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Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
What exactly did he cry and overshare about? There is a difference in my reaction if someone is crying about too much work or a fight with a GF (to which my feeling is – get over it) versus something truly overwhelming like an illness or someone in the hospital.
How did you leave it with him? Sounds bad, but I don’t try to be “too” nice or generous with male juniors from the get-go because I find they start to think they can get away with not doing things. I’m polite and matter of fact — i.e. if something isn’t done, I give them a second due date, if it’s still not done, I say ‘ok — what is the problem and when am I going to get this’ so they have a hard deadline and I can plan my work (or make back up plans if I feel like I won’t be getting the work product or it will really be lacking quality). I try never to give the impression that people can cry to me or vent about their lives (absent some kind of truly horrible occurence) because frankly, would they do it with a male senior!? Where the venting comes from a place of ‘i’m tired or have been in the office 24-7’ — I’m quick to remind them that we’ve all been there (and are still there now).
So, so, so Anon for This
The crying/oversharing were over some family/marital problems, which, while they do sound awful and were helpful to me for having context, were far more than I needed to know. And also would have been good to know about a month ago, when I could have given the work to someone else…sigh. It just puts me in a bad place, and also makes me realize that I’m reaching the point in my career that I need to develop a management skill set. Sometime after I’ve had a chance to sleep and do a load of laundry.
Btw, someone very helpfully responded yesterday with the name of a book on communication for women, and I lost the title…can you post again, please?
Alanna of Trebond
Yes crazy busy. We just went in and then went out again, and they had people at the door checking how many went in. Granted, this was the weekend.
Alanna of Trebond
This was in response to someone’s comment about going to Uniqlo.
LinLondon
I had something similar today. There’s a girl on my team who I have been *trying* to impress upon for months now that she’s not pulling her weight. I’ve had three sit-down talks with her, then emailed her last Friday about how higher ups are starting to notice that she’s slacking. She emails me back and says she’ll do better. I check her computer activity today and she’s had the same screen open for several hours this afternoon (read: she’s messing around on her iPhone and not using her computer). I was so angry and disappointed, I didn’t even bother with engaging in back-and-forth, I just said “You’ve taken advantage of me, so XYZ changes *will* happen next week. You don’t even need to reply to me, there is no discussion to be had.”
Argh, it’s so frustrating. They don’t give any management training at my company. I acquired a team of 30 people overnight and am sort of winging it :/
LinLondon
Ah, website woes. My comment had context 5 minutes ago, I swear! :)
So, so, so Anon for This
I assume I was the context you’ve lost. Also winging it with no management training. Not fun at all.
Just an observation
“you’ve taken advantage of me” makes it personal. Did you have a personal relationship with her previously?
LinLondon
That’s more of a paraphrase, it was put as “you’ve taken advantage of my attempts to be nice and accommodating.” That being said, we were friendly, though not friends-friends when I got the promotion. Our social circles have significant amount of overlap, though, so there’s always been an awkward undercurrent there, as we have several good mutual friends.
Missy
I love the iPhone 4. It’s a huge upgrade from the 3 and the only major difference between the 4 and 4s is the Siri. I’d say go for the iPhone 4! The 5 will be out in June 2012… So no sense in getting the 4s now. Also, you can then sync with your work phone.
MelD
What on earth is going on with the site right now? I’m only showing 7 posts on this now- everything from before 7pm has disappeared.
Ru
Yeah, what’s going on????????????
MelD
It seems like others aren’t having the problem as I am seeing random responses to other threads popping up here.
Kanye East
Episode V: The Server Strikes Back
?
Kat
MOTHERFRACKER. In the midst of going ballistic at my hosting company. Here’s the Executive Summary: the past day and a half of the website are lost. Thank god I wasn’t too productive today on the backend. All comments and other changes made in the last day and a half are gone. Sorry, guys.
Seattleite
Well, I’m crazy disappointed, obviously, but somehow I think it’s ruining your day way more than ours. Here’s to offloading that pain onto the hosting company!
Coach Laura
Hang in there Kat. You’ll get it sorted out. And we’ll still be here when you do.
Bonnie
We still adore you Kat.
SF Bay Associate
Hang in there, Kat. We’re on your side.
SF Bay Associate
Congratulations!!! I got engaged a few months ago and can share some thoughts.
You just got engaged, so everyone is very excited for you right now. It’s the most interesting and also happiest news on radar, so if someone else brings it up, I think it’s ok to talk about it for a few minutes. I never bring it up myself, but it is pretty touching when my coworkers are visibly thrilled. I let them lead the conversation and ask questions if they are interested. Their touching enthusiasm will die down in time if you don’t bring it up, and minimize vendor calls at work (which you should be doing anyway).
Set aside a time with your fiance that is wedding-free-zone. There are a lot of balls to pick up and juggle in this game, especially at first, so it can be overwhelming, expensive, and stressful. Give yourselves a space in the day/week to not have to talk about the wedding. It’s just another project, albeit a very personally important one. Don’t think/work on your wedding when it’s not time to work on it.
Talk with your fiance about what’s important to him/her and what’s important to you. You’ll probably find that it’s not as all-consuming once you pare down to the things that you actually care about, instead of automatically doing everything that The Knot checklist says you’re supposed to do. My wedding is less than 2 months away and people keep asking me if I’m stressed. Well, no. We’re doing what is important to us, and nothing that isn’t, though mysteriously, a lot of that Knot checklist seems to be unchecked.
I recommend to you A Practical Wedding, and encourage you to stay away from all the wedding-industrial complex blogs (including The Knot) and magazines that tell you to do/buy everything under the sun, subtly implying that if you don’t do all that stuff, your wedding is somehow “lesser.” Family can also be a source of this. I’m convinced that these media are intentionally trying to make you feel like you have to spend more money and time, making your wedding planning all consuming, so they can make more money. Don’t lose sight of what’s important to you and your fiance in the face of all that pressure.
D
I have to say weddingbee is a great source of information from an assortment of weddings. Ranging from full on everything weddings! to low key and low budget ones.
Unsub
Where am I? What is happening here? I first logged on this morning and everything was fine. Now everything seem so…random.
Unsub
Especially my grammar.
Seattleite
Jim? Jim Stockdale? Is that you?
mamabear
WHO AM I? WHY AM I HERE?
Ru
YAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYYAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yo Kat, you should negotiate for cupcake coupons. Because we all deserve it =).
KW
Make-up question: Any recommendations for a good concealer for under-eye circles? My maternity leave is coming to an end, and I need to hide my new-mom tired look and appear somewhat presentable!
(I posted this here before the problems happened but didn’t get a chance to check back before all the comments were deleted. So if you previously replied, please repost.)
AP
I love Bobbi Brown. Using both the corrector and the concealer has been the key for me!
Kanye East
I love Bobbi Brown corrector, too. Love.
Anonymous
YSL Touch Eclat.
Holly O
People always rave about Touche Éclat but it’s never really worked for me. Is there some trick to applying it?
Anonymous
No trick. I like the thick consistency, it blends well and stays put. Plus it doesn’t dry my skin out and it’s pale enough for me.
HTH
Houda
I use a concealer from MAC, it comes in a jar and I use a small brush with it.
NOLA
I use MAC Select Moisturecover in a shade lighter than my tinted moisturizer. Started using it after I realized that I would look younger and less tired with a little brighter color under the eye. It comes in a tube almost like lip gloss. I just put a tiny dot until each eye then pat it under the eye (a tip I got from someone at a makeup counter). It lasts forever because you use so little.
frugal 'rette
I can’t afford to spend tons on make-up, and I’m honestly a little suspicious of truly expensive cosmetics (for more on this, start following the Cosmetics Cop on beautypedia dot com).
I’ve been using L’Oreal True Match concealer for years. It lasts all day…covers the circles and (for me) red spots…I apply after my foundation. Also, the line has a really wide range of shades, especially for a drug store brand.
Lucy
Benefit Erase Paste. It comes in a little jar with a teeny plastic applicator, which is a little odd, but is amazing.
Gooseberry
Lucy, a friend of mine recommended this to me, and I think it really works well for her, but just seems to sit on top of my skin and look cakey. Any application advice?
Thanks!
Ru
One of my gal pal’s is obsessed with YSL Eclat but would mourn how expensive it is. I got her a sample of Bare Escentual’s Well Rested and she LOVES it. It has the same effect of brightening the eyes. Just go to any counter or store and ask for a sample of it to try it out. I bought a $19 jar of it two years ago and I’m still not halfway through it. Use an eyeshadow brush and lightly dust it on under your eyes. Play with it to see if you like it under or on top of your foundation, I’ve done it both ways.
Tigger
For when you’ve decided which concealer you’d like to buy: Sephora F&F sale is going on – 20% off: http://www.sephoralove.com/friendsandfamily/.
PE Esq
in the low price range i like the maybelline 24 hour concealer, it has great staying power, but not a big shade selection.
i love the NARS concealer, its more expensive but covers a little better. they also seem to have limited shades. they have a shade that works perfectly for me (light/med with yellow undertones) but i’ve had friends complain they don’t have any colors that work for them.
LawyrChk
So happy we are back up! I have been “periodically” checking this site all day!
Frances
I would like to ask whether it is better to be myself (sometimes too forceful) or deferential to a guy I would like to date?
Samantha
Can you give us some context or situation: what would you say/respond if you were yourself v. if you were deferential?
I don’t think one needs to be deferential with a date, however being courteous and polite, giving way sometimes rather than being too forceful about your opinions/ideas is important as well.
So some context would help us answer you.
New Mexico recommendations?
Does anyone have recommendations for Santa Fe and Albuquerque? Hubs and I are going for a long weekend (2 nights in Santa Fe, 2 in Alb). Staying at a b&b in SF, but would love a suggestion for Alb. Also restaurants, shopping, etc. in both. Thanks!!
Bianca
There was a NYT article, “36 Hours in ABQ” published today, you might want to check that out.
coco
One of my parents is originally from Albuquerque and I absolutely love the area. Check out old town (obviously) and stop in at the Candy Landy – anytime someone goes, we have them bring us back peanut butter candy from there. The museums are small but fun, but my biggest recommendation would be to check out the pueblos in the area.
coco
Oh, and make sure to try New Mexican cuisine, especially the green chiles. There are two restaurants in Old Town in Albuquerque – both are fine, and about 1/4 of the price of anything in Santa Fe – which is true for Albuquerque in general. And sopapias filled with honey…now my mouth is watering.
Last time, we stayed at Hotel Albuquerque – nothing special but convenient.
The drive between Santa Fe and ABQ can be fun if you take a bit of a detour and stop in Madrid – it’s a great artisan community. And the scenery as you drive is incredible.
Anon
I grew up in Albuquerque and worked for a while in Santa Fe. Here is what I can think of off the top of my head:
I think Sadie’s on Fourth Street in ABQ has some of the best New Mexican food, so that is worth checking out. The Frontier or Flying Star are good for a casual meal. The cinnamon rolls at the Frontier really are amazing. So is a breakfast burrito with green chile stew on top. As for shopping, ABQ Uptown is the newer outdoor mall that has stores like Ann Taylor, Anthropologie, etc, if that is what you are looking for. Also, a walk along Central in Nob Hill has all kinds of interestings shops! Also, in between SF and ABQ is a really nice hotel called the Tamaya. It is a Hyatt that is on the Santa Ana Indian reservation, and is beautiful, so maybe consider staying a night there (and scheduling a spa treatment!) Other nice hotels in ABQ are the Andaluz or a new one, Hotel Parq Central (though I have never been there). You might want to ride the tram to the top of Sandia Mountian and eat at the restaurant up there (called High Finance, and it is pricey.) Though you could eat before or after and just do the tram ride.
In Santa Fe, stuff is much more expensive, but the shops along the plaza all have beautiful stuff (including Native American jewlery and pottery.) Some good places to eat in SF–Tia Sofia’s for New Mexican food, so is Tomasitas, Claufoutis for French breakfast food (their crepes are amazing!), Steaksmith is good for steak (obviously). Check out Loretto Chapel, even if you are not Catholic or religious, it is beautiful (and the staircase was built mysteriously without nails), also St. Francis Cathedral is beautiful too. You might want to book an evening at Ten Thousand Waves (a spa with private outdoor soaking tubs, so relaxing and romantic!)
Pseudonym
This is probably completely inappropriate for this forum, and I realize I risk being labeled a troll and ending up on STFU Corporette, but here goes. I would like to purchase a vibrator, and I am so overwhelmed by the selection at various websites I don’t even know where to start. I am from a very conservative background and there’s no way I could discuss this with friends or buy one in person. I’m in my late 20s, not sexually active, and have never purchased a toy other than gag gifts for bachelorettes. Since you ladies seem to know anything and everything – help me out? Any suggestions on where to start?
SF Bay Associate
Good for you for taking this first step – asking for information. Two good sources to consider: first, Violet Blue is a blogger and sex educator. Her website will have good recommendations on anything in this topic area. Your other best source for information, and the best source for products, is Good Vibrations, a San Francisco-based (woot!) worker-owned cooperative that offers tons of information in a safe, open, honest, very female friendly environment, selling only products they have personally tested and support. They are very familiar with customers new to anything in their store, as well as those well versed in their products. Packages come in nondescript brown paper, with a boring return address. The boring return address is even listed as the company on your credit card bill, I am pretty sure. Look at Violet Blue and Good Vibes, read reviews, and definitely feel free to call up one of the stores and ask questions. They are friendly, helpful, and sensitive.
For additional privacy, use Firefox, and select “start private browsing” under Tools before searching for or visiting these websites. No history, no cookies, no nothing.
babeland
Babeland.com is a good resource too. Good reviews (by staff and customers) and woman-owned so it caters to women. They have some good multi-packs, like the Jimmy Jane ones, so you can try out a few things to see what you like best.
MaggieLizer
Second good vibes. They have a lot of good information on the website, including some first time buying guides and video reviews (not gross, I swear). And I don’t think this topic is off limits for corporette.
Anon for this
If it is your first, just get the most basic looking model. No need to go all bells and whistles. They all vibrate, which is the goal. You could also buy a “massager” from Brookstones a la $ex in the City. Most online ones will come in plain packaging so no one will know what it is. Have fun!
Anonymous
I recommend something that will stimulate the clitoris rather than a vibrating dildo.
Pseudonym
Thank you so much for all the tips and thanks to Kat for letting this through moderation :). I really appreciate the advice – proof that you can turn to this community for pretty much anything.
Ru
I have a *pressing* question: What is the best/worst/most outrageous thing you’ve ever done while/after breaking up with your SO? Really, I’m a terrible person and I have this really strong urge to be immature and email snarky youtube videos and I’m hoping for a) someone to urge me to continue being mature and/or b) ridiculously awesome stories.
Anonymous
Dude, do NOT do it. You’ll regret it big time. From one terrible person to another, just pretend you don’t give a rats and go on about your business like it never mattered.
Miriam
Just try to stay classy! You will look better for it in the end. Anything that you do that is evil will only give the ex-SO reason to dislike you and be thankful for the break up.
zelda
in those situations, i have always enjoyed writing really angry emails and making sure i NEVER send them. really helps get out all the conflicted/frustrated feelings that you have, and no one has to be the wiser.
Jen
You don’t want to be a reason that your ex gets sympathy from future dates, right? Make snarky comments in a forum that won’t get back to ex (emails to self, coffee with best friend, your diary).
Anonymous
Yes, tell us everything. I’ll make us some tea.
SF Girl
Um, actually, what drove an ex CRAZY was that I didn’t say a thing after the breakup. I went completely radio silent. Didn’t send any hate email, didn’t call, didn’t text, didn’t ask for my stuff back from his place, didn’t contact his friends… just went completely silent.
As it turns out, all that did was create paranoia in his mind that I was scheming to do something big. He started to have his outer circle contact me to see if “everything was ok.”
Let his mind play tricks on itself. Much more effective.
And, in the meantime, have some quality time with Ben & Jerry. They are AWESOME to talk with and hang out with after a nasty breakup.
Ru
I did the radio silent thing – twice, with the same dude AND HE KEEPS COMING BACK. After our second breakup (I broke it off, twice, but I am le stoopide when it comes to this guy), we hadn’t spoken in four months. And then he calls me a week ago and makes me an emotional wreck. I give him one week to show he hasn’t changed (after all, he had four months deciding what he was gonna do) and he…..didn’t. SURPRISE.
So I called him up yesterday morning, thanked him for proving that he’s still the same so that I never have to wonder about him again and told him go away, stop bothering me and grow up. It was a wonderful conversation. I really want to seal the deal to make sure that the third time’s the charm. So all of you are saying that to email Adele’s Rolling in the Deep and Beyonce’s Best Thing I Never Had would be a mistake? Are you sure? Because my inner 13 year old REALLY WANTS THIS TO HAPPEN. Also, it would be hilarious. Sigh, I’ll go find some chocolate or something.
A Regular Lurker
Yes, it would be a mistake. Somehow you will end up being the one who looks bad (I know, I know, life is unfair that way). Just listen to those songs on your own. Also, try target practice (seriously).
Miriam
This! Beyonce’s song is amazing and I have listened to it a million times!
Jen
Remember dedicating songs to someone on the radio? Yea, no one listens to the radio anymore, but that’s totally what I wanted to do with the last on-off dude. Made me go over to his house so he could dump me. Not a big deal, except I was on crutches and hobbling up his steps sucked. Only thing worse was hobbling down his steps, post-dump.
Your ex sucks. You’ve said your piece. If he didn’t get it yesterday morning, he never will. Dedicate Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain” to him on a tumblr page and let it go.
Ru
Ok fine =(. I’ll just add BSB’s Don’t Want You Back to the playlist and call it a done deal.
Lucy
This is my all-time favorite breakup story (although neither party ends up looking very good, and I’m not recommending it as a strategy.)
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/5439990/girlfriend-doesnt-realize-boyfriend-is-on-vacation
Ru
OMG precious, I love it, thank you =)
Miriam
Wow, she’s a bit crazy!
Alanna of Trebond
This is hilarious — but how does this make the boyfriend look bad? I think the girlfriend just looks like a psycho…
LadyEnginerd
Well, he did make a snarky video and post it on the internet… Also, it makes you wonder what’s wrong with *him*. Did he really clearly tell her he was leaving and she’s just dumb as a post? And if he did indeed date someone unable to comprehend the concept of “vacation”, why did he date her in the first place? The smug sense of superiority in that video has always made me think that he isn’t the most likeable person in the world.
Classy people don’t post breakup emails on the internet. That’s why several of the classics I’ve received over the years have stayed safely under wraps in my email account waiting for the day that one of them runs for office and I can sell them for big $$ to the tabloids (kidding about the last part. sorta. I have the same immature impulses as Ru :)
Ru
<3
Cotinga
I was way too young when I got married the first time, and I was still young when we divorced a few years later. A few months after the divorce, I had to send the ex some money for a state tax bill, I think. At the time, I was just getting by on my pitiful salary and living in a crappy rental house, while he was making a lot more money and living in a new condo. It wasn’t much money, around 40 bucks, but still. Having to pay him was really getting under my skin. So I got cash, including a five and five ones, tore it all up into (not too) little pieces, and mailed it to him. Dropping that envelope in the mailbox was exhilarating. It was like I had deputized the US Postal Service to flip him off on my behalf. It was somewhat less fun when he sent it all back to me with a note that said “grow up.” A fair point, probably. I sent him a check and taped the money back together myself.
Ru
YOU. ARE. THE. WOMAN.
karenpadi
Don’t, just don’t. I know it’s tempting. I broke up with a guy who struggled with “equipment failure.” After months of “rejection due to failure”, I was (and still am) so tempted to advertise his problem so he can feel a tiny sliver of the same humiliation I felt over and over again.
But I won’t. Because that would be evil. Sigh.
Ru
Sigh indeed. Chin up homegirl, we’ll power through.
Miriam
I would be thankful that this is not something you still have to deal with, but he certainly will and so will the next girl! Glad you didn’t advertize his ‘failure’.
NOLA
After my ex-husband moved out and he and his new girlfriend (now his wife – she can have him!) were doing all kinds of stupid things that were pretty humiliating to me, I mainly took the high road, but when he asked me to pack up stuff from our house that I thought he would want, I purposely packed really sappy knicknacks from our wedding (like a teddy bear bride and groom snow globe from my cousins) that were still lurking in the china cabinet. I figured he’d be unpacking kitchen tools and find these little “gifts” from me. It made me feel better…
oh, and even better was guilting him into paying off the credit card debt I had accrued during our marriage because he couldn’t keep a job!
Ru
You win. Seriously, that is just so awesome.
Anon for this one
I’m evil and vindictive but I’ve never had the guts to do anything really stupid. Part of me wishes I did.
One ex ended our relationship by sending me and all of his friends a mass email saying that he was going to India on a spiritual quest…. about 2 days after he said he was coming to visit me.
Fast forward several years later – we’d had no contact at all in that time – he IMs me asking if we can be friends, saying “I don’t think that what I did was that unforgivable” and “If you have any anger against me, let it out and don’t keep it inside” and “I believe that with patience, forgiveness and understanding, we can be friends again.” (Obviously, the spiritual quest did nothing to dispel his delusions… and maybe added a whole lot more.)
Urk. Long story short, I said no, not in a year’s time, not in 10 year’s time, not ever. And asked if he wanted me to refresh his memory. He said no. And never contacted me again. By that time, I was totally over him, of course, and my friends had a good laugh when I copy-pasted the entire conversation to them.
And then there’s the ex after that who attempted to break up by going completely silent, leaving me to send the “we’re not suited for each other” breakup text. I make it a point to look especially good whenever there’s an event we both attend. One day I’m going to turn up at one of these and not remember that he’ll be there, and THAT will be my revenge – to have him disappear from my universe.
Really, living well and getting over the b*st*rd is the best revenge.
Anon for this one
Agh – “10 yearS’ time”. Typing too fast.
Ru
I HATE that kind of passive aggressive behavior SO HARD. Like, man up, you know?
Re-interview
Hi all- this is a repost from the original thread, but I am not sure if I got a chance to read all the answers, so please reply even if you did before.
I work for government and the management at my agency has hired consultants to re-interview everyone for their jobs. I know the usual result of this is a lot of layoffs. I am already looking for new jobs, but I am wondering if other people have gone through this before and how bad it was. At lot of my department is already at the base pay for the grade, so the option is either going to be layoffs or they decide we can all stay.
Ellen
I should get Alan to fix this websight. He is a nerd, but knows about pc’s.
Ru
I’m shore Kat would be GREATFULL for the help.
anon
shoot, disappearing comments. I had posted before asking what’s a good way to phrase “please keep this application confidential” in a cover letter (I haven’t been at my job long enough to be looking elsewhere, but something amazing came up). Someone had a good answer, and it’s disappeared. Any suggestions?
anon
i had responded that “your discretion in the matter of my candidacy is greatly appreciated” or language to that extent. probably right after you tell them about your current job and how awesome you are at it.
and while most companies shouldn’t spill the beans anyway without your consent (e.g. contact references etc), you never know. something polite like the above would IMO be perfectly OK.
MeliaraofTlanth
that was it. Thanks!
The Bad Wife
Wanted to thank everyone on the healthy eating thread. I started packing my lunches this week. I haven’t managed to start exercising yet but I didn’t beat myself up about failing to start The Diet properly. Anyway, I’ve been doing it for a week and already lost 3 pounds. Have a LONG way to go but excited that I will get there.
Thanks for all your advice!
Ru
That’s great! Keep it up!
Anon. for this
I was just catching up on some of the past posts and comments that I missed this week, and I wanted to answer Anonimony’s post about marriage counseling in DC.
My husband was struggling with an addiction. He went to his own support group to address the addiction, and we went together to the Pastoral Counseling Center of DC and saw a therapist named Kerley (you can google them and read about each of their therapists on their website) to work past the damage it did to our relationship. She helped us tremendously. She focuses on having the couple learn how to truly communicate at a really deep level, to understand the other person’s addiction, and to work together to move forward and mend the hurt it may have caused. What I really liked was that her stated goal was to work herself out of a job…she gave us the tools to communicate through just about anything, so we can apply that to our lives ourselves and not depend on her to get us through the tough times. In addition to helping us with the addiction issue, she also just helped us get to know each other better and to better understand each other. This wasn’t something I thought we needed, but that was very valuable as well.
I should mention that it’s a Christian based counseling organization…I obviously don’t know if that’s something you’d be looking for or not. Regardless, I’d recommend it either way. Kerley (I can’t speak to the other therapists) asked during our first appointment if we wanted to bring in a spiritual element or keep it out. And their website says that they understand that may not be an important focus to some people. So while it’s a Christian organization, it’s not necessarily focused on that, and she seemed willing to let the couple decide whether spirituality would come in to the counseling sessions or not.
Best of luck to you dealing with your husband’s addiction, your marriage, and your own healing. It’s a very trying experience, but I believe that couples can become stronger from experiencing something like this as long as both parties are truly committed to putting in a lot of hard work.
Anonimony
Thanks for sharing. We will definitely consider that center. We’ve made a few calls so far but only got voicemails. At least we’re talking about it.
rg
Ladies, don’t know if anyone’s still out there, but I just need to share my frustration. I generally like my job and my boss. But his most annoying trait has been in full force this past week, and now I just got a nasty-gram from him (on Sunday night).
To say he’s disorganized is an understatement. And we have a deadline this week which we’ve known about for over a month. I’m relatively new, so I’d been trying to suss out what exactly we needed to do for this project, but never got clear direction…so I did the prep work that made sense to me. Well we finally got some better direction a little over a week ago, and I was working last weekend and til 11 or midnight all week. On Friday he told me that some of the remaining work was not a big deal and did not need to get done over the weekend. I still did some work yesterday, though, and kind of took most of today off. I logged in this evening thinking I’d get a head start for the week, but instead I found emails ask where the rest of my stuff was. I didn’t bring up the Friday conversation, but I did mention not noticing that he’d issued a blanked 6pm deadline for our whole team (I’m way ahead of several others, and I’ve got one of the heaviest loads, so I think that others were sending him earlier drafts etc). He essentially just sent me a snarky email about it…and I’m just so angry right now.
I suspect that in the morning he’ll have forgotten (or maybe even apologize), but I just needed to vent.
Amnesia
My sister, who is a therapist, told me about patients who have emotional amnesia: they scream and yell at someone and, because they are checked out while they’re doing it, they never remember having done it. Meanwhile, the person at whom they screamed is left wondering WTF.
My boss also is challenged in the time management and planning ahead departments. Unforunately, she also is challenged in the memory department. I always ask her what she wants/needs and when and then deliver it. When she claims to have asked for something else, I have tochoose between correcting her (I have notes about what she asked me for) or saving her pride and looking bad myself. I think she has “deadline amnesia.”
I feel for you.
Anonymous
Had a boss who was a little bit like this. ALWAYS ALWAYS get your instructions emailed to you OR after receiving instructions EMAIL THEM BACK TO YOUR BOSS. You need a paper trail to protect you from the crazy. So after your boss tells you something, just send an email:
Confirming Instructions x Date (or whatever). Just confirming that the deadline for X, Y and Z is now Wednesday. Thanks, RG
Trust me on this. It will save your sanity.
Bunkster
This sounds like my boss.
Anonymous
Your boss sounds like the devil’s crazy cousin. Good luck, hope things get better soon!
Holly
Just found this blog. Great to see a Q&A here. I’m looking for other people’s answers to this question: “Who do you admire? Who are your role models? Look at the people around you who have the job or the attitude or the lifestyle you want. Identify what you want and find someone who emulates that.”
Besides my Mom, I’m having trouble answering this question. I mean should I be saying Oprah?
I was reading this article about the secrets of success (http://www.w2wlink.com/Articles/Secrets-Success-artid452.aspx) and it asks this question and I’m just stumped.