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Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
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- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anonymous
Love the colour of this dress. Works for all skin tones.
Ellen
I agree. I just don’t have the tuchus to pull this one off any more. I think if I were more svelte, I could do it, but I think I will focus this winter on more A line dresses where my tuchus is not featured so much.
Anonymous
I’m trying to figure out if I need to go up a size. My friends say my clothes used to be too big. So here is my strange question about fit of clothing – does your body touch the clothes? For example, do your hips touch the sides of a pencil skirt? Can you feel the waistband of your pants? Not uncomfortably so, not tigh – my skirts used to twist sideways when I walked and now they stay in place, and I realized it’s partly because my hips are touching the sides. There’s no pulling when I’m standing straight, but I can’t figure out if I’m just not used to it or if it’s too tight.
Sassyfras
I agree with your friends – it sounds like you are wearing the right size now.
Anon
+1. If your clothing does not touch your body, it is too big.
Anon
It sounds like you’re wearing the right size now, but there’s no harm in being more comfortable in looser fitting clothes (especially in non-professional-dress contexts). What you like and how you feel is more important than what other people consider to be the “right” fit.
Anonymous
Agree. If the clothing is fitted (like the waistband of pants or a pencil skirt), the measurement on the clothing should be about 1-1.5″ more than your body measurement. This would allow you to place 2 fingers inside the waistband (but not much more) & would result in clothing that is close to the body (touching) but not constricting.
Anonymous
I often size up to fit specific body parts like my broad shoulders. So things might look bigger on me elsewhere but fit better in certain areas. Could this be a similar thing so you think they are too tight in places but really you need a size up and then some areas tailored down?
Modern phone etiquette?
What are your thoughts on phone etiquette, or does not that truly exist anymore since phone use is so ubiquitous? I was on a girls trip recently and noticed the friends I was with used their phones constantly e.g. in the middle of a meal, they would regularly pull phones out and start texting and stop responding to conversation, which I thought was a little rude. I would say at least 40-50% of a meal was on phones. I’m also not a huge texter myself though so welcome other perspectives!
anon
Oh, I hate that and find it incredibly rude. Focus on the people right in front of you, for crying out loud!
anonymous
I think it’s rude to pull out your phone in the middle of a meal. If I’m eating a meal with a group of people, I like to interact with them. Who are they texting so much? I get it if they have kids and need to respond to something related to that, but otherwise the texting can wait til later.
Anon
Tbh, kids aren’t an excuse either. If it’s an emergency, you’ll be getting a call, not a text. You can step away from your kids’ needs for 60-90 minutes.
Anon
It’s very rude, make no mistake. I won’t hang out with people like that regularly.
Anonymous
We do phone stack in middle of the table. Whoever picks up first pays for everyone. Exceptions only for incoming kid problems – sitter doesn’t know where extra diapers are or whatever. Pretty high success rate with no one touching phones until end of meal. Older millennial group (36-40) though so YMMV with younger ppl.
Anonymous
how do you know if it is a kid issue without checking your phone? love the idea though
Anonymous
Sitters are instructed to call not text. Basically no one else calls anymore so 9/10 a call = the sitter.
Anon
I agree. Among my friends, if anyone needs to check their phone during dinner or even just a hang out, they apologize and explain (“sorry, it’s the sitter,” “excuse me for a second, I’m expecting an urgent work email that I need to respond to.”). Mid-30s.
Anon
+1, Upper 30s. With the caveat that when we’re hanging out on a Friday night (at a house while kids are off playing), we will sometimes have a veg night where we just sit together and play on phones or watch a movie, chatting off and on. But it’s usually known ahead of time (“Wanna wear pajamas and hang on my couch with me?”) that it’s that kind of night.
Yes the constant “Squirrel!!!” people drive me nuts but I feel like it’s everywhere now and it’s accepted. A lot of execs at my company do it even in 1:1 meetings, a lot of acquaintances do it at parties or dinners, several family members do it at events. It’s so rude and frustrating but I think it’s getting worse.
NOLA
I do think that’s rude! And I’m a big texter. I had to take a call from work during a date and I felt *terrible* especially when I had to make two follow-up calls (both quick), to resolve the issue. I apologized profusely to my date and he told me a funny story about a date who abandoned him taking a work call (he finally left) and we had a good laugh about it. I assured him that this was highly unusual! We’re still dating, so I guess he didn’t hold it against me, but I really try to keep that sort of thing to a minimum. If my date gets up to go to the restroom, I would probably check my phone then.
Anon
I think it’s rude. I put my phone away for dinners – sometimes I need to text something (like to the babysitter), so I do it quickly but except for that 30 seconds or so, I ignore it.
Anon
I think it depends on the group and context. Obviously there are people who find it rude, but there are also people who aren’t bothered by it. I’m not going to use my phone while having dinner with my grandparents during a trip to see them, but I probably am going to use my phone some at a casual dinner with friends I see all the time (and so will they).
Anon
Sorry, you’re rude to your friends. They’re rude to you too.
Anon
Yeah, I find this rude. There is really no reason to use your phone during dinner unless you’re monitoring a work emergency. As other have said, if there is a serious kid issue, you’ll get a call.
Anon
If everyone there does it and isn’t bothered by it, how is it rude? You may not like it, but it also doesn’t affect you at all. This is not an objective social norm.
Anon
+1
Anonymous
I like my clothes to skim my body. So, for a pencil skirt, that means I like the sides of the skirt to touch my hips, but not be stretched tight across my hips so that you see pull lines from hip to hip and the back of the skirt cups around my rear.
Yes, you should feel the waistband of your pants. It should be reasonably snug. Though many people wear their trousers “painted on,” as if they were skinny jeans, I prefer a looser fit for trousers — but even then, definitely touching my legs.
Some styles currently ARE meant to be worn more boxy or more loose. But even there, they should FIT. There’s a different between deliberately oversized and merely too big.
Bottom line: too tight, to me, is “painted on,” “grin lines” because something is pulling across your hips / thighs/rear, trousers fitting like yoga pants, etc.
“Fits” means skimming the body, no pull lines pulling the clothing out of shape. (For workwear that’s meant to be tailored. if the garment is meant to be body conscious, that’s a different matter.)
Anonymous
I guess I’ll be the voice of dissent. If you’re one-on-one or in a very small group, yes it’s super rude. But in a large-ish group setting, it’s not that big a deal to pull out the phone sometimes. Particularly if you don’t know a lot of people in the group. Particularly if you’re at a table rather than a bar where you can move if the conversation is stuck on something you can’t participate in – i.e., remember that time in college when (and I didn’t go to college with you), omg can you believe what so-and-so did (I’ve never met so-and-so and even if I had I don’t like gossip), sportsball, etc. Like you’re my friends or friends-of-friends, not my coworkers or in-laws, I’m not going to sit here bored out of my mind for hours because you’re too wrapped up in your conversation to realize you’re being exclusionary.
Nah
Can you really only talk to people that you know and only about things you know about? There’s nothing wrong with listening to someone tell a college story even if you didn’t go to college with them. There’s nothing wrong with listening to someone tell you they had a great time at the sportsball game even if you don’t get sportsball. It’s actually very self-centered to think you can just zone out any time you deem someone uninteresting. The behavior you’ve described is exactly what everyone here thinks is rude. It’s saying to the people you are with, “I do not consider you interesting enough to give you my undivided attention.” You claim that anyone discussing something that is not directly on point to you personally is exclusionary. But pulling out your phone and ignoring the people in your presence is what is exclusionary.
Anonymous
This completely mischaracterizes my comment. I said – if the “conversation is stuck” “on something you can’t participate in” “for hours”. If you’ve never experienced this then great! Your friends are considerate people! Normal conversation ebbs and flows among different topics with different people participating more or less on each topic depending on their interests. But some groups aren’t good at moving the conversation along. For example – b-parties where you are a newer friend of the bride and everyone else is a college friend who’s catching up after forever; or that friendsgiving where I got stuck sitting in the middle of 4 guys who were intent on talking about sports statistics from 50 years ago for 3 hours straight. I’ll try to engage but after I get frozen out of the conversation for the umpteenth time – or told no we’re not switching seats – and I have another two hours to sit at the table… yeah I’m pulling out my phone.
Anonymous
I promise I don’t mean to be a flamethrower (and I have a dying family member so I know being accessible matters), but even checking for kid things comes across as a little rude. I remember in the good old days as a babysitter, parents wouldn’t check in, or they’d step out to call partway through dinner to see how things were going if it was a first visit. Why have things changed so much that you need to be instantly accessible?
Anon
+1. Kids have never been safer in the U.S. and honestly, sometimes parents just invent work. I was on a group adventure trip with a husband and wife couple (the first trip they ever did without their kids or without cell service) and the INSTANT we got back into cell service, literally seconds after, the mom got on the phone with Grandma to make sure her son would get to his violin lesson on time. Hello, somehow they survived without you for a week.
Anon
It’s a self important thing among some of my friends — the OMG I’m a law firm partner and MUST be on email ALL.THE.TIME. Having been in that world for 10 years myself, I know the reality is — if you are THAT busy with say a brief going out the door that night etc., then you don’t go out with friends. If you’ve decided to go out for all of one hour, you have made sure that your associates can handle anything that comes up and really you’re not expecting anything to come up. And yes you can put your phone away because let’s be real if you were meeting with a prospective client/doing a business pitch, you would ignore your phone for that 90 minutes and let your associates handle work problems and/or have your existing clients wait for 90 min and let your husband handle baby issues because you wouldn’t risk making a bad impression on a future client. Yet when it comes to friends, OMG can’t put my phone away for an hour . . . .
Anon
yeah, it’s a self important thing among many of the people I know like this too
Anonymous
That’s super rude. I don’t even answer the phone most of the time if I’m in the middle of a conversation with someone, let alone disengage and start texting/checking social media.
Anon
It’s 100% rude. If you do it, embrace that it’s rude (we all do rude things sometimes), but don’t try to claim it isn’t. Something can be common and still rude or not life-and-death and still rude.
Anon
Love all the moms who are constantly like — BUT KIDS as an excuse to be rude. Sorry but kids survived with their dads/babysitters/grandparents for generations before there were cell phones. And 99% of the time, those texts and calls are not emergent, more like — the baby won’t eat or I can’t find the shoes the toddler wants to wear. Uh left on their own, they’ll figure it out for the 90 minutes you’re out with friends.
Anon
It depends on the group. I have some friend groups where we really don’t care if you’re texting. If I’m having a one on one dinner with someone I haven’t seen in awhile, I would be upset if they had their phone out. Friends I see all the time, who cares.
Pet peeve
I hate this so much! Including your smart watch. As a biglaw person, I realize how important being responsive is, but this is different (and different group of people doing it, so I’m a little eye-rolly about the whole thing).
Mole removal
Has anyone had experience with mole removal (not so much skin tags but flat dark spots)? I know it will probably not be covered under insurance since it’s for cosmetic reasons, and wonder about the cost and general process. If it matters I’m in the DC area but could potentially do it in LA.
Anonymous
I have only had one removed. The scar is worse than the mole, IMO. I’d go to a plastic surgeon rather than a dermatologist, especially since it is unlikely to be covered (although I wouldn’t be shocked if someone could come up with a reason to cover it…) But I’d proceed with caution.
Anon
I had one removed from my chin about eight years ago, by a dermatologist (some people recommend plastic surgeon esp for the face, but I was comfortable with my derm doing it). It cost about $300. It worked well for a while but the mole has come back now and I’ll probably need to get it removed again, so just something to be aware of.
Jane
I’ve had a few removed from my face so I used a plastic surgeon to do it and paid cash. I don’t remeber the cost. It was not painful, but I think I had to stop exercising for awhile afterward until the stitches came out (it’s been several years since I have done this). I don’t have scars and I’ll do it again if new moles pop up. Really it’s not a big deal. But I would do a plastic surgeon if you’re removing something from your face because they are going to stitch it much better and reduce the likelihood of a scar.
Senior Attorney
+1 to the plastic surgeon.
Also generally they can write up things like this so the insurance will pay. E.g. “remove precancerous growth.” Which I feel like is fair enough because who knows when a mole will go bad?
Anon
I had a suspicious freckle taken off for a biopsy and that scarred pretty bad, on my leg. I had large mole like things frozen off that were some type of cyst and that didn’t scar at all.
Batgirl
I had a dermatologist remove a raised mole and it healed terribly. That cost about $300? I went back to a plastic surgeon to have a revision done, it looks 1000% better and was worth every penny of the $1500ish that I spent.
Anon
Yep. If it’s on your face, go to a plastic surgeon not a dermatologist. I had a plastic surgeon remove a mole when I was a kid and it barely has a scar.
Anon
For a mole that isn’t raised, there is a decent chance of a scar. They would effectively be digging the mole out. If on your face, I highly recommend going to a plastic surgeon. It may be more expensive, but it is less likely to leave a big scar.
Anonymous
+1. My husband has had multiple removals and the flat ones left really big scars (and turned out to be squamous cell carcinoma, but that’s a different issue). The raised moles he got removed healed much better. All of his removals have been on his back, neck and shoulders and he doesn’t care about scarring, which is good because he has some scars now. The first time he had a removal I was surprised at how large the incisions were, but the derm explained that if they leave mole cells behind, the mole will recur, and in cases where the mole is cancerous, they obviously need clear margins to make sure they get the cancerous cells out. He had one removal where the mole was a little bigger than a pencil eraser but the incision took five stitches to close. If this is on your face, go to a plastic surgeon.
Em
I have had 3 removed – one under my arm pit, one on my forearm, and one on my back. Pain was minimal (the shot to numb the area was the worst part). All of them left slight scars. They were covered by insurance because they were suspicious so the derm recommended removal.
Anonymous
Same. I’ve had several removed, the numbing shot was by far the worst part, healing was super easy (a couple of stitches that came out after a few days), and the scars are pretty minimal. They all looked suspicious and were covered by insurance.
Anon
I had two moles removed from my head (under hair) by a derm in DC. Unfortunately, I can’t remember who it was but it was near Farragut. It did get covered by insurance even though there was no indication on visual examination that the moles were problematic and this was entirely a vanity matter for me. I asked my mother (a pathologist who is generally very conservative about unnecessary medical tests and procedures) about this and she confirmed that it’s considered good practice for a dermatologist to send all removed moles to pathology even if there’s no indications of cancer. She has seen multiple instances where derms didn’t do this and then skin cancer was found much later (but may have been found initially if the doc had sent over the seemingly non-problematic specimen). It’s worth asking your derm how this is handled.
Curious
Outing myself with this, but agree on the plastic surgeon. I had a growth removed from my arm earlier this year. The growth was smaller than a pencil eraser, but the dermatologist had to cut deep to get all of it out. I had 7 stitches, which scarred more on the ends, leaving a very visible (and unfortunately phallic) scar. My wedding photographer had to edit it out of all of our photos.
(That said, I have named it Willy and decided to embrace it… so if you can handle that outcome, a dermatologist might be good enough for you!)
Paging Anon-Reality Check
This was for the reader looking for writing resources. I love On Writing Well (W. Zinsser) as an overview of both rules and how they improve your writing. Strunk and White’s Elements of Style is a timeless resource.
Anonymous
I missed the original question but I just requested both from the library. Thanks!
Senior Attorney
Also if you are punctuation challenged, you can’t beat Eats, Shoots, and Leaves by Lynne Truss.
Anon
I always recommend Style: 10 Lessons in Clarity and Grace over Strunk & White (for being more accurate, consistent, and applicable).
In-House in Houston
Gorgeous dress. I love it. Great price too!
Lily
Help me make a decision… I’m in love with a buffet from Anthro (link to follow), but it’s more than we’ve spent on any furniture (including our sofa). I like the idea of getting a statement piece that is “heirloom” quality. Has anyone had good/bad experiences with Anthro furniture? Do you think this is a piece we would get sick of? Our dining set is midcentury (in a medium brown wood), which is nice but it’s just so much brown. I think a pop of color would be really nice.
And if anyone has any suggestions for a different buffet, I’m all ears!
Lily
https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/scroll-vine-inlay-buffet?category=SEARCHRESULTS&color=041&quantity=1&size=One%20Size&type=STANDARD
Anonymous
I’ve never bought furniture from Anthropologie but I’d be skeptical of it really being “heirloom” quality, but wow that is gorgeous! I wonder if it’ll be further discounted for black Friday?
Anon
Even if it stands up to the test of time, I don’t believe this is a heirloom piece because the style is so unique. If you have the money and love it, no problem with purchasing it. But don’t buy it because you think your kids or grandkids will want it someday.
Suburban
I’m going to push back on the idea of heirloom pieces as a justification for buying expensive furniture. I’m apparently obligated to use my mother’s 1980s mahogany dining set because that’s what helped her to justify buying it 40 years ago? Come on! It’s dated and not my style. Everyone should be able the furnish their home in a way that makes them happy.
Buy what you love. Spend money on things that can be expected to last decades. But don’t expect people who didn’t get to pick it out to want to use it decades from now.
I think the op gets this because she specifically said “heirloom quality” and did not express an expectation that someone else would want it.
anon
This. I do not want my parents’ furniture from the 80s no matter how good the quality.
Anonymous
I agree, although it does make me feel a bit bad. I wish I loved the look of some of my grandparent’s and parent’s furniture, so I could keep it around for sentimental reasons.
Senior Attorney
Thisity this this!
I think it’s amazing and you should buy it because you love it, not because you think it’s going to be an actual heirloom.
LaurenB
Not picking on anyone here (after all, I too have the parents and in-laws who think we want their big heavy 80s brown wood furniture) but it does strike me that for all of today’s environmental consciousness, rejecting perfectly good / well-made brown furniture isn’t too good for the environment.
Anonymous
I agree in general it’s unwise to buy things with the expectation that your kids and grandkids will for sure use them, though I’m not sure that’s what OP was getting at. “Heirloom quality” just means it will last a lifetime; it’s shorthand for – I want something I won’t have to replace in 5-10 years because it fell apart.
anon
I can’t comment on Anthropologie furniture specifically, but if you’re truly in love with an item (and not just making do that’s “close enough”), you’re much less likely to get sick of it over time, even if your style evolves. It really is a beautiful piece!
CH
I have Anthro dressers. They are INCREDIBLY good quality furniture. I had a mover damage one of them—otherwise, I’d say that they’d be generational pieces of furniture. (Hoping to get them fixed!)
I love that piece and would not get sick of it but YMMV.
Senior Attorney
Agree with never getting sick of it if you love it.
anon
Its beautiful and alot of $$…not sure what your budget is. I wouldn’t invest this much in a buffet but would use this piece as my inspiration to find something similar at a lower price point. YMMV
Anonymous
Oh I have thoughts! I’ve been slowly upgrading my furniture from my school days (10 years ago…). I’ve shopped around at a lot of stores and I’ve concluded that, for me, around $2k is about the right target for a large piece of furniture. If I can get good quality for less than that, great (like my Saatva mattress!), but I use “roughly $2k” to guide my budget and my assessment of individual pieces. So, I don’t think this piece is outrageously expensive if it’s what works for you.
I was also concerned about getting fun or unusual pieces because I thought I’d get tired of them. All of my “good” furniture has been passed down through the family for like 100 years; it’s solid and lovely but, like yours, it’s a lot of brown. After much debate, I got a couch in a fun texture and a couple of chairs with a fun upholstery. I still love them 5 years later. It makes those rooms look so much more fresh and to my taste. If you love this piece then go for it; I don’t think you’ll get tired of it. And you can always refinish it if you truly hate it someday.
Personally, I like to see and touch furniture before I buy it; the Saatva buying process was anxiety-producing for me because it’s a lot of money to spend on something I haven’t touched. Is this piece in a store near you? The peace of mind might be worth the weekend trip.
Anon
I don’t think of sofas and other upholstered furniture as generational — they get gross, cushions get misshapen etc. so IDK if anyone expects that’ll be handed down in 20 years or 40 years. I mean I guess they can be if they are re upholstered, but reality is that kind of thing in the US is always expensive to the point where it’s cheaper to buy a new thing than repair an old thing. To me generational furniture is solid wood, hard furniture — dressers, dining tables, buffets/sideboards, hallway tables etc. If they’re well made/solid wood, they can last forever and they can be beautiful without such unique styling that it doesn’t match the décor of whoever is taking it from you.
Anon
Disagree, I have an upholstered chair that my grandparents bought new in the 1940s and it looks amazing. Granted, it was reupholstered twice and restuffed once, but it’s absolutely generational.
AnonInHouse
+1. I have two beautiful club chairs from my grandparents. My other grandmother’s couch was in her will (seriously, family members were “fighting” over it). Re-upholstering/re-stuffing might be just as expensive as buying new, but most new furniture doesn’t have the same craftsmanship as older pieces.
Anon
I agree with you. There may be a one-off upholstered piece that is passed down, but it is really the wood furniture that lasts. I just inherited a wood bedroom set from my grandparents. It is about 70 years old and still looks new.
Anon
Do you live near a final cut? There is one in Jersey, one in Georgia, and probably other places. They have lots of furniture like that in those stores – quality of their furniture items is good but not anything to gush about. I’ve also seen similar pieces at The Dump. But ultimately, if you love it, buy it!
Go for it
Honestly, after purchasing “good enough” then wishing I’d spent on “loved it but expensive”over the years….my vote goes to love it hands down.ymmv.
Lily
Thanks to you all for your super helpful comments! I wish there was one available in a nearby store to look at… but no such luck. I am trying to look for similar pieces but am not having any luck, and our lives are pretty hectic right now (11 month old baby, big law, holidays coming up….) so it’s hard to go looking in person.
Anonymous
I thought I’d procrastinate a bit and see if I could find anything similar. Oddly enough I seem to have found that exact table on etsy for a bit less money. IDK? https://www.etsy.com/listing/729313868/scroll-vine-bone-inlay-buffet-indigo
Anonymous
Yes, that’s an unreviewed seller who stole the photo from the Anthro site.
Senior Attorney
Yeah, do not buy that on Etsy.
NYCer
Check Horchow. I have a similar dresser that I bought from there.
anon
only hesistation is over the “engineered hardwood” (fancy name for plywood). This in my mind makes it mid-tier; above the particle board crap but below true solid wood throughout. That being said a lot of nice furniture has that, so it wouldn’t totally stop me!
BT
If you love it then go for it.
But I don’t know if it qualifies as heirloom quality – this one looks like it uses engineered hardwood (which I read as plywood and veneer), and I would expect heirloom quality to have all solid wood. I imagine the quality of plywood and veneer can vary from high to low, but engineered wood is going to wear differently and be harder to repair than solid wood, which makes it seem like it may not stand the test of time as well as solid wood.
Architect
It’s gorgeous! This type of finish is VERY delicate. You will need to be careful or it will chip and be difficult to fix. Maybe a tray in similar style will be a good way to get the look without committing to a very expensive piece of furniture.
Anon
It’s engineered wood + stylish + hideous — yeah this is not generational type of furniture at all. If you like it go for it, but don’t kid yourself, there’s no chance this is getting passed down to anybody; it won’t last long enough to be passed down plus not everyone likes colored furniture with busy patterns.
anon
Why be so rude? What did you accomplish here?
Anon
The delivery is rude but the message is true – it’s engineered wood and such a unique/colorful style that isn’t going to last the test of time. OP, get it if you love it, but if it’s too much of a stretch financially and you’d only justify it as being generational, don’t do it because it isn’t.
Senior Attorney
I’m pushing back on “not standing the test of time.”
I always feel like for both clothing and furniture, the really crazy/out there/unique pieces are the ones that DO stand the test of time, as opposed to the “safe” or “classic” options. I always feel like if it was never really in style, it’s not ever going to be out of style.
Case in point: We have this amazing antique brightly painted chest in our bedroom and it looks fresher than the “classic” wood bed and dresser in the same room.
Anon
The “safe” and “classic” options that my grandparents bequeathed to my mother are still really lovely and will still be lovely in 50 years. It’s about quality.
Anon
I have some safe and classic options that my relatives keep trying to foist on me, but even though they’re nice quality a lot of it is dated. Looking at you, Chippendale dining set and ugly matching wood bedroom sets.
LaurenB
How rude! It’s not my personal style, but you didn’t need to say “hideous.”
Anonymous
I look for notched joints and real wood
AttiredAttorney
If you live anywhere in the Southeast, wait a couple of months, and then call the Anthropologie outlet in Augusta, GA (“Final Cut”). They always have TONS of Anthro furniture and the prices are unbelievably cheap. Having looked at a lot of the pieces there, I feel like the quality is similar to Cost Plus World Market.
Snow Boots
I want snow boots for Christmas. Help me help my family make a good choice (they do well when presented with options and picking from there. Without options, my well meaning DH will get $500 boots that don’t do what I need them to do, MIL will get beautiful boots that don’t fit, and my mom will shop the clearance rack and get me “such a deal” on boots i won’t wear ;))
– Sizing: I have a size 11 foot that is on the wide side of normal, so boots that run narrow are out, and if a wide is available, I would probably get it since I can always wear thick socks. A regular width is fine, though, as long as they don’t run narrow.
– Use case: mostly running around town in cold and slush (needs to be more waterproof than Ugg boots). Occasional playing with kids in the snow and shoveling the front walk.
– Doesn’t need to be the most warm because I’m not wearing them on a walking commute, but I am in the Boston area so it gets COLD.
– Easy on/off is best- I don’t want to be messing with laces just to walk the kids down to the bus that picks them up at the end of our driveway. And if I’m coming in through the garage I usually have both hands full and would like to slip out of them. Something that I can slip into and then lace up if they need to be used for snow shoveling and really water/snow proof would be best I guess?
– trendiness is not important, but I would prefer something normal/typical to see out in the world for a relatively fashionable person. As in, not industrial snow boots that are my husbands that I currently slip into to shovel the driveway even though they are 3-4 sizes too big!
Ideas? I don’t have a price range, I’m open to all suggestions. If you tell me I need to spend $700 on snow boots to get what I want, maybe I’ll rethink my criteria (or maybe I’ll ask for $700 snow boots).
I’ve looked at the LLBean sherpa lined boots but they seem like way too much work to get on and off.
I am totally overwhelmed by the Sorel options- maybe someone has a favorite?
I’ve heard good things about Joan of Arctic but perhaps that’s more of a superduty commuting boot?
Ugg boots are not waterproof enough for what I want (unless there are specific ones that you’d recommend?)
My cold toes thank you in advance!
anon
Hands down, I recommend Columbia omni-heat boots. I have the minx shorty ones. Super comfortable, light, and easy to walk in. THE BEST. I use mine at my parents house in northern Wisconsin and commuting in NYC.
Z
+1 I have an older version of the Bugaboot with omni heat. I’ve worn them regularly every winter for the last 7 years, including walking in brutal upstate NY winters throughout college. I have wide feet and they’re very comfortable.
Anon
I have a pair of workhorse Ugg snowboots (not suede) that are waterproof. They have been awesome. But they’re not that nice to look at.
I would recommend Aquatalia – those are waterproof, fashionable and there will be something that fits your criteria.
Anon
My Joan of Arctic boots are too heavy and hard to put on. I’m following this thread with an eye to replacing them.
Housecounsel
I love my Sorel Joan of Arctic for mom life. For commuting I always went with Aquatalia.
Anonymous
How hard are they to get on/off? Can I stomp into them fairly quickly on my way out the door in the morning or do I have to sit down and wrangle into them? I think I’ve seen Sorels you can lace so you can slide into them (folded down bean boot style)?
I may be asking for a unicorn, and that’s OK!
Maybe thinsulate bean boots are the way to go. Ugh, so many options!
Vicky Austin
I have Sorels and the getting into is easy. Getting out is sometimes a little tougher! I don’t bother to untie them unless I’m really stuck, I just toe out of them.
Anonymous
I’m not sure if they meet all of your criteria, but I bought a pair of Columbia snow boots last year and adore them (like, I don’t take them off at home, they are so comfortable) – Columbia Women’s Powder Summit II boots. They were warm enough for a January glacier walk in Iceland and super-lightweight for walking. I haven’t had issues with their waterproof characteristics. The laces may look intimidating but they are super easy to adjust. I can’t say enough good things.
Clementine
LL Bean with Thinsulate. They offer a pull on Chelsea boot. This is what you want.
I have tried many others, but ultimately the original 7′ Duck Boots are what had been missing from my life.
Clementine
Alternately, the other solution is to have multiple pairs of boots. For the quick slip on/off, my mother swears by a pair of Merrell weatherproof laceless shoes. I like boots more, so I would do the laceless duck boots.
Is it out of the question to get two?
Anon
https://www.muckbootcompany.com/collections/cold-snow/products/womens-arctic-ice-tall-boots
You might want to try on some in person to determine sizing. IIRC, they run a little small, so you might need to go to mens’. The only difference as far as I can tell is the colors available.
lydia
I LOVE the sorel kinetic short, which I just got recently. they look sort of like high fashion italian sneaker booties, the have great traction (no heel, just a wavy sole), and they’re warm. they have a zip but it’s a quick on and off. shearling lining. highly, highly recommend.
OP
These are too short for what I need- they won’t work as stomp-around-in-the-snow (for shoveling or sledding) without getting snow in my ankles.
But they are cute!
lydia
gotcha! I wish they’d make a higher one. It sounds like these are still too short for you, but I did find that they’re a little higher than I expected (I think that’s more that the sole lifts you an extra couple inches over the snow). but yeah, I don’t think they’d be good for sledding.
Never too many shoes...
There is a taller version of those boots that come over the ankles or have you looked at the Sorel Emelie (more like an ugg)? I live in Canada and am Team Sorel. I have Sorel Torino’s (like a lighter Joan of Arc) but you have to pull them on and lace them so not really what you are searching for right now.
Anonymous
I love, Love, LOVE my Sorel Slimpack II boots. Yes, there are laces. But they’re easy. I have a 4 year old, and it’s really not a big deal.
https://www.sorel.com/womens-slimpack-ii-lace-boot-1702251.html
I highly recommend them as first snow boots. However, my Christmas list this year includes the Out ‘n About Felt bootie:
https://www.sorel.com/womens-out-n-about-plus-felt-boot%C2%A0-1834081.html?cgid=women-all&dwvar_1834081_variationColor=052#prefn1=productClass&prefv1=Booties&pgsize=43&start=0
I recommend searching all the Out ‘n About booties at the Sorel website. There are 3-4 styles, and all are super cute.
FYI Sorels run really small. I size up in them.
emeralds
Oh no I REALLY like the out n about boot!
Anon
I’ve gone to TJ Maxx for things like this.
Anonymous
I have the Lorna Boot from Ugg and they’re all I want to wear anymore. They’re not fully lined like the traditional Ugg boot but they are 100% waterproof. I run cold and paired with a wool sock, these are perfect. They have a side zipper, no laces.
Aunt Jamesina
I love my Pajar Grip boots. Warm enough for Chicago winters, slip on and off really easily, and they leave cute maple leaf prints in the snow. I have wider feet and the regular width is plenty wide for me.
Anon
I just went shopping for snow boots and am so annoyed by all the faux fur on the women’s options. I don’t want fur! I’m not a fan of the look and know it will get matted and gross much sooner than the rest of the boot. Clearly it’s not necessary for warmth or function, because there are many men’s options without it, but it seemed like virtually all of the women’s boots had some kind of fur sticking out the top or on the sides. I ended up buying a pair of boys boots (too small for mens) to find something in my price range without fur.
Nudibranch
+1 on the no fur
DB Cooper
A vote here for Bogs! VERY waterproof, quite warm, slip-on, fun/funky prints or more staid, and TTS for my (similar size) feet. Also, much less expensive than many of the other options. If you are flexible on aesthetics, 6pm has some good deals.
HW
I have the Sperry duck boots in a wide size and they zip on and off. Highly recommend!
Are black-tie flats a thing?
Can you wear flats to a black tie event? Any fancy flat options? I gave up on heels while pregnant two-years ago and never got back into them. Now I put them on and feel so immediately uncomfortable. But I have a black tie holiday party coming up and I’m not sure what shoes to wear. I’ll getting a midi-length dress from RTR because I’m 5’2″ but the thought of wearing my old heels all night is making me stressed.
Seafinch
Talbots has good options for this. I think it can be tough but doable.
Gail the Goldfish
Absolutely. But I wore flats to my wedding, so I may be biased. I would check BHLDN–they are bridal shoes, but will give you an idea of what brands might have fancy flats. I know badgley mischka usually has some. My wedding shoes were bella belle, which mostly has ivory, but they have some pretty gold options that might work for black tie.
Badgley Mischka flats
https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/badgley-mischka-gigi-crystal-pointy-toe-flat-women/5477371/full?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FShoes%2FFlats&color=latte%20suede
Are black-tie flats a thing?
OP here – thank you everyone. I just ordered these in my size! Thank you so much! fingers crossed. :-)
anon
Those are gorgeous! If you could find something similar in black or jewel toned that goes with your dress, I think something like this could totally work.
Irish Midori
Oooh, those are really nice.
shoe lover
Of course you can wear flats! The trick is to look for something appropriate to the occasion. I’d avoid the normal finished leather that most of us wear to work and look for a fabric or suede option with some decoration.
One option:
https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/j-crew-gwen-slingback-flat-with-bow-women/5425509/full?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=black%20velvet
pugsnbourbon
+1 – this is when you get to play with fabric and color. Velvet, satin, bows and embellishments all the way. I also think a pointed or almond toe looks more formal than a rounded toe, but that may just be my own preference.
Sal
If it’s your style and you can afford to maybe invest in a pair of ferragamos for these types of occasions? I think it’s hard to say those are ever inappropriate since their a classic and quite dressy.
Telco Lady JD
I wore some beautiful blue satin Badgley Mischka flats for my wedding. They weren’t crazy expensive ($200 maybe?), and I loved them.
Anon
The answer is yes, but it’s tough. I never wear heels to weddings, including black tie events, etc. For a midi dress, the trick is to find a shoe that looks like a heel but isn’t. I had some block-heel sandals from Banana Republic that looked like this– they had a 1/2 to 1 inch heel, felt like a flat on, but had enough of a heel that they were still fancy and gave a leg-lengthening effect. I have also had luck with pointed toe flats– if the shoe tapers back to a more narrow heel, it looks like the heel is high, even if it’s like 1/2 an inch.
Ms B
M. Gemi has some supercute black sparkle flats right now that would be perfect for this.
Senior Attorney
I’d do a metallic flat. Nordie’s has a bunch of them:
Here’s another amazing Badgley Mischka, on sale:
TrixieRuby
The most beautiful flat or low heeled shoes that I
know of are Beautifeel. Amazon has a few, and higher end boutiques. They are very well made.
holiday cards
Can we talk about holiday cards? i love them. I have gotten some very strange ones over years and I thought it would be fun to discuss.
My moms friend sent a card with a collage of family pictures. They have a blended family with adult children and it was a cute idea. There was a picture of the couple surrounded by candid pictures of their adult kids. The picture of her adult daughter was of the daughter eating a salad. Mid-bite, mouth ope, spoon full of salad on the fork. Not posed or cheeky- just a lady eating a salad.
My dad’s distant cousin apparently embarked on a polyamours relationship in her late 60s. The only clue was that the card now comes from her, her husband and another women. All snuggled together and wishing us happiness.
Finally, my husband’s stepbrother always manages to send a card that doesn’t wish the recipients well. It’s always pictures of their family with a saying like “so blessed” or “what a year!”and their names. No “happy holidays” or anything.
Would love to hear about other funny holiday cards!
Anon
Last year my in-laws sent a family Christmas card with everybody on it…except my kids. It made us laugh at the time and I…am still scratching my head over that one.
Anonymous
The polyamorous one — OMG — that is new. I wonder what the people at snapfish and shutterfly see . . .
Anonymous
I dated this guy for approximately a month and broke up with him around Thanksgiving. I did it in person and it wasn’t anything dramatic, just we’re not the right match, I wish you well, etc. – it had only been about a month. He then sent me his annual Christmas email greeting because, as he put it, I was in it. It was a 9 page PDF with a blow by blow account of his year that he apparently sent to HUNDREDS of his close personal friends. In addition to a picture of us apple picking and a description of how I dumped him before Thanksgiving when he had a bad cold, leaving him wounded and alone, it also featured a full page listing all of the concerts, plays, and other events he attended that year, among many other boring details. I still refer to him as 9 page Christmas letter.
Anonymous
I’m sorry but this made me snort my morning tea through my nose. I think you dodged a bullet there.
Anon
I bet every single person reading that – well, who read that far – is high-fiving you.
pugsnbourbon
Oh my god. NINE pages? Our rich relatives would send out a newsletter every year bragging about their travels and accomplishments, and they never topped three pages for an entire family. That guy … needs an editor.
Senior Attorney
OMG this is comedy gold!
Anon
My family disowned me but still puts my picture on the Christmas cards. I (expletive) you not.
(The reason is that they are hoping to get me to break down and comply by disowning me, which kinda had the opposite effect, but they don’t want to tell other people about the problems because that wrecks the illusion of The Perfect Family.)
Anon
Are these all old pictures? How long has this been going on? Is it going to become obvious when you aren’t aging and the pictures are repeating?!
Anon
Fairly recent, and they get the few people I still talk with to swipe them off Facebook.
Suburban
Omg. I’m so sorry.
Em
When I was growing up we received a Christmas card from a friend of my mom’s that was a professional photo of her and her two kids dressed all in black with serious faces and the caption said “A picture says a thousand words…..{husband} and I are getting divorced.” In retrospect it was kind of amazing.
Anon
That is pretty amazing.
I had a pretty dramatic divorce a few years ago where my ex left me very unexpectedly for another woman. During that time period, I ate at a restaurant where you could order a roasted pig’s head to make tacos, and got a picture of myself with the pig’s head (the dish was DELICIOUS). My holiday card featured that pic and said “Cheers to [Next Year]!” One of my friends looked at it before I sent it out and said, “Did you mean for this to be…symbolic? Because if not, you probably need to change it.” It didn’t say anything explicitly about the divorce, but it was a fun wink to those who knew about the situation.
Anon
I love that!
Vicky Austin
My mom has a colleague who had a bunch of daughters, similar to our family. One year they did a tongue-in-cheek “these children are for sale because they [leave underwear on the floor, bring school dramatics home, don’t unload the dishwasher], but you’ll love their [sweet attitude, good grades, amazing hugs].” We howled with laughter over it and decided to riff on it, so the next year I helped my mom design a “pros and cons” list and a naughty/nice photo of each of us. Things like “Pros: passed her SAT with flying colors. Cons: still hasn’t learned to drive so we’re driving her everywhere.” (That was me.) Our relatives loved it and many of them came back with comments like “aww haha we’d take them in a heartbeat!”
Vicky Austin
I also remember wanting to snarkily add to the back, “Definitely Not Made on a Mac” to get in a little dig at my uncle’s family who always had a high-def photo of all of them looking beautiful in front of a sparkling Christmas tree and a note about how blessed they were, and the ubiquitous “Made on a Mac” on the back.
anon
On the poly front — some friends of mine are poly. Three people are in a triad, and one of them is also involved with another person who is not part of the triad. They have all been in this configuration for a very long time — I think 15+ years now — and they finally had a sort of wedding ceremony for all of them. They had invitations printed at a local print shop. The invitation was one of those pictures of hands with rings. In their case, the triad members each wear a ring, and the one woman who is involved with someone else wears a second ring on her other hand. So the invite had a picture of five hands.
Cue them going to pick up the invitations. The print store guy brings them out, makes sure they look okay, then says, “so….I have a question.”
And they’re thinking sigh, this is going to get awkward or microagression-y.
But all he says in tones of deep puzzlement is, “you hav five hands here, but only four names?”
Anon
This is great! I often wonder what type of stories employees at print shops and similar have to tell.
Ms B
My parents’ “family newsletter” last year had more photos of my dad’s plane than any humans. Par for the course.
Cat
The salad comments reminds me of the Kardashians and that one still image where one of them (Kim?) is eating a salad in a super exaggerated open mouth way to avoid messing up her lipstick, ha!
anon
Ugh, the “so blessed!” cards are super narcissistic.
We (gently) make fun of my parents for having photos of their 10 grandkids on their card but zero of their 4 adult children. Yeah, yeah, we’re not nearly as cute as the kids; we get it. We’re mentioned in the letter, at least. ;)
Overall, I love getting Christmas cards, though.
CountC
I sent one a couple years ago that was all outtake-esque pics of me and the various animals (no SO/no kids) that had the #blessed hashtag front and center to make fun of this.
Anon
I’m very religious, so I’m really not inclined to criticise my own people… but this is great.
(Perhaps it irks me because part of my faith is to understand that God loves me even when my life is in the toilet, my life being great or terrible is a reflection upon this world and not upon my faith or God’s steadfastness, and God sometimes has the people He loves the most suffer the most.)
Sorry, off soapbox.
Suburban
Haha love it!
My husband’s biglaw collegue did a beautiful family portrait of his beautiful wife and two young daughters, dressed to the nines. On the back it said something like “yeah…right” and there is dad on his laptop, children fighting, mom yelling, everyone disheveled. I loved it.
anon
Oh, that is awesome.
pugsnbourbon
Usually my dad uses a nice family photo as the holiday card, but I’m pretty sure this year it’ll feature only my nephew (his first grandbaby). He’s over the moon about that kid.
potato
This is my parents too. I have EXTREMELY mixed feelings about it because it really leaves my sister, who does not have kids, out in the cold.
Anonymous
The salad thing — it’s a meme or a joke about the existence of stock images of “women eating salads”.
Anon
My parents get one yearly that is awesome — it’s from a guy who was a junior colleague of my dad’s maybe 30? years ago — as in dad is now retired and this guy is now in his 50s-60s with 2 kids in their 20s. It is at least 2-3 pages of detail listing out all of their kids accomplishments — namely MEDICAL SCHOOL. As in — son is a M3 or whatever, he had rotations in x, y, z departments; in z department he found such and such fascinating and found a fantastic mentor in Dr. John Smith; while he’s still keeping his options open, he can very much see himself pursuing a residency in X; and in his downtime, he traveled with his family to whatever impoverished country where he saved a village. Daughter is in college applying to med school, her MCAT score puts her in the x percentile, she very much believes in volunteer work and this year has undertaken a, b, c, which will surely bolster her application.
Yes we’re of a culture where Doctors are coveted, but even for our culture — OMG . . . You can just say med school and people will be impressed. No one cares about whether your kid is AOA or honored in whatever class or what lecture he attends at 8 am on Tuesdays.
anon
And anybody who ISN’T a doctor isn’t going to understand those details at all!
Anonymous
Now I’m curious — what is AOA?
It doesn’t matter what kind of surgeon you are; mommy will still love you.
anon
Alpha Omega Alpha – medical honors society
LaurenB
I’m a physician’s wife and I have no idea what you mean by AOA.
Monday
My Dad used to write a Xmas letter “from” our family, and it would include some snarky barb about everyone except himself. The first year after I noticed it, my portion said “Monday says Dad has written something bad about everyone except himself.” After that, we agreed all family members had to approve the letter before it went out.
Anonymous
One year my MIL sent a Christmas Card with a picture of her and her grandchildren (my husband and my kids. he is an only child). We had professional pictures done earlier that year including a big group one, and one with just her and the grandkids. She used that picture and signed it from her and the kids with no mention of us. It looked like we had died or abandoned our kids for her to raise. It was so weird and hurtful to me (at the time. I’m over it now and think it is kind of funny. But I was really sensitive at the time about it.)
anon
Yikes! That was a really strange move on MIL’s part.
Cb
We get a letter from my husband’s uncle, who is very, very posh! He has twin sons with names from Jeeves and Wooster who go to a very fancy school and are Oxbridge bound. I do a dramatic reading of the Christmas letter each year in my most ridiculous English accent.
Tablet or laptop?
It’s computer upgrade time at work, and I’m toying with moving to a tablet as my primary computer (away from the standard issue laptop). I’m not usually an early adopter (not sure if this even counts as that), but am intrigued by the portability as I currently bring it home every day and to meetings around town. I have a docking station in the office with a full screen/keyboard etc., so I think most of the limitations would be working from home, which I mostly do nights and weekends. Primary functions are email and report writing, but I don’t have a personal computer at home for back up, so it does need to do everything.
Any experience with tablets as primary computers? Pros or cons I’m not thinking of? I’m not dead set on this so can easily be swayed back to a laptop if that’s the way to go. I’m a PC user fwiw.
Gail the Goldfish
I’d get a 2-in-1. I considered going full tablet for personal use and ultimately the fact that most of them couldn’t truly stand up in my lap like a normal laptop turned me off of them. I’ve got a Yoga that is heavier than a tablet, but still quite light and works as both laptop and tablet. We are still stuck with laptops at work, but I know plenty of people that have begged for us to get tablets or 2-in-1s.
NOLA
Jinx!
Anonymous
Aside from weight/size, what appeals to you about using a tablet? You can get super light, touchscreen laptops. I’ve heard that some of the hybrids (like the Surface) aren’t very comfortable to use the keyboard that is attached so I would want to test drive those before committing.
Anonymous
Get a lightweight touchscreen laptop. I have a Surface Pro for work and it is just the worst. It’s actually bigger and heavier than my personal laptop. The kickstand makes it impossible to perch in your lap and difficult to use on an airplane tray table. It has had multiple technical problems.
Trying out the keyboard is good advice for regular laptops as well as hybrids.
NOLA
I’m also a PC user and I tried to use a tablet as my secondary computer (I use a large, powerful desktop as my primary) and it didn’t really work for me because I couldn’t have multiple windows open and easy move between documents. I suppose, now that I primarily use Drive for my documents, it might be easier now. I ended up with a Lenovo Yoga 2-in-1 for my smaller device and it is great. It’s perfect for what I need. It’s very light and small and I can easily throw it in a tote for off-campus meetings or travel.
Anon
This may not apply to you, but if you 10-key a lot, the tablet-size keyboard is going to be an issue when you use it away from the docking station. That’s why I stick with my big ol’ laptop.
Telco Lady JD
If you can get a docking station at home similar to what you have at work, I’d go for it.
Ms B
I went with a Surface that I can dock at the office to use my regular keyboard and mouse. I have a backup mouse for home use and may pick up a cheap keyboard for when I have heavy typing to do at home, but the included keyboard is fine for most uses. I use the tablet function when I have a lot of reading to do (depos, cases). I am happy with my choice so far.
Anonymous
I bought an iPad a little under years ago, was frustrated by formatting emails and word attachments. I talked to Apple to ensure it wasn’t lack of knowledge. I couldn’t get it to be professional in Gmail, and eventually bought a computer so I could send the kind of emails I need for a couple of board gigs I don’t do on my work computer. The iPad may have those features now, but it was super frustrating at the time.
Anon Hosting for the first time
My boyfriend and I are hosting 12 friends on Thanksgiving Day. Of course I’ve watched my mother sail effortlessly through the holidays, and I’ve made dishes to bring to family dinners back home, but this is my first time hosting a decent little party. I have the basics (foil pans for less clean up, plastic little wine glasses to prevent breaking, disposable containers for leftovers…), but we are hosting at his apartment plus I’ve downsized my kitchen/hosting arsenal when I moved to Big City. I’m trying to think of things that the experienced hostess may have in her back pocket that I a) don’t own anymore or b) is not at my boyfriend’s bachelor pad. Thanksgiving or not, what are some things I should make sure I have?
Long-Time Holiday Host
Please rethink the plastic wine glasses. You can rent or borrow wine glasses if you don’t want to buy them.
Anon
Disagree – if this is a casual thanksgiving, those toss ware wineglasses are awesome.
Never too many shoes...
They really are not. They are terrible for the environment and not at all festive or homey. OP, even glass tumblers are a better choice – glasses sometimes get broken but that’s life…
Anon Hosting for the first time
OP here, I’m going to exchange the pack I got at Dollar Tree for a serving spoon + more because poster below reminded me that yes, people will probably forget serving spoons (and who knew Dollar Tree had metal silverware). It’s a very casual Thanksgiving so quite honestly, I’ll just have them grab from the cupboard and make whatever is there work. I don’t know what I was really thinking when I bought them, I was just in grab-and-go mode. It’s mainly men anyway so beer will probably be the most consumed beverage.
Senior Attorney
Yeah I would much rather use mismatched real glasses than plastic.
nona
I think it’s the idea of disposable plastic. Try going stemless if the height is the concern with breaking.
Anon
I agree with getting stemless glass wineglasses, which you can get cheaply many places (I regularly see sets of 8 or 12 at Marshall’s/HomeGoods). Stemless wineglasses are also great for cocktails and juice, so they’ll have a life that lasts longer than the party, if you have room to store them. I’ve always felt plastic wineglasses are tacky, and while I think most of them can be recycled, it’s not a great look, especially if you’re going to be using china or pottery plates and metal flatware.
anon
Yeah. Plastic wine glasses is not a warm way to host adults, IMO. The plastic ones seem easier to knock over, too. If you’re very concerned about breaking expensive stuff, get some wineglasses from Ikea or similar (Ikea seems pretty hearty in addition to cheap). You could even do stemless if you’re so worried about breaking stems, although not the best for white wine.
Anon
Every single thrift store is full of cheap wine glasses (usually under a dollar). Just grab how many you need, and if you really don’t want to store them, donate them again.
Anon
This is a great idea!
Anonymous
Lots of serving spoons.
Vicky Austin
+1
anon
Are you roasting a turkey? Roasting pan that is strong enough to hold it….if its a small kitchen, crock pots can be very helpful…have you thought through the menu? what are you making ahead of time?
Telco Lady JD
Agree with this. Those foil roasting pans are a greasy accident waiting to happen… If you use one, be VERY careful when lifting the bird from the oven to the counter. I recommend putting the pan on a cookie sheet and using the cookie sheet to lift it – much more stable that way.
Anonymous
THIS
My Thanksgiving nightmare. Had large thawed bird ready to go, oven (electric) about done heading when the power went out. Nooooo!
Anon Hosting for the first time
OP here – the recipe I’m using actually uses a cookie tray, not a roaster! It’s Andy’s from BA’s Test Kitchen. I also made it last year and it’s great. And I have extra cookie trays for reinforcement of the other baked things.
Anon
Make sure your roaster will fit in the oven, if it’s a small kitchen! Butchering a bird into an 8-piece on the fly is no fun. Voice of experience here.
Anonymous
+1 to crock pots. My mom has a make-ahead mashed potato recipe that she reheats and then puts in a crock pot on the day of. Also make sure you have something big enough to carve the turkey on and enough serving dishes and serving utensils (plus a couple extra big spoons for people who forget to bring one with their dish).
Anon Hosting for the first time
OP here – I knew there was something important I was forgetting! Extra serving spoons, thanks!
NOLA
I did mashed potatoes in the crockpot last year and they were amazing! This year, I might make them ahead then reheat them in the crockpot.
Anonymous
Serving platters and utensils.
Anon
List:
Enough plates, forks, knives, and spoons for the event
Serving platters
Cooking and serving spoons
Nice napkins
Enough seating for everyone and a place to put their plates
Sufficient pots, pans, and baking sheets – check dimensions of baking sheets, look through menu and figure out what gets cooked in what
Corkscrews and bottle openers
Things like cheese platters and cheese knives for the apps
Tablecloth and/or table decorations
Anon
This sounds completely insane, but I would make a line by line schedule of what you’re cooking when, in what vessel, and with what ingredients. It’ll help you spot the holes in your kitchen or serving dishes. I hosted Thanksgiving for eight last year and this is what I did – I didn’t need a lot, but I did re-arrange a few recipes so I had a better oven/stove mixture.
anon
Not insane at all. It helps so much because it’s hard to remember everything, especially as the guests arrive and you’re opening wine and putting out apps and dealing with all kinds of miscellaneous requests.
My MIL makes a really good list/schedule. One year, she was really sick but didn’t cancel. When DH, SIL, and I arrived early to help, we sent her to bed and were able to follow her plan exactly. We knew what went in the oven when, which serving dishes to use, etc. MIL took a nap and was able to get up and eat with the family.
pugsnbourbon
Yep, this is what my SIL did when she hosted a big Friendsgiving. She laid out every single cooking/serving dish and put a post-it on each designating what would go inside. It was brilliant and eliminated any moments of “oh sh1t, I only have one 9×13 baking dish.”
SG
Not insane! There is actually a great brief podcast by the lazy genius that suggests this. Also, if people offer to help – let them, and have tasks ID’d where they’re great or you’re weaker.
Anon
I did this the first time I hosted family Thanksgiving (we had 20+ people) and it was so helpful. I am a planner and just having the schedule and plan helped me feel more in control, even though in the end the schedule didn’t work out exactly.
One thing I highly recommend is that if you have people who are bringing food, find out in advance if they are bringing it hot or cold (food safety should be the decider here, more than convenience). That way you can plan for how much oven space will be needed to cook or reheat things. Gently encourage people to bring things cooked and ready-to-be-warmed, or already warmed, if it is safe to do so. If you’ll need to reheat a lot of things, remember that microwaves, toaster ovens and crock-pots can all be used in addition to the oven (and people can sometimes bring their own crock-pot with them). It’s worth borrowing a microwave if your boyfriend doesn’t have one. There are also these things called “electric roaster ovens” that have fallen out of popularity but are great for roasting meat and leaving the oven open for cooking other things; you may be able to borrow one but I also see them in thrift stores pretty often for about $20. The biggest issue we had when I hosted Thanksgiving was that too many people brought cold food, and even with my double wall oven we had trouble making sure things got warm or cooked enough and stayed warm long enough to be served.
emeralds
This! It really helps to think the schedule through ahead of time. I make a four-day Thanksgiving battle plan. Other non-cooking tip is to lay out your serving dishes a few days ahead of time, wash them, and then label them with what goes on what dish.
(I’m also not hosting Thanksgiving this year, for the first time in five years! I love hosting but I’m pretty excited to roll up to my mom’s house with a bottle of wine and a side dish.)
Ms B
We are hosting between 17 and 19 this year and would not be able to do it without our timeline. Our cooking starts on Sunday for Thanksgiving and we go heavily towards items that can be prepared in advance or outside the oven (sous vide is great for this if you have one).
My other tip is to have snacks waiting and out when guests arrive because the meal always gets delayed. It does not have to be fancy (we do homemade pimiento cheese, marinated olives, savory jam (bacon or onion-wine), a couple other cheeses and meats, and crackers), but you need a place to put the snacks and appetizer implements (spreaders, tiny serving forks, cheese knives, a nice cheese board and a small bowl for olive pits, plus app plates and napkins).
Also, do not forget a gravy boat (or two), extra forks/spoons for dessert, and beer/wine openers.
anon
No, this is a totally brilliant suggestion! I host Thanksgiving and the schedule has saved me on many occasions. When you’re in the moment and doing 10 things at once, it is super helpful to have a crib sheet on hand.
Anonymous
This is not insane – I don’t know how one plans a dinner for 12 without these kind of notes.
And +1 million to the comments on avoiding plastic wine glasses. Unless you’re having a rowdy dinner, I don’t think you need to worry about adults breaking stuff.
IKEA has very inexpensive glasses (like a dollar each) that you can donate if you don’t have space to store.
Senior Attorney
Yes and I put post-its on the serving dishes with the name of what’s going in each one. I started doing that the year I found the corn pudding in the microwave after everybody had gone home. Also makes sure all the food has a home.
anon
Trivets!
Suburban
Not sure this will work in the city, but as a PSA. When my mom hosted big holidays, she’d rent all her dishes, flatware, table linens and wine glasses from a party supply company. They’d come in big plastic racks made for industrial dishwashers. The company would pick it up DIRTY the next day. It was awesome and not terribly pricy.
Anonymous
This. Renting table/dinner ware and returning it dirty makes party hosting so much easier
Anonymous
If it’s a really low key party and you want to reduce plastic, what about a 12 set of wide mouth Mason jars? (Ace Hardware has them cheapest near me.) People can use them for wine, do a quick wash, and then use them for secure transport of leftovers so you don’t have potatoes or squash for days.
Widemouth Mason jars are SOOOOOO convenient for storage as well, even if you don’t have time to wash them to send them home with people, they freeze well and stack in a freezer without tippage. I love them for frozen single serving sizes of soups etc.
AFT
There used to be an Am@zon dupe for this – but looks like it’s out of stock currently – for ~$30.
MUXXN Women’s Classic Vintage Tie Neck Formal Cocktail Dress with Pocket
BiggestBallsintheRoom
I have the dupe and it’s awesome! I think I’ve recommended it here before.
Housecounsel
I ordered the dupe, too, but did not love the fabric.
AFT
I may have bought it on your rec, as I bought it after a discussion here! :)
Katy
This same is dress is available too on Amazon for less than Dillard’s.
Anonymous
How do you know if you are burnt out from your job vs. dealing with something else? For the past few months I’ve found it extremely difficult to come to work, and have often just not shown up. On a few of those occasions, I think it is likely I was fighting the flu, but I haven’t been full blown sick – just exhausted all the time and have no motivation to work. I’ve had blood tests recently enough and my iron is good, I take a b complex vitamin daily, and eat healthily and am trying to exercise regularly (but often don’t have the energy). I have struggled with depression and now take cipralex for that. I don’t feel depressed, just drained and disengaged. On the days I come to work I find myself googling how to go on a sabbatical (lol) because I feel like I just need a few months off. It’s at the point where even having work deadlines in the near future isn’t enough to set a fire under me. Could it just be the onset of winter, or should I look for a new job? Anyone else feeling similarly?
Anonymous
You should tell your therapist your meds aren’t working.
anon123
I agree. This may not track with your previous symptoms, but it definitely sounds like depression to me. My partner has had a very similar experience this year. Definitely make an appointment with your therapist and tell them what you’re experiencing.
Anon
You take B vitamins and iron, but what about all the other trace minerals and Vitamin D? If you’re not taking a multivitamin, start now.
Anon
I assume it’s full testing — D, thyroid etc. and it all checked out? Since it sounds like you’re covering the health angle, how do you feel about the work itself? Any chance you’re just not motivated because you’re bored of it? Don’t like your peers/boss etc.? Do you EVER feel like you can get into the work and enjoy it?
Laid off lawyer
Surprise layoff —
This is a community of lawyers. Can anyone provide counsel on being laid off suddenly as an attorney for disagreeing with management? I was a startup lawyer, and our CEO is known as being very difficult (in the industry and beyond). Recently we were butting heads because he just did not want to comply with the law (in many different situations) and we were gettting sued left and right. Our outside counsel was even trying to help the CEO see that he could not continue. And then…I was shown the door. No handover.
I’m pretty traumatized by the whole thing. I generally give practical business advice, had glowing reviews, was beloved at the company, and now….not.
How do I pick myself up? How do I spin this in interviews without breaking privilege? I’m pretty shattered right now.
Laid off lawyer
oh, and in case it matters…Legal Dept of 1.5 (me plus a paralegal). My poor paralegal is lost, and knows he might be fired because I was due to UPL.
nona
Boss may have called it a layoff – but is it really? Or was it a constructive firing? Aren’t there contextual requirements for calling something a layoff vs firing (it matters for things like unemployment benefits).
Anon
You got fired because you are good. Dysfunctional and unethical people don’t keep good, ethical employees around – they want people who are incompetent or easily lead.
anon
This. 100% sorry to you have to go through this but you will be so much better off on the other side
Anonymous
Hugs. If he is that well known, the fact that you are looking and out of a job may do the talking for you. I’d file for unemployment (b/c you can’t get it if you were fired for cause; getting it might make you feel psychicly better).
This is what terrifies me about going in-house.
Anonymous
Oh, I’m so sorry. Very very similar thing happened to me at a law firm a few years ago. It was a blessing. It gave me the opportunity and the push to find employment more in line with my values, and that valued my work more appropriately. I am soooo much happier now, and I think you will be too!
Irish Midori
I’m so sorry–that’s an amazingly huge shock. It sounds like the kind of thing that you’ll look back on one day and know was the best thing to happen, but right now, it can’t feel that way. If this guy was already known in the industry for being unethical and nuts, leaving may not require much explanation from you, and may reflect well on you.
Get a steak and a glass of wine, a journal, and be good to yourself right now.
Anon
This stinks, I’m sorry. Way better to be forced out now than later on try to figure out how to quit when you’re in a bad situation ethically and have to ask a judge to let you stop representing the company in litigation.
I didn’t get an in-house job that sounds similar. I’m forever grateful that I didn’t because the company was rotten to the core. I also now wonder about the lawyer I would have worked for who stayed for quite awhile—was he complicit? Not very bright? Both?
I don’t think ill of lawyers who had short stints at this company, though.
Anon
I used to work at your company, or one very like it. It’s a technology startup with a CEO founder who is famous and difficult, and a control freak. We’ve had a General Counsel quit within a short period of time. I am not in law, but I quit for similar reasons. Now in a new job in a low-drama, stable, large (albeit bureaucratic) company. So from the other side, hang in there and you will get past it.
When I interviewed, some folks alluded to the reason I was looking as “I’ve heard it’s a tough environment at [your company]” and I didn’t need to say much. A couple of folks asked straight out and I gave a vague yet informative answer along the lines of “My job was to provide advice and analysis about the direction the company should take, but it was clear that this was not welcomed due to the culture of the company. A couple of senior folks I respected, reporting to the CEO (e.g. GC or VP of Finance) left for similar reasons. After their departure I felt that the moderating force was missing in the company and I started to lose faith in the direction it was taking. I didn’t see a reason to stay.” Yours would be a modified version of this, but it is possible to be somewhat true to the reason for your departure and yet not make it look like you were the problem. A lot of the time, people in the industry already know.
Anonymous
I’m a baby lawyer, so disregard as appropriate, but on the ethics/privilege front, when friends have been in job change situations that are complicated, the state bar ethics line has been helpful.
Also, hugs! Go get some chocolate/ice cream/cheese!
Outdoors wear for hiking in cold weather?
Any recommendations for ride-or-die clothes (could be boots, socks, pants (always hard for me — I default to Athleta fleece-lined leggings), layers, jackets, hats, buffs, gloves, etc. for hiking in cold weather?
I run cold, even if moving, and have trouble keeping my fingers and ears from becoming uncomfortably cold (even playing tennis singles outside). My kids are becoming seriously into scouting (yay! something not involving screentime and that can be done largely on weekends) and the hiking thing is happening.
Also, thoughts on “do I also need a version of this to be waterproof?” because scouts will hike or camp if it is raining a bit (but not lightening or horribly stormy)? This is for a wish list so people will know what might be helpful as presents for this year.
Ms B
Under Armour base layer shorts to avoid chafing and wick perspiration. Not warm, but necessary for the upper layers to work correctly IMHO.
I like Patagonia capilene for the layer over that for warmth (long pants plus 1/4 zip shirt with high or mock neck), but I do find that the capilene gets smelly and requires extra washing (activewear cycle in the machine + extra rinse with vinegar).
Anon
Under Armour’s cold gear shirts are my absolute favorite for cold weather camping. They are so warm and light. I also got a pair of Under Armour cold gear sweatpants recently.
Anon
My recommendation would be to go to REI or another outdoor clothing store and ask for recommendations. their staff is really knowledgeable, and so much depends on fit.
UHU
Anything alpaca; it’s super soft (often not itchy for those who have sheep wool allergies) and warming, also naturally water resistant (to a point). Silk, as long underwear is great for layering. Also, by no means any attempt at diagnosis, I heat up quickly doing but understand that sometimes under active thyroids can lead to one feeling quite cold.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t doubt that I go actually hypothyroid later in life (dad did in late 70s), but they’ve been tested and are not even sub-clinical. In the meantime, I look like an extra from north of the wall in GOT.
Anonymous
Smartwool socks are great. I also have a Smartwool vest that I really like. I layer it under a raincoat as well sometimes. https://www.altitude-sports.com/products/smartwool-smartloft-150-vest-womens-llll-smt-sw019259?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI0rOlyqX55QIVyp-zCh3C4AiCEAQYBCABEgLWifD_BwE
Definitelyl visit an outdoor store like REI and ask for advice. Layers are key so that you can adjust to temperature changes and activity levels. Waterproof and Windproof are key for staying warm. Softshell pants are also a great layer over leggings for chilly damp but not super rainy days.
Anon
My Smartwool socks haven’t held up well for the price so I switched to Darn Tough (much better quality IMHO). However, merino wool anything is your friend!
Clementine
You need
– lightweight rain jacket with a hood(mine is Marmot and you want it big enough that you could put a fleece under it
– Smartwool. I have socks and a quarter zip top. Darn Tough socks are also great. I use the quarter zip as a topper on slightly cool days and a layer when it’s cold. It’s really one of my go-to items as it resists stink and keeps me warm even when it’s raining.
-A half Buff – this is basically a tube of fabric that can be a neckwarmer, headband, hat, ear warmer, etc. I would suggest the midweight half size – I think it’s the most versitile.
– Good boots. Go try on a bunch. Don’t try to order these online – go try them on. If hiking is lighter, you might consider a pair of trail running shoes. My trail running shoes have also become my winter running shoes as they’re waterproof, anti-slip, and sturdier than my normal sneakers.
Re: pants – I hike in leggings, as do many accomplished hiking friends of mine. I’ve tried hiking pants and prefer leggings.
ThirdJen
Wool socks, for sure. I like Darn Tough because of their warranty.
I have several layers that I use, including the capilene mentioned above. I also wanted to put in a plug for the Patagonia Houdini or similar (weightless water resistant layer that you can throw on to block rain/wind without adding uncomfortable warmth) and a rain shell. I generally try to separate my layers that are keeping me warm from my layers that are keeping me dry – that way I have more flexibility.
Soft shell pants are a nice to have for me but I’ve never felt that I NEEDED them hiking.
For your hands, wool or synthetic thermal gloves inside GoreTex fleece lined mittens.
I have super special ears that can get painfully cold at 70 degrees with the right wind. I swear by a fleece headband, coupled with a hood or hat or a wider wool headband if needed, but nothing blocks the wind like fleece.
Anon
-Wool socks (Costco has great merino ones that are affordable and ~$3 a pair in a multi-pack, but I also like REI’s technical hiking merino socks)
-Breathable base layer (merino from REI or Icebreaker is my go-to; Uniqlo heattech is good for keeping you warm but can be uncomfortable if you get hot while exercising)
-Under Armour cold gear is very warm and relatively breathable. I mostly use it while staying still (sleeping, campfire) so can’t speak to how good it is with fluctuating body temperatures
-A hat that you like and will wear (I like my 50% merino/50% acrylic beanie but there are lots of great options)
-Face covering that you like and will wear (scarf, neck gaiter, baklava, 4-in-1, etc.)
-Activity appropriate gloves (jogging gloves are great for hikes on nicer days/with light rain, glove liners + mittens are good for very cold days)
-A thin rain shell you can put over whatever you’re wearing on top
-Gaiters if you will be dealing with significant rain or snow
-A pair of softshell pants that attach on the sides (so you can take them off without removing your shoes/snowshoes/ski boots/etc.) are a great splurge
-Synthetic down puffer jacket
-Whatever shoes work best for you (some people will snowshoe in mesh trail runners, some people are fine with regular waterproof hiking boots, and some people need insulated snow boots)
-More water than you drink when it’s hot out, preferable warm or lukewarm (helps with circulation and to prevent hypothermia and frostbite). Do not eat unmelted snow for hydration.
Anon
For socks, if budget is an issue, Costco women’s wool hiking socks are a tremendous value. The only trade-off between them and my SmartWool/Darn Tough is that the Costco ones are made in China.
My merino BUFF is my most-worn piece of gear- it’s almost always on my head if I’m doing anything physical – warm or cold.
For gloves that are warm but still allow good dexterity, Mountain Hardwear makes the best, IMO, but Costco’s running gloves are a great budget option (especially if you tend to lose gloves).
I have several Capilene and Ibex tops and love both. The Ibex website is showing signs of life, so I’m crossing my fingers that they relaunch Black Friday. Keep an eye out and if they do, give them all your money. They made, hands-down, the best base layers. That said, my Capilene (synthetic) have held up well and the newer ones don’t pill/get itchy like the old ones did.
I live in a climate where I don’t often need thermal bottoms, so the old Capilene ones I have, worn under shorts do just fine. Running tights work, too.
Anon
I have a pair of Keen durango boots which are very ugly, but are waterproof and warm. Insulated, waterproof hiking boots are necessary and can double as snow boots. For merino wool, I think Kathmandu’s store brand is pretty good quality – there are no stores in the US but you can buy online. My Smartwool all has holes in it but their brand has held up. Darn Tough socks are wonderful. Also love my fleece lined hat.
Anon
Need Christmas gift ideas for myself! I have a few things I’d enjoy, but for those who ask, I don’t want to give one or two ideas and have them feel obligated to purchase them. On my list is a Kindle paperwhite (or any other version!), Athleta clothes, and a gift card for a massage. Any other cool things you’ve received lately? I am a CPA, single mom. I like to read, exercise (mostly walking/jogging), and of course, watch tv in my very little downtime.
NOLA
I can’t tell you what you need, but one thing that I do is throw things on my Amazon wishlist as I see them, then if someone asks, I can point them to that. The only problem is that occasionally I’ll throw something on there that’s really for someone else, but that’s rare.
PolyD
I have a public Amazon list that is things I want and a private one where I keep ideas of gifts for other people, and also things I’d rather buy myself, like sports bras, nail files, etc.
Anonymous
I’m asking for iPods and subscription to The NY Times.
Go for it
Homemade goats milk soaps, Keils (sp?) lotions. Gift card/tickets to your local theatre?
Horse Crazy
Horse people (or anyone, really) – what Christmas gift should I get the wonderful woman who has let me lease her horse for free one day a week for the last four years? I usually get her a candle, a nice card, and sometimes some homemade cookies, but I feel like I want to do something more special this year. My budget is around $50, but I could be persuaded to spend more if it was really nice. She has a husband and an adult daughter, and she is an instructional aide in an elementary school special-ed class. She loves horses, obviously, but I don’t know a lot more about other interests or hobbies.
Anon
Can I tag onto this and ask how much I should tip my trainer? Should it be the cost of a regular lesson ($85?)
OP, what about getting her horse a nice blanket (a better brand than she might buy herself)?
Anon
Ah, sorry, I see your budget is $50. In that case, what about a cute quarter-zip top for riding? Dover has some nice ones.
Gail the Goldfish
I don’t tip my trainer. I just get her a present like I would a friend, or something practical for the barn (this year, it’s blanket bars for all the stalls that don’t have them. I also considered going in with other people and getting a custom jump panel with our barn’s logo, but I failed to coordinate that in time).
And for OP, I do think horse-related upgrades are always good. So if she’s got a piece of tack or something that you could get a nicer version of, maybe that? Fancy saddle pad? Better stirrup irons (I swear the jointed ones can make a difference, but depends on the person)?
CountC
+1
We either go in on a barn gift for our trainer or we do our own thing. I’ve never tipped a trainer in 30+ years of riding/ownership.
Anon
Wait really? I thought tipping was common…
CountC
I tip the show grooms and the barn staff for the holidays, but not the trainer. Kind of similar to salon owner vs. salon staff? Our trainer owns the farm/barn.
However, it may be a good idea to ask around at your barn to make sure you are falling in line with normal practices.
Anon
If she’s an english rider who uses spurs, I cannot recommend the Mane Jane spur straps enough. Unfortunately it looks like they aren’t doing custom anymore, but they have some black ones in stock with really cute charms on their main website, and you can also find some on the Chagrin Saddlery website, and some really fun ones here:
https://www.bestponytales.com/products/mane-jane-spur-straps?variant=26761077123 (sorry I don’t know how to make a working link). They are all $40.
giftgiver
For some reason a nice set of towels comes to mind, and I have no idea why. Something practical, yet easily upgrade-able.
Is it Friday yet?
If it’s cold where you are, maybe a set of really nice winter riding gloves. Roeckl makes lovely ones that are around $60, and are the sort of thing that she might not necessarily splurge on herself. Other thoughts would be a new half sheet for the horse, or a nice saddle pad. If you wanted to up your budget a bit, a new leather halter.
no
Do people still buy bonds for baby presents? If not, what is the usual baptism, first birthday, etc. gift these days?
asdf
We got a lot of toys and practical gifts. If you want to do something similar to a bond ask if you can make a contribution to the kids 529 plan.
Anonymous
We got a lot of toys and practical gifts. If you want to do something similar to a bond ask if you can make a contribution to the kids 529 plan.
Anon
As I make my Christmas list (i.e. the list of things I’ve needed all year long that I buy around black Friday + a few ideas to give to family members who want to get me an item in a box rather than cash/gift cards — does anyone have a duffel bag they love?
I got the LLBean adventure duffel a few years ago (either M/L, I can’t tell) and while I like it, after getting it I realized it’s just one main zippered pocket. Problem with that for me is that I don’t put shoes in there but I really don’t want shoes (even in a plastic bag) ended up next to my clean clothes. It’s fine for car trips as clothes go in the bag and shoes get thrown in the trunk of the car, but I’d like something that’s about the same size and quality with 2-3 separate pockets so I can have clothes in the main section, toothbrush etc. in another pocket, shoes in another pocket, and maybe a 4th for devices/chargers. I’m looking for about the same size/quality/price — i.e. I want something that’ll last for a solid number of years but I’m also not looking for an $800 Tumi bag. Thoughts?
Anonymous
Can you just get some shoe bags? I use cloth ones for my nice shoes and grocery store bags for anything that might be muddy or track things into a bag.
Anon
If it’s one compartment, can you “subdivide” it with packing cubes? The cubes organize and separate teh clothes from the plastic-bagged shoes….
anon
Maybe look at the Eddie Bauer duffels? I think the suggestion of just getting shoe bags and packing cubes (on my personal list!) is a good one, though.
Cb
I have an Eastpack suitcase backpack thing with multiple compartments and I’ve been super impressed with it. I might look and see if they have something that might suit.
Anon
Late to this but I have the Everlane weekend bag and then I use the plastic zip bags that sheet sets come in for workout/muddy shoes and then a cloth Tory Burch shoe bag for nicer shoes when traveling. Then I just put my shoes at the bottom of the bag and pack everything else around them.
Anon
Super late response, but check out Lo & Sons. All their bags have lots of cool organizational features. I swear by my Catalina Deluxe for short trips.
KKB
Another fabulous pick by Elizabeth!!! Machine washable, be still my heart!
Anon
Since people are talking about furniture today — has anyone purchased what stores seem to call a hallway table or an entry table with storage, just as an additional storage piece? Do you have one you like? Was it a worthwhile purchase or does it really not store much because they tend to be narrow? I’m in an apartment so I don’t have the foyer you’d have in a SFH, so it would just be an extra storage piece that’d go in a family/dining room area.
Clementine
I have something that I think meets this definition and it has been incredibly useful. I got it at Marshalls/HomeGoods and it has two regular (small) drawers and four basket drawers. When we had an apartment with limited storage, the baskets stored hats/gloves/sunscreen. A dish that we put our keys in went on top. Now that we’re in a different season of life, the same furniture item is where we store the kids’ art supplies. A drawer is designated for construction paper, coloring books, markers/crayons, etc.
Amy
We have a media console in our entryway and find it very useful and practical (for reference the Pottery Barn Leena console–they don’t sell it anymore but you can Google for images). You may want to look into media consoles, as they might be the size you are looking for and offer better storage options. I’d absolutely use it elsewhere in the house as a storage piece if I had the room — it just happens to fit best in the entry.
Never too many shoes...
We have one from Ikea which mounts on the wall. It is classified as a shoe cupboard but we each have a drawer and keeps hats/scarves/umbrellas in it.
https://www.ikea.com/ca/en/p/hemnes-shoe-cabinet-with-4-compartments-dark-gray-stained-30381753/
Anon
+1 We also have two Ikea shoe cabinets (the STALL one, so 8 compartments total) in my small apartment entryway and it’s the best! We have shoes, bags, crafts, dog stuff, umbrellas you name it
Anonymous
Boot help? I’m feeling frumpy. I hate any skin showing between boot and jeans, am mostly wearing skinny jeans, and don’t really understand what boots I could buy that would be good casual around town shoes, not shockingly unstylish, and not risk exposing any ankle or sock.
Anonymous
Knee high boots?
Anonymous
Mid calf boots? Or ankle boots with a higher shaft?
nona
This is where I love my Joan of Arctic wedges. I wear them on the outside of my skinny jeans, but the would probably fit underneath a straight leg cut. Taller lace up boots (ala Frye) could also work.
But I’m also totally okay with pulling my taller socks over my skinny jeans and scrunching them (hello 80s) to cover the bare ankle (usually with a – taller than ankle, but shorter than knee – boot.
PolyD
Moto-style boots might work. I got a pair by Comfortiva lately that I really like. Anne Klein also has some.
Anon
+1
Nutritionist? COtoNY
Can anyone recommend a great nutritionist? I need someone who’s good at dealing with emotional eating and can maybe give me meal plans. Bonus points if I can work with this person via phone/email/Skype. Thanks!
Telco Lady JD
https://www.wholehealthrd.com/
I like Nicole A LOT. She’s great.
Anonymous
Can I get an opinion on this boot? https://www.saksoff5th.com/aquatalia-charlene-leather-suede-square-toe-booties/product/0400011479932 I’m not great at keeping up with what is in style – are square toes in or out?
kk
In but only if the rest of your outfit is super current and stylish. I’d wear these with Levi Wedgie jeans, a vintage inspired silk blouse, and a black watch plaid blazer or coat.
I wouldnt wear them with skinny jeans or boot cut work pants and a sweater.
Anon
I feel like I’m terrible at my job. I don’t think this is actually the case because feedback has always been pretty positive. But I struggle. I get in my own way, and my anxiety makes me worse at the job than if I would have just forged ahead.
1. I do not think on the fly very well. I need time to process, and unexpected questions in meetings really throw me off my game.
2. I like things to be in control and I like to have time to reflect, but my job is constant chaos.
3. I always feel like there is way more information than I can process in any one day, and after awhile I just want to give up.
4. I am an introvert, and days filled with meetings drain me. Sometimes I want to just hide in a room (sadly, I do not have an office with a door).
Any tips? Sometimes I think I’m just not cut out for work, which is ridiculous but also maybe true?
Anon
Yes, I have some ideas for you:
Anxiety is dealt with via therapy and some combination of medication, meditation, and coping mechanisms. Find someone you click with and get an appointment.
You can be cut out for work but not for your particular field, or your particular role in your general field. Think about the mechanics of where you excel, and how your particular traits can be assets in a different context. (For example, some jobs just lend themselves really well to introversion. Think about what you would like a day to look like in order to thrive.)
Not sure about information processing; that’s one for a career coach or similar.
Anon
You’re cut out for work, just not your job. Look for something else.
Anon
+1
You need to find a job that is a better fit for you. I have a job like yours and I enjoy it. However, I used to have a job where I had to work alone most of the time and I didn’t have to talk to any one for weeks. I felt miserable at that job, however it might have been a perfect fit for you.
editor
You sound like me, an INFP, especially in your points #1 and 4. I can’t think of them right now, but you might look up career choices for this Myers-Briggs type. Also, the blog Introvert Dear. And the book “Quiet.”
#1 needs techniques rather than a career change as this will be present in most jobs (meetings, ugh). There should be something better than “Let me think about that and get back to you”, but I haven’t found it.
Anon
Close! I am an INFJ, but I think I’m masquerading as another type. Good point, hadn’t considered the Myers-Briggs analysis as it relates to careers.
Anonny
Do not use Myers-Briggs to make any sort of important decisions in your life. It is bunk, only a step above astrology. Use it for entertainment, like a horoscope or a Buzzfeed quiz, but don’t put any sort of stock in it. https://www.vox.com/2014/7/15/5881947/myers-briggs-personality-test-meaningless
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/give-and-take/201309/goodbye-mbti-the-fad-won-t-die
https://www.newstatesman.com/whats-your-type-merve-emre-myers-briggs-personality-type-tests-review
Anon
If you can learn meaningful things about a person (such as their preferences or choices) from their Hogwarts House, the TV characters they identify with, or their favorite household pet, I don’t see why you can’t learn meaningful things from their Myers Briggs test result. So much psychological research that’s still very much in vogue has shaky foundations.
Anonny
Sure, but I wouldn’t be looking for “best careers for Slytherins” or “best careers for people who have pet lizards” and putting weight in that to make my life choices. Plus, if you’d read the articles you’d know that the problem is precisely that you don’t learn meaningful things from it, because it measures traits that change based on mood and circumstance and that few people have a binary yes/no answer to. From the Vox article:
“Theoretically, people might still get value out of the Myers-Briggs if it accurately indicated which end of a spectrum they were closest to for any given category. But the problem with that idea is the fact that the test is notoriously inconsistent. Research has found that as many as 50 percent of people arrive at a different result the second time they take a test, even if it’s just five weeks later. That’s because the traits it aims to measure aren’t the ones that are consistently different among people. Most of us vary in these traits over time — depending on our mood when we take the test, for instance, we may or may not think that we sympathize with people. But the test simply tells us whether we’re “thinking” or “feeling” based on how we answered a handful of binary questions, with no room in between.”
And from the Psychology Today article: “Palm readings and horoscopes can spark insights too. That doesn’t mean we should talk about them in our work teams.”
And I would say the same thing about any fad psychological research with similarly shaky foundations, so your whataboutism is misplaced.
ceej
This is not the job for you, but plenty of jobs would be a better fit. In the meantime:
1. Prepare for meetings as much as possible. Ask: What will we be discussing? What information should I be prepared to share? Brainstorm yourself questions you think you might be asked, write down the info and have it ready. Then, “I can have a decision/answer on that for you by TIME/DATE” is another way to say “get back to you.” Also, depending on the situation, “I don’t know” is sometimes a totally valid answer.
2. If you can get ahead of the chaos, do so. I have found that working one Saturday can make my life much better for the next 6 weeks. On that Saturday I finish up “late” stuff, and as much due “soon.” Then, you come in on Monday a day ahead. Keep that aheadness as long as you can. Get ahead of chaos caused by the failure of others by “managing up” (or down) to remind people what you need from them in advance. (This doesn’t work in all situations but in some). Then, on Friday afternoons I look at the week ahead and try to foresee the chaos points, and pre-empt them.
3. I think this is either a 1 and 2 problem, or a job problem. You might find value in shifting your work schedule to not coincide with others. I come in later, and work later. I get “real work” done between 4 and 6, when everyone is gone and I have the info I need. I know others like to get their processing done between 7 and 9. You may have to know your workplace, your ability to leave on time if you come early, or how crazy things will be if you arrive late.
4. If you have the control, push for fewer meetings, fewer meetings per day, or your non-attendance at meetings. Again, if you can, try to take a solo walk at lunch or a “smoke break” between meetings. If you can’t be alone in your office, even going to the bathroom and doing 2-3 minutes of centering breathing type meditation alone might help.