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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
When I was a junior BigLaw associate, my office was located directly across the street from a brick-and-mortar Loft store. For two years (until I discovered the magic that was a wash-and-fold service), when things got crazy, I would run across the street at lunchtime to grab a few tops to help me make it through till laundry day.
It’s been more than a decade since then, but I still instinctively turn to Loft for quick and easy tops that can be worn under suit jackets. This dark floral shell would look great with a gray suit or with a camel blazer and black trousers.
The top is on sale for $49.99 at Loft — with an extra 50% at checkout — and comes in regular sizes XXS–XL.
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Ellen
Great pick, Elizabeth! I love Loft also and have similar top’s to this one which I wear at home and on weekends. How many other people in the Hive wear these tops @ work? I suppose because of Covid 19, people have gotten alot more causal, especially working from home. I wonder when everyone returns to the office, will there be a casualization of work clotheing? I sure hope not b/c I am partially respected b/c of the professional attitude and clotheing that I wear. Other attorney’s and judges respect me when I am properly attired and have my makeup properly applied. I do not think that if I came in without makeup and with casual clotheing that they would listen to and respect me as an attorney and counselor at law, particularly when I advocate difficult positions for my cleints. What does the rest of the hive think? Isn’t there a corolation between neat and formal clotheing and makeup and overall legal credibility? I sure think so and do NOT want for their to be a dumming down clotheing wise. I will look forward to reading what the rest of the hive thinks! TIA for your input, Elizabeth and HIVE! YAY!!!
anon
Loft used to be the one brick-and-mortar place in my town where I could buy work pants off the rack and have them fit. Sadly, that location closed, and the styles changed, so even ordering online is a total crapshoot. I still have tons of Loft work tops. They get worn less than they used to, but most are still in the rotation.
Anonymous
I would rather rewear a dirty top than wear a brand-new one without washing it first! There are all sorts of nasty chemicals that need to be washed off. https://time.com/5631818/wash-new-clothes/
anne-on
Yes, this. I have sensitive skin and learned the hard way in college that I cannot wear/sleep/use anything that touches my skin without washing it first. I got a horrendous contact allergy rash to sheets and had to ask my roommate to help slather me in cortisone cream on my back.
Non-iron shirts are also notorious for causing skin rashes, the chemical that makes them non-iron can be very very irritating and it is embedded in the fabrics. I’m just not able to wear them.
Anon
Huh, I never wash new blouses, mostly because I’d dry clean them and that’s chemical based too. I’ll steam them, but that’s it. I also try to not wash blouses too often.
Anon
I refuse to buy things now that I can’t launder EASILY at home. I may take to the cleaners when I do a bulk dump after work trips (ha!), but have no bandwidth for precious things now (pandemic, kids, daily cooking or at least reheating of something with red sauce).
Cat
me either, in fact new clothes are my favorite to wear because whatever chemicals they retain make them much more spillproof! (I don’t have sensitive skin though.)
Anonymous
I can’t even stand the smell of new clothes.
Wheels
Me too. The formaldehyde is not good.
Anon
I generally agree and yet my very fancy clothes (wedding dress, etc.) get worn straight off the hanger.
Anonymous
Elizabeth is talking about buying new everyday clothes as a way of avoiding laundry, which is not the same as a wedding dress that is not even really designed to be dry cleaned.
Notagirl
Am I the only one who found the backstory here deeply sad and disturbing? She had to, on multiple occasions, buy a bunch of new tops because she could not do laundry and no other reason? What toxic, pernicous, sleazy work environment would push a person to do that to keep their job? Was it like this for others among you law ladies? Is it still like this?
To be clear – I am not judging Elisabeth who presumably did what she had to do to keep her job and survive. I am judging the culture so hard though right now… I hope it has changed!
Anon
Oh 100% at a law firm. I used to routinely pop into VS to buy underwear to get through laundry days when I was at a firm. Part of it was city life being less conducive to having a washer dryer in my apartment though.
Anon
I once went to Target and bought so much underwear that I am probably on some sort of watchlist. But you never know when the next laundry day may be. In-apartment laundry was so seriously life-changing.
Of Counsel
Yes! Good for the people who never had to do this, but when you are working 12-16 hour days 7 days a week for several weeks at a time (hello trial!) and do not have laundry in your apartment, doing laundry on the weekend is not always possible. And sometimes things like sleeping in your and showering take priority.
Is it ideal? No. Do i think that the world should work this way? No. Did I do it a couple of time? Absolutely yes.
is it also one of the ways that having a spouse with a less demanding job is helpful, also yes.
Anonymous
That’s how biglaw works. They pay new associates with zero skills obscene salaries, in exchange for unlimited availability.
The culture of the legal profession is insane. A lot of it is just straight-up hazing. I have an old white male colleague from another org who told me yesterday that law practice is only for the “energetic” and that we need to work people to death because he was overworked when he was younger and he survived it, so anyone else who can’t survive the same (even at 1/5 the salary of a biglaw associate) should get out of the profession. I replied that I refuse to work more than 40 hours a week except in case of emergency. I guess he thinks I am a loser now.
Senior Attorney
Amen on the hazing.
Anonymous
I’m a biglaw senior associate in New York and never once had to do this. And if I heard a junior on my teams was in this position, that means we are not appropriately staffed and we need to get that person a break/ some help. There are sane biglaw firms.
Anonymous
Yeah I had friends (in NYC) where the buying shirts thing would have zero % surprised me, but for my several years in biglaw (bay area) it was never like this. I also worked in a group where I never billed over 2k hours a year though. Agreed there are sane places within biglaw!
Anonymous
It probably also has a lot to do with having laundry in your suite as well. Its so much easier to just throw in a load when it doesn’t require a separate trip to a laundromat.
Cat
I was in Biglaw for 6 years and never had this problem – I did laundry every weekend (building laundry room). I found laundry to be the easiest thing to keep up with because it’s so passive. Put it in and mark up a document while you’re waiting.
Anon
Yes for Apartment 1. No to Apartment 2 in smaller building where I just got icked out by so much wet-ish stuff left in dryers for way too long. I have a laundromat in my city where I still go for large items like quilts that never let me down (but in some circles, admitting that you have a favorite laundromat gets you some serious side eye).
Senior Attorney
I was in law school in the mid-80s, and one of my professors was a woman who had been a ground-breaking government litigator in — what? The 70s? When there were vanishingly few women lawyers. Anyway, she talked about being on a big case where they were working all the time, and the men did just fine, thank you very much, because they had wives at home with hot dinners and clean clothes waiting for them, at whatever hour. Meanwhile this woman was starving to death and doing laundry at 3 in the morning because she didn’t have that support system. It was still like that when I was young lawyer in the early 90s, and I suspect it still hasn’t changed as much as we’d like.
Anonymous
I am an old, single lawyer. People often ask me how it is I haven’t met my perfect match among the lawyers I brush up against in practice. But the reality is that male lawyers hire wives early in their careers to get by.
anon
I read this and think, well, at least in the 1970s a government litigator could support their entire family on their salary alone, and the family could choose to reduce stress by having a stay-at-home spouse to provide the “support system.” I don’t think that’s true today in most occupations — big law, yes, but not government work.
Alanna of Trebond
There are literally thousands of places in NYC where you can send out your laundry and they will wash and fold it for you. This story is nuts.
LaurenB
Honestly I’ve never thought twice about washing clothing before I wear it.
Rox
+1 Same.
anne-on
Thanks for the reminder the other day to max out my allowed pre-tax 401k contributions. I thought the limit was lower than it was and bumped my contributions up by 2% this year (and parked my contributions in a money market fund short term as the stock market is nuts at the moment).
Anon
For the first time ever, I moved some $ in my 401K and my kids’ 529s out of the usual 500 index fund into something more conservative. Kids are middle-school, so I did want to lock in some of the gains or avoid part of an OMG it’s 2009 and my kids can’t go to college this semester b/c I can’t write a check and my credit is too wrecked to even co-sign a loan for them (I had babies then, but I remember hearing some awful stories). At some point, I guess I’d move 1/4 into just cash / money market funds. My thinking is: you can delay retirement much easier than you want a kid to delay college with yet another gap year (especially these kids who have been through COVID as kids).
anne-on
Yes, my husband and I just had this conversation this weekend. We’re re-allocating our college investments to more stable funds, and putting a larger % of our retirement funds in money market funds (for now) as our son is also in middle school. We’re both also more than a little gun shy after living/working through the downturn in 2008 and miraculously managing to keep our jobs through that craziness.
Anonymous
money market funds are never a good idea at the current rates (less than 1%). if you’ve sold off a lot of stock and reaped benefits of the high market, why not set up auto investing to start putting the money back into like a target-date fund automatically — then you can reap the benefits of dollar-cost averaging but not thinking about it.
Anon
No–they specifically don’t want higher returns in exchange for higher risk. They are lowering their risk by putting their money in “safe” investments. Of course this curtails their returns–that’s the tradeoff.
Target date funds are simply a mix of equities and bonds. Buying bonds in a rising interest rate environment is a guarantee of negative returns unless the bonds are held to maturity. And leaving an index fund for a target date fund that’s mostly equities is really not much safer as it’s still equities (risky) and then bonds…which will provide a negative return if rates go up.
Money market, i-bonds or laddered CDs are where you want your money if you want to preserve capital right now.
Anonymous
The amount of confidence people have in terrible financial decisions is astounding. Treat your anxiety about your middle school kids and college instead of playing with real money.
Anonymous
It’s actually very rational to reallocate to a less aggressive, more conservative mixture of investments as you approach the time when you plan to draw on them.
Cat
+1
Although the last sentence – that you can delay retirement while your kid can’t delay college – is not good. Your kid can take out loans to supplement as needed or go to a less expensive school – don’t hurt your own retirement savings for that!
Anon
I was thinking that an adult at retirement age likely doesn’t have kids in college (maybe a guy tho), but in the big crash, people kept working if they had a job b/c they’d have to sell any assets so low as to jeopardize whether they could stay retired (and you really couldn’t even sell a house to downsize in 2008-2010). It was awful. If you are working, you can spend a cash salary vs selling retirement assets at the bottom of the market for you living expenses. You definitely can’t borrow for retirement, so staying on any job is about the only viable thing. People were signing up to donate plasma b/c you can get paid for that.
Anonymous
Middle school is 6 years away
Anon
With most people having kids in their late 30s/40s, they’ll absolutely be retirement age when the kids are in college.
Anon
I had my younger kid at 40, so that kid will be done with school when I am 62, so not retirement age, but at the age where I’d like to be approaching having a paid-off house and no big bills heading towards retirement (which I think will be >65 for me, hopefully >70).
What I do think I might do is always have cash for the next semester (with the rest invested), but even the investment mix would change from when kiddo was 1 to 8 to 18. All aggressive all the time can’t be the right answer.
Anon
For an 8th grader, the first payment is more like 4 years away. 4 years to me isn’t enough for a crash and a rebound. The last payment is a ways away, but for the first payment, it feels very soon.
anonshmanon
Glass House of astounding confidence much?
anne-on
Why on earth would you NOT reallocate from more risky investments to more stable ones as you near your time horizon for needing to cash out? That’s like investment 101, c’mon.
Anonymous
Because middle school isn’t near the end of the time horizon for college
Anon
I think that investment advisors and some magazine articles suggest that you rebalance yearly so you portfolio doesn’t get out of whack. I don’t think that anyone says to cash completely out and put the money in a mayonaise jar. More like taking some of your winnings in this likely overheated market and putting them in something more conservative. I know people selling investment properties now just b/c they see that the market is loco and they want to cash in a bit while it is easy to do so. I’m no psychic, but that doesn’t seem like an awful idea. If you don’t blow the $, you can always get back in later.
Anon
“I don’t think that anyone says to cash completely out and put the money in a mayonaise jar. More like taking some of your winnings in this likely overheated market and putting them in something more conservative.”
Exactly. We aren’t putting our son’s college money under our mattress. Increasing interest rates mean that the treasury-backed security option in our son’s 529 investment options returned 3% last year. For some of us, a solid 3% return on investments backed by the U.S. government is a perfectly acceptable rate of return for money we’re going to need inside of 36 months. I am not goosing the throttle to try to get maximum percentage returns on my son’s college money. It’s more important to me that the money is there when we need it than it is that we get the maximum possible rate of return, and then ride the lightning on whether or not a crash will wipe out all of the gains and some or most of the principal. If other people love the adrenaline high of high-risk investing, that’s their lookout. Don’t day trade with your child’s college money, is my advice. That’s going to be an extremely tough conversation if you have to sit your kid down and explain that all your years of saving money were wiped out in a couple of bad days in the market and now it might be best if he or she takes online classes for a couple of years instead of going to State U with all their friends, like they had planned.
anne-on
“I don’t think that anyone says to cash completely out and put the money in a mayonaise jar. More like taking some of your winnings in this likely overheated market and putting them in something more conservative.”
Exactly this, we’re still invested in the market. I’m talking about moving funds from highly concentrated in individual stocks that we made big gains off of to a much less risky mix of target date funds/ETFs. We were more willing to tolerate higher risks with our gains earlier on than we are now when we’re 7-8 years out from college.
Anon
Our son graduates in 2024. We also just reallocated his 529 funds more conservatively (they’re now in a mix of cash equivalents and treasury-backed securities). The market is due for a big dip, if not a crash, and same as Anon at 9:24 and anne-on, I do not want to have to draw from savings or our 401ks to pay for his college education because we left the money in a volatile market, and lost it. We haven’t changed any allocations on our 401ks because we have plenty of rebound time on those. But August of 2024 – when the first college tuition payment will be due – is 31 months away. I don’t want to roll the dice that the market will dip or crash and rebound in 31 months, especially after having lived through the 2008/2009 recession. It took our retirement accounts until 2013 to recoup losses from that crash. It is guaranteed that colleges will not lower tuition to account for stock-market losses that affect people’s 529 balances. Tuition will just go up between now and 2024. We don’t want to be in a situation where our available funds are decreasing while costs increase, and as someone else said, I can delay retirement for a few years but my son shouldn’t delay college that long.
Anonymous at 9:39, you wouldn’t happen to be a stockbroker or commission-based financial advisor, by any chance? Because if you are, then you obviously have a lot of skin in the game of having people keep their money invested in the market. You should disclose that before you dispense (snarky) financial advice.
Anonymous
Hahahaha no I am not. Absurd. Middle School is not the same as “in 36 months”
Anon
“The market is due for a big dip, if not a crash,” This makes you sound a bit nuts, Nostradamus.
Anon
LOL. Sorry having your intellectual supremacy on investment matters challenged was such an ego injury for you. You might want to work on that; it will make your life easier in many ways.
Aunt Jamesina
Maybe not 36 months, but a middle schooler could absolutely be four years (aka 48 months) out from college. This is a weirdly aggressive take.
Anonymous
+ 1. I have gone through every dip in the market since 87 and have that “This party is about the end again” feeling about the current market. I would not aggressively invest money I may need in the short term.
Anon
I have the opposite view – retirement should be prioritized over college. You can take loans for college or go to community college and get a perfectly respectable job, but you can’t take loans for retirement and there’s not really a “community college” equivalent.
Anon
This.
anne-on
Fully agree. My higher wage earning father lost his job after 9/11 and my parents had to use the rest of ‘my’ college fund to split between 2 kids because they needed the cash in the other fund to cover the 2 years he was out of work/employed for a much lower salary. It wasn’t fun to have to take out bigger loans midway through school but I don’t at all fault them for protecting their retirement.
Anon
Exactly.
Anon
My kids’ 529 plan had an age-adjusted investing option. It weathered a few storms and they’re both in college now with enough to do 4 years at an in-state public school (which was always the promise.) I liked the age adjusted feature so much I moved my primary 401k into a target retirement age plan.
Wegovy - other GLP-1 meds
Has anyone tried one of the GLP-1 injectables for weight loss? While I’m not diabetic, I do have insulin resistance and take metformin already. My BMI puts me in the overweight range but not obese. Insurance has approved me to try Wegovy for 6 months. Wondering if anyone else has tried Wegovy or something similar. I have maintained a 70 lb weightloss for several years but have been unable to budge the last 30 lbs or so. I eat a mostly whole foods diet, gluten-free because of Hashimotos, and exercise at least 30 minutes a day (but most like 45 minutes – 1 hour) daily.
Any one have any experience with Wegovy or other glp-1 drugs?
Anonymous Canadian
Use it, LOVE it, totally recommend. I lost 25-30 post menopause pounds that weight-lifting/ daily running/ healthy diet could not BUDGE. It is a miracle drug for me.
I lost about half at 0.5 dose and the other half at 1.0 dose and continue to take it.
My only regret is that I did not start taking it for two years after it was suggested, thinking that, like everything else in my life, I could MAKE this happen by discipline and force of will. Hope you have the same experience if you try it.
Anonymous Canadian
I should say I take Ozempic, which is the Canadian trade name for this medication. I tried Saxxenda but the daily injections were a pain compared to the once-a-week injection for Ozempic.
Woof
I have used Saxenda, and I am about to transition to Wegovy. This has been life changing for me, losing 40 pounds, and getting my knees, hips, and active life back. Go for it–you can always stop. It is usually very expensive, depends on your insurance, but some people buy a similar drug, ozempic, from Canadian pharmacies. Good luck!
Woof
why is this in moderation?????
No Face
My comment about mod is in mod, lol.
Cat
bc you used a word with tr-ns in it
Victoza
I use Victoza with great success. Make sure you move your injection spot around on your body in order to avoid scar tissue from forming at your injection site. I didn’t have a lot of weight to lose but it helped me regulate my blood sugar and that led to smarter food choices and feeling healthier overall.
OP here
Thanks for the feedback, I’m excited to try it.
AnonQ
Hi OP – would you mind sharing how going Gluten free has helped your Hashimotos? I have that and PCOS and and am considering going gluten free. Would appreciate some anecdata. :)
roxie
not OP and I don’t have any specific autoimmune diseases that I know of, but I went GF and all – and I mean all – of the random aches and pains I used to have went away. The inflammation in my foot that hurt everyday and the podiatrist said was just arthritis or inflammation? gone. Sore joints for no reason? Gone. An absolute life changer for me.
Wheels
Have a look at the autoimmune protocol (basically cutting out gluten, dairy, nuts and nightshades then slowly reintroducing to see reaction).
OP here
I have been varying shades of gluten free for several years – from completely strict no gluten at all, to a little here and there as a treat. For me, it greatly decreases inflammation and joint pain. I’ve also noticed that I’m more likely to have a flare of Hashimotos if I go through a period where I’m ingesting a lot of gluten. Honestly, I find it fairly easy to be gluten free at this point. I was never much of a bread eater and I live for chick-pea rice and chick-pea pasta. I also avoid dairy for the most part, but do have that on occasion.
Lake Como or Amalfi Coast?
Hi, my DH and I are going to go to Italy in April for 10 days, but can’t decide between Lake Como or the Amalfi Coast. Has anyone been to either around this time of year and would recommend one over the other? I’ve heard that Amalfi has more to do, but is less fun in cooler weather? Is 10 days too much in Como–should I try adding on the Dolomites or something else? Is it possible to do BOTH in 10 days? We have already been to Rome, Venice, Florence, and Cinque Terre. Thanks for your help.
Anonymous
Ten days is too much in either of them. I’d do 2 days in Lake Como or 2 in Amalfi in April, and then go to Sicily the rest of the time.
Anon
I would split it up – 10 days is a lot in either location. Lake Como + northern Italy or Amalfi Coast + Sicily
Anonymous
I love the Amalfi coast but have only been in September (both times) when it was hot. With ten days you could go to Capri, Ischia, Positano all from Sorrento. I also found Pompeii and Herculaneum really tiring in the heat so they’d be good to see when it’s a bit cooler. Capri etc is really busy in the summer so might also be a bit quieter?
Anon
10 days is a lot in either location, and I looooove Italy. April should be nice in Amalfi, assuming you don’t want to swim. I’d do 5~days in each location. It’s not that hard to get between them, Naples to Milan by the train is probably about 5 hours, so you’ll lose most of a day to travel but I think that’s fine with a 10 day trip. Unpopular (?) opinion, but I do not like Sicily nearly as much as the rest of Italy.
Emma
Agreed – I would do 5 days in the North and 5 days in Amalfi. In the North, you could do Como and Guarda (warning – you need a car to get around in that area). Torino is nice and worth a day trip – buy some local chocolates while you are there. People don’t like Milano but I found it interesting- it’s a more modern, businessy side of Italy with great food and museums. I also did not like Sicily as much as the rest of Italy so I wouldn’t do that but can think of a lot day trips in either locations- Naples, Capri and Ishia, Pompei… my parents went to Capri in April and had nice but slightly chilly weather so do bring a warm outfit and don’t necessarily expect to swim.
Anonymous
I went to Rome and Amalfi over 10 days in April years ago. I really enjoyed Amalfi that time of year because it is just when the tourist season opens. It was warm enough to be on the water but definitely not hot. Check to be sure you are going late enough, though, as the place really does just shut down and then things like ferries start on light schedules in April and full schedules in May. We stayed in Sorrento and there were lots of day excursions to take. 10 days would be a lot, and I was glad to have Rome at the start and finish of the trip personally, but if you are up for some lounging days, you could stay 10 days just fine. I went to Capri by boat, had a guided tour of Naples and Pompeii, and took a bus trip up the coast. I would have loved to see more – Vesuvius, Ischia, more of the towns up the coast, a cooking class or food tasting experience, etc. I do not recommend renting a car. Driving there for an outsider can be harrowing and all the foreigners I met who had rented cars regretted it.
AnonMPH
You could totally do both! We did both in one two week trip, and also included time in Florence and Tuscany in the middle. Ten days for both Como and Amalfi would be fab.
NancyDrew
I spent 10 days in the Amalfi Coast a couple years ago and it was STUNNING. We did 1 night in Naples, were driven to Pompeii, then driven to Amalfi for 3 nights, then to Sorrento for 3 nights, then back to Naples to fly home. While in Sorrento, we spent a full day on Capri. THE BEST VACATION EVER. Highly recommend.
Anonymous
Does anyone have any great vitamix soup recipes with proteins like beans? Trying to get my picky eater son to eat something else. (Also just haven’t made soup ever in the vitamix…) Thx!
Anon
I’ve had the vitamix in mind for making puréed soups, I’d probably try broccoli or cauliflower soup as it’s supposed to make incredibly smooth purées. I’d worry that beans would turn into hummus soup.
Anonymous
You can make a nice creamy soup without cream by blending in some canned white beans.
Ribena
Not a vitamix specific recipe but on the BBC food website there is a leek and butter bean soup recipe which I love. Really creamy and warming
NYCer
Not a vitamix specific recipe but on the BBC food website there is a leek and butter bean soup recipe which I love. Really creamy and warming
emeralds
Not vitamix-specific, but I make Cookie and Kate’s spicy black bean soup and Budget Byte’s rosemary white bean soup all the time.
ElisaR
my picky son loves Amy’s refried beans (i buy low sodium option which is harder to find but they often have it at whole foods).
AIMS
Would he eat butternut squash soup? If so, very easy to add navy (or another mild white) beans to that for some protein. Chickpea soup is also pretty good and easy. Not, vitamix, but I used to have a go-to recipe that basically involved sauteeing some garlic in olive oil, pureeing two cans of chickpeas in a mini food-processor, and then adding the chickpeas to the olive oil and thinning out with broth/water. You can add croutons/herbs or not.
Reading Reccs
Paging Sloan Sabbith and fellow readers! I have audible credits about to expire and would love to hear what your top books for 2021 were. You ladies always help me out of a reading slump. Looking for fiction and nothing too heavy right now, as life already seems stressful enough this winter. TIA
AnonInfinity
My favorite book I listened to last year was The Prophets by Robert Jones Jr.
That one is very heavy, so if you want something lighter, I also enjoyed The Apple Never Falls by Liane Moriarty.
Anon
I loved The Dutch House by AnnePatchett, read by Tom Hanks. My favorite Audible listen last year! Also enjoyed Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell, particularly the first half…last bit dragged for me. Also totally out there, but look at Andrea Vernon and the Superhero-Industrial Complex.
Ribena
My 5-star reads for 2021 that fit this criteria were:
– The Idea Of You by Robinne Lee
– Red White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston (a re read)
– No Judgements by Meg Cabot
– Ace of Spades by Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé
– Bringing Down the Duke by Evie Dunmore (and others from this series)
– You And Me On Vacation by Emily Henry
– The Roommate by Rosie Danan
– One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston
– Charlotte by Helen Moffett
– Head Over Heels by Hannah Orenstein
– Spoiler Alert by Olivia Dade
– Only When It’s Us by Chloe Liese
– Last Night by Mhairi McFarlane
– Bombshell by Sarah MacLean
– A Single Thread of Moonlight by Laura Wood
Not sure which of these exist on audio though, apologies
anon
Oooh, copying and pasting this entire list.
Cb
Love in Colour by Bolu Babalola. Retelling of myths around the world, modernised, told like epic romances. Beautifully voiced by a Black British narrator.
JoJo
Daisy Jones & the Six is an amazing audiobook – there is a full cast!
Anon
I loved that book so much that I tried listening to Fleetwood Mac again and was again reminded that I am mystified by why people love Fleetwood Mac.
Senior Attorney
It’s intense but not heavy: State of Terror by Hillary Clinton and Louise Penny.
Oh, wait! I loved Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston, and One Last Stop by the same author. Super light, fun, gay romance novels (and the second one has time travel, too!) I read them on Kindle but I bet they’d be great on audio.
Senior Attorney
And… I see somebody beat me to it with the last two! Great minds!
Here’s another: Piranesi, which was my top book of 2020!
No Face
I just read State of Terror on your recommendation and it was very enjoyable! Stacey Abrams’ novel While Justice Sleeps was in the same category – political thriller that is fast-paced, but not heavy.
Senior Attorney
Oh, I liked that one, too!
Sloan Sabbith
Awww! I’ll try to reply at lunch my time (so like 3 PM eastern), so check back!!
Jules
Some of my recent favorite, not-too-heavey audiobooks:
The House in the Cerulean Sea
People you Meet on Vacation
Fortune Favors the Dead (involving women private investigators in the 1940s with a snappy central character)
City of Girls
The Midnight Library (a bit more thought-provoking than truly light, but wonderful)
Finley Donovan is Killing It
I also loved Daisy Jones and the Six
Sloan Sabbith
oooh yes House in the Cerulean Sea is delightful on audio.
Sloan Sabbith
Pretty much all I read in 2021 was lighthearted, so this is my jam.
Top 5 favorite books of 2021:
1. Project Hail Mary. I love Andy Weir’s humor and characters. And the ending! <3 Audio is amaaaazing.
2. The Rose Code. I am a fan of pretty much all WWII historical fiction, but this one was better than most.
3. The Firekeeper's Daughter. This one is technically YA and it does have some serious themes (including drug use) but I thought it was really well done.
4. The Maidens. If you haven't read The Silent Patient I'd read this first. The Maidens is set at Oxford and I felt like it had a really good sense of place.
Other books I loved but didn't break the top 5:
The Widow of Rose House
I Am Anastasia
The Particulars of Peter (nonfiction but hilarious. moreso if you have a dog). I did not listen to this one, though.
Every book by Susannah Nix in her STEM romance series. I read all of them in one month. Also did not listen, so ymmv.
Abby Jimenez's books- I like all of them, but Happy Ever After Playlist is my favorite of them. I listened to one and read the other 2 on Kindle.
Broken in the Best Possible Way. Again, nonfiction but it's a mix of crying-laughing and somewhat more serious themes. And it is GREAT on audio.
The Survivors by Jane Harper
All of Jasmine Guillory's books!
Outlander is really good on audio and you'll have something to read for the next 12 months they're so damn long…
Christina Lauren's books. I like The Unhoneymooners and My Favorite Half Night Stand the best.
I recently listened to Float Plan, which is a romance set on a boat in the Caribbean. Super cute. If you like mysteries, the Perveen Mistry novels are good and I've liked the audio on all of them. I also listened to the first 2 Louise Penny books on audio and liked them.
Anxious People by Fredrik Backman is cute.
The Four Winds by Kristin Hannah is kind of sad but amazing on audio.
I loved The Good House on audio, although it takes awhile to realize just how perfect the audio is.
Winter Solstice by Rosamunde Pilcher is very cozy.
And I will always recommend The Secret Diary of Hendrik Groen Aged 83 and 1/4. And Eligible. And Harry Potter on audio.
Anone
The Winter Soldier
Writers & Lovers (or anything by Lily King)
How to Stop Time
The Sympathizer
Anonymous
How much do you make from “investment income” yearly? I just saw a serious-but-funny chart from Obama era about tax increases and they’re talking about people making 6 figures and having 5 figures of investment income. My DH and I have literally millions invested and don’t make more than a few thou a year from “investment income,” at least for tax purposes. (All paper gains, right?)
This is the chart (apparently it’s WSJ)
https://www.reddit.com/r/EnoughLibertarianSpam/comments/2lvkl4/remember_this_infographic_from_wsj_explaining_how/
Anon
I am assuming you are in tax-managed funds at your $ levels, so I’d not expect much investment income. The usual case would be people who are retirees who need investment income so are invested in REITs and things like “industrial income funds,” etc.
Anonymous
right but in the WSJ chart only one example is retired, the rest are parents of young kids.
Anon
Some people are trust fund kids. It’s a minuscule part of the actual population, but key to the WSJ demographic and the kind of people who pay attention to capital gains tax rates.
Anon
Most people who are still working will have relatively low investment income because they’re still saving and not selling many of their investments. The more you want to live off that money, the higher your investment income will be. Anything you sell in retirement accounts also doesn’t count as investment income, but withdrawals from those accounts would count as regular income, so those situations mostly make sense for people making withdrawals from retirement accounts and supplementing that with selling stocks in a taxable account.
Anon
Five figures but we have rental properties.
Anon
$0? It’s all in retirement and 529 accounts. I thought that was fairly normal?
anon
+1
Anon
Same here.
Cornellian
I haven’t gotten my tax forms for this year but for tax year 2020 I made ~14K in dividends, I guess. My ending balance for 2020 was 550K. I do think most peoples’ investment income, if any, is in retirement accounts, especially in 6-figure households on the coasts/HCOL areas.
anonshmanon
The “investment income” is as unrealistic as the entire chart, don’t waste your time thinking about it.
Anon
For tax purposes you’re making a few thousand because you’re only taxed on what you sell during the year. If your assets remain invested, the only income is dividends or regular interest. Are you looking at your overall growth in assets?
Jeans for Work
My work has gone from business to casual permanently as we are starting to gradually come back in person. What kind of jeans are we wearing to the office? Cut? Style? Wash? If it matters I’m in my late 30s and size 12/14 and never really figured out what suits best post babies. I don’t think I can pull off the “mom jean” trend. I wear mostly booties and loafers for footwear. My feet don’t like heels much post lockdown :) I don’t know that I’ve ever spent more than $100 for jeans but probably could go above that for a holy grail pair though.
anon
I wear what is comfortable for me, which is also unfortunately hard to find these days. I HATE high waisted jeans. HATE! I still wear my low/mid-rise stretchy soft skinnies for pretty much every occasion where I am wearing jeans, including if I pop into the office. Keep in mind that my office is empty. 98% of people are WFH so YMMV.
anon
Oops. In my early 40s.
Anon
Same, low-rise all day for me. Very difficult to find right now; I am babying my current pairs in hopes they don’t go threadbare before the trend comes back.
BB
I also discovered how much I HATE high waisted jeans! I recently got jeans from Sene where they let you customize things like rise, and they seem pretty good so far!
Anon
I never understand why people hate higher rises. I was so relieved when high rise came back in and therefore was findable at the store.
Maybe not everyone had this, but after having babies, I have a mama pooch that starts just below my belly button and a low rise would over the course of the day want to slide below this. It ain’t cute and it’s certainly not comfy. I have had this pooch at every weight, from ideal on the BMI chart, to where I am now, which is admittedly not ideal.
And in the back, I was so happy to stop seeing my friends’ butt cracks every time we sat down! How do you prevent this with low rise?
Anonymous
I prefer midrise because of the crack issue. I hate a true high rise because they are all made for curvy people with big hips and tiny waists and I am built straight up and down so the waists are always too tight.
Anonymous
Cigar3tt3, a slightly wider straight-leg, baby bootcut, or a little flare like the Mother Hustler. High-rise or mid-rise. Hem at the ankle bone for both boots and flats. I am seeing wider legs over taller boot shafts rather than a bare ankle between pants and short booties. In practice this works best with a narrower boot shaft. I see mostly black, gray, white, and lighter blue washes, but earlier this winter the fashion blogs were saying dark indigo was making a comeback.
Neither of these bloggers shows officewear, but look at So Susie and Jo-Lynne Shane (less fashiony) for examples of how actual moms, who are not the intended wearers of mom jeans, are wearing jeans. The Mom Edit is another source but even more casual and does occasionally flirt with mom jeans.
Anon
Same age, same size, I’ve been wearing the heck out of Talbots Slim Ankle these days.
Cat
Also late 30s.
When I go in I’m often wearing AG’s Angel (new Angel?) bootcut-flares with low block heels or low-heeled booties, or black skinnies with black suede knee-high flat boots.
Hard pass on high waists (so uncomfortable!) or mom jeans here.
Anon
I bought two pairs of Levi’s Gold Label Modern Straight jeans from A m a z o n and have been wearing those. They have a true straight (not flared) leg and a higher rise than I was wearing in skinnies. That’s as close as I’m going to get to doing “mom jeans.” And I am definitely not doing the “ribcage” jeans that come up to right under the bra, which seem very popular with younger women in my area. The super-light wash seems fashionable but I’ve stuck with a medium wash (the jeans I describe above call it “waterless”) as the super-light blue is not flattering for my middle-aged thighs. Like you, I’m never going back to heels again (the most I’ll do is a 2″ heel on a boot) and I think straight legs work well with lower heels.
Ultimately, I am not super-interested in being trendy over being comfortable, and having lived through the first iteration of high-waisted, light-wash, flared jeans in the 80s and 90s, I’m not going to be fully engaging with that trend this time around. I don’t live in a high-fashion area but in real life I see people wearing all kinds of jeans, including the dark skinnies that I came to love as being comfortable, flattering, and easy to dress up or down – much easier than trying to style high-waisted, light-wash bootcuts/wide-legs/flares. I think anti-consumerism and not buying things for the sake of it is overpowering desire to follow fashion for almost everyone except very young women, and people who are very interested in fashion. No woman over 30 that I know (or follow on social media, for that matter) is promoting throwing out perfectly good clothes just to buy something that’s momentarily fashionable – because things move so fast on social media that things really are only fashionable for a moment. So end of the day, wear what you feel comfortable in, physically and mentally. Fashion is all over the place now; even fashion magazines and blogs talk about how there are very few clear identifiable trends any more. The pandemic showed people we can live and be perfectly happy in sweats, leggings and half-zips and some people are going to stay there permanently, I think.
Cb
Similar size and I wear Gap sky high skinnies in black. They look nice and neutral and I’m too old to follow jeans trends.
pugsnbourbon
I still wear my black skinny jeans a ton. Maybe they’re dated, maybe they’re classic?
My other go-to pair is high-waisted, a bit looser and tapered.
anon
Same size and age, and I’d wear slim-leg jeans in a dark wash. Anything other than dark blue or black looks too casual at work, IMHO.
Anon
I’m tall so I’m loving the kick crop style (always hated skinnies, never felt like I had on pants and similarly hate a leggings look). I style with ankle boots and black trouser socks in winter to keep the line looking right and I like a bit of flare at the hem to balance out. I also wear long flare jeans but only like the look with a pointy toe, so less practical every day. My style had always veered 70s Ali McGraw though.
Anon
Brands / model names that you like? This sounds appealing but I’m not sure where to start. Stores in my city seem to be stocked for teenagers or whomever wants jeans with seemingly infinite-length zippers.
Anon
My favorites at the moment are actually JCrew factory, but they may have stopped making that cut. I look for the shape and then check the size charts on Shopbop for random brands. Good American tends to fit well, and regular Banana for trouser/flare jeans. Oh I’m also 12/14.
Anon
Reply is in mod and I’m too tired to figure out what word I used, check back.
Jeans for Work
Thank you all. This is extremely helpful. Going to check out these recommendations! This is why I keep coming back here.
Anonymous
Wardrobe Oxygen is a good source for denim recs for adult women with jobs. I think she’s around a size 12, so her posts are a good way to see items on a similarly-sized body.
Interior Design Help!
We are redoing our master bath. It’s not McMansion cavernous, but it’s pretty darn big. The floors are a white w/ a subtle grey vein through it. The shower tile is 4×10 maiolica aqua in class subway pattern. The fixtures in the shower are all gold finished, and there are a lot of them (big shower) four valves, regular shower head, hand-held shower head and a rain shower head. Vanity is a medium/light grey with gold knobs and fixtures at the double sink.
Question is: should the mirrors and light fixture also be gold or is that just way too much and we should contrast with maybe black? Or are we all in on gold at this point that we should just stick with it throughout? Also, the shower glass will be secured in the corners with metal pieces. Baseline is silver. Should we also upgrade those to gold? I’m very bad at this, though I love what I’ve styled so far.
TIA!
Senior Attorney
I just re-did my bath and I mixed the metals. Shower glass fittings are chrome, most of the rest is brass but some is a darker finish and a couple pieces are brighter, makeup mirror is white enamel. My theory is that all metals are neutrals and all neutrals go together. Also I feel like what you are contemplating is a LOT of gold.
Notagirl
“all metals are neutrals and all neutrals go together.”
Amen to that! (And not just in home decor).
Anon
White and gray read cool to me, so I’ve had gone with silver over gold. If you want to keep the gold you have, I’d choose white over black to keep things light.
Anon 2.0
I’d say this is a case of where you’d want thing to coordinate and not necessarily be “matchy-matchy”. I wouldn’t got full on gold overload.
Anonymous
From your description, my preference would be more gold or maybe white, not mixing with silver or black. But if you want to mix more as others have suggested, make it look intentional by having multiple things that are silver whereas just one by itself would look like a mistake. Good luck!
Anon
I think there are some folks here who do daily antihistamines year-round for allergies. I got diagnosed with cholinergic urticaria (I had this weird red rash that kept showing up when I worked out, and it turns out I’m allergic to my own sweat, of all things) and my dermatologist recommended that I take non-decongestant Claritin every day, year-round, to treat it. I’m on another daily medication that shouldn’t interact, but are there any side effects that people have experienced from extended treatment with antihistamines that I should be aware of? I’ve only ever taken Claritin for maybe a month or so at a time, for seasonal allergies. Although, my seasonal allergies have been getting worse every year (and thanks to the mild winter in the West, I am still having “fall allergies” in January) so I’m optimistic the daily antihistamine will help with that also. TIA!
Anonymous
I have a similar allergic reaction (temperature difference vs sweat, but while working out). I very much prefer Allegra. I took Claritin while pregnant/nursing, and it just didn’t work as well. I don’t have any side effects but also don’t take any other medication regularly – just a multivitamin. If you still have a flare up, I highly recommend the Gold Bond anti-itch cream/ointment with menthol. For me the only side effect is that if I forget to take it on vacation and don’t use it for a few days, I notice how much I rely on it. ;)
Anon
+1 on Allegra. I prefer Allegra vs all other antihistamines, as it does not make me drowsy and it works best for my allergy (pollen and cats).
Anon Allergy Sufferer
+1. I use allegra daily (dust, mold and cat allergies). If i’m really feeling miserable/feel like a sinus infection is coming on, I’ll take Claritin-D instead of allegra in the A.M. or Benadryl in the P.M. before bed. The only ones I have noticed side effects with are Claritin-D (a stimulant-like feeling so I am wary of taking it with stimulant medicine and coffee) and Benadryl (always makes me sleepy and I need to be sure I have a full 8 hours to sleep otherwise I am very groggy the next day). Never had any issue with Allegra.
anonymous
I’ve had the same issue with getting red, itchy skin and hives after working out. It seemed to resolve on it’s own, but I used the meds regularly for a few months. I didn’t have any issues with it interfering with my thyroid or birth control. I took the allergy meds first thing in the morning along with my other pills and would work out a couple of hours later. It definitely helped with the post-workout rash.
anne-on
I’m on a daily decongestant AND a daily allergy pill every day to help with my chronic migraines (and a ‘rescue’ type of med for when I get a breakthrough headache). It has definitely helped and I notice a difference when I don’t take them – I can get away with skipping the allergy pill in the dead of winter but it’s easier to just stay on schedule for to keep up the routine. No side effects that I’ve noticed but it’s only been about 6 months now.
Lily
I rely on Allegra year round and have never noticed any side effects. Claritin does nothing for me.
Clara
I basically do this and no side effects, have done it for a while, it just does what it needs to and works effectively.
No Face
I take several allergy medicines daily, and I don’t have any side effects.
Anonymous
I randomly found this on my FB feed today re Zyrtec
https://elemental.medium.com/quitting-zyrtec-is-total-hell-c3e79d753a1a
Anon
I am utterly fascinated to hear that you can be allergic to your own sweat.
Anon
I was as well. Never heard of this before I got the diagnosis. How could such a thing be possible? But the derm did a skin biopsy and had me take pictures of my arms and neck every time I worked out for two weeks and she’s sure that’s it. She says she sees it a lot in people over 40, but it can happen to people at any age.
No Problem
I’ve taken generic Zyrtec daily for years with zero side effects. Bonus is that I can find a 365 pill bottle at CVS for around $60, so it’s both effective and cheap!
If you’ve never taken any of the the OTC allergy meds (Claritin, Allegra, Zyrtec), just know that they might not all work for you. Back when they were all Rx only I tried all three and found that Zyrtec worked best for me. The other two were certainly better than nothing, but not as effective as I needed. So if Claritin doesn’t work for you, feel free to try one of the others.
Mrs. Jones
I’ve also taken Zyrtec daily for years. I also take Singulair almost every day for allergies. I haven’t had side effects with either.
London (formerly NY) CPA
+1 to everything No Problem said!
Coach Laura
I’ve been taking daily Claritin for at least 15 years. (Buy it in mega-size from Costco.) No symptoms or side effects. I haven’t tried Allegra, but my son liked it. Zyrtec makes aaaallll my mucous membranes dry out – eyes, lady parts, nose – so I won’t take that at all.
NYNY
If you’re taking a daily antihistamine that makes you sleepy, take it at bedtime. I do a half pill of generic zyrtec each night, because I am allergic to things in most seasons. I was really dried out by taking a whole pill, but the half does the trick without the side effects.
Nesprin
Yep- my doc recommended liquid/kids generic zyrtec to make dosing more customizable (started with 1/4 dose, then worked up to 1/3, 1/2 and 1) at bedtime (to deal with fatigue) and nothing works quite as well for generalized allergies. Do keep in mind that stopping zyrtec is associated with itchyness, so plan to taper down if you chose to go off.
Anonymous
I have the same thing! It was diagnosed back in like 2006 and have been taking a claritin daily since then. Like Coach Laura said, I take the generic ones from Costco. I justify my Costco membership just to buy it each year ($15 or so for a entire 365 pill supply). I have no side effects or interactions.
Anon
I’ve been taking generic Claritin for chronic allergic rhinitis for so long I don’t remember what it feels like not to take it. No side effects that I can discern.
Anon
I used to think that my long term goals were to get married, have kids, own a house, raise the kids, etc. I’m realizing that getting married and having kids are largely not in my control (I’m doing all the dating things but I can’t control the luck part of the equation). I’m never going to be able to afford a house by myself in an area I want to live in and I’m not even sure anymore that I want to own a house by myself and deal with the safety concerns and upkeep. I’m in a job that’s generally satisfying but I’ve reached the top of the career ladder and most people stay in my role their whole career. This is all making me realizing that I’m not sure what my long-term goals are or what I’m working towards. What would you do in my position? Anyone want to share their long-term goals?
Anon
I stopped having goals at some point and just decided to see what life brought instead. Goals just made me unhappy because they were focused on getting what I didn’t have. I realized there was no lifetime report card and just let it go. And things got so much better after that. I married late in life, was agnostic about kids so they didn’t happen, but we’ve got a lovely life. My stagnant career took off, I think in part because I wasn’t so in it to win it. Any time I think of goals now, it’s just additive (spends time with friends, travel to X) or really just things to make me happier (organize that closet).
anon
+1,000. I do not set long-term life goals – I just live my life.
Senior Attorney
I think this is good advice. I like to set little goals like “walk 10,000 steps most days this month” or “no alcohol in January.” Big ones? Eh…
Also, you know the old joke: “You know how to make God laugh? Tell Him your plans (goals)!”
Anon
It’s funny, because I don’t think any of those things were ever on my goal list. Mine were to have an interesting job that paid enough to be reasonably stable, to do some good in the world, to have good relationships (friends, family, and possibly a partner- it turns out that I am married, but that was never the explicit goal), and to be able to spend plenty of time doing the things that make me happy- time outside, reading good books and movies, and time with friends and family. I’ve not totally succeeded, as it turns out that the interesting job has required a lot of moving, making it hard to see my family and most of my friends. The pandemic has made it really hard to make friends in my new location, so that’s something I’d really like to work on.
anonshmanon
+1. Striving for contentedness in my general life, decidedly not delaying satisfaction into some far flung future. Currently getting settled after a career change. Next I want to get volunteering back into my life.
Cornellian
I struggle with this, too. I’m not sure I’ve ever really had meaningful long-term goals. For a long time I was very focused on FIRE/early retirement/saving every cent I could to retire by 35, but I realized I didn’t really have a plan with what I wanted to DO when I stopped working. So I downshifted and am trying to live a bit and figure it out. I want to get back in to religious services (nearly stopped while breaking my back for a decade, and then covid hit when I downshifted) and community service, and maybe find a new fitness activity to try out.
I’d also note that I have some friends who had a kid on their own and have been very happy with that choice, so if kids are important, I wouldn’t assume they’re off the table for you.
No Face
You and I are on a similar journey. I was very focused on frugality and having the ability to retire early, and now I’m figuring out what to do with myself. A good problem to have though.
Cornellian
It is definitely a good problem to have, and I don’t regret the shift in mindset or work that went in to it at all. But I was running FROM something, and not TO something, and now I need to figure that second part out.
Anon
I am similarly lost. None of my long-term goals were feasible because I was a caregiver for over a decade. Now I’m too old to pursue those goals (meaning that I want them to have occurred in my past, but I don’t want to do them now–like a job that allows for extensive travel. I’m creaky and tired and don’t want to be on a plane all the time, but I want to have done that in my twenties) so I need new ones, but everything I want requires prep work that I never had the time to do, and frankly I’m out of lifespan to make those goals happen. I’m sad and angry.
Anonymous
Virtual hug. So many caregivers live parallel lives to the ones they want. One of my closest friends did this for her mom for many years. This past year (it’s been a few years since her mom passed) she took a new job and moved somewhere warmer near some relatives and seems like she has absolutely come alive in her new location. The job ended up being a lot more fulfilling than her past one, too. I guess I’m just saying that you’re never too old for a life shake-up. It may not be the one you planned and, no, those years of the past can’t change. But there still is a lot of life to be lived while you have it.
early retirement
Anon @ 11.50am, I hear you.
I am now in my over a decade of caregiving, and lost everything for it. No one understands what this is like but other caregivers. My “friends” are clueless, and most have left me long ago. I cannot relate to the anymore, anyway. Our values are so different. Our life perspective is so different.
My goals are very different for when I return to the workforce. My old career is gone for me, as I would have to retrain for at least a few years/recertify/retest and I am just too tired because the hours are brutal. So my goals now are more focused on how I want to live my life everyday. My goals are to try to be healthier, and see my own doctor soon. My goals are to try to be helpful and make a difference in someone else’s life, which is mostly by helping others on caregiving bulletin boards and support groups and eventually – to volunteering more and starting a career in something that has goals about making life better for people. Every day. That is a large grey area, but makes me happy to even think about it. Right now I think about trying to work for Planned Parenthood somewhere and volunteering to keep fighting for political protections for abortion. And my goal is to move to a different purple state where me migrating there might make an impact and change the political direction of that state… even if just by one vote, and my loud voice.
My hopes… are that I somehow scrape together enough money to retire, accept that I may have to live in a Nursing Home with no family/children to assist, but even more… hope that I die peacefully in my sleep.
Emma
I bought a condo while single and had a blast decorating it and making it my own. I later met someone and we bought a house and my condo has proved to be a pretty good rental investment. So don’t necessarily let the lack of partner stop you from getting into real estate- it doesn’t have to be your forever home!
Senior Attorney
I did that, too. Bought a house when I got divorced and tricked it out exactly the way I wanted it because I thought I would live there by myself forever. Pretty much the minute it was finished, I got married and moved into my husband’s house, but it was such a fun experience and it has been a good rental. So I second the idea of doing real estate on your own.
Anon
I did that too and totally agree with not letting a lack of a partner get in the way of living the life you want. It may just look a little different than you envisioned before you knew how many options there actually are.
Anon
I’m big on goals, especially goals that are at least mostly in my control. Here’s my long-term list:
– Become fluent in a second language
– Save $X for retirement
– Take a “study-abroad” type vacation where I will temporarily relocate to a specific country in Europe for 1-3 months. I think there are lots of travel-related goals that could work here – one of my friends is trying to visit every national park in the US over the next 10 years, and I have another friend who has a list of operas they want to see before they die and is taking a trip or two a year to make it happen.
– Become a really excellent baker (like I’d be comfortable baking through all of the challenges on a season of the GBBO)
– I used to want to run a marathon but then I got up to a half marathon and realized that was as much as I really wanted to do. But there are tons of fitness related goals that work here if that’s appealing (ultra races, triathlons, deadlift X pounds, hike the Grand Canyon rim-to-rim, etc.)
Anon
If you don’t find a partner, does this mean no to becoming a mother? I would try to figure out the answer to that first. A yes may provide you with certain steps that would become goals. If the answer is no, then this might be freeing in the latitude you have in other areas.
Anon jobhunter
Any words of wisdom from lawyers who went from stody law firm/companies to more of a quickly developing company/startup environment? I have an exciting opportunity but nervous about the dramatic transition. It will be a similar role (specialist in legal department), but the issues I will be dealing with are likely to be very different.
Anon
Make sure you’re the type of person who can thrive in a startup type environment. Don’t confuse your weekend self who probably likes to go do different things with your work self. At work, I want a company that’s organized, that clearly understands its mission, and knows how it’s going to get there. I worked for a startup once and it was a hot mess of “Oh, let’s try this!”, “No, wait, let’s go this direction!” I like an environment where expectations are clear and I’m able to meet them; I do not like a wishy-washy environment where I can’t ever check off a list of accomplishments because higher ups keep changing their minds on what they want or need to work on next. Having an interesting work *subject is different than working in a dynamic *environment.
Anonymous
How many years’ worth of living expenses do you have saved up?
Anon jobhunter
Robust emergency fund and solid second household income. Salary would be an increase and the company is currently very well funded – without getting into specifics, it’s a new arm of an existing business so isn’t fully a “startup” but will feel like one for the short term.
Emma
Expect a very different risk tolerance, but still make sure to CYA as needed. Try to meet the business people and understand the business model/product. I have no tech background but learning enough to semi-competently discuss what we did made me a more efficient and valued partner. Make sure you are being paid at your worth and enforce time boundaries- if they aren’t paying you biglaw money, don’t work biglaw hours.
anon
I haven’t done this, but I almost did. When interviewing, don’t let the exciting nature of the opportunity cloud your judgment.
I interviewed at a company that was super hot and extremely well funded, but the structure of the legal department made no sense to me. When I interviewed, I got the impression that my background with the relevant regulations wasn’t really of interest.
Turns out the company was a dumpster fire of fraud and I was very lucky not to get an offer.
Colette
I would also make sure you understand your comp – how it will change in out year funding rounds and tax strategy around vesting, IPO, etc.
anon
Has anyone tried the Universal Standard cigarette pants and can give me a yay or nay on whether the fabric is appropriate for an office that runs on the dressier side of business casual? They’re more expensive than I’d like to spend on a pair of work pants when I’m trying to lose weight, but I’m getting desperate here. So much is out of stock at the usual places. :(
anne-on
Have you looked at Talbots yet? I know it leans slightly dowdy, but their pants come in a variety of sizes/cuts and are washable. I recently bought two pairs of the chatham ankle pants and they work well for my business casual (but no jeans allowed) office. They’re running a sale at the moment so they’d be a cheaper option.
anon
I have looked at Talbots, but finding sizes in stock seems to be a challenge at the moment.
Anonymous
Favorite pants for business casual office that are full length, and maybe feel more like you are wearing sweatpants than business formal trousers? And by “wearing sweatpants” I just mean that are super comfortable. Thank you!
Anon
I am currently wearing and obsessed with the kate pants slim from Title 9:
https://www.titlenine.com/p/kate-ponte-pants-for-women/230917.html?utm_campaign=NB_PLA_GoalOPAllProducts_GOOG&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&gclid=Cj0KCQiAraSPBhDuARIsAM3Js4rZ7oXWbk4MAsgEDAjFMVZuBQTSUTeFl7vJaWA8cXxywC_cF9mu6g4aApAEEALw_wcB
Wash and wear like a dream and so incredibly comfortable.
pugsnbourbon
I bought these late last year and find them very comfy – they are available in tall which might get you the length you want.
https://bananarepublicfactory.gapfactory.com/browse/product.do?pid=739750051&vid=2&tid=bfpl000015&kwid=1&ap=7&gclid=Cj0KCQiAraSPBhDuARIsAM3Js4qBL6-Kf_raXNAIgwuS_Y4fL3jelMulwslUl3FtItnlVbTkwTKwRoIaAnYyEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds#pdp-page-content
Anonanonanon
I really like the Ann Taylor pull on easy ankle pants. There’s not a ton of options right now though, I keep hoping they will stock more.
Anonymous
Yes—I have two pairs and they are all I want to wear. So comfy. I wear a blazer on top and I’m set for work.
Cb
I have winter weight linen trousers from Linenfox and they are super comfortable and I think they look cute.
AIMS
Uniqlo. Forget what they are called exactly but super easy and comfy.
Anonymous
I tried on some black Halogen pants from Nordstrom recently that were extremely soft. They were a bit tight on me but they didn’t seem like they were an odd cut, just not for me.
Anon
I’m a person who was single for a long time and grew up in an apartment with a small kitchen with limited counter space (and yet room for a table to eat on). I had a spoon and a grater and somehow never evolved to have kitchen appliances (like mixers, whatever a food processor does, etc.). I’m engaged. People are looking at me like I’m crazy not to register for all this, but I really don’t think I’d use it (I like (not love) to cook, often a quick&dirty cook vs a high art cook, hate to clean, may not be done moving in the short term). Everyone talking to me either sells things or maybe is a fancy home cook. Know thyself, right? Or maybe move on from the mere spoon as a way to mix things?
Anon
I love to cook and have survived my whole adult life without a mixer, cuisianart, kitchenaid, slow or fast cooker, etc. at most I’ve got a hand blender for soups. I’m allergic to extra appliances. My must have is a Dutch oven and a braiser. I make 99.9% of things in those.
Anon
I am so you! Down to allergic to appliances. These things like lemon zesters and avocado pitter drive me nuts! I have one 20 year old blender/mixed type appliance that I occasionally use and that’s it. I am a quick and dirty cook and get meals on the table for my family of 4 (sometimes 6 with grandparents) in usually under 30 minutes, an hour if I’m making 4+ dishes. When I rarely bake, I look at elbow grease (spoon/fork mixing) as an arm workout opportunity.
anonymous
I agree. Know thyself. I have a food processer that I barely use. I find it easier just to chop veggies by hand. I have an Instant Pot, but use my Dutch oven far more often. The KitchenAid stand mixer we got as a wedding gift is collecting dust in the basement. If I want to make cookies or cake, I use a hand mixer.
Anonymous
Idk how you do any serious baking with just a spoon. A whisk, a hand held electric mixer? A food processor? Do you, but if people want to buy you helpful things don’t be weird and contrary.
Cat
what is this even? I commented below but neither DH nor I have baked anything in our decade of marriage. Don’t weirdly insist the OP register for an avalanche of kitchen stuff she doesn’t want or need…
Notagirl
TBH my grandma was a chef and the best baker I’ve ever met, and for baking at home she flatly refused to use anything but a spoon. Sole exception was a spiral whisk for beating egg whites.
To this day I eschew the mixer and go back to her slow, manual techniques when I want to bake something exceptional (as opposed to, I want something sweet, fast).
Anon
Maybe that’s it — serious baking is hard. So I’m never going to make croissants but maybe banana bread or corn bread or cheese biscuits if I’m feeling like I’ve got some time. I think a spoon is fine for all of this.
Vicky Austin
I baked in a shared apartment kitchen for a year and only used a spoon and an occasional fork in lieu of a whisk.
Anon
I’ve used my mixer one time and use my food processor a couple times a year. Use your registry for upgraded things that you already use! I wish I had put a top of the line expresso maker on there, but I wasn’t into coffee at the time.
Cat
Know thyself and register for what you actually see yourself using! I do find a mini food processor to be super helpful for things like fresh pesto but otherwise actually just donated a blender, waffle maker, pasta maker, and Holy Grail Kitchen Aid… new in box… because we live in a city house with limited storage and why the h3ll are we still keeping this stuff around when it has been a decade and clearly we are not people who bake!
Anon
I’m similar and strongly anti either single-purpose or large appliances. People look at me like I have two heads when I say I don’t have and don’t want a KitchenAid mixer. To be fair, I did register for a high end Breville hand mixer and LOVE it, but I bake a lot. We also don’t have a Food Processor, Air Fryer, Toaster Oven, Vitamix, slow cooker, immersion blender, etc. Our Instant Pot – which I did not want – has been used multiple times but only to cook one recipe ever in 3 years. Definitely a know yourself situation, you don’t become a different cook when you get married!
Anon
I love to cook and bake a lot and I mostly think fancy appliances are overrated. I couldn’t do without my toaster oven and frequently use my mini food processor, but almost never bother using the big food processor or the stand mixer (it’s just not worth the hassle of hauling them out of storage and we don’t have the counter space). I do use a hand mixer when I really need to beat eggs; but most things I bake can be mixed or kneaded by hand- I make lots of cookies, muffins, breads, etc. if I baked a lot of cakes, I’d probably use the stand mixer more, but a hand mixer really works for that too, you just have to hold it. If you don’t think you’ll use it, you’re probably correct; so don’t waste people’s money and your space on it.
Anonymous
I’m a cook and a baker. I rarely use my food processor — I’d use a mini processor a lot more. I use my KitchenAid mixer because I have it and it’s right there on the counter, but could easily do with a hand mixer instead.
If I made bread a lot, I’d probably love the mixer for its ability to knead, but I don’t bake bread a lot.
Know yourself.
And . . . it sounds like you’re young or youngish. If you turn into the kind of cook who needs these things, you can buy them for yourself.
trefoil
I bake a lot of bread and upgraded from a standard Artisan Kitchen Aid to the next size up because the coating on the dough hook peeled off (twice!). I wish I had opted for a mini food processor rather than a big one – i use a mortar and pestle for things like single serving pesto because it’s way less effort than hauling down and washing the 12 cup food processor.
No Face
I don’t like to bake, so many of the standard wedding registry appliances don’t appeal to me. Didn’t register for them, and I have not purchased them since.
Excellent kitchen stuff that I registered for an appreciated: glass containers with lids, baking dishes with lids, better versions of my utensil (knives, spoons, whisk, etc), measuring cups, etc. I still use all of these.
Vicky Austin
+10000 to glass containers with lids. I wish I had registered for more of those – the ones I have are in constant rotation.
anonshmanon
Sounds like you know what you want, that’s great! I’d just register for good quality knives, possibly upgrade my pots and pans, and maybe some beautiful glasses for whatever beverage you like.
Anon
I’m going to push back on the idea that this stuff is for “fancy home cooks” or Pampered Chef salespeople. Food processors, Dutch ovens, colanders, a set of pots and pans – all of that is for normal people. We use our food processor for smoothies, pesto, sauces, and spice pastes. My Le Creuset braiser is a workhorse. Register for a set of high quality pots and pans, which is what most adults have.
You can skip the giant KitchenAid, the pasta maker, etc.
Anonymous
Do you plan to have a family? That was the tipping point for me for appliances. Food process is silly when you only need a small amount. Use and wash the grater. But 6 cups of shredded cheese or veg?
Same with crock pots, toaster ovens, blenders, etc.
Anon
I never had a food processor but BF moved in with one. I use it all the time, for things like salsa, pesto as mentioned above, grating vegetables for gratins or zucchini “pancakes,” no cook pizza sauce, etc. I also make brunch a lot so will use for some things like biscuit dough you might not use. But I love it.
Senior Attorney
I agree with “know thyself,” but think about whether you have ever been cooking and wished you’d had something? I use my food processor a lot, also I have duplicates of wet and dry measuring cups and duplicate sets of measuring spoons, and that’s great because you don’t have to keep washing them when you’re in the middle of cooking.
Anonymous
I have cooked at least five dinners a week for decades. For all that time, I have had a food processor and never used it once. I have moved it an equal number of times as I have cleaned it. I do love my Vitamix. My hand mixer is always hiding and never used. I would never bring a Kitchenaide into my tiny world. My knives are my workhorses. But for reference, I don’t even eat baked goods, much less make them. I just cook meals for myself.
Anonymous
Register for awesome knives.
Heavy duty wood butcher’s block.
Pyrex/OXO glass measuring jugs.
Silicone spatulas and wooden spoons.
And: Cast iron.
Register for le Creuset buffet pans, Dutch ovens, frying pans, bread tins, WHATEVER French cast-iron enamel (or not enamel) cooking things you might need. Lodge egg pan, whatever cast-iron anything. Everybody will LOVE to get you a coloured le Creuset thingy.
Cc
I guess this is kind of a work related cry for help. Where would you turn if you have no idea what you want to do next / how to figure that out. I’m in Boston , in house at a cool sounding organization. I am finally making good money (200k) but internally it’s a night mare. I am one month back from maternity leave , people want me for 8 hours of meetings a day which doesn’t count the time I actually need to do my work. Everything is a crisis , I need time to actually think and build my team but it’s just fire after fire. My skills are mostly in employment law. I don’t know where to go. Are all in house jobs like this ? I want a stable job with good coworkers at a place where I can hopefully feel good about the work I do. Ideally, I would love to work from someone I can learn from. I feel so lost and am trying to sort out what part of this is burn out / pandemic / my job / me. A life coach ? A recruiter ? I’m at a loss on how to sort myself out
anon
I have this problem too. I’m not in house though, I’m an MBB partner. I don’t have real answers for you, but I have found therapy has been helpful to me to figure out how to set better boundaries and make my life more sustainable but also decide what I want and how to go after it. i’m sure life coach or some kind of professional coach would be helpful too, but those aren’t covered by my insurance :)
Anon
i am sorry that you are having this problem. however, i do have to say that on the outside, whenever you see someone who is an MBB or Big Law partner it is easy to think that they’ve got everything under control and are absolutely crushing it, so it is a nice reminder to me that you don’t always know what is going on with someone else
Cornellian
I’m sorry, that sounds really rough. I also want to note that I think the first few months back from maternity leave are an absolute shit show for pretty much everyone, not to imply that there aren’t real issues at your employer!
I think I’d start with a therapist who works especially with lawyers or professional women. They might help you with some career guidance, as well, but I think regardless of your job therapy is probably a good idea. I don’t have Boston recs but in NYC I know there were lots of lawyer-focused therapists.
I’m in house at a pension, and it has its issues, but I don’t feel like it’s constant fires or 8 hours a day, so I wouldn’t take that as normal. I don’t know your employer, but maybe you can block off a couple two-hour blocks a week or whatever you think would help most. If you block them now for a few weeks from now, some breathing room may be on the horizon, even if you don’t get it immediately. Good luck!
Piper Dreamer
Not OP but would love if you could share your NYC recs. I am in biglaw and the last 2 years has almost destroyed my marriage…
Cornellian
Mine are a few years out of date as I left BigLaw and NYC a bit ago but:
Will Meyerhofer is the famous one who writes for above the law. Not sure if he’s taking clients but he has some written advice that is helpful. I found his book validating but not necessarily helpful in solving BigLaw issues, if that makes sense. Like, it was good to hear I wasn’t crazy or alone, but didn’t provide guidance.
Joel Kosman was in banking and then BigLaw, now in counseling.
Rich Lombino a friend used, was also in BigLaw before becoming a therapist.
Jan Newman another friend used, but I think she is in VA or NC now (maybe a rec for the OP, actually).
MND
This is not anything like my current inhouse employment job, but also the first few months back from maternity leave are crummy. Maybe dust off your resume and consider starting to apply for openings that interest you? Is getting more support for your work (a paralegal, admin or junior attorney) an option? I would, in parallel, (1) start looking for a new job that checks your boxes, (2) work on how to make the current job manageable, and (3) hope that some of this is post-maternity leave stress that may stabilize once you’ve been back for a few months.
Anonymous
If you are the kind of person who prefers self reflection rather than finding an external advisor, I really liked “Designing your life” by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans.
Duckles
I love this book too.
I also think I need a complete career pivot and am trying to figure out how to do that— I had the unicorn job for several years of great salary, low hours and stress, etc., but it’s time to move on and I don’t know anyone else in law who makes a decent amount of money who doesn’t feel like you describe, and I’m just not willing to go back to that. So following as well.
IL
In-house doesn’t have to be this way but it often is. I’ve had 14.5 hours of meetings already this week and will have another 6 hours or so by 5 pm Friday and that’s with no emergencies at the moment. I know multiple other in-house lawyers in various specialties who describe the experience as “drinking daily from a fire hose.” But I have awesome coworkers who are understanding that life stuff happens. I can’t imagine trying to come back from maternity leave to what you are experiencing. It must be so hard!
My best bet is you would be happier at a company/institution with a bigger legal department where you are clearly assigned to a few projects and are only responsible for those projects. A bigger legal department also means that people are more familiar with interacting with legal and have reasonable expectations, such as a turnaround time measured in days not hours. I think finding the right new in-house job will really help address the things you’ve identified.
Anon
Hello, are you me from a few years ago? I’ve only worked in house during my career (part of that time in Boston). There are certainly some companies (typically, small private owned) that are pure chaos. I know some larger, public ones are as well but my experience has been that the smaller ones are just disasters. I have zero experience coming back from leave but I do have experience with managing some of what you mentioned. Firstly, put in your calendar blocks of time each day to do work. Do NOT move that time for meetings. This way, you can get some of your actual work done. Secondly, make sure that these are necessary meetings. If something can be an email, say that. Not everything needs to be a meeting. Thirdly, if the work you’re doing is COVID related, unfortunately that’s just life at all companies especially for employment lawyers right now. Remember that it’s likely temporary. Unless your company is saving the world or there are actual life or death issues, 99% of the fire drills do not need to be fire drills and can hold a beat. If you need to build out your team, make that a priority.
About 3ish years ago, I joined a larger company with many lawyers. My particular business unit has quite a few. They are a great group. Our head has been with the company forever and has set really good boundaries with the business folk. This all to say, it can be better. I realized that I hit a ceiling at my prior job and I hated a lot of what the company was doing both externally and internally. I did not feel valued and they were terrible to employees overall. My values were constantly in conflict with things that were happening there. I have been in therapy a long time and it was helpful for my therapist to validate my feelings and desire to move on. If you are not in therapy already, I suggest taking some time during a weekend or at night to REALLY think about what will make you happy. List out some of your values. Think of companies that may align. Consider the type of work you want to do (not necessarily what you have direct experience doing). Reaching out to recruiters is never a bad idea. You should form those relationships so that they think of you when something pops up.
Overall, remember that you are in house, not outside counsel. When someone internally says jump, you do not need to ask how high. You can ask what the time sensitivity is and then push back with what a reasonable timeframe will be (especially if a sales person because everyone is always asking for right now). Unfortunately, a lot of our job is managing expectations. By jumping at everything right away, you are teaching them to expect that for everything. Not everything is a real crisis. Remember that.
Aunt Jamesina
I’m in a totally different field, so please feel free to ignore this advice, but when you say that people “want” you for 8 hours of meetings per day, do you mean that you have the ability to say no to some of them? I get invited to all sorts of meetings, and when I started in my role a few years ago, I felt an obligation to say yes unless I had an actual conflict at that exact time (I’m in a role where my team provides services and manages assets for the entire organization, so people “need” me to come to meetings all.the.time.)
A few years ago, I realized that most group meetings aren’t all that productive and eat away at the substantive work I needed to do, so I decline close to half of them (particularly the large ones where I’ll probably asked for input on a single question or issue that could have been asked via email or in a short conversation). It’s helped my work enormously and I don’t have all the start/stop inertia issues of my day being constantly interrupted.
AIMS
Has anyone gotten a passport expedited recently? Are the delays still nuts? I just realized mine is expired and I may need to travel soon.
Cat
Renewed mine in October and had it back in 4-5 weeks without paying for expediting. YMMV though!
Anon
I submitted my forms in December for expedited processing and got my new passport a week later even though they told me it could take up to 7 weeks.
AIMS
Both of these things are reassuring! Did you send in your old passport? or just do a new form?
Cat
Sent in old (but mine was not expired, had a few months left on it) passport.
It took like 6 weeks longer for the old one to make it back home – I was getting worried, I love my old passports!
Anon
You have to send in your most recent passport if you apply by mail with a DS-82.
Anon
I lost my passport so it was like I was applying for the first time and I sent in the “new passport applications” forms. I did tell them (truthfully) that I have international travel planned for March, but given how fast it came I really doubt it made a difference.
ak
Recently got a passport for my daughter. We applied the last week of 2021 and have it back already.
AIMS
All very good news! Thanks everyone!
Paging Snorer
TL;DR: Consult an ENT to check whether fixing a deviated septum may cure your snoring.
I also didn’t know, until a couple of sleepovers, that I used to snore like a freight train. I did a sleep study, was told I have sleep apnea, and was prescribed a CPAP. On my own initiative, I sought the advice of an ENT. In less than five minutes, he diagnosed me with a deviated septum and recommended a septoplasty and turbinate reduction. He told me that this procedure cures snoring in women over 80% of the time, and that without the procedure, the CPAP would not be very helpful.
I had the outpatient procedure in August and it is no understatement to say that it has changed my life. Not only do I no longer snore, but: I can breathe through my nose easily and freely; I no longer have post-nasal drip in the mornings, my face is no longer puffy in the mornings from the accumulated sinus gunk overnight, and I feel better rested than I ever have before. I didn’t know that it was possible to breathe like this.
Be warned: the first five days of recovery were absolute h@!! for me; the three weeks after the procedure were unpleasant. Blood, snot, general leakage – it’s all bad. But, no question, I would do it again
Anon
I get sinus infections every spring and fall like clockwork, but my PCP swore I wasn’t a candidate for surgery. I think I might revisit and see an actual ENT.
Anon
Did you have any packing that came out? That was the most horrifying thing I’ve ever seen. Still recommend though.
Anon
I recently had this done too. I’m at the end of “recovery” – like 8 weeks out. They’ll do follow ups to debride and my last one is in a week or so. 10/10 recommend. I definitely breath easier. I was always sniffly and no longer am. Sinus infections were commonplace. As for snoring, my ENT did a sleep study. I have the mildest of sleep apnea. His recommendation was to lose 5 lbs. Not sure if that is something that would help you but this ENT was the first to ever recognize that I had problems (slightly deviated septum, inflammation in sinus, and turbinate stuff). I’ve seen PCPs over the years for my sinus stuff and the ENT was eye opening. I’m grateful for him.
Mrs. Jones
I had this procedure years ago with similar life-changing results.
Real estate help in NY/CT
Looking for recs for real estate agents for Rye Brook/White Plains NY and for Stamford CT. Would be great if they are comfortable with first time buyers. Please also let me know if there are any to avoid. Thanks!
Anon in NY
Chelsea Georgio. I haven’t worked with her but know her and like her. I believe she works a lot with first-time home buyers in that area. https://www.compass.com/agents/chelsea-georgio/
Cb
I’d like to start batching my email for an “admin powerhour” where I respond to all the little niggly but not urgent questions, sign up for events, add something to my diary but I’m not quite sure how to do it. I use the Snooze function in Outlook for things that I won’t need to do for a few weeks but these seems faffy for something that I’d just like to reply to on the bus, while listening to a conference call, at a low energy point in day.
Does anyone do this? Any ideas?
Anonymous
schedule in your admin powerhour and stick to your schedule
make a list of what to do and if you think of something during the day, add it to the list instead of doing it (unless it takes less than 2 minutes)
curious to hear what others say! i think Gretchen Ruben coined power hour, but Get Things Done also had a folder system/task-batching mindset.
Anon
Can you assign them a color flag (not red or anything that would cause you alarm at a casual glance!) and then sort by flag color?
Cat
I like this idea! My first instinct would be to create a separate folder and just drag everything in the category into it. You need to look at the email long enough to determine if it falls into the “deal with later” bucket anyway, so dragging it out of the way at the same time seems minimally disruptive?
Anon
Any recommendations for urban winter footwear? Looking for something I can wear for ~30 minute walks, where I inevitably encounter icy sidewalks. I have uggs but the tread isn’t great and neither is the support.
Cb
I have Sperry duckboots and I love them – I’m on my second pair from DSW.
Sunshine
Caphillstyle discussed snow boots today in her second post. I live in a place that doesn’t have winter, so I have no opinions.
https://caphillstyle.com/capitol/2022/01/20/55667.html
Anon
I wear my hiking boots. They’re warm and waterproof, with obviously excellent support.
anon
Sorel out n about
nycer
Both my Doc Martens and trusty Timberlands have been great
Seafinch
I walk on average 7-10 km a day all year long and am in Ottawa where we currently have a few feet of snow on the ground and the roads are covered and slippery and it is routinely -20 to -30 degree celsius. (I skied out of my driveway today).
I have Sorel Joan of Arcs, Bean Boots, and army issued arctic boots and the warmest, most comfortable, most slip resistant are my Under Armour sneakers. I have pretty much only worn those all of January.
Anonymous Canadian
Could you link to your UA sneakers?
Anon
Any recs for an overdraft-friendly bank like Chime was? My financially challenged mother used and loved Chime, which no longer exists. Her favorite feature was that it showed a “Safe to Spend” amount – that it learned her monthly expenses and told her how much slush money she had, so she was never overdrawn. It did wonderful things for her financial confidence (and saved her so much in overdraft fees!). TIA!
No Problem
I think it was Capital One that just announced they are doing away with overdraft fees. It was in the news in the last week or two.
Anon
Wait, Chime definitely still exists…
Anon
Oh! Gosh! Simple! Simple was the bank. Chime isn’t the same.
Anon
Chime still exists, according to the internet.
Consider setting up Simple for her, wherein you can input her monthly expenses and it will tell her how much she can spend.
Annony
Simple user here, still completely gutted by its loss. There’s a whole Reddit forum devoted to this topic and alternatives.
Anon
I plan to quit my job end March and enjoy a 6-9m break. I am based in Europe, will have health insurance and am 3x vaccinated (I might be able to get 4th dose by end March even).
I would like to use this time wisely and split between moving back to my home country (not complicated), travel to visit friends (Mexico, Peru, Bolivia), finish my sewing projects, refresh my Spanish and maybe start learning Russian. I would like to spend 1-3m in Denmark or Sweden, as these are the countries I would consider relocating to for work.
I am single, no kids, no pets.
Apart from the above, what would you add on my wishlist?
Anan
If I had time like that I would love to do a travel trip that had either some service component or some learning component.
Also maybe a little cliche, but spend time getting rid of stuff in anticipation of moving.
Anon
Thank you, yes, decluttering before moving is key. I have already started. Decision making process is always easier when the question is “do I really want to pay intl mover x thousands of Euros to relocate this top/these pants/this set of plates”.
Anonymous
I’d spend a week or two at surf camp or scuba camp and really learn those skills.
Anon
Ah, great reminder! I always wanted to do a yoga retreat or something! Thanks!
Cora
Baby manager question!
I have an intern for the first time ever and I’m trying to figure out how much work to give him / how involved to be. Its remote for now. I personally hate micromanaging, or even close managing, but I also know other people like and/or need more managing than I do.
I gave him some work on Tuesday that he may or may not finish by today. Either way is completely fine. I did tell him to tell me when he’s done, and then I would talk to him about next steps. In addition to this individual work he has had meetings with the rest of the team etc.
Should I be asking him if he’s done? If there is anything he needs? I don’t want to rush or pressure him, but also don’t want to assume that he will in fact speak up when he is done. If this was a lower-level-than-me employee I honestly wouldn’t worry as much but maybe I’m overthinking it because this is an intern.
Velma
I’m in higher ed comms and manage a team of at least 4-6 student workers, in addition to regular staff. If you’ve got new virtual interns, they are almost certainly eager for some face-time and unsure how much they can bother you. Depending on the intern’s weekly hours, I’d recommend scheduling a 5- or 10-minute check-in meeting either daily or every other workday. In small, simple doses, fill the intern in on where the job he is doing fits into the bigger picture of your work and/or the organization’s work. (For instance: “The spreadsheet you’re completing is part of the metrics we gather to assess XYZ. When we know more about that, we can decide how to approach ABC.”) THEN field the tiny procedural questions. It also doesn’t hurt to ask him how he thinks he should tackle the work and why he thinks that is the best approach–so you can be sure you agree. If time isn’t really pressing, it’s fine to let him experiment a little.
Good luck. I really enjoy mentoring our students and wish I had more time to spend with them. They are our ears on the ground for how to best reach students and are full of novel ideas and energy.
Velma
P.S. You can use these meetings to make sure that the work is on track and to get a sense of when he’ll finish. Then you don’t need to micromanage or hover (virtually!).
roxie
I would schedule a check in with him on Friday to hear about the status of the project, questions he has, provide feedback, etc.
I will recommend that with an intern you set a form deadline – I find younger staff especially need the clarity of a more specific deadline than “thursday if you want, but no worries if not!”
I would ensure you have a consistent check in schedule at the same time every week, where you both co-create the agenda (shared google doc is great for this).
Anon
Urgently need dressing ideas for a Zoom interview tomorrow.
Industry is finance but growth private equity (The male partners will often be in khakis, a button down collared shirt with fleece jacket or vest-is this business casual?).
Anon
Same as you would dress for a non-Zoom interview. Wear a blazer.
Anon
I am now conducting interviews and see people wearing nice shirts, no blazers 80% of the time. However, my field is more casual.