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(L-all)
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Anonymous
So the conversation on nannies at Christmas time really got me curious. I can’t believe nannies get two weeks off at Christmas! Is this usual? When we hired ours, we promised Christmas and Christmas Day off, plus New Years Day. She usually ends up getting at least a few more days than that because we travel or have family in town. She’s on salary, so she gets paid either way.
Anyway, I’d like to poll those of you with nannies.
How much time do you give off during the holidays? Does it matter if she is hourly or salary?
Do you ever have her work when you’re taking a mental health day, just reading or whatever?
Are you ready to go right when she gets there? I sometimes worry that she thinks I’m wasting her time when I’m not ready right away.
ace
We give federal holidays off, plus days that family or we are choosing to be home and with kids around the holidays (usually an extra 1-2, sometime up to 5).
Yes, definitely have her around during off days occasionally, and kept her with #1 when I was home on ML with baby #2
typically there’s anywhere from a 15-30 min overlap between when she arrives and the last parent leaves. at one point I’d often welcome her, hand off baby, then go take a shower, etc. She’s getting paid the whole time, so I don’t know that it matters?
We treat her as effectively salaried — pay her for X hrs of her time every week, and if we let her leave early or don’t need her on a day, etc. we still pay the same amount. We pay more if she works more than X hrs per week.
Anonymous
I was a nanny for lawyer types and other wealthy families for years.
Two weeks off at Christmas (and in the summer too) was standard because the families I worked for traveled at those times. Even if they weren’t out of town for those two full weeks, they stayed home with their kids when the kids were out of school. This was standard in the neighborhoods where I worked. I was always paid hourly and my time off was always paid. (I would have hated being on salary FYI, and I’ve never heard of a family who does this.)
It’s important to keep in mind that I NEVER got to take time off otherwise. I could never approach my boss and say “Hey, I need this week in July off for a vacation.” My only vacation was when my bosses were on vacation. I would have been really, really annoyed if I only got Christmas Day off.
It was very common for me to work while my bosses were home sick, taking a mental health day, working from home, etc. It never bothered me. I would go about my business with the kids.
Families and kids can be chaotic. I never expected for my bosses to be out the door the moment I arrived in the morning! I was getting paid either way.
Anonymous
Interesting. She gets two weeks of paid vacation, one that she can take whenever and one that should coincide with ours. Realistically, she gets way more than that because we go on other vacations during the year. I would guess she gets a month or more off total.
Anonymous
+1 this is our arrangement too
Diana Barry
We give our nanny 3 weeks of vacation, I think, but only one that needs to match with our weeks off.
We don’t give her off around Xmas (bc we both always have to work) but if we have less work we have her leave early etc.
“Ready to go” – no. My DH and I both usually work from home, so when nanny gets here she gets started making kids’ lunches while I am getting ready or getting the kids ready.
Anonymous
Our nanny is effectively salaried, but we pay her “babysitting money” for any material (i.e., more than 10 – 15 minutes) outside of the 50 hour work week. She gets 8 major holidays, if they fall on a weekday. Also, she gets 2 weeks of paid vacation and 3 paid personal days. Then, she gets any time off that we do not need her. With our vacations and grandparent visits, this has worked out to 2 to 4 weeks a year. She makes between 45K and 50K a year (on the books).
We often have here work two to four days a year, when we are not working. Sometimes, we are at home sleeping during a portion of that day off. For example, my husband and I did not work last Thursday or Friday (or much on this Monday), but we still had her come. We ran errands and went to brunch and generally had some stay-cation time without our 2 and 4 year old.
Anonymous
That raises another question I have. We use Breedlove for all of our tax purposes. She’s paid a salary but then we pay her extra on top for babysitting. I was really hoping Breedlove would have some sort of easy way to pay her, but it’s like you have to go modify her paycheck and then she won’t get it until Friday and then you have to go modify it back.
So, how do you make sure that you properly pay taxes on the babysitting money?
Anonymous
I think it’s kind of Scroogey to tax your nanny’s extra money. Why not just give her some cash?
Anonymous
I want it all to be legal.
Shopping?
Does she use the personal days when she’s sick? I don’t think anyone should work when they’re sick, but especially not if they work with kids.
Anonymous
She also gets 5 paid sick days.
SC
When I had a nanny, for the year after I went back to work, we paid an hourly rate that was about $2/hour above-market and above the table but did not give her paid holidays or paid vacation. We had some pretty specific circumstances where this made sense for all of us — our nanny worked Tuesday through Friday, and most of the federal holidays fall on Monday anyways; neither DH nor I had any available PTO for the year that she worked for us, so we needed coverage all year. It would have been hard to pay our regular nanny for 2-3 weeks of PTO and paid for backup care. (My job had a policy of no vacation for 6 months after returning from maternity leave, then you accrue it from scratch. DH used almost all of his PTO to stay home with us after the baby was born.)
When our nanny wanted to take time off, though, she introduced us to her friends who could cover for her–she’d arrange a morning for us to meet the backup, then walk her through the morning until nap time. We paid both of them for that time. Obviously, we trusted our nanny a lot to be comfortable with this. The upside is we now have 2 more good people who at least claim to love our kid who we can call when we need a babysitter or backup care. We didn’t limit her (unpaid) time off, but I never felt like it was an unreasonable amount.
Anon
Not legal advice.
My understanding is that nannies and other household employees cannot be paid as salaried employees. They must be paid hourly, and they are entitled to overtime.
Anonymous
I am pretty sure this is wrong. They’re not exempt, but anyone can be salaried. However if they work overtime, they must be paid for it.
Late anon
This is correct (though I see the point Anon was trying to make — nannies are nonexempt employees, so you can’t just designate your nanny a salaried employee to avoid paying her overtime). To illustrate, we pay our nanny a weekly “salary” for hours worked up to 40, calculated to reflect $X/hour x 40 hours. We then pay overtime for any time over 40 hours, calculated at $1.5X/hour. The point, obviously, is to give the nanny a base amount of pay that she is guaranteed every week even if we don’t end up needing her for 40 hours.
EM
It turns out that Trump says that, in the interests of expediency, the U.S. will pay for the wall and Mexico will reimburse us. He says this as he eliminates my health care subsidy and Planned Parenthood. My problem is that my local congressman agrees with him. So what can I do?
Marshmallow
Without the local Congressman aspect, I feel the same way. I have to believe this will be a massive political blunder, as Republicans across the income spectrum start to get p!ssed off that he is spending so much federal money. I think the thing to do is advocate HARD and LOUDLY for continued PP and healthcare funding. Participate in the Women’s March or your local solidarity march, write letters, call your congresspeople over and over, share articles on social media, talk to people you know.
I believe public opinion is in favor of maintaining government funding for PP and some form of Obamacare that keeps costs down, likely with government subsidies. There’s got to be a rude awakening when people start to realize their health care is going away.
ITDS
Call your Congressman. Often. Go to local events where he will be speaking, and raise your hand to ask a question if there is time for that. See if you can meet with him when he’s back home in your district. Recruit your local friends to join you in these activities. Be nice to and get to know his staff, see if you can meet with them. Write to your local papers. Try to get your local TV news to cover the hardships that changes would bring to you personally, especially if you have a sympathetic story.
Bonnie
Congress also gave themselves the power to cut the salaries of federal employees so maybe that’s where he will get the money.
DC Yogi
And programs! They can now cut salaries and/or programs.
Not just employees…. all around, ugh.
ANON
Call your Congressperson’s office!
Anne M
Hi all. I’m a full time Master’s student with no income (my program doesn’t give out any kind of money) but I have lots of savings. I’ve been looking for a good budgeting system for temporary lack of income, but I’ve really only been able to find systems for variable income. Can anyone point me in the direction of a good budgeting system for people with no income?
anon
How are you paying your bills? Using a monthly draw from your savings? Can you just call that your “income” for purposes of any budgeting system that you pick?
Anon2
Can you give yourself a regular “income” from your savings?
Anonattorney
I would look for budgets targeted to retirees. It sounds like you need to do a combination of setting a budget, and picking a fixed draw from your savings that won’t deplete your savings. I think this is exactly what retirees need to do.
Anonymous
My office mate seems to have started smoking recently and the smell on her clothes is really bothering me. I have asthma and am more sensitive to cigar*tte smoke than most. Any suggestions for what I can say/do? I’m also sensitive to perfumes and fragrances so if I mention it to her and she starts dousing herself or our office in scents to cover it up, that might just make the situation worse.
ELS
Do you have a sensitivity to odor eliminators without added scents? I’m thinking Febreeze’s non-scented eliminator, to be specific. I am sensitive to a lot of scents, and it’s the only odor eliminator I’m able to tolerate, unless I make my own.
OP
That’s a good idea. I’ve never tried anything like that because I’m so allergic to fragrances but I might give it a shot.
Anon
Small air purifier? We have a Hamilton beach Truair; less than $50 and quiet…uses activated charcoal filters- just tell her your asthma is giving you issues
Anonymous
Wouldn’t the company have to move you to a different office if you asked? The indirect exposure to smoke is causing health problems.
Anon
Yes, you need to move. Masking the scent isn’t going to reduce your exposure to secondhand smoke, which kills. Smokers usually don’t stop even though their behavior kills others, so you’ll need to take this into your own hands.
Anonymous
Oh for the love of God. It is not second hand smoke. Do you go on highways?
Anon
Most people need to go on highways to work and live their lives. No one needs to smoke. Smokers who expose others to second or thirdhand smoke are selfish and inconsiderate, period.
Minnie Beebe
I’m not trying to downplay the annoyance factor here because I can’t stand the smell of cigarette smoke, but odor from clothes is not secondhand smoke. Secondhand smoke is any smoke that you breathe in while someone else is smoking nearby. Odor is just odor. It’s still annoying and can cause a reaction in some people, and OP I think you should ask to move because it’s impacting your comfort level at work. The air purifier is not a bad idea either.
Anonymous
Odor from clothes is thirdhand smoke, which is not the same as secondhand smoke but still harmful.
OP
I guess that was part of my question – is it really a health risk if she’s not smoking in front of me? I can smell it on her hair and clothes but it’s not like I’m breathing in actual smoke.
Carrots
Yes, it’s called third hand smoke and it still affects you. There’s still chemicals attached to it that can affect your breathing.
Anonymous
Yes, use a HEPA filter if you can’t move offices, the more we damage our lungs the harder it is to get over colds and avoid pneumonia etc
MJ
By the way, the Company should pay for the filter, because this is a medical disability.
ANON
@MJ An employer doesn’t have to buy whatever you ask for because of the ADA. All they need to do is provide a reasonable accommodation. Starting the conversation by demanding that they buy X and do Y is going to come off as super out of touch and unprofessional.
rosie
Sure, but without pointing out that the company should pay for it if that ends up being what is needed, OP could think she should just go out and buy an air purifier w/HEPA filter without even starting that conversation.
anon
Personally, I’d switch offices, citing medical need.
Hopefully it won’t happen to you, but I always had mild, under control asthma until I had to be in close quarters frequently with a smoker (who didn’t smoke around me, but would come in from smoking). I got massively ill and nearly had to be hospitalized. I’ve had more issues ever since.
Washing clothes
How did women used to keep their clothing fresh before the days of washing machines? The reason I’m asking is because I’ve found that I can only wear tops once before the armpits start to smell (I wear a natural deodorant and sweat more than I used to), but it’s wearing the shirts out to be washed each and every time. I recall my mom saying that she only had two dresses growing up that she alternated each day at school, which makes me think that women used to have ways to keep things smelling fresh without a full wash between wears. I’d be really interested in these older-style tips because I don’t want to use Febreze or other modern chemicals to mask the odor. Anyone have any ideas? Or are there any particular fabrics that would be best for me to wear?
Anonymous
IDK, but I bet their clothes wore out more, esp if they were cotton (and not cotton-polyester).
My husband is an insane sweater and that’s with loads of antipersperant. He may go through a stick every other week (for me, it’s seasonally). His cotton clothes are ruined with sweat stains within a month or so (he has to wear a white or light blue shirt every day for work and replace those quarterly and they are already nasty then). I don’t think there’s a way around it without a lot of time and elbow grease (and maybe not even then).
If you won’t switch to an antipersperant, I am not optimistic.
Susan
Has he considered Botox for his sweating? It sounds like it’s excessive enough that it would worth considering.
numbersmouse
Have you tried oxygen bleach? I am a profusely sweaty person and it’s changed my life. My SO also swears by alum deodorant.
ELS
In all honesty? Hygiene standards were very different before the days of washing machines. My great-grandmother was born 100 years ago, and tells stories about what it was like growing up in a fairly rural area during the 20s and 30s. People got dirtier, and had more tolerance for bodily odors (or used more baby powder, etc to try to mask the smell). Growing up, it was not unusual for grandma to bathe once a week or less.
Anon
My grandma grew up on a farm with no running water and 11 siblings. They did a weekly bath, but only filled the tub once. Dad went first, then the boys in order of age. Then Mom, then the girls in order of age, and then the babies. This was on a farm, where the boys were out in the fields all day and the women were in the garden. That water had to be FILTHY by the time it got to the youngest girls.
She doesn’t remember whether people smelled bad and they ignored it, or they just didn’t smell it in the first place. But I guess if everyone smells, you just get used to it?
ELS
Oh man. Sounds very similar to my great-grandma’s upbringing. She got a weekly bath, and they filled the tub twice. They were also on a farm for her childhood.
She does tell stories about laundry of “underthings” as she calls them, happening more frequently than regular laundry, and that clothes would be aired out. She also wasn’t able to say definitively whether people smelled when I asked her, but I had the same thought you did re: getting used to smells. She DOES remember wearing baby powder, etc once she started going through puberty, so maybe they did all smell?
f adjsjdaf
Wouldn’t the opposite order make more sense? Cleanest people (babies) to dirtiest people (outdoor working men)?
Anonymous
Probably a gender thing. Dad (the patriarch, the most important one) gets the clean hot water. The girls don’t matter as much.
CPA Lady
My grandparents powdered their whole bodies after they bathed. They had these ceramic dishes filled with scented talcum powder and a big powder puff and after they showered and dried off, they’d powder themselves. I think it reduced sweatiness or stickiness or something. Also people just smelled way different than they do now. Everyone used to smoke and everyone wore perfumes. I think we just are not used to as many smells as there used to be.
Anonymous
I know these stories from my family as well. Heating up one tub of bathwater for the family on Saturdays. Of course, washing did also happen during the week. With a washcloth, targeting the areas that sweat/smell. If you think about it, some places of your body don’t need to see soap every morning.
Anonymous
+1
You can actually remain smell free with very healthy skin by just washing the “cracks and crevices” frequently, and only bathing once a week. Many seniors do this.
Ert-meert
My brother calls it “just me corners” – always cracks me up.
Anonymous
Wear natural fibers. Merino wool is excellent at not holding odors. People also wore underclothing that was laundered more frequently.
Anonymous
People just smelled. It wasn’t noticeable when everybody smelled!
Anonymous
Also, if you’re set on using a natural deodorant, I think being smelly is one of the sacrifices you’ll have to make.
Anonattorney
Beware – if you can smell your shirts, your coworkers can smell your shirts. I know we have lots of heated discussions here about “professionalism,” and what that means. Personally, I find it very unprofessional when my coworkers smell bad.
Washing clothes
I should have clarified that I don’t smell “bad” (believe me, fear of this was the big reason I hesitated to switch to natural deodorant), but that the armpits get wetter and don’t smell as fresh as they did coming out of the laundry. This is normal for me because even the old antiperspirants still left a “smell”, so to speak, but it’s just a bit more widespread now with the natural variety. I’m more concerned about longevity of the clothes.
Washing clothes
Also, I had problems with the aluminum in antiperspirants leaving white marks on my shirts that were even harder to get out. Now that part is gone at least.
Anonattorney
I hear ya on the aluminum. Ugh.
Ellen
This is true. I asked Grandma Trudy, and she told me that in the old day’s, NO ONE showered every day, even peeople who had jobs in INDUSTRY where they would sweat and get dirty. FOOEY! Instead, they all took bath’s and then onley 1x per week, or less! Also, they wore their clothe’s until they got VERY dirty and smelley, but since everyone smelled, it was not bad. I could NOT even imagine how peeople took the subway, when they had to put their faces into some smelley guy’s armpit! DOUBEL FOOEY!
Grandma Trudy also said that since EVERYONE smelled, it was OK, and men learned to get attracted to women who smelled b/c there were NO ONE that did NOT smell. Men still MARRIED us, even tho we smelled! Grandma Leyeh agreed. I am glad I did NOT live back in the 1940’s when peeople smelled like that! TRIPEL FOOEY!
anon
underclothes/slips/stockings were worn and washed every night, clothes were aired out, and I think there was a higher tolerance for smells. Also, the fabric was probably more a natural blend, like cotton. Fabrics like rayon and polyester are more prone to holding on to smells.
I wash most of my clothes on a gentle or hand wash cycle with Woolite and dry on a real simple metal rack. If they smell I put a splash of vinegar in the wash with them, or sometimes use unscentables. Doing this has also really prolonged my clothing, esp since I sew a lot and it’s less likely to withstand a regular wash. Tops I wash every time I wear because of smell and especially if they are white. If I don’t, it just gets worse. Skirts and pants I hang up and air out, sometimes also using febreeze. Also, I sometimes sew in a square of cotton t-shirt fabric in the underarm to protect the outer fabric. It’s unnoticeable from the outside and I can always replace if it’s worn or smells bad. It sounds like a lot of work, but it really isn’t. I only dry clean if I need something pressed because I have found that it usually sets the smell in my clothing instead of removing.
anon
also I should add, I learned a lot of this because I collect and wear vintage clothing, in addition to making my own. My goal is to make the fabric and construction last as long as possible without wearing them out. Some items just can’t be saved but if you treat them right in the beginning it is definitely possible to protect. I have also found that soaking underarms in vinegar will remove deodorant buildup.
Godzilla
I wear undershirts under all of my dresses/blouses no matter what. I buy the tightest t-shirts that fit me comfortable and just wash those, maybe washing my dresses or blouses 3-4 times a year. If the t-shirt is interfering with my neckline, I just cut it with a scissor. Also, slips are your friends. I just wish they made sleeved slips with cotton sleeves.
Washing clothes
Don’t they made those? I could have sworn I’ve seen them – maybe Vermont Country Store?
Thanks everyone – interesting convo and tips!
Jane
I’m a heavy sweater who has to wash shirts after each wearing also. I consider replacing shirts part of the cost of being me. My parents keep telling me that I’ll sweat less as I get older, but I’m not very optimistic about that.
Anonattorney
My body chemistry changed a lot in this department when I hit my thirties, FYI. My sweating reduced considerably. So, there is hope.
Anonymous
Same here. I’m a little surprised anyone has an expectation of wearing most/all shirts more than once before washing. . . I can’t even imagine. The best I can do is about a 1.5-2 days with one of my thin merino sweaters if I’m not very active.
Anonymous
One of the most amazing and wonderful “side effects” of starting the medicine sprinolactone for my cystic acne was decreased sweating with decreased odor of the sweat I did have. No more stinky feet/shoes, clothing can now be worn more times before laundering.
So so so wonderful.
Betty White
This is me, too. It sucks. I did botox, and it worked wonderfully for about 3-4 months. If you go this route, have them use a numbing agent before they do the injections because it’s a lot of shots in a sensitive area. I wasn’t comfortable doing that long term, so I started using Robinul, which I took daily and worked really really well…until I started trying to get pregnant, when I stopped taking it. Now that I’m nursing, I just use Secret Clinical at night and it works better than I expected it to, but not nearly as well as botox or Robinul, though I have to admit, I’ve started to wonder if Robinul has long term effects that I’m not aware of and is worse than botox. So when I’m done with pregnancy/babies, I’m not sure if I’ll switch back. But it sucks, and replacing clothes is sort of part of the deal otherwise.
Anonymous
Things were often hung outside to refresh. I was amazed how much better a pair of jeans smelled (cigarette stink from a bar), after my MIL hung them outside overnight.
Dulcinea
They used dress guards (like a cloth pad for your armpit. . . .I have heard of modern people using pantiliners for this, not sure how well it works) and had more undergarments (petticoats and slips).
Anonymity
They make disposable dress guards that are self sticking like pantiliners that you could put inside your shirt or blouse. They sell them at fabric stores like joann or maybe online via Amazon. You could also have a seamstress make you a couple sets of fabric ones that could be removed and washed. Attached by Velcro or snaps.
I think if you’re sweating enough to need to wash every time you should either use dress guards or wear an undershirt w sleeves every day.
Anon
Do you have a brand of disposable dress guards that you would recommend?
Anonymous
Not Anonymity, but I’ve used whatever is sold at fabric shops or online. I also have a reusable dress shield but I hate all the straps so never use it.
sweatytendencies
If you like more natural deodorants, have you tried a salt crystal? Used either alone or in combination with other deodorants. I won’t stop you from sweating, but does wonders for odor and leaves zero marks on clothes.
Anon for this
I agree that people were probably dirtier back then, but people also have different body chemistry. I can wear a sweater 15 times before it starts to smell (and I’m not just saying this, I’ve even had friends smell my clothes and they can confirm that they don’t smell at all). I don’t get BO and I just don’t sweat much, if at all. My mom is the same way.
Anon
It’s genetic, actually. If you have dry ear wax, for example, you’re highly likely not too get BO.
Anonymous
They smelled more!
shadow
I’m allergic to deodorant and don’t use any fragrances. As a result, I shave underarms every other day to reduce the amount of sweat/smell, and air out shirts each night after wearing. For shirts that are not too sweaty, I leave it hung up and then can wear the shirt again after a different day. If the shirt is pretty sweaty, I just wash it even if it has only been worn once. I find it helps to wear sweat-reducing undershirts under the sweater or top (airism by uniqlo). The fabric is self-deodorizing and has anti-odor properties. I’ve found drinking more water also reduces the smelliness of the sweat. I don’t use any febreze or sprays.
Fun girly clothes
I used to know the name of a company that had fun girly clothes for grownups. Like Lilly Pulitzer, but a bit quieter, visually. Not Jude Connally or Elizabeth McKay, but that is the sort of vibe (and the level of obscurity and expensiveness). Any guesses? Kicking myself for not bookmarking the site.
I read about it on some random blog and cannot refind that, either.
Liz
Makes me think of Shabby Apple. Girly but grown up.
Anonymous
Thanks — that’s not it. Any other guesses?
Katie
When I think of Lilly, I also think of J McLaughlin. Very preppy but they have some prints I’d still consider “girly”.
Fun girly clothes
That’s not it, either. We actually had a store in my ‘hood (until recently). I got some honeymoon wear there (that is completely unsuited to my actual life). Very cute. I’m pretty sure that this brand may have a few stores, but it is a boutique/website brand.
Not Roberta Roller Rabbit, either. Similar though.
Anonymous
LOL I would never describe Shabby Apple that way. More like “Mormon mommy blogger.”
Anonymous
yeah, those dresses are hideous. I don’t understand.
Anonymous
All I can think of is Matilda Jane, if you’re into ruffle pants.
Fun girly clothes
That’s not it. There were a lot of tunic dresses in bright colors (but loads of other things). Not Tory Burch. Not Kate Spade. WHAT WAS IT?
Anonymous
Tuckernuck has a lot of stuff like that.
a guess
Milly?
nylon girl
Trina Turk?
Fun girly clothes
No — I am drawing a blank still. But thanks for all of the lovely suggestions! Also not Selli Segal. I will remember (or find the old link) as soon as I get something from somewhere else. I buy fun non-work clothes so rarely that I’m not surprised that I’ve gotten rusty.
Lana
Vineyard vines? Fresh Produce?
Fun girly clothes
Not VV and I’ve not heard of Fresh Produce until now.
Unlike VV (which is ubiquitous here), it did not seem to have men’s clothes. Just women’s.
Google didn’t help either. Le sigh.
Anonymous
If you know where it was, put the address into google. If it’s in a shopping center or mall, the wayback machine might have an archived copy of the shopping center’s page that lists the store directory. Or weirdly you might find it listed on yelp if you search stores in the area.
JEB
Gretchen Scott?
Fun girly clothes
YES YES YES — Gretchen Scott!!! Thank you!
Any recommendations as to fit? I’m a pear, 4P tops /6 curvy pants in Banana Republic; 8 in MM LaFleur Etsuko.
Anonymous
C. Wonder?
Anonymous
Betsey Johnson?
Fun girly clothes
No. I’d remember that (Chris Burch’s attempt to be his ex-wife, fashion empire and all, SO WEIRD). But they’re also out of business.
Thanks though!
Anonymous
Am I th eonly one who desperately misses C Wonder?
Anonymous
I only bought one thing from there but I LOVE it and still wear it regularly. It’s a basic with a twist – exactly my style.
Anonymous
Lesly Evers?
Jen
J. McLaughlin? Vineyard vines?
CPA Lady
Nanette Lepore?
Maizie
Pappagallo or Pappagallo’s? (They sold skirts, purses, and leather flats with matching leather poppies on the toes.)
anon
Oh man I loved Pappagallo. When I graduated from high school, I took a big chunk of my summer job money and bought two Pappagallo dresses, even though they were so expensive (I still remember, one was $90 and one was $60). I wore them for every occasion in college requiring a dress, and then my two sisters wore them in their college years. This was in the 1980s. I wish I still shopped like that!
Fat Bottom Girl
This morning’s discussion about finding jeans for the lucky lady who’s new to jeans Friday/losing weight on weight watchers has me stuck on my own weight loss plans. I could use some internet stranger help so I can stop ruminating about this!
I joined weight watchers a few years ago and lost weight over ~4 months. (150 to 135) But in 2.5 years since, I’ve gained the weight back (back to 150). I can’t bring myself to cancel the membership though! I think I’ve kept the membership almost out of fear that if I close it I’m “giving up.” The weight gain was definitely due to stress and getting tired of the whole weight loss “scene.” It just didn’t work as well as it did in the beginning, it got harder and hard and thus, the weight creep.
I’m going on vacation for two weeks soon and want to lose 10-15lbs when I get back. This would put me on the high end of the healthy weight range for my height (5’2.5″) Even though WW worked before, I’m pretty sure it was because it was shiny and new, and I definitely don’t feel that way about any kind of eating program anymore.
I can’t decide if I should finally cancel it and save myself the cash. Do people with experience with this think there really is something unique to weight watchers? Or is this an achievable enough goal that I could get it done by tracking food by any means, like my fitness pal (and of course exercise, water, etc.)?
Anonymous
I’m new to weight watchers so I’ve only ever done their current program but what has really been working for me is the focus on health vs. rapid weight loss. I really do eat more food that are higher in protein and lower in sugar/fat. I snack a lot of fruits and veggies because most don’t have points. I don’t do a lot of packaged foods artificial sweeteners. Tracking what I eat – I do electronic not paper – makes a big difference and so does tracking my activity levels and making the effort to hit my goals every week.
In your situation – I would track everything over the next couple weeks and focus on staying within your points so that hopefully you’ll be down a bit before your vacation, and will have a better sense of how much to eat so you don’t overdo it while on vacation.
So over WW
I don’t think Weight Watchers is magical, especially with how good other tools like My Fitness Pal have gotten. I’ve been in your shoes before. I used WW about seven years ago and it worked great. I lost 15-20 lbs. and kept it up until I got pregnant with my oldest kid. I tried it two years ago and failed miserably, mainly because I just do not have it in me (anymore) to track my food intake so closely. Seven years ago, I had all the time in the world to spend lots of time and energy on weight loss. I don’t anymore, nor am I too interested in reaching weight goals beyond “reasonably healthy.” So I failed at WW, round 2. Oddly, when I did manage to track stuff consistently, I found myself getting too obsessive, like it could go down a really bad path if I continued. I think you have a few options:
1) If you want to commit to tracking and losing weight, you don’t need WW. You can do it with MFP or several other apps that are much more user friendly and don’t cost $30 a month. There are plenty of online communities if you like the support aspect of WW.
2) If the idea of tracking makes you want to bang your head against the wall, then DON’T. Focus on eating well and exercising more. Focus on managing your stress. Will you easily/quickly lose weight this way? Honestly, you probably won’t. But you can lose a little bit, and still be healthy without compromising your sanity.
Signed,
Also prone to gaining stress weight
So over WW
Crap, that nested wrong and should’ve been a reply to the OP.
Fat Bottom Girl
Thank you!! This is so great.
Anonymous
Work on the stress! I am really starting to wholeheartedly believe that we focus on the exact wrong thing – the outcome of our stress (i.e., weight gain) instead of the cause.
Fat Bottom Girl
Yup. Now that that’s moving along, turning back to getting my pants on without such a dramatic shimmy….
Anon
I think you can get the same effect with tracking everything but that takes a lot of discipline and work. I use my fitness pal and I hate it but it’s so necessary to make sure I’m not eating my body weight in ice cream.
Constant Reader
I agree. Using MyFitness Pal works for me, and I don’t hate it exactly, but you have to be diligent about tracking. What also works for me but I hate and am more likely to skip with less than desirable outcomes, is meal planning. Make a plan for the week, shop to that plan, and then EAT THAT FOOD. It just cuts way down on the “too tired to shop/cook/eat responsibly” days, which can add up fast.
COtoNY
Yea, I know it sucks, but for me (and I suspect most women) tracking diligently is the ONLY way to lose weight. Especially since I really can’t do diets where I cut out certain things– I just love all types of food too much. The only time I have successfully lost a significant amount of weight was when I used MyFitnessPal and was extremely regimented about it.
I also think that if you live with someone else, they need to do it too.
COtoNY
Another tip someone gave me recently that I think is genius is this: if you are good about meal planning (which we’re trying to be diligent about right now not only for health but also for our budget), log what you intend to eat at the beginning of the day or even the beginning of the week. That makes it even harder to fall off the wagon.
mascot
I’m a recent born again convert to logging my food. Right now using MFP and meal planning works pretty well. I also have a few IRL friends on there and we cheer each other on.
I agree about with Marshmallow’s comments about being realistic that every bad day does not justify chips/guac and a craft brew or that I can’t just eat junk without consequences. I somehow had forgotten that and am seeking a rebalance of my body.
OP (or others), if the accountability of WW is what you are looking for, I’d be interested in getting a few more accountability partners on MFP. I’m also around 5’2″, but have a bit more to lose.
Fat Bottom Girl
These responses are so great. I think trying MFP with more friends with my stats would be great! I’m going to set up an account do people have user MFP names they want to share?
mascot
Mascot100. I think you can search by user name and send a friend request
Marshmallow
I do not have experience with Weight Watchers but I think we have similar BMI and weight issues. I recently lost a little over 15 pounds and brought myself down to the high end of normal BMI. I really only look slightly different but all my clothes fit so much better and I just feel better.
What did it for me was tracking, accountability, and forming new habits. 16 pounds may not sound like so much but I had to change some mindsets around what I was “entitled” to be eating and the excuses I used to make for not packing lunch. Focus on eating more quality foods rather than cutting things out. Weight Watchers may do that for you. For other people they can do it themselves with a notebook or MyFitnessPal or something. But it’s just a total shift in your lifestyle. Losing that 16 or so pounds took me about four months. Nothing is going to be “shiny and new” after four months– you just have to get used to a new normal.
Good luck! You can do it.
Fat Bottom Girl
What were the new habits??
Marshmallow
Mostly packing food ahead, and adding protein to my meals and snacks. I eat yogurt with breakfast, nuts and cheese as snacks, and try to give myself larger portions of lean proteins and smaller portions of carbs, even whole grains. I always liked fruits and veggies but I keep them more accessible now. I have been known to carry Moon Cheese and individual packets of olives around in my purse if I know it’s going to be a long day. (And if you don’t know what Moon Cheese is but you love crunchy salty snacks, get thee to Amazon and buy some!)
If it helps, I’ve created some formulas in my head to make meal planning easier. Here are my typical meals and favorite things I keep on heavy rotation:
Breakfast: protein + fruit. Yogurt, nuts, eggs on weekends, green juice (make sure it doesn’t have too much sugar), bananas, apples
Lunch: protein + whole grain + fruit or veg. Bean-based soups, leftovers from healthy dinners, Amy’s quinoa and black bean bowl, salad with chicken or cheese. If I’m in a pinch I keep multigrain crackers, Laughing Cow cheese, fruit, and individual packets of olives in my desk. Put those together and you get a decent lunch.
Afternoon snack: protein + fruit or veg. Apple and cheese, nuts and olives, nuts and a pear, carrots and hummus. Sometimes if I’m hungry in the afternoon I’ll add multigrain crackers to this combo.
Dinner: protein + whole grain + veg. My latest favorite meal is whole wheat or lentil pasta, with chicken sausage and kale or broccoli. Last night I made chicken taco meat and ate it over a salad with two tortilla chips crunched over top.
I have also tried to recognize that I’m just not entitled to have chips and guac and beer every day. Just because I had a long day doesn’t mean I get to totally phone it in for dinner and eat ramen noodles or order Seamless three times a week. I’m trying to take the mindset that I’m investing in my body.
COtoNY
You’ve hit on my absolute downfall– feeling like I “deserve” to eat something I know is not healthy. It can be because I had a good day, had a bad day, had a boring day, or really any other excuse I can come up with.
Fat Bottom Girl
Yes. All of this and thinking of meals in formulas like Marshmellow suggested is sounding so good. Less thinking = more wining.
Fat Bottom Girl
*winning!
Anon
Very similar body metrics to you, down to the needing to lose that 10-15 pounds just to get to high “normal” BMI for my 5’3″ height.
Cancel your WW. I think it works because it’s a combo of changing your eating habits + paying for something so you feel motivated to stick it out.
So get a free calorie tracker like My Fitness Pal, and force yourself to track your food everyday. (What worked on WW for you – plan your day out first? track at the end of the day? track every meal as you eat it? Replicate that frequency.)
Then find something to put that money towards that is motivating to you. Maybe you pay for weekly hot yoga classes. Maybe you put it in a 6 month CD so you can’t touch it, and then if you’ve lost 10 pounds by the time it comes due, you get to buy yourself X (otherwise it rolls right into another CD). Maybe you buy a dress a size smaller that you hang in your closet and stare at every morning for motivation. Whatever works to hold yourself accountable.
The key is that you’re motivating yourself to stick this out until it becomes a daily habit, which usually takes 3-4 months. And what “this” is depends on your current setup. Maybe it’s skipping your nightly glass of wine, maybe it’s packing a lunch every day, maybe it’s eliminating stress eating, maybe it’s reducing your meal portions. Figure out what your current hangups are, and work to change those in a way that is sustainable for you.
Fat Bottom Girl
Thank you!! I Know this is internet randomness but I’m so feeling this!
Sydney Bristow
Can you pinpoint anything else about WW that worked for you originally other than the newness? Were you going to weekly meetings that you quit going to? If so, maybe the external accountability was helpful to you. I did WW years ago and still have the stuff so if I wanted to try the old program again, I could just start tracking it that way again, but external accountability was helpful to me. At this point, I’m working with a weight loss doctor and have an appointment monthly, which keeps me on track along with some medical intervention. As much as I hate it, I find that I really need someone outside of a family member or friend that I’m accountable to in order to stay on track.
Fat Bottom Girl
So eye opening that so many are saying “I really hate it… but I do it and it works”. Part of my problem is definitely thinking I’m doing something wrong Bc I hate the process so much a perceived other people to not be struggling and to be somehow enjoying tracking/weighing themselves!
anonymous
Follow-up question for the Hive– does 40-50% fat, 30-40% protein, and 20-30% carbs seem like a reasonable macro breakdown?
anon
I’ve been doing weight watchers for about 6 months, and I’ve lost about 25 lbs and have 25-30 left to lose (and I’m short, so that’s a really significant amount of weight on me). There’s nothing magical about the program, but I’ve found a good meeting that has helped me stay focused and positive. That said, I had and still have more to lose and expect it to take at least a year total, and when I started, my eating habits were out of control in response to some stress and other life events. That doesn’t sound like the situation you’re in, so you might be successful losing 15 lbs with a free tracker. Me, I’d lose 10 and gain 20 back.
Been there, doing that
WW worked for me, too. But then it got too weird for me and it also stopped working.
I appreciated the accountability and the other people who rolled their eyes at me every week when the leader told us to buy more WW products and lectured us on how thin people think differently. I did not like the absence of acknowledgment of slowing metabolisms, elevated cortisol level weight gain and retention, no discussion of hormonal issues, and the hawking of WW products.
If the teaching helps you, try MyFitnessPal, it’s a free app. You can also befriend people on the app and support their victories. They see your fitness posts, weight loss, that you have logged in, and that you completed your daily diary. It does not give you weight lifting points for free, but you can invent a cardio exercise and estimate how many points you get.
Otherwise I eat a lot of super foods, smaller portions of everything, and reward myself with expensive pre-cut watermelon cubes rather than processed food. And I am now a runner because my crazy schedule allows for it more so than any activity that is scheduled and has cancellation fees. If you can’t run, and you live in a city, sign up for The BAR Method, or whatever barre studio has a lot of daily classes. Also start doing yoga in some form a few times per week (video, classes, at home practice), as yoga deep breathing busts stress belly fat.
Put your monthly WW fee towards something else. Good luck! You are not alone.
Marshmallow
This is random but thank you for recommending barre. Consistent attendance at barre class and really paying attention to my form was a huge part of my own weight loss. I have defined arms and shoulders now! My butt and my thighs are distinct parts of my body!
I’m really tired of hearing that you *must* lift heavy weights, you *must* run, you *must* spin, you *must* whatever. There are lots of other effective workout options and different things work for different people.
Fat Bottom Girl
I’m totally in the place of not particularly loving to run, but it’s the only thing I can do consistently. I love doing yoga but freak the F out that it’s not “enough” of a workout… but that’s for a different post! (Barre drives me nuts bc im too stalky to ever look graceful while working out wahhh)
emeralds
I’ve been doing barre 4-5 days a week for 2.5 years and do not look graceful! I’m a runner, not a dancer, but it’s the only workout I’ve found other than running that I love enough to do that much. Obvi do what works for you, but don’t think you need to be a balletic former dance team member to get a lot out of it!
anon
I’m the anon above who said that the meetings help me. I think the key is finding a good meeting. I’ve been to some bad ones, and there’s been a substitute the last couple of weeks who I really dislike. But my regular leader does acknowledge hormones and slowing metabolisms and all that (actually, WW does too, and the number of points you get varies based on things like your age). She also does the bare minimum on hawking WW products.
Fat Bottom Girl
Gah thank you!! it’s so comforting seeing I’m not making this drama up on my own!
Katie
Another app that I like but didn’t see mentioned, is iTrackBites. Basically a cheaper WW knock-off. I’ve used this with success before, as has my mother, and I’m back on it now to shed some holiday pounds. It’s a food tracker and calculates “bites” instead of “points” to get around copyright issues.
Anonymous
Deal alert – Lord and Taylor has an exciting 70% off shoe sale! http://www.lordandtaylor.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/en/lord-and-taylor/search/shoes/new-year-sale-clearance-womens-shoes?
Anonymous
this is a great sale- thanks!!
Anon
Oh you minx. I went, I saw, I bought the shoes.
Winter
Laura Ashley?
Sydney Bristow
I decided to add another resolution to my list for this year. I’m going to walk all the streets in the Manhattan neighborhood that my office is in. I’ve purposefully gone for walks twice this week at lunch instead of just dashing out to run errands. I’m hoping that having a goal like this will help me be more active and ultimately help with my weight loss. I wanted to avoid making a specific weight loss resolution though.
So far I’m just tracking with a highlighter on a printed map, but is there a tech version for something like this?
Cb
Oh that’s such a good goal. Who knows what you might discover? I’m a stationary nerd so I think highlighting the routes is way more satisfying than a tech option.
CountC
+1 I would find a beautiful map and use colored pencils most likely. What a great idea!
Sydney Bristow
I’ve just been using a map that I printed from the web. Maybe tracking down a pretty map would help. I do get a sense of satisfaction out of physically marking it off.
Betty
MayMyRun (app) can be used to track a walk. I use it to track distance and pace. You can actively watch where you are on a map, and it stores your route.
Sydney Bristow
Can it show all the routes that I’ve walked over a period of time? I want to be able to make sure that I’ve walked every block and avenue without missing any.
Betty
I’m not sure that it would overlap them, but it would allow you to see what you’ve done.
Texas next week
Can anyone recommend an android app that for an audio recording that will guide me through a yoga routine? I know the movements from class, but not well enoufh to just roll out a mat and do them on my own. Thanks!
Cb
I’d like something like that for the Mysore primary series so I can work up to attending self guided classes -the videos are always a bit annoying. Hopefully someone knows of such a thing? Also would love my teacher to record the yoga nidra, puts me into such a blister out state every time and it’d be nice to replicate it at home.
DC Yogi
Check out ashtanga dispatch, I think there’s printable card w/primary on it. <3 mysore.
DC Yogi
Also – you should just go! The teacher will work with you to memorize the series, they give it to you in pieces/sections so you can remember it more easily! You won’t be expected to do the whole thing right away and you may (depending on the teacher) get stopped at positions until you can get them or be moved on, ie. mari d or supta kurmasan.
I’ve done mysore for a few years now….if you have any other questions feel free to ask!
Torin
Podcasts? There are a bunch. Yoga to the People had some years and years ago that I used a number of times each, and I know I’ve listened to others over time.
AlisalGal
Yoga Studio! I love this app so much.
Anon
Not sure about Android, but for the iPhone:
Asana Rebel Yoga (fat burning and short targeted workouts)
FitStar Yoga (you can use your own music!)
Anonymous
Probably too late, but Do Yoga With Me is such a great resource, they do videos, but also have audio versions of their classes.
P
I belong to YogaGlo. I love it!
Unemployed in NYC
Does anyone have a recommendation for a good recruiter in NYC? Specifically, for a healthcare attorney. Also, any ideas as to where else to look for positions, aside from the AHLA job board? Thanks!
Anonymous
Suzette Rubenstein, Artemis Group. Google them. My friends and I have been very happy with Suzette.
Car accident q
Is it standard for the responsible party’s insurance co to deduct “wear and tear” from the value of the part they have to replace? For example, part costs $600 and wouldn’t have to be replaced if not for the accident, insurance company covers $450 because the part was not new at the time of the accident. Thanks!
ELS
No. That is not typical.
Anonymous
Depends on the policy. It likely specifies whether the ins co is responsible for Replacement Cost Value or Actual Cost Value. The difference between them (the $150 in this case) is defined as Depreciation. Check your policy and/or ask if the car repair shop has much experience dealing with insurance companies. They may be able to get the other $150 covered.
Anon
It sounds like this is someone else’s fault and their policy is paying your claim. You should insist on full replacement.
Liability coverage is different than first party coverage – ie coverage for your own damages, like comprehensive and collision coverage for your own car. For first party you might have reductions in coverage because you made those choices when you bought the policy.
But when your damages are caused by others and their liability coverage is paying out, it should pay their full liability up to policy limits. They have no grounds to haircut your repairs because of whatever the other party bought. Push back for sure.
Car accident q
Thanks, all. Yes, it’s someone else’s policy, so even if they take off wear & tear to replace the insured’s car’s parts, we have no agreement with them that would allow that.
Schlubby but warm?
Hope I’m not too late – a follow-on question re: the cold office from this morning.
I am hypothyroid and always cold. I also work from home a lot and we keep the heat low (out of necessity – our heating bills are REALLY HIGH anyway). So far the only thing I can wear that keeps me warm:
– uniqlo extra warm heattech turtleneck
– LL Bean or Uniqlo fleece (zip up)
– Athleta polartec leggings and Uniqlo blanket “extra warm” quilted skirt, OR
– other leggings (heattech or similar) with Uniqlo sweatpants over
I feel schlubby wearing the same thing all the time and not being as dressed up as the other moms when I go to drop off the kids etc., but OTOH a sweater and jeans won’t cut it (note: I have tried sweaters and I still have to wear a fleece over, even with cashmere.) WWYD? Any suggestions for better-looking pants that will still be warm? Or better-looking fleeces? TIA!
Cb
Fleece lined jeans maybe? Or fleece lined tights under jeans? I have a wool midi skirt that is kind of cool and vintage and it is also very warm.
X
I work from home twice a week and keep the heat low, too. I keep warm by using a heated blanket. This is the one I have: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B008BF2MAC/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&th=1
anon
good ones. Uniqlo is great for cute warm stuff like the blanket skirts. I’ve got three and two are fine for work on more casual days. The third has this adorable fake fur inside that is so cozy. I also wear sweater skirts and dresses.
Anonymous
Have someone fix your insulation! I wouldn’t worry about looking dressed up when you do school pick up, get a nice winter coat and you can’t see the rest.
Jen
I WFH and keep the heat low because we have a big house and I’m cheap. I drink a lot of herbal tea, wear wool socks and often a sweater/jacket thing (DH calls them my house robes) over my outfit. I drop the kids at daycare in jeans and a coat and do not think twice abkut my outfit. Nobody cares. If they notice, they’re jealous. Parents here ($$$ Boston burb) drop off in gym clothes, in full suit + bean boots, in “before I get dressed” wear i.e. L sweatshirt and leggings and boots pre-shower (they go home and dress after dropoff). We have all been there.
Preschool dropoff, which is 95% SAH parents, is all about the athleisure.
617er
I also WFH in the Boston-area. We are new to the area, and I’m now layering up even more than before after receiving our first “real” heating bill! Yikes! :)
Jen
We had oil 2009-2015. Average price was over $4/gal
Most of that time, and our 1800s house was terribly insulated with not a lot we could do. It was awful. Now oil is down, and we have gas heat anyway (we moved), so could be worse. Remote start cars are fab.
Jen
Oh! Get a space heater! It’s impractical for me now but was great in the old house.
Anonymous
Patagonia Better Sweater is a better-looking fleece.
numbersmouse
What about Uniqlo heattech legging-pants? I remember them having corduroy ones that I meant to get before I went all capsule-wardrobe-y and then moved to a warm climate. Also, could you wear heattech leggings under jeans? I used to do that on really cold days. I find that thermal leggings + skinny jeans + thermal socks (I like to layer thin heattech socks under big woolen ones) + knee-high boots is a good combination for non-snowy cold days. In the same vein, heattech top under a sweater + thin down vest.
anonnn
This isn’t what you asked, and I know metabolism produced by medicine is never really the same (I call it being “coldblooded”), but it might be worth pursuing the medical angle a bit more too. I say this because I went a few years suffering hypothyroid symptoms while medicated until a new doctor ran some additional tests, switched my med, and upped my dose, and that helped a lot.
DFromdaBronx
Agree. I was undiagnosed hypothyroid for years & always cold. Getting my TSH way down really, really helped.
Canadienne and warm
Not as specific to your question as I don’t WFM, but also as a follow to this morning’s discussion.
I wear black or gray tights every single work day in the winter, and keep black and grey shoes or boots at the office. I am totally sick of black and gray shoes by the end of our 5 month long winter, but I am warm during the day. Mostly, I have a small space heater under my desk that I use occasionally (usually on Mondays when they have had the building heat turned down all weekend). If it is Artic cold, I have a heating pad I pop into the microwave and then put on my lap, under my feet, or on the back of my chair.
Today is cold, but I am warm in my ponte 3/4 sleeved dress, tights, booties, and tweed blazer. I, of course, wore a parka, La Canadienne shearling lined boots, wool/silk hat and mittens in to the office.
We keep the heat fairly low in our house too. I have a LOT of throws (in fact 4 out of the 5 of us got throws for Christmas), like 9 or 10 but a couple of them have migrated into the kid’s rooms for their beds.. Close the curtains if we are not home during the day as this prevents heat loss. Could you close the curtains in the rooms you are not working in, and use a small space heater where you are working (if you don’t have a fully open floor plan)?
A small electric throw sounds like it would work too. My MIL has one that covers half the size of a twin bed. You could drape something like that over your lap.
Wool/silk socks.
Have a big thermos of tea/coffee beside you and keep refilling your cup. It will warm your hands too. MY only problem with this is is prevents me from getting up from my desk as often as I should.
my parents kept the house at 58 on a heated day
My tricks:
– if wearing a dress/skirt, double tights always, usually fleece lined
– tights under jeans
– spandex under jeans (just buy a bigger pair of jeans, it’s worth it)
– riding boots often, so I can also put thick knee socks on
– warm, warm sweaters (you can match fleece if you buy appropriately)
– I spend money on anything nice looking that is also warm, these items are rare but so worth it
– layer sweaters, e.g. silk undershirt + solid color (usually tan) cashmere sweater + navy blazer + patterned scarf looks very classic but keeps me super warm
– related to that: avoid michelin man syndrome when wearing lots of layers by starting with very thin material and getting progressively thicker, not equal thickness sweaters on top of each other
– break out the hand and foot warmers you might wear skiing for normal life. I swear by these and think that they are worth the price to keep my feet warm when I have to go out running errands on a cold day
shadow
I’m always cold. I don’t turn on the heat at home.
Uniqlo also has heattech socks and any of their extra-warm stuff is amazing. Down jackets/vests are also helpful. You could wear an extrawarm heattech shirt under your sweater and heattech leggings under your jeans with heattech socks and boots.
Never too many shoes...
Sorry, you don’t turn on the heat ever? Where do you live?
Shadow
I live in the Bay Area in California, East Bay. At home it doesn’t get cold (or hot…) year round so I don’t ever use the heater and we don’t have a/c. I’m usually just cold in my office.
Me too
I WFH in a very cold climate. I wear fleece cuddlduds (top and bottom) under everything. I like to wear them under black (white house black market) pants with wool socks, and riding boots, and the fleece top under a warm sweater with a dressier wrap/coat.
All that people see when I go out is the riding boots, pants and coat. It looks semi-pulled-together, but is fleecy warm inside. If you like fleece – try it as your bottom layer.
Nonny
As another cold person, I’ve found focusing on a few cold spots is the way to go! Ankles and feet feel cold more keenly than the rest of your body, so start with a good sock (I like Wigwam silk/wool blend) and an LL Bean fleece slipper or Ugg slipper. I wear wrist warmers while typing (I wear knit llama wool ones from Sock Dreams). Instead of a fleece I get dressed and then wear my LL Bean robe around the house. (It’s like wearing a coat indoors). I also wear a fleece/knit ear cover (like a big headband) got it in the Target work out section. I had Prana flannel lined jeans, but just picked up a much cheaper pair of flannel lined Dickies. I also find hoodies warmer than fleeces (neck warm = warmer!). American Giant sells them in different weights.
If wearing a robe over regular clothes helps, just get a really heavy coat for outdoors. Canada Goose would be my choice. Though I dream of having the extra cash to order a Qiviut tunic dress (knit from Caribou fur!)
Panda
Why do some people seem to think LinkedIn is a dating website? I have to reach out to potential new clients and generally like to do so on LinkedIn but so many people seem to misinterpret this. It’s so frustrating and never happens to my male colleagues.
My language and profile are completely professional so I have no idea why this keeps happening. What am I doing wrong?
COtoNY
Can you share your general message wording? I’m fascinated that people would misinterpret networking outreach unless you’re not correctly perceiving the wording of your messages.
Panda
Hi BlahBlahBlah,
Thanks for connecting! Insert interesting/current event about person/company that explains the outreach. Can you tell me more about interesting/current event?
Best,
Panda
People generally respond and we talk/set a meeting with no date vibes BUT sometimes this is misinterpreted(???) and ends in me getting asked out. I. Don’t. Get. It. I would never ask someone out on a professional site?!
nona
You aren’t doing anything wrong. Some people are just stupid.
Anon4This
How do you know when you really want to Lean Out, versus just being burnt out or exhausted by the daily grind of two full time working spouses and two toddlers? I’m constantly dreaming about all the awesome meaningful volunteer opportunities I could do with my time (while kids are in school), cooking I could do, activities with the kids, etc. I am a lawyer in a niche area I love, and while I couldn’t hate the billable hour more, it’s not like big law, no insane hours no unreasonable partners, etc. So my job is not the issue, I am just constantly dreaming of quitting. Then I remember my retirement contributions, the traveling I want to do, and the comfortable lifestyle we have. We could float financially if I quit, but it would be a big big change. And I’m worried I would immediately regret it and not be able to break back into law. Any thoughts? How do I know what’s right?
Anonymous
The grass is always greener. If you had toddlers, you probably wouldn’t be able to afford childcare if you stayed home and with two toddlers at home – there wouldn’t be a lot of meaningful volunteer work or fancy cooking with two toddlers underfoot.
Sometimes you are in a season of life where the most you can ‘lean in’ is to show up at work everyday and not quit. Don’t beat yourself up for not ‘doing more’.
I work because I like my job and because financial security and travel with kids are important to me. It is also important to me to not be financially reliant on my husband. But I have made other choices – I live about a mile from my office and I drive a ten year old car to be able to afford a commute that short. I overpay for my kid’s daycare so I don’t have a long drive to/from. I hire household help so I never have to clean when my kids are home. These are not ‘right’ choices – they are just my choices. If you hate the billable hour – maybe the answer is a job without billable hours not staying home.
Anonymous
I don’t know…toddlers nap and many go to preschool. I’m not saying it’s easy to make French pastries from scratch with two little kids running around, but I’m sure it’s easier for SAHMs , even those with no childcare, to get a decent, healthy dinner on the table every day.
Jen
Fwiw I had this dream. I work part time. I have a 6 month old and a 3 year olds 3 y/o dropped her naps at 2 years 3 months. 6 month old takes 4 short naps a day during which the 3 y/O demands my attention. I wouldn’t count on Naptime :-)
OP
Yes there are no guarantees! Public preschool is half day five times a week, that’s what I was referring to. What do you do part time? I have been searching in vain for something.
Jen
Consulting in my former industry. I took a buy out after a merger and used the buyout $ to supplement while I built a client base. Insurance etc through husband. I just signed a deal for $300/Hr at my old company, with guaranteed minimums, which paid me 175/year (only VP making under 200, also only woman). I really don’t like most of the new mgmt but I’m happy to take their money for 6 months while smuggling my babies and NOT traveling overseas :-)
Anonymous
I think if you’re constantly dreaming of quitting, your job is at least part of the issue whether you think so or not. Can you search for a new job? Any option to work part time to free up time for cooking and volunteering? You can make a change without quitting completely with nothing else lined up.
Anonymous
I’m right there with you, but I’m in BigLaw (niche, so not always horrible). I’m the breadwiner though, so I’d have to quit and do something else (all I want: no overhang, so when I leave, I unplug until my next shift).
There’s a BSN/RN re-entry program in my city at a state-u-tuition school that I want to schedule an interview with soon just to talk and explore a bit more.
Anonymous
The BSN/RN is my goal too! I have about 30 credits in pre-reqs. I was planning to do one pre-req per semester at night but I got impatient. I quit my associate position in my niche field to go to school full-time to finish up the pre-reqs. I’m just feeling so much relief. A little fear. But mostly relief to be done with Being A Lawyer.
COtoNY
Do it and don’t be afraid :) I just graduated with my BSN after working in finance for 4 years. Best decision ever, with SO MANY possible career paths. I am so happy I did it.
Me too
No advice, but complete commiseration. I’m in the same stage of life and have the same question. I turned down an advancement opportunity in 2016 because I knew it wasn’t worth it. I’m so envious of my neighborhood friends who get to walk their kids to school, volunteer, and have all this flexibility I can only dream about. Yet I have no idea how to entangle myself from full-time work. I’d love to work part-time, but I’d pretty much have to create something from scratch and my DH is not exactly on board with that idea. We’re both creatures of stability and practicality, unfortunately.
OP
Yep very similar situation, surrounded by stay at home moms. The fear of the unknown is making me think less creatively about this.
Anonymous
Feel the same – husband and I are both in biglaw with a small child. I like my job most of the time and its relatively flexible in that I can work from home sometimes and leave when I want as long as the work is done. I was actually kind of excited to go back after a few days off for the holidays, but after only one week of doing the day care drop off, work, pick up, bedtime, then more work routine, I’m exhausted and cranky and dreaming of something new (not to mention my apartment is a disaster.) My sister is a SAHM and even though I know that has its own challenges and would not be the right fit for me it makes me sad and jealous to see all the pictures of her and her kids doing fun activities every day when I don’t have that time with my kid. I know this is not the right path for my family and that we can’t keep doing it long term but I’m too chicken to break off and try something new.
ChiLaw
Is there any precedent for going part time? Like an 80% schedule, no Fridays? It might be a way to taste test the other side.
OP
There does not seem to be any sort of precedent for that at my firm, because that was my first thought too. And I’m not senior enough that they would do anything to keep me. I am definitely searching for that unicorn part time position!
anon
No real advice, but I want to chime in with my experience. I’ve been unemployed for the last 6 months or so–I was laid off, but we had enough savings and DH earns enough that we can get by while I look for the right job. But we are not saving for retirement right now and have very little extra money. (I’m actually really excited about an interview I had earlier this week–I’m the commenter who asked what to wear for coffee–and have a lunch meeting with the managing partner next week.)
Anyways, in the meantime, I’ve been a SAHM with a kid in daycare. It seems like so much time from the outside, but I have so much respect for SAHMs, especially ones who don’t have childcare. There’s SO much to do, and not nearly the free time you would think. I’m sure it depends on how complicated your lifestyle is, but I do all the housework, laundry, shopping, budgeting and bill-paying, cooking, gardening, car-washing, and almost all the childcare not provided by daycare. I get my toddler ready in the morning and do the bedtime routine by myself. I also manage an investment property and have managed a renovation. DH works but otherwise does very, very little at home, even on the weekends. I think he also creates more work because he knows he won’t clean it up. It’s a true 1950s-tv setup. Also, since I was actually the primary earner and the one with beneftis, we can’t afford to eat out more than twice a month or so, so I get a break from cooking only if I cook ahead and freeze. Depending on what you count, I probably “work” more than DH does, and I probably get at least 7000 steps a day just walking around the house.
All that said, I have loved parts of it. I’m happy I’ve gotten to spend more time with my son than I ever would have when I was working. I also enjoy cooking and have lost weight by making my own meals and moving around so much. I’m much less stressed than I was at my last job, and now that I’ve had a few months “off,” I’m much more ready to go back to work full-time.
Saguaro
I totally get this. Felt the same way 3-4 years ago, right down to the kids. I was so discouraged because I felt that I needed to make some sort of huge lifestyle change but I didn’t even know how or what that was. I didnt think just changing jobs would make a difference, because I felt like it would be the same issues, just a different company.
Well, I did end up changing jobs, and I purposely took a job one level down, so less stress, a little less responsibility, and only a little less money. It has made all the difference in the world. Turns out that the company I was with prior (for 15 years!) was a just a sh**y company to work for. I didn’t know, having been there so long. I thought every company was like that! I am now with a much better company, better people to work with, and I can work at home sometimes which I love. I am so much happier now, where before I just thought it had to be that way until retirement and that was so completely depressing.
So, absent any other options or choices, consider changing jobs. I never would have thought it would help the situation, but it made all the difference for me.
Anonymous
Thoughts on plantation tours from NOLA? Both in terms of specific plantations to visit and also are they as icky as I’ve been led to believe with respect to addressing slavery? My in-laws really want to do one while we’re there on vacation (we’re all white) and I feel kind of gross about the whole thing but maybe I’m overreacting.
Anon
It’s gross and icky. Please don’t go
afd afd
Well people visit concentration camps too and that’s not really seen as icky. If you go to George Washington or Andrew Jackson’s houses they talk about slavery and have the slaves housing there and stuff.
Anonymous
I think the problem is that people visit concentration camps to learn about the historical events and be sad. There’s nothing wrong with going to a museum about slavery. The problem is that the plantations in Louisiana are all “Look at the beautiful architecture!” and totally gloss over the whole slave thing. It would be like visiting Auschwitz and hearing about how efficiently it produced weapons for the German military, not the millions of people that were murdered there.
afd afd
If that’s the concern there are many places (GW’s plantation is one actually) that really focus on the history of slavery. I was surprised to see that even Andrew Jackson’s house was very upfront of him owning and mistreating slaves.
Anon
Exactly. I’ve never heard of an honest plantation tour. If there is one that’s brutally honest I’d be all for it. “Jim Bob liked to r*pe his female slaves, the resulting children were often the victims of infanticide. He fed his slaves scraps like beet greens. He was emotionally and physically abusive to all his slaves. They lived in sub human conditions, even getting less preference than the animals.” If that tour exists I want to know about it
Anonymous
There’s one that I would go on — I cannot remember the name of it, but IIRC the family was either black or Creole and the story was very interesting. Ugh — if I can google it, I will post.
Anonymous
Melrose Plantation is kind of far — maybe that’s the one you’re thinking of?
June
It sounds like you might be describing the plantation Laura.
emeralds
I was actually just at Laura two weeks ago. My mom wanted to do a tour and I was really nervous it would be icky. But it was EXCELLENT and in no way shied away from the realities of slavery. It got really heavy a few times. Ask for Lindy as a guide if you can–she’s a sociology student of African descent, and did an amazing job of connecting the history of slacery with contemporary racial issues. There was neither moonlight nor magnolias.
cbackson
My mom still talks about her tour of Laura and how much she learned about the complexity of race and slavery in antebellum Louisiana. It sounds really interesting.
emeralds
Long comment got eaten. Probably Laura. Highly recommend. Ask for Lindy as your guide if she’s available.
Anonymous
Have not been, but the Whitney Plantation is supposed to be good in that respect.
Senior Attorney
Yes, we wanted to go there when we were in NOLA but alas were rained out.
Anonymous
I think it helps to remember how brutal it was. If we’re not exposed to that, it seems very dry (ownership). But it is so, so much more. I went to college in VA and a lot of tours included the slave quarters (probably 50% of the time/talking) and it was very eye-opening. I would go, just to see. I’m sure some are better than others. But we go to all sorts of things of the past. Why avoid this?
Anonymous
What do you mean by “icky”? Are you afraid the tour will gloss over the brutal realities of slavery, or are you worried about the opposite?
OP
Sorry for the confusion! I meant icky in the sense that they really downplay the slavery while glorifying the beautiful architecture, etc. I have been to Nazi concentration camps and have no problem learning about hard realities of history (and agree it’s important to learn so we don’t repeat), but it makes me uncomfortable to celebrate plantation life without talking about the horrors of slavery.
Anonymous
My opinion is that it probably depends on the place, but some places do whitewash it. Like “Oh the owners treated the slaves like they were their own family” OR “so and so wanted freed the slaves in his will”, they even go so far to say the slaves were “happy”. Um OK, does NOT make it better. Even the Lee House at Arlington National Cemetary paints this rosy picture of how slaves were treated by the Lee family. When I visited NOLA last year I found quite a few references to Jefferson Davis as a “great american hero”. I rolled my eyes so hard they almost fell out of my head. We didn’t do any plantation tours. I haven’t heard of ANYONE painting a rosy picture of concentration camps. I personally do view plantations as death/work camps and I find it icky that anyone hosts weddings/special events there.
Anonymous
Right??? I don’t get that at all. Would you host your wedding at Dachau or a Japanese internment camp? If not then I don’t know why you think a southern plantation is ok. It may look pretty but think about the history for literally two seconds.
Married to a guy from the South
I think the reason you see weddings etc there is that the people that grow up there are taught a different (white washed) version of history. I’m a northerner married to a southerner and we love comparing the history lessons we grew up with. His was all about the brave southern soldiers fighting for state’s individual rights and did not discuss that those rights were to keep slaves.
Also, what should they do with all the properties? Burn them down because atrocities occurred there a long time ago? That’s one option but I’m not a big fan of destroying history. See the Stone Mountain debates. I think you can recognize that atrocities occurred somewhere and still enjoy the beauty of the current state of the land.
There was a murder in a rest areas bathroom that’s on a highway I frequent. Random, brutal and sad. I still patronize that rest area though. I might even use the stall the murder occurred in, I don’t know. I don’t think the burger king should have to go out of business because of it.
Lastly, some of the plantations are now owned by non-profit organizations and historical societies – not the families that originally lived there. If you visit those, you aren’t allowing individuals to profit based on their ancestors slave ownership.
Actual Southerner
A rest area bathroom stall murder, as sad as it is, simply is absurdly incomparable to the historical, economic, political, and longstanding institution of slavery and the innumerable acts of violence that made it function. The fact that, as many commentators have clearly noted, *most* of the plantations gloss over or omit this central part of their history (why indeed those beautiful structures exist, were built and maintained), should make wanting to celebrate and admire their architectural beauty nauseating. (And thus, the non-profit organizations and historical societies are in fact indirectly profiting from the silencing of the reality of slavery.) People have economic power. They can exercise it by refusing to patronize those plantation tours, by telling the plantation owners the disingenuous history is the reason why, and in fact, by patronizing historically accurate plantations.
X
The Burger King at the rest stop on Route 24 South? I even know people who knew her.
Married to a guy from the South
Yes! So so so awful.
SC
There are two plantations near NOLA that don’t white wash the brutality of the slave experience at all. One is the Laura Plantation, which focuses on the stories of all the people living on the plantation. It is also interesting because it was run by French-speaking creole women and is older than most of the antebellum plantation houses in the area. The other is the new Whitney plantation, which is the only plantation that specifically focuses on slavery. I don’t think there’s any reason to feel “icky” about those tours. But what you learn on the tours is horrifying and deeply sad, and you might not want to do that on vacation.
Lana
Seconding the Laura Plantation if you want a place that doesn’t just gloss over the history to talk about the architecture.
Jeffiner
We toured the plantation Laura, it was a short drive from NOLA. It was run by Creole women, but they did have slaves, too though. I found the tour interesting.
SC
I found myself in Charleston, SC with a day to spare. I’m a photographer on the side and asked around about nice places to do some nature photography. I was sent to Middleton Place which turned out to be a plantation, albeit a national historical site. You could pay an admission fee and just do your own thing. There are amazing natural trails and botanical gardens. You could tour the land or tour the houses. You didn’t have to listen to any speeches or stories about the place. I just checked out their website and I’m not a fan of their “history” section. But, if you wanted a more private, somber tour, you could take one at a place like that.
TL/DR, see if you can find a self guided tour at a place that has more than just the structures.
SC
Oops. I’m not the original SC above. I just used SC because I was talking about South Carolina. Sorry original SC.
Running Music
Hive,
I got talked into running a half marathon in April. I’ve started training and discovered that I’m bored with most of my music, so I’m gifting myself a running playlist overhaul. I will probably be somewhere between 2:45 and 3:00, so I need enough to fill that time.
What do you like to run to? Current running playlist includes Drake, The Chainsmokers, Bruno Mars, T. Swift, and Kelly Clarkson, but open to anything.
Hermione
I recommend getting Spotify or Apple Music. Even if you don’t keep it forever, you can use it for a few months as you experiment with new music/playlists/etc.
Running Music
Are either of those data hogs when you’re not on wifi?
Hermione
I don’t know how much data they use, to be honest – maybe runners can chime in here. I do know that you can choose to have certain playlists available when you’re offline so that you’re not using up data. You need to have some storage space on your phone, but I’ve never had an issue with that. I have a handful of playlists available offline so that I can listen to them on planes.
Anonymous
If you get Spotify premium, you can download playlists while you’re on wifi and then it uses no data to play it back.
First Year Anon
Google plan ahs the same feature- I download random playlists before I head on my run.
shadow
If you have t-mobile and binge-on, spotify does not use your data.
Betty
Kind of a quirky suggestion, but my favorite running music is music that was popular when I was in high school and college. I google the billboard charts for various years and add songs that bring up memories. On a long run, there is nothing like a song that reminds you of that one night in college when you [fill in random funny memory] to really distract for a solid 3-5 minutes.
NY CPA
+1
I made a gym playlist when I started going to the gym as a college freshman, and that is still my go-to. I’ve added a handful more songs over the years but it’s mostly stayed the same.
mascot
Google Play streaming music subscriptions are about $10/month and you can download music for offline use. It has a bunch of radio stations to get new ideas, including a whole bunch of fitness oriented ones. Also, there are a million playlist suggestions out there (some by theme, some by tempo)
Wildkitten
Podcasts
New Tampanian
+1 or audible
numbersmouse
Janelle Monae!
shadow
K-pop, particularly the up-beat kind. I have pandora one, the paid version without ads, and I have several playlists, some including K-pop, some dance lists, etc. You can refine them as you listen to the lists, and you get quite a few skips. I like that there are no ads. It’s fairly cheap also.
CHS
On my long run days (i.e. slow and steady) I used to do an hour or so of Deep Focus on Spotify. So relaxing. It wasn’t a data hog for me.
Murzle
Late to the thread but check out 8tracks. Its a website/app where people make playlists and tag them with genres and activities that would go with the music. There are a ton of good running mixes on there. You can find them by entering the tags you’re personally interested in, or by looking for the most popular or read comments. I use 8tracks for everything–studying, driving, cooking, getting ready to go out.
Out Of Place Engineer
I love Me First and the Gimme Gimmes for running. Songs I know all the words for, with a beat I can run to. They are awesome!
Anon
Ok ladies, I need some stories about successfully leaving the practice of law. I’m just about ready to make a move since I cannot imagine doing this for the next 30 years!! For those non-practicing attorneys, how did you make the jump?
Anonymous
I applied online (Indeed) to a job post that looked interesting and I was vaguely qualified for (I didn’t have a degree in the fields they were looking for, but I had a lot of experience that I knew would be relevant and I was able to convince them of that). I got the job, love it and haven’t looked back! Be prepared to get a lot of judgment from people though. Four years later my in-laws still ask me in a really condescending tone of voice “So you’re really NEVER going to be a lawyer again?” Nope, never!!!
Anon
Yep, I’m sure my parents would give me a hard time about it but there’s no price you can put on happiness.
CountC
I don’t know if I made as much of a jump as you are thinking of because I ended up in a JD preferred contract management/administration role, but I really like my job and I have great work-life balance. I don’t work more than 40 hours a week, my work is mostly interesting, I like the people I work with, and in my LCOL, I make a good salary.
To your question, I left law and law-related entirely for two years. I was very fortunate to financially be able to float around doing a variety of things, which I realize is not the case for everyone. I worked in legal recruiting for a while (big NOPE), I substitute taught elementary school students (fun, but more school and parents/administration, NOPE), and then I worked in real estate for a year. Working in real estate solidified for me that I enjoyed working with people and really enjoyed working with contracts. I knew that I wanted to find a job that allowed me to use my contract drafting and negotiating skills, but be out of the legal department and involved on the business side. I moved back to where I went to law school and networked and networked and networked while I temped. I took an internship (yes, internship) at a company doing the type of job I was eventually hired full-time perm to do. I am very happy here and am glad I muddled along and waited for the right opportunity. I realize however, that not everyone has the financial security to take some of the much lower paying jobs that I did. I lived in a tiny studio apartment for a while and cut back on lots of things. I also had an SO that helped for a short period of time by covering rent in our shared home.
Hope that helps a bit!
Kate
I knew I wanted out of my legal job in 2012, but I was certain what my next step should be. It took me a little while to get things figured out, and I went slowly with the change. Most of my ideas were going to result in a significantly lower salary, so I started scaling back to make sure I could live a different lifestyle. (I also saved a great deal during my last two years as an attorney.)
In figuring out what I wanted to do, I took advantage of my large company’s numerous training and mentoring activities. I reached out to former professors, I talked to people in different fields about the pros/cons of their job, and I volunteered for organizations connected to what I thought might turn into my new career. Ultimately, I picked a field that required yet another degree. I started attending part-time in August 2013 and was able to change my workload to 80% at the big company. After one semester, I knew I was headed in the right direction! I quit job in January 2014, took more classes, and worked several part-time jobs in the interim until I completed degree #3 in May 2015.
I love the work I do now, and I am glad I made the change. I am a pretty risk-averse person, so for me the key was planning and taking things slowly. Having the ability to buy affordable health insurance (thanks, ACA!) was truly an important factor that helped me make the jump, too. Most of my family and some friends still seem disappointed that I’m no longer working for a prestigious company, earning a lot of money, or “fulfilling my potential” (their words). I am so content with my life, though, that I don’t let their judgments bother me.
Good luck! I wish you even more happiness on your journey!
Hollis
Kate, thanks for sharing your story and I’m glad the change worked out so well for you. Would you mind sharing what type of work you are doing now?
TheElms
Hive HALP Please! I’m starting to think I don’t want to be a lawyer for the rest of my life. I’m a litigator now if it matters. I’m reasonably good at being a lawyer but it doesn’t bring me joy anymore. What other sorts of things do ex-lawyers do? I like to research/ write, I like to solve problems, I’m a pretty quick learner, but I get bored easily if things are too repetitive. I like fast paced environments, but the hours and stress of BigLaw are starting to get to me. Ideally I don’t want to work more than 40-45 hours a week. Any thoughts on jobs? I’ve read some of the books out there on finding what you’d love to do but I seem to end up falling in the middle of lots of categories so there is no clear answer.
Torin
Go in house? I deal with a million and one different kinds of things, about half of which I would even consider practicing law. The bulk of what I do I think essentially boils down to risk assessment: most of my job is making tactical and strategic decisions in litigation/dispute resolution and conducting contract negotiations and in my mind both boil down to deciding what type and level of risk you’re willing to deal with.
I won’t say it’s never boring though — sometimes it is. But the pay is decent and the hours are unbeatable.
First Year Anon
Following because I am in the same position. I’m tired of my life revolving around my job. I just don’t make plans during the week ever anymore because I’m basically on-call. The only thing I can reasonably do during the week is sneak in a quick workout before heading back to work.
Fed up
I had an unofficial, surprise performance review today and actually got told that I work too efficiently and I need to not work so efficiently so I have more stuff to do in my downtime.
I mean…what?
It doesn’t help that the person reviewing me has been very obvious that she does not like me personally and has been critical of me since the day I started here.
Fuck everything.
s nYC
document. email. document.
s nYC
and im sorry, that’s so annoying. :((
Anonymous
Just…. wow.
May I ask, do you work in a major private corporation, or in a government position?
nsync
Are adidas back in again? I’ve seen them starting popping up in ads again, stripes and all.
s nYC
YES…
anon
Oh yeah, and not recently! At least a few years now. – mom of a teen on the west coast
s nYC
Can anyone recommend a San Fran area matrimonial lawyer?
Thanks!!!
Anon
Is it ridiculous to take an Uber? Have to go to a party tomorrow night in the suburbs about a 40 min drive away — I’m not in the south where there will be snow but I’m kind of on the edge of that southern storm so we could see an inch or so. I’m concerned it’ll make the roads messy — and given that I only moved from NYC a yr ago (where I never drove), I’m kind of scared to be out on a cold night when it has snowed or iced even 5 hrs earlier. But then I’m one of those rare people who really dislikes Uber — I’m getting in a stranger’s car, at night, going a long way and there’s no guarantee they’re a good driver. WWYD? And no I don’t have anyone I can go with — I’m fairly new to town still and just don’t have those kinds of friendships here.
Torin
Won’t it be hellaciously expensive for two 40 minute drives? Like well in excess of $100? What about asking the host if you can stay the night if the weather is bad? If that’s not an option, I’d just bow out.
Veronica Mars
Don’t do it. As Torin mentioned, it will be expensive and there will be a horrible surge surcharge on top of that because there will be few southern uber drivers who are willing to drive in the snow. I was going to Uber to a party in Dallas during a snowstorm and it was going to be $75 each way… normally it would be a 10 min drive.
Anon
OP here — just checked Uber now — it say $30 each way and this is during the 5 pm Friday rush hour. I had assumed that a Saturday evening would be less than that so I was ok paying — but I didn’t factor in that there will be a huge price surge if there’s weather.
And no I’m not going to spend the night.
Guess I’ll see how tonight goes — maybe we get lucky and the whole thing misses us or clears out from here at 8 am Saturday morning in which case driving at 8 pm isn’t as big of a deal. Otherwise I guess I’m out.
Veronica Mars
The other thing to think about is that you might be fine getting there, but if the weather changes or drivers leave the area, you could be hit with a whammy coming back (or be stuck).
Anon
Yes – as Veronica says – Uber availability changes a lot if there’s a storm. So you could be totally fine at 7 pm but when you’re ready to leave at 11 pm, it’s possible that there aren’t Ubers out or are charging $200 for a $30 ride. That would leave you in an awkward situation given that it’s a party in the suburbs (you can’t walk anywhere – not like you can go to a bar and hang there until Ubers become available) and it sounds like it isn’t a close friend’s party – so you don’t want to be stuck there.
Torin
Actually now I think about it I wonder if you’d have trouble getting an Uber at 11 PM in the burbs regardless of the weather. I don’t live in the burbs or drive for Uber so it’s possible I’m exactly wrong here, but my assumption would be that burbs = minimal bar scene –> minimal Uber drivers working late.
Anonymous
It sounds like you’re already determined to stay in.
Anon
OP here — no I do want to go, and I’m hoping the storm takes a turn or isn’t as big as they’re saying. But I don’t want to be stressed the whole time about driving there and back if that makes sense.
Anon
If you do end up going — drive the highways as much as you can. In the southern cities where there is limited equipment I find that they work hard to pretreat/scrape/salt the main roads but they don’t ever get to the internal roads. So while it seems counterintuitive there are lots of times where a major highway will be just fine and will actually be kind of empty bc ppl don’t want to venture out to the highway thinking it’ll be terrible.
Anon
I say if the weather ends up being ok/dry by the time you need to leave and you feel comfortable, go. If not, forget it. I wouldn’t Uber — Uber isn’t reliable in the suburbs and esp. not during storms in the south when there may be fewer/none on the road.
Anonymous
I’m new to the ‘burbs after living in NYC for a decade. The only way to get more comfortable driving is to, well, drive. Don’t take an Uber — it’s unreliable in the suburbs and you might get stuck, as others have said, between surge pricing if there’s any sort of weather and lack of drivers. If you’re still this nervous about driving tomorrow a few hours before you would leave for the party, call the host! Ask if they know anyone who lives near you who would be willing to carpool! You’re looking to make friends, right?
Anonymity
If you’re going to drive, just over prepare. Throw boots parka extra outdoor gloves in trunk. Thermos with hot tea. Sleeping bag, space blanket or heavy polartech blanket. Warm knit hat and scarf. Protein bars. Flashlight. Extra phone battery packs. And then anything you’d need if you had to be in your car for hours or overnight- medicines, contact lens case and backup glasses. This is what I have when I travel the interstate in the winter. I had it all during a blizzard but didn’t need most of it. Like insurance it’s good to have it but you probably won’t need it. having all that prepared helps me relax and be ready for anything.
Anonymous
Hah, yes! I had a 40 minute commute home turn into an 8 hr drive on icy roads (1/4 inch of ice!) 10 yrs ago in Raleigh. DH was out of town and I was determined to get home to my cat, and besides as Sr. atty says, the only way out was through! The worst part was finding a gas station to use a restroom!
I wouldn”t chance icy roads for a party I wasn’t crazy to attend, if there’s precip and it will be below freezing when you’d be driving home.
Gail the Goldfish
Ah, Raleigh in winter weather. Looking forward to tomorrow. Every time WRAL gets excited about the weather, I think of this picture: http://www.wral.com/-oh-my-gosh-raleigh-woman-s-snow-photo-goes-viral/13390109/
Anonymous
I’d drive, 100%. I’m from an area where snow is common and learned to drive in it, but I’ve been around plenty of those who don’t. If your drive is mostly main roads/highway and with only getting at most an inch, then unless you are in an area that cannot deal with snow, I wouldn’t be concerned. Actually, this is a good way for you to get used to driving in less than optimal conditions. Stay in the right lame, go slowly, drive carefully if you are concerned, but my guess is that you’ll realize you were more concerned looking ahead than what it actually ends up being. (Not that it isn’t a valid concern, I just think this is a minor enough storm that it’s an opportunity for you to go out and see what it’s like.) Plus, it sounds like you want to go and also want to make more friends in the area. While I agree to be prepared, for a 40 minute drive in at most an inch of snow, I wouldn’t go all out. Bring warm clothes, a shovel (I always have one if I get stuck but I don’t see that unless the storm drastically changes – I have it for when we get a few feet of snow), salt/cat litter, water, snacks if you want, car charger, regular car emergency kit, and whatever your preferred method of snow cleaning for your car is. Most of that is in my car year round anyway and is almost never used, but it may make you feel better.
I definitely wouldn’t use Uber, but I also hate it. I think you’ll be fine – good luck and enjoy the party!
Canadian Driver
I love y’all, you are so cute.
Totally agree with having emergency supplies in the car, a fully charged phone battery (and a battery bank) in the car and staying on major highways as much as possible.
Snowy city
Yo, there is so much snow in my city that the snowbanks have grown to take up half of the roads (bye bye two-way traffic and on-street parking). The municipality actually has to plan these huge snow removal operations for the late evenings where they get front-end loaders to scrape up these snowbanks and have them hauled away in dumptrucks. We get snow almost every other day. If people didn’t want to drive in it we would all cease to exist as a city. It’s ok! Driving in light snow isn’t as bad as you think it’s going to be. SLOW is the key word.
Anon
I think we live in the same city. The dump trucks were out in my neighborhood on Wednesday, but I see snow banks in the burbs and less affluent neighborhoods still
Gail the Goldfish
Part of the problem where I am is we almost never get just snow because it’s never cold enough when the precipitation starts–it’s always hovering right around freezing, so we get a bad combo of snow and freezing rain and sleet. Yes, there’s only an inch of snow in my town right now, but under than inch of snow is a half inch of ice. There’s a video of someone the next town over literally playing hockey in their street because it’s a solid block of ice. Can’t do much with that.
rosie
No way I would trust an Uber driver if I was worried about the weather. I did grow up driving in the northeast, but even if I were in your shoes, why would an Uber driver be any better of a driver in weather than you? And you are probably more likely to be more cautious. Safe travels if you decided to go!
anon
Kicking myself for having a typo in thank-you emails for an interview I had today. Didn’t misspell any names, just an extra word (think a double “the”). I thought it went really well so I hope this doesn’t hurt my chances
Sloan Sabbith
If it makes you feel better, I got a job and I spelled my own name wrong in the emailed thank you note. I edited my signature to take out something and accidentally took out the last three letters of my last name.
MC
Has anyone ever hired a professional home organizer before? I got an amazing gift of 6 precious hours with one (divided into sessions) from my mom. How did it go? How should I prepare? How specific were the suggestions provided? Was your husband terrified?
Anonymous
How interesting!
I haven’t had the luxury, but I would probably call the person ahead of time and ask him/her what they recommend you think about/do ahead of time?
Wildkitten
I haven’t had one but I am really interested in personal organization and I would suggest thinking about which areas are your “problem areas” and what your goals are. (Like, to get out of the house earlier in the morning? to not lose things? to not have so much stuff you don’t use? to deal with inherited items appropriately?) She’ll probably want to see how you currently use spaces, what all you have in them, and what you goals are, and then can come up with a plan for your sessions based on that.
Legal recruiters, Boston/greater area
Anyone have suggestions for good recruiters, especially for T&E attys, in the greater Boston area, even New England generally?
Ellen
I spoke with Dad, and he said you should go here first: BCG Attorney Search. You can see they have T&E opening’s.
http://www.bcgsearch.com/searchresults.php?loc_str=2636288&key_ppa=16
I hope you get the job you want and enjoy life in Boston. Dad loves Boston! Good luck to you!
BTW, I forgot to tell the hive that Dad is being considered for an goverment executive exempt service position in Washington DC! He has alot of freinds in Langley, and they put his name in for a job. He said he would take it if it is offered to him b/c he is retired now and has nothing to do (except bother me about why I am NOT married and do NOT have a grandchildren for him like Rosa). I am not sure I want him to go back to work, b/c he is over 60 year’s old now and he has NOT had a regular type of job for a while. It is ONE thing to be a professor at a school, but another to work in Goverment. I told him of MY DC experences with Goverment, but he said that is different. (FOOEY on that, I told him) He said he realy would NOT have to do much, just run thing’s and other peeople would actually have to do the work in his agency. What would the HIVE recomend if their dad wanted to take a job in goverment and was OVER 60 year’s old? Would they tell him to just sit back and watch, or go out and actualy work? I hope he does the right thing, but he has NOT gotten the job yet. I look forward to hearing the HIVE’s view, and Kat and Kate’s view also. YAY!!!!!
Anne Bird
Dear Corporettes: Help! I was laid off from a Sr. in-house counsel position and have been job searching since July. I am terrified that I have gotten zero hits on my resume… maybe I am doing something wrong with either presentation or formatting, but I have looked at it a million times and can’t figure out the problem. I have received feedback that my background and experience are very good. Former colleagues and work-friends are shocked I haven’t found anything yet, and I’m starting to panic! Please help!
Can anyone recommend a resume review service geared towards lawyers? I am my family’s primary earner, I have a toddler and I help support my elderly parents. I only have about 5 more months of savings so I need to do something/anything to get a good job.
Thank you everyone!
Anonymous
What area are you in? That may vary the advice.
Honestly, I think networking is much more important than sending out tons of applications. Get involved in your local bar association’s committee most similar to your practice area. Go to all the networking events you can: lunches, happy hours, individual meetings, things through your bar associations, things through your law school or a local law school if possible, events by firms you are integrated in, etc. Contact some people in your area doing what you used to do (assuming you are looking in the same field) to catch up and see if they know of any leads.
Best of luck!
Hollis
I was also laid off from my in house position, ended up taking a job at a smaller firm and now, several years later, I’m a partner at a larger firm. Are you limiting your search to in house positions? If so, in house jobs are so desirable that you are competing with tons of people who are qualified and some of whom will have an “in” because they know someone at the company. And sadly people do think less of a candidate who is not currently employed, even if it was not performance related, so your resume may carry a taint from that fact alone. It may be time to look for a decent, but not perfect position,and possibly go back to a firm (assuming that’s where you were before you were in house).
In terms of general advice, I agree with the poster above who said networking is key. Meet everyone you remotely know for coffee and but then coffee, ask if they can introduce you to other people, invite those people to coffee and keep going. Someone is going to know of a position that’s not posted publicly anywhere. That’s how I got my last 2 jobs actually. Good luck!
Ai
Your law school career services office should be able to review your resume for you.
J-non
Shopping PSA! The Limited is closing all stores and going out of business– their website is 50% off everything (Final Sale Only)– Happy Shopping!
Anonymous
this has been talked about every day for the last two or three weeks
Anonymous
And this “sale” is down from 80% off everything, so it’s actually not a good deal…
LikeAGlove
Just came across this on my Facebook feed. Obv because of the source I’m skeptical, but the idea sounds really intriguing. Basically it’s a pair of “smart” leggings that promises to take your measurements and compare them to a database of jeans to find the best fit for your body type. They’re not cheap ($75-ish) but I have an athletic build that makes shopping for jeans super frustrating. Thought I’d see if anyone here has heard of it or tried it?? (Hope this isn’t too late, or I may have to repost Monday.)
Fitness and nutrition lifestyle change portal
Hi Kat and her employee(s),
Please develop a new area of Corporette for fitness and nutrition for busy working women (childless and moms). At least give us a weekly open thread to check in and talk to one another. Some of it can be moral support and tips for women who are trying to get into shape, lose weight, get fit and adjust to a different body after the birth of a child. Some can be women who use exercise for stress relief, as investments in their health, as a networking and client relationship building tool. Some can be ladies who don’t have to wear suits every day and love athleisure while teleworking.
We are very open to corporate sponsors of the thread or portal giving us deals on sports bras, tights, capris, tops, shoes, etc. and deals in meal services, chia, almond butter, etc.
We are also open to sponsored posts on studio boutiques, trends, running, swimming, lifting, and athleisure posts.
Know this is not what you have done traditionally, but as a longtime reader (from the very beginning), have watched you evolve with the rest of us. Please move into the women’s health area more. We already go to you every day or at least every week for your regular content. Would love it if you also were a place where we could talk about health, fitness, clothing, gear, and nutrition. Thank you!
cc
Who is the we you speak of? Certainly not me and I’ve been reading for at least 7 years. there are a zillion health/fitness blogs out there – go find one or make your own.
Anon
No thank you!
I'm Just Me ....
Please, no.
Anon
I hope all my NorCal ladies are staying warm and dry. The flooding in the North Bay looks scary, with more to come tomorrow!