Thursday’s TPS Report: Peplum Frill Jacket

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

ASOS Peplum Frill JacketToday, I’m liking this stretch jersey peplum jacket. It’s very feminine, for sure, but I think the fact that it’s a jacket and has so many structural seams that it sort of makes up for it.  I like it best in the burgandy — I’d probably wear it with a black pencil skirt and, perhaps, light blue accessories, such as a chalky chalcedony ring or brooch.  It was $60.36, but is now marked to $48.29 at ASOS (regulars and petites). ASOS Peplum Frill Jacket

Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected]


  1. LADIES, HELP. I need a chiropractor, in NYC. Female preferred, to further the misandrist cause. PLEASE HELP MY BACK IS KILLING ME.

    • It won’t fix your immediate problem, but have you tried yoga. I had horrible lower back pain before I started two years ago and now, practically nothing.

      • Yes, yoga helps but this is more than just muscle pain. I can feel my bones are misaligned or some jazz. I should really throw out my office chair.

        • Poor Godzilla. Hope you feel up to destroying more cities soon. ;-)

          • TCFKAG and I were pondering yesterday that I would be much scarier if I wasn’t subdued with allergies and headaches. But my bosses are still scared of me. I almost feel sorry for them. Almost.

    • I saw Maria Kennedy when I had some minor whiplash a few years back. She’s at 54th and 7th, I think. I liked her–I didn’t go for long, though, because I moved away pretty soon after I started seeing her.

    • NO, bad. Chiros can be good, but only with proper supervision/training. Instead please see a physical therapist. Reputable programs in NYC – NYU Langone Medical Center. Call their PT department and try to get in or if they aren’t convenient for you ask for a referral to another practice.

      • I wouldn’t go to a PT without a referral from your doctor. Even with a good PPO plan, they still require referrals. Otherwise you could get caught paying out of pocket.

        • Agree with this too. I was thinking more in terms of medical safety, not cost, which is a big factor (no coffee yet this AM).

          Also, you can get PT massage covered which is different than a spa massage, but pretty wonderful (depending on your insurance). Changes your life.

      • momentsofabsurdity :

        Another option is to see a DO (instead of an MD) for a check up. While most don’t always use it, DOs learn muscle manipulation as a part of their medical training and may be able to offer some help with the background of a medical school education.

      • Also, not sure of the rules in NY, but in some states a PT can’t see a patient without a referral from a doctor. I learned that interesting factoid when I was going through PT earlier this year. I had no idea that our state’s licensing board made a doctor referral a requirement.

      • SF Bay Associate :

        Yes, there are a lot of bad chiros, and chiro does not solve all or even most problems. However, the right chiro with the right problem? It’s like magic. My chiro is amazing for my tendonitis and neck/shoulder/head stiffness and pain. My FIL’s chiro relieved his back pain for the first time in a decade, right before he was seriously going to consider major back surgery. I was blown away by how much better I felt after two sessions.

    • I’ve always wanted to go to a Chinese healer. For real. I have a name of one in VA so that won’t do you any good. I hope you get some relief soon.

    • hellskitchen :

      Duffy and Bracken – their offices are down in the financial district. I had a great experience with them for some muscle misalignment and dysfunction issues

    • I have mixed feelings about chiropractic, but I liked Janet Sheffs (on W 72nd) a lot. You might also want to try DNFT (directional non-force technique) chiro (just google it & you’ll find a referral list) if you’re open to different modalities.

  2. working mama :

    I am considering buying this jacket from Coldwater Creek but need help as to how to style it. It also comes in a bright pink but I really love the blue! (Link to follow…)

    • working mama :

      Errgh…still in moderation…
      It is the “Short Peplum Blazer”, pique knit, listedin the sale section, $80 plus 30% off.

    • lucy stone :

      I think it would look good with light grey trousers or a pencil skirt. I could also see it with a dark purple top underneath. Coldwater Creek really has some nice jackets!

  3. Anonymous :

    Anyone else notice how only half of the C*ette logo is linking to the homepage? Kat, can that be fixed?

    • Yes, only the c o r p o r is a link…

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      I was just going to post that. I don’t like how you can only click the ‘Corp’ not that ‘o r e t t e’ to get back to the home page. I keep clicking the wrong spot!

    • Honey Pillows :

      On the same lines, I do like the changes to the comments with the grey blocks and indents, but the indents could be more pronounced. If there’s any way to increase the width of the page layout, the ad size would be smaller in relation to the content, and there would be more space for indents for comment threads -which would make it a lot easier to read.

      Keep up the good work, Kat!

      • I agree. I think the hardest comments are to figure out which are new and which are replies. I’m using Firefox and they are basically in line with the replies if I’m scrolling quickly. Maybe bump the originals over to where the arrow is currently and then have both arrows on the right side?

        • Joan Holloway :

          Yes! It’s hard to skim past replies I’m not interested in to get to the new comments because I can’t easily discern which is which.

    • I think it’s because even the k o r p o r logo is in permanent moderation. If the whole thing was clickable, it wouldn’t work. KIDDING, Kat – we love you!

  4. Legally Brunette :

    This is pretty, but the one thing that I bought from ASOS was awful quality – it was cheap and it looked cheap, unfortunately.

    Thanks to everyone who chimed in about maternity pants yesterday. Just bought a slew of maternity clothes from Seraphine Maternity and Isabella Oliver, here’s a quick report:

    1. Isabella Oliver – beautiful material and quality. The tops run small, so if you’re normally a size 4 in tops, for example, go up to a size 6. The black pencil skirt is very versatile but too short for me. My favorite of the purchases was this top. Also, Daily Candy has a 40% off voucher you can buy for IO, totally worth it at the discounted price.

    2. Seraphine Maternity – I’m going to the beach next week so wanted to purchase some flattering and cute maternity bathing suits. WOW. These suits are amazing and are so cute that I would love to wear them even after I’m pregnant!

    • In the Pink :

      I got the pink peplum houndstooth jacket featured a while ago. It is loud fabric – in that you hear it. It is like wearing a picnic tablecloth…after dry cleaning and after a trip through the washer and the dryer. I so much wanted to like it. FWIW, I thought it ran a bit large too …. needing sleeves taken up (always, so no biggie) but lots in the sides too.

      I would be tempted, but it would be shame on me if I did this the second time.

      Please, please, a link to other moderately priced peplum jackets?

  5. Ladies of the Hive, what are some of your favorite fall/cool weather drinks?

    I’m not too creative in this department and have been tasked with providing beverages for a fall dinner party. Left to my own devices, I’d probably do something along the lines of spiked apple cider or a hot toddy. Any good recipes or other suggestions? Thanks :)

    • Mulled wine. So good. Williams Sonoma makes really great mulling spices (and they can be used for cider, too).

    • Is it too early for hot buttered rums? You can make the base mix ahead of time, and just need rum and boiling water to serve. It’s a wee bit of a pain to deal with the boiling water, but they’re super delicious.

    • MaggieLizer :

      Pumpkin beer and mulled wine. Your suggestions are great too.

    • I love spiked apple cider and I think it’s a perfect fall dinner party drink!

    • long term lurker :

      apply brandy in one of those nice snifter glasses.

    • Hot chocolate with Jagermeister? Or really, hot chocolate with any flavored liqueur like Nocello or Frangelico.

    • DC Association :

      Whiskey sour!

    • Honey Pillows :

      Cider is good, and there are also a lot of really great pumpkin beers out there. Pumple drumpkin is fantastic, and not TOO hard to get. Also if you’d be into the idea, there’s some decent hard ciders, and hopped cider is a great new thing that’s happening in the beer world. (a bit bitter, but still sweet and apple-y -just go to a great local beer store and ask there)

      If you DO want to be creative, and you’re looking for cocktails, I’m currently in love with fig and bourbon cocktails. Also cider brandy mimosas, and pumpkin pie martinis. All of these are ahmaazing. Links to follow.

    • phillygirlruns :

      you named both of mine. if art in the age liquors are available by you (i don’t know if they’re regional or not), i highly recommend spiking your apple cider with snap.

      • phillygirlruns : (it’s worth trying to track them down)

        • I second Art in the Age’s Snap.

          You can also try caramel vodka. Van Gogh makes a nice one.

    • Honey Pillows :

      Ugh repost because c0cktail.

      Cider is good, and there are also a lot of really great pumpkin beers out there. Pumple drumpkin is fantastic, and not TOO hard to get. Also if you’d be into the idea, there’s some decent hard ciders, and hopped cider is a great new thing that’s happening in the beer world. (a bit bitter, but still sweet and apple-y -just go to a great local beer store and ask there)

      If you DO want to be creative, and you’re looking for c0cktails, I’m currently in love with fig and bourbon c0cktails. Also cider brandy mimosas, and pumpkin pie martinis. All of these are ahmaazing. Links to follow.

      • Honey Pillows :

      • Honey Pillows :

      • Honey Pillows :

      • Pumple Drumkin!!! I live where it’s brewed and was so so so excited when it wsa back on the shelves…. although the summer brew is good :)

    • A sidecar. Granted, I drink them year round, but there are ways you can make it “fall-ish” (i.e., use apple or pear brandy, or make a cinnamon simple syrup).

    • Apple cider and kaluah. Try it now, thank me later.

    • You should make apple pie moonshine. And then invite me. But seriously, making your own infused liquor is super easy and people will be impressed.

      • My liquor store has premade apple pie moonshine. It’s amazing and would be great for fall. Dangerous because it is tasty, but amazing :) It keeps taunting me, waiting for February to get here! :)

    • These all sound amazing, thank you for all the suggestions!

      I think I need more excuses to make fancy drinks… fall c0cktail club?

    • I love APPLE CIDER! But it has to be very warm with alot of spice’s in it! Yay!

      I am still here in Tennesssee, doing alot of dilieigence (in speakeing to the attorney’s for the “target”, they have told me alot of thing’s about their company that I have to put on the chart to tell Jim, and Jim is going to bring all of this up with his General Council.

      It is also their document’s I am lookeing at. We are in their “war room”…..I don’t know why they call it a war room. I did NOT get to walk around town yet.

      Jim is takeing me out for Barbe-Que tonite. I do NOT want to eat to much b/c I am NOT geting any excercize at the health facility at the HOTEL. Jim has been workeing out at the hotel gym but he is NOT doeing any real work here. FOOEY! That is why workeing in house is so easy compared to what I am doeing.

    • Whiskey sours or Old-fashioneds. Especially good with Honey-Jack.

  6. Anon for this :

    PSA: Dillard’s is having an extra 40% off sale prices. You can get some insane deals. I just bought a new Antonio Melani blazer for $29 and a Max and Cleo maxi dress for $31. There was lots more I wanted.

  7. Ooh, I love this jacket. Grey marl or burgundy?

    • AnonInfinity :

      I vote burgundy.

    • I would get the burgundy. Maybe it’s just my monitor but the grey looks very light and thus less formal (IMO). Plus burgundy is perfect for fall!

    • I think you’re right, the grey marl will do nothing for my skin color (and is more obviously jersey).

      • And . . . ordered. Peplum + jersey = love.

        • In the Pink :

          Please let us know if you like it. See my post earlier about the polyester houndstooth one being so noisy a fabric ….

  8. DC Association :

    Rats. In petites it is only available in grey or black. not fair!

    • Also in animal print – grey/black leopardy, and kinda awesome.

      • Albeit, not on sale:

        Also not sure why they didn’t list it with the solid colors, but who knows :)

  9. momentsofabsurdity :

    I *love* this jacket in navy. Anyone have an experience with Asos sizing? I’m a 0/2 in JCrew/LEC, I think a true size 4/6.

    • Size up. I’m a 0-2 J. Crew and think a 6 is safe in Asos.

    • ASOS sizing is seriously UK sizing, no matter what they say. Go up 2 sizes to find your UK size, and you’ll be spot on.

  10. Holy moly, cheekbones! Why does she look so irritated?

  11. Diana Barry :

    Help, ladies! (Kid talk ahead)

    I am planning a party for my 5yo, and am stressed bc I am an introvert and hate parties with lots of people I don’t know. (eg other parents)

    We will need lunch food. I am planning on having a bunch of apples, doughnuts and cider for ‘snacks’ and then some kind of lunch food and cake. (I am making the cake.) The party will be outside (hopefully) but it will be cool since it is New England in October.

    There may be a lot of people there. I invited 24 kids and their parents may come. Response rate is unknown.

    Normally, when we have a party I cook, but the potential number of people makes me think we should procure food. What kind of lunch food would you get? We have a Costco membership, pizza and Mexican close by. Also, would you get beer for the parents for a lunch party?

    • Honey Pillows :

      It depends on the parents. My friends with kids, yes absolutely. Some people, maybe not.

      Not sure what they have at Costco, but huge things of appetizers and lunch food are usually good from there. Or there’s always the huge tubs of BBQ!

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      I think birthday parties have gotten fancier since I was a kid, but IMO a stack of pizzas is fine for a kid’s birthday party. If you want, you can put some healthier and easy to make appetizers together, so parents who don’t want pizza have some other healthy and yummy options – that would be way less time consuming than cooking a main course for 20some odd kids + parents. Things like a big spinach salad, veggie plates, etc.

      With that many people, I would also make sure to ask around to make sure none of the kids/parents have allergies or dietary restrictions.

    • Pizza for the kids and a sandwich platter for the adults? Beer/wine for the adults, definitely – if they don’t want to drink it, they don’t have to (and if they’re going to judge you for having beer at a weekend kid’s party, then FOOEY on them).

    • Could you do a make-your-own thing? At first I thought tacos, but that might be too messy for little kids. What about buying cheese pizzas and then letting the kids put their own toppings on it?

      I’m not a parent but at my family functions the parents never really drank; seemed like they needed to keep all of their senses to keep the kids in check!

    • Costco pizzas and sandwiches? They make those party platters of sandwiches which are actually pretty good. That and some of their dips (7 layer mexican dip, hummus, blue crab) and fresh veggies.

    • MsLurksALot :

      Do you have any activities planned so the party isn’t the sit-around-and-talk kind? Something fun and messy for the kids like pumpkin carving (there are knife-free carving kits for little kids, though markers/stickers might be fun…this can also be a team competition or something where a winner takes home their artwork) or apple bobbing (probably not sanitary, but fun and probably helps build strong immune systems in the long run) or a pinata (yay, candy!). What about outdoor cookery like grilling that some of the grownups will like? I think lots of people like getting involved or participating in an activity and you can ask 1 or 2 people you know to “be in charge” of a given activity.

      Also, if you go with warm drinks like cider or something kid friendly, a crockpot is your friend. I’d skip the booze since that would mean people would have a drink and then drive their kid home, but that’s just me.

      • Diana Barry :

        We have a bouncy house. The kids will be occupies burning off energy there. Also, sidewalk chalk for the patio and a sandbox.

        • MsLurksALot :

          bouncy house = fun!

          • Make sure you have a trash can outside of said bouncy house. Vomit in bouncy house = no fun

        • Senior Attorney :

          When we had a bouncy house party we shooed all the kids out of it at one point so the parents could have a turn. Big fun!!

          • Just don’t let the adults and kids bounce at the same time. That could very quickly turn into the fact pattern for a torts exam.

          • Wasn’t there someone here at one time who fell off a bouncy castle and broke her leg in a horrendously large number of places?

    • Costco used to have mega-packs of frozen appetizers that need to be baked in the oven. They include small pigs-in-blankets, which most kids love, and other varieties suitable for both kids and adults, i.e. not spicy. The advantage over pizza is, of course, less mess due to no sauce.
      There may also be also chicken taquitos, in refrigerated case, or mini-tacos, in the frozen case. Just make sure you get the non-spicy variety.
      Cheese platter, also from Costco.
      No beer for parents, please. Warm spiced cider against the cool weather, but no alcohol, save for yourself for apres-party.

    • Pizza, beer, and smores.

    • Ah, the kid birthday party (not my favorite). Last year we did a 3 year old birthday at the gymnastics gym. It started at like 10:30, we had a cake and healthy meal-like snacks for the kids so that I wasn’t just sugaring them up in time for nap. I think I had fruit salad, vegetable trays, hummus, spinach dip, pita chips, apple sauce in those squeeze-y containers, and some other stuff. I brought a ton of food home, and parents didn’t really eat anything. Most kids had an applesauce and a little something and a piece of cake.

      I think you can do a Costco run (or a pizza run — I love pizza) and be done with it. I am not in favor of super elaborate kid birthday parties, because they drag on and suck up the entire day, getting kids over tired and over stimulated (I sound like the worst mother, but hey, I’ll own it). And if these are parents you know, I think beer is fine, if it’s not, it’s probably fine but most will not drink it.

    • Diana Barry :

      Thanks ladies. I will swing by Costco this weekend and see what they have.

      • We had a bouncy slip and slide this summer for our son’s party. We had the option of having an attendant come and stay to manage the kids, and it was worth every penny. If this is an option, I recommend taking it.
        We also put in the invite that there would be plenty of adult supervision and parents were welcome to just drop their kids off. Only one mom took us up on it. I decided it was not my responsibility as mom of the birthday boy to entertain the parents who stayed. We provided a place for them to sit on the screened porch, but there were no special drinks or food for the adults. They got lemonade, chick fil a, and veggies and hummus just like the kids. No one complained, they just chatted together and dropped in and out of the conversation when I could.

        • When did parents accompanying their children to birthday parties become a thing? Does it seem weird to anyone else?

          • Mountain Girl :

            In my experience as parties have gotten larger and more involved the number of kids invited has also increased. You used to have a small party with a few kids and the host parents and guest parents all knew each other. Now kids are invited to parties and the parents don’t know each other at all. I’m hesitant to let my kids go to a party at somebody’s house if I’m not familiar with the family.

    • FWIW, my group of friends almost always has beer/wine available at kid parties. Usually they are some sort of pizza/Costco appetizer parties and otherwise fairly low-key.

    • Order a bunch of sandwiches on little rolls (or tubs of chicken salad, tuna salad, etc. that you can put on little rolls). Line them up in a wavy line and use toothpicks to attach a smily face and antennae made of olives/pickles/veggies to the first sandwich. Voila! A caterpillar sandwich. Accompany with a crudite platter and cheese and crackers. Even picky kids will eat at least the cheese or the crackers.

      Beer/wine is probably a question of local and peer group customs, as is the bigger question of whether the parents of the 5-year-old set will expect to stay or drop their kids off. When my daughter was in kindergarten, parents were expected to stay and sit around drinking beer and chatting during all of her classmates’ parties. But for the kids in her Girl Scout troop (same grade but they all went to a different school), all of the parties were drop-off parties.

      Whatever you do, do not waste your time making any type of cake other than plain vanilla or chocolate with plain frosting. My daughter asked me to make her favorite lime cupcakes with lime cream cheese frosting for her last birthday party, and all of the kids complained that they were gross.

    • Yes, get beer for the parents. They’ll love you. I always wish there was beer at kid parties . . .

    • Costco is perfect for kids parties! You can get cupcakes, drinks, snacks, cheese/crackers, fruit tray and a veggie tray there. That plus pizza is plenty!

    • For my five year old’s parry, I had:

      Cheese sandwiches which were home made
      Grapes on skewers
      Potato crisps
      Chocolate biscuits
      Apple juice

      I tried To balance between healthy and ‘unhealthy but fun’ stuff.

      For parents, I had diet coke and samosas. Party was from 5-7 pm if that helps.

  12. How much does a credit inquiry hurt your credit? The context is that my husband and I are about to put an offer on a house, and the seller (a bank) requires a pre-approval letter from their mortgage department. We already have a mortgage broker and our own pre-approval, but that’s not good enough – it needs to come from their department. Chances are that there will be a bidding war and we won’t ultimately get the house, so I hate to have our credit pulled just for this special pre-approval letter, not get the house, _and_ have a ding on our credit. Any insights?

    • Not an expert on this, but we looked into this when we bought our house. All hard credit inquiries within a specified period of time are considered as just one inquiry (it’s a pretty short period of time tho — I think two weeks?).

      • The ding is there but it’s only one or two points out of the 800 or so points. In a fast bidding situation, it’s actually very important to have the pre-approval. According to my agent at the time, sellers won’t consider an offer that doesn’t have a pre-approval attached.

        I heard the same thing as Liana about hard inquiries within a short period of time. But, when I closed, they gave me 3 hard inquiries within two days. All three are on my credit report. Oh well.

    • As an aside, credit reporting is so illogical to me. And now I just read an article that the score that gets reported to agencies conducting a credit check might be different than the one given to you, the consumer.

  13. What to look for in a fertility specialist? :

    Ladies, it has been a heartbreaking year of TTC for DH and me and I think I want to start talking to an RE (stands for Reproductive Endocrinologist and if you didn’t already know that consider yourself lucky). What should I look for in such a doctor besides a bedside manner that’s suited to us? Are success rates relevant – with the wide range of issues out there, are they even useful/objective? I’m approaching 34, have read TCOYF and have been using FAM thorough out the process. An HSG after an ectopic pregnancy showed that my tubes are clear. DH’s ‘contribution’ has been checked and is fine. I suppose that going to an RE might be considered premature since we’ve had one “success” in the past year, but it certainly didn’t feel like a success and I’m worried I’m running out of time. Having an appointment on the calendar, even if it’s a few months off, might be of some comfort…. Thanks for any advise/support!

    • Diana Barry :

      I took the first appointment that was offered to me, and ended up with an RE that was very competent. Perhaps not the *best* bedside manner, but I was looking for quick rather than warm. She had top-notch schools, residency hospitals, board certs, etc. (We were at a big teaching/research hospital, also.) Since you have had an HSG already and DH has been checked, you may be able to jump right to clomid etc. I would also bring your charts, if you have them, with temps etc., so they can look at them. (for me I wasn’t ovulating and the temps and lack of aunt flo made that clear).

      Good luck – I hope you get good news soon!

    • I haven’t been through this, but several friends have. Do you know anyone who has been through this that can offer recommendations? Two of my friends went through the same practice and were very happy (if you are in Seattle, let me know) Success rate is probably a good thing to consider, but so is ancillary services. Bigger practices may have social workers/psychologists, etc on staff to help you through a potentially painful, stressful practice. Also, you may see multiple physicians in the same group and you should probably not hate all of them. Another rate you want to look at is the success of non-mulitple pregnancies; it really is the belief in the medical community that triplets are less than ideal, and a group that isn’t working towards singletons/twins may not be up to date on other REI thoughts. Little things like flexibility of scheduling (early/late appointments, Sat appts) competence of front office and paraprofessional staff (nurses, etc) and other people you interact with may be as important as whether you like your doctor or not, because you’ll be seeing a lot of everyone (but hopefully not for an extended period of time).

      I know this is a heartbreaking journey, I hope the results bring you peace and happiness.

    • I’m so sorry. I haven’t been down this road, but a friend has. Don’t write off bedside manner completely, especially if you have a personal line you don’t want to cross regarding interventions. That’s what happened with my friend–she and her husband didn’t want all available fertility treatments. She’s a very gifted nurse, so she understands the medical component, but her first doctor (and his staff) were extremely dismissive of her views which made an already difficult process even more difficult. Like EC MD, I wish you peace and happiness though I know you are on a very difficult journey.

      • Bedside manner is more important than you might think when you’re going through something so sensitive. I did not like my RE at all. It felt like I was a piggy bank on a conveyor belt. And when he decided to cancel my last IUI on New Year’s Eve because he didn’t feel like working (after I’d been injecting myself with meds and had some good eggs ready to pop), I was done. It was 3 years before I could face another RE after that, and now I’m in a program out of state that I feel really good about. I’m actually flying there next week for a diagnostic/clearance test, and then we’ll be pursuing IVF with donated embryos! I’m 39. There’s still time to find someone you trust and connect with. I can’t stress that enough.

        • By the way, I should also point out that donated embryos are an option if you reach a point where you are considering IVF with a donor egg. It is much, much less expensive, and the program I am in provides up to 3 transfers with a money-back guarantee if you don’t reach the 12 week mark. If that time comes, you will be able to find the program online with a little googling. (There are actually many ED programs, but the one I am in is the only one I know of that offers a guarantee. They have a 90% success rate, cumulatively over 3 transfers.)

    • Hi!
      YMMV but I think reputation rather than ‘success rates’. Would your gyno recommend someone?
      Good luck!

    • Where are you? If in DC, I highly recommend Shady Gove Fertility Center (offices downtown, Annandale and Rockville). Great staff and they’re really good at looking at your specific needs, not just the general plan for general infertility. And they work with a lot of insurance companies. For any RE, I would ask what their procedures are and how they change protocols — how often do they do ultrasounds, what kind of blood work do they do. Once, i came in four days in a row so they could keep close track of my hormone levels, etc., to make sure everything was set. It was exhausting but I appreciated the close monitoring and the protocol changes based on what they were seeing. And sometimes it takes awhile. It took us four rounds of IUI. (Based on our specifics, they suggested five IUI tries before considering IVF) Good luck!

    • Check out ASRM’s report on all of the clinics. These stats can be “gamed” by clinics turning down the most difficult cases, but they are a good place to start.

      The importance of bedside manner is up to you. I went to a “factory” but one that had very good success rates. I disliked the bedside manner of my RE (when I saw my lead RE, which was not every visit) but that wasn’t that important to me (and made me feel less guilty when I was a total b*tch about some things, thank you hormones + stress — though if he had better bedside manner, I might not have jumped down his throat a few times).

      For me, success and ethics were my big screening devices. One clinic in my area was pushing the “designer baby” angle of IVF and that was a real turn off to me. I also wanted REs that did not put my health at risk to increase their stats (I wanted to be conservative rather than agressive on how many embryos to transfer, did not want to do IUI because it was not indicated for my diagnosis and could have lead to HOM if did happen to work, etc.).

      Don’t be afraid to set up multiple consultations. After you have done your research, making this a gut-level call is probably the best you can do.

    • 4 yrs Infertile :

      Sorry you’re dealing with this. I say it’s absolutely not too early for you to see an RE. We tried for over a year before going to an RE, and I wish we had gone earlier.

      Bedside manner, recommendations, and reputation are more important than success rates. Some clinics turn away patients that have low chances of success, because the clinic doesn’t want to hurt their success rates. A clinic with a low success rate might just have a larger number of really tough cases. Your chances of success are so individual, based so much on what’s going on with the two of you, that you can’t predict your success based on your clinic’s overall rates. I vote going for someone you trust. If you’re in LA, I would recommend Dr. Evans at Pacific Fertility Center in Glendale.

      Good luck. I know how much this sucks, trust me, we tried unsuccessfully for 4 years. But we’re the statistical exception — most likely something will work out for you!

    • If you’re in the Boston area, I recommend the practice at Brigham and Women’s. I saw Dr. Ginsburg and really liked her, and I also dealt with a couple of other doctors in the practice for various procedures along the way. The practice runs a good operation — nurses are super knowledgeable and call you back every time you call with any question big or small, you can do your bloodwork on the same floor where you see the doctor, everything just always ran smoothly for me and I really appreciated that.

      Bedside manner was less important to me, though I never had any problems with it. I guess some people want more of an intimate feel, which will not necessarily happen in the group practice at a teaching hospital, but I really respected the credentials of these doctors and I view the teaching aspect as a positive thing for a variety of reasons. I actually didn’t look at success rates, I was more focused on finding someone who did only RE and generally had the reputation for being the “best.”

      I also recommend making the appointment in general — it can’t hurt, right?

      I know how difficult this process can be, I wish you all the best.

    • From personal experience, I’d say that the most important thing is to find someone who will be upfront with you. Some REs give patients too much hope and lead them to expensive and emotionally draining experiences with little chance of success. With most clinics, you will not see the same RE at every visit since they do shifts. Bottom line, focus on candidness over bedside manner. If you give us a city, I’m sure rettes will give you recommendations.

  14. Supporting Seattleite :

    For those of you who are interested, below is an update on Seattleite:

    She now has both of the surgical drains out from the mastectomy and the skin is healing nicely.

    She cut her hair a lot shorter to get used to seeing herself with less hair before it falls out during chemo and now she’s having a race to see whether her hair will fall out before she runs out of shampoo. She should be a cute bald lady.

    On Wednesday, October 3, she will have surgery to have the portacath placed. This is a little stopper-like device, with a tiny hose that feeds directly into a vein. They will be able to draw blood and administer chemo directly into this device rather than having to do an IV into a vein each time. The portacath will be buried under the skin, slightly below her collarbone.

    Once the portacath is installed, she’ll start chemo. She really likes her oncologist and trusts that she’s in good hands.

    In one of her updates, she said:
    I am a regular commenter on a certain Blog, and an occasional poster on a certain Forum. Consequently, I have been receiving cards, letters, emails, and gifts from all over the country. I won’t even begin to try to give details yet, because I’m still a little fuzzy around the edges and I just know I’ll forget to mention someone. But it has been a daily affirmation to me that people care about each other, even those they have never met. I have arrived home from an upsetting doctor appointment to a letter from a stranger saying just the perfect thing that I needed to hear. I have opened up my email late at night to a message that someone was thinking about me and sending good vibes to the universe or prayers on my behalf. I have received flippant text messages that made me laugh (“Lost a breast? Cool. Now you’ll be better at archery.”) and remember that EVERYTHING has a funny side, if you let yourself see it.

    If you want to email Seattleite, her email address is: [email protected]

    If you want to participate in Operation Support Seattleite and send her mail, please email me: [email protected] I’ve had a few problems with aol delivering mail from strangers; I have replied to every email I’ve received. If I haven’t replied to you, AOL ate it. Sorry.


    • Thank you for doing this! And best wishes to Seattleite!

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Thanks for the update. I try to remember to send her stupid funny stuff I find on the web, but I should get on the physical mail train as well.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      You rock SunnyD! Early on, Seattlelite gave out her snail mail address to a few of us before you became her pr rep :) Those people are probably still mailing her directly. I’ll try to remember to send you an email if I send her something else!

      • No worries, Blond Lawyer. I don’t keep a chart or spreadsheet of who is sending what—although I have tried to make sure she’s getting mail regularly. So keep sending away and don’t worry about filling me in (unless, of course, you were just hoping for the privilege of getting to know me; I get that a lot :)).

  15. I recently bought a new pair of glasses with thicker plastic frames. I think that the parts that connect the lenses to my ears are too long for my face, so the glasses keep slipping down my nose. It’s driving me nuts! Does anyone have any experience with getting the sides of their glasses shortened or otherwise modified? I never thought I’d miss the days of those nose pads on my old wire glasses…

    • Maybe try tightening the arms so they fit closer to your face.

    • Ask if the glasses shop can add nose pieces. Or maybe they can bend the ear part more to effectively shorten the arms?

      I’d definitely go back to the glasses store, tell them what the problem is, and they should be able to fix it. You can’t be the first person they’ve seen with this issue.

    • The nose piece needs to be adjusted, not the ear pieces. Take them to an optician. They have a machine that warms the plastic so they can adjust it. The nose piece needs to be adjusted periodically to keep them from slipping.

    • I second going back to the store to adjust the nose piece. Also, if your nose bridge is too small (I’m Asian and always have this problem), you might need to get the plastic parts replaced with the rubber/metal nose pieces.

    • Hi! My optician was very helpful when I finally got around to asking. Didn’t think it would be any use so I didn’t, until I was forced to go in for something else.
      My problem was slightly different though; the arms of my sunglasses pinched so badly I ended up getting headaches. He ‘stretched’ them. It’s still rather tight though, but that’s another story.

    • 2/3 attorney :

      I have the exact very same problems – arms are too long behind my ears, and they slip down my face all the time! Are yours by any chance Warby Parker? I really do hope there is a solution to this.

    • Ruthy Sue :

      I always have this problem, as the distance from the front of my face to my ears is apparently very short. If adjusting the nose piece doesn’t work, the optician should be able to bend the part that goes behind your ear further (they heat it up so the plastic doesn’t break). That should shorten up the length a bit. I usually have to get wire frames so they can cut off part of the end and then reattach the plastic guard. So, definitely make a trip back to the optician to get them adjusted

  16. definitely anon for this one :

    Update for those of you that gave me advice on my friend who was overstaying her welcome crashing on my couch —

    Screwed up my courage and Monday, told her roommate was coming home today and she should probably make other arrangements after that. She said – it’s cool, no problem. Yesterday rolls around and I ask her what her plans are and she said she hadn’t yet figured anything out (this was on my way to work so I didn’t push it).

    She didn’t have to work for a few hours after me yesterday, so I gave her the front door key to my place and asked her to lock up when she left (I leave by the back door). I got home a few hours before her and the door was open. Not unlocked but literally swinging wide open. At first I was panicked, thinking there was an intruder or we had been broken into, but then I realized she had not only forgotten to lock, but also to close the door – the door that is accessible from the street. I was furious, but luckily she didn’t get home for a few hours and I had cooled down. It was an honest mistake but it was probably my last straw.

    That incident gave me the strength this AM when she asked if she could crash “just for another night, til I figure things out” to say, “No I’m sorry, my schedule’s packed and Roommate is coming home. Let me know if you need help moving your stuff though!”

    Thanks for the advice everyone – she didn’t leave on bad terms (though I think she was a bit miffed when I said no this morning) and I feel so much better now. I’m hopeful that our friendship will restrengthen now that I’m not building up resentment toward her.

    • Honey Pillows :

      Good for you. It’s an honest mistake -but in the same way you take extra super care when someone lends you their car to drive carefully, keep to speed limits, and signal even when there’s no one else on the road, when you’re staying at someone else’s house, you make sure the lock the door!

    • Sure, maybe an honest mistake, but from what you’ve said she seems like she has a general pattern of aloofness. Or she’s in a funk. Either way, I hope the kick in the seat you gave her helps her on her way to being an adult.

    • Good for you. You’re being a good friend by not enabling her.

    • Good for you for being politely assertive!

    • Notalawyer :

      If you want to google Cinnamon Girl and Blue Ginger, their ads may give you ideas for island style dress up wear. Out and around, I usually see women wearing floaty sundresses, cute jewelry, nice sandals, and sometimes a light airy wrap. I saw a lot of maxi dresses my last trip.

      Color! Celebrate it. Drab monotones look odd.

      Dress cool and airy. (Blue jeans not advised). I like skirts and t-shirts for day wear. At least 2 swimsuits recommended so you can trade out. A coverup is nice if that is your style.

  17. Headed to Maui in a couple weeks for a romantic trip. I’ve never been, and have no idea what to pack aside from lots of bikinis and cover ups. What is the typical dress for other activities (shopping, walking around)? We are staying in one of the nicer resorts. What about moderate, nice, and super nice restaurants? I’m from DC (my uniform is JCrew) and suspect it would be more casual, but I don’t want to show up looking sloppy. What would a man wear to the aforementioned places?Thank you!

    • Former Partner, Now In-House :

      Even in the fanciest resorts, I have never seen a man in a suit. Nice shorts and short-sleeved button up shirts, or nice pants and same or nice collarless shirts will get him far. In the fanciest resort’s fanciest restaurant, at dinner time, no one would think he was weird for adding a blazer, but I can’t imagine doing it. (He would look weird adding a tie.) The only exception I can think of would be a wedding that specifically says formal.

      For you, shorts or skirts, nicer tshirts, dresses for dinner. Sandals. Walking shoes.

      Don’t forget hats and sunscreen. Have fun!

      • Former Partner, Now In-House :

        PS: If you are not used to such direct sunlight, be sure to take it seriously. I wear crew neck, long sleeve UPF 50 white fitted tshirts over my bikini, a UPF hat with a wide brim and SPF UVA/UVB 50 sunscreen. Yes, I know, sounds like overkill. I am 46 and have the skin of a woman in her late 20s.

        • Second the sunscreen and shirt warning. Some people in our group got way too much sun the first day or two. I wore an SPF shirt while snorkeling and doing stuff outside (then a hat too) and didn’t look like a lobster.

          • SF Bay Associate :

            +1 on SPF shirt while snorkeling. KEY. And SPF hat and SPF coverup at all times. You will not regret it. The sun is stronger near the equator, too.

        • Third the recommendation to take the sun seriously. There is no sunburn h*ll like sunburning the backs of your knees and thighs while snorkeling. I lived in the south Pacific for a few years and got in the habit of snorkeling in a long-sleeve surfing rash guard (probably similar to the SPF shirt mentioned by SunnyD) and putting massive amounts of sunscreen on my legs.

        • Ah- good call, thanks. Last time I stayed in a Waldorf resort, they charged $30 for a tube of sunscreen; I’ll make sure to stock up before we get there!

          • SF Bay Associate :

            Bug spray is also expensive there, if you are going to be doing any hiking, etc.

    • I just went to maui for a friend’s wedding. It was really really casual. A sundress and sandals was appropriate everywhere I went (including a brunch at the Four Seasons). I nicer sundress and sandals should be appropriate for nice restaurants. I don’t know about super nice restaurants, but maybe call ahead just to make sure they don’t require a jacket? I can’t imagine anyone on the island wearing a tie.

      Weather was warm the whole time we were there. I didn’t need any kind of jacket or sweater. If you’re going to the volcano, you’re going to need more clothing. However, the plane ride over was the coldest plane I’ve ever been on (and my friends said the same thing about their planes) so wrap up for that.

      Have fun!

    • The first time I went to Hawaii, I way overpacked, both in terms of things I wouldn’t need and formality level. Sundress, (nice cute sundress) and sandals is all you need for the most formal place, and for the most part I live in swimsuits and cute coverups (I found a ton of nice stuff on an end of season sale from Patagonia). If you saw me in my regular life, you would be shocked at how bare and how casual I was.

      Definitely bring a sun hat (wide brimmed) and a long sleeve coverup. I have several very light cotton long sleeved ones that I throw on. I am very fair and the sun is BRIGHT and strong. Sunscreen is great (recommend high SPF barrier rather than chemical coverage) but for just wandering around, you’ll need more or you’ll end up fried.

      If you are going really fancy for restaurants, they may require a jacket (I would call before you leave the mainland) but probably not. My husband lives in shorts, light button front shirts and flip flops when we are there (or board shorts and rash guard) and has never had a problem.

      Sigh, we’re planning a trip to Maui in the spring and you are making me so excited. Where are you staying?

      • We’re staying at the Grand Wailea, on the southwest coast. SO excited! I’ll be sure to post our favorite places for you!

        • Former Partner, Now In-House :

          You will love the spa. It may have changed (I was there in 2004), but I spent several hours playing in the various pools and water features. The massage was nice, but the huge spa was fantastic.

        • Grand Wailea is amazing! If you feel like leaving the resort, a few of my favorite restaurants on Maui are Mama’s Fish House, Hula Grill and the Gazebo (for breakfast).

    • The beaches are fantastic, but my favorite parts of Hawaii are actually the inland lush/jungle-like and volcano/desert-like areas. If you go up to Haleakala (the volcano), which I highly recommend, you should bring a fleece or something similar. Sneakers or hiking shoes will also serve you well.

      Agree that sundresses for women and polo/short sleeve button up shirts for men are about as dressy as it gets. You’ll see flip flops pretty much everywhere, especially just walking around, shopping, etc.

      Have fun!!

    • DC Association :

      I agree with others that I’ve never seen a jacket on a guy before. For me what is very telling is that the sales people in hotels all wear aloha shirts (aka Hawaiian shirts). In any other place. all hotel sales people are *required* to wear suits. I mean, even at the Ritz-Carlton, sales people are wearing aloha gear. It is just the culture there.

      Anyway, one suggestion is definitely to go up to Haleakala on the first day you arrive. the big thing is to go up to see the sunrise. You will have MAJOR jetlag the first day, so you will have no problem waking up at 3 or 4 am to truck it up there – your time clock will be so screwed up that you will wake up at this time anyway. Then you come back to the hotel and crash for a while on the beach or by the pool, donning afore-mentioned sunscreen and rash guard. (I’ve not done it, but have heard it is fabulous to do an organized thing where they take you up the volcano in a van, and you bike back down. There are many companies who offer this and I am sure your hotel concierge can take care of it for you.)

      You also must go to Lahaina – cute little town with some good artisan shops.

      • Thank you for the tips! And thanks everyone for the clothing suggestions- very helpful.

  18. "Allergies" PSA :


    My first office visit was supposed to be today. Yesterday afternoon, I looked in the mirror after saline rinsing and saw the plastic spacer/stent thing coming out of my nose. Talk about something that will freak you out! I yelled for my fiance, we called the doctor’s office, and we went in for an emergency appointment. (I had wanted to go to the Yom Kippur memorial service with him because he lost both parents this year, and I had been saving up strength while on bed rest to be able to do it. We ended up doing this instead.)

    During the office visit, the doctor removed the plastic stents, one from each side, and did a little vacuuming. I have not birthed children, but it cannot hurt more or feel weirder than this did. Noises came out of me that sounded like animal calls, I started sweating and had to lie down so I didn’t faint. Not fun at all.

    The good news, though, is that the doctor says the surgery removed everything, it was a one-time fungal ball, and my recovery is beautiful. I have to go in next Thursday for one more vacuuming session.

    The big news: he cleared me to travel, so I can go with my fiance to the Middle East on our trip!

    Godzilla, I am glad that I did not know about the first office visit experience in advance. I promise you that you will hate it. However, I feel so much better today. I breathed through my nose overnight (my chapped lips are grateful for the break), This morning, I smelled my fiance’s cologne. I am extremely grateful for my health and my life. A very good way to start the new year. In other words, difficult but well worth it. It is OK to be scared. Take someone with you to the doctor.


      I’m SO SO GLAD you’re recovering well. Please keep the updates coming. The fall season has completely thrown me under a bus and I’m clinging on by a thread not to gobble the steroids my doctors have given me “just in case” (yes, I’ve had multiple doctors given me unasked for refills on steroids). I need to find the ENT’s business card STAT.

      • "Allergies" PSA :

        Please be careful about the steroids. The last couple weeks I was on them, I had terrible hives all over my body. ENT said to take Benadryl because I had to keep taking the steroids pre-op. But he was clear that it was a good idea to get me off them ASAP. I have three more days of them left.

        Re vacuuming. It feels like it sounds. As if your brains are being yanked out through your nose. It literally made me weak.

    • MaggieLizer :

      I will never complain about my allergies again. So glad you’re feeling better!

      • "Allergies" PSA :

        Here’s the thing: it wasn’t allergies. It wasn’t a cold. It was a sinus infection, but not a normal one — a fungal one. Who would have known that?

        I blame myself for not going to an MD sooner. And for my stupid, stupid visit to a Chinese accupunturist who told me “I can’t help you because there is nothing physically wrong with you. Your runny nose is caused by your need to control.” Really? My father is a doctor. I should know better.

        • I was SO worried that the killer sinus infection I had from Feb. – July this year was that! It finally resolved on its own, but my MD warned me it could be fungal. It very well might have been, but a steroid nasal spray finally kicked it.

          I saw an ENT and he was an ass. Tried to put me on a 4th round of antibiotics. Agreed to see me & my husband at the same time, saw us for 5 minutes and charged each of our insurance companies $250. When it was time for a follow up, I couldn’t take time off work so just my husband went in and got refills on the allergy pills – and the ENT charged BOTH of our insurance companies $250 even though I wasn’t even there!!

          Congrats on finding a competent ENT! I still need to find one of those.

          • I dont know what part of LA you’re in, but I liked Michael Reder (Reader?) in Encino.

          • "Allergies" PSA :

            Michael Jakobsen, Head and Neck Associates of OC, Mission Viejo.

          • SoCalAtty :

            Thanks Lalo and “Allergies” – I’m in the the SF valley, so Encino might work! My regular MD is way down in Newport Beach, and he is amazing, but driving into the OC for appts is no fun.

        • No Problem :

          I saw an episode of one of those mystery diagnosis shows a few months back where a woman had a similar issue – except the doctors thought that the mass inside her sinuses was cancer! It turned out to be Aspergillis (sp?). Then they had to figure out where she picked it up from, so they tested her house, her car, etc. and finally found that the fungus was living in the office building in the new job she had just started. It didn’t make anybody else sick, but within weeks or months of working there, she got sick. The health department (or somebody) had to come in and remediate the building to remove the mold. If your ENT has figured out which fungus you have and it’s not something that’s commonly found in the environment, you should definitely get your office, house, car, etc. tested for it to prevent recurrence.

          I’m so glad you’re feeling better and finally know what was wrong!

        • Yikes — somehow I missed your earliest post on this. So glad you’re on the way to recovery! But now I’m mildly freaked out a bit because I’ve had a killer sinus infection for months now, and three rounds of heavy-duty antibiotics mostly made me sicker. I’ve been putting off going back to my MD because I can’t face taking more antibiotics. Probably I should just woman up and go in. Uggh.

    • Holy crap! That’s just unbelievable but I’m glad it was finally diagnosed properly and dealt with. Yikes! I know what you mean about not wanting to know in advance. I had my tonsils out as an adult and, although it was HORRIBLE, I still tell people it was the best decision for me.

    • Glad you’re feeling better! Wishing you a speedy recovery with the rest!

      • "Allergies" PSA :

        How is your recovery doing? I am planning to take a brief, easy stroll today. Are you able to stretch? Does it help?

        • It really does. My back is starting to crack too, which really weirded me out at the beginning but I guess its normal when there is that much tension. I’m pretty much back at regular life, minus exercise, overly long days, and the vacation I cancelled. If you haven’t really been outside yet I bet you’ll love your walk, especially because it’s not so hot anymore. Sitting inside all cooped up is no fun, even when you feel like hell.

          By the way-we’re neighbors! (if you need anything please let me know! I’m sure you’re husband has been great, but the one thing I really learned was that some people think you come home and that means you’re fine and healed and there’s no discernible recovery period.)

    • In the Pink :

      Great news!

      WOW … I”m also struggling with a bumper crop of ragweed reactions this year. RAWR ing along with Godzilla.

  19. I know it’s been discussed, but my searching didn’t really turn up anything — any suggestions for short beach getaways? Here are my requirements — not Costa Rica, as I’ve been; requires a passport, as my husband has never gotten to use his and is dying to leave the country; and fairly accessible as we will only have 5 days max, including travel time. It’ll be something of a “babymoon”/reward for having a big year at work and both of us just want to lie around, go to the pool and generally be bums. We don’t need any big activities, nor would I be able to participate in a lot of them. Thanks!

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      I have a couple of friends who went to the Dominican together for about 4 days right after they got engaged to just bum around and enjoy themselves. They did one of those all inclusive resort packages and loved it.

      • We went to the Paradisus (all inclusive resort) in the DR over the summer and loved it. Gorgeous weather, really nice people, good food, a fantastic beach and pool. Though you might want to check on the tourist load – when we went (early June), it was considered “off-season”, and they were only at about 50% occupancy, but I think that late-summer to fall might be busier (the majority of tourists were not American, I would say). I was 12 weeks preggers at the time so I can say that it was friendly to that, though they do have all inclusive (and I mean ALL) drinks.

        We’ve also stayed at a non-all inclusive resort in Cancun a few years back (Hyatt Caribe – not sure of the spelling), and also found it great for lounging. Gorgeous beach, absolutely lovely, and the hotel was dirt cheap and fabulous.

        Have fun!

    • where are you flying from? Turks and Caicos is a short flight and you can get there directly from many East Coast cities. And the beach is PERFECT for long walks and general lazy basking.

      • Going there in a month myself, and it cannot come any sooner!

      • I second T&C! Went there last year with my (now) fiance and had a wonderful, relaxing time. Super easy flight. We stayed at Gansevoort T&C, which we really liked (though it’s gotten pricier since then, I think). Grace Bay Beach is unbelievable and they had a lovely pool. There are a few nice restaurants on the island, too, though everything is a bit pricey.

    • Bermuda is nice, and close?

    • Can’t go wrong with Turks and Caicos, British Virgin Islands, St. Barts or Barbados! I also really like Antigua.

    • Senior Attorney :

      A friend of mine went to the Hard Rock Punta Cana all-inclusive in the Dominican Republic recently and just raved about it. Sounded awesome!

    • I recommend it every time someone asks, but I loved St. Lucia. Jet Blue flies there direct from JFK and Delta from Atlanta. The water is safe to drink but our resort (Ladera) provided bottled water. The food was excellent and everyone we met was very nice. Ladera has a pool in every room so we spent most of our time in our room or in the hotel bar, but it was lovely and the beach at Jalousie nearby was gorgeous. There are cheaper places to stay but Ladera was incredible so I would highly recommend it. We left at 6AM Monday morning and got in at 11PM Friday night so we had a work week there and that fits your 5 days perfectly.

  20. Jcrew question – I’ve tried googling for reviews of the pleated sweater-skirt to no avail. Any of you ladies have an idea on sizing? I’m usually a 4-6 in Jcrew skirts – but since the skirt starts from XXS I’m not sure whether to order a S, which would normally be my instinct? The fact that it’s on sale in three neutral colors and all sizes makes me leery…

    • Box pleats (I think that’s what it has) as a bitch to maintain when cleaning. And I’m wondering how the knit fabric keeps its shape.

      Have you tried over at Jcrew Afficianado (sp?) (check the comments)?

    • locomotive :

      Call customer service and get the measurements to compare to your own. JCrew’s sizing is notoriously inconsistent

  21. Legally Brunette :

    DC Association – thank you for the maternity wardrobe offer! I just saw your post this morning. So generous of you, but unfortunately we are different sizes. But thanks!

    • DC Association :

      You are welcome! I am behind again and reading this at 5:03 pm. I mean, geez, doesn’t work know I’ve got Corp*rett* to read?!

  22. Scunci now makes “ponytailer bracelets” – yes, the hair elastics to be also worn on a wrist. They must have been reading this blog.

    • Haha. A family friend once gave me a bunch of ponytail holders that were supposed to double as bracelets. Basically, basic black band with fancy beads on them. They were pretty, but I never actually used them as ponytail holders for fear of massive tangling.

  23. I think I saw it posted here, but wanted to provide a review on the Lands’ End Ponte Sheath dress… IT IS AMAZING. It is pretty, was cheap (~$50 after a 40% off coupon), super comfy and really slimming. Plus, the pockets are AWESOME because I can clip my work ID badge right there :).

    I am 5’9/5’10, and pear shaped. I’m typically a 10 in AT bottoms and a 6/8/10 in dresses depending on how tight they fit on the bottom. I ordered this dress in a LE 10 and it fits well (an 8 might also be fine for anyone who likes things a little more closely fitted). It does fit me on the shorter side, maybe 1.5-2″ above the knee…though not too short for work-appropriate and certainly fine with tights.

    Worth noting is that I have the dress in sable, which is a very very dark brown. It is no longer available online, but I actually found it in a Sears (some have Lands’ End inside).

    I’m wearing it today with pretty gold earrings and a scarf that is pretty similar to the model. No belt. Also wearing the same shoes that the model has one (which I love). It looks really, really nice.

    Link to follow to avoid moderation.


    • darjeeling :

      ah, love the pink! Might have to go for it. Thanks for the tip.

  24. Hi Everyone,

    It looks like the next DC meetup will be on Oct 18, location tbd. Send an email to dccorporette [at] yahoo [dot] com to get on the email list for updates.

  25. Is the Chicago meetup still on? :

    Checking, are the chicago folks still meeting tonight? I had it on my calendar but haven’t seen any recent reminders. I was travelling last week so did not check corporette often, did we change the dates?

    • Yup! (See below.) I’ll post again this afternoon. Looking forward to meeting some wonderful Chicago women!

  26. To Kat from May :

    Love this site and have been around since 2008 Dec. This baby has really grown and come of age. The community here is exceptional and I’ll often stay around to read / post because the discussions are so stimulating even when the main post is entirely irrelevant to me.
    I’ve also noticed that some threads can get very long and nuanced.
    After being with the fresh layout a couple of days, it still strikes me as significant that the indents fail to match the (?pink) line down the side, falling badly short. Specifically, it’s just not that clear who’s replying whom, and when a fresh topic opens up.
    I also wonder whether this can deflect commenters from developing really interesting discussions such as those we used to have.

    Among the other sites, C-ette stood out for its discussions, and I think that was linked to the fact that not having bars across prevented the text from being broken up, allowing for much easier reading. Not at all
    sure I could or would read extensively with these bars.

    The previous font seemed easier to read too, but that I can learn to live with if you prefer it this way.

    Good luck with all the redesigning work!

    • I can’t even see the pink lines. I agree the bars break up the conversations too much.

  27. Hi Everyone,

    It looks like the next DC meetup will be on Oct 18, location tbd. Send an email to dccorpor3tt3 [at] yahoo [dot] com (replace the 3s with “e”) to get on the email list for updates.


  28. I’ve noticed recently (esp prominent in the last 5-6 months) that my attention span has drastically fallen, and it’s affecting my performance at work. I don’t know if it’s just a mind thing or something internal but I just dont have my heart on my work. I’ve been having some problems at home as well which started 5-6 months ago and that may be one of the reasons for my lack of interest. I’m considering taking a break like for a couple of months and then look for a new job but feel extremely guilty for being so irresponsible as to consider quitting my job. I know I’m not trying hard enough at work, but honestly, I am just not motivated. This place is not what I had imagined (not that it’s bad, it’s just different from what I had expected). I’m so confused and unhappy every single day.

    • Where do you live and what industry are you in? The job market is really, really, really bad in a lot of areas. It’s always easier to get a new job when you already have one. This might be a place where therapy could help you sort out how to handle your home stress and how to get your head on straight again. You won’t be in a good place to interview for new jobs if you’re not feeling like yourself.

      • How much would therapy cost? Like how much would a session cost if my insurance does not cover for therapy?

        • Totally depends (your location, the credentials of the therapist, etc.) I’d call around to a few and see what their rates are. If you can’t afford them, see if there’s anyone who offers therapy on a sliding scale based on income. People with more experience in this area might be able to chime in with suggestions about mental health resources but my impression is that there are options out there.

        • Therapy can be spendy if not covered by insurance ($80-300/hour, with $120-150 most common). But there can be really great options for lower price therapy (with trainees who are up on the most recent literature and are closely supervised by experts in the field) in training clinics and sliding scale clinics, too.

          Also — you may want to check your Vitamin B-12 and D levels too, as that can contribute to depressed mood and impaired concentration.

        • Anon for today :

          Do you have an Employee Assistance Program? They often have referrals for therapist, counselors, etc.

          I also have trouble concentrating and trying at work, especially right now as my project has officially been declared dead and I’m supposed to just be wrapping it up. In the past I’ve needed Wellbutrin and Adderall to get me past an especially blah spell.

          One thing that has helped me somewhat at work is using the Pomodoro technique, as recommended on this blog. You can google it, but the gist is that you set a timer for 25 minutes and you work on a task for 25 minutes straight – no email, no side interruptions, if you have a tangential thought you write it on your todo list and move on. After every 25 minute block you take a 5 minute break. I don’t necessarily get a lot of the 25 minute blocks done, but it does help me get something done to keep the timer in front of me – every time I get distracted I glance at it and force myself back to work.

          • @ Anon for Today :

            I have had very similar issues and have wondered about meds, but it seems like asking about these kinds of scripts would put the doc on “script abuse” alert. Do they actually rx these kinds of drugs for these problems for the first time for adults, without a demonstrated history of ADD/HD in childhood?

        • LadyEnginerd :

          Therapy costs less than unemployment for a few months. Certainly will be well worth it if it helps you avoid that and make a smart next step…

    • anon burn out :

      I can understand where you are coming from. I just started at a new place in January of this year, and my heart is just not in it. It is litigation and I’m about to start my 6th year, and I keep thinking – what is the point? I have no ambitions of becoming partner, and the litigation game is just starting to annoy me. But, like TBK says, the job market is not pretty. I’m looking at jumping into something else, if I can – teaching, maybe a clerkship, or even an administrative law just (state) position. Something different might be what you need.

      • anon in-house :

        Similar here, started in Jan. but increasingly bored and unmotivated, thus affecting my performance. I will start looking again the NEw Year even though that will still make me look like a job-hopper after 15 months at my prior job. Golden handcuffs and student loans are what’s keeping me from leaving corp life altogether :(

    • Anon Analyst :

      I can relate. I’ve been at my job for 10+ years and this past year, I’ve just lost interest. Part of it was b/c I don’t feel like I’ve been rewarded for doing hard work. I got a promotion, which means a title change, but the monetary compensation was hardly anything. It’s frustrating b/c it took almost a year for it to go through. It’s hard to stay motivated when I don’t feel like I’m being valued.

      Maybe you could put out feelers and see what other jobs are available? Therapy is a good idea too in case maybe there are other issues making you unhappy. Good luck!

    • Anonymous :

      Thanks all for your comments. Any recs for therapists in NYC/NJ areas?

    • I had similar feelings several years ago and found out that it was largely due to a vitamin D deficiency. Since you’re going through this in the summer, it’s probably not the same thing, but maybe worth while to check it out. I literally went back to “normal” after about a week of vitamin D supplements.

      Obviously if the job is dreadful, vitamin D won’t solve it… how nice would that be?!

      • anon in-house :

        Ooooh, you know what? I have chronic Vitamin D deficiency, starting with being holed up for 3 yrs in a windowless law library and shuttered classrooms, and now windowless trading floor setup in financial services where it is required to eat lunch at your desk. I have considered taking supplements, but I heard they are useless and cannot replace the necessity and benefits of real world sunlight.

        • PSA on Vitamin D :

          Supplementation is highly recommended for people who show insufficient or deficient Vitamin D blood levels, especially for women, as we are already at higher risk for osteoporosis. A number of studies (see the link below) show that the majority of people in the US do not have sufficient levels of Vitamin D, and this is particularly true in people who don’t get much exposure to sunlight, people in northern climates, people with darker skin, and older adults. For people who are deficient, prescription level doses of D3 are typically prescribed for a short period to get levels back up to a healthy range, so it’s not just a matter of picking up a supplement at the store.

          I’m a super-pale skinned early 30s woman who recently found out I’m Vitamin D deficient. It wouldn’t have been detected if I hadn’t asked for it to be in my yearly physical labs, and after starting supplements, it’s amazing how much more energy I have — to say nothing of the reduction in risk of long-term consequences.

  29. Does anyone have any advice for or experience with supporting a spouse and in-laws while one of their family members struggles with mental illness and addiction? My BIL seems to have issues with both. My MIL was financially comfortable and so has provided him with money, a place to live, medical care, etc. It seems that this has all taken a toll and she may not be as comfortable (or able to retire as soon) as we had thought. Since my FIL’s death a few years ago, my husband has essentially been the family patriarch and MIL looks to him for advice and help. BIL says he’s getting treatment but his behavior is so bizarre I can’t imagine that he’s taking drugs as prescribed (maybe he’s taking non-prescribed drugs, maybe he’s taking more than he’s supposed to — he refuses to follow directions and thinks doctors are idiotic know-it-alls) and he’s certainly not capable of holding a job in his condition. My husband would be willing to cut off all support except money to go to a treatment center. The problem is my MIL is unlikely to feel emotionally able to cut him off if it meant he might never seek treatment and that he’d be living under a bridge/in jail/etc. So she supports him, but leans on my husband. My husband is angry that his brother is causing their mother so much grief and is disrupting our life. I try to support my husband but when I ask what’s wrong with BIL, what medicine is he taking, what doctors is he seeing, what drugs is he on, does he have a psychiatric diagnosis, the answer to everything is “I don’t know.” It really seems that my husband needs to be firm with my MIL and tell her that she needs to let BIL feel the consequences of his own actions and that he (husband) is not going to run around bailing his brother out of jail. But that would be too painful for my husband to cut off his mom like that. I’m so frustrated with all of it. I really feel for BIL. He’s so unhappy. I think his brain just isn’t right. The world is an angry, cold, unhappy place for him and he takes drugs and drinks to escape. But part of his illness is that he’s completely unwilling to trust anyone to help him. It’s like he’s a vortex sucking in the whole family. I think he’s deeply envious of my husband and so I don’t believe it’s a coincidence that whenever we have a big event (our wedding, getting a new job, buying a house) BIL seems to have some new disaster that requires all attention be fixed on him while we put aside our plans for celebrating and instead bail out BIL again. If he were my own relative, I’d feel like I could have more say in how we support (or don’t support) him, but as the in-law, it’s really hard to walk the line of being a good wife and DIL (and SIL — I do think MIL enables him and the better path for him would be if she took a firmer stance) while still acknowledging that my life in impacted by all this, too. Any words of wisdom?

    • I’m sorry you are dealing with this. It sounds like your whole family could benefit from Al-Anon or a support group for the loved ones of people with mental illnesses. I think NAMI is good place to start looking for the latter. If MIL won’t go, then you and your husband should go. This is tough stuff, so enlist the help of the professionals.

    • Campus Attorney :

      I agree with the Al-Anon recommendation. I sit on our campus’s crisis management team, and many of the cases we deal with involve students’ or their family member’s mental health issues and/or addiction. The stories are horrible, but they all follow a certain pattern. And the members of our team (social worker, counselor, police, dean of students) have a pattern for helping these students and their families. My point is that if our cases follow a pattern and respond to a pattern of help, I’m sure your BIL’s issues also follow a pattern and there will be a pattern to help you all deal with it and him. I’d start with Al-Anon, but might also look into therapists with expertise in this, social workers. Also, maybe MIL will start protecting her retirement if she has an in-person meeting with her banker/attorney/financial advisor in which she is told exactly what she is risking.

    • MIL and husband had planned to go to Al-Anon a few months ago but then never went. I’ve urged them to go but they say there’s nothing anyone can say that will help. I’ve told my husband that I feel the family doesn’t have the tools it needs to be the best family we can be for each other (meaning tough love for BIL if necessary and support for everyone else) and he says that he doesn’t think there are any tools out there to deal with his brother.

  30. Chicago Meeting :

    My last post is stuck in moderation.
    Are we still meeting in Chicago tonight? I did not find any recent reminder, may be I missed an update.

    • Chicago meetup tonight! :

      Yup! I was going to post this afternoon, and probably still will but…
      When: today kicking off at 5:30pm (I’ll be there until at least 8pm)
      Where: Encore Liquid Lounge in 312 Chicago (136 N LaSalle Street)
      Near the Clark/Lake el stop
      Valet parking is $12 for 3 hours
      I’m 5’7″ with brown hair, mid-thirties. I’m wearing a black skirt and a green cardigan. If you email me, I’ll send you my phone number.

      Terry (ChicagoC o r p o r e t t e at

      • Chicago Meeting :

        Wonderful, thanks, so excited for meet everyone tonight.

        • Chicago meetup tonight - corrected address! :

          Oops! That’s 171 W Randolph, just around the corner.

      • Ladies, I can’t make it tonight! But I’d love to meet all of you in the future. Update us on how it goes tonight I hope you have a great time.

  31. EC MD --mamabear, this is for you :

    I admit it. I’m wearing my birkenstock Giza sandals to work today. I’m tired, I have a terrible cold, I can’t take any cold medicine because I’m pregnant, and I’m getting to the point where putting socks on is a chore. It’s still in the high 70s today and my pedicure looks fine.

    So there. I would like to admit and acknowledge that I am not living up to corporette standards, or even my own personal standards, but there it is.

    • Sugar Magnolia :

      You are living up to pregnancy standards, which are essentially, “If the shoe fits, attempt to cram it on to your swollen foot, and get through your work day by any means necessary.”

      So sorry you are sick. I have struggled with extreme exhaustion (like today, for instance), but I haven’t gotten a cold yet. That has to be miserable!

  32. Yesterday someone posted a pair of lovely Corso Como boots. I don’t remember the name of the style, but I thought I’d do a PSA that there are many CC boots on sale today at MyHabit:

  33. I bought several mint-colored items in the spring and haven’t gotten much use out of them – a shell, a cardigan, and a statement necklace. The color just screams spring to me. Is there any way I can mix them with other colors (navy maybe? what else?) and make them look approriate for fal/winter? Or should I jsut pack up my mint stuff until next spring?

    • I think a mint cardigan would look beautiful, and fall-appropriate, with cognac boots. It’d also look good with red, or navy.

    • I think you could mix it with chocolate brown shades and make it work for fall, too. Also would remind me of mint chocolate chip ice cream, which is an added bonus in my book :)

      • As soon as I read chocolate my mind went “OOOH, like mint chocolate chip ice cream!”

        Now I have a huge craving. Darn it.

  34. Convince me that it’s okay to buy new clothes in a different size!

    No, not a smaller size… I’ve gained weight over the last few months, and I’m back to what, intellectually, I know is a good weight for me. I was pretty skinny for the last year or two due to bad eating from stress, mostly. Life is back on track (yay!) but going up a size kind of pains me, even though I know it shouldn’t, and I wasn’t exactly budgeting on replacing a lot of my favorite clothes this fall (though I can swing it). Any tips to get over this mental hump?

    • Research, Not Law :

      You will look thinner if you’re wearing the correct sized clothing.

    • You deserve to be comfortable in your clothes no matter what you weigh.

    • Women’s clothing sizes are totally meaningless to begin with; they’re not tied to any consistent measurements and are purely a branding thing. Don’t let the man give you feelings about a totally arbitrary number (or letter). Be glad if you are able to find something you like that fits you comfortably!

      Another reminder that is helpful is to think about it in terms of what size you wear, not what size you ARE. It’s just a little change in wording, but it’s really helped me to not think “I am a size x” but “I wear a size x” or “(this brand’s) size x fits me.”

      • “Well, in a good shoe, I wear a size 6. But a 7 feels so good, I buy a size 8!”

    • Buy the clothes that fit you properly and feel comfortable. If you feel comfortable, that will make you feel more confident. Confident = attractive.

      If it really does bug you to wear size N instead of size M, cut the size tags off. I do that anyways because I hate them — they feel scratchy and annoying against my skin.

    • Agreed. You will feel more confident and look better in clothes that fit.

    • Dress the body you have, not the body you wish you had. If it helps, cut out the tags so you can’t see the size.

    • lucy stone :

      You will feel better, look more confident, and if you lose weight again you can always have them tailored. It will make mornings much easier and you deserve to look like the attractive, confident person you are.

  35. Research, Not Law :

    Has anyone had a Fill-a-Seat membership? Experiences?

  36. I really like this jacket. Does anyone know how this fits someone with linebacker shoulders? I have “athletic” shoulders and biceps, jackets like this are often too tight but since this is jersey they might stretch a bit.

  37. Happygolucky :

    I’m at that age where I can’t tell from one’s appearance whether she is in her twenties or thirties. However, I had the privilege of sitting next to a pair of professionally dressed ladies having lunch today, and learned from snippets of their conversation that they are most definitely in their twenties. How? The use of the word “like” is almost every sentence! If you are a professional trying to portray a certain image, I highly recommend banning this word from your vocabulary!

  38. In search of a. :

    Hey a.- I posted last night about trying to use my anthro birthday discount online but not being able to figure out how. I checked some of the usual blogs and couldn’t find anything and last night NOLA said that her card had a barcode and code for online. Mine has neither. Does this mean I absolutely have to go into the store to use it? (Sidenote-why can’t they all be the same?) Thanks! Lalo

  39. The jacket looks great on picture but like a lot of the Asos pontes, the fabric looks a bit on the cheap side in person. The buttons are hidden, but you can see their edges through the fabric and even brand new the fabric looks pale around the edges of those outlines.

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