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I used to wear full suits to the office at least once or twice a week, usually for some combination of depositions, court conferences, or other formal meetings. In the last year, however, I can count on one hand the number of times that I’ve put on a full suit.
Usually, a blazer is formal enough for my purposes, and it doesn’t even have to be the typical black, gray, or navy. I actually prefer bright blazers because they look great on videoconferences (probably why so many news anchors go with bright, solid colors) and make my face look slightly less washed out.
This twill blazer from Talbots comes in this gorgeous orchid color, as well as a bright pink and royal blue, all of which would look fantastic on your next Zoom.
The blazer is $179 (but be on the lookout for Talbots' frequent sales) and comes in plus sizes 12–24, plus petite sizes 14–22, misses sizes 2–18, and petite sizes 0–16.
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
PSA about that life expectancy study everyone was doing a couple of days ago. I only now caught up with all the comments. I noticed a couple of people said they were motivated to improve their health even more and looking into taking calcium and iron supplements.
Please do not rush and assume! According to the study the iron supplement shortens your life expectancy (unless taken for anemia by prescription). I know because I answered yes to that question and got it in my feedback of things to improve.
I am not saying to trust the study about how to live, but if you do, don’t try to guess based on the kind of question you were asked! Stick to the feedback you got. It lists everyhing that according to the study you can do to improve things – do that! Don’t rush off buying all the supplements because you think if someone sells them they must be good for you.
On a related note, did anyone get any interesting feedback that surprised them? For me, as a very overweight person trying to be active, the most interesting result was the relative impact of losing the weight vs. being active in general – losing the weight was 3x as important as the activity. The other one was coffee – I was surprised how much time 3 cups of coffee a day are expected to take off your life. Going to do a bit more research into that. Unsurprising – deli meats :(
Any other interesting feedback anyone noticed and cares to share?
Ses
I, too, was surprised that it told me to lay off the coffee. In fact, that made me question whether it had a strong scientific basis. There are some studies showing coffee has longevity benefits.
Ses
https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/health-benefits-coffee
Anonymous
I thought more than a cup of coffee a day was supposed to be super bad for you?
Anon
I’ve never heard this, including from my doctors.
Lilau
Pure anecdata, but my nearly 100 year old grandmother lives alone, is in good health and sharp as a tack. She eats moderately, has maintained a steady low weight, doesn’t drink, does daily moderate exercise, dresses well, and maintains strong relationships with family and friends. She also drinks three daily cups of black coffee so strong it makes Starbucks look like decaf.
Anon
She sounds amazing! I want to be like her when I’m older.
Anon
I like your sharply-dressed nana :)
anon
Right? My grandpa died at 93. Until, like, the last month of his life, he drank close to a full pot of fully leaded coffee. Every day. I’d be flying to the moon if I had that much caffeine in my system but clearly it worked for him, lol.
Anon
A lot of us untreated ADHD folks self-medicate with caffeine. It actually calms my brain and makes my thoughts clearer! Prescription stimulants were extremely unpleasant for me.
LaurenB
Ha! My gmother who lived to 100 drank strong and hot black coffee daily. The people at the nursing home marveled at how hot it was. Esophagus of steel!
Anon
Oooh, I missed this. Where can I find the study?
Anon
This is the one from the NYT article a few days ago: https://www.livingto100.com/?mobile=0
Anon
I got 102 while confessing to 3+ cups of coffee a day, time to up my intake there…. I’d be much happier with 90
Anon
planning retirement savings would daunting with 103 also — time for more bacon and butter and deli meat
anon
Yall are my people! Time to introduce meat and alcohol into my life :)
Anon
I hate to break it to you, but my Nana lived to 103 and put butter on EVERYTHING (Irish) – I’m talking steak, cookies, brownies, she’d slather butter on top like it was a piece of bread. She also believed a small amount of whiskey cured almost anything that ailed you and I am starting to believe she was right. Cramps? Have a tablespoon of whiskey. Cough? Whiskey.
She lived longer than she wanted to but at one point, she was in the nursing home and the staff wanted to take away her butter because her cholesterol was too high. Reportedly, they could see it in her blood when they did the blood draw before even analyzing it. My Dad stepped in and was like “she is 100 years old. She can have whatever she damn well pleases.”
anon
oh absolutely. I worked in a nursing home in high school and college and was definitely an enabler for the very old people who wanted to get around the low-sugar, low-salt, low-whatever diets they were officially supposed to be on – they said, and I agreed, that if they had lived to be 100 already they didn’t really care if an extra shake of salt on their potatoes raised their blood pressure, they were going to eat what they enjoyed.
My 98-year-old grandmother had two parents who lived to be 100+ eating, mostly, bacon fat on white bread and heavily-sugared black coffee, so as she’s lost her appetite as she’s gotten older, she’s just shifted to eating mostly the homemade treats we bring her – cinnamon rolls, pie, cookies, etc. Sounds good to me. I’ll try to take good care of myself now but once I see my children’s children grow up, it’s going to be all ice cream all the time.
anon
Seriously! What in the world is the point of a restricted diet at that point?!
Anon
I got 106 and was aghast. I think it’s because I had a relative live to 100 (my grandmother). I expected lower since I have a family history of diabetes. 90 would be plenty for me.
Anon
Interesting! I got 90 and I’m the one with the 103 year old grandmother. I think I lost points for having moderate asthma and an autoimmune disease. I didn’t realize there was a feedback section. I’ll have to go back and look again.
Anon
Oy I went and double checked and I actually got 99!
Anon
Right? I’m on my glide path to retirement right now and taking the quiz I was like “please don’t be 100, please don’t be 100”
Once you look at what it takes financially to live that many years beyond employment, living forever doesn’t look so good.
Anonymous
I found this survey fascinating because it didn’t ask about your existing medical history. I got 98, but I had cancer in my late 20s which wasn’t taken into account. I will certainly not live that long!
long life
I’m so sorry you had to deal with cancer at such a young age. Did you have genetic testing to see if you carry an increased lifetime risk for more cancers?
I was also surprised that my family history — which is full of cancers — didn’t shorten my expected life span more.
Fortunately, for many cancers that are treated aggressively/fully early in life, you can do extremely well after and cancer risk can sometimes return to that of the population. Of course, I am simplifying. But my cancer risk is likely so low despite my family history because I don’t smoke or really drink (my life is boring…!) and my weight is good etc..
Only time will tell. I am the one who posted yesterday and have no desire to live to 100 after my friends and family are gone and will continue to live a bit more for the moment and honestly…. I’d much rather die of a heart attack than cancer so I’m gong to try for that ;). And keep a few options at hand if I need to take control at the end of life, as I want it.
anon
I got 101 and don’t believe it, because I have active, incurable cancer. Sure my parents lived to 90, I eat well, exercise a lot and have few other health issues (besides depression, from the cancer of course). I hope to live 10 more years but 40 sounds like an impossibility.
Anon
Am I the only one who thinks it doesn’t ask nearly enough questions to have any predictive value? I got 103, and that doesn’t seem accurate given current life expectancy or my current health.
anon
What else would you have it ask? Genuine question.
Anon
The questions are not very granular. It asks if you had a grandparent live to 100, but doesn’t capture if the other three died in their 50s or early 60s or earlier. It doesn’t ask about fruit or vegetable or soda consumption, or how often you eat out. It asks about very general ranges for blood pressure and cholesterol. It doesn’t capture past medical history, nor does it really capture if you are receiving treatment for something.
In addition, basically everyone is reporting that they got answers in the 90s or above, with many people in the 100s. The average life expectancy for a US women is 81. It is not realistic that a random sample of readers here would be so far out of the norm.
long life
It is asking about things that we have better predictive data about. A family member dying at 50 of a heart attack or cancer is not as predictive as one living to 100, which has a larger inherited genetic component for most of us. So you don’t need to be quite as worried if your parent died at 50 about your future, but need to start planning if your parent lives to 100….
For example, I have a grandfather that died very young of a heart attack. But he had never been to a doctor once in his life and probably had untreated hypertension for decades and smoked. So my father has already lived 30 years longer than he has because he goes to the doc, and has well treated hypertension and high cholesterol and doesn’t smoke. So probably no early heart attacks for my Dad. And less for me, because I don’t have hypertension or high cholesterol.
Anon
Yes I agree. I don’t drink now but I’m a recovering alcoholic and my type-one diabetic father died in his 50s from cancer. I’d be shocked if I make it to 97 as it predicted. I don’t think it asked enough about family history and past (as opposed to present) lifestyle.
Anon
You realize they’re asking the questions they studied? There’s not a person on the other end going oh, well this respondent is special. That’s different.
CountC
I got 96 and let me just say NO THANK YOU.
Anon
For me, it all depends on how healthy I am. My friend’s grandfather is mid-90’s and he still goes hunting and fishing. If I can still do things I enjoy I’m good w/ that.
CountC
Fair point! That’s not me – I plain don’t want to live that long.
Anonymous
Yeah, if it says coffee is unhealthy, that’s wrong. There is strong evidence that coffee is good for you in a variety of different ways. The book The Obesity Code has a whole section on it citing all the peer-reviewed studies.
Anon
But if, say, people with autoimmune fatigue or with ADHD, etc., drink more coffee than others, than maybe it correlates with reduced lifespan?
Anon
All I can say is that a whole lot of you need to go back to statistics class. Arguing about whether something is meaningful or not misses the point. This is a statistical exercise (and I suspect also data collection). It’s not a debate. Unless you have done your own population studies, you look kind of ridiculous arguing the points.
Anon
A bit harshly worded but true. Also I susprct younger people (now) will get longer LE results because, well, LE genrally is increasing long-term… I am 45, obese and got 81 FWIW.
Ribena
Actuarially it’s the opposite – because someone who’s 60 and otherwise in identical health to you hasn’t died at 44, 45, 46, 47…. etc.
Anon
Are they saying that DRINKING three cups of a coffee day is supposed to take time off your life, or does NEEDING three cups of coffee a day indicate something else that correlates with shorter life span? (Coffee is definitely self-medication for me.)
Anon
For anyone interested, $90 off code for Canadian Hello Fresh I got from a well.ca order but will not be using:
CA-H977214
It’s 45 off + 10 free shipping on first box, 25 off second box and 10 off the third box.
Please leave a note here if you are use it so others will know.
Cara
I know there were planner suggestions made here the other day, but I’m looking for something specific but seems weirdly hard to find – maybe I’m googling the wrong term.
I’m looking for an undated notebook with a section for each day of the week and a little bit of extra space for general notes.
Cb
Papier do some undated weekly planners. Moleskine do something similar but I’m not sure if they do an undated version. I’d ask Sarah from The Shu Box blog.
Anonymous
Try and search for a perpetual diary or planner, that should give you the right products.
Have a look at the Rhodia 365 Perpetual Planner.
Generations
Something like this: https://www.amazon.com/Notebook-Motivation-Productivity-Hardcover-5-11×7-48/dp/B08GJ1GF9S/ref=asc_df_B08GJ1GF9S/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=475741664874&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1835844989305995731&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9007872&hvtargid=pla-1088857712354&psc=1
Anon
Goldencoil lets you customize a planner like that
JTM
Clever Fox has planners like that – https://cleverfoxplanner.com/
Anonymous
I really like my CleverFox planner
Anon
Try Inkwell Press. It’s very customizable, and once you buy the covers, the annual spend is low on refills.
PolyD
You planner fans might enjoy this book: Love Lettering by Kate Clayborn. It’s a light contemporary romance, but has a little more to it to make it interesting. The protagonist is a professional calligrapher who develops lines of stationery, planners, etc.
Anon
Ink and volt! undated planner.
Allieoops
Have you seen Rocketbook notebooks? They are re-usable notebooks, some of which have different templates. You use erasable pens and can wipe the notebook clean after uploading the doc using the Rocketbook app. You might like the Fusion or the Panda planner version.
Anonymous
I like my Rocketbook for transient to dos, thought I haven’t had it long enough to speak to longevity or downloaded the notes
Coach Laura
I love my Mountain Planner Pro from amazon.
Heel Pain after Trail Run
To all of the runners out there, I need some advice. I’ve been running for years, only on the sidewalk or the street. Over the weekend I went on a trail run in a park. I ran mostly on dirt and it was very uneven, roots and rocks, etc. During the run I had some heel pain in my left heel but I stupidly kept running. After the run it really hurt and still hurts today (the inside of my heel, almost up toward the arch). There’s no visible bruise but it really hurts to put pressure on it. It’s getting better, but I signed up for a trail race in April and now I’m thinking I shouldn’t do it. Do I need special shoes or maybe a heel insert? I really don’t want to buy a special pair of shoes for one trail run. Any advice is appreciated.
Diana Barry
Sounds like plantar fasciitis. Try stretching (and I mean like a LOT) your calf (I stand on stair and hang my foot over) and self-massage on calf and down toward your ankle and back of heel. If you are going out of the house, an ART (active release technique) provider can work wonders.
I had this for a few years and had to switch all my sneakers and running shoes to Altra (zero drop).
Anon
+1
CountC
I run 90% trails and 10% treadmill. You didn’t say how long your first trail run was, but generally, I encourage people switching from road to trail to ease into it slowly (just like anything new). Your ankles will be weak and it will cause bobbling/wobbling. Unless you are doing very technical (VERY rock and VERY rooty ungroomed trails), you don’t need to rush out and buy special trail shoes.
Anecdata: I’ve been running trails for 5+ years and have never experienced the type of pain you are describing. I am also not a doctor so I won’t diagnose your injury, but I will say that generally, the answer is rest. I’d rest for a bit and see how that goes. Unless your trail run is an ultra, you’ll be fine taking off a few days from training. I am definitely not going to encourage you to skip the race at this point though – TRAIL RUNS 4 LYFE!
anon
I don’t think this is a shoe/equipment issue. You could’ve misstepped, but it’s more likely that you’re using different muscles than you normally would on the pavement. Please do rest and stretch until the pain subsides. And, I agree that you need to slowly ramp up your trail mileage. I have noticed that when I go from winter treadmill runs to outdoor spring/summer/fall runs, it takes 2-4 weeks to really get my legs and ankles back to outdoor form. During this time, I’m vulnerable to shin splints if I’m not careful. You’d think running = running, but I don’t think that’s the case. I would not be surprised if you’re encountering the same thing.
Anonymous
Sounds like you went too far too fast your first time out.
Anon
I had a similar pain in middle school that was unrelenting and it turned out I had a heel spur. I had to stay off of it a week. Since I was in a big school and couldn’t just walk on my toes the whole time, I needed to use crutches some of the time. The week of total rest let it heal. If it didn’t, I was going to need surgery. I’m not saying you have this at all, just that it is uncommon enough that I wanted to mention it.
Anonymous
A couple of questions. Have you been running consistently, or did you recently start back up? Was this run longer/ more strenuous than your usual run? If the answer to either of these questions is yes, it could be plantar fascitis. Also, is the pain more noticeable in the morning upon waking up and then mitigates throughout the day? If yes, plantar fascitis. You could have also pulled a muscle in your foot. One way to treat both is to roll a tennis ball under your foot (you may want to switch between feet to loosen both sets of ligaments to maintain symmetry), while you work, watch tv–anytime you are sitting. You can also ice between tennis ball sessions. A little ibuprofen can help as well.
Anon
Running off road uses a lot of little muscles that you don’t use on pavement (stability).
If you live somewhere that the trails are rocky, you could certainly have a bruise and those often aren’t visible.
Running shoes with rock plates are overkill for where I live, but may be necessary for your location.
How long is your race? If we’re talking a 5k on doubletrack, you’re probably fine. Just sprinkle a bit of off-road in there. Golf courses are great for a sort of in-between. Not pavement, but not a technical trail, either.
If your race is on technical trails, is long, or has much in the way of descents, you may want to recalibrate your expectations and either postpone or allow for a lot of walking.
Anon
over the past week a lot of people have said that as soon as they are vaccinated they are going back to their precovid life, regardless of the CDC guidelines. i feel like in many other situations people have been much more likely to adhere to guidelines- like most pregnant women i know took their advice quite seriously when it came to not traveling to places with Zika. My personal thought is that generally in life I tend to seek out expertise from actual experts when I need it- like consulted an attorney when writing our will, spoke with two different contractors when had to fix something in our home, etc. I cannot imagine a situation where I would check myself out of a hospital against medical advice. Is what makes CDC covid guidelines different that they have to consider society as a whole as opposed to just the risk for an individual and that people are inherently focused on themselves?
Cat
I’m one who will happily jump on a plane. The reason is because I see the risk to others as low (we are continuing to WFH and run only limited, masked errands, and if we didn’t catch Covid while unvaccinated, how on earth are we going to do so when the chance is now 5% or less of what it was before), but the benefit to mental health as high.
Anon
This. And if I can take a bus in a mask and unvaccinated, why not a plane? Especially after vaccination?
Anon
I don’t think that’s a fair comparison. Very few, if any, people are taking buses for the joy of it, they are doing it because they have to get to work, go grocery shopping, or to the doctor’s and don’t have a car. Almost all plane rides are for leisure at the moment.
Anonymous
But the coronavirus doesn’t care if you feel joy or not. And a family visit is not really a vacation.
Anon
True, Covid doesn’t care if the activity brings joy or is necessary. But the CDC does care. No one has ever said there isn’t risk to riding a bus, they just accept that it is a necessary risk when that is the only way for you to get to work, go to the doctor’s, or do other necessary activities. A vacation is not a necessity and a plane trip is not needed for a vacation.
Anon
I think the reason they are still encouraging people not to travel is less about the plane itself and more about what people might do at their destination
anon
Right, but my hubs and I have already planned a vacation after I get my second shot, and we are just going to stick with the two of us. Literally. Hang out in our hotel room, sit by the pool, some restaurants, but we do that at home too. So I really don’t see the risk. Now, I am not going to go to big indoor parties, but this doesn’t seem like a risk at all.
Anon
+1 I’m vaccinated and planning a lot of travel for May-August, but we won’t do anything at our destination that we don’t do at home and we’re cautious at home (outdoor dining only, etc).
Anonymous
I think it’s a lot more to do with the variants. They don’t want to speed up that spread and are trying to buy some more time to determine effects on the vaccinated. It’s also not a less than 5 percent risk as someone upthread said. If you look at other countries and their guidance to those vaccinated it is very similar to the United States–I don’t think this is some big conspiracy folks. I think there is a lot where people just don’t want to hear what they don’t want to hear right now. I’ve been vaccinated and was specifically told I could still get and spread Covid. I believe that person more than some stranger on a fashion blog who is simply eager to hop their flight to Turks and Caicos. (By the way, we owned a home there for years–away from the hotels on Provo are people who barely have a roof over their heads. That’s not where I want to potentially send disease.)
Anon
Well the CDC lost a lot of credibility in all of this, it I think you misunderstood what people are saying. I will continue to mask/distance post-vaccine in public until the majority of people are vaccinated to “play ball” and not create two classes of people or enable non-masker/anti vax/freedom types to think it’s okay to spread things around. But I believe the science that says vaccines work and it’s very little risk of getting or passing on COVID after, and that even if you get it post-vaccine, it won’t kill or hospitalize you. And then it’s like the cold or a flu and I am comfortable living my old, normal, life with that risk. So I’m not going to live a restricted life for one second longer than I need to. Post vaccine, need is only to be a good citizen for a short period of time. Nothing more.
anon
I agree with you about following expert advice. Sadly most people are selfish and will make excuses for why it’s ok for them to be the exception.
Anon
Do you get 5 servings of fruits and vegetables every day? Do you exercise 300 minutes a week? Do you limit drinks to 1 or less per day? Do you meditate? Are you keeping a network of friends and family who you reach out to regularly?
OR do you generally comply with the spirit of health guidelines without reaching 100% compliance?
Anonymous
Hmmm… if only there was a difference between those non-infectious things without immediate health impact and a worldwide pandemic of an infectious disease with immediate health impact….
Anonymous
+1000. Not analogous at all.
long life
I’m not the poster you are responding to, but you of course understand the difference from following health guidelines that affect only your health and following those that affect the health of others. In a pandemic. That is evolving. But moving in a good direction so I am pretty optimistic.
anon
As others have pointed out, your logic is flawed. Nevertheless, I do actually do all of those things! Minus the 1 drink per day — I do not consume any alcohol, period. Oh and my weekly exercise minutes are closer to 600 ;)
Anon
Then you’re perfect. I know that’s what you wanted to hear :)
Anonymous
Ah, so you can read. Wasn’t sure when you ignored the responses from the non-perfect people above pointing out that you are comparing apples and oranges. Is the apples/oranges comparison confusing for you where you don’t eat fruit/vegetables?
Anonymous
As someone who lost someone to Covid recently, this comment is so gross. You’re going to compare spreading this disease to eating vegetables? Are you serious?I don’t even have words to express my level of disgust.
Anon
Relax, my point was that everybody is making it sound like they never deviate from health advice from experts when they do it all the time. Not everything is a personal attack or affront.
Anon
+1. They will also cling to the stupid narrative that critical commenters “just want people to suffer” – because that makes sense!
Anonymous
This. It’s not like it’s just the CDC with this advice. People think they know better than every public health agency in the world. Like nowhere is recommending travel. Chill out for a couple months until vaccination rates are higher. By June/July most people in many places will be vaccinated. You can be vaccinated and still spread it – less likely but possible.
Anon
Yep and also everyone seems to have buried their heads in the same re: variants and how they complicate things.
Anonymous
OMG right! Someone posted a few days ago not understanding that more spread means more variants. All the people out here dissing the CDC guidance while lacking a basic understanding of science.
Anon
IIRC the full effects take about 28 days to kick in, so when you say “as soon as they are vaccinated” do you account for that timeframe? I’m vaccinated, but am definitely minding that buffer zone.
Anon
Of course.
Anon
I have kids, so I can’t go out and travel / party on a whim. My guess is that many more people travel this summer, especially as some families haven’t visited distant relatives in probably close to 2 years for many people (I am in a high transplant city, so this is a huge deal). Ditto next Thanksgiving and Christmas. We may even go some place for Columbus Day. We have been cautious now for a year. Probably it will be close to 1.5 by the time we get shots. That takes out a lot of people in their 20s, 30s, 40s, and into their 50s. But for people with kids graduating college and going off to college, this year they probably want to do things in person and I can’t blame them. Ditto summer weddings. And, sadly, funerals. Basic life, let alone partying life, has been on pause and many of us have old people in our families who can’t move themselves into a flat apartment now that they can no longer do stairs — those things have been paused and can only live on borrowed time for too long (and I want gran free from stairs b/c the risk to get her into an apartment is less than this year’s risk of putting her in assisted living or a congregate setting where we may get locked out of visiting her and oversight).
Anon
I think it’s an even bigger ask for older people who have less life left. My mom is 70 and almost certainly won’t be traveling much past 80. Asking someone to give up at least 1/10th of their remaining time to do something is a huge ask and I fully support her traveling everywhere (masked and obeying all local restrictions) now that she’s fully vaccinated.
Anon
Can confirm, haven’t been allowed to see my dad in dementia care since October. He looks very unkempt on Zoom and I can’t get in there, it’s infuriating.
Anon
We don’t have kids but we do have obligations so we too cannot go out or travel on a whim. Please stop acting like it’s only parents with obligations.
Anonymous
Maybe the bigger point is that while a lot of people could go out and be wild, for a lot of working adults, it isn’t really likely. More likely: restaurant dinner with friends. People over for dinner. Movies. Church. Sporting events and concerts. A play. The stuff we used to do.
OP
I’m accounting for the time frame. I’m referencing the guidelines the CDC released earlier this week. And I realize the CDC has lost a lot of credibility during the pandemic but I also trust them a lot more now than I did under the previous administration
Anonymous
Yes, everyone I know is waiting the two weeks after the second shot before considering themselves “fully” vaccinated.
Anonymous
It should be 2-4 weeks depending on the vaccine and anyone who got Moderna should definitely not be considering themselves fully vaxxed until they get the variant booster.
A.
Anonymous at 12:13, where are you reading this re: the Moderna vax and the variant booster? I have not seen that.
Anon
I work in public health and that’s absolute nonsense about people who got Moderna not being considered “fully vaccinated” until they get an (as yet currently hypothetical) booster. The fact that Moderna is beginning the early stages of testing a booster is a precautionary measure in case that variant becomes widespread and there is further evidence the vaccine does not work well against it. Right now 1) the variant is not widespread in most places, including the US and 2) there is no evidence vaccine efficacy is drastically reduced against, especially as it pertains to severe illness.
Please get mental health help. Seriously. I’m worried about you.
Anon
LOL whaaaat no!!!!! This is absolute nonsense! All government guidance says you are fully vaccinated two weeks after your second shot of either Pfizer or Moderna. You realize the Moderna vaccine is one of the most effective vaccines ever developed in human history, right? The idea that the vaccine is a failure because they don’t have a booster for every possible variant yet is so absurd it actually made me laugh out loud. Except you’re spreading incredibly dangerous misinformation in a public forum so it’s not actually very funny. “The vaccines don’t really work” is a major propaganda tool of anti-vax people, so while you may think this is advice is encouraging people to remain hermits forever, what it’s actually encouraging people to do is avoid the Moderna vaccine, a phenomenally effective and completely safe vaccine. And encouraging people avoid one of our best tools is the fight against Covid is going to make this pandemic last forever.
Anonymous
Most people are just bad people, the pandemic is simply highlighting it in a public way like never before.
anon
But how does traveling with just me and my husband, both fully vaccinated and after the window, make us bad people when we will only be by ourselves and will double mask on the plane? Like literally. How does that make us bad people? Explain to me the risk.
Anon
Do you refuse to read the entirety of what the CDC and WHO have to say about the spread of variants and just expect others to believe you’re the One Special Exception?
anonshmanon
I am a rule follower by nature, but the comparisons you bring are not apples to apples. Zika advice ruled out a couple of travel destinations but left other good options available. Being checked into a hospital is usually an event of short duration.
Advice in this current pandemic has severely curtailed activities, with no equivalent substitutes, for a very long time. It’s not a good comparison to the other scenarios.
anon
Right, I was pregnant during zika and had to miss two trips, which I did begrudgingly, but man, it is not at all the same.
Anon
Agreed as someone who also had to cancel a beach vacay because of Zika.
anon
The zika thing is different because there was a risk to *you* personally. If there were no risk to you or your baby but you could spread zika to others upon your return, would you still have taken that trip? It sounds like most of the commenters here would say yes.
Anon
Can a fully vaccinated person spread Covid?
Anon
Early evidence suggests that yes they can
Anon
There’s a lot of evidence that fully vaccinated people are very unlikely to spread Covid, plus any risk to others can mitigated by wearing masks in public, and testing and/or self-isolating after returning from travel, which many people I know are doing. Also unless you’re living in a pretty reckless lifestyle (bars, large gatherings, etc.) the people you’re putting at risk aren’t strangers – they’re your household members and they can consent to your travel. And no, I wouldn’t travel if my DH was strongly against it. And he declined a work trip to a Zika area where I was pregnant (men can spread it to women via sperm for up to 6 months after exposure, and condoms are not fullproof).
Anon
Per the CDC early evidence suggests that vaccinated people do NOT spread Covid: “Although COVID-19 vaccines are effective at keeping you from getting sick, scientists are still learning how well vaccines prevent you from spreading the virus that causes COVID-19 to others, even if you do not have symptoms. Early data show the vaccines do help keep people with no symptoms from spreading COVID-19, but we are learning more as more people get vaccinated.”
anon
Right, and if it’s less likely when vaccinated, then wearing a mask and distancing make it extremely, extremely unlikely.
anon
I think there’s a lot we don’t know, especially when you factor in the variants. Hence the guidance to remain cautious.
Anon
I love that people on this board don’t want the J&J vaccine because it isn’t good enough and may not prevent as well against mild cases of covid and argue that people can’t transmit covid after the vaccine. I get that it’s different people, but still. All of the vaccines carry some risk of still getting a mild case. I don’t understand how medically you could get covid but not be able to spread it, and I find that logic very flawed.
Anon
Yes, it’s almost like this board is full of justifications rather than actual scientific fact.
Anon
There is actually evidence that people who have asymptomatic/mild cases spread it less, regardless of their vaccine status. Less coughing = fewer viral particles expelled. People with mild illness also generally have lower viral loads, which means each cough/sneeze/breath contains fewer viral particles than the breath of a person who is or is going to be get severely ill.
Also people are ignoring the fact that it’s incredibly rare for a masked person to transmit to another masked person, barring very extensive contact. The virus is spreading so rapidly because a lot of people refuse to wear masks. If you have Covid and wear a mask on a grocery store run, you’re not going to infect anyone at the grocery store. You might infect your friend who have a 5 hour hangout with (even with masks), but that’s a very different situation. The duration and closeness of contact matters so much.
Anon
as someone who spent quite some time trying to get pregnant, including miscarriages and fertility treatments, and extreme morning sickness, in some ways covid has reminded me of that time. travel was very limited, sometimes canceled due to timing of fertility treatments or i was just so nauseous. eating in restaurants became worthless bc i couldn’t stand the smells, let alone the food. i’ll never forget the time i went to get a pedicure not realizing i was yet pregnant and threw up in my lap. i’m grateful i ended up with two healthy children, but that period was not so fun
Anon
I was coming here to say this. Nowhere near the same.
Anon
It seems like people here are still going to take precautions but may do things like fly (fully masked and vaccinated) that they wouldn’t before. It doesn’t seem that risky to me – I haven’t seen any evidence that fully vaccinated people are spreading Covid. The CDC has also begun loosening restrictions – for example, fully vaccinated people are now advised that they can gather indoors and unmasked with unvaccinated individuals from one household. I think it’s part of a gradual loosening of restrictions and they’ll likely loosen a lot more once more people are able to get vaccinated. If they loosen it now then anti-maskers will be wandering around unmasked claiming they are vaccinated.
But also, everyone has a different risk tolerance. I am pregnant and am waiting to get vaccinated until there is more data available, but if I were not pregnant I’d be vaccinated the moment I could get it and would be fine flying and gathering with unmasked fully vaccinated people.
Anonymous
A few Canadian nursing homes have still had outbreaks even after residents were vaccinated.
anon
Source?
Anonymous
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/covid-19-update-march-9-1.5943167
Anon
I think this article disproves your point. It was one case in a resident and one case in a staff member, not what most people would consider an ‘outbreak’ and very different than the outbreaks that happened before vaccines were upwards of 75% of a nursing home got infected. Also no evidence that any vaccinated people got ill or spread the illness. It could very well be an unvaxxed staff who got it outside of work and passed it to one unvaxxed resident.
Anonymous
? the vax rate was 88%? And the public health authorities there consider the number of infectious an ‘outbreak’ regardless of what your personal views on it are. Moderna doesn’t work well on some of the variants. There are at least 4 different variants out there now and we know the UK variant is both way more contagious and more deadly. J&J doesn’t protect much on mild disease. There’s not one vaccine and one virus. It’s complicated and people should follow public health advice as we are not near herd immunity yet. Vacations can wait until August.
Anon
You said “A few Canadian nursing homes have still had outbreaks even after residents were vaccinated.” but that’s an incredibly misleading statement when the story says that 1) it was only two cases, which may not even be connected to each other 2) there is no evidence to suggest that the two people who tested positive were vaccinated and 3) there is no evidence to suggest that any vaccinated person spread Covid to anyone else.
Covid isn’t going anywhere! There will always be cases, especially in unvaccinated people. The point is that the vaccines are very effective at preventing severe illness and transmission to others.
Anon
“Travel can wait until August” is totally inconsistent with your fear-mongering about variants and lack of herd immunity. I would wait until August if the CDC promised I could travel in August but people like you will just find an excuse for why I can’t travel then. I tend to agree with you that herd immunity is not happening any time soon. A lot of experts think it will never happen and Covid will be a seasonal virus like flu. I’m unwilling to give up travel and seeing my loved ones for the rest of my life when we have vaccines that are almost 100% protective against severe illness and death. If you want to call me selfish, fine, but my view is how the vast majority of people feel. You’re not asking me to give up Michelin star restaurants and five star resorts. You’re asking me to keep my kids from their grandparents who don’t have many years left regardless of Covid. It’s an enormous sacrifice, and suggesting it’s not is absolutely crazy.
Anon
The CDC’s advice isn’t targeted to the cautious traveler who will always wear a mask in public and plan a vacation that involves minimal contact with other people. They don’t distinguish between 1) flying to a destination but staying in an AirBNB, eating outside, not socializing with anyone and spending all your time outdoors and 2) flying to the same destination, staying in a hotel, meeting up with local friends inside w/o masks on, doing indoor dining and going to bars, etc. Obviously 1 and 2 have very different risk profiles so it’s hard for me to take generic “don’t travel” advice personally.
anon
100%
And it isn’t selfish to distinguish between the two. It’s realistic.
Cat
Oh totally co-sign. We’ve taken several vacations of type (1) throughout, albeit driving distance rather than flying.
The advice seems targeted to the lowest common denominator – assuming every aspect of the travel will be the riskier option.
Anonymous
If I travel, I’m not going out clubbing and hooking up with different people. I’m also not doing this at home. Not everyone travels like a spring breaker. Not all behavior carries the same risk.
Anon
I think being a parent taught me that you shouldn’t strictly adhere to guidelines which are based in science but don’t account for real life and the actual human experience. Can’t wait for the misery olympics to begin in the comment section. We all admit that the commenters are inherently better people, but I’m still going to the beach now that I’m vaccinated.
Anonymous
And like many others, I was at the beach twice a week last summer. The beach is not an unsafe thing to do!
Anon
I personally didn’t feel safe doing any travel during the pandemic. Now that we are vaccinated, I feel ok with travelling (masked) to the beach and doing outdoor dining. I haven’t been anywhere since September 2019! I’m ready.
Ribena
I think the point is that going to the beach doesn’t involve ‘travelling’ for everyone – it’s not the beach that’s inherently unsafe but the extra things around it.
Anon
Ah yes, misery Olympics, the other justification invented here so risk-takers can feel better about themselves…
Anon
I feel fine about myself. I really do. I’m laughing at the martyrs though..
Anon
Same :)
Anon
no one ever said not to go to the beach throughout the pandemic
Anon
actually, yes they did.
Anonymous
Actually they do. You don’t want to know what stuff would look like if the scientists ever actually got to lead vs being pressured to release guidelines that they at least have a vague hope of people not being too selfish to follow. But have fun at the beach #vacayallday
Source: sister and my DH who both work in public health in two different places
Anon
I will have fun. I’m actually going with my sister who is an ID physician!
Anonymous
Ah, one of those doctors. The ones who think they are immune from public health recommendations because they worked hard in the pandemic. I can see how your sister is smarter than all the doctors at all the world’s public health agencies. SO great to travel with a modest person like that.
Anon
I’ll let her know that an anonymous Internet commenter is salty and thinks she’s terrible.
anon
Wait, you get to cite your sister who “works in public health” and then be super snooty and rude when someone else cites her sister???
Anonymous
Yes because I cited my sister and DH to explain inside knowledge of how public health regulations are developed in at least two jurisdictions.
She cited her sister as though her sister going along somehow makes all the public health agencies worldwide moot because if her sister think it’s okay then all those thousands of doctors must be wrong. And her sister is just an MD. MDs are a dime a dozen.
Anon
Story Time!
My very regular (not at all special) sister is the system chief of ID for a hospital system in a major metro area. One year ago, she was getting into intense fights with her hospital system because she insisted on PAPR respirators and masks for the respiratory techs and ICU nurses on the Covid units. The administration fought her tooth and nail, and she felt like she was screaming into the void. Why? Because the CDC said masks were not necessary, that Covid wasn’t air borne, and the hospital didn’t want to spend the money.
But yes, your sister is a A LOT more special than mine. Or whatever validation you need.
Anonymous
This is why I pitty people who work in public health. They have so many brilliant minds but still have to pander to the public who don’t respect their authority. It’s a no-win situation, even the most perfect guidance is useless with a public that doesn’t respect it which gives the public even more ‘justification’.
Anon
I generally comply with public health guidelines but not 100% compliance. It’s not a no-win situation. JfC.
Anonymous
This is a great point. We act like public health officials have “lost credibility” and “it didn’t work” and “the guidance keeps shifting,” but compliance has been very poor in many places and public health officials have done their best to tailor the message in a way they hope will sink in and reduce the most harm. They do NOT deserve our ire here.
LaurenB
The beach isn’t unsafe though. I live several blocks from a beach and go there all the time unmasked because I am NOWHERE near anyone else. As in 20 feet minimum.
Anon
I know, but I have to travel there. Trust me, once I’m off the plane, I plan to wear masks in public and socially distance on the beach. My point was that the CDC says NO travel, and I think hmmmm – maybe I won’t travel like I did before the pandemic, but I feel ok with some sort of modified version.
Anon
Yeah, that’s my feeling. The CDC guidelines have no nuance. And there is certainly nuance to be had. A socially distanced beach house rental is not the same as a college spring break boozing it up in the bars and making out with everyone vacation.
Anonymous
I don’t believe the CDC guidance that says it isn’t safe to travel post vaccine the same way I think pregnant women can have a glass of wine just a week and babies don’t need to sleep in your bedroom for a year.
I also think I’ve shut my life down for a year primarily to keep other people safe at huge personal cost so no, I do not believe eating inside, which has been permitted where I live since September, once I am fully vaccinated, is particularly reckless or selfish at all
Anonymous
Science doesn’t care what you believe.
Anon
I think it is interesting that some people feel the restrictions were at a huge personal cost and others feel like they were a mere inconvenience. Part of it probably has to do with your living situation, if you have kids, if you have someone to pod with, how often you saw family in the before times, etc.
I’m more of the mere inconvenience group but I have a big house, big yard, recreation trails, neighbors with the same risk tolerance as us that we shared the pandemic with, family that lives far away that I don’t see often anyway, I could easily work from home. I missed a couple vacations, we’ve postponed my husband’s big 40th, I missed a great Aunt’s funeral, and I missed a holiday with my far away family but none of those things felt like a huge personal cost in the grand scheme of things.
Anon
I do think some people are focused on themselves to a pathological degree. I know people who cut the line to get the vaccine and booked travel right away while high-risk people under the age of 65 in my state cannot get their first shots yet. I don’t think these people deliberately, consciously want others to suffer or to cause more disease, but they just don’t care. They simply don’t care about anyone other than themselves. They think they “deserve” travel and anyone else’s needs (or expert guidance) just don’t register on their radar if it doesn’t match their desires.
To me, the only real option is to cut these people out of my life. They’re not people that I want to know and it’s extremely irritating to be around them when they try to act like they have suffered during the pandemic while not changing their lifestyles at all. In most cases, they weren’t really fun to be around to begin with because they are so self-absorbed.
happily, there are so many people out there who have done amazing things for all of us during this pandemic. That includes scientists, kind neighbors, conscientious family and friends, many teachers, and so many others. That’s who I want to spend my time with.
anon
+1000
Anonymous
Yes. The pandemic has been a great opportunity to get the self-satisfaction of drawing a stark line between good people and bad people. I have been on a quest for all my 26 years to find a simple way to confirm who is ethical (agrees with me and acts in accordance with my definition of responsible) and who is not. I am so grateful that I can now bubble with only the good people now that I can easily identify them. What a relief. And to have achieved complete clarity and self-justification at such a young age. Before I thought it might take until like 40 to get there.
Anon
What’s your point? Are you suggesting that it’s impossible to discern a difference between ordinary, decent people and selfish line-cutting pricks? It doesn’t take that much nuance or examination to identify an *sshole.
Anon
I’m not the person you are replying to but I don’t think everyone that cut the line is a selfish prick. Every state has their own guidelines and some of the criteria doesn’t make a lot of sense. If someone cut the line because they have a super high risk child at home that they are trying to protect, I understand that. If they cut the line because they want to go to Maui, that’s a different story.
And my example is real. I have a friend with a child having lung surgery this month. If she lived 45 minutes West she’d be vaccinated. In her state, a high risk child does not qualify the parents. In mine it does. If she finds a way to get the vaccine I will not judge her one iota.
Anon
This is why we call it the Misery Olympics. I can literally hear people cracking their knuckles and stretching to get ready and explain why they are superior and others are bad. It’s like a sport for these guys.
Vicky Austin
Are you saying that your benchmark for whether someone acts ethically is “they agree with me”?
Anonymous
I am saying that about the anons above me.
Cat
I know right?
anon
I got your point, Anonymous. It’s called sarcasm.
Anon
I support everyone listening to the CDC until the majority of the population has at least had the option to take it, or numbers get so low we are offering it as precaution rather than need. Here is a question though. If we can’t return to normal life after one of those stages, what then??? What is the alternative suggestion one would propose?
If we get to the end of the vaccination line, and the virus is still around in a meaningful way, then it’s either a) because enough people opted out that we aren’t going to get to herd immunity or b) there are variants that outran the vaccines.
Okay, but then what??? If it’s a) sure, I guess we van try to do more PSAs and make rules about needing it to do things stricter, but those things might never work for these folks and I’m not sitting around waiting to see if it does. If it’s b), that’s awful…but what is the game plan then? We all just stay at home forever while we continue to try to play whack a mole with every variant that can possibly come out? By what, reformulating the vaccines but then guess what by the time that gets done and distributed (months and months later!) there will probably be more variants and we have to start over again?
We can’t live like this forever. There is a point where you have to ask what is life worth living, and yes I think 1, 2, 9 months into this that was too soon especially when we just needed to hold onto a little longer to get the at that point given the identified vaccine coming. But roughly a year and a half into it by the time the vaccine rollout is all said and done? After we’ve thrown everything we’ve got at it (vaccine super roll out, stay at home, etc etc)? Then I’m sorry but we might just have to accept that life is a little riskier than it was before. Maybe keep a few things like masks in certain scenarios where it’s really just an inconvenience and nothing more, but otherwise back to life. (I’m in Northern CA where people actually were really really good about masking and distancing, and we still spiked…I feel like we really did throw everything we had at it, at least the people I know and see).
Maybe I’m just at the end of my rope.
Anon
Yup. I got a vaccine early (leftover doses, not cutting the line) but I’m waiting on travel until every adult who wants a vaccine can get one, but after that there’s nothing left to wait for and I don’t really give an F what the CDC says. Anti-vax idiots are going to keep us in this pandemic forever, and I refuse to give up almost everything that makes life worth living to accommodate them. Once everyone who wants a vaccine can get one, I also won’t be putting anyone at serious risk unless they declined a vaccine and sorry not sorry I don’t have any sympathy for those people.
anon
I’m also someone who has been putting the safety of others ahead of my own selfish needs & this is where I land on the issue as well. If you turned down a vaccine despite free and easy access, then I will not continue to put my life on hold to keep you safe.
Anonymous
That’s the key, thing – once everyone who wants one can get one. We are SOOOOO far from that point and yet tons of vaccinated people on this board are a week away from their vacations.
Anon
I disagree – not saying no one here is traveling yet but a lot of the questions are about planning summer/fall travel and I would be shocked if vaccines aren’t widely available by May. I also don’t expect the CDC to change their guidance once vaccines are widely available. I think they’ll change the guidance if/when the numbers get really low (Fauci suggested 10k/day for the whole US as a benchmark for resuming “normalcy”), but I don’t think that will happen this year, if ever. So I believe my response was relevant to the OP asking why people are ignoring CDC guidance, because I fully expect to be ignoring the CDC in a couple of months once the vaccines are more widely available.
Anon at 10:18
+1 to Anon 10:58. I jumped ahead in my response as to why I can see a very realistic scenario as to why this Summer I might start ignoring CDC rules, if they are as draconian as I am anticipating they will stay especially if variants are rampant. But maybe I’m borrowing trouble by not giving the CDC more credit months ahead of time and maybe variants won’t be a thing. Please oh please.
Anonymous
But OP didn’t ask “why are you traveling when the vaccine isn’t available to the general public?” she said “why are you traveling when the CDC says not to?” The CDC’s official position is going to be ‘don’t travel’ until the virus is essentially eradicated, which is a very different benchmark than waiting until vaccine supply exceeds demand.
Anon
Exactly this. At that point it’s their choice to take on the risk and I’m done.
Kitten
All the rich people on this board will remain in their homes until all communicable diseases are eradicated, duh. Everyone else can starve to death.
PolyD
I think there is more and more data that the vaccines help stop transmission – which is not too shocking, considering that lots of vaccines do. Also, at least some of them are more effective against variants than initially thought.
I can imagine that CDC developed some of the guidelines before all the data was in. Knowing a little about guideline development, it takes a while, plus needs to be vetted at various levels. So the guidelines you see now could have been developed using data from a month or two ago. As more data comes in, guidelines will likely change.
Another issue, I am speculating on this – for any individual person, the vaccine might not take, although this is fairly unlikely, based on data from trials. But given that most people are not vaccinated, and positivity rates, while much lower than in the fall, are still up there in many places, any one vaccinated person is likely to run into an unvaccinated, infected person, and if the vaccine didn’t work in the vaccinated person, they could get sick. So I imagine some of the guidelines are based on how likely any person is to run into an infected person.
But I think it’s a little silly to condemn people who want to take a trip after they are fully vaccinated. What’s the point of us spending all this effort and $$ to develop vaccines if we are going to act like they have no effect?
Anonymous
Just wait a few months! Travel is a privilege, not a necessity, and it’s just a bad look to hop on a plane when most people aren’t vaccinated yet, but will be extremely soon. So many people here would fail the marshmallow test…
Anon
this is my thought. like we’ve already waited this long, can’t you wait a bit longer. like even if we meet Biden’s goal of having at least one shot for everyone by end of May, since some of those will still be Pfizer or Moderna requiring two doses, looking like 5 weeks later when those people’s immunity goes into effect brings you to July. we should also presumably have more information/data by then. maybe more people will also be willing to get the vaccine once we have more data. so many people through the end of Trump’s presidency were begging for Fauci to be allowed to speak. Now he is finally allowed to and people seem to want to ignore him. Seems a bit hypocritical.
PolyD
People are talking about traveling in the summer – that is a few months away! At least calendar summer – June 1 is almost 4 months away! I think 4 meets the definition of “a few.”
Anon
We are going to act like vaccines have an effect, once EVERYONE can get one. It is selfish to travel now, when the vast majority of people are unvaccinated. I know many people who fit into one of the categories who are eligible who still can’t get an appointment. You are exposing everyone working on the plane, everyone at the hotel you stay at, everyone working at every restaurant you go to. Once all of those (mainly low-wage) workers has been given an opportunity to get a vaccine, then go hog wild. Travel all you want.
Anonymous
+1. Just wait a FEW MORE MONTHS, people. It’s a miracle we have these vaccines, an actual miracle. Let’s not blow it and harm those who weren’t lucky enough to get the vaccine early.
Anon
I *guarantee* you that in a few months when vaccines are widely available to all adults, the martyrs here will find a new reason why travel is selfish and dangerous. It’s already happening! See the person upthread saying people who got Moderna aren’t “fully vaccinated” until they get a booster that is still in the very earliest stages of testing and won’t be available until the fall at the very earliest. There will always be some threatening variant out there that we don’t have a booster shot for. The people who believe travel isn’t safe can stay home, but it’s time for the rest of us to take these wonderful vaccines, rejoice and get back to our normal lives.
Anon
I’m curious, does anyone actually know a waitress or flight attendant right now? Do they want people to go out to eat so they get their tips and can make their rent or would they prefer an empty restaurant. Is the flight attendant okay losing hours because no one is traveling so flights are cut? Or is she freaking out and needs to be working? I don’t know because I haven’t asked the people we are allegedly being asked to protect here.
anon
Can I get an amen?
And also, I’ll say again, I will be double masking on my flight which will probably be largely empty and no drinks will be served, so I’ll keep my mask on the whole time.
Anonymous
Yes, my family owns a restaurant (in a red state that’s been pretty open for a while now). It’s a mix of opinions among the staff, as you might expect. A lot of “need the money, terrified of getting sick.” On the “plus” side of being in a red state, it hasn’t actually been that hard to come by a vaccine once you’re in an eligible group. I am very curious to see what % of people just refuse to get a vaccine
Anon
Based on my red state going in reverse age order, looks like resistance to the vaccine is less than 30% among older people. Unclear if this will hold up as we move into the younger age groups, but 70% of people over 60 in our state have already made appointments. There’s different kinds of resistance too – everything from “meh, I guess I’ll get it but I don’t want to be first” to “I’ll get it, but only if my employer mandates it” to “I would quit my job to avoid getting it.” My guess is that the last group is pretty small, maybe 10-15% percent of the population, but I could be wrong.
Anon
If you can still get a mild case of covid after the vaccine, how does it prevent transmission to others? If I get covid after vaccinated, it’s not like I get some special kind that doesn’t spread at all.
Anon
The point is that the odds of that happening are dramatically reduced. At a population level, you don’t need to eliminate transmission, you just need to reduce it enough that the Rt of the virus is below 1 and the vaccines do that.
Anon
The point is to stop people from dying from everyday activities like going to the grocery store?
Anonymous
+1. Look, I get it, I want to get back to normal too. I’m in this pandemic just like the rest of you. But let’s not destroy this amazing development of highly efficacious vaccines by resuming “normal life” just 2-3 months too early. You can do hard things! You can do this.
anon
I am one of those who is planning to go back to pre-Covid life, and may have commented here. There is a wide range in people’s “normal” activities though. A big vacation with a long-haul flight is a once-every-10-years for me thing. Seriously, the last one I had was my honeymoon in 2010, and DH and I canceled a 10-year anniversary trip to Hawaii last year. The Hawaii trip is on hold indefinitely, but only partly because of Covid–mostly, our priorities have changed.
My post-vaccine travel plans look a lot like our pre-vaccine travel. We drive. We travel with immediate family (DH and a 6 yo) and possibly 1-2 grandparents. We stay in AirBNBs, state park cabins, or with family members. We cook many or all of our own meals, with some takeout or restaurants, depending on who we’re with. Mostly, this is driven by our budget (low), time off (not much), our priorities (spending time with family), and our kid’s temperament (high strung).
We probably won’t do certain indoor activities, like indoor play places and children’s museums, until children are vaccinated and the CDC says it’s safe. That feels more like the Zika thing, where there are plenty of good alternatives.
Anon
Aw I remember you talking about canceling this trip at the beginning of the pandemic. I’m sorry it’s still on hold.
anon@10:41
Eh, it’s really our own choices. We spent our Hawaii money (and more) renovating our kitchen. And after a year of spending time with my immediate family only, I’ve gone from “let’s get away from it all and reconnect” to “give me someone else to talk to!” I’m also taking a professional certification exam this summer and may take a few days or a week off to focus on it.
Next year, we’d like to take our child to Disney World, assuming it’s safe (including children being vaccinated) and fully open. He’ll be turning 7, which is a super fun age for that trip! I grew up near Disney and went a lot as a child and teenager. For years, I’ve have looked forward to taking my son between 5 and 7 years old, when the magic is still real to them.
So maybe Hawaii in 2023? 2024? Our 15 year anniversary is in 2025, lol.
Anon
Yeah, I feel you on the shifting priorities. Our 10th is in 2022, so we still hope to do something big and without the kiddo then, but the priority for this year is just reconnecting with long distance family and close friends even if they live in boring places. I miss my best friend and my sister-in-law much more than I miss fancy restaurants and resorts, and I know my mother-in-law is devastated about missing a year of my preschooler’s life because they change so fast at this age.
I’m sure you know this, but there’s a Disney resort in Hawaii, so that could be a way to combine the trips next year if you’re interested. We have our eye on that for when our DD is a similar age to your son.
anon
CDC also advises against eating sunny-side-up eggs, so there’s that.
Anon
LOL the best response.
anon
Do you not understand the difference between potentially getting salmonella from an undercooked egg (affects only you) versus the covid pandemic (spreads from person to person)?
anon
Good God, yes, everyone GETS IT. We do not need you to explain it to us. The thing is that traveling while vaccinated and masked and staying with your spouse IS SAFE.
Anon
Hey – you might want to take an internet break for today. Your posts sound increasingly unwell. Hang in there!
anon
???
Anon
I get the distinction, but I’m also not convinced that people who behave responsibly (mask wearing, avoiding large gatherings, etc.) and WFH are spreading Covid to anyone who isn’t in their household. People who get it at the grocery store (which is rare) are getting it from the people who refuse to wear masks. I’m always masked in public and I can and will stay home and avoid public places for a couple weeks after travel, so I don’t see how even if I were an asymptomatic carrier I could expose anyone except my spouse, and he’s consented to the travel.
Walnut
You can take my sunny side up eggs out of my cold dead hands.
Anon
Yesss
Anon
I’ll probably resume some aspects of my pre-COVID life when I get my vaccine. Granted, I’m at the bottom of the priority list so none of this will happen until June most likely, but I do see myself going back to fitness studios wearing a mask, getting a haircut (also with a mask), hitting up the restaurants in my area that offer outdoor dining, and gathering with small groups of friends and/or family once we’re all vaccinated. Especially now that there’s evidence that the vaccine does reduce transmission, and the CDC has said that fully vaccinated people can safely gather indoors with other fully vaccinated people.
Anon
This board skews crazy cautious about Covid. I’m vaxxed and planning summer travel (when I expect most adults who want it will also be vaxxed) and among our friends and acquaintances we’re at the extreme cautious end of the spectrum. Most people I know have been traveling (including plane flights) since last summer, although a lot of people stopped over the winter surge. These people are mostly liberal, educated and pro-mask fwiw.
Anon
Yeah, we all know that the majority of people haven’t been taking it seriously, but that doesn’t make it right. That’s why we are over 500,000 deaths.
Anon
No, we’re over 500k deaths because of anti-maskers and people attending superspreader events like weddings and large indoor gatherings. This kind of all or nothing approach “if you travel, you’re a bad person, period full stop” is not doing us as society any favors. I didn’t come up with this analogy but it’s an excellent one – it’s like abstinence only education. Expecting total abstinence from travel or seeing loved ones for over a year is not realistic. Expecting people to take safety precautions like masks, testing, avoiding indoor public places and limiting contact with large groups of people is much more realistic, and is what we should be pushing.
kitten
I don’t know anyone IRL like the people here but I appreciate hearing other views. The wealthier side of my family works from home and live in more liberal cities so they comply with mask mandates but otherwise live normally to the extent allowed by local laws. People will space high-risk things out strategically sometimes (ie friend who has to help out her high-risk mom will avoid seeing any friends for a couple weeks before). The blue collar side of my family is pretty much back to normal now that the grandparents are vaccinated. The younger relatives all already had COVID or have accepted the small chance they get a disease they have a +99% chance of surviving, I suppose.
Anon
This entire thread can be collapsed and titled Why The Rules Don’t Apply to Me, subtitle Because I’m Special
PolyD
And also people who might be just the tiniest bit over cautious and maybe don’t quite understand virology, vaccinations, and public health quite as well as they think they do…
Anon
I think the vast majority of commenters are making a good faith effort to comply with the guidelines, but some deviations happen. I think there is a vocal contingency that pretends they follow every guideline exactly. And then they hop on here and jump on top of anyone who is honest about it. A fun little pandemic hobby
anon
Many people truly are making sacrifices for the greater good. It’s sad that the concept of being selfless is so foreign to you that you assume people are just pretending.
Anon
I haven’t travelled in a year, haven’t eaten in a restaurant, wear a mask everywhere I go in public. But go head, pop off…
Anon
Those are luxuries, not sacrifices. I’m not surprised you don’t get it.
anon
It really does. The things I read here are out of step with how many people I know are living their lives. I’m sure some of this is an age-related thing (I’m in my early 30s).
I also found the comment asking if anyone has actually spoken with any flight attendants or waitresses about how they feel to be interesting. I think that if the people on this board actually interacted with some of the people we are “supposed to protect,” they’d be a little surprised at their takes on risk. (No, I’m not arguing that if someone doesn’t care about covid or doesn’t understand the risk it’s okay to go cough in their faces.)
anon
“i feel like in many other situations people have been much more likely to adhere to guidelines- like most pregnant women i know took their advice quite seriously when it came to not traveling to places with Zika.”
I am not saying this in support of going back to pre-covid life once you’re vaccinated, but I think that most people see a big difference between simply choosing another vacation destination (at worst, cancelling one trip) and all of the “quarantining” we should be doing re: covid. Choosing Iceland this year instead of Jamacia is not exactly the same thing as choosing isolation, not going to work, not going to the gym, not seeing your family, not seeing your friends for a year. The risk-benefit analysis is different.
Anon
Exactly.
Anon
Fun question: What’s your favorite notebook or journal? Style, brand, size, color—share all the details. I have become obsessed with notebooks lately and very particular about all of these things! I love Papier Tigre, Stalogy, The City Works… my preference is a lay-flat style with lines.
Generations
Circa from Levenger, or the fake Circa Arcs from Staples. I generally use a Staples cover and the Levenger paper.
Anon
All my notes from college and grad school are in Circa notebooks. They are the best for that purpose – full size pages and multiple tabs. Now I prefer a smaller notebook and don’t need to separate subjects so I just use a regular Moleskine. But Circa has a special place in my stationery-loving heart.
Cb
Leuchturmm layflat with dot grid and Rhodia spiral with dot grid. I use a fountain pen and these are both non-smeary.
Anonymous
Dot grids were a revelation, when I realised they existed a few years back, love them!
I no longer use fountain pens, but both Leuchtturm and Rhodia works very well with Staedtler fineliners as well, take the ink beautifully.
Cb
The fine liners are my original love, but I got a fountain pen last year and I can write so much faster with it.
Anon
+1 to the Lechturnm dot grid
Anonymous
Leuchtturm 1917 dotted, both hard and soft back, A5 and A4.
Paper for single sheet pads: Rhodia dotted.
If I can’t get dotted, in a pinch plain but never lined, and never spiral.
For journals with dates, there are some truly beautiful Korean ones, plain or dotted, but I prefer undated.
Cb
Gosh, are we the same person? Down with lines.
Anonymous
Yes! I remember a (pre-Covid) run through Frankfurt airport, and they had whole shelves of Leuchtturms in the regular newsagent’s, I was like “what is this unicorn country that will let me buy the best notebooks ever along with my pretzels and chocolate?”
Anon
Muji everything
anan
+1. I like their spiral bound options – really sturdy covers with thick paper and pretty inexpensive.
Anon
Moleskin, although I wish they had thicker paper and came in more colors. I like lined and soft cover personally.
Monte
Can someone explain the dot grid to me? I am not being snarky, I just cannot wrap my mind around why this exists and is preferable to lined. I was journal shopping this weekend and I just kept staring at the dot grid journals, completely befuddled. I feel like there is a piece of my brain missing that would explain why these are desirable.
Anon
Your brain can fill in the spaces between the dots and make them lines, but it can do the same and make them columns, which is something lined paper doesn’t do.
I’m an actuary so I also draw the occasional graph to help me figure something out.
Monte
Interesting! I am a writer rather than a visual person, so this hadn’t occurred to me.
Anonymous
I think you have the explanation right there! I’m a visual person, and use dots.
Anonymous
I do a lot more than write lines in notebooks. Illustrations, mind maps, matrixes etc. I have always hated lined books, they work very badly with my style. The lines are also visual clutter.
Until I found dotted paper, I used plain, or very faint maths paper/squares to be able to write freely. The dots are confortable and give structure without visual clutter.
Anon for this
For those of you who expect to be working remotely for the foreseeable future, how willing is your employer to allow you to work from another state? I’ve been working remotely for a year due to COVID, and it is highly unlikely that I will be required to go back to the office for another year. When I do ultimately go back to the office, it will only be maybe twice a week, and everyone else will be on a similar schedule. Ultimately, this means there will be very little collaboration with my colleagues in person.
I don’t want to live in my current location any longer, but I also don’t want to live in the other location my group has a presence. I’d love to ask to be a 100% remote worker or work at a company site in another state (my company has a presence in that state), but I haven’t gotten the courage to do so. If my kids weren’t in elementary school, I’d ask if I could move away on a temporary basis, but that just isn’t feasible. Historically, my group has been adamant that everyone must work out of one of the two locations for collaboration purposes, but I really hope that will change due to the pandemic.
Anon
My company doesn’t care so long as you maintain a primary residence in your original state. So, rent a place/live at home, whatever, don’t care during the remote period. We are not likely to want a lot of permanently remote people after though. Likely model will be hybrid of a few days in, a few days out, but the “in” requires commuting to the office. There are companies saying now they will be permanently remote, so if it’s of interest to you, predictions are more jobs may go that way. I just wouldn’t be surprised if you get declined at your company. I’d also think about your promotion prospects (should you care), in a non-remote company, out of sight is out of mind.
JTM
My employer is very willing to let people work from wherever, but that’s mostly because the company has a location in all 50 states, so there’s already a presence for tax purposes. 2020 has proven that we can work collaboratively and get it done (company results were the best in the company’s history for 2020) so while the officially line is “we’re a (State) company & committed to being there”, our HR is approving remote work agreements – I actually just started mine a few weeks ago when my family relocated to be closer to some of our family.
If you’ve got a interest in working remotely, I’d start with talking to someone you trust who can give you info – maybe that’s your manager, or maybe HR. If your company doesn’t have a presence in the state you want to be in, it may be more difficult because of the whole tax thing, but you won’t know if it’s even an option unless you ask. Also think about how being the only remote person on the team could impact your opportunities later – if your group really wants everyone in the office/close proximity, will you be forgotten/not given good assignments/etc because you’re the only one that’s not physically there?
Anon
You have to let them know if you’ll be out of state for more than I think 28 days but it’s generally approved. Moving to a different state is fine. One of my coworkers moved three states away to be closer to his parents. International is more complicated I think, which is a bummer for me. My husband’s a prof so when travel opens up again we could easily spend our summers in Europe if my job allowed it, but I’m not sure they will.
Anon
It might also depend on your industry and whether it is at all regulated. Our process for approving requests to move somewhere else include tax, employment law, but also whether we are currently licensed/ have a legal entity in that state, which matters for certain types of positions but not others. It is a mess of different permutations. If your company already has a presence, it’s probably ok (assuming that your HR has set it up the right way) and you’re really just having a culture/ performance conversation with your leader and can focus on your outcomes and what the business gains from letting you do this.
Anon
Our employer is concerned about increased insurance costs for those who live out of state / network for our insurance providers. We’ve been pretty accommodating during the pandemic but might consider some restrictions in future years.
Anon
Yes, check this out before moving- our main health plan only includes in state providers as part of the network. Out of state, you can only get emergency or urgent care. There is an option for a PPO that includes out of state, but premiums are double, the deductible is much higher, and other out of pocket costs are higher.
Anonymous
If your company has a location in that state I don’t see why you wouldn’t be able to work from there. However, I was listening to a virtual panel last week with CEO’s from a few large healthcare systems who said they were starting to recruit for non-clinical positions nationally, but avoiding 5 states due to their workers comp laws.
Anonymous
Surprisingly, it seems like we might be allowed to do it. Our CEO would prefer that everyone stay here but most of us do not come from wealth like she does and cannot afford to buy a home and then a second home in the San Francisco Bay area. I’m hoping to move and will get a new job if it doesn’t work out to be remote like that.
Anon
I don’t recommend this (and it wouldn’t work on a permanent basis) but I know several people secretly doing this during the pandemic. It’s more of a ask forgiveness rather than permission situation. Rather than cause the company tax and workers comp worries, they just aren’t mentioning that they are traveling while working.
I could see this spectacularly backfiring if there was some emergency that got them called into the office or if they, God forbid, were in an accident in their new destination and needed leave and the paperwork is all coming from out of state.
Personally, if I’m going to my parents, 2 hours away in another state, I don’t bother telling my office. If I were to go to my in-laws where I was a two day drive away, I would give them a heads up.
My boss just announced he’s going to work from his kid’s place on the opposite coast for a month so I’d guess it is currently accepted at my employer.
Diana Barry
We are a law firm and have several people who work in other states. We pay them for hours worked and all of them have spouse’s benefits – I think if we needed to offer them benefits the cost to the firm would be much higher and so they might not make enough to make it worth it for them.
nom
I work for a state government agency, and so far they have turned out to be surprising fine with it. I know of one person who moved cross country (to the other coast), and within the past 6 months we hired someone who is based in another state (a similar distance away) and has no plans to move. So it seems like our new rule is “as long as you’re in the US and are available during core hours, it’s fine.”
This is a radical shift from the BeforeTimes, when our leadership was very butts-in-seats oriented, and we were limited to a max of 2 telework days/week. There were a very small number of people who were remote, but they had special permission to be based elsewhere in the state, and typically they were working on specific community-related projects.
Being based in another state does complicate health insurance, and I don’t know how it affects taxes, etc. I think most of the folks who are based out-of-state have health insurance through a spouse or are veterans and use VA healthcare.
AZCPA
My current company is flexible during the pandemic and fine with people working anywhere, but have made it clear that when the offices open, people are expected to return to the office of hire, unless they take a new role that is based in a different office. My old company, were I worked all of 2020, isn’t permitting even temporary moves during the pandemic, and also expects people back in their offices in late 2021.
Anon
This week is bringing up a lot of memories for me about the one-year anniversary of when this pandemic was declared and how quickly everything changed. I’m grateful things seem to be slowly improving, but when I think about the me of one year ago, I’m like, “wow, you had no idea.” I remember thinking it would be a big deal if this COVID thing lasted six weeks. Oh, how naive I was…
Is there anything you’ll miss or carry with you from stay-at-home life as we’re vaccinated and things begin to open up? For me, it’s the ability to get outside every day and not be chained to a commute that regularly forced me outside in inclement weather. Once I was able to adjust my schedule so I could walk outside during the more pleasant parts of the day, ideally in daylight, even harsh winter felt a lot more manageable.
Also, being able to cook and prep meals at home while in meetings was so key. I love getting housework done while I work so I don’t face a weekend full of chores.
And what’s the one thing you miss the most/can’t wait to do from pre-COVID life? Besides hugging friends and having people over, I cannot WAIT to hang out at a cafe all day with a book and a cappuccino. I also miss museums so much. I want to go and stare at my favorite paintings for like 30 minutes each. Just soak them up.
You?
Cat
Miss – Fancy drinks at a nice bar. A long indulgent dinner at a quiet table indoors. Europe. Caribbean.
Keep – long walks on nice days. Paying attention to more 1-1 chats with friends rather than getting together as a group.
anon
Travel is the main thing I miss, but also dinner with friends at restaurants. My husband and I have been eating out just the two of us but never with anyone else.
I rediscovered tennis and it kept me happy and sane in the latter half of quarantine, so I’m going to keep that up. I love it. Such a good way to get exercise and keep your mind active, always trying to get better and win matches.
Cb
Miss: Sitting in a cafe with a book, staying in a hotel on work travel and my sushi/romance novel evening routine, museums.
Keep: WFH 2-3 days per week, I’ve never been a massive WFH fan but have finally adapted and can see the benefit, particularly as someone who struggles with chronic illness and fatigue.
pugsnbourbon
Going to an art museum by myself is one of my absolute favorite activities. It’ll be so nice to do that again.
Cb
Right? And then a nice lunch or snack in the cafe. I love it.
pugsnbourbon
Reading alllll the labels. Watching a video installation run through twice just because I like it. Spending way too much time browsing in the shop. I can’t wait.
Anon
You’re in Indy, right? Do you have recs for art museums that aren’t Newfields? I’m kind of loath to return there after what happened recently.
pugsnbourbon
I am, and I’m feeling the same about Newfields. For the garden/grounds, I’m going to Garfield Park. The Art Institute in Chicago is of course incredible. I’m also very fond of the Cincinnati Art Museum and the Cincinnati Contemporary Arts Center.
Lyman Zerga
Don’t forget the Eiteljorg!
Anon
Definitely agree with you about harsh winter commuting. I got badly hurt a few years ago, falling during an ice storm on the day of a mandatory monthly Town Hall…which were SO important, we haven’t had a single one since Covid started. Every time my ankle hurts in bad weather, I get furious and resentful all over again.
anon
Besides getting together with people, I desperately want to hide inside a coffee shop with a good book and linger for several hours. I don’t consider myself a foodie, really, but I miss the atmosphere of being inside a restaurant. It’s not just about the food! Takeout is delicious but it doesn’t replace that experience.
I have always enjoyed being active and outdoors, but I took it to a new level over the past year. I hope to keep up with that. And while I miss small gatherings, I haven’t mourned the loss of big, crowded events at all — this year has confirmed that I don’t really need those things to be happy. My garden FLOURISHED last summer because I was around to baby it all the time.
WFH has helped me keep on top of house stuff, especially laundry and meals, in a way I’ve never been able to manage. I hope some of those routines and habits will stick, but it’s gonna be a stretch. Being home during the day has been a game changer.
Monday
Miss the most: unobstructed breathing everywhere I go. Browsing at the library. Going “out” like 6 times per year? (Restaurants, bars, shows.) I was never a huge going out person, but I now see I want to be able to more often than never.
Keep–maybe?: I have really mixed feelings about this and am curious what others think…I was a major fitness studio-goer. I was also an instructor in the past. I made some good friends at the studio, and it was really the only place I’d meet new people. Working out at home is more flexible, cheaper, and involves no transit time. I’ve bought most of the equipment that my studios have, and have more variety in my workouts this way. So, I really feel sad seeing how many studios have closed, and thinking that only big chains, or very expensive studios, may survive long-term. But at the same time I’m not sure if I plan to go back to regular studio classes, or investing the membership fees anywhere.
Anon
I feel the same re: working out at home. I love it more than I ever thought I would, and I was a huge gym person and class attendee. But when I think back to how much extra stuff I had to lug around to work out before or after work, it was a huge pain! It also took up a lot of time. I love being able to fit in home workouts around my own schedule. And there are so many great YouTube channels I can access for free.
I do miss the energy of group Zumba and yoga classes, but I don’t see myself returning to those for a long time.
Anon
Miss the most: my best friend across the country and her “baby” ( now almost 18 months old) that I still haven’t met. Travel. Fine dining. Broadway theater. Sitting in my favorite coffee shop with a good book. Massages. Large family gatherings with my in-laws. Watching my kid do fun activities and explore new places. Not having to double commute to take my kid to daycare at my office.
There’s not a lot that I’ll carry forward. I’ve seen a lot of people lose their focus on “stuff” or slow down their over-scheduled lives, but my life was that way even before the pandemic. I do like being able to take walks outside and do mid-day exercise classes but I think on balance I prefer working from an office, especially since daycare is at my office so I don’t save on commute time now.
Anon
Your “keeps” are very similar to mine. I have loved getting outside and flexing my day so that I can do that. I go for a walk in the woods from 4-5:30 and then keep working when I get back and more after dinner if I need to. I love having a full kitchen for my lunches. I’ve been making myself egg sandwiches, french toast, I made a homemade turkey salad the other day (leftover roasted turkey breast diced w/ mayo, seasoning, pickles) on a grilled bun. That’s the sort of stuff I wouldn’t bother prepping ahead of time.
I also really cherish the time I have had w/ my pets this year. I have two dogs and a 16 year old cat. I don’t know how much longer I’ll have with him so getting to spend quality time w/ him during every workday has been priceless. I have a fenced in yard and being able to let my dogs just go in and out as they want on a sunny day has spoiled them rotten.
I really hope the Zoom deposition / mediation stick around. I always thought it was ridiculous to have people flying in from out of state for such things. If anyone is from out of state, we should just default to Zoom. I also over about 6 hours of territory and I love that my distant pointless hearings (the ones that are just scheduling conferences) are now over Zoom. I hope it stays that way!
I miss traveling, eating out, getting drinks, wandering in shops, seeing family, going into the lodge when skiing, meeting friends of friends, in person yoga and meditation.
Anon
I really miss going out with my friends for drinks, sitting in a dark bar drinking fancy cocktails. I miss that so much. I also miss going to the movies. But I really like how much money I’m not spending on stuff like that. I think I’ll try to strike a balance once things go back to “normal.”
Lilau
Honestly? There’s nothing I want to keep.
The only comfort I take in this miserable year is that the life choices that led me to my pre-2020 life were on point. I really value work/life separation and thrive on in person interaction. I hate being in the same place every day and I miss being in a different courtroom/arbitration hearing several times a week. I’m a better lawyer, wife, mother, daughter and friend when I leave the darn house every day. My relationship with my husband was stronger when I talked to other people most days. My home was more beautiful and I enjoyed being here more when we weren’t here 24/7.
I also need to get back to the gym. Walking around in the street because the sidewalks are filled with snow banks, with a mask on, at eight months pregnant, is just not an ok substitute. I’m so sick of pretending like it is.
Also, food tastes awful when youre sitting in a 40 degree parking lot. I don’t care how many heat lamps they put out. It’s no fun at all.
Anon
Same. This experience just crystalized for me how much I loved my pre-Covid life. I want it back and there’s nothing from this year I want to keep.
Anon
I want to take my toddler out places, even if it’s just shopping at the grocery store.
NYNY
The thing I miss most is hanging out casually with people who are not my husband. I love him so much, but my god we’ve seen a lot of each other this past year! I need to be around family and friends, and I need him to do things with friends sometimes so I can be home by myself. I also desperately miss going to performances – dance, theater, concerts – that are not on a screen.
I do like working from home, both because of the flexibility and skipping the commute. I also like managing a remote team, because everyone is taking more responsibility for their own time and productivity. I am going in to the office a day or two each week now, but I hope that we can continue in a hybrid model even when things loosen up.
Anon
Miss: Leisurely strolling through a grocery store with my partner discussing new products and inspiration for what we’d like to cook. Stark difference from the quick in, out, hyper alert grocery shopping of pandemic times.
Keep: Partial work from home. I always thought I would hate work from home and find it difficult to self regulate. I’m currently in a hybrid situation that I love!
Anokha
Miss: Having time with just my husband without kids around. Once this is over, I want to spend a week with him on a beach with just us.
Keep: We have done family dinner nightly, but will be difficult once commutes are a thing again.
Anon
+1 million to time alone with my husband. We’re going to Bora Bora in August and we need it badly.
Anon
Since no one has said it, I’ll say it – I’ll miss being able to self-garden mid-day in a completely empty house. Yes, I do this in another room so there is no concern for Zoom mishaps!
Anon
hahaha “Zoom mishaps” that’s great. Husband thinks us both WFH with kids in daycare means we should be having regular mid-day gardening. I can’t wait until he goes back to the office.
Anonymous
Miss: Smiles and hugs; socializing with co-workers, my cloistered BFF
Keep: Sign-ups and assigned spaces at the gym, working outside at home, weekday post-work meetups with neighbor friends, cocktails to go, outdoor.dining (but not exclusively!)
Anon
I miss meeting my friends at a beautiful restaurant bar and ordering some great happy hour titbits to share, the cold, sharp taste of my martini, wearing dressier clothes to do such a thing (not formalwear by any stretch but also not slippers), striking up random conversations with a bartender or strangers in the vicinity, deciding if we want to call it a night or get a table and share a meal, walking out of the restaurant at 9pm and feeling the night air on my face, saying fond goodbyes with the promise of doing this again soon, and calling an Uber to take me home. Looking out the window of the Uber at the stars and feeling glad to see my house when we get there.
Anon
I love how you write! And I agree with everything you said. Beautiful descriptions.
Anon
Someone commented earlier this week that all communication was breaking down at their org. While it’s still okay at my level I’m definitely seeing evidence that this is the case at senior leadership levels at my org too. Can’t wait til we can put the fighting people in a room and they can thrash it out in person
anon
Oh, this is definitely happening in my org. I posted about this a few weeks ago. The cracks are showing. Work is getting done but communication between units has really suffered over time. Back in August, I would’ve said “let’s all work from home forever!” Now, I’m much less sure about that. It’s the less tangible that is suffering, and it hasn’t been great for staff members who were newer to the org when the pandemic hit.
anonshmanon
Totally agree, little things fall by the wayside and after a year, it all adds up.
Anon
I’m in tech, not law, but I know a lot of you have had at least partial remote work: has your company changed the sick day policy since Covid started?
I’m getting what feels like intentionally vague direction on what’s acceptable and what’s not. Apparently the number of days allowed is now up to the discretion of each department VP, so I will be written up for using more than 3 days in a year, while someone in accounting might get up to 5. The handbook calls anything above 5 in a year “excessive” so that seems to be the cap, but now apparently it can be even less if individual departments want.
I took a sick day yesterday due to a migraine and my boss said it’s up to me how to file it, but that she always uses PTO for sick days. I feel like that’s what is expected.
This feels like insanity. One infection or flu (much less Covid) would blow through that time and possibly get me terminated. I’ve worked here for 7 years, with consistently good reviews.
Anon
actually yes. We never previously had sick days but now do. Your company policy or lack thereof makes no sense and sounds like a recipe for disaster
Anon
Do you have billable hours? If not, I’d “work” with the migraine, aka lay in bed with your computer and just respond to urgent emails, doing nothing else.
Anon
I do, though not in the same way that law does. I have to account for a full eight hours, assigning my time to specific R&D projects in a (very detailed) project management system. So there’s no such thing as a day where I can coast and fudge it.
TheElms
Lawyer with a billable hour requirement and “unlimited” personal leave (to include vacation and sick leave). I can take as much time as I want, but still must be available all the time unless I’m in the hospital or on official leave status (like parental leave, leave without pay, disability). I typically can get about a week of protected leave by which I mean I only check/respond to email once in the morning and once at night once a year and another week were I work partial days. It was not a good situation before and this hasn’t changed it.
Anon
I’m also in tech and I cannot stand the vague direction on this. We have “unlimited” time off, which translates to nothing paid out if you leave and also subtle pressure to only take 2-3 weeks. No one seems to know how to handle sick time. IMO if they won’t give us paid time off, we should not have to log sick time. It’s shady to me.
cara
Yeah that makes no sense. If its unlimited time off . . . I assume that also means that sick days don’t have to be logged. So weird.
Anonymous
That sounds extremely ableist and anti-parent to put a cap of 3 or 5 days.
Anon
F-500 company
Everyone gets 10 sick days/year, regardless of tenure. Vacation/PTO days are separate from sick and depend on how long you’ve been with the company (I get 20, plus 3 floating holidays).
Dear+Summer
How many PTO days do you get? I don’t have separate sick and PTO days; it’s all in one bucket. However, my time off is generous so I haven’t thought about it.
NY CPA
+1 Same here
Anon
12 days PTO. You start at 10, then after 5 years of service, earn an additional day each year, until you max out at 20 days.
I can buy an additional 5 (but don’t, because it costs more per day than I actually earn per day).
Anon
Well, I’ve changed employers since COVID started, but I’ve been working at tech companies for about seven years now, and the policies are usually much more consistent than that. That said, it probably has a lot to do with our state’s sick time law that went into effect in about five or so years ago, employers have to let you accumulate sick time, and if you work 40 hours a week, that amounts to six days of sick time per year. So my employers have either let us accumulate them in accordance with state law, or gave them to us up-front at the beginning of the year. Or they just offer unlimited or “flexible” time off, and you’re not penalized for taking time off when you’re sick.
I would say that if a company has been discouraging, or worse, actually penalizing the use of sick time before COVID, this should absolutely be a wake-up call to stop that, and if it isn’t, it should be sign to the employees that they should work somewhere else.
Anon
Vaccine rant/question/ethical quandry, so just collapse if you are sick of that. Lawyers are considered essential workers in my state (which is following the CISA classifications). We’re currently vaccinating essential workers who “must be in person at their place of work.” Other essential workers are in the next group. Husband’s firm had them all come back in person in June. His firm is taking the position since they’re back in the office, they are in this group and husband is going to get his first dose today. My firm, on the other hand, is still mostly working remotely unless you really need to be in person for something. My firm has basically said the guidance is unclear and they’re not taking a position on if we’re this group or the next. I have had to go to court or to meet in person with clients in person or go into the office for things that couldn’t be done remotely a handful of times over the last year, but certainly not regularly. And while vaccine appointments are hard to come by in my urban, blue city, if you are willing to drive an hour to the surrounding more rural, red counties, multiple Walgreens have like 30 appointments available in the next two days (which, from a herd immunity standpoint, is terrifying me that people just aren’t getting vaccinated). I feel like I should wait until the next group, but if there are plenty of appointments available now, should I go?
Anon
so for the most part i think it’s total BS that lawyers are essential workers. the CISA classification includes too many people. if you had asked me two months ago i would’ve said you shouldn’t go but at this point it has become such a free for all and we are all better off the more people who are vaccinated so I’d just go.
Anon
Oh yea, totally agree with you on that (at least all lawyers; prosecutors, public defenders, other essential criminal justice types, sure, but all of us?). It’s so frustrating.
Anon
Our state was using the CISA classification because they wanted all those people to get it. Don’t try to make up your own rules if your state already has them. They want you to get it!
Anon
Go now
Anonymous
+1
Senior Attorney
Yup.
Anon
Go now. No one is looking out for you, look out for yourself.
Anonymous
You should not get because you don’t have to go to work in person so do not qualify. Your husband qualifies so he should.
To me this isn’t a question. Take the shot when you’re eligible, don’t lie or cheat to get it sooner.
Anon
Disagree. Too many antivax people are slowing things down. Shots in arms end this. Go now.
Anon
+1 to this. Go now.
Anon
Hard disagree. Get shots in arms now. There lots of available appointments, and lots of available doses in that case. She’s not duking it out for a single remaining vile. Get it and get it now.
Anon
Get it. You aren’t even stretching the truth. You are a lawyer that sometimes has to do things in person.
Some states are saying public defenders and prosecutors only which makes sense as the first wave of in-person cases are going to be the backlogged criminal docket.
If you need certification from anyone, like your employer has to submit your name to the state (that’s how it works here for first responders) then I’d hesitate. If you just have to show up and say you are an attorney then do it!
Anon
Eh in my state we have been in person in court all along for incarcerated defendants. We were considered essential workers, but are given no priority for vaccines.
Anonymous
Get vaccinated. It’s not selfish if it is available. It helps build herd immunity.
Anon
+1. The ethics philosophers are not helping anyone anymore.
Anon
Go. If you have to go to a court appearance in person, you “must be in person” at your place of work.
Ribena
I’ve seen some really interesting thought pieces pointing out all the reasons why, if you qualify under whatever the current criteria are, you should get the vaccination. One of the biggest reasons is that it increases % uptake which helps fight vaccine hesitancy.
Anonymous
Has your employer come up with a plan for dealing with vaccine refuseniks?
We are back in the office in a a state with a mask mandate. The plan for dealing with those who refuse to mask is to warn the rest of us against complaining about them. We have folks that have stopped masking in anticipation of being vaccinated, and mask decliners who have loudly proclaimed that they will not be getting vaccinated under any circumstances.
Anon
It’s a personal decision (stupid, ignorant one to choose against it), but once you’re vaccinated it doesn’t matter so much. So get your vaccine and call it a day. I think we will reach herd immunity.
Anon
my body my choice. i think you are stupid for getting a rushed, unproven “vaccine” with unknown long term effects that i can’t even sue anyone for.
anonshmanon
Not my employer, but the local university has made clear that people who decline the offered vaccine will be held to the same PPE and distancing rules, while the rules will be relaxed for vaccinated employees.
Anon
I work for a university and we’re planning to require it in the fall, once the vaccine is fully licensed and no longer under an EUA. I assume there will be a medical exemption and some small percentage of people will remain unvaccinated, but it should be enough for herd immunity if everyone on campus is told to get it.
anonshmanon
right, I could see them going that way eventually. They did require flu shots in the fall.
busybee
I am six weeks pregnant and have several autoimmune conditions, for which I receive IV treatment every two weeks and take a variety of medications. My doctor has told me not to get the vaccine because anything that triggers my overactive immune system will likely cause my immune system to attack the baby and cause a fourth miscarriage. I have no interest in sharing this with my workplace. We are in the office and I am the only one who hasn’t gotten the shot, and my boss has made very pointed remarks about it which make me uncomfortable. She doesn’t seem to respond to “my doctor advised against it for me.” Some people aren’t “refuseniks” but may have valid medical concerns that they don’t wish to share. Just keep that in mind when forming any policy, or before judging coworkers.
No Face
That stinks. The first trimester is so hard for workplace issues because you are dealing with pregnancy issues in secret.
Anon
So true. Thanks for posting. With your boss, maybe you could say your doctor has advised you to wait for now but anticipates you will be able to get it in the future after completing certain medical treatments. Vague but true.
Anon
well any policy should have an exception for people for whom it is not medically advisable and they should be able to provide that information to HR. in your shoes i’d be frustrated too. i’d probably say something that i’d love to get the vaccine, but my doctor thinks my body will react negatively to it or something along those lines. i am very pro everyone who can getting the vaccine, but i also completely understand that there are some people for whom getting the vaccine is not at all safe and definitely don’t think those people should get it
Anon
You are why everyone else needs to get vaccinated! We need to protect people who can’t get vaccinated.
I also have autoimmune conditions (RA among others) but I’m planning to stop my Humira and get the shot when my turn comes. I wouldn’t do so blindly if I were pregnant, though.
Monday
Health care provider in a hospital setting. We are not allowed to ask each other whether we’ve gotten the vaccine, though we are free to disclose our own status voluntarily. Peoples’ status is certainly not public info that could make them subject to different rules. Everyone still has the same PPE requirements as before the vaccine was offered.
Anon
Since the vaccine is under EUA, you can’t require people to get it. My office is encouraging it by saying you don’t have to use PTO if your vaccine appt is on a workday and you don’t have to use PTO if you have to miss work for side effects.
I know some of our lower paid hourly staff were originally hesitant to get it because they were afraid it could cause them to miss work. This avoids that issue.
Coach Laura
I have a weakened immune system and scientists/doctors don’t know if the vaccine will confer enough protection to me. They are doing studies on it now but no answer to date. So if masks aren’t required all the time (I don’t think they will) I will hope to stay WFH.
Anon
Arkansas is trying to ban abortion and so is South Carolina. I’m sad that I’m still scared to be a woman in this country despite campaigning for Biden and seeing him win. This is exactly why I didn’t say “I can breathe again” after he was elected.
I hope all of you are familiar with misoprostol and how it can be used for a safe, private abortion at home. Women here may need it sooner than we think.
Anon
I donate to Aid Access, although these days we also have to worry about the reliability of the mail.
Anon
I’ve heard about misoprostol but how do women obtain that?
This may sound callous but when I was dealing with a lot of anxiety surrounding politics and social justice issues, my therapist had me do an exercise about the worst case scenarios for me personally. The point was to convince myself that I was not in personal danger and then to step back and say okay, even though I’m fine, how can I help others that won’t be? So, for you that might be realizing you are a woman of means and can travel to other states easily if you needed an abortion. For me, on the abortion issue (when RBG died) I had to remind myself I am infertile and very very unlikely to need an abortion. That doesn’t mean abortion rights aren’t important to me, it just helped me manage my anxiety.
Anon
It’s still a rights violation on the basis of sex for a woman of means to be forced to fly to another country (or even just another state) to access an essential medical procedure. No woman should ever be forced to do that. The way the U.S. is going, too, I could see a world where women face civil fines or even criminal penalties for leaving the country to get an abortion. This isn’t meant to be scare-mongering, but we need to know the risks here.
As for obtaining misoprostol, women in countries that have banned abortion typically get it under the table at pharmacies (misoprostol is often sold as Cytotec, an anti-ulcer drug) or from organizations like Women on Waves. Women on Waves did deliver to the U.S. for a while, but I believe they had to stop. I know that some women living in Texas close to the border with Mexico have crossed the border to buy misoprostol from pharmacies there. If abortion does get banned here, we’ll need to figure out new strategies, but for now, we need more women to know that this option even exists.
Anonymous
I obtained it at Planned Parenthood.
pugsnbourbon
There are a few mail-order options (Aid Access mentioned above and Women on Web). Plan C Pills also provides information on how to acquire misoprostol/mifepristone. Handbook for Post-Roe America (which I think has recently been updated) includes instructions for use.
And keep donating to abortion funds, particularly in states like SC and AR. States with only one clinic (SD and I think MO now, too) are in need too as folks have to travel further. We keep each other safe and supported.
Lilau
This also might sound callous but at, as someone who is strongly pro-choice, at some point I have to look to the women of these states. It’s not as if they’re all voting pro- choice. What is their deal? Why do I care more about their rights than they do?
Maybe they’re disingenuous? Maybe they don’t think their own rights are that important? Maybe some rich women need to die of eptopic pregnancies and/or go to jail for miscarriages before they take this seriously?
Realistically, I know it’s the poor and the young and the otherwise marginalized women who will ultimately suffer, but I’m not personally more vulnerable than the average republican lady in Arkansas and I’m annoyed that I’m more upset than she is.
anon
I think the surface-level, conscious thought process is that they would never need an abortion because those are for sl*ts who can’t keep their legs closed and of course they would welcome a “surprise” baby into their family. Of course this imaginary surprise baby is conceived by consensual act with their husbands and is a perfectly healthy little cherub. Also, the “unwanted” babies should be adopted out and there are so many families who would love to welcome them into their families. (Meanwhile, the people saying this have adopted zero children.) I believe that, in general, there are a lot of people across the political spectrum who live in denial that bad things can happen to them, so the thought process really may not go beyond the above. But for those that get past the first layer, subconsciously, I’m sure there are many who know they could always opt out of their own rules and go to another state if it became necessary. They may not consider how this impacts others beyond themselves to be their problem.
theguvnah
These states are gerrymandered and voter suppressed in such an extreme way that state legislators get elected even when they hold directly opposite policy views of the people they serve.
This is a structural problem more than an individual voter problem. Not a single state has public support for banning abortion and yet, here we are.
pugsnbourbon
@Lilau – I’d be lying if I hadn’t had those thoughts before. I remind myself that red states are often heavily gerrymandered, or state governments (dominated by white dudes) are actively restricting voting rights (hi Georgia). So there may be more pro-choice people in those states than we might think at first.
I also try to remind myself that I’m fighting for abortion rights for anyone who might need it, for any reason.
Arkie
I’m a woman who lives in Arkansas. Like others have pointed out, my state is heavily gerrymandered and there are old and new voter suppression laws of all flavors. There are plenty of Democratic women here and there are plenty of poor and otherwise marginalized women here who need all the healthcare access they can get. We are not all insane Trump Train people who don’t care about others. Women here do not deserve to die because other people in this state consider them to be less important than a just-fertilized egg.
There are lots of anti-choice women here, partially because of religion, partially because of low education rates, partially because of our severely patriarchal society (and I’m sure millions of other factors). There is also a general sense that liberal (or even centrist) votes don’t matter because Democratic candidates will never win, so lots of people don’t vote. I hope the rest of the world doesn’t stop caring about those of us here who want to make a change and who need help!
anon
OK but how is this helpful for those of us who would have to seek out that service?
Anon
Most people commenting here have the means to do it in another state if needed. Let me be 100% clear – I still am politically active and I still donate to pro-choice causes and Planned Parenthood. The OP talked about how scared she was. Maybe I was projecting but I had been there myself and had to work through it with “what ifs.” Obviously it is still a rights violation and terrible. I’m sure if you worked through your worst case what ifs you still end with you getting the services you need. Don’t stop fighting, just maybe sleep a little better at night. It’s putting on your own oxygen mask first. You can tell your brain “I am ok” and then work to make the rest of the world ok. For me it was helpful. For others it might not be.
Anonymous
Great, important post. As a reminder, women in Venezuela and Poland are facing new abortion bans as well (already enacted). Misogyny is global.
Anonymous
Oh, and also, women in Venezuela have lost access to contraception due to its disappearance from public clinics and extremely cost-prohibitive prices at private ones. It’s shocking and awful for a country that used to have free, widely available, and high-quality contraception for all women.I highly recommend this article if you haven’t already seen it: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/20/world/americas/venezuela-birth-control-women.html
Seventh Sister
I bought a couple of Plan B kits off Amazon on the theory that if.Something Very Bad happened, we could use it.There are enough Catholic hospitals in my area that I’m worried we might not be able get emergency contraception in an emergency that involved an ambulance ride.
Anon
If you have never vacationed in any of the islands before (Bermuda; Bahamas; T&C; PR etc) where would you go traveling alone (single woman) for a 2-3 day vacation post pandemic? Specifically interested in luxury resorts which exist everywhere but also a place where it’s safer enough that you can leave the resort/Uber into town and look around for a few hours (daytime only – wouldn’t go out alone at night). Bonus points if for places with gorgeous palm trees; places where you won’t feel totally odd alone for 2-3 days; and places where you can drink the water. Thoughts? Flying from DC if it matters (I know everyone says Hawaii is the best island vacation but for a 2-3 day trip I’d need a shorter flight.)
Anonymous
Bermuda is going to be the perfect fit for you.
long life
+1
Anonymous
+ 1 to Bermuda.
anon
I was really underwhelmed by the Bahamas. My vote is for PR but I would also consider Mexico.
long life
I wouldn’t do Mexico right now, alone, as a woman.
Anon
As someone who takes a couple of trips to the beach in Mexico annually with my husband, I agree with this advice. I don’t necessarily believe that horrible things will happen to a solo female visitor there, but you’re not doing anything to optimize your odds. I would feel safer elsewhere.
Anon
+1 Mexico is not that safe.
Anonymous
Bermuda! The whole island seems clean and safe. You can leave your hotel and explore. Cute British accents too
Anon
Yeah Hawaii is the best if you want to do more than just lie on a beach, but I understand why it doesn’t work for a short trip from DC. I would say Puerto Rico. PR is the island in the Caribbean that most closely approximates Hawaii and it also has the benefit of being in the US, which I consider a big plus in the current situation with quarantines for international travel, etc. T&C has some amazing snorkeling, beautiful beaches and nice luxury hotels but they’re not close to town/I don’t think there really is a well-defined “downtown” on Provo. There is a lot of crime in T&C and I wouldn’t have gone out alone at night but felt safe during the day.
Anon
I really liked T&C (Provo specifically, but have been to North and Middle Caicos as well). Provo as a whole might have some crime in the local neighborhoods, but Grace Bay tourist area is IMO really safe, well lit and patrolled. The “downtown” area is more separate shopping plazas than a specific downtown, but it’s all very easily accessible. They use US dollars and English is the official language, which makes a short vacation easy. It has the most beautiful water and plenty of luxury resorts. Go to Coco Bistro to eat (make reservations ahead of time) and snorkle in Coral Gardens in the morning to see sea turtles right off the beach.
Anon
Yeah, we stayed at Windsong so Coral Gardens/Bight Reef was right out our front door. I didn’t love T&C overall but we’re big snorkelers and the ease and quality of snorkeling at that hotel was unparalleled. It was a dream trip since we had a baby and it was hard for us to get out and about, but I’m not sure I’d recommend the resort to people who aren’t so devoted to snorkeling or who are more willing to drive to good snorkeling.
Anon
I really love PR. There’s tons to do there, really good food. And it’s domestic.
Anon
My bestie went to Bermuda and called it “tropical Atlantic City” in that the main drag is nice, but the rest felt unsafe. She recommended not going alone.
NYCer
Really? I have been to Bermuda numerous times (granted never alone, but have gone in a group of only girlfriends), and have never felt unsafe anywhere on the island. I think Hamilton is completely meh, but the island itself seems completely safe.
NYCer
ETA: And was actually coming here to suggest Bermuda to the OP.
Munchlax
I got the same vibe. I went a few times for work and felt safe walking around during the day (and near the hotel at night). There were a few good restaurants and lots of beachfront. Not sure if it’s due to my experience as a work vs. personal trip, but I would categorize it as a much more low key vacation destination.
CountC
This is very surprising to me. I have been to Bermuda 5 times – 3 of those alone and I have never felt unsafe. I’ve been to all the touristy attractions, use the bus system for transportation, and go to many non-touristy/local areas. I LOVE Bermuda. It’s one of my favorite places to relax on beaches.
Anon
I thought Bermuda was hella boring (it feels like the island equivalent of a retirement home), but I never felt unsafe there. The Atlantic City comparison is very weird to me. I haven’t been to AC since I was a child but as best I can recall it is very different than Bermuda.
Anonymous
I vote for the Fairmont Southhampton in Bermuda. Private beach, and spa. Restaurant at the beach but there is also their bus service to their boat service which takes you to the sister property in Hamiliton (the town). It was nice because it meant I didn’t have to deal with figuring out transport into and out of Hamilton. I don’t love all the Fairmont properties but I would definitely go back here.
anon
I went to check it out based on this rec, but it turns out they’re closed for renovations, with no date scheduled to reopen.
Anon
Bermuda but depends on the month. It’s not tropical and is cool/cold October through April.
Anon
Yeah, people always seem to throw it out as a tropical destination but it’s at the same latitude as South Carolina, so it’s really not that warm most of the year.
Anon
Wow, I didn’t realize how bad my geography was until just now. I had no idea Bermuda was way over there!
Anon
Cayman Islands. I stayed at the Marriott resort there on Seven Mile Beach. Not a huge resort, felt very safe, had free hotel-provided shuttles to shops and town area where restaurants were. Amenities and guest services were excellent.
anonshmanon
Looking for your favorite afternoon snacks, especially things that are not super sweet. I feel like this last holiday season I didn’t hold back one bit on the indulgent foods and now I’ve consumed enough sugar for two lifetimes. During the long gap between lunch and dinner, I like a cheese stick, some nuts or a small avocado toast. I’m curious for your favorites!
Anon
Apple and peanut butter.
Vicky Austin
A god tier snack, honestly. I also like apple and cheese.
Dear+Summer
Same. I always go back to this combo.
Anon in Dallas
I really like the preportioned trader joe’s reduced salt cashew mini-bags. I know I can’t be trusted with a big bag or something because I will just keep eating but those give me a set amount I can eat
Anon
Rosemary Triscuits with very old English cheddar.
Anonymous
That sounds delicious! Adding to my grocery list right now.
anon
Lately I’m enjoying veggies with homemade blue cheese dip. I also like to mix salted pistachios with dried cranberries if I’m craving something salty & sweet.
anon
Yum, that sounds amazing!
AnonATL
We have similar snacking styles. I’ll take some unsalted nuts mixed with craisins or chocolate chips if I want something sweet. And veggies with a homemade bean paste for salty. The bean paste recipe is literally a can of beans blended with some garlic, salt, and maybe a little hot sauce. So basically hummus.
anon
I need to try this bean paste!
AnonATL
Black beans work really well and then I use a tablespoon of the preminced garlic. My husband likes it with kidney beans too.
Sunshine
Fruit and yogurt. I often buy frozen fruit and put some in a bowl in the morning so it defrosts by the time I’m ready to add yogurt and eat. Frozen fruit gives me more flexibility with when I eat the fruit because it doesn’t go bad.
Anon
Ooh, I have so many ideas. I love snacks.
Trader Joe’s garlic chili cashews
Also TJ’s, those peanut butter-filled pretzels. SO GOOD.
Dried mango. Or frozen mango chunks right out of the freezer
Blue tortilla chips with Frontera salsa, especially the jalapeño cilantro one
Pink Lady apples dusted with cinnamon and a side of peanut butter for dipping
Peanut butter mixed into Greek yogurt with raspberries (again, straight from the freezer! I always keep a bag on hand) and pecans. Can you tell I love peanut butter?
Extra sharp Cabot cheddar and crackers or pita
Red peppers and hummus
Ribena
I think ‘little kid’ for this. I often have a mini babybel cheese, a banana, a ‘fun size’ chocolate bar, or one of those little Graze snack punnets. Or a coffee/hot chocolate that’s mostly milk (to get the calories/protein from the milk).
Senior Attorney
I am all about sugar snap peas these days. Also cherry tomatoes.
Monte
Roast chickpeas. I have to be careful not to eat huge handfuls because they are delicious.
Anon
Flavored almonds and a lime, tangerine, or grapefruit La Croix. My current favorite almonds are Habanero BBQ flavor, but I vary depending on what’s available.
I also appreciate that coca cola comes in mini cans now. I don’t want to drink too much of it so the small serving size is perfect, and it seems to take the edge off my hunger until dinnertime. I probably drink 2-3 a week for those days when the La Croix is just not going to cut it.
Anonymous
I like the Blue Diamond almond crackers, and popcorn with spices (curry, chili powder).
Coach Laura
Hummus with sliced bell peppers, baby carrots or cucumbers.
Peanut butter with celery sticks and a few raisins.
Homemade sugar-free dairy free nutella with an apple. (Basically almond butter with cocoa powder and melted dark chocolate and a little vanilla, mixed together while the chocolate is melty.)
Dark chocolate almonds (9 almonds) with 9 plain almonds, eaten two at a time.
Anon
Has anyone had any experience with at-home IPL? the braun one looks compelling but would like to hear any first hand experiences if it really made any difference for bik line and facial hair. thanks
AZCPA
I tried it, with a high end Braun. Did absolutely nothing for me, and I used it regularly, exactly on the recommend schedule.
Ended up getting laser hair removal from my derm’s office, and its nothing short of amazing.
long life
Do tell…
How much did you have done? Cost?
AZCPA
I’m now done everything below my hairline (so including the back of my neck since I have short hair and used to get nasty ingrowns from having it trimmed). Roughly 6 sessions per area, and I did 2 areas (so like underarms and legs) at the same time). My derm cut me an amazing deal on the cost since I’m a long time patient, but I’d ballpark $500-$800 per area (obviously depends a lot on COL in your area) for the set of sessions.
I did
I’m using the Bella (the one CostCo puts on sale every fall). Seven sessions in, I think it’s starting to go down a little (i.e. I could shave every third day rather than every second), but I’m not actually sure if that’s real. It’s supposed to take 8-12 sessions. Very light skin with black hair.
My concern with paying for a professional laser package was the cost and the pain, i.e. that I’d spend that much money to discover I couldn’t take it. My big take-away was that the pain was non-existent. So, even if home lasers are lower-powered than professional lasers, I’m now convinced I wouldn’t have a problem with the pain, and I don’t regret spending money on the home laser. We’ll see how this goes, and maybe I’ll spring for a laser package next winter.
Anonamouse
I’m changing jobs next month to a large law firm and am trying to plan when to expect to be reporting to the office. Last summer we stayed with family to escape the city and would like to do so again, even if only for a few weeks. The new firm said that they’re watching the market to see when to start reopening offices and expect/encourage attendance. So, I’m curious what other firms are doing. Would love to hear from the hive as to whether their employers have projected return to office dates or provided any insight on lead times for when that decision would be made. TIA!
NYCer
My biglaw firm in NYC is targeting September.
Anon
In house in southeast returning to the office in June
Anonymous
In-house northeast also returning in June
Diana Barry
Targeting September but we don’t have a policy yet. We don’t have that many attorneys who are non-equity partners or associates so it will probably be “use your best judgment” for them. I think staff will be able to WFH 1 or 2 days a week when we are back.
Cat
Mid summer at the earliest (very well could be pushed) and even then a slow roll-in. I am guessing it will be fall bc of childcare and school dependencies.
anon
What region, and where is your firm headquartered? My firm has not provided any dates and loosely said something like “we won’t expect people in the office in 2021”. We are in the Bay Area.
Coach Laura
Ours says July 6, with a 30 notice if they extend it.
Horse Crazy is back with wedding stuff
Wedding registry questions!
1. What should I register for??? To narrow it down – we have a fairly furnished house already, I love to entertain, and I am a pretty experienced home cook, so I already have a lot of cooking stuff (good knife set, All Clad skillets but not pots, Kitchen Aid mixer, Dutch ovens – although they’re not Le Creuset, so I am going to register for those). We are wine/beer/liquor drinkers, so I know I want to upgrade my wine glasses – brand recs? I’d also appreciate recommendations for nice sheets/towels and a fancy coffee maker and grinder – just for a regular cup, not an espresso machine. Any other suggestions? Oh, and I want a Dyson vacuum SO BADLY.
2. Our daily dishes are Fiestaware, and I’d like to register for more place settings and some serveware, but I’ve only seen it at Macy’s and Bed Bath and Beyond, and I’m not sure I want to do a whole registry at either of those stores. Should I just do a small registry at one, just for Fiestaware, or just skip it and buy it for myself later? Or can someone talk me into having a bigger registry at one of those stores? My thought it that I’d like things that are a little higher quality than Macy’s or BBB, but I could be persuaded otherwise.
anon
For wine glasses, I recommend Riedel. If you want to add to a registry at Macy’s, Macy’s carries several types of Riedel glasses. DH and I have an assortment of the Extreme wine glasses, plus a couple of Vinum port glasses, some of the cocktail glasses, and some Os (theoretically for water if we do a fancy table setting). We’ve purchased a lot of them from Macy’s in the past year, and none have arrived broken. Macy’s also has some Le Creuset, though it looks like they may not have the full range of sizes and colors.
Horse Crazy
Thank you!! Appreciate the recs.
Senior Attorney
Yes, Riedel-rhymes-with-needle.
I know a lot of people (including me) have issues with Amazon but they have everything and their wedding registry is really user-friendly. And they have a nice set of Riedel glasses: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004RQRFRO/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
AZCPA
I’ll counter on the Riedel – I had both the stemless (O series) and many of the stemmed versions and didn’t love any. The stemless aren’t anything special, and Riedel, like so many other popular brands, are HUGE. We never used them since they were a pain to store, clean, put away, etc. Ended up getting old-school (read: small) Russian crystal that I adore. Bonus, they are like the Mikasa cut crystal my mom got as a wedding gift 45 years ago and still uses.
But, La Creuset all the way – I use them for everything I cook.
Anon
The only advice I have, and I’d be curious to hear other’s thoughts, is just be realistic about what your guests will pay for your stuff. We registered for our china from Crate and Barrel, and I liked ours because we could register for a relatively affordable plate by plate and bowl by bowl rather than the $100s of dollar full place settings other places/brands force you to. We actually had the option to register for the Crate and Barrel by expensive full set and opted not to, and when we opted not to the store guy was like “good, no one buys the whole expensive set”. I feel like so many of my friends that went the set way wound up with like 1 full place setting and a gravy bowl or something, and filling in the for the other 11 full place sets and $400 serving plates or whatever was up to them after, which I’m guessing they never did, leaving the one full set or whatever worthless. We actually got every piece we register for in the form of onesie twosie pieces from a variety of people.
(I know some would say don’t bother with china at all, and I could see that. I enjoy having ours and like you we already had so much of the classic stuff by the time we got married we were actually struggling for what else to register for).
Not to say you can’t register for a few expensive items. I fully endorse a dyson vacuum. I guess this is more geared to categories where if you only get a few of the whole category it makes the few you get seem silly…but I can’t think of too many categories that would apply to other than dishes/china.
Horse Crazy
That totally makes sense, thank you!
No Face
I got my full sized clothes steamer on my wedding registry and I can’t recommend one enough! Also, get nice picture frames in various sizes. I don’t have any specific brand recommendations, sorry.
Horse Crazy
Oooh both are such good ideas! Thank you! A steamer didn’t pop into my mind, but I was wishing I had one the other day…
Anon
Bed Bath and Beyond actually carries a lot of the high quality brands. You can register for your Dyson vacuum there, Le Creuset, probably your coffee maker. etc.
Horse Crazy
Oh, true! I guess the BBB we have here is kind of crappy and dirty so I don’t think of it as having stuff like that, but it’s probably just this store. Thanks for that reminder!
anne-on
This – stacking the completion discount with any gift cards after the wedding is also a GREAT way to finish off your registry.
Gail the Goldfish
If you like plants or gardening at all, I registered for nice flower pots (mine were from Williams-Sonoma, just note some don’t have drain holes if you want them for outside use), which are one of those items that I always think are more expensive than they seem like they should be and so won’t buy myself, but am thrilled to get as a gift. Most useful thing has actually been a cheap vegetable chopper that I use all the time (this one: https://www.crateandbarrel.com/oxo-vegetable-chopper/s177129). You can always put random useful kitchen gizmos (I registered for a pineapple corer, for example)
Horse Crazy
Oh, great idea! We do love gardening, and I had no idea that Williams Sonoma sold pots. Thanks!
anonshmanon
While you already have the kitchenaid, you could browse the many attachments and see if any of them would get realistic use in your house.
Horse Crazy
Yes, definitely going to do that! I really want the ice cream maker attachment :)
Anon
I think the ice cream maker attachment is one of those unicorns that went extinct during the pandemic. I guess everyone was making some homemade ice cream to go with their sourdough. I saw many used ones going for a premium over retail on ebay.
Maybe they’ve caught up with demand by now.
Senior Attorney
I love my Cuisinart food processor: https://www.amazon.com/Cuisinart-FP-8GM-Elemental-Processor-Gunmetal/dp/B00MVWGFP4/
anon
Use “My Registry” which allows you to add items from various stores. I’ve actually used it for birthday wish list. It’s brilliant.
Wine-wise, I would get a multi-temp wine fridge.
joan wilder
I like Staub better than Le Creuset. They are oven safe to a higher temp and have metal rather than plastic handles, which seems like a basic expectation for a $300 pot… For wine glasses, unless you are regularly opening DRC wines (and if you are, lucky you!) I like good quality universal size glasses, rather than separate glasses for white and red. I’ve been eying the ones from Jancis Robinson
Horse Crazy
Lol definitely looking for universal glasses. Champagne flutes might be the only exception. I’ve never heard of Jancis Robinson – just googled her, and those glasses are GORGEOUS!! Thanks for the suggestion!
KS IT Chick
The most practical gifts I received were a high quality electric screwdriver and a really good cooler. My FIL bought the former, and he went a couple steps higher than I registered for. It lasted me for years. My mom made it part of the gift she gave every newlyweds after seeing it, and everyone was always extremely appreciative.
Senior Attorney
This is genius!
anon3
god, weddings are such rackets.
Horse Crazy
And you’re contributing to the discussion…how?
Anonymous
I love Ralph Lauren sateen sheets, they last forever. If you are a monogram person, this might be a fun time for monogrammed towels. What about a crystal water bottle and glasses for your guest room? Or getting the bits of table linens you will want for post Pandemic entertaining? I bought new cocktail napkins, and cannot wait to use them. I also find trays to be really weirdly expensive, and think one would be fun to receive as a gift, as would the massive bowls you would buy for a buffet table event.
Horse Crazy
Great ideas, thank you!
Curious
Some hits and misses:
We got Brooklinen sheets. A year later they are yellowed (our fault, white sheets just don’t work for us), and the bottom sheet is ripped from trying to get it to stay in the right place on the mattress. Not great.
I love and frequently use the mortar and pestle my childhood neighbor got us. I rarely to never use the mandolin.
We got wire shelves for the garage and they are the best!!!
A friend got my casual gamer husband a second Switch controller, which we don’t use a lot because COVID but did use frequently when his parents came for an extended visit.
I use the lovely table runners from Crate and Barrel regularly.
I do not use the Le Creuset saucepan (too small) and sometimes regret getting the frying pan (can’t lift it with one hand). I wish we had registered for a casserole dish.
Hope this helps!
Horse Crazy is back with wedding stuff
Good to know, thank you!
Cara
For all the notebook talk today – what do you write down? I’ve always had a notebook I made to-do lists in at work, and have at times in my life had a diary. Recently I’ve started writing daily to-do lists of normal, personal things (take a shower, take a walk) that has really been helping with my depression. I thought it was too much, but my therapist said that as long as it wasn’t obsessive and it was working its fine, and I’ve also started to hear/read about a lot more people than I expected doing things like this.
Anon
I do write to do lists and shopping lists but also I take notes in lots of the meetings I go to. The actual act of writing helps me focus in the meeting and then it’s nice to be able to look back and reference things. Also after reading some article in the NYT months back about diaries helping historians that encouraged people to write pandemic diaries, I have started doing sporadic diary entries. A mix of “here’s what I did today” and “here’s how I feel.”
anan
I use my notebook to track habits. And, yes, brushing and flossing is one of the habits I track because some nights it takes a real effort. Also all the lists: To do lists. To buy lists. Meal plans and grocery lists. I also write down quotes that I come across that I like. I also have been writing haikus lately to help focus. I also use the note book to tuck in magazine articles that I want to save for later – particularly if it’s a recipe or a book list.
I have a separate journal that is more reflective and a separate notebook to track the books I’ve read.
Coach Laura
I use Mountain Planner Pro from amazon.
It has one undated page per day. It has a section for Focus, Habit and Project plus a Mission section and a Notes section per day. It also has Gratitudes and Anticipations every day. Then a list of top 4 priorities and an hourly schedule column, which I use to take notes of phone conversations.
It also has a weekly plan and recap and monthly planning pages. This is good for listing goals like working out, healthy habits etc.
I love love it. I think it would work well for what you do, because I do about the same during this crazy time.
Anon
Hot sleeper advice needed. I recently bought a new mattress and bedding with the primary goal being breathable materials so that I don’t overheat at night. This includes a non-memory foam mattress (Saatva Classic), bamboo sheets, Turkish cotton duvet cover, and the “all season” down comforter from Brooklinen. I am not overheating anymore, but I woke up today absolutely drenched in sweat. I mean like, the sweatiest I have ever been in my life. This has been happening every night since the bed makeover. Any suggestions? I am guessing the comforter is the culprit and I need a more lightweight one. I’m wearing light cotton pajamas, and sleep in a cold room. Everything but the duvet cover is returnable.
pugsnbourbon
Unfortunately if you’re a hot sleeper I think down is always going to be too warm. Could you do a cotton quilt instead?
Also – I said this on another post recently, but did you by chance switch up any meds? A couple years ago I tried a new antidepressant and I was waking up 2x/night absolutely drenched.
Anon
Fellow hot sleeper here. I have an Ikea comforter that I love – they rank their duvets according to warmth, so look for one rated “cooler” that has a down alternative filling. Down is just too warm, even supposedly “all season” down. Cotton sheets instead of bamboo. Also some medications cause overheating at night, that might be the culprit.
Anonymous
We have two of the Ikea duvets and the second-coolest one is damn warm. I’d definitely go with the very coolest one.
Anon
No advice, just commiseration. I wish i could sleep on an ice cube.
NYNY
I find bamboo sheets sleep hotter than cotton or linen, so you may want to look at the sheets before the comforter. For a light, breathable comforter, I love the Buffy Breeze.
Anon
Same- go with linen sheets and cotton blanket.
Anonymous
+1 bamboo (aka rayon viscose) isn’t a natural fibre it’s considered a semi synthetic because it requires so much processing. Cotton and linen are both significantly more breathable.
Anonymous
With the caveat that I am in an overheated NYC apartment, I usually just have a sheet on me at night, all winter long. Our down blanket is only on my feet. And I need a fan on me. The fan makes a huge difference. My husband sleeps much colder, otherwise I would just open the window (more) so the room was colder. If you want weight without much warmth, you might try a cotton blanket instead of a comforter–or the duvet cover without anything in it–but first I would just put less stuff on top of your body.
anon
To deal with a similar situation, our winter-time bedding is a sheet, a cotton gauze blanket, a wool blanket, and a thicker cotton blanket. My husband needs ’em all to be warm; I typically have the sheet and the cotton gauze with the wool blanket on my feet.
Anon
I don’t actually own one but I’ve seriously considered buying a Woolino comforter: https://www.woolino.com/collections/comforters . Merino wool is breatheable and should prevent sweating. My kid’s sleep sack from this brand is nice.
Betsy
I have a wool filled comforter and I adore it. My husband is a night sweater and while this isn’t a complete solution it has helped. We both feel very comfortable during the night with it. It also doesn’t shift like down does, which is awesome. I felt like I was replacing my (expensive, high quality) down comforters every couple years because they wouldn’t stay fluffy, but I see my wool comforter lasting much longer.
Anon
I don’t use a comforter, never have. Just cotton sheets and a blanket.
Anon
OP Here, thanks everyone! I am going to exchange the comforter and sheets. Any specific recommendations for super breathable sheets? Thanks!
MJ
Target Threshhold percale. They are the best. In general, percale sheets sleep crispy and cool.
Garnet Hill also has a wide selection of percale sheets and their quality is outstanding.
AnonMPH
Fellow person who wakes up hot/sweaty here! I used to have that brooklinen comforter, which sounded perfect and so light, but it was so hot. For winter I have been using a cotton-filled comforter (Organic Cotton Comforter from Garnet Hill) and cranking the heat down to 65 or below at night. Coupled with linen sheets and a new mattress (winkbeds) that’s been working well for me. Really wake up sweaty much much less frequently, seems to only be impacted by my cycle now. As it gets warmer, I may switch back to a cotton blanket (I loved the Riley one we used to have but we got a king sized bed so will have to repurchase or try something else).
Anonymous
I have a silk comforter that I love. Not nearly as hot as my down filled one.
anonymous associate
I am thinking about a possible move in the next 6-18 months from my current Cravath-scale firm back to my hometown (to have more proximity to my aging mom). I am having absolutely no luck in getting hard info on what kind of salaries I’d be looking at – the recruiters I’ve talked to say, “sure I’ll look into it” and then don’t get back to me or say “let’s see what’s on the table when you get an offer.” Lots of resources for 1st-year associate salaries but not midlevel/senior associate salaries.
Other than just calling up distant acquaintances at the firms I’d be considering and asking, “how much do you make?” are there any resources on finding salary bands for 5th/6th/7th-year associates at the major Minneapolis firms? (or can anyone here share?)
Anon
I don’t have a direct answer, but I will say as someone with a stagnated career due to family caregiving: I wish I’d moved to a competitive city for my field and then moved my parent to me. Being stuck in a tiny rat trap, being embarrassed about my paltry resume and scared about my pitiful retirement account balance, is a daily misery. You might be better off bringing your mom to you. Sure, she may balk and be set in her ways, but once she’s gone, her effect on your future security will still be your problem.
Anon
This. Please think seriously about bringing her to you instead of moving for her.
Vent
My partner got an email that they will be required to go back to their (100% open floor plan, high density) office full time starting in two weeks. No exceptions unless you have a certified high-risk condition. Neither of us will be vaccinated by then. I’m so frustrated and want to cry. Tell me this is going to be ok somehow?
Anon
It’s going to be fine. Some people have never stopped working through the entire pandemic (no mass deaths from that).
Anon
How do you even know that? You don’t. OP is well within her rights to be concerned.
pugsnbourbon
… more than half a million people in the US are dead. Is that not mass death to you?
Anon
I think she means that workplace transmission has not been driving the spread of Covid. I don’t know if that’s true, but it could be. 500k deaths overall doesn’t automatically mean that going to work with masks, distancing, PPE etc is automatically unsafe.
pugsnbourbon
And I would argue that decent chunk of those deaths are due to the US’ shit pandemic response and nonexistent safety net. There were always more people working in-person than there truly needed to be.
Anon
I’m sorry. That stinks.
Can your partner get a vague note from their primary care physician indicating that the physician is against it, without naming the condition (I imagine any physician would advise against unnecessarily being inside with others)?
If not, the NYT has had some articles on small n95 mask makers that can’t get into the healthcare supply chains and so are selling n95s to the public—it could be worthwhile to get your partner some.
Dear+Summer
I would suggest he push back HARD on this. We had a similar directive from my company and we all were LIVID. We pushed back so hard that the plans to return were scrapped.
Anonymous
Definitely recommend pushing back. What state are you in? Is that even allowed according to your state’s guidelines?
Anon
Can he talk to his doctor? I don’t think a doctor would or should lie and say he has X condition that he doesn’t, but I think there are many doctors who would be willing to write a vague note about how he shouldn’t have to go back to the office right now and should continue to be permitted to work from home, and his employer might have to accept that.
Anonymous in Texas
It will be okay. We’ve been back at the office since May 2020. Yes – May 2020. If your partner’s company takes all of the necessary precautions (masks, disinfectant, take temps, social distance, make sure employees don’t come to work sick, etc.) then they will be fine. I work in a 3000+ employee space and we’ve had very little workplace transmission.
Anon
Yes, I’ve been back since September. And I’m high risk. A lot of people have been. Not sure where you are located, but I think this board skews weirdly WFH right now. It’ll be fine. I’m pregnant so I haven’t been able to tell them I’m high risk. It is what it is. I have no work-related need to be in the office but my (very nice) boss prefers it and I really like my job.
I’m hoping to get vaccinated soon? Thing I’m pushing back with DH right now is that he’s started to have work travel planned. I’d argue it’s not super necessary but pre-pandemic he traveled every other week so it’s definitely how his job works normally.
long life
This is going to be ok.
I’d buy some surgical masks, and practice double masking if you aren’t already. Get a bottle hand sanitizer. I’d also wear glasses for protection. Wouldn’t go all out with goggles though. Just me.
What state are you in? Chances are high vaccines will be coming to you sooner than you think.
If you are not high risk, you really aren’t high risk. Your husband’s drive to work will likely be more dangerous for him than the chance of developing serious disease from COVID, even if he got it, the chances of which are low. And yes, many many of us have been working out in the juggle all year and are doing ok by taking reasonable precautions. Your home isolation is pushing your anxiety through the roof right now, and I get it. But it will be ok. Really.
Vent
Thanks. I’ve actually been working in person but I have a private office. The open floor plan (multiple people facing inward to the same work space) is what concerns me. Masks are required but only when leaving your work space.
Beresford Love
Just popping in to leave a little Alex Beresford love. His takedown of Piers Morgan was right on point, and incredibly well stated. If he wants to come stateside and give some weather reports, I might just start being a morning show person.
anonshmanon
I saw the viral clip of his ‘takedown’. I use inverted commas because it was so…calm. It had a vibe of ‘I am not angry, just disappointed’ and made me wonder whether nobody had ever pushed back against Piers Morgan before. At all? It seemed such a mild critique yet he had to stomp off the set in a huff. But not being British, I guess I just don’t get how scathing it was or whatever.
Beresford Love
Right?!?! The calmness was what made it so brilliant IMO. And yes, Morgan stomping off just showed what a bully/toddler he is.
Ribena
In the UK the ‘delivering something disapproving in a very mild friendly tone’ is a real THING. It’s a close cousin to the ‘with all due respect’ thing.
Monte
I was happy to see it, but agree with anonshmanon that it seemed so reasonable and calm that Piers’ response was wildly disproportionate. Then again, Alex called his storming off diabolical, which also did not seem right. Petulant, sure, but not diabolical. So I think that as an American I don’t get British intepersonal expectations.
Anon
I think it’s cultural for sure. Our interpretation is that when Alex said “Absolutely Diabolical” the audience gasped and said their version of “oh no he didn’t!”
Anon
I loved that too. I showed it to my kids as a teachable moment and they’ve spent the time since calling each other Absolutely Diabolical, which cracked them up.
Transplant Mom
For a different perspective on COVID: my youngest child is waiting on an organ transplant. We have not viewed this as a lost year. It was difficult of course, and I had to quit my job to become a caregiver and made many sacrifices. But every day we get to have together is special. I’m exhausted listening to all the talk about travel and vacations and airplanes, etc. on here. We are grateful for the small things. Every day we are not in the hospital is a good day. When I compare how my family is coping to others, we are somehow doing ok, even well. Our challenges may be greater, but our perspective is shaped by those challenges.
Anon
I love this take. I too don’t view it as a “lost year” or “life on hold.” It’s different, but it’s my life and I’ve tried to make the most of it, even though I’m high-risk and I feel anxiety about it. It’s not always easy (far from it), but there is a lot to be thankful for. I couldn’t do many of the things I wanted to do last year, but I learned some new skills indoors and connected with family members who live alone over Zoom and got to enjoy a lot of peaceful quiet time with my spouse.
Best of luck to your family and your child. I hope the transplant comes in soon.
Anon
Prayers for a successful transplant and thanks for the perspective.
RILawyer
Wow, what a stressful but also wonderful time this must be for your family. I’m glad you’ve had so much time to spend with your child. Sending internet hugs and hoping your child gets his/her transplant soon.
anon
Also loving this perspective and wishing you the best.
My boss died recently after an unexpected/very aggressive cancer diagnosis. His family is immensely grateful to have had so much time together during his final year of life.
Walnut
I wish all the best for your family.
Transplant Mom
Thanks to all for the support and kind messages. I’m going to be a living donor for him, which is very cool, and has allowed us to have some semblance of a plan. But the uncertainty of it all will tear your family apart unless you find ways to cope.
Anon
That’s amazing you can do that. Good for you! and best wishes!
Walnut
Gosh, I understand the sentiment on uncertainty so much. Mentally life pauses, but it reality it’s spinning faster than ever.
Friday
Losing my job at the end of the month (it’s ok) and I just confirmed health insurance coverage ends the same date. Should I apply for healthcare insurance on the exchange now? Or wait until I’m officially unemployed? I’m fairly certain I won’t go with COBRA. I have a few doctor appointments scheduled for April and I’d prefer to keep them rather than reschedule. Second question: I’ve been wearing black Target sports bras for well nigh unto a year now. With Spring around the corner I’d like to get some light cotton tees, but I would like a nude for me sports bra. Any suggestions? Target’s line of True&co doesn’t provide enough support for me day-to-day, but I could try the real thing, I suppose. 34DD if that matters.
Anon
Cobra is retroactive, so depending on the cost of the appointments I might just pay out of pocket for them and elect coverage if something pricey comes up. It’ll probably be cheaper doing that than any of the marketplace plans.
Anon
I thought the new relief bill made COBRA free? Why would you not do that? I haven’t looked into the details, so maybe I’m missing something?
Anon
I don’t think it’s actually passed yet, so will make COBRA free maybe?
Anon
True, but they’re voting on it today and I haven’t heard anything about it being changed, so it’s pretty likely. I guess it’s only free for six months or so, but I still don’t know why you wouldn’t want to do that and then change if you want, if you even still need it at that point.
OP
This is exactly why I asked. I didn’t know about the bill, but if it passes (I think it just did?) that would definitely be the least expensive option for me. Thanks!
Anna Nymous
I’ve been coveting the BCBG Upas Cape Jacket (link in thread) for at least three years, but have held off because I’m not sure how to style it — my office uniform is blazers over slim sweaters and wide-legged trousers or bootcut darkwash jeans with booties or oxfords, and I feel like the proportions here would be off. Suggestions?
Anna Nymous
https://bcbg.com/products/upas-cape-jacket-b2sx5j01?variant=36324043915424
Anon
Not a damned clue, but it’s awesome.
anon
That is a very interesting jacket! They have it styled with slim bottoms (skirt, pants, jeans), so I think bootcut jeans would work because they’re slimmer in the hips/thighs. Wide legged pants might look odd, as that would be a pretty wide silhouette– almost like a rectangle from the back. I’d wear it with a slim long-sleeved tee I think. It looks a bit funny to me with short sleeves, because bare arms seem to defeat the purpose of a jacket. And for shoes I would personally do booties, probably with a short heel, because they seem a little dressier or feminine than oxfords and this jacket reads pretty dressy + feminine to me.
Anon
This is for a lady of means giving a small speech to thank the donors who bought tables at her arts-related charity luncheon. This is not for your office.
anonshmanon
Pretty amazing jacket! Not being very fashionable usually, the occasions where I would wear this would include doing something on a stage, or at some special event (fundraising gala etc.). Ideally, I’d pair it with a shift dress/monochrome set of sleek top and pencil skirt in a vibrant color that peeks through the folds. If you’ll be on that stage moderating a panel (i.e. sitting down), possibly find slim pants instead.
anonshmanon
expanding on the stage note: this could be speaking by yourself or in a panel, accepting or giving an award. Hence, there could be work-related occasions, but agree with Anon, that I don’t see it at the office per se.
Anon
I am looking for a bikini with a scoopneck top and high-waisted bottoms. This might not be the most current style but it’s what I feel most comfortable in. I’m having a hard time finding this. I’m really bummed Athleta doesn’t have high-waisted bottoms! (Well, they have one pair in a color that doesn’t do much for me.)
Go for it
Garnet Hill ?
Anonymous
Boden?
Anon
I wear a sports bra as a bikini top. Many are made of swimsuit material so they’re basically the same thing.
Jules
Try Lands End.
Curious
+1 lands end swimsuits til death do we part.
anon
J Crew Factory has high-waisted bottoms, but I don’t remember what the accompanying tops looked like.
Coach Laura
Title Nine?
anon
Another swimsuit question. As a long-waisted pear, am I doomed to wear tankinis forever? I would love to switch to one-pieces, but if they’re big enough for my hips and waist, I usually have extra room in the chest. And that’s not even taking my long-torso problems into account. I recently bought a summer salt suit, and it was so disappointing. It fit but it was NOT flattering in the least. I would love to buy something cute, even s3xy, but I always end up compromising and going the sporty route because at least those fit me.
A bikini is not happening, btw.