumped 1 or 2 times a day at the office then.
With second babe, he nursed until he self-weaned at about 13-14 months. Didn’t have the supply issue, but I took fenugreek & motilium like candy throughout the whole process. I was much more aggressive at building a stash early (like pumping at 2-3 am on the nights when he was just a few weeks old, and happened to sleep through that feeding), and I was more regular at pumping at work, usually 2-3x a day. He also had higher needs, though–he was nursing once or twice a night until he finally just quit. By that time, also, the supply had decreased to the point that I wasn’t really producing more than he needed. I think I ended up dropping one pump per week, and continuing to nurse for as long as he wanted. I think in the end, if I recall, I had quit pumping for all of about 2-3 weeks before he finally weaned entirely.
It is tough, and you’re tough for making it this far. Your husband’s mantra is a good one to keep. Don’t let the stress of supply issues or stress of just finding time to pump drain you (literally/figuratively). If baby is still nursing ok, and pumping isn’t a chore, keep at it for as long as you feel like you want to.
For me, second was easier, just because I knew what I was getting into. You may not have the same problems with nursing the second that you’ve had with the first. We thought #2 had tongue-tie, but it was ok–he was just a really shallow latch for the first week or so. Latching in the beginning is work, and an art for both of you. I didn’t have any problems with plugged ducts with #1, but I did with #2. I had several plugged ducts, and mastitis at least 1x with #2. #2 also doesn’t have any kind of allergies, so that’s not always a given between kids.
tesyaa
Nursing is most beneficial in the early months. I have 6 kids and nursed them all, and even as a SAHM introduced formula (in cereal, etc, not in bottles) along with solids and weaned mostly by 10-11 months. Your DH’s attitude makes sense to me.
CKB
Except for the fact that I only have 3 kids, this is almost exactly what I did. My boys were all weaned between 9 & 12 months, except that we did give them formula (for varying number of feedings and varying lengths of time depending on our circumstances at the time) after 6 months old. Pumping didn’t really work for me with the manual pump I had, and I wasn’t willing to undergo the expense of renting one from the hospital.
Carine
Wow, first of all, way to go for nursing for 6 months! That is hard, hard work and you are amazing. A good friend told me that when I agonized over stopping at 6 months, and it made me feel a little bit better. And it’s true!
I actually started having supply issues around 3 months and was supplementing by 4.5 months while continuing to pump during the day. I hated pumping and was so stressed about supplementing…I was miserable. I weaned at 6 months because I had to study for the bar exam while working full time, but I really am not sure I could or would have kept going much longer.
My husband was also in the “do what you can but don’t go nuts” camp, but I still felt so guilty! I cried the first time I bought formula. But she was fine, and it was fine, and I wish I hadn’t beaten myself up about it so much.
You are doing great. You need to do what works best for you and your family, and if that’s cutting back on pumping, do it. And try not to feel too bad about it. Your baby has already received so many of the benefits of nursing!
JJ
I agree with all of this. I started weaning my first at 6 months simply because I couldn’t swing the pumping schedule (I was an over-producer at the time and could get mastitis at the drop of a hat if I didn’t pump) with my work schedule. I cried and cried when we began supplementing, but once I didn’t have to pump anymore, I realized what a commitment it had been. For my second, I had supply issues (really, no pregnancy/child is the same) and my goal had been to begin weaning at 6 months again. Unfortunately, I had to take an antibiotic at 5.5 months that made me stop nursing cold turkey. I cried again, but life went on and my kiddo is now 8 months and happy as can be with formula.
All that to say: 6 months is a long time when you’re working and pumping! Good for you! You’ll be sad when you wean no matter what, but then you’ll realize how much time you gain back and it’s much easier to move on. Good luck!
Meg Murry
My first was 50/50 breastmilk/formula from day 1 due to suck issues on his part and low supply issues on my part. We made it to 7 months with me pumping 4-7 times per day for all breastmilk – we never got the latch issues worked out.
For kid #2 I made it to 15 months nursing/pumping (I weaned off pumping at work around 13-14 months). We did introduce 1 bottle of formula a day for about 2 weeks at 7-8 months when I was trying to stockpile for a business trip and I wanted to make sure that if we had to use formula during that trip it wasn’t going to be a disastrous puk-y mess.
Personally, I think if partial formula is an eventuality for you, go ahead and do one bottle a day rather than wait until your whole freezer supply is depleted. That way you can try out different types of formula in case one bothers him when you first try (a possibility if you’ve been through milk/soy intolerance, etc). Also by doing 1-2 formula bottles per day you can buy the smaller (cheaper) containers of formula and max out the coupons, making it not too expensive. Some mom’s can go to nursing only before/after work and do formula completely during the day, but if you plan to do that you should wean off the pump slowly so you don’t tank your supply completely.
And no shame for adding formula to the mix! You have to do what’s best for you and your family, whether that be 100% formula, 100% breastmilk or some combo thereof. Don’t kill yourself for a 100% breastmilk goal – I promise you, no one will know or care 5 years down the road. And don’t completely discount nursing if you have a 2nd – nursing my second was sooo much easier, and my supply was so much better because I knew what “wrong” felt like and had the support system in place to deal with it right away.
Anon
With my first, nursing didn’t work out for us and so she got formula pretty early on.
With my second, I pumped until he was a year old, but there were some weeks where he had to have some formula because I wasn’t able to pump enough. He nursed until he was 2 years old.
With my third, she refused to take a bottle and so she nursed all night long while I still pumped during the day. We had to throw out a ton of frozen milk. She nursed until she was 3 years old.
Anon in ATX
no advice but just wanted to say I am right there with you. Baby Anon is 5.5 months old and I am just pumping enough to cover him during the day. Here is what I am currently doing:
5:15 – wake up and pump (this is the best time for me, I can sometimes get 6-8 oz!)
6:25 – baby wake up and breastfeeds
8:15 – pump first time @ work
then depending on my schedule I pump three more times at work, every 2-3 hrs.
5:30-6:00 get home and breastfeed baby
7:00 breastfeed baby before bedtime
8:30 optional pump if I feel I need the extra oz.
Baby is currently waking up 1x a night on average to eat.
I feel like I am constantly on this horrible treadmill. I love fridays because it means I have the whole weekend to catch up. On the weekend I try to limit pumping and just feed on demand but I will pump 1-2 x a day if I am feeling ambitious or need a bottle so I can go the gym or whatever. I am also eating oatmeal and drinking Mother’s Milk tea but I can’t tell if they really help or not.
Maddie Ross
Baby is just over a year and I’m still nursing 2xs a day (first thing in the morning and before bed at night). I stopped pumping about 3 months ago though and dear me it’s wonderful. I completely dread early mornings or late evenings when I won’t be home to feed as the pump is only that much worse once you’ve been away from it for awhile. I’d love to figure out how to wean, but the baby is still very interested in nursing. I’m hoping she’ll self-wean in the next month or two.
TBK
I’m so thankful to see this discussion here. It never occurred to me that I wouldn’t br**stfeed exclusively (I almost threw out the formula samples we got in the mail while I was pregnant) but my supply has been pretty shoddy (probably just enough for one baby — nowhere near enough for two) and so my babies are getting formula at every feeding to supplement. I never knew until I was in the thick of it how many options women piece together to feed their babies. Sure, many lucky ones can exclusively br**stfeed, but I think a lot more of us than you’d think are just doing what we can to keep our babies fed, whether that means mixed feeding, exclusively pumping, exclusively formula-fed, or whatever. Personally, I’m just trying to make it to six weeks at this point to give myself a chance to see where my supply gets to; if I made it to six months, I’d feel like a rock star.
Carine
Yes, this: doing what we can to keep our babies fed. I had a similar outlook as you–let’s try to get to 6 weeks! Ok, it’s working for now, let’s keep going!
When it did get harder and I was feeling pressure and guilt, I also tried to remind myself that I was so fortunate to have options, to have the time and resources to try nursing and pumping as long as I did, and to be able to go and purchase a safe product to feed my baby when it didn’t work out.
Anyway, I’m glad to see you are being good to yourself, and I hope you feel like a rock star at least some of the time right now!
Anon
I didn’t read all the comments, but I was able to nurse 11 months until baby weaned and relied on back-up supply until 11.5 months and pumping and then went with a breast milk/cow’s milk mix until 12 months. But at around 8 or 9 months, I started having supply issues and relied heavily on mother’s milk (a supplement you can get at whole foods and elsewhere).
I agree with others that six months is a great milestone. I had a friend who had a baby at about the same time as me and struggled mightily with supply and introduced formula shortly after six months as a supplement and found it hard initially but was very relieved and surprised at how not a big deal it was.
Also agree with your DH’s perspective. Try not to be hard on yourself and keep in mind how amazing it is that you were able to feed your baby for six months, all on your own.
JBB
First of all – be proud of your 6 months!
I nursed until 15 months, but stopped pumping at work at around 13 months. I pumped three times a day at work, which I think might have helped keep supply up. I think nursing and pumping at work was super difficult, and probably mark it as one of my greatest achievements because it was such a struggle! My respect to you and all ladies for taking it on.
So two bits of advice to offer you: nursing is supply and demand – take a look at how many times and for how long you are pumping. It might be too short to keep supply up. Secondly, there is this super awesomeness called lactation cookies. Search the net for it – much better than fenugreek (although I did that too).
Grumpy Pants
Anyone out there who has no kids able to weigh in on my future? I am not interested in having kids, I don’t particularly enjoy being around them and I have no desire to have any of my own. I have nieces and nephews who are cute enough but it hasn’t changed my feelings. Recently as more and more of my friends and siblings have children I feel very alone and trapped in a child obsessed world – for example, family dinners overrun with children, hanging out with my friends means they bring their children, weddings with children, plane rides with children, birthday parties of children, videos of what my kid did this morning that was so hilarious, etc. I feel like I can’t get escape it. Add to this the fact that “I wouldn’t understand ___ because I don’t have kids” and all the other comments I am sick of hearing. Will I go insane between the ages of 30 and 40 or is there hope for my future? Is finding a childless friend my only solution? Help because I feel like I am drowning in babies.
Biotech Girl
I hear you. I’m in my mid 30s. Finding fellow child-free friends definitely helps.
NOLA
I have no children by choice. When I was married, I just did not feel like we were stable enough financially, nor did I have any overwhelming urge to have a child. My SO and I have talked about it – he has two grown children and feels like I would have been a good mother, but it wasn’t a lifestyle change I was willing to make. The difference for me was that I did not have friends with children so I never had that drowning in babies feeling. I am now 49 and I don’t regret it.
BB
I’m glad to hear you say this. I’m late 20s, married, planning to stay child-free at least for the foreseeable future. I’ve just never found kids cute. I look at puppies and kittens and I think, OMG adorable! And then I see a baby and it’s just…shrug, nothing. It’s kind of tiring having to fake it sometimes. I used to think something was wrong with me because everyone else seems to think they’re cute.
Grumpy Pants
YES! 1000 x yes. Faking it is getting old in a hurry.
Sparrow
Yes, I’m the same way! Puppies and kittens are so cute, but I just don’t feel the same way about babies. You’re not the only one!
Pregomama
Fwiw I find all kids annoying but my own. I am truely not a “kid person” and especially so with babies. But dang it if my baby isn’t the est thing in the entire world.
I guess that’s how we managed to survive as a species ;)
Anonymous
You are not alone!
tesyaa
Spend time with co-workers or acquaintances without kids – think of who you’d like to get to know better among the childless people in your circles. Take classes or join groups for adults only – art, cooking, a book club. Skip some or all of the gatherings that you know in advance will be seriously child-centric.
Anon for This
Spend time with people in their late 40’s and early 50’s who have teenagers. Some teenagers are great, but I guarantee you will hear plenty of stories (car accidents, drinking, casual drug use, sexting) that will make you happy about your choice. I am only partially joking. This morning on the Today show, there was a story about a middle/upper class mom who had to use Narcan to reverse her son’s heroin overdose. I started crying while getting dressed….Really, at any age, there are plenty of issues/problems with kids which go well beyond the “aren’t they cute, my world revolves around everything they do” stage.
Gail the Goldfish
I am not old enough to weigh in on the future, but I’ll chime in to say I feel the same way about not having kids. Luckily most of my friends haven’t quite gotten to the kids stage yet.
Sparrow
It’s a bit late, but posting anyway in case you are still following this thread. I’m 36, married and we are childless by choice. There is hope for your future. It does help to have childless friends or friends whose kids are older. Our close group of friends includes my sister in law and her husband. When their kids were younger, we mainly saw each other during the kids birthdays and holidays. Their kids are older now and we hang out much more.
Rachelellen
This is where I’ve been for a while. I actually find it easier to explain or not have to explain, really, Thames my realization that I will never have a mate. That is, other people seem to accept it more. And I thought I’d made my peace with it until like 2 months ago out of the blue when I suddenly realized I’d better be damn sure I didn’t want to give birth bc pretty soon nature and time would do the deciding for me, LOL. So I’m probably not being helpful here but I guess stick to your convictions and listen to your heart.
Parfait
Childfree friends help for sure. Although I mourn every time one of them succumbs to the baby madness.
Being older helps too; most of my friends have already reproduced if they are going to, and as their kids get older and more independent, I’m more likely to get to see them.
Best thing that helps is a mate who looks at a kid, then smiles at you happily and says “I’m so glad we don’t have any children.”
heelsorflats
I’m mid-30’s and my husband and I are going through the same thing. We are pretty sure we don’t want them, however we feel alone on a kidless island. Almost everyone we know is having kids. I’d like to meet more people who are child-free but it seems like most social events in our area revolve around being parents. We have to make a true decision soon, or biology will do that for us, but I wish society was more supportive.
Wildkitten
I don’t feel this way – I’ve always wanted kids, even when I was a kid I knew I wanted kids – and I still want to chime in and say that the way you feel is totally fine and normal. And there are lots of super awesome 40 year old women who don’t have kids, so I know there will be childfree people for you to be friends with, but probably more so in a larger city, which may be something to consider when choosing where to live.