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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: The Ciela Dress

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A woman in a blue midi dress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

As a lawyer, I spend a lot of my time thinking about what lawyers wear and why they wear it, so it’s always fun to chat with folks from different fields about their work wardrobes. A friend who is a high-level executive with a lot of international travel on her schedule swears by M.M.LaFleur for her big events.

I took a look through some of the new offerings and am absolutely loving this electric blue midi dress. The half sleeves provide a little coverage, the pleats look fabulous, and the length feels more modern than a traditional knee-length sheath. And, while I was bummed that MMLF got rid of their plus-sized line, I’m delighted to see that this dress is available in up to a size 20!

The dress is $335 and comes in sizes 00–20. It also comes in four other colorways.

Not wearing many dresses lately? Vince Camuto has a puff-sleeve blouse in a very similar shade of blue, and it's $69 at Nordstrom.

Sales of note for 4/21/25:

  • Nordstrom – 5,263 new markdowns for women!
  • Ann Taylor – 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 40% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 10% off new womenswear styles
  • Brooks Brothers – Friends & Family Sale: 30% off sitewide
  • The Fold – 25% off selected lines
  • Eloquii – $29+ select styles + extra 40% off all sale
  • Everlane – Spring sale, up to 70% off
  • J.Crew – Spring Event: 40% off sitewide + extra 50% off sale styles + 50% swim & coverups
  • J.Crew Factory – 40%-70% off everything + extra 70% off clearance
  • Kule – Lots of sweaters up to 50% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Earth Day Sale: Take 25% off eco-conscious fabrics. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Madewell – Extra 30% off sale + 50% off sale jeans
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 50% off last chance styles; new favorites added
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 30% off entire purchase w/Talbots card

393 Comments

  1. Shopping Help!

    Over the weekend, I tried on a dupe of Staud Federico top and procida maxi skirt and I loved it, but it was too small! I’m an hourglassy 12/14 and hoping for a patterned maxi skirt and crop top from linen / linen blend or poplin. Is there a store that would sell things like this that I could try on in person? Budget is around $200, or I’d try Bloomies for the actual Staud…!

  2. Any insight on Boden’s Marylebone Linen Blazer? And, if not: I’m looking for a navy linen blazer for a graduation event (to wear over a dress) and would appreciate any recommendations!

      1. Interesting. I have found that their size charts that provide the actual garment measurements are very accurate and helpful in selecting sizes. My recent order included two dresses: based on the garment measurements I was able to tell I would need a 6 in one and an 8 in the other, and they both fit perfectly. I have never had to send anything back because something didn’t fit.

        1. I ordered the exact same trousers, same size, in 2 different colors and one was much smaller. Customer service told me that the color made in Spain was smaller than the color made elsewhere. So annoying.

      2. Boden also fits me perfectly–tall, hippy, long-limbed, size 16/18. Much of my work wardrobe and play wardrobe is Boden.

  3. I’m attending a fundraising gala next weekend. Dress code is formal. I’m wearing a vintage, tea length, wider-neck/off shoulder gown in ice blue (50s maybe? The fabric shimmers, almost like the modern wedding gowns that have glittery skirts). My shoes will be visible. I have shoulder length hair. I would like shoe and jewelry and hair ideas! I have a hair appt day-of, so I’ll be able to have a stylist execute and idea.

        1. Okay now that you pointed that I will agree with you. :D It’s a rainy early Monday morning.

    4. That sounds gorgeous! A neckline like that really demands an updo to show off your neck and shoulders. I’d do something sleek like a french twist or a chignon. And for jewelry, something sparkly and cool-toned, so diamonds, sapphires, or aquamarines or their faux equivalents. You could do a really dramatic collar necklace on its own or with simple earrings, or more statement earrings and a either a simpler necklace or a hair ornament.

  4. Looking for your best travel money-saving hacks, especially on hotels. Kids are grown and flown, which is giving us a little more time and energy to travel, but wowza the cost of everything is crazy. Are there sites you follow to get great deals, or points programs that are really usable? Looking for inspiration here on how to be able to travel decently (not going to camp, stay in hostel etc) and snag some great deals.

    1. We do Home Exchange. We’re in a village outside of Edinburgh, and it’s been a surprisingly popular location for swap.

    2. It’s easy to get points with the Chase Sapphire Reserve card and you can use points fairly easily without restrictions. There is a yearly fee, but you get a $300 travel credit if you book travel using the card. I’ve used it for airfare and hotels.

    3. I have a Chase Sapphire card which I like for airline miles more than hotels. I prefer not to stay in chain hotels so don’t focus on specific hotel points. I just do a lot of looking and go into it know that a decent hotel in London or Paris is going to cost real money. Booking dot com is a good source for just getting a sense of price range.

    4. The absolute best hack is to go in the off-season and take advantage of not being tied to school schedules. We just spent a week at the beach last week for a quarter of what it would cost in July to stay at the same hotel. The weather was cooler, true, but the restaurants were less crowded and the people were friendlier.

      IMO, everything else is just rearranging deck chairs in that the gains for using websites or travel cards are insubstantial. The best tool you have is that you can travel on non-holiday non-high season trips.

      1. +1 to your second paragraph. Deals from cheap flight websites and credit card points will pale in terms of the money you can save by avoiding school holidays and peak travel times. And you can usually get decent weather in shoulder season.

      2. +1 All of my cc’s are cash rewards so I’m not in the points game at all. Traveling off peak is always the answer for me. Sometimes adjusting your flight by just a week or two can halve the airfare. My most two recent examples are shifting a flight to Costa Rica a week after New Year’s ($1200 dropped to $600) and shifting a flight to Sydney a week after their October school holiday ($2k to $1k). Hotel prices don’t change as drastically until you’re well outside of the entire peak season but I imagine any destination with a healthy pool of accomodations will have a competitive range to choose from.

      3. This completely, but also use Chase rewards to book. We basically take at least one completely points funded trip a year and the points go further in off season.

      4. I rarely travel June through August. My bf and I plan to be DINKS so we will not be limited by holidays and summers for travel. We love to go in late September/early October. This might not be something you are willing to do, but we stayed in a private room in a hostel while in Italy. It was actually pretty nice and we weren’t spending a lot of time in the room.

    5. Travel off peak, avoiding school holidays. March-May and Sept-November are good times in North America/Europe. May is a good time to get deals in the Caribbean – it’s low season pricing but hurricane season is still a ways off.

      Where are you looking to travel? We usually go to Europe in May and have no problem finding decent hotels in the $200/night range. “Decent” to me in a city means clean, comfortable, centrally located, preferably with a pool or roof deck terrace, but not a fancy brand like Four Seasons or Ritz. I prefer local hotels in Europe anyway.

      Your money will go father in less developed countries and countries where tourism is less popular. Southeast Asia is famously affordable but there are more affordable countries in Europe too (Turkey, Georgia, etc.)

      1. +1

        Also, there’s a difference between off PEAK and off season. We did the ‘cheap off season trip’ thing in our early 20s and that’s a great way to waste money if, say, you can’t enjoy the beach because it’s rainy season. But going off PEAK is ideal, particularly when kids are in school.

        1. Spot on and succinct.

          I did off-season, and it can be fun, but it can also not be great. So this year, my off-peak travel looks like the week after Memorial Day, rather than Th-Mo of the long weekend.

    6. Love Going (formerly Scott’s Cheap Flights) for flight deals. Perfect if you have a general interest in “going to Europe this fall” mindset over “I need to be in Rome on October 10.” Well worth the monthly fee if you’re planning on air travel.

    7. Staying in hipster neighborhoods is often surprisingly cheaper than staying in tourist areas and as a bonus you’re usually near good coffee and cute little shops.

    8. Build up loyalty points and stay at Marriotts or Hiltons. They tend to be safe, centrally-located, and, for example, in Southeast Asia, much more luxurious than similar-level hotels in the United Sates or Latin America. Many foreign countries include breakfast with the hotel room rate — take advantage of that and always eat breakfast when on travel, even if you don’t normally do so, because you never know how the day will go. Plan on skipping lunch (or stopping during the mid-day lull for a coffee/tea and a snack), and on some nights skip the full-on restaurant meal and either eat where the locals do or shop for an in-room picnic at a convenience store. You’d be surprised at the meal-type food available in 7eleven stores in foreign countries, including rice balls, hard boiled eggs, sandwiches, and salads. And avoid room service. Please do leave a daily tip for the chambermaids. Enjoy!

    9. Hear me out: if you research properly using Lonely Planet and online reviews, you absolutely can find screaming deals on lodging by staying at smaller B&Bs or getting private rooms at hostels that are not aimed only at backpackers. Lots of people in many locales travel on a budget, but still have clean, totally functional lodging. I have stayed in some of the absolute best locations in Europe a stone’s throw from five-star hotels or chain brands at lovely b&bs or smaller lodging sites. If you research, you can find listings that state that they are complete hidden gems, super-lovely, etc. These are not necessarily airbnbs, where you have huge cleaning fees. Just doing a little more research on lodging and being willing to, for instance, walk to a third floor hotel in a city. For my budget, if I am out sightseeing all day in a city, I’d rather spend the money on great meals and souvenirs than lodging. That’s just me.

      Another travel hack–think cheaper COL destinations. I really enjoyed parts of Eastern Europe–Krakow, the Baltics/Estonia–Asia, or off the beaten path destinations. They’re charming, have great food, tons of history (some of which was taught to you in a different way because of different political systems. Recommend that you not think “London-Tokyo-Paris” but smaller destinations. You have time to take a second flight drive a smidge, and it’s worth it!

  5. My 11 year old daughter is getting horrible crate/eczema on the inside of her thighs. She’s in really great physical shape but she’s just build with giant muscular thighs that touch when she runs- and she plays a lot of sports so this is often.

    We saw her doc who gave her a steroid for the eczema flare up and she suggested the usual (wicking fabrics, body glide, protective ointment after the flare ups subside).

    However, it is still really bad. Today was the first warm day in a while and she put on shorts this morning and has 2-3” of angry looking eczema visible on each leg. She’s not embarrassed but she’s physically uncomfortable and a little weirded out by it.

    She went to school with a layer of steroid cream and a stick of body glide in her backpack.

    1) any other ideas for helping to control it other than religious application of creams & ointments? I don’t have her build AND I wasn’t a particularly sporty kid so didn’t have this issue.

    2) any outfit ideas for a kid that lives in shorts but for whom shorts are hard to wear right now? She has denim shorts, running shorts, soccer shorts, and those butterfly style shorts but they all seem to be causing problems right now.

    1. What kinds of running shorts is she wearing now? The usual solution for this is high quality biker-style shorts.

      Regarding Body Glide etc: when I run, I put it in before, and I use multiple layers. Just keep layering it on until it no longer soaks in. Game changer.

        2. OMG NOT COTTON if she will be sweating or playing sports. Get bike shorts made of technical, quick-drying material.

          1. I have a pair of bike shorts from VS PINK, of all places, and they’re nice and long, plus they have pockets.

    3. Topical B12 cream? (There’s a rule of thumb in dermatology that getting B3 and not enough B12 can exacerbate eczema; getting B12 without enough B3 can exacerbate acne, so there’s a B3/B12 balance thing that can sometimes be wielded helpfully.)

    4. I’d do jockey skimmies (if they come small enough for her) under a skirt or just bike shorts. The bike shorts need to be long enough to cover the whole area that rubs. On the weekend she could just wear black bike shorts and a t shirt. If she wants something sportier then a tennis skirt/skort with the built in shorts underneath could work. But the shorts need to be long enough to cover the affected area.

    5. Longer skorts also, like the golf ones, not the shorter ones for tennis because the silicone grippy things may be irritating.

    6. that sounds really rough! what about bike shorts or lightweight capri leggings meant for running?

    7. “Marin” cream is designed for eczema and took care of a stubborn patch on my back that steroid creams hadn’t helped for a year. On top of that, breathable fabrics (cotton) and leggings or longer bike shorts are probably better until it heals. I don’t know if they make kids sizes but doesn’t ‘thigh society’ have products for this prupose?

      1. +1 I bought Marin cream for my infant’s eczema from a recommendation on the mom’s site a few weeks back. I do think it really helped. I would also recommend giving it a shot.

    8. Long bike shorts are the answer. Short ones may ride up and worsen the chafe. Old Navy has a lot of cute prints.

    9. megababe thigh rescue? they have some other products as well for chafe and post chafe recovery.

      1. Was going to suggest that too – and in the meantime, high quality bike shorts that will wick away sweat and protect against rubbing. It’s tenet now to wear bike shorts with a cropped OR a long t shirt, or could wear a dress over if that’s more her style.

      2. I’ve had decent luck with this but Skin Dura’s Secret Shield is my holy grail product. Someone here recommended it years ago and I am forever grateful to them.

    10. First of all, please be careful in how you describe your daughter’s body. I was the kid with “giant muscular thighs” and still am as an adult. Those giant muscular thighs were often pointed out in some really unkind ways that affect my body image to this day.

      Moving on. I am a runner, and I am so much more comfortable in bike shorts. If she doesn’t feel comfortable wearing something skin-tight, layer them underneath loose soccer shorts or butterfly shorts. She also may be more comfortable in a slightly longer inseam.

        1. I thought it was worth bringing up because I have a completely different body type than my petite mom, too, and those kinds of comments can land badly when the roles are flipped. It’s not fun being the 12-year-old who feels like a giant next to her mom and is having it pointed out.

          1. Different perspective:

            We are a bunch of strangers who have never met this kid. The OP’s description was good for what her question is.

            I have thighs that gently rub when I run. That is solved with Vaseline. Other women have thighs that wear holes in inseams, and their solutions are going to be very different from mine. OP’s description told me what camp her daughter lands in.

            Likewise, adding “muscular” gave me a vision of a strong girl who is active, athletic, and for whom sports might mean bigger thighs. (Muscles grow in size and also retain more water when you’re in shape.) My read is that it is emphatically not an issue of overeating.

            The question is how OP talks about her daughter’s body to her daughter, which might be very different than a concise statement to strangers that is well-geared to getting appropriate advice.

      2. I would drop the word giant. That doesn’t add anything and will definitely be harmful to a lot of girls. I agree that it can be really rough when mothers emphasize how skinny they were compared to their daughters now.

        1. Is this the only time the mother has used that description without realizing the potential ill effects? I doubt it.

    12. If you have only seen a primary care doctor, schedule an appointment with a dermatologist. My PC wasn’t at all helpful for eczema, and I suffered for months thinking I had no other options, but after one visit to the derm, it cleared up within a week.

    13. I had this on my inner thighs throughout my childhood (maybe age 5/6 til 14 or so) and then had a random flare up of eczema on the back of my knees when I was like 14-15. I’d recommend taking her to a dermatologist if you only took her to a PCP or ped before. The eczema eventually resolved itself totally on its own and I’m 30 now and haven’t had it come back.

      My advice is to be vigilant with whatever ointment is prescribed (and if one isn’t working, don’t be shy about going back to the derm to try something different), wearing what we called “spandex” shorts under dresses or skirts or as standalone shorts (luckily bike shorts are very in right now), and wearing looser lightweight shorts and PJs to give the skin time to “air out” as well.

      As the summer comes, sweat, cholorine, and sunscreen may make things worse so just keep an eye on it if its getting worse.

    14. Chamois buttr works way better than bodyglide. I would try that. Also, getting out of the sweaty clothes and showering quickly after a workout.

        1. Reiterating this! Lifelong eczema sufferer here, and when I made the realization a few years ago that sweat is a huge irritant to my eczema-prone skin, I started showering off asap after a workout (or doing a shower-substitute with the skinsafe hypochloride spray if circumstances prevented a shower), and it helped enormously. I agree with wicking fabrics for a workout, but soft cotton when not working out will help it heal faster. Sending all the good luck to her!

    15. 2 cents from an adult with giant muscular thighs who is a former child with giant muscular thighs lol. I’ve tried a lot of things and body glide didn’t do it for me (especially for running in shorts). I haven’t tried layering it as another person mentioned, though. I’ve had a lot of success with Megababe Thigh Rescue, though, and find I only need to reapply every several hours if just walking around, or every couple of hours if exercising. Good luck! Thigh chafe/eczema is no fun.

    16. thanks everyone.
      – She’s been to a dermatologist as well as the pedi. It cleared up after basketball season but is back now that spring sports have started.
      – she puts bike shorts (not cotton, some kind of athletic material) under her sport uniform shorts but won’t wear them to school. The trick here is she’s just starting to care about what she wears….and apparently bike shorts aren’t it.

      1. There’s an Instagram runner called Erin Azar (immrsspacecadet) who has some reviews of shorts (both running and casual) with the aim of assessing whether they get “gobbled up” (i.e. ride up on the inside of the thigh) when she runs or walks in them. If part of your daughter’s issue is that shorts are riding up and so she’s getting skin-on-skin-rub–this is my issue, though I just get straightforward chafing, no eczema–you might take a look at those reviews and try some shorts with a low propensity for being gobbled.

    17. Is this eczema or chafing? It sounds more like chafing from friction. Eczema can be linked to food intolerances (I had dishydrotic eczema on my hands that went away when I did an elimination diet and discovered I have an egg intolerance). The best way to avoid chafing is to have fabric over the area so longer shorts are the way to go.

      1. I think for me it was both (the chafing from friction stopped being as big of an issue when I cut my food intolerance, which for me was gluten).

      2. It’s both. And she has molluscum there too. She had eczema as a little kid and it seems to be back and caused/exacerbated by the shorts/chafing. It wasn’t an issue until this winter playing basketball, in both her uniform (long shorts) and practice shorts.

    18. For my daughter (who has really bad eczema on her inner elbow), sleeping in long sleeves and using baby soap helps some.

    19. The following product on the rainforest site might be worth considering to wear under clothing to avoid thigh chafe:

      Sexy Basics Womens 3 Pack & 6 Pack Ultra Soft Brushed Active Stretch Yoga Bike Short Boxer Briefs

  6. Gift recommendations for an awesome young woman who is graduating med school and starting a (highly competitive, male dominated) surgical residency? Preferably jewelry but ok with anything. She has young children, is moving across the country, and is a total star that deserves to be celebrated.

    2. My orthopedic surgeon friend has a ring holder necklace that she wears everyday. I’m assuming your friend is married, since you mention children, so apologies if this isn’t helpful.

    3. Unless it is stud earrings she is not going to be able to wear jewelry when she is working. Which will be most of the time.

    4. I always think pearls are a classic gift but maybe that’s too conservative and boring these days.

      1. Her style is very conservative so that’s actually great! Probably going to come down to diamond or pearl studs.

      2. I like this idea. White Akoya pearl studs or Tahitian studs. I’d go to Pearl Paradise for this.

    8. I think pearl or diamond studs would be great since she can wear them at work. Not super fancy but I like the Maison Miru nap diamond studs.

      A surgical scrub cap can be a fun addition to the main gift. Kimkaps or Etsy are a great source.

      She would probably also appreciate a letter telling her how awesome you think she is. Residency is really grueling and when she’s having a tough day, it can be great to read an encouraging note.
      Source: I just graduated from residency in a male-dominated surgical specialty.

  7. Thread for 3 good things from your weekend?

    I’ll start –

    1 – I planted my garden boxes with all the things. I’m in the northern midwest and it really early but there’s no freezing temps in the 10 day forecast and I’m recklessly optimistic like that.

    2 – I made the Marcella Hazan’s Tomato Sauce Recipe from the NYT Cooking this weekend. It was so easy and so good. I didn’t take out the onions at the need and blended it all up a bit at the end, and added a little pepper. Perfect rainy day meal that I’m still thinking about on this rainy day today…

    Gift link: https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1015178-marcella-hazans-tomato-sauce?unlocked_article_code=1.oE0.Cex7.cM9K5Rhutl0M&smid=share-url

    3 – I went to a yin/restorative workshop for back and neck and it was so relaxing. 2 hours of restorative/yin isn’t normally my thing but apparently I really needed it because I was really into it.

    1. I love this!

      1. It was a bit chilly but I had drinks on an outdoor patio with friends for the first time this season. I can’t wait for summer!!

      2. I had some birthday money burning a hole in my pocket so I did some shopping for spring/summer clothes for work and now I’m excited for all the packages to arrive in the mail. :)

      3. I binged Baby Reindeer which was bonkers in a good way.

    2. Three is a bit much!

      1 – The barista upgraded my free-cup-of-coffee-with-a-purchase-of-beans to a large nitro cold brew even though it’s not technically part of the deal.

      2- It rained, I guess? So I don’t have to water the newly seeded grass by the road twice a day.

      3 – …

      1. Oh the rain definitely made my list of good things! especially when it means I don’t have to regularly water grass. Watering grass is one of my least favorite outdoor chores.

    3. 1. I went to a plant show and bought 23 new perennials for my gardens to fill in some bare spots and add seasonal interest. Unfortunately, it rained all weekend, so I didn’t get to plant yet. And 23 is super ambitious, and I might regret my choices. But I am still excited!
      2. I slept in both days. I was exhausted and really needed the rest.
      3. We were in tornado warnings off and on all Friday afternoon. Nothing happened in my neighborhood; a town 10 miles away was not as fortunate. I’m feeling very thankful to have a house that’s standing, even if the laundry has piled up and the floors are dirty. Really puts things in perspective. My hometown was hit by a tornado about 10 years ago, and I have not forgotten how awful it feels to watch your friends and neighbors lose so much in literally minutes.

      1. Plant shows and greenhouses are where I am the most optimistic person in the world. Then I get home and I’m like….what have I done…:) And then in plant them and they’re wonderful, so I think you got this!!

        So glad you’re safe, and rested.

    4. 1) I hiked both days;
      2) my garden is a riot of Spring blooms;
      3) family dinner without a single note of disagreement.

      1. oh I didn’t get outside to hike on Saturday and am a little sad about that, because it would have been wonderful.

        I did not make it through a Saturday evening extended family dinner without a single note of disagreement, so I am jealous of your last one… :l

    5. 1. The neighborhood kids played in my yard all weekend. It was nice not to have to entertain my kids and I was happy to see everyone outside and collaborating.
      2. My monsteras are going gangbusters and it makes me so happy.
      3. We went to a semi-nice restaurant and no one melted down (not even me).

      1. I love all the spring plants making everyone so happy. :) It’s really crazy how much it helps overall attitudes.

    6. 1. My friend’s 3 year old likes me (I haven’t interacted with her much and was at her birthday party this weekend and she started dragging me around to play with her different places.)
      2. I finished two books this weekend.
      3. I finished my work weekly to-do list early on Friday, so got to just relax and really set myself up well to log back on this morning.

    7. 1. Didn’t go into the office on Saturday and instead stayed home and watched a comedy special with DH

      2. Visited my family and swapped kids’ toys back and forth with my sister (she’s got kids older and younger than mine, so we trade back and forth as age appropriate)

      3. It’s finally warmed up and we’re getting lovely warm temperatures outside

      1. Was the comedy special good? Which one? DH and I spent like an hour looking for a new show this weekend. We finally landed on FBI: Most Wanted since it’s made by Dick Wolf, and we like it so far.

        1. It was Bill Burr, who my husband loves, and is not exactly to my taste. Mike Birbiglia is more my style. But we were both really blown away by the setting, Red Rocks Amphitheater in Morrison, CO. It made us want to plan a trip out there. It’s always hard for us to find a show we can watch together, our tastes aren’t that similar even though we watch the same genres.

          1. I really want to go to Red Rocks too! I’ve read that they do yoga classes there and I REALLY want to go do that!

    9. 1. The weather was perfect in my part of the Midwest – warm but not humid and sunny but not too sunny
      2. My daughter had a birthday party on Saturday and a playdate with a friend on Sunday and it was fun to see her having so much fun with good friends. Her friend group has really gelled in the last month or so (just in time to mix it up with new class assignments, but such is life) and all her friends seem like such good eggs and it’s really nice to see.
      3. Same kid had photo day for next weekend’s dance recital, and I managed to curl her hair and apply heavy stage makeup in a way that was good enough to get compliments from other dance moms (and I never wear makeup or do anything to my hair besides wash it, so this felt like a major accomplishment)

      1. Saturday was really similar to that weather! although it was windy AF – however it was a warm wind and I kind of liked it quite a bit. The warm wind kept it from being humid.

    10. 1 – I attended a show for a band I have been following for several years. They say at the start of every show that it isn’t a concert, it’s a party. They weren’t wrong. I sang, I danced and I cheered. I’m still in a bit of post concert euphoria.

      2 – I went to the farmers market and bought my favorite doughnuts. Sourdough, filled with fruit or custard.

      3 – I got my husband to join me on my nightly walk. We’re doing a step challenge at work, so I’m trying to walk every day. I am usually by myself, but he decided to go with me. It was nice to walk together.

      1. omg the concert party sounds amazing. As to the doughnuts and the walk with DH. Walks with DH are one of my favorite things.

    11. 1. Also in the Upper Midwest and you are well ahead of me on the garden front! What did you plant? I need to figure out what will go in our very sunny, exposed raised beds. It’s been cool and rainy around here. My houseplants and indoor-started seeds are pretty happy, but now I’m wondering if I need grow lights (see: cool and damp and overcast)

      2. The new coffee shop in my neighborhood is delightful, with sunlamps (!) and friendly owner/ staff who remembered my order from the last time.

      3. I ran a half marathon on Saturday and don’t feel like a complete wreck today.

      1. Okay first a big big disclaimer: I am the kind of gardener that just plants things and sees what happens – you really should not take any advice from me at all. Seriously. I ignore a bunch of rules and just do what I feel like doing…my gardens produce a lot so it works for me, but I would never ever give advice.

        That said, I’ll happily share what I planted :)

        Bed one – herb starters in one row (lavender, basil, rosemary, sage, dill). Kale seeds. Variety of tomato starters from the greenhouse by the trellis. Flowers in a corner.

        Bed two: bean seeds by the trellis. lots of pepper starters from the greenhouse. flowers in a corner.

        Bed three: cucumber seeds by the trellis. flowers down the center and in a corner. a row of lettuce seed tape.

        Bed four: already has rhubarb on one side. my strawberry plants that I ordered in January should be arriving today to plant in the rest. Along the trellis I planted pea seeds. Oh and I put a geranium flower plant in the corner that I was going to put in a pot because it was too pretty not to plant.

        Peas and lettuce are legitimately good to plant outside right now. Everything else could definitely be a mistake but yolo.

    12. 1 – survived a solo flight with my kids
      2- got to catch up with two college friends and their daughters played nicely with my daughters
      3- attended a belated Passover seder with 34 family members who flew in from all around the country. it was so special to see my kids play with my cousins’ kids and felt particularly meaningful given that our grandparents are Holocaust survivors and current state of the world has made it feel scary to be Jewish at times. And while we were all there, another cousin gave birth to a healthy baby boy!

      1. Covid killed my husband’s extended family Passover gathering (his mom is one of 6, so it was huge) and I’m still sad about it. It’s the one holiday, even moreso than Thanksgiving, where I feel like it’s depressing to celebrate with a tiny family.

        1. i am so so sorry! sounds like it was a huge group! i encourage you to encourage someone to try to revive. we did zoom seders in 2020 and 2021, in 2022 a smaller subset of family gathered bc the usual host was undergoing cancer treatment and last year (2023_ was our first year back all together. I am trying not to worry for the future when my parents’ generation passes bc idk what will happen then, but for now we have a place to gather. our seder was in Philly, but we had people flying in from Seattle, Denver, Houston etc.

          1. We did Zoom seder in 2020 (which was actually really fun) but in 2021 there was a lot of conflict about whether or not to meet in person, and then it kind of splintered and the person who used to host (my MIL’s oldest sister) started doing her own gathering with only her children and grandchildren (+partners) invited. Also no one in our generation except my husband and his sister married Jews or has Jewish kids, so I think enthusiasm for it is just kind of dying out in general. It’s not my place to try to bring everyone back together, but it’s definitely a bummer. My husbands sister is moving closer to us soon, so hopefully next year we’ll at least be able to see her family.

        2. The same thing happened with mine, and I’m really sad about it too! The cousins who used to host feel like they’ve aged out of managing that kind of activity at their home, and I respect and understand that, but I’m still bummed. I’m not in a position to revive it myself (I live far away from the other cousins, in a direction that doesn’t make sense as a gathering spot), but I want to try to maybe add friends to our little group next year to bring back some more liveliness.

      2. congratulations on surviving the solo flight! that’s wonderful you had good events (presumably) on the other end of it!

    13. 1 – lots of work in the garden, lugging soil to build raised beds. Fun planting seeds and seedlings.
      2 – lovely 1:1 hang-out with a friend and some crafting over a glass of wine.
      3 – coming back from this friend, picked up pizza at a favorite local place that is normally out of my way.

      I love reading everyone elses!!

      1. that sounds so lovely! Tis the season of planting all the things and I am very, very here for it this year.

    14. Got my toes done, packed for tropical trip, moved Taco Tuesday to Friday and had vegan tacos.

    15. I’ll bite!

      1 – In-laws were here and watched baby so husband and I could go do their Christmas gift to us, which was a boozy brunch cruise on the nearest river. I had two cocktails, it was heaven.

      2 – MIL made brownies while we were gone.

      3 – We finished s1 of Picard after starting it like two years ago and it was really good and made me think, which I am enjoying.

      1. two mid-day brunch cocktails and returning to brownies?!?! that is such a perfect situation!

    16. 1. My daughter, who has been in the chorus of exactly one musical in her entire life, had the lead in the high school musical. She is a cute little soubrette soprano with zero experience in a main role so we thought she’d be extremely lucky to get cast as the lead’s daughter. Instead, for reasons no one understands she was cast as the brassy mom which is really a contralto role. She rose to the occasion, absolutely owned the part, sang with better technique and musicality than she ever has in her life, and brought the audience to tears multiple times. Talk about ending high school on a high note. I have never been so proud of her.
      2. My mom, whom we haven’t seen in two years because someone gets sick every time we plan a visit, came and watched every show.
      3. My 89-year-old father-in-law also saw it.

    17. My son grabbed a ride home from college last minute with some friends who were coming halfway, then he took public transit the rest of the way, and surprised us / his dad on his birthday!

      1. surprises visits are such a fun thing! I should really try and do that more often.

      1. Right! I saw a comment that said to leave it in, so I just followed that. I was worried for a minute it would make it too oniony, but I can’t imagine not keeping it in!

    19. 1. My older brother and his wife came to visit overnight and we took the opportunity to declutter the house a bit and everything looks great! Plus the visit was very fun.
      2. The four of us went to see the touring production of Funny Girl and everybody loved it.
      3. Hubby and I had a fun outing yesterday after they went home — went to the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library, of all places. Not our favorite president by a long shot, but it was fun to be able to walk through an actual Air Force One, plus they had a great exhibit about Star Wars (both the movies and the Reagan-era Strategic Defense Initiative).

      1. The pre-company declutter has got to be one of my favorite versions of cleaning!

      2. The Reagan Library is such a special place. As you said, it doesn’t really matter what you think about the President (I’ve been to some presidential libraries for men I seriously despise, and still learned something). It’s an incredible setting, a well-done museum . . . The view . . .Air Force One . . . the piece of the Berlin Wall in the garden . . . I am overwhelmed every time I go there.

      3. I always like visiting the presidential libraries. I haven’t been to Reagan’s yet, but I always learn a lot

  8. Over the weekend, I had a piece of frozen salmon delivered in the grocery delivery but it arrived a little bit thawed. The fillet bent a little bit instead of being frozen solid like they usually are. I put it in the freezer anyway, but now I’m wondering if it was safe to do that (I’ve heard you can’t refreeze meats and fish). Anybody know?

    1. I’m sure it’s fine. The hidden secret with supply chains is that your food can end up partially thawing at any number of points along the chain, whether that’s in the back of the store waiting to be stocked or in a partially loaded truck that hasn’t had its AC running long enough to cool the interior at the start of the trip. Food doesn’t magically turn inedible just because its temperature fluctuates. Bending a little bit sounds to me like it’s still mostly frozen.

    3. I always head that it’s fine as long as it still has some ice crystals in it.

    4. From a food safety perspective: you can’t refreeze meat and fish from room temperature. You CAN safely refreeze them once or twice from refrigerated, the texture/quality may just have suffered a bit.

    5. I read somewhere that as long as it is still partially frozen, you can refreeze fish or meat safely. I’ve definitely done that when dinner plans changed and I had half-thawed meat in the fridge. Obviously do the smell test.

  9. I have a nice (re: 10-15 year old hand me down) work wool pants with a lining. Wear has shredded the lining. The shredding is behind my sewing skills. Is this a thing I should get fixed professionally? Could the dry cleaner do it or do I have to find a tailor?

    1. Many dry cleaners would do this. However, I wouldn’t bother. For wool pants that don’t have a liner, I’ve been using a pantliner. It’s like a slip for pants and is sometimes called a pettipant. Cheap, easily washed, and serves the same purpose as the sewn in liners.

    2. I’d go to a tailor. The lining will help the fabric hang right; alternatively if they mess it up the pants won’t hang well and may look a little off.

  10. I have a weekend in London to myself while there for work – what should I do? Thinking of spending one day as spa day and shopping; but open to whatever. I have been a before so I have done a lot of the major touristy things; but open to suggestions

    2. London has great spas but if you’re in a major city already it won’t be wildly different from what you have access to at home. I’d do a wander around one of the fun shopping areas. The bricks and mortar location of the Fold is in a great area. I’d walk from Knighstbridge over to Sloane Street, hit Harrods’ food hall and then have a picnic/people watch in Hyde Park. If the weather is gross go have a drink at the Mandarin/Bulgari hotel instead

    4. I like to explore outside the city center: Royal Observatory in Greenwich has parks, and a ton of museums (art, maritime, Greenwich meridian, …).

    5. London Walks has great walking tours of different neighborhoods that are fun. I did the Hampstead one a month ago and it was a really nice way to see the area.

    7. Go to this rooftop cover garden https://skygarden.london/ if the weather is not good. You have to book in advance. You can only go to wander around or to have a coffe or lunch/dinner.
      If the weather is good go to Columbia rd flower market on Sunday or Greenwich. I love also Marylebone Farmers Market if you are in the area.

      1. Second Sky Garden! Great place to just sit and read, or have a snack and regroup. Book ASAP in advance.

    8. Kew Gardens
      Day trip to Windsor Castle
      Lunch at Borough Market
      Guys and Dolls at The Bridge Theatre
      New Michelangelo exhibition at the British Museum
      Browse in Alfies Antique Market

  11. I love the length of this dress, which makes it feel a bit more modern to me, as opposed to the sheath dresses that I haven’t really pulled from my closet since pre-covid. I’d wear this with any number of shoes, including the new white pumps I just bought. Great pick.

      1. You could get it hemmed. I’m tall and love it when I find a dress this length, because it’s not like I can just add fabric to shorter dresses.

        I also think a below knee length is more modern looking.

        I also like the elbow length sleeves on this dress.

    3. MM LaFleur is just awesome. I just sold a bunch of barely worn dresses on thredup, though, because I have so few occasions to wear them. My world just does not have enough MM Lafleur dress occasions to justify the pile I had accumulated.

    4. I just ordered it in the checked fabric, which is part of the F&F sale. I agree that the length makes it seem more current. I will have it hemmed so it ends right below the knee at the narrowest point above where my calf muscle flares out, and will probably have the skirt tapered a little too.

  12. Just curious – how many of you here practice religion outside of holidays? As in doing whatever your faith requires for faith or observance outside of the major holidays or asking a higher power for whatever needs you may have in regular life? Doesn’t matter what faith – just curious.

    Do you all feel that it’s accurate when people say that faith is less of a thing amongst higher educated, liberals esp on the coasts? Like do you feel that’s accurate re your own lives, your friends or peers?

    1. “Do you all feel that it’s accurate when people say that faith is less of a thing amongst higher educated, liberals esp on the coasts? Like do you feel that’s accurate re your own lives, your friends or peers?”

      This is well demonstrated by research, and is also my own anecdotal experience. That doesn’t mean there aren’t exceptions.

      1. +1. DH and I both grew up in faith traditions (Episcopal and Lutheran) and we are raising our kids as nones. Most of our friends are also this way, although our Jewish friends tend to get their kids through bar/bat mitzvah first (they study even if they didn’t grow up going to synagogue regularly, etc.). We live in liberal MA

    2. I don’t and don’t even go to church on major holidays like Easter and Christmas. I think your point that it’s less of a thing is true.

    3. I do. And I am an East Coast liberal, highly educated and at an institution you have heard of. There is a group of highly educated people of my faith at my institution, but I do not belong to it (no time), so the number of practicing individuals is likely undercounted. Anecdata!

      1. +1 from another anecdatum.

        Many people of faith who are highly educated and/or not socially and politically ultra-conservative keep their faith quiet because extremists of every major religion have given each of those religions a bad name.

        1. THIS. It took me years after living in the buckle of the bible belt to start “outing” myself as a Christian to people I didn’t know well, despite attending church regularly. I did not want the baggage that came with the label. Now I hope that I at least provide another illustration for some people.

    4. I’m an Episcopalian Creaster because it makes my parents happy. I’m 30 and an educated, East Coast, liberal. I actually like the idea of religion and I had previously tried to be religious, but I just don’t “feel” it. I think there are good lessons there and its a good place for community, but I don’t partake. I very occasionally pray (even though I don’t believe) and I would baptize my kids but that’s about it. If I was raised in a less welcoming denomination, I would be totally against religion. I actually joke that I’m a great spokesperson for a church I don’t attend – I think the Episcopal Church is great I’m just not religious.

      My friends, who are mostly fellow educated, East Coast liberals run the gamut but I think most are like me – not actively practicing but not actively against religion either. More than a few friends are quietly religious (some attending services and some not but praying on their own), but it doesn’t come up very often. They’re not hiding it, but its a personal thing so its just not discussed very often. My friends were mostly raised Catholic, Episcopalian, or Jewish, a few friends were raised without religion but they’re really the minority.

      I have two Baptist friends who are pretty loud about their religion and tend to have social values that align with their religion (anti-abortion, did not live with their husband pre-marriage, unclear their views on gay marriage but have gay friends). It’s weird to me only in that those social views are so uncommon in my circles. Even my more conservative friends (some of whom are religious some of whom are not) don’t have these social values. On the flip side, some of my Catholic but liberal friends are very pro-gay marriage and equality but still anti-abortion.

      In my generation, I’d say that being actively religious is less of a thing among educated east coast liberals; however, pretty much every adult I know it my parents’ generation is religious and actively practicing to some degree.

      1. This resonates with me too. For example I’m buying a house and my mom wants me to do this religious housewarming ceremony – sure, why not. Doesn’t hurt to do something for good luck/prosperity/etc

        But I’m not actually religious.

    5. I’m a Christian and I practice my faith on a daily basis. I’ve been reading the Bible from start to finish and read a few chapters each day. I use the Bible app on my phone to do a devotional reading and I pray.

      I did not grow up in church or any religion, so it was my choice to become a Christian. I can only speak for myself, but for me it’s less about religion and required practices and more about having a personal relationship with God.

    6. I think it’s gotten a lot more private. I don’t attend physical church regularly but would still describe myself as practicing quietly, if that makes sense? Like watching service at home and reflecting on how to apply the message to my life. The amount of drama at church – like choir drama, who runs what committee, etc – is just as bad as an office and so without social pressure to go and be seen being religious, it’s not surprising to me that folks would opt out.

      1. Yeah I think a lot of my friends are privately, quietly religious but I know virtually no one who attends church in person regularly.

        1. Wow. I’m in the Midwest and I think at least 75% of the people we know are “church every Sunday” folks.

          1. Wow is right! I’m in Northern New England and do not know a single person who goes to church regularly / every Sunday.

          2. it’s totally different in my blue bubble where lots of people have masters or PhDs. I know maybe a handful of people who go to church regularly. Religion is not a major topic of conversation.

        2. woah, this is actually fascinating to me; I know no one (I’m Catholic but have lots of close Protestant/Evangelical friends) who would watch virtual services now (barring being homebound in general) – everyone is either in person or stopped practicing entirely

    7. I am a practicing Christian, ELCA. Midwest large city. My spouse and I both have professional degrees. To look at us, you would not know we attend church almost every week and are actively involved in its administration. I am a pro abortion rights, pro LGBTQ, true blue liberal democrat, a position I feel is completely consistent with my religion.

      That said, we do not necessarily have “faith” in the same way as I imagine many other people do. I do not have a personal belief in God’s action in my life, or my personal salvation, etc but I trust that God (whatever that means) is at work in some larger way that I cannot see or understand. Lutheranism is largely focused on Grace – it is not what we do, but what God does. So I try to live my life doing good and loving my neighbor and avoiding selfishness and trust that God is working through me.

      I also think it’s important for my family (including my kids particularly) to attend a progressive church as a values-based “third place” where we can interact with folks of all ages and walks of life.

      But on the whole, I think your statement is correct. Our congregation is full of exceptions that prove the rule, as we are a small (though slowly growing) congregation. I do think people are finding the importance of community more and more, and some liberals are finding it at progressive churches.

    8. Yes, I do practice my religion. I find that my more liberal viewpoint is not in conflict with my faith, probably because I’ve deliberately chosen to belong to a progressive congregation. There are plenty of Christian churches and denominations that I would never feel comfortable in.

      Research on the whole points to more liberal, educated people falling away from religion. Anecdotally, I think that’s true, but I also know plenty of highly educated people who still do consider themselves religious even if they aren’t going to church every Sunday. I also know plenty of less-educated folks who aren’t religious at all. So, hard to say, and it’s highly personal. There also is a strong regional component to it, I think.

    9. I was raised Episcopalian and I wouldn’t say I practice anymore, but I do think a lot about WWJD and try to incorporate being Christ-like into my life. I pray for very general things like peace or healing for all who are sick but not for things in my own life (so like not even the healing for my loved ones who are sick).

      If my parents are going to church for Christmas or Easter and I’m at their house I’ll join them, but that’s really the only time I go to church aside from weddings, funerals, and the occasional baptism or other event.

    10. You are going to get a range of answers here! But I’ll chime in as an educated, east coast (NYC) moderate and my religion is very important to me. We are at church every Sunday and other days of obligation, and do our best to follow all tenets and doctrine of our faith. As a family we build in prayer and other religious education throughout our days.

      I think it’s an accepted fact that more people are “nones” these days. But I also think a lot of people are in a constant state of searching for meaning, loneliness, and low-level depression/despair. A lot has been lost — even just basic community — with the decline of religious belief and practice, IMO. (And yes, I acknowledge that there are toxic churches out there and many people have been hurt, and I completely understand how that has led in part to the decline.)

      1. I just want to chime in to agree with your last paragraph. I know there are a lot of toxic churches out there but there are also many that are not. I think the general loss of the third place and community is leading to a decline in many ways.

        As an aside, I also find it quite ironic that people will lean into astrology, crystals etc but think religion is silly.

        1. Worshiping crystals seems the same thing as worshiping an invisible man in the sky, to this atheist.

      2. +1 We’re highly educated East Coasters, and also highly religious. Church every Sunday and other holidays, we observe the feasts and fasts at home, I read the Bible to my kids daily and we pray together.

        I live in the south now and religious observance is def more common here – mostly Christian but also generally (eg most of my Jewish friends here are active synagogue members, vs when I lived in Seattle, where most were non practicing). I think it’s indisputable fact that religious practice is declining, although personally I think it’s preferable, at least from a Christian perspective, if people are attending services bc they want to rather than bc of a societal obligation.

    11. i live in Houston (am not from here) and lots of people go to church on Sundays, which is something I was not accustomed to when I first moved here from the east coast. Like there is a noticeable difference if you go to certain restaurants during church time on Sundays. I’m Jewish so no church for me. We try to do a simple Shabbat on Fridays (light candles, have wine/grape juice and challah with the blessings), and also try to attend the monthly kids Shabbats at our synagogue. I have very few friends who attend services on a weekly basis. I did not grow up doing that either. Idk how you whether you would count this as practicing the religion, but our house is kosher style (we have two sets of dishes and silverware, but only one set of pots and pans)

    12. Atheist here. West coast liberal, raised catholic. I have a couple of nearby friends who go to church most Sundays, but most of my friends don’t

      1. I should add a story about one of my close friends. I would say she was like me until she was diagnosed with treatable but incurable cancer.

        Now she’s a regular churchgoer. (Episcopalian, not all the way back to Catholicism) As they say, there are no atheists in foxholes! I’m so happy for her that she has found peace in worship. She says for her it’s about the ritual and community.

    13. I do not practice my religion (Conservative Judaism) outside of major holidays or by invitation from close family. I do not believe in God (and frankly probably never really did even as a child, I just never really questioned it or gave it much thought) and find it difficult to square any kind of active religious observance with my personal understanding that God does not exist, all of my religion’s holy texts were written centuries after the events supposedly took place (for which there is zero historical or archaeological evidence), and all of our present day practices were developed by a bunch of cloistered men centuries after the texts were written (and in a very different time and place than my own). I just personally have come to the conclusion that all religions were invented by humans at some point in history to explain the unexplainable (e.g., earthquakes, illness/death, floods/droughts) by ascribing those phenomena to a higher power or powers. Religion made a lot of sense 2,000 or even 200 years ago when the natural world was a fearsome and unpredictable place. But with our present day understanding of plate tectonics, the germ theory of disease, and atmospheric sciences, I don’t need a god or gods to help me understand the world. And with all the awful things that people do and have done over the course of human history in the name of religion, I simply don’t see it as a net good in today’s world.

      FWIW, most of my fellow east coast liberal friends also do not believe in God or participate in any religious activities beyond those essentially required by their more-faithful Boomer parents (e.g., Christmas or Easter church attendance). I do have a few coworkers who are observant/practicing in their religions, but they are definitely the exception and not the norm.

      1. I’m interested in your comment as a non Jewish person. The vast majority of my Jewish friends feel as you do and don’t necessarily believe in any god. Their practices are mostly about tradition and culture and they describe themselves as reform at most. But you describe yourself as part of Conservative Judaism so I’m wondering if you’d care to elaborate more about that. No judgment, just curious.

        1. I am not the previous poster, but I also grew up as a conservative Jew. To be honest, idk if it is that I don’t believe in god, but I just don’t spend much time thinking about it. God was never a big part of it for me personally. I like the traditions/culture/community and I think like many other traditions, religious or not, they evolve over time. On one side of my family I am a second generation America, but a third generation on the other side. I have a lot of Jewish friends who are also second generation Americans, but Jews are not as much a part of recent immigration as in past generations. Though I am not an immigration expert, so don’t quote me on this. The Conservative movement in Judaism is struggling. One of the more obvious differences between reform and conservative has to do with the number of days you celebrate certain holidays, so like two vs. one days of Rosh Hashanah and two passover seders vs. one. I feel like in my parents’ generation it was not such a big deal to take off two days of work for a holiday, but like last week when DH tried to get out of a business trip for Passover, there was a lot of pressure to go and harder for him to say no since we aren’t orthodox. With constant access to technology it is also harder to step away from work if you otherwise use electricity on a holiday. (truly observant jews do not use electricity, drive cars, etc. on many of the major holidays)

          2. that is not the only difference. i was trying to be simplistic for the sake of writing on this site. there are also other differences in regard to what makes someone Jewish (conservative moment – person must have a jewish mother, reform movement – either parent can be jewish), Kashrut (jewish dietary laws), etc. There are also things that are part of the official Conservative vs. Reform movements, but just like in other religions it doesn’t mean that someone who identifies as Conservative necessarily practices all of those things themself.

        2. I’m part of Conservative Judaism because that’s how I was raised. The theology between Conservative and Reform is very similar, with Reform being significantly simplified in a way I never liked (probably mostly because it’s not what I grew up with, not necessarily because I actually disagree with the theology). My (hopefully not totally incorrect) understanding of the way the three main branches of Judaism developed is that Orthodox is generally a continuation of the old world way of religious practice (very observant, women separated from men, etc.), with Reform having developed as an attempt to retain the Jewish identity while also introducing more secularism and shortening/reducing obligations in order to make that happen. Conservative Judaism developed in America as kind of a bridge between the two: definitely secular, but pulling back in more of the Orthodox traditions and obligations. Maybe I would actually fit in more with the Reform movement these days, but I mostly just identify as culturally Jewish rather than religiously Jewish.

    14. Catholic on a daily basis, but I haven’t felt welcome at church for a while. I don’t really want to hear culture wars sermons from priests who refused to mask during a pandemic even when some of their parishioners were ultra high risk and falling for antivaxx propaganda. And of course there have been other inclusivity hurdles over the years though individual parishes were sometimes much better than the official party line.

    15. I am anti-religion and have been since childhood. I don’t have anyone in my circles who attends religious services outside of major holidays.

      1. It was a Big Deal for my mom when I dropped out of catechism in elementary school. I just never believed it and found it boring, and my dad backed me up.

        Their deal was that she could introduce us to religion but not force it on us, so when I said I didn’t want to go anymore and she started insisting that I go, that’s when Dad stepped in. It was probably a bigger deal to my Grandma, her mom, but over time everyone got over it.

        I feel exactly the same today as I did back then, but probably even more negative having had my eyes opened as an adult to all the harms the church has perpetuated. But either way, I just never believed.

    16. I attend my Episcopal church most Sundays and holy days, serve on the vestry, teach confirmation class, and the rest of my family is equally involved. Not only do I like the community/third space aspect, but I love the structure it gives to my life and how it helps me live my beliefs. New Englander with multiple degrees in a hard science. Ironically, I know far more people out here who combine careers in science with active faith than I did when I was going to grad school in the Bible Belt.

        1. I am a United Methodist church musician who recently subbed at a Lutheran service and now I wish I had been a Lutheran or an Episcopalian. All the chants and sung responses! Actual music printed in the bulletin!

    17. When I was younger I was quite religious and tried to do All The Things my religion required. I no longer believe and for a while I went to church with my husband on Christmas and Easter (and we had a full-on Church Wedding), but we have drifted away since the leadership at his church changed. Of our close friends, I can think of only two couples who are regular churchgoers and there is nobody in my current immediate circle who is super religious (although I am still friend with some people from my former “quite religious” life).

      Personally, I think (organized) religion does more harm than good in the world and would happily see it disappear.

      2. I think distortions of organized religion and using religion as a facade has perpetuated most of the evils of the world. Communist Russia, China, Nazi Germany, etc…. Politics in place of true religion is the big problem.

        1. Yes, it’s sometimes hard to convey that the wealthy used to have to answer to religious authorities and at least make a show of sharing the values and codes of conduct of their religious communities. It feels like we’re getting farther and farther from the days where a wealthy person genuinely felt obliged to build a hospital and a medical school, a library, and somehow upgrade the place of worship. Now it feels almost as if someone like Elon is an object of worship for his acolytes! People will rant about billionaires while celebrating the French revolution, as if these things aren’t related.

    18. Bay Area born and raised and I attend church most Sundays.

      I grew up Catholic (made all my sacraments) but my family was not very devout. I stopped going in my teens (family religious crisis). My husband grew up in a very strict Christian family and also stepped away as a an adult.

      We started attending a pretty modern Lutheran church in my neighborhood almost 2 years ago. We started going almost solely for our kids (young elementary age).

      I felt no interest and in fact quite awkward about religion until I started attending frequently.

      Our church is very welcoming to all and has more of a feel good message which I prefer. In fact my husband sometimes complains that there is not much in terms of salvation and fire and brimstone talk he is accustomed to (old habits die hard).

      I feel like the lack of religion is leading to nihilism in the youth. A belief in a higher power without leaning in to a crazy extent (my husband’s childhood) is beneficial for my kids.

      I also appreciate the community aspect of it. There are a lot of events for families and the older members of the church (a majority senior citizens) are very welcoming and friendly.

      That said, I think people practice or believe quieter these days because often there is an implication that you’re a crazy conservative. That said, I do find it is still a minority group.

      I’ve noticed in my own family that they reject organized religion and just say they believe in God and that is enough for them. While that may be true I’m not sure how they expect their kids to feel the same without any exposure or teaching either at home or church.

      1. My daughter was raised with no religion and believes in some sort of god. She came to it on her own. She believes in a higher power but not the kind of god that would send people of other religions to hell for not believing in the correct god.

    19. I am well educated and we are rich I. The grand sense- but not 1%. Just plain old two executive parents upper class.

      We aren’t religious. We celebrate Christian holidays, but try to de-religion them (Easter is mostly a celebration of spring, Christmas is about the spirit of kindness and giving. Our kids know what Christian People are celebrating (death/birth of Jesus) but nobody in our family identifies as Christian. My kids know a lot about religious beliefs and have asked awesome questions as they’ve gotten older.

      1. That’s how we do holidays. My younger sister got really religious for a while and objected to the rest of us celebrating Christmas (mostly she wanted to not buy us gifts, but she wanted gifts from us because it was “her” holiday.)

        So we had a whole conversation about the pagan roots of the parts of the holiday we enjoy – bringing a tree inside and lighting it, exchanging gifts, singing, feasting, etc. That didn’t go over well, but she has greatly calmed down since then, I report happily.

    20. I’m Jewish (flexible in terms of movement; an Orthodox shul would not be a good fit for me, but I’ve attended all the other varieties at various times), and I would say that I practice, but some people might look at my very relaxed form of practice and say that I don’t. In terms of ritual, I do Shabbat dinner on Fridays (with blessings and an extra-nice meal), and occasionally attend services. But to me, participating actively in Jewish communities is a form of practice, even when it doesn’t involve religious ritual. I do that deliberately, and it’s an important part of my life.
      I’m also an atheist, and I don’t see that as a conflict with my Judaism at all. To me, it’s much more about culture and identity and community. Even privately – I’ve occasionally said certain prayers to myself at certain moments, and the reason it was meaningful wasn’t because I believed that I was talking to God, but because doing something that I know generations of my family have done at similar moments made me feel connected and close to them.

      1. I am also Jewish and I would say this describes me as well. Idk if I would use the word “atheist” but I just don’t spend a lot of time thinking about the whole god part. Being Jewish is a pick part of my identity and is an important part of my life as well.

    21. I was brought up religious but remember questioning why everyone was so sure our beliefs were based in reality as a child. I also liked playing with the kids whose families didn’t go to church better lol. I went to a more progressive grad school and made friends with like-minded people. I assumed everyone in my generation kind of went through the same thing where they eventually realize their religion is made up, while still going through the motions to appease older family members. I was pretty anti religion at that point due to a lot of resentments from childhood. I eventually grew up and chilled out. I celebrate major religious holidays with family but that’s it.

      Yes, I think your statement re liberals is accurate, both statistically and in my own experience. Out of the religious families I grew up around, there’s an almost 100% correlation between further education and leaving our religion.

    22. Culturally Christian, but not religious, and not a church-goer, except if visiting family and friends and it is their practice, to be polite. So due to experience and exposure, I am conversant in the order of service and rituals, and know the words to most prayers and some hymns, but do not practice. I might play the Jesus Christ Superstar original cast album around Easter, and some of my Christmas carol selections are religious, but that’s more of a tradition than out of sincere worship.

    23. Preacher’s Kid here, but of an ultra liberal protestant denomination (one click more Christian than Unitarian). I do not attend church regularly but my children are baptized (by my mom) and we attend when we are visiting her and she wants us to go. I loved the church community growing up and the tradition (hymns etc), as well as the annual rhythm but I do not “believe in God”. Nor does my denomination believe that Christ redeemed our sins by dying on the cross etc.

      I am considering finding a church now for my kids to have the third space mentioned above. I know almost no Christians who go to church, but my Jewish friends are all engaged in religious life in some way or another.

      1. I’m the Lutheran who posted above. I just wanted to say that I don’t think everyone at my church (myself included)”believes in God”. If pressed I’d say I’m technically agnostic, but I guess it just doesn’t matter to me and it definitely doesn’t matter to anyone at worship.

        I think this is one way that the evangelical focus on personal salvation has led to more people rejecting church – because it can make people feel like you have to always have some giant spiritual awakening or some rock solid, personal relationship with God to be a Christian. Sure, that can be one spiritual expression , but it’s not the only or “right” way. (Probably preaching to the choir here ;))

        1. I could not agree more. And it doesn’t help that evangelicals can be very loud about how wrong everyone else is doing Christianity! I have had people tell me that I am not a Christian because I don’t believe exactly what they do. I can see how it would be intimidating to someone who is exploring.

      2. My husband and I were “unchurched” until our daughter was of confirmation age, when we joined a church because it was important to us to give her a proper religious education so she could make her own decisions about what to believe. We didn’t really expect to fit in socially because we are originally coastal liberals with graduate degrees and most of the church members have lived in the same town in the SEUS their entire lives. We were pleasantly surprised to find that the church became the most wonderful source of community and friendships for our entire family.

        1. Yes, that was the experience of my sister and brother-in-law, transplants from the NE to the SEUS. Tuition at the private church-funded schools was also discounted for church members.

    24. I was raised Catholic, but no longer practice. My grandparents were all very religious. my parents less so. My mom left the church and my dad has mostly left as well once his mother died. My husband was also raised Catholic and the older generation in his family, including his mother, is still very religious. It has caused her a lot of heartache that we did not get married in the church, chose not to baptize our children, and do not attend service at all (unless it is a funeral or wedding mass.)
      I don’t live on the coast, but in my highly education, liberal workplace and most of my social circle, people are less religious. Catholicism is pretty cultural here as well, so there are plenty of people who practice but also don’t agree with the church on everything. My husband and I couldn’t square that so we left (separately, before we met.)

    25. So on the big picture, there’s lots of solid population level statistics that show a correlation between higher levels of education, political liberalness, and lower levels of religious belief in the US; although there’s a reverse trend when you ask about eg. frequency of attendance, or registered membership in a congregation (the “organized” parts of organized religion), which seem to correlate with other indicators of institutional affiliation. There’s also a strong overall trend towards less religious practice: younger people are less religious than previous generations at the same age (and they don’t do back to religious practices at high rates as they get older); the decline is most noticeable in mainline Protestant denominations.

      In my personal life though, I would count as religious by the board’s standards (Catholic, I attend Mass every week and believe what the Church teaches), politically liberal but disagree with the US democratic party on some hot button social issues, well educated (engineering background; prestigious graduate degree), pretty much only lived in a variety of blue coastal cities, and am 32; and I know a lot of other religious people like me in those demos. Like in day to day life, I am only going to know so many people – and so a a statistically significant correlation with demographics doesn’t actually mean that much, in terms of “do I have people who share my faith and can talk to the kinds of issues I encounter in the rest of my life”.

      I would say I am very quiet about religion in non religious settings – like my coworkers probably would never guess – because a lot of people have had negative experiences with the Catholic Church, and I don’t want people to be in a position where I am reminding them of something painful to them. So I can easily imagine casual acquaintances saying they “don’t know anyone who goes to church”

    26. We are active in my child’s religious school and it’s a wonderful part of our life. I would say maybe 1/3 of my friends are involved in religious life, mainly through a connection to social justice grounded in their faith or for their kids (30s and 40s east coast liberals).

  13. I ‘m involved in an all-volunteer organization whose management/committee chairs regularly say they’re “too busy” to do x, y and z. Basically, too busy to chair the committees and do their jobs. Too busy to reply to email, too busy to prepare for meetings, too busy to organize projects, etc. Regular committee members are becoming increasingly frustrated (and quitting) because they’re not doing the projects they signed up for. Management/chairs are not modeling good volunteer behaviour with this “too busy” stuff.

    Can anyone recommend a web-based resource (a webinar) or article or Los Angeles-based speaker on how to change that mind-set? We all know there’s no way they’re truly 100% busy with their paying jobs 8-9 hours a day and completely unable to give 30 minutes of daytime attention. The board says “Oh, we need to let the chairs know it’s unacceptable,” but some board members make the exact same excuse, and nothing happens. Is the organization doomed?

    1. Maybe they should step down from being chairs, but your statement that “we all know there’s no way they’re truly 100% busy with their paying jobs 8-9 hours a day and completely unable to give 30 minutes of daytime attention” is not true for many (most?) people…

    2. I would do a hard reset around expectations and if you can’t meet them, the org moves on to new people – frustrating the people who are lower down on the totem pole is really bad for retaining and growing your volunteers (maybe some of them should be promoted?) The Women’s Bar Association of DC is currently recruiting committee chairs and has very clear expectations, take a look at that for a model.

      1. I think this is what you need to do, with the giant caveat that you can only do it with a healthy pool of motivated volunteers including volunteer leaders to backfill positions that open up.

    3. I can’t tell – How often are you asking for these things? 30 minutes of daytime attention how often? Daily? Weekly? Monthly?

      Whatever it is, are you making it very clear to the committee chairs that the position involves XX time commitment on a daily/weekly/monthly basis and requires email communication?

      I volunteer in several committees and have stepped back from some of them because I was legitimately too busy for the amount of commitment was just too much – which includes just not having the mental capacity for one more thing after a very busy 9 hour day. You are asking people to volunteer for jobs and you aren’t paying them – they don’t owe you an explanation of their time. If they are telling you they are too busy for the commitment you are asking for, you either need to find someone who isn’t too busy, or change the time commitment of the volunteer positions.

      FWIW, I love email threads/decision making for work (avoid all the meetings), and I hate it for volunteer organizations. I don’t exactly know why, but the volunteer email and text threads have a tendency to go sideways fast.

      1. Yes to all of this. And it’s a big part of why I’m not volunteering as much as I would like, during this stage of life. I work full-time and am raising kids. I legitimately don’t always have the time or mental bandwidth to add one more thing.

        Are your expectations unreasonable? Not really, but I would be taking a hard look at who you’re recruiting for leadership positions. If your volunteers are already over-extended, it’s not going to go well.

        1. Bandwidth – that’s the word I was missing. I have reluctantly stayed on as a treasurer for one organization because they can’t seem to find a replacement, however I made it very clear that I do not have a lot of mental bandwidth for it and they would have to be satisfied with very lackluster reporting and I will only go to one meeting a year (and I also handle all the cash for a big three day festival – but the big weekend commitment is much easier to schedule in then the constant little weekly tasks). I don’t particularly enjoy doing a half a$$ job, but that’s what I can give it right now. They are welcome to find someone else, or be satisfied with what I can give them. Since putting these boundaries in place they are much more respectful of my time.

          Writing that above leads me to something that may be useful for the OP – for some volunteers it is much easier to commit to bigger chunks of time then it is to respond to regular 15-20 minute weekly things. If you can make the big chunks of time – like monthly meetings – really count and do not rely on emails or text in between to plan things, you may find more engagement.

      2. My professional organization is all volunteer and I have been involved for 30 years. I still volunteer but if frustrates me that we have one hour meetings every other Tuesday just because “we have one hour meetings every other Tuesday” and we’ve always done it that way. Sometimes there’s no substance. I would be more enthused, and have been more enthused, when there’s a short duration project for us to work on and get out by a certain date. Rather than sitting through a meeting just to say I attended it.

        1. This. I got sucked into church leadership about a year ago and it is all meetings for the sake of having meetings. Nothing of substance is ever accomplished, budgets are carbon copies of last year’s, no one thinks critically about the programming we offer and how to streamline, improve, or expand it to better meet the congregation’s needs, etc. We are about to embark on a strategic planning project and if it doesn’t result in the adoption of an alternative organizational structure that is designed to eliminate meetings for the sake of meetings, I can’t seem myself staying on after this term ends.

          1. Right. So if I skip a meeting in order to prioritize paying work, I don’t really feel bad about it, though the committee chair might have feelings about it.

    4. It’s kind of a you get what you pay for situation isn’t it? In an all volunteer org.

      It’s always going to come second to whatever they have going on in their life, especially work that pays.

    5. I have this theory that volunteer organizations do the things that are important to the people in them. If things are not getting done, it’s because the people in the organization really don’t think they’re important. So, yeah. The projects that aren’t getting done are probably doomed unless you can find somebody who is really fired up about making them happen. That’s just the nature of the beast.

      What about recruiting some of those committee members to head up the projects they’re excited about?

    6. Based on my 20-odd years of volunteering as an adult, my sense is that the org will struggle along but continue to shed members until only a few toxic stalwarts and a couple of others remain active. I’m in an org right now where the second-biggest problem is a Very Senior Volunteer who meddles in everyone’s duties and demands, when she snaps her fingers, that volunteers perform complicated tasks that weren’t in the job description. (The biggest problem is a faction that only cares about their pet project and wants to eliminate anything that might even vaguely assist any other area of the mission.)

      Honestly, I wish I had a good answer but I just let people drop balls all around me. I’m too busy to supervise how others do their volunteer tasks.

    7. “We all know”… this is also a mindset that could use some shifting. What you *might* know is that these team members are not meeting your expectations. Having chaired boards like this, it tends to be a question of burnout, a lack of ideas, and an inability to mobilize on ideas, leading to a “whatever” mindset.

    8. Board/Committee expectations and commitments. Review and require each member sign. And yes, I’ve seen people taken off the board/committees for this. Usually the board chair reaches out and meets with them about it. People flaking on their responsibilities is demoralizing and hurts the organization because things can’t get done.

  14. Shoe question: I’m looking for easy and comfortable shoes to walk the dog in the mornings and walk this kids to school. It’s about a mile walk and had a steep hill, so the shoes need to be comfy and supportive-converse/supergas are out. I’ve been wearing asics running shoes with workout leggings, but now that it’s warmer, I need something that will go with more outfits: shorts, linen pants, maybe even a dress. Maybe some kind of knit sneaker? Also, anyone have an outfit formula for this kind of thing? The weather change always catches me by surprise and I don’t have a uniform for figured out. I’d like something comfy and casual but also put together. Thanks!

    1. Addidas Sambas, Vejas, or similar styles (low profile ‘tennis’ shoes) are what I see most around town on the SAHMs doing this walk.

    4. This sounds like an athleisure outfit situation and my orthopedist would agree. I’d keep wearing your ASICS but with warm weather athleisure—running shorts, skorts, leggings. A steep hill in anything but a supportive running/walking shoe just sounds miserable.

      1. I completely agree. I don’t know when we decided that everything needs to be fashionable, even if it’s not right for the occasion, but I’m not playing. I start with the shoes and build the outfit from there. Or even decide that IDGAF and just wear my Brooks running shoes with whatever I’m wearing that day. Foot and leg pain is not worth it to me anymore.

    5. On Instagram, Kat Can Cook posts a lot of outfits for walks + kids to school – very casual comfy but put together.

      For shoes, I really find my most versatile sneakers are platform sneakers. And I really like a bold color – I got so much wear out of my pink sneakers that I got a few years ago, and a ton of compliments. Right now I have my eyes on one of the Adidas Gazelle Bold color ways (the red/pink is my favorite right now) and am curious to try Sketcher Uno sneakers.

      1. I think why I like a platform and a bold color is that it shows that I have a style personality, however it’s a sneaker so still really easy and comfortable to wear.

        Of course your safe bet is the white options. Doesn’t float my boat – I went with a safe bet for the sneakers I got to replace my pink sneakers last year and barely wear them, and for a trip recently defaulted back to the pink sneakers….

    6. My favorite casual but not bulky sneakers I can walk a long time in are Nike Daybreaks. That said, I wear my Hokas pretty much everywhere and just lean in to that look.

      1. +1 Hokas and On Clouds are paired with just about everything at my kid’s school dropoff.

    7. There are sneakers that, to me at least, look like a mix between an athletic sneaker and a fashion sneaker. I really like the New Balance 327s and the Asics Jogger x81 as these “hybrid” sneakers.

      I also love Birkenstocks Arizonas and wear them pretty much whenever I need a comfy shoe in warm weather: to me they look fine with athleisure or normal casual weekend wear (jeans, linen pants, shorts, dress).

      I also think there’s nothing wrong with continuing the wear your Asics and just wear athleisure: leggings or running shorts with an athleisure top or a workout dress or skort + top.

    8. Wear your current shoes if they’re supportive and your knees and hips don’t hurt. Walking the dog is not a fashion moment

  15. ‘Rettes with Boomer parents help wanted:

    I was chatting with my mom yesterday and the conversation left a really bad taste in my mouth. She was asking for help with a self-publishing concern and segued into a bizarre rant about how Boomers are overlooked and left behind, “the only group that’s told they should be ashamed”, how the protests *they* did were “for a good cause and not stupid causes”, how they had “modesty”, just in a general sense how the 60s and 70s were some magical perfect time 100% due to the Boomers, and ended with an almost threatening feeling like “you [all] better treat us right or else! We’ll be coming for you because we know how to rabble rouse for social change!”

    She doesn’t own a television and is very fearful and anxious and refuses to watch any news (and has for years), so I know this isn’t a Fox News Rabbit Hole situation. She holds a master’s degree with honors from a prestigious college that she got as a returning student post-divorce, she’s upper middle class and comfortably retired. Part of what’s confusing about this to me is I wanted to ask “what do you want from society that you aren’t getting? what exactly are you perceiving here? who is this “they” that is such a threat?”

    It’s odd because in the same rant she was specifically calling out the movie Hidden Figures as a great movie about the 60s radicalism and social rights (and specifically lauded Black Civil Rights) so I *think* this isn’t…racism per se.

    I kind of mm-hmm’d my way through the rant but I don’t want her to believe that I’m in agreement with this line of thought. But my Dad passed suddenly and I’m really loath to get into fights or rock the boat with my remaining parent.

    Anyone else have scripts or ideas on how to navigate this weird “Boomer Pride” attitude?

    1. I have a general rule that I don’t come down on anyone for anything if they just lost their spouse.

      1. Agree. The lede was kinda buried here. She’s feeling like she was cheated out of life because her husband died suddenly, and this is the way she’s expressing it.

      2. and this may be so, so difficult because you also just lost your dad. But it is the right call. If she still harps on about it 2 years from now, you can address it then.

      3. They had been divorced for longer than they were married, apologies for not making that clear–he’d been married to my stepmom for 20 years.

        1. Even so, that can bring up a lot of very weird and conflicting feelings she didn’t expect.

          Mm-hming your way through this conversation was the right call. If she keeps up with this for another several months or gets worse, that may be time to look into whether Mom is having some kind of cognitive decline or overwhelming anxiety.

    2. Agree with giving grace to anyone who just lost a spouse.
      But even setting that aside, this seems… fairly normal and not that big a deal? Every generation thinks they’re better than subsequent generations. I roll my eyes about Gen Z all the time. Just nod and smile, or change the subject if this topic bores you, but I don’t think it’s a problem that needs to be fixed.

    3. Perhaps what you perceive as boomer pride is a reflection of frequently being on the receiving end of enormous, across-the-board criticism that blames boomers for virtually all of the worlds’ woes.

      1. Yep. Gen Xer here just waiting for my turn. The “boomers destroyed our world” stuff is uninformed nonsense.

      2. Right? I let it roll off my back, but… c’mon.

        And I agree that if she’s recently widowed, she gets a pass.

    4. I don’t think this is something you need to fight with her about since it ultimately doesn’t really matter if you agree with her or not. She’s probably ranting and letting off some steam. Who else does she have to talk to, right? You said that she was an anxious person and she’s probably picked up on some of the negative attitudes about boomers. She’s also an older women, and let’s face it, society does not want to hear from older women. There is a message from the world is that she’s no longer valuable, nobody wants to hear what she has to say, and the main person she spent her life talking to is no longer around. So maybe think of listening to her as acknowledging that she’s still a valuable human being and that you’re a person who loves her and won’t overlook her.

      1. This. Although the rant is taking the form of Boomer Pride, I wonder if what is underlying is more frustration with being older and dismissed in certain ways by society (as is true for all generations as they age). Mix that with complicated feelings about having more yesterdays than tomorrows and having lost a spouse, and the emotions become quite universal and understandable. I think for the rants, you don’t need to respond so much but also show her you care in other ways.

    5. What about her comments were racist? Just because she is not watching Fox doesn’t mean she is not getting influenced by social media. All of the platforms will feed whatever concerns we have and make them much bigger. I am Gen X and noticed some real vitriol from teens and people in their 20s against older folks. I mean, most boomers did not cause or contribute to the beginning of the military industrial complex that we are all dealing with now. I have never interacted with these young people IRL though and my personal exposure is young adults in jail, in the military and in college. Seems there are miserable depressed kids online who are lashing out against boomers and your mom may have hit that algorythm.

      1. They weren’t racist (as I noted), but FB could be where some of this is coming from, with the meme photos about “we drank water from the hose and didn’t use a bike helmet and turned out fine”, etc.

      1. The problem is much of what she was saying was factually untrue or grounded in supposition or other emotional reactions, not reality, but aside from that, I don’t agree and I’m in an uncomfortable position because while I don’t want to get into a fight, I don’t want to give the impression that I agree with her factually untrue statements.
        I’m not trying to change her mind, she’s about to turn 70 and it’s unlikely (and she’s entitled to her own opinions). The issue isn’t “how can I change her mind” it’s “how do I navigate someone’s rant that I disagree with on many levels without starting a fight”

        1. My parents were racist and homophobic and had worldviews I vehemently disagreed with. They would sometimes rant about these things, so I have a lot of experience with this situation. I am a diligent gray rocker. If there was a rant, I’d just say, “hmmmm” and then ask a question about the garden or what is happening at the beauty shop lately or whether they’ve tried the new Oreo flavor. My experience was that not engaging was the best way to get it to pass because a conversation about that topic was not interesting with me.

          Also, in your case, it sounds like the beliefs might be untrue or exaggerated, but are they REALLY harmful? It seems fine and normal to me that a person believes their childhood was idyllic in a certain way. If the beliefs aren’t harmful, I’d especially double down on the gray rock technique and treat it like any other topic you’re not interested in discussing.

        2. Be a duck and let it roll off your back. You should stop caring if she thinks you actually agree with her or not. That is a weird sticking point to have in a situation like this where it ultimately doesn’t matter.

        3. But again, why is it a problem that you need to fix that you “don’t want to give the impression that [you] agree with her factually untrue statements.”? Give the impression to whom? To your mom? Why does it matter that you correct (for the record? what record?) your mom’s mistake belief that you are aligned with her views? Are you trying to avoid other people drawing that conclusion about you, the embarrassment? Does she do this one-on-one with you, or does she do this loudly in public, before an audience.

          Bottom line is that people spout nonsense all day long and it does not reflect on you and your beliefs. Sometimes it is more important to get along and be liked, than to be right, and this might be one of those situations. Good luck!

    7. Reading your long post, I get the sense that your mom is picking up on the contempt you clearly hold for her. Maybe work on you if you want to have a good relationship with her.

      1. This is a good point. How about continuing to think of her as your beloved mom, rather than some unhinged generic “Boomer?”

        I will let you in on a secret: My daughter and I butt heads about politics from time to time and sometimes I think she’s just as crazy as I’m sure she thinks I am. But we both still treat each other with love and respect and it does wonders for our relationship.

        1. My mom is the person who repeatedly used the word “Boomer” and specifically made the entire rant about the group as a whole. I wouldn’t typically classify anyone by generation tag, that’s part of the reason it was off-putting to me.

    8. I generally assume that anyone, of any generation, views the past with rose colored glasses. I’m seeing a lot of “that’s not how you properly protest! We did it right in our day!” from boomers, yet they’ve forgotten their generation literally assasinated a president and a presidential candidate…

      1. A generation did not assassinate anyone.

        That’s lazy thinking.

        Stop thinking memes are education.

        Signed, not a boomer.

        1. Oh my god.
          Who cares.
          Why are you writing your comments like this anyway.
          Signed, not a boomer.

      2. WUT? Boomer women and their older sisters were denied the right to have abortions and credit cards. Many forged the path for us to have fullfilling careers. This kind of comment is why this lady is feeling unappreciated.

    9. As a GenX-er I can kind of see where your mom is coming from. The current violent racist protests, cancel culture, etc. are all very self-centered and seem focused on self-promotion and revenge, not on actually improving conditions for humanity. I could see why a boomer might feel nostalgic for the good old days of people marching hand in hand for a worthy cause.

      2. Is this trolling? Because if you’re a GenXer then you ought to remember the last time there were mass campus protests about conflict in the Middle East, and you also ought to remember the very recent history of the massively-conflict-ridden protests the Boomers participated in. Part of that wave of feminism was a direct result of women in social justice movements getting sick of being told that their job was to cook and have sex with the ‘real’ revolutionaries.

    10. Is this a new thing? Changes in anxiety or fearfulness would be good things to raise with her doctor.

      1. Ok once again I need to object to the infantilisation of people over 50. OP’s mom is clearly an independent woman capable of speaking to her own doctor if she thinks she needs to. There is no place for her adult daughter to be speaking to her mother’s doctor just because she disagrees ideologically with her mother.

        1. +1 million! The infantalizing of competent senior adults here is truly wild. My mom is 74 and I couldn’t “raise [this] with her doctors” because I’ve never met her doctors. She’s a grown a$$ woman! Why would I be talking to her doctor?! I give my tween daughter more medical autonomy than some here give their parents.
          Unless you have a parent who has dementia and you have power of attorney, this level of involvement in their medical care and decision making is absurd and insulting.

      2. Why would the daughter be talking to her mother’s doctor? There’s no evidence the mother has a cognitive issue that requires her daughter to be that involved in her medical care.

      3. Did she just get a Ring doorbell or sign up for Nextdoor? Survey in my friend group is that access to both of these apps increased fearfulness/anxiety in their parents who focused on how much “crime” was now in their neighborhood.

    11. In the 60s and 70s, she was a young radical woman who was in a generation at the forefront of remaking society. Now she’s an aging woman and who has been hit by a sudden unexpected death by someone who was an important part of her youth. It’s no joke to go from being a young radical who is changing the world to being an aging woman staring mortality in the face and subject to widespread contempt simply because you’re a “boomer.” Add years of fear and anxiety into all that, and you get a rant that leaves a daughter puzzled.

      1. Thank you, this makes it make a bit more sense. Although my Dad (her ex–divorced for 20+ years, but they did marry quite young and were married 15 years) passed in 2020, of course it hit us all hard.

    12. Boomer here- your mom sounds angry. I don’t have such strong conversations with my same-age friends and I wonder what’s really driving these comments. There may be something medical going on in the background, or perhaps she is thinking more about her own mortality lately. I would ignore the negativity when it crops up, but also ask her when she is in a better frame of mind if all is well with her.

      1. Yes, this — if a problem has developed, it may be manifesting in her rant, but during the rant is not the time to try to check up on how she is doing. Also, it might help to bear in mind that her rant is not about you and while she might be looking to you for validation, her points are not your points and nobody would assume you feel the same way. In fact, it might keep the peace to pretend to agree with her if it calms down the agitation. You are not responsible for her opinions, and nobody will think so. It’s painful to be around this sort of behavior, but if this is who she is right now (barring a medical issue that should be diagnosed and treated), this is who she is, and who she is going to be if you spend any time with her. You might also consider why it is so important to you to make clear to her that you do not agree with her — why would that matter/be productive? Who cares?

    13. FWIW, my parents are pretty racist people and they are very complimentary about MLK and the March on Washington. If it’s nicely dressed people in old newsreels, that’s fine. If it’s President Obama at the Inauguration with his cute family, he’s a community service organizer who was born in Kenya and is coming to take our guns (never mind any Black person who has ever raised their voice in front of a camera).

      While my parents are firmly down the Fox News Rabbit Hole, I just keep letting them talk until they tire themselves out and then change the subject.

  16. New England ‘Rettes – we are in the super fortunate position of looking for a second place to share with my siblings and parents located in NY/Connecticut. We will be paying the majority as we have WFH abilities and will be going more often. My high needs kid could use a big space to run around (but we’re not to looking to be totally isolated) and preferably something we could use year round for meeting up. Looking for like 3 or 4 br and trying to figure out where we should scope out: Berkshires? pioneer valley? Connecticut? cape cod? specific town suggestions welcome!

    1. I have no idea if you want coast or woods or what but I went to college in the Pioneer Valley and LOVE both that area and the Berkshires. I realize this is otherwise unhelpful :)

    2. so- what do you guys like to do when you travel? mountain hikes and cold lakes and skiing? beach walks and cute towns? I would narrow down the type of community first.

      1. +1. It is hard to give useful suggestions because there is so much variety. With that said, we know people who have second homes in the following towns, and they are all quite nice:

        Litchfield, CT
        Westport, CT
        Milford, CT
        Candlewood Lake / New Milford, CT
        Millerton, NY
        Amenia, NY
        Various Hamptons towns

    4. I don’t even know where to start giving you direction.
      -Price range?

      -Goals? Do you just want a second home? Do you want activities close by? Do you want to hike, swim, go to art festivals, eat good food, ski, boat on the water, boat on the lake?

      -How far are you willing to travel for recreation when you’re there?

      -Where are you located and how far are you willing to travel?

    6. Where will you be traveling from? Will you want to ski in winters? Do you like water?

      I’d buy in Rhode Island on the ocean or the berkshires on a like and close to skiing. Though if the commute isn’t awful, what about Vermont?

    7. I mean I personally would buy a house outside of Northhampton, MA but I also like hippie restaurants–YMMV. I think you need to narrow down your vibe and locational needs.

    8. One key aspect of how pleasant a second home will be is the commute. I recommend drawing a circle around your current base that is about a two to three hour drive, including on Friday nights and on holidays and in the high season, and limit your search within that circle. A four hour commute eats up half the day and becomes unwieldy if an alarm goes off at the second place and you need to go check on it, or if you feel like making a day trip of it.

  17. Life-long Bostonian here. IDK about budgets but if I had to pick, and noting my personal preference for coastal proximity, I’d go for Newport – Middletown, Jamestown area – or Marion/Mattapoisett. I think I could be sold on general Berkshires-area, too, but I’m personally less familiar with specific areas. I honestly wouldn’t go near Cape Cod with a 10-foot pole.

  18. Have any of y’all picked up swimming for exercise? I have a bad knee and I’d like to try swimming more but I”m not sure where to start. This sounds basic, but any guidance? Like how would you kick off getting into this habit? Laps with a kickboard? Breast stroke? Are there online resources I’m missing?

    1. I did while I was pregnant! I just did whatever felt good – laps with a kickboard and breast stroke are both great options. My sister is a former college swimmer and a coach so if you’d be interested in a more specific workout, I’ll gladly ask her.

    2. Others may have a different approach but what worked for me was to just do it… I didn’t initially join a pool or get a membership for anything. I found a pool within a 20 min drive that had a pay per visit rate, and I showed up one day with a pool towel and a swimsuit(a cute one that was more for fun than exercise). I swam laps for 15 min the first day and quickly realized that I needed goggles, so I bought a pair before my next visit. Eventually, I’ve ended up with goggles (and a favorite pair that I use most often), a swim cap, a 1-piece suit that is more exercise friendly, shampoo specifically for chlorine, and a routine that works for me. I told myself that I had to be ok with looking like a fool the first few times until I figured out what worked for me. A few folks who seemed to be regulars were also welcoming and shared their recommendations as well. If I had waited until I had the perfect routine or perfect gear, I’d never have gone. Now, if only I could also apply this approach to the gym….
      Happy swimming!

    3. I’d start by doing single freestyle laps with rests in between, and building to two and then four at a time, if you already have swimming skills. If not, hire a coach and take lessons. If there’s a Masters swim club or team in your area, drop in for a look or a trial swim: Many teams accommodate all levels and it’s a fast, social way to get better quickly.

      1. +1 to Masters! I’m a former competitive swimmer, but our masters team has people of all skill levels. I’d do some research first, though. There are some teams out there that specifically don’t have resources to teach people how to swim and you need some level of experience/ability beforehand.

    4. I recently tried to get into swimming to replace running after a knee injury + surgery. My fitness center offers beginner/intermediate swim stroke clinics every few months. It’s open to non-gym members too. I was already a decent swimmer, but learned so much about technique in just a handful of group lessons. The instructor gave each of us a personalized swimming workout program at the end of the course.

    5. There are masters’ swim groups that welcome swimmers of all levels, if a structured workout with some stroke coaching would appeal to you. Look at your local Y, community pool, neighborhood pool, etc. Near us there is a year-round group at the Y and a summer group at the neighborhood outdoor pool, both in the early morning.

    6. This is awesome! I took up swimming as an adult and love it. The best thing you can do as a beginner is join a group that has a coach. There are so many mechanics to swimming and so many people who start later in life do it so poorly. A coach can help make sure that your stroke is efficient and will not cause unnecessary wear and tear or injury (especially shoulders). Please report back on how it goes!

    7. Former swimmer also chiming in to say technique is really important to avoid hurting yourself. I would join a class or Master’s club if you can. Doing a stroke wrong, repetitively, is setting yourself up for injury.

    8. Just be aware when you start that swimming is very difficult at the beginning, and give yourself the grace to work up to it. I swam my entire childhood and no competitively in college. When I took just a year off, it was extremely hard to pick back up. Than again I took several years off and it was a long slog to get to a point where I could do many laps. I am about to start again and now it has been about 15 years, so I know it’s going to be very, very rough.

    9. Is there a masters swim program anywhere near you? Having a defined workout setup by somoene who knows swimming + people to see regularly makes this a lot easier.

    10. Check to see if your local pool offers classes and clinics, or some sort of group you can join. The aquatic centers run by our county have (affordable) classes, and I find that I’m more likely to stick to it if I paid for it. I would join the 30-45 mins class, and then swim on my own afterwards.

  19. Funky shopping question for you all: I’m looking for the adult equivalent of the glittery heart-shaped box with a lock and key I had when I was a kid.

    I have a very short nightstand, an inquisitive one-year-old, and probable ADHD. There are a lot of things I used to keep on my nightstand so I wouldn’t forget about them (pills, for example) and I would like to get back to that since it worked for me, but of course my kid wants to eat everything on my nightstand or in the drawers, so I’m not about to leave pills just lying around. Any suggestions? Where should I look?

    2. Not what you asked for, but have you considered pairing pill-taking with your other morning or nighttime habits (tooth brushing, face washing, etc.), and keeping the pills in the bathroom, out of reach?

      1. Yep. It’s easier for me to pair pill-taking at night with getting into bed, but I appreciate the suggestion.

        1. I take a lot of pills now post cardiac event, and I keep mine as others said in the same location where I wash my face and brush my teeth. It’s a nightly ritual and that way I know I won’t forget the pills, because I’m not capable of “forgetting” to brush my teeth before bed.

        2. Child-proof lock on the nightstand drawer? Or small lockable jewelry box for inside the drawer?

          1. I realize you like to see the pills but thinking based on your description of your 1yo that maybe a box that fits on top of the nightstand will be shoved around…

        1. It’s a minor concern. I’d prioritize keeping them out of the toddler’s line of sight and reach.

    4. I have a wooden “puzzle box” that would be difficult for small hands to open, although I’m not sure I’d trust anything without an actual lock for medication. A jewelry box with a lock would be pretty. Pottery Barn usually has some.

  20. Help finding pants – I have a rectangular body shape and long straight hips. I can’t find any work pants that fit well. I need pants that don’t curve in at the top or curve in very little. I also want pants without pleats (god bless the people who look good in them but most of us can’t pull them off). I want some basic colored full length straight pants. Thank you

    2. Responding late, but American Giant ponte pants are terrible for my curvy hips & butt, so might be great for you?

    3. Midrise works best for my narrow hips and flat butt. High rise is always tight in waist / loose in hips and thighs. Also stretch helps too.

  21. Inspired by the swimming question above, I have a rowing question!

    I’m a former junior and college rower who hasn’t been in a boat in about a decade, but I’m interested in getting back into rowing. I live in Philly and would be interested in joining a club either on boathouse row or up by the St. Joe’s boat house (not interested in going out to Conshy). I am not interested in training, being coached, or racing, just going out in a 1x and doing my own thing. I only sculled a few times in my life, so I would need a few lessons on sculling to shake off the rust but not a full learn to row program. From my past experience, a lot of masters rowers are intense and that is NOT what I’m looking for. I don’t need to socialize with my club, I don’t want to train with the club, I don’t want a club where you have to apply or be voted in, if possible, I am not interested in required service or club volunteer hours, and I don’t want a club that’s the good ole boys club with hierarchy and rules and what not – I rowed on the Schuylkill one summer in college and my impression of the masters were that they were very old school and would yell at juniors a lot. I really just want access to a 1x and to be able to go out and do my own thing. Any one know of any clubs that would fit my interest?

  22. I have access to a work gym for cheap and I am given time during my week to workout “on the clock”, so I really want to be able to capitalize on this and use my work gym. The gym is bare bones but has everything I need, while the locker room is very, very bare bones. So, there are showers but no towels or toiletries or anything. There are no overnight lockers in the work gym and my office has a hoteling policy so there’s no place for me to store anything.

    I work a later schedule than many of my coworkers, so I think it’d be doable for me to workout from maybe 5-5:30, freshen up, and then come back to finish up my day without many people around. I think I would primarily lift on my in-office days (both because its easier for me to do cardio at home and because I’d be less sweaty and so it’d be easier to clean up after lifting). My plan would be to lift, then do a rinse off body shower (no hair washing or even wetting), reapply deodorant, wash off any makeup that melted (but not reapply) and then head back to my desk.

    In addition to my gym clothes and shoes this means I’d need a towel, shower shoes, body wash, makeup wipes, and deodorant.

    For people with similar situations, is there anything I’m forgetting or missing? Is this gross and should I reconsider my plan?

    2. Pretty much everyone I’ve ever worked with who went to the gym during work hours did as you describe. One of my coworker friends specifically does lifting because she doesn’t really get sweaty.

      My last workplace had an on-premises gym. I used to go before work then do my full getting ready routine in the locker room, but it just took too much time.

      1. Yes, at my last job I’d workout before work and completely get ready for work there. However, that gym had full towel service, overnight lockers (so I could keep my skincare and makeup there), and provided toiletries and hair tools. This gym, not so much so I think I’d rather workout later in my day so I don’t have to get ready again.

    3. I think this really, really varies on how sweaty you get when you workout and the answers are going to widely vary based on that.

      For me, I generally don’t sweat a lot during weights workouts. I think your plan would be totally fine.

      1. If I was working out in the morning, I’d do that but I’m planning on working out in the last bit of my work day. So, I’d work lets say 8-4, workout 4-445, and then work 445-530.

    5. I do exactly this most days, but at lunch time and a reapply (very quick) makeup. It’s totally fine and 95% of the women using the gym do the exact same (the only ones that wash their hair seem to be ones with either very short or very thin hair that can dry in 5 min). The biggest downside of your situation is you have to drag everything home each night, which is a pain but doable. I would just add a second pair of underwear with your workout clothes to your list :)

  23. Just a PSA for those of us who are still somewhat infection-precautious, whatever the reason:

    It seems there is some sort of spring/summer wave starting – hearing from a number friends all over the US and Europe that they tested positive again, after somewhat of a lull in Feb/Mar.

    A neighbor just tested positive – she knows we’re taking precautions so she was wearing a good mask a few days ago when we met for a walk outside as she had cold symptoms. I am glad she did. In my kids’ peer group, a lot of coughing and sneezing is going on, as well.

    We have always N95-masked indoors and on planes, and avoided indoor dining. We have long-planned vacation travel to Asia coming up, so our family is definitely paying attention to this again.

    1. Last year in May my Covid-cautious family and I all got COVID for the first time. It’s not a winter virus like the flu.

      1. Yup, it’s definitely not as seasonal as flu. husband had it in August 2022 and I had it in July 2023. We’ve only ever had flu and bad colds in the winter.

    2. Had heard it has started again in Europe so no surprise regarding the US I guess. The breaks between waves are getting shorter and shorter. So tired of this whole thing – it isn’t sustainable to just let it circulate unchecked for life.

        1. Uh NOT having covid run wild every other month? I’m not sure what you’re confused about.

          1. Your snotty comment implies the existence of other options that are with the cost of implementing those options.

          2. Yes and how would you suggest not having covid run wild…

            Common sense things like wearing a mask when you’re sick, improved indoor ventilation, etc aren’t going to stop the development of new variants

      3. Where is that nasal spray vaccine to prevent infection that they were promising us a couple of years ago?!?

        1. Working its way through the glacially slow drug development process. Seems there are good candidates that are in animal trials or even in the first few phases of human trials. But with the US government policy of denial of covid, no one is throwing money or emergency use authorizations at the nasal vaccines to get them to market sooner rather than later. Who knows how much longer they could take. Feels like every year, the academic health systems that are working on these like any other project with no particular govt support – say next spring.

          1. Exactly–no one cares about COVID anymore so we will never get the vaccine that would actually prevent disease and really help us get out of this mess. Meanwhile we go back to business as usual with broken supply chains and refusal to prepare for the next pandemic that IS coming one of these days.

    3. This makes sense to me as temps heat up in the south and sunbelt and people move indoors
      And of course all the spring break and holiday travel

    4. Covid is definitely still around but the wastewater data is trending down and is lower than it has been in at least six months. https://biobot.io/data/
      I feel like that’s a better indication than testing at this point, since so many people no longer test.

      1. I really wish we could get shots every 6 months. My kid has never had it (that we know of) and I think it’s because since she first got the vaccine she’s never gone more than 6 months without a booster. That will change soon though :(

          1. I think in some regions they’re still hard to keep in stock – they need a special freezer that a lot of pharmacies don’t have.

        2. Except tons of people get Covid within 6 months of a booster (like me). My kids have never had it either, which is shocking because they are in public schools and both my husband and I have had it, and were def contagious for many days before we tested. I think kids are less susceptible for whatever reason

          1. The shots don’t necessarily keep you from getting it. It helps keep the severity of illness lower.

          2. Yeah I wasn’t implying that you can’t get it within 6 months of a booster, I know tons of people who have. But if you’re naturally not very susceptible, frequent vaccinations could help keep you from getting it at all.

    6. Ugh, I need to go take a test. We had it in January but I’ve been floored by a cold (just snotty) and have just been hanging out at home, but my mum comes tomorrow.

    7. I work in a very small office, and it just cascaded it’s way through us three weeks ago. Partner’s family got it, he got it, he gave it to me, I gave it to my family, and then the staff got it (probably from both of us). We were all testing daily after symptoms started, but we didn’t test positive until day 3 of symptoms. All of us were lucky with just run of the mill cold symptoms. FWIW, this was the first time I’ve tested positive for it despite testing anytime I’ve had a cold since home tests were available.

      1. @Anon at 12:56 – This is a perfect example of things we could do to prevent transmission (even of new variants): excellent indoor air filtration, testing and staying home while sick, wearing real masks around anyone vulnerable.

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