Weekend Open Thread

146 Comments

1. If you are a partner at a law firm, I’d be interested to know about your marketing and client development strategies. What has worked for you? What has been a waste of time? Are there external resources – conferences, coaches, etc. – that have been helpful for you?

   For the same group, I’d also be interested in strategies for managing internal partnership political tension over client opportunities. Put your head down and just do good work? Fight for inclusion?

   There’s so much out there on how to be a good associate. There’s so much less on how to be a good partner. If you have stories or could point me to resources, I’d love to hear them.

   1. Nothing works better than one on one time spent in a sincere mindset, open to learning, with actual client personnel. And keep in touch and be nice to everyone you have ever worked with, esp. after they leave, even if for a competitor. You never know where people end up.

      1. I agree! Anon correctly knows that to develop your client relationships, you MUST know who your client is and what your client wants to get out to the engagement. In my case, it is simple. The client hires ME so that I can get RID of the claimant’s who want WC or Statutory Disability benefits and the client does NOT want to pay for them. FOOEY on them!

         Our WC defense practise focuses on proper lawful surveillance of these claimants, followed by VIGOUROUS defense work in court to assure the plaintiffs ONLEY get benefits if they CLEARLY prove their entitlement. All of my briefs report the same standard of proof in NYS law, and we regularly assert that the planintiff does NOT show that he/she complied with NYS law. It is the plaintiff in NYS that has the burden of proof goeing forward, and if there is NO PRIME FACIE case made out, we are entitled to dismiss under CPLR 3211. And we do many times when we prove we find the plaintiff up on the roof, or gardening or doing siding work on their house, or even trimming trees from a ladder. THAT, my friends, is what our bread is buttered with. We make a lot of money by saveing our cleints a lot MORE money with phony claims from lazy slobs that want a handout.

         When I tell new potential client’s this story, they are VERY impressed at my attitude, and hire ME to do their work. That is why I have a 7900 hour requirement this year to fufill, and it will NOT be easy to do those hours AND have a personal life.

         But I figure that if I can meet a guy and get MARRIED, I can cut back, if NOT eliminate these hours, and move to Chapaqua, which is my ultimate goal.

         So for now, OP, work hard, follow my advise and you should cultivate more cleints or at least more hours out of your existing cleints. Best of LUCK to you and the HIVE!

         YAY!!!!!

   2. The thing about being a partner and about marketing is that no two people do it the same way. Each partner will have a completely different story (at least outside of the biggest of Biglaw IME) of how they did it. Doing good work is part of it, but not enough. Law is not a meritocracy.

      For me, the biggest help to making partner was finding a niche (or actually niches, plural) but focusing my practice on a particular type of client and case. It’s a lot easier to sell yourself when you’re somewhat specialized. You can pick what conferences to attend more easily. Figure out what publications to target (both for attempts at publishing yourself and to get).

   3. I like the Bringing in the Rain networking book for women lawyers. The author reminds you that the place to start is with your existing contacts.

2. My husband and I both have and love this bag. It is shockingly spacious for how compact it is. We did 3 weeks in SE Asia carrying just these bags (we did laundry once a week). Highly recommend!

   1. P.S. it works even better along with eBags packing cubes.

      1. Which cubes did you use? I’ve never used them and they come in so many sizes – I just want to get the ones I’d need for this bag.

   2. I have and love this bag too. My 25yo son used it for two weeks in Europe and also loved it. Second the comment on packing cubes.

   3. I genuinely love this bag. I originally bought it for study abroad (my only bag if you don’t count checked luggage filled only with textbooks), and I have used it so many times since then.

3. Light fiction recommendation: Everybody Rise by Stephanie Clifford. It’s a satire of old money, elitism and social climbing. I laughed out loud frequently, which is hard to accomplish for a book. But it also has some heart.

   1. Thanks for sharing!

   2. This may not nest, but I’m seeing the book recommended above free for kindle currently!! (On Amazon, I have regular prime.)

      1. What lucky timing! I had no idea.

         1. Funny, and thanks! I’m now they proud owner of a digital copy. :)

            1. FYI, it looks like the free version is just the first couple chapters– it’s a sneak peak. The full book is $9.99

         2. It looks like the Kindle version is just the first two chapters

            1. Check to see if your local library does ebooks. Mine does, and with an app called Overdrive, I can read basically any ebook on my iPad for free.

            2. My library has that app and Hoopla which seems to have newer stuff amd no limits (with Overdrive the library has only a certain number of copies like with physical books).

   3. Thanks! I was just looking for something light to read.

   4. I enjoyed this a lot! It is in the vein of “the luckiest girl alive” methinks. I am currently reading “the woman in the window.” Girl on the train it’s not, but it is pretty good.

   5. Another good light read is “It Ends With Us” — very good

4. Anyone have recommendations for upper lid blepharoplasty in the DC area? This option had been suggested to me by the dr. that does my botox, since apparently lots of my lines are related to pulling my eyelids up… And there was a thread a few weeks ago where commenters seemed to have good experiences that got me thinking about seriously considering it. Thanks!

5. Random rant: the little inspirational sayings inside Dove chocolate wrappers are saccharinely condescending and are so clearly targeted at an unfulfilled woman I roll my eyes every time I open one. “Don’t settle for a spark. Light a fire instead.” “Go into an actual bookstore.” “Steal 5 minutes for yourself today.” “Draw yourself a bath.” Blech.

   (Ok, maybe I am eating too many of these.)

   1. Amen.

      They actively interfere with my enjoyment of the chocolate.

   2. I recommend continuing to eat them at will, ignoring the inscriptions, while reading Man Who Has It All on Twitter.

      1. I LOVE Man Who Has it All. also on facebook!

      2. YES. Crack open a linseed.

      3. Cosign. The antics of Claire on MWHIA warm my heart. And also the replies from people who do not know it is a parody account. ‘Me time’.

         1. Hey busy dads!

         2. I LOVE MWHIA!!!

         3. the replies are the most amazing part!

         4. I am so tired of the doubel standards we must live by. Why do WE have to worry about pleaseing men, lookeing great and haveing great career’s, while men just sit back, fat and bald, judgeing us while burping up their beers? FOOEY on them! Here’s what the new book will help explain issues relavant to them:
            What his face shape says about his parenting skills
            How to express his opinion without coming off as bossy
            Why staying hydrated will improve his career prospects
            How he can stop feeling guilty about everything
            How he should prioritize “me-too

            It’s about time we evened the score with these SCHLUBS! DOUBEL FOOEY!

      4. OMG. Has anyone forwarded this to their husband? I wonder what reaction I might expect. But seriously.

      5. who is this man who has it all? when i search twitter, senator chuck grassley is the first suggested contact.

         1. scratch that, clearly i was throwing the search off by using spaces.

   3. Oh man, I am right there with you. I have an inexplicable amount of rage directed at them. I opened one the other day that said, “You’re allowed to do nothing” and I thought, “I don’t need PERMISSION from CHOCOLATE to do anything!!”

      Something about them is just very presumptuous that, like, I’m going to take advice, guidance, reassurance, pep talks, whatever, from a candy wrapper. I don’t need depth from a piece of tinfoil! If they must say something, just give me some Cracker Jack jokes or whatever.

      And yes, I realize I’m way too emotionally invested in this.

      1. Yes! Corny, old-school Laffy Taffy jokes!

   4. That’s really funny – I hate the taste of those but my husband is the one who is addicted!

   5. I feel this way about ALL inspirational sayings, whether they are on chocolate or a mug. The only acceptable talking food is a fortune cookie or a birthday cake.

      1. I hate them too, but I love them on cough drops. Go figure.

   6. Couldn’t agree more. These are horrible! And I say this as someone who loves fortune cookies AND the Snapple caps.

      1. +1

   7. I hate the wrappers too! I call them the “rude chocolates” or the “bad judgment chocolates” because some of the sayings that are meant to be empowering or sassy actually encourage rudeness and imprudent behavior. Whenever I eat one of those chocolates my 11-year-old asks me to read the saying out loud so she can make fun of it.

   8. I am with you.

      I find it amusing when the product talks to me. Like the inside lid of my tomotoes says “Lettuce delight you.”

   9. Time to switch to Laffy Taffy! :)

   10. I’m actually really glad I’m not the only one with this pet peeve (always wondered if I was #overreacting #likewomendo). I hate watching chocolate commercials where I’m encouraged to *indulge* in *dreamy* chocolate. Please, I do not eat chocolate while draped in silk floating on a cloud while my face looks like I’m having an *rgasm. I eat it from the candy bowl at work, at my desk, continuously, flicking crumbs off of documents (and my pants) in shame. These ads are patronizing and unrealistic. I am not so simple to satisfy. Your chocolate is not magic.

       1. This reminds me of an old Hairpin piece about the origin of this kind of (ANNOYING) marketing! https://www.thehairpin.com/2017/05/how-women-learned-to-love-chocolate/

       2. I’m there with you. Also, don’t men like desserts too? Why is chocolate always sold as some tiny secret pleasure that women can only enjoy alone, after a long day of taking care of everyone else (and only one small bite!).

          1. And then there’s the whole “women must like chocolate, it’s how they get thru their periods and other emotional times!” stereotype. I’m a women and I only kind of like chocolate, mostly when it’s combined with other things (like caramel). Plain chocolate, I can take or leave. Peppermint, on the other hand….I can eat those until the sugar eats my tongue.

   11. I admit, whenever I read one of these I always quietly add “…in bed.” Makes the whole experience much more amusing. :)

   12. Ok I did not even know those sayings where there and i very recently inhaled an entire bag of dove chocolate covered cherries.

   13. I got unreasonably offended by a Dove chocolate that told me to “Learn what loquacious means.” It was probably late afternoon crankiness, but I still got indignant thinking, “ACTUALLY, I know what it means, Dove.”

6. Idle question of the day: what are clothing items that you like that many people think are fug? Here are mine: clogs (will never stop wearing them; I have about twelve pairs), fake fur and giant jewelry. I had this great fur vest and my mother said I looked like Sonny Bono so I stopped wearing it AND. SHE. STOLE. IT. Fortunately we don’t wear the same shoe size.

   1. Pantyhose. Will never give them up even though they are hated. Feel much more put together and comfortable in them than without.

      1. haha we posted this at the same time.

         1. Thirded! I wear black all winter, but nude for me the rest of the time.

      2. Me too!

         1. Me, too!

   2. Ugg boots. I know they are ugly. Don’t care. I like warm feet.

      1. meeee toooooo

         1. Same! I don’t generally wear them out of the house, but man, they are like slippers on crack.

      2. They’re ugly as sin but I also wear them most weekends and DGAF. At first they were my “dog walking shoes.” Now they’re my unabashed weekend shoes.

   3. I wear sheer skin-tone hose every day. I know it’s uncool. But it makes my pale, chubby legs look so much better. Sheer hose 4 eva

   4. Block heels. I think they are classy and practical and appropriate for business attire. Like anything, some versions are far better than others.

      1. I feel the same way about kitten heels.

   5. AGLs. Tweed. Skorts. LL Bean ragg sweaters. Boyfriend jackets. Winter vests.

      I go my own way, especially if that way is warm, comfy, or both.

      1. +1 for the skorts. They look better on than shorts, have hidden shorts to prevent chafing, super comfortable for quasi athletic pursuits, and have they have pockets.

   6. Also clogs. Dansko all day, baby.

   7. Low heels. I know people think high heels look better but they honestly just look idiotic to me.

   8. My UGG boots. I know they are so out of fashion now. I don’t care. My feet feel so good inside them.

7. Has anyone here divorced while having a small child (toddler/preschool age)? Any advice on logistics? There is no nearby family to help out (on either side) and I’m super nervous about how I would survive as a single parent with a demanding job, even if it is part time (I assume that physical custody would be shared).

   1. Yes, but I had family; I don’t know what I would have done without a strong (physical) support network. Do you have friends who could serve this role? (I also have sole custody)

      1. Not really – lots of supportive friends, but they all have full time jobs.

         1. But your spouse has a full-time job too, no? You don’t need friends or family to step up and be full-time childcare, you need them available to help out in emergency situations or to give you a little relief on nights and weekends. Someone with a full-time job can totally do that.

   2. Check mom’s blog – several have, and they offer good practical advice.

   3. No but I’m a single mom. It’s fine. I have day care, I take sick days more than I’d like. It’s hard, but it’s also fine. I don’t have a big support network to rely on.

   4. If you have the space, I would look at an au-pair plus part-time daycare/preschool to stretch the au-pair’s hours. Au-Pair’s are capped at 45 hours/week so you would need half day or possibly even close to full day preschool to cover early mornings/late nights. If au-pair lived with you, in theory I think they could still provide some care at your ex’s residence if needed. This would also be helpful because usually custody drop off/pick up times are strict so you need to pick up at 5pm or whenever regardless of what’s happening at work. Au-pair could pick up/drop off as well.

   5. I’ve posted several times about getting divorced while pregnant (although it’s approaching 10 years ago now). If possible, you and your ex should live near each other or as close as you feel comfortable. It’s easier for drop off/pick up and especially, when school starts. It’s a lot easier to drive a missing lovey 6 blocks then 6 miles.

      Hire help. Hire babysitters to pick up from daycare for you. That way, the little one is home, and hopefully eating and relaxing, by the time you get home from work. All you’d have to do is snuggle and bedtime. It would be a bonus if the sitter could do some light housework. If not, hire that out too.

      Don’t forget to take time for yourself with the child is with Dad. You’ll need the downtime because solo parenting can be exhausting.

   6. One of the posters on the mom blog wrote how her ex H, on his days with the kid, let’s himself in the house in the morning and is in charge of getting kiddo up and ready and out the door while mom stays in her room getting herself up and ready. I’m paraphrasing her and I’m sure she can come in and clarify the arrangement. You would need to divorce on decent terms to be able to do this but it sounded like such mature and responsible parenting. She still gets the help she needs without being in a relationship that wasn’t working.

8. I asked a few days ago if anyone knew of a good marriage counselor in D.C., but I didn’t receive any responses. Any recommendations?

   1. Highly recommend looking at the Imago Center – particularly their weekend workshops. And good luck – I know this is tough.

   2. I highly recommend Ashley Seeger. She kept the discussion fair and constructive, and when my now-ex continued being verbally abusive, she gave him a recommendation to see someone separately. We ended up divorcing, but it was the right thing to do. I liked that she was empathetic but straight forward as I’m a very analytical person.

      1. Eh, never mind. Google showed her still at her Dupont address, but clicking on her website shows she moved to Boulder. Sorry.

9. Has anyone here used an e-design service? I’m thinking of Havenly for a living room refresh. I have a pretty clear idea of what I want and can’t find it at regular furniture stores. Do these services have access to trade-only lines like a traditional designer? And are there any challenges (beyond the fact that it is virtual) in working with an online designer?

10. I’m celebrating my first full week back at work!!! I was out for almost a month with the flu-turned-to-pneumonia, a 5 day hospital stay, a week at home on oxygen to get my blood saturation levels up in the 90’s, and a fatigue that sent me back home last week when I got two days into work and my body was like, NOPE, and I had to go back to the doctor and get checked out again.

    I’m a 37 year old mom. I’ve been sick for a MONTH–and I’m someone who never got sick! I’m out vacation time, lost income from STD, and I haven’t seen the hospital bill yet. I’m so thankful I’m back to normal, but really blown away by how life can change so suddenly.

    I’m kind of rambling, but… I’m so happy to be back at my desk and not in a hospital!

    1. That is worth celebrating! I’m glad you’re ok.

    2. Oh wow, that sounds awful. I’m glad you’re on the mend!

    3. Wow! Glad you are back. The real flu is super scary stuff.

    4. Glad you are getting better! Out of curiosity, did you get a flu shot?

       1. I did! I got it in early September at my PCP. I remember being surprised that they were out already.

          1. It still makes the flu less bad if you get the shot and then get the flu. I got the shot and also got the flu and it was BAD. I can’t imagine how much worse it would have been otherwise! With how bad your flu was it’s probably extra good that you got the shot.

             1. It *may* make the flu less severe, it may not. For someone like OP who had a terrible flu and severe complications, the shot probably did nothing. Still worth getting though, because it may help (and also for herd immunity).

    5. I am so sorry. I know that feeling- being back at work after being hospitalized is so refreshing. Sometimes I’ll push it to come back (sounds like you did, too) and always regret it, but I miss work (even though it tends to cause a lot of health problems) when I’m not there. I just get so mentally bored.

       Also, as a side note, I’m so sorry you were on O2. I’m usually on it while hospitalized and it is shockingly irritating to your nose.

    6. Glad you’re better and hope you have a speedy return to full health.

11. I’m wanting to replace the bag I use for toiletries when traveling. I like neutrals and geometric patterns–nothing blingy, embellished, quilted, etc. Suggestions?

    1. I have a Kate Spade one with black and white stripes

       1. I got a kate spade makeup bag and wish I had gotten the matching toiletry bag. They pack together for travel.

    2. I got my latest one at Marshalls if you have one nearby. They had a very large selection of bags of all different sizes.

    3. I splurged on the Cuyana set

       1. I don’t think I want to spend that much, but wow, those are lovely.

       2. They’re worth it and hold up really well!

    4. I like the LLBean ones–definitely no frills, and they come in lots of sizes with lots of internal organization. The main thing to me is that I can hang it on a towel bar instead of balancing it on the edge of the sink.

    5. For organization and durability, nothing beats the Emme bag. I used the original size when I had a 75% travel schedule. Now that I’m 25% or less, I find the petite size is plenty.

       1. https://emmebag.com/

12. I’m doing some mentoring for start-ups in my industry. A company reached out to me to ask if they could get my insight on a specific issue and I said “Sure thing!”. Then they said that the people they want me to speak with are in India and suggested we do a call in the evening (8 PM) due to the time difference. I’m torn between wanting to be a good mentor and also not really wanting to do the call that late. (Typically I try to have these conversations first thing in the morning or over lunch.)

    Should I just suck it up and do it for one evening, or is it fair to ask them to do it late-ish in the evening their time so I can do it first thing in the morning?

    1. I think the mentee should always be accommodating of the mentor. It doesn’t make sense to make you bend over backwards when you are the one already going out of your way to help.

       1. Counterpoint – given the time difference in this specific situation, what would be a convenient time for you to talk with? But I agree with the ultimate point, if someone asked me to serve as a mentor, I would want someone to accommodate me and my schedule (to a reasonable extent).

          However, it sounds like you maybe didn’t know when you said yes that you’d be speaking with people in India (versus people that could meet you for lunch). Personally, I’d do the call at 8:00 (because I don’t consider that late) and then just note for next time to make sure the people are in my time zone.

    2. Time difference with India works slightly better the other way around: 9 a.m. EST is 7:30 IST. Most companies in India also tend to run later hours (my coworkers don’t leave the office until 7-9 p.m. and don’t eat dinner until 10), so it may be easier to ask the mentees to stay late.

       1. +1. They may be more able to come in late and stay late. When I’ve had client or collaborator calls with folks in India, this is what we do; first thing in the morning my time (EST) and early evening theirs.

    3. I think you’d be fine saying late evening does not work for you, and proposing a morning time, with the caveat that you should figure out what that is in their time zone, and it should be no later than 9PM or so their time. But yes, in general, it’s very reasonable to dictate the schedule in your position.

13. This is our last day before Mardi Gras break. I went to parades last night and went to bed well past my usual bedtime. I am falling asleep on my keyboard.

    1. There’s such a thing as a Mardi Gras break? I honestly had no idea. And just when I thought I wouldn’t learn anything today.

       1. This was equally surprising to me when I learned about it last year. I was scheduling something with a doctor (expert in a case) who worked downtown and he informed me their office just closes for the week.

    2. Yes, in New Orleans, we don’t have a traditional spring break. We have Mardi Gras break. The whole city shuts down for parades, so there would be no way to have school.

14. I finally got tickets to see Hamilton in a few months. I’m vaguely familiar with the show but haven’t spent too much time reading about it or listening to the recording. For those that have already seen it, is this the kind of show that requires some amount of advance preparation to fully enjoy? Or can I just go in cold and more or less get it?

    1. You’ll more or less get it, but I think you’ll enjoy it more if you’ve heard it at least once. The first time I listened to the soundtrack, I was kind of meh. The second time around, I decided it was brilliant. By the time I saw the show, I had it more or less memorized. There is also very little in the show that is not on the soundtrack.

    2. I saw it never having heard the sound track and still really liked it. As Gail indicated, it’s basically an opera – there is almost no dialogue that isn’t sung, so I am guessing the sound track is most of the show. I think brushing up on Alexander Hamilton’s biography might enhance your enjoyment.

       1. It’s called a sung-through musical :)

          1. +1 :) Les Mis is also sung-thru. As is Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Maybe Rent? I’ve only seen the movie (not the stage show), so I’m not sure how much they changed to dialogue.

             1. Rent is sung-through, as is Miss Saigon, another one of my favorites.

       2. I went into it cold, and I loved it. I liked not knowing what was going to happen — and now I listen to the soundtrack, um, daily.

    3. The music is great and tells the story, and the words go super fast, so I would get or download the soundtrack and enjoy it before hand. I think that’ll make the show experience better.

    4. Do you often listen to rap/hip-hop music? I know a few people (mostly older tbh) who said they liked the show but didn’t like that “they talked so fast!” I think if you’re used to listening to fast-paced music and you don’t want any spoilers, you’re fine to go without listening ahead of time. But the lyrics really are quite brilliant and I think I enjoyed it more for being very familiar with the soundtrack.

    5. My preparation was to watch the Drunk History episode on Hamilton (Lin Manuel is on it). It taught me everything I needed to know in half an hour!

    6. I saw it cold and was blown away within the first 10-15 seconds. The soundtrack is amazing – I downloaded it right after the show and listened to it nonstop for months – but the full production (staging, choreography, performances, etc.) is what made it so magical to me. I don’t think you can go wrong either way. There are clearly lots of soundtrack fans in the audience singing along and they seemed to enjoy it just as much!

15. Question about what to wear to “conversations”/de facto interview at law firms: I’m a highly qualified lawyer considering a move from a major market to a smaller one for family reasons, and through some networking I’ve been connected with a couple of the bigger firms in the new city. Although I haven’t formally applied anywhere, the people who I’ve talked to to learn about the local market suggested that they “set up some conversations” at their firms when I come through town. Those “conversations” have now been set up (around a visit that I’m already planning to make), but it seems like the conversations are basically structured as callback interviews—conversations at the firm with a few important partners, and then more junior folks taking me to lunch. My question is—should I wear a suit like I ordinarily would to an “interview?” I haven’t really formally applied yet, and am a bit worried that full-on-interview suit will take away from the atmosphere that I’ve really enjoyed so far of “These are discussions about possibilities,” and I really am primarily hoping that these conversations will be an opportunity for me to learn as much as possible about the firms. For what it’s worth I’m not worried about finding a job in the new market–the real question for me is whether there’s work/workplace cultures that I’m excited enough about in smaller market, or whether we’ll set up a longer-distance commuting set-up or work remotely from my current job, instead. So, dark suit/dress shirt? Dress and non-matching blazer? Suit, but dressed-down (e.g. a relaxed maroon dress-t-shirt and flats)? Dress pants and blazer/”Jardigan?” Don’t want to be underdressed but also don’t want to subtly undercut myself by doing even more to convert these talks to “standard interview!”

    1. How many years of experiences do you have? What do you wear to work every day? I think a more senior person can get away with not a full suit but a more junior person should wear an interview suit.

       1. ~6 years–not partner level, more like senior associate/counsel level. In my current job I wear business casual but always have a nice blazer on hand (and a suit in my office) in case of meetings (with the suit being for meetings with especially high-up folks). But my current job is government and I suspect the private-sector employers I’m talking to have a more formal dress code than my idiosyncratically low-key office.

    2. I wore a suit in this situation but I was a 5th year associate so not that senior.

    3. First question is what people at the firm normally wear. If they are in full suits every day, wear a suit so you don’t stick out.

       If they are not business formal, then my suggestion is for a sheath dress and a non-matching but very nice jacket, or a suit that looks good with the jacket off.

16. I work in a corporate/administrative field that is basically applicable across industries (think HR, communications/PR, that kind of corporate function). I’m moving to Boston. What are the best-paying industries in Boston? I think there’s a lot of tech there, but do they pay on the level of bay area tech companies? I’ve also heard biotech but I can’t imagine that pays as well as tech. Even worse for higher ed despite all the colleges there, I’d guess.

    Any thoughts are welcome!

    1. Biotech pays a lot, I don’t think less than Silicon Valley tech necessarily. Higher ed pays way way less, like a communications role that might pay $150k in biotech might pay barely $50k at a university.

       1. Agree with this.

          Academia is king in Boston, and medicine is also big there. Biotech has also grown more with more start-ups and some big companies. And I agree you make more in biotech than in academia. But there is still a small financial services industry.

17. Everything seems so tightly tailored lately. Super tight short pants, shrunken blazers. Are we ever going back to comfortable clothing that doesn’t need special undergarments? Didn’t buy anything.

    1. +10000 it really bugs me that I have to wear skin tight, thin fabrics in general but especially to work. Even my corduroy show VPL, and that’s with microfiber, not thick cotton, undies. I’m so jealous of men’s forgiving clothes, but I know if I were to weather thicker, looser clothes, I’d read as out of date and frumpy. Why is it that important to show my every curve and lump, anyways? Even dresses are supposed to be body con sheath dresses, not forgiving A lines.

18. How can women protect themselves financially just in case in marriage (besides prenups), if she has a good career, is highly educated etc. shared account. What are all things she can do to just protect herself?

    1. Answer = don’t get married. My SO and I have a house, a child, and share all finances. Yet we save at least 4K each year on taxes through not being married and I have peace of mind that (at least in my state) my future earnings are not in jeopardy.

       1. She married already. Talking about ways she can start protect herself as they merge finances. Having her own income etc. things like that.

    2. Consult a family law attorney in your state. Depending on the state you live in, you might be able to keep assets separate and have sole claim to them if they derive from gifts from family, property held before marriage, etc. But if you mingle those assets with your spouse, then you would be likely to have to divide them equally upon divorce. Also ask about whether you can make someone other than your spouse a beneficiary of your 401(k) and IRA-type accounts and have that hold up in case of your untimely death. Unlikely, but check. A family law attorney can also give you a good idea of how maintenance (formerly known as “alimony”) works in your state; the terms can vary significantly depending on the length of your marriage, depending on state law. I am not suggesting that you are courting trouble, but if it turns out you seek a divorce in year 11 (or whatever) instead of year 10, and year 10 would have brought you significantly better terms, it is good to know that in advance. Having the knowledge doesn’t mean you are projecting that your marriage will end.

19. Just wanted to share that I negotiated a salary that is a trivial amount lower than my VHCOL US Salary (SF/NYC) in a Mid-LCOL Euro capital after Euro/Dollar conversion :D :D
    This is a HUUUUGE deal for me because I’m a woman, POC, mom and under 30 and in a male-dominated industry (which i understand is most industries :/)

    1. Wow! Way to go.

    2. Woohoo! Sounds like you’re blazing a trail with the negotiations, outstanding! And good luck with the move.

    3. You are perfection! Good going, and good luck!

20. This sounds dumb, but I want to start journaling…to keep track of observations, goals met, lessons learned…I feel like I’m constantly getting “hints” and “clues” about things…little breadcrumbs that I should follow, advice I should heed and I want to remember it all. Does anyone else do this? I feel strange writing in a notebook that someone might find and read…but I don’t know how else I could do this.

21. Just what we were looking for! Xoxo, K&E

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