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Coffee Break: Herringbone Double-Breasted A-Line Coat

Tracy Reese Herringbone Double Breasted A-Line Coat | CorporetteA month or so ago I was in church (so it must have been Easter; I'm a bit of a Christmas Catholic) and saw a woman with a fabulous, interesting, distinctive coat. It had personality! It had style! It really made you think, wow, that's an amazing coat, and she must be really cool to wear it. (The fact that she was a slightly harried mom to several small children only made this coat that much cooler.) Anyway, I'm now obsessed with finding something similar — and this herringbone, optical-print coat from Tracy Reese is a definite contender. It's $648 at Nordstrom (available for preorder, sizes 0-10). Tracy Reese Herringbone Double-Breasted A-Line Coat (L-2)

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108 Comments

  1. This is a little too busy for my taste. I am petite, and I think this coat would swallow me up.

    1. I agree, tho it is cute! My dad say’s anything that causes ME to be noticed could cause men to focus on my Tuchus, and that is NOT a good thing. The manageing partner’s brother seems to like me as I am, even if they spent 15 minutes discussing my wieght and my tuchus, which mom said was JUST WRONG with me haveing to sit there.

      This coat is so cute for Rosa, so I will tell her, especialy b/c it is at Nordstrom’s and Ed tells her to buy what she want’s in order to look good. I think Ed is the kind of guy I should MARRY. But he is an ONLEY child. FOOEY! I wonder if there are any other’s at Merrill LYNCH like him?

  2. Some friends and I had drinks last night, and we were talking about body image. Not one of us knows a woman who is truly happy with her body, or who hasn’t struggled at some point- whether they feel too skinny, to fat, wrong shape. Maybe someone here can provide an example of being happy with themselves? If you’re happy now, were you always happy with your body? What made you like it?

    1. Yes! That’s me! I’m happy now with my body and have always been happy with it, frankly because I never thought about it much until I was older. From friends’ experiences around me, it sounds like once you grow up unhappy with your image, it’s something you battle with forever. I’m sure a large part is genes, but I also NEVER (Ellen caps needed) thought about my body and how it looked until I was maybe about 14 or 15. My mom never talked or worried about her body or weight nor did she talk about my or my sister’s bodies in terms of weight. There was so much more emphasis on what we could DO with our minds and bodies. About grades and being good at school, about competing in sports and accomplishing things, about completing art projects and music lessons. I think the only time there was focus on or physical form was in sports, and that was much more so about scoring a goal and winning a race, etc. I also volunteered a lot in hospitals as a child, seeing people who cannot walk, much less run the races I could, I’m sure had an effect on how I view a body. It’s just one component of thousands that make you you. It’s just a vessel!

        1. Yes, I think it’s all thanks to my mom. My sister has little girls now, too, and while we never comment on body image, we try hard to resist saying, “what a cute dress!” all the time — even though they have some adorable clothes! We try to say the same things our mom did: “Who can run the fastest?” “What a great idea! You are so smart!” and “Who can sing the ABCs?” and even the tough-love stuff like, “That’s ok, we’ll try again next time” when one of them clearly didn’t run the fastest! :)

          1. You raise an interesting point – should we avoid giving even positive feedback to little girls about their physical appearance (“your dress is so cute!” or “you’re such a pretty little girl!”) to teach girls to be more concerned with accomplishments than appearance? Where is the balance between teaching our kids to take pride in looking put together vs. thinking that appearance is all that matters?

            I have a lot of body issues arising from my mother’s and grandmother’s constant criticisms growing up, and I always thought I would try really hard to give my daughter (and model for my daughter) a lot of positive reinforcement. But maybe I shouldn’t say anything about it at all?

          2. I think it’s about the balance. I give compliments on physical appearance, but not ones that speak to size/weight (your hair is such a beautiful color! that is such a pretty dress!) but I give way more compliments based on non-physical-appearance attributes.

            Similarly, I’ll buy disney princess dolls, but at a ratio of about 1/10th the amount of books, science kits, sidewalk chalk, etc etc.

          3. Feedback is complicated. Unrelated, but I’ve read that praising effort (it’s great you’re working so hard on that) instead of outcomes/traits (you’re so smart) can make kids more likely to value learning and effort. The book Mindset by Carol Deeck is excellent and gets into all the research behind this.

            I was a gymnast growing up so I got a ton of feedback related to my body shape and size. It’s hardly surprising that I’ve gone through some serious body image and food issues.

      2. This was me too. I think I remember my mom saying something negative about her body maybe 3 or 4 times, and that would only have been after the birth of my youngest brother & sister, and she said something like “I wish I could keep this extra weight”. Of course, I also feel that I was a little behind the ball when it comes to beauty & fashion stuff because it wasn’t something high on my mom’s priority list, but I think having a positive body image is worth that cost (if it even is a real cost).

        I haven’t always been 100% happy with my body, but I’d say I’ve been happy with my body probably 85 to 90% of the time, and I definitely have never hated my body. That’s not to say I haven’t been frustrated with trying to clothe my body – with a 12 inch difference between my waist & hips, finding pants and skirts that fit properly has always been a challenge, which is why I sew my own now, for the most part.

        I also have to give credit to my dh, since I’ve lived with him longer than I lived with my mom. He has never ever said anything negative about my body. He has always told me how attractive & sexy he thought I was, even recently after giving birth.

        And I love all the things my body does for me and has done for me. I’m rarely sick, which I really appreciate. I’ve given birth to 3 awesome boys. I recently ran a half marathon. I’ve hiked to some pretty awesome locations and seen some very cool things. I’ve swam in the ocean. I enjoy roller coasters and days at amusement parks in general.

        Now I hope that I can pass that body love onto my boys. I want them to always have a positive body image as well, and we are very careful with what we say about their bodies, their shape & their weight, because of that very thing.

        1. I found your first paragraph so interesting, because my mom is the same way. She never criticized her body and focused instead on her love for sports (both playing and watching) while we were growing up. But she also never taught me anything about fashion or makeup or hair. In the end, my sisters and I all have positive body images but have no idea how to dress or do our hair. I’ll take that trade-off, though!

        2. haha, very similar for me, too. My mother made a conscious effort to never have beauty magazine (or even catalogs) around the house, never comment on my size, weight, or eating even though my weight fluctuated quite a bit, and I have one of the best body images of any friend I’ve ever had (male or female). Of course, I also realized around age 25 that I had no idea what I was doing in regards to hair and make up. But worth it! (Now in my mid-30s and I can do hair and make up when I need to, but it feels unnatural at this point, which I think is good).

          I have struggled a bit with pregnancy related changes. I feel comfortable with my body at different sizes, but sometimes my post-partum body doesn’t actually feel like *my* body. It’s really not a matter of weight or fitness.

        3. Haha, I also had a mom who made a point of not focusing on weight issues and who also wasn’t really into makeup stuff. I do credit her (and her mother) with my not having a lot of issues about weight growing up. My other grandmother, by contrast, is totally fixated on weight and fear of gaining weight, even in her nineties. Unfortunately, now that I am older and seem to have a lot of female friends who obsess about being “thin enough,” I have experienced some anxiety about this creeping in. But I try to remind myself that I’m healthy and look good the way I am, and it wouldn’t be worth the sacrifices to try to go down a couple of dress sizes.

      3. I love this!! I had a very similar upbringing, where the primary focus was always on what I was capable of- music, art, running, science, math, reading. They did an amazing job of praising me and my sister for our accomplishments and encouraging us to take on new challenges and succeed at academic/athletic/artistic activities we cared about. My parents relentlessly encouraged excelling in these types of pursuits, almost to the detriment of what are thought of as traditionally “feminine concerns” like body image, dating, popularity, trendy clothes. My parents are both scientists and, although both attractive people, didn’t put much effort into their appearances. My mom never wore make up, or did her hair, or dressed well, and as a result, I never learned those things either. They also encouraged me to pursue friendships and dating relationships with people who weren’t concerned about how I looked or what I wore. I’m very grateful for this.

        While it was helpful not to grow up with body-image pressure, I think I did miss out on some things. I entered college (and kind of also grad school), without really knowing how to dress in a flattering way, how to do make up for things like interviews or dates, pluck my eyebrows (oh, god) or blow dry my hair. For a while I refused to do these things because I thought they were “shallow”. While I don’t love admitting it, those sorts of things really can help you make a good impression (duh), and at times that matters to me. Also, I fit into society’s definition of what is conventionally attractive, so that particular privilege probably also helped me to be comfortable in my body without having to work hard at it. Interestingly, I never really thought of my body as conventionally attractive until late college and graduate school when I started to get attention from men because my body. Now I’m more insecure about it than ever, and men act like I’ve maintained it this way (or should continue to) for their collective benefit.

        1. Ditto a lot of these other comments about having a healthy relationship with my body and appearance in general thanks to my mom. I also inherited lucky size/attractiveness genes from her, but active lifestyle and healthy eating habits were just a way of life that I never experienced an alternative to, so they became my preference without ever having to think about it. There were a lot of expectations about academics and extracurricular activities, but I don’t remember appearance or weight ever being mentioned. I got self-conscious a little in high school because peers and Seventeen are unavoidable, but exercise has always kept me feeling good about myself… I like my body to be able to DO what I want it to do, so my fitness goals have always been focused there, where it’s much easier to feel like you’re making progress than with shape/appearance.

          Ditto the drawbacks, too: It took me a LONG time (like after college) to figure out makeup, eyebrow grooming, flattering/fashionable clothes, accessorizing, etc, I”m early 30s and I have just in the past couple years started to feel confident in those areas. Hair/makeup is the FIRST thing to go when I run out of time (always, with a toddler), though, and I don’t even care most days. At least my outfits look good! I didn’t date at all until college, and it would have been nice to figure out some of that social stuff earlier – although I was super self-confident and had a lot of great friendships because I never wasted much time or energy on boys or the drama that goes with them.

          Anyway, 90% of the time I’m happy and I feel like I look great. The other 10% I think “I could probably stand to lose 5-10 lbs and my nose could be a little smaller, and wtf is that zit doing on my cheek again?” but then I think some more and realize it’s too much work for too little reward to fight my body over 10 lbs, and my nose makes me look like the rest of my family, so who cares? I just try not to pick at the zit. My body naturally settles pretty close to what I would consider my ideal shape, even if I go through a lazy, comfort-food eating period. The fact that I typically prefer healthy food and exercise takes care of the rest.

          The worst I’ve ever felt about my body was when I was pregnant. I *hated* feeling f4t when I was pregnant, more because of the difficulty doing things I normally took for granted than feeling unattractive… although there was a lot of that, too. I had to consciously remind myself that my body was doing something pretty awesome, and I should cut myself some slack. It didn’t really work. Luckily for me, I also inherited incredible pregnancy rebound genes from my mom, and was back to my normal size quickly, without any special effort.

    2. One of the most telling conversations I’ve ever had, addressing the pervasive culture of shame and agony around women’s bodies, was with one of my ex-boyfriends–the fact that I had had an eating disorder came up somehow, and he got this stunned expression on his face and said that four out of four of his serious girlfriends had or had had EDs, in one form or another. Anecdata, granted, but I think it’s a telling piece of anecdata.

      So I mean, clearly, I have/have had issues with body image. For the most part, I’d say I do pretty well, although to say I’m “happy” with my body would be…not precisely truthful. It’s more like we’ve reached a detente, where I am not happy with it, but I also agree to not be a jerk to it by starving or over-exercising it, and do my best to focus on its positive qualities. I would say that probably puts me in the like…85th percentile of women my age (mid-twenties) that I know, which is just sad, sad, sad.

      Things that are helpful to me: not participating in the ritual of “OMG, I’m so fat,” “Oh no, you’re not fat, I’M fat,” and telling people around me that try to drag me into it why I won’t participate; every time I think something negative, force myself to then think of three positive things (“My stomach is more flabby than it was yesterday…BUT OH MAN, check out my killer legs and delicate collarbone! Also my hair is looking fabulous!”); forcing myself to not stand in front of a full-length mirror nitpicking every little perceived flaw; exercising; and having clothing, makeup, and accessories that I feel help me look nice/pretty/professional/whatever.

      1. Ladies, please add f a t to the list of words that will officially get you moderated! Let’s see if I can get this through:

        One of the most telling conversations I’ve ever had, addressing the pervasive culture of shame and agony around women’s bodies, was with one of my ex-boyfriends–the fact that I had had an eating disorder came up somehow, and he got this stunned expression on his face and said that four out of four of his serious girlfriends had or had had EDs, in one form or another. Anecdata, granted, but I think it’s a telling piece of anecdata.

        So I mean, clearly, I have/have had issues with body image. For the most part, I’d say I do pretty well, although to say I’m “happy” with my body would be…not precisely truthful. It’s more like we’ve reached a detente, where I am not happy with it, but I also agree to not be a jerk to it by starving or over-exercising it, and do my best to focus on its positive qualities. I would say that probably puts me in the like…85th percentile of women my age (mid-twenties) that I know, which is just sad, sad, sad.

        Things that are helpful to me: not participating in the ritual of “OMG, I’m so f a t,” “Oh no, you’re not f a t, I’M f a t,” and telling people around me that try to drag me into it why I won’t participate; every time I think something negative, force myself to then think of three positive things (“My stomach is more flabby than it was yesterday…BUT OH MAN, check out my killer legs and delicate collarbone! Also my hair is looking fabulous!”); forcing myself to not stand in front of a full-length mirror nitpicking every little perceived flaw; exercising; and having clothing, makeup, and accessories that I feel help me look nice/pretty/professional/whatever.

        1. Also, Kat and Kate, please register my serious opposition to putting us in moderation for f a t. I do not think that word should be a source of any more shame or stigma than it already is. Seriously–are we saying that women who occupy more space than Western beauty’s ideals go into moderation for existing and using a word to describe their existence? Not okay.

          1. Seriously. I cannot understand why this word is being moderated. The other ones we know of seem at least somewhat related to spam. Are there a ton of spam comments that include the word or something?

          2. Huh, good point. I wonder if the site gets bombarded with all of those “this one trick will melt body f a t!” spam posts.

          3. I agree. It’s ridiculous that f a t puts comments into moderation. Also, I’m curious whether words like f a ther now go into moderation just like s i t e puts exquis i t e into moderation.

          6. For an overachieving chicks’ s i t e, you’d think they’d expect us to talk about big, f4 t checks!

          7. hahahaha big faaat checks maybe will work. I bet lar ger size is to prevent pee nisss growing ads

          8. I just went into moderation for something but I didn’t use the f word… I did use ‘l a r g e r s i z e’ …. is that on the list, too, now??

            I assume the moderation is to monitor potential controversy associated with certain (apparently) loaded words, not for any other reason, but it’s very annoying all the same.

          10. Now I think there’s a tech glitch, because I put that as a sub thread/reply and it is lined up with the others.

          11. Responding to nutella: That’s what happens when the parent comment is removed by a moderator. All replies appear as standalone comments.

          12. Tesyaa: I was replying to Emeralds and that post is still there. Something odd is happening.

            Edited to add, I actually tried to post this as a reply to Tesyaa and it didn’t thread either.

          13. Yep, me too and same thing happened (and I am assuming will happen even though I am replying to Sydney at 5:04).

          14. Me too. My comment above was in reply to another comment but didn’t show up as a reply.

            Edit: Still didn’t post as a reply.

          15. Um, I’m assuming because it’s related to spam ads for supplements that will help men enhance certain body parts. The f-word seems a little bit less obvious, but probably for the same reason.

          17. Or, you know, maybe they don’t want us to use the word “fat” anymore when we talk about ourselves. Maybe they’re doing exactly what you want them to: making “fat” a bad word.

        2. Honestly you’re probably about my age and have a much better attitude about your body than I do, which is probably pretty sad. When I was growing up, I was tiny. Now, as I’m getting a bit older, my metabolism is slowing down and I’ve gained a few pounds. It’s not really noticeable to most people (or my friends) but I am almost shocked at how disgusted I am with myself and how ashamed I am with my body. I think it’s because growing up, my mom was overweight and worked really hard to get it off, but as a result, become obsessive. The first time I gained 10 pounds in law school, she was really mean to me about it and while I know where she’s coming from, the fact that my body gains weight from a mostly sedentary lifestyle has become a huge issue and trigger for me.

    3. Not answering your question directly, I guess, but I think girls who played team sports have an advantage.

      I grew up with a lot of criticism of my body and general fat bias directed toward the world, and I’ve never gotten over it. I’ve battled eating disorders, and although the behavior has stopped, the mindset remains. I now have three daughters (two are teens) and am hyperconscious, every single day, of anything I might say or do to make fat or food an issue. My girls seem to be OK, and believe me, I am watching. One thing my girls do that I didn’t is participate in team sports. It seems a lot easier to navigate the world of teen body image pressure when you’re hanging with a whole posse of girls, focusing on what your body can do to help the team, and not how you look.

    4. I am happy with my (fat) body. Two books that were really helpful in getting me here are “Intuitive Eating” and “Lessons from the Fat-o-Sphere.” I cannot recommend them highly enough.

    5. I like my body. I think part of it is that I am pretty active, I run, do yoga, and things. It’s hard to feel bad about myself if I’ve just run 10 miles or did some yoga that felt great. Even if you are not great at these things, it doesn’t matter because you’re not embarking on an Olympic career in them. Though, if you take up something like running or yoga, as long as you stick to it you will eventually get better at it and achieving small goals at first is a big confidence booster. I mostly eat food that is healthy and/or delicious, which I have no regrets about. Plus, I don’t feel like superficial appearances matter that much. If you gain or lose 20 lbs or have a big nose, does it really impact your life that much? Nope. I think that personality matters more than appearance in how people see you.

    6. I agree with the above posters that social environment plays a huge role. My mom never put much effort into her appearance and never talked about her body. The word diet was never uttered in my house. We were allowed to eat whatever we wanted, including lots of junk food in our pantry. I was steered towards activities that were more physical fitness focused and less dependent on looks or traditionally girly. I wasn’t in dance or cheer-leading but rather softball and field hockey. None of my friends were that focused on weight.

      My husband, however, has body dismorphia issues. Yes, guys have eating disorders too. He is in great shape but sees himself as fat even though he is far from it. He is always on some kind of diet and he always has to get his work out in. He always tells me I’m beautiful but I still catch him look askance at my dessert. Its not that he wants me to not gain weight but he looks at someone eating a bowl of high sugar high fat treats the same someone else would look at someone eating a bowl of maggots. He knows he has issues but mostly keeps it to himself. I hate to admit it but his issues have worn off on me some. I think we only work together because I grew up in such a healthy home. If I had any predisposition for eating disorders we could not be together or we would just enable each other.

      Sometimes I have to think though, if he thinks he is so fat and hasn’t worked out enough and doesn’t think he eats healthy enough, then OMG what does he think of me??? But then I remember that dismorphia is how he sees himself and how he compares himself to others so he probably sees me as skinnier than I am.

    7. I am happy with my body, but I don’t think I am necessarily completely happy with my body – I feel like even if I had “the perfect body” or “my ideal body” I would still strive to improve, and that’s just something personal – I do that with everything, from careers, to behavior, to skills, etc. I would strive to be healthier, exercise more, etc.

      Aside from that though, I have not thought that I was “too skinny” or “too fat” although some days I tell myself I can lose the flab around my middle section, only because it motivates me to exercise, etc. I pretty much didn’t exercise regularly through college and could essentially “get away with it” because I wasn’t gaining weight. I haven’t thought I was the “wrong shape” so to speak. On another note, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling people that they look great, or complimenting someone on something they are wearing because these are thoughts I have and they’re honest and I want the other person to k now it. I think these things often times make the other person feel happy, and that’s not a bad thing.

      To some extent, I feel like if I became overweight or obese, I would not want to “be happy with my body” because it is a health issue, not an image issue. I worry that if I am happy with my body when my body is not necessarily healthy, I won’t do anything to try to improve myself – whether that’s eating healthier, exercising more, or something else.

    9. I am in the same situation as a lot of posters. Growing up, my mom never made a big deal about weight. We also rarely ate fast food, and always had a home cooked healthy dinner on the table. As kids and teenagers, my siblings and I never had a weight problem. Now as an adult, I make sure a healthy meal is on the table every night. I also work out 5-6 times a week, so I know I am fit.

    10. I can honestly say that I am happy with my body. Caveat – it helps, for sure, that my body is close enough to a socially validated size and shape that I don’t really get negative external reinforcement. That said, I know plenty of women who are thinner than me and less at peace with their bodies. And I definitely went through a phase in my early twenties when I was not this happy with things.

      What helps me (and I fully realize that these things may not help everyone):
      1 – I don’t own a scale. Other than when I was pregnant/immediately postpartum, I haven’t weighed myself in a decade. I even try to avoid looking when I go to the doctor’s office.
      2 – I do exercise that I like (for me that’s dance/yoga/running). It helps me relate to my body as something that gives me pleasure and does cool things. Exercise is only ever a reward for me, never a punishment.
      3 – I no longer live in a big coastal city where it seems like everyone could be a catalog model. Now that I live in the Rust Belt, I see a lot more size diversity in my daily life. It’s nice! Although hard to replicate.
      4 – I made a conscious choice to opt out of ‘bonding’ conversations with other women that focus on body complaints or diets. I don’t make a big deal of it, I just change the subject.
      5 – I eat well. Not in the sense of restricting calories/portions/ingredients, but in the sense of making sure my body gets the veggies/protein/fats/energy that it needs. Also, in the sense of eating food that is delicious! Again, the better I feel physically and the more pleasure my body gives me, the easier it is to love my body.

    11. I’m 95 percent always happy with myself. Everyonce in a while I think that I should work out more, but thats not really about size and more about health- I think it when I have trouble on the stairs or something like that. I am a size 10-12 and very squishy. I used to be a lot smaller but I got older and I really like food and wine. I should be more active and that is one of my goals, but I never diet or think bad thoughts about my body. Sometimes I think I don’t have anything to wear but its always about formality level for the event, never about size. My girlfriends and I never really talk about size or wishing we were smaller. Sometimes I hear something like oh Ive gained some weight because of vacation or stress, but there isn’t talk about how its bad or its something hateful, just in the context of I might need to go shopping. I really think most if not all of my girlfriends are relatively happy with their bodies and size.

    12. Unlike a lot of the people here, I’m not particularly fit (I have a normal BMI, but I’m a size 10-12), have never really worked out a lot, and generally eat whatever I’m hungry for (which, luckily, is generally not massively unhealthy food). But I’d say I’m happy with my body 80-90% of the time, and I don’t think I have body image issues. Like a lot of other people, it was just never emphasized in my family. I was certainly encouraged to work out, but always for health and fitness reasons, never for weight reasons. I don’t recall my mother ever being concerned about her weight. When my mother and father met my father was on a very unhealthy diet that left him stick thin and weak, and that was the story I always heard growing up. Otherwise, we emphasized academics, not beauty, and all of my friends did the same, so that was all I was exposed to. It probably didn’t hurt that I lived in a hippy liberal college town, and almost every adult I knew was a professor.

      In the past six or eight months I’ve gotten into a workout routine, but it’s very much for health reasons, not body image reasons. I won’t be upset if I lose weight, but it’s not the goal, and I’d prefer being healthy and overweight to unhealthy and a size 6, like I was through most of college.

    13. Trying again to get out of moderation:

      I agree with the above posters that social environment plays a huge role. My mom never put much effort into her appearance and never talked about her body. The word diet was never uttered in my house. We were allowed to eat whatever we wanted, including lots of junk food in our pantry. I was steered towards activities that were more physical fitness focused and less dependent on looks or traditionally girly. I wasn’t in dance or cheer-leading but rather softball and field hockey. None of my friends were that focused on weight.

      My husband, however, has body dismorphia issues. Yes, guys have eating disorders too. He is in great shape but sees himself as f4t even though he is far from it. He is always on some kind of diet and he always has to get his work out in. He always tells me I’m beautiful but I still catch him look askance at my dessert. Its not that he wants me to not gain weight but he looks at someone eating a bowl of high sugar high f4t treats the same someone else would look at someone eating a bowl of maggots. He knows he has issues but mostly keeps it to himself. I hate to admit it but his issues have worn off on me some. I think we only work together because I grew up in such a healthy home. If I had any predisposition for eating disorders we could not be together or we would just enable each other.

      Sometimes I have to think though, if he thinks he is so f4t and hasn’t worked out enough and doesn’t think he eats healthy enough, then OMG what does he think of me??? But then I remember that dismorphia is how he sees himself and how he compares himself to others so he probably sees me as skinnier than I am.

    14. I like how Cameron Diaz put it – if you aren’t getting older, you’re dead. I think of that when I see lines coming in on my face or the other day my hands looked really wrinkly.

      But as far as my body image – I wouldn’t say I am unhappy but I have learned to just accept what I have. My mom would say negative things about fat people (she’s one of those people who couldn’t get to 140 even if all she ate were those weight gain bars from Mean Girls). Not sure if that’s why, but for some reason I date only guys with a little meat on his bones. They never seem to mind. I never thought about those being related before…

      I will say that I have a strict diet and workout plan but it’s because I am training for something, never to lose weight. Maybe because the emphasis is on the activity, the positive outlook about my body benefits are secondary.

      My mom was similar to other posters in that she – as SJP would say – let us fly our freak flag high. I look at pictures of when we were younger and she would let us wear whatever fit. She even let us cut each other’s hair. I don’t believe it was her intent but rather hair/makeup/fashion were never things that interested her so she didn’t care. At about 10, my BFF was obsessed with hair styling etc. (hello 80s hair spray and avon lipstick samples). But I hated it and would rarely participate. Thank goodness my high school friends took me under their wings to put on make up and teach me how to use curl cream rather than brush my curly hair. Still, I would say I wear make-up probably 20% of the time now including court and social interactions? I still cannot blow dry my hair – all I know is air dry and crunch baby and if that doesn’t work – ponytail. If it ever stops being curly I will be in for a rude awakening.

      I am a little paranoid “no one is telling me” what I am wearing is stupid sometimes. Or sometimes I will wear lipstick and my boss will say “hey Red!” and I think “oh no I am not pulling this off at all.”

    15. I sometimes love my body, sometimes am frustrated with my weight, but generally feel much more confident and loving of my attributes (and forgiving of my flaws) than when I was younger. Like many of these posters, I grew up in a family where the emphasis was always on applauding me for my intelligence, hard work, etc., which I think is the reason why I do not obsess about my appearance or weight now.

      I do think, however, that my self-esteem would have been higher, and my body image much better, if my parents had done a bit more in reassuring me/complimenting me on my appearance as a child (or even now!). I actually have always felt, and still feel, saddened by the fact that my parents have only really ever praised me for my brain and never for my appearance. I know that sounds wrong, but I think it would have been more encouraging to have had a rounded-out set of praise from my parent; I really didn’t start seeing my body or my appearance as positive, even to myself, until friends or boyfriends complimented me that way starting in high school. I don’t mean that I needed their validation, I just mean that I sort of grew up thinking that my only asset was my brain, and it didn’t “click” for me that I could be attractive, too, until I heard it said to me more than once by people I trusted. This is why I am puzzled when people post that they would never call their child or niece “beautiful”–I think it’s fine to compliment a child in any way, so long as it is balanced and allows them to see all of their attributes in a positive light.

      1. +1 My parents were always proud of me as I was hardworking as a child . I always performed very well in class and extra curricular activities. They never said anything about how I looked. I was a over weight kid. They never said anything about it. However I became very conscious in my early teens because even when my parents never said anything, I was teased in school and I was not considered an attractive person. I could never think myself as an attractive person all my positive attributes were related to my brain and not how I looked. On top of it, sometimes my mother used to praise other kids as beautiful. That just gave me a message that I was not good enough and I was not in that league at all. I wish they had complimented me and reassured me more on how I looked. It would have definitely helped me to have a much better body image than what I have now even after I lost that extra weight I had on me.
        On the other hand, I have an aunt who always praised her daughter about how she looked and how beautiful she was. She is not extraordinary in any way. She is an average looking girl. She is dark complexioned (I am an Indian, so having lighter skin is considered some what of a privilege and this girl was darker than average). I never saw my aunt mentioning that she was dark or praising some one who had lighter skin tone. In fact she used to point out the flaws in me and my sister in front of her daughter and say how good her daughter was. Now, the girl has a daughter and I see the same pattern. They just praise the toddler so much on how she looks, how active she is etc.
        I don’t have kids yet. I would definitely bring them up differently. I would compliment them on how beautiful they are along with all other things.

    16. I’m enjoying reading all these responses! Like many others have said, my mother also never mentioned her body, never dieted and had no interest in fashion or beauty. I, however, was enthralled with all of that. My mother allowed me to experiment with clothes and makeup. I went to school in some crazy getups, but my mother always reinforced my academic pursuits so I did as well. Even though I loved the fashion stuff, I never felt anything but positive about my body because it was never the focus. Years later I gained 15 lbs very quickly during an internship with free lunches. I didn’t even realize what happened, I just thought all my clothes were “getting weird,” so I bought some bigger sized things. Because I wasn’t obsessing over it (my mom didn’t say anything, just a couple friends expressed surprise) I lost the weight naturally when the internship ended. I am so grateful to my mother for her relaxed attitude about body image. It’s stayed with me to this day.

    17. I’ve struggled to love my body for as long as I’ve been aware of it. My mother talked about her weight and self loathing nearly constantly when I was growing up. I have a pretty vivid memory of being scolded when I was six or so for having a thick waist as my mother was measuring me for a pair of pants. I’ve always had thick thighs and my parents would joke about how they would eat me first if we were stranded a-la Donner party (I swear I’m not making this up). When I was in high school, I gained some weight and my mother took me to weight watchers. Then she took me, at 16 years old, to Chicos to get clothes that “flowed” (ie, hid my totally normal curves). I was encouraged to avoid eating fruit. What’s really sad is that I’ve always been active and healthy, even when I was a little chubby. When I lost weight in college, my mother piled on the praise and bought me clothes but also mentioned that the only way I would ever had slim thighs would be with the assistance of liposuction. When my sister gained weight in college, my mother talked about it endlessly, at one point musing “I wonder if your sister is louder now because she’s compensating for the weight gain.” All of this is to say: When I am thinner, I feel more loved by my parents, and really struggle with feelings of shame when I gain weight. (And yes, I am seeing a therapist.)

    18. I sometimes have days when I wish I were more trim but for the most part I’m very satisfied by my (fairly average) body. I’m not medically overweight, but neither am I model skinny. I’ve just sort of always been pretty comfortable with how I look, even though it’s changed quite a bit (I was skinny and boy-ish in high school, gained a fair amount of weight in college to the point of being a little on the chubby side of normal but also got some great curves and am now more “average” – neither slim nor heavy). I attribute this pretty much 100% to my mom (and too a lesser degree, other female role models) not having any body issues. I cannot remember my mom ever criticizing her body in front of me and she certainly never criticized mine. She was also never a dieter and believed in eating plenty of healthy food and also plenty of sweets and indulgent food, in moderation, which is the same food philosophy I now have. I’ve never really done any kind of diet, although as I approach 30 I am making more of an effort to eat healthy foods, but that’s more for health than appearance. I have a lot of friends who have way more amazing bodies than me but are super critical of how they look. In most cases, it stems from their moms passing on their own body image issues. It’s really sad.

    19. Great question and it felt good reading the responses!
      I’ll echo what some folks have said. I’m happy with my body and have always been (except brief concern over acne during a teenage phase, but I don’t strictly consider that a body image thing).
      My mother also never talked about her body, read fashion magazines or cared about beauty or fashion.
      My grandmother who I spent a lot of time with growing up was similar, but she was into dressing appropriately (for her that meant the right fabric – silk being her favorite) and into jewelry. But it was always presented in a “we want to look appropriate for the occasion – if it’s a wedding, or a ceremony, or a dinner, there are rules about what’s ok” way rather than a “accentuate good body parts” way so there was no focus on body. She’s also always been very active in and outside the house and a “never sit when you can stand/ never stand when you can walk” kind of person.

      There was some focus on eating healthy but it was also presented in a “fruits and vegetables – we feel good when we eat them” way. Or “eat some of that junk food if you like, but here, try a bit of this fruit I just chopped up, very juicy”. So again less characterization of food in terms of value systems.

      Instead, my folks were focused on academics, and that worked for me because I was a high achiever in school and thrived on the praise I got from them when I did well (only carrots, no sticks). I hung out with others as geeky as myself, and I never thought about looks all that much. A downside for me is that I wasn’t focused on sports (though I was active enough) and didn’t grow to love physical fitness until my 20s.

  3. Is this what Cruella DeVille would wear if she decided to give up fur but still wanted to keep the same color scheme?

    1. This reminds me of a herringbone blue and white shirt my husband owned when he was a TA as a graduate student. One of his students referred to it as his “magic eye shirt” in his review. He never wore the shirt again.

      1. The coat is theatrical. I know Bellatrix wore black but if she wanted some variety she’d wear this.

    2. That’s so weird you said that because I had that song stuck in my head this morning. “If she doesn’t scare you, no evil thing will!” When I saw this coat I thought the same thing!

  4. Any suggestions for a good drugstore foundation? I’ve been using Makeup Forever Face and Body, but I’ve recently realized that I don’t like the “dewy” finish it gives and want something more matte. My skin is pretty normal, maybe a little combination with some oil on my nose by the end of the day. I like moderate coverage to even out my skin but definitely want a natural look so it doesn’t look like I’m really wearing makeup.

    1. I like Physicians formula. It is a powder…like Bare Minerals, only cheaper.

      1. I like the ELF mineral foundation, which when matched up with the right shade, is almost exactly like Bare Minerals foundation for me

    2. Try Revlon Colorstay. I’ve had very good luck with the liquid and whipped versions. I can also recommend Rimmel London Stay Matte foundation – it’s almost a little too matte for me, but with a not-too-shimmery blush, it works.

    3. I recently switched to Revlon photo finish BB cream and Maybelline Dream BB cream (which covers a little less). love them both.

    4. Covergirl smoothers all-day hydrating makeup. While the hydrating may make you think it’ll give a dewey finish, it works well for my sometimes oily skin.

    6. Revlon Photo Ready for dry skin… regardless of your skin type
      Rimmel Stay Matte
      Cover Girl Clean Whipped
      and if you are within the skin range Wet ‘n’ Wild Coverall Cream Foundation
      I HIGHLY recommend setting any of these with Skindinavia setting spray

  5. You know, I was going to argue that this wasn’t herringbone, but then I realized I was thinking of houndstooth. It’s interesting take on herringbone…

  7. I think this coat is fabulous but it also makes the model (who I assume is a size 000) look like she’s a size 14, so I’d be concerned what it would do to someone who is already a size 14.

    1. Good point – I’d love to see this on someone where there was a better fit, and styled as outerwear – i.e., over other clothes, maybe with a scarf and bag. It’s a whole lotta look, but I bet there’s someone out there who could rock this.

      1. Agreed. I think the biggest issue in the picture is the styling. Imagine with her hair up, some pretty red heels, and a big scarf. I’d also do a different belt. I also have issue with the length of the coat. I think it needs to be just a little shorter.

    2. Someone who is a size 14 wouldn’t be able to wear this coat because it only goes up to a size 10.

      In any event, I think it’s the length, not the print, that makes it unflattering. If I were able to wear a size 10 in a coat, I would probably have the coat shortened around knee length, so just below the bottom narrow band of the print. I think it would be really cute and flattering at that length. Unfortunately, that’s not an option for me because I wear higher than a size 10 in coats, which, apparently in this designer’s opinion, makes me too large to be good enough to wear this designer’s clothes.

    3. Agreed. I saw it and thought “nice, a plus sized pick” and then realized the coat only runs up to size 10 and went “huh???”

    5. You know what – I think the opposite is true sometimes. Something that looks so-so on a model can look great on a “real life” person. A coat like this needs to have a larger frame to carry it, I think. The model is drowning in it a bit, but I think it could look great on someone who is a larger size.

      That said, it makes a bit dizzy and I tend to look terrible in coats that go past the knee but flare out, so definitely not for me. I do love the idea of a dramatic statement coat.

  9. Brag-folder TJ:

    I just got really positive verbal feedback from someone I work with (in my company, but outside of my organization). Is it weird/inappropriate to ask him if he can put it in an email to share with my boss? The context is that he told me he just came from giving me a glowing review in a meeting with someone else in my organization but really far removed from my team (i.e. this person likely doesn’t even know who I am).

    BTW, I’m also hoping to use my upcoming mid-year review to discuss a potential promotion…which is part of why it would be great to have this feedback to share.

    1. I wouldn’t ask for him to put it in an email. No reason you cannot tell your boss yourself, though.

      1. How/when would you go about doing that? Not to sound dense, but would you just tell your boss that person X told me he said something great about me to person Y (complicating this is the fact that person X couldn’t recall person Y’s name…only that person Y was part of my organization). Sorry, I’ve never worked in a company that is big enough that something like this wouldn’t automatically get back to my boss…and I don’t know what the value is of my directly telling my boss that person X was really happy with my work.

        1. “Boss, I wanted to let you know that Person X shared that he was really thrilled with how we’ve handled his account. In fact, he told me that during a recent Chocolate Teapot Design meeting, he was raving to Grand Poobah Y about the service we delivered to him on the rollout! It’s always nice to hear that our work is appreciated.”

          I recognize the “we” deflect some of the credit from you, but I think I’d be uncomfortable saying directly “he said *I* did a great job” … and hopefully boss can read between the lines.

  10. Can anyone comment on the tummy control of the Lands End Flounce Mini swim skirt? I know it’s not part of their ‘tummy control’ line, but I’m wondering if the material+rouching provides any assistance.

    Or comment on any of their swim skirts, actually.

    I’m shopping for next summer, when I’ll be ~6 months post-partum after my third child. I’m trying to get a swim skirt that will help me with tummy control while still looking cute, fun, and not-matronly. I’m currently debating between the Flounce Mini with no control, the Mini SwimMini with some control, and the regular SwimMini with ultra control.

    Links to follow.

    4. I have the skirts and I think they have zero tummy control. BUT I love them anyway (I have 3 or 4, all mini swim minis) and started wearing them with I was postpartum. With rashguards (too lazy to put on sunscreen and don’t want anything to pop out).

    2. Gorgeous. I want to be sitting on a patio overlooking the beach drinking a cold glass of rose with this skirt and a ton of bangles on.

    1. I would but on a more casual day. Basically it would be my suit to wear when I could easily not wear a suit. I’d pair it with a silky top and rounded toe wedges.

    2. Something about it looks sweatshirt-y from far away, but when you zoom in you see that it’s not that at all. I think it needs a nice, more formal fabric underneath to keep it from looking too casual.

  13. Threadjack: How do I prevent a skirt from becoming wrinkled? I bought a super cute Halogen skirt from the NAS but it gets wrinkled SO fast. If I sit down, the skirt, of course, naturally bends and folds so then when I stand up, it’s wrinkled. The material of the skirt is:

    72% rayon, 26% nylon, 2% spandex.

    TIA for any suggestions you might have.

    1. Get a skirt that isn’t mostly rayon? Rayon is like cotton and linen – it’s going to wrinkle unless it’s blended enough with other fibers to not do so.

      Sometimes you can get rayon with a wrinkle-resistant treatment, but I don’t know if that’s something that you can add as an individual post-construction.

  14. All in moderation: try posting with a different browser. Sometimes chrome puts me in but I can post with Firefox +exact same post, lol). I’m using an android phone most of the time.

  15. I guess I’m in the minority, I absolutely love this coat! I would totally buy it if I had $650 to spent at Nordstrom.

  16. I used to have a fantastic mod coat in black and white that this reminds me of. Mine was swirly psychedelic zebra stripes though. It was a fantastic thrift store score when I was about 17. I hadn’t thought about it in years, but this coat made me miss it. Snif. I used to wear it with a red hat with a lacy trailing hatband, because Prince. Ahh, the late 80’s.

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