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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 318 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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MICHAEL Michael Kors 'Carla' SandalSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. Interesting — these sandals come in six colors, and all of them have glowing reviews on comfort AND style from — and this is the really interesting part — women in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s. (This includes one review I find hilarious, where a 20-year-old talks about being 5'10” so she wants low heels). Anyway: they're only on a baby sale (20% off) but they sound kind of amazing. I'm drooling over the taupe (pictured), but they're also available in black, vanilla/black, luggage/tangerine, silver, and vanilla/silver — they were $149.95 but are now marked to $119.90. MICHAEL Michael Kors ‘Carla' Sandal (L-all)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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Comments

    • Equity's Darling

      I had to click through, because I could not picture what colour is “luggage”. Apparently luggage pretty similar to cognac leather colour. What a bizarre color descriptor.

      • Baconpancakes

        The only reason I didn’t squee at this was because I am at work. I did make a squee face, though.

    • TCFKAG

      Just give it to those kids from the commercial in the 90s or early 2000s who had to name the color of their teachers teeth (puce!)

      But luggage – really?

      • preg anon

        I LOVE THAT COMMERCIAL! It’s so funny how everyone remembers that one. Does anybody remember the Sears (maybe) commercial where the woman stands at the door and says, “Open open open”? That’s the other 90s commercial that really stuck with me.

    • Susie

      I’ve had a MK “luggage” purse for the past year, I kind of just got used to it.

      • Veronique

        +1. I’m carrying my “luggage” purse today! It’s one of MK’s standard leather colors that they retain every season. I love that I can wear it in any season and with almost any color.

      • TCFKAG

        It reminds me of a (admittedly) snarky line from Project Runway where one of the people said something was “blood orange” and one of the other designers said in an interview “Shut up, its f*cking red.” For some reason I just love that line whenever I see it on things.

      • Alana

        The names “justify” charging more for the item. Have you ever noticed that a “storm” skirt tends to be pricier than a gray skirt?

    • Pest

      I was looking at paint colors the other day and saw one named “What Inheritance?”

    • Small Town Atty

      I have a friend who says her dream job is naming cosmetics colors (especially nail polish like OPI or Essie)

  2. hoola hoopa

    Has anyone seen 100% cotton jeans that are current styling? The only I’ve found so far are LLBean grandma style and American Apparel, neither of which look at all flattering. Even the premium denim and western brands I’ve looked at only offer them in men’s fit.

    Mid- or high-rise preferred. Fit for a curvy figure major bonus.

    Oh, and I’m looking more for bootcut. Obviously not skinny, lol, that wouldn’t work.

    • zora

      Do you mean 100% cotton as in no spandex/elastene? I really don’t know if anyone does that anymore, because people just want a little stretch in their jeans now.

      That said, I still think Levis has the best selection of styles/cuts of jeans out there. And I have heard lots of great things about their Curve ID line for curvy shapes, although i have not tried them myself yet.

      • Bunny

        Check out the ones at the Gap. They’re not 100% cotton, but I have honestly been happy with them forever! I’m 5′ 2″ and curvy and they fit me well, look fashionable, and best of all don’t break the bank. Levis is also great, except we get limited styles in Canada so I can’t speak to them as much…

        • Small Town Atty

          The Gap also has a number of 100% cotton styles right now. It looks like they’re all boyfriend cut, which I find unflattering as a pear, but they may be the best you can do. I think a bootcut pretty much requires some stretch.

    • Pippi

      I would venture to guess that you’re not going to find many that are 100% cotton because most jeans these days have a little stretch to them to help them keep their shape. 100% cotton might get kind of saggy or baggy with wear.

      • Mpls

        Actually – I find the ones with too much lycra/stretch content are the ones that are stretched out with in a couple hours of wearing. 100% cotton won’t have any stretch (except on the bias) and is probably why you aren’t seeing it in any current styles – current styles, even bootcut, rely on a close fitting through the hips and waistband. And the percentage of people who don’t want the stretch just isn’t feasible.

        If you are dead set on 100% cotton, I’d check out vintage, or look into making your own.

        • hoola hoop

          Exactly, mpls. The cotton hold up so much better than spandex blends.

          Sigh. I’m wondering if vintage or making my own are my only options. I’m looking to replace my last remaining pair of early 2000’s denim ( lol, is that “vintage” now?) and nothing I’ve bought in the last few years can compare :(

        • Pippi

          I have memories of the knees getting baggy while I was sitting in class all day at school, but maybe they were just the jeans and not the material.

      • tk1

        I find the opposite is true, my pure cotton jeans retain their fit perfectly, but the stretch ones give me a saggy butt after a few hours. If I size down, I end up with muffin top. I am still mourning the death of my last pair of cotton jeans.

    • SilverSpringWanderer

      Imogene & Willie make 100% cotton women’s jeans. They are expensive, so I haven’t been able to justify a pair, but it is one possibility. They do a variety of lengths and will do custom inseams. Link to follow.

      • Nashvillian

        I have a pair and cannot recommend them enough. They are truly fabulous. And even better if you can actually get into the store in Nashville to get them. They will hem on site while you wait, too.

        • hoola hoopa

          Oh, I wish I could! I’m nowhere near the area. But after considering the cost of order a couple of sizes to try, a vacation to Nashville seems reasonable ;)

          The Imogene rigid seems exactly what I’ve been looking for. Thanks for the review. Fingers crossed it fits!!

          • Nashvillian

            If you’re closer to Raleigh, NC, Raleigh Denim there is a similar place. Also awesome.

      • hoola hoopa

        Thanks! They are out of my size, but I’ll try one size up and one size down and maybe get lucky. …but wtf is up with those back pockets? They come half way down the thigh! Well, worth a try, especially at that price.

        • Cb

          Gap sizing is all over the place so you might get lucky. I wear 2 full sizes smaller in their jeans than I do in their dresses and skirts.

    • DC Anon

      I had a pair from Current/Elliot that I loved. Definitely not cheap, but worth it if you can find a pair you like on sale. I wore mine nearly constantly for two years and they were by far the softest and most comfortable jeans I’ve ever owned. Sadly, they eventually developed a hole in the thigh region, but I still wear them shamelessly around the house and with tunics.

  3. Equity's Darling

    What do you all think will be the hot fall trends this year?

    I asked this early in the summer, and as per your suggestions, my chambray shirt has served me well this summer, as has my jean jacket, so I think I’ll keep both around, but my summer flowy skirt obviously can’t last, because it’s getting cold.

    So, I want 3-4 item suggestions that will trend-ify my wardrobe for the autumn.

    • calibrachoav

      Green, especially hunter and emerald

      Textured fabrics

      Tartan

      Silly hats

    • ADL

      From a Neiman Marcus presentation I attended on fall fashion, the head designer is calling it “rocker chic.” So think a trim of leather, studs, or some other embellishment. And the big color for fall will be hues of red, trending towards purples.

      • zora

        Yes, I’ve seen this in the mags. It is helping me justify having more than one pair of moto boots, and chunky buckle boots.

    • TCFKAG

      If I had to guess from what I’m seeing on the early “sale” sites:

      Lots of mixing of jewel tones (so dark burgundys and eggplants and lots of hunter and emeralds) with black and gray prints.

      LOTs of British (almost) Downton Abbey (second/third series) – i.e. tartans and kind of WWI style cuts – I think trickling down from last Fall’s Ralph Lauren and other lines.

      Less lace, more leather. So much leather.

      More gold – I think mixed with black and then other metals. Also more bronze and other burnished metals.

      Chunkier heels (still) – and oh, so much suede (to my chagrin – I destroy suede like its my job.)

    • TO Lawyer

      Yes to lots of leather and jewel tones.

      And booties.

      Also can I say I’m SO excited. I love fall fashion. We’ve barely had a summer here but I don’t care because I love wearing tights and sweaters and boots.

    • LH

      I’m admittedly not a fashionista at all, but isn’t the color oxblood supposed to be huge for fall? I hope so at least because I love that color and think it looks so luxe and expensive no matter the quality of the piece.

          • Susie

            To me cranberry will always be bright pink and here’s why. Once I went to the gym before work, wearing my gym clothes, and realized I forgot to bring a bra. I didn’t have enough time to run (actually bike) home so I run over to Gottschalks across the street, and I was a poor college student at the time and didn’t need a bra except for this one day so I quickly look for the cheapest one I can find. It was bright pink, but called cranberry. Actually (hope you all don’t find this gross) 10+ years later I still have it, but due to said color I only wear it very rarely.

    • Equity's Darling

      Whoah,so many people saying rocker chic! For shame, I’m not nearly edgy/cool enough to really do rocker chic (though I really do want a nose piercing…but for, you know, the whole “corporate law” thing, I’d have a sweet little nose stud right now).

      So, now my mission this fall is rocker chic for a girl who is neither of those things.

  4. DagnyT

    I have these. They’re amazing. Very comfy given the platform and the stacked heel. Love.

  5. Pelvic rehab

    Does anyone have experience with pelvic rehab for post-partum issues? What issue(s) were you treating, where did you receive the services (ie, general pt clinic or specialized clinic), what kinds of treatments or exercises did they do, how long or how many visits, was it effective, etc?

    • preg 3L

      I just ordered The Female Pelvis Anatomy and Exercises to hopefully head off these issues, but am very interested in any other responses!

    • Brant

      If you happen to be in the greater Boston area, there are some great local PTs that are dedicated solely to pelvic rehab.

    • B

      I would definitely go to a specialist if you can find one in your area with your insurance. I had some pubic region PT done while pregnant and was not overly impressed the therapist. My pubic region has healed post- delivery, but I am still having related hip problems, and am doing much better this time around with someone who has more experience in this area. The sooner you can do it after delivery, the better. My problem with the hip is I waited too long, and most of the elasticin was gone by then, so it’s taking a long time to get things to move back. How long anything takes will depend on how much muscle strengthening is required to hold things in place. My biggest regret is listening to everyone who said it would all heal itself after I had the baby. It didn’t, and I wasted a lot of precious time.

  6. Ellen

    YAY!!!! Open Thread’s!!!!! It’s Friday, Kat, and I love Open thread’s! I love these shoe’s but they are OPENTOE’s and the manageing partner will NOT let me wear open toe’s and he will NOT reimburse me for OPEN TOE shoe’s b/c he thinks it is unprofesional for me to go to court with OPEN toe shoe’s.

    I think I agree, b/c men like to look at our toe’s, and in NYC, it is dangerous to walk around with open toe’s on the Upper East Side b/c lots of peeople do NOT clean up after their DOG’s, and that means alot of dog poop on the side walks to step in. FOOEY! I have had many a pair of shoe chocked full of dog poop, and my NIKE Air’s have had to be professionaly scraped by a shoe repair person. Onley once was I able to clean my own shoe’s when I went to BLOOMIE’s! YAY! I have not been back in the Carpet department for month’s. DOUBEL FOOEY!

    Sam is driving up to pick me up very early Saturday morning, and he is first takeing me out to the beach (JONES BEACH) for the day. He will then see my tuchus b/c it is goieng to be a nice day and I can’t wear my cover up all the time we are on the beach. From there, he will drive us to Mom and Dad and hopefully Dad will like him.

    Dad says he has a list of 30 question’s for Sam, so I know it is serious. He never asked Alan more then mabye 5 or 6 question’s, and most of that was just about his family and his name. So I will keep my finger’s crossed and hope they like Sam, but I am nervous b/c Sam is suposedly sensitive and I do NOT want Dad to bully him like he does with Ed. I might loose Sam if Dad is to pushy. We will see! At least I have a boyfreind today. Yay!

    • Francie Nolan

      Ellen wear a Sarong to cover your tuchas, you can wear that and show off your svelte bodice. Also you can stroll up and down the Boredwalk to get your steps in. Show Sam the the bandshell maybe there will be a band playing and you can dance the merengue.

      • Vonda

        I agree with Francie. Ellen, do all you can to seduce this man. From what you say, he has money, a good job, and a half-way decent personality, and most importantly, seems to be interested in you! If you can bed him and have a child, you can even pass go and collect $50,000 from your Nana. Don’t worry about the British accent. I am sure Sam will get used to your LI accent! Yay!

  7. zora

    Took my latest batch of foster kittens to the vet for surgery this morning, which means they are going back to the rescue in a few days. I am missing them already!! I have been so busy and exhausted, I was thinking it would be nice to have my house and schedule back for a bit. But the house was so quiet this morning with no cute little fuzzballs :o(

    • NOLA

      Awwww, sorry about that! My little furbaby spent last Friday night having tests at the specialist and I missed her so much. So now, even though she keeps me up yowling in the hallway during the night, I can’t be mad.

  8. jlf

    Can I get a recommendation for a cobbler in Boston? I can’t tell if anyone is worthwhile by searching online.

    • AS

      I thought one in Brookline in that weird little shop area on Harvard (near the Gap) was solid.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Are you looking for basic shoe repair? There is a guy in a small shop next to the entrance of 2 Oliver Street. It is right next door to a deli. The back door of his shop is actually an entrance to 2 Oliver. I used his services for repairing tip on heels as well as other minor repairs and his prices were super reasonable. My stuff was usually ready in an hour and I was always happy with the quality of his work.

    • file edit view

      The guy in the basement on Alton Place in Brookline (next to the barber shop with the suit of armor) has done solid work on everything I’ve brought him; I’ve also heard good things about the one in Porter Square. In general, old Armenian guys seem to have this market in the Boston area.

  9. Hel-lo

    I’m looking for good business casual pants. I used to wear khakis/chinos from Old Navy, but my old pairs are flare-leg (like, from mid-late 90s) and just look really dated now. I guess I’m looking for straight-leg chinos to wear with a cardi for a business casual day. Trouser-leg work work. I just don’t envision skinny looking great. Any ideas? The Old Navy ones held up surprisingly well, and I had them in 3 neutral colors – gray, brown, and greenish. I actually still have them, but just don’t feel like I can still wear them.

  10. calibrachoav

    My phone ate my comment I think….

    Interview done. Think I did well, I shall know Monday if I made it to a second interview. Bit worried I spoke to only one of the interviewers unlike the others but I was last of the batch amd done with him just before 6 so I believe it was time constraints.

    Thank you all so much for your support ♥ wothout y’all I would’ve blown ot completely.

  11. Gifts

    Anyone have any cute bday gift ideas for a 27 year old woman? For some reason I’m just drawing a blank. I want to send her something she can keep (not flowers or food), but picking out a random clothing or household item seems risky since I don’t know what she has or really what her current style is (we now live in different states and don’t see each other frequently).

    • Orangerie

      Not sure how much you’re looking to spend, but Dogeared jewelry makes some really beautiful, dainty necklaces in the $40-60 range. Nordstrom has a huge selection, which is nice because shipping is free and their return policy is awesome.

      • Anonymous

        This is what I was going to suggest. A pretty dainty necklace or bracelet. Something simple and pretty. Even if you don’t know her exact style, you can’t really go wrong with simple, pretty jewelry.

        • Blair Waldorf

          +1 I’m in that age range and dainty necklaces are very popular right now with my friends, not to mention they go with everything!

    • LH

      Jewelry seems a little difficult if you don’t know her style (and I disagree that everyone likes dainty, pretty jewelry). If she likes food and food related gifts what about a cooking instrument and some food or mix to go with it? That way she has the cooking utensil as a permanent gift. E.g. a crepe pan and a bag of crepe mix, a popover pan and bag of popover mix, a cheeseboard and some fancy cheese (and wine)? I got several variations on this as wedding gifts and really liked them. Other suggestions: a canvas print of one of her favorite photographs or places (if you know) or a high-quality journal if you know she likes to write.

      • Anonymous

        The OP didn’t say she liked food related gifts or cooking.

        Personally, a journal would be a complete waste and I would never use it. You either write stuff down in a journal or you don’t. If you don’t, there is no use for a $50-$70 journal. (wondering if there’s ever a use for a $70 notebook).

        • LH

          Right, that’s why I said “IF she likes food and food related gifts…” I wasn’t suggesting a $70 notebook, it could be part of a gift with other things. And she might know if her friend would like a journal. If her friend is not someone who would use it, obviously she won’t get it.

      • Elysian

        I’m in the age range of the gift-ee and at this point in my life I’m not a fan of kitchen-related tools. I live in a city in a small apartment, and if someone where to give me a crepe pan I would use it very rarely and would struggle to find a place to put it. I do however love to cook, which means that people continue to give me things like this. I don’t know where the OP’s gift-ee lives, but if its in a metro area, I would steer away from things that have only one purpose in life.

        I think something like candles, maybe a blanker or even a shawl as we move into fall, scarves, and jewelry could all be nice. I would personally be thrilled if someone got me new towels – I didn’t get the highest quality ones when starting out in life and they’re showing some wear … and bleach, etc. Maybe there’s something in your friend’s life you could upgrade?

    • AS

      Among my friends fancy moisturizer and soy candles are always a hit (but I’m a bit older than the giftee)

      • Susie

        On the other hand, I’ve gotten a bunch of these (lotion, bath set, candle, etc.) gifted over the year and I never use them. To me, I equate them with a gift someone put zero thought into because it’s so generic as evidenced by the frequency I get them.

    • Calibrachoa

      A funky alarm clock? Everyone needs to be able to get out of bed, after all..

    • 26 year old woman

      Does she use Pinterest? That can be a pretty good way to gauge her current tastes and scope out potential gift ideas.

      What are her general hobbies? I’m pretty into cooking, entertaining, and reading so some gifts I would love regardless of aesthetics and what I might already own would include a kitchen herb-growing kit, pyrex, cookie sheets, glasses, ramekins (le creuset makes some darling individual bakeware), plain platters, stationary from Out of Print Clothing.

      Does she have a tv show she loves (Downton Abbey, Dr. Who, etc.), a favorite animal, a favorite color? What about something related to her work/studies (for instance, Modcloth’s apartment section has some cute math/science related housewares)?

      How did you meet? If you went to college together, what about something from the campus bookstore? Did you connect over a shared interest? Any inside jokes?

  12. Anne

    Thanks to all who chimed in to my question about conquering the fear of flying earlier this week. Round trip completed safely today (and job interview, too). I took some of the advice from your comments, and especially the one about sitting next to the window helped. When I felt a change in the angle of the plane (it was suddenly dipping), I looked out at the wings and saw that the direction was intentional. It helped calm me down.

    I wrote myself a small note on the way over – once the take off and ascent (the worst to me) was over with. “You’re okay. They’ve given you tea. Flying is not so bad.” And remembering that also helped on the way back.

    I’m still not terribly keen on flying, but once I got up there and went to cruising altitude I also remembered all the good flights I’ve had – which also helped immensely.

    And on the way back, the King of Norway was on my tiny plane on the front row. The Captain went: “Your Majesty, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome…” and the whole plane was craning their necks to see him. (It also helped calm me down strangely enough, for some odd reason, I kept going with the mantra – “the plane is safe, the airline doesn’t want to kill the King…” – before take off. Of course, the airline doesn’t want to kill any of its passengers, but in my head at the time the part about the King made immensely sense.

    TL/DR – Thanks for all the advice earlier this week. Much appreciated, even if I in my time zone couldn’t give feedback at the time.

    • Cornellian

      Neat! When I was studying in Copenhagen I saw Crown Princess Mary shopping (pre-birth of her eldest son) and was amazed at how low-key everyone was being about it.

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      First a yay for you and well done and then a yay for the King of Norway for flying a regular plane instead of some fancy private jet! He sounds swell!

  13. Legally Brunette

    Any suggestions on a professional pair of black pants for a size 6, pear-ish shape? I’m trying to lose some baby weight so don’t want to spend too much money. My go to in this situation is usually the Express Editor pants but wanted to hear other suggestions too. The Halogen pants don’t work for me. Thanks!

    • hoola hoopa

      AT/Loft’s Julie/Curvy fit works perfectly for my pear bottom. Their quality has gone down, but perfect for losing baby weight since they sell them for so cheap when they are sale. Sign up for the emails. They frequently have 50-60% off.

      • PolyD

        Agree on the Julie fit pants – only pants I’ve found in a while where I don’t need to have the waist taken in. Oddly, Gap’s Slim Cropped pants are very flattering on my mild pear shape, too, as are BR’s Sloan fit, if you are looking for straighter legs.

    • J

      All my work pants are Express Editor–and thanks to baby weight, and a subsequent drop due to breastfeeding, I own *all* the sizes. They make me feel appropriate and are flattering, no matter what my current size. :)

    • jlf

      Have you tried the Exact Stretch from The Limited? I’m not sure how well they work on pears, but I think they are comparable in quality and price to the Editors. The entire line was just on sale for 39.90, but I think the sale might have just ended.

    • hellskitchen

      The Alfani brand at Macys has some good, well priced pants. I think they are around $50, look professional and last really long. Not high end but look just fine for regular office wear

  14. Alta_Litgirl

    I just wanted to share that my resignation from the biglaw shop I have been at since articles has been made public to the rest of the firm (the powers that be were keeping it under wraps previously to avoid “creating a buzz”), and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders! I just wanted to encourage anyone who has been looking to make a job change to go for it–life is to short to stay at a job you hate.

    Happy Friday all!

    • Sierra

      yay! Congrats :)

      I can’t remember where I read this recently… was it here? It was something to the effect of “I wouldn’t stay in a relationship when my partner didn’t love me anymore, why should I stay in a job that didn’t love me and that I didn’t love back anymore?”

  15. big dipper

    I’m in the market for an attractive set of dinnerware that does not get extremely hot in the microwave. I generally prepare my food for the week ahead of time, and reheat each night for dinner. I’d like to be able to re-heat the food in the bowl and eat it immediately, without burning my hands on the bowl.

    I have been looking into Corelle (cute, reasonably priced) but some comments online suggest they still get hot in the microwave.

    Any thoughts?

    • Susie

      I use (and like) Corelle and haven’t had a problem. They are cute and durable, I’ve had my set for 10 years though I did break 1 piece in that time but the rest don’t really show any fading or scratches.

    • Mpls

      Doesn’t everything get hot in the microwave? I’m not sure how you can get around that, unless you reheat in one container and transfer to another dish to eat. If dish is in the microwave, it’s getting the same molecule-exciting wave bombardment as the food is.

      • Sierra

        Some get ridiculously hot, to the point where they shouldn’t be labeled microwave safe. My parents have a set of dishes and I’ve finally learned to avoid the white ones but I used to burn my hand everytime I took one out of the microwave.

    • hoola hoopa

      Anything is going to get hot in the microwave eventually. I can vouch that corelle is not one of the types that superheats. It’s a very good option. I particularly like how nicely they stack and fit in the dishwasher.

      We have Homer-Laughlin china, bought through a restaurant supply store. Love them in general and they don’t overheat in the microwave, but they are definitely not a budget option. You may look for dishwasher-safe (pretty common now) china at a Mikasa or similar outlet store, though. Or on CL/ebay.

    • Bonnie

      I’ve had the same Corelle set for about 10 years and have only broken 1 dish. They do not get too hot in my experience.

    • Anonymous

      My SO and I recently went on a hunt for plates that didn’t superheat in the microwave. Well ‘hunt’ might be a strong word since we found a corelle plate at target that worked just fine on the first try! We bought one plate to test it out at home (Target sells them individually, and have used it a couple times in the microwave with no problems. We went back to buy more last night, and they only had one :( so will have to try again soon!

      http://www.target.com/p/corelle-livingware-16-piece-dinnerware-set-winter-frost-white/-/A-10181500#prodSlot=medium_1_1

    • roses

      I have the Noritake Colorwave, and it does not get very hot (though my set is new, so can’t comment on whether that changes over time).

      • Anonymous

        I’ve had the noritake colorwave for 8 years and still love it. Doesn’t get too hot in the microwave.

  16. Not Sure

    Confession: I’m having a hard time with the Bradley/Chelsea Manning news about being transgender.

    I just don’t know how to react. Because it seems so weird, but I don’t want it to be weird. I try to be a liberal, accepting person. I’ve known several transgender people who are really awesome. I guess I’ve always met them post-transition, though.

    I’m just confused by this whole thing. Why you would announce that you are transgender right before going to Fort Leavenworth for 35 years? Why would you even announce it publicly?

    I just want to give the whole issue a giant blank stare… but at the same time, I want to be the liberal, accepting person and accept her for who she is.

    I guess mostly I just feel weird for feeling weird about it. Does anyone have a similar reaction?

    • Cornellian

      I have a pretty close friend that when I met was introducing herself as “Jessica” and now is “George” (names obviously changed), and the transition hasn’t really been all that difficult for me to adjust to, although I slipped on third-person pronouns when I first saw him after a year of not.

      I don’t think that part is particularly strange, but I also question the political motive? Where did that come from? It seems like the timing is a power play somehow, which somehow feels a bit icky. I don’t know if I think Manning belongs in prison for 35 years (and this is not the post to discuss that obviously), but I still am a bit turned off by the timing of the announcement. Maybe someone else can shed some light on it.

    • hoola hoopa

      The timing struck me as very weird, too. I was also wondering if it was stragetic rather than true, which would obviously be disturbing. But what I read made it sound like he/she mainly wanted the press to use the female name and pronouns, so maybe it was having his/her name in the news so much that pushed the announcement.

      What bothers me is that it’s just going to be fodder for the 24-hr ‘entertainment news’ cycle. I predict it’s going to make what is truly a serious and important case into a circus. Although the piece that I read went into the press’ standards when reporting on a transgendered individual – such as when legal name is use vs preferred name, etc – which was interesting.

      • Brooklyn Paralegal

        Her. You mean ‘her’, not ‘his/her’.

        I am generally appalled by the media’s suggestion that Chelsea has timed this strategically, because there were people aware of this months ago. The conversations between the hacker that cooperated and gave Chelsea’s name to authorities were released a long time ago, with the details about Manning’s gender dysphoria.

        Everyone has the right to self-identify and to not be misgendered.

        And, to be clear: prison is particularly awful for transgengered individuals, especially trans women. (See: CeCe McDonald, trans woman who is currently in a men’s prison for defending herself against a transphobic, violent man that tried to kill her.)

    • zora

      Ok, I am going to keep this to one link, because this is super personal to me, and if I get started I will end up writing a novel, which is just too craycray. But this is the best single quote I’ve seen today. Please please please think about this deep down before you do more questioning of Chelsea and her decision to do anything, about herself, or about making announcements, etc.

      Emily Greenhouse on Western society’s difficulty accepting the transgendered: Chelsea Manning “will have to live with the knowledge…that others feel a right to determine her identity—who she feels she is inside her body—on her behalf.”
      http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/newsdesk/2013/08/accepting-chelsea-manning.html

      • Not Sure

        This article/quote is great. Thanks for posting and helping us to understand.

        • zora

          No problem. Thanks for being openminded and wanting to discuss/learn. Sorry I am bad at being succinct about this stuff (i am way too wordy) or I would try to chat with you a bit more about my thoughts. ;o)

          • Not Sure

            I can’t imagine living in a body that was the opposite of the gender I felt I was.

            I can’t help but wonder if the stress/pressure of that contributed to the decision to release the documents? Like, maybe if you weren’t constantly under the pressure of your own identity being misaligned, you might make a different decision.

          • Anonymous

            I think she released the documents because she saw things that she felt were wrong and horrible and unjustified. I don’t think it had to do with her stress. I’m not saying its not a stressful situation and all sorts of emotions that come along with it. But, I think the decision was because she saw people being murdered and other crimes and decided to speak out about it. I think at the time, he believed he was going the right thing and wanted to effect change.

          • Anonymous

            God that could be further from the truth. Manning wanted to impress a boyfriend, not for any justice related reasons at all.

          • roses

            I believe Manning’s psychiatric experts testified that the stress of the gender identity disorder was a contributing factor to Manning’s decision to leak the documents.

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      Obviously it’s not weird as a thing and I couldn’t care less, but the timing seems so odd to me. Why come out with this just now? Sure, it takes time sometimes to go public about something like this, but it’s just odd right now.

      • Cornellian

        I wonder if maybe defense counsel counseled against it while the case was ongoing.

        • Ella

          yes I thought this too. Also she probably wants support in getting access to transition related medical care while incarcerated.

      • zora

        Well now I do want to weigh in more, in response to these questions, because I am tangentially close to this and hope I can help.

        1) I encourage everyone to step back and question your own questioning of the ‘timing’ and ‘motive’ etc. Basically, think about the privilege you enjoy, because you have never had to deal with complete strangers questioning your right to consider yourself a woman, or call yourself or she, or etc etc. Not being mean at all, just encouraging some self-reflection.

        2) Chelsea has wanted to ‘come out’ as a woman for a long time. This was a very complicated strategic question when she was first arrested and charged whether they should try to get the courtmartial to recognize her gender and fight that fight before or during the trial. It was a very difficult decision to decide that it would make the defense that much harder, and it was unlikely to get the courtmartial to accept the name/pronoun change anyway, so the compromise was that she could come out as soon as the trial was over. Can you imagine having to be someone you are not for years and years, I really hope we don’t begrudge her doing what she felt was right for her when she needed to do it and can just trust that she is doing her best to make difficult decisions with a LOT of stuff going on that none of us have ever had to face. I wouldn’t want to spend 35 years in jail at all, but woudl rather spend those years as myself, not living a lie.

        3) There are more people struggling with gender in the military than you might think. There will be a new documentary called TransMilitary on the web this week. You can see it on Vimeo. Check it out.

        • Cc

          I really don’t think this has anything to do with privilege. If manning announced that she had cancer, people would question that too. Manning has always been a huge attention person. You know the person who always has drama and always needs to be the center of attention? And when that person has some personal drama you kind of question it’s all true? That’s why I rolled my eyes at this story, not because of a privilege I have but the same way I would of the story was a about a different medical condition

          • Cornellian

            I agree with CC here.

            re: Zora’s point 3: you are the third person to recommend this documentary to me. One of the friends (one who doesn’t identify as either gender) is actually up in arms about the timing of Manning’s announcement, as well, as he feels it’s an attention grab that harms the community generally.

          • zora

            Cornelian: I also know some people who feel the way your friend does. But honestly, whether an ally or a member of the community, I just don’t think it’s ever appropriate to judge someone’s motives on a personal decision unless you are personally friends with them and are privy to their actual thoughts on the situation. I don’t want to assume what her motives were, all I know is what I have been told by people close to the situation, and so I reserve judgment and just decide that she is doing the best she can at any moment of her life, just like we all are.

    • Kathryn

      The only part I think is weird is that she announced it right before going to prison (although there’s a good chance she won’t be in there the whole 35 years). My first thought was “well, that’s not going to make her life any easier.” Also, she is requesting hormone therapy, and I don’t understand why a prison administration would be motivated to honor that request.

      However, I read something offering the opinion that maybe she will be given a break by administration. She will certainly receive a lot more support from sympathizers that have been following her story.

      So ya, the timing is weird. Her being born as a man but wanting to be a woman? Not really something I consider weird.

        • Pumpkin

          Um, have you been to prison? They are not really known for having the best medical care for their inmates.

          • Anonymous

            uh huh, but that is the theory behind why the prison should cover her transition related healthcare.

    • anonforthis

      Not that I followed it very closely but it seemed to me that pictures of Manning dressed as a woman came out during trial so the choice was either to head off to Leavenworth with rampant speculation on her heels or address it.

      I only have one transgender friend (that I know of) and I knew her prior to transition. Honestly, the transition made a lot of sense, although I feel for my friend because she has a typically male build which I know contributes to a lot of pronoun issues on an ongoing basis.

      • anon

        My understanding is it came out now because she wants the military to pay for hormone therapy and reassignment surgery.

    • TBK

      I figured she just had too much going on in her life these past several months/years to come out with it and now that the trial is over, she was ready to also deal with this. It seems she might also try for an assignment to a female prison. For most people, being restricted about where you go based on gender happens only when you use public restrooms. She’s had to deal with that for longer, having been in the military and having spent time in prison since her arrest. For a person who has always felt female, this must have been tough to be labeled over and over again as male. She probably doesn’t want to have to spend the next 35 years as a man.

    • Anonymous

      I think it’s ok to think the timing is weird. I have no issue or thoughts with people who change genders when the time is right for them. Manning is not a hero- he is a sad, self conscious person who released the documents to impress his boyfriend, not be because he wanted to seek justice. I think the timing has to do with the recent mass case that’s having the state pay for the change. I feel like sometimes when people are trying to be super liberal about something, they put that as like the number 1 thing. Like we have to be kind and supportive of manning because he was born the wrong gender. The guy is an ahole, no matter what gender he is.

        • Anonymous

          I felt it’s insulting to those who truly feel trapped in the wrong gender to use the pronouns he requested.

          • Brooklyn Paralegal

            I am actually shocked that there is such explicit misgendering on a site that I’ve found to be so openminded and respectful in other regards. I’m really, really disappointed.

            And I feel it’s insulting for you to decide who is “truly” trans and who isn’t. Like, not your decision? Misgendering, especially when done intentionally, is steeped in transphobia, and that is so not OK.

      • Lyssa

        I think that’s about right. Regardless of anything else, this person is going to jail. For quite a while. I am not going to feel bad about the fact that Manning can’t get hormone therapy or dress in a preferred fashion or whatever. That’s one of the consequences of committing a crime and going to jail; you don’t get to live your life in a way that satisfies you.

        • Ella

          Not being able to live as the gender you are is far more damaging than just not being able to live life in a way that is satisfying. This comment shows your privilege around having a gender that conforms with the sex you were assigned at birth.

          • Lyssa

            Oh, please. Everyone has privileges and detriments in their lives. You’re not going to gain any sympathy acting like this is so much worse than losing one’s freedom or various other horrors that humankind has encountered in this world.

          • anon

            “This comment shows your privilege around having a gender that conforms with the sex you were assigned at birth.”

            Ad hominem attacks undermine credibility and distract from the merit of one’s argument. I was following this exchange because I am interested in the debate, but I was disappointed to see this personal dig.

          • anon

            I agree with anon 6:27.

            The comment says nothing about “privilege”, it says something about believing that criminals have to bear the consequences of their actions. I’m not that poster, but I agree. I work in criminal justice and I hear the same pathetic excuses all the time.

            This person made a choice to engage in criminal behavior. Maybe it was to impress a boyfriend, maybe it was because they believed the information should be public. Either way, it was a choice, it was a crime, and there are consequences.

            I am sure being trapped in the wrong gender body in prison because you committed a crime and are in prison sucks.
            I am sure being pregnant in prison because you committed a crime and are in prison sucks.
            I’m sure there are a lot of things that suck a LOT MORE because you committed a crime and are in prison.
            because prison sucks. But Manning is not wrongfully convicted, this is not an innocent in prison. This is a soldier, who knew the consequences when the action was taken.
            Sympathy = 0.

          • Ella

            To anon at 6:27, a debate about trans people without a discussion of the cis privilege of those involved in the debate is incomplete.

          • anon

            But this isn’t just a “Debate about trans people”. It’s a debate about whether convicted criminals are entitled to certain medical procedures. A discussion of THIS individual without a discussion of the THAT is incomplete.

          • Ella

            3:12 anon– Nothing in your comment explains why cis privilege is irrelevant.

    • Relief?

      If Dan Savage gets glitter-bombed, I am hopeless and can’t claim to be a trans-ally (as much as I’d like to be one).

      To be honest, my first emotion was “Bradley must be so relieved!”–her name change took a few more minutes for me to internalize. My guess is that being transgender and hiding that part of yourself from everyone is very stressful. I imagine she wants relief from that stress and, by announcing it publicly, she has relieved the pressure of being male.

      It’s normal to feel weird about anything that isn’t familiar to you. If you haven’t experienced someone announcing that they are trans before, it’s going to feel weird. Just accept that you feel weird. It might be a prejudice or it might not.

      Liberals hold ourselves to super-high standards re: eliminating prejudice and bias. But even babies form prejudices. So I acknowledge my prejudices and recognize that I could treat people differently because of them. Then I try to not treat people differently. And that’s the best I can do.

      • zora

        “And that’s the best I can do.” All any of us can do is do our best. Hugs.

        • Cyn

          Ok probably not the best thread to put it- but I have to say your “hugs” and ” :Op” faces come off so disingenuous. I’m guessing its because you are young but I’m just saying something because more than once I’ve thought you were the same person as Ellen, and I think you have very smart mature points to make that get overlooked because of your style.

          • NOLA

            I can assure you that zora is, if nothing else, genuine. She is passionate and funny and caring.

          • Samantha

            I think Zora makes mature, thoughful points (which you acknowledge) and is knowledgeable and kind.
            If you don’t like her smileys, then that’s just your style being different from hers. If your advice is not to put smileys into her professional writing, that’s valid if she didn’t already know that (and I’m sure she does). On the web and in casual writing, smileys, abbreviations, and the like are perfectly appropriate and common. And without the ALLCKAPS!!!!, she isn’t at too much risk of being confused with Ellen.

    • Sierra

      I haven’t followed it until this aspect of the story came out (I read a lot of LGBT things for work), and I have read that the desire to transition is basically old news.

      • Sierra

        My comment wasn’t very clear, I should have said that Manning’s desire to transition is basically old news.

    • Ella

      My comment is a bit tangential to yours, but I really love how *little* the news has covered the new memoir from the transgendered Navy Seal Team 6er. It was just sorta a blip and at least according to media reports she seems to be well accepted by the Seal community.

      Interesting it seems like Kristin Beck, the former Seal, is also upset by the way Manning came out as trans since she seems Manning as using it as an excuse for releasing the documents. She goes so far as to call Manning a “tarnish” on the transcommunity since she is blaming her “traitorous” actions in part on being trans. (Quotes are text from her message about Manning’s transition)

      https://www.facebook.com/kristin.hills.125/posts/496798800413582

      • Ella2

        Apologies, didn’t see the name Ella was already used up thread, the comment above is from a different person.

      • Ella2

        And gah, typo – Beck *sees* Manning as using her trans status as being an excuse

      • Houston Attny

        Wow – you aren’t kidding. I hadn’t even heard of this book. Interesting.

  17. Funky

    Is there a way to get rid of extreme funk in several pairs of work heels? I already use the Summer Soles liners and change them periodically and that helps, but the smell is still embedded in the shoe. I have tried those cedar wood inserts, does not help. Some of them are cheap non-leather shoes, which is probably the problem. Do I just toss them or is there a way to salvage them? I can’t even wear them, the smell just makes me gag.

    • mascot

      Wipe them out with some tea tree oil and sit them outside? I am also a fan of Dr. Scholls foot spray as a preventative measure.

    • Wannabe Runner

      Foot powder has always worked for me. Gold bond if you’d like. I bought some nice-smelling peppermint foot powder in Target once and have used it since. Also, airing them out. Don’t wear the same shoes every day. Wear socks.

    • preg 3L

      I wiped out my gross non-leather shoes with disinfectant wipes and that seemed to help knock the edge off.

    • j

      I have some very funky shoes and this is what I do (I rarely have to follow all the steps, unless it’s a pair of non-leather shoes, which are the devil when it comes to eradicating smells):
      1. Air them out in direct sunlight (if possible)
      2. Kill smell-causing bacteria with tea tree oil/vodka/water mix (vodka REALLY helps cut the smell). Nuclear option: Lysol. Dump in baking soda or Odor Eaters and air out in garage/outside.
      3. Bag up, stuff in freezer overnight.
      4. Activated charcoal and another round of freezing.
      5. Trash.

  18. Woods-comma-Elle

    Ladies, I think it’s time to start thinking about a job move, potentially to the US (from the UK). Only tentatively, but think about it. I have vacation coming up, so I think I will polish off my CV.

    My question is this: my last CV is UK-style from when I qualified and (apparently) US resumes are a whole different animal to this. Aside from random googling, the results of which may or may not be reliable, can anyone point me to some particularly helpful resources for what this should look like?

    The idea of changing jobs terrifies me and I’m mostly ok at my current gig, but going abroad is very tempting to me right now, so I figure I may as well take a look…

    • Kathryn

      I’m sure you could find tons of examples by googling “professional resume template- USA” or something. However, some major tips: It should, if at all possible, be on one page. Depending on how long ago you last were in school, either list your education or work experience first. Be thorough but concise- definitely bullet points. If you have more room, list a few references (name and phone/email).

      Use a normal, black font, like Arial or Times. I like Calibri but I think it depends on your industry… it’s not as traditional.

      • Susie

        I don’t put references on my resume, or any statement of available upon request. They will ask for it if they want it. Otherwise I agree with this. As I recall Elle is an attorney and sounds like she has enough experience that that would go first. I would have the following categories: heading w/ contact info; experience; education; professional membership (listing bars you are admitted to). I’m not sure how it works in the UK, but here generally the resume is quite brief and factual, with a cover letter providing more explanation, ie. what your goals are, why you are interested in a particular firm/company, your relocation plans.

        • TBK

          Definitely no references. I wouldn’t say “available upon request” either. Obviously they’re available upon request.

          Also, not sure what’s typical in UK, but some things people do outside the US that are NOT done here: (1) marital status; (2) whether you have kids; (3) age; (4) photo.

          If you’ve been out of school long enough to have had a year or more of work, I’d put education at the bottome. My resume has: (1) a header that has my full name, home address, phone number, and email; (2) experience section that lists each of my jobs, including dates (month and year) of employment, and a few bullet points for each job summarzing accomplishments (1-2 bullets for an older position and 4-5 for more recent positions/ones closely tied to the job I’m applying for); (3) education with degree earned, major (college), honors, and date degree was received (month, year); (4) publications and speaking engagements (titles and dates); (5) bar admissions.

          • Woods-comma-Elle

            Thanks you guys!

            Yeah the age/photo/marital status is generally considered a no here as well. Especially as there is now quite strict age discrimination legislation, so it puts employers in a very difficult situation when people put their age down.

            I wouldn’t generally put references, particularly as my references would be people from work and I wouldn’t want them to be randomly contacted :S

          • Cornellian

            “I won’t allow you contact any of my references.” haha.

            Agree re the inclusion of marital status/sexuality/children/religion, etc.

      • Otter

        I’m not in Law, but in my field (intl dev/multilateral) resumes are typically a bit longer. ~2pgs for someone with 5-10 yrs experience. Some positions ask for a comprehensive cv. Do other non-Law people see this as well? Which fields?

  19. B

    Does anybody else have motivational stories of beating down the student loan debt and being able to save such as not to work anymore?

    Or is Corporette full folks sneaking comments while at work?

  20. Crier

    Does anyone else have the issue where you cry at the *slightest* bit of confrontation? I’m on the phone with FedEx arguing with them because they’re screwing up a delivery. And I feel the urge to cry, which is so, so ridiculous. This is really annoying, but not remotely cry-worthy. It happens to me all the time though.

    • Susie

      I cry pretty easily. I read a story this morning about an 88 year old man who was beaten to death and cried a little. Frustration, happy, sad, I just cry easily. If I’m dealing with a work situation or something then I will bite the inside of my cheek or lip, or pinch the webbing between my thumb and forefinger to distract myself and that can help.

    • Cornellian

      Yes. I deal with people raising their voices at me and strangers being rude by crying. UNPRODUCTIVE.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, I’m the same. I focus on deep breaths until I’m alone for tears, because really, almost any interpersonal conflict leads to tears for me- whether they’re tears of rage, or frustration, etc.

    • Anon

      I used to cry easily, and then I got a job where my entire day is spent on the phone with people who usually don’t want to talk to me. It’s toughened me up a lot.

      • Lynnet

        I react to pretty much any strong emotion with tears. Especially conversations that I’m stressed or nervous about. What’s funny is I have no problem if there’s no ongoing relationship. I’ve worked as a telemarketer on several occasions and people can scream at me as much as they want, I have no emotional response. But just a friend responding to a text in a less than friendly way can lead to a crying jag if I’m already stressed out/feeling down. I think it’s tied to my social anxiety issues, which are entirely tied to ongoing relationships, I’m really good in social situations if I know I’m never going to meet the person again, but I have crippling social anxiety interacting with people I know I’m going to have to interact with again in the future.

    • Amelia Pond

      I have this problem all the time. What helps for me is to focus on keeping my voice calm and speak slowly. I know when I start to want to cry I start to speak faster so by focusing on speaking slowly it helps keep the tears in check (some times). I hate to play this card, but sometimes crying on the phone/ at the ticket counter at the airport can make people feel sorry for you and they are sometimes more helpful.

    • roses

      Yes yes and yes. Like Lyssa above, my reaction to any kind of extreme emotion (even happiness!) is to cry. I hate it, but I don’t really know what to do about it – if I’m really overwhelmed with emotion the only way not to cry is for me to not speak at all and bite my lip, and that makes it hard to breathe. To be honest I don’t think it was a problem until I went on hormonal birth control. I don’t know for sure that they’re related, but I definitely didn’t notice it until a few years ago around when I started BC.

  21. anon in BigLaw

    I just found out I am traveling for work and will be on the same flight as a partner. I was planning on wearing a black jersey wrap dress (the Women’s Long-Sleeved Wrap Dresses from Old Navy to be exact) with flats on the plane but now I’m wondering if I should wear a “suit” dress instead. Say, a sheath dress and maybe a blazer? I would still wear flats on the plane but keep my heels with me. Thoughts? The sheath dress is (of course) less comfortable, but I’d look more “professional.” I am likely over thinking this. Thoughts?

    • Susie

      Are you going straight from or directly to work? If not I wouldn’t overthink it, your dress sounds fine.

      • anon in BigLaw

        It’s an early morning flight. It doesn’t look like we’ll be going straight to the client but not sure?

        • TBK

          If there’s any chance you’d be going straight to the client’s (including if, for example, you had a delay on your flight), I’d wear whatever you planned to wear to the client’s. The partner does NOT want to have to wait for you while you go change. But if you’re, say, checking into the hotel before going anywhere, the wrap dress is fine. Maybe your secretary can call the partner’s secretary and find out what the plan is if you’re not sure where you’re going after you land. (It may be that even if you’re not going to the client’s, the partner still expects to go someplace to work after you arrive — an airport lounge, your firm’s offices in that city, etc.) This is all assuming that you’re traveling for the purpose of a visit with this partner. If the partner’s travel is totally unrelated to what you’re traveling for (different case etc.) then all this goes out the window — wear the wrap dress.

          • Need to Improve

            You also could just ask the partner if you are going straight to the meeting.

    • Need to Improve

      Your outfit sounds perfectly professional. I have traveled a lot with partners, and unless we are coming straight from or going straight to court, a client meeting, or a depo, they usually wear jeans on the airplane.

    • anon in BigLaw

      TBK, we are traveling together on the same matter–but will not be going straight to the client. Thank you all for your input! The week has been ridiculous and the more work stress I have, the more difficult it is to make the simpler decisions.

  22. Need to Improve

    I am going crazy trying to find the perfect pair of pointy black heels. In an ideal world the heel would be 3 1/2 inches, though I can do anywehre from 3-4 or even 2 3/4. I want leather and am ok with snakeskin or an embellishment like a metal heel or muted studs. I want these to be pretty hot shoes that I can wear with skinny pants on the weekend but also office-appropriate. I am willing to spend 300 but would be super excited about a 150ish range. These would be an alternative to my boring black heels (of which I have at least 3 pairs). Does anyone have a pair they like? I love the Stuart Weitzman Meatdaisy but they seem to have sold out in my size . . .

  23. Francie Nolan

    I need fashion advice, do you think the dresses with the lace at the top are classic or outdated? I really love the look, but don’t want to look like a blast from the past.

    I will put an example in reply, but ignore the side openings, that is too much for me!

  24. Lyssa

    Does anyone have any experience with getting glasses to wear over your contacts while using computer/fine print? I have been having just the worst time seeing the computer screen lately (everything seems to blur and dance around, especially after a long day/week), but my eye doc said that my rx is fine. He said that the glasses could be something to consider.

    FWIW, I am extremely nearsighted, and have found that I really just cannot function with glasses unless I’m looking straight ahead. The peripheral distortion just messes with my head too much. So just switching to glasses when my eyes get tired is not really a good option. I may need a new computer monitor, too, though.

    • Sierra

      My experience is different, but I have really dry eyes and was having problems with my vision and my eye doc said it’s related to the dry eyes. Just mentioning in case you happen to have the same problem.

    • ITDS

      Yes. Try low powered reading glasses – that’s what I do. Get a couple of $10 drug store pairs in 1.25 or 1.50 power and try them out.

      • hoola hoopa

        +1

        I have a wicked complicated prescription, but drugstore glasses work perfectly for when I’m using a computer and wearing contacts.

      • Lyssa

        Oh, that sounds good. The last pair I bought was hundreds of dollars, and I hardly use them and didn’t want to risk spending that again.

    • Senior Attorney

      I’ve done this. In fact, I have a whole wardrobe of corrective eyewear. I have bad vision at every distance, so I wear multi-focal contact lenses for most things. They correct my vision decently but not as well as glasses, but I’m too vain to wear glasses all the time and glasses are also cumbersome at the gym everyday. So I wear the contacts and I add reading glasses for reading, and distance glasses for driving and for when I want to be able to really see something like a play or movie.

    • mascot

      A very low prescription pair of reading glasses helped me with this in law school and beyond. I think it was +0.25 or something. I am also quite nearsighted (-6.5) and can’t handle the distortion in glasses for long term wear. Also be sure you take breaks when typing/reading every so often and focus on something in the distance for a bit. That gives your eyes a break. I also keep rewetting drops around because my eyes can get dry from not blinking enough as I work.

    • Michelle

      I have a similar issue, when i wear contacts i can read ok in general but need something for menus or dim light… I use cheap low power drugstore readers over my contacts and it’s great.

    • Taylor

      I am nearsighted and stopped wearing contacts at work a few years ago for this reason. I just take my glasses off at work when I am at my desk and pretty much only wear them to meeting. Recently, I have needed glasses to read as well so I now have a pair of glasses for computer and reading only and a separate pair for driving, TV etc. GAH!

  25. Annie

    I’m doing something crazy adult this week/month and buying a new-to-me car. Any advice for dealing with pushy salesmen, things to look out for, negotiation tips, or general car-buying wisdom? I’ll be paying cash, so don’t need to secure financing, and I’ll get my mechanic to take a look at any car that I’ll buy. Also, I’ll probably be trading in my old SUV, which will add an extra layer of negotiation.

    Thanks!

    • TBK

      Go to edumunds or bluebook online and find out both the cost of the new car and the value of your trade-in. I think one or both of them has a feature that lets you check what the car you’re planning to buy has recently sold for in your area. Also check to see if your bank offers a car buying service. We have USAA and they have a service that will handle the negotiations for you (and probably get a better deal than you will — I LOVE negotiating for a new car but, sadly, USAA just has more pull so I’m out of the car buying business for our household).

      • Annie

        I looked to see if Costco did, but they only do that for new and certified pre-owned cars. I’ll be getting a non-certified 2010, so Costco doesn’t do negotiations. I’ve checked with Edmunds and KBB, and have a price in mind that I won’t go over. I’m not too worried about walking away, because the market for 3-4 year old cars seems to be pretty steady, and I can keep driving my current vehicle for a while.

    • Sierra

      Sometimes you can get a better price if you finance through them (I guess they get a kickback or interest from whoever has the loan?). Even though you can pay cash, sometimes it makes sense to finance it and pay it off after the first payment. I know someone who got the salesperson to write down the price for financing through them and then just paid cash at the last minute. Other than considering that, I have no suggestions other than be willing to walk away. Good luck!

    • eek

      – Does your employer have a discount/Employee Purchase Program?
      – Do you know what kind of car you want? Are there any sales? If you’re buying new, see if there are any new models coming out – maybe you can get a great deal on a 2013. But, it sounds like you are looking for a used vehicle, so FYI those salespeople tend to not be as good (in my experience).
      – I don’t negotiate for my trade-in until I’ve negotiated the price of the car. I treat car-buying as two separate transactions. KBB will be the most reliable source for an estimate. If you want a grin, take your trade-in for a CarMax appraisal to give you an idea of the lowest value for your trade. CarMax is no-haggle for a reason. Also, some dealerships belong to a large network and have their own valuation system (ex. Sonic Automotive).
      – Know what people are paying for the exact make, model, and year of your car in your area. Use Edmunds for this.
      – Does the dealer have any incentives? Sierra is right about using dealer/manufacturer financing – it will likely get you a lower price. Since you can pay in cash, I’d consider using their financing if the whole package is attractive and pay off.
      – I’m prepared to walk, but I’m also prepared to buy. So I have my trade-in cleaned out with title ready, insurance info ready, financing lined up w/ cashier’s check. For my most recent purchase, I e-mailed the dealer with the exact vehicle I wanted to test drive, told them what time I would be there and they had it ready to go for me. That was huge points in my book.
      – My last purchase I was alone and it was draining but I walked out with a great deal at 10pm on a weeknight. :) Good luck!

  26. Need new black ballerinas

    My old CH Air Beccara ballet flats (they also seem to have had some “Air Sharapova” thing on the box and inside them) are looking pretty haggard. I could re-buy, but perhaps there are other better recommendations?

    My FB feed has something called Tieks on it, but no one I know has had them.

    FWIW, I have narrow heels but slightly-wider-than-B width feet due some ill-healing broken toes a while back, and the CH shoes are soft enough to glide over my feet.

    • Wildkitten

      My dog ate my Air Beccaras so I saw the insides and was not impressed with the construction, especially for CH Air. I got some CH Air flats that have a little more to the sole and they are holding up much better.

    • Christy

      I have both the Air Bacara and several pairs of Tieks. I love my Tieks but they are not nearly as comfortable as the Air Bacaras. It depends on the amount of walking you do (I walk to work in NYC) and can tell the days I’ve worn my Tieks for too many blocks.

    • Anonymous

      No experience with Air Bacaras, but I love my Tieks. My oldest pair is about 2 years old and they have held up very well.

    • Christy

      One other challenge with Tieks – they only come in whole sizes. That being said, I love mine and love the color range and continue to buy them.

    • PHX

      OMG. I just looked at the Tieks classic colors. Seriously want, especially the clover green and the California navy.

    • Wildkitten

      I didn’t know Tiek’s existed and now I want like 3 pairs… some day I will pay off my CCs and be released from retail-jail…

  27. Abby Lockhart

    As an umarried woman with parents who value “practical” gifts, I have and wear no valuable jewelry.

    In a meeting the other day, I looked at a female peer who was wearing a few pieces of attractive (but not overstated), precious jewelry and was immediately struck with the thought that it made her look more “adult” when compared with my bare hands and wrists. I don’t value jewelry for its own sake. I would never ask a man to buy me a diamond or other precious stone, even in connection with an engagement (though I’d accept it if he could afford it and wanted to give me one). And jewelry has never been a top financial priority. However, I am at a place in my career where I need to start looking my age, and this experience got me thinking that perhaps I would get some intangible benefit from wearing some simple but precious pieces. Thoughts? Am I misinterpreting the effect? Can I just wear more costume jewelry and have the same effect?

    I do have a diamond ring that is a family heirloom that needs to be repaired or reset. In its current setting it definitely looks like an engagement ring. I’ve worn it, but only in younger years in order to get better assistance when shopping or to avoid unwanted attention. Perhaps this on the right hand with a watch would be a start?

    • k-padi

      I bought my first piece of fine jewelry for much the same reason! I was a very young attorney and thought it helped distinguish myself.

      I can’t speak for everyone but I never felt as “mature” with costume jewelry as I do with fine jewelry. I had my ears re-pierced and the 8 weeks with CZ studs were awful–I hated seeing their dull gray centers in the bathroom mirror several times a day. I have some more grown-up costume jewelry now but I always wear it with fine pieces.

      Starting with a ring on your right hand and wearing a watch is a great start. Start looking for other classic pieces too like a pearl necklace or diamond earrings. I want this necklace now:
      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/lana-jewelry-disc-necklace/3525481?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=398&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-browseresults-_-1_1_D

      Don’t buy any fine jewelry unless you absolutely love it. Fall in love, walk away, then, if you still want it, buy it.

    • Wildkitten

      You can definitely get the heirloom reset in a way that doesn’t look engagement – but you’d probably need to add some cheaper rocks to the setting. Talk to a professional, or look at examples. I think that would be badass and awesome.

    • ss

      I’d spend up on a watch – perhaps one with bracelet-like metal links instead of a leather strap, since a bit of dignified sparkle seems to be the objective – and consider a pearl necklace which is an item where I think costume does a great job of approximating the real thing, at least up to mid-price levels. Or take a look at Pearl Paradise, a site which other ladies here like, and which does seem to do a good job of providing access to Chinese freshwater pearls, a recent phenomenon which trumps a lot of traditional sources of mid-priced pearls.

      Good work on resetting a precious stone won’t be all that cheap – you will be paying for a skilled crafts person even before considering the cost of any additional material, and it doesn’t sound like you’ll derive any particularly great enjoyment from it.

    • Vonda

      Stay with the real stuff. Most Costume jewelry is cheap and looks fake. If you do not see a man on the horizon who is likely to provide you with decent jewelry in the immediate future , I see absolutely nothing wrong with you buying it for yourself. You should never rely on a man to do this any way, because they tend to buy cheaper stuff and then strut around and tell their friends that they went all out for you when in fact you could do better yourself by having them give you the money they would spend, and you go out and pay the difference for a good piece of jewelry. Start with a ring that can double as an engagement ring, if reset. Do no less than 2.2 carats, and more if you can swing it. Don’t go to anyplace where the jeweler does little more than stare down your blouse. When a woman comes in alone to a jewelry store and starts to ask about conversion jewelry, the jeweler knows there is no man and tries to take advantage. Don’t let him. You have the money, so have him follow the golden rule –She who has the gold makes the rules. Do not be timid either. If you are wimpy, the jeweler will eat you for lunch, and you’ll overpay for a subpar stone. I hope I have been helpful–just remember not to be a wimp!

      • Abby Lockhart

        Thank, you Vonda! Those are words too live by – Just remember not to be a wimp!! I am a litigator, like Ellen, so I am ALWAYS haveing to remember to find my courage.

        I think I will get that courage up and ask my manageing partner for a jewelery stipend. I am going to show her thissite in my presentation.

  28. gref

    Ugh Friday afternoon vent:

    Two weeks from today is my last day in the office, and I kind of just flipped out at one of our sales guys (60ish year old man) who, when walking past me in the hallway, says “Why don’t you go have a baby.” The comment itself was not that offensive, I know it was playful, I know it comes from a place of being excited for me, but I’m just. so. tired. of every. single. person. feeling the need to make a comment. It really bothers me coming from older men. I tried to respond with a playful “aw those are sure my favorite comments these days…” but it came out kind of ragey.

    I just want to hid at my desk for the rest of the day and slip out the back because I feel so bad. I feel like there’s this expectation that pregnant ladies are glowy happy people all the time and you can’t let on that these kinds of remarks bug you because everyone is just SO HAPPY FOR YOU. But even at 36 weeks pregnant, I just wanted to be treated like a professional at my job.

    Sorry for the rant but my mom doesn’t get it when I bring up this topic and I think my husband is sick of listening to me complain. That said, I’m pretty sure I’m having an awesome pregnancy when my biggest complaint at this stage is being sick of the stupid sh!t people say to pregnant ladies.

    Also…email has been down at my office since early this morning, and it’s almost COB, so it’s been impossible for anyone to work today…just kind of a RAWRRR afternoon…

    • stc

      I remember this and totally hated it. I’m sorry. I disliked how public being pregnant was and how everyone had something to say. But it was all worth it! My son is 14 months old and its been such a great experience. He’s an absolute love. And crazy. So, congratulations and hang in there!!

    • eek

      When a colleague of mine was 20 weeks pregnant, she was told by a Partner that she needed to decide “if she wanted to make partner” or “be a soccer mom.” People saw awful things. I’m sorry you had to hear that.

    • Anonymous

      I’d be mad too. I don’t have kids but honestly when I think about doing it, one of the first things that comes to mind is how rude I know people are going to be while I’m pregnant- the comments, stares, grabs, judgments. I imagine walking around glaring at everyone or even making a t shirt with some hostile slogan on it because I just can’t deal.

    • R

      I’m sorry, those comments are so ragey for me too. The worst part has been going back to work, though. Every comment is about how hard it must be to leave my baby (it is more difficult than I expected, but talking with you won’t help) or asking how the baby is. I just want to be a professional again!

      I try to remember that most people are awful at small talk, so they talk about any subject they can. And most people can ask basic things about pregnancy/babies, so they do. It doesn’t always help, but it keeps me from spending the rest of the day in a sulk when I’ve shown baby pictures on my phone at the fifth meeting that day.

    • gref

      Like, 5 minutes after I posted this my boss pulled me into his office to talk about what I thought was a happy hour or baby shower before I go out on leave…but instead he told me he’s trying to get some more $$$ coming my way after I come back! I seriously wanted to just go hug everyone in the office.

      Thanks for the support. I couldn’t be as ragey about the pregnancy stuff as I want to with my circle of people, and I DEFINITELY couldn’t be all “OMG I’m getting a big raise!!” to people IRL (except for my husband. Who was like…Go get ’em babe!). Love this community!

  29. anon for this

    Skip it if you are sick of pregnancy posts.

    It is one of those TTC weeks where I’m not sure if I am pregnant or just PMSing. It doesn’t help the process to stress so much about it!

  30. Coach Laura

    I like these shoes but they would be way too expensive – if you include the $$$ that surgery would cost after I execute a klutzy move!

  32. Anon

    Hi – I’m travelling to downtown LA for work next week & need to find a place in the “downtown” area (close to LA Live) for a work dinner w/ clients. Suggestions? It’s a fairly “hip” group, so I’d prefer something local/new/cool to the usual hotel-type places. Thanks in advance!

    • Susie

      I really liked the Omni, though its not new or local. Had a not great experience with W so don’t recommend that, though many people seem to love it.

    • Senior Attorney

      I had a fun dinner at Bottega Louie a couple of weeks ago. It was a little loud but it had great energy and the food was good. It’s on the corner of Grand and Seventh so in your area, I think.

  33. Wildkitten

    Corporette – hey Kat – either I can see the first like 100 comments OR I can see the last 5. This happens every weekend to me with Weekend Open Thread. Maybe it’s because there are so many more comments on the weekend open thread? I’m in Chrome. Thanks!

    • Kat G

      Would you please take a screenshot and send through our new tech comment form (link right below the comment box). Thank you; we appreciate it!

  34. Solo

    Hi all. Longtime reader here. I realize the basis of this site is the “corporate” life, but does anyone have experience transitioning from life as an associate to being a solo practitioner? I have been a criminal and civil litigation associate for almost 7 years, and the ONLY thing I like doing is appellate work, and mainly criminal work at that. I am secretly beginning to take assigned criminal appeals from the state public defender system (hourly billing/steady stream of work) with a goal of working completely on my own within the next six months or less. Eventually I would like to create enough of a reputation for myself to take retained appellate cases. From what I hear, once you win an appeal/get someone a new trial, your name spreads like wildfire in the local jails.

    I am almost done reading “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking,” which I know has been discussed here before. I am amazed at how validating it is for me. I used to think there was something wrong with me because I craved a solitary work environment with no surprises. Now I’m realizing I absolutely have to create this for myself if I want to be happy.

    Does anyone have any advice/tips on either the business-y aspects of working for yourself or on the professional development side?

    Thanks!

    • Anonymous

      Woah! Secretly taking clients? Without a conflict check, file opening, or reporting it to your malpractice insurer? My advice is to stop this now.

      • Solo

        No. With all of that. I got my own malpractice insurance and have done conflict checks on each case.

    • Solo Practitioner

      I’ve been solo for over 2 years.

      If you’re an introvert, then appeals is a good practice area for you. But when you are solo, you have to be your own rainmaker. And the best way to do that, unfortunately for you, is face-to-face networking. So think about that thoroughly before you quit your current job.

      The absolute best resource, IMO, is a book called “Solo By Choice” by Carolyn Elefant. It’s basically a nuts-and-b0lts manual to starting a practice. Find it on Amazon. There is also a book written about 30 years ago by Jay Foonberg called “How to Start and Run a Law Practice.” Most of his advice is still sound, except for the office technology. Elefant’s book is updated in that respect.

      There are tons of online resources, too. Email me at rosietbnd@gmail.com if you want more info.

      (And FWIW, in my previous job, I could have secretly check conflicts all the time. We had a very easy system to use that all attorneys used to check their own conflicts.)

      • Solo Practitioner

        Oh, and FWIW, I know tons of solos that do criminal appeals on contract from their local indigent defense agency. That is a source of steady work, and perfect for a solo introvert. :)

        Think about whether you prefer federal or state. Pretty sure there’s a market for both.

  35. Nervous 2L

    Hi all– Hoping someone sees this who can help, despite the late posting!

    I bought a bag on super sale (link to follow, but it’s the Pour la Victoire Marcelle East-West Tote Bag in black) in hopes of using it as a purse for callbacks. Now I’m worried it’s too big to be appropriate. I liked it because it would fit my portfolio (and my laptop come next summer). I’m tall (5’9), but it still takes up a lot of space on my frame. Should I go smaller and just carry my portfolio?

    I can send photos of the bag on me if they would help :)

    • preg 3L

      If you’re doing OCI callbacks, you won’t be bringing your own laptop to work as a summer (next year), so this strikes me as unnecessary. Your firm will provide a computer. YMMV — I didn’t have biglaw callbacks to worry about last year.

      • Nervous 2L

        If you’re doing OCI callbacks, you won’t be bringing your own laptop to work as a summer (next year), so this strikes me as unnecessary. Your firm will provide a computer. YMMV — I didn’t have biglaw callbacks to worry about last year.

        • preg 3L

          (Thanks!)

          I prefer having a large bag, so if you do too, then go with whatever you’re most comfortable wearing. If you prefer a small bag and will feel awkward with this, get a smaller one, or one that can fit your padfolio length-wise instead of horizontally. I agree with Cat below who suggested that having your hands free is a plus. I just wanted to point out that you shouldn’t think you’ll need to bring your laptop next summer, so if you’re more comfortable with a smaller bag, you should feel free to stick with that.

    • Wildkitten

      I think a smaller bag would be more comfortable to bring into an interview. I brought suitcases for a lot of mine and they always had a place to stash them but that’s probably not what you’re going for.

    • Cat

      I’ll dissent and say that this is perfectly fine to bring to OCI and callbacks and life as a summer. I used a similarly-sized bag (looking at the dimensions, this bag seems to photograph larger than it is) for OCI and callbacks because I like having my hands free. At callbacks you’re always being offered water and coffee and the like, and if your one hand is busy carrying your portfolio and the other is holding a beverage, it’s hard to shake hands. I would slip the bag off my shoulder as I was sitting down in each interviewer’s office and grab my portfolio then.

      Then as a summer, the firm will likely issue you a laptop — although it’s unlikely that you’ll be expected to work from home as a normal associate does, it can be convenient, especially if you’re like me and you sometimes need a few good uninterrupted thinking hours to produce a good quality draft – hard to get as a summer with all the presentations, events, coffee meetings, etc etc. So it’s convenient to have a roomy enough bag. Plus, a bag of this size allows you to include a change of shoes, umbrella, etc. So I’m on Team Tote :)

  37. Wildkitten

    Corporette – I see the second half of the comments only after commenting.

  38. Silver Water??

    Has anyone successfully tried Silver Water to treat scarring alopecia or other kind of hair loss? I have read about it but it’s not a well researched solution so I wondered if anyone has a personal anecdote to share

  39. Loose Seal

    On possibly screwing up at work — Partner just defended a big important deposition out of state. When I emailed him last night, he said something along to lines of, “Witness did well except on issue X. We need to collect all materials about X and really read the closely. I did not prep him well enough on X.” The thing is that I’m the one who prepped partner on the docs and issues (including X). I emailed back that I’d put that first on my priority list and would consider how we can combat it.

    As a little background, Partner and I have a generally great relationship. He is horrible at feedback or constructive criticism. In this case I really want to know if I didn’t get him what he needed/didn’t get it timely enough or if he really thinks he just didn’t prep enough on that point. I already emailed him that I’m addressing X — Is it overkill to talk to him on Monday and say something like, “In the prep of Mr. Y, can you tell me what I could have done better to avoid the situation?” I don’t want to rehash a million times, but I also don’t want it to happen again. Thoughts? Am I over thinking it?

    • preg 3L

      Obviously I’m not a lawyer (yet) but it seems to me that the witness testified poorly on issue X. I don’t think anything about your rendition of the partner’s email implies that the partner was not prepped enough. Sounds to me like you are overthinking it.

    • LH

      I think you’re overthinking it. Witnesses say stupid and unexpected things all the time. Yes, the partner said you should have prepped better on X but he may very well mean with the benefit of hindsight because it wasn’t clear until the depo how important X was or that he had the right materials but didnt do enough prep. Saying “I should have prepped him more” sounds to me like he recognizes that you gave him what he needed and he dropped the ball. Even if he does think you could have done better I wouldn’t rehash it – just focus on doing a great job going forward and making up for it.

    • Monte

      I am going to disagree and say that I don’t think you are overthinking it, but you need a different approach. The way you are thinking of phrasing things on Monday makes it seem as if you are concerned with personal growth as an attorney and how to avoid issues in the future. That is the wrong tact — you need to figure out what you need to do to rectify your client’s problem. I would ask the partner what it is he thinks he didn’t know, so that you can figure out what opposing counsel’s focus is, and make sure that you are prepping your partner more fully in the future. Your client may have gone wonky, or opposing counsel may have a completely different take on the evidence/law than either you or the partner anticipated.

      I assume you talk to the partner on a regular basis, and would talk to him about upcoming depos in the regular course of things. Since you have a great relationship, ask him what went wrong. What threw him, and what does he need more of? Is this a new argument (maybe completely wacky, unsupported by the law, whatever) that he needs to be able to predict so he cuts off questioning? Or does he need more materials on issue X so that he properly emphasizes it for client.

      This is something you can fix. You don’t need to grovel or show up with your hat in your hand, but you need to approach it directly with the partner if you want him to continue to rely on you.

      • Loose Seal

        Thanks for all your perspectives. I do think it was beyond the client just going off the reservation and saying something weird. That’s definitely happened before and Partner reacted much differently.

        I like the approach you outlined. I think one of my main problems is sounding pretty selfish sometimes, so it’s always good to be reminded that I’m here for my client’s interests.

    • B

      This strikes me as similar to the advice regularly given that you need to think like a man. Women have more of a tendency to say I’m sorry and almost ask for the blame. Certainly use this as a learning experience, but instead of focusing on how you messed up, phrase the questions, as others have suggested, in terms of what do y’all need to focus on to get the best result for your client going forward. You’ll figure out through these discussions whether you messed up without having to outright ask for it.

      • Solo Practitioner

        Also, dudes get over stuff quicker than women. I wouldn’t bring it up unless he did.

  40. Informal Interview - Opinions?

    Question for all on informal interviews.

    For the past 6 months, I’ve been assigned to another team within my organization to assist them with an initiative. This has included traveling extensively with one of the members, who informally let me know over dinner of an opening they are hiring for that I should apply for. It has been 4 months since I applied for this position, hearing nothing more than a few check in calls with HR and the hiring manager (basically to let me know nothing is happening yet because he is too busy with the project we are working on).

    Last week I was traveling once again and the hiring manager told me we should talk about the job because he needs to make a decision. The discussion was extremely informal (in an open door office with others walking in and out of the room occasionally!). It started with, “I’m sorry it’s been awhile, do you still want this job, do you think you can handle it and do you have any questions?” He then went on to talk for 45 minutes about his 10 year vision for the team and how he has had a lot of interest in the open position but he hasn’t been thrilled with anyone he has interviewed. He went on to mention some of the things he was looking for in the candidate – to which I started to jump in with, “I can do that!” but I was cut off with the response, “I’m just talking in general, it’s not really directed at you.”

    I kinda got the feeling he was just talking out loud and I wasn’t sure what else to say. Beyond, “do you want this job and is it something you can think you can do” He asked me no other questions. Given that we’ve been working together, he has asked me background questions previously (where I went to school, how long I’ve been with the company, etc).

    I’m totally confused and left the meeting wondering if I totally blew my chances to sell myself. It didn’t feel like a real interview, but I suppose it was. I didn’t get a strong feeling that he is sold on me as the person he wants for the job, but I didn’t get a chance to ask him what his concerns were and try to address them upfront.

    I travel again with the hiring manager next week and I am wondering if it is too late to revisit this conversation or if I blew my chances or if really what I say doesn’t matter at this point because I’ve been under what I consider “constant 16 hour a day surveillance” by this guy for the past 6 months whatever his opinion of me is probably isn’t going to change after that much time together.

    Thoughts/opinions?

    • Hel-lo

      I would bring it up once, just to let him know you are really interested. He may not have gotten that from your meeting before.

      “Hey Bob, I know we haven’t talked about this in a while, but I just wanted to let you know how much I would really love to join your team. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and I just keep getting more and more excited about what I could contribute.” And then maybe go into a few specifics.

      It seems like he’s familiar with your background. Maybe he just needs a little bit of pushing.

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