Coffee Break: Valletta Pumps

113 Comments

1. I have a client who just closed the sale of her business and want to get a small gift to send with a note of congratulations. Any good ideas? I have a $150 budget and money is literally no object to her. Bonus if it can feel thoughtful but be generic enough that I can use a similar idea in the future!

   Also, This is the first deal that I’ve sourced entirely on my own and feeling proud of myself!

   1. You can get custom M&Ms made up with a logo or picture on it. Maybe a case of those?

      1. She SOLD her business, so I do not know what logo would be best; probably I would stay away from that, at least this time. If you had a client that BOUGUT the busness, then this would be more proper. I suggest you can always get a gift card to a store that will not go out of busness. Saks Fifth Avenue and Macys are both good b/c if she is in the City, she can just go there if she does NOT shop online.

         It is sweet of you to do this for her. Of course, we do it too, and the manageing partner makes me bill the time for gift selection right back to the client, so it is kind of a wash, or a gift that costs us nothing, as he calls it!

   2. Flowers

   3. Depending on where you are and how well you know the client’s tastes, a gc to a great dinner spot? Bottle of veuve clicot and something else?

      1. /sub in your favorite bubbles (as I’m well aware VC isn’t close to 150)

   4. If you were acting in the role as her adviser for the sale, it’s very traditional to have a closing dinner.

   5. + 1 to bottle of bubble and very fancy chocolate (I think Maison du Chocolat now has an outpost in NYC, or local fancy chocolates would be even better) and/or closing dinner somewhere celebratory.

2. Random Q but do any Chicagoans know how bad Lollapalooza traffic will be on the highways around the city (I-294 and I-80) on Friday afternoon/evening? I’m landing at O’Hare next Friday at 3 pm and trying to drive towards Indiana. (I originally wanted to stay over but hotel prices ruled that out.)

   1. I totally forgot this is next week! If I can jump onto your question…any idea if it will be loud if I’m staying at the Hyatt Regency? I realize it’s a few blocks away, but not sure how much sound carries, and I need my sleep!

      1. If you’re going to the same conference I am (also at the Hyatt Regency next week!) it ends Thursday, which is when Lolla kicks off. I don’t think there will be noise at night.

         1. Actually going for a one-off business meeting from Thursday to Friday. And…it just occurred to me why the hotel prices around the Loop were all ridiculously high…little slow here… Hope you enjoy your conference!

            1. Ah, gotcha. There might be some noise Thursday night but I would imagine not too bad because it’s not right next door. Probably good to bring earplugs just in case!

   2. Traffic is usually bad at that time. I don’t think it will be any worse, most Lolla attendees take the train (in my experience)

   3. If you stay on 294, you will go around the city, not through, and won’t have any issues with Lolla.

3. I’m surprised this wasn’t in the morning post (maybe I missed it?) since this is such a law heavy community. Did anyone read the absolutely bat**** article about the Harvard Law professor getting scammed in New York Magazine?! My main reaction was why were these women doing this because it’s not for money…which somehow makes this worse and more creepy! And poor kids!

   1. YESSSS I was waiting for this article to be discussed here. Can the HLS folks please tell us more about this guy? I’ve heard through the grapevine that he (allegedly) had affairs with students before this, so I definitely suspect there is more to Harvard’s Title IX investigation than just the recent incidents.

      1. I was at HLS about a decade ago. There were definitely rumors about him having affairs with students, and in super dumb ways – like spending the night in the law school dorms with her so that everyone could see him. The story was that she broke it off, he fled to Europe mid-semester, and the Dean had to send a more level-headed professor after him to bring him back. I can’t verify that, but it has seemed remarkably consistent over the years and given this article, wouldn’t surprise me if it’s true. (This leads me to wonder what the policy on professor/student relationships at HLS is – I have no idea though).

         One thing that definitely happened when I was there was in his Law and Mind class. He was trying to show the fallibility of witness testimony (fine) and so brought in a young child and grilled her about sexual abuse she may/may not have experienced. Apparently the class was completely stunned. In reality, the kid and her mother had been briefed on all of it ahead of time, but it still seems like a majorly idiotic thing to do. So when the article said he had been ordered to attend “boundaries” training I was like yeah, seems right.

         1. I’d be shocked if professor/student relationships are ok at HLS. It’s kind of ethical rule #1 at universities. It might be different if the professor was sleeping with a student in a different department, but even that’s usually highly frowned upon if not outright prohibited.

            1. I wouldn’t say that professor/student relationships are okay anywhere. But professors who breech this ethical rule seem to do so for many, many years (and with many, many students) before anything comes of it.

            2. I do actually have a friend who teaches at a university where there’s no such rule – one of their faculty members recently married a grad student in their department and it is clear the relationship started when she was an undergrad. But hopefully HLS is more modern than that.

            3. Just checked the faculty handbook for my uni. The only relationships that are defined as always being a conflict of interest are those where there’s an evaluating relationship, ie a student in an instructor’s class, thesis/dissertation advisor or on one’s thesis/dissertation committee. An instructor dating, having a relationship with or sleeping with a student is otherwise not considered a conflict.

   2. I read that and was floored. He’s a lawyer by training; he should have known to get a paternity test, especially after he didn’t do that which is usually associated with creating a child.

      As for what they are after: some people are just sadistic freaks, even if their actions end up hurting them in the end. They will suffer a bit to watch someone suffer a lot.

      1. That was my read on the “motive” too, which is why I found what they did even creepier. At least if it was for money, that seems like a more rational motive.

   3. Wow wow wow. I just sought that out. Here’s a link for anyone interested.

      https://www.thecut.com/2019/07/bruce-hay-paternity-trap-maria-pia-shuman-mischa-haider.html

      Talk about letting your little head do the thinking.

      1. I’m not even sure it was that. He seemed like he didn’t have much of a s*xual relationshp with either of them (just a couple of encounters with Maria Pia in the beginning) and was really just gullible and/or wanted their friendship. I can definitely believe he’s on the spectrum.

         1. Yeah I guess I his case that is somewhat true, though he wouldn’t have believed it about the pregnancy if he hadn’t slept with her. But the fact that she was able to con two other men the same way….

            And it doesn’t sound like his big head was doing much thinking either. Given that he is supposedly an expert in decision making.

      2. I’m only halfway through it and I almost can’t finish. This dude is a grade A fool. An absolute idiot. I bet the ex-wife through this whole ting must have been like “I really really hope our children didn’t get whatever fool genes are making him act like this”.

         1. Yeah she’s really the only one to root for in this story (and the poor kids). Kind of hope she kicked him to the curb though.

4. There was someone on the morning thread asking about wet food for cats. I use the FortiFlora probiotic. I sprinkle some on their wet food and they love it. One of them also likes dried bonito flakes. They stink, but I’ll sprinkle that on that gets him to eat wet food.

5. I have triangular / duck feet, too (B+ ball of foot, AA heel, really high arch).

   If your feet are like this, what brands and shoes do you wear? Right now, my feet love Keen Newport sandals and classic Crocs half a size too big with socks, but nothing office appropriate except for the MGemi Fortuna flats.

   1. My feet are similar, but with a normal arch. For work, I have luck with Franco Sarto, some Cole Haan, Bandolino, Anne Klein, Seychelles, Taryn Rose, and Me Too. I don’t waste my time on Nine West or Rothy because they never fit.

      1. This is a good list for my duck feet too :-)

   2. My duck feet like Coach, Cole Haan, Rockport and Stuart Weitzman.

6. If anyone wants a cute book to read this weekend, I just finished Jasmine Guillory’s most recent release! I’m liking how she’s weaving in a whole network into separate but related romance novels.

   I am also reading All the Ugly and Wonderful things. Which, wowwww.

   1. I read this last weekend – wasn’t it lovely!

      I’ve just started Sam Bourne (Jonathan Freedland)’s new thriller and I’m loving it – it’s a rollercoaster. The Audible narration is excellent too.

   2. Can’t wait to read them! On a similar wave, Helen Hoang and Alexa Martin have light, diverse rom coms that take place in separate but related universes.

      1. I LOVED The Kiss Quotient. Didn’t love the newest one as much but as someone with possibly a few ASD-type traits, I so identified with the main character in Kiss Quotient.

         Need to read Alexa Martin’s stuff next.

7. I’m looking for a little encouragement or similar stories here. I’ve been dealing with some knee pain that is probably early onset arthritis. My mom has horrible knees and had both replaced in her early fifties. My doctor suggested that exercise may help. I’m not at all overweight so I don’t think the idea is to take weight off the knees. She was talking about walking more. Currently though, the more I use my knees the more they hurt. I’m struggling to believe that exercise is going to make this better but I’m willing to give it a good try, particularly if it was successful for someone else. I definitely want to be more mobile than my mom going into older age. I’m only 38 now.

   1. Maybe try using a stationary bike or elliptical? Both of those are easier on the knees than running/walking. I’m sure your doctor could give you exercises to strengthen the muscles around your knee too.

   2. Yoga may help for flexibility. Water aerobics? It’s a good workout and is easier on the joints.

   3. I’d seek out a good physical therapist (you might need an order from your doc, depending on the state laws) but I’d start by asking friends and looking for one who is good with preventative care. PTs are better than physicians at providing care of that sort (types of exercises to help and whatnot). From the bits and pieces I’ve picked up as a patient, you definitely want to work on strengthening certain leg muscles that support the knee.

   4. My knees didn’t feel great as I started running more, but they got better as I got stronger. Similarly, I’ve heard a personal trainer say that you can’t strengthen the joint, but you can strengthen the muscle around the joint (like Z says).

   5. Exercise may help strengthen muscles that stabilize your joints, if that makes sense. Walking seems like a weird suggestion, but what do I know. I’d seek out a PT.

   6. (Hopefully this won’t double-post – I don’t know what I did, but my comment just disappeared!) I agree with those that say that strengthening the muscles can help. I was told several years ago that my knees were showing pre-arthritic changes and I was having pretty regular pain and discomfort. After months of weightlifting twice a week, they are hurting less even though I haven’t lost any weight.

   7. Echoing the chorus to seek out a physical therapist. I’d also money permitting consider getting a personal trainer who can keep an eye on you while you are working out long term.

   8. ditto the suggestions for a trainer specialized in this. strengthening the muscles supporting the knee could help. when I do more bikram yoga, my ankles do feel stronger.

   9. My husband keeps his repaired knee happy with bicycling, it builds the thigh muscles.

   10. My mom swears by glucosamine, specifically the move free brand that she gets at Costco. Her knee fell apart about 10 yrs ago and every dr told her to get surgery, and taking the pills has helped her avoid it.

   11. Have you spoken with anyone that specializes in orthotics? I have arthritis in my right knee and little to no remaining cartilage left (as diagnosed by MRI). Getting orthotics in my running shoes which stabilized my gait and corrected my over-pronation helped tremendously. I can never ever wear the lightweight shoes that are so popular today, but I’ll take my crazy heavy runners with the extra layer of orthotics any day to be able to exercise with relatively little pain.

8. Random- boyfriend of 15 years ago is reaching out. We did not stay in touch at all. Can I just talk to him without feeling guilty or should I ask him if his wife (girlfriend right after me) knows about this. I don’t know the wife.

   I live in the opposite side of the world, am not interested in a relationship with this man and will probably never see him in person again. We have a lot of common interests (trading card games, making pasta etc) and it’s nice talking to him about them.

   I’ve tried to keep conversation clear of things that aren’t books, food and mutual nerd interests but it is very obvious that there are problems in his relationship- wife is semi famous and successful and he seems a bit jealous and resentful about how busy she is.

   1. I was all, “well, maybe this isn’t too bad,” until I got to the 3rd paragraph. Dude, run. His intentions are not benign.

      1. This. Run. I believe you can be platonic friends with exes, but someone mentioning problems in their current relationship (especially right away) is a huge red flag.

         1. Agreed. Even if he cannot start a physical relationship (although I wouldn’t put it past a man who wants to cheat to orchestrate even the most ridiculous opportunities) with OP, he very well may slip into emotional affair territory.

   2. I think you’d be within rights to say “I really enjoy talking to you about xyz, but I’m sure you can understand that I am the wrong person to talk to about your relationship. I can’t keep talking to you, if you’re going to put me in the middle of things like this.” If he withdraws or can’t stick to that boundary, you gotta find someone who isn’t trying to have an emotional affair to discuss pasta making.

   3. Yup, this is no bueno. Old exes don’t reach out for no reason.

      1. Not sure I agree with this. Sometimes the years pass and you start to wonder how ex, who was a big part of your life at some point, is doing. But absolutely agree that any discussion with an ex about a current spouse that does not begin and end with “my husband/wife is great” is a huge problem and a major red flag.

         I am in pretty regular contact with a man I dated for several years and almost married (20 years after we broke up). We never discuss anything we could not talk about in front of our mothers and spouses (who know we are in touch). My husband and I went to his father’s funeral. We are not BFFs or anything like that and we live on opposite sides of the country, but it makes me happy to know that he is doing well and I think he feels the same way.

   4. “My wife doesn’t understand me”

      Gee, never heard that one before!

      1. “She’s boring and you’re so intriguing.”

         “We don’t garden enough.”

         “She’s more upset than she should be that I want a divorce. I think she’s emotionally unstable.”

         1. “All she talks about is the kids”

            My personal favorite.

            1. Yeah that one is rich. Because it’s not only that your wife is boring or whatever it’s that she’s boring because you’re a crappy co-parent and all the parenting load is on her.

         2. Oops forgot one

            “We’re basically roommates”

         3. I agree with this OP. The guy’s wife is much more successful then he is and he is reaching out to a woman (you) who had $ex with him unconditionally when he was a younger schmoe. Now that his wife is doing laps around him, she probably does not have $ex with him as much and he longs for the day that a woman would desire him, and do stuff $exueally with him like you did. So he is trying to worm his way back into your life (and your private garden for old time’s sake. You don’t say you are married, so I am guessing you are not, which makes him think you will be easy to lure back into bed with him. But regardless of whether you are single or not, please stay away from this schmoe!

      2. Right?

         “I love to go out and she just wants to stay home.”

         “We’re really just roommates at this point.”

         “You brighten up my day.”

         “You and I just have such a strong connection, that’s rare for me!”

         “Wife and I haven’t been as close since xyz.”

         1. I’m laughing and I shouldn’t laugh, but you just replayed my twenties back at me.

            1. My early thirties as one of the only single women in the office.

         2. This is so much when I worked with only man lawyers who were all secretly resentful, or actively resentful or passive aggressive about their stay at home wives..

   5. Yeah.

      As much as I like talking to this guy about nerd stuff I have a lot of respect for his wife who does really fantastic work (they have different last names so I didn’t make the connection) and am honestly kind of annoyed with him being a douche about her. I will block him. Thanks team.

      1. Omg is it George Clooney??

         1. As impressive as Amal’s career is, she’s not more famous than him. He probably does like making pasta though! :)

         2. Lol. I kinda doubt he plays chronicles of elyria ;)

   6. Just stop. You know his wife doesn’t know and it’s intimate enough you’re wondering.

   7. Often the first step in infidelity is confiding in someone that your marriage is not happy. It sets the stage for justifying the betrayal.

      Run.

   8. I’m picturing this being Anthony We*ner and Huma Abedin, but she’s more than semi-famous I guess. (Also I think they have split up now?)

      1. They’re back together (allegedly) so maybe! But I think there are much better reasons to avoid Weiner than the fact that he’s possibly married. Like the whole underage girl thing.

      2. She’s basically someone in the arts that wouldn’t be a name you’d know necessarily but I can almost guarantee you’ve seen her art on tumblr etc and odds are if you are a certain kind of person you would have prints or possibly books with her illustrations etc. You’d see her work in mainstream newspapers and magazines.

         I have never met her and was familiar with her work for several years before old boyfriend reconnected with me and I realized she was his wife. Honestly she’s very talented, definitely a rising star and awesome.

         I’ve blocked her husband. I don’t want anything to do with his drama. She and I both deserve better.

         1. You go!

         2. I am imagining this is about Anna Bond, for some reason.

9. Tips on improving resiliency? I’m already in therapy and intend to bring this up at my next session next week but it can’t hurt to hear from other people here.

   I’ve always been someone that thrived in conflict and was great at deescalating situations. I’ve been practicing law for about 10 years now. Recently, I’m getting a lot of anxiety when anyone is unhappy with me. Obviously, in my line of work I’ll be dealing with a lot of conflict. It’s silly little things too. My boss not liking a line I used in a letter. Just while writing this I got an email from a court clerk that opposing counsel messed something up and needs to refile. I was just courtesy copied. I thought it was saying I messed something up and I got a jolt of anxiety.

   I’m trying to keep this to myself at work. Interestingly, I’ve noticed my assistant has a similar issue and really beats herself up if I need her to fix something. I try really hard to be positive in the way I explain things and not sound annoyed or frustrated with her. I don’t want other people to worry about how they have to approach me too. My anxiety is my issue.

   I’ve got other things going on in my life which is why I’m in therapy to begin with but I just don’t know where this is all coming from all of a sudden. I need too much time to recover after a acrimonious hearing or phone call.

   1. I hear you. Something I’ve been working on with my therapist is identifying why I am a people pleaser (because that’s what this is), and basically learning to respond or take in information *without* having a specific outcome in mind. I wish I could be more specific but I’m just beginning to figure it out myself. ;) I also think it helps to remember that if someone sounds ticked off/annoyed/whatever, sometimes it really has nothing to do with you at all. They could be stressed, they could be working on 15 projects simultaneously, whatever. My therapist also has helped me identify *which* people’s opinions I should care about. My boss? Probably yes. The random colleague who may not like to hear the answer no? Maybe that’s not quite as important.

   2. I’m in this boat. I take errors at work hard, whether they’re big or small. What helped me with my therapist was just asking myself questions. “What is the consequence of this?” Usually it’s not that big a deal. Then, “how do I fix this?” And then, once it’s fixed, “What more can I do?” Usually once the matter is fixed, my only solution is to just do good work in the future.

   3. Whenever anyone says, this is now happening and didn’t used to happen, I ask: when did it start and what was going on in your life around that time? Often the person hasn’t stopped to process that and as they’re doing so, they begin to make connections.

      But also: you’re asking about resilience. The ability to withstand distress requires us having something internal to draw on. If you’ve got “other things” going on in your life, they could be using up all the capacity that you’d usually draw on to be resilient in the face of criticism or conflict at work. So now, when something happens, you’ve got nothing left in you to absorb the hit, and you react really quickly. Just like having a bank account — if you’ve got an emergency fund of $10,000 and the water heater goes out, you’re fine. If you’ve got $35 and the water heater goes out, it’s a crisis.

      1. This speaks to me. Thanks.

   4. Do stress reduction things. Get lots of sleep, don’t drink, get outside for some fresh air, watch a hilarious show.

10. I’m getting mildly pressured to teach a Sunday School class at my church this year. The program relies solely on parent volunteers and the church’s staff coordinator is pretty uptight (imho) about making sure there is a consistent teacher from week to week. It’s a 10-month commitment, so not something I take lightly.

    I really don’t want to do it, mainly because I do not feel confident about leading a group of kids. I am not a teacher; I’m a parent with zero classroom management skills. I have two kids because I’m overwhelmed by noise and chaos and that’s exactly as many children as I can handle. ;) Saying no is better for everyone, right? Or do I need to suck it up and learn to be more comfortable with leading groups of kids? I feel some amount of guilt that I basically don’t volunteer for my kids’ activities at all, or else I wouldn’t even be considering it. That said, if I did volunteer, it wouldn’t be in one of my kids’ classes because I don’t see that going well for anyone.

    1. Could you go back to the volunteer coordinator and see if you could team teach with other parents? That’s how my church does Sunday School. Being “on” for 10 months is a huge (insane) commitment! This way, the parents are only on one weekend per month.

       1. Possibly. Each Sunday involves a team of 2, but she wants the same 2 people every single week. With an occasional sub when life gets in the way. I’m glad that somebody else sees this as a big ask. I like this coordinator a lot as a person, but I often feel she asks for more than most parents can realistically deliver, without feeling like giant flakes.

          1. I’m not Anon at 4:15 but I think this is a HUGE ask. Every week for 10 months?! That’s insane to me (I’m a parent but not a church-goer, fwiw).

             1. Definitely a huge ask! At my church we recruit a few teams of two (usually parents teach together) and then rotate through on a monthly basis. So you’re committed for the school year, but only actually teaching a month at a time.

          2. I mean this is pretty normal in my experience? Most parents in my church do a year or two of teaching in exchange for the 12 years of free Sunday School their kids get. And the every Sunday thing isn’t such a big deal because it’s right after church. Which happens every Sunday.

             100% you do not have to do this!!! But volunteers are what makes it happen and this isn’t an outlandish request. Poor coordinator is likely in the position of knowing that if she doesn’t get volunteers, oh well guess the 4th graders don’t get Sunday school this year.

             1. But do you never take vacations or feel tired and want to skip it or anything like that? I didn’t think church attendance (for most people) was mandatory every Sunday, just something you do regularly on Sundays. It sounds like if OP agreed to teach she would basically promising to be there every week, barring serious illness or death in the family, which to me is very different than regular-but-not-perfect church attendance.

             2. Of course. And the coordinator says they can use a substitute occasionally. And I take vacations during school vacation when Sunday school is also on vacation. And yeah I often feel tired or just want to skip it, but I don’t because it’s a thing I value, and it takes work.

             3. Well that is a good point. If your kids are being taught for 12 months by other volunteer parents, I think you do have some kind of debt there. If teaching is not for you can you volunteer in some other way?

    2. Definitely ask for a buddy! I think if you’re gonna put your kids in Sunday school you need to figure out away to volunteer and help make it happen but it doesn’t need to be this particular way

    3. I would be shocked if you are going to be doing this alone (my church has a very strict rule about adults being alone with children, even in groups). I would ask about that. If you are going to be paired with someone else, you might also ask whether you can partner someone who is either a teacher or done it before. Also, how many children at what ages and do they have a curriculum you will be following? Leading teens is very different than the 2-3 year old room. You might be fine with the first and not the second.

       As to whether this is the right ministry for you, I cannot say. You did not mention any reason you do not want to do this other than not being comfortable with groups of children. I will suggest that if you are an active member of a congregation then you need to be regularly volunteering for a ministry team at this stage of your life (when your children are not babies, you do not have elder care responsibilities that take your extra time, before you are old enough that all you can physically do is pray – not that prayer is not a valid ministry – etc.). As someone who is involved in two teams (which generally means 3-4 services per month) I get very frustrated with people who just expect everything to magically happen but don’t want to put effort into making it happen. Added bonus, if you are on another team that gives you an out for Sunday School!

       1. To temper this a bit, my church is very much we trust you will contribute as you can, if that means we don’t have enough people to do xyz, that is a sign we need to revisit xyz project, not judge people for how they contribute.

          1. You are completely correct that sometimes lack of participation is a sign that a particular ministry does not have enough support and needs to be re-thought or abandoned. That happened with a particular homeless ministry at my church; the number of people willing to support it became so small that we were forced to abandon it. But I did not get the sense from OP that she wants Sunday School to be cancelled or substantially scaled back, just that she is not sure this is the team for her because she is not comfortable with groups of children and because of the time commitment.

             Look – almost nobody wants to teach Sunday School every weekend for 10 months (although in my experience there is always an understanding that skipping for illness or scheduled vacations is fine, although less tolerance for “I just don’t feel like going to Church today”). And if OP thinks that she cannot commit to being there almost every Sunday she should absolutely let the coordinator know that. I know I could not because I travel for work often enough that it would be a problem, so instead I sign up for teams where I can pretty easily switch with other people as needed.

             OP asked for our thoughts and I hope she understands that I am not judging her. Only she knows what challenges she is facing, but I still suggest that she give some thought to volunteering to do SOMETHING even if it is just one Sunday a month, because I do think that able-bodied members of a congregation who can help have an obligation to do so. (And because it is a great way to build better relationships and get insight into what goes into making that community run.)

             Signed – The person who is really tired of listening to two particular able-bodied members of her congregation with 9 to 5 jobs and school age children who do not volunteer for anything but complain ALL THE TIME about “the way we used to do it” and who always have an excuse for why they cannot possibly help “this time” or – worse yet – sign up and then do not follow through which means I get called upon to take their places at the last minute and who is probably a little bitter and needs to pray more for tolerance, patience, and understanding and to remember that being able to serve is a blessing for which she should be grateful and who is sorry to vent to the lovely members of this group.

       2. That’s a fair point, and one that I feel some sense of guilt and shame about. My husband is on one of the big-deal committees and looks at it as a family contribution. Truth be told, I get a little irritated that we literally have 2 male teachers and everyone else is a woman. Nothing is stopping the guys from volunteering, but this is how it’s ended up. Then I feel bad because, as a woman, I’m not fulfilling my motherly duty to be enthusiastic about leading a children’s ministry.

          I haven’t found my place, that’s for certain.

          1. Ooh yeah that would make me mad too. And I think there’s a lot to be said for counting your husband’s work as the family contribution, especially since a lot of the husbands of Sunday School teachers probably aren’t doing anything, right? If other families have only the mom volunteering, I’m on team “it’s 1000% fine for you to have only the dad volunteering.”

          2. You can def just say no.

          3. Late to this, but my parents left their congregation because of the sexism on what women could volunteer for. My mom was not allowed to teach Sunday school to teenagers because the Sunday school class means were co-ed, and women were not permitted to teach men (including boys in middle school or older). My mom, a doctor, was rejected for medical mission trips, which included only male doctors and female nurses. But the church was sure happy to take my dad’s free advice (as a former minister) and my parents’ financial donations (funded solely by my mom’s job as a physician).

             1. omg!! That’s horrible.

    4. If you want to make it work, I’m sure there’s a solution, but it’s also fair to say you’re not a teacher – you have zero aptitude for it and no desire to take it up in any capacity, and you’re happy to help the church in other ways, but they’ll need to find someone else to teach the kids. I hate how people just assume teaching is a thing anyone can do and would enjoy doing, it’s a skill like anything else. Surely someone in the congregation is a former teacher, or at the very least enjoys sharing knowledge and wisdom with young people.

       1. It’s not a thing they assume anyone can do. It’s a thing they assume any woman can do. :(

    5. I’d say no. Here are some words: “Pamela, I love what our children’s department is doing. You guys do such a great job with our kids, and it’s so encouraging to see how dedicated everyone is. I’m not going to be able to help out with the Sunday School teaching this year, but is there a way you can keep me in mind for when you need a backup teacher? I’m also really good at staying on top of schedules, so if you ever need someone to help you with some of those details, let me know.” Of course adjust that for whatever you would say. Just wanted you to hear an example of saying no without having to be harsh or blunt, and still being encouraging.

       I write all this while sitting in a church office, recruiting volunteers for the fall.Some of whom are telling me . . . no.

       1. This is a great idea. Maybe you can contribute by coordinating a quarterly speaker or volunteer project, or researching the curriculum used by other Sunday schools so people don’t have to start from scratch, or buying the snacks or creating a library or art cabinet or who knows what. There are lots of ways to contribute to a school that are very needed but are not teaching.

    6. One thing I have enjoyed is being a substitute teacher at my kids’ religious school. Our temple also has the same requirement (same 2 teachers for 10 months of the year). I can’t commit to that so I end up subbing once a month/every 6 weeks. I find that a happy medium that gets me involved, but without the weekly commitment.

    7. Do not do it.
       My husband taught Sunday school all last year to 23 first graders. It was miserable. He is not comfortable with children and every Thursday he would dissolve into a pile or anxiety and dread at the prospect of having to get up in front of them. On top of which it took 2-3 hours to prep each week’s lessons/ crafts/ activities. It was a major time and soul suck and pretty thankless. I feel like asking one or two parents to teach the whole year is not reasonable, especially if they aren’t prepping the lessons for you. (Also we’re Catholic and we have to pay for CCD classes and they didn’t even offer the parent volunteers a break in tuition. This whole thing is actually a major reason we are changing churches- our new church hires qualified teachers)

11. Just had a metabolic panel completed and I am deficient in Vitamin B12. Any suggestions on how to increase this, hopefully other than supplements? I’m very bad about remembering to take supplements consistently

    1. https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/vitamin-b12-foods

    2. Is your diet currently deficient in B12? If so, you can work on your diet. Use cronometer or fitbit to track your intake.

       If you eat meat and are deficient anyway, do you have any risk factors for malabsorption? (Vitamin B12 is uniquely difficult to digest, so many meds and medical conditions that affect digestion can cause contribute to deficiencies. Thyroid disease and antacids/PPIs are among the most common.)

       Do you have any actual symptoms? If you have plenty of intrinsic factor, B12 shots can restore your liver stores of B12 so you don’t have to take supplements. Your doctor should know how many shots are needed to get you out of deficiency, but I’ve read that only 1-2 shots a year can be enough to top up your stores. They are medically indicated whenever there are neurological symptoms since they’re much faster at stopping nerve damage.

       If you don’t have plenty of intrinsic factor, neither oral nor stored B12 will do you any good (intrinsic factor is needed both for digesting and for accessing stored B12). It’s currently very difficult to diagnose pernicious anemia (the available tests are very insensitive). If you don’t have symptoms, just keep it in the back of your mind if you don’t improve or if you start getting symptoms after improving your diet/beginning supplements.

       1. This is a great post.

          I’ll add that celiac disease makes a lot of people B-12 deficient because it’s not absorbed due to intestinal damage.

          I know that you don’t want supplements but sublingual B-12 tablets are better than taking a pill (if you don’t want to do the shots which are a preferred route for some docs). The absorption under the tongue bypasses the stomach for better absorption. I take Trader Joe’s sublingual B-12 or the combo B-12, B-6 and folic acid every morning. It’s right by my toothbrush so I put it under my tongue after brushing so it’s easy to remember.

    3. Do you happen to like the taste of nutritional yeast? If you haven’t tried it before, it’s sort of mildly cheesy and a great way for people who avoid animal products to get B vitamins. I sprinkle it over veggies before roasting them, lightly buttered toast, basically any pasta dish.

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