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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: The Hailey Dress

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The Hailey Dress—Wave Crepe Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I usually really like MM.LaFleur's styling but here we seem to be limited to the above picture, which reminds me a teensy bit of a cross between Marilyn Monroe and Wonder Woman, and the pictures on the product pages, where the models have a decidedly grumpy air about them. So Wonder Woman Monroe it is! This dress looks promising because (a) pockets and (b) do I really need to go on? Kidding, kind of — it's available in navy as well and has a nice neckline that you can make high or low AND it comes (in navy at least) in sizes 0P-3X, which is awesome. Whoa: and it's machine washable. It's $265, at MM.LaFleur. The Hailey Dress in Wave Crepe Looking for something more affordable but also with pockets and sleeves? This Ann Taylor dress is nice and is available up to size 18… This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

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Sales of note for 1/22/25:

  • Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
  • AllSaints – Clearance event, now up to 70% off (some of the best leather jackets!)
  • Ann Taylor – All sale dresses $40 (ends 1/23)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything
  • Boden – Clearance, up to 60% off!
  • DeMellier – Final reductions now on, free shipping and returns — includes select options like Montreal, Vancouver, and Venice
  • Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; extra 50% off all clearance, plus ELOQUII X kate spade new york collab just dropped
  • Everlane – Sale of the year, up to 70% off; new markdowns just added
  • J.Crew – Up to 40% off select styles; up to 50% off cashmere
  • J.Crew Factory – End of season sale, extra 60-70% off clearance, online only
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale – extra 50% off

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

297 Comments

  1. I am having a very rough day, stuck in a team room all day when I am an extreme introvert and need my personal space.
    I need to take my medicine but very self-conscious about grabbing my bag in front of people and going to teh restroom… is it just my overworked brain that is spinning?
    For those of you who have to take non-pill medicine at specific times e.g. inhaler, insulin etc. do you ever feel self-conscious about carrying a bag to the bathroom.

    1. No, you have nothing to feel ashamed or embarrassed about in literally taking care of yourself. I’ve been carrying a fanny pack of inhalers everywhere since childhood. My coworker’s insulin pump beeps so loudly it is announcing his blood sugar to the entire room. Nobody seems to have the slightest interest.

    2. I think you’re over-thinking this. Just do it and don’t draw attention to yourself.

    4. No. I think you are working yourself up over nothing. People take their bags to leave the room for many reasons. You might not be even going to the bathroom. You could be grabbing your bag to leave the room to:
      – check your phone
      – wanting to fill up your water bottle
      – brush your teeth
      – wanting to eat a quick snack
      – put on lotion because your skin is dry
      – make a phone call for something else and need paperwork in your bag to make the phone call – like giving your husband your health insurance number
      – touch up your make up
      – find some breath mints
      – floss your teeth
      – grab a cough drop
      – millions of other reasons.

    5. Here’s a life lesson for you and everyone: absolutely no one is paying that much attention to you. In fact, people aren’t paying attention at all. If you gave yourself back all the energy you wasted worrying about tpwhat other people honk, you could do amazing things.

      2. Definitely don’t worry about what other people honk. (No offense meant, anon, just thought it was funny!)

      4. +1 Your intended sentiment is great, and the unintentional honk verbiage is even better!

      5. Actually in some defense of the poster, in my experience there are individuals who pay attention to every detail and then toss out complaints at different points (e.g., complaints about a project after the project is done, without stating any problems during the project itself). So it is OK to beware those people. They can make your life hell.

    6. Since I got my period at age 11, I’ve had to grab a bag (or smaller pouch) and take it to the ladies’ room, at times in from of an audience. No one cares.

      Perhaps you are going to grab a smoke? Take a powder? No one cares!

      There isn’t going to be a reddit on OMG Jane took her bag out of the room today!

    7. At some point as an adult you have to push yourself to get over this kind of self conscious insecurity. There’s no easy way out. You just have to decide to push through it. It gets easier.

    8. Sometimes I play a game of “imagine the conversation.”
      You grab bag and stand up. Someone asks, “where are you going?” “To the restroom.” They ask, “Why are you taking your bag?” That right there is an odd intrusive and ridiculous question, and anyone else in the room is likely to look up in shock at the gall. Right there, you have two options. “I need something from it.” Or “What an oddly personal question.” and then leave.

      Like, it is a question only a little child or your best friend would ask.

      I assume this isn’t a retail job where there is concern that someone is stealing merchandise, or some kind of top secret job where your personal items have to be a in clear plastic bag.

    9. I have grabbed my giant explicitly labeled Medela bag in an all-men meeting to go pump in the bathroom while informing them I’ll be gone for 30 minutes. Does this count? No one batted an eye.

    10. YMMV but I agree no one cares- my former director used to give himself insulin during meetings (like needle to the arm insulin) and no one batted an eye. Just go to the bathroom which makes your visit a bathroom visit as well :).

  2. I keep thinking that if MM Lafleur really wanted to ‘disrupt the workwear industry’ for women who are ‘too busy to shop’ they’d show the models not dancing or leaping like other companies do, but rather a few straightforward shots of the clothing on women of various body sizes both standing and sitting, so we can see how the clothes will actually look.
    A fun game to play while scrolling through anthropologie used to be to count how many models are posing as if they’re having extreme stomach pain and gas. They’ve gotten better- many models are now actually standing up straight – but they used to all be posed hinged at the waist with hands on hips, maybe to appear skinnier? It was very strange.

    1. I don’t see anything wrong with the photos on the product page. There are three standing views each for straight and plus sizes, at different angles, with no weird poses. It’s easy to see how the dress is cut. The models’ facial expressions are on the slightly dramatic end of neutral, but they don’t interfere with the viewer’s ability to judge the fit of the dress.

      The photos are good enough to let me know that it’s not worth my while to bother trying on this dress. It is guaranteed to look like a frumpy bathrobe on me.

    2. I really like this sort of wrap dress. I just cannot with DVF — the V is so low and really hard to pull off if you are flat-chested (too much fabric). And fashion tape can only do so much (ditto cami or cami/slip).

      I’d love more sleeve though!

      1. I dont know how anyone can wear DVF wrap, the V is insanely deep and I am a lover of v-necks and have no problem with a little cleavage.
        I like the featured dress, but it is the wrong season for me. I would be more interested in spring or summer.

        1. DVF herself said she was a fan of Wolford body suits under her dresses. I looked those up to price them out. Um, no thanks.

    3. I tried this one on in person. The fabric is really amazing. It was a size too large for me, and there wasn’t one in stock the next size down, so the fit wasn’t great. I’d also struggle with how to make it appropriate for winter/any cool office. But the fabric (and pockets) are indeed amazing

      2. PLEASE can the side slits and hi-lo hems go away already! My sweaters are wearing out, and I refuse to replace them with that cheap-looking trash.

        1. I like hi-lo sweater hems for sportier things (like t-necks to wear with leggings — I like my butt covered). But not for workwear unless you are in a v. casual office.

  4. I’m a short-waisted, busty, petite hourglass. Which MM Lafleur dress styles should I try?

    1. Similar body type to you, and I have had no luck with any of their dresses… although I am probably more pear than hourglass. The fuller skirted ones (e.g. Ruth and Isabelle) worked for my hips, but still had way too much length in the waist and torso. I wish they made a full range of petite sizes!

      1. I was going to suggest the Ruth, but maybe it’s medium-waisted… I liked it though!

    2. I posted separately below about this dress specifically, which did not work for me. I had good luck with the Emily Dress and the Antonia Top.

    3. I may have a somewhat similar body shape to you (I’m petite and a very busty/slightly top-heavy hourglass, but don’t really have a short waist) and when I went to a MM LaFleur showroom it was really hard to find dresses that worked for me, a lot of the dresses were really unforgiving in how they fit around the chest. I did like the Toi and the Etsuko, but that was about it out of the roughly seven or eight I tried.

  5. Reusable ziplock bags? Anyone have a favorite type that actually worked for you? My husband wants to invest in them because he is sick of my habit of hand washing and re using a few ziplock bags to prevent plastic waste. He wants something more durable and that can be cleaned in the dishwasher. I however don’t want to invest in a new heavy duty thing that we won’t end up using because that will be more wasteful.

      1. I use the silcone POAO ones featured in this article. Really easy to use and clean. Very durable.

        1. +1… Need another set because DH thought it was a good idea to slice some cheese right on top of the bag

    2. In the Metro DC area, the Safeway stores have a recycling bin for soft plastics up front, and I understand that they take ziploc bags.

      1. It’s still wayyy better not to use them in the first place.

        Why can’t you just use Tupperware? I literally wonder this all the time. I decided to stop using Ziplocs, and I just did. I’ve never run into a problem. What is the benefit of Ziplocs?

        1. That they’re lightweight and flexible! If you’re, say, packing snacks for the plane, not only do you not have to deal with fitting bulky Tupperware in your bag in the first place, but once they’re finished you just have a slim baggie to tuck away. Or if you’re batch cooking, you can fit a ton more in the freezer if it’s portioned in baggies.

          I also wash and reuse them. If you have the soapy water just sitting there, it’s only a few seconds to squish a few baggies around and rinse them. NBD.

        2. Its mostly used for freezing bananas in the freezer where I don’t want to get freezer burn or meat that I need a tight seal on like chicken or ground beef.

          I also often freeze meat and pesto and things into squares that are about the size of a brownie and then pop them out of the silicone mold so I can freeze more in there and need a place to put the frozen cubes.

          In the fridge I use them for bacon if I didn’t buy it from the butcher so its in that plastic container and I don’t want it to dry out before we use it all or drip bacon water in my fridge.

          I have like 10 – 5 gallon, 5 quart and have been reusing those for the last year and would say that we maybe have 4 in our fridge/freezer at a time unless I am doing a big batch freezing marathon.

          I have reusable snack bags I use for lunches that are fabric but mostly use my pyrex for lunches.

          I don’t find washing them annoying but my husband does and so he just leaves them next to the sink for me to do it and thats annoying to me so if there is a more permanent dishwasher friendly solution that won’t get freezer burn I am interested!

          1. This won’t work for liquid things, but wrapping meat or other solids in wax paper or foil (Or apparently there’s a thing marketed as freezer paper? I’ve never used it) before you put it in a storage container should help prevent freezer burn.

          2. For bananas (for banana bread), I just shove them/smash them into a plastic container (e.g., reused cream cheese containers). The amount of ice that forms on them does not take away from the banana bread. If anything, I guess that it’s going to concentrate the bananas as the water escapes.

            Single use plastic is the worst. And I worry about reusing plastic not meant for reuse because of the chemicals leaching into the food.

    3. I use ziplocks for storage (binder clips, crayons) or for marinades.

      The used-for-storage ones eventually get too many holes to keep using.
      The used-for-marinades ones I don’t think I’d believe are truly clean and b/c they’ve held raw meat, I don’t re-use.

      Have you considered things like tupperware /corning glass containers with lids? I use those a lot and wash in the dishwasher. I use for transporting food for lunch (kids get plastic, grownups get glass) and holding leftovers. You can get in shapes for sandwiches, salads, snacks.

      1. Thanks for helping me brainstorm. I don’t use ziplocs for storage – I have fabric bags with zippers or permanent containers with lids. For marinades I marinate in a pyrex container with a lid.

        I have a ton of pyrex and use that for lunches along with lunchbots metal containers for lighter snack options. I also have a bunch of the zipper fabric bags for snacks.

        The spot I am stuck on is in the freezer for bananas or chicken breasts. I want a way to prevent freezer burn by getting all the air out (something I can’t do in another container) but not use plastic.

        1. We use Bumkins as well, put in the washing machine and air dry. They have a zipper, not entirely sure if you could get all the air totally out. I have some others by Blue Avocado (I think) that have more the ziploc mechanism. That could work in the freezer if you can get them big enough. I don’t eat meat but I would be worried about any of these options with raw chicken. I through the snack bags in with our clothes wash, that seems like a bad idea if you’re using them with raw meat.

        2. Can you put the chicken breasts into the bottom of a glass container, then press a layer of wax paper* (or uncoated butchers paper) tightly to the meat? Then put the lid over the whole thing for stackability & as another protection against air/smells. (I have yet to find a source for non-plastic-coated freezer paper, alas).

    4. I have a couple of sizes of bags from “Planet Wise”. They’re cloth exterior, EVA interior; closure is a standard zipper so not suitable for liquid things, though some incidental moisture/dampness on food isn’t an issue (e.g. freshly washed grapes are fine, soup is not). They do tend towards eye-catching prints, so possibly a downside if you’re looking for nondescript. Readily available on the rainforest-named shopping site, also seen them at Bed Bath & Beyond.

    5. Why does he think that you’ll be able to use the dishwasher to clean them anyway? Seems to me that the dishwasher is good for cleaning rigid things, not soft things. I think even if you did move to reusable resealable bags, you’d still be handwashing them, the same way you are with your current ziplock bags.

      Maaaaaybe you could wash them in the washing machine, but that still seems like a lot more work than what you’re doing with the ziplocks.

      1. Machine-washable (dishwasher or clothes washer) is definitely a characteristic available in (some?) reusable bags. I personally wipe mine out with a damp cloth (e.g. crumbs, a bit of juice from fruit) or use the (clothes) washing machine. Machine washing isn’t a lot of work – they get thrown in the laundry bin with kitchen towels so it’s not a separate load or anything.

      2. We have fabric ones that we do put in the washer/dryer. I don’t use papertowels – just towels so we are running laundry anyways for kitchen stuff so that doesn’t feel like more work. But the dishwasher thinking was for the silicone type of bags for the freezer that are hardy enough for a dishwasher.

    6. We use a couple of the Stasher reusable bags. The only downside is that the ones I have found are pretty small. You can wash them in the dishwasher and they’re silicone so they’re food safe. I quite like them though.

    7. I have a bunch of the sandwich size bags from the bumkins brand off of A mazon. I’ve had them for a few years and they are still going strong. They are zipper top fabric with a coating on the inside and they are good for dry-ish foods like sandwiches, crackers, apple slices, etc. I turn them inside out and wash them in the washing machine and air dry them. I’m looking at some of the silicone ones for wetter foods, but I haven’t gotten them yet.

    8. For things that do not need to be watertight, I have had good luck with Bumpkins reusable snack bags. They go in the dishwasher.

    9. I use the Bumkins reusable snack bags. We use the snack size and sandwich size, not sure if there are others. I don’t put them in the dishwasher though, I just use a damp cloth to wipe out the inside and then let them dry. We’ve rotated through them for daily lunchbox use for 3 kids for the past two years (have a stash of 6 sandwich and probably 12 snack to hold two “sides”) and they’re still going strong.

    10. Maybe look in the baby section? We use reusable pouches to pack smoothies for our kids; they are essentially ziplock bags with a spout. You don’t need the spout, but there might be spoutless equivalents marketed as baby products. Ours have held up fine for more than a year of weekly washes in the dishwasher.

    11. I have been using a couple of these silicone zip top bag for about 2 months. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01DZQT9CU/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1

      They can be washed by hand or run through the dishwasher. I like the zip top–some of the other silicone bags need a separate piece to seal the bag–and I know my house and I know that separate piece would soon be lost.

      I haven’t put liquids in the bags, so I don’t know how watertight they are. Mostly just cut up vegetables or fruit. Nothing has leaked so far.

  6. Need some advice….how do you detox from a toxic job before you move on to a new position?? I just exited the legal department from hell. In the 6 months I was with this company 5 attorney out of a department of 20 left (two of them quit without any other job lined up!) Besides a sociopathic GC and her evil mini-me (btw this was not a case of toxic masculinity run amok…both the GC and her mini-me were women!), there were people frequently crying in the halls and yelling in meetings and joking about how lucky they would be to get run over by a car. Fortunately, I got laid off 2 months ago and will be starting a new job after Christmas, however I swear that I now have job PTSD. Is that even a thing?? How do I get my head back on straight so that I can get the fresh start that I deserve at a new position?

    1. This may sound extreme, but I went to therapy to deal with the aftereffects of a really toxic job. Several friends of mine worked in the same legal department and we all have had detrimental aftereffects from this department. Honestly, it took years to truly break free of all of the job-related anxiety I had developed because of the toxic workplace (I worked there 2010-2012, left the legal field entirely for two years as a result and now am legal-adjacent with a possible move to in-house counsel).

    2. Yes, there is job PTSD. I was physically ill a year after I quit my job. I would break out into a cold sweet when something reminded me of that job. Recovery is a process.

      No idea how to detox, except time, maybe therapy, maybe medication, and (most importantly) understanding your triggers. Also, work on responding constructively to issues that come up in work. Dysfunctional and evil environments promote dysfunctional responses in employees.

      1. Agree with working on responding constructively to issues that come up in the new job. I had PTSD from my last job and when I first moved on to a much better company/job/environment, I sometimes found myself triggered and responded as I would have at the old job. I cringe to think about it, but I think that is part of the PTSD. I just needed to stay calm and understand that the new job, and people at the new job, were NOT my old job.

    3. Ask A Manager may have some information on this. It’s definitely a real thing!

    4. I am really sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been there, and it’s awful. In addition to taking some time off, which it sounds like you’re doing, I would do some short-term therapy to work through some of your feelings. Sometimes, just having confirmation that your workplace was truly toxic and nutty can be really validating, especially if you’re the type to blame yourself rather than the crap situation you found yourself in. And, journal a lot. Get your feelings out.

    6. At my toxic job, the biggest opportunity to berate and publicly shame people was if they had gone more than 24 hours without releasing their billable hours. If you forgot to release your time, there would be an email sent out to the entire firm specifically naming you and notifying them all that you had not released your time. On top of this, we had to make quarterly and monthly billable hour goals, and had to update our team leader each week about whether or not we had billed enough hours in that week to be on track to meeting our monthly goal. Meanwhile we had partners breathing down our neck, suggesting that we eat our time to be able to keep client bills within budget. It was extremely stressful and toxic.

      I quit that job and went to work somewhere much more laid back, with a “just do your work, and bill your time, it’s all good” attitude, but I had such ingrained anxiety about billable hours that I wrote myself a little note to read before I enter my time. “This is not a trap. You do good work. You add value. No one is breathing down your neck.”

      It seems kind of crazy, but it actually helps me relax and believe that I’m not going to get “in trouble” if I’m not billing a lot of time. And that has been the case. The anxiety has lessened with the passing of time.

      1. I need that note. “This is not a trap. You do good work. You add value.” Wow, I need that note.

      2. This sounds very t’oxic. FOOEY on your manageing partner for pubicizing each of you who do not timely submit your billings. At my firm, we do NOT make a public issue of hours, but pretty much everyone is aware who his billing properly and who is billing less. In fact, our bonuses are tied to the hourlies we are able to bill and uplift accordingly. So there should be no need to stigmatize those who bill less, as they will likely be drummed into compliance with our policies or out of the firm if they do not comply, w/o makeing them a public spectacle. It is embarrassing to be called out on the carpet for billing less. In our firm, people just know the rules and comply with them. I will expect no less when I become the manageing partner! YAY!!!

    7. Dealing with this now. I didn’t have time off between jobs, so I’m doing a lot of self pep talks, reminding myself that no one is going to start screaming, calling people names, etc. I think for me it’s just going to take time. I’m struggling with a lot of feelings of waiting for something bad to happen. Objectively, I don’t think it’s going to. I have friends at the new place, and I had candid conversations with them before moving, but that feeling is still there.

    8. I really struggled with this when I started my new job. I took a week off between jobs (I couldn’t leverage more than that) but it took me a good 6 months to get over once I started the new job. I kept expecting them to tell me I was awful. It definitely took time to build up my confidence again. I guess the good part is they saw “improvement” in my confidence level and now think that I’m a rock star because of how much better I seem?

    9. +1 Job PTSD exists, I left my toxic job a year ago, love my current job, but I swear I still get nightmares and flashbacks. I probably should go to therapy…

  7. Moved to a new city and my dry cleaner uses pins to fasten skirts to hangers. Is this bad for clothes? If yes, do I ask them to switch/provide my own hangers?

      1. +1
        I unpin them when I get home. If you have a skirt with delicate fabric at the waist, I’d ask them not to, but for standard wool or cotton skirts the holes close back up no problem.

  8. What did you do as an associate when you start a day with less than two billable hours? I recently lateraled and have periods (day or two) of very slow periods. The partners I’m assigned to all know I have capacity but the work is more feast and famine than I’ve ever experienced. My current strategy is bill the hours then work on marketing/researching professional events in my new city/research general topics related to my new area of law. It’s tempting to procrastinate those two hours though. Anything else?

    1. Will you get a fresh fiscal year start in January (such that you don’t need to be worried that you’re in a serious billable deficit to overcome)?
      – Long networking lunches — do you have any friends/acquaintances from law school in new city? Do partners have any clients that they’d like to introduce you to?
      – Walk around your office and chat with other attorneys for a few minutes — help them get to know you internally too
      Definitely prioritize getting the billables done, so that you have capacity to handle more if it comes up without dropping the ball on the other client work!

      1. Yes, I will get a fresh start on hours. I’ll start networking – thanks for the advice!!

  9. I like this dress but am interested in one with more sleeves (and like a commenter above said, perhaps less of a V than the traditional DVF). I see one sold out on Modern Citizen that’s lovely. Other suggestions?

  10. I tried on this dress. I’m curvy, 5’2″, size 12 in MMLF. The fit was very off for me. I couldn’t have taken a smaller size through the bust, but the rest of the top just had too much fabric for my frame. It’s like my torso is too short to accommodate the amount of fabric that needs to drape all over the place. I’ve had a similar problem with MMLF before. I tried on their newish knit skirt – it’s supposed to be just below the knee but it’s very nearly a full length skirt on me. I think this brand is meant for ladies who are quite tall.

    1. Try to look at the fit description on the website before ordering something. For this item, it says “Tall-friendly.” I am 5’4” and short-waisted and everything marked “petite-friendly” fits me like a glove. Everything that is not doesn’t fit me at all.

  11. It’s December 11th and you’re apparently a lawyer. Can you please take off your Santa hat when talking to the court officer and clerk about adjourning your trial?

    1. Can you please just let people have their fun if it doesn’t interfere with your life in any way? Don’t be so uptight.

    2. Eh, I tend to agree with Grinch. Court is serious business and if I were the client I wouldn’t be very happy to see my lawyer in a Santa hat. I would ask the lawyer to take off the hat, just as I would ask any lawyer to take off pretty much any hat.

      1. Agreed. I’m all for holiday cheer but courts have dress codes and protocols for a reason. People rarely go to court for fun and wearing a Santa hat while in actual court seems pretty tone-deaf, even if it’s for a boring procedural motion.

      2. Yeah it was bugging the grinch for a couple reasons:

        1. All attorneys are aware that only religious head coverings are permitted in court. If she’s trying to pass off as Santa hat as such then: hard hard side eye.

        2. If not, If she’d remove it for the judge then why not show the same respect to the judge’s staff?

        3. This is maybe fun in a non- courtroom professional setting (like the office?) during the week or so before Christmas. We do this for the entire month of December now?

  12. Does anyone have the J.Crew Cameron Crop pant? If so, is it a good style to wear with booties in the fall or are they too wide at the bottom?

    1. I have them and I think it would really depend on your leg length. I have short legs and for me booties work because they’re basically ankle length on me. If you were more long legged I think it would be funny. The width seems fine to me either way. I like them a lot FWIW.

    2. I wear mine with booties, but different booties than my cropped skinny pants. I like the booties I wear with these to cover my ankle, whereas with skinny crops I wear the kind of hotties that stop before my ankle. That way I’m getting a sleeker line even with the volume of the pants. I hope that makes sense.

  13. The cold weather-induced dry skin is striking early this year – what’s your best drugstore product for this? Has anyone used coconut oil, which seems to be all the rage but sketches me out for some reason?

    1. I use coconut oil for my body/hands. I wouldn’t use it on my face (I think it makes you break out) but I like it, and also use a small amount in my hair when it’s dry. It smells nice and really helps with dry skin, only con is it can take a while to absorb so you have to wait a bit before getting dressed.

      1. I use coconut oil exclusively for my body. I love it. It’s cheap (I don’t buy the high quality stuff and don’t care if it’s organic). I have dreadfully dry skin year round and it works great for me. I put it on right after I get out of the shower and by the time I am ready to get dressed it has absorbed.

    2. I have the same question, I bought some and used it the other day, but I did not find it as moisturizing as my regular body butter. It was solid so I had to kind of melt it in my hands, not sure if that was the problem.

    3. Vaseline. Someone recommended this when I was 40. Lifechanging. Greasy at first but soaks in nicely after an hour. For lips, I like original Blistex in the tube.

    4. CeraVe cream (the one in the tub) applied to slightly damp skin immediately after bathing. I’ve done coconut oil, but wasn’t overly impressed.

    5. I have found squalane oil to be wonderful for this – I use it over my regular moisturizer (Nivea Soft). Not sure that squalane can be purchased at the drug store, but I bought it from Amazon. I find that it moisturizes better for me than coconut oil, and doesn’t make my skin greasy (which coconut oil did).

    6. My fav is La Roche Posay Cicaplast Baum B5 and Cerave Healing Ointment. The Healing Ointment is greasy like Vaseline but less shiny, really traps moisture. Also, humidifier whenever possible. I now have a humidifier running in my office and bedroom.

      1. +1 to humidifier. It helps with all the interior tissues as well, which you can’t address with a lotion. I still have a heavier hand lotion I use to offset the dryness from handwashing, but keeping the humidity above 30%RH is key for me in the winter.

    7. I use a homemade concoction that is the most moisturizing and healing thing ever – it’s a melted down then whipped soft combination of organically sourced shea butter, cocoa butter, mango butter, coconut oil, vitamin E oil (a small amount) and jojoba oil. I also use it for oil treatments on my hair in winter as the fatty acids of the nuts really helps condition. There are tons of recipes online but mine for a huge batch is just a cup of each butter, half a cup of coconut oil, and about a tablespoon of Vitamn E and jojoba oil – melt them down together in a double broiler (melt butters first then add oils), put in fridge until a soft solid (like butter at room temperature) and whip it all together (with the machine) as it cools. Sometimes I will whip some, stick back in fridge to cool a bit, whip some more. Add more oil if it is too hard.

    8. Vaseline and Bag Balm. I am new to Bag Balm and it changed my life (and my dog’s). We are both well hydrated and not itchy.

    9. +1 to coconut oil on body only. For my face, I typically use argan oil, and move to olive oil when things are getting really bad.

  14. Traveling to NYC for the holidays with my family of 4. It’s been many years since I have been. What is the best way to get around these days? Is it still taxi, or should I use Uber/Lyft? And what about getting from the airport into the City, with all the luggage and 4 people – car service, taxi, Uber/Lyft?

    I will be on Long Island for Christmas evening, so in terms of getting back to the City that night (around 11:00 pm), what is my best choice? I know the LIRR is a choice (although trains may not run that late) but after a long day, and since it will be late, I prefer something other than the train. TIA.

    1. I find a taxi to/from the airport and in the tourist parts of NYC is still the easiest. For further aflung places, I prefer Lyft/Uber. Also subway is easy.

    2. The taxi versus uber/lyft dilemma depends largely on where you will be in NYC and where you are trying to go. Within Manhattan, especially the key tourist areas, I think taxis are still a very easy way to get around and often preferable. In Brooklyn, Uber is often an easier bet.

      For getting from the airport with bags, I would suggest an Uber XL, although 1) it will cost you and 2) it is definitely possible to wait in the taxi line for a larger van type vehicle, but it might take you some time.

      For your third conundrum, I think it depends on where in Long Island you are coming from/how far out it is. If you don’t want LIRR (which I personally think is often the best choice), you’re going to have to do Uber or rent a car. If you’re far out, Uber could be pretty expensive.

  15. My boss’ assistant has saved my behind a few times this year on a matter for said boss. What’s an appropriate Christmas gift? He (male assistant) enjoys working out and has a toddler. Amazon GC? How much? Would $250 be a good amount? $300?

      1. If he’s saved her behind, and she can afford it, $250-$300 is generous and appropriate.

        I had a boss who gave me a $300 – $600 gift each Christmas. I’d walk through fire for him. Then and now. I killed myself to perform, and he appreciated it.

        1. You killed yourself, presumably all year, for $600? Probably not really worth it. Your boss definitely got the better deal there.

          1. Are you really taking this statement that literally? I bet she also got a salary. And if she’s smart, she worked that hard for a boss who would give her good work, mentor her, promote her, and build up her reputation. She probably didn’t work that hard just for $600, but it’s nice to *feel valued.*

          2. I made good money thanksverymuch. Enough, in fact, that if he gave me nothing, I wouldn’t have noticed at all. I didn’t work for the gift. He was a good boss in many respects – and we still keep in touch.

    2. We need more info about office context to give advice. How big is the office? What type? How much are you giving your assistant?

      That seems like a lot to me, and could be considered an effort to upstage my boss in my office. I would do about 50 in my biglaw office.

      1. Yeah, that would be an ENORMOUS gift in my office culture even for my own assistant, much less someone else’s. So enormous it may be awkward for the recipient and perhaps more than boss spends on a gift? Need more info!

  16. For those of you who have a DVF wrap dress, how much use do you get out of it? I went to the DC Off Saks store for the first time last week and found so many great dresses. Bought my first DVF dress there for $220 (which doesn’t seem like that great of a deal, but I liked it). 100% silk and the fabric feels wonderful. I have never bought a true wrap dress (I have several faux wrap ones which I love). I would definitely need to wear a cami underneath if I were to wear it to work. Just curious if you wear it often or not.

    And for DC ladies, check out the Off Saks store near Metro Center if you haven’t already. Was really impressed by the great workwear selection (Theory, Eileen Fisher, DVF, etc.).

    1. I have two. Both have two colors, one of which is white (so I think that they’d look harsh with black tights). I haven’t figured out how to layer (they look mumsy with any of my cardigans). So I wear mainly when the weather is warm and I don’t need tights on my legs. So like April-October. And I wear with a white slip with a camisole-shaped top and LOTS of fashion tape. Ugh.

      Once I knew my DVF size, I found good non-wrap options on ebay.

      Also, I found that prints with >2 colors gave me a bit more mileage than the 2-color prints.

    3. I bought one about 2 years ago from Saks Off 5th as well, agree the dress was beautifully made and fit well. However, it just didn’t really fit my wardrobe needs. I dress more casually than that for work when I don’t have court, and more formally than that when I do have court. So after a 1.5 years of not wearing it once I sold in on Poshmark.

    4. Not very much, sadly, though I was able to get mine secondhand at a huge discount from retail (from TheRealReal) so I don’t feel too badly about it. I thought the fabric was nice, but I’m simply too busty for it, there’s just no way for me to feel covered up enough even with a cami under it, and I find it really fussy because it doesn’t stay in place all day. It’s okay as a dress for special occasions, but I’d probably rather wear something that’s less fussy.

      1. Yes, this is exactly what worries me. Too fussy to wear. Also, not sure whether the print I bought is pretty or if it looks like a bathrobe (I provided the link above). Thanks for the input.

    5. I have numerous and I wear them frequently. That being said, my body type is stick thin and I have a very small chest, so no concerns about needing to wear a cami under, etc. I like colors and prints.

    6. I wear it when I’d like to look really nice but would be overdressed in a cocktail dress. (I think the knit jersey fabric lets it go down notch in formality.) I’ve worn it to a rehearsal dinner (at a pizzeria in Chicago) and numerous weekday date-nights.

  17. Any recommendations on a good shampoo/conditioner for hair loss and to add volume to hair? I have used the Aveda Invati line for years but they recently changed their formula and I’m looking for something better. Thanks!

  18. I just got an invite for a party that includes a “home-cooked seven course dinner” and asks that everyone send money to the host with their RSVP to help cover the cost of the meal. Is this a thing people are doing now- asking for payment for dinner parties?
    I’m not sure how to respond. I know the host and he can’t cook at all so I have no idea what he’s going to try to make for seven(!) courses. I’m also not sure why he’s doing this- why ask for payment to host a really complicated event instead of just having a lower-key party that you can afford?

      1. +1. This sounds similar to a recent phishing attempt that happened in our office.

        1. I almost wish this were the case! The invite wasn’t through email and it’s definitely real.

    4. This is stupid and socially inept. Skip. If I wanted to pay for a very nice dinner I’d go to… a restaurant.

    5. Bizarre. That would fly in my circle only if the friend 1) were making something particularly fancy and discussed the cost aspect up front, and 2) were known to be a fantastic cook already, so the guests knew for sure they’d be getting something worthwhile. I’d probably jokingly ask when he learned to cook to see if you could get any details but likely would skip.

    6. I am agape. It sounds as if it could be an, um, entertaining evening a la Bridget Jones dinner party, but I think the safest course of action is to have an unbreakable commitment the same night.

    7. That’s…excessive. It might be a thing people are doing (remember that thing going around a couple months ago about the bride who wanted $1500 from each guest to fund their dream wedding??), but it’s rude and terrible.

    8. Eeek. I view that as pretty rude. It is not a party if you are asking people to pay their way. I’ve never seen this before (although I’ve been invited to and have gone to dinners that were like a pop-up event for a local chef that didn’t yet have a restaurant…obviously not the case in your situation).

    9. I’d be RSVPing no, unless this was a very close friend.

      I hope this is not a thing, but I fear that people are randomly applying the crowdsourcing idea to hosting duties. DH was invited to a housewarming party for a co-worker (they all get along socially, this was not an abnormal or weird ask in and of itself)…and she included a sign up sheet for bringing the ingredients for the menu. Like, literally “2lbs of ground beef (name here)________; 24 hamburger buns (name here)______________”

      We, uh, declined. No.

      1. How does that even work? Like you’re doing all your meal prep when your guests arrive? I wouldn’t want to be making hamburgers when people are there! And you have to wait until hamburger bun guy is here before you start the grill? When are people going to eat? You have no control over mealtime!

        1. Haha we didn’t care to find out. We host people occasionally for everything from elaborate fancy multicourse meals, down to beers and brats. My husband was so squicked out by the idea–both the asking and the mechanics of how this party would flow–that he said “we got invited but I said no because OMG WTF IS THIS”

          1. Just bizarre. My very self centered, snobby view is that a pet peeve of mine is when people who can’t entertain properly trying to entertain. I’m talking just not reading the room/understanding your crowd. Don’t invite pregnant women over and not have a non-alcoholic drink alternative (the tap water situation was described as “iffy” by the host), don’t have a party from 5:30-8:00 and not plan to have food substantial enough for people to call dinner, and, if you’re going to have food, don’t make the “food” only cupcakes and candy. And don’t try to cook a 7 course meal when you can’t boil water. Sometimes all it takes to entertain is a bag of chips, some soft drinks, and a container of premade, store-bought guac and salsa.

            The only times where I’ve heard of people asking people to chip in for a sit down dinner is where it was a fancy 100 point wine dinner/celebrity chef type thing that the host(s) bought at an auction and there was some agreement beforehand that the other people/couples would contribute. Other than that, maybe if it’s a neighborhood block party and people are chipping in for food that way (but that’s not a “you hosting your own party” so I see that as a completely different situation).

          2. I’ve done the later with some friends — rather than going out to dinner we decided to have a private chef go to someone’s house and cook. We did it with a group of close friends that really wanted to spend an entire evening together, and hear each other talk, and we didn’t feel like a restaurant was the best option. We knew about the cost up front and no one minded chipping in. The food was excellent.

    10. Maybe he is hiring a personal chef? And is having you pay for your part of the chef and thats the home-cooked part? Its rude and weird and I would RSVP no.

      1. That’s the other thing- he didn’t give an amount, he just said “please bring money to help cover the cost of the meal.” WTF?!

    13. I’ve heard of college kids doing it, but it feels… immature? Naive? If you can’t afford to throw an extravagant dinner party, scale it down or don’t have it.

    14. Agree with everyone else. This is definitely not a thing.

      That’s a big “sorry, can’t make it” from me.

    15. Yeah no, this is super rude. Juvenile at best (I can kind of see college kids doing this? in the Venmo era that makes it easy to invoice your friends for everything). I’d decline.

    16. I was looking at e v i t e recently and noticed that it now has a feature to add a list of things guests should bring?! So apparently they have made this a “thing” as well, which I cannot get behind…

      1. Evite is not making it a thing. They are trying to let people organize potlucks. Or some other type of get together where it’s already mutually understood that there are things to bring.

        Geez

    17. At best I’m thinking his intentions were a potluck idea but he cooks everything. He may even think he is doing everyone a favor (you don’t have to cook anything!) but that’s just not how it works. If you want a potluck you potluck. If you host a dinner party you host. Such a terrible tacky idea.

    18. I love how every time something like this happen people here clutch their pearls and ask if “this is a thing now?” One off rude people do not a trend make, unless you’re the NYT Style section.

  19. Does anyone have a recommendation for a civil attorney in Dallas County?

    TLDR my dad is suing me for two million dollars.

    Also, I just started a new job last week and sitting in my office crying all day with the door shut is not really an option, but I don’t know what else to do. I’m really struggling to keep it together. I don’t know how to let my new boss and new coworkers “hey, personal stuff, bad day” without 1) bursting into tears and 2) coming across like some hysterical drama llama. I can’t go home because I need to hoard leave to deal with this BS.

    2. Hugs. You have to do everything you possibly can to shelf your emotions about your personal situation at your new job. Yes, you can fall apart before work and after work. But for the moment, every business moment needs to be an Oscar worthy performance. Good luck!

      1. I realized I have a bunch of online training modules on our software that I need to watch, and that I have conveniently “forgotten my headphones” and don’t want to subject the whole office to listening to them. So that’s something.

        I’m usually very good at compartmentalizing (see: drama inherent in growing up with the type of father that would sue his child), but it’s been a really bad morning.

    3. You posted about issues with your dad in the past, right? If that was you, I remember that and I’m so sorry it’s gotten to this place.

      I’m sure we have some Dallas folks who will be better placed to make recommendations, but if nobody has suggestions, feel free to email me at my name + the google mail with more info about the nature of what he’s claiming and I can reach out through my network.

      1. Yes, I posted over the summer. The whole situation is just absurd. I vacillate between disbelief (because the whole thing is generally WTF) and belief (because I’ve seen him treat other people like this, to varying degrees, for my entire life).

        If no one has any suggestions, I will definitely follow up with you. Thanks so much.

      1. If he’s already filed, she has to defend the suit. I’m sure they’ve tried talking?

      2. I’m sure you didn’t mean this comment to come off as dismissive as it sounds but… yikes I mean if the relationship has deteriorated this far then “talk it out” is not really a helpful suggestion. It’s the equivalent of, oh your leg is broken? Just walk it off.

          1. +1. Just because someone is related to you doesn’t mean they’re not awful. My sister is suing me to get access to and empty our disabled sister’s trust fund. She also cleaned out our mother’s bank account when she was dying. OP, hugs to you. Evil relatives are a lifelong nightmare.

    5. Is it for something that might be covered by your homeowners/renters policy and/or umbrella policy? If you have them, start there!

      1. This is a good idea. I’ve seen defamation actions against home owners covered by insurance.

      2. I just read OP’s July post again and I don’t know if this will get anywhere. She had something in her home yes, so Personal Property contents, but then she doesn’t know where it went – either thrown away or donated by her, definitely not stolen/damaged/etc. Furthermore, her dad doesn’t have any documents/records substantiating the item’s existence. No insurance company would spent a dollar more than writing up a quick denial for a claim like that.

        OP I really feel for you because this seems like a terrible, heart-breaking waste of your time. Whoever you end up speaking with, I would be firm in your approach with the attorney and explain exactly how absurd your dad is, and his history of making outlandish, delusional claims.
        It would add insult to injury if you end up spending a fortune in legal bills to defend a frivolous case like this. Be sure you find an empathetic attorney who will take efficient, decisive actions without running up a crazy bill.

        1. In all honesty, if he is suing you, the burden will be on him to prove his case. My guess is that he can’t.

          Make sure you show up at court each time you have a court date and hold him to his burden of proof (and see if there are any pattern jury instructions in your state). Even if this isn’t a jury trial, it gives you an idea of what the elements to be proved are.

          This sounds winnable by a lay-person.

          1. +1 I tend to agree. Does your dad have an attorney? At least in my state you can take advantage of your pro se status and get a pro bono help drafting an answer. Showing up pro se may also allow you a great deal of courtesy from the court, you’ll also be given the opportunity to get counsel should you feel later on that you want a lawyer.

            If I recall correctly, he gave you a gift that he now claims was not a gift and is, in fact, worth money? And It probably isn’t? This seems like it should go away with motion practice (meaning without a trial). Again, Look into any pro bono services for help with something like a motion to dismiss, and failing that I’d seek a lawyer for purposes of drafting this

            Finally, hugs. This is crummy. I know the court system can be confusing and scary but it’s not designed to work against people like you. I’m pulling for you and a hope the legal part of this goes away without too much added frustration and expense. I’m sorry this is happening.

        2. Thanks for the idea. I’ll review my renter’s insurance. It can’t hurt to check.

          An empathetic attorney who will take efficient, decisive actions without running up a crazy bill is exactly what I’m looking for.

          Anonymous at 12:19, I’m not interested in trying to represent myself–I know he will have hired some pit bull lawyer that would tear me to shreds. That’s how he operates, and I just don’t know enough about the law to trust that I can defend myself.

          1. if you’ve actually been sued, your insurance company may have an obligation to defend you regardless of the merits – start there & ignore the advice above.

        3. @All the internet love, would you mind linking me to the July post? I did some digging and can’t find it, but I’d like to be able to look back over the discussion that we had at that point.

    6. Hug. This is about him and not you. Your job is to keep your life together and not treat other people this way.

      1. continuing thoughts:

        I have one very toxic and violent family member. I forgave a lot and gritted my teeth through a lot for years, because she has had a lot of trouble that she didn’t ask for. The straw that broke the camel’s back was her lying to younger family about the violence – family whom I never told about this to protect her relationship with them.

        I know this isn’t on me, and it isn’t about me. It sucks so hard, but I’m building my own life separately from the dysfunction and cruelty. My fiance is firmly supportive of me and my desire to not expose any children we may have to this insanity.

        Hugs.

          1. My best to you.

            Please lean on your friends. Lean on the women here. Do not pressure yourself to enjoy the holidays.

            At the end of this, just walk away. Build your own life. You sound like a nice, smart person. Do not let this ruin what you can have.

    7. I am an attorney located in Dallas county. I can help recommend an attorney. I hire other attorneys in my in-house job and know several good civil litigators who are local.
      If you have an email you want to share, I can reach out to you with some names.

      1. Thanks very much! You can email me at anona r e t t e at gmail (obviously no spaces).

  20. What would you get a young man you’ve never met? Office party, Secret Santa. He’s maybe 30 tops, works as a sound engineer. That’s truly all I know. 20-25 bucks. Thank you.

      1. I’m gonna be _that person_, and point out that maybe we have enough cool stuff to choose from these days, that toy guns and playing war could be made a thing of the past.
        I got lost on the Society 6 website yesterday. If you have time to order, some nice wall hanging with a millenial-y geometric pattern. Infinitely regiftable, but maybe he likes it.

      1. Heh. Googled and found a pair with comic book sound effects, and a pair with a circuit board. Add one of those to a Starbucks or whatever gift card and boom! Done!

        https://express.google.com/u/0/product/18263565622832569691_7445363632002859934_5586167?utm_source=google_shopping&utm_medium=tu_cu&utm_content=eid-lsjeuxoeqt&gtim=CMHawaTc3dvvlwEQvuic3rGKy-GJARiwo-YCIgNVU0QooJLx4AUw9_nUAg&utm_campaign=5586167&gclid=Cj0KCQiA3b3gBRDAARIsAL6D-N-8FADQ1kd-YRf2IBjWVhTe_3UpaNjLMMxzQQKZkkYmJ4jBBhUDYykaAuIGEALw_wcB

        https://www.sockittome.com/crew-socks/circuit-board.html?gclid=Cj0KCQiA3b3gBRDAARIsAL6D-N8p2eadeivhcLYJWgSfB4MLjB2xNyCq3osmBgGnhz5rSz2jVIkMnGEaAqjAEALw_wcB

      1. I don’t know where he lives. I have to look him up in Payroll. I thought about famous composer socks… Thanks, all.

  21. Planning a trip for next summer with my SO. Is Seattle, Vancouver and Anchorage doable in a week? worth it?
    Itinerary suggestions? we looked up the cascades train that goes from Seattle to Vancouver and it looks like a scenic ride if anyone can confirm. Would clearly fly to Alaska from any of those points.

    1. Honestly that sounds like a lot to me and I think Alaska needs a separate trip. A week in Seattle/Vancounver sounds fun and much less exhausting.

    2. Technically do-able but not recommended. You wouldn’t be able to be in any place long enough to really take in the city and all it has to offer. I’m from Anchorage, and the best part of Anchorage is getting out of Anchorage. It’s just another mid-size town, but it’s accessibility to outdoor adventures is what makes it great. However, you could really only do one or two a day, and with a 3.5 hr flight from Seattle each way, you’d be able to fit one thing in before turning around and heading out again. I would pick two of the three cities and spend 3-4 days in each.

        1. But more seriously, what about Juneau instead of Anchorage? It’s a much shorter flight from Seattle, a smaller city, so you could fit more in, and quite frankly, it’s much prettier than Anchorage.

          1. Yes, Juneau seems like it would make much more sense than Anchorage, unless there was something in particular in Anchorage you really wanted to see.

      3. Also grew up in AK, I think a trip to Juneau or Ketchikan would be muuuuuuch more interesting than Anchorage. Particularly if you traveled to those spots via the Alaska State Ferry.

    3. The Seattle to Vancouver train is pretty. My personal suggestion would be taking the ferry from Seattle to Victoria and traveling to Vancouver from there, but I like boats. There have been a ton of threads here about things to do in Seattle, so I’d investigate those. If you like the outdoors, I can suggest awesome day trips from Seattle, although you’d need a rental car.

      Anchorage is a 4-hour flight from Seattle, so you’ll lose most of a day in travel getting there taking into account travel to and from the airport, check-in time, etc. Personally, I wouldn’t try to cram that in, since it’ll limit pretty strictly the time you have in the other cities, but if you prefer dipping the toe in a bunch of places to extended time in fewer places, go for it.

    4. DH and I did our honeymoon in Seattle / Vancouver. We started in Seattle and then ferried over and spent several days in an airbnb on the Sunshine Coast, BC. I think a lot of Canadians summer there but we were previously unfamiliar. It was absolutely beautiful in the summer.

      1. Thanks all for very helpful replies. I will look into the ferry to Vancouver, and I’m very interested in Juneau if we end up in Alaska.

  22. I’m experimenting with tights more this year because I’m wearing more dresses and skirts. Help me understand what to wear when black tights don’t match. Nude hose are not warm enough. Grey tights? Navy tights?

    2. I have black in different textures/patterns, which can soften them.

      Navy, charcoal, lighter gray, wine, and I even have cream tights. Clearly I love tights. If you don’t want to get a million pairs, I’d start with black, charcoal, and navy if those colors match most of your skirts and dresses.

  23. Favorites for a warm, professional, simple, thigh-length overcoat around the $500 mark? I have a JCrew lady day coat that is starting to get a bit shabby. I’m looking for something appropriate for DC/NY winters.

    2. I was prepared to be spendy, but I couldn’t ever find anything that was warm and fit over me wearing a suit or bulk winter clothes.

      I have one shaped coat I can wear with a dress and another one with a less-fitted middle that fits when I am wearing bulkier clothing.

      I found both coats at Lands End and the total was ~250 b/c both were on sale (the shaped one is wool and toasty warm, the less-shaped one is a quilted fabric (but not a puffer coat).

      I would love to have Kate Middleton’s coat game in my next life. But I’m convinced that she doesn’t ever have to find something that will fit over a suit + jacket + pear shape.

        1. I’m 5’10” and my shoulders are pretty broad. If you don’t have broad shoulders, I think they’ll fit you. They’re seriously the most beautiful coats I’ve ever tried on.

        2. For another perspective, I have a Reiss wool coat that is true knee length (i.e., longer than most of my coats) and I am 5’9. Fits great.

    4. I posted this a while ago, but I love my Aritzia Cocoon coat. Much better quality than J Crew and about $350.

      1. I bought this coat based on your previous recommendation and really love it, thanks!

      2. I am the OP and was probably the person you originally responded to — I couldn’t figure out how to search for answers to my post from last winter, so thanks!! I think I will get this.

        1. Oh my gawd. The Aritzia coat has now just made its way to the top of my “I NEED TO OWN THIS” list. Thank you both.
          How’s the sizing?!

    5. I bought a Soia and Kyo coat this year that I LOVE. Google the Charlena FX. Wool with leather trim, but has the bib fastening that is like puffer. I live in the frozen tundra (MN) and take my comfort seriously – looked forever for something that was professional, warm, and cute. Lots of compliments. Very happy with it.

  24. Has any extrovert ever said “OMG WFH day and I am going nuts b/c NO PEOPLES”?

    OTOH, I live near a bunch of seniors who go to the grocery store every day I think just for some human contact (which is a very valid need, not IMO related to introvert/extrovert). Which sort of saddens me — they likely have more contact with the grocery store cashiers and aisle stockers than they do with anyone else in their lives.

    1. Oh, totally. I basically don’t work from home because I am too extroverted and prefer being in the office around colleagues.

      2. This is so timely… I’m considering taking a 100% remote job and agonizing about whether I can get used to that or not! I’d love no commute, especially in bad weather, and the flexibility, but I’m scared I’ll get depressed without a place to go, an outfit to put on, and coworkers to see.

        1. I just took a full-on WFH job earlier this year. At first it wasn’t working for me for the reasons you mention, but now I have a routine where I have incorporated gym classes and coffee shops (I have a lot of flexibility). I have started chatting with and getting to know people at these places. I could rarely make a gym class before because of my commute, or I was in a hurry to get in and out and couldn’t hang around to chat. I don’t hate WFH now, but I can’t say I’ll do it forever.

    2. I never thought of whether I was an introvert/extravert (I am maybe a 51/49 extravert), but when I lived alone for the first time, I’d usually have NPR on so that it felt like I had people over. And when I WFH, I keep the weather channel or NPR on all day unless I’m on the phone or need to super-concentrate. I like my people around me (although it’s not like Jim Cantore knows me).

      1. For the weather channel fans, out of office reply I got from someone this week that I adored: “Jim Cantore was spotted in town, so we’re closed due to weather.”

      2. No offense to you (everyone has their own preferences), but as an introvert, I used it to hate it when family I stayed with long-term played NPR/MSNBC/The Today Show non-stop. To this day, I can’t watch even five seconds of the Today Show without wanting to break the TV screen. Silence truly is golden.

      3. I’m pretty introverted but I don’t like silence. The TV (or at least music) is always on when I’m home.

    3. I can’t spend an entire weekend alone. Friday night is pizza and wine, yay, but by Saturday afternoon I’m really missing humans, and by Sunday I’m genuinely feeling depressed.

      I love WFH because I get to skip my hour-long commute and wear pajamas and do laundry or go get my oil changed (thanks for the reminder…).

    4. All the time lately, even when I’m at the office. I changed jobs from a 300+ person org with a very collaboration heavy culture to a 12 person org populated by introverts. I used to wish for peace and quiet at my old job, but now I really miss the energy.

    5. My boyfriend worked from home full-time for a while, and he did get really sick of it because sometimes he’d go days without leaving the apartment. He did have roommates though, so he wasn’t completely isolated. He’s pretty happy to be back working in an office three times a week, and actually getting to see his coworkers.

    6. I am probably an ambivert leaning introvert (60/40? 55/45?) and I CAN’T STAND SILENCE when working. Korean/Japanese pop was the anthem of my bar study weeks because I couldn’t talk to anyone, so I would jam out to music while hyper focusing. I don’t have a spare pair of headphones for the office so I tend to work with my door closed, but I have to end up repeatedly telling my assistant she’s not bothering me, I’m just trying to keep people away from my crazy.

      After about those 10 weeks of working independently day in and day out my favorite hobby would literally be to work in coffee shops and chat up workers on breaks, then chat up the cashier who rang up my lunch. I like WFH about once a week but a totally remote job would drive me batty.

  25. Does anybody know of any food diary-type apps, a la MyFitnessPal, but that focus less on weight and more on nutrients? I just can’t with the “UPDATE YOUR WEIGHT TODAY” anymore.

    1. Lose it has on option to focus on micros. And had never asked me to update my weight, although that is clearly the goal given the name.

    2. MyFitnessPal has a macros tracker version – just customize what you want to track in the app. It definitely sends me an alert when I’m over my sugar or sodium for the day.

    3. I use Myfitnesspal and it only prompts me for weight very occasionally. You can also use it to focus on macronutrients rather than calories. A friend of mine likes Lose it as well.

    4. no rec, but I am reminded of a tweet I read yesterday: The closest thing to a food diary is my shirt at the end of the day!

    5. Try “wholesome – healthy eating” by kody labs app. It is more focused on nutrition and I think it only asks for your weight when you set up your profile (so it can figure out what is the recommended nutrient levels, calories etc)

  26. The Kerotin hair growth vitamins have been all over my FB feed and the testimonials look amazing. Anyone try these vitamins? My hair is thinning at a rapid rate. Got all of my tests done recently, all normal.

    https://kerotin.com/

      1. This is definitely not spam, I’m a longtime reader. Just curious if this is snake oil or legit.

        1. Yeah I don’t really get how asking “hey, has anyone used this? does it work” reads as shilling the product, is this a clever sales tactic I’m unaware of?

  27. I’m supposed to be at work in 40 minutes, but my cat is cuddling on top of my legs and my bed is just so warm right now. Really glad I don’t work in a butt-in-sear type of office.

    2. Mine squeaks at me in the morning when I get out of bed, or when I leave for work. I can’t wait for break!

  28. Need to vent! I’m in my late 20’s and not super tech savvy (my husband would say I’m tech inept actually), but I’m a millennial and so many basic tech skills are natural to me, tech skills that some coworkers 30 years my senior REALLY struggle with. One such coworker is a recent hire, is my peer, and just asked me how to save a document (like how to use Save As). He is asking me questions like this all day and I help, but I am sick of it. At the end of the day I think if he doesn’t know how to do these things he lacks basic qualifications for the position, and I’m spending my precious time (I am seriously so so so busy) subsidizing his skill set. UGH. Sorry if that is harsh.

    1. Your frustration is understandable. But he could lose his job if he doesn’t get up to speed quickly, and it can be very hard to find employment as an older worker, so perhaps you could get him a copy (used even) of Office for Dummies to help him out? Suggest that he read it cover to cover. Or maybe find YouTube videos for him to watch?

      1. I totally disagree with this approach.

        Vent– You have no obligation to find resources for him. This kind of learned helplessness drives me INSANE. Every person in the workforce who touches a computer knows that Google exists. I would not help him anymore. I’d be friendly about it, but still would decline future requests and suggest he google or contact IT for these kinds of inquiries.

      2. Aaaand this is the OP’s problem why????? I swear, it never ceases to surprise me the amount of emotional labor women sic on other women….

        1. Right. OP, he needs to learn these skills, but that’s not your responsibility. Whoever is managing him needs to arrange for training. If you teach him this thing now, he’s going to come to you every time he doesn’t get something, and there’s a good chance he won’t really make an effort to commit what you teach him to memory, especially if he thinks the task is beneath him and feels he should have an assistant taking care of it. “Hey, remind me how to do this?” “Can you show me again, I keep forgetting.”

    2. Yeah, just tell him that Google and Microsoft.com has the answers to most of his questions. And honestly, being 30 yrs senior is absolutely no excuse not to know extra extra basic computer functions like saving a document. Computers have been used for word processing since HE was in his late 20s. With that level of computer knowledge he probably doesn’t even qualify for his basic job functions and probably willful ignorance. I’d stop helping him with an “I’m too busy, you should google it”.

    3. When I supervised people like that, I would ask one of my staff to help the person when they needed it. I didn’t have time and I felt like it was too intimidating for someone to ask me for help with something like that. She just could not get how to post something to Team Drive, or even to download a document from her email to her own computer.

  29. I’m turning 30 in fall 2019 and want to take a trip for my birthday, but I don’t really have any idea where would be a good location. I’ll most likely be traveling alone, so while a beach trip is my first instinct, going to a Caribbean resort alone sounds both sad and potentially unsafe. I’d like to do something cheaper on the international side, but am not really locked into that. I’m on the East Coast so can really get anywhere easily.

    Any ideas?

    1. Iceland? Rent a car and drive around the ring road. I’ve never been but I’ve read its very safe.

      1. I did this trip by myself and it was amazing – take at least 10 days, preferably 2 weeks, if you want to drive the ring road. But this is definitely not what I would recommend for a cheap vacation. Iceland is cheap to get to but VERY expensive to stay in. Your food, housing, and rental car costs will be astronomical. On the up side, there are next to no fees for parks, etc. – the only fees I saw were only around Golden Circle.

      2. Oh and depending on what time in fall, a ring road driving trip may or may not be advisable. I went in July and I was fine, but the winds in the south can be very strong and can shut down the roads – that’s your best case scenario weather wise. If by fall you mean like August then you’re probably fine. If you mean November then no do not go driving around a blizzard by yourself plz thx.

    2. I’ve traveled alone a ton. International destinations I’ve loved that might fit your bill:

      -Portugal (I went to Lisbon and Porto – great food, super-friendly people, and affordable)
      -Cartagena, Colombia (super gorgeous, lovely people, very cheap)
      -Edinburgh (it’ll be chilly, but super-atmospheric. Pricier than my other suggestions but much cheaper than, say, London in my experience.)

      I liked Iceland a lot, but I think it’ll be very cold, and it’s also quite expensive.

      1. Not the OP, but would love to hear more about Portugal. Can you give any specific recommendations for food, sights or tours in Porto and Lisbon. Particularly interested in restaurants and/or food tours or any info on going to Sintra from Lisbon!

        1. There have been a ton of Portugal posts if you do a search! On cbackson’s recommendation, I stayed at the Yeatman in Porto and had dinner at their Michelin starred restaurant (it was great, thank you for the recommendation!). I took the train to Lisbon and stayed in an Airbnb. I considered staying overnight in Sintra but I’m glad I didn’t. Sintra is nice but it would not have been worth it to lug my bag there and back to Lisbon for just 1 night. And I wouldn’t have gotten to spend a whole day in Sintra anyway because I would’ve been on the move so much. I just got up early one day so I could make the most of the day. On recommendations here, I didn’t do a tour of Sintra, I just went by myself, and it was great. Thanks everyone!

          1. I’d highly recommend taking an early train to Sintra and then taking an Uber to the Pena Palace to get there right when it opens, rather than taking the bus from the train station. The busses usually start at a different palace (I forget which one) so it’s a good idea to get to Pena before the crowds arrive.

          2. The bus goes to the Moorish Castle or whatever first, but you can wait until the Pena Palace stop and then walk back to the Moorish Castle.

            Also, riding a tuk tuk down the mountain from the Moorish Castle back to the town was probably one of the most thrilling/terrifying experiences of my life.

          3. Oh, I’m so glad you liked the Yeatman! I truly had one of the best Thanksgivings of my life there.

        2. Random food tip: If you like seafood, go to O Ramiro in Lisbon. Anthony Bourdain did a show on it several years ago and it is amazing! Gorge yourself on affordable seafood and vinho verde!

        3. In Lisbon, I really enjoyed staying at hotels that were part of the Heritage Lisbon Hotels group. I did a tour in a motorcycle sidecar that was REALLY fun. In Porto I just wandered around on my own, although I did tour the Taylor Fladgate port lodge.

    3. If you’re open to doing a domestic trip, I would suggest either New Orleans or a road trip on the Pacific Coast Hwy in CA.

    4. Rome? I spent a week there by myself and never felt unsafe. I took a day trip to Pompeii one day to break up my stay. The air fare was pricey when I flew (New Years) but I think you could probably find a better price than I did. I stayed in an airbnb that was reasonably priced.

    5. OP here. Lots of good suggestions so far, keep them coming. I’ll be going in November-ish, so I think Iceland is definitely out of the question, plus I’ve heard the food costs are astronomical. I’m trying to keep the budget to less than $1k all-in but that could be bumped up depending on the size of my Christmas bonus.

      1. Asia, check the monzon calendar but in November Cambodia, Vietnam and Tailand are perfect. Just back from a Cambodia trip with a mix of beach and temples. Those Asia countries are perfectly safe for a woman solo traveller (and super cheap).

    6. Croatia! I went alone in early September 2016, and the hotels/ferries were all off-peak but the water was still warm enough to swim in, though not for too long at a time. It’s beautiful there, lots of great hiking, cool old cities, delicious food, and clear water that’s perfect for swimming and kayaking.

    7. Barcelona! We went in November. Weather was perfect and it isn’t high tourist season. Stay in an AirBNB, which is cheaper than a hotel. Lots of things to do and great food options.

  32. The lawsuit above reminds me – do you all carry umbrella insurance/have you considered it since this group skews well to do? When in your financial/professional life did you get it and why? And if you want to sure – thru what insurer and what premium?

    1. I maxed out my insurance a few years ago. I have my home and auto through the same carrier. They also gave me the umbrella for like… $10 a year. Ok maybe not that low but it’s like nothing. The catch is – you have to max out your other insurance limits to qualify for the umbrella, so that’s where the real cost comes in.

    2. I got umbrella insurance a few years ago, so probably a couple years after buying our home and once student loans were paid off. All our insurance is through the same company (American Family). We have $1 million in coverage and the premium is $21/mo.

    3. Yes. Through the same carrier as our home/auto policies and it is relatively inexpensive (I think like $18/month) for a good amount of coverage (I want to say it’s a a million). I’m 39, H is 43. We have kids in elementary school (so often have people over to our home who aren’t family/lifelong friends) and have enough assets and matching job titles for people to think we’re worth something, but not enough to survive a a true claim against us.

      1. We have $3 mil of coverage, and apparently you just multiply the annual premium by 3 (we used to have $1 mil). We live in a HCOL area and kids in elementary school.

  33. Anyone else on this board who just doesn’t vacation? Seems like all professionals these days are always on vacation, returning from one or planning one; at least every lawyer peer of mine at both jobs I’ve had in the last 13 years. So it’s this constant – where are you going next as I lie or shrug. I didn’t grow up vacationing – maybe 1 trip in 18 years plus – 2-3 visits to my grandparents in my parents home country. And then in the last 13 years as working professionals with money – we siblings have taken my parents on vacation twice. When I first graduated I used to want to travel like anyone else – but TBH being single (still am single) caused me not to go esp with parents being VERY vocal re – you can’t go alone; why don’t you ask such and such cousin who you’ve met exactly once in your life for 2 hours; and generally just talking it down in that – you’ll go when you’re married way, what’s the point of even going – kind of way.

    After a while I lost my interest/drive to travel. I travel for work – like every 2-3 months and find myself adding a day here or there to see something besides my corporate Hilton and really enjoy it. Yet I “worry” that just because I can entertain myself for 6 extra hours on a business trip doesn’t mean I won’t be bored on a 5 day solo vacation and/or feel lonely or look like a loser when I see families, couples etc.

    But I want to start – do you think 2-3 day trips (domestic obviously) are a good starting point? Offhand I can think of 2 places I’d like to go within a 2-3 hour flight but is 2 nights a vacation? Anyone else experience this/have thoughts?

    1. Curious, do you take time off work for other things? I don’t think I could handle never taking time off work and I mostly use that time off to travel, although I realize travel’s not necessary to take time off work.

      As for traveling alone, I’m pretty comfortable entertaining myself and I’ve just gotten to a point in life where I don’t care at all what strangers I’ll never see again think of me. Plus, people really aren’t going to notice you anyway.

    2. I’m single and I travel alone. I always wanted to travel but I was too scared. I have a lot of anxiety issues, including travel anxiety. I let other people get in my head – my parents told me it’s too dangerous, friends told me well what if your future spouse wants to go there??? or just wait until you have some girlfriends to go!, and I told myself everyone would look at me like I’m some sad lonely outcast with no friends. After my last breakup I decided to go for it (as an aside: that guy always said he wanted to travel, promised to go on all these trips with me, and then didn’t). I’m not going to waste my life waiting on a future that may never happen. I’m not going to let other people, or my anxiety, tell me how to live my life. So I went. Alone, for 10 days, to Iceland. And it was amazing.

      Don’t worry about being bored. Plan stuff for yourself. In fact I got to do way more stuff than I probably would’ve done if I’d had another person with me – you don’t have to deliberate what to get for lunch, where to go next, what hiking path should we take – you don’t realize what a time suck all those little (in)decisions are until you don’t have to deal with them. By all means take little weekend trips to build confidence – and because you want to go there anyway! But don’t be afraid to take a bigger trip if you want to.

    3. I’ve had some of these thoughts as well. I’m single and live in the same city as my close family, so don’t need to travel to visit them. I think it’s very important to take time off work, but traveling does not make sense for every budget, personality or life stage. Don’t do it if you don’t want to. For the foreseeable future, I’m only traveling to visit close friends (domestic), and it’s probably less than once a year.

    4. I’m not a natural born vacationer. I too tack on time to business trips (though that was more in the past) or take the time to explore while on a biz trip.
      I’ve been grappling with the same question you present: where do I start with 2-3 day trips that I could take domestically? Thus far, I’ve landed on a few ideas: what cities haven’t I been to yet (make a list and start ticking them off) and to that end I”m going to New Orleans in December. Is there a particular thing you’re interested in? State Parks/hiking, Observatories, museums, concerts, other type of events, etc? Think about that and go visit and experience them around the states.
      I’m not sure 2 nights is a traditional vacation length but also – why overthink the labeling? Worrying about what to call a trip might be a mental stumbling block to actually planning and visiting a place.

    5. My single brother never goes on what I would call vacation by himself. He goes with my parents on their weekly beach trip (we’re in our early 30s. A week with my mother is not restful enough for me to consider it a true vacation, but he manages better than I). Best I can tell, he just takes all his vacation days and uses them to play golf. So if you’ve got a hobby you enjoy, I see nothing wrong with just using your vacation days for in-town activities (or just Netflix on the couch). But if you want to, I think long weekends to domestic locations are an excellent place to start. You could use your work travel to “scout” locations you’d like to go back to as a tourist for a few days.

    6. I traveled on my own a lot in my twenties. Most of Western Europe is fine. Was cautious about knowing which neighborhoods to avoid etc.

      I’ve also enjoyed small group travel when going to more adventurous places like Peru and I’ve done yoga retreats and other hobby based travel on my own.

    7. My family didn’t travel a whole lot while I was growing up either since we couldn’t afford to. But I love traveling and have made a point to go somewhere at least once a year. It’s fine if it’s not your thing, but don’t let external reasons feed to the anxiety. My mom worries every time I bring up a solo trip and breathes in relief that I later find a friend to come along. But she knows I’d still go alone if I have to. I also worry about the loneliness factor but I won’t know unless I try. I’ve been on trips where I split up from friends for a day or two to be on my own and that was fine. You can start domestically if you feel more comfortable with that. I personally prefer international because of how well connected their train systems are and I never have to drive myself anywhere, even to hike the Alps.

  34. In the practical side if you want to try (as other people said before it is not compulsory) you can do it in baby steps:
    1- join to a travel agency specialized in single people or in a hobby you want to try (hiking, wine, castles.. ). You will have enoguht time alone if you want as some activities are optional.
    2- long weekends for city breaks: take a solo trip but book a group tour for some activity. You could meet there people to later lunch or grab a drink if you fancy company later.
    3- from there if you enjoy the experience you could extend it as long as as far as you want. Belive me.

    This is the way I started to travel in my own in my 30’s. Now I do trips with my friends, with my hiking club or in my own depending of my mood or the destination, but I never stay at home because my friends are not available and I am single.
    Regarding parents being vocal I feel your pain. My parents took me when I was 25 abroad for 2 weeks to avoid I went in my own. The most boring trip of my life…
    When I started to go in my own I lied. I said I was going with “people” of my hiking club. At the begining I pass my itinerary and accomodation details to a trusted friend and later to my brother. This has been the first year that I have confess to my father that I was going to Asia in my own. No brave enough to tell to my mum.

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