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Wednesday’s TPS Report: Lexie Dress

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Lovely sheath dress from Elie Tahari, which I first spied at Bloomingdale's (on sale in black in limited sizes) – but then I realized Lord & Taylor had all 3 colors, more sizes, and a deeper discount: score. I like the classic styling — especially the high back — as well as the interesting folded collar. It was $368, now marked to $128.49 $92. Elie Tahari Lexie Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-4)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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252 Comments

  1. Good morning ladies,

    I posted this under yesterday’s afternoon thread, but it got stuck in moderation, so I’m reposting this morning:

    Hi everyone–longtime reader, first-time commenter. I always enjoy absorbing the hive wisdom, and I’m hoping it could work some magic for me today.

    I work in the consulting field, and have recently been offered a significant job opportunity. I’m feeling conflicted about whether to take it, and if so, what to ask for from my company.

    My company has several offices in the US, and we recently opened an office in DC last year. So far, the DC office has one senior executive, and the company is looking for another person to move down, help run the office, and work full time on projects there. The role has been offered to me, and I have about a week to decide whether to take it. It would offer significantly more responsibility than I have in my current role, and could be a good professional opportunity.

    One of my main hesitations in taking the position is surrounding D.C. itself. I’ve lived in New York since college, I don’t drive, and I don’t know anyone who lives in D.C. I have an image in my mind of D.C. as a city that doesn’t have a lot of organic urban culture and where most people who work in the city commute in from the suburbs. Is this hopelessly wrong, D.C. Corporettes? If I moved down to D.C., could I live in the city itself? I could afford to pay about $1100/month max, so I assume I’d have to live in a share, which would be OK. I’m in my late 20s, and would prefer to live in a place where I could walk or bike most places I need to go. I’ve also got a boyfriend, but it’s not clear whether we would stay together or break up if I moved, so I might be facing the transition as a newly-single lady. I guess most of my angst about this stems from going from a place I’m very safe and secure to a place I don’t have a network or safety net.

    My second question has to do with negotiation. I’ve done a very limited amount of negotiating in my professional life. My immediate boss, who I respect a lot, advised me that if I were to accept the position, I should have a list of ‘demands’ (he didn’t use that terminology but that’s what it essentially would be) about my new position.

    The things I think of immediately are a) asking the company to pay for the move and b) negotiating for a raise. Are there any other requests I should be making regarding roles and responsibilities or logistics of the move? I’m also thinking of asking the company to make my role down there a one-year trial, at which point I could have the option to come back to New York or stay down in D.C. Does this sound realistic? Do y’all have any other thoughts about things I should ask for or terms I should try and set?

    I realize this might be a bit overly-general, but I feel as if this post is veering towards novel territory. Again, I would really appreciate any advice/life experience you guys have to offer.

    1. FWIW – I know plenty of people who live in DC and don’t have a car — depending where you live, obviously, it is more or less necessary, but when visiting DC, I have found the Metro more than sufficient for getting where I needed to go when I needed to go there.

      I imagine if the DC rental market is anything like the Boston rental market, $1100 would only buy you a room in a 2 or 3 bedroom, if you want to live close enough to public transit not to have a car. A quick perusal of Craigslist tells me this is the case.

      There are several things I would negotiate for since you are really viewing this job as an option/nice to have, rather than an OMG I MUST MOVE NOW — keep in mind none of these are necessary per se, but they would definitely be nice to have!:

      1) They need to pay for you to go down there at least once (preferably 2-3 times) to find a place.

      2) They need to pay for the move itself (relo assistance)

      3) If you don’t find a place, they’ll put you up in an extended stay corporate apartment for up to a month.

      4) A raise, especially if you are taking a more senior position

      5) Higher title

      6) Renegotiation in 1 year

      That’s just a wish list, I’m sure there are other things that are important to you that you’re considering. Good luck!

      1. hi,
        I’ve just relocated to Houston, so went through all your feelings.
        Based on my experience, what I got from a big company, I’d second a lot of the above comment, as a recap, you want:
        – a reconnaissance trip so you can get a feel for the city ( I was sent to Houston from Europe for a week with my husband so we could identify where we would like to live, I did work at the office 4 days of the week, but it helped a lot)
        – a relocation agent – they can help you with all admin stuff (they helped with you driving license for instance, helping us study, queuing for us for hours so we wouldn’t waste time away from office), as well as looking for a house and sorting out appointments for you to avoid wasting time
        – paid for the move
        – paid for part of house and bills as this is a temporary job (we have a set amount of money a month, which means we could decide to get somehting more expensive or cheaper if we wanted to)
        – paid for a car as you can’t do without one in Houston! (and they gave us a free loan for my husband’s)

        All of those make sense for them as well, this way you don’t waste office time doing ‘private things’ and you’re more focused more quickly. Paying for the house might go on your ‘wish list’ depending on the price differencial between NY and DC. And the car might be ‘wish list’ as well, but the rest should be non-negociable in my opinion.

          1. Welcome to Houston! We’re a big town but a small community. And, no, we don’t all say “y’all.” Yes, it is short for you-all. After living here for decades, I still can’t fathom how that came about.

            Welcome.

        2. I wonder if we work for the same company… I LOVED those perks when I got them last year :).

          To OP- all the things you’re asking for a totally reasonable. Make the leap and know that it can be undone if necessary!

    2. First off, that sounds like an amazing opportunity at this point in your career, and you’re thinking about the right things! I worked and went to grad school in DC for two years and lived in Dupont Circle. In general, your budget may be tight if you live in the District, but it’s definitely doable if you have a roommate (and there are always people looking for roommates in DC). Your money goes further in Virginia but from my perspective there’s a definite culture gap between NOVA and the District (NOVA being perceived to be a little more fratastic and suburby – I’m sure I’ll take heat for that…). Absolutely negotiate for the cost of the move and a raise. You’re taking a on a risky venture for the company and so you might want to look at some clear performance expectations/milestones/goals for higher incentive comp to reward you for taking on something unknown and challenging. You’re also probably onto something with an exit strategy to go back to NYC if things aren’t going well (and clearly define what that means to you and your company). That said, what an impressive thing to have on your resume! Building out something from scratch is something that we always look for in our leaders and is such a great business experience to have.

    3. I live in the DC area – I lived in the city for a few years and now live in Arlington. I’ve never kept a car – it is easy to walk, bike and use transit. Compared to New York, nothing in DC is very far away from the city center, so you can live in Arlington/Alexandria in VA, or a neighborhood like Eastern Market or H St NE or Glover Park that’s a bit away and still be a less than 20 minute bike ride from downtown. Even if it’s technically the “suburbs,” that doesn’t mean it’s as far out of the way as it does in New York. Especially with the advent of Capital Bikeshare in the past year, getting around is easy and everything is close together.

      I definitely think the whole not having an “organic urban culture” is outmoded and sort of silly, although constantly talking about how everything in DC is worse than NYC is still a favorite hobby of many here. But it’s a diverse city with a lot of different growing social scenes, and practically everybody is a young professional so there is always lots of meetup stuff going on.

      1. I live in Arlington, too. Have a car, never use it. I walk everywhere I can not only because I love it, but also out of protest of Metro’s increasingly terrible service. I also agree that not having any culture is wrong as well, though I also think you have to put yourself in a place where you find it. If you live far out in the Virginia suburbs, you’re going to see exactly what you fear. But if you live in Cap Hill/Eastern Market or H Street or any of the up and coming areas, you’ll have plenty of culture.

      2. I second all of this. I’ve lived in DC for three years now (moved from Chicago). The first year, I hated it, mostly just because it’s different and I missed my old Chicago places. But now I really love it in DC! It’s a small city, but there are still plenty of urban areas. I live in the Chinatown area and share a 1 bedroom and pay $1000/mo for my share. I definitely don’t need a car where I am, since I live within walking distance to all the Metro lines and there are some grocery stores nearby. However, if you don’t live close to a stop, a car might be useful to haul groceries around.
        Good things about DC: it’s a pretty clean city — cleaner than New York in my experience. It’s fairly safe, too, despite what you may have heard. The political culture is exciting, and it’s the only city I’ve ever been in where no one is afraid to share his or her political affiliation. There are tons of international events and restaurants from around the world. The food scene isn’t as good as New York or Chicago, but it’s definitely getting better as famous chefs move here and more young professionals demand a higher standard. Another great thing about DC is that there are tons of people just like you: young professionals moving to the city without a network in place, so they’re looking to meet people and make friends. There are plenty of ways to get to know people — I played on a softball league this past summer, and there are also kickball and ultimate frisbee leagues.

        Less good things: The Metro breaks, like, every other day. Even when it’s not broken, it’s completely packed during rush hours. Also, the city can feel pretty segregated and neighborhoods don’t necessarily get along, which is weird. There’s not a lot of convenient shopping inside the district itself — one Target in the entire city, for example (though it is right next to a Metro stop, which is nice!).

        Hope this helps! Good luck, whatever you decide!

      3. Agreed.

        The Metro is easy and safe and buses are, too (although the Metro isn’t 24hr like in NY). When I lived in DC I lived in Eastern Market and loved it, often walked places from there as it is a really walkable City.

        I’m not sure how old you are, but I know a lot of people in the Columbia Heights area, which is really lively and has lots of bars/restaurants etc.

      4. “I definitely think the whole not having an ‘organic urban culture’ is outmoded and sort of silly, although constantly talking about how everything in DC is worse than NYC is still a favorite hobby of many here.”

        This. People who have lived in D.C. for years and years (such as myself) don’t take too kindly to people from NYC who come here and make comments like that. (Just like I don’t go to NYC and say DC is better, which I personally believe). Just FYI.

        1. Thanks very much. The reason I was asking for advice was because (and I don’t think this came through very clearly) I had an inkling that my vision of D.C. was hopelessly ill-informed. And apparently, it was!

    4. To the demand list above, I would also ask for a metro stipend, ideally with the flexabilty to have the company cover parking insead should you ever want to learn to drive. The metro in DC can get quite expensive because cost is measured by distance.

      I grew up around here, went to law school in NYC and then moved back (I live in DC proper). It is a change, however I love this town. As others have mentioned, you can get around without a car (bike and metro work great), assuming you find a place in walking distance of a grocery store. At about a grand you may be able to get a studio, but likly you’ll be getting a share, which the group houses here are generally cool. If you decide to come down make sure you check with people about what part of town you’re looking at because some neighborhoods are a little sketch for me to feel comfortable walking alone at night (like any city).

      Don’t forget to highball your salary! Good luck!

    5. I live and work in downtown DC. You can get around just fine without a car. Many people don’t own their own cars and get around by bike, metro, cabs, Zip Cars for large shopping hauls, etc. Dupont Circle is a great place to live with l0ts of restaurants, grocery and drug stores, bars, cafes, clubs, shopping and a metro stop, but there are plenty of other neighborhoods with those things. Your rental budget is small for the market here, so you may need a roommate.

      1. I love Dupont Circle but $1000 likely wouldn’t even get you a share there.

        She’s right, the rental market is tight here. If you treat it like the NYC market, you’ll be fine. Good rentals have been going within an hour an open house. Come with checkbook in hand and proof of employment.

    6. Thanks to you all for the advice! It’s good to have the perspective of some locals.

      1. I got stuck in moderation, so am re-posting; sorry for the double!
        I live on the outer edges of the DC Metro area, not in the city itself, but I go in frequently to get some culture and/or dranks, and have tons of friends in the city-city. And now, onto Me Having Opinions.

        1. Driving: If you live in DC itself, a car is not particularly necessary–the public transportation system is fine, although not without its foibles. But if you are going to live in the ‘burbs, you will need a car, unless you are RIGHT outside the border (think Roslyn not Virginia Square, on the good ol’ Orange Line).

        2. Organic urban culture: If you expect DC to have an equivalent cultural vibe to NYC, you will be disappointed. There are pockets of DC that are okay–I like Columbia Heights, U Street, H Street, and Adams Morgan–but I find the rest of it, quite honestly, boring. It’s hard to put into words, but DC as a city lacks a certain–vibrancy. I walk down a street, and most of the people I see look like yuppie clones who all work on the Hill and go out in Georgetown and speak in acronyms and are surgically attached to their iPhones. That’s not to say that there aren’t interesting people, but in terms of the professional crowd, I think they’re quite, hm, homogenous in type. (Don’t kill me, other DC-metro Corporettes!)

        3. Living in the city: Absolutely doable on $1,100 a month, especially with roommate.

        Final thoughts: I faced a similar dilemma to this my last year of college, although as my decision was between being employed in a place I thought I’d hate, and being unemployed and living above the garage in my mom’s house, it was a slightly more straightforward process. I think it’s been worth it, as I have a steady paycheck and a start in the industry I want to work in–but it has also been incredibly hard to go from being in a community where I had tons of friends, lots of cultural events, etc. etc., to one where I don’t feel I fit in, on a fundamental level, and where I’m getting a dog because I’m tired of being so lonely.

    7. I have an image in my mind of D.C. as a city that doesn’t have a lot of organic urban culture and where most people who work in the city commute in from the suburbs. Is this hopelessly wrong, D.C. Corporettes?
      I’m in my late 20s, and would prefer to live in a place where I could walk or bike most places I need to go

      Yes, you’re wrong :). I don’t have a car and I walk to work. About 50% of my friends do the same. Many also take the bus to work. The Metro is not a good train system and it doesn’t compare at all to the NY subway. But the bus system is good, and anyway, if you live in one of the close-to-downtown neighborhoods you’re never going to need to leave your neighborhood on the weekend. I do get a Zipcar occasionally to go to Trader Joe’s, but it’s easy to arrange food delivery or find a place that’s a close walk to a supermarket.

      I should point out that DC is decidedly not New York. Most people in DC either don’t want to live in New York, or have lived there and didn’t like it. I have a few New Yorker friends who have made the transition to DC, but there’s an adjustment period. I am from Chicago, and I had a hard time with the transition too. DC is not a big city. It’s a mid-sized city with the resources, opportunities, and intellectual class you would expect to find only in a big city, but you have some of the frustrations of a mid-sized city (e.g. craptastic Metro system). The corruption in DC government and the fact that DC is essentially a colony where residents are treated as second-class citizens and denied voting rights and even the right to control how their tax dollars are spent is also enormously frustrating. I did not anticipate how much of an effect corruption and second-class citizenship would have on my everyday life when I moved here.

      If I moved down to D.C., could I live in the city itself? I could afford to pay about $1100/month max, so I assume I’d have to live in a share, which would be OK.

      Yes. You could easily find a room in a group house in a trendy, young area like U Street, Columbia Heights, or Adams Morgan. You could have good luck and find a studio or half of a two-bedroom apartment, too. If you want to live a little bit further from work in a primarily residential neighborhood, you could easily get a room in a two-bedroom for under $1,000 in Glover Park, Tenleytown or Van Ness.

      I’ve also got a boyfriend, but it’s not clear whether we would stay together or break up if I moved, so I might be facing the transition as a newly-single lady.

      The dating scene in DC sucks, I’m not gonna lie.

    8. I’ve lived in the DC area for more than a decade, in the city itself and now in the NoVa suburbs. They are very different and for what you are looking for, you almost certainly will want to stay in the city.

      You can certainly do it without a car. I didn’t have a car for years and the only reason my husband and I have one now is to haul the dog to the vet and be able to have weekend getaways. We rarely drive it during the week.

      You’re right that you will have to share, and also know that DC is one of the best job markets in the country, so the competition for apartment space can be fierce. You’ll need at least one trip to figure out where to live and then it may take you a month or two to find a place that meets your needs. You may want to ask your company to put you up in temporary housing, and store your stuff, for up to 60 days to facilitate this. (And when you find a place you like, don’t hesitate – snatch it up asap!)

      You should also ask for a raise based on increased responsibility (you may have to really push for this as cost of living in DC is lower than in NY). If you want to pitch this as a one-year gig, then try to negotiate for a mid-year bonus or something in lieu of a raise.

      And while NY is great, and it’s what you know, I would advise you to really make an effort to explore and get the most out of your time in DC. It’s a great city with interesting people, food, culture, and events. It will be a hard transition, but who knows? You just might like it!

    9. Lived in this area my whole life, so take this for what it’s worth. DC has a different vibe from NYC – feels less like a “fun” city (open late) and more business until you go out to some of the neighborhoods. There is definitely a scene for everyone, you just have to figure out what you like.

      You can definitely get around without a car and there are a lot of cool neighborhoods in the city (and some outside). Avoiding a car means avoiding traffic, which around here is BRUTAL. 1100 is doable depending on what you’re looking for and absolutely if you’re willing to live with someone. We have good food and tons to do. Plus, you can always take the BOLT etc, back to NY if you’re missing your friends.

      If you have more specific questions, let me know!

    10. I lived in Arlington for a few years without a car, and really enjoyed it. Strangely enough, the city kept sending me the nastiest letters demanding that I pay car tax and they seemed really surprised when I told them I actually didn’t have a car. Keep an eye on what your commute will be – if you can live close enough to walk to work or set yourself up for a reverse commute, that would be ideal.

      I’d consider asking for a housing stipend so you can afford to live on your own. You were fine with sharing in NYC since you had friends there, but I think you could justify asking for more money if you need to move someplace where you don’t know anyone.

      For apartment hunting, don’t ignore the newspapers. A lot of old school landlords still advertise in the paper so if you’re only looking online, you might miss some good opportunities (that have less competition).

    11. I live in Baltimore, and bought my car from a lawyer in DC who thought owning one was a hassle. Great Metro (subway), goes to Reagan National Airport, and you can take the train in a variety of ways to BWI. If anyone talks about Dulles – it’s a VA airport that is Near-DC. Between Metro & public transit/Amtrack and good airports, you’re connected, so people can come in and out. I haven’t tried biking, but people do commute by bike.

      Plenty, plenty, plenty of culture in DC. I have kids, so my info is a little skewed, but my oldest is 22, so we have had a blast in Adams Morgan (neighborhood) when I had a conference near the National Zoo. If you are a foodie, it’s a fabulous area. Found and loved Amsterdam Falafel and many more places via Yelp.

      Many parks and pretty areas in and nearby- C & O trails, Great Falls, Jane Island is on my list for kayaking, Alexandria VA’s Old Town. And tons of historic spots.

      Housing is pricy, and I haven’t relocated for work, so I will let others comment on this.

    12. make a list of what you’d want for a dream job. everything from a set lunch time to free cupcakes on your desk every day to having an office with windows or whatnot. Make it super long if you can, then go back through and see what’s on the list that’s fair to require and add in a few others that you think/know aren’t too wacky and see what you can get from the list… though maybe you should assume you’d have to buy your own cupcakes ;)

    13. ah, D.C. I have a complicated love-hate relationship with D.C. (Yes, I currently live in NYC, though I grew up in the South. I also hated New York for the first six months I was here. Some cities just grow on you). Random thoughts in no particular order:

      1) You don’t need a car, especially if you live in D.C. proper. But it’s a lot nicer and more useful to have one in DC than it is in New York. Yes, the metro runs, yes the buses are decent, but dear god it takes forever to get anywhere on the weekends if you’re not going to the main downtown area. My complaint was the metro is specifically designed to get you to the main “downtown” area, but there are just certain segments of the city you just cannot get to easily (in my perfect world, Union Station would have a direct line to Eastern Market, instead of having to go all the way around to get there). Depending on where I was going, it could be a lot faster to drive, especially if you were outside of rush-hour time. (speaking of transportation, any progress on the cable car line down H street?). I never had a bike, so maybe that’s the answer?
      2) If you can afford it, live in the city proper. I’ve live both in DC and in Arlington. When I was in Arlington, I was absolutely miserable (I was far enough from a metro that I had to take a bus to get to Pentagon City metro). In DC, I was… less miserable. I lived in Columbia Heights for a couple of months, which I really liked. $1100 might be tough depending on the neighborhood (price was the reason I lived in Arlington), but not impossible.
      3) Depending on where you are, you will feel unsafe at night. This does not, however, mean you actually are. It’s just DC is a lot emptier than New York and you have to re-adjust to not having people around at all times. But, there are some seriously sketch areas. Just figure out where they are and avoid them.

      DC just has a very different feel from New York. It will take getting used to. I can’t describe it. It definitely has a quieter feel overall, though obviously there is plenty to do. You kind of just have to go and see if you like it. The good news is it’s easy and pretty cheap to go back and forth between New York and DC. Yay for bolt bus.

      1. Cable car down H Street is supposed to arrive in 2013, I hear. Which means…who knows.

    14. Agree that you don’t need a car, particularly in certain areas such as Cleveland Park, which is my favorite place to live in the city. Quebec house, an apt bldg near CP metro used to be quite affordable and had free parking if you had a car. Can’t recall what I paid many moons ago, but I survived in a 12th flr studio on an entry-level gov. attorney salary. Loved the area bc it had everything I needed – small grocery stores, restaurants, movie theater, etc.

    15. As others have mentioned, parts of DC empty out after work hours. So, I suggest that once you’ve narrowed your housing search to a few neighborhoods, you visit them on a weeknight and on the weekend so you can get a complete feel for the lifestyle. You may find you’re happier in a place like Old Towne Alexandria.

      I love DC, though. Don’t forget the numerous free activities/events you’ll have access to there. And community service, politics (campaigns or causes), and sports are all easy ways to meet people just like you in that town.

      1. to quote my brother who moved Old Towne Alexandria thinking he would love it: “It’s ok, but it sure is a lot of old people.” A friend from law school had a similar sentiment. Though I think by “old,” he really means 40s with children.

        (though, should you like the neighborhood, my brother’s company just informed him he’s got to move to Alabama by Monday. So I know an apartment on Prince Street that’s about to be vacant…)

      1. Me too! I bought it in 2 sizes for $69 each. I looked everywhere and didn’t see anything indicating that the “final” code means final sale. Thanks Kat!

  3. Lovely dress, and the dark purple color would be particularly nice for the office. The tailoring and asymmetrical details at the neckline remind me of the beautiful L.K. Bennett Davina dress that you’ve also posted. Great recommendation – I splurged on the Davina in purple and found it half price in black and love both! One thing I haven’t quite figured out is whether it looks odd to wear a blazer over a dress with an asymmetrical neckline. Sometimes I think you can still appreciate the neckline and other times I wonder if it looks like my dress is crooked or askew. Is it just a matter of matching the right dress with the right blazer or is this too hard to pull off?

    1. Very pretty dress. I love the purple and the red. I’m still torn on assymetrical necklines with jackets though.

    2. I wear blazers regardless of the collar/neckline…otherwise it is too cold and looks not-quite-appropriate for my office.

      Love this dress! :)

  4. Early thread jack warning!! And apologies if this is a little all over the place, I am still processing…

    I suggested to our company director a few months back that I be promoted despite not being in my position for very long and gave some good and valid reasons why this would be in the benefit of the company.

    I got word from a colleague that the promotion might very well happen…yay!

    Only now I am dealing with a little guilt/worry and while I keep telling myself not to “leave before I leave” I could use some support from the hive mind. The thing is our son is nearly 2 and we are going to start trying for number 2 pretty soon…and if/when number 2 comes I will be wanting to take full advantage of the generous European maternity laws and take up to a year off. This seems a little “unfair” (if that is even the right word) to the company… I would be the first female director, though, and I don’t want the company to feel taken advantage of or for it to hurt me (or other women in the company!) down the road.

    Am I being silly? I have some thoughts on how I can manage but the reality is that I would be given a huge increase in responsibility only to turn around and abdicate most of it for at least a year.

    Thoughts? TIA!!

    1. Don’t psyche yourself out! From the tenor of your post, I feel you’re about to sell yourself short now because of a contingency which will (best case) occur about a year from now. You may not get the promotion, it may take you a few months to get pregnant. You may recieve an even better job offer elsewere (before this comes up) and leave the company. The future is uncertain.

    2. Go you. Good job putting yourself out there, not enough women do that. And, as the above poster notes, the timing of your family plans is uncertain. A year is enough time to earn your stripes in the next position. Focus on doing a good job in that time and don’t “check out”

      Also, don’t feel guilty. I can’t imagine a male colleague getting tied up in knots about a promotion because they are considering moving some place else in the next year, etc.

      Finally, I feel like there is a perception that high powered women can’t really take maternity leave. This will only change if high powered women (and hopefully men!) start taking the leave allotted, come back and continue to do excellent work. Think of yourself as a role model.

        1. This. I think it’s great that you’re thinking about what this will do for women who follow you–but what if it’s a good thing? They could say, “Look at In-House Europe! She snagged a promotion for herself fairly quickly, did what she needed to do family-wise, and came back without missing a beat. It can be done.”

          1. I agree but this gave me pause -“abdicate most of it for at least a year.” Do you plan on coming back after the year or are you going to take more time off, say until your youngest starts school? I’m only asking because I think you need to be upfront with your employer when this happens. It would be unfair if they thought they could expect you back and then you decided to take more time, IMHO.

            For now, fingers crossed for your promotion and good luck TTC #2!

          2. I don’t mean to open a powder-keg and this is a general comment not directed at Monday at all. To me, though, the “It can be done” attitude can be just as discouraging as encouraging.

            All of my life I have heard that I’m a girl, I can do anything. Great, the message got through. But another part of that message is that you can’t do everything, and that there are a lot of things that are extremely hard to do.

            As I went through my 20s, I felt that there were all these dirty secrets that no one ever talked about. Like, you can work full time and raise a kid and have a happy marriage (yay), but that it is incredibly difficult and may cause a lot of stress and may not work for everyone (dirty secret). Or, that gender discrimination is illegal (yay), but women are constantly treated differently than their male colleagues, in both positive, negative and neutral ways (dirty secret). Or, dads are now expected to be involved in childcare and in housework (yay), but the reality is most women still have to do more housework, make more trade-offs for their family planning, etc (dirty secret).

            So yes, please consider yourself a role model if you can do it all, but please realize that if you do it all, other people will also use you as a poster child for how other women should be able to do it all. A lot of times these women are held up in a way that I view as negative, by trying to force an ideal on the average woman that typically only works for the extraordinary woman. Props to all the extraordinary women out there, but I’d much prefer to have a working world that is just as accommodating to the average man as it is the average woman, whatever his or her needs may be. /end rant

          3. Homestar, I actually really relate to everything you’re saying. When I say “it can be done,” it really is aspirational–and I wish I had more examples in my own life. FWIW, my mom was/is a professional, and I grew up with her constantly harried and fighting with my (also professional) Dad about her hours and household responsibilities (one of three kids here). It worked out alright overall, but it wasn’t particularly peaceful, especially for her. Here I am at 30, really not seeing any good time to start a family, because while I think some women do balance career with motherhood and marriage wonderfully, I don’t think *I personally* would be able to do so. I’m afraid of disappointing my SO by making clear, year after year, “you know this really is not happening, right?” but I’d also be afraid of disappointing him and my prospective kids by not being truly “there” as a mom.

            I don’t think you’re ranting, I think you’re voicing anxieties that many of us share.

          4. I hear you, Homestar. To clarify, though, the scenario we’re all pulling for is that the OP takes her full mat leave and gets promoted, thus proving that her company *does*, in fact, accommodate the “average” woman (e.g. who takes a full maternity leave).

            What bothers me more, in the context of your comments, is when women like Meg Whitman and Sheryl Sandberg are held up as It Can Be Done. They are fantastic women and leaders, no doubt, but needless to say they have options and resources open to them that most of us can only dream of.

    3. I don’t know where you are in Europe – but the generous maternity leaves are there for a reason, and they’re meant to be used, regardless of your position. (And expected to be used, I would say.) Depending on where you are in Europe, it may also be that the paternity leave is something that is strongly encouraged, as it is in Norway where I am – and sharing the leave with a spouse may also be an option. (A co-worker of mine was hired in July, and started a close-to-four months paternity leave in December.)

      That being said: There is no guarantee that you will be instantly pregnant two seconds after you start trying.

      It may take time, and then you also have 8+ months of gestating to do before heading off on maternity leave. So, anywhere from a year to two years in the job before taking the leave.

      I rather think that the fact that you would be taking the leave would be seen as beneficial in terms of recruitment and the like (Look, how family friendly we are…)

      1. I don’t know where you are in Europe – but the generous maternity leaves are there for a reason, and they’re meant to be used, regardless of your position.

        YES. I agree with all of this SO HARD.

    4. Yes, you are being silly :-)

      Your timeline on a second child is not certain, and it could be a while… the maternity laws exist for a reason and that reason is NOT to discourage women from leadership positions! Who knows how much great stuff you can accomplish for the company in the meantime, what level of involvement you will want during your leave, how long a leave you’ll ultimately want, etc…

      Go for it!

    5. I’ve stopped taking anything to the dry cleaners unless it’s uber fancy (i.e. wool winter jacket). It all goes in the washing machine, delicate cycle, cold water, mild detergent. Check out the Laundress website – they have great tips, tricks, and videos of items they put in the washing machine.

    6. Thanks for all the encouraging words and thoughtful comments! I love this board!!!

      To some individual points –
      – I hope that I can encourage other women to do the same – and show our HR head that he is wrong about not wanting to hire women in the child-bearing years (yes he really said that to me, and no, he had no say in my hire!)
      . anontoday – that was a typo on my part! For at most a year is what I meant to write…I will definitely be back to work at the latest at a year – I don’t know that I can even handle being home that long!!
      – homestar (and monday) – I *don’t* think that it can all be done – my son is in daycare full time, I have amazing work hours (8 to 5 – and only till 2 or 3 on Fridays), and most importantly, a husband who actually does most of the cleaning, cooking, and at least 50% of the child care. oh and a housekeeper who comes 2x a month to clean the bathrooms. ;) the trade-offs – lack of time to see friends, etc. – are the topic of another post I think! :)
      – norway and kanye east – where i live isn’t quite as good as norway, which I often give as the example of the best case scenario. but DH will be staying home for 2 months at least. more if I don’t stay home a full year.

      oh and i agree that a man wouldn’t have these thoughts – which is why i needed you all to remind me why I shouldn’t feel guilty! so…go me! :P and cross your fingers that i get the promotion!!

    7. I was in a similar position though in my case it wasn’t a promotion but a case of being headhunted internally for a job. Just go for it. You don’t know how long it might take to get pregnant, you don’t know what else may happen, so don’t hold back.

      Good luck and congratulations.

  5. Just another complaint on Talbot’s online ordering. I’ve read elsewhere that Talbots isn’t good about keeping their inventory up to date online and you will order something and then get an email days later that it is no longer available. I ordered a blazer and a belt. The belt is at my local store but since I was going to pay the $8 flat rate shipping for the blazer I figured I’d toss in the belt too and save myself a trip. Belt is final sale. Well, turns out the blazer is no longer available in my size so they aren’t shipping it. The belt was only $12. I wouldn’t pay $8 to ship a $12 item that I could buy in the store. So I called and they said “well, would you like to order the blazer in another color or size? We can waive the shipping this once for you.” Um, I already paid the shipping and you are offering to substitute a different product for the one you couldn’t ship. You better be “waiving the shipping.” So I requested the same blazer, one size up since I know it fits snug anyway. Then they wanted my CC information again. I said, “I already paid for this in the first order.” They said “you weren’t charged since it wasn’t available so I have to enter it again.” I keep my shopping money in a separate low balance debit account so I wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to have two charges while waiting for a refund on one. The guy assured me I wouldn’t. So I gave him the number. I check my account that night and the full amount for both orders is still listed as pending, tying up the money I can use on that account. PLUS, I got another email saying that they are “trying to locate the blazer I ordered in one of the their stores.” The blazer said “online only.” I don’t know if they are trying to find the first one or the second one in store. So frustrating.

    Oh and in case you were wondering, I finally got charged for the dress I bought when we had the 40% off code, about a week after I received it, and I found a friend it fit and she bought it from me so I didn’t have to return it.

    1. @Blonde Lawyer, I’ve gone through _every_single_thing you’ve described with Talbots. Annoying beyond belief. I’ve started using the “store search” function, have a store hold my merch for me for pick-up, or they ship it out to me. I love alot of their merch and their sales are cRaZy, but the online site is so ridic. If this chain doesn’t want to go bankrupt or get bought in a hostile takeover, it needs to STEP IT UP.

      1. SERIOUSLY with the inventory confusion. Also, I’ve had to order by phone because my mailing address got auto-corrected in their system to some town I’ve never heard of. The Talbot’s phone rep blamed USPS software, but I’ve lived here for 4 years and buy online constantly. It’s like they seek out arcane ways to be difficult for customers.

    2. I too have had every single issue you describe, and have totally stopped buying from Talbots. It will take a lot for them to make me a customer again.

    3. How frustrating. Also, why doesn’t Talbots include a pre-paid return label like every other store these days? It makes it seriously difficult to return unwanted items, and my cynical side says it may be deliberate — that they’re hoping customers will keep items to avoid the hassle.

    4. Joining the gripe! I really wanted an item; it appeared to be available online, so I ordered it; got an email the next day that it’s sold out and the order will be canceled.
      I went to the store search and saw this item was available in my size in 3 stores… called all of them and was told none had it!
      They really need to step up their game wrt keeping the inventory up-to-date.

    5. I had a similar issue with my most recent order, too. I bought a blazer online (that I later saw in stock at my local store) along with several other items. The blazer simply was not shipped, and I got a notice with my other items that they had “overestimated stock” or something like that. Happily, I was never charged for the blazer (not even in a pending transaction). However, it would have been nice to get an email notification that one of the items was unavailable! (And since you said that you got an email, I’m even more perplexed by the lack of notification that I got)

      I was baffled for days because the price that I was charged didn’t match up with my order (it was lower — by the price of the blazer, but I didn’t immediately recognize that), and then I almost missed the notice on the order summary that the blazer was now unavailable (unless I’m returning something, I often don’t even look at the packing sheets)!

      It’s a shame because Talbots has a great price-to-quality, especially when they do the “extra 40% off sale” or similar. And, unlike other places, the deals that they run online are often better than the same items at the b&m.

      I will say, I looked at the Talbots facebook page after the weird “fake 40%” drama, and was intrigued by how lots of customers were using facebook to locate merchandise (they basically just posted what they were looking for and Talbots responded as to what store had it in stock — sounds like the “store search” function Lawgirl describes above)

  6. Both work-appropriate dresses I own are Tahari and I loooove them…this is very tempting. L&T has a few more Tahari dresses on great sale, too. I just wish they made more with at least short sleeves!

  7. Wardrobe threadjack –

    I had my third meltdown in a row this week over not having anything to wear. I’ve been buying a lot of clothes lately, but I still can’t put together an outfit in the morning. I think my problem is that I’m on such a tight budget that I pick up random pieces when I get a good deal (like the grey wool pants I scored from Banana Republic for $20 over the weekend!) but I end up with nothing that goes together. I have some nice dry clean only clothes, but I can’t afford the monthly dry cleaning bill and need stuff I can take care of myself at home. Does anyone have any advice on where to find affordable, high-quality basics that don’t need dry cleaning (or need it infrequently)? I feel like everything that’s in my price range is poorly made, doesn’t look good on me, and will probably fall apart in a season. But I need to stop running around my house wrapped in a towel and swearing at my closet every morning.

    1. How often are you dry cleaning? I wear dry clean only separates most days for work but find I only need to dry clean them once every 10 wears or so for pants and jackets (more often for shirts, but I dryel or hand wash them if possible).

      Try pulling together your outfits for the entire week on Sunday. And try everything on (including shoes and belts)– I’ve had many times that I pulled on a dress with a blazer only to find that they didn’t actually work together, leaving me scrambling and late.

      1. Ditto, I don’t dry clean everything after every wear, I wait until it is dirty.

        Also ditto on making outfits for the week – that is helpful when you don’t have as many pieces to put together.

        1. How do you keep stuff from looking worn and rumpled? I can get maybe two wearings out of a pair of lined wool pants before they lose their shape and get majorly wrinkled. And what do you do about, um . . . smells? I cannot imagine wearing something more than two or three times without needing to clean it. I stretch the cleaning interval for my jackets out by wearing them with washable short-sleeved tops to take care of any underarm issues, but that only gets me so far. And I don’t even want to talk about what happens with pants.

          1. Wrinkles: iron. Smell: Febreeze.

            I think I’ve dry-cleaned my dry-clean-only work clothes like, three times in the last two years. I sit at a desk in an office all day. Even if my office didn’t share a climate with the Arctic tundra, it’s not like I’d be typing myself into a sweaty frenzy.

            I also picked up a pair of machine-washable cotton pants from Anthro, on a pretty deep discount, that look like fancy suiting. I don’t think they still have that particular pair, but if you absolutely must launder your clothing frequently, there are options out there. Also, go to thrift stores and lay out your outfits the night before.

          2. Fold your trousers at the crease and hang them from the hem, not the waist, to keep them looking crisp. You can also invest in a steamer and use that to get out wrinkles, but I don’t have one so I can’t say how much it helps. For odor, if I’ve been around smokers or something I spritz with Febreze. What kind of underwear are you wearing? If you wear thongs I can see how things might get a bit icky, but I wear full-coverage panties and have never noticed odor problems in my pants. For jackets, I leave them off on my commute, which is when I’m most likely to have sweaty pits, and put them on when I get to the office.

          4. If I hang the pants so that the crease stays crisp, I can get several wears out of them. On the smells, I would change to work clothes when I got to work in the summer so as to avoid sweat. In the winter I am less stinky. Also since I have been pregnant, I have been wearing pantiliners more often since I have more discharge now (sorry if TMI).

    2. You may be able to hand wash some of your dry clean only items. I wash quite a few dry clean only items in the washing machine on the gentle cycle with woolite and dry them flat. Check out the laundress for more information on fabrics. Also consider trying to stretch your dry clean only items by wearing camisoles under sweaters and shirts. As far as shopping goes, start off buying basic items in solid colors. If you start off with one color palatte e.g. jewel tones, everything will go together. You can add spice to your wardrobe with accessories. Places like F21 and H&M sell cheap but fun jewelry. They’re not quality pieces but you won’t feel bad if a $5 necklace tarnishes after a few months.

    3. Do you have any outlets or related stores near you? I’m personally mixed on outlets – as you may know, a lot of brands make separate “outlet-only” lines that aren’t quite up to snuff with regular – but for your situation it could be very helpful. You do need to invest the time one weekend though and spend a few hours in one. I would suggest:
      – Banana Republic outlet, AT outlet, Talbots outlet
      – Saks Off Fifth and Neiman Last Call
      – TJ Maxx
      – Dillard’s (never been to one but I hear good things re- affordability)
      They typically have a fair number of wash & wear pieces.

      As for the actual clothes, I suggest you look for a few reasonably priced suits (very do-able at the above stores – you can find suits under $80) that will last at least two seasons; some basic pants in neutral colors (black, grey, brown etc), some shells, and some sweaters. If you keep things in a neutral palette and save the bright colors for the occasional blouse, it makes it much easier to pull stuff together. And the suits, of course, are perfect for no-thinking dressing in the morning.

      Good luck!

    4. Re. the dry cleaning problem- can you try something like Dryel for those items? I use a combination of Dryel and the One Price Cleaners ($2.49/item or something like that) to solve my low-budget problem. Another option, depending on the items, may be steaming them to remove wrinkles/odors. In a pinch, you can even use an iron to steam an article of clothing. Finally, many “dry clean only” clothes can be hand washes. There have been a few threadjacks about this in the past.

      Re. affordable, high-quality basics- Have you tried a consignment shop or thrift store in a high end area? Mine often has loans of J. Crew, Banana, etc. Also, some chain stores like H&M have many low-quality pieces, but can throw in a surprisingly perfect and well made piece from time to time. I have a camel blazer from H&M on today that I’ve had for about two years and always get compliments on.Otherwise, my best tips are (a.) outlet malls and (b.) Target wear-to-work dresses (I have some that are years old, and they have held up incredibly well. They are a staple in my day-to-day wardrobe.)

    5. This is a little outside the box — but have you considered reorganizing your clothes/closet? This happens to me a lot when my life is kind of hectic and I haven’t had time to organize anything and all my stuff is scattered and I don’t know where anything is. Then one weekend I take everything out, resort it, fold it, and discover I own much, much more than I remembered I owned.

      1. Second on this – a reorganized closet (including making things more visible by getting rid of little-worn items) has been a wardrobe changer for me. I also have a great book – “What You Wear Can Change Your Life ” by the British WNTW team – that has a lot of different recomended color combinations. It’s saved me from a life of black trousers and colored sweaters.

      3. This! My SO and I are blessed with 3 (small) closets. I gave him the closet in the master bedroom and claimed both closets in the guest bedroom and laundry room. I moved all my casual clothes, fancy but not-appropriate-for-work dresses, and too-small or out-of-season stuff to the extra closet. Now my main closet is not crowded, and everything I see is an option for work.

    6. Seconded on the dry cleaning. The only items I dry clean are lined wool pants, lined dresses, and suits. Almost everything else can be hand washed or go in the washing machine on delicate. Nordstrom’s Halogen pants are really easy to wash and are available in a few styles. The Skirt can also go in the washing machine with no issues and is very versatile.

    7. How about Gap’s “perfect trouser pants”, basic button-down shirts, etc. and then dressing them up with jewelry and accessories? Gap also makes a machine-washable ponte pencil skirt that is a copy of Nordstrom’s The Skirt. If your office is casual, I like Ann Taylor’s black ponte pants too.

      Cheer up, it will be spring soon and you won’t want to wear wool pants anyway.

      1. Seconding the Gap trouser pants. I have a few pairs of Gap business casual pants that are machine washable. I think two are from the outlet, so the pricing worked out to be two pairs for the price of one at regular Gap.

        I also suggest keeping an eye out at Marshall’s/Loehmann’s-type stores for sweater dresses or other work-appropriate dresses. I find it much easier to just throw on a dress and tights than to try to piece together separates, and it’s just a nice option to have in my closet.

      2. Thirding the Gap’s perfect trousers. I wear these almost every day in different colors and wash them every time I wear them. I haven’t noticed any negative side effects from the frequent washing and love the way they fit.

    8. I posted earlier this week about some great options at JC Penney re: quality for the price point. I picked up two lined, well-fitting, knee-length pencil skirts for $20 each. I’ve also got several dresses from JCP that have held their shape, no pilling, machine washable, and lined. I also have several Target dresses and cardigans, which have lasted for at least a year (still going strong, machine washable, lined). I suggest going with a neutral dress or pants/top, and spicing it up with jewelry. I end up wearing the same gray dress once a week, but swap out the cardigan, belt, shoes, and necklace to make a whole new outfit. As mentioned above, F21, H&M, Charlotte Russe, and Charming Charlie have accessories for cheap, but still good looking. I also recommend scarves to change up the look of an outfit, since they basically cover your whole front half, it’s almost like having another top!

    9. do you need to wear suits everyday, or just dress professionally? also, don’t know your size and body type. everyone knocks express, but their editor pants are awesome, machine washable, and there’s always express coupons.

      i can usually find non irons at the brooks brother outlet for $45 each, sound like a lot for a top but they last a long time and just get simple ones that you can get a lot of wear out of.

      I also wear cheap cardigans/sweaters from kohls, tjmaxx etc w/ cheap tank tops, or i get cheap non button up work blouses from kohls or tjmaxx.

      definitely invest in basics. have a few good trousers and button ups or blouses that are simple go to outfits.

      i dry clean my wool pants like every 12 wears. after i wear them I hang them in the bathroom and teh steam from the shower helps shape them.

    10. Cleaning – Febreeze and a steamer for wrinkles. Also, take off pants and skirt immediately when you get home and hang them up OUTSIDE of your closet. I hang things from doorframes, helps them air out better than if they are stuffed in the closet.

      What to wear – spend a few hours on the weekend playing with your clothes. Try new color combinations (remember, gray, brown, olive, navy, even some purples are basically neutrals and go with almost any other color), try layering things you normally only wear during warm weather so you can wear them in colder weather, and check out some fashion blogs for new ideas to wear what you have (maybe Academichic, Extra Petite, Wardrobe Oxygen – they are not business formal, but you could get some ideas). I agree with the other commenters about accessories – easy to find cheaply and can really extend the wearability of some items.

      I also agree with the idea of putting together all your outfits for a week on sunday. I try to do this and it does help a lot. One thing I do is limit myself to two pairs of pants and one skirt and must make outfits out of those for the week – sometimes limiting choices helps me choose more efficiently. Disclaimer – I work in a pretty casual office so have a great deal of leeway in what I wear.

      1. I haven’t done this, because I am way too disorganized, but Sally at Already Pretty plays with her clothes like PollyD describes on the weekend, and then makes an outfit list. Listing out which items go with which, including accessories, etc. Then you could just go down the list in the morning to pick out an outfit. Plus, making the list might help you figure out what pieces are missing that would allow you to make more outfits and shop more efficiently.

    11. The general rule for sale shopping is, if you wouldn’t want it at full price, then you don’t want it at sale price. That sale price is no bargain if you just clutter your closet with things you don’t need. Give yourself some shopping rules, choose a color palette, decide what pieces or style features you need, whatever keeps you from spending money on things that don’t work for you.

    12. I try to keep a list on a post-it on my closet door of “pieces missing” from my closet. For example, I went to wear a skirt the other day and realized that what I really wanted was a peacock-blue sweater to wear with it. Then I noticed that such a sweater would also look really nice under a suit I have. My rule of thumb is that if I can find at least 2 different “looks” for a new garment, I can buy it. Then when I go shopping, I really try to only buy things on the list. It’s helped my closet become less of a crazy-quilt mess of sale bargains and more of a flexible wardrobe where most things have several coordinating pieces.

    14. Try looking at an upscale consignment shop in your area. I live in a small city, and we have a great one. They don’t take anything older than three years, and don’t take anything low-end. You have to pay more than you would at a thrift store, but you save time, because you don’t have to search through racks of junk for good stuff.

      Also, I found it helpful to make a list of what I had, and what I would need to be able to pull it all together better when I was in your position. Take the list with you and shop off of that. Also, buying a bunch of neutral solid colored things should help too.

    15. Anon13, here is what works for me:

      -Lay out clothes, shoes, and accessories the night before. I am hopeless at putting together agn outfit in the morning. Overall this saves me time and was an easy habit to acquire.

      -Find your colors. Go shopping with a brutally honest friend that you trust (or even a paid consultant) and figure out which colors work best for you. Then, pick 4 or 5 of those colors as “your” colors. The colors should be ones that you like, that look good on you and most of them should coordinate together. Buy 90% of your wardrobe in these colors, and you should have a ton of options to pair stuff together. For example, my colors are navy, red (with orange undertones), off-white, grey, and darker shades of green. Most of my clothes are in these colors except for a brighter mini-wardrobe that I keep for vacations and summer weekends (raspberry pink, teal blue and orange).

      -Find your style. Again, with brutally honest friend or a consultant/personal shopper, find your style. What clothes really speak to you? Sporty, classic, v neck versus crew neck, etc. Don’t buy stuff not in your style, even if it is something you like on the mannequin or is something that you might wear in a fantasy life. (Obviously, this rule can be broken occasionally. You need some items of clothing that fit your fantasy life, not your real one, but they should be a very small percentage of your wardrobe.)

      –Recognize that all those “good deals” on random pieces aren’t good deals if you never wear the piece or if it falls apart. Wouldn’t you rather save up and spend $150 on a pants that you will wear once a week for the next 4 years then spend $20 each on 6 pants that you were 2 or 3 times before deciding that they fit wrong, don’t look right, are bad quality, etc.? Recognize that you may need to splurge on the staples and that the good stuff may not go on sale or may not be at a deep discount if it does go on sale (nice trousers, blazers, outerwear, etc.)

      –Purge your closet at least once a year and get rid of items you aren’t using. (Set them aside for 6 months before donating if it makes you feel better that you can “rescue” them if need be.) If your closet is full of things that you will never wear, this can hide your good pieces and make it difficult for you to make decisions on your outfits every day.

      Following the above, almost everything I own goes with most every other thing I own, makes me feel good, and looks good on me.

      I’m going to go beyond your post and guess that maybe you are not buying stuff for *you* and that is why you have nothing to wear every morning. Instead, you are buying clothes for the person other people expect you to be, for the life or style that you wish you had (but isn’t really you), or the clothes that you think you should be wearing because of your job, age, etc. If you add up what you are spending on random little things, you may find that you have a better clothing budget than you thought, you just need to buy less with it (more quality) and be more purposeful about building a wardrobe that works for you.

      1. I am also struggling with the color and style pairings…my wardrobe is likewise all over the place due to random impulse or sale purchases. I don’t have the time to work with a consultant, but I came across this interesting blog the other day that speaks to exactly this issue. Today’s post got me thinking about how I can coordinate my wardrobe better, at least in terms of paring down to a few basic colors: http://bit.ly/xFnGEq

        Not sure how I can really make the leap from my current rainbow wardrobe though…

    16. I feel you. This won’t solve all of your problems, but I highly recommend getting a steamer, as others have suggested. They are less than $50 on Amazon (and at most department stores) and mine saves me on a near-daily basis. You don’t need a super expensive one.
      I also agree with picking out clothes for the week on the weekend. That saves me a lot of time I used to waste running around in a towel throwing things around in order to find something clean that goes together.

    17. The Limited has nice suiting style pants that are washable. I have the same problem putting together outfits. I’m trying to work on myself to buy quality over quantity. I tend to go for the 20$ sweaters on sale when I might get more use out of 1 expensive, perfect cardigan for example. A vestige of my upbringing I think. Can you plan outfits and take pictures of them with your digital camera? It also helps me to buy “outfits” or pairings, like a scarf with a top, rather than buying random things and hoping they will go with something in my closet.

    18. 1) Buy a steamer. They’re kind of a miracle
      2) Those things that say “dry clean”? They can be handwashed with a delicate detergent. I’m a little more hesistant with “dry clean only,” but see point 3.
      3) I washed a dry-clean only suit from the Limited yesterday. It turned out fine. It’s all synthetics, but they actually make a wool line that’s designed to be washable (travel collection) and is budget-friendly if you get it on sale. And yes, looks pretty good.
      4) Someone mentioned banana republic outlet suits as designed to be washable. I know the one I have is. And I don’t think the fabric content is different from my regular BR suits, which makes me wonder why I’m paying for dry cleaning.

      I’ve gotten really liberal about handwashing stuff lately. The favorite suits I’ll still get dry cleaned, though very rarely–I usually febreeze and steam if they need freshening. ONly when that fails do they go to the drycleaners. If it’s a)a natural fiber that I know had to be cleaned at some point in time before dry cleaning was invented (silk, wool, etc. The ancient chinese did not have dry cleaners) or b) something I got at a great discount, have had a while, or don’t care that much about, I handwash or wash on delicate. Sweaters are almost always handwashed. The only things I really hesitate on are lined pants and suits.

    19. Thank you everyone! I’m definitely going to try some of these suggestions this weekend.

  8. Just a warning about Elie Tahari’s customer service…I *adore* their clothes and made my first purchase directly from their website recently. Two days later, the items I purchased were reduced by ~$60. I called and asked for a price adjustment and was given some song and dance about how their system “couldn’t process price adjustments.” I then sent an email to their customer service department expressing my dismay about this response and noting that Elie Tahari’s competitors were quite capable of processing price adjustments. I received a response basically saying, “tough luck.” So I won’t be making any future purchases from Elie Tahari. (I’ve also thought about boycotting the brand entirely, but their clothes are just so darn lovely.)

    1. Re: Tahari customer service

      For that price point, that’s ridiculous. And off-putting. Their clothes are fine, but there are so many options out there…

    2. Good to know, sorry that you had that experience. This is exactly why I keep going back to Nordstrom online. It’s pretty much the only place that I will buy online because their customer service is so frikking fantastic. I’ve become such a loyal customer that I recently bought the Nordies credit card too. Oh, and you can usually find Elie Tahari dresses at Nordstrom on sale.

  9. PSA – Pfizer is recalling a million birth control packs – some have too many active pills, and some too few. Brands affected include Lo/Ovral, Norgestrel, and Ethinyl Estradiol tablets. Link to follow.

    1. Just Googled–wow! We have some product liability litigators here, right? If Pfizer on the hook for college tuitions?

    2. Waiting on the link, but just a question: Is it just the number of active/inactive pills that is affected, or is the makeup of the pills affected too?

      1. I googled and found an article, it sounds like it’s the number of pills, not the makeup of each pill (it’s either active or inactive). I wonder if the pills are different color, would the pack look weird to the user if some were wrong?

        From the article: The problem affects 14 lots of Lo/Ovral-28 tablets and 14 lots of generic Norgestrel and Ethinyl Estradiol tablets.

        Does that mean that generics could be affected, too?

      2. Its not the number its the makeup. its not that any packs are missing pills for instance, just that the pills make up either has too much or too few of the right ingredients.

        This is a stupid question but since I dont want to google it at work, what if you don’t know what kind of pill you are taking? Is there a list of brands that they are recalling

        1. I meant the number of active versus number of inactive, so the pack would still have 28 pills, but might have 18 active and 10 inactive. Do you read it differently?

          I think that the recall is for Lo/Ovral and certain generic versions of Lo/Ovral. If you don’t know, look at your pill pack and see if the composition is the same as Lo/Ovral. If so, cross your fingers and look at the lot number.

          1. I read it as each “active” pill had varying amounts of effective ingredients, so same amount of pink pills v. white but the pink ones might not work. But I skimmed.

          2. I take an Ethinyl Estradiol pill and it is manufactured by Barr – which as far as I can tell is a subsidiary of Teva, not Pfizer. Phew?

      3. I don’t think anyone would be on the hook for baby costs because 1) BC is never foolproof and 2) as a public policy matter I don’t think anyone wants to compensate people for having a child. Plus then you’d get into a whole abortion or adoption as mitigation of damages issue…

        Funny though because folks have certainly tried to collect. I remember a case from law school where this couple sued a doctor who botched the husband’s vasectomy. Thats got to be one awkward parent/child relationship.

          1. This was on our barprep in CA– suffice to say it did NOT show up on the bar. ;-p

        3. I enjoy the kind of out there conversations about these kinds of topics. I’ve often wondered (in a, I don’t care enough to look it up kind of way) if you could make an argument for failure to mitigate in loss of consortium cases. Like, did you go see a s*x therapist?

        4. There is a whole body of law on this. Depends on the state. Doubtful that you would get college costs, etc., but pregancy/birth costs might be recoverable.

        5. In a lot of states, there is a “wrongful pregnancy” cause of action for which you can be compensated only for the “pain and suffering” and medical expenses associated with pregnancy and childbirth. I defended a failed tubal ligation case a few years ago and thought it was interesting!

      1. FYI, that’s not an FDA statement, that’s Pfizer’s press release on FDA’s website (see the disclaimer at the top).

  10. Thanks, Kat! This dress was a no-brainer. Free shipping and 25% off clearance! Dress + blouse = $100! You rock!

    1. And L&T doesn’t have my size. Ugh.
      Also I couldn’t find the purple at all. Oh well. Still pretty. Too bad it won’t be in my closet-I’ve been on a big dress kick lately.

  12. I bought a dress recently that is similar in cut (but not pattern/color) to the Talbots cheetah-print dress with cap sleeves (not inserting link to avoid moderation). I would love to wear it to work, but I need some kind of long-sleeved thing to go with it, at least in winter, and all the cardigans and jackets I’ve tried at home have made it look dumpy. I am also hoping to dress it up to wear to a wedding. If anyone has suggestions for fitted cardigans/jackets (or any other ideas), for work or for nighttime, I would love to hear them. Or if there is no way to dress this up enough for a nighttime, NOT black-tie event, give it to me straight. TIA!

      1. But I get so cold! (I am almost always chilly when everyone else is comfortable.)

        1. Get a pashmina or lightweight wool wrap.
          Nordstrom has a great selection. Check out the Halogen Stripe Airy scarf – pretty and lots of color options.

    2. look for a shrug, or a very cropped cardigan. A shrug that has very little fabric in the front won’t cover up the dress and will keep the fitted line of the dress, but cover your shoulders and arms. Even Tar get has a cotton cropped sweater that is very short and fitted, and works great over dresses when I need to cover my arms.

  13. Quick Question: Do you ladies think an African-American woman can wear black micro fishnets, in lieu of regular hosiery, in a professional setting in the same way a Caucasian woman can wear nude micro fishents?

    2. I can’t see what difference the race of the wearer makes. Either fishnets are appropriate or they’re not. So if they’re not inappropriate for white women, they’re not inappropriate for black women either. Black is an acceptably neutral color, although if you want to match your skin tone, I’ve seen fishnets in brown before too.

      1. DC, the issue with the color of the fishnets v. the color of the skin is where I was trying to get, I just couldn’t figure out how to get there. Would you mind sharing where you saw the brown fishnets?

        1. I understand the bias against fishnets, but I just love them. I am a superpale white woman and I wear beige fishnets with casual skirts to work in the summer, when everyone else is going bare-legged. So I recognize that they are for more casual offices, just like wearing patterned tights in winter. I think the lack of contrast with the skin tone is the key (and that the fishnets are tightly woven).

          Mrs. Frankweiler, I recommend the “micromesh” panythose by Hue in Black. They don’t actually have holes — the little diamonds of the fishnet are connected by sheer fabric. I think they would be particularly nice on dark skin. Look carefully at the package because Hue makes regular fishnets, too.

          1. Those Hue micromesh ones are my absolute favorite. A bit of texture without a bold pattern, and no holes like actual fishnet. I buy them at Macy’s – skip the messy hosiery displays and just open the drawers under the displays, where everything is neat and tidy, ready for restocking.

      2. I think so, if it is with an otherwise conservative outfit. I also think, though,that it depends upon your skin tone. The brown fishnets sound nice.

    3. Sorry, but my question would be, can a Caucasian woman wear nude micro fishnets in a professional setting? I don’t think so. I have a pair of nude fishnets that I bought on a whim but have never worn because I wouldn’t wear them to work and I have a pair a brown micro fishnets that are more like tights but again, I don’t think I’ve ever worn them to work. I work in a pretty casual workplace and have a lot of leeway (I wear a lot less conservative clothes and shoes than most Corporettes) but I don’t think that would be professional. Obviously YMMV.

    4. I don’t think so, but I would also say that fishnets on any skin color might be inappropriate as well. I wore them once to work and felt really uncomfortable (although no one said anything), so I ended up taking them off mid-morning. I would stick to black tights with patterns on them, but not fishnets.

      1. I’ve read that fishnets can be worn atop a pair of regular hosiery…is that true? It is standard practice? Seems like it might be confining, but a way to avoid the bulging out in the open parts of the fishnet. Anyone with experience?

        1. Oh, I used to do that all the time when I was in college. I’d layer black fishnets or black “lacy” tights over brightly coloured thights. Not a proper look for the office, obviously, but it didn’t feel strange or constricting at all.
          A classic cross dresser trick is to layer a matte semi-opaque nude pair under a sheer glossy slightly tan pair – makes your legs look unbelievably smooth.

    5. I personally think skin-tone-ish micro fishnets are appropriate for many (but not all) offices. If the pale women in your office can wear nude, then yes, I think black would be appropriate for dark skin tones.

  14. Nail related threadjack –

    A post on yesterday’s Coffee Break got me thinking about my nails. They grow really fast and I usually have them painted a sheer pink. Currently, they are about a 1/4″ long. Someone yesterday wrote about how they view women with long nails as being slutty. Do people really think that? I’m as far from slutty as you get but I love my long nails and will continue to wear them that way.

    I understand how some would view French manicures as trashy based on who we see wearing them on TV (apologies for the generalizations but we all know the show I’m talking about) but long nails in general?

    What would your first thought be to my nails? I know I’m overthinking this but your thoughts are appreciated, TIA.

    1. My first thought would be that I’m jealous!

      I think of long, obviously fake nails as trashy/slutty, but certainly not real nails. If they are well maintained and painted a neutral color, there is no way that trashiness would ever enter my mind.

    2. Your nails are a 1/4 of an inch past the end of your fingers?
      For me it is not slutty to have long nails unless they are bedazzled or have a crazy pattern on them (currently a woman in my office has fake nails that are covered in the LV pattern) and you are trying to call attention to them , but IMO it gives off a not very professional vibe when they are super long. I just always wonder how you do things with such long nails. How do you type?

      1. Typing is actually easier than you’d think. When my fingers are on the keyboard getting ready to type, my nails rest inbetween the top and middle rows with my fingertips on the keys. And when I start typing, it’s with a combination of the pads of my fingers and the tips of my nails pressing the keyboard.

        1. My nails never grow longer than just clearing the end of my fingers so there are things that I do that I can’t fathom how people with long nails do them (typing was one. Putting in contacts was anthor). We have a woman in my office (the one with LV nails) and her nails are long enough to curve so her hands are an inch or so from the keyboard which looks difficult.

    3. One quarter of an inch, sheer pink? A bit long for my personal tastes, but not “slutty.” And not inappropriate for most offices.

    4. Wow. I didn’t see that comment and I’m glad.

      In other news, I’m suddenly thinking about organizing a Corporette Slut Walk….

      1. Yeah, I really wish that word just didn’t find its way onto this board at all, especially not so regularly.

      3. I felt a little sad when I saw that comment. I have a secret shame…I like french manicures. I think they look pretty. I’m acknowledging it here for all to see. This is my own Corporette Sl*T walk.

    5. Well, I almost always have fairly long nails because it takes more maintenance for me to constantly cut them rather than keeping them nicely shaped and manicured. I also have long nail beds so my nails look long even when they’re short. I’m a 47 year old academic with glasses so I don’t think anyone thinks slut when they see my nails (right now, gunmetal). I do have to cut them down when they get long enough that they interfere with typing because they rarely break. I have to have a sliding keyboard on my phone because my nails prevent me from effectively using a touch screen (somehow it always switches to Asian characters). But I like them!

    6. So I took issue when the topic originally came up, but I was too busy to post. But I have to say that I am really disappointed with what I have seen.

      Personally I don’t have anything against French manicures or long nails (or even nails with designs on them), but I’m having a REALLY hard time seeing how long nails are slutty. Some people may not consider long nails to be in good taste, but long nails as an indicator of promiscuity? I just don’t see it, and if I follow some of the comments to their irrational conclusion, people are essentially making a moral judgment based on the appearance of nails! I can only relate it to when people call something “gay” when they think it is dumb, or someone a “fag” when they think they are weak.

      No one is perfect, and I will be the first to admit my own flaws, but we have to be more mindful of our words because they do have the power to affect our surroundings. Let’s try to quit saying retard, fag, stupid, gay, slut, bitch and use our grown-up words to express how we really feel.

      1. Agree with this 100%.

        I keep my nails short because that is my preference, but I have a really hard time understanding how the length of ones nails relates to whether or not someone is a s l u t.

        On a somewhat related note, yesterday I was perplexed for hours trying to figure out that “pro” apparently means “p r o s t i t u t e”. I can’t decide if I’m sad that I’m not down with the lingo or proud. (maybe a little bit of both?)

  15. Posted yesterday but too late in a post to get any responses. I am in desperate need of a hair removal cream that won’t make me break out on my cheeks every time I use it to get rid of peach fuzz. Any ladies out there who have sensitive skin and have found a product that is safe yet effective?

    1. If your concern is just the length and not the color of your facial hair, you might consider using a nose-hair trimmer to just trim it. That’s what I do once a week (while I bleach my ‘stache and sides and tweeze my brows) for my cheeks and chin. This was on the recommendation of an electrolysis person who said that electrolysis wouldn’t be effective at dealing with blondish hair that was just on the longer side.

    3. I don’t use a facial cream, but I have sensitive skin and use Veet for my bikini area without issue. I do believe they have a facial version.

      FWIW, Nair – when I first started years ago – was completely ineffective against my hair, but Veet works great.

  16. Always a NYer, we haven’t done a GG post in a while. I meant to post yesterday, but then forgot. I’m beginning to think the show has jumped the shark. I can’t believe that she married Louis. And how many different ways can they keep Blair and Chuck apart? I may have to just watch for the clothes and focus on Hart of Dixie, instead.

    Glee has also gotten super ridiculous. And Revenge isn’t back for another week!

    1. First, I love you for remembering! I meant to post yesterday but was still processing that horrid episode. Really, they had Blair go through with the wedding?! And Louis being so indifferent? Ugh! I hope Chuck beats the $hit out of him before he leaves for good.

      The show has definitely jumped the shark and I don’t like it. I’ve been reading that Dair is next and just the thought of them together makes me want to gag. Chuck has finally matured and is the man Blair always wanted, why is she acting like a raving lunatic? I could rant about her stupid pact to God and how awful Serena was for not telling Chuck sooner. I mean, really, if she told him as soon as she found out he could have hopefully convinced her otherwise.

      But you’re right, the writers are only looking for various ways to keep Blair and Chuck apart. I used to love GG for being a bit out there but now it’s too much. I find myself sad at the end of each episode and wanting to hug Chuck and then drink with him. The rest of this season doesn’t really call to me so I think I’ll read the recaps and watch the Chair clips after the episodes air.

      I know this is only a tv show but I used to like it, now I’m only disappointed by it and don’t want to watch it week to week. At least I still have Castle, White Collar, The Good Wife, and Blue Bloods to keep me entertained and happy.

      Sigh, please share your thoughts Bunkster so I don’t feel so ridiculous for my long post =p

      1. I wanted to take Blair aside, roll my eyes, and say, “Oh. So you’re wearing your hair like that for your wedding. Okay.”

        But srsly you guise, this is the most hilarious comedy on television right now.

        1. My sister-in-law could not get over Blair’s hair. It was like greasy dreads. She has beautiful hair.

        2. My guess? We’ll find out in the next episode that the entire season 5 so far has been a dream sequence. Seriously.

      2. I fully agree with your post and thoughts. And Dan and Blair? Ugh. It was one thing when they were sort of friends and did a few oddball things together like going to the movies, but I am not on board with a romance. Nate and Blair? Sure. I’ve always wanted them to revisit the Nate/Blair/Chuck triangle. Dan is just annoying and emo. And self-righteous.

        1. I started out liking Dan, but he is grating on my nerves. It helped a little when Vanessa left. Talk about annoying. Dan is annoying enough without adding Vanessa to the mix.

          I was kind of OK with Dan and Serena possibly revisiting things, but Dan and Blair? Someone needs to toss out the writers and hire us. I think we would collectively do an awesome job.

      3. I hate that Chuck is supposed to be the one to root for considering the attempted rape in the first episode, the selling Blair for a hotel, the violence with her and her cheek being cut, the stalking, and the undermining. I get that he’s “changed” and whatnot but why do they think we all ought to root for Blair returning to a guy with that history just because she is a schemer?

        Realistically, Nate and Dan are the only guys on this show who haven’t tried to screw over others yet they’re the ones who never find someone to love them who’s decent. I hope they keep Serena pining and alone, she’s earned that. Also, I totally forgot that the caterer chick chatting with Nate is the real Charlie Rhodes until another website pointed it out. I forget how she introduced herself to him but blah to it all lol

        1. Chuck, while my favorite character on the show, has changed drastically since season one and that’s what I’ve like watching. The first episode was bad with him on the roof with Jenny, he also tried to force himself on Serena earlier in that episode as well. But since you bring up the question of Blair returning to him, I’ll ask this question. What do you think of Jenny losing her virginity to a drunk and heartbroken Chuck at the end of season three? That always bothered me but like I said above, I think too much into this show.

          On that note, and slightly random, could you imagine having a psych class that analyzes the dynamics of this show and all the characters? I’d sign up for it. Thoughts?

          1. I think the Jenny thing was really sad for oh, so many reasons… I don’t doubt that Chuck has grown, as has everyone not named Serena, but I get sick of Dan being called LonelyBoy when he hasn’t been an outsider since the beginning of season 1, yet no one remembers Chuck’s past. Also, why hasn’t anyone let Louis and his mom know about the skeezy priest? Why didn’t Blair just call the whole wedding moment off in the middle of all of the guests? Why wouldn’t she just be done? Louis would look like a bigger moron as a prince than she would so screw it! As for a study of the characters, most come from narcissistic upbringings where parents and money fix everything and no one is ever seen dealing with the realities of money so it’s no wonder they make these petty issues into huuuuuge problems

  17. The other day we had a discussion on here regarding switching purses. Related to that some of you mentioned you had little inserts or organizers you use in your purses. Can you give some suggestions on those?

    1. I have a KWIKI purse organizer that I bought from Amazon, and I love it. I got it in a light color so that it’s easier to see what’s in my purse. It’s sturdy, and has lots of pockets so that each item you carry in your purse can have its own place. They come in small, medium and large.

    1. That’s a gorgeous dress. I have a LK Bennett dress that I love. I would pull the trigger on this too if it were just about 3 inches shorter.

  19. Question for the pregnant/mom corporettes: how far along were you when you announced your pregnancy at work ? I’m just at 12 weeks, probably going to start telling friends and family in the next couple of days, and wondering when I should announce at work (to the partners I work with at the very least) . I don’t think I’m noticably showing yet, so not sure that anyone at work is suspicious, although I think my bosses (both men) are starting to get a clue due to my frequent doctors appointments.

    TIA for the input!

    1. I told at 13 weeks – I was definitely showing then so it was waiting as long as I could stand it. The women in the office had already guessed, but the men were all clueless.

    2. If you aren’t high-risk and are past 12 weeks you might want to disclose. Especially if your bosses are noticing your absences. Many people – like me – are very attuned to changes such as extra absences, frequent snacks, avoidance of previously usual coffee/tea and alcohol consumption. Even men might notice these things.

      Is there a reason that you want to wait?

    3. Is there any chance your bosses or coworkers might here about your pregnancy through the grapevine after you tell friends and family? If so, I’d plan on doing it simultaneously since I wanted my boss to hear about my pregnancy from me, not someone else.

      If there’s no chance people at work will learn about your pregnancy until you are ready to tell them, you probably have at least a few more weeks before your belly might become noticeable – depending on how you carry. Personally, I’d tell later rather than earlier if I had the choice.

    4. Most of my friends and I disclosed after getting test results, so 16 weeks for an amnio, earlier for CVS.

      1. OP here, thanks for the input. I bit the bullet and told them, it was fine! The only reason I was hesitant to say anything now was I didn’t want them to start acting weird and withholding work, thinking that I’m mentally checked out. But we are a small practice group with a big work load, so as long as they don’t hire someone new I should be safe. I’ll probably tell my secretary and some work friends next week, let them spread the word around the office for me :)

    5. For my first, 13 weeks. I told my supervisor and team, then let news spread from there. No one expected, although the effect on my work had been noticed (so they were relieved to find out what it was!)

      For my second, it was later due to some unusual timing/scheduling issues. I told my supervisor at about 15 weeks, then my team leads over the next week as available, then my teams. About half had figured it out already, I think mainly because I was already showing. (Ahhh, second babies).

  20. Ladies, a few days ago someone recommended a Worthington pencil skirt from JCP. I was looking at it and noticed that there are quite a few fun quirky items in the Worthington line in beautiful colors (and they’re all such amazing prices!) Does anyone have experience with the brand? The reviewer mentioned that the skirt was nice and lined but I was wondering about their blazers and pants as well.

    1. I have a couple of polyester shirts from the Worthington line that I love. I bought them 3 years ago, and I wear them fairly frequently (every couple of weeks) and they look just like they did when I bought them. I get tons of compliments on them. I know lots of people don’t like polyester, but they’re machine washable, unlike my silk shirt, which I’ve worn once and is now sitting on the washer because I don’t know how to clean it.

    2. I posted about those skirts the other day. I haven’t bought any of their dress pants or blazers, but I’ve got a dress and a blouse that I really like. The dress is machine washable and lined, and the blouse is also machine washable. It’s good quality/fit for the price, but the sizing can be hit or miss. I’m normally a 2 at Ann Taylor, etc., but I’ve gone from a 2-6 in the Worthington items. Usually, the issue is that something is too tight in the hips/butt when I sit down, so I prefer to size up just to be safe. I also purchased a pair of black skinny jeans that I kind of wish I could live in every day of the week. Super soft, super flattering, great price, highly recommend them :)

    3. I have tons of Worthington clothing. Their polyester button front blouses are awesome – wash and dry well, no wrinkles/ironing, ever. I’ve gotten a few pants and those are more iffy. Some pilling where the fabric rubs together between the thighs. The fabrics vary from color to cut, so you never know which polyester is the winner. I’ve kept the pants around for 1-2 years and the blouses, I foresee keeping forever. Some of their dresses are really nice and some of them I can see keeping for 5+ years. The jackets, I haven’t had much luck with because I was looking at more trendy items (with prints/color blocking/etc) and those typically aren’t lined. I can’t remember off-hand what the quality of the more typical jackets are like.

    4. I have a couple Worthington pieces — a “silk” polyester short-sleeved blouse and a long-sleeved peasant blouse, both of which I bought a few years ago. While I will say they aren’t cut quite as well as pricier pieces, I wear them a couple times a month and they’ve held up great. (I wonder if Lynnet and I have the same shirts!)

  21. Dental threadjack: Has anyone had a gum graft performed? (Maybe this is a gross question, but I am scheduled to have one tomorrow and don’t know where else to ask). If so, what was the recovery like? I am having one done on a single tooth (upper left canine, if that matters) and am curious about how long it will take me to feel better. Also, I’m wondering whether anyone had this done with local anesthetic only? My dentist offers an oral sedative (valium), but I’m almost more nervous to take that than I am about the needle — I’ve had bad reactions to painkillers and muscle relaxants before (terrible nausea and stomach upset) and would prefer not to chance it.

    1. I don’t want to scare you, but the 3 people I know who had it done did find it pretty painful. You might not need a sedative, but probably will need painkillers, especially after the procedure. I also have been told that eating can be pretty difficult – one friend subsisted on shakes for quite a few days after her surgery.

      Like I said, I hate to scare people, but on the other hand, you should be prepared. It’s not a trivial procedure, from what I have seen. Then again, you are just having one tooth done, I can’t remember if my friends had more than one done at a time.

    2. maybe a basic internet search for “experiences with gum graft” will help? As for the painkiller reactions, are they because your stomach is too empty? Maybe some bread/crackers in advance would help? I know I get those symptoms after meds when I take on an empty stomach or when my food digests before the meds are cleared of my system! Good luck, sending hugs!

    3. I had a gum graft about 10 years ago. I had the local plus laughing gas and I don’t remember feeling any pain.

      As far as post-procedure issues go, from what I can remember the area where they did the graft didn’t hurt much at all- the stitches just poked the inside of my lip, which was uncomfortable, and I had to be careful brushing that area of my mouth for a couple of weeks. What did hurt was the site at roof of my mouth that they took the gum tissue from. At least on mine, they didn’t close that site with stitches, which meant that it just had to clot- the problem with that being that occasionally the clot would break free and I’d have to quickly find a bathroom. Once a clot would break free it’d take about a half hour for the new clot to form and for me to clean my mouth up. Clots didn’t break free too often, but it was an issue for the first 4 or 5 days after the procedure. After that it just felt like a pizza burn.

      A couple to tips: 1) if you have some old, ratty sheets us them after the procedure- twice I had clots come lose in the middle of the night and awoke to find my pillow and my face and hair covered in blood, and 2) use tea bags to help the area where they take the gum tissue from re-clot- just wet them and hold them to the area for 5 mins.

      Good luck with your procedure! Hope these help!

      1. I hope my post doesn’t scare you, but I found my periodontist’s description of the recovery period to be quite different from what I experienced and didn’t want you to go through the same thing. Also, the poster above is absolutely right about trouble with eating. I subsisted on slushies, and soup for the first week- I stayed away from shakes and things liked mashed potatoes because they stuck to the roof of my mouth, which is where they took my graft tissue from.

        1. I had a gum graft about 5 years ago and my experience was very similar to what Paige described. Not fun, but not horrible.

        2. No, not at all! I just want to know what to expect. I was hoping not to have to change up my usual weekend activities (yoga class, etc.) too much, but it’s looking like I might have to, unfortunately.

      2. This is excellent advice. I had a gum graft about 10 years ago. They actually took a layer off the entire roof of my mouth, and all of the gums around my top teeth in the front and back. Definitely more invasive than your procedure. But it hurts, like crazy. The procedure itself did not hurt, because they knocked me out completely. I think mine was complex enough that the goofy gas + local wasn’t going to cut it. But the recovery was painful.

        I’m not saying that to make you nervous, because I don’t regret the procedure ever. But you should be informed. I had a cast of sorts fitted around my gums until the stitches could be removed. Tea bags were a godsend. As was all liquid food I could handle. I bought the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and read that for three days, took my pain meds, and rested when I had mine done.

        The worst part was returning to high school with the gum graft “cast” of sorts and having my band instructor tell me that I should attempt to play the flute, even though it required pressing my tongue up against the grafted area… Glad you don’t have to deal with that!

        In all, it was the right thing to have done, and I don’t regret it, but do take it easy for a while.

    4. I had a graft about 15 years ago. Paige’s description, while it may sound a bit scary, is a pretty good summation of what I went through except I didn’t have the clotting problem. Since the roof of your mouth is “raw”, finding a place for your tongue to rest is a bit difficult. After the first few days, most of my pain was felt in the AM when my tongue had been pushing against the graft site all night and also when I tried to talk. The first few days were very uncomfortable/painful. From there, each day was better and better.

      I had a light sedative and local and was awake during the procedure. I didn’t feel a single thing but did feel the pressure and also felt and tasted the blood. That grossed me out the most. If you do it that way, please bring headphones with you to either listen to a book or music or something. I didn’t and I regretted it.

      When I had my stitches out, I realized that those were what was causing the most discomfort with my gums.

      3 Tips.
      – Plan a bunch of snacks and meals to eat for your first few days (temperature neutral, no spices) and make sure you have enough jello and cold smooth things to snack on even after the first few days. Frozen fruit bars were a Godsend after a while. I’d chop them up into little pieces.
      – Tell whoever needs to know beforehand what you will need. Talking is painful (roof of your mouth) so you’ll want to talk as little as possible. Warn your caretaker (if you have one) about this so he/she can ask you close ended questions whenever possible.
      – Get pain meds. Once you get through the first few days, you’re golden.

      1. Oh, and I for some reason thought I could drink from a straw that day. DON’T do it!!! I beg of you. Just sip your food/soup/drinks out of the bowl or cup.

        1. I hope I’m not responding too late but I’ve had a few gum grafts and my dr puts a sort of long-term dental band-aid over the stitches on the roof of my mouth and over the graft itself — it looks and feels sort of like silly putty stuck there for something like 5 days. Because of that, I didn’t have any issues like the ones described above with eating or bleeding — I just had to eat on the other side of my mouth until the stitches healed, but I wasn’t stuck with liquids or soft foods, and I took care not to brush the band-aids with my toothbrush. The worst of the recovery was that the two areas in my mouth were pretty achy for a day or 2 but I found advil and ice packs to be enough. Maybe ask your doctor if he has something like that? It sounds like it made a huge difference. Good luck!

  22. I was looking at yesterday’s thread and realize that Kanye East and I share the same birthday! ok, now back to work.

  23. How feasible is it to raise kids in the city without flocking to the burbs? My husband and I live in Boston and are hoping to have the kids in the next year or so. We have a really good life in the city and can walk to work, restaurants, etc. We are not suburban people – we lived in the burbs for four years (in another state) and hated driving everywhere, the commute, and being away from the hustle bustle. We are also not the kind of people that need a lot of space. We currently live in a 1500 sq ft apt. and that seems big enough for a baby. I love the idea of staying in the city and walking with my kid everywhere, plus not having to deal with a long commute.

    Thoughts?

    1. Here in NYC, the issues seem to be (in this order) (mostly $ related):
      – public vs. private schools. you may have seen the NYT article on how private tuition is hitting $40K/mo for 1st grade. lots of parents don’t/won’t trust the public system.
      – apartment vs. house. 1500 square feet is a lot for NY – but once baby arrives and starts accumulating things, it may not seem like much. for the same $, you can get a house with a yard, etc. in the suburbs.
      – commute. a clear tradeoff: longer commute = less time with kids.
      – outdoor space, parks, etc. vs. museums, city life. i think this is a personal decision.

      Ultimately you need to decide what kind of life you want to lead, and this decision doesn’t need to be made now. You can live in the city until baby is 3 or 4 and decide to move then. You can live in town, get a car, and drive out on weekends. Or you can live in the burbs and drive into the city on weekends. There is no right answer, IMO.

      1. Even if you buy in a good public school district, redistricting happens all the time in Manhattan, so you can never be too sure where your kids will end up from one year to the next.

      2. We are in Jersey City, and I agree with all of the comments here.

        Other factors to consider as your kids get older are:

        – costs of private school vs. your financial goals (please note that it is estimated that private university will cost $100k/yr in 15-20 years)

        – summertime (Can you do/afford the country/beach house schlep every weekend? Bus camp at age four, where the kids are bussed to Rockland County every day? Sleepaway summer camp at age eight? If not, what are you going to do with the kids in the summer?)

        – sports (serious lack of playing fields in our neighborhood)

        – storage units, being a packrat, and getting rid of your kid’s toys even if you’re not sure that they are really DONE with them.

        Life in the city and small spaces can be great, but there are definite tradeoffs. FWIW, I have a 5 year old and a 3 year old, and we are moving to the suburbs this summer. Tuition + summer is what made the decision for us.

        1. omg, summer. i never thought of that (we don’t have kids yet).
          dare i ask how much a reasonable NYC summer option costs for a 5 year old?

          1. Well, keep in mind that I am not in NYC proper (JC actually) so I’m cheaper. But $4k for 8 weeks at Deerkill — which is just one of many “bus camps” where they pick up your kid at 7:30am and drop them off at 5pm. Deerkilldaycamp dot com.

            BTW this assumes you’re ok with your 5 year old being on the NYS Thruway on a bus with 30 other kids.

      3. Umm, $40k/mo for tuition? Was that a typo? I am sitting here with my mouth open, wondering just who attends private school in NYC At.All.

    2. Boston proper is great for babies, BUT from what I have heard, not good for school-aged kids unless you have enough $$ to send them to private school. (We moved out of the city before our kids were born.)

      One thing I didn’t appreciate until I had kids was how much stuff they go through. People gave us a ton of clothes which the baby then promptly outgrew, and I was able to throw them in the attic instead of getting a storage unit (and having to put new boxes in the storage unit every 2 months). People also gave us a bunch of toys for young babies, then for older babies, etc., and we put those in the attic too. But if you don’t mind the constant in-out of stuff and needing to store or get rid of everything every couple of months, then go for it. :)

    3. No kids, but I nannied in and after college for city families (Chicago). Usually they had apartments about your size for 1 to 3 kids, and it worked fine for them. It was GREAT to be a nanny in the city – so easy to go out with the kids, lots of fun classes/opportunities within walking distance, and I would ride the El with the fussy 3-mo. old to put him to sleep (worked every time.)

      Yes, the kids’ rooms were small and they shared rooms, but they didn’t care. And one baby takes no space at all – we plan on staying in our 700 sq ft apt. for our first baby in a couple years, although we’ll move somewhere bigger if/when #2 arrives.

    4. Another thought is that the suburbs don’t have to be as isolating as you think. Granted, i’m not very familiar with the boston environs. But FWIW, I live in a suburb outside NYC and can easily walk to our downtown, which includes walking to the dry cleaner, tailor, post office, library, drugstore, gym, tons of restaurants, the farmers’ market and a few good bars. We also have a house and a yard. Of course, not everyone in town lives close enough to walk, but if you make it a priority to find a town with walkable options it can be done.

      1. ITA. If in Westchester, I’m betting you are either in the southern towns (Larchmont, Pelham) or one known for having “town” like Scarsdale, Pleasantville, Irvington, or Tarrytown.

    5. Boston is good for babies and less-great for older schoolage kids, assuming you’re going with public schools. A coworker’s kid got lucky and got assigned a school in walking distance, but 3/4 of her classmates sit on the bus for 45 minutes from Dorchester since it is a school-match process, and you may or may not be matched with the school you want.

      One option, once they get to school age, is to move someplace like Brookline – still has a ton of city feel, you can live right near public transit, but has its own school system.

    6. As someone who was raised in the city, went to public school etc. I think the biggest question should be where do you want to live? If the answer is city, live there. You can figure out the rest.

      1. I have to second this. I was born and raised in NYC, went to public schools, etc. I was not scarred for life because I didn’t grow up with a yard and had to share a room with my sister. My mother, who was also born and raised in NYC, didn’t understand why all of her brothers and sisters moved to the suburbs, and she wanted to raise her kids in the city. I’ll be doing the same.

        1. Also – your kids will live with you from birth until 18 (at least). The city is a GREAT place to raise teenagers. No shuttling kids around, no worries about drinking and driving. Fun age appropriate activities etc.

    7. I don’t have kids yet, but I’m never leaving the city. I believe that it’s very feasible, but that it depends very much on your personal priorities. I have lots of friends who “couldn’t fathom” raising a family in the city. I can’t fathom living somewhere that I have to get in a car every time I need something.

      There are certainly some important considerations. In my mind the upsides of living in the city outweigh the downsides of living in the city. But this is a very personal decision — do whatever you think is right.

      Our house is less than 2,000 sq. ft, and we’ve had people make comments to the effect that we’ll “never be able to raise a family” in this house. I’m amused. It’s like no one remembers that two generations ago, lots of people had 6 kids living in that kind of space. And that lots of [even wealthy] people raise kids in much less space in the bigger cities. So my kids won’t have a club basement with a pool table. I’m pretty sure it will not scar them for life. And we don’t have much of a yard. But we’ve got great parks within walking distance!

      I guess my point is that you shouldn’t feel like it “can’t be done”. If you reach a point where it no longer feels worth it to stay in the city, then you’re allowed to change your mind. But if staying in the city is important to you, then don’t let other people freak you out with their priorities and what they consider to be “necessary to raise a family.”

    8. I also think that Boston is somewhat unique in that many of the suburbs (especially in the North and West) have sort of characters of their own. I live in a very nice suburb 15 minutes north of Boston (on a commuter rail and a 10 minute ride from orange line) and their is more of a sense of community their. We also never drive because we take the commuter line to work everyday (seriously, sometimes I miss my car). Those suburbs are not the strip malls and developments that you might be afraid of.

      In terms of the Boston city schools, I think the lottery and placement issues are really the biggest stress. That’s why Brookline is the city school district of choice for people with money.

      1. *there. Dear god *there. I’m one of those internet people who gets it wrong. How embarrassing.

    9. Thanks to all of you for your helpful comments. A few of you mentioned Coolidge Corner in Brookline, which I agree is very cute. But, the people I know who work with me and live in CC say that it takes them 45 minutes on the T to get to work. I’m pretty spoiled with my 15 minute walk to work, and 1.5 hours each day commuting is not what I want to do.

      I agree that the Boston lottery system is likely what drives people to the burbs. I’m a product of public school and would rather not pay for private school if at all possible. But, at the very least, I think we feel comfortable staying in the city at least until the kid is 4 or 5 years old, and then revisit whether it makes sense to move.

      1. Yup, it takes 45 minutes on a good day. And you’ll probably be standing. God I hate the green line.

          1. Seriously, don’t rule out living in some of the suburbs near the commuter line. I’m a city girl at heart — but I love it up here. I can walk to downtown which has a yoga studio, three coffee shops, and restaurants etc. My neighbors are great. And I’m a five minute walk to the commuter rail. The Boston suburbs, since they were towns before they were “suburbs” have a ton of character and charm. And my commute is kind of a dream.

    10. As a former city kid:

      1. magnet public schools
      2. park/school related after-school care
      3. shared a bedroom
      4. learned how to coexist in tight quarters, both in terms of being a good neighbor and navigating the street, store, bus, etc. with care and awareness of our surroundings.
      5. museums, parks, street festivals

      Despite the cramped space, my brother and I loved my old neighborhood even though we were indirectly forced out due to gentrification (Los Angeles south of the mall known as the Grove). It is quite walkable for Los Angeles and has inspired me to become an urban planner.

    11. We live in a single-family home (inner community – not the suburbs), but ~1000 sq feet with storage (2 bed, 1 bath) and have been quite happy with one child. Our second will be arriving in a couple of weeks. It would be nice to have each kiddo in their own room and to have space for the fisher price swing… but other than that, no issues. I would miss having a yard, since outside time would have to be a trip to the park, but survivable.

      I do agree that schools are something to consider – but you’d be 5 years away from dealing with that. In our area, the public schools are good enough until 8th grade and then we’ll probably use a nearby private high school.

      1. I live in Arlington on the Cambridge border, and it’s a 10 minute walk to the Red Line, which is only a 20 minute ride from downtown. Housing is much more affordable here. There’s still plenty to do, with lots of parks, restaurants, etc. though it doesn’t feel like a city. I wanted to be in Boston or at least Cambridge originally, but felt that this was a good compromise.

  24. Nice dress, but WTF is with the model posture?

    Sometimes, even the mannequins have weird postures, too. See: http://www.intermixonline.com/category/dresses/daytime.do
    All those mannequins have the off-kilter/lopsided shoulder posture. It does not make me think your clothes are more “edgy”; it just makes me think you’re designing for an anorexic version of Quasimodo.

  25. I bought that dress (or something very similar) at the Elie Tahari outlet this summer…but I paid around $350. I should have waited for the discount! But it is a gorgeous dress and gets tons of compliments. I have a cardigan I wear with it when I’m cold but other than that, it is the one outfit that I wear sleeveless to work (it just doesn’t look right under a jacket or even the cardigan to me).

  26. One of my coworkers is going to her first trial next week. I’d like to put together a little care package/gift bag for her–basically little things that she may need over the course of the week-long trial. I remember being extremely relieved to have Kind bars, post-it notes and those Hollywood Lint Removing Sheets in my tote during my first trial (to defuzz our client’s suit jacket before he took the stand). Does anyone have any other recommendations for those little things that prove indispensable during trial? I appreciate your suggestions!

    1. Little packets of almonds, small bottle of Pepto for those first trial nerves, safety pins to fix a dropped hem.

    2. Maybe look at one of those “emergency wedding kits” and get her a bunch of the things that come in there. I find that those things would be useful in a lot of situations!

    4. Triaminic Thin Strip Cough Suppresants! Melts on your mouth instantly should you have a coughing attack. Small Kleenax packets, bottled water, ziplock bag with paper clips and binder clips, little stapler, change and dollar bills for vending machines.

    5. No need for Hollywood anything–just take a few FedEx slap-on labels. they do the trick just as well, for a fraction of the cost!

  27. Can someone recommend what to wear with a dress like this? I have multiple origami or folded neck work dresses, but always find that they looks strange under sweaters (bumps) or blazers (half the decoration sticks out in an unflattering way). I think it would look strange to put a long sleeved shirt under them, so how do you ladies make these work-appropriate?

  28. Has anyone ever donated bone marrow? (stories of doing it through veins and through the hip are welcome)

    1. I’ve assisted with hundreds. I used to work in the med field with a doc who did bone marrow donations almost daily. All through the hip. He only used local / regional anesthesia. Most people were able to stay completely calm and still while it was happening and they usually described it as somewhere between uncomfortable to mildly painful (off-and-on pinching/stabbing/cramping pain). A few people went berzerk. About an equal number of people said they couldn’t feel anything at all. It seemed to be harder on the elderly.

      1. Forgot to add – do not look at the needle during the prep. It is big and scary looking.

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