ByKat Hours Updated
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Layering Hall of Fame: Raw Edge Tank

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This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Update: this raw edge tank is in the 2022 Nordstrom Anniversary Sale in both regular and plus sizes!

I've written before about how I'm really not a fan of the “camisole beneath a suit” look (super popular with soap opera stars and television anchors!), but if you're going to wear a sleeveless look under a suit or cardigan, this machine-washable one from Halogen looks great for both work and weekend. (I even think the raw edge detailing would look lovely on Zoom!)

I like the sheer edging at the top and the bottom, as well as the variety of colors and the great reviews. It reminds me a bit of this popular camisole from 1.State, but I like that this one does not have spaghetti straps.

At full price the pictured blouse is $49, but you can find a few colors on sale for $29.

Psst, some of our other favorite sleeveless tops include these…

Sleeveless tops are still a know-your-office situation, but much more accepted than previously. As of 2025, some of our favorite sleeveless tops include ones from Anne Klein, Calvin Klein, Amazon seller Milumia, and Vince Camuto — Elie Tahari's silk one is also lovely.

woman wears navy silk blouse with notched neck
Elie Tahari
light blue popover sleeveless blouse with lace details at edges
Amazon seller Milumia
sleeveless blouse for work from Calvin Klein with a shirred detail at the neckline
Calvin Klein
sleeveless blouse for work from Anne Klein with a triple-pleat detail at the neckline
Anne Klein

Psst: Want more coverage but not the additional layer of a camisole? Check out demi-camisoles — as of 2024, favorites include Second Base, Halftee, or basic cropped camisoles — or chemisettes!

Sales of note for 3/15/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – Extra 30% off women's styles + spring break styles on sale
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off 3 styles + 50% off clearance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off 1 item + 30% off everything else (includes markdowns, already 25% off)

Sales of note for 3/15/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – Extra 30% off women's styles + spring break styles on sale
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off 3 styles + 50% off clearance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off 1 item + 30% off everything else (includes markdowns, already 25% off)

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

243 Comments

  1. Can anyone recommend an active wear jacket/coat for cold weather running/walking? I am new to this and I have no idea what to get. I’m in Virginia, weather is in the 30s and 40s when I would be outside.

    1. For walking / hiking / biking, I like a nano puff style jacket. I have the REI brand one. I’m in PA and use it for temps in the 30s-50s.

      I don’t like wearing jackets for running, as I overheat. I run in a long sleeve + fleece vest in the winter (but I also don’t run when it’s freezing… must be at least high 30s for me to go running. It’s been in the low 20s/high teens this week and there’s no way)

      1. Agreed. I often run when it’s 25-30 deg out and am comfortable in a long sleeve base layer like UA Coldgear plus zip up fleece. Any colder than that and i am probably on the treadmill.
        In the 40’s i like the long sleeve base layer plus a vest instead of the fleece.

    2. OP – I should note that I am not much of a runner and will primarily be walking, so I won’t be heating up that much

    3. I love my Uniqlo ultracompact down jacket. It’s inexpensive at $49 (some colors on sale now for $29) feels great on, can be worn under a windbreaker or waterproof outer jacket. It’s not heavy, it’s very light and wouldn’t work for skiing or blizzards but great for 30-40 degrees. Packs into it’s small pocket, weighs about 8 ounces. I wear mine hiking, walking, and will wear it cross-country skiing or snowshoeing, where a full down jacket would be too hot.

      2. I agree with Coach Laura. As long as it’s not to windy out and above mabye 35 degrees, the Uniglo is fine. Once it gets below freezing, you will want a heavier down coat, like my Canada Goose. I get alot of compliments when I wear either of these two coats, but even moreso with the lighter one, b/c people can see me, not just the coat. You probably want to wear skinny jeans the Uniglo to get the best look for walking, as your lower body is visible more with the lighter coat. Once it gets cold, you really want to focus on being warm, and having men ooogle you should not be a priority. I know it is not for me.

        We are getting a big storm tonite and tomorrow, so it will be Canada Goose time for me. The manageing partner said I could work from home tomorrow, and it is just as well b/c I do NOT want to walk 40 blocks through the schlushy snow just to be the onley one in the office! TRIPEL PTOOEY on that!

      1. What? I have several winter coats. I don’t have one for active wear, which is what I’m seeking.

    5. For me, a down jacket with a hood is a game changer. (That said, I have no idea what nano puff actually means — looks like a Patagonia proprietary term.) I wear my normal hip length Everlane down coat for casual strolls (say 16 min mile walks, where my heart rate is pretty low), and with the hood up I can break a sweat with only a long sleeve t under the jacket at 35 degrees. If I am either walking more slowly or in colder temps (15-30 degrees), I just layer on a hoodie and can walk comfortably for 60-90 minutes. I like this option because I only want to own a finite number of coats. YMMV.

      If you want something just for your walks, I agree that the Uniqlo down products plus a layer with a hood will get you the adjustable layers of warmth for whatever your activity level.

    6. I have a few Eddie Bauer jackets of different warmth levels that I love. For the 30-40s, I would check out their cirruslite parka. Thigh length with a hood. That thing is as light as a feather. I would layer a thin fleece and a t-shirt and be good to go.

      I really upped my gear about 10 years ago to be comfortable outside (and now have a dog, so have no choice!). If you are not used to walking in the cold, my other must haves are a hat that has a fleece liner at the ear level and covers my ears (I have a big head so finding one that fits can be a challenge), mitts instead of gloves, wool sooks and warm waterproof boots.

      Have fun. Nothing like being out in the cold on a beautiful sunny day with bright blue skies. Does wonders for one’s body and soul.

  2. I just found out that my regular Friday afternoon check-in with my supervisor will be a 2-month performance review…and I have a terrible migraine today and feel like absolute garbage. Hooray.

    2. Oh no! That sounds terrible! I hope it went all right, and that you’ll feel better soon.

  3. Good article in the NYT yesterday: “Yes, It Matters That People Are Jumping the Vaccine Line.” It actually sounds more severe than I had realized when this issue came up here before. It’s clearly not just cases where vaccines are going to waste (the broken fridge scenario), but cases where active unethical decisions were made regarding distribution. I was tempted to go along with “everyone who gets it helps us all” before, but after reading this, I believe that was a flawed framing. We can and need to do better.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2021/01/28/opinion/covid-vaccine-line.html?referringSource=articleShare

    1. This article is exactly right. It’s not that they are using otherwise unused doses, but the who of who gets those. I just found out that a 40 year old friend who’s a lawyer and works from home was offered an unused dose from her neighbor who’s a doctor. She was offered it yesterday and given it today. You cannot tell me that in that 24 hours they couldn’t have found someone who was actually in the targeted groups to get it.

      1. That’s horrifying. I have a friend involved in the rollout and they have done a few phone anyone nearby situations but it’s always been “we have an open vial with 7 doses, we have vaccinated all our staff and patients, CVS is running this clinic and they are leaving in half an hour.”

        I think that’s perfectly fine and that’s how I’ve been envisioning this happening elsewhere and it seems that’s simply incorrect it is a much bigger issue.

      2. +1. This vaccine “rollout” is like watching the Titanic movie when the ship sinks. It’s all about who you know and how much money you have (which often influences who you know).

      3. I commented on the other post, because I know someone who got the vaccine by having a doctor friend bring her to a clinic at his hospital and pretend she was a member of his household. (My state is vaccinating 65+; she’s 40, working from home as a lawyer, and before anyone asks, I know with 100% certainty that she has no high-risk medical conditions because we are closely related – and since I commented on that post, I’ve actually had her directly and cheerfully tell me that’s what she did to get the shot and she’s feeling very hashtag-blessed about having “such good friends!” ARGH).

        The article is really correct about the effect this has on trust in the system – line-jumping begets line-jumping. When you see others cheating, you wonder if that’s just what you have to do to get vaccines for your medically fragile older relatives – and that’s not a good situation. You want people to trust that by waiting their turn, they’ll get shots in a timely manner. Right now, that trust is being eroded by broken government systems and yes – line-jumping.

        1. I am really done caring. First, it was nursing home and health care workers, both of whom should know better, not getting vaccinated in significant numbers. And non-de-minimis line-jumping. The pandemic is raging — any shots into any arms is now fine with me and better than shots not getting into arms. If the shots aren’t going where they should, I am looking at nursing home and health care workers first — if they had gotten vaccinated, doses would have gone to the right places with less of this nonsense and less virus getting spread around to vulnerable people. I know they are not related but I cannot control or fix this and am concentrating now on what is within my power to improve.

          3. Everyone needs to get the vaccine, but your anger at nursing home workers and the healthcare workers is misplaced. For healthcare workers is seems there is an inverse relationship between education and vaccine acceptance. These lower educated healthcare workers, and nursing home workers, are mostly high school educated and barely paid over minimum wage. They are not physician with years of education that have the ability to critically analyze and understand clinical data. In many areas, they are disproportionately POC. There need to be educational campaigns on education about the vaccine and there needs to be understanding about the reasons that aren’t getting it. Your assumption that they should know better is just wrong.

          4. How insulting to think that because they are POC, they can’t possibly understand the importance of getting the vaccine.

          5. It’s insulting to minimize that there is a history in this country of POC being treated as test subjects and currently not having the same access to high-quality of care. Without recognizing and educating within these complexities you’re going to have a harder time getting buy-in. Pretending otherwise is equivalent to “I don’t see color.” Though even if it may be well-intentioned, it’s ignoring a whole experience that’s valid and needs to be addressed.

    2. “Once random people working virtually got shots, those outside medical centers played whatever cards they had, too. Therapists who were working remotely claimed eligibility. Politicians and their spouses — sometimes former spouses — got vaccines. People offered donations in exchange for vaccinations. Health officials and private doctors tipped off friends about when new vaccine doses would be released. On screening forms, people checked the boxes needed to get a vaccination appointment and in some places were immunized even after their duplicity was discovered.”

      Just….wow. I didn’t realize it was like this.

    3. Yes, this has been a huge frustration of mine that I’m sometimes afraid to express because I’m afraid of causing offense. The hospitals here have vaccinated everyone who works there in any capacity, including people in areas like PR who have worked from home since the pandemic began (and who actually aren’t returning to work in the office!). Same with universities and state agencies giving vaccines to staff members who do not have any contact with each other or the public. Most of my friends have been beneficiaries of these policies because of the circles I run in, and I really am happy for them. However, it is hard to square that with the people over 70 who are having to wait weeks for appointments, and the people who are 68 with other conditions who can’t even get on a wait list yet, and the grocery store clerks who have been scared this whole time. Because of the seemingly random and unfair way it is unfolding, it becomes a lot harder to feel like waiting to get the vaccine is a service. I can admit here in an anonymous forum that I am also jealous because I will be waiting at least 6 more months, and it’s really getting to me to feel like I’ve been following the rules this whole time and am only 2/3 of the way through while everyone else in my circle gets to ease up a bit.

      1. I work in public safety and have friends/classmates who are in similar roles across the country and it’s been fascinating to hear who has been vaccinated and who hasn’t. The roles of the group run the gamut but most people are not wfh and many are public facing and many are not yet vaccinated

      2. This is so relatable. I’m on the extreme end of caution, because of a high risk family member (for whom, yay, the vaccine is unlikely to work!) and it feels like everyone I know has been having a better life than me this whole time AND will also be free sooner than me because their sister who works at the hospital will get them the vaccine, or because my industry is technically essential but *it is so possible for almost all of us to work remotely* or whatever.

        1. What — what group is the vaccine unlikely to work for? I heard that effectiveness was a % and not that some groups were carved out entirely.

          1. I assume that rainbow hair’s family member is like me and has a primary immune deficiency. Some of us are not expected to mount effective antibody responses from the vaccine.

          2. Oh yeah, he doesn’t have a functioning immune system, so it’s unlikely that he’d successfully develop immunity to … anything. Covid included.

          3. Well Rainbow, then hopefully your family member is on monthly immunoglobulin, which is almost as good (better?) than being immunized, since already the Immunoglobulin has a bunch of anti-COVID antibodies and preliminary data shows that those in Ig in China are not getting sick!

            Hang in there.

          4. Can you post a link to that study? Immunoglobulin here does not have Covid antibodies yet for most people because the supply is often from 2019, but it’s catching up.

    4. I learned last week that two acquaintances received shots out of turn. Neither qualifies for the current phase of distribution in our state. I think they are two tiers down. One is 60+ with cancer that is not being treated. She works in an office every day by choice/pressure from the boss but her job could be done from home most days. She lives alone and is completely mobile, self-sufficient, etc. The other is about 40 with an autoimmune disorder. She has stayed home the entire pandemic. She works from home with her husband and kid. Both received vaccines from.medical providers. They were not given expiring doses, their providers just have access to vaccines and put these people on a list to receive doses early.
      I have no idea how to feel about this really. Both need vaccines and I don’ t blame either for taking doses offered. But why do some doctors get to decide their patients get priority? I have nurse neighbors who had a hard time getting dose 1 and don’ t have a clear idea of when they will get dose 2. Elder neighbors are spending all day dialing pharmacy lines with no success. I doubt the clinics in my lower middle class zip code have doses to give favored patients. But again, these two were vulnerable. I know there are many on this board with similar situations who have lamented having to wait.
      Thoughts?

      1. This makes me think about the county in GA that decided to vaccinate all school district employees – the medical center that did it has been suspended from GA’s vaccine program because school district employees aren’t in the current phase (unless they’re over 65). On the one hand, I think we DESPERATELY need to vaccinate teachers/janitors/paras/etc. to make sure school is safe. On the other hand, that county didn’t have extra vaccine – they still haven’t completed vaccination of their over-65 population – and if we let counties independently determine priority it’s going to get even messier than it already it and favoritism will become even more of an issue.

      2. I think if you have time to be this worked up and judgmental about two people who are high risk getting the vaccine when offered it by their doctor, you need more hobbies.

        1. I am not at all worked up on a micro level. I am glad each of these people got doses. (As an aside – they were both surprised themselves with doses at doctor visits scheduled for other reasons. They did not themselves try to “pull strings.”) On a macro level, this seems chaotic and unpredictable and inequitable and that has been the subject of several NYT articles and posts here and complaints in my neighborhood, which makes me think more about it on the larger scale

    5. OMG, this article is absolute fodder for the martyrs around here. I am not saying it is ethical to skip the line, but I am saying this article is absolute catnip for some folks who post loudly and often on this board.

      2. I am glad that there are people here who care about distributing the vaccine ethically. I, for one, am really concerned with how my state has switched to an age-based system only. They have completely left out essential workers in this revamped plan and I do not think it’s right.

        1. I kind of get this — age is a proxy for risk of dying better than anything, so I’d rather then concentrate on the 80+ crowd first, especially if nursing home workers are avoiding in significant #s. But let’s not start with 65+ — that is too many people and not targeted enough.

          Age is also something you can prove.

        3. Am 85 year old is more than 600 times as likely to die from COVID as is someone who is 18-29.

        4. So in a perfect world distribution would be socially just, fair, and in the right priority order. But that’s incredibly complex and slow. We need this to end quickly so I’m in favor of not letting perfect be the enemy of the good and whatever system equates to the fastest distribution. Under the priority order system, the projections for getting to everyone were the end of 2021. With the age system, by summer. That sounds infinitely better to me as it will be done faster.

    6. I would like to see situations where they contact grocery stores and the like and see when the shift ends and have them come by for going to waste doses.

      1. Yes! I would love this. There are literally dozens of workplaces that could be called (in any city) at the drop of a hat.

      2. One of the hospitals in my city started vaccinating employees at the Subway next door to avoid wasting expired doses– which I fully support since those people are in contact with the public.

        I really think the system should be lottery-based after healthcare workers + individuals in nursing homes etc. Someone who is 68, retired, and does not leave their home is not at higher risk than someone who is 64 with comorbidities and has a public facing job.

      1. You’re right. We shouldn’t put forth any effort to correct inequality, injustices, or the like because life isn’t fair anyway.

        1. So…. complaining loudly in the comments section of a fashion blog is an effort to correct inequality, injustice, and the like?

          1. People write here all the time about things that bug them. Sometimes people are looking for advice, sometimes they want to blow off steam in a very low-stakes forum, and sometimes they want reassurance that they’re not alone in their frustration. I’m not sure why it’s ok to complain about frustrations with TTC or not getting enough alone time or the way your sister chews her food, but not about something that’s affecting all of society right now.

          2. To anon at five o three–the TTC people are just as obnoxious and are finally getting called out for it.

          3. +1 also what a waste to get up in arms over this. Everyone will eventually get the vaccine. Please use your outrage over things that aren’t going to be moot points in 12-18 months.

        2. I hate how many people here act like it’s uncool to care or that anyone who ever points out an injustice is trying to score some kind of moral superiority points. It’s called trying to raise awareness or commenting on an issue that we find upsetting or trying to signal boost something important. If you don’t like it, you can collapse thread, but saying things like “life‘s not fair! You’re dumb for not seeing that” or worse is just intellectually lazy.

          3. I really don’t care if you don’t like my post. You are an Internet rando, not a friend or anyone I care about impressing, and if you don’t agree that it’s lame to act like being passionate about something is wrong, it means nothing to me.

      2. I’ve become aware of a lot of issues that were never on my radar from people’s posts here and I appreciate it. Since no one has a gun to my head making me read the threads I’m not interested in, I don’t feel that it’s a hardship on me for others to post about things that matter to them.

    8. I don’t think we should be spending cycles complaining about this, when any shots in arms help us all.

      2. It’s not complaining. It’s calling for a better system. Corruption should be highlighted and addressed, not swept under the rug.

        1. Again, this is a fashion blog. Also, most days, it is pretty much an echo chamber. Complaining here to others who agree is not signal boosting. It’s shouting into an echo chamber so you can feel smug when you hear your own opinion again.

          1. It’s not an echo chamber on this issue. You can see a wide variety of opinions just on this thread.

          2. Collapse. The. Thread. Women are more than just fashion. If you don’t get that, feel free to stop reading.

          3. Yes, because if you add. puncutation. like. this. it makes your point that much more convincing.

          5. Who said women are just fashion? I said this was a fashion blog, which is a weird place to be lobbying for change (as opposed to your electeds, who have a better chance of actually doing something about it). Use your keyboard activism for good, instead of annoyance.

        2. Maybe the complaining would seem more like “calling for a better system” if it didn’t follow 11 months of suffer Olympics around here, with folks competing for who quarantined best.

          1. So to you, it was just “suffering Olympics” when people posted about family members dying or challenges with their kids struggling with Zoom school or dealing with depression? That’s just plain cruel. This board has helped so many this year, comments like yours aside.

          2. If you’d read my comment, you’d see I had been referring to folks competing as to who quarantined the most, the safest, etc. In fact, this community dubbed such behavior “suffer Olympics”–it is not my term. But way to deliberately misread in order to justify your complaining. If you truly care, take this energy and outrage to your local, state, and federal government. I’m not in a position to fix the vaccine distribution system–I’m here to point out that complaining on Corporette is not effecting change.

        3. But what policy makers are going to come here, to the Corporette comments, to see you calling for a better system? The OP probably knew exactly what she was doing (pot stirring). Pretending that commenting around here is a public service is a complete joke.

          1. I disagree. Smart women here challenge and change my understanding of nuanced complex issues nearly every time I comment. That influences my behavior, perspective and advocacy. Keep stating your positions friends.

          2. I agree, Lilau. I’ve had my mind changed on important issues based only from comments on this site. There are a lot of smart women here and I appreciate hearing from them.

          3. Cool. I have yet to see any nuance in this thread. Just b1tching about line cutters for something we all eventually need.

          5. If you want “nuance,” which I don’t believe you actually do, it matters because some people will die waiting for the vaccine they should have been prioritized to get before the hospital’s CEO and his brother and their friend and his kid and his assistant who lied on her application, just like the article details. We are allowed to call that out.

          6. Not disagreeing here about the lack of fairness. I am disagreeing that complaining here does anything productive other than make you feel smug and self-satisfied. Go write someone who can make a difference instead of sparring with internet strangers.

          7. You realize it’s only sparring because people like you have come here to fight, right? People post vents here all.the.time on all kinds of subjects and if you let yourself get so worked up every time, it’s just not going to be healthy for you. Let it go!

          8. Again. With. The. Unnecessary. Periods. And way to miss the point, about NOT coming here to complain, but if you want change, act for change. I hope you get your vaccine very last just out of spite at this point.

          10. *But what policy makers are going to come here, to the Corporette comments, to see you calling for a better system?*

            Why would this be the standard? It’s a genuine question, I’m not in the US and I can’t even pretend to understand the diffiiculties you face, but I I don’t understand. Why would commenting here be an “instead of” action?

            I would assume it’s possible to both want change and vote/petition/protest/fund/whatever and post at Corporette? I assume that people posting here about change in the US are doing a lot of other activities in their “real” life. Just like their problems/questions/worries/whatever are real.

    9. May be too late to comment on this thread. The article did not specify where it was happening. I am a Physician and live in Southern California. Gov Newsom has issued very strong directive that anyone who jumps the line will have severe consequences. We get almost weekly emails from the Medical Board that anyone who does not follow state issued Tier system will lose their medical license. Our medical group categorically refused to vaccinate retired colleagues, some of whom retired in early 2020 instead of end of 2020 as planned. Once it appeared we may have thawed more Pfizer vaccine than planned. When urgent emails did not bring in enough staff (it was during the Christmas holidays), the administration contacted nearby fire station and local police and vaccinated them. We also got free publicity:-)

    10. Question: What would you do if you were healthy and under 55 living in a county with a significant elder population. Current guidelines are to give the vaccine to those 75 or older, or health providers, caregivers, including family caregivers. You bring food to your parent every other day, groceries twice weekly, fill their pill boxes and do their laundry. Should you take the vaccine if offered, even though you hear of others older than you who are having trouble getting their appointment?

  4. I start a new job in a new department as a manager next Monday with four people reporting to me. There is no professional development or training for my position and I am now going to be managing someone who has decades of experience over me and had this job previously. He was demoted due to lack of ability to long term plan, manage staff and doesn’t have the eye for detail to create proper procedures to ensure everyone succeeds. Any advice for a first time manager that you wish you received?

    1. Not exactly the same situation, but about a decade into my career I ended up with my very experienced former boss staffed on my projects. Not because he wasn’t a good manager, but because I got promoted out of his area of responsibility; he was supportive. I deferred to his subject matter expertise whenever appropriate and treated him as a sounding board and advisor. If your employee is good at the work and was just a bad manager but is generally a good guy, a similar approach may work for you.

      1. +1

        Completely agree with this.

        He could be an incredible resource and ally, if he feels respected/supported.

    2. Ask a manager has covered iterations of this scenario quite a bit! You might find her thoughts helpful.

    3. Although it is aimed at managers in technology, I think the advice in “The Manager’s Path” applies regardless of industry – would recommend checking that out for concrete, actionable suggestions without a lot of fluff.

  5. Husband and I have had an ongoing disagreement about house renovations.

    I want to prioritize changes to the inside of the house – modifying the kitchen to make it a more functional space and adding a mudroom. Husband thinks this is unnecessary and that I just need to be better about moving the kids’ stuff out of the kitchen (which I do about 10 times a day). He also thought the Reno would be $$$.

    We have a screened porch with an above deck on the back of our house. Today we got the quote back on how much it would be to replace it. We were expecting around $15-20K and it came back… at $70k. So ironically, now… it’s going to be basically the same price to give me my ‘dream’ setup/layout as to replace this ugly screened porch which we can’t use for half the year.

    We need to do something in the back because of safety, but… I’m kind of shell shocked at how much it was going to be. We’d gotten a ballpark figure of $16k a few years ago from someone which I now realize didn’t include the structural work we need to do.

    So now… obviously getting more quotes, but also: I’m shifting to ‘WELL. Which one do you want to do.’ Which would you pick?

    1. You say that something must be done in the back because of safety. Is there an option to spend a much smaller amount to correct the safety issues and do the kitchen reno? If so, that would be my choice. I have a screened porch, love it dearly and use it often for half the year, but I use my kitchen all year, as you said.

      1. That’s what I kind of am thinking… My husband loves this aspirational idea that we’re going to have this deck (which is off our master bedroom) as an adult only space… but like… we have small kids, that’s not a thing that’s realistic in our lives right now. I’m going to see if we can get something like a small Juliet balcony put on – enough for 2 chairs and a couple glasses of wine – and just do a patio underneath (for which we would use the existing slab of the screened porch).

        1. I am the Anon who posted above and it happens that our house also has one of those Juliet balconies. We use it never, except to scrape mud off of shoes that have erroneously walked to the bedroom, shovel the snow that accumulates, sweep the leaves that accumulate, wash off the pollen that accumulates. I don’t know if that is helpful to your thoughts about finding a compromise solution.

          1. Everyone I know (wide range – no kids, older kids, empty nesters, full time house, vacation house, etc) who has a balcony off of their master uses it literally never.

            Shore up the safety issues and do whatever you want to the lower part (keep screened in, make it a patio, whatever you prefer) and then do the kitchen reno. Of both aren’t feasible thi year, do the porch first and the kitchen when you can

          2. I also have a Juliet balcony. It’s off my daughter’s room actually. It’s always very dusty and is never, ever used. The only place where it impacts us regularly is that it’s another door we have to work around in terms of furniture placement.

          3. Juliet balcony would be to avoid having a door that drops off precipitously. There’s not a great way to patch the place the door is now…

    2. Definitely kitchen and mudroom. You would use the kitchen and mudroom everyday. I like screened porches and decks, but they are optional. If you tore it down completely, you would not reduce the value of the home (in my area at least). Spending $70k does not make any sense, unless you all LOVED screened porches and used them year round.

      1. Same. $70K for a screened porch is insane. If it’s really $70K, I’d rip it out and replace with a standard deck. A functional kitchen and mudroom will enhance your life more than a screened porch. You don’t need to be moving your kids’ stuff out of the kitchen 10 times a day. They need a good place to put it away as soon as they enter the house, which is a mudroom.

        1. I love that you guys are saying what I keep thinking. Like, we are people who are outside a LOT… but we’re more apt to just be sitting in chairs in the yard.

        1. Hah! I did make him sound like a jerk there, didn’t I? He’s in general a nice dude but can just be as stubborn as an ox about certain things! In particular, he is team ‘we bought an old house, this is the layout, you just need to make due because anything structural is going to be insanely expensive’.

          2. Lol- I also have a spouse who is brick-like about house things.

            The solution to a bad layout is to change it- especially rooms like the kitchen that you touch daily!

    4. If my husband told me that *I* needed to be better about moving the kids’ stuff out of the kitchen, I would throw a shoe at him. I would not spend $70k on the porch, that’s ridiculous. I would spend it on the kitchen/mudroom, which will have a much bigger impact on your quality of life.

      1. I should add that he hasn’t had to be working from home while taking care of the kids and that’s what has really pushed me over the edge with regards to the ‘I need a more effective space! and a mud room!’ issue.

    5. Could you just rip it out and have a plain deck there? That should be cheaper.
      Mudroom/kitchen is way more impactful to everyday life. That’d be my vote

    6. I pick door #3: husband is responsible for moving kids’ stuff out of the kitchen for a month and then reevaluate.

        1. They can’t reach the hangers in the closet. The oldest kid is pre-K aged. I do make them clean up but… it’s never ending.

          1. This is exactly why you need a mudroom with benches, cubbies, hooks at kid height.

          3. I installed a row of child height hooks inside our coat closet to solve this issue – twenty dollar fix!

          4. We have a row of child sized coat hooks in the kitchen… but it’s more the snow pants and the mittens and the backpacks that are driving me out of my mind. We can fit like one pair of shoes and one coat each comfortably… and husband argues that we should just be getting things from the front closet (other end of the house) every time.

            But… that’s now how our life works! And I’m kind of annoyed he isn’t giving me a break on this one.

    7. Have your husband be responsible for “being better about moving the kids stuff” for a week and see how that goes. I’d prioritize the kitchen & mudroom.

        1. lol we are on the same page this week – here’s hoping for some good royal fashion coverage in 2021 ;)

    8. I mean, I love a screened in porch, probably more than most people. My childhood home had one that had a big stone fireplace on one end so you could use it year round but it doesn’t sound like you’re getting that kind of value out of yours.

      1. THANK YOU. We’re not. We’re not so concerned about resale value (we have an amazing location in an unbelievable neighborhood and it totally feels like home).

      2. I hate screened in porches and I am not sure they add value. new kitchen and mudroom definitely will though!

    9. Why do you have to be better about picking up after your kids. Doesn’t your husband also have kids?

      I’d be tempted to slap my husband upside the head if he said something like that.

      1. In fairness, he does pick up their stuff, it just somehow doesn’t bother him like it bothers me. He also doesn’t mind the bottleneck that drives me nutty.

      2. I believe OP said he is not around during the day, so he wouldn’t be available to do the picking up. But if OP is the one home with the kids all the time, then her needs should get a lot of weight in the decision.

      3. I would be so, so angry if my DH pulled this nonsense. OK, then you do all the organizing and gathering of kid gear … oh wait, you’re not home and never have to deal with it.

    10. wait, what? Screened in porch for $70K? You can redo the kitchen and mudroom for $70K..Kitche is a must do renovation that adds value to your home….$$ goes there first. The deck/porch can come later when you save more $$ or do what is required to make the deck/porch usable and safe for now…until you save more $$

    11. I live in New England, so my obvious vote is for the year-round use item. If I was in Florida, I might have to think a bit longer…but I’d still end up voting for the mudroom.

    12. Team kitchen and mud room. Also, if you rip down that screened porch with the above deck, I bet your house will be so much lighter and brighter. I know people like porches I hate how they block the natural light.

    13. Can I just say… THANK YOU guys.

      I think it comes down to what our actual life is versus the aspirational life my husband has.

      In his aspirational reality: we only keep one coat and one pair of shoes (each) by the door. Children do homework in their bedrooms. After the children are in bed, he and I spend quality time together on our private outdoor deck.

      In our actual reality: he travels for work and is gone a lot. My children have not only coats but backpacks and mittens and raincoats and hats and all kinds of stuff. Everyone is in the kitchen (aka on top of me) all the time. The kitchen which was lovely for a couple is no longer a shape that works for a family with young kids. It sucks because the finishes are nice (even if not my taste) but it’s the layout which is just… not functional.

      1. It may be too late for you to see this, but DH and I just changed our kitchen layout without changing the finishes. We took down part of a wall, tore out an awkward pantry and built two smaller ones, and moved cabinets and appliances around. We used the same cabinets, except our contractor built us one new 36 inch cabinet and matches the old ones. We kept our granite (uba tuba) countertop, but had to buy one slab for an extension and to install the cooktop. We did have to get new floor because we took down a wall (which went to the foundation), and we put in a backsplash, which we didn’t have before. We bought a new cooktop and hood but kept our sink, dishwasher, wall ovens, and refrigerator. In total, we spent about $25K, but we probably saved at least $25K by keeping cabinets, countertops, and most of the appliances amd fixtures. Our layout is soooo much nicer. The kitchen is a joy to cook in. It’s relaxing in a way I did not think possible because the flow just works. Our finishes are admittedly dated, but we had a limited budget and are not worried about resale in the near future. Unless our life plans change, by the time we’re ready to sell, finishes that are new today will be dated.

        Anyways, I encourage you to think creatively about whether you can adjust the layout without going down to the studs, or if you can reuse some materials from your current kitchen. Just like the screened-in porch doesn’t have to be replaced with a $70K screened in porch, the kitchen may not need a $70K gut-job renovation. If it does, though, definitely prioritize kitchen over a porch.

  6. I know someone here will have experienced this and can help. It’s been ages if ever since I’ve had to create goals on which I’d be judged and rated a year later. I’m the only one in a creative field in a techy arm of the government. (My boss, an engineer, openly despises the liberal arts.) My goal needs to roughly align to a principle of configuration management AND be measurable. Can anyone help with either one? I can research the first more easily.

    But say I’m writing or editing white papers or speeches — to me it is irrelevant, say, how many [measurable] words they contain. Often, of course, it’s the words deleted that matter, so the fewer the better. But what else would you measure? Number of documents? So what?

    Needless to say, but I will anyway, I don’t find my skillset to be measurable in any important way. And I do find this whole exercise to be pointless and demeaning. Thank you to anyone who can help.

    1. Are you creating these documents for different stakeholders in the organization? Different outside audiences? What are the formats (long essays? short memos?) Do the documents cover different topics?
      Maybe you can think about categories into which to divide your work, and see how many you cover. If there’s categories missing, you could set a goal of expanding your writing?

      Also, when you think about the process of creating these documents, is there anything that is measurable for which you are responsible? Turnaround time? Review time?

      Another thought: Are you creating these documents all by yourself or do you lead a team of writers, subject matter experts, graphic designers etc that contribute? If you think about categories of your work, can you set goals like “support X number of projects as the lead”, “contribute to Y number of projects as expert” etc…

    2. X speeches written, X documents reviewed, if you’re doing technical editing maybe an average turnaround time?

    3. For editing paper work measurable could be in terms of time spent, amount of papers edited or even the goal of mitigating back and forth on misunderstanding if there are multiple parties involved reading the final product. It doesn’t matter if that seems pointless and demeaning to you. My experience with this type of goal system is that they need words in the field that says “goal”. They don’t want a novel. They just want concise, realistic sounding set of words that make it looks like you are engaged and ready to do work to enrich the bottom line of the enterprise. At the end of the year you’ll put more words telling them how much of rock star you were even if it was a slow year. That’s it. How good of relationship you have with your coworkers and boss (who sounds terribly crusty) is probably a better indicator of how your review will go assuming you get the work requested of you accomplished. And you will. The boss may be insufferable numbers type, but I can’t imagine in a professional environment it would matter your degree if your job is to edit papers and not be an important engineer like him. (Eyeroll. I’m an engineer. It’s not the end all. People who can actually write have my awe and respect)
      In this case if the number of documents you completely edit means that the entity you work for produces more product (white papers being the product) that is of value to whomever consumes it, then yes, it would matter how many papers you were able to successfully complete this year. EVEN if the number of papers varies per year due to circumstances out of your control. You can claim this was the best year yet on your end of year review or explain that you did the little work available in incredibly fast manner but also accurately, adding value to the process.

    4. Don’t think “measurable” in terms of your task, but in terms of benefit to the company. I’m not in the government, but an engineering government contractor, and we align our goals to contracts won, customer satisfaction, quality metrics, budgets and schedules adhered to, etc.

      My task may be to provide engineering impacts, but my goal is “create an executable schedule with full documentation”. You could be writing or editing white papers, with a goals of meeting customer expectations with timely and accurate presentations to support program cost and schedule goals. Then when you do your year-end review, you say “Wrote X and edited Y papers. Met or beat schedule timelines on 95% of papers. Customer satisfaction noted by how they said how awesome my papers are.”

    5. The white papers and speaches are probably about some subject that is a policy, means or controversy of some kind. These subjects are probably part of an overall goals and measures sort of plan. So you are contributing to your organization’s most important goals. The speeches are probably held by a politician or official that has a visible role, so you are supporting them in their high-profile, media and communications effort that reflects very highly to your skills to prioritize important tasks.

      So you can measure contributions to high-profile, high-stakes, high-pressure, high-media-visibility projects. Don’t measure the numbers, but do a matrix of some kind showing the importance, risk or effect of your projects, and give “high importance” items high score, for example.

  7. Has anyone here dealt with chronic heartburn? Ever since I had a kid 2.5 years ago, everything sets it off. I mean everything — I’ve done food diaries for months and played around with restricted diets. It doesn’t matter. If I don’t take a pepcid before eating, within an hour I have extreme discomfort. My primary care doc says there are no long-term risks to taking pepcid daily, but I’d love to find an alternative solution because I expect that at some point that will stop working. Just curious if anyone has had a similar experience and found any interesting alternatives.

    1. I have chronic reflux along with some other esophageal issues. You may want to try a PPI – prevacid, prilosec, protonix, etc. and see if those work for you. Some people, I think, are able to use those for a while and eventually get off of them. I’ll be on them forever, but it beats the alternative for me.

    2. I have a hiatial hernia that I think developed after pregnancy. I’d go to a GI doctor for an upper endoscopy and find out what it is. It’s easier to know how to treat it if you know what it is. If you’re in a PPO most likely you can self-refer to a gastroenterologist.

      For me, it works to avoid acidic foods where I can, never take something like an NSAID on an empty stomach, remain upright (standing or sitting but not lying or god forbid doing gardening) for at least an hour after eating. I also had to give up coffee. It’s really hard on the stomach. My medication solution has lately been chewable Pepcid Complete (generic version) tablets – and hey, I’m getting my calcium so I don’t worry about it.

      I used to take Omepraxole/Prilosec but I felt like I was going to be on this pill forever and it does have side effects from long term use. It was really hard to go off because I had a lot of rebound acidity.

      1. Ps I meant literal gardening. Bending over, pulling weeds etc is hell for someone with a lot of reflux on a good day, but especially right after eating.

    3. I had reflux during pregnancy and while I don’t have that, I can’t eat tomato-based sauces without tums on standby. The baby is now 12.

    4. I know this is easier said than done or might not be applicable to you, but since you say it coincided with pregnancy, it might be… I started to have problems with heartburn when I gained some weight. I lost the weight a couple years ago and haven’t had any issues with it since then. This sounds bad enough that it merits seeing a specialist, though. If you’re really having issues with every meal, that seems fairly extreme.

    5. I have issues with acidic foods, and found two things that help with coffee and acidic foods. The first is a coffee brand Tyler’s Coffee, which is a very low/no acid coffee. I can drink this without issue. https://tylerscoffees.com/ It also tastes good.
      The other is Calciblend/Coffee Tamer. You can put it in coffee, tomato sauce, etc. https://calciblend.com/ This neutralizes the acid in food using calcium. I’ve also used Prelief, which are tablets you can take before/while having acidic food and drinks.

    6. I have GERD, and managed to get it under control with behavioral changes and weight loss. I used PPIs for so long that my gastro expressed concern about my kidney function. Everyone responds differently, and it takes experimentation and symptom tracking, but the highlights for me:

      Intermittent fasting, or more accurately a reduced eating window. No food or beverages introduced into my body for three hours before bedtime, not even sipping water. (My husband is a grazer and a night snacker, so he griped about early dinner, but tough crap. I need this to be healthy.)

      Prop up to sleep. Buy a foam wedge for under your mattress. (Be warned that AMZN reviews are mostly about recreational use of said wedge.)

      No carbonation. No beer, soda, sparkling waters, kombucha, etc.

      No breaded or fried foods. Limit fat and grease.

      Other random triggers for me: cloves, onions, green bell peppers (but red, orange, and yellow are fine), alcohol

    7. I would revisit your doctor, try a PPI, and if no success, see a gastroenterologist.

      I would review the lists of common triggers of reflux again. If you get symptoms truly after eating ANYTHING, I would see a gastroenterologist soon.

      Have TUMS available for a quick aid after eating.

      Avoid eating within 3 hrs of bed.

      Reflux symptoms can vary wildly from person to person. I have a family member that has to take a PPI + bicarbonate multiple times a day AND pepcid for control. He is an extreme case, but it happens.

      But it is important to control it. Long term reflux is bad for your esophagus, lungs and more.

    8. A few years ago, I was getting severe heartburn. I changed my diet (no alcohol or coffee, no spicy or fatty or acidic food), used a wedge pillow, didn’t lay down for 3 hours after I ate, avoided tight pants, tried everything I could. Was made worse by any kind of stress.

      My gastroenterologist did an endoscopy, and my stomach tract (or something like that, I’m not a medical person) was severely inflamed – which can be harmful in the long run, and also was affecting daily life, even with all the non-medication changes I had made. They put me on a high dose of Protonix for I think two months.

      Since then, I’ve been a daily but very low dose of Protonix. I do monitor my diet to some extent (I don’t eat super spicy or fatty foods, don’t drink more than 1-2 cups of coffee in a day), but I no longer have to cut out all of those foods whatsoever, as I was doing before.

    9. Please see a gastroenterologist and get an endoscopy. The reflux could be damaging your esophagus, and you may need prescription-strength meds to control it.

    10. I would see an actual gastroenterologist. My primary care was terrible for this for me; she just wanted me on antacids. The gastroenterologist laughed: she said my stomach acid was already quite low and that it was contributing to the problem! (And also increasing my risk of cancer, etc., so it wasn’t cool to be lowering it further.) Reflux can have lots of causes (structural issues, issues with muscle function); I don’t think it’s appropriate for doctors to just focus on symptom relief without any investigation.

  8. So Davis Wright Tremaine (big PNW regional firm) is going to require COVID vaccines for anyone who wants to work in the office. Thoughts? Looks like there will be accommodations for those who can’t medically receive the vaccine, which I assume they have to do in order to stay on the right side of the law, although how they’ll handle specific situations isn’t really detailed.

    1. Sounds great to me. They’re not saying they’ll fire anyone who doesn’t get it – just that they can’t work among others at the office.

    3. This sounds better than what’s happening at my law-adjacent employer run by old white lawyers. They are trying to pressure everyone to return to the office ASAP.

    4. Thoughts on this legally or thoughts on this personally? I’m for it personally. Assuming people who can’t get it medically aren’t put into the impossible choice of health vs. job, I think it’s great that the rest of us aren’t forced to choose between our health vs. coming to work. Particularly as it is unclear when, if ever, kids will be able to get vaccines and whether someone who got one can still spread the virus to those unvaccinated.

    7. At my firm, an associate almost took out a whole subject matter team that was in office for one key negotiating session on a deal. So to the extent that some things happen in person, by all means, I will do this. It is too easy to mess up essential business continuity if everyone is dreadfully ill / on a ventilator (and not ideal if quarantining, but everyone knows lawyers not in comas are expected to be billing if sentient).

      1. +1. My boss keeps insisting that our team has to work in person. My co-workers don’t wear masks around each other, or around me. I keep wondering what’s going to happen when we all get Covid at the same time.

        1. That happened at my husband’s small firm. Head guy came to work feeling a bit bad and got all the lawyers sick at the same time. Not a good move for business purposes aside from the personal toll

  9. My parents got an email today that they can get the vaccine next week! 7:10 AM Monday morning they are getting their first dose. I’m quite relieved, originally they were told everything was booked until beginning of March, but maybe Michigan is finally getting their shit together.

  10. Skincare thread, collapse if you don’t enjoy.

    I’ve been getting some beauty boxes to try new things. I started with Ipsy and Allure. I now do Boxy and Allure.

    Things I have discovered that I like are mostly skincare items – Neogen Real Ferment Micro Essence is probably the biggest one. I had never done the full 10 step K skincare routine before but now that I have found this Essence I might try. What I like about the Essence is that my skin seems calmer and more evenly colored since I started using it. It also seems more hydrated, though the Essence isn’t particularly hydrating, it seems to prep my skin to hold onto subsequent hydration better.

    I have a couple of serums I use after this (alternating or using them sequentially) but I haven’t hit on the right combination of moisturizer and sunscreen to use as the last steps. Sometimes I get a pilly thing happening when I try to put on sunscreen, especially if I’m using a Bb cream after all that. I really do want to be well hydrated this time of year.

    Any recommendations?

    1. Also, just because I’m very into this / borderline obsessed right now, I’d love to hear your complete skincare routine for AM and PM if you care to share!!

    2. I love Etude House SoonJung 5-Panthensoside Cica Balm as a final pm step. Also, Klairs Supple Preparation toner. And Garnier micellar water with the pink top. There’s more but these are my absolute favorites right now.

      1. I have that Garnier micellar water and totally agree.

        Everyone seems to be very into Cica anything right now. What do you think it does for you?

        1. I use it in the evenings as a last step. It is thick and occlusive, and sits on top of my skin for a minute or so before sinking in. It keeps my skin hydrated throughout the night, so when i wake up in the morning am still hydrated. Some of my other sleeping packs are gone by morning.
          I have rosacea and am prone to breakouts, which both get worse if my skin gets dehyrated. This sleeping pack can be on its own or layered on top of a million other products and it works great either way.
          So not sure how the cica helps, but the texture and performance of this makes it essential for me.
          I bought this from masksheets to try out, and when it arrived I realized I somehow ordered 3 bottles instead of one. By the second night I was happy to have 2 backup bottles. Will definitely go through them all, am halfway through the second bottle now.

    3. So I went down the K-beauty/Asian beauty rabbit hole a few years ago, and it’s great! My skin loves me… except when I treat it poorly by drinking a lot of alcohol and binging on sugar (thanks pandemic). I moved from a 3-step Western routine (wash, astringent toner, moisturize) to a multi-step but still flexible routine. As follows:

      AM: Hada Labo foaming cleanser, Hada Labo Gokyun lotion, Neutrogena Hyrdo-Boost gel, Mizon snail creme, Mizon snail serum, Cerave moisturizer, A’pieu sunscreen

      PM: Kose Softymo Speedy Cleansing oil, Hada Labo foaming cleanser, Etude House wonder pore 10-in-1 toner, Klair’s Vit C serum OR Stridex in the red box, Cerave moisturizer, optional but mostly in the winter is Aquafor

        1. Amazon or CVS, I’ve had no issues with fakes, price and shipping are great!

    4. I have good luck with the “light” version of Weleda’s skin food as a moisturizer. I usually use that followed by one of my BB creams. It has a herbal scent to it, but it dissipates quickly (and I like it). It’s reasonably priced and available most places.

  11. Someone recently posted a link to some amazing vintage style rings. I can’t find it now! Does anyone help me out?

    2. not me but following as I’m on the market for one (and assume you’ve checked etsy?)

    6. Lang Antiques in SF has gorgeous stuff & are a reputable vintage jeweler here – pricey stuff, but swoon worthy.

  12. I’m feeling kind of blah and frumpy about my clothes lately and am looking for some more inspiration from blogs to switch things up. I’d call my style classic, definitely not trendy. I’m not big into athleisure (team leggings are not pants). I’m also more on the old navy, target, gap end of the price spectrum. Also I have a 6 month old so my body’s still a little weird and my clothes randomly get bodily fluids on them. I’m wfh forever so casual is good.
    Any suggestions for blogs or other sources of inspiration?

    2. Putting Me Together for casual, momming-appropriate, budget picks from the retailers you mention
      The Mom Edit – sometimes unrealistically $$$
      The Motherchic
      You Look Fab – written by a stylist that espouses your look should be your own; she reports on trends btu doesn’t subscribe to them

      I also check in from time to time with Travel Fashion Girl. I like the packing lists and the idea of a pulled-together, casual travel wardrobe for all those trips I’m not taking any time soon….

    4. You might look at some of the preppy blogs. I also have a pretty classic style and they provide a better reference for me than the mommy stretchy pants blogs.

    2. If I may be so bold as to recommend my own page, I think our house has a neat story ☺️??‍♀️ @cedarmoon1828

      1. I’ve been following since you posted a while back and love your page!

  14. I think someone this week (or maybe last week) posted about a Korean skincare s1te where she’s been getting KF94s recently. I’d like to get a few, but can’t figure out what s1te she recommended — not by looking through Korean skincare s!tes, and not by searching this s1te through g00gle or the in-s1te search function, or manually searching pages for the last week. If you’re reading (or if you are a different person who also knows of a trustworthy KF94 supplier), please share!!!

      1. Not the person you’re responding to but thanks for this.

        I don’t know how to tell whether a mask is legit or not any more so I’m taking your word for it. How did you get comfortable with it?

        1. Different poster, but the most important thing is really that they fit. My husband ordered some KN95s on Amazon. He says he researched them, but I honestly have no idea if they’re legit. I’ve been happily wearing them because they fit snugly to my face and when I suck in and breathe out hard, I can feel the mask pull in and out, and I can tell they’re really blocking air flow. Unlike all my cloth masks, they stay completely in place, and I don’t have to keep adjusting them, but are still pretty comfortable. That’s enough to convince me that they’re better than my cloth masks for inside things (pretty much only medical stuff) these days, even if they’re not for sure real. It is pretty ridiculous that they can’t be purchased more reliably online, though.

        2. Honestly, I relied on a friend who works in an extremely high risk environment and has diabetes, and has done a really deep dive researching masks and good sources as a result. So I can’t speak to the site myself, but I do trust my friend.

      2. Follow-up:

        I looked at MaskLab, and their options are cute! But it seems like the masks are made in Hong Kong and are “Korean-style” — not true KF94s.

        BUT: It occurred to me to search through my webpage history, and I found the site that was recommended: masksheets dot com!

    2. I got some from Choc Choc that are authentic. They are a woman owned k beauty store out of Chicago. I think that gives you enough without me posting the link and getting stuck in mod.

      1. As a Chicagoan who is a skin care junkie (particularly k-beauty), thank you for introducing me to this store!

      2. I am not a K-beauty devotee but I am a Chicagoan who lives near Choc Choc and am thrilled to see them mentioned. I have bought KF94s there as well as some lovely other products, and I agree it is a great local small business. (I know I recommended here the Cosrx Rice Overnight Mask on that I bought at Choc Choc.) That strip of Broadway has a great woman-owned wine shop, good coffee, and a number of cute stores.

        Just trying to shill for local businesses to other Chicagoans who might find themselves in the hood!

    3. You can get N95 masks that are made outside of Fort Worth They have been in the news recently, basically are a start-up that planned to make N95s in the US and sell to hospitals. But they haven’t been able to compete on price and since barriers to local requirements for testing. https://www.unitedstatesmask.com/

  15. “GARDENING” VENT:
    I have struggled with low libido, Vaginismus, and PTSD symptoms from very painful gardening for the entire decade I have known my husband, and before I met him as well. I once fainted during a pelvic exam due to pain. He has been amazingly understanding, encouraged me to seek medical treatment, which I did. He has a high libido, and his love language is physical touch, so I have always felt immense guilt about my condition. My love language is acts of service. I discovered recently that I actually have an active libido, but only when our (very small) apartment is perfectly clean and tidy and I’m not the one doing all the housework. Basically I get in the mood when husband cleans. We gardened more this month than the past 5 years, easily. He was over the moon. So imagine my surprise when he stops helping around the house. If I ask him to do something, he says not now, even though he knows this directly leads to gardening, and I end up nagging for days. I feel so angry and resentful. I have experienced so much pain in the name of his gardening needs, and he can’t even do the dishes? That need to be done anyway? Now we’re both mad at each other, because he thinks I was mean about the dishes, and I’m absolutely gobsmacked that he isn’t chomping at the bit to do housework and garden. Sigh.

      1. Agreed. You need X done, you don’t have enough time to do X, spouse is uninterested in doing X to the point that you nag him about X, the solution to whatever X is is spending the $ to outsource.

    2. Ugh, I feel your pain. Though… in his shoes, I’d be struggling too, in that gardening would now be something I have to “earn” through doing chores rather than something that’s just… fun.

      Per the prior poster, would it still feel like an “act of service” to you if you hire a service?

      1. I don’t think it’s being earned. It’s that husband doing work means OP isn’t as tired and is more relaxed and into gardening. I have heard it said that “honey, I will do the dishes” is something said by a person who understands when foreplay begins.

      3. As someone who experiences a lot of pain during gardening, I strongly disagree. Maybe normally, yeah, but when someone else is suffering for your pleasure and fun, and it’s not reciprocal, you forfeit the right to complain about having to “earn” it later.

        There are things in our marriage that we do because we both enjoy them (visiting the zoo with our kid, for example) and there are things that we do because one person likes them (I am a serious runner and my husband is a great kid-watcher and sideline-cheerer). Even if he somehow got really into running, I know that I owe him for all the times when it was my thing that he humoured me on. He enjoys walking the occasional 5k and enjoys the fact that he’s in better shape and lost a few pounds. Doesn’t change the fact that it’s still my thing that I get a LOT more enjoyment out of than he does.

    4. This is just all a lot. No. Your husband should not be cleaning to deserve intimacy. Hire a house cleaner. Keep getting treatment.

    5. Oof, there is a lot to unpack here.
      1) It’s quite likely your husband could in fact do more around the house, which I say mostly because that’s probably true for a lot of husbands. However, I think you really need to assess if what you expect to be done around the house is reasonable. The fact that you say everything has to be “perfectly clean and tidy” leads me to believe these expectations might be extreme. Look, I’m pretty extreme about organization too, but I also realize it crosses the line at some point of what is normal to expect another person to keep up with.
      2) You need to hire a cleaning service. Make it work in your budget however you need to. I know you might think, “but it’s him cleaning that’s turning me on per my post” but I’d challenge that. Is it him cleaning that turns you on, or is it that when he cleans there is a lack of resentment you otherwise have that allows you to feel more sexual? If the latter, then a cleaning service should be able to check this box of not feeling as resentful.
      3) It’s good to recognize one’s love languages for a variety of reasons I’m sure, and I’m not an expert, but it sounds like you are both taking the recognition of these to a level that is likely not what’s intended or healthy – basically, you are both using your love languages as an excuse to force the other to do something they don’t want to do. I agree with a lot of the other posters that you are getting dangerously close to basically withholding sex to get things you want, which I think any relationship expert will tell you is a terrible idea. Not saying you have to have sex even when you don’t want to, but the using it as a way to get what you want is the issue. I’m not one to throw this out lightly but it sounds like you both could use at least one or two therapy sessions to talk through all of this and reframe a lot of it in your head.

      Good luck. I’m sorry to hear about your medical issues, and I hope for your sake there is a way to improve those over time.

    6. Just want to say that I could have written this post, from the painful intercourse/PTSD symptoms to the high libido spouse to the resentment issues regarding household chores. You are not alone! It stinks to live in a world where everyone else seems to be having fun gardening sessions as a way to connect with their partner and you struggle to participate. Not to mention the guilt that comes with not being able to meet your partner’s needs in this arena.

      Hiring a cleaning service is not good advice in the middle of a pandemic, but when this is behind us it sounds like that’s a great idea. In the meantime, have you tried telling your spouse exactly what you’ve told us? Maybe there are other ways he can make you feel relaxed and at ease enough that you experience desire.

      Hugs & rooting for you.

      1. Disagree on the not hiring a cleaning service in the pandemic unless there are extenuating high risk circumstances. Most people I know that have one have had theirs back and have for months, they figure out a way to make it work. And I am in a state where most people take this all very seriously.

  16. I’d like to treat myself to some new jewelry that can spruce up my plain work from home outfits (typically a solid crewneck sweater or sweatshirt). I’m looking for pieces that are a bit colorful, not just solid silver or gold. Not looking for fine jewelry but it should be good quality. Hoping to spend no more than $100-ish per item. Any favorite stores for this type of thing?

    2. I’ve been happy with my Kate spade and Tory Burch statement necklaces. You can find great deals on eBay and poshmark.

  17. How long do you expect sheets to last? I recently tore one of my sheets putting it on the bed, and realized that those sheets are easily 20-25 years old. Clearly they’ve outlived their useful life. This prompted an review of my other sheets, and I realized that my other sheets look like they also could use replacing. One set is probably about 5-6 years old and the other is closer to 10 years old. Is that the normal lifespan of a set of sheets, assuming regular wear and tear?

    And in the same vein, any recommendations for replacements?

    1. Depends on what fabric they’re made of and how often you wash them, but for our middle-of-the-road percale that we wash every other week, I’m satisfied that we got 5 years out of our last set. I’m pretty sure the flannel sheets I used as a kid in the winter (4 months a year, washed weekly) lasted my entire childhood.

      Replacement is from The Company Store and have been very happy with the quality for price point after a few months of use.

    2. Mine only last a couple of years, but I bleach the hell out of them and it weakens the fibers. It can’t be helped due to my husband’s severe psoriasis.

      I make it a point to buy inexpensive brands because he’s so hard on fabrics, so basically anything at BB&B with a 20% off coupon is good enough.

    3. I used to have many bedsheet sets (15 for a single person), which I paired down to 4 sets. All are the same “model”, Ikea Natjasmin in white. Love the minimalistic design and the satin-like feel. They are white, so can be successfully bleached. Have had them for at least 5y and think they can go another 5. The most damage that happened so far was a loose button. I made it a point to switch to all-white ones instead of colored sheets as their color fades with time and cannot be bleached (in case of cosmetic accident, sigh, why some facial oils have such a strong natural color).

    4. Our Ralph Lauren sateen sheets last a good decade. Our sheets with more open weaves wear out faster.

    5. I really like the Target Threshold brand! The design of the fitted sheet is awesome – it never comes off the mattress. Bear in mind I like crisp percale vs smooth sateen-style sheets.

  18. I have been having more and more trouble falling asleep. I sometimes take melatonin or original formula dramamine but they don’t always seem to work. I’m considering trying some CBD product – anyone have any recommendation for brand or formulation?

    1. I am a Floyd’s of Leadville fan. It’s all I use. I know someone who personally was involved in the testing and all that, so I trust the quality of it.

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