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I'm happy to see that Zella continues to expand their super soft, more loungey line of leggings and weekend garb — not only are they reader favorites here (at the TOP of the list of the most-bought items of 2020!), but it's also incredibly hard to find them in anything but lucky sizes because they sell out so quickly.
Plain black versions in regular and plus sizes will be included in the big 2021 Nordstrom Anniversary Sale (starts next week!), so this is one of the first things I plan to buy when I'm eligible — they'll be marked down to $39 during the sale, but will go back to $65 when the sale ends. (The NAS “preview” is now but you can only add to your wish list — early access (buying) depends on your Nordy Club status. It opens for “Icons” on July 12, “Ambassadors” on July 14, and “Influencers” on July 16 — check your Nordstrom account to see what your Nordy Club status is. Public access (for all) opens on July 28.)
IF, however, you don't want to wait until next week (or later) to buy, and you want a fun color, there are some new fun colors in these super popular leggings that seem to be available in all sizes, at least for the moment. The pictured leggings are $65, and available in sizes XXS-XXL.
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Psst: These were some of the top loungewear items readers loved in 2020…
Above: navy cardigan (can work with some work outfits also!) / black t-shirt (also great under suits!) / banded bralette (top) / smooth bralette / soft pocket leggings
Sales of note for 10.24.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event, 30% off! Suits are included in the 30% off!
- Banana Republic Factory – 40-60% off everything, and redeem Stylecash!
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – Friends & Family event, 30% off sitewide.
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Up to 30% off on new arrivals
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off entire purchase, plus free shipping no minimum
- White House Black Market – Buy more, save more; buy 3+ get an extra 50% off
Sales of note for 10.24.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event, 30% off! Suits are included in the 30% off!
- Banana Republic Factory – 40-60% off everything, and redeem Stylecash!
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – Friends & Family event, 30% off sitewide.
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Up to 30% off on new arrivals
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off entire purchase, plus free shipping no minimum
- White House Black Market – Buy more, save more; buy 3+ get an extra 50% off
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anonymous
Back when we were in offices, I saw people wearing what looked like knock-off Rothys. I have a pair of Rothys myself, but this time I am looking for a kid with adult-sized feet and we need to find some Rothy-type shoes, hopefully at our mall. We used to go to a Payless and another Shoe Carnival-type place, but both have now closed. Kiddo has some sensory issues (and adult sized feet), so I was hoping something in a soft knit might work for her. I want to say that maybe there is a Sketchers clone, but I don’t even know what stores sell Sketchers (options are Nordstrom, Macys, Dillard’s, and Belk for anchor tenants with shoe departments) as the last shoes I bought were sneakers, sneakers, and work shoes for me.
Anon
Consider Corso Como’s “Julia” knit. It’s a pretty good knockoff, and DSW was stocking it last I checked.
Anon
Dillard’s Antonio Melani washable knit ballet flats.
Anon
There is definitely a Skechers clone. It’s called the Cleo. https://www.skechers.com/search/?q=cleo&lang=en_US
Anon
A few coworkers have a sketchers clone. I also have a pair (idk the brand, sorry) from Marshall’s.
Anonymous
I have yellow ones from Mia, similar to these: https://www.amazon.com/MIA-Kerri-Black-7-5/dp/B0838117CL/ref=sr_1_1?c=ts&dchild=1&keywords=Women%27s%2BFlats&qid=1625856543&refinements=p_89%3AMIA&s=apparel&sr=1-1&ts_id=679399011&th=1
They fit my feet better than Rothys and were half the price. I think Macys and other stores carry Mia but not sure about in-store.
Ribena
I wear Skechers as generic gym shoes and I usually get them at TK Maxx – I know TJX have different supplier deals in different countries but worth checking there?
Anonymous
I have weird sensory issues with my feet (like only the thinnest socks and the toe needs to be shaped just the right way or I’m seriously going nuts all day). I highly recommend the Naturalizer Lafayette knit shoes. I wear them without socks and they are SO perfect. Macys carries a ton of sizes and colors. (I have them in three colors because they are just that amazing.)
https://www.macys.com/shop/product/naturalizer-lafayette-slip-on-sneakers?ID=12061599
Pep
Sketchers has stand alone stores, locations on their s i t e.
Anonymous
Are they really worth the money? I buy gap leggings, usually used from thredup for $10. But I could be convinced…
anon a mouse
I have two pair of zella leggings and have concluded that they do not fit me correctly. I am a pear with thick thighs and if I size them correctly for my thighs, they fall down in the waist. I spend the whole day tugging them up. I have had much better luck with the Hofi pocket leggings that I learned about here, they are available for far less $ on ama*on. I have also had good luck with Baleaf (their fleece-lined leggings are my ride or die in the winter).
Anonymous
If they fit you correctly, yes. My two pairs of black Zella Live in leggings have lasted me 8 years and 5 years. Actually, the oldest pair has held up better. The five year old pair is starting to pill a bit in the knees. I’ll likely replace it this fall. The big thing about the Zellas to me is that they are substantially thicker than every other legging I’ve tried. They’re definitely cooler weather leggings and wear more like pants for me. I never have to worry if I am covered. I prefer the 8 year old pair beause they’re lower waisted, and I have a short torso.
Anonymous
I loved my ancient Zella leggings (10+ years ago), but once they went to the high-waist style they also made the fabric flimsier.
Anonymous
They kept falling down on me. Went to Goodwill in less than a year.
Cat
I have the featured pair in dark gray and they are my absolute favorites. Good structure, the pockets are the perfect size for a phone, and they wash nicely (I air dry).
Anon
I was thinking about this while reading this morning’s thread about the bathroom renovation.
Is there anything you absolutely loved about your house when you bought it that now you hate? Or is there anything that you rolled your eyes at that now you absolutely want?
I absolutely was 100% team ‘I want a house with character!’. I also will admit I rolled my eyes at HGTV because ‘Why is everybody so obsessed with open concept?!?’
Annnddd now…. I keep trying to sell my husband (who doesn’t like open concept) on how we should blow out walls to give us a big open concept kitchen/dining room which flows to the living room.
Anon
Please don’t knock out walls in an older home! They’re not making them anymore. Just buy a new home that was meant to be open concept.
Anon
Walls are easy to rebuild if you want them back. People should be able to live however they want in their own home.
Anonymous
Not with plaster and lath they aren’t. Drywall is inferior to how walls used to be constructed. Never mind the fact that once character is gone it can be brought back without huge expense. The MDF baseboards and vinyl floors of modern renos aren’t even remotely close in quality to their old growth wood counterparts.
Anon
I have an old house that has drywall over plaster because plaster can crack as houses settle. It can be nice but also terrible and makes running wires very difficult as well. I have some ugly outlets running across baseboards because I can’t run it inside the walls. I also had some woodwork custom made to my old stuff, but it sure wasn’t fancy old growth wood. Maybe if you live in an old mansion but there are many old houses that were built for regular people that didn’t have those touches.
Anonymous
Genuinely trying to educate, old growth doesn’t mean fancy it means it came from an old natural forest. Depending on your specific location ALL lumber before a particular vintage would be old growth, because modern forestry practices didn’t yet exist. My house is by no means fancy, the upstairs and servants areas are all pine, but it’s still old growth. Old growth is considered good because of its strength, durability, and resistance to rot. Old growth lumber has these characteristics because as a tree ages it becomes significantly more dense.
anon
LOL to Anonymous at 7:26 saying her house isn’t fancy in the same sentence describing the servant areas of her home
Anon
I’m not the person you’re responding to / making fun of but I live in an old house (1909) that is on the large side but not that large by today’s new home standards, and has the same configuration. I happen to know who built the house – a home builder who went on to build houses for the neighborhood – and they were definitely middle class.
My “starter” home was a 2br 1ba (go ahead and tell me that’s a mansion, I’ll wait) and also had oak flooring in the public areas and pine flooring in the kitchen, which was considered a private area. It was a 1922 bungalow.
I completely agree that if you want a modern, airy, spacious house you should buy one of those and not wreck a historic home. It’s never going to work well anyway in the older home. My neighbors were on HGTV trying to make their home from the same era as my current home into a “mid century modern” feeling home, the show wrapped and then they sold the house at a loss. They totally wrecked it and then it was unlivable.
anon
It is such an American thing to be wealthy and pretend you’re not wealthy. You aren’t going to convince me that having live in help (or designated space for live in help) was ever something “middle class”.
I dislike most HGTV renovations but I also don’t tell people what to do with their homes or their lives.
Just because some people try to stretch their budget on a new build or a renovation doesn’t mean that’s the only option or way to do a new build or a renovation.
Anonymous
Yes my 1500 sqft urban row home that was built for an office worker in 1900 is so fancy…. Back in that era normal middle class folks had household help. But for some reason you’re intentionally being obtuse by viewing historic social classes and constructs through a modern lens.
Anon
I’ll do what I want in my own home, thanks.
Anon
Ugh at your attitude.
Anon
Nope. Mind your business.
Anonymous
What?!
anon
what attitude? you’re the one telling her what to do in her own home?
Anonymous
+1 I view myself as a steward of my home. It’s 117 years old, I don’t own it, I’m just it’s temporary caretaker. So I do everything I can to maintain the quality of my home so it can live another 117 years for generations to come.
anon
Girl the ocean caught on fire, we don’t have 117 more years.
Anon
+1 to Anon at 4:39.
Also, that’s great that you feel like a long-term steward of your home. But it’s also reasonable for a person to want to modify a home she owns so that she likes the functionality while she lives in it.
Anon
I bought my older home with a ridiculously bad kitchen, and that is likely why we were able to get it for asking, because no buyers at the time wanted to deal with a day one full gut remodel.
We bought the house on faith that one day we could afford to do the kitchen, which we finally did five years later. But for those five years of using the hilariously bad kitchen (two mismatched counters and sets of cabinets that also didn’t match each other, a rolling dishwasher, a range from the 1970s with only two working burners, and so little counter space that a microwave took up 50% of it, not to mention turquoise and yellow paint and patterned linoleum) we turned out some pretty good meals, had people over for all kinds of parties, and just basically lived with it. I don’t remember being embarrassed about it. We just made it work.
But I look at old pictures now and I’m like YIKES!!
Anon
Five years?! Try 18 years! It wasn’t only a question of money, but of not having time while kids were younger and needier, etc.
Anon
Also – Throughout the 18 years I did replace appliances, counters and other items that just could not be lived with. The kitchen layout itself was very functional (which I retained), so that helped.
Anon
Yeah we could have and would have lived with it for longer but the range finally broke and the appliance guy said we’d have to change the counter and it all kind of happened from there….
Anon
I’m so sorry you had to live in a house not up to your aesthetic standards for so long. You must have suffered greatly.
Anonymous
lawd
I bought a house once where the owner wanted to take / not have convey a 5-gallon flushing mint green toilet that had previously been in the back yard. Done! But then I had to live with a mint-green 1950s bathroom with a blinding white toilet. I did not make the Homes Tour that year (or any year).
It matters to me b/c if I ever had to sell a house, I know things like that would trip up a sale. Not just the price, but crap work tends to scare off buyers who wonder what else is wrong and it’s a PITA to get someone to come in and fix b/c an inspection report turned up something. My wallet worries; I don’t really care re aesthetics.
Anon
umm that’s kind of what this thread is about? Are we doing the suffering olympics again?
Anon
@3:13, yeah that’s why we got our house at asking and had no competition! The kitchen was a “tear down” never mind the fact that we didn’t tear it down for five years.
Kat in VA
It’s exactly this kind of snarky reply that makes people not want to engage in the future.
OP
Construction is no joke!
We have family friends who just renovated their kitchen ‘now that the kids are old enough. … Their ‘youngest’ is 32.
Anon
Loved the skylights in the bedroom when we moved in. Soon realized they actually suck. They bake the upstairs so the A/C can’t keep up, the bedroom is so miserably hot that we spend four months a year sleeping in the spare room. Shades are a fortune and fall apart or dry rot in less than a year.
I have been wearing thick glasses since high school. Why did I romanticize the idea of lying in bed, staring at the stars? Did I think the skylights came with new 20/20 eyeballs?
OP
This is hilarious! Also, I feel like a lot of 90’s movies had the angsty teen sleeping in a cool, funky attic bedroom with skylights… I get the appeal!
Anonymous
Not that you asked, but my parents had the same issue in their bedroom. They put some sort film over them that reduces the amount of light and it has helped a ton.
Anon
Ooooh, do you have more info? Is it like car window tint?
CHL
We put that on our west facing three season porch windows and it was great- also kept fabric from fading out there! Google UV window film.
Anonymous
I have a house that is almost 100 years old. It had been through at least one Franken-reno 20+ years before we bought it. At once: both bathrooms had issues where if you sat on the toilet, your knees almost touched the wall (one backing up to the end of the tub) or door. It was No Bueno. And not a cosmetic fix, but one that involved blowing out walls and doing a lot of expensive work.
Also: One bathroom had no fan. And was used often by odor-generating people. Fun! The other had a fan but grew mold nevertheless b/c it vented into the attic and not outside (which used to be OK by code but wouldn’t fly today).
Also: tile installed over older tile.
Also: foundation had settled so you always kept mouse traps baited in the basement b/c the mice would always find a way back in. There is never enough Good Stuff. At least now they have never made it back to the living space, just to the basement (total for 2021: 12+, ugh, some of them I found maybe a week later than I should have; now I check every day or so).
I bought it b/c it was an opportunistic purchase during the post-Lehman-failure crash. And lived in it for 10+ years before throwing $ at it. It is a great commuting area house in a walkable neighborhood with sidewalks, so that was why I bought it. Anything perfect would have been out of budget.
Anon
hahaa I also had tile over tile in my 1929 bathroom.. what? why?
Maudie Atkinson
When I bought my previous house, I thought the double-headed shower was a little much. When I bought the house I live in now, it was a must-have. I should also say: We don’t live in a drought-prone area. If we did, or if there was a drought here, I might sing a different tune.
Anonymous
don’t do an open concept!!! we have one and a) sound carries EVERYWHERE in the house — there is no hope of having an “adults only” evening if the kids are in the house at all. if they’re watching tv in a common area we’d hear it, they’d hear us talking. ALSO if the kitchen is messy (which it always is) then the entire first floor looks messy. And as an introvert I miss rooms where I could go to be alone.
Anonymous
I feel like open concept is appealing when you have very young kids, or maybe if you have no kids, but not for families with older kids. I was a teenager in an open concept house and hated that I couldn’t really get away from my family anywhere except my bedroom.
Anon
Ehh a private bedroom is more private space than many teenagers have. If/when my kids whine about our open floor plan I’ll tell ’em to just be grateful for that. ;) Plus an open concept main floor doesn’t rule out a family having a basement or something like that where a teenager could retreat to.
Anonymous
I have a very old house and it was built in the SEUS before central A/C was a thing (maybe even before window units were a thing — 1920s). It is sort of “open concept” in that there are rooms downstairs: kitchen (which we added an open concept den onto), dining room, formal living room, sun room. They *all* have windows on 2 sides and double glass doors on the non-window sides so that you can get cross breezes. So while there are rooms and you can technically close them off, the doors don’t really close well in all seasons and with full glass panes the whole way through, it is largely cosmetic vs functional if someone is being loud on a zoom or watching TV. The bedrooms at least have solid doors, but that is on the floor above (all bedrooms and bathrooms).
We do have an outside screened porch, and that is a space that feels separate. It has a fire place and a fan and you can use it most of the year. We also have a patio on a different side of the house and bought a small fire pit for that.
Ribena
Yes! My parents’ house has an open concept kitchen – dining – living room but also a separate snug and it comes in SO useful when we are all at home and want to watch different things on TV/ some people want to watch sport and others want to chat.
Anon
I love my open concept first floor. To each their own.
Anonymous
I posted above about hating this as a teenager, and part of the issue was definitely that this was a 1 story house (in FL). So there really was no separation between the living areas and bedrooms other than the bedroom doors. I think in a multi-story home it would be less of an issue. Of course now I live in an NYC apartment, so we’re all on top of each other anyway. But my general point is that the thing you need at one life stage may not work in a different stage.
Anon
“Open concept” as it’s usually done is about as homey and attractive as living in an aircraft hangar. It can be done well, but not at the mass-market-builder price point.
Anon
Are you really calling a house you’ve never seen an ugly aircraft hangar?
Anon
This, a million times this. Open concept means that if one person watches television everyone has to hear it. Nearly brought down my marriage.
Anon
Oh yeah, I remember so clearly not having any place to read or do my homework as a teenager. The only alternative was on my bed, but my bedroom was also really close to the booming TV.
pugsnbourbon
My grandparents, who were married for 65 years, always said the secret to their marriage was having two TVs. I guess we need to update the advice to include two separate rooms for them :)
AZCPA
Whereas we have one TV in our open concept one story home, and it works.
Anon
Yeah, the 1956 house I grew up in was open concept. The kitchen, dining area (can’t be called a dining room because it wasn’t) and living room were all one long, open room. My mom HATED it and finally in later life, when she finally had two nickels to rub together, she had a wall built between the dining area and the living room. But then you couldn’t pull the chairs all the way out from the dining table (any dining table) on the wall side because the honest truth was that the big open room wasn’t big enough to be three spaces. Still, she liked the wall better than no wall so everyone just ate on TV trays in the living room after that.
That was a franken house all the way around, honestly. It was built buy a regular guy who was building his own house and not a homebuilder.
Anon
My grandparents designed their house in the ’90s as partially open concept: the living room, entry way, and dining room are all one big open area. They are sizeable spaces, too, so it’s maybe 500 sq ft of open area. However, the kitchen is its own room, there’s a TV room, and the screened-in porch provides comfortable space.
Anonymous
Our house had an inexpensive contractor redo, which we loved at the time because we didn’t have time to manage a remodel. But it developed a long list of problems because of the corners the contractor cut.
AnonMom
I despise the fugly multi-colored sponge paint job in our main bathroom and swore I would repaint it immediately upon moving in…15 years ago. That still hasn’t happened.
Anon
haha you should do it! Every time I paint a room I think, wait a minute, that was easy! Why did I put it off for so long?
Anon
Ha, I feel the opposite. I hate painting!
OP
OP on this thread – for one – I’m not the Anon getting sassy – I am 100% team ‘You do you!’
Also: I am literally laughing because I could actually hear my husband’s voice reading some of the anti-open concept arguments. My counterpoint is that I’m not asking for the WHOLE house to be open, merely the kitchen and dining room. We would still have plenty of walls.
Anon
I was excited to live in a large, formal, two-story colonial again after living in a cramped 1950s ranch – everything’s bigger, including a wonderfully spacious laundry room. But after being here for a couple months, I’ve remembered what an insane pain it is to have to cart laundry up and down stairs.
Friday
Ok 1) I love an open concept kitchen call me basic all day. 2) the thing I rolled my eyes at when we looked at our current house was the ginormous bathtub in the master. I use that baby weekly. I will caveat it doesn’t have jets: we looked at house with a jetted tub upstairs (dear god why) and the realtor admitted the water in those pipes was probably black. Gross!
Anonymous
Jetted tubs gross me out so much. I would love our giant non-jetted tub except that its capacity is approximately twice that of our water heater.
Anon
The only thing I ever used the stupid jetted tub for when I had a house with one was for quickly cooling my wort when making beer.
Anon
I love our Jacuzzi corner tub! There are special cleaners you run through the jets, which clean the pipe ID just fine. Properly kept up, that system will be cleaner that what comes out of your shower, since there’s no way to close that branch line off.
Source: I work with piping products. The inside of most fluid control systems would horrify the layman.
anon
People will come after me, but the wood floors in the kitchen. I wanted them so much, and now I absolutely despise them. They scratch easily and never look clean. I had laminate in our old house and that stuff was bulletproof.
Anon
Love, love, love my wooden (oak) kitchen floors (house built in 1904). Why Baskin Robbins sells so many flavors!
Anon
It’s looking like I will be having a new partner soon (not in the legal sense, in the gardening sense). It’s been many years. Why does this stress me out so much? Simultaneously, why does this make me want to fast forward to get to that point? In summary, why am I such a basket of nervous kittens?
Also, debating going waxing but wondering if this is a silly use of money for such a thing.
Anonymous
Don’t do anything you don’t want to keep doing on the regular. Once it’s on the menu . . .
Anon
Ha
anon a mouse
+1. Start as you mean to go on!
Anon
I think you’re mostly kidding about this, but you can always decide you don’t want to do something at any time in a relationship! OP– have so much fun, and only wax if you like it and it’s pleasurable for you.
Anon
Not Anonymous, but I disagree. I mean, yeah, you can stop doing something later because you’re physically capable of forming words and saying no; doesn’t mean it is easy or will be well received. Best case scenario: a very caring partner will wonder what else you’ve been uncomfortable with and not speaking up about. Worst case scenario: he will get mad, pouty, or will guilt you over it.
Anon
Yeah none of those are good reasons to keep from changing your mind.
Anon
I don’t think anyone is saying you can’t change your mind. They’re saying don’t do an activity you know you don’t like just because you want to impress him.
anon
+1 to anon at 11:26, of course you can change your mind but don’t do something you aren’t really in to to impress someone because it sets up weird expectations. Much better to be up front about what you like or don’t like so everyone is on the same page. I imagine you would be pretty disappointed if a partner enthusiastically participated in an activity you liked at the beginning of a relationship only to find out later it is something that they don’t enjoy or want to do regularly.
Anon
I’m the Anon at 5:07, and I definitely agree that you should not do something just to impress the other person if you’re not into it. That’s not how I read the comment I was responding to, and if that was what was intended, we are in complete agreement.
Anonymous
Not a waste of money if YOU like it for your own comfort. If you are trying to impress someone else, yes a silly use of money.
Anon
if someone is lucky enough to be invited to your garden, they don’t get to tell you what to do with the shrubbery…
Anon
Heh. And I completely agree.
Anon
I vote yes for the waxing if it will make you feel more confident and comfortable!
Anon for this
At the beginning of a new something that is looking more and more like it has real potential to turn into a relationship. I have not dated in years. While I have long been happy while single, this is really exciting. I am also very type A, I am very efficient in my work, I answer emails and texts quickly, etc.
How do I avoid seeming over-eager with this person? I do not want my quick responses to be seen as too much when this is how I am with everyone. However, I also think I might really like him and really want this to develop and I don’t want that energy to scare him off either.
Any tips or advice or bucket of cold water would be appreciated.
anon
If this person likes you, your quick responses will not scare them off. Just be you! If you are a quick responder, that’s 100% fine!!
I do not believe in changing my behavior to meet someone else’s(potentially imagined) expectations, especially not in a dating scenario. I am who I am and you get who you get. I have done a lot of work to be a good person, I am a good person, and if someone doesn’t like who I am, that’s okay, we are not the right people for each other!
Anon
+1 I’ve always been a big believer in be yourself and if the other person gets scared off they weren’t the right person for you. My husband and I were naming our future kids after about 3 weeks of knowing each other. I know most people don’t move that fast and it’s probably a good idea to table discussions of marriage and kids until you’re sure the other person feels the same way, but if you’re forcing yourself to respond to emails less quickly or something like that, I think that’s very silly.
Anon
+1 million!!
Anon
Agree with the others and wanted to wish you good luck! I hope it works out for you! Have fun and try not to worry!
Anon
Anyone struggle with insomnia right before your period? Did you find anything that helped? I’ve had really terrible insomnia this past year, presumably exacerbated by the whole pandemic situation. It does seem to be getting somewhat better as life gets closer to normal, but I still have 1-2 nights a month where I often can’t sleep at all. I kept a sleep diary for several months before it finally dawned on me that these sleepness nights are ~30 days apart and then I checked the dates and sure enough they immediately proceed the beginning of my period. My PCP diagnosed me with anxiety and gave me an anti-anxiety medicine to take that does seem to help a little but I hate how hungover it makes me feel, even if I get 8 hours of sleep. And I feel like there’s more going on here than just anxiety because of the relationship to my cycle. I don’t have any other noticeable PMS symptoms, really – I used to have regular migraines and cramps but the cramps went away completely after having a baby four years ago and the migraines are much reduced in intensity. I haven’t been on hormonal birth control since I had a bad experience with it in college.
Anonymous
How old are you? I’m 44 and have noticed a variety of symptoms related to hormonal fluctuations that just seem much worse than they were when I was younger. For me it is more moodiness (the rage, the rage), but I definitely have some insomnia too. I have no advice but much commiseration.
Anon
I’m 36 so the internet tells me I could be entering perimenopause. :/ Whether or not it’s officially that, I figured getting older was probably a factor.
Anon
Have you ever tried acupuncture? I find it very relaxing. I started doing it because a fertility doc recommended it to improve the success of a procedure and I kept doing it because I found that it helped me sleep better. My acupuncturist claims it balances hormones but I’m pretty skeptical about that. I think there is some evidence about it reducing migraine frequency. I figure the worst case scenario is that I’m enjoying a placebo effect and it’s otherwise harmless to me.
Anonymous
I’ve learned a lot about hormones since going through menopause in my late 20s. And this is a thing! After you ovulate, your body’s estrogen levels drop significantly before your period. Lack of estrogen (which drives a lot of menopause symptoms) can cause insomnia. When I started on estrogen patches I got close to immediate relief from my insomnia.
Anonymous
Do you take evening primrose? One pill a day has helped a lot of my mid-40s period woes.
I wonder if period correlates to blood sugar issues? If so maybe a spoonful of peanut butter before bed would help (or something with fat/protein) — stabilizes your blood sugar so you sleep better.
Ribena
Yes, it’s part of the basket of stuff I now call PMS. I came off hormonal birth control last autumn because I’m living alone in a pandemic so there was no way I was going to need it for its main purpose, and as I’m no longer going to the gym or travelling or going to work I thought I might try to manage my periods and see what they’re like naturally (originally went on it at 17 for very heavy and painful periods).
PMS has been an *adventure* – I remember it being talked about when I was a teenager as something that made one ‘moody’ or grumpy – I had no idea it had physical symptoms! I have 2 or 3 days each month now with ‘period flu’ where I sleep badly, feel ‘off’, etc. Not great during a pandemic… it has been so bad this week that I took a Covid test (all clear) but I think it was just bad because it was my first since the vax, which is apparently a ‘thing’
Anon
Yep! Late 30s. Absolutely sleep poorly right before my period. I have definitely noticed much stronger emotions and physical symptoms within the last year or two at various points during my cycle. Menopause is w-r-e-t-c-h-e-d in my family, and even though I’m not due for another ~15 years on when my mom got it, I figure this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Anon
I sleep badly when I feel anxious. My anxiety used to be correlated with PMS. I wish I had done more about it back then instead of just suffer through it.
Now I’m in menopause and I don’t sleep for a whole host of other reasons! But not all the time, it goes in cycles. At least I don’t have crushing anxiety for a few days a month anymore.
Anonymous
Yes, I am age 43 and had this issue for years. It impacts my work performance for a day or two, so I try not to schedule high work load days on those few days where I know I won’t sleep. It consistently happens 1-2 days before I get my period. I am trying not to take hormone replacements for a few more years, but I wonder if that would bring relief to the insomnia. I don’t find that evening primrose oil relives the insomnia symptom but it does take the edge of the rage.
Anonymous
How much evening primrose oil do you take?
Anonymous
1300 mg
Anonymous
Yes, age 32 and the whole week before my period has way worse sleep. No idea if I have a medical issue and not on hormonal BC.
Anon
I have always had this issue since hitting puberty (in all fairness insomnia is a frequent flyer here but as long as I stay on a schedule is relatively easily managed- except for hormonal insomnia). The thing I’ve found pretty consistent is it’s due to my body temperature being elevated the night before my period starts. Fans and a light thermal blanket are my best friends to combat this one.
amberwitch
I have 2-3 days of insomnia and night sweat just before my period, and have had it for years – 45, still regular periods, and I have probably had this since before perimenopause was remotely relevant so I don’t think it is related to menopause for me.
For years I had a Mirena and the only period indications I had was the insomnia and night sweats.
Anon
Methylfolate, magnesium, zinc, and 5HTP are my standbys for full fledged PMDD.
Anon
I feel ridiculous, but I don’t understand Poshmark ha. The “social” aspect of it doesn’t make any sense to me. I seem to be able to save sellers I like, but not searches (like, notify me whenever there’s a new Boden dress with short sleeves in size 14). I was looking for a new-to-me purse last summer and purchased one through the site, but I keep getting emails about purses. It’s not like I set up a search, because searches don’t exist, so I don’t know how to get it to stop and keep getting good emails I do want, like when a seller lowers an item’s price! Anyways, I love the idea of Poshmark, but it doesn’t make sense to me. Not sure of the point of this post – I guess just curious if any others feel slightly befuddled by the site :)
Anon
You can change the email settings.
Anonymous
It is a bit strange. Agree with checking out the email settings so they don’t bombard you with stuff you don’t care about. As far as I know, it doesn’t have the ability to save a search but Mercari and Ebay do.
Outfit help!
Hi All – I was invited by my new firm (starting in September after my clerkship ends) to a firm luncheon on one of the partners boats. I am in NE. What do I wear? I think most of them are coming from the office. It is all staff (8 lawyers, 2 paralegals, and 4 support staff).
Is a dress + boat shoes acceptable. Any links to outfits would be appreciated. I’m willing to buy something new.
Anon
It would be helpful to know where this is. Appropriate for Bay Area (which can be quite chilly) is different from appropriate in Florida.
If it is warm, flat shoes and a dress that is at least knee length would be fine for most boats (you need longer because of errant breezes + climbing around) but I suspect more people will be in ankle pants. If colder, definitely pants.
Cat
OP specified NE (New England I presume vs. just Northeast) – I would go with ankle length pants (you never know what kind of awkward position you might find yourself in on a boat…), either boat shoes or other non-marking shoes (in any event totally flat, no one wears heels on a boat; also be prepared for people to go barefoot!), and office-approp layers on top. Like, pretty shell or blouse that can stand on its own at the warm dock, add a cardigan when it gets breezy on the water, perhaps bring a third warmer layer (lightweight jacket) as well.
Marie
Agree 100%. You could get very cold wearing a dress. Layers are key. You also need to make sure you are paying attention to 3 things: the first two are hydrating and sunscreen. Make sure you are drinking water because you might not feel hot from the sun with the breeze, but it can sneak up on you, especially if people are drinking. Same goes with sunburn. Reapply religiously. The third: If you are sailing out of anywhere choppy or haven’t been on boats much, you may want to bring dramamine or sea bands just in case of nausea. Also, try to find out from people who have gone on this boat trip before what it is like. One of the partners at my firm as a boat, and he likes to take people out fishing off the LI Sound, which is gorgeous and fun, but I know of associates who have not been prepared to spend almost 8 hours on a boat (see got cold and got sunburned) and who have gotten seasick during this type of excursion. The next year they were invited back, they brought long sleeved shirts and anti-nausea medication and had a much better time.
Anon
Ok I’m reading this from California and I saw the NE and thought she was in Nebraska! I was wondering where there would be a boat like that, though I do remember there’s a river that cuts through or next to Omaha.
Trixie
Such a fun invite! I live in Massachusetts, and have been on many boats. Wear white or khaki or navy ankle pants, a nice tee shirt with sleeves or not depending on the weather, stripes are always good, and bring a cardigan or a good quality sweatshirt that is in good shape. Bring a rain shell, a baseball cap, elastics for your hair if it is long. Wear boat shoes or white soled sneakers. You will want a tote bag to hold your layers, and maybe a water bottle–I always bring water. Bring sunscreen. Don’t wear a dress. It will be cooler than you think. Think LL Bean clothing for fashion safety, and add a bandana if you want. Add simple jewelry, like studs, a bangle, and a watch if you want.
Coach Laura
Depends on the boat – sailboat, powerboat, pontoon boat – and how big? Some boats are like living rooms, others you have to climb over things, jump to get onto the boat, sit on the edge of the c-ckpit or coaming. If all those people are coming, it must be a pretty big boat. There is also often a lot of wind. (You might bring a light athletic jacket or a chambray shirt if you might be cold.)
If there is anything other than walking or sitting on a real bench, a dress with a skort or bicycle shorts under would be ok. Otherwise, you get into the shorts or capri pants area, which is harder to coordinate then just a dress plus boat shoes.
Rose
What was your best purchase you made to help keep up with housecleaning minus hiring a housekeeper ?
Anon
Robot vacuum. We’ve had a housekeeper for over 15 years but in between her every-other-week visits, the robot vacuum keeps our floors clean with zero effort from us. We run it at least once a week, three times a week during shedding season for the dogs.
EDAnon
A roomba
Shelle
the OXO microfiber hand duster
Anonymous
Robotic vacuum to do floors while I do other chores. Steam mop for floors – especially good for bathroom tile floors (helps keep grout nicer). Dishwasher for kitchen, with habit of running it every day. Lots of high quality microfiber cloths, color coded, for cleaning different kinds of surfaces (kitchen, bathroom, general dust), fleece duster.
Dish soap and vinegar as multipurpose cleaner.
Cat
pricy but the Dyson stick vacuum makes it so easy (we live in a 4 story townhouse) to do a quick vacuum without lugging the whole canister + handheld + cord thing up and down the stairs!
Anon
I second the Dyson because my husband seems to think it is a leafblower and vacuums about 10x as much as he did before we got it.
Anonymous
Microfiber glass cleaning cloths for the mirrors.
Anonymous
I’ve been thinking a lot about my “2022” life and how different it may be from 2019 life. Interested in anyone else’s take and their whys, too!
I want to focus on activities I enjoy. I’m cutting out business-related conferences that require travel and have never brought me business, weekly chamber of commerce or other business happy hour/events/banquets (unless a client specifically invites me), nonprofit service for orgs unless I’m really all-in on the mission or project, regular church attendance, and any committees that meet regularly but dont DO anything (for example – my bar association section that has monthly calls but no mixers, CLEs, etc).
Anyone else shifting priorities, especially work/time wise?
Anon
My work is returning to the office in September and I don’t know how I will adjust – the idea of sitting at my desk all day – ugh! I know I will adapt but I hate giving up the comforts of WFH.
Anonymous
This may sound harsh…but I have traditionally taken very few vacation days, and my mom has guilted me into doing many things that are of absolutely no interest to me with this precious time. Victorian home tours, long trips to mildly historic things that aren’t my cup of tea, days sitting around a place I rent while she wants to do nothing but read, etc. No more. If I am taking time off (which I’m going to try to do more) it’s being spent doing something that makes me happy instead of feeling drained and resentful. I want to be outdoors and active in nature and see my friends and my husband and my dog. My happiness in life matters, too. It can’t all be about work or her all the time.
Anon
I like this question, made me really think. I was able to shut off most of my energy drainers over the last 2-3 years and focus on doing things that either make me happy or develop me or add other value to my life: upped frequency of contact (in person, phone, chat) with friends and family, travel (before COVID), took up new hobbies (in which I suck, but I like the challenge), work out regularly, go for 30min walk each day etc. The one last thing I need to change is my job. Due to 3 reorgs in the past 5 years, the company where I have worked for 9-10y has changed and turned into something I no longer feel excited about. It is a great-paying job, I could do it for another 2 years probably, but my development and career path suddenly disappeared. I have started my job search last weekend, so that by January, I can hopefully be in a better place.
Anonymous
I’m considering getting a pair of Bond Touch bracelets for my long-distance partner and I. Partner’s love language is touch. I wear an analog wristwatch. Partner wears a watch sometimes – has a fitbit but never wears it (isn’t interested in tracking data). Anyone have this, or something similar? I can’t always text during the day but would like to send a ‘squeeze’ (to show I’m thinking of us).
Anonymous
I think these are weird. Who wants to be startled by a “squeeze” out of the blue? It also creates pressure for your partner to wear the thing daily, which they might not want to do, and to remember to send you squeezes. All in all, it seems like one more thing needlessly taking up mental space.
Cat
+1, it sounds like this is something Partner wouldn’t actually want to wear daily. I also have a touch love language but don’t really want random squeezes in the middle of the workday.
Having done long distance for 3 years, two ideas bc I especially missed cuddly sleeping – a nice body pillow (these are sometimes marketed as pregnancy pillows…) or a gravity blanket to help with the feeling of the weight of your partner next to you?
MagicUnicorn
I like to be touched but this would skeeve me out. Have you talked about this with your partner? I would start there.
Anonymous
Just call your partner after work. On the phone,
Anonymous
This seems like something a very controlling partner would do. “Wear this bracelet at all times so I can remind you multiple times a day of how much I loooooooove you.” Ick.
Monte
I think this is totally odd, but my reaction was the exact opposite of other poster’s (though I don’t think they are wrong). Rather than be worried about being controlled, I can see myself being bummed if I get one squeeze a day. This level of affection takes the absolute bare minimum effort and all I get is a squeeze during your coffee break? Pass. But 20 squeezes a day would also freak me out and would likely be a relationship ender.
A Nonny Mouse
Slightly different situation, but my teen daughter and I had a set when I was living in a different state pre-COVID. I really liked the little vibration (it is less than my Fitbit had) every now and then, and would send her a buzz when I knew she was in a stressful situation (exams, etc.). I also really like touch and hugs, and it was a nice substitute. She must have liked it, because she asked to use it when my husband was out of town for a month last fall.
Anon
I just read in the NYT about the new anti-abortion law in Texas which will be enforced by any citizen who wants to sue (who will be rewarded with $10k! if successful) and apparently it’s also very hard to challenge that law.
I am not American and this is horrifying and fascinating to me. Not speakig of the anti-abortion aspect itself but the fact of how this will be enforced. It sounds so dystopian to me. Curious what all the lawyers here think of that aspect. Will it stand? How is this even legal? How do you hink it will be challenged (if it can be)?
Anon
Link please?
Anonymous
Citizens, Not the State, Will Enforce New Abortion Law in Texas https://nyti.ms/3ANkeU8
anon
I’m not the OP and the NYT is behind a firewall, but Google turned up this as well. https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2021/07/texas-abortion-law-enlists-activists-to-harass-providers.html
Anon
OP here, yes this is what I was referring to. The subject of the law itself is really a fraught topic but I am really interested in the way it will be enforced, didn’t know how to ask however without providing the example (IANAL). Is this kind of law enforcement a thing in the US?
Anon
I foumd a less sensationalist-titled reference in ABA, will post link below
Anon
https://www.abajournal.com/news/article/citizen-plaintiffs-can-sue-to-enforce-texas-fetal-heartbeat-bill-could-uber-drivers-be-liable
Anon
Husband went to an outdoor concert tonight, I declined due to the impending severe thunderstorm (my sinuses never lie!). I was excited to get some chores done that he’s normally in the way for.
The paper shredder broke. The portable shop vac broke. So now I’m eating pizza and drinking sangria. Apparently being productive wasn’t meant to be!
amberwitch
Sounds like the ideal outcome. Sangria and pizza > chores:-)
Anon
I love your plan B, sometimes, this is what we need :)
Anon
Do you think it is weird that my mother asked my aunt (her SIL) why a mutual friend of theirs didn’t get invited to my cousin’s baby shower? My mom really didn’t want to go, and wanted to make sure she had someone to talk to (because I guess I wasn’t enough). I think that is so childish, rude, and insulting. I told her not to do it because of this (and because everyone knows COVID is a reason we don’t invite extra people to things), and she initially lied and said she decided not to…but then I find out today she did. When I called her on it, she stumbled and tried to change her story.
This is very petty, but it reminds me how much I despise my mother. As a kid, I never thought I would grow to feel this way, but as I got to know her…that’s just what happened. I thought that during the pandemic we had gotten on better terms, but now I realize that she hasn’t changed and she was only nicer to me over the past year + because she had no one else to see because her friends were all afraid of COVID (and some still are). It stinks to not have a good relationship with your parents. I feel so alone inside. Same old, same old…
Anon
I have to say, everything you’ve said here makes this sound like you are a full 50% of this relationship problem at least.
White pants
Yeah, I’m pretty shocked by your reaction.
Anon
It’s quite clear this is the tip of an iceberg, so you’re either simple or stirring turds.
Monte
I think the previous comment is pretty mean-spirited, but to answer your question, I definitely don’t think your mother’s question is weird. Potentially rude depending on her relationship with her SIL, but not weird — baby showers are the worst and I would like to know that friends will be there if I attend as well.
That said, I imagine that because you are already frustrated with your mother, this is just one more than that will irk you. Not sure what can be done about your relationship with her, but it may be helpful to recognize that you are so ticked off that even innocuous things will aggravate you. Maybe dial back the level of contact.
Anonymous
I mean I think there’s probably a LOT OF history here, right? Because I can’t imagine HATING my mother because she made the faux pas of asking her SIL why someone wasn’t invited to a party. Would I ask – no. But does my mother and her generation do these things – yes. They gossip all the time about every thing so they look at you with two heads if you say don’t ask this or that because to them you can ask FAMILY anything. But that’s not a reason to hate a parent. I do understand feeling alone though but for me that’s more about the fact that I’m single, my parents are aging, and as retirees they are kind of in their own bubble and have forgotten what the outside/working world is like. So yeah it is bad to realize that this is your only family and you don’t have much in common. But I suspect something more is going on in your situation.
Anon
Yes, there is more.
But we never go anywhere alone together, and I thought this was a good family day. I thought we were re-connecting. She always complained that she was hurt when we went to HER mother’s house out-of-state and her mother would always invite a friend over every day we were there. Now, I guess she’s doing it to me. She’s done a lot of things like this…as if I have to go through everything she did as punishment. My grandma has been dead for at least 13 years…When my grandmother started to get sick years ago, my mother just snapped and got a brand new personality where she started to treat me like an outsider in her life.
She just obsessed over this friend not being invited for weeks on end, too. My mother would never approve of me doing something like she had done. She would be horrified. Maybe she is getting dementia.
Anon
Have you tried to gently tell her what you told us – that she seems to be repeating some old patterns througg which she herself sufferred, with you?
Anon
I’m sure there’s more to your relationship than this incident, but accusing older people of having dementia isn’t a great way to entice someone to want to spend time with you. Fwiw, it’s very common for people to get somewhat crankier and more blunt as they get older without any cognitive impairment. Unless you’ve seen clear signs of memory loss, this armchair diagnosis is likely way off base and pretty offensive.
Donnyandbuster
Big hugs, I also don’t have a great relationship with my mother. Maybe just limit the time and try to make it less stressful. For instance, you don’t have to hang out alone, but maybe with a small group of folks who can help navigate awkwardness?
Anone
I don’t have any real advice, but wanted to offer a virtual hug. That sounds tough.