Previously, on Corporette…

Comments

1. "advice, please" checking back in

   04/09/2014 at 12:32 pm

   Just wanted to thank you all for the advice on the doubts I was having in my relationship. After some reflection, I broke up with him. I wish him a very happy life, maybe even with someone who is a better fit for him than I am. Right now I feel numb and slightly in shock. Being the breaker-up is not much easier, it turns out.

   • Wildkitten

     04/09/2014 at 12:47 pm

     Good job! Sometimes doing hard stuff is really important.

   • Anie

     04/09/2014 at 1:24 pm

     Takes a lot of courage to take the first step… I’ve been there and still wonder why it took me so long to get out of it. This is really good, take care of yourself and pamper yourself till you’re out of your shock. Takes a while anyway, and you may find yourself missing him sometimes but you know the reasons why you broke up.

   • Scout

     04/09/2014 at 2:18 pm

     That was really brave of you. Way to go. Not everyone has the courage you have to step away from something that’s not right.

     Big hugs your way! Break up are the worst no matter what side you’re on and even though you guys weren’t right for each other losing someone you love still really hurts. :( Sorry you have to go through this.

   • Susedna

     04/09/2014 at 2:27 pm

     I think you did something really brave and difficult. I’m sorry it hurts, and I’m sorry you and he will feel the aftershocks of this for a bit. May you both have great, happy lives with people who are, respectively, a better fit for you and for him.

   • Senior Attorney

     04/09/2014 at 2:27 pm

     Wow! That was very brave of you!

     And yes, being the breaker-upper is only a tiny bit easier than being the break-up-ee. Just be kind to yourself, give yourself permission to be sad, don’t be mad at yourself for being sad, and repeat after me: The only way out is through.

     Oh, and resist the temptation to contact/text/hang out with him. The task you have before you is to break the attachment, and the more contact you have with him, the harder it will be and the longer it will take.

     Big hugs!!

     • Susedna

       04/09/2014 at 3:07 pm

       “and the more contact you have with him, the harder it will be and the longer it will take.”

       Completely agree. Not only will it slow down your healing and moving on process, it’ll make it harder for him to heal, too. I’m a big believer in ethical breakups and that means not keeping in touch with someone to assuage one’s own guilt or to scratch that itch of wanting to hang out with someone who knows you really well, because it’s not good for the other party, either.

     • advice, please

       04/09/2014 at 4:06 pm

       Timely advice. He showed up yesterday after having initiated several texts regarding upcoming plans and exchanging our belongings. (This was not creepy or even unwanted by me, but I let him know that it wasn’t going to happen again.) I let him talk it out, but then told him firmly that there would be no more communication after last night.

       I hate being “firm” about this stuff when I really just want to melt into his arms and hug him back into happiness, but I keep reminding myself that it is for the best for both of us.

   • Brit

     04/09/2014 at 4:03 pm

     If you’re looking for someone to commiserate with, I just broke-up with my boyfriend this past weekend as well. I was seeing a lot of things posted here in the comments that I wasn’t able to say out loud to my friends, but that I was seeing and it helped me to realize that it was unfortunate, but had to be done.

     Hang in there sister, we’ll get through this together. :-/

     • advice, please

       04/09/2014 at 4:07 pm

       As my brother the “Gladiator” fan clumsily but lovingly says, strength and honor :)

2. Wildkitten

   04/09/2014 at 2:09 pm

   FYI for NYC Lady Lawyers considering a career change – http://lyjnow.wordpress.com/2014/04/08/why-women-lawyers-leave/ (this isn’t me, it just sounds cool).