Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
There’s a lot of great denim on sale in Nordstrom’s 60% off sale right now, including fashion goal brands like FRAME. There are lots of lucky sizes, so start with your size, but the pictured jeans were $230, now marked down to $92.
(Plus, you can take an early look at the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale, which they’re doing instead of a catalog this year. Accordingly, this isn’t the full list of stuff; they’re adding more daily.)
As I’ve noted before, I’m a fan of very light denim instead of white — particularly for spring/fall — and a relaxed, cropped cut like this feels very modern to me. (Also, love the sandals! I can’t quite find the ones pictured, but this is a very affordable, similar option; FRAME has a similar sandal also.)
Happy weekend, all!
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2022 Update: These are some of the best jeans for work (affiliate links): 1) Paige 2) Madewell 3) Topshop 4) Wit & Wisdom 5) Levi’s
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Workwear sales of note for 6.02.23:
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
- Ann Taylor – $50 off $150; $100 off $250+; extra 30% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
- Boden – Sale, up to 50% off
- Cole Haan – Up to 50% off select styles; extra 20% off sandals & sneakers
- Eloquii – 60% off all tops
- Express – 30% off all dresses, tops, shorts & more; extra 50% off clearance
- H&M – Up to 60% off online and in-store.
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!); extra 50% off select sale
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 60% off 100s of summer faves; extra 60% off clearance
- J.McLaughlin – The Sale Event: extra 30% off
- Loft – 40% off tops; 30% off full-price styles
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty.
- Shopbop – Up to 60% off sale
- Sue Sartor – Lots of cute dresses on sale!
- Talbots – 25-40% off select styles
Other noteworthy sales:
- CB2.com – Up to 40% off; pop-up sale up to 30% off
- Joss & Main – Up to 60% off, plus an extra 20% off with code
- Tuft & Needle – Save up to $775 on mattresses (Reader-favorite brand; Kat really likes hers!)
- West Elm – Up to 25% off in-stock furniture; up to 60% off clearance
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
- Favorite comfy pants for an overnight plane ride?
- I’ve got a nasty case of tech neck…
- What’s a good place for a relaxing solo escape?
- What’s the best commuter backpack?
- I’m early 40s and worry my career arc is ending…
- I canNOT figure out the proportions in this current season of fashion…
- How is everyone wearing scarves in 2023?
- What shoes are people wearing to work between boot and sandal season?
- What’s a good place for a relaxing solo escape?
- What are some of your go-to outfits that feel current?
- I need more activities that are social, easy to learn and don’t involve extreme running/jumping/etc.
Not really a David Brooks fan, but he wrote this op-ed in the NYT that highlights some cool-sounding new resources for platforms promoting free debate and exchange of ideas (and minimizing clickbait-focused, outrage-driven news). I know some posters (including myself) expressed interest in finding more resources like that so I thought I’d share. Have a great weekend everyone!
Oh, the poster who wants to discuss opinion articles she claims are representative of everyone’s ideas here. Is this an outgrowth of “stay in touch with your mentor by sending them articles they might like”?
So nice to start the weekend thread with someone being unpleasant for no good reason.
If you have a substantive response to David Brooks’ article by all means let us know. Otherwise this was unnecessary and this type of comment is exactly the type of thing that makes this site less pleasant.
I think you meant to say “thank you for sharing this interesting article.” Way to be nasty for no reason.
Thanks for sharing!!
+1. Please just ignore the rude poster above.
How do you deal with doubting your abilities i.e. impostor syndrome. I recently left a toxic work environment, there are times I feel relief especially because I am healthier emotionally and mentally. But there are times I have doubts about how good I am, and occasionally I have flashbacks to the worst moments in that job like being yelled at in meetings by my supervisor. At one point this triggered heart palpitations and panic attacks. I want to transition to a better working environment but at moments like these I struggle. Most importantly I want to exude confidence in interviewing for jobs, networking etc. If you have been in a similar situation would appreciate advice, thank you.
I’ve heard good things about EMDR therapy for flashbacks. Rejection sensitivity dysphoria may resonate with you. Those are, at least, some ideas you could research in addition to imposter syndrome.
If it helps, myself and others I’ve talked to have had shown to us that it’s not us. As in, we were all once in bad workplace situations (myself only a ago) and transitioned to better ones where we were much more in alignment with our new colleagues. So have hope that it’s not you, and that you will land in the place that you’re meant to be in! And when they all the question, “why are you leaving your job,” come up with something that doesn’t get into the negativity at all.
To the person who wanted movie recommendations earlier, Center Stage is now streaming on Prime. It’s perfect if you want an early 2000s drama/comedy that’s light and fun.
Now for my own movie/show request, what are your current favorite period dramas? I’ve seen Downton Abbey and would love something in that vein, especially if it involves horses. I’d probably prefer a movie over a show right now, but open to both.
Pride and Prejudice 2005 just dropped on Netflix, so that’s what I’m watching tonight!
I love most of that movie, but the younger sisters are basically ALWAYS twittering and giggling to the point where it sets me on edge. The rest is perfection, though.
I think that means they played the characters extremely well :)
Also agree. Their characters are meant to vapid and frivolous, in contrast to Jane and Elizabeth.
I agree, but there’s vapid/frivolous without nonstop giggling. I think they giggled more than spoke, which felt like too literal an interpretation.
It sounds like it’s not the movie for you, but if you’re a fan of the novel, that’s exactly what Kitty and Lydia do. So your beef is with Jane Austen, not the filmmaker.
In the same vein, the 1995 BBC version of Pride and Prejudice is available. Love Colin Firth!
This is the one true version for me.
Same. I can almost recite it since they quote from the book so faithfully. Keira’s pouty adaptation just isn’t the same!
Same. Watched it a million times, still love it.
Oh, that’s my favorite movie! Thanks for this info.
Maybe everyone else has seen it by now, but I really enjoyed Doctor Thorne on Prime, and it led me to catch up on some other Thackery adaptations that I enjoyed. Thackery is not an author I would pick up to read, so this was a surprise to me.
For a movie, Love & Friendship, though it’s nothing like Downtown Abbey!
(And you can tell I don’t read Thackeray, since apparently I can’t spell his name.)
I love Gosford Park, a 2001 film from the creator of Downtown Abbey. Maggie Smith is in this too!
These aren’t new, but are favorites of mine. I love North and South – the characters fall for one another after learning about one another’s perspective! It has a nice side helping of labor union support, too. The Forsyte Saga has amazing costumes and good acting. Both are streaming on Netflix.
Yes to these two, and adding Outlander, Last Kingdom, and Vikings. Also, the movie The Physician was interesting.
North and South, my favourite! I describe it as Pride & Prejudice plus social justice. Plus bonus Edinburgh-spotting
I adore North and South but it was taken off Netlix about a month ago. A real shame. I hate when movies move around streaming services.
The first time I watched it was such a perfect viewing experience, even though I was flu-ridden, that I have never been able to make myself go back and watch it again in fear of ruining it. I intended to only watch one episode and then go to sleep but four hours later, I had finished watching it.
Flambards is set in the same era as early Downton but might be hard to find. It was an ITV series in the 90s
Gail the Goldfish
Period drama involving horses, you say? The Man From Snowy River! Probably not what you had in mind because it’s set in Australia, not Britain, and I don’t remember when exactly it’s set (turn of the century, I think?), but it’s worth a watch if you haven’t seen it.
I LOVE THAT MOVIE.
Gail the Goldfish
SAME. OP, a warning-watching this movie with children may result in them developing a lifelong love of horses (and therefore a very expensive hobby)
I love the BBC show The Paradise. It only ran for two seasons. Me. Selfridge was good too. I’m hearing good things about Beecham Place as well. That one is set in India.
The Lone Ranger
Hoping this nests correctly, but a warning about Beecham House, it ends in a cliff-hanger and there is currently no second season planned.
The scenery and costumes are amazing.
“Beecham House” started a little and confusing but it got good towards the end. Unfortunately, ITV didn’t renew it for a second series so the cliffhanger ending is it. I’m so PO’d about this and the cliffhanger ending for “Sanditon”.
My favorite movie ever, and for a long, long time. So, so beautiful.
Definitely more in the murder mystery vein, but I loved Babylon Berlin and can’t wait for the next season.
If you want to watch a controvesial movie, watch 365 Days on Netflix. It is all about a beautiful Polish girl who gets kidnapped by an Italian Mafia guy in Italy, and he wants her to fall in love with him within 365 days. It is kind of like 50 Shades of Gray, but only with an Italian gangster. The girl is beautiful and young, and the guy has a nice body, but needs a shave, and that look does NOTHING for me. I have to warn you that there is alot of explicit s-x scenes (which I supose was necessary for this type of movie), but it is filmed on location so they spent alot of money to make this movie. Also, Do NOT watch this with either kids or on a first date or your guy will start getting ideas.
I’m trying to buy more natural fiber clothes and find it really frustrating to sort through most clothing sites where you can’t filter by material — where do you buy your natural fiber clothes? Any sites with a good material sorting option? Thanks!
I would shop a lot more if clothing sites had (accurate) fabric content filters.
And if I could search by cut (I think what I need are called “princess seams,” but how to find them?).
Eileen Fisher, mostly on eBay, only listings that show fiber content. Right now I’m mostly in 100% linen and 100% cotton, but I do like some stretch in pants.
My favorite natural fiber is wool and I wear it as close to year-round as I can. I can’t wear Shetland wool but finely woven wools are about the same itch level as linen for me.
Wallis Evera. I think Gretchen’s Closet blogs about this issue a lot too.
Nordstrom lets you search by fabric (and you can even choose between “cotton” and “cotton blend”, etc.)
I search regular sites for “silk top,” “cotton poplin blouse,” “linen pants,” etc.
I buy a lot at Cuyana. They have great 100% cotton pieces that are so soft and hold up really well.
Actually had some good luck with Uniqlo tees. Also, I’ve found that you can search brand’s websites (via their search box) and find “cotton tops,” for instance. Had some luck at Old Navy recently doing this.
Two people close to me just shared that they are early on in their pregnancies. Because of COVID it’s unlikely I will see them before the baby showers, if even then. I don’t have kids and know nothing about pregnancy but I would like to send them something to let them know I am happy for them. What is appropriate here? Since they are both a long way from having the babies (due in January), I was thinking something for the moms-to-be, like a tin of assorted cookies, ice cream, or other small consumable I can easily have shipped. I’m just looking for something fun and informal to say I’m thinking of you. I still plan to send a more traditional gift for any shower.
I think it’s fine to send baby stuff! Your friends are extremely excited about their babies – something tangible for the nuggets can be really nice.
Not The Total Bellas
As a currently pregnant person, I think your ideas are great. If these are people you would otherwise see for periodic coffee dates or lunches, I would also encourage you to check in with them throughout the pregnancy. I have found it very lonely because no one sees me and has a visual reminder that I’m pregnant and everyone is so underwater with their own pandemic-related increase in life drama.
I’ve always thought that something fashionable that the mom-to-be can wear throughout the pregnancy is a nice gift – ex., earrings, a scarf, or an interesting necklace. (Good accessories are key to jazzing up a limited maternity wardrobe!)
Since pregnancy often means exhaustion, would a breakfast bread like banana bread or coffee cake be an option? One less thing to cook.
I think food is a nice idea but I also think it’s fine to send something for the baby. When I was pregnant I was so excited about the baby and would been even more excited to receive a gift for baby than for myself. The registry stuff will typically be practical (think diapers, cribsheets and carseats, even super boring things like nail clippers and snot suckers) so sending a cute outfit, stuffed animal or children’s book can be a nice change from that that is just for fun, not something she needs. For clothes I recommend size 3-6M or bigger (since bigger babies often don’t wear newborn sizes for very long) and for books I recommend avoiding the most famous titles like Goodnight Moon – send something you loved as a toddler/kid (ask your parents if you don’t remember). You’re a thoughtful friend!
Someone sent me a Burts bees kit with belly butter and other lotions which I loved and I also received a basket of different treats in the first trimester. Highly recommend either.
I know this doesn’t sound very personal, but maybe a Target gift card with “strict” instructions to spend it on something that is not for the baby? I was super freaked out about money when I was pregnant, and I loved that a coworker gave me a gift card to a store I liked so I could go shopping without all of my usual anxiety-calculations.
Learn from me, wear closed toed shoes in the kitchen, especially when you’re using sharp knives.
I hope you’re okay! My Frye harness boots have a slit in the top for exactly this reason.
I’m ok. My toe has seen better days, but it could have been a lot worse!
Better the Frye boots than the foot, right?
I am such a boot person that I thought: the foot will heal; the boots wont :(
I can’t take a shower for a couple of days and for sure would have gone in for stitches if we weren’t in COVID times. No boots are worth that.
I’ve dropped my knife many times and jusssst missed my foot. I keep saying, one of these days I’m going to actually drop it on my foot. Yesterday was that day.
@Anon at 2:56. I just accidentally cut my thumb all the way through the nail today with a knife :( so I sympathize. I don’t think it’s to the level of needing stitches though. Do you have wound care tips? I’m in the bandaid and skipping shower (maybe tomorrow?) stage right now.
I’m OP. For my wound, which is a very deep, very bloody skin flap on my second toe, I held a damp towel on it and elevated it until the bleeding slowed, then I put two of those stretchy cloth bandaids around my toe. The first was to actually act as a bandaid. The second I put on tight to act as a mild tourniquet/apply pressure. I kept it elevated all night.
My son had a similar deep skin flap injury a couple of years ago, also from a knife, and I did take him to the ER. They did a couple of stitches and wound glue. I’m basically following the advice they gave him and wish I had wound glue on hand.
I am so guilty of not doing this. Thanks for the reminder!
Couldn’t nest this: I cut my finger all the way through the nail a few months ago just as lockdowns started. I took off ~1/3 of my nail and it bled LIKE CRAZY. I did a telehealth consult to make sure it wasn’t infected, but otherwise…look out for if it’s itchy, swollen or red (that’s infection and I’d go to see a doctor). Keep it moist if possible – I used Nexcare bandages with Neosporin underneath. You can shower and get it wet, that’s fine. Just change it after. For about 2 weeks until it no longer looked like a wound (I was still missing the nail), I wore a light latex glove to cook. It’s been 3 months and the nail just now looks sort of normal, but I was off the bandages after about 3 weeks.
I also had a crazy injury (sliced my palm open with a box cutter) during quarantine — this was mid-May and I only just got to the stage of not wearing bandages regularly. In the beginning I kept it really compressed and kept adding Neosporin. As it got better I would change bandages frequently, still laying on the Neosporin pretty thick. Occasionally I’d let it air dry but I mostly read to keep the wound wet. When I got to the stage where it was closed I’d start massaging BioOil or Cerave on it a few times a day.
I still put Neosporin and a bandage over it some nights if it’s feeling dry or itchy; it’s crazy how moisturized it is when I wake up.
I sliced through a lot of my thumb from the side and put on a Nexcare bandage and left it on for a month. It did NOT smell good when I good it off, but the thumb had repaired itself. Those bandages are amazing. The seal out the germs.
Oh my god, NO! Glad you healed without complications, but others — please don’t follow this advice! That smell was bacteria! Bandages (even those that seal) must be changed 2x a day, or more (if they get wet, dirty, etc). I’m a wound care nurse and superficial or minor wounds can often be cared for at home, but keep those bandages FRESH people.
Anon for this
I need to vent. I have been sick for 11 days with a low-grade fever, congestion, exhaustion after flying for a 10-person family wedding two weeks ago. I pushed through and worked the first week of it and then gave up and took two days off. (I said a few dumb things in meetings due to the exhaustion and decided it was time to cut my losses. Plus, my husband needs his wife back). This is the third day off. I am not getting better. I tested negative for COVID last week. But of course there’s a 10-40% (!) false negative rate so that tells us roughly nothing. I miss my husband and my friends. I want to go back to work. Pandemics suck.
Vent over. Please send sympathy. I want company in my pity party!
(side note: I knew flying was risky. Please don’t flame me; it was a difficult choice. I masked up and refused to stay with my parents, despite constant entreaties to stay there just one night and take off the mask. None of them got sick, and it’s now been 14 days. So at least I avoided my worst nightmare of my sister’s wedding being associated with my parents’ illness.)
Are you out of your mind? Idk what response you think you’re getting but you went to work for a week with Covid symptoms. Incredibly selfish. Truly unacceptable. Bad person.
what? she didn’t say she went to work, she said she worked. I imagine from home.
Let’s hope she meant work from home, but it didn’t sound like it. OP, don’t come here and flame people on a life-or-death issue. It’s not funny.
Anon for this
Lol :) I work remotely. Should have been clear. Have not been near anyone since returning
Omg yeah major detail!
Anon for this
That sounded flip. I laughed because I assumed it was obvious that people wouldn’t go to the physical office with COVID symptoms. I guess that’s not true. We are in one of the original hotspots and taking isolation seriously. I haven’t even been within 6 feet of my husband, and then only masked. That’s part of what makes this so hard.
Maybe don’t assume the worst?
oh, that’s icky. Could it be a sinus infection? Or could you have possibly tested too early? Sympathy sent :)
We all need to remember that other illnesses do not stop “because COVID”. It could be sinuses, a summer cold, or whatever else.
Indeed! I caught, I kid you not, scarlet fever (somehow picked up strep strain C, hadn’t ever had it, got the rash complication) and was treated to a COVID test this weekend along with my throat culture. But it turns out you can still get “regular sick” during a pandemic, too. I say that for my own benefit as much as anyone else’s, because when I woke up with a sore throat and a fever, I immediately thought “I have somehow caught COVID.”
Anon for this
What a story! Are you feeling better?
Yes, I am! Thanks for asking! I was able to start antibiotics on Tuesday, and worked a full day (from home!) for the first time this week.
Anon for this
ELS, I’m so glad to hear that. It’s so stressful to be sick right now. Cheers to antibiotics and hope you keep feeling better.
My mom has somehow gotten a sinus infection AND strep throat since quarantine began. My parents aren’t going anywhere, not even the grocery store! The strep we think was from dirty lake water (she kayaks) but no idea about the sinus infection. Negative COVID tests each time and antibiotics fixed it quickly, so it almost certainly wasn’t COVID.
Can you get tested again?
Anon for this
I guess I’ll have to ask! It seems like abuse of the limited tests available, but I suppose persistent illness might justify it. I’m with Cat that I want it to be a sinus infection. (And thanks Cat for assuming I wasn’t so oblivious as to go to an office with a fever)
Why would anyone have assumed that?
Yeah, given how many GD morons are out there, it wasn’t a safe assumption, but good thing you clarified and didn’t actually do it.
I don’t know which assumption you think was the wrong one… but at this point, I assume the vast majority of the comment base here means “working from home” unless otherwise specified. I forget the term for when the default meaning of a word switches and you now use a new word to describe the old circumstances (like “analog clock”) but that’s how I feel about “working” vs. “going to an office” in these times!
My mom has a friend who had an actual positive test result and STILL went to work. Her orthodontist’s office also sent an email stating that they were shutting down because someone came in with overt/blatant COVID-19 symptoms.
I trust no one at this point.
Anon for this
Yes, Cat, I think that happened to me, too. And No Face… Wow. That’s wild.
I am a bit annoyed that I sit under a vent and the A/C is cranked up high for the 3 people actually in the office. I always feel like I am coming down with something and have something vile-smelling at my desk just to check for loss of sense of smell. I go outside or home and I feel fine. It is just 8 hours under a cold draft (I’d wander away from it, but want to contain any germs and have to avoid deep-cleaning the entire office should I ever test +).
Anon for this
This sounds awful. Sympathy back at you.
Could the vent be closed?
Lol all the meanings of the word “vent”
Have you done a telemedicine appt to evaluate whether you should retest? I’ve heard that 5 days after exposure is the best time to test – sounds like you may have gone a little early?
OP, glad you didn’t go to work – and I get trying to push through when you were “kinda sick” but able to WFH. Glad you’re taking some time to try to feel better, and I’m wondering if a retest will help you to feel like you can allow yourself to recover because you know you actually have COVID (even if it’s mild). I’m someone who has trouble cutting myself slack when I’m suffering from “just a cold” so don’t know if you’re similar.
Anon for this
Yeah. Thanks to everyone for the love. I just got off Zoom with my nurse practitioner — she thinks, regardless of what the original infection was (COVID or not), the current issue is a bacterial sinus infection. So a couple days of antibiotics and things should look up. Grateful for modern science (and for a reminder that there are many things that we can, indeed, treat!)
Choices have consequences. I presume you were fine with that when you made your decision.
Anon for this
To be honest, it was still worth it, but I helped to vent. Thanks to those who have me some grace :)
Anon for this
*it helped to vent.
Why are you jumping on the OP for this? She could have been developing a sinus infection before she was even traveling. If she’s been home two weeks but sick for 11 days, that’s also a bit on the fast side (though statistically possible) to have developed Covid symptoms from the travel itself.
Sorry to be all over this thread, maybe I’m taking these comments too personally because I, too, would have flown while taking precautions to be at a sibling’s tiny wedding, I, too, have gotten sick while WFH and distancing and tested negative, and the attitude that a poster has to prove her own good intentions and perfect behavior beyond a reasonable doubt to avoid getting piled on is just getting old.
I think it’s fine if you want to make that choice. But then to ask everyone to fawn all over you with sympathy because you got (mildly) ill though you assert it was worth it … is kind of a step to far. You made a decision (which you’re happy with) & we’re all overburdened with pandemic sorrows already … so maybe don’t pile on. Especially from your amazingly huge position of privilege where you can’t even understand why people would think you were physically going in to work. People are dying & in positions where they’re forced to take risks vs opting in to them, but poor OP, basically.
Anon for this
Poor all of us, really. It sounds like you and yours are having more than a rough time of it and are constantly in fear of dying because you have to work. The risk of the pandemic is deeply unequal. I’m doing my best to be aware of my privilege while still giving myself room to be a frustrated human sometimes! I was avoiding venting to my sister (whose new husband is out of a job because of the pandemic) and close friends (who are about to have babies without family because pandemic, or whose husband is in a war zone which just generally sucks). Even if that wasn’t true, at some point pain is pain. I’m so sorry for your situation. These are awful and scary and deeply unequal times.
I think that venting is fine and you are always free to post whatever, but I agree that sometimes, it’s on you to accept your decision and not look for sympathy about it. I know someone who made the choice to travel to a COVID hotspot for a very non-essential reason (beach weekend with friends) and then wanted sympathy for the stress she felt about it later. It was too much to ask, honestly.
It’s not about her choice to go at all. It’s about her choice to burden everyone with her complaints. It’s more that she decided that the consequences are worth it and stands firm in that BUT still wants to trouble everyone else rather than managing her own disappointment in the minor inconveniences that resulted. Just own your choice and its consequence.
Anon for this
I’m sorry that my venting hurt you this way and was a point of overwhelm for you. It helped me get some emotional equilibrium back. Do you want to share what’s going on for you? We can extend the same care back. Perhaps you don’t value my empathy much but I’m so sorry it’s so hard right now.
I think you need to get off the internet for a while if reading an anonymous stranger’s vent makes you feel so victimized.
It’s not about “feeling victimized” so much as it is feeling in awe that people can’t self-soothe more effectively.
It’s the same people who accuse those who are making the choice to stay home of being “afraid,” who themselves aren’t strong enough to go out without demanding moral support.
It’s not that serious, gals.
I’m so sorry! I flew for a family vacation, which was waaaaaaaay more selfish than a sister’s wedding, and none of us got sick. You could have something totally non-coronavirus, and could have gotten coronavirus from going to a grocery store. Hope you feel better soon.
Does anyone have a rain chain? Pondering getting one for the porch where we like to sit when it’s raining sometimes.
I follow the blog Young House Love and they got one recently. Might have to look on their Instagram to find it.
I had never heard of this but now I really want pne and I specifically need a new downspout built. How lovely. Sitting on my porch during the rain is my very favorite thing to do.
My mom has one next to her deck and loves it.
Random life question for a Friday afternoon if it posts at a reasonable time — are you jealous of your friends/coworkers/peers for anything? If so, what?
Right now I’m jealous of everyone with a nice house or apartment! I’m seeing a lot of lovely decks and patios and libraries on Zoom.
I am jealous of anyone with a really swimmable pool. I am going nuts stuck on dry land.
Oooh this. I’m so jealous of people with pools
Anon Probate Atty
That’s funny, we have a very nice pool and hardly ever use it except for large get-togethers with kids. Same with most people I know, except those with small children.
Their spouses and kids. I have a very disabled husband and no kids and being out among normal couples doesn’t really get easier.
I’m sorry – I have 2 very difficult kids with special needs, it’s different but I feel your pain when I see people who can do normal activities with their families. Lots of sympathy
Never too many shoes...
One kid with fairly significant autism here and I feel you, friends. Everything is just, harder and sometimes I do really feel envious.
People in my age group (age 40) who are financially solid and it’s NOT tied in real estate. The people sitting around with $1mil or $2mil or more and it’s either in addition to a house or maybe they’ve chosen not to tie up cash in a house at all. I know it sounds shallow but it’s not about private jets or $500 shoes or anything for me, it’s that those people often have a certain “confidence” professionally — like — so what if this job doesn’t work out, eh whatever I’ll find something else to do.
I had to think about this question, which I guess is a good sign.
I’m jealous of my friends whose fathers are still living. I also have some envy toward people who have never had to pay all of the bills themselves, i.e. were always coupled and have all the financial benefits of that.
Currently I am jealous of:
a) my older friends who have already had their children and don’t have to actively decide to bring kids into this new frightening world, who live in nice homes from which they probably won’t move for many years
b) my younger friends/sisters who are living alone, who have more time to figure out how they want their adult post-Covid lives to look, and who can learn from my mistakes
I know that I’m in a very privileged position, pandemic or no pandemic, and I would never presume to say that anyone else has it easy right now. I just really wish that this more transitional, pivotal stage of my life didn’t have to coincide with the worst time in history to make decisions.
I’m sometimes (but not always) jealous of people whose mothers are still living/who got more than 2 years with their mothers. The rest of the time, I’m accepting of my lot in life.
Yeah, I don’t get jealous exactly, but when it comes up I kind of marvel that other people have parents as I kind of forget that’s a thing that exists. And people decades older than me who have parents are especially oddities. But of course, you can’t exactly say that or even expect anyone to acknowledge that some people don’t have parents or living/normal parents and maybe never did.
I’m envious of my friends who have large, happy families including grandbabies. Basically it’s just me and my husband and my (grown, single) son, which is fine but sometimes seems a little lonely.
I’m with you on this one. You get to this point in life and it would be nice to have more people close to you to share it.
People that have never faced a cancer diagnosis.
Seconding this. I’m 30, just finished chemo in the middle of a pandemic and will not be able to have children due to the side effects of chemo. I’m basically jealous of every single person I know.
I’m terribly jealous of my friends that have good/healthy relationships with their mothers. I’ve had enough therapy to make peace with my situation but every now and then,I dream of being able to pick up the phone and feel supported and cared for.
This. Very much this.
anon in progress
I envy women who love themselves and are/were strong enough to leave toxic relationships on their own. I was in a toxic, emotionally abusive relationship for years and wish I had had the self-love necessary to leave. He finally left me this year and left me feeling used and discarded. I wish more than anything that I had found enough strength to leave earlier and make life choices that prioritized my happiness rather than catering to his approval.
Have you read “Daily Wisdom for Why Does He do That?” I recommend it. It’s kind of focused on healing. (“Why Does He Do That” is informative too, perhaps obviously, but the Daily Wisdom is more about reclaiming you.)
I have been in a series of emotionally abusive relationship and only left because of the raging hypocrisy that is necessary to abuse someone.
I’m always envious of women who have good relationships with their mothers. I feel like I got gyped out of something that could have been amazing.
People with snuggly cats. DH has a no pets policy.
I wish you could come over and pet my two brother cats and let them sit in your lap for a while!
The amount of fur they leave behind on your pants might make you feel better about not having one, though!
I’m envious of my coworkers who have friends with kids who hang out with non-kid single people. I love my friends, but they all have families of some variety and I feel left out at times then hear about my coworkers’ fun plans with their blended set of friends and it makes me sad.
I have a new baby and I love hanging with my single friends!
If we’re completely anonymous, I’m a little jealous of a work friend who gets things more easily because of her physical beauty. She has admitted this before, and I’ve seen her work it plenty of times.
I am jealous of people who can stop eating when they feel comfortably full; and jealous of people who can take a few bits of something they love (e.g., chocolate cake) and decide “that’s enough, I’m good.” I can’t ever seem to stop myself from eating, even when I know I am already full, I don’t want anymore, or it no longer tastes as good as the first bite.
I will play...
I am jealous of those who have self-sufficient parents. My parents are horrible with money and sap my resources on top of their own. They have lived with me for most of my 30s. I would like to “set boundaries” but my mom has advanced ALZ and I feel a strong moral obligation to do the best I possibly can to give her a comfortable existence. So I keep giving, I keep sacrificing, supporting, and writing checks. I am a little bitter than their tentacles have prevented me from establishing a relationship with a partner or having children of my own. Then again, I could have settled down and been dumped.
One day they will be gone and my conscience will be clear.
So much this! But you are a hero! Stay strong and all the hugs!!
People who experienced normal pregnancies. It’s been a few years and I still get a ping of jealousy when I see women with big baby bumps after having my daughter 3 months early. It feels like a gut punch any time I hear someone complain that they just want the baby out. I would have given anything to be huge and uncomfortable and pregnant at 40 weeks
Anon Probate Atty
Jealous of those with best friends who live nearby. There were 2 women I’ve gotten very close to in the past 10 years; both have moved away. We have friends here but more casual friends, no besties.
Right now I’m jealous of anyone who has a partner and gets a hug once in a while. Lost my husband 9 months ago and I miss him so much. I’m happy for the hooked-up, just sad for me.
Super jealous of most people outside the US (especially in Europe and Asia) right now. We have several close friends in Europe and their lives are basically normal. I mean, yeah, they’re not going to arena concerts and they wear masks sometimes, but their kids are in school, they can eat in restaurants without fear, they can travel internationally and they can hug their parents without worrying they’ll kill them. I’ve always felt grateful to live in the US, even in the Trump era (I hate him but still felt fortunate to live here) but the pandemic has really changed that. If weren’t for my elderly parents we would be seriously trying to relocate abroad.
With my friends and relatives in other countries, I am jealous of their financial security – health insurance and health care not tied to their jobs, university tuition that is not nearly as $$$$$$ as it is in the US, well-funded schools and childcare, national governments not headed by That Man, gun control, etc. I know it’s all sunshine and rainbows in the rest of the industrialized world, but I do think they have a higher standard of living than many Americans at this point in time.
Masks with nose wires -- pokey wires
I got some masks with nose wires and washed them before wearing. Gentle cycle; hung to dry. Maybe 50% of the wires are sticking through the fabric. Is there a trick to having this not happen? Or a good nose-wire-mask vendor?
Washing by hand.
Or a delicates bag
My LA Apparel masks have been washed a bunch and the nose wires are holding up fine.
I think someone here pointed out LA Apparel had massive production line horrors. some may not want to support them.
What were those? Must have missed that thread. My LA Apparel masks are the most comfortable I’ve found and have stood up to several machine washings in garment bags.
News headlines tell me there was a COVID outbreak with at least 375 people infected 4 dead, and the owner DENIED there was an outbreak. Health officials had to force a closure. Apparently, it was the largest outbreak in LA.
better masks. I have washed mine in regular and dried them a million times and they’re fine.
We have 15 masks from Hertling that have been through the washer and the dryer countless times. I don’t baby them at all in the laundry – I wash and dry them, loose, in regular loads at regular temperatures. One nose wire broke and the rest are fine. The masks are two layers of fabric with an integrated polypropylene filter layer. They are expensive but they are comfortable and remain in excellent condition. Some of them date from March I think – it’s whenever Hertling started making them.
hertlingusa dot com
I’ve posted about this before and had some helpful suggestions so here goes again. My small family has awesome and lovely people who do not communicate plans with me, or give me very vague guidlines for getting together. Mostly this occurs with my sister and father.
For example, my sister had an important medical specialist appointment in my city (we are re-opened in Canada) and when I asked her if she would want to have an outdoor dinner, or visit me for a walk while she was here (we both isoloated for five months) she said she wouldn’t have time – I left it alone and said I would miss her and see her next time. She arrived in town for her appointment, I was having dinner at home with my husband, and suddenly the phone rang and she said she was starving and did I want to meet her for dinner. I ended up meeting her 45 minutes after she called. This is one example but it happens almost every time I see her or my dad. It upsets me and my husband who feels I drop him whenever they call. I see them once a month in regular times – now it’s less often. Both my dad and sister say that I can always so no if I’m busy, and I know part of this is my issue with anxiety too. If I say I cannot make it, they sound dissapointed. Usually I’m with my husband and we are eating or walking somewhere, and in the few times they have called out of the blue and I said I was busy, I feel bad and guilty all day. If I try and make plans with them, they say ‘let’s see how it goes.” and then expect me to be waiting by the phone. I’ve tried to let this go and be flexible if I can see them, but the ‘plans or lack of plans’ just hangs over me no matter what I try to do.
I wonder if part of this is because my husband and I don’t have kids (we are childfree) and they just got used to us being flexible when we were younger. My sister has kids, but was like this before kids too, and used to call me out of the blue when she was single as well. I’t not that I cannot re-route my plans and see them, it is just that doing this every time creates lots of stress, and if I’m honest some resentment, which makes me feel worse as I love them and they are otherwise amazing people. Not sure what I’m asking but knowing they may not change their style how do I manage the stress and resentment in a healtheir way?
You say “Thanks, but I can’t make it right now” when you don’t want to come. Say yes when you’re okay with it or make another suggestion – “I’m eating dinner now but I’d love to meet you for dessert in a couple hours”
Also, why doesn’t DH come along when you do decide to go for a last minute dinner? Not clear on why he’s getting left behind.
+1 to this.
Your answer doesn’t have to be the same every time. I think this could help you with some of the anxiety you’re feeling. Just because you say “no” one time, doesn’t mean you have to say no every time. It doesn’t mean you’ll never see them again unless they change their ways. It just means that in that one moment, you are choosing the discomfort of saying “No, I can’t make it” over the resentment you will feel if you force yourself to go.
This is going to sound glib and I assure you I don’t mean it that way, but you need to go to therapy for anxiety and to learn to set better boundaries.
Thank you for the comments; I know I have anxiety — my family also has mental health issues, which is likely why I am afraid to enforce my boundaries too! This is helpful.
I think you need to reiterate to then that you need to have concrete plans. If you say “would you like to have dinner on x date?” and they say “let’s play it by ear,” then you push back. You can say something like “we either have plans or we don’t.”
I got into a squabble with my own sister about this. She lives a plane ride away and she would always “tentatively” make plans with me when she was in my city for work. I understand that work gets in the way on work trips, I really do, but if became clear that I was her backup plan in case anything better didn’t come along. (She has lots of friends here – she used to live here.)
Last time she said “want to have brunch on x day?” It was so specific I thought we for sure had plans, so I rather pathetically arranged my entire weekend about it. I was exited about it. I told everyone I was seeing my sister.
I followed up the day before and she didn’t answer, then that morning, no answer. Then a text from her 30 minutes after we were supposed to meet, saying “sure, come join us! We’re having mimosas!” at a place that is a 45 minute drive from me. I was like “who’s ‘us’ “? And she was with 3 college friends. Not work related. So clearly i was once again the backup plan and we ended up having a big argument because I declined to join them, and she accused me of being uptight.
We are better now, but it took really talking through it to get her to understand how it made me feel. I had to specifically say that I wanted to be more of a priority for her, and not a backup plan, and that if she wasn’t sure she could see me, it would be better not to make plans. So that’s what we do now, and it’s working better for us.
I hope some element of this story has given you some thoughts about how to deal with your flaky family members. I don’t think you are overly anxious to be disappointed about this.
I’ve tried to let my sister know I feel this way— she has mental health issues of her own yet she is so straightforward that she cannot meet, and then when she calls to change her mind it seems as though it is a crisis. I think part of it is my family dynamic too— I’m known as the flexible one who comes running to help. They are supportive in so many ways, yet they say they feel pressured when I try to pin down a plan. I do know that I have to let go of expectations to some degree….I’m working on not feeling stressed making plans.
This is how I feel— though my sister doesn’t usually have other plans lined up, she just won’t commit because she is often under pressure, which I understand, but it leaves me waiting for a text and not knowing till the last minute. If I try and pin down a plan she will either flat out refuse, or expect me to be more adaptable.
This is a you problem. If you’re busy say no. If you can’t get therapy.
When she calls to say “let’s grab dinner now!” You reply: “oh, I would have LOVED to, but I made other plans since you said you’d be busy! I’m so disappointed because I really wanted to see you. Next time let’s plan something!”
Ahhh! I just took a crazy tech startup opportunity where I will be a cofounder and the first salesperson. I am incredibly excited and nervous, LOL.
I want to put up some motivational art in my office? Any ideas? The first 90 days are critical and I will need to bust my ass. Any advice about self care and staying motivated? Thank you!
Motivational posters like Barney’s office in How I Met Your Mother.
Congratulations!!! Best of luck. My wall art is just people I love, so no real advice there :)
I keep a photo of a place I traveled to and intend to return to above my computer screen. My husband and I are hoping to go back for a big anniversary in a few years so I keep it there to remind myself of what I’m working so hard for: so I can go on awesome trips with my family (when the world returns to normal)
Most of the motivational art is a little cheesy for me.
congrats on the new job!
I’m at a point in my life where I have a marathon sprint coming up that will probably last for the next 3-4 weeks. In normal times, I’m a married mom of three kids under 11, I work a demanding (though flexible) full-time job, and have a spouse who’s good at sharing the load.
Currently I’m adding: work is the busiest it’s ever been in my career; we’re trying to figure out what school will look like in the fall; our family is selling a piece of property (not our primary home); wrapping up details around my mom’s estate; in a grad school class that’s ramping up; trying to get back to working out (I need it for my mental health) after being sidelined by an injury.
What do you do when you feel like you’re drinking from a firehose? I need some strategies to get through the next month or so, at which time a lot of these things will have calmed down (property sold, estate closed, grad class wrapping up, etc.). Any tips or tricks would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
Make sure everyone involved knows you’re drinking from a firehose? Obviously conversations/mentions of this will differ based on the audience, but it may buy you a little slack and help people know why you seem preoccupied.
Checklists breaking each hurdle into a series of steps you can check off along the way. That way you feel like you’ve accomplished something, you feel organized about what comes next, and you see clearly that there is an end in sight, no matter how long the list is.
My number one advice is choose actively to not care about how much tv the kids watch or what they eat. Cereal 3 meals a day? Fine. Etc. Keep reminding yourself of that. I find letting go of one or two things (and here my advice is feeding and entertaining kids) goes a long way.
I’m meeting a Bumble date for the first time tonight and I’m so, so, SO nervous. I haven’t had a first date in years. Good vibes, please!
Good vibes coming your way.
Good luck. Hope you have a fabulous adventure. Let us know how it goes!
Hope it went well!! Regardless of how it turned out, I know it is tough to put yourself out there and get out of your comfort zone. So good job for taking that step! Hopefully you at least had a nice time out of the house. Let us know how it was!
Hi everyone. Thank you for the kind comments. I don’t think it was a match for a relationship, but he is a very nice person and I could see myself being friends with him. He seems to feel the same way. As someone who is shy and doesn’t know a lot of people in my city, it felt great just to get out and we had a good time. Plus, I have more confidence now for next time!
Baby steps – just keep at it! When I lived alone, I always thought it was good for me to get out of the house and meet new people. You never know who or what adventure is just around the corner! :)
Good morning! Any leads on a great wrap dress—must be black (outdoor funeral in a hot climate), have sleeves; preferably something I can get away with with family and at work in a more relaxed environment (so not too sexy); $200 budget; size 16-18. Thank you!
If the goal is a basic standby with wear-to-work potential, try searching for black wrap dresses from Karen Kane; it looks like there are some with sleeves available from different retailers.
I have also had luck with Maggy London, but don’t see anything in black currently.
Anne Klein makes basic black and navy faux wrap dresses. They are polyester, but priced right and I always get complimented when I wear them (and some patterned ones). Karen Kane is also a go-to for many, and I love how that dress looks in pictures, but I found the neckline just did not work for me for some reason (maybe I was too small-busted at cusp size).
There’s one on WHBM that keeps coming up in my feed. It’s black with a small print and black trim. I think it would be appropriate.
Karen Kane makes great faux wrap dresses. Check out Nordstrom and bloomingdales bc one of those stores usually has them on sale.
I have the black one that is referenced all the time here and wear it to work during that time of month when nothing looks right, and I still manage to look normal. I want to buy it in navy if I ever go back to an office again.
My friend and her boyfriend were in a car accident a few days ago. They were taken to the hospital and are overall okay, although she has bruising, a hurting knee, and pain in her chest from the airbag. Her car is completely totaled. Flowers are obvious, but is there anything else I could send her? I’m thinking of putting together a little care box.
What a sweet friend you are! Are they able to take time off work? Here are some ideas:
– Food delivery or giftcard
– Puzzle or sudoku book
– Great handcream or some sort of “rub” that would help with the bruising
– Reusable heat/cold pack (I have a lavender heat pack that smells amazing)
Anon Probate Atty
Food. There are lots of companies that deliver meals. There’s one that delivers chicken soup and other comfort food called spoonfulofcomfort.com. I’ve used them before for similar situations.
Body Acceptance ?
Over the past 3 years I’ve gone from a size 2 to a size 8/10. I know part of it is due to lifestyle changes (new job led to less exercise/more stress), so I am working on making changes to get back to healthier lifestyle choices.
However, I now am massively unhappy with my body and how it looks. I feel like everything is just so much larger and I don’t like being photographed or anything in this new body. How can I accept this new me and stop wanting my “old self” back?
I’ve gained about the same amount of weight while struggling with medical issues. I’d still like to lose weight someday, but it will have to come second to my health (both as a priority and also literally since I don’t think it’s even possible until my health is in a better place!).
Investing in nice clothes (or accessories, or hair) has helped me focus on how I look now. And I have realized I do look fine aesthetically; I just don’t look thin and have none of the status or privilege or identities associated with thinness, and I therefore didn’t feel like myself. So I guess I’ve actually leaned into shallow looksism, whatever that says about me, and feel more comfortable doing so.
Big hug. I gestated and birthed three kids so there was a long period of time where I didn’t feel like myself in my own body, so I get it. I’m in a much better place now but my youngest is 5!
I agree with not fighting it in terms of what you’re wearing — get some clothes that make you feel great. I also found that if I feel good (eat good food, get sleep, move around each day — even going for a walk), I feel better about how I look.
Maybe focus on building strength through weight training. That will tone your body and it might make you feel better about how functional your body is at this size (which I don’t consider to be “large” by any means).
Don’t punish yourself. Buy a small but great wardrobe for your current size. Put the things you can’t currently wear in a spot where you won’t encounter them daily.
Check out the body neutrality movement.
Will probably repost Monday but in case anyone is still checking—can anyone recommend someplace in Boston that will deliver champagne and flowers? A dear friend is getting married in a few weeks and had to cancel her wedding, and our would-be bridesmaid group would like to do something nice for her.
I don’t know the laws in MA specifically, but in places where I have lived, local florists can add a bottle of champagne to a flower delivery on request.