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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.![Jones New York Printed Cocoon Sleeve Sheath Dress (Grey) Jones New York Printed Cocoon Sleeve Sheath Dress (Grey)](https://www.jny.com/on/demandware.static/Sites-jonesny-Site/Sites-jonesny-catalog/default/v1287202010735/products/PG.10186055.JJ933XX.PE.jpg)
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
N
Speaking of sheath dresses, and all the recommendations on this blog to just throw a blazer on sheath dresses: I just realized the other day, that a blazer I bought a couple of years ago – but haven’t worn much, works perfect like that.
I bought the blazer because it emphasized my waist, and looked good on me, but there was (of course) a flaw that I didn’t see in store.
The cut of the blazer is so that it hasn’t got straight edges at the bottom, but curves up towards the buttons – so wearing trousers or skirts with it just looks strange to me. (Which is why I haven’t worn it a lot.)
Then, remembering the advice from Corporette, I put it on top of a purple H&M sheath dress that has been worn to pieces, just to test it out, and even that raggy dress looked quite elegant underneath.
With that idea in mind, I figure I now need new and fresh colourful sheath dresses to go with the blazer ;) What a great realization to come to the week before I head to London for a shopping trip. Thanks :)
LInLondon
Bring a coat, it’s freeeeeezing here. And enjoy!
(And if you like Indian/Pakistani food, go to Tayyabs. Waiting in line is worth it. [My apologies if I’m being presumptuous and you already know this, haha])
N
I was there just last week for work, and definitely noticed it getting chillier, so yep, bringing the coat.
fresh jd
Strange photo of the model (photoshop?). The dress makes her look like a football player, esp in the shoulder area. And her head is so disproportional to her body. Something is very off…and it ain’t the model!
J
I think the problem is that the sleeves are flouncy/puffy, so that the widest part of the outfit is the upper arms. I’m not sure that it’s the model or the photoshopping; I think it might just be the dress itself (plus the angle of the shot)
Anon
I think the puffy Laura Ashley-esque sleeves are largely to blame for the shoulder issues…
L
Yep. Looks like another linebacker look, not for us broader-shouldered ladies!
nonA
To me, it looks like they photoshopped a tiny head on a bigger body – it is just weirdly out of proportion, and not flattering in the least.
JAS
Yes, I think it looks so extremely out of proportion that it must be a photoshop error, not just the puffy (possibly padded?) sleeves. I think it could be really cute in person if I am right about the photoshop. I don’t have the money to shop right now, sadly :(
Veronica
Those are some ugly, ugly sleeves. It looks like something my four year old niece would wear to play princess, except you’d have to dye it pepto-bismal pink.
AIMS
These sleeves are hideous. I don’t think it’s the model or the photoshop.
I am usually one to defend all the sleeves others find objectionable — from cap to 3/4 length — but I have never seen a poofy elbow length sleeve look good on anyone, myself included.
F
These sleeves are HORRIBLE.
mamabear
It’s not a look for me, but I think those sleeves would be great on a pear-shaped body, to provide balance between the upper and lower halves.
Nancy P
I hope there’s someone that those sleeves work for, because it’s not me. I would look like a linebacker!
The Image Expert
The model certainly has an inverted triangle body with wider shoulders and narrower hips. The semi-boatneck neckline only emphasizes the width further.
surrounded by lawyers
Totally non-professional threadjack…I wouldn’t do it if I wasn’t desperate though.
My best friend from childhood (to present) has been married less than 2 years (we are both in our late 20s). She is currently debating leaving her husband due to a problem that has been clear from the start. I was there when the problem surfaced, I was there when they almost cancelled the wedding 2 weeks out, I was up at the altar with her, smiling, and now I am the first person she calls to report the meltdown. It’s one of those relationship issues that really isn’t anyone’s fault, but is just a fundamental incompatibility between their respective life goals. I think they both deliberately glossed over it all along, and she even admits this now.
Does anyone have any thoughts as to what I should be saying? The fact is that not only do I not think this marriage is going to work, I also think it was a mistake to marry him in the first place. I don’t want to just nonchalantly say “leave him,” but I also can’t in good conscience pretend that I see a solution here.
Also, I have the burden of knowing that I am absolutely the foremost person whose input she wants and values right now. In other words, it would be nice to just conclude that it’s not my place to give her advice or be straightforward with my opinion, but she really, really wants me to. And in a way I wonder if I already dropped the ball by not being stronger in my warnings before they married. Now she’s in a crisis that I kind of foresaw. What is my role?
Miri
I think you should tell her what you think (omitting your thought that you should have warned them years ago/they should have seen this years ago). I
It’s not your fault that they are married, and I don’t think you should feel bad telling her the truth. Also, no matter how close you two are, and no matter how reliant you think she is, I have confidence that she will think the issues through on her own and not act solely in response to whatever you tell her. You won’t be ending the marriage; she (or they) will. And hopefully it will be for the best for everyone.
JAS
My .02 – your role is to be supportive, and to me that means helping her figure out what is really best for her without making her kick herself anymore than she is/will if and when she decides she made a huge mistake. But also, at some point this might start to wear on your nerves and damage your friendship, if she stays with ihm and also just keeps being upset about whatever the issue is. So I guess what I am saying is don’t forget to hol her to her buden of being a good friend to you too. (not saying that’s what’s happening here, just the potential that is could). You DON’T have to feel responsible for “letting” her marry him, but I think if you say to her exactly what you said here: ” I can’t in good conscience say that I see a solution,” then that could be good for her to hear. I am assuming she is aware that counseling is an option. You could also say to her that whatever x issue is, it looks like she can’t have both her marriage and x the way she wants it, so ultimately she may just have to choose which one she wants more and make her peace with her decision.
D
This. Your role as a friend is to listen to her and support her decision. If you tell her your opinion and she goes a different route, it could jeopardize your friendship.
EG
Dear Surrounded, unfortunately, I don’t think you can or should give her advice. She is a grown woman and only the couple involved can really understand what is going on inside a marriage. What you can say is that you are sorry she is in this situation, you wish you had the answer to her problems but you don’t, and that you will be there to support her whatever she decides.
You are not responsible for her choices before or after her wedding, strong warnings or not. Unless her husband to be was abusive or she was in danger, strong warnings would have more likely harmed your friendship rather than stopped the wedding.
The decision facing your friend is one that she owns, if she can’t handle the choice, she should seek professional help. Your role needs to be a supporting one.
Anon
I agree with this. A close friend recently confided in me about her marriage woes (which everyone knew about before they even got married) and I suggested she and her husband see a counselor to determine the best course of action. Maybe cowardly on my part, but there you have it.
Lynette
Your role as a friend is to listen and provide emotional support during this difficult time. Even though your friend is asking for it–I’d refrain from giving her any advice. Avoid the “I told you so” and the “well, I always thought that…..”. If she and her husband wind up working out their differences, she is always going to remember what you said and you may find your friendship cooling.
When ever any of my girlfriends ask me for my advice or opinions on their partners, I always tell her that the two of them need to work it out or gently suggest that they might want to seek out couples therapy.
Anon
This is really important. Criticizing someone’s boyfriend/spouse is a dangerous game. More often than not, they stay together, and your friend resents you having said it. Best to ask questions and let her say what she wants to say. Same goes for parents and children by the way — you can complain all you want about your own parents or your own kids, but almost no one wants their friends to pile on.
D
Agreed. Listen, ask questions about what she wants, and tell her honestly you don’t see a way out for her, but maybe she can come up with one. Suggest counseling for sure.
surrounded by lawyers
Thanks, both. The thing is, I really have no criticism of her husband. I just think they have a mutual, no-fault problem they can’t work past. But I understand that you two feel I shouldn’t say that either. Point taken.
Anon
I know this is a more sensitive point, but if there’s nothing wrong with the guy (or with her), but they just have incompatible life goals, are you really sure divorce is a good idea? In my own marriage, there is no life goal I have that is more important than keeping my family together. I’d stay married even if it meant having to live in a place I don’t like with a job I don’t like and giving up every single one of my hobbies, etc. Maybe if we disagreed about having children or something, I could see that as a deal-breaker, but only maybe (I’ve never had to confront that). I don’t know these people and their bond, but I do wonder whether “incompatible life goals” is a good reason for divorcing someone you love and to whom you pledged perpetual loyalty. For what it’s worth, I’m don’t even have a particular religious motivation for saying this, just a belief in the importance of sticking with other people through the hard times and keeping one’s promises.
surrounded by lawyers
A lovely thought, Anon 10:52. And I get it. The thing is that yes–there is a question of whether one or both of them has a priority that takes precedence OVER staying together (they don’t have kids). So if the goal was to stay married, hands down, then there would be no dilemma. But my friend feels like there may be something very important to her that he says is not compatible with staying together.
MelD
Anon- I think if there are no kids, that’s the time to reconsider whether life goals are compatible. For instance, if one person is adamant about not wanting kids, it may be better to divorce so the other person has an opportunity to pursue that goal. I had two friends who were very incompatible with each other, had a fairly bitter divorce, and now two years later are both in happy relationships because they were able to find significant others with similar life goals.
CSF
This is great advice. Please listen to this. You want to be supportive of her decision, but do not criticize the spouse. If they do stay together, one or both will resent anything you’ve said negatively.
MOR
So agreed. Listen, be there for her, let her vent, but don’t tell her what to do. This is her relationship, and only she can decide whether or not it is the relationship she wants to be in long-term. If you say, “leave him,” and she doesn’t, and they do make it work, you’ll always be the friend who told her to leave her husband.
S in Chicago
Just my .02–Don’t do any looking back with her. It’s not productive to play the “what if” game. She is married now and simply needs to focus on what is best for the present and future.
Listen to her. Remind her that you’re her friend no matter what she chooses and that she will be fine no matter what she chooses. It may help to remind her a few times that every marriage has its comprises and ups and downs (it does). And only SHE knows what is right for her and how he treats her since you’re not in it. If he has a drinking/gambling/some sort of abusive problem, definitely encourage counseling (even if he won’t go, she still should) and do as much as you can to remind her that she is a strong, independant, wonderful person and that she needs to do what is right for her long-term health and well-being before anything else. Sometimes bad relationships can really take a toll on the person’s self-esteem–be her cheerleader and focus on that instead of spending time on what is or isn’t OK about him. When she is in a place of strength, she’ll weigh all of that for herself.
cbackson
I’m in a situation sort of similar to your friend’s–I’ve been married only a few years, and my husband recently blindsided me (in what I thought was an incredibly happy marriage) with the announcement that he probably never should have married me and wants out. A lot of people (including the corporettes!) have given me great advice, so here are my thoughts from the trenches:
-You didn’t drop the ball, or at least, she probably doesn’t blame you for it. In the circumstances you describe, I don’t think your advice would have made an impact, and she always would have remembered what you said to her.
-I think that the best thing you can do is to help her frame her own internal debate over this. You can’t make the decision for her, and straight up telling her what you would do probably wouldn’t help. The most helpful thing that people have done for me is to tell me what they’re hearing in what I’m saying. Phrase your thoughts on this as questions (“Can you see yourself doing *X thing that she really wants* in this relationship?”) that will help her think through what she is experiencing.
This is a tough position to be in. My friends have been incredibly good to me during this time, and I know that just by listening to her you are helping her through this.
surrounded by lawyers
Thank you, cbackson, and I’m so sorry for your own troubles.
It’s good to know that what you say has been helpful, is basically what I have been doing so far. I often echo back to her what I am hearing her say, and in emails I often paste in a sentence that she wrote and then tell her how it sounds to me. Or just encourage her to think more about why she said X, given that it suggests she feels Y.
Good luck. I’m glad you have great friends.
Res Ipsa
“Have you two sought counseling — either as a couple or alone? I will leave it to a professional to help you work out these issues, but I want you to know I will support you in whatever decision you choose.”
Kaye
I think you could tell her that you do see why this issue is a serious one, and that she’s right to seriously re-examine her marriage. You probably shouldn’t tell her whether or not she should stay married, but I think letting her know that you think this is a very serious issue that is unlikely to be resolved will be helpful in making sure she doesn’t decide to just gloss over it yet again, but really confronts it and makes a decision to stay with him with full awareness of the issue, or to leave him.
I think your role as a friend is to be supportive but also to gently nudge her if it looks like she’s trying to gloss over the problem again.
Anon
I agree. I’m the type that needs a push to make a decision. I would want a friend to agree with me that I was doing the right thing and not being irrational. I think it is ok to tell her how you feel, in supportive terms, letting her know that you will support whatever she decides.
Anonymous
I agree with Kaye and Anon at 2:51 pm. You know your friend best, but I have solicited opinions from friends before about sensitive topics and I appreciated their gentle honesty, as well as their expressions of support.
anon
You have received very good advice here. You sound like a wonderful friend and I know it is very hard. However, your role is to listen and be supportive. If you say anthing, even if it is well intended, it will come back to you.
Miri
Off-topic question about makeup:
Is a big blush/bronzer brush necessary?
I have bronzer and blush, both with relatively small, skinny brushes that seem to work okay. But I’ve heard that one should really own a big, fat, puffy brush. Is this true? Will it truly apply my makeup better? I don’t want to spend $35 if I don’t have to, but I also don’t want to be without a basic that will last me many years if I will really benefit from it.
D
I have a medium size brush for blush and I find it works better – the blush looks less streaky and less like I’m wearing blush than when I try to apply with the brush that comes with. If you are going for a more natural look, you might want to try it out. Also, I second the Sonia Kashuk brushes at Target.
A
Check out the brushes on eyeslipsface.com. I’ve gotten a few brushes from there and the seem to be pretty good quality.
NYC
Ditto! Buy there expensive “studio” line. They are ridiculously cheap and AWESOME brushes.
NYC
Ugh, their.
Anonymous
the right brush is helpful. you’ll get more product on your skin and less in the brush, or poofing into the air, etc. if you use the right tool. it’ll help your product last longer, too.
Makeup Junkie
Big fluffy brushes are good for blending. If you use smaller brushes, you might get too much product on the brush and thus your skin, making you look overly made up.
I have some nice brushes from Lumiere (an online mineral e-tailer) and Sonia Kashuk from Target. MAC brushes have always seemed overpriced to me, so $35 on one brush is probably too much.
Kaye
For blush I have something like this:
http://www.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P259905&om_mmc=esv103203-GG&om_kwpur=338007732&ppc_crid=3338153477&sbanner=us_search&esvcid=S1287681010_ADOGOE_AGI3801795_CRE3338153477_TID338007732_RFDd3d3Lmdvb2dsZS5jb20%3d
Really useful – ever since I got it my blush looks so much better.
I don’t have enough experience with powder to recommend either way.
Anon L
REF or ELF brand (can’t remember, but they are at Target) makes some great brushes that are SUPER cheap.
Emma
I get inexpensive makeup brushes in various sizes at the drugstore that work for me. No need to spend tons of money!
Lynette
I think that you need a large brush for bronzers, because you want to the color to be diffused over a larger area. You really don’t need to spend big bucks on brushes. The Sonia Kashuk line, available at Target regularly gets good reviews on makeupalley.
Anon
Another threadjack – has anyone been watching the TV show The Whole Truth with Maura Tierney? Her character is a prosecutor in NYC, and they keep showing her going to court in the most ridiculously informal outfits. Last night she was wearing what looked like a polo shirt. Here’s a photo: http://www.tvguide.com/tvshows/truth/photos/304563#153958
I’m not a lawyer, but seeing as we often debate skirt vs. pant suits and hose vs. no hose, this seems crazy to me. I just wanted to rant and see if anyone was thinking the same thing. It could be a “what not to do” 360 – maybe compared to The Good Wife?
emulaw
I watch it every week and usually fall asleep about halfway through it… because I think it’s kind of dull. I have no idea why I have continued to give it chance after chance to be a decent show… but I have noticed that her court outfits, except for the times when they show her in jury trial, never include a suit jacket. Ever. I worked in a prosecutor’s office for a long time and even the most routine matters in front of a judge require a suit coat, or, certainly something more than a cardigan set.
mbs
Did you see the Good Wife the other night? In a courtroom scene, a judge jumped all over Julianna Margulies for wearing a pantsuit, and told her skirt suits were required in his courtroom for women. I had to laugh, because in my state, when I first started practicing, there were judges that actually did that. Women did not wear pants to court! Hopefully it doesn’t happen anymore. I love that show, though. Julianna has a great wardrobe.
Anonymous
I saw it, and immediately thought of Corporette!
nonA
Oh, those judges still exist!
D
What do you guys think of black tights with peeptoe pumps for evening? If it makes a difference, the pumps are a dark, velvety blueish green and I’m wearing them with a black dress and a gold necklace. I could skip the tights but then I’ll be cold :)
surrounded by lawyers
I think it’s fine for a social event unless there is an obvious seam on the toe of the tights that will show within the “peep” area of your peeptoes. Have fun!
Cat
I think that sounds totally fine, assuming that the shoes aren’t made of a delicate material (satin?) (which might be too visually “light” to look right with the black tights). I like peep-toes with opaque tights because it looks intentional (and actually wear black peep-toes with charcoal tights for work).
i'm nobody
no, never!
ADS
If it looks intentional – like you intended to do a funky thing and wear colored tights with peep-toes – then it’s fine. If it looks like you just don’t know any better, then not fine. It’s not a formal look. I think in this case, the higher the contrast between the tights and the shoes, the better – it sounds like the shoes are your only color, so you’d want them to pop. That’s my opinion.
Bonnie
I really don’t like that look. For me, if it’s cold enough to wear tights, it’s too cold for peep toe shoes. Peep toe booties are not a trend I will be embracing.
F
Agree with Bonnie
ACE
I question the tights with peep-toe look, but have seen it nicely put together. With tights in general, isn’t the rule that your shoes should be the same color as the tights??? I remember seeing that on last season of Oprah’s purse and accessory style show.
Kaye
Sounds lovely to me.
Eponine
It’s a look. I don’t like it and think you should just wear closed-toed shoes if you’re cold. But there’s nothing unfashinonable about it so long as it looks intentional and not like you wore hose out of habit or because you thought no one would notice. In this case, with the contrasting colors, it would look intentional.
Fiona
I saw a woman on the subway this morning wearing gray tights with a subtle herringbone weave on them. I thought they looked great and very preppy / fall-ish. Does anyone have an idea of where I could find tights like that?
MelD
You may want to try Kohl’s. I think I got a pair in brown and there were also pairs in gray and black.
Anonymous
DSW? Lots of tights there, usually, and in interesting styles.
M
The Limited and NY&Co have nice patterned tights. Perhaps Express as well.
M
And Nine West! :)
Res Ipsa
Macys and Nordstrom usually have really good selections of patterned tights. Maybe even Filene’s Basement, if you have one near you. Hue is usually a good brand you can find there.
I
I saw tights like that at Lord & Taylor last night.
I
And they’re having their friends & family sale right now – 25% off.
Anon
J Crew has herringbone tights in two or three colors.
Emma
I love J.Crew tights, but they’re so expensive! Looking for similar options but cheaper. Any ideas?
Lola
Target has a ton of patterned tights right now, too.
spacegeek
Recently the Jones NY outlet near me went out of business. Someone told me that J-NY is going out of business in general. I have been happy with their clothing, and was disappointed to hear this. Anyone confirm or deny?
And regarding tights, the Gap has great ribbed tights, and I find others at TJMaxx and even Target.
Big Firm Lawyer
I see Jones New York at JCPenny. They have really great prices on regular suits.
Anon
Completely off-topic, but could use some advice. My 18 y/o son wants to drop out of college after only 1 semester. If it matters, he’s paying all his college expenses – he received money from a structured settlement when he turned 18 that pays out over the next few years (Not enough to make him rich, but plenty enough to pay for college). He doesn’t know what he wants to do, thinks he might like to go to a trade school, or be an electrician, or who knows what. He’s never really worked, other than 6 weeks one summer at a summer camp. I’ve thought of several options for my response:
Pressure him to stay in school at least for 2 years, taking basics, until he figures out what he wantst to do. If he still doesn’t know after 2 years, then take some time off;
Suggest he take a few classes part-time at a community college and work at least part-time, until he figures it out;
Suggest he take some time to just work full-time, so he can see what it’s like to try to make a living without a college education. Maybe that will send him running back to college?
My main concern with the working option is that he won’t be able to find a job, and will end up blowing all his money, with no college degree to show for it, but I do think he could use the life experience. On the other hand, if he stops going to school now, will he ever go back? Has anyone else faced a similar situation? Did it have a good ending?
D
Well, he is 18, so really, all you can do is advise. I would encourage him to finish out the semester because it would make it easier to transfer or reenroll later, and then take some time off. Try to encourage him to put away his money so that he can use it for college if he decides to go back. If you have enough control over him, I would make that a condition of his taking time off. I also agree with encouraging him to work.
Anon
If I could go back to the age of 17 (when I started college) and change anything, I would have taken at least a year off before I started. I went to a great school, graduated with honors, went to a great law school and have a successful career – but I had NO idea who I was at 17, nor did I know what I wanted out of life, and a “gap year” or two would have been so wonderful in so many ways. It is an option I will offer to all my children.
I like option # 3 – let him take a year off. If he doesn’t feel purposeful right now, floating around taking “basics” won’t be of any value to him. Set some ground rules – must find job, until find job must spend X hours a day looking for job, etc. etc. Be supportive but remember that you still get to set some ground rules as parent, particularly if he will be living with you.
One of my brothers took time off from college after 2 semesters and worked for about 1.5 years. Later went back to a different college (a better one, in fact), graduated with honors, and is now serving his country (where he has also received accolades). Some people take longer to get to that “I know what I want to be when I grow up and am ready to work for it” place than others.
Kaye
Someone I know dropped out of college after I think 2 years, worked for 14 years or so (was quite successful in sales and later engineering), and eventually went and got a Bachelor’s degree in his late thirties. He seems to have turned out well :)
Maybe encourage him to finish the year and then take a year off? Or just finish the semester and then take a year off. My college let people do that – it was a bit of a challenge to get back in, but wasn’t impossible. Negotiating a year off with the college is definitely a better idea than dropping out.
N
Dropping out in the middle of the first semester, especially since we’re not far into it, seems a bit rash. College isn’t for everyone, but I would at least encourage him to not drop out until the coming summer – so that he would have at least one year under his belt should he decide to take it up again. (It may be that he gets more interesting classes, or whatnot the second semester and decides to continue, and it may not)
Especially since I’d imagine trade schools and whatnot also operate on a fixed schedule, so it might be too late to sign up there now.
In the time between now and then, have him research different options. Have him look at trade schools, look into what being an electrician would entail, look into what jobs would be there in your/his area for someone without a college degree, and so on. So, if he decides to drop out, he’ll have a plan for the time after he does it.
S in Chicago
I totally agree. I don’t think he has given it enough of a shot yet. A year will make it easier to tell whether it’s just the freshmen “blues” or truly not the right fit and will allow for getting the right back-up plan in place. I feel for him, but part of “growing up” is realizing you need to put things in place for yourself and not just move home to mom and dad when you hit a rough patch (especially, when it sounds like this is his first).
Jay
Apparently back in the 70s, my uncle told his parents (who were paying for his college degree) that he hated school and wanted to drop out. They told him that the choice was his, but that if he dropped out, he had to find a job. He went to Wall Street, realized he hated it, and came back to school after one semester. I think this might be a wise approach; college isn’t for everyone, and if your son doesn’t need the degree, then he will learn that early on. On the other hand, if he isn’t ready for the working world or finds that what he thought he wanted isn’t for him, he still has his savings and can go back. His experience may be unusual, but it won’t necessarily be bad. Especially if he’s not going to blow his structured settlement money.
maine susan
My son came home having finished his first year of college and said he was on a leave of absence. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I told him to get a job. (This was 2002-2003) He sold paint. After 3 months, he came home one day and said “how do people live on $9 an hr if they don’t live with their mothers? I think I need to go back to college. He went to a different, smaller, more academic school and has now graduated and gotten a job. Not what I envisioned but he knew best what he needed to do. Sometimes you just have to have faith in your kid and how you raised him and let him go while being supportive, of course.
Anon
I have many friends who paid a ton of money to go to a good school and are now doing jobs they didn’t need a degree to do anyway. Or, they have gone back for second and third degrees for new careers and don’t even use the old one at all. (AKA, fashion marketing, now nursing, history now accounting, something like that.) I think he is wise beyond his years to consider a trade. Trades people make really good money. Not big law money, but more than your average entry level college educated professional.
I really judged someone close to me for not going to college after high school. It took him almost 8 years to find himself but he is now a paramedic, making a good living, loving what he does.
Many of my college educated friends are miserable feeling like they are stuck in their jobs with no way out. I say let him work or explore a trade.
My friend w/ TWO masters degrees just quit her job and is looking to work as a secretary somewhere while she regains her mental health. Nothing is certain with a college degree.
Anon
OP here. That’s true, I think my son’s biggest problem is that he’s the child of 2 attorneys who don’t love their work. Although I like being a lawyer better than anything else I’ve done, and I think it’s a great career, I don’t love it, and regret never finding work I truly enjoy. And his father is very unhappy with his career.
I believe he’s committed to finishing this semester, I may encourage him to at least finish this year, but if he really doesn’t want to do it, I’ll tell him to get a job and think about it for a while. And try not to worry about it so much.
AE
I think this is the best strategy. There is something about getting that first real world job (at a Blockbuster, a McD’s, etc.) that can really make an 18 or 19 year old decide that getting a college degree and working toward a successful career are for them. My cousin went through this.
Pjbhawaii
I feel I have standing to comment as my son is 19 years old and he, too, dropped out of college in his first semester. My question to you (although you may never get it — it’s probably 3 or 4 am your time), is why does he want to quit? That seems to me key. Does he not fit in, does he dislike academics, is he bored? What? And what does HE want to do if he is not going to school? Some people are just not academic and no amount of parental coaching will change that.
My own son is dyslexic and ADD. He has wanted to quit school since 3rd grade, when he asked me when he could get a ‘real job.’ When my son dropped out last year, we told him he would have to work or volunteer if he wanted to live in our home. Conveniently, my husband is a contractor and had plenty of hard labor to offer at minimum wage. My son took the job.
One year later, my son broke down and cried. . . he just sat on the top stair and sobbed. It was 5 am and he faced another hard day. It killed me.
He re-evaluated. He is now going to community college, willingly, and is in a two-year welding/car maintenance program. We paid for the nearly $1K worth of tools and equipment. So far, he’s content.
Good luck to you and your son. It is so hard to be a parent.
spacegeek
I took a semester off between my junior and senior years in college. The times were different, and of course the age is a bit different than your son as well, but at the time, I wasn’t sure I wanted to complete my degree.
I got a job, and lived at home. My parents insisted that I take a class at the community college so I didn’t “forget” how to deal with homework and school. It was useful. I stayed at home and had a curfew because “I was living in their house” and also they didn’t want me to get used to what they said was the freedom of living on my own without classes, etc.
I ended up going back to school in the Spring semester, dropped one of my majors and graduated on time. I am now the proud bearer of a PhD and I work in a field consistent with my degree. I am passionate about what I do and am (mostly) happy with what I do every day.
Taking some time off, IMO, is a fine thing to do, but with boundaries.
KZ
Encourage him to finish the semester, or maybe the year (it’s probably already paid for and can’t get a refund, right?), but then let him take some time to work and figure out what he wants to do, or work part time and maybe take some classes. I’m a big proponent of not everyone needs to go to college (my dad went 4 years at i think 3 or 4 different colleges, had a professor tell him he would never work for anyone, so he finally dropped out and is now a small business owner and seems to love it. But the 4 years of college were probably a waste). Plus, trade schools can teach some really useful skills and, depending on what you do, some that are in high demand. (Yes, sometimes I regret law school, and a profession that really produces nothing).
MelD
I know many people who didn’t go to college immediately after high school or took time off. One is a dentist, one is getting a master’s degree to do clinical nutrition, one is a nurse working on her master’s degree, a few are teachers, and a few are attorneys. I know others who never completed college but were able to pursue successful
MelD
whoops- got cut off- I was saying I knew others who pursued successful careers without ever going back.
Rach
I took a year off and I was a lucky, lucky student who had a full-ride and internship prospects before my freshman year started. But after year one, I found out I could take a year off without losing my scholarship, so I did. I’m a bookworm so there was never any doubt in my head that I’d go back, but I can’t count the number of times other people told me, “Yeah, that’s what I told myself too and its been 30 years. Still no degree!” Working with them though, and seeing people my parents’ ages barely making enough money to have a blue-collar lifestyle (which was the demographic at most of the jobs I could get with 2 semesters of college) made me determined to return to school and do something that didn’t require manual labor. My brother did the same, realized that working at a car rental wasn’t his thing, returned and changed to a more lucrative major, and has been very successful in his career as well.
You might suggest a few colleges at a community college in the evening and a full-time job during the day. That way, he still has one foot in the “education matters” world – and will see first hand the struggle it is for people who dropped out of school and are now trying to return to better themselves, but have kids and families and have to work during the day – and get a feel for real-life 40-hour work week.
And if he realizes he was cut out for trade-school and makes a great career for himself as a welder or electrician, he can still make as much as a lot of attorneys are making these days. As long as he’s not dropping out of life altogether, I’m sure it will all end up just fine.
Eponine
Is there a way to encourage/coerce him to save the money instead of spending it? I’d say to let him take a year off, preferably to do some sort of service project like City Year or Americorps, but encourage (and help) him save his money for if he goes back to college, or to use for a house or something later on.
Anon
My experience is a little different, because I didn’t drop out of college. But I did work as a waitress through college and that completely kept me motivated when I saw the older women who worked as waitresses struggling and fighting over tables, because they were having such a hard time making ends meet. And most worked at least two jobs. I realized I had to finish school so that I wouldn’t be a waitress when I was “old” too. (Some women were in their late 50’s or 60’s but at the time, even the ones in their late 30’s and 40’s were old to me back then, haha!)
Maybe if he does work an entry-level, minimum wage job for a while, he will see the older workers who are struggling to make it in that job too and that will motivate him to go back.
Also, I think sometimes boys just take a little longer to figure it out. I know my dad, my husband and my brother did not get serious about school until they were in their early 20’s (like around 23 or so), and so each took longer to finish college than me or my sister. They were just not serious about it at 18 or 19 years old.
Anon
Sorry, threadjack! So my best friend (who is like a sister to me) and I got into huge fight a week or so ago. It basically ended with her saying she never wanted us to speak again. I don’t think she meant it (she has done this before when we or our other friends fight) but I do think we both need some time before we start talking to each other again. However, her 30th birthday is coming up and I can’t imagine not wishing her happy birthday. I was planning on just sending a simple b-day card with just a small note but what would be appropriate to say? You guys give great advice so would love any advice you have. Thanks!
Lynette
A few years back my sister and I had a huge blowout and we didn’t speak for a couple of months. I sent her a card, saying that I missed my ‘lil sis. I made no mention of our argument. That was enough to break the ice and re-open the lines of communication. We were then able to calmly discuss and resolve the issue.
Just let your friend know that you love and miss her and wish her a happy b-day. Don’t re-hash the argument, and let things take it’s course.
Anon
Thanks so much for your quick response, Lynette. I was thinking of just doing something simple like that but wasn’t sure if it’d be weird or inappropriate given the fact she said never to speak to her. But yeah, I think that should just be simple enough and at least I won’t regret not wishing her happy b-day even if she doesn’t want to talk to me. Thanks again.
MelD
I have friends who got into a similarly huge fight last year right before one’s 30th birthday. At the time, I really thought it was way too soon for them to be talking again because tensions were still really high. I don’t think the one who didn’t get a 30th birthday wish took it personally because she knew she and my other friend needed some space. They started talking again a few months later when the other one announced she was pregnant. I think it’s fine to do an icebreaker, but I doubt just 1-2 weeks is enough time to allow someone to cool off.
divaliscious11
Maybe a note that says I am still angry with you, and I understand you are angry with me, but I do love you…. makes the case that space is still necessary, but 30th b-day is still important…
Lola
I’d forget the “I’m still angry with you” part. Forgiveness is what moves relationships forward.
“I miss you” is really the main sentiment.
EEP
I love Corporette for great work attire ideas. I am feeling like I need to update my casual wardrobe for fall and I am really struggling. I like to stick with a pretty classic style, but I feel like that’s translating into “boring”! Are there any websites/blogs out there that would be good places to look for ideas? I am 29, so I want to be modern but not too fashion-y.
KateL
Have you looked at Boden? Their stuff has a boho-preppy vibe that is kind of fun. I’d also consider Canvas by Lands End.
My style has always been classic/preppy – some of the sweaters that have been featured here would be fun casual pieces, paired with dark jeans or skirt/tights/boots. As my style has evolved I find that tops and casual jackets are an easy way to break out of my comfort zone…
EEP
Thanks, KateL! I do love Boden but have been slowed down a little bit by their prices. I think that I need to suck it up, though, because I do really like their fun/preppy style. I will check out Canvas, too!
anon
Fashion blog taste is very subjective. Perhaps some of these will work for you.
http://whatiwore.tumblr.com/
http://feliciasullivan.com/ ( skip past her foodie posts)
http://ifeluvsu.blogspot.com/
anon
Man, I hate having posts awaiting moderation. Hopefully, my post will show up soon.
C2
I love http://whatiwore.tumblr.com/and http://gigisgoneshopping.blogspot.com/
They each have links to quite a few other blogs, so you can browse through those to find something that works with your style.
C2
I have a comment stuck in moderation recommending What I Wore and Gigi’s Gone Shopping, so in the meantime let me also say, check out Modcloth for cheap/fun touches.
EEP
Thanks, ladies, for the blog recomendations! Perfect distraction for a somewhat quiet Friday!!
EEP
Oh, and Modcloth rocks! I spent at least an hour checking it out yesterday. How have I missed/ignored it all these years?!? Thanks. :)
Samantha
PSA – ignore if you already know this, but Ann Taylor Loft has 50% off on all sale items! Pretty good deals, and it’s going fast too, some have only lucky sizes left. I just bought 4 things for $90 – a dress, 2 pairs of pants and a tank top. Can’t wait for it to arrive!
kellyn
Open question: I just bought a Tucker for Target blouse in a cream windowpane pattern. I love it and can’t wait to wear it with some skinny jeans and caramel vintage cowboy boots this weekend. HOWEVER…. I’m a little lost on how to style the shirt.
It’s a pretty blousy, loose style. I have a large (understatement of the century) chest and a pretty true to form hourglass shape. I’m afraid that if I belt it at the natural waist, I’ll look (1) huge in the chest; (2) the shirt will look bizarre. I’m not the typical 6’2″, 100 lb boho model in this shirt– I’m 5’7″, 190 lbs and the furthest thing from hipster out there.
Any ideas on how to pull this look off?
kellyn
http://www.target.com/Tucker-Target-Signature-Blouse-Cream/dp/B003V6I25U
AE
Dark wash skinny jeans, a necklace, knee high boots over the skinny jeans, snazzy earrings and a structured leather jacket (esp one in a green, blue or berry, but a brown would do too).
Ru
The styling AE suggested is really good – adding structure to the blouse without using a belt. However, I think it’d be a shame to hide the sleeves of the blouse – maybe a vest? There are nice leather/suede/velvet ones out there that would cinch in the blouse at your waist while letting the volume do its thing everywhere else.
kellyn
Love the idea of wearing it with a vest! The sleeves are one of the best parts of the blouse, so I do want those exposed.
Looks like I’ll be raiding my very stylish, same sized mom’s wardrobe this weekend! Her closets are like a mall. Le sigh.
kellyn
Here’s what I ended up with, in a very dark chocolate brown. It’s beautiful…and it was 50 bucks? Perfect.
Ru
Haven’t had a chance to read any of the comments but I have to say, I think this dress is beautiful. Love it.
Parisienne
I think this dress would be perfection for the office. I would wear it with tights, flats, and a gold chain. The ad says it’s for a night out on the town, but I don’t think so. It seems to me to be a Plain Jane work dress, but nicely designed, and I know Jones New York always very fine fabrics.
Backtowork
This dress: anything described with the word “cocoon” is not going to work for me.
Emma
Yikes. There’s something about this dress I don’t love. Or multiple things. I don’t think it works.