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Updated: Mar 23, 2023 92 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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Sales of note for 9.30.24

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Comments

  1. Healthcare in Texas

    Update: we were able to purchase insurance for my brother on the federal healthcare.gov website: because he applied for and was denied Medicaid, he was allowed to buy a policy outside the open enrollment period (which doesn’t start until November for coverage starting January).

    Even though his income is zero (he is too sick to work), because Texas decided not to expand Medicaid, he is not eligible for subsidies or tax credits toward the premiums. The letter from the state of Texas literally said “your income is too low to qualify for financial assistance.” We are paying the full premium.

    His policy will be effective on the first. Making appointments with doctors is another issue. Many are not taking new patients, even though they accept his insurance. We are working on it.

    • Anonymous

      Congrats on making progress and getting him coverage. Health care moves so frustratingly slowly, so hang in there.

    • Anon

      What a nightmare.

      You are really wonderful to be helping your brother like this.

      I know this is sounds crazy, but is it actually better for him to be uninsured in Texas? And just get care that is income based/free care at hospitals that subsidize based on income? I knew some homecare workers who couldn’t afford Obamacare even with the subsidies and did this. Or does that not exist in Texas either? I can imagine that he might not be able to get into clinics with the best doctors.

      If this is a long term thing for him, or if he needs more medical help long term, he needs to get out of Texas…

      I have had good luck in getting on wait lists. If he is too sick to work, is he too sick to make phone calls? He should call each doctor, every day, looking for cancellations/openings. Even better, many clinics/hospitals have online systems/mychart. You can sometimes go on there and make / change appointments. So you make an appointment, that may not be for a year because they are so booked up. Then you check online 1-2x per day, and cancellations pop up earlier. And you grab them.

      • Healthcare in Texas

        Not crazy. I considered this seriously. The main academic medical center near him, which has a clinic we want to get him into, says that they have a charity care program. After many, many calls with their billing/insurance office, it was clear that it is illusory. So I bought a policy that they accept.

        Your ideas about just making an appointment and then moving up through cancellations/waitlists is a good one. I am going to use it. Thanks.

    • Anon

      The other thing he can do is apply for Obamacare, and just give an optimistic income estimate that is above the threshold – ex. $18,000. He may have to explain where he thinks the income will come from (planning to restart working in 6 months… starting a part time something….), if his income last year was literally zero on his tax return for the past 2 years (since 2022 returns aren’t processed yet, likely?). If he earns less than that, it doesn’t matter. They wont know for a year until you do your 2023 taxes, and they don’t claw back money for premium subsidizes from someone who has no money.

      Because he is planning/hoping to get better and start doing some sort of work again, right? Most people don’t know for sure they are never going to work for the entire year ahead of time, so it isn’t dishonest if his plan is to go back to work.

      It is a small “loophole”.

      Could he try to do the smallest of jobs? Or is he getting some sort of disability income now that is complicating the situation? Water someone’s plants, House sitting, cat sitting, something remote… to have a minimal income…. tutor someone once a week for 1 hour….

      • Healthcare in Texas

        One of the navigators with whom I spoke described this approach, too. I understand it. I have zero internal conflict with doing it as a matter of principle. For several reasons, it wasn’t the right thing for us. Thanks.

        • Anon

          Well, you are a great sister. If you are paying for him, I hope you are able to call him a dependent on your next year’s tax return and deduct his medical expenses.

          Good luck.

          Once you get in with the good local hospital, he should meet with the social worker who works with the patients in the main department that will be following him. They may have some additional ideas.

          • Healthcare in Texas

            I can’t take credit for paying the premiums; Dad is doing that. I am taking the out-of-pockets and the admin tasks.

            I agree about the social worker. That could be super helpful.

  2. Anon

    I have to go to a night out with my boyfriend’s friends tonight. One of them is a guy I despise, and his new girlfriend, who is also a bit off. This guy hit on me pretty aggressively when my boyfriend and I first started dating, and also made a lot of degrading comments about women at a bar we were at. Think: ‘that girl looks like she’d give me a gardening disease, but she has a nice a$$.’ I feel on-edge around him and his girlfriend is similarly annoying (asked me a bunch of times whether or not the reason my boyfriend doesn’t go to Equinox is because he can’t afford it, among other things.) There will also be other of their friends in attendance, who I find kind of annoying and immature.

    My boyfriend and I joke about this couple and how awful they are (he’s a childhood friend of my boyfriend’s college best friend). Besides that, how do you get through a night with people you don’t like? I feel on-edge but want to have fun or at the very least seem pleasant to talk to…

    • Anon

      Annoying dude BINGO. Give yourself $10 towards a massage or facial for any sexist thing he says.

    • Anon

      Can you make a bingo board in your head and keep track of Equinox, ass, etc. mentions and have fun that way? And get to be better friends with the other friends?

    • Sasha

      Keep a running tab in your head of all the weird things they do that you and your boyfriend can gossip and riff on tomorrow! The only good part about having to spend time with people like this is doing bits about it the next day

    • Anonymous

      Grey rock. Vague answer, shrug. Change topic.

      ‘Not sure why he doesn’t go to equinox. Are you taking a vacation this summer?’

    • Anon8

      Maybe I’m outing myself as a weirdo but I pretend I’m a detached cool girl like Joan Didion gathering material for a story/essay and that I’m there to learn more about these people, not take part.

    • Ideas

      1. You are Margaret Mead observing new fauna in the wild to document in your next book.

      2. Make a bet with your BF that they will do/say X or Y. Whoever wins gets the gardening activity of his or her choice.

    • Anonymous

      Boyfriend knows these people put you on edge and you’re still choosing to go? Why does he stay friends with awful people? I would tell boyfriend to go by himself if it’s that important for him to go.

  3. Anon

    I was looking into sending someone a sympathy gift and saw that Spoonful of Comfort seems to be popular. Including shipping, it costs $100 to send two bowls of soup! Is that a thing regular people do or are they going to look at me like a crazy rich weirdo if I send them $100 soup?

    • Anon

      That seems like an inefficient use of funds. Is there a Whole Foods in their area? For $100, you could get them a couple of weeks worth of pre-made soup delivered, along with other nice treats and snacks. I love WF soups.

    • Cat

      Sending people ubereats or doordash gift cards is way better. Then they can pick the food they want.

    • Anon

      Six servings of soup, cookies, rolls, pretty ladle. Expensive but not obscene.

      That said, I would still send them something else, like a WF delivery or a gift card to a local restaurant that delivers.

    • Anonymous

      It’s a full meal for 4 with rolls and cookies. Yes, it’s overpriced, but it was a huge hit when I sent it to some relatives who would never have been able to figure out doordash. I wouldn’t send it to someone who is already getting lots of casseroles, but for someone going through a crisis who doesn’t have a lot of local social connections to drop off a hot meal it is a good gift.

    • Anonymous

      It’s incredilbly expensive for what it is.
      I’d be more inclined to give a $100 gift card for a local grocery or restaurant, or pay toward a service like a cleaner or yardwork.

    • anon

      When my dad died, my mom got lots of food from friends and neighbors. It was very thoughtful, but it was too much for just her even when me and my brother took some with us. And none of us had much of an appetite on those early days. I would suggest a heartfelt card and a gift card that can be used later on.

    • FP

      May I suggest Southern Baked Pies instead? They arrive frozen, and are still decently expensive, but you get a lot more food and they can be frozen until the person is ready. They send 3 pies for $125 and when we have received them, one pie feeds my family of five with some leftover. The packaging/presentation is quite nice.

    • Anon

      My mother is terminally ill. Several friends have sent the vegetable soup from Spoonful of Comfort to my parents during the past 12 months. My parents love it. I was at their house last time a box arrived, and they both were very excited and said it is delicious soup. I hate soup so I haven’t tried it. The boxes arrive with a 10% off coupon code; search online and see if you can find one.

  4. Anon

    In a guest bathroom/powder room – do you prefer a hand towel or a basket of wash cloths to dry your hands? I’m leaning towards putting a basket of washcloths bc I hate using a wet hand towel at a party but I wonder what others prefer. Also, any wash cloth or hand towel recs? I want really luxurious ones!

    • Anon

      For a party we get a box of those fancy Kleenex disposable paper towels. The washcloths run out and there is nowhere to hang them or they get put in the trash.

      • AIMS

        The way this would be done is a lot of wash clothes rolled up neatly in one basket and another large basket nearby for them to be deposited free being used. Unless it’s a huge party, you’re unlikely to run out.

    • Cat

      I would vote for the washcloths IF you have an obvious place to put the used ones – maybe put a basket in there that has a fake-used one in it so it’s clear to people what to do.

      Otherwise get disposables.

    • Anonymous

      we did a double wide towel rod and hang two bigger hand towels on it. if its a big party we’ll have extra towels in the cabinet inthe powder room and ill swap the towels out for fresh ones when i happen to be in there

    • Anon

      When I have a party I do a paper towel roll on a standing paper towel holder. Not fancy, but it works. I do have towels on the towel racks, and don’t care if someone wants to use that, but I personally hate using a wet towel that a bunch of other people have used.

    • MagicUnicorn

      I have never understood the washcloth-only thing until you described this just now. It makes sense. I guess my family only ever used washcloths for bathing and never for hand drying, so I have always been super confused when encountering a stack of washcloths in the wild with no towel in sight. Thanks!

    • Anon

      Basket of wash clothes! I have a pile folded next to a small basket on the basin that I keep out all the time. So easy to throw in when doing a load of towels.
      Environmental waste of disposable ones I can’t bear.

    • Anonymous

      For us, a pile of hand towels and an empty basket for used ones. I prefer hand towels because they are bigger than washcloths.
      You can perk your towels up to have an almost-luxurous feel by stripping them, if you can’t find any luxury brands before your party.

  5. Anon

    I’m saying “au revoir” to my darling dog tomorrow. I’ve been taking him around the neighborhood for his friends and fans to say good-by. Everyone has been so kind and sweet to him. It’s not the first time I’ve gone through this situation, but it’s never easy.

    A friend with a service-dog-school drop out dog is taking us to the vet. I won’t have to worry about driving and crying, and I’ll have the other dog to hold.

    • anon

      I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. It is so difficult saying goodbye to a companion. Please be easy on yourself and allow yourself time to grieve.

    • anon

      Oh, big, big hugs. I love that you’re doing a farewell parade for him. He is a blessed animal.

    • Elle

      Big hugs! It’s hard every time, but you know you’re doing the right thing for your dog.

      Take care of yourself, and know that it’s okay to be sad for however long you’re sad. My dog passed in September and there are still days where I see something that reminds me of her and I get a little teary. They’re part of your family.

    • Anon

      We went through this in December. Although we got a puppy since, I still cry at least once a day, thinking about my best buddy. Such though loss. Hugs from an internet stranger.

    • Vicky Austin

      Oh, I’m so sorry. He’s clearly lived a wonderful life and it will be sad to see it end. I’m glad you have such a supportive friend to be with you.

    • Anonymous

      That was us in July, it sucks, no matter how many times you go through it. I’m so very sorry.

    • Anon

      I’m so sorry to hear this, but it’s very sweet that you can give him a great last day!

  6. Anon

    Has anyone done Barre Blend, Brazil Butt Lift, or another workout program on Beachbody they like? My sister got me a one year subscription as a gift, and I’m looking for a program to start with. I’m in okay shape and can do up to 40 minute workouts in the morning. Looking to gain lean muscle and improve my energy levels.

    • Anonymous

      I really liked piyo if it’s still there, or heard good things about chalene’s lean program. I’m not. Big p60 fan or whatever but lots of people are

  7. Anon

    Predatory post-secondary programs in health care were mentioned this morning. Are LLMs (maybe other than in tax) and “masters in law” programs anything but that? I get that people think payday lenders are predatory, but how are schools, which are generally nonprofits, able to get away with this? Better lobbyists? Payday lenders’ debts are dischargeable; school loans aren’t.

    • Anon

      I was surprised to see people say post-bac programs for medicine are predatory. I know two people who’ve done them. They were both smart/successful people who just didn’t realize they wanted to be doctors until after college graduation. They both did well in the post-bac programs, took the MCAT, went to decent med schools and are now doctors.

      • AIMS

        This. We have a family friend with a daughter about to start med school who did this (at a good school) because her undergrad was In literature and creative writing. She worked as an EMT throughout and says she would never have been ready for medschool otherwise.

      • Anon

        I have two friends who did post bac premed programs. They just didn’t realize they wanted to go to med school until late in college or right after. One went to Harvard med, the other to Columbia, both have highly successful careers.

      • Anon

        I think I should clarify that there are several types of postbac programs. There are the extremely competitive and extremely expensive kind for career changers that you’re probably talking about. Because they’re so selective, almost everyone accepted to these programs gets into med school, so they’re not really predatory, though they do add substantially to the cost (well over $100k at places like Columbia). But the less selective ones geared either to career changers or to science majors who aren’t competitive for admission after undergrad are more predatory. They’re still quite expensive, but many students don’t get into med school and now they’ve accumulated a lot of debt with nothing to show for it. That just seems bad all around.

      • NYCer

        I know someone who did this too. She was an art history major at an Ivy, then a year after graduation decided she wanted to go to med school. Clearly had no prerequisites, so this is what she did. She ended up at an average med school, but a very good residency.

    • Anonymous

      I know two people who used LLM programs to get access to the alumni and career services resources at a better law school than their JDs came from to good effect. But their degrees themselves are worthless and no one cares that they have them. Tax is different. There might be some programs that help introduce you to a network that you’d otherwise not have access to (e.g., international or environmental) but you’d have to compete aggressively with classmates to leverage it into one of the few opportunities for related paid work.

    • Anon

      The only value I have ever seen in a Masters of Law is for people with work experience in a JD-preferred role who can benefit from having a graduate degree in law. Think people going for director roles in compliance who don’t want to spend four years (at night) getting a JD.

    • Anonymous

      Columbia and Yale both have them. I’ve never heard they were predatory.

    • AIMS

      LLMs do serve some purpose for foreign lawyers, etc., but I think they are basically not worth it for most people (tax aside). That said, it doesn’t make them predatory. There are many reasons someone may chose to pursue one that have nothing to do with law school marketing.

    • Rainbow Hair

      My impression was that LLMs were also a way for folks with degrees from foreign institutions that might not otherwise qualify to take the bar in whichever jurisdiction they’re in now to be able to do that without doing a whole JD.

    • Anon

      I think a very high percentage of LLM students (other than say, tax LLMs at NYU or Georgetown) are international students who want to be in the US on a student visa.

    • Anon

      Most LLMs are definitely a scam. I got a concurrent LLM with my JD (and it cost no extra money) and I’m glad I have it/I have used it. But if it’s not Tax from one of about four programs, mostly a scam.

      There are a lot of people that think that more education will get you ahead. Often, it will only get you loans that are non-dischargeable, and no leg up in the job market.

    • Explorette

      I was surprised to hear this because I used to practice in estate planning, and having a Tax LLM was a very big deal. But it sounds like outside of tax, they aren’t worth much. I did not know this.

    • Anon

      I am one of those foreign LLMs and I did it mostly because my employer was paying for it — and I was curious about the HYS experience. It would not have added any value in my home country (I was already paid close to US market).

      I wouldn’t say all programs are predatory, but it would be fair to call it a cash cow for schools other than YS (H treats it like the cash cow that it is but without the customer service that CN lavishes on recruiting LLMs)

      Law schools are basically leveraging the easy licensing requirements of US jurisdictions (relative to a lot of other countries that have dramatically more difficult bar or training requirements) – but most paint a rosier picture (or more accurately, a vague picture) of possibilities upon graduation, including bar passage rates for foreign lawyers. And for sure, non-HYS schools would lose the vast majority of LLM student enrolment if they posted employment statistics.

      Personally, it did (theoretically) get me access to a job market outside of my home country, but getting an associate position in US Biglaw is next to impossible on an LLM degree unless you’re a US citizen or from LatAm capital markets / arbitration practice. I went to HYS in 2020 (graduating into an excellent job market) and even though many classmates had several years of experience in Biglaw in their home countries and were completely fluent in English, maybe 1 in 10 found a job in Biglaw upon graduation. Probably more like 1 in 50 if from a non-English-speaking country that is not LatAm (guesstimating, but I am one of those) — and a lot of those who initially found positions in the US ended up moving to after 9 months London due to US work visa issues.

      Most also had to come in as first or second years even if they had been doing the same practice for years (and non-jurisdiction-specific, such as international arbitration or investment funds).

      Again, to each their own (and it worked out for me because my cost to attend was 0 plus I found a job – albeit with a pay cut and years cut – in a US v10 firm), and some people go because they are genuinely into the academics or it’s helpful to get a professor position in their home country, but the fact that the full picture is not disclosed generally makes the LLM programs predatory overall.

  8. Anon

    Any thoughts about how to get paint scuffs off a hard-sided roller bag? I thought of mail polish remover or a magic eraser but I’d prefer not to remove the shiny finish of the case.

  9. Anne-on

    In case anyone else is curling iron challenged, I’ve used the ‘Chi Spin N Curl’ (amazon typically has the cheapest prices) 4 times now and OMG it is truly idiot proof. My very first time using it the curls looked good but not great (although frankly I’ve had blow outs that cost more than this tool with worse results). Since then I’ve figured out how to use it better (smaller pieces and more sections are key as well as using the right/left curling buttons). I can do my whole head of thick mid length hair in about 20 minutes. I have wavy/curly hair that holds a curl extremely well and the curls relax into pretty waves on day 2. Only downside is I do have to blow my hair out relatively straight first but I’d have to do that with any curling tool anyway.

  10. anon

    Looking for some cute date night tops for a 40-something. Where do I even begin with this task? I’ve realized that I have lots of workwear and athleisure but not much in between.

    • Anne-on

      Anthropologie has a ‘party tops’ section, I’d start there. Apparently Abercrombie is also good for this but I have zero idea what size I am there and I don’t think I’ve got it in me to go try on a bunch of stuff there in person. Boden, Jcrew Factory, and Sezanne are also reliable for nice quality pretty blouses.

      • Anon8

        Abercrombie is great now!! Their pants in particular. I wear a size 8-10 in most places and 10 fit me perfectly.

    • Sunshine

      Caphillstyle posted a cute off the shoulder polka dot top from H&M today.

    • Runcible Spoon

      Time to take a look at Chico’s — the “go-to” for women of a certain age. Their tops are cut to fit very nicely. It can take awhile to sift through some questionable styles on the racks at the store, but there are some lovely pieces among the dreck.

        • Anon

          I don’t think you need to give into Chico’s at any age. My 75 year old mom thinks it’s fugly.

          • Anon

            Same girl same, my 80 year old mom says she hasn’t given up enough for Chicos.

          • JJill

            So, the reason that places like Talbots, Chico’s and JJill are for older women is many of us go through shape changes as we age. I am 56 years old and have been so frustrated that nothing fits my petite pear body now that I have a disproportionate belly. I have found that at the more trendy places, the top fits my shoulders, it is tight on the belly. If the pants accommodate my belly, they will will be loose in the butt. Once I “gave in” to JJill, I found clothes that fit my shape and is never ugly. The clothes that I recently purchased at JJill are all for casual wear but I have been intending to see how Chico’s fits my body for something dressier. I have found, though, that the tunics that so many older women love don’t work for me because of my pear shape. If your mothers are lucky enough to be the same shape they were when they were 40, good for them. You may not be so lucky yourself though.

    • Anon

      There was a link to statement tops from express on here the other day. They have some cute stuff but it may skew a bit young depending on your style.

  11. Anonymous

    I am 99.9 percent the answer is no, but is there any way to get a gift card number from a store if you can’t find the card but there is still a balance? I usually take a photo of GCs just in case and this is the one time I didn’t. I have an email with the last 4 digits from a purchase I made, is it worth trying to call the store (Nordstrom) to see if they can tell me the full card number? Or otherwise let me place the order online?

    • Anon

      I think your best bet is to call them and give them a record of the purchases made on it, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they are not even allowed to give that information out or do not have access to it.

    • Cat

      If you returned the purchase, it would be refunded in relevant part to a GC, so worth an ask?

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