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- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
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Anon
Repost from EOD yesterday.
How do you handle a colleague who is constantly creating low-level but unnecessary drama, so much so that you start doubting yourself?
Newish colleague (about 6 months in) is in a parallel role to mine on a small team. I have years of seniority and a very solid reputation. She is a hard worker but seems incapable of operating without being at an emotional extreme of one kind or another. She either acts like we are BFFs and will be together until we retire, or gives me the cold shoulder all day until she tells me on her way out the door that something objectively innocuous offended her. Latest instance was a clean, corny dad joke between me and a different coworker. We both laughed, it was not anything remotely denigrating, crude, or offensive. Drama colleague was nearby and told me she wants me to know she finds that sort of talk disturbing, then peaced out for the day.
This has happened enough times now that I feel like she is trying to reverse gaslight me or something. Like, I am really not doing anything offensive but she is trying to convince me otherwise. When she tells me I offend her I respond with chagrin over my inept behavior and apologize. But lately I realize I am not doing anything that merits an apology. It feels disingenuous to constantly apologize in an attempt to keep the peace, but I am tired of being a pawn in whatever game this is she is playing. Is there a civilized way to address this? The amount of mental energy I dedicate to constantly reacting to her sense of offense and examining whether I have actually done something to merit it is disproportionate to the situation.
Ses
I think it would help to give more details of the type of things that are being called offensive. I often see people surprised at what offends others and often it is something “obvious” to everyone under 25 or in a marginalised group but more case-hardened or privileged people don’t see it. (Examples – talk about hair textures, jokes that don’t seem sexist but rely on gender stereotypes, use of the word “master” – master copy, master bathroom).
Assuming you’re 100% correct and have caused no offence, I would try to meet with the coworker at a neutral time when there’s been no recent offense, to ask for some clarification of what’s going on. You may wish for HR to be present for or facilitate that.
Anon
With respect to the word “master”, I know it’s appropriate to say main bathroom or en suite bathroom, but I never thought about master copy. Is this just a word to avoid entirely? Master bathroom does kind of indicate superiority, as in the master of the house gets the biggest bathroom. But I never thought of master copy as an issue. Are there other instances of the word master that I should avoid? Can we master a skill?
Anonymous
This. Master bedroom is icky. Master copy is fine.
Anon
OP here. Details of the joke are below, but further context: neither me nor my dramatic colleague are from a marginalized group, we are the same age, same demographic, grew up in the same area, and she has shared enough about her personal life and her political views that I know we do not hold to such vastly different worldviews that we are inadvertently talking past each other without realizing it.
Another example: she finds random words triggering and scolds our team for using them in an appropriate context (i.e., she dislikes the word “collaborate” and says it is far too suggestive to be used in a professional setting). The first few times something like this happened we thought she simply misunderstood the meaning. Once we clarified that she does know the correct meaning of the word, we tried explaining that a direction from our boss to “collaborate with outside experts” to accomplish a task does not inherently convey anything suggestive and we are not removing it from our lexicon of business language. She was not pleased with that and then found another innocuous word to fixate on. It is like she thinks office life should play out like an interpersonal dispute on a daytime talk show and she manufactures drama to that end.
Anon
There’s nothing suggestive about “collaborate”. She’s either totally ignorant (and you are clear that she is not), or she is deliberately stirring up difficulties.
Anon
I’m going to start using it as a euphemism. Tell my BF I would like to collaborate a bit. Gardening is for outside.
EB
Yes! Gardening –> Collaborating
anon
She would not survive in higher ed, lol. We use the word collaborate about 20 million times a week.
Anon
Just because you’ve reiterated it a few times in the comments — somebody doesn’t have to be part of the group of people that is the butt of a joke to find a joke offensive. Your joke was not offensive, but if it were it wouldn’t be okay even if this person wasn’t specifically targeted.
Ellen
The Gen Z kids are now spoiled so rotten after COVID that they probably emit sounds and odors that only they are familiar with, so that they attract similar eggshell plaintiffs. Even the most homely of women are with men, presumably because they satisfy them in bed. Why else?
Now that I am a 40 year old with a sense of style, I am already beyond their understanding, but guess what, I don’t care at all for them, and the sad thing is, I could have already had a kid their age had I just been like some of my freinds at GW hunting for men who got impregnated and married before they even gradueated from college! And look at them now, Divorced and having to babysit their own 21 year old spoiled brats who’ve never worked a day in their lives and who march to whatever pathetic cause is in front of them. God help us when we get old and have to rely on these schlubs! I see them all the time in the mall and in Starbucks making strange handsignals to each other. What is that all about? They also do NOT bathe regularly, and even I notice this on the bus! FOOEY!
Anonymous
If you told me you were offended by the use of the term “master copy” I’d silently snicker and then make sure you weren’t staffed on any of my work.
Anon
Same.
Seventh Sister
Oh, me too. I was in a *voluntary* meeting about emergency planning and someone said they were triggered by the discussion of the various emergency scenarios (and this was non-detailed stuff like, if there is a fire do X, if someone brings a gun into a public area do Y). I hope that wherever that person landed, they don’t have to worry about any kind of emergency larger than a pea under their mattress.
Anonymous
I think we have to know what the actual joke was to accurately help . There is such a wild gulf between “not offensive at all” and “disturbing “
Anon
The current joke: the third colleague was leaving after a meeting in my office and I said “come visit again!” He immediately turned around and came back in. I laughed and said “Not now, another time!” he laughed, turned around again and left. My dramatic colleague was in earshot and told me later she found that exchange offensive. If there is anything at all offensive there, I am totally missing it.
Ses
Yeah, I don’t see it either. The advice below to ignore and de-escalate is probably correct, but I personally would ask what was offensive because I’d be dying of curiosity to know what the person was offended by and whether they’d misheard something really wild.
As a CYA, I would possibly write HR or your boss an email with a description of the incident in case a completely different version is later told to HR or someone else.
I’ve never had anyone call my actions offensive, someone telling me I’d been offensive would be a red flag that a conversation with HR was coming, and I’d immediately start documenting interactions.
Anonymous
Possibly – and this is me being my most sensitive – it sounded like “thank you come again,” not sure if accent was used or not, like Apu from the Simpsons?
If so, yes, as a South Asian, I do find that offensive (an in-law uncle, white, said this to me out of nowhere and it was super rude). We are more than our stereotyped jobs.
Cat
That’s where my “where could this come across as offensive” brainstorming went too, FWIW.
Anonymous
+1 had the same idea
Anon
Not at all intentionally and I doubt it sounded that way to an outsider. None of the three of us are Asian, but maaaaybe she took it that way? It seems a stretch. As do most things she finds offensive.
This illustrates my dilemma, though. She seems to find the worst possible interpretation for innocent interactions and tries to make everyone else feel guilty. I want to be sensitive and mindful, but I cannot avoid talking altogether for fear of offending her at every turn.
pugsnbourbon
I read a “joke” years ago – maybe in Reader’s Digest? – where a group of non-English-speaking tourists are visiting the Southern US. As the tourists leave their host bids them farewell with a warm “y’all come back now,” and the tourists dutifully turn around a re-enter. Could she have thought you were mocking people whose first language isn’t English?
Anon
The joke is that she said “come visit again” and he immediately turned back around and came back in the door. Like “Back so soon?” when someone leaves the meeting room and immediately comes back in because they forgot their pen or something.
I feel like it’s super-weird that I have to explain this to people. OP, there’s nothing wrong with the joke. Your coworker is being a drama queen and some people here are either being obtuse or looking for something to get offended about.
Anon
@pugsnbourbon – I suppose she *could* but as everyone involved is a native English speaker and there was no mimicking of accents or anything like that, I am at a loss as to why that would be her interpretation. And the constant second guessing has become so draining and exhausting that my inner immature self wants to tell her to just eff off and give her a real reason to be offended.
Anonymous
If anyone was making fun of anyone, the first group that comes to mind is young women working in service jobs where “come back and see us soon!” or similar is literally part of a script for customer interactions. Flight attendants, store clerks, waitresses, hotel desk clerks, etc. In which case the joke is actually about the script, not the people saying the words.
Anona
Or did she deem it s**ual in nature? The “come,” if spelled differently, could refer to something else.
Bottom line, based on your description, her interpretation in this case is irrelevant. The only way to handle someone like this is to starve the emotional drama by not feeding it. Any reaction — angry, apologetic, confused — is like oxygen to a fire. It doesn’t matter how you react, you are reactive, so she’ll keep it up.
When she ignores you and accuses you of being insensitive, just look up and say “Oh.” Then go back to work. If she keeps talking, say “got it.” and eventually “okay, got to get back to it,” or “see you tomorrow.” Tone is important – just keep it light and neutral.
Open a Word document, and just document any time she accuses you of being insensitive, write up the details of the incident, and periodically loop in HR.
pugsnbourbon
Yeah reading your other comments makes me think the problem is with her, not you. Collaborate is a very unsexy word.
Cat
Yeah, seeing her other comments (reading innuendo into… everything…) makes me think that alternative spelling of come may be her “rationale” – with all the context, this def sounds like a Her problem and one you may want to chat with HR about.
Anon
I also feel like the Apu reference is very niche, as is the comment about it being scripted into pink collar jobs. Idk – these all feel like a stretch.
My guess is that she took the sexual innuendo of the alternate spelling of come, but once again – that’s such a stretch.
I would avoid her like the plague and keep all interactions extremely professional. I would also elevate to your supervisor or to HR that she doesn’t seem to grasp nuance at all – I don’t know if her role is external facing at all, but if it is that sounds like a nightmare!
It also must be so exhausting for this woman to go through life being so offended at such innocuous comments and words!
Anon
To OP – tell her you’re offended that she’s implying there is anything inappropriate between you and coworker 3 and she needs to knock it off.
Stop walking on eggshells and throw it back at her.
Seventh Sister
As a GenXer, I have definitely moderated some of the stuff I say at work over time because well, times change. But this is right at the offensiveness level of, “why does the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side.” I’d stay as far away as possible from this dramatic person and try only to engage them in conversations about work. The good news is, most of the people that I’ve met who are like this at work eventually find a huge problem inherent in carrying out a job-critical task, then quit, get transferred, or get asked to leave the job.
Anon
Woahhhhhh, are you suggesting one side of the road is more desirable than the other? Check your privilege!
S in Chicago
It’s hard to get a sense without the details, but I would try to keep all communications professional around her (no small talk whatsoever) and avoid her as much as possible. It is sad, but it is for your own self interest. I used to work with someone who I truly believe was a sociopath—first day of meeting her she plopped herself down next to me and our boss walked in a few minutes later. She loudly said “S is tired of you micromanaging her.” It was not at all the case—I actually wanted more support and review. But that came out of thin air. I watched her do that sort of thing to me and select others countless times. There might be some weird competitive element there that has nothing to do with you. Just stay clear. Hopefully she does this enough with others and doesn’t get the reaction she wants such that she knocks it off or at least others get her number.
Anon
This. I think there’s something wrong mentally/socially/behaviorally with this employee and I would avoid her like the plague. Be cool to her and keep your distance.
editor
+1 to something mentally/socially/behaviorally wrong with this person. And to please avoid. And of course to start documenting if you haven’t already.
I no longer watch the Simpsons, but I can’t go along with even a tiny bit of agreement of the possibility above. “Come visit again” just isn’t similar enough to “thank you come again” especially with no accent. (I just looked it up on YouTube–that’s how outraged I am on your behalf.)
So sorry you are going through this!
Anon
This is really weird. I have a kid on the autism spectrum who will SAY things that are odd, sometimes very odd, somethings very rude, etc. But this kid has never gone around telling anyone else that what they say is any of the above (let alone repeatedly).
Anon
+1
Anonymous
Some people like to look for offense. They will find something no matter what you say or do. The tiny silver lining here is that she appears to do it to everyone, not just you, so everyone knows to expect this from her. Give her a wide berth and let her get herself fired for not being a good culture fit or whatever corporatism they’re going to use to describe this situation.
Anon
I once hired an employee who did things like this. She later told me she had been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which I felt certainly explained why she constantly created drama that put her at the focus of everyone’s attention. She had a full-on meltdown, with tears, because someone moved her soup bowl from lunch from the side of the sink into the sink because they didn’t want it to fall on the floor. “No one should have a right to touch my things!” etc. etc. She lived to create havoc and did so very effectively, in a number of ways – lying about what people had said about each other just to kick up the drama, which she’d sit back and watch and deny having any involvement in; blaming other people for her mistakes; it escalated to the point where before a big company event she hid something so she could pretend to “find” it and save the day (she wasn’t aware we had security cameras in the area where she hid the object and could watch the whole sequence of events on video). It was wild.
I don’t know if your coworker is this level of out-there but I would stay on the safe side and keep my distance. Be cordial but don’t engage her. If she tries to engage you, be polite but keep interactions brief. Most importantly, don’t react emotionally when she accuses you of something or tries to demand an apology from you. The psychologist I spoke to when I was dealing with the employee above told me that people with NPD love to provoke emotions in other people; it’s why they do what they do, and get so good at doing it. The calmer, less reactive, and less engaged you can be with this person, the better off you will be. Hopefully, eventually she will target the wrong person, or her behavior will cause problems for someone high up in the company, or it’ll escalate until it’s so disruptive that someone will either move to get rid of her, or at least move her away from you.
Anonymous
Exactly what I was thinking – she’s clearly a narcissist. Good advice above and wild indeed!
Anon
Right. Cutting off attention from someone like this is like cutting off their oxygen. Prepare for an extreme reaction and escalating behaviors when you first start to not respond to them, but over time it should teach them that they’re not going to get what they want from you and they will move on.
My daughter had an on-again, off-again best friend/bully in high school who was like this, and when my daughter wasn’t giving her what she wanted, she would threaten to ruin my daughter’s reputation at school. When they were younger she threatened to call the police and tell them my daughter had assaulted her. It was a nightmare. Once my daughter went off to college and saw it more clearly for what it was (no amount of me or her very expensive therapist pointing it out had helped) she broke up with the friend and therefore the friend group the toxic friend was at the center of. There was some blowback on social media (attempting to ruin my daughter’s reputation with lies, as threatened) but by that point no one cared.
It has been such a relief for all of us. But really, my kid saying “I don’t want to be friends any more” was the drama the friend wanted. My kid blocking ex friend on social media and not responding to any further communication (ex friend even created fake accounts to try again to scream at daughter) was what really caused the meltdown. Getting no attention was like Dorothy throwing water on the wicked witch.
Anonymous
Report it to HR before the cray lady gets you fired
Anon
Ultimately this. You are being nice, trying to placate her, and apologizing, while she is gathering evidence “against” you. Make sure you get your side heard first.
Anonymous
I actually disagree. HR isn’t there for you. Better to keep notes if you’re ever called in and fly under the radar in the meantime. You may create a bigger issue by getting HR involved, especially given the examples here where they would dismiss if she went to them first. They’re not there to play mom. And you don’t want even an inkling of a rep of possibly being insensitive or sexually inappropriate or racist or whatever else.
Anonymous
If I were you, I would probably do the following, just to have a record in case things get worse:
Minimize interactions with her to work only.
When she tells you she is offended by whatever, ask why (eg, I didn’t realize, do you mind telling me why so I can better understand? …. Oh ok. Thank you for explaining)
Email yourself a brief description of what you said, what she said. Do this every time. Make a folder for it.
anono
+1 – all of this
EB
I have a colleague like this and I think the best thing you can do is minimize your interactions with her. I enjoy my colleague when she’s being normal, which makes this difficult, but after realizing that she loves to stir the pot, and actively does so when there’s nothing to stir, I forced myself to step back.
Anon
all this plus flag to your manager that she finds the word collaborate offensive.
Anon
OP again, with an update!
I asked her to help me understand why she was offended by the joke situation from yesterday so I could be more aware in the future. She said it was rude for me to tell him “not now” and it makes me seem unapproachable. I told her I was confused both by how invested she was in this conversation and her reaction, but perhaps she did not hear the whole exchange and was unaware that we were joking. She said she did hear all of it but was sure he was only laughing to cover his hurt feelings and that I should not be so rude and insensitive in the workplace. FWIW, the third colleague was definitely not at all hurt by our conversation.
Thanks everyone for your advice. I am confident she does not have the clout to make this an actual HR problem for me. She directs it at enough other people that it will backfire on her sooner or later. I try not to be a jerk, but I am also done apologizing for her offended feelings.
Anon
I think that is the last non-work related conversation you should have with this person.
Anon
Totally agree. OP, I respect where you were coming from by asking her, but I think she’s really just trying to provoke you to get attention. Best thing to do is slowly back away from this person and hopefully she’ll pick someone else to target.
Anon
I am practice managet in a tech company that is looking to sell within a 2 year horizon. There is a serious offer now. I am high enough to know this but not high enough to know details, also a shareholder. I am not sure I want to stay on long after the sale, and they may want to keep me or not depending on if my practice is kept.
Any insight on how theeethings go and what I should be ready for? Would shareholders typically get all their money immediately on the sale or is there a delay? Are retention or severance packages a thing and how do they work? Any pitfalls to watch out for?
Ses
These things can take a while to fully close even after the deal/sale is announced. If you’re an actual shareholder, payout is usually right after the sale is complete. If you only have un-exercised stock options these can pay out in a number of different ways depending on how vested you are.
I like to hang tight during these, since retention packages can be nice, and even if they end your employment, the severance offer is sometimes better than in other scenarios.
My best advice is not to get wrapped up in “what if” and just try to keep your projects running well. It can take a long time and you don’t want to live like you’re in limbo for 6 months.
Anonymous
I hope you are actually a “practice magnet” which would make you extremely valuable but I’m sure you mean product or project manager :).
If you are product manager, as long as the company acquiring you is interested in your tech (and not just buying up competitors to sunset your products and grow their own market share) you are in one of the safest spots. They’ll want to keep you and your product knowledge.
Generally, areas that need to be most concerned in M&A are those with overlap. Finance, HR, often marketing, maybe eventually IT. Also if it’s a tech company that is being bought to streamline and resell (usually a PE buy) then sometimes jobs in product- but mostly engineering type work- may be slated for offshoring.
I’ve been product manager all the way up through head of product/SVP solutions at companies that have been bought as well as been responsible for acquiring both new tuck-in companies as well as those that round out the portfolio.
Re: the money piece, if you have options, have you exercised them? If not, are they vested? You may want to think about what your shares might be worth and then consider tax/finance strategies as appropriate. It will really depend on the deal, but some scenarios are:
– shared get converted to publically traded shares (this happened when my company was bought by a public company)
– all shares are vested upon close and the. Paid out. This happened to DH and due to the timing bc it was paid out as W2 income not capital gains so we paid a LOT of taxes on the $750k. There was a bit he could of done to avoid some of the taxes, but our accountant told us it would have been risky and all the stock options- we’d have to put up $200k to exercise the options before knowing the timeline on the deal. We weren’t up for it so took the tax hit instead.
Anonymous
Oh- and severance. Also really depends. I had to lay off staff post aquisition with 4 weeks.
I was laid off after one deal closed, but it was after my earn-out. I was an SVP and contracted to stay 18 months after the deal closed and I got my pay out in drips and Dr as throughout that time. At the end of 18 months I got a big check. Less than 6 months later I was laid off but with a year of severance pay and my bonus paid out. The severance pay was predetermined in my earn out paperwork.
Scar prod
Any recommendations for a scar-reducing product? I’ve got a post-surgery hypertrophic scar that’s still raised a year later. I’ve been using Scarway silicone sheets on it, but the clear ones seem to have been discontinued. There are Walgreens-brand options, but I wondered if anyone’s had a good experience with another product, and if the pricey creams and gels are worth it.
MagicUnicorn
My kid used Mederma quick-dry oil on facial stitches with excellent results. It was a highly visible location and other than mild discoloration when she tans you cannot see the scar. I don’t know what impact the oil would have this far removed from your surgery, though, as her derm recommended she start using it as soon as the scab formed.
Anonymous
Bio oil worked a little bit for me – but the scar is still there, I just think it made my skin feel better.
Anon
I fell and whacked my forehead on a rock in the backyard doing yardwork and had a pretty big gash across my forehead. Bio oil worked great. I can still see the slight discoloration in some light, but it’s basically gone. Only took a couple weeks of consistent use.
Anon
Ouch! Sorry, not scar related but that sounds like it really hurt!!
anon
My hand surgeon told me to use vitamin e oil.
Anon
I’m currently using both silicone scar sheets and a gel for surgery scars (op was in November), and IMO the combination of both is the way to go. The sheets stay on all day and seem to fade the color differences, while the gel is better at repairing the texture.
I’m using NewGel, which I ordered onl1ne on a recommendation. Yes, their stuff is pricey, but I’m definitely seeing a difference with diligent use.
Cora
Silicon gel, I used biocorneum. It’s now been 3 years since I burned my arm, and you cannot see the scar unless you know exactly where to look and look closely. For the hypertrophic part I literally squished it under a elastic wrap (the kind you use if you sprain your ankle) and that helped a lot.
Anon
In addition to the topical products, if it really bothers you, a dermatologist should be able to give you an idea if you’re a good candidate for a laser treatment. I have a prominent scar that was raised/red that I was self conscious about and a few laser sessions significantly flattened/lightened it. My derm (who does a lot of cosmetic work in NYC) offers this as a standard option after removing moles or having to do large excisions of any kind. Though her suturing work is pretty great I always take her up on it.
A
Dermatix, mederma or anything with silicone. I literally have no c section scars.
NeglectedHeels
Dermatologists can inject steroids into hypertrophic scars that will make a much bigger difference than anything topical.
Anonymous
I know there are lots of lawyers on here! My firm switched to a document system called imanage during my busiest season last year. I couldn’t go to any of the multi hour trainings so I just didn’t. For those of you who use or used it – any tips? I know how to save email manually and can save /find Word docs. I share a legal assistant with five attorneys so it is more DIY around here.
Cat
-Version control. You can import a new version easily. So the minute I get a new draft in from a counterparty, I upload it and name accordingly.
-Not sure if this is company-specific, but if you select two docs from within iManage and right click, you should be able to run a Workshare compare without opening them.
-Search feature is generally really good. Like, I can remember just a phrase from a precedent doc and it will find it easily.
-If needed you can make documents read-only or private.
TCF
Yes to all of this, especially the search function. Also, there is a notes box you can use in the doc profile to write notes for each version. I found it very helpful when working with people who liked to revert to prior iterations and would ask “let’s go back to the proposed language from party X.” Saved me hunting in my emails. Also, you can send someone a copy of the document as a regular attachment or a link to the imanage system copy if they want to edit it live in the system.
Anon
Imanage will send out a rep to do a quick training just for you on whatever features you’re likely to use. They did it for me when I started at my firm. Ask whomever at your firm manages products like this.
Anonymous
It’s slow, buggy, and I hate it. (It’s been annoying me lately, can you tell?) But honestly it’s about the same as any doc management system. It does not require lots of training, just see if a rep has a quick tip sheets or something.
Anonymous
I never buy wide leg pants because I don’t like the feel of all the extra fabric swishing around my leg. Also – whoever styled this model made a creative choice with those shoes!
Anon
Those shoes remind me of my beloved late 90s Steve Madden sandals.
Anon
Those are back! You can buy them again.
Anonymous
Whose idea was the third or fourth picture, which is basically a close up of the crotch and panning upward (a flattering angle on NO ONE)?? It’s so bizarre.
Anon
I wired wide-ish legged pants yesterday. It’s going to take my eye a while to find this flattering vs the slim ankle pants I’ve grown used to. But it was my first in-person business meeting for about a year so that was kind of fun and exciting.
Anon
*wore, not wired
SSJD
Seeking feedback on Bernardo coats. If you own one, does it hold up well? I ask because I have one that is falling apart at the bottom after 3 years of wear. I wonder if it’s typical of the brand’s quality of not. Maybe at this price, 3 years is about what you get. But in that case, I think I may choose in the future to spend more to get something that lasts longer.
Anon
I’m not familiar with this brand, but it seems like a mid-level department store brand. There are definitely higher quality choices out there. Have you looked at Lands End or LL Bean? There are also designer brands, but they will cost at least 2x Bean/Lands End and not necessarily be higher quality.
Anon
I have a long puffer coat from Bernardo, I think it’s the double up. I wore it commuting in Chicago winters and it was plenty warm (I’m short, so it covered to my knees) for probably five seasons before I gave it to a friend of a friend when I upgraded to a Canada Goose. The walking part of my commute wasn’t long, maybe 20 minutes per day, and the rest was on a train.
Anon
I know I’m not the first to ask this question but, looking for recommendations on a work bag that holds a lot.
I have a 40 min walking commute (pretty much one side of downtown to the other) and need to carry work things (laptop, mouse, notebook, etc but not files), breakfast/lunch, and workout clothes. Luckily I don’t carry too much else – water bottle, travel mug, phones, AirPods, wallet, keys, badge is pretty much it. I usually workout after work, but I keep toiletries in my desk if I’m meeting up with people after my workout.
I have to bring my laptop back and forth every day, which is annoying. I leave my running shoes at my desk, so luckily the clothes aren’t too bulky (but I only have one drawer at work, so can’t keep much clothing there). I also can’t bring in a weeks worth of meals and leave them in the fridge (it’s cleaned out nightly).
I feel like I need Mary Poppins’ bag – big enough to fit this all, not too bulky for my commute, and cute enough for when I grab drinks with someone after work.
I hate the look of the OG/OMG, so please not that!
Lily
Definitely a backpack for such a long walk and so much stuff! Maybe a cute leather one?
Anon
Leather will add weight. If I were lugging this much, I would want a light bag because it would already weigh a lot.
Anon
Luckily, it doesn’t feel that heavy (even with a tote bag like I’m using now). I will definitely keep an eye out for cute but functional backpacks!
PolyD
Breakfast and lunch, water bottle and travel mug, workout clothes and multiple phones is “not much”? I feel like you should just get a nice wheelie suitcase. Throw a small bag in there if you run out during the day.
Anon
I am far too vain for that!
But, also wheeling a suitcase for a 40 min walk would be more of a pain (for me), than carrying a bag.
Cat
do you want a tote or a backpack? The black Tumi backpacks are popular in my office but I don’t think the users are bringing two meals in there.
is your office space large enough to hide a mini fridge?
Anon
Sadly no – open floor plan and my desk is tiny (and I only have one drawer)
I prefer a tote but would do a backpack too.
Anon
That’s a lot!
You can eat breakfast at home and keep the water bottle & travel mug at work to drop those. That’s a lot of liquid to be hauling around.
Can you work with your IT folks to make it where you can remote in, rather than schlep the laptop?
Anon
I’ve been eating breakfast at work my whole career and I don’t see that stopping (my morning is pretty jam packed and I don’t want to get up even earlier to eat at home, plus I’m not usually hungry til 10 or so). Luckily breakfast is just yogurt or oatmeal so it packs pretty small.
I use the travel mug to bring coffee from home (there’s no coffee at work). I suppose I could leave one water bottle at home and one at work. I usually carry it empty though, so it isn’t heavy.
As for remoting in – that’s a no go. Am not allowed to do work on non-work equipment so can’t remote in off of my personal laptop and they won’t issue a second device.
Anon
Keep breakfast stuff at work!
Anon
I bring my breakfast to work every day because I don’t eat until 10 or 11. I can’t eat before I leave home, I get an upset stomach if I eat that early.
Cb
You need a backpack. Also, snag a second mouse and charger at home and at the office to reduce weight a little bit.
Anon
I do have separate chargers for home and office but was only issued one mouse and I’m not allowed to plug non-issued equipment into my laptop.
Anon
Can you request a duplicate mouse? I was only issued one when I started but requested an extra mouse, charger, etc. and it was all seen as pretty standard (heck, this is all grab and go at the tech bars in our big offices).
Anon
I will ask around if this is ok! Thanks for the idea
Anonymous
A backpack sounds good, and it is surprisingly easy to bring to drinks!
I’d look to find a way to leave workout clothes at work. A small storage ottoman in a corner? A file folder box?
+1, leave the bottles at work, and get a second mouse to leave at work. If you need to bring the water bottle to work out and then home, I guess that makes sense for bringing it back and forth.
Anon
I have about 4 feet of space (length of my desk) in my open floor plan, so I could probably do a box but not an ottoman.
Even if I keep clothes at work, I have to bring them home to wash them each night and would have to backfil the clothes I’ve taken home.
Anon
It’s easy to get a few wears out of pants. I bring a fresh pair in every few days and leave them draped over the back or folded in my chair at night. I’ve yet to have an instance where they went missing and I had to spend the day in bike shorts and I’ve done it for years.
Anon
I commute in in work clothes and then after work change into workout clothes to workout in after work, and then wear those workout clothes home.
Even if I was commuting in in workout clothes, I literally sit a foot from my boss (our desks touch each other) and I don’t think I want to leave clothes airing out on my chair
Anonymous
Lululemon has backpacks made to tote workout gear + laptop.
Anon
Thanks! Will look into their options
Cora
I use the lululemon city adventurer bag and carry: laptop, notebook, lunch, wallet, swimming stuff (flipflops, thin towel, swimsuit, goggles/cap, underwear), and a toiletry bag. It has a lot of pockets designed for things like this which I really like. Seems well thought out
Anon
Thank you! Will definitely look for this bag!
I knew I wasn’t the only one commuting with work stuff, lunch, and workout clothes!
I think wearing business attire with a backpack looks silly, but I’ll have to get over that!
Cora
It’s a little silly, and my office isn’t super formal, but a lot of people on the subway seem to be wearing business clothes and have backpacks so I think its normalized. Especially if you expect people to carry their laptop to/from work you have to be alright with backpacks.
A
You need a wheelie. That’s a lot of stuff.
Anon
I can’t possibly be the only one commuting with workout clothes and lunch and not using a wheelie?
I am too vain and (in my mind) too young, to be commuting with a wheelie but also, lugging a wheelie for a 40 min walk on city sidewalks (and cobblestones!) feels like a personal version of hell!
Anon
Ok, but everyone here is providing good suggestions and you keep shooting them down.
Anon
I am trying to be open, but half of the suggestions are not applicable to my situation. I’ve been open to the ideas that are feasible (ask for. a second mouse, use a backpack) but have tried to clarify why some suggestions do not work for me. Some of the suggestions have been very helpful (thank you Sasha!).
I know plenty of people commute with work stuff, workout clothes, and food – I’m not looking to stop doing that (which is what most comments have been), I”m looking for suggestions on how to carry it best.
Anonymous
Surely you recognize comments like “get a mini fridge for your office” or “leave your laptop and work and VPN in” aren’t feasible for everyone?
As a long time government employee (so absolutely no frills) working on sensitive information (not classified so no dealing with SCIFs but still lots of safeguards) there are so many suggestions there would be no-go’s in my office too.
Some government offices don’t even have fridges/microwaves/watercoolers (but also wouldn’t allow you to bring your own), and none have free coffee or plastic utensils provided – that all must be brought from home. For FOIA and security reasons, work cannot be conducted on non-issued devices. Nothing can be plugged into USB ports (unless issued) and work can only be done on specific wifi networks (nothing public) and often cannot even be done in public (like a coffee shop). I’ve also had bug/mouse problems in offices, so we were not permitted to keep any food in the office overnight. Working in government, I’m cost conscious so I choose to bring food from home rather than eat out and use the work gym provided at-cost rather than pay 3x as much for a different gym. In my experience, only division chiefs and higher have offices, everyone else is stuck in the cube farm.
Just like to remind people here on occasion that the demographics here vary widely and we’re not all making $200k in a firm that provides perks. Just because a recommendation makes sense to you, doesn’t mean it applies to the OP!
Anonymous
Leave workout clothes stowed away at work especially sneakers. Switch out clean tops and socks only. Wash the bottoms and socks every other week or something.
Anonymous
I think she mentioned she leaves sneakers at work, but I don’t condone leaving used workout clothes in a shared office!
Cat
A wheelie is harder to manage than a backpack on city sidewalks! Uneven sidewalks, random interruptions like tree wells that will catch the wheels, cobblestones, hit or miss as to whether the curb cuts at intersections are actually even with the road surface… wheelies are nightmares for a 40 min city walk commute.
Cb
Yeah, I hate a wheelie even for travel. I have a travel backpack I use.
Anonymous
Wheelies in a true urban environment are a no-go. If you have a bunch of people around you walking quickly and also at different paces, you’re going to cut someone off or have them trip over your bag and you need to be extra cautious around corners. I HATED people with wheelies on my commutes in downtown Chicago. Your wheels will also wear down in no time. The slick tile of an airport or a block or two of going to hotels isn’t the same as uneven urban pavement for 40 min stretches day after day. Not to mention the gross puddles and muck.
The best I could do was to keep two of everything that was reasonable and use a nylon Tumi backpack. I also kept a stash of plastic cutlery at the office and packed my lunch in paper bags instead of plastic containers. The goal should be lightest possible versions of whatever you can. I sure don’t miss my commutes.
Anonymous
Get a backpack. For many years I had to have a shoulder carry tote because I didn’t like the look of the backpack. I actually ended up damaging my back and have a distinct curvature to my spine now. My spine specialist said it was definitely from carrying a very heavy bag on one shoulder daily for long commutes/walks in the city.
Anon
This is me. I know use a Tumi backpack for two and from work, including my laptop, meals, and usually a change of clothes. It works great and I work in a formal setting (court).
Anon
My old boss used to walk to the ferry in Jersey City (several blocks) then walk across the lower tip of Manhattan to our office every day. He carried mostly paperwork, but lots of it, in his fairly standard briefcase. Then he had to have hand surgery because carrying that much weight in one hand day after day actually damaged him. He had to switch to a backpack, which I think embarrassed him, but better than permanently disabling yourself.
anon
Pretty much all of this fits in my Tumi Voyageur. I’m not normally bringing breakfast and lunch, but i think i could make it fit. Has 2 sides pockets that can hold a water bottle/travel mug generally. I have the nylon one so it’s super light weight and has held up very well.
Anon
Thank you – will check it out!
Sasha
I have the Nordace siena backpack and like it a lot! It fits a ton and I like that it holds its shape even with only my laptop in it. I didn’t want to drop $$ on a work backpack so this was a nice alternative to a Tumi. A functional backpack can only be so chic but I get a lot of compliments on it, even from my uber-stylish Gen Z sister.
Anon
Oh I think this is my favorite suggestion yet! I don’t *love* backpacks with business clothing, but this one looks pretty polished.
Anon
I like it too!
Anonymous
I purchased a nordache fabric laptop bag and it is perfect. It has tons of hidden pockets, fits my giant work laptop, rolled workout clothes (not shoes though – I leave those at the office). I am comfortable and get lots of compliments. My favorite features: TSA compliant, and when I need to dig for something, the bag stays upright (it unzips only about half way down).
Anon
I was not familiar with Nordace until today, but like both what you and Sasha recommended. Will definitely do more scoping on their site. Thank you!
anon
That is a lot of stuff. I’d get a backpack for sure. I have one from Kenneth Cole Reaction that I like, but I don’t think it would be big enough for what you’re trying to do.
Anonymous
For your needs you could do a Fjallraven Kanken, they do laptop version swith polstered laptop room and more comfortable straps. The 15 inch black on black is very polished.
Christine
I’d recommend this tote by Pixie Mood: https://pixiemood.com/products/greta-work-tote?variant=42462123688179. As an added bonus, it’s vegan. :)
Anon
Where do we like to get good swimwear from? I got catalogs from Carve Designs and Athleta yesterday and want everything but only need 1-2 suits or tankinis and rashguards. Bonus for any places that have soft cups sewn in vs those horrid foam cookies that always bunch up.
Im noticing less airbrushing lately so yay for that.
Ribena
Are they for swimming for exercise, or for sitting next to the pool and going for a dip? If the former, I really like my swimsuit from Sweaty Betty. For the latter, I like Boden
Anon
I’d like it to look cute but be able to swim laps in it (like 30 minutes a few times a week) while the kids swim or play, so several hours of sitting and reading.
Anonymous
For this you definitely want Carve or Athleta. Title Nine is another place to look.
Cat
I hate that tankinis have gotten harder to find. They’re the best of both worlds – coverage of a one piece without the same torso length difficulties or bathroom annoyance.
I like Lands End rashguards since they are not tight – aka, easy to add or remove a layer as needed. The simple patterns often don’t make it to the good sale prices (like the navy Breton stripe) though.
Tommy Bahama often has cute tropical prints and also soft cups, though the bust runs big compared to the waist & hip in the strapless styles anyway.
I used to love JCrew swim but the quality has plummeted. I paired one of their bottoms with a Lilly top for a weeklong trip last spring, and while the Lilly top made it through beach, pool, and hot tub with no discoloration, the JCrew bottoms were noticeably paler on the front than the back after 2-3 wearings (thoroughly rinsed at the end of the day each time).
Cat
Oh I also tried Boden suits a few years ago and found them to be cute and supportive for the first year, but then the outer patterned layer completely gave up the ghost halfway through year 2 – it lost all elasticity and sagged like the “before” picture of excess skin removal surgery.
Anon
Oof. I have LE swimwear that is maybe 8 years old that stubbornly looks great year after year. I’m ready for a change and need a new size anyway but I think I’m just X pounds away from free stuff I already own.
Cat
If Lands End would make their suit cuts like, 25% more youthful, I would be all over it. I keep hoping my one tankini from them will wear out so I have an excuse to pitch it. Alas, no.
Anon
My thoughts exactly.
Cornellian
Agreed on Lands End quality but hating their cuts. They also are so generously sized, I wish they would move their range down a bit (and add a new size at the top to keep the coverage). I’m wearing a Lands End coat that I’ve had for like 8 years right now.
Anon
Some of the bra sized swimwear manufacturers make less dowdy tankinis. Check out Freya.
Anon
https://www.barenecessities.com/freya-hibiscus-beach-underwire-tankini-top-as201256_product.htm?pf_id=FreyaAS201256&rrec=true
PolyD
Wardrobe Oxygen did a piece on swimsuits yesterday, focusing on suits for larger- busted women, but maybe there are some brands there that would be good.
I have had good luck with Prana swimsuits, but I don’t swim much.
No Face
Thank you for so much for telling me about the Wardrobe Oxygen post! Getting my bust in a swimsuit is such a struggle.
Anon
I haven’t looked at the WO post, but this was my problem until I started wearing bra sized swimwear. I wear Elomi as I am plus sized, but Freya (as I posted above) makes straight sized stuff but for larger busts.
Jules
Thank you for this! And I love her description of suits “for grown-women breasts that have led adventurous lives.”
Anonymous
I like Gottex and Tommy Bahama. Gottex is really great quality and Tommy is a close second.
Anon
Honestly, Target. Maybe it’s because I’m in Florida, but they tend to have a good selection of sizes and shapes. For exercise, I pick up a couple of Speedo one-pieces at Costco every couple of years.
Anon
My favorite brand is Vix. You have to make sure to get bottoms with full coverage if that’s important, but my Vix suits are significantly more flattering on me.
AnonATL
Just went through this. I found cute options at lands end, prana, athleta all had moderately cute active swimsuits. Target had a couple cute tankinis but less active friendly. I ended up finding a really cute one at prana on sale for $35 that matched existing bottoms.
BeenThatGuy
I just ordered a suit from Summersault and am happy with.
Lydia
How is the back coverage? I’ve been eying them online but they look a bit skimpy/high cut in the b*tt area…
anon
The Sidestroke is not high-cut at all. I actually returned it because it was so low-cut across the legs that it was frumptastic on me, but I’ve seen it look very cute on others, so I chalk that up to my body shape. I like a good bit of coverage.
BeenThatGuy
It’s enough coverage for me and I’m cusp sized. Obviously, every body is different and has different “problem” areas. I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend the brand.
Anonymous
If you need serious bust support or are very busty, there is nothing like bra-sized swimwear from lingerie brands like Fantasie, Panache, Freya, etc., which I order from Bare Necessities or Herroom. I’m a short-waisted 32H, so underwire tankinis work well for me (1 pieces are often a little long in the torso).
Anon
OP here and this is a nope for me. Not much up top but I get cold so I want a lining and ideally a soft cup but just no cookies! Speedo suits flatten me out past my vanity preference if I’m also lounging vs just swimming.
anon
I bought a couple of one-pieces from Andie last summer. They actually fit my long torso, which is a miracle, but I do find the styles a bit cheeky. My other favorites are from Athleta, but I’m not loving the prints this season.
Lands End. Man, I want to be on board, but there is something very matronly about how the leg is cut on 95% of LE swimsuits.
Anon
I swear they did not all used to have that leg opening! I gained some COVID weight. I bought a larger size bottoms with the current leg opening and they just looked so bad that squeezing my tucchus into the smaller bottoms actually seemed to be more flattering. The swim shirts are still the best though.
Cat
Yes – the bottoms are atrociously frumpy. I got chafing because the cr-tch portion of their smallest bikini bottom style, being too wide, curled up and rubbed. And the backs of the bottoms are cut such that heaven forbid ANY cheek see the light of day. I’m far from attracted to the “cheeky” styles that are popular among 20 somethings but LE is just too much.
Senior Attorney
I had great luck with Boden swim separates last year.
Anonymous
Athleta for suits, Lands End for rashguards. I like the look of Title Nine’s but never want to pay for shipping/fit roulette enough to actually order something.
Elle
Low stakes question- my boss is super forthcoming about his life, what he and his family did all weekend, what they ate, etc. but he never refers to his family by their names. They’re “my wife” “my older son” and “my younger son”. I know what they dressed up as for Halloween but not their names. I’ve been working for a decade and with all my previous bosses they have maybe said “my wife” for the first few months and then started just referring to them by name as we become more familiar. I’ve been working for him for over a year and I’m his only direct report. I’ve been following his cues on this but it seems oddly formal or maybe my old job was very informal?
Anonymous
This has nothing to do with formality. I usually do the same as your boss because I don’t want to burden people with remembering the names of my family members whom they’ve never met.
Also, making small talk about weekend activities, Halloween costumes, and food is not being “super forthcoming” or oversharing. It’s just acting halfway human.
Anon
This – and I for one appreciate it! An old boss had 2 girls and I am awful with names and could never, ever keep the names of his wife/daughters straight. I finally had to resort to saying something like ‘wow, your oldest’s name is so pretty, how did you pick it?’ (thankfully it was an obscure name based off an old book character so at least that one stuck in my head going forward!).
Anon
I have colleagues of 20+ years and I still cannot keep their kids straight.
Anona
Same, 100%. Or, if I share a story, I will say “My oldest, Suzy, did XYZ this weekend.” I only drop this if the other person eventually starts using my kids’ names without prompting. I don’t remember other people’s kids’ names (I barely can keep my kids’ friends’ names straight!), so I try not to put the onus on others. Your dog’s name? That I will remember forever.
Also, still less annoying than this one guy I worked with who thought the whole world revolved around him, and referred to his parents perpetually as “Mom did XYZ.” She’s not MY mom! He was super self-centered, so this was definitely a symptom of a bigger issue, but man, did it grate me!
Anon
+1000 I rarely use my family members’ names when talking about them to co-workers. I thought that was pretty common.
Nudibranch
Me either. I feel like it’s a privacy thing. I prefer to keep my work life and personal life pretty separate.
Anon
Me too. I dont want my colleagues to be able to google my spouse or kids (you’d be surprised, kids’ names show up in tournament records or school websites).
Anonymous
If they are that determined to stalk your family members on line, they will easily be able to find the names as long as they know yours.
Anon
This is such a weird concern to have
Cb
People are so weird, I kind of love it! I’m in academia which is its own brand of dysfunctional, but I know my closest colleagues’ partners, kids, and pet’s names, where they are from etc. It makes people more human. When my son was born, I had to tell my PI “yes, I know it’s weird my child has the same name as your cat”. My husband is in government, but his bosses will ask about us, as will some of the politicians. I think because my husband is a very proud dad and husband, so everyone at the coffee bar had to hear about my new job and our son’s first steps.
Anon
I think he probably assumes that since they’re peripheral in your life that you don’t need to remember their names. (The opposite of when someone is going on and on about Jane when you have no idea who Jane is.) Just ask their names next time!
Anonymous
My boss does this and tbh I appreciate it, she has 3 kids and I don’t really remember much about them other than the truly crazy stories, so if she started refering to her kids by name I’d be confused.
Cornellian
Yeah, I do this with folks I’m not close to, not because I’m being secretive but because I Don’t expect them to remember everyone’s name (and don’t want to have to remember theirs!)
Anon
I work with mostly men (yay for being an engineer). Many of my coworkers also divulge a lot of their life details to me but very rarely use their family member’s names. I always interpret it as a respect thing. I perceive they do not want to make me feel responsible for remembering names of people I’ve only met once, if at all. On the flip side, I did have a boss for a couple of years who always referred to his wife of 20+ years as his “beautiful bride”. It just sounded strange to hear over and over instead of using her name. So I can easily picture why these interactions can sound odd.
Anonymous
Br grateful he doesn’t use the weird Southern aristocratic tic of referring to his family members by their relation to each other (e.g., “Beth Anne’s mother” where Beth Anne is his daughter and her mother is his wife).
Anonymous
I don’t think that’s a weird southern thing at all. I refer to my husband as “Kid’s dad” when talking to adults who work with my kid or my kid’s friends’ parents, because to them we are just Kid’s mom and Kid’s dad.
Anonymous
I hear it here when I am a virtual stranger to all of these people, and I have only experienced that version among very wealthy old moneyed Southerners.
Anon
I say “my husband” even to people who only know us through our kid. If you refer to your husband as “Susie’s dad” I think people would assume you’re divorced (at least in my part of the country).
Anonymous
+1
If someone refers to their kids dad as the kids dad, I assume they’re not together. Which, obviously, is not an issue but to me that’s how it comes across.
Anonymous
Exactly. That is why it is confusing. But in my experience, it happens in a group of people who don’t “do divorce” so there is no expectation of confusion. I believe it is meant to convey extreme politeness/grace by not making everything about themselves.
Anonymous
I find it a little presumptuous to assume that coworkers remember the names of your family members that they’ve never met. For the most part, ime, people who do this are either work friends (which means I’ve probably met their spouse) or a boss with an overinflated sense of their importance in your life. I think your boss is being polite!
Cb
I use names, but only have 1 husband and 1 kid so it would be pretty clear from context cues. I wouldn’t be offended if someone didn’t remember their names.
Anon
I wouldn’t be offended if someone forgot a name, but I think it’s a little sad when people think it’s presumptuous to use names. If I spend 40+ hours a week with people I want to know about their lives! I think in some ways our society has gotten so sterile and that makes me sad
Cb
Yeah, I’m intensely curious about people (read: nosy!) so tell me all about your roommate drama, what you had for dinner, what you’re doing over the weekend…
I want to know all the details.
Anon
I think it’s nice he shares details like that with you! I once had a boss who didn’t even ask if I had a nice weekend (not even what I did! Just if it was nice aka the most basic office small talk) because she viewed any sort of discussion of our personal lives as inappropriate.
I think having a casual relationship with coworkers is so important, I love hearing about Bob’s daughter’s soccer game and Mary’s brunch plans.
He probably doesn’t share names so you don’t have to keep track of who is who! I’m really good at remembering names so I prefer people using names but I get why they don’t.
Anonymous
Honestly, after some of the stuff I’ve read here I can’t blame your former boss for avoiding all small talk. There have been a fair number of posts complaining about “nosy” co-workers who have the gall to ask how your weekend was. Pretty much any non-work-related conversation seems to be a risk these days.
That said, I agree with you that it’s much more enjoyable to work with people who will talk about soccer and brunch.
Anon
it is so sad! Not that I need work to be my main source of social activity, nor do I need to meet my BFF there (though I have!), but I have ZERO desire to spend 40+ hours a week with people who won’t have any sort of (appropriate!) personal discussion. In talking with friends lately, I’ve realized that many of us (late 20s, mostly single but not all) are, despite having social lives and friends and whatnot, deeply lonely because of a lack of “community”.
Work doesn’t need to be a deep community sense, but it’s so sterile to not chat about (appropriate) weekend plans or hobbies or your kids or what not. I don’t have kids, don’t even know if I want them, but I want to hear about yours!
Anon
You’re getting this place mixed up with Ask A Manager.
Anon
Wow, exactly what I was thinking! (And dang, do I not want that pack of nuts to bleed into this place.)
Anonymous
Wow, exactly what I was thinking! (And dang, do I not want that pack of nuts to bleed into this place.)
Anon
AAM commenters are so socially dysfunctional that the comments are basically unreadable.
Anon 2.0
It blows my mind that some offices don’t have small talk! I am in an industry where relationships are everything. Everything. So small talk, learning about others, learning about clients, etc is what divides those who succeed from those who don’t. I can’t imagine how soul sucking it must feel to have no small talk!
Anonymous
I”m obviously not going to remember every colleagues’ spouse and kids names, but I think it’s weird to not share that information among a team. We are not robots, it’s okay to expect someone to talk with every day to know (and remember) some details from your persona life!
anon
Agree! You don’t need to spill the tea about everything, but sheesh, it’s okay to be a human with a life outside of work.
Anon
I’m guilty of this. I’m not trying to be secretive. I just don’t assume that anyone remembers anything about me and it feels presumptuous to refer to my spouse and child by their names in front of people I feel like I don’t know well. I have been called out for it before though.
Cb
Urgh. My husband was contact traced on Tuesday (for a contact on Monday afternoon). I flew to work city on Tuesday thinking “I guess I’ll just stay if he has a positive test” but then last night, my flatmate found out she was also exposed on Monday. Our schedules don’t overlap much, we didn’t see each other last night or this AM, and she’s obsessively taking lateral flow tests.
It feels overdramatic to get a hotel when I can just stay late at the office and leave before she gets up, avoiding direct contact, but I don’t know…? I’m here til Friday night (presuming my husband doesn’t get a positive test).
Anon
Just go home. Most of the time these don’t materialize into anything. And if it does, your husband may need you to care for him. Omicron isn’t much more than a cold for most, so I wouldn’t flip out.
Anon
She should not fly home when she’s potentially exposed twice!
Cb I don’t think a hotel is a bad idea.
Cb
There were only about 16 hours between my husbands exposure and me leaving so I don’t think he was the risk but definitely won’t fly if my housemate is positive. We agreed to avoid each other as much as possible and open the shared bathroom window
Cornellian
If flatmate is negative when you leave Friday, I’d just go home. I think hotel might be a bit extreme, maybe mask in common areas and leave your window cracked. Seems like she should have a positive by Friday if she’s going to get one.
Cat
I would just stay… but I feel like catching Covid is somewhat inevitable, is not something I fear for my personal health at this point given vax, boost, and increasingly available remedies (and I don’t interact with anyone high risk), and gross rainy March might not be a bad time to be stuck in the house for a few days…
Anonymous
Spinoff of boss’s family names thread above. Those of you whose offices have gone permanent WFH, have you noticed that small talk has entirely disappeared? When we were all in the office, conversations not directly related to specific projects were actively encouraged as a means of building rapport. A little chitchat about the weekend or the weather at the beginning of a meeting, senior colleagues checking in on juniors to see how work was going in general, etc. As a senior staffer I was actually graded on these informal interactions and relationships in my performance review. Now that we are WFH, people seem to view any conversation not related to the topic of the Zoom meeting as inappropriate and inefficient. I am actually afraid to kick off any of my meetings by saying something innocuous like “how is everyone enjoying the snow?” because it seems like people view this as frivolous and annoying. Meanwhile, we are having serious retention issues because people feel dehumanized. Is anyone else noticing a similar phenomenon? What are you doing to combat it and make people feel connected, especially if you’re in a senior or managerial position?
Cb
Yeah, I started a new job in October and I feel like a brand new start because aside from a group of 3 women who I knew through broader academic networks, I don’t seem to know anyone?
I come into the office on teaching days but we’re scattered across different buildings and there isn’t a common gathering area. I love the job, but I feel really lonely at work?
Anon
I think it’s great that many commenters below are still maintaining their relationships via teams/skype, but I think that for those of us at new jobs it is so hard to make those relationships remotely.
Even though I have a great social network and a very busy social life outside of work, I am so lonely because the majority of my day is spent working at a place where I see no one (I go in 3 days a week, but most of my colleagues have not returned at all yet) and I know no one (because I’m new and its hard to befriend people remotely)
Anon
I started a new (fully remote) job in the fall as well, and I am over the moon at how much better the culture is. Our department management actively guides social updates as part of meetings, people share relevant photos on Teams (like holiday decorations or new pets), and everyone is just the right balance of friendly without being overly nosey. Like, no questions about why you are taking PTO, but people remember and ask after things when you do choose to share. I freaking love this place!
Anonymous
Last year my hybrid office had a Slack thread where everyone shared pics of their Christmas trees, I loved it!
Anon
That’s really sad. No, we made a conscious effort to build in small talk and coffee breaks while working remotely. Building trust and relationships is key to working together successfully. I’d say be the change you want to see and build in time for chit chat.
Anon
+1, we have this chit chat at the beginning of calls – for some of the groups I have regular weekly calls with, the first five minutes are always chit chat.
Anon
This.
OP
What’s odd is that all of my external meetings start with five minutes of chitchat. It’s only the internal meetings where everyone wants to get down to business immediately.
Anon
Same here, I start off calls asking people about their pets, or the weather, and get a conversation going. We’ll sometimes chat for 5-10 minutes before starting the meeting. We’ve all agreed these kinds of connection times are important and so we just build them into our regular meetings.
anon
Not for me because I make the small talk happen. I use Teams and Skype to do it. I still casually chat with my favorite coworkers even though I haven’t seen them in a year (or ever seen them in person for that matter). Depending on the size and structure of the meeting, I also do it before the form agenda gets started just like I would in an in-person meeting.
Anon
I was part of the great resignation and I am SO grateful that the culture of my new team is that the first 10-15 minutes of our bi-weekly team calls is to have time for small talk, and that there is a standing monthly zoom team meeting with the goal of socializing with responsibility for hosting rotating among the team. Nothing crazy – past topics have been favorite recipes, share your favorite travel destination, 5 things we may not know about you, etc. It’s been such a great way to get to know folks especially since we’re a global team scattered across many countries. My old team (and company) culture barely left time for a simple hello, how are you and it absolutely translated into more stress/anxiety.
Avery
I am super active in Zoom and Teams chats for this reason. I also schedule check-in calls with anyone who is interested. I have standing meetings on my calendar for every few weeks with no agenda, just whatever they want to discuss. Totally fine if that ends up being 30 mins on Inventing Anna. I agree, this is a huge issue though. I miss those interactions!
Anon
I started a new job a few months ago, and I feel like I barely know most of my team. At this stage in RTO, most of us have the option to do whatever we like – I am hybrid, so I know the others who go into the office, but most of the team is still fully remote (RTO is June so I hope this ends soon!). My boss (fully remote) asks how I’m doing, but we never even get into small talk beyond that.
I hate, hate, hate it. I miss my old job. At the old job, I had a few close friends, some work friends, and then had a casual but jovial relationship with most of the rest of the office.
I think that there is no replacement for face to face interaction. I have no desire to be in an office 5 days a week now, but I also would immediately quit if my job went fully remote.
Anon
Actually I just noticed the opposite recently. One remote meeting I was in last week we ended up talking about astrological signs for the last 15 minutes.
Monday
I’m wondering what’s going to happen with this issue ultimately! Disclaimer that I’m in health care and have never worked from home, nor will I likely ever. So I’m just an observer on WFH life.
I think it’s probably true that people with existing work relationships can maintain them well enough remotely, while building new relationships is likely a lot harder. I also think that more advanced workers more or less know how to conduct themselves in a work setting, while new grads and other entry-level people may be missing a lot of important learning and mentorship if their first working years are all remote. Is this enough of a reason to make people come to work in person? Probably not. But I wonder if this will be a significant loss for the people involved, OR if instead work culture and behavior will become a lot more normalized as asynchronous and remote, the way that social life (on social media, via text and email etc) already is.
Anonymous
+1
Working in public health emergency response, I have also not been remote (and I am glad!). I was in person full time for the first 1.5 years of the pandemic and have been hybrid since. I started a new job at the end of last year (also hybrid) and even seeing people 3x a week it’s hard to get a sense for people, the workplace culture, etc. My old office was so close (partially because our work was so challenging and partially because we were in person) and I really loved that atmosphere.
I agree – people who already work together will be fine, but as time goes on and more and more new people join these formerly in person, now remote offices I am interested to see what the atmosphere will be.
I’m actually very against full time remote work in most situations, and I think the loss of human connection will be such a shame.
Anon
I was proud of my team for training a new batch of hires fully remotely. I would have to stop and think about when various people started working to remember if I’ve met them in person or not. I know things about their families and pets, as well as their personalities and talents. I guess it seems like a choice if no one’s cultivating human connections?
Anon
I started a new job in February 2020, and I’ve built great relationships working remotely (and have been promoted). Just fwiw.
Anon
I have a very chatty bossy with whom I have a lot in common (kids, politics, approach to Covid risk) plus some really random ways in which our lives have crossed paths (my kid’s daycare teacher was his kids’ babysitter, he honeymooned in the place my family has a vacation home) so I feel like I know him pretty well despite us working together for less than six months and being fully remote the whole time. We usually spend at least half of our one-on-one meetings gabbing about random stuff like travel and our kids before realizing half the time has gone by and we need to focus.
But in general I agree with your point. I felt kind of distant from most people in my org pre-Covid (they all worked together much more closely than I worked with them, so I was kind of an outsider just by virtue of my job description) and the lack of casual interactions has definitely exacerbated it. A senior staff member just planned monthly patio hangouts to try to combat this. I would have avoided that kind of thing at all costs pre-Covid, but now I think I’m actually looking forward to it. This pandemic has done strange things even to introverts, lol.
anon
No kidding! I have always identified myself as a card-carrying introvert, but the pandemic has really tested that notion.
anon
You need a diversion on the call. My cat supplies this when he randomly jumps on to the back of my chair. No one can keep a straight face then. Also suggest starting meeting slightly early and making small talk with whoever is online then.
Anonymous
So I’m in a job that is fully in person OR hybrid, but for most people is not (and never will be) fully remote. I have a few colleagues who moved heaven and earth to get temporary approval to be fully WFH (which I don’t agree with – if you feel that strongly about it just get a new job, don’t make the rest of the office bend over backwards to accommodate you).
Those of us in person/hybrid are obviously able to still maintain our relationships and enjoy small talk in the office, having lunch together and chatting, getting happy hour, etc. Those who are fully remote are complaining about the loss of connection. However, those who are remote are also “zoomed out” and dont want extra time in meetings to chat, don’t want to socialize over zoom (neither do I…), and don’t like small chat via slack.
I think it is a huge loss, but I don’t know how to solve it.
PolyD
I’ve seen that come up here. People feel disconnected, but they don’t want to go to the office and are just SO over virtual meetings, which gives me a bit of a WTF moment. If you don’t want to see people in person AND you don’t want to connect virtually but you still want to connect? Is there some sort of mental telepathy thing I don’t know about??
Anon
I hate socializing over Zoom and am zoomed out. I would like to go into the office at least a few days a week but I was made permanently remote and don’t have that option anymore. I don’t think it’s hypocritical. There are a lot of people who comment here and the ones who want to stay fully remote likely aren’t the same people complaining about the lack of connection with remote work.
Anon
I have regular 1:1 calls with those on my team. I have no trouble with touching base and checking in with team members I knew back in the office. New hires though? No connection, and I have tried. It is so hard to forge a connection remotely.
anonshmanon
I observe divergent approaches. Some people appreciate just getting to work, and feel like telework is allowing them to get away from office politics. A lot of the same people are mostly interested in doing their work and clocking out at the end of the day, and less interested in networking or career advancement (which is a perfectly valid choice).
I occasionally reach out to schedule coffee break calls with specific folks that I find interesting and have always been met with enthusiasm. Those people maybe feel something lacking, like the OP.
My workplace plans to stay in hybrid work mode, and I hope that we can make room for either preference, and just allow people to contribute their skills.
Anon
Looking for advice….I met up with two (white, male) coworkers yesterday for happy hour. One is a peer who recently left the company for another role, and the other is 2 titles above me (I am a manager and he is a director). The conversation shifted to salary transparency, and I found out that I’m very likely underpaid.
Before my peer left, he was making almost exactly what I’m making now – but he is now making $20k+ more in his new role. My more senior peer’s base salary is roughly $70k higher than mine (his bonus is also 2x as high, but that comes with his title, so that is what it is). And, when he was in my role, his base was around $30k more than mine is now.
Given how hot the job market is (and my team has been losing talent), do I have any grounds to ask for more money? I have a lot of good will internally and have been told by several leaders (including VP of department and her boss, who reports to CEO) that I’m killing it – but now I feel like I’m not being paid accordingly. But, it feels like I may have to move externally to make a big salary jump.
Second dilemma: my manager has transitioned to a new role internally, so I am currently without a boss to raise this to. And, the VP of our department is leaving before comp time. I have a catch up meeting with my previous manager this afternoon. It’s supposed to be just a fun coffee chat, but should I raise this to her? What do I even say? I don’t want to disclose who I spoke to…and I have never negotiated for more because I always thought they were being generous (I didn’t come from a lot of money so my parents think I’m rich bc I’m pushing six figures). Any advice appreciated.
Anon
I’m not surprised the person two levels above you is making that much more than you, so whatever you end up doing I wouldn’t use that as part of your argument. Sounds like you have a good case that you’re being paid below market rate.
Anonymous
How do you know all of this? Did they tell you this directly? I would not bring this up. Stand on your own laurels and don’t compare yourself to others because you run the risk of sounding like a big whiner and no one likes that.
anonshmanon
wtf? Don’t compare yourself to others when the question is literally fair pay? Of course she needs to determine what others in her position are paid.
OP, when was your last merit raise (ie. independent of any smaller raise that is given across the company)? If they tell you that you are killing it, that is an opening.
Whether to consult your previous boss depends on your relationship and their new position. Are they still involved in decisions about your salary? Then maybe no. If not, do they behave like a mentor/coach to you? In that case, I would ask for advice on raising this, and how to navigate the landscape with people leaving, what would be good timing etc.
OP
Yes, they told me this directly, and they both explicitly encouraged me to ask for more and told me I was leaving money on the table. I am emphatically NOT a whiner to a fault, thus my note above about never having negotiated for higher comp in the past.
Anon
“you run the risk of sounding like a big whiner and no one likes that”
And this right here is why the gender pay gap continues to exist!
Anonymous
I’d probably find a new job. If your peer was making about the same as you at your current place, you’re likely being paid what they will pay you (within a small margin). The large gap between you and the someone two levels up isn’t surprising.
Cornellian
I would leave your peers out of it and just bring up a merit raise focusing on what you bring to the company. Maybe your previous manager would have some insight, but if you’re not close to them, it may come back to bite you. Lots of employers are dealing with raise requests right now, I’d just get market data (including outside your company) and say you think you deserve 10K more or whatever it is.
Brit
I have had peers leave and make $20k+ more at competitors and our management knows it’s a problem, but they realistically can’t adjust everyone to market value or the company would be broke. Those of us who haven’t left know that we could get more money but our relationships and reputations we’ve built aren’t worth more money and will hopefully lead to better career growth and more opportunities.
It’s a tough spot and I don’t think my company would entertain giving someone a raise just because of “market value” without an offer from a competitor
OP
Thank you (and thank you to Cornellian above) – good points, and precisely what I’ve been struggling with. I think I’ll just have an open conversation with my former manager (who I do have a great relationship with) about what I can continue doing to set myself up for a strong merit increase/bonus at comp time.
anonshmanon
Thank you (and thank you to Cornellian above) – good points, and precisely what I’ve been struggling with. I think I’ll just have an open conversation with my former manager (who I do have a great relationship with) about what I can continue doing to set myself up for a strong merit increase/bonus at comp time.
Coach Laura
I’ve personally had good luck with getting salary ranges off indeed or glassdoor or other salary sites. I sorted for location, experience and title and provided graphs of min-med-max salary for those positions. Got a $30,000 annual bump. But this was after a merger and I was in limbo between teams for a while, which is why it wasn’t addressed earlier. You might be in the same type of situation.
Anonymous
Random question that’s a cross between senior/aging safety and home decor — my parents’ house has a light fixture at the top of the stairs that is the main light that you use going up and down the stairs. While this is a small home/no cathedral ceiling, problem is when that bulb goes out, someone needs to get on a step ladder at the top of the stairs to change that bulb. It’s the type of thing that’s fine when you buy a house at 30 but now makes me really nervous as they are in their 70s-80s. When we’re lucky enough that that bulb fuses when I’m visiting, I change it yet I also live 3 hours away so it’s not like I can just drive 15 minutes to their home to change a bulb. Is it possible to relocate a fixture [it’d still be in a ceiling requiring a step ladder but if it was further down the hall, at least you’re on a step ladder with walls on both sides of you, not a stair case]? Or are there indoor light fixtures that go ON a wall rather than on a ceiling – I’m thinking something on a hallway wall where you can just change it without even any type of step ladder? IDK that I’ve ever seen that sort of thing indoors though; the only thing I can liken it to is some homes in their neighborhood where neighbors have put lights on either side of their garage but on the wall/garage frame itself – rather than on an overhanging roof – which I suspect is for safety/not having to climb.
Thoughts on where to look for ideas? Also who does this – I imagine it’s an electrician right, rather than a handyman? Added bonus – bring up ANY aging issue, my dad shuts down; he has health issues and can’t do this stuff anymore but talking about it majorly upsets him to the point where you’ll be sorry you brought it up as it’ll be that old-man upset that’ll ruin the atmosphere of the household for the day. My mom OTOH she’ll mask it, as we’re not old, I’m not going to live with old people ugly things. So I guess I need an idea what to do + someplace with decent looking lighting fixtures?
Senior Attorney
Why don’t you just change the bulb yourself every time you visit? (Or on a schedule that makes sense with the frequency of your visits and the expected life of the bulbs — new ones last pretty much forever.) That way it will never burn out.
Otherwise, of course you can relocate a fixture and a decent handyman can do it. I like the lighting fixtures at Pottery Barn, also Wayfair has a huge selection.
Leatty
Would something like this work?
https://www.amazon.com/Designers-Edge-E3001-Telescopic-Accessories/dp/B008KWRCIS/ref=asc_df_B008KWRCIS/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=216527863848&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13132806054674123985&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9012102&hvtargid=pla-348985111190&psc=1
Coach Laura
We use this and it works well. Use this and put in an LED. You could even let dad do the actual work, as it’s low risk for injury. Then it won’t have to be done very often.
Anonymous
That’s not going to help with an enclosed fixture, though. A bulb grabber won’t get the glass shade off.
Anon
Get modern bulbs. I’ve lived in my current house three years and haven’t changed a single bulb.
Anonymous
+1 LED bulbs last forever. DH and I actually had this conversation recently, we can’t even remember the last time we changed a bulb.
Anon
Just to add to this, if this is an enclosed fixture, you need to buy LED bulbs that are rated for enclosed fixtures (it will say this on the box or web page). They’re slightly more expensive than the super cheap ones you might buy otherwise, but they’ll last much longer. When we moved into this house, I just searched on the Home Depot site and ended up with some from Cree that are still going strong 3 years later.
Anonymous
+1 for Cree bulbs rated for enclosed fixtures. They have the nicest light of any LED bulbs I’ve tried, much less harsh.
Anon
Next time you visit change it to a high quality LED bulb. I’ve lived in my house since 2017 and haven’t had to change the majority of the lightbulbs at all. LED bulbs come in all levels of warmth these days, they don’t have to be that industrial blue color.
Bonnie Kate
I think a residential electrician would be the one who I would think would relocate the light fixtures.
However, I think it’d be easier to either get LED bulbs that last a very long time and put them in the existing fixture. Or if you want something more involved, keep the light fixture where it is at and change the fixture to an integrated LED light fixture – tons of options on the market for these now. That might be more palatable for your dad – you can sell it as a “just thought this would look so nice!” rather than a safety concern. And they’ll last 10-20 years (same with the LED bulbs). A handyman would be able to switch the fixtures.
Sources for new fixtures – search for “LED integrated light fixture”. I sourced lights from Wayfair, Overstock, Home Depot, and Lowes for our house – they all have good options. Wayfair and Overstock were surprisingly (or not since they’re online only) the fastest/easiest to navigate. Pay attention to the dimensions, especially the drop.
LED bulbs – search for “best longest lasting LED bulbs” and the internet will give you lots of roundups.
Ses
Yes, that’s an electrician if you’re moving wiring. But have you considered using one of those lightbulb changer extension tools for vaulted ceilings? If the fixture is a dome, you may need to switch to an open style where you can grab the bulb with the tool. I’ll link one in the reply in case my description is unclear.
Ses
Not endorsing this particular one, but this is what I’m referring to.
https://www.amazon.com/BAYCO-LBC-600SDL-Bulb-Changer-Yellow/dp/B000BQQ7QE/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?crid=2KW9QR9YVAGEE&keywords=light+bulb+changer+for+high+ceilings&qid=1646848795&sprefix=loght+bulb%2Caps%2C208&sr=8-3
Cornellian
I’d probably do a combo of changing it when you visit and adding a secondary light source in case it goes out.
Anon
adding here
frontgate ladders out anyine with a handle because they will use a ladder sometimes. removing them all means wobbly chair.
find a local electrician and handyman. either if ours would change a bulb for nothing or nearly and you can have them do other work at the same time.
like adding outlets in the hallway. lighting close to the floor is as good or better than overhead esp in steps. led light strips or riser lights are great.
i have flashlights from ikea with chargable batteries. in event if blackout they become night lights. highly recommend!!
Anon
I think you can get a nice quality LED bulb or fixture – they’ll last decades. It would probably be overkill to relocate a light fixture.
Anonymous
Yes! You want sconces on the wall. A series of sconces would be pretty and accessible. Also, for your mom: lighting fixtures are pretty inexpensive and a really nice way to freshen up a room. You might sell it as a fun aesthetic interior design thing instead of a old age thing. Rejuvenation has great lighting fixtures and ideas but you can also get them more cheaply from Shades of Light or Wayfair.
https://www.potterybarn.com/products/francis-sconce/?cm_src=WsiPip1&recstrat=View-View-1%7CVCB-GRP-AFF-QNT
Anonymous
No, you do not hire an electrician to change a light bulb. I don’t think my electrician would even come out for that. Electricians are in high demand, and they are looking for large $$$$ jobs. I had to wait several weeks to have four light fixtures installed because it was such a “small” job.
Install an LED bulb yourself next time you are there. Consider one of those extension pole thingies. If you want to be really extra, you could hire a handyman.
Anonymous
Check yourself. She’s looking to hire an electrician to change or move a fixture and yes electricians do that all the time because it requires running wire. Otherwise she changes the bulbs FOR THEM. Do you need to be rude just to be rude?
crash
Agree with others to change to LED.
Do your parents have good relationships with any neighbors? Is there a key left with a neighbor, just in case of emergency (get locked out). My elderly father has some amazing neighbors that we NEVER bother, but we know in an emergency he/we could call them and they could help. And many of them would change a critical light bulb in a heartbeat if needed for safety.
We also asked neighbors on his block to recommend a good handyman. That is a number that we keep on the refrigerator. We actually plan on a handyman visit every 6 months, and as needed, as there are always things in an old house that need help. Once it becomes routine, your parents are less anxious about asking for help. And our handyman would stop by a change a lightbulb for nothing if we called, since we almost never would ask this. He lives in town and now knows my parents, and is happy to keep good will.
Also, we know the family on my Dad’s block that has a young boy who would love to come help in a second if something needs to be moved/carried, and if he got paid a few bucks to help, all the better. Again, we almost never use this, but we know it is there just in case.
Anon
Anyone here used Freshly or have another ready to eat meal delivery service to recommend? My husband and I both despise cooking and we don’t have a lot of time to cook on weekday evenings. We have a few simple, fast things we make but we’re both insanely sick of them, so during the pandemic we’ve been ordering way too much Doordash and are trying to move away from that. The meal kits like Blue Apron involve way more prep than we want to do. We don’t need or want super healthy food (Daily Harvest looks too healthy for us, for example) just looking to get away from the restaurant food that is often so heavy and sodium-filled. Budget is not an issue.
Telco Lady JD
We’ve used Freshly. I liked it, but found that I got tired of the options pretty quickly. I think it would be worth your while to give it a try for a week or two. You may not want to use it indefinitely, but it could be a good thing every once in a while to give you something different than your old standbys!
No Face
I’ve never done Freshly, but I used a local meal prep company. The meals were homemade quality with no prep required – just toss in a pan or in the oven. If you Google your city and “meal service” you could find some local options.
Anon
Unfortunately we live in the middle of nowhere and there’s no one in our city offering this service. I’ve checked.
Leatty
Check out Catered Fit. If you’re local, they deliver fully prepared, delicious, healthy meals every day. If you aren’t local, I believe they deliver weekly.
Explorette
Sunbasket now has ready to eat options.
Anon
We liked Green Chef. The meat and fish were consistently fresh and high quality, and the seasoning packets ensured the meals were never bland. But it did involve some meal prep (I can’t compare to Blue Apron, but I generally needed to use a cutting board and a knife to chop some things, and at least one pan to cook the meat and sides in).
If neither budget nor super healthy food is a goal I’m not sure what the objection is to takeout though!
312
I’ll put in a plug for Home che. It isn’t ready to eat, but it’s far less prep than any of the other services I’ve used. A lot of them are stovetop or put in a provided pan and bake it.
Avon
I like home chef, as well. You can also select meals by difficulty and they have options you literally just heat up of that is what you are looking for.
Anon
I’ve been trying to solve this same problem. Pre-prepared meals that require no prep, with filling portions. I’m also vegetarian, which rules out my local meal services. I tried Farmer’s Fridge, which was really delicious but there was not enough variety in the options and I was already tired of eating salad after the first week. Harvest Root’s food was unsatisfying and too diety. I’m currently on my second week of Cook Unity, which has been pretty much exactly what I was hoping for – they have like 150 meals to choose from each week, so there’s tons of variety even among the meatless options (my boyfriend says the meat-based ones are excellent too), and the meals are filling. I’m also planning to try Huel, especially for breakfasts and lunches.