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Weekend Open Thread

Something on your mind? Chat about it here. My personal style is pretty far from the “athleisure for hiking OR tailgating” kind of attire — but even I am starting to like the wubby fleece pullovers that are EVERYWHERE. This Thread and Supply one has caught my eye a number of times at Nordstrom and is now part of their big Fall Sale (I'll try to round up some more picks later today!). It's very highly rated and 35% — nice. Sizes seem to be going fast, so keep that in mind. The pullover was $78 and is now marked down to $49. Wubby Fleece Pullover This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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140 Comments

  1. My little brother has very bad hayfever and allergic asthma. At 23, he still won’t let anyone put soothing eyedrops in his blood shot eyes.
    Is there anything he can buy OTC to relieve itchy eyes? We tried eyelid sprays to no avail.

    1. Basically all over the counter eye drops are bad. They constrict blood vessels to reduce redness, but then your eyes become accustomed to them and you get rebound redness. They should be used very sparingly if at all.

      The only OTC eye drops that are ok are preservative free lubricant drops, but that sounds like it isn’t the problem. If your brother really wants help with his eyes, he needs to see a doctor and get a prescription

      But he’s 23. He can take care of, or not take care of, his own health.

      1. That’s not entirely true. There are now OTC eye drops on the market that are antihistamine and that do not constrict the blood vessels. My allergist recommends Zaditor for me when hay fever strikes. Your brother may also have success from using Systane or something lubricating (I know that frequently works for me and I only need to use the Zaditor when pollen counts are especially high).

      2. Thanks, I was asking for alternatives to eye drops. He physically cannot put eyedrops in so we are brainstorming alternatives.

    2. I misread this and thought your brother was 3, not 23. Since he’s 23, let him figure his own health out.

      1. I disagree. Men, at any age, simply are NOT as smart, healthwise, as we are. As a result, we must literally baby them into getting the proper health care/treatment they need. My dad, who is MENSA eligible, simply does not know how to take care of his health. As a result, both Mom and Grandma Leyeh often have to team up to make him do what he should already be doeing on his own healthwize. When he was on vacation with mom, he ate something that resulted in him having to sit on the bowl for hours the next 2 days; as if he was getting a colonscopy, mom said. On the second day, Grandma Leyeh insisted on him going to Dr. Bugg, his gastroentolgist, who found out he had some kind of intestinal bacteria which he treated with pills. So I say to the OP, be charitable to your men when it comes to health issues, as Dad confirmed that they rely on us women to treat them with care, much like Florence Nightengale did in days of old! We need our men to be healthy, so YAY Dad!

      2. It’s okay to want to help people who are technically adults with a problem they are struggling with. Those of us who have functional, rewarding relationships with other adults sometimes want advice on how to help those adults we care about with problems, and that is acceptable.

    3. He probably needs an antihistamine to prevent the allergic reaction from happening. Olopatadine ophthalmic is a prescription antihistamine eye drop. But since he apparently won’t take eyedrops, he can try Zyrtec, flonase, and the like to see if it helps. Or you can leave him alone because he’s an adult and has apparently accepted looking permanently high.

    4. All the other comments–eyedrop efficacy and he can/should take care of himself–aside: my trick for eyedrops might help? Hold the tip of the nozzle right up next to your tear duct, squeeze, and tilt your head off to the side simultaneously. Then blink a bunch. Less jarring. Label said eyedrop bottle and do not ever ever share it, as it touches your face even minimally.

      1. This but with his eyes closed if the problem is that he can’t handle seeing the bottle coming. You kind of deposit the drop into the inner corner of his eye and it slides in when he blinks open.

    5. My trick for putting eye drops in is to gently pull the lower lid down, bring the dropper very close to the tearduct and let the drop that squeezes out touch the inner lid so that it “flows”into the eye, no really dropping.

      And honestly – at 23 yrs old he should figure out a way to do it himself. Maybe the Dr/nurse can show him.

    6. I’m in the same boat with the hayfever and asthma, although I’ll happily use eyedrops all day long. If he can find a way to tolerate them (squirt into the inner corner with his eyes closed, them blink them in?) I do highly recommend Zadiator brand.

      As for what you actually asked, Zyrtec has been the best over-the-counter treatment for me. It tends to be more effective for itchy, gritty feeling eyes especially. During the worst part of the pollen season, it also helps me a lot to just frequently wipe my eyelids/face with a clean damp cloth. Maybe it’s a placebo thing, but it seems to keep more irritants out of my eyes during that time of year when pollen just hangs in the air.

      If all else fails and he ends up deciding to see a doctor about it, Singular can be effective for allergies and asthma in a way that antihistamines aren’t. It inhibits a different but related inflammatory response. Long-term, allergy shots may be worth looking into as well.

    7. Claritin or other OTC allergy medicine. DO NOT LET HIM RUB HIS EYES. Tell him to rest them often — like, eyelids closed 10 seconds of every minute. Take fish oil pills. Talk to an eye doctor about other things; gel Theratears are great if he can get one thing in at night. (At Walmart.)

    8. Other methods of anti-histimine delivery help eyes. Taking Zyrtec or Claritin every day might help. If it is this bad though, he might start right now with the nasal spray, Flonase. Eyes are my secondary symptom, and Flonase works for me. Flonase may take a week to show results. The same is true for Zyrtec and Claritin.

      My eye doctor also recommended prevention/ minimization of contact with the allergen. Buy an air filter and keep the air in your bedroom as pollen-free as possible. Also, when you come in at the end of the day, wash your face, including really rinsing your eyelashes and eyebrows and rinsing out your nostrils immediately. Change out of your outside-pollen infected clothes. Vacuum with a hepa filtration vacuum frequently. Change the sheets and pillowcases. Keep windows shut. This won’t relieve his eyes, but should help the other treatments to work and make it less bad.

      1. Oh, in crisis, he might take Benadryl at night. That might help beat this attack while waiting for the Flonase or Zyrtec to work.

    9. Thanks all. I only mentioned his age to emphasize that he is past trying to learn how to use eyedrops. Yes he is a grown man, he goes to a GP (all by himself ha) and uses a controller inhaler, rescue inhaler, and other medicines including steroid nasal sprays and a netipot.
      It is just the eyes bit that was annoying him enough to mention it earlier today so I said I’d ask around and let him know if any of my friends know an alternative to eyedrops.

      1. Some people just struggle with having things put in their eyes. It takes the eye doctor forever to get the drops in my eyes for dilation. It has nothing to do with my age. I don’t fight it, but it still takes a few tries to get enough drops in.

      2. He might try lying down for ten minutes with a warm damp washcloth or used, cooled teabags over his eyes. It’s soothing, helps hydrate the eye area, and will take down swelling a little. Even though I have no problem with drops, I use both of the above for chronic dry eye.

      3. Ocusoft eyelid wipes might help. They’re like eye makeup remover pads – you close your eyes and clean off the lids nd eyelashes. It might help keep some pollen or other irritants away from his eyes.

    10. He can try Flonase nasal spray – it is a nasally administered antihistamine & corticosteroid, it will work on eyes as well; and Allegra (fexodenadine) in pills. He can also try putting antihistamine eyedrops into the lower eyelid duct as already recommended here. It works for me as well. He should also wash his face more often during allergy season, to wash away allergens from his face and hands. And reduce touching face as much as possible.

    11. Your brother’s aversion to eyedrops isn’t uncommon. I have professional experience with this subject. For people averse to eyedrops, if he closes his eyes then drops Zaditor or Alaway (same thing) on the inner corner of his eye, when he opens the eye, a small amount will go in his eye. If he can’t tolerate that, some small amount of nasal steroid spray – Flonase, etc goes into the tear duct. And of course Zyrtec.

  2. First world r@nt of the day – JCrew’s increasingly ridiculous pricing policies. Heads up – adjustments to full-price purchases, even ONE DAY LATER, due to a newly available promo code are now not policy. So a full-price purchase from Saturday that became part of the F&F 40% off promo on Sunday? No longer policy. Apparently the only adjustments that will be granted per policy are if a full-price item moves to the sale section within 7 days of purchase. This is more restrictive than you would think from their FAQ which say “We gladly honor a one-time price adjustment on full-price merchandise within seven days of the retail purchase or mail-order ship date if accompanied by the original receipt. Items not purchased at full price are ineligible for price adjustments.”

    Also, for rewards members, new fine print – if you return an item to which you’d applied reward $, you DO NOT get the reward $ back.

    Given how frequently JCrew bumps their prices and promo codes around, this is extremely annoying. Serves me right for ordering something full price (a coat that looked likely to sell out but was fully restocked when F&F started)… won’t make that mistake again.

    1. Yeah, this is why I won’t order anything from JCrew for less than 40% off. Which is obviously not their goal. Otherwise, I’d probably be willing to order a few things at the beginning of the season, because I want to enjoy them early, but not if they might go on super-sale in a week.

      It sucks.

        1. I do because I like their 100% merino or cashmere items and some of their silk. Their pants also fit me well and their suiting pieces, like the Going Out Blazer, are workhorses. I have learned to totally ignore all their blends as poor quality and itchy, and their swimwear has TOTALLY tanked in the last few years — good for them for trying to recycle water bottles, but when a suit goes from “new” to “see through when wet” in the space of two vacations, it’s no bueno.

          I rarely buy anything less than 40% off — and when I do, it is (was, I guess) with the comfort that if it’s still in stock a few days later when a promo is applied, they would adjust the price without question. The only way to get the benefit of that going forward is, apparently, to call your local store and beg them to do it. OR I suppose to go through the hassle of placing a duplicate order (not always worth it but for a 40% price cut most definitely yes).

          Sigh. OK, I promise I’m not losing sleep over this, it’s just that as other brands are trying to be more customer-friendly, especially with online shopping, they seem to be going backwards… off to Nordstrom with me instead!

        3. Shrug, I love JCrew – the quality is usually better than other retailers in the same category, the styles fit me well, and I think their stuff is cute. They’re always 40% off, so unless it’s somehing I must have, I just wait for the coupon, which will come in a day.

    2. Pottery Barn is the same way. No thanks, I’ll take my business to more reasonable places.

      1. What is a more reasonable place that also sells reasonably-priced lighting fixtures? Every place else I like is super-expensive.

        1. It’s been years since I bought lighting, but we got all the fixtures for our current house on Amazon.

          1. The process went OK with mailed items? I like PB because there is a real store in my city to deal with returns, anger, picketing (just kidding, but having to do with broken / damaged large items and mailing them back just seems awful). I am assuming that stuff may get stolen off the porch, damaged, wrong stuff, etc., and so many river-site sellers aren’t actually the river-site and don’t seem to be quite so accountable or stand behind what they sell.

          2. I recently purchased lights from Home Depot, and had no problems. One was damaged in transit, and they just mailed me a new one at no cost. The selection online was good and the price was good.

        2. Honestly? Ikea. Shocking quality for the price, and the quality doesn’t have to be that amazing for something like a light fixture that will virtually never be touched.

        3. Lighting stores! Kitchen and bath stores also usually sell lights. Also Wayfair, build.com, lamps USA, etc.

          1. Home Depot, Menards, Lowes.

            Honestly, PB and the ilk is way down on the list of places I’d stop for fixtures.

        4. We were in the same boat and went to IKEA for unrelated reasons, and found a lot of LED options at good price points. Most are low-key contemporary, not statement pieces, and were a great improvement upon Home Depot. We came home with one and had it installed with a dimmer switch.

          This was after I spent literally hours online, being consistently unimpressed by either what came up with my search terms or how much they wanted me to spend.

          We also went to a lighting store with a showroom for accent options.

        5. Build dot com. Or when you see a light fixture you like search for the exact model number and buy it from whoever has the best price.

    3. I wear a good amount of J.Crew. I like their style. Do I pay full price for it? No. Do I pay full price for anything at any mall retailer? No, that’s silly. In 2019, you know that a mall retailer is going to have a sale every couple weeks – it’s just a fact. So I read the New Arrivals emails when I receive them, add things to my cart, and then wait for at least 40% off. I wouldn’t expect any mall retailer to adjust my price for me – if you buy too early, you do the return and repurchase (I’ve totally had items on their way to me when I saw a sale, so I went back and reordered the same item and just returned the pricier one).

      The whole roasting of J.Crew over its pricing and quality and policies seems a bit overplayed. Every retailer has changed since the early aughts.

      1. The house always wins, but consumers hate to know that. Remember when JCPenney tried “transparent pricing” and nearly tanked?

      2. I think the point is that most retailers have moved toward easy returns and adjustments and J Crew has moved the other way. It seems out of touch at best.

    4. I’m amazed this is a thing! In the UK the only way to get a price adjustment is a physical return and rebuy.

  3. The only issue that I’ve had with these fleece pullovers is that so many of them aren’t fleece inside and therefore aren’t all that comfortable or cozy. I just bought one from VS Pink and it’s so cozy! They’re called a teddy half-zip. They were on sale in the store for $50.

        1. At first, I thought how bad can it be, I hate the fleece in the post. But then I looked … wow!!! I can’t picture anyone actually wearing that out and about in the world.

          1. Hahaha! I’m not sure there is a good version of Kanye West fashion. See below, it’s a broken link, sorry.

            But this did make me laugh. Yeet the Yeezy.

        4. HAHA. I tried this jacket on in the store in London because it was on sale, and I’m a cold person all winter but even an XS (I’m typically a S-M) was too abominable-snowman-like. I couldn’t bear it.

      2. I think I am a homely dresser who loves being encased in fleece . . . and still a nope. So much tan and sadness in the one of the black version.

      4. Whoa bad link, not sure what happened. I tried copying the link again and it still links back to the coat. I’m trying to link the pullover called

        Women’s pile-lined fleece long sleeved pullover

        I bought it for my 18 year old (she was with me) and now most of her friends have bought the same. It’s very soft on the inside and kind of the perfect thing for freshman year dorm life.

        But I do call her Chewbacca when she wears it.

          1. Not gonna lie, my house gets so cold in the winter I’d consider it for loungewear.

    2. Thanks for the PINK tip, I woke up thinking I need fleece. The light pink is a nice change from the usual dreary fleece colors.

  4. We don’t have a music program in our kids’ elementary school. At church, they were in choir. With two working parents, we never really scheduled private music lessons like we wanted to. Now that one is heading into middle school and can take band or orchestra (with a specific assigned instrument), how on earth do you make meaningful choices? Is there such a thing as a sleep-away camp somewhere where they can dabble in music for a week and figure it out? Or does everyone wing it? [Bad thing in school: you have to commit for a year and it is graded; would be nice to know if you hate something before you are marrying it.]

    FWIW, I played violin (not bass) because my parents had a tiny car; violin wound up being great b/c first violin has the melody and that really helped me learn to read sheet music. I didn’t play wind instruments b/c my orthodontist said not to. We rented an apartment, so no drums (we put a mute on the violin and I didn’t practice except for late afternoons).

    1. Can your kids do some of their own research on this? Give them some parameters and allow them to watch youtube videos about that instrument and of famous players or pieces featuring that instrument. Narrow it down to a couple options, see if they can try those out with teacher on a school horn or go to the music store. No practical parenting experience here, but I just know that in 6th grade when I joined band, I knew I wanted to play clarinet. I had been to some band concerts and to the orchestra, and that’s what I had liked (we didn’t have easy access to instruction for strings in my rural area). I had done piano in elementary, was mediocre and didn’t really love or hate it, but I wasn’t inspired to practice. I loved playing clarinet and practiced really hard because I wanted to get good.

    2. Practicality isn’t a bad way to go. If you want your kid to be able to get around under their own steam, something small (flute, oboe, violin) is much easier than a cello or saxophone. Counter inutitively learning piano can be really convenient as pianists aren’t expected to carry their own! Guitar might make more sense if your kid is also a writer.

    3. I was a very involved kid growing up in music. There are sleepaway camps, but they’re not for kids to figure out what they want to do in music, they’re for kids to learn and advance MORE in an instrument they already play. I went once with my parents and even though I was advanced as a 4th grader, I wasn’t very good at sight reading, so I got really lost in the orchestra portion and learned how to fake play for the first time.
      My school offered a music day in 4th grade before kids got to pick their instruments in 5th grade with all of the different instruments, and people came to demonstrate. Does the school offer anything similar? If anything, I’d actually encourage your kids picking an instrument and joining the orchestra/band. From what I can tell, they were easy A classes if you put in effort. Don’t goof off in class, practice a few times at home, and it’s a low stress way to test out if they’re interested in continuing to play.
      How I picked my instrument: I started in piano, wanted to play violin because my brother did, quit piano and stuck with violin.

      1. This is good advise. When I was in 4th Grade, I wanted to learn how to play the cello, but dad did not want me to have such a big instrument which he or mom would have to buy and carry around in the car.

        So we decided that I should play the flute, which I could carry around myself. It turned out I was not very good at it, even tho I practiced for 2 years and got extra help from Mr. Baum, my music teacher, who also taught the flute to Rosa after I gave it to her.

    4. If they don’t have a strong preference for a particular instrument, steer them towards an instrument that is less popular among kids and always in high demand. If they’re interested in strings, they should choose viola. Woodwinds? Choose a double-reed instrument. There are three flute positions (two flutes and a piccolo) and three oboe positions (two oboes and an English horn) in an orchestra. One year, my high school had 82 flutists and two oboists. You do the math regarding youth orchestra, college scholarship, and employment opportunities.

      1. Co-sign 100%. Also, suggest choosing an instrument that’s versatile enough to participate in a variety of ways (whether band, orchestra during school hours, or marching band, jazz band, or pit orchestra for musicals, district-wide bands that require auditions, etc), as that allows for a very well-lopsided resume. Oboe is a really good suggestion, although the early days of learning will be PAINFUL to listen to :)

      2. If they’re not musically inclined, I don’t think orchestra employment opportunities should be a huge concern.

      3. Just came to say that I disagree with this assessment. Solo music for viola, cello, bass is much less common. Piano and violin get all the glory. In terms of a lifelong hobby that you can enjoy alone (vs. chamber music, orchestra, accompanied), piano, violin, and guitar win every time.

    5. If you don’t have time for private lessons, I wouldn’t mess with band or orchestra unless they only want to play for a year or two. My parents refused to get me private lessons until I was halfway through high school. I managed to do pretty well just practicing on my own, but I couldn’t get to where I really wanted to be (principal in the high school band and orchestra, youth orchestra, honor groups, college performance major) until I had lessons. It was frustrating to spend years competing against kids who’d had private lessons since fifth grade, and when I got to college I was at a disadvantage having taken only a couple years of lessons and having never entered a concerto competition.

      If your kids want a low-commitment musical activity they can enjoy for life, keep them in choir. I joined the choir for fun in college. I no longer play the flute because I don’t have time to practice for hours every day while also working a job that actually pays the bills, but I still have fun singing in a halfway decent church choir.

    6. A local music store did a one hour music introductory class for $25 – you could call around. They introduced the categories, and had a few instruments for people to try (violin, french horn, and I can’t remember the other five). The $25 could be credited against lessons or something in the store. (Unfortunately, my child walked out wanting to play the french horn, which was not offered at his school, so he opted for clarinet solely because DH studied clarinet in college “and could help him”.)

    7. Your orthodontist is wrong about wind instruments. A flute brings no pressure at all to the mouth and is virtually the only instrument you can play with no impact on braces. I learned that instrument with a bad overbite and still excelled.

    8. I’m a classical musician and full time orchestra administrator. A couple of thoughts:
      1) Our orchestra runs a sleep away summer camp for students but it as Abby says, they are for student who already know how to play (at least one year of instruction for string players) and want to improve.
      2) Anonymous at 4:47 is spot on. Pick instruments that are in high demand: Oboe, bassoon, viola. Personally, I would suggest viola because there are more group opportunities for beginning string players than winds. Also, there’s no marching band (a HUGE time commitment) but still travel/musical opportunities.
      3) I do not recommend music as a career unless that is your kid’s one and only abiding passion. It’s hard, the grind is real, and the money isn’t. However, picking in-demand instruments will go far for scholarships!
      4) If your kid doesn’t want oboe, bassoon or viola, call your local symphony orchestra and talk to the education person there. Ask them who the best private teachers in town are and pick an instrument that way. The teacher your child has will do more for their musical experience than the actual instrument, especially in the beginning.
      5) Retired flutist is right, choir is also a wonderful option. I’ve done choirs as an adult, they are musically rigorous (you learn to read), very social, super fun, and is something you can do throughout life. Also, singing is really good for your mental and physical health.

      Hope that helps!

  5. I wanted to comment the other day in response to your question but couldn’t remember what size my gloves are. Today it was cold enough that I had to wear my gloves so I have an answer for you: the JCrew cashmere lined leather gloves in size Medium! I have short stubby fingers but these fit wonderfully. The fingers are not too long and they fit my chubby little fingers. Good luck with your search for leather gloves!

  6. Does anyone here actually use CBD oil? What for, and does it work? What, if anything, makes it better than other OTC products?

    1. CBD oil is only clinically proven to help anxiety and in some cases assist with problems sleeping. I’m sure it is useful for other ailments, but that is all anecdotal.

      1. Dad there is some connection between CBD OIL and Marijuana and it depends on where you live whether you can buy it or not, and how you can use it. He has a problem with his left hip, and was going to put some oil there to loosen it up, but then heard that he could only get it out of state even w/o a prescription, but was NOT willing to travel to get it. So I told him I would look into it, so does anyone know a good supply store that I can use on the web that will SHIP it to me in NY State legally? I do NOT want to loose my bar license just b/c I want to buy my Dad something to relieve his hip flexor or something. The manageing partner told me to research it and I do NOT even know where to start and probabley cannot bill my time to any cleint! FOOEY!

    2. I don’t use it, but I’ve used CBD cream for back pain (it did nothing) and I know others who use the oil for relaxation/sleeping ability. Not sure if it’s better or worse than other products for them though.

    3. Yes, I take CBD gummies before bed. I find I sleep through the night and overall have a better quality sleep even if I go to bed a little later than normal.

      I felt like I was starting to get plantar fasciitis pains and I had this nagging pain in my shoulder and both those have gone away.

      I’ve also suffered from low level depression for as long as I can remember. For the first time I ages, I feel a difference in my overall mood. I’ve been taking CBD for several months now.

    4. Tagging on this, whenever I go for a routine check-up I am asked whether I drink, smoke, or use recreational drugs. Given the no/low THC levels, would you answer yes to the rec drugs answer if you take CBD orally?
      I haven’t tried it, buy given how bad my insomnia is, I am considering it.

      2. As long as you are VERY confident that the product you are using doesn’t actually have more THC than it claims to. There’s been a ton of testing of these products and due to the lack of regulations many have all sorts of troublesome things in them (including THC). There’s a local news story right now about a guy who was fired when he tested positive for THC when all he had been using was a product that purported to be “100% Pure CBD.” So, be careful what you buy.

    5. No, but I’ve been going to a bunch of legal education things on CBD/hemp/THC/marijuana as of late, and thus far my take aways are: technically, CBD is not allowed any dietary supplements or food. And unless you are taking the one medicine approved for seizures, none of the health claims have been evaluated by the FDA. There is basically no regulation of CBD products at the moment. If you’re going to buy a product, ask if there is a certificate of analysis (not that these are necessarily legit, either, but if the person you are buying cbd product from has no idea what you’re talking about, it’s probably not the place you want to buy your cbd product from).

      1. (This is in the US; I’ve got no idea what Canada and Europe have been up to on their CBD regulations)

      2. But since you’re going to the educational courses I’m sure you know that it’s not approved by the FDA because they can’t study Schedule 1 drugs. It’s kind of a catch 22. The most recently approved drug is a synthetic.

        1. Hemp is no longer schedule I, and therefore hemp-derived CBD is not. Still have to get FDA approval for therapeutic claims, of course.

    6. DH was taking CBD oil for anxiety, and it helped him significantly. And I discovered in a moment of desperation that a few drops on a tampon is a magical cure for cramps.

  7. I keep seeing ads for Inez brand shoes. They’re gorgeous. I do not sell them or know anyone who does. I’d just like to know if anyone has worn them. They’re advertised as being very comfortable. Could it be true?

  8. Tl;dr-i recently moved jobs for life reasons and stability but may have landed in more chaos.

    Full version-
    A couple of months ago, I started work at a 150k people company because I was ready to move on from the craziness of tech startups. In the two months I’ve been here,
    (a) my official manager’s manager has moved to a different role and no one is replacing him
    (b) my manager has decided he doesn’t want to directly manage people and has?assigned partial managerial responsibility to a slightly senior person who has been at the company a teeny tiny bit longer (i.e, is still also learning the ropes) this person, however is leveled similarly as me (he told me his levelling)
    (c) HQ has decided to shut down a project that was tightly coupled with ours
    (d) my official manager had been trying to informally recruit some coworkers into his to-be-finalized startup
    (e) a team mate has threatened to quit because another team member was obnoxiously rude to them
    (f)my role /focus area has changed 1x
    (g)the entire division we work in may see its focus area changing, or be shut down

    I’m used to startup chaos, but that comes with the advantages of radical visibility into the state of affairs. This chaos, and communication by grapevine system is driving me nuts. I don’t know if I should worry or just wait it out

    What, if anything, should i do?

    1. That sounds exactly like my experience at one of the Big 4 accounting firms with ~200k employees. I think that’s just how it is. You’re a cog and the amount they care about you and your stability is…minimal at best.

      Have you considered non-political government work? It might suit you better.

    2. This is not representative of a large company, generally larger companies like planning and stability as the only way to work with so many moving parts. This is just a terrible management issue. See if it settle out over the next year and if not, I’d move on.

      1. I mean, it depends on the industry! In pharma, for example, this is like, Tuesday.

  9. I got yelled at by email by co-counsel. It happens in this case that I didn’t really do anything wrong, he’s just being (totally and completely) unreasonable, and the partner at my firm backed me up on that, but I still feel cranky about it. Can’t wait for the workday to be over.

    1. I hear you! I try to be nice to everyone but there are just some rotten people out there. “Gunpowder and Lead” and some Lizzo songs have been stuck in my head just for some of the nasty pieces of work we all seem to have to interact with.

      At least it’s Friday afternoon?

    2. I swear half the lawyers I deal with are so ridiculously unprofessional. I don’t even know why it still surprises me. What makes me feel better – especially when my boss has my back – is knowing that I don’t work for opposing (or co-) counsel. Please send him an email that says “You seem to be very emotional about this, let’s discuss once you calm down.” #boybye

  10. Did I miss a sale thread on what to get at the Sephora sale? What is that hair thingy everyone is always raving about? (Is it a curling brush? Straightening brush? Something like that?)

    1. The Revlon volumizer dryer thing? Not sold at Sephora.
      I’m boring and stocking up on all the products I use already– mostly serums, and an eyebrow pencil.
      Might be a couple more NARS lipsticks.

    2. I would recommend checking out some Herbivore products if you haven’t used any before. They’re expensive to sale is perfect time to get them. They currently have a gift set, the “Jewel Box” which has a good selection of serums and oils, but my favorite, favorite, favorite item of theirs is the Blue Tansy Face Mask and Blue Lapis Oil (they have a mini gift set with both in it, or you can buy the full-size products individually).

      I also purchased the Tarte Cosmetics Tartlette Amazonian Clay Matte Palette and I LOVE it – lots of great colors for both day and nighttime layered shadow look. (Plus some fun names for the shadows as well!)

    3. I’m trying to decide on a facial mist, for using at my desk. Currently ogling Youth To The People and Biossance, but they’re both so spendy.

      Also, please note that The Ordinary is specifically excluded from the HOLIDAYSAVE code, but all Ordinary products are 23% off this month on the brand’s home page. I’m getting increasingly frustrated with Sephora’s rewards that sell out in nanoseconds and their ever-more-restrictive policies.

  11. Ridiculous headline of the week: “Climate change could end mortgages as we know them ” (CNN)

    Ya think?

    2. You mean banks won’t extend 30 year mortgages because the house won’t be here in 30 year?

  12. Anyone love your stackable washer/dryer combo? Mine is officially dead so I’m in the market for a new one. Just need the basics, but it must be stackable because of limited space.

    1. It’s 20 years old, but I have a Maytag that is still going strong. I am shocked and will weep when / if it dies.

      1. Planned obsolescence/drivers to decrease price – ie using cheaper components – has affected most mainstream brands in the past 10-15 years, including Maytag. Machines are unfortunately are built to last 8-12 years and only are able to be repaired up to a point. Unless you go with an ultra premium brand (Miele) that’s meant to be fixed, I tend to think they’re all pretty comparable, read reviews about features and pick what you like.

        1. Sounds like I’d better do everything I can to keep my 2003 Maytag Neptune pair going.

    2. Most front load washers with their matching dryers can be stacked with a stacking kit. If the product page/ad shows them on top of a drawer, typically those pedestals are sold seperately and you’d instead purchase the stacking kit.

    3. Do you mean one of those super small all-in-one units? I’m no help there, but if you have room for regular stackables, I got to test drive these and loved them.

      https://products.geappliances.com/appliance/gea-specs/GFW430SSMWW
      https://products.geappliances.com/appliance/gea-specs/GFD43ESSMWW

      My grandmother’s very swanky assisted living facility sends out all the residents’ laundry to a laundry service, but there are a set of these on every floor. I stayed with her recently and did some laundry in these and was so happy compared to the crappy old ones in our rental. Happy enough that I took pictures of the labels haha.

    4. I love my LG. And while I wanted to buy them anyway, they were also the narrowest machines.

      1. I love my LG compact front load washer. I don’t have the matching drier and don’t stack it, but I love the smaller size relative to the current behemoths that are washers. For two adults it’s completely sufficient. Will wash large rugs and bulky items. I love, love, love it.

  13. Anyone else on ideal protein? Just wondering (too late I guess) about how it goes.

    1. I did Ideal before my wedding and I lost like 20-ish pounds. The food is good and all, but it got boring to me after a while, upon which I returned to my unhealthy eating habits and gained weight back. But it did work for the short-term goal that I wanted to hit.

  14. Does anyone use an out of office when they’re working from a different office in a different time zone? Suggestions for wording?

    2. yes if I’ll be tied up in all day meetings and therefore not as responsive as normal (in which case I note I am traveling on business in my OOO), but not if I’m just using an office in another area.

    3. Depends on the time zone difference. One or two hours, nope. Six hours – yes. “I will be traveling for business from [date} to {date}. During this time I will have regular access to email and voicemail, but my response may be delayed.” +blurb about urgent or emergency items w/ alternative contact

    4. “I will be working internationally from x date to y date. During this time, my response may be delayed. If this matter is urgent, please call me at xxxxxx or contact another member of the engagement team.”

    5. I do when I travel internationally, and say From X to Y date, I will be on (time zone) time.

  15. Can I just vent about dudes (or women, I just haven’t personally seen it so it’s not what I’m venting about) in positions of power hitting on people who are clearly not in a position of equivalent power within the same field? Was at a conference recently, as an undergrad, and had to spend a significant portion of time maneuvering around some professor at a college that I don’t attend trying to “subtly” hit on me. He asked what I was doing that night, asked for my number, friended me on FB, messaged me to see what optional events I was attending, referenced his hotel way too many times on “casual” conversation, asked where he could see me performing in reference to FB posts, and to top it all off, messaged me within the hour of the conference’s end to ask to go to coffee (with an included apology if FB messenger wasn’t the right place and if there was a hint he had been missing).

    Between being incessant and being a full-fledged prof, I just don’t see any of that as appropriate. At the very least,
    I would’ve taken the hint at not giving him my phone number (and my pretty clear awkardness about the whole thing, I was obviously a bit uncomfortable). On top of that, academics have relatively small circles in their fields. How am I supposed to assume he wouldn’t ever end up teaching at my university? While I understand that these types of situations may seem frustrating but inevitable, I’m still not quite done being frustrated and just needed to vent. Thankfully, I am used to having to deal with these types of things, I just wish I could attend these kinds of events in peace.

    1. Oh, and I just checked his age: he’s almost 10 years older than me. Which, honestly, isn’t a deal breaker when *I’m* the one doing the chasing, but super concerning based on the amount of effort this dude is putting in. Yikes.

    2. I don’t think of that as a power differential in the traditional sense. He’s not at your school, he’s not your professor, the age gap is not that large. Just tell him no and ask him to stop. If it doesn’t stop then that’s a different issue.

      1. There’s still a power differential. Plus pursuing someone romantically who can’t leave (because they’re at work/a conference) is messed up even without a power difference. Without a clear indication of mutual interest, he should have stopped after 1 or 2 hints instead of hounding her the whole time.

        1. This sticks out to me the most. The age difference wouldn’t be too weird in a couple and presumably professors too, get to flirt or find partners. But even if you were both professors at an equal footing, this level of pursuit and ignoring the fact that you weren’t into this is inappropriate. You were there to work and he was trampling all over that.
          The power differential also matters since it’s much more awkward and risky for an early career colleague to be blunt in their rejection.

        2. Agreed, the repeated hassling over multiple platforms pushes it to creepy for me.

        3. I’m sorry you experienced this, OP. It was wrong of the professor to pursue you in this persistent way at a conference even if there wasn’t a power differential. It’s extra wrong because there is a power differential. And extra, extra wrong if you’re a traditional-age undergrad (and so just barely an adult).

          If there’s someone you trust at your university, I’d encourage you to talk about this experience with them. Maybe they can give you tips for the future or they can use this inform how they work with this guy/advise others who might work with this guy in the future. Often, this kind of behavior isn’t isolated to one incident.

      2. There’s definitely a power differential and it’s 100% inappropriate. It’s not as bad as a professor hitting on an undergrad in his class (which is a fireable offense at most universities, even for tenured profs) but academia is a small community and a professor has great influence over an undergrad’s future career even if they’re not currently at the same school.

          1. 10:54 PM Anon is right. This is 100% inappropriate, and there’s a reason he’s chasing undergrads at a conference and not at his home institution where he’s at greater risk of getting caught.

        2. Sorry I am late to this thread, but the OP performed admirably, refusing to give this schmoe her telephone number. And using the boyfriend excuse will only encourage the guy, as we regularly switch boyfriend’s at her age. She is lucky he is elsewhere, and from what I read, this whiny schmoe obviously think’s more of himself then the women do. Who cares if he’s a professor? Not me! I’ve had maybe 10 professors over the years making plays for me, and I’ve managed to rebuff all of them, or otherwise keep them where I want them, all while getting whatever I want out of it — I often went to ask questions to professors in college and law school, b/c they were NOT clear, but NOT b/c I was interested in them, but some did think I was looking for good grades and they immediately thought “wouldn’t $ex be great with her!” — but I had to make clear, early on that $ex was NOT part of the equation, or anything physical. Nearly all got it, so I was abel to learn w/o sacrificing my body for some measley knowledge I craved. OP, hang in there and don’t worry. It sounds like your attractive, and will face this over and over again, so just get used to it and you will be fine. YAY!!!

      3. She needs to say no. It’s not clear that’s happened. She says she was awkward and uncomfortable but she doesn’t say she said no. She shouldn’t just be dropping hints.

        1. Students go to conferences to network with future mentors and potential colleagues in their fields. There’s a real risk of negative repercussions if a student responds negatively to a senior scholar’s advances. Clearly and plainly saying “no” is not always the wisest thing to do (people have learned this the hard way). A professor pursuing an undergraduate has already crossed one professional and ethical boundary, so it’s unclear how many additional professional and ethical boundaries he may be willing to cross. There are many subtle ways of sabotaging students in academia.

        2. Op here. I did say no to giving him my phone number and advances were still made the next day. Someone declining to give you their phone number, even with a polite excuse to go with it, is a no, in my experience. Obviously, I could have been more blunt, and had I realized that declining to give my phone number wouldn’t be enough for him to get the hint, I would have been. But I didn’t want to be more blunt than was necessary for the sake of not burning bridges needlessly.

          1. Could you lie and tell him you have a boyfriend? To be clear, I don’t think you should have to lie to get someone off your back and it sucks that you’re in this position. But perhaps it would be easier to decline him that way – he might take it as less of a personal rejection since he can tell himself you’d be interested but for the BF (not true, but whatever).

          2. I do have a boyfriend but I really hate using that since it gives the impression that they would have a shot if I were single–which is not true in 99% of cases, especially this one. What happens if I break up with my current SO and now they think that they should shoot their shot again because for all they know the circumstances are different? So yeah, I don’t use that one. Since the conference is over, I shouldn’t see him again for another year. If I run into him at something else, I’ll just try to avoid engaging with him as much as possible. If he tries this again at next year’s conference I will be much more blunt in my approach.

            Sidenote: Since last posting he made a whiny post on facebook saying that he didn’t know why he was still single and people shouldn’t ask him but should instead ask all the girls who have rejected him–what a great picture of emotional stability, super attractive.

  16. Need ideas for a gift to encourage my assistant who is going through a health issue. It’s non-life threatening but of unknown origin and duration, so I can tell it’s stressing her out. Flowers are not good and she’s pre-diabetic so food is good either. Not concerned about risk of a disability discrimination claim or something that reinforces the notion that no good deed goes unpunished, but need to be mindful of perceptions since I’m a lawyer.

    1. What about something soothing/calming? Like a spa gift certificate or nice soy candles?

      1. This. I really like Lush’s bath products but I wouldn’t buy them for myself. Maybe you could put together just a little relaxation “kit”–a bath bomb, a candle, soothing face mask, fuzzy socks, lotion…those would all be things that would make me feel better, if you feel like that’s an appropriate gift (NOLA so I’m not too keen on what your exact perception concerns would be).

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