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Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Lara Drape Neck Dress

Whistles Lara Drape Neck Dress | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I'll be honest: I don't remember being particularly blown away by Whistles the last time I was in London (many moons ago, admittedly). So how am I now drooling over almost the entire Whistles collection at Bloomingdale's? It looks chic and sophisticated; urban and interesting. This drape neck dress is particularly amazing, and it's only $250. Love. Whistles Lara Drape Neck Dress Two lower-priced options are here and here; a plus-size alternative is here. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-5)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

320 Comments

  1. I’m looking for a monthly deskpad calendar — any suggestions? I’ve been using the Erin Condren one, but it’s apparently been discontinued.

    1. I like Lett’s calendars, and they pretty much make whatever you need. Very functional.

    2. The Sugar Paper line was just released at Target. I’ve been using their products for a few years and they are visually appealing (without being too wild), and have plenty of space for actual entries. It looks like they’ve added a desk pad calendar this year.

  2. Quick question — do any of you DC ladies have experience with Children’s Pediatricians and Associates at Capitol Hill in Washington, DC? I’d be grateful for any recommendations for a specific pediatrician in the group, or any positive/negative experiences generally. Thanks!

    1. No insights, but v interested in responses too. We currently go far off the Hill for ped care and would love to stay closer to home.

    2. We like them! My son is almost 1, and we’ve been going since the Capitol Hill location opened up. We’ve seen Dr. Kristin Reese and NP Van-Asche (I can’t remember her first name) and have liked both. It’s really nice to have the nurse advice line and ability to communicate via email too. For the most part we’ve only had regular check-ups, but the one time we called on a Friday with a minor concern they were able to fit us in so we didn’t have to wait until Monday for an appt.

  3. Lovely dress – would be perfect for a Christmas party, too!
    Speaking of… any ideas for man-presents? Something creative that he would actually USE?

    1. Practical gifts:
      -a really good kitchen knife,
      -nicer comfort clothes (that he wouldn’t buy for himself): slippers, bath robe, good wool socks, nice pjs
      -leatherman multi-tool
      -French press coffee + good coffee beans (if he drinks coffee)
      – a mophie or another brand of portable battery for a phone if his phone is always dying
      – a state park yearly pass if he likes camping
      -whatever one of his hobbies is – buy him a step up of whatever he has now. Like a nicer lens for his camera
      -a new belt/wallet/pair of shoes/coat depending on if any of his stuff is starting to fall apart and needs to be replaced

      Fun gifts:
      -a ukulele
      -a huge kite to fly
      -your city’s version of the pub pass. PubPass is a “passport” booklet that gets you a free pint of craft beer at 25 pubs for just 25 bucks. And it’s good for the entire year. http://www.getpubpass.com/
      -a nerf football
      -lego set
      -nice bottle of alcohol

        1. Need any other suggestions? I am really good at gift ideas. Random hidden talent.

          1. Retired stepfather who does woodwork, historical reenactment, and gardens, just had heart surgery, not super intellectual, not into sports?

          2. Baconpancakes- A framed print of a battle from historical war, with a book or documentary about said battle?

          3. wrote a huge reply that apparently got stuck in moderation because of links i bet…in case it doesn’t show up ideas without links
            Books:
            Tim Egan books like Big Burn
            Gumption: Relighting the Torch of Freedom with America’s Gutsiest Troublemakers by Nick Offerman

            Puzzle:
            Civil war theme
            Or puzzle with wooden pieces

            Garden:
            Heirloom seeds from whenever he likes to reenact
            knee pads
            kneeling bench
            wood compost bin
            Terrarium for inside
            bird feeder
            kaufmann mercantile and Terrain are both great resources for gardening stuff

            TV:
            A Ken Burns documentary he has not seen, like the Roosevelts
            Alone in the Wilderness the story of Dick Proenneke – a movie where a man goes to alaska and builds a cabin by himself and films the process

      2. +1 on the leatherman – just got one from my fiance and he is OBSESSED – the company will even engrave them for you now

      3. So I really like the pubpass idea. My brother would love it, but it looks like its only available in Milwaukee

      1. also may be worth looking into a nicer safety razor instead of disposables – they can be ridiculously nice!

    3. Following for ideas too…my SO has a high disposable income and basically buys whatever he wants. I’m willing to throw money at this.

      1. This is me with my dad. He buys whatever he wants – not being frivolous, but I’m never like, “Oh, he really wants an iPod and hasn’t gotten one!” or whatever because if he really wants it he buys it.

        1. Can you buy him an experience? Weekend trip? Flying lessons? Meeting a favorite athlete etc?

          And if you say “he doesn’t have time for stuff like that” give him the gift of time and get him a house cleaner or get him laundry service or grocery delivery. and then pair it with a gift that he can use for all his extra time – like a new set of poker chips.

    4. I’ve had great success with:
      -gift certificate for Art of Shaving (or a hot shave anywhere – in DC, I may give gift cards to Hell’s Bottom barber this year)
      -nice, quality notebooks (currently obsessed with Appointed)
      -lululemon pants (it’s a gateway drug)
      -in my circle, CrossFit/Olympic lifting shoes, so maybe some kind of specialized gear for his hobby? this only works if you’re pretty literate in whatever the sport is.
      -liquor of choice – for my friends, bourbon and scotch, both of which I know a little bit about.

    5. If he drinks, maybe look into some nice bar tools at an upscale store like Brookstone or William Sonoma. One year I got my dad a wine opener from Brookstone that’s super easy to use, and he loved it!

    6. Piggy-backing–I think I want to get my boyfriend tools for Christmas, specifically a saw of some kind, since he’s crafty/handy and has complained a few times about having to schlep to his parents’ house to use his dad’s saw. Any favorites? What kind should I be looking for? I want something versatile that will work for smaller craft-type projects, as well as stuff like tiling. If that’s even possible. I have no idea. Budget is $150, could stretch to $200 for something out of this world.

      1. How about a jigsaw? You could get a very nice one for under $200. Not sure, but suspect he’s borrowing his father’s table saw (which would be more than $200). A jigsaw might substitute for some of those situations. If you feel comfortable asking, his father would probably have a good idea of what tool to get him.

        1. Good call. I will sleuth with his also-crafty dad. I think I’ll be there this month.

        2. +1. A tile saw (that cuts ceramic tile) is a specialty tool that does only that, so it’s not versatile.

      2. A reciprocating saw (Saws-All) is a great gift too. Nice thing about them is that they really do cut any/everything. Blades are easy to come by, and for a variety of materials.

    7. I’m getting a “You got Litt Up!” mug for a guy friend who loves Suits, and knitting him socks.
      My dad is getting a fancy teapot and mug. And books.

    8. Amazon Echo. You talk to it and it plays music, answers questions, etc. Like Siri for the house.
      Insulate glass coffee mugs. I have the “Bistro” set by Bodum and they are amazing — keep coffee hot forever!
      Framed photo of the two of you.
      If he’s into music, vinyl-of-the-month club subscription.
      Whiskey advent calendar.

    9. A “_______ of the month” club for whatever perishable he enjoys – my mom gave my husband a Cheese of the Month club for Christmas last year and it was a hit; it’s really fun to get ongoing shipments throughout the year. I think they have options for bacon/beer/etc. Alternatively, if there’s a certain winery or brewery that he really likes, you could see about buying him a gift membership to their club.
      Amazon Fire stick or box if he’s an Amazon Prime member – we use ours WAY more than I ever thought we would
      Fancy wine aerator or decanter if he’s into wine (or similarly nice tools for cocktails/beer/etc.)
      An experience that you know he’d be really into, like package of massages at a high end spa or golf lessons

  4. This is a really mundane question, but my current pick is not cutting it. What kind of laundry detergent do you use? I was really into All for many years, but it’s not dealing well with puppy-related mud. Thanks!

    1. I switched from All to Tide Free and Clear when the All pods weren’t dissolving in my cold loads.

      1. Tide free and clear. Tide contains enzymes in addition to surfactants. The enzymes break down stuff that the surfactants can’t just lift away.

    2. The best is probably Tide. I switch around and use Method sometimes and I also have an allergy-specific detergent (Allerwash), but Tide really does work better.

    4. I use the laundry ball from H2O at Home (like Norwex, apparently) and have never encountered a stain I couldn’t manage between the ball, some oxy, their stain remover soap (called netepur) and a tiny bit of detergent. The laundry ball cleans by mechanical & pH action, and 9/10 times I don’t use any laundry detergent. Smell? Smells like clean laundry. Neutral, fresh, airy. When I need a little extra power (like with workout wear), I add about a tablespoon of detergent. Any will do, but I use Mrs. Meyers (and have been using the same 60-load bottle for more than a year). A little more whitening = oxy. Specific stains like grease or food = netepur rub. Works just like stain stick–just dampen, rub the soap & leave it till you wash.

      Prior to finding the laundry ball, I used regular Tide (and washed cloth diapers) with no issues.

      A lot of smell & stain has to do with the type of water you have (hard vs. soft) and whether you’re getting good clean rinses.

    6. A bit random but I use soap nuts. I have Ecover / Oxy for when I’m washing something particularly dirty but I find that my laundry is softer and things wear less quickly.

        1. They are great for travelling and I like that I can throw them in the compost when finished.

        2. I’ve never heard of this. I just looked it up, sounds amazing. I’ll be giving it a try, thank you!

    7. I use Dreft and Woolite, even for soiled things. I tend to soak/pretreat when I need to deal with something I don’t expect to come out easily, and my husband uses Method a lot. We don’t use Tide due to skin issues (I’m told by my ex, a doctor, that they’re taught in medical school that the first thing to do if someone has skin issues is to make sure they stop using Tide…. just food for thought, YMMV).

      1. Yup, I’m one of those people who has a skin reaction to items (clothes, sheets) washed in Tide. Been wondering if I should give it another try after many years of using other products, but I guess it really is A Thing.

        1. Yup, I also can’t deal with things washed in a lot of commercial detergents or fabric softeners, but Tide is the worst. Most of the time, I’m ok, if mildly itchy, but if I’m having a reaction to anything else, detergents put me over the edge into inflamed rash that I can’t stop itching.

          We use Charlie’s Soap plus Borax for hard water. Kids clothes or anything stained gets a scoop of unscented oxygen bleach. Vinegar in the rinse compartment, no dryer sheets. More obvious stains get pre-treated with Dawn (for greasy stains), or either a rub of Fels-Naptha or a soak in Oxygen Bleach + warm water.

          For puppy mud, maybe this is a “duh” but the best thing you can do for it is wait until completely dry and then brush off the dried dirt before putting in the washer, then spot treat.

          1. I’m in the weird “allergic to Tide” category so I’ve used All Free and Clear for 10+ years. I use Shout Advanced on any spots – swear by that stuff. For “baked-in” stains, I pre-treat with De Solv It, which is just a miracle, especially given that it’s organic and biodegradable citrus oil.

          2. I would, but I live in a tiny apartment, so there’s not a lot of “let the mud dry out” space :)

            Or a sink to pre-treat, other than my kitchen sink. Sometimes puppy poop from the dog park in my sink seems gross, ya know? :)

          3. When I lived in a small space, my “drying rack” for letting things like mud dry was over my shower rail.

            And I hear you on grossness of pre-treating in the kitchen sink :-) If it’s becoming a recurring issue, may I recommend a mop bucket in your shower stall? That’s my go-to for soaking my kids’ stained clothes. Kind of annoying, but the bucket just lived in our shower when no one was showering, then moved to the floor during a shower, and back to the shower.

            I am also lucky enough to have my own washer and dryer, with multiple wash settings. If you are dealing with shared washers and dryers where you can’t make a longer soak cycle or extra rinse, I’d suggest putting all the stained clothes in one load, and washing it twice before putting in the dryer, if heavier duty laundry soap doesn’t work.

            Sometimes pouring a little bit of liquid laundry soap directly on the stains right before putting in the machine helps too.

            Good luck, hope you find something that works for you!

        2. I’ve always used Tide without incident, but a couple of years ago they changed to a new format, Tide Plus (+), which made me terribly itchy.

          They still sell the old formula (with out the + on the label) and I buy that when I see it.

          1. I get a reaction to Tide when there is too much detergent in the load. I will use only by the amount indicated by the bottom line in the cap for even large loads and use less for smaller loads. I also put about a third cup of white vinegar in the fabric softener compartment which supposedly helps break down the detergent in the rinse cycle.

    8. I actually really like the Method detergent. It doesn’t irritate my skin but it cleans really well.

      2. I love Method’s Beach Sage scent. I generally use my homemade detergent, but it doesn’t work well in cold washes, so for darks I use Method.

    9. I’ve been using Tide pods, which work pretty well, and I use OxyClean to deal with any stubborn stains that the pods can’t fully handle.

    10. I’m a fan of the Arm and Hammer one that I think is formulated for cold water washes. I love tide, but I’m cheap.

      1. agree. Big fan of Arm & Hammer laundry soap but I’m definitely checking out these soap nuts!

    11. I use All or Tide Free and Clear pods, with oxyclean when needed for a boost.

    12. We love Charlie’s Soap. It was good enough to wash cloth diapers, and now I won’t use anything else.

  5. As I was trying to figure out what to where for a panel I am speaking on this afternoon, I realized that no longer have any “wow” outfits that are my go-to for big days. I’m in need of some inspiration and would love to hear about yours, or get suggestions for things now on the market. In particular, I’m looking for something that would work in a business formal setting but would prefer a dress with sleeves /blazer. I’m a small pear and am lucky to fit into most mainstream brands.

    1. I spoke at a statewide conference last week, and I picked up two great dresses at Nordstrom Rack. Both were Arthur Leveine and both were ponte (thicker fabric). They fit well, and were dressy enough to add a blazer to or wear without one. I got tons and tons of compliments and felt on my A game. Both dresses were less than $60 a piece– which is a steal.

    2. I really like Reiss, but they only go up to a 10. For me it’s all about the tailoring. I’ve always wanted a black halo dress, but I think it’s something that would definitely need to be tried on because I’m not sure how it would look on my body. There is also a green Betsy Johnson sheath dress with short sleeves that I’ve had my eye on at Nordstrom.

    3. I love Karen Kane dresses. Sleeves, look good with a blazer, feel like a comfy nighty.

  6. My monday outfits are usually much more inspired than my friday outfits…What are you wearing today?

    Black silk knit turtleneck sweater under a black/cream glen plaid wool sheath dress, black tights & black riding boots.

    1. Gray Zara flats, nude micro fishnets, The Skirt in green, navy boatneck sweater, and gold jewelry. It’s basically my work uniform.

    2. Mint green cardigan over black knit tank, black and white patterned skirt with black heels. The skirt is from the new plus size line that Target came out with that I bought on Friday for my Halloween costume.

        1. I like Target’s Ava and Viv line, but I wish they had more professional clothes…I could only wear their stuff on weekends

          1. That’s who the skirt is – we tend to run on the more casual end of business casual so it’s great for my office.

          2. Saw somebody around my office wearing a football jersey recently with jeans. So, that’s where I’m at.

    3. Inspiration level is low.

      Ralph Lauren faux wrap dress in a blue/black/white print (that I am obsessed with lately), tank cardigan, gray flats, dried my hair straight but tied it back when I got here. Snooze.

    4. A plaid pencil skirt with a red cardigan over a plain white t-shirt, and black flats.

    5. I worked both Saturday and Sunday and didn’t get much sleep last night, so I’m going for comfort. Also, my workplace is jeans and t-shirt casual.

      I’m wearing black ankle length ponte knit pants, black tank top and a gray and black, long open cardigan. Also, these super comfy flats from LifeStride that have some type of memory foam insert. They are wonderful on my feet.

    6. I’m flying later today, so kind of casual for a Monday. Black Uniqlo jeans, black booties, “cabbage purple” T from Lands End, black and gray knit moto jacket from Anny Taylor, jade green necklace and earrings.

    7. Faux wrap dress with a bold print and black riding boots. Trying to combat the drizzle with color.

    8. Reiss windowpane plaid pantsuit, grey with black/navy. Navy Theory silk blouse, silver oxfords, clear/grey bead necklace.

    9. Bright deep pink Lands End ponte dress (3/4 sleeves and a notch collar), nude-for-me slingbacks, and silver pave jewelry. Basic but bright for a post-DST Monday.

    10. Navy shirt with tone-on-tone stripe, navy blazer, The Skirt in camel, leopard belt, navy pumps.

      1. I know you’re in cali somewhere–are you wearing tights? hose? nekkid legs? I’m intrigued, as your clothing choice sounds lovely

        1. Nekkid legs. I’m in the L.A. area. I’m excited because the forecast high today is only 72 and it might even rain!!

          1. Your outfit does sound fabulous. And I’m so excited that it’s finally under 80 degrees! I might get to wear a sweater this week!

      2. I’ve heard it mentioned multiple times – where is “the skirt” from? It makes it sound like mysterious grand thing that you can’t actually mention by name.

    11. Work at home day – jeans, black ballet flats, dad’s old heathered cabled sweater with pearl earrings.

    12. Black Talbots collarless knit jacket, purple Pleonie split neck tee, grey Halogen skirt, black Cole Haan flats.

  7. This dress would be so much better without the weird pouch-like appendage on the side.

    1. Yay, this is a real bargan for a PRICEY Monday dress, Kat! But it is perfect for me b/c I CAN go to Bloomie’s in White Plains with Rosa. Evidentealy, they did NOT ban me up there, or at least for now they do NOT have my picture with all of the security peeople.

      I love this dress b/c my boobie’s can NOT be seen at all and it is loose enough so that my tuchus will not be to visible when I go to pick something up from the floor or a low shelf in the library. Frank alway’s follows me into the library b/c he knows that I spend time researcheing and grabbeing for books, and he knows that if he is in the right place, he can sneek a cheep peek at something of mine that he should NOT be doeing anyway b/c he is MARRIED and has a wife with ALL of the same body parts as me. FOOEY on Frank!

      This weekend, I watched the marathon and saw alot of svelte runners. Myrna sat this one out b/c she has a bone spur. She said that next year she will run. There were alot of cute guy’s, and some were stareing at me as I cheered them on. Mabye I should MARRY a marathon runner. But then I would have to go to all these places and stand around cheering, and that is kind of boreing. FOOEY on that idea!

      This week, I have 18 cases comeing in and 6 on for 3211 motion’s in COURT. I have to go there myself b/c Mason is NOT workeing for us anymore. Lynn STILL is not in. I hope she is NOT protesting that we fired Mason b/c she is still sleeping with him. Who know’s. We are recruiting for a seasoned WC associate, so if anyone is interested AND qualified, please let me know. The manageing partner said whoever we hire MUST be abel to go into court and do MORE then carry my breif’s and pump’s! YAY!!!!

  8. Interested to hear what the Hive thinks of this. So I met a guy a couple of years ago through a group organization that we were both members of. At the time, I thought we had somewhat of a spark, but it didn’t really go anywhere. I saw on Facebook that he took some time after undergrad and is now at a med school that’s close to me. I’m considering hitting him up via Facebook message and see if he wants to get drinks and catch up. But then the other part of me thinks, this guy is in med school. He’s probably slammed and is not in the best position to be in a relationship (or friendship, which would be like the most ideal outcome from this). Thoughts?

    1. The worst thing he could say is No. Just do it.

      Coffee might be a little more benign than drinks, so I’d throw that out as an option as well as drinks. Good luck.

    2. Reach out and let him decide what position he’s in regarding relationship/friendship. Even super busy med students need friends, so you might be surprised.

    3. Go ahead and invite him for drinks. The worst that can happen is he says “no” because he’s busy. It may happen that he accepts, the two of you start hanging out but it falls apart because he doesn’t have time for it, but you’ll never know if you don’t try. It’s not like he’d be mad at you for trying to get back in touch.

    4. Reach out, and if he says “I’d love to – but I’m super slammed!” take him at his word and try later when he’s less busy (not sure of the med school schedule).

  9. Any other year-round cyclists here? I’ve been biking to work (only ~3 miles each way), and it’s getting cold. Does anyone have any recommendations for a good commuter jacket? My coldest mornings will only be 30ish degrees, but that’s plenty chilly at 15-25mph.

    1. I don’t have a jacket recommendation (not yet a year round cyclist) but uniqlo has some fleece lined wind pants that look perfect for winter bike commuting. They’re skinnier and a bit shorter than these sorts of pants typically are, so they look like they would stay clear of the chain.

    2. 35 degrees is my limit for biking but I do layers. Long sleeve wicking shirt (sometimes a t-shirt over) plus LLBean or Lands End polartec topped by my Pearl Izumi neon yellow wind/rain jacket.

  10. Last night I was perusing Reddit and read a couple post (and original and followup) about someone who’s ex broke it off because she wore a black dress to a wedding, after being asked not to for cultural reasons. I can’t really wrap my head around someone who’d brazenly defy the couple getting married by wearing a color they asked people not to wear, so I’m wondering if anyone here has at least considered ignoring a wedding dress code they didn’t agree with, or whether that is generally considered tasteless and disrespectful.

    1. It would obviously depend on the culture, but for standard american wedding, the only “Rule” that is a big deal to break is the one about not wearing a white dress. Sure, she should have complied. If it was a last minute request, I would understand why she might not have.

      1. Nope, the standard American wedding rule is no black. Now, for the last fifteen years or so that has lessened, but there are still huge swaths of the country where black is not appropriate for a wedding. It also happens to be rude for the hosts to dictate specific colors, but some things shouldn’t have to be said because people should just exercise decent manners. (Dress modestly for conservative religious venues! Don’t wear the bride’s cultural gown color! Dress with the appropriate level of formality! Don’t wear traditional mourning colors!)

    2. So, I wouldn’t disregard the couple’s express wishes in this way… but breaking up with your significant other because of it also seems extreme, no? Unless the ex viewed the decision to wear the dress as yet another symptom of a character flaw (e.g., extreme self-centeredness).

      1. My sense was that the OP’s now-ex broke it off after she got a lot of garbage for wearing black to the wedding (people asked if she was going to a funeral) and the OP didn’t have her back.

        1. I read this thread as well – it seemed like he had previously asked her not to wear the black dress and she wore it anyways and got upset for the blowback.

          1. I also read it. I think there was also a not terribly subtle subtext of feeling like she generally didn’t respect his culture (or any culture other than their country’s predominant culture). Although I also thought the guy was pretty weird and seemed really fixated on comparing his (now ex-) girlfriend to his sister-in-law.

      2. I think this is almost certainly what’s going on. I can imagine having a fight about this in which you realize that this issue is just a specific manifestation of your partner’s overall disregard for the thoughts and feelings of others. And that’s something worth ending a relationship over.

        1. Right. End the relationship if it bothers you. But it doesn’t sound like she did something truly horrible.

        2. I had something like this with a housemate – the straw that broke the camel’s back was actually relatively benign, but it was indeed the last straw. I’d assume a similar thing happened here.

      3. Not the OP, but I read the post. The ex was super racist and this was just one way the racism came through. Her insistence upon wearing black was accompanied by comments like, “Immigrants need to assimilate.”

    3. My rule is that I get to (1) complain about your BS wedding stuff (dress codes, destinations, etc) and NOT GO as a result of the crazy, or (2) go and abide by your wishes. So if you want all the guests to wear purple, then I either stay home b/c you crazy or I attend in a purple dress and don’t b*tch about it. Same if you don’t want guests to wear black.

      1. That’s more or less my thinking on it as well. You either abide by their wishes or you don’t go at all. After all, when you dress for a wedding, you’re dressing up out of respect for the couple.

        1. Except I don’t respect your stupid wishes to have me wear teal and navy, and you’re being rude for asking it. Appropriate formality for the event is all that is required.

      1. Again, it’s a cultural thing. There are cultures where black is a mourning color and thus not worn to weddings. Another example would be how in India, red is for the bride only and no one else is supposed to wear it. So in that regard, yes, I think people who impose dress codes for those kinds of reasons are justified in doing so.

        1. Nah. I mean, I don’t go out of my way to be offensive, but the rude people here are the ones making a big fuss about someone wearing an inappropriate outfit instead of just politely ignoring it.

          I mean, sure break up with her, because dating isn’t about fairness and you can break up with someone for a good reason, bad reason, or no reason, but this doesn’t sound objectively heinous.

        2. Maybe it’s because black is a mourning color in America and I have yet to go to a wedding where someone isn’t wearing black, and I am pretty sure it has been fine to attend a wedding in black in America for 100+ years, but I just don’t get the thing around banning non-bridal dress colors. But I am probably projecting this into some uptight Southern family and am ignoring a culture where it would matter more.

          2. In Chinese weddings, it’s bad manners to wear red (the equivalent of white in American weddings), black or white (which are thought to bring bad luck to the couple). It seems pretty self-centered/tone deaf to me to wear one of those colors to a Chinese wedding after explicitly being asked not to.

          3. This was a Nigerian wedding, and in that culture you’re not supposed to wear black or white to weddings. So even though they were getting married in Australia they wanted to adhere to the family’s native culture.

        3. Um….it is impossible to upstage the bride at Indian weddings. And Indians are usually not fussed at all about dress codes. Unwritten rule being most people will avoid white ( mourning colour ). There is NO rule saying you cannot wear the bride’s Colour at Indian weddings.

          Signed,
          Indian

          1. Agree. Many people at Indian weddings wear other bright colors in the red-pink spectrum — trust me, you cannot upstage the bride.

      2. I might suggest that having a code or at least some guidelines is very helpful to guests even outside of specific cultures. The venue/time of day/other indicators may not be sufficient for some guests to choose what they hope to be an appropriate outfit, and then also they may not realize they didn’t know what to wear until the week of – it’s not something I’d want to go to the bride about that late in the game for instance, and I had at least one recent wedding where I had no one to ask but her!

    5. As to why you’d “brazenly defy” the couple- maybe your back dress makes you feel beautiful, or shopping is hard for you, or you have issues with how you look, or you’re on a budget. Idk why you are characterizing this as brazen defiance.

      1. This—if I’m broke and have one good dress and it happens to be black–that’s a hard position. Don’t go and look like you’re snubbing the couple, or wear the dress and go and “brazenly defy”.

        1. If you can afford to go to the wedding, you can afford to go to Kohl’s or a second hand store and buy a $10 dress. Otherwise, you don’t go.

          1. I don’t think it’s that cut and dry…when you’re broke, a Kohls shopping trip isn’t in the cards. And $10 for some is the difference between being able to afford groceries or a medication or not.

            Being poor shouldn’t mean you have to avoid family celebrations.

          2. Yes. It’s always very easy to find an appropriate and flattering dress for $10 quickly. It couldn’t possibly be the case that she did the best she could and didn’t fully understand the culture.

            Although if your culture is better not to go than wear the wrong color, I think your culture is bad.

        2. If I got a wedding invitation and it said “please do not wear X” and my one good dress was that color, I’d figure out a solution. If I was close to the couple I might explain the predicament, and if I wasn’t comfortable doing that, I might ask around to see if my friends had anything I could borrow.

          But that wasn’t really the case with what I read last night. The poster’s now-ex just really wanted to wear her black dress, and thought the rule was dumb, so she wore her black dress anyway. I probably should clarify that the invitation clearly said “please don’t wear black or white,” and personally if I ever saw that on an invitation (or “please don’t wear red” or “please dress conservatively”) I would try my best to work within those guidelines, and ask for help or clarification if needed.

          1. Well, I agree with her that the “rule” is dumb. It’s dumb to me to set those kinds of rules. You do your culture, I’ll do mine.

          2. But a wedding, in virtually every instance, is an invitation to guests to participate in a part of the couple’s culture. Participate or stay home. But don’t come, defy the cultural rules (which are not really that taxing), make the hosts uncomfortable, and excuse your bad behavior by suggesting the couple’s culture is “dumb.” I think prayers are dumb, but I’m not going to talk through a prayer at a church wedding I chose to attend despite not sharing the couple’s faith.

          3. Exactly, 2nd Anonymous.

            I’m an American and I love red, but if I was invited to an Indian wedding and was told red was the bride’s color, I wouldn’t wear red. Pretty easy rule to follow, even if it’s not ideal or in line with my Western ideas of what’s appropriate and inappropriate for a wedding.

            If I was invited to a wedding of a very conservative family and they asked that women dressed conservatively (covered from neck to knees, and nothing sleeveless), that might be a bit harder for me, but I’d either buy or borrow, or I’d decide the dress code was archaic and not go at all; I wouldn’t go to the wedding with a sleeveless dress and go “whaaat? just because you’re conservative doesn’t mean I have to be a prude! I wear what I want!”

            If one of my cousins was getting married and picked out a pink blush dress for herself and the flower girl, and darker pink for the bridesmaids and maid of honor, and declared that no one outside the wedding party could wear pink to the wedding, I might think she was being ridiculous, I might even tell her she’s being ridiculous if we’re close enough, but come the day of the wedding, I’ll be there in something other than pink because why would I go against the bride’s wishes like that? It’s just a color, a color I can wear to pretty much any other wedding but that one.

  11. Thanks for the additional info on the crockpot soup a few days ago, looking forward to trying it.

    1. Good timing! I actually threw it into a Crockpot this morning for dinner tonight…it’s the perfect “Oh God it’s Monday nooooooooo” soup!

      1. What’s the recipe? I’m always looking for new things. And, crockpot = bonus.

  12. Anyone have suggestions for audio CDs I can listen to in the car that are either about career self-help topics or something econ or business related at the novice level?

    1. Not audio CDs, but I like to listen to the following econ related podcasts via Stitcher (you can download them when you have WiFi to listen to offline)

      -Planet Money from NPR
      -Freakonomics
      -Marketplace from American Public Media

      For career/self help, perhaps David Allen’s “Getting Things Done”, “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” or “Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office”? Or perhaps “Lean In”?
      For econ/business-y: “Freakonomics” and the sequels, Nate Silver “The Signal and the Noise”

      2. I would add to those podcasts: The Week Ahead (the Economist) and More or Less (the BBC)

        The Signal and the Noise is on my To Be Read list – very excited to get to it.

    2. I am a huge fan of The Great Courses. I like history ones best. They have mega sales that have stackable coupons, so never ever pay full price. And, as other posters noted above, plenty of free options too.

  13. I’ve been reading this blog and the comments for several years, but I’ve never commented myself. Today, that changes. On Friday I was laid off from my job. I had worked there for almost a year and a half. Advice on what to do next? I’ve already updated my resume and I’m going to be applying for several jobs over the next few days. What else should I be doing?

      1. ETA: “Seriously” was because you shouldn’t wait, and because you may really need the cash, even if your emergency fund can handle it. That is what it is there for. If you were laid off as opposed to released for cause, your employer will likely not challenge the filing.

      2. +1 to filing for unemployment – even if it doesn’t seem like much money, it might in a few months if the job search takes a while.

        Reach out to your network. Do you have people you could contact from your previous jobs that would serve as references for you? Call/email them and confirm you have the right contact info and that they would be ok to serve as references. Ask if they know anyone who is hiring.

        Make sure LinkedIn is up-to-date as well.

        Read Ask A Manager, especially when it comes to resumes and cover letters. I’d recommend her book as well.

        Go ahead and take a little time to be sad or mad about losing your job, especially if you were blindsided. Find some friends you can vent to – you may want to preface it by saying “I’m not looking for you to offer advice or to try to fix anything, I just need to vent.”

        Spend a little bit of time thinking about how the previous job didn’t work out. Was it because they are in a financial hard spot? Was it not a good fit? Think about how you will answer the questions “why are you looking for a new position?” or “why did you leave your last job?” and see if you can find a neutral way to answer it. Practice your answer, so you can say it during a job interview or when talking to people in your network.

        Sorry that happened to you, and I hope you can turn it around soon.

        1. Gather any examples of successful projects you worked on. Also, think about any positive things your co-workers or managers ever said about you — specific, memorable quotes. These will be useful in interviews when people ask, “How would your co-worker or manager describe you?” If you have something real and compelling to say right off the bat, it will come across well.

          Also, I don’t know if you are struggling emotionally, but I found the book “Keeping your head after losing your job” enormously helpful after I was laid off.

      3. I’m receiving a severance that will be my regular salary though the rest of the year. Can I still file for unemployment now, or would I have to wait until after I’ve received my last severance check before filing for unemployment?

        1. Depends on your state, but you won’t be able to receive benefits during the severance period. You can apply when it’s running out, and there’s usually a one-week waiting period after your termination/end of severance.

          If you’re still at your office, make sure to copy any work that you might like to use as a sample (properly redacted of course), to make copies of your contacts, to take any compliments/attagirl letters, etc. If anyone at your job might give you a reference try to get than now.

          And take care of all medical/dental/vision stuff while you’re still on the insurance plan. (Even if you decide to take COBRA coverage, you should do this before a new calendar year and new deductible starts.)

          And I’m sorry you’re going through this.

          1. yes, depends on the state. In my state, you can file now, and you are expected to still file the required paperwork (I think it was required every week if you wanted to be paid, and no less than every 2 weeks if you were reporting that you had earned income). You should still do it now, because it may take some time for the paperwork to all be completed and determined if you are eligible or not. The weekly filing (in my state) just requires you to check some boxes saying “no, I didn’t work this week”, “yes, I applied for some jobs” and fill in info about what you applied for and “here is how much money I made this week” (so in your case, you would fill in the severance amount.)

            The other thing that is confusing in my state – you are eligible for up to 26 weeks of benefits, but you are eligible for them over the course of a year (52 weeks) from the time your last job ended. So in your case, you would be “eligible for unemployment” from now through 1 year from now, but you would get benefits from when your severance ends to the point where you’ve taken 26 payments.

            Oh, and another thing you should do – if you have student loans that can be deferred (public loans, and possibly some private ones as well) contact them now to get the paperwork in place for a deferral due to being out of work. Again, even if it is in your budget/emergency savings to be able to pay, it is probably best to save that money in case you have another emergency while you are out of work.

            Look at your bank accounts/credit card statements to see if there are any other monthly expenses you can/should cancel. For instance, a monthly transit pass to get to work if you won’t need it anymore, gym memberships near work, subscriptions to magazines/Audible/Hulu, etc. For me personally, things like a gym membership near my house and Netflix would go on my “I’ll cancel them if things get tight later but I’ll keep them for right now” list.

        2. File now. Your severance has nothing to do with your eligibility for unemployment.

          1. Really, that depends on the state. Where I practice employment law, the severance would prevent her from getting UC benefits until the severance runs out.

      4. Yes, definitely file for unemployment. It may seem like a small amount compared to what you were making, but it can make the difference between draining your savings quickly and keeping your bank account balances flat (or very slowly declining).

    2. Network! Reach out to people you know, ask to meet up with people for lunch or coffee, etc. I found all of my recent jobs through networking rather than job posts. Also, don’t forget to try to relax and don’t panic! I’m assuming you will get unemployment so you will hopefully have a cushion. Also, look into different healthcare options if COBRA is too expensive. I think open enrollment started Nov 1.

      1. You don’t even need to be concerned about open enrollment period. You have had a change in circumstances which allows you to sign up for new coverage at any time. On the other hand, if you do decide to go for insurance on your own, you should be aware of the costs now AND the costs next year. Lots of increases and/or changes in policies that are coming up, so the best plan now might not be the best in a few months.

    3. In addition to the excellent advice about filing for unemployment, cut your expenses now. You will have your salary through the end of the year, but you don’t know how long it will take to find a new job and it’s best to cut back as much as possible now so your savings/severance/unemployment will last as long as possible. This might be a good time to shop all your insurance coverages (homeowners/renters, auto) to see if you can get better rates. Ditto things like cable and cell phone. Look at your ongoing expenses and see if you’re paying for anything you’re not using and cancel it if you are. Put a moratorium on shopping (even though I know it’s tempting to do retail therapy at a time like this!).

      Make sure you have all your contacts from your old job.

      Good luck! I’m sorry this happened but you will be fine!

    4. Be honest with your friends and family. “Hey, I’m not working now, but I want to be.” Put this message out there.
      Ask for and accept help. You don’t have to follow all advice, but be open to it and people will want to help you.

      Go see a movie matinee! You can’t job search 40 hours/week, you know.

      Keep your spirits up, including eating right, exercising on a schedule, sleeping healthily, etc. Volunteer, feel needed – you’ll be where you’re supposed to be soon.

  14. Home-buying advice needed–how does it work exactly when you own a house already, and then put an offer on another house, with the intent to sell your old house? Do you have to try to qualify for two mortgages? I read on the internet that contingent offers in a hot market almost never get accepted. My husband and I bought a house about two years ago, and we are happy with it, but a house one block over is going on the market this week and we are interested (though we weren’t exactly looking). This house is much bigger (think 5 bedrooms as opposed to 2 bedrooms), so more expensive, but with a great basement rental that easily rents for $1,500 or more, so that the month to month mortgage would basically be the same. So I guess I’m looking for practical advice on the procedures and also if the hive thinks this is a good financial move if we can piece together the downpayment.

    1. I’m gearing up to put my house on the market in the spring. I live in a sellers market (hope it stays that way), but it’s not a “hot” market, so I’m sure that makes a difference. But, I’ve been advised that I either need to be able to qualify for a new mortgage with my existing mortgage, or my current house needs to be under contract before putting in an offer. An offer with my home on the market, but not under contract is unlikely to be accepted.

      If you can quality for two mortgages that would be the best way to go. But, I know I can’t qualify for two mortgages (and I can’t afford two mortgage payments), so I have to get my house under contract first.

    2. Call your mortgage broker or banker you used for your current place ASAP. Explain the situation and ask about your options. You might be able to get a bridge loan or some other creative solution, but it’s very dependent on circumstances.

      1. This. So much depends on your circumstances – how fast homes in your area sell, whether you have equity in your current place you can tap, etc. You want to find someone who is local and creative who can help you get this done.

    3. If there is no mortgage contingency in the P&S, then if you back out of the P&S because your house is not yet sold, you would lose the P&S deposit (typically 5%). When negotiating, you would need to either qualify for 2 mortgages or have a sale contingency in the *mortgage* for the 2nd house, and sometimes that can make the seller back out of the deal in a hot market, especially if there are other offers that are all cash.

      BUT – it is doable if your house closes before you buy the new one. Then you would roll over your equity/gain in your house into your down payment for the 2nd house.

    4. Assume you are in a hot market? Yes, in hot markets, contingent offers never get accepted. A close friend just did what you are thinking about doing, she put in offer at roughly same time that she put hers on the market. Hot market, so her offer was accepted and she accepted an offer on one weekend. However, the buyer of her current house dropped out just prior to signing the P&S (and she’s going ahead with her purchase), so worse case scenario is that she will be carrying 2 mortgages. She is putting her house back on the market, but unfortunately, we are reaching the end of the prime selling season, so she is resigned that she may have to pull her own house off the market for the winter and relist again in the Spring to get what she thinks is a fair price.

    5. Wasn’t your question – – but assuming you would have a gain on the sale of your home you probably want to be sure you’ve been there for two years for the tax advantage. Gain on the sale of personal residence up to $500k for a married couple is not taxable assuming you’ve owned the home for two years and have not rented it out.

    6. Talk to your banker or broker about a “bridge loan”. Very commonly done as a home equity line on the current house. Note that most banks won’t give you a HELOC on a house that you’ve listed for sale in the past 3-6-9-12 months (varies) so apply for and close on the HELOC/equity loan before you list your house.

    7. We qualified for 2 mortgages, and with plenty of room to spare. We put an offer in without a contingency but planned to close the houses on the same day anyway, as not to disrupt too much of our cashflow. We only had about 80k tied up in the house we were selling, but that was 80k worth of money we didn’t have to shuffle out and then back in.

      Worst case, if our house didn’t close, we could have paid both mortgages. I was a little horrified knowing our actual expendable income how much the bank thought we could manage…but nonetheless it enabled us to get through the transaction.

  15. I stumbled upon J. Jill this weekend and was discovered that I really like their clothing! It seems like Lands End quality, and I won’t have to try to figure out my size by ordering multiple items online. Does anyone know if they are one of those stores that has frequent sales? And does the quality hold up over time?

      1. Not sure if this is back-handed or not.

        Anyway, I am not your mother and I also like J. Jill. The quality is good for the price – not magical or anything.

        1. I’m Anon from 11:23 and it was NOT at all meant to be backhanded! My point was just that my experience with J.Jill is only secondhand, but that it has gotten a very good review from someone I know well and trust :) (FWIW, my mom is in her early 60s and dresses very age-appropriate country casual, lots of flat knee high boots with jeans, layered soft tee shirts and sweaters and scarves, if that helps with the aesthetic).

          I was NOT saying that J.Jill is old lady clothes!!

          1. To be fair, I always thought it was for an older audience! But they have great basics, so I am going for it. My mom wears J. Jill too!

    3. If you sign up for their mailing list, they tend to send 30% off coupons relatively frequently with their catalogs. I think their quality is good but they cut stuff sort of long and flowy and it doesn’t work on me. I used to be excited that they carry talls, but they carry stuff for long-torso’d talls, not short torso talls, so it doesn’t work for me. I do think they have great color palettes at times, and their catalogs’ colors inspire me to shop for similar colors elsewhere.

      And my SIL loves their kimono loungewear, which is comfy and somewhat cute.

  16. So what do you get a friend who’s not into spas, makeup or crafts? She buys what she wants throughout the year, and thus really hard to get a gift for!

    1. Do people just not know their friends? You get her a book on a subject she is interested in, or something she could use for something she does, or a fancier version of her favorite wine/tea/kale chips. You pay attention to who she is and get creative. Not look for generic woman presents.

      1. This is unnecessarily rude! Some people are really hard to shop for, even if you know them well, and brainstorming ideas may give the OP some inspiration for her friend.

        1. But asking a question and describing what the friend *doesn’t* like is not helpful. What does she like? Anything?

          1. And it makes it seem like the only possible gift ideas are spas, makeup, and crafts, and needing to go beyond that is a challenge.

          2. Actually, I was just trying to head off the suggestions of a spa, makeup or similar gift certificate. But thanks for jumping to conclusions and getting unnecessarily offended!

      2. Really no need to criticize this woman for asking for gift giving help. She knows her friend is not into spas, makeup, or crafts, and buys all the things she wants, so she’s asking for help. If you can’t say something nice….

        What about treating her to a night out? Maybe take her to dinner somewhere she’s been wanting to try, and tickets to a movie, her choice? Would also be a fun girls night. I also like giftcards and flowers for friends like this. I know there are split opinions on giftcards, but I feel like if they are for a store you know she likes, and they are accompanied with flowers, some people really like to use them. I’m one of those friends that buys what I need and is hard to give gifts, and I love giftcards for that reason– maybe your friend would, too.

      1. This is my go-to.

        I probably fit your friend’s description and I love consumable gifts (WINE!) and experience gifts more than anything. Also notice what she wears and think about a scarf or earrings or gloves or something similar in a color/style you see her wearing (although this is a bit riskier).

        Oh, and as I mentioned above, I just discovered insulated glass coffee mugs and they have changed my life — no more cold coffee if I get distracted! http://www.wayfair.com/Bodum-Bistro-10-oz.-Mug-10604-10US4-BMO1659.html

    4. Does she have a pinterest that you can stalk her interests and she what she wants?

      I don’t know her personality but here is a whole list of random things:
      -new boardgame/puzzle
      -does she read? maybe gift card for her kindle or for amazon if she doesn’t have one and a bunch of yummy teas to drink while reading or a nice blanket to warm up with
      -is she really into a sports team? Maybe a nice hoodie or hat with that team’s logo
      -does she do yoga? maybe a class pass to her favorite studio
      -does she like to cook? maybe a really good knife or a class?

    5. Wine! Or if she doesn’t drink, or doesn’t particularly like wine, a gift of delicious things to eat from Zingerman’s, or Cowgirl Creamery.

  17. My parents had a break in at their house this past summer and the thief stole lots of stuff including my grandmother’s wedding set that would have been mine someday. My parents offered me the opportunity to pick the replacement. Because it was an antique we are not required to buy a diamond ring as a replacement. I could probably ask for the cash, but I’d rather get a ring because that’s what I would have had if the break in hadn’t occurred. I found out I’ll have about $3-4K to spend at the jewelers when I go visit later this month. I’m more of a bag girl than a bling girl (not that I don’t like bling – it’s just not my first thought for a nice present) so now I get to do some pretty jewelry research. I wear both gold and silver tones jewelry (my wedding set is mostly yellow gold with some white gold). I was thinking maybe a family ring with my 3 boys’ birthstones.

    Anyone want to share some ideas Of what you would get? I’m looking for some inspiration. :)

    1. I’d look at Etsy. I kind of feel like you’d get something more unique (I know, I know, something is either unique or it’s not…) and also maybe less expensive than something you’d get at a jewelry store. Also it would be fun to replace an antique with an antique.

    2. Try the Gold Works in Lethbridge, they do lots of custom stuff including designing pendants with kids birthstones if you’d prefer that to a ring. I also like Tompkins although I know it’s not as popular with some people as Fosters.

    3. The jewelry store is set and won’t be changed. Anyone have links to pretty things they want to share?

    1. Obviously yes. Because it prevents many cases of the flu and helps keep you from spreading the flu to people who can’t get the shot or may be more susceptible.

      1. +100.

        FWIW, I find the shots they give in our doctor’s office to be better than the ones in CVS; they use a smaller needle and my arm is only sore for a day rather than the 3-4 days that I had the one time I went to CVS.

        1. Moving your arm around a lot the day you get the shot will help reduce the second and third day soreness. I did that this year and although my arm was in quite a bit of pain on the day I got the shot (at an office clinic), I woke up the next day and the pain was completely gone.

    3. If you have insurance, it’s really easy to walk into a CVS or Walgreens and get it done (for free) within half an hour, so there’s not much downside. Unless you can’t get the shot for (known) medical reasons, a small prick to the arm can really only help you during flu season.

    5. Yes, both for your own good (the flu shot might make you feel slightly under the weather for 24 hours, whereas the flu can easily knock you out for a week) and also because its the responsible thing to do (by getting the shot you help protect people who can’t get it for various health reasons).

      1. Yes. Even if you don’t get the flu, you can spread it to immuno-compromised people. It’s selfish to choose not to get the flu shot without a good reason not to.

    6. anecdotal evidence only, husband who did not get vaccine was home sick from work all week with terrible flu (103 degree fever for days). I got the vaccine and avoided sharing germs to the extent possible in a small one bedroom condo and did not catch it.

      1. I had this exact same thing happen. I definitely would have caught it as well if I hadn’t had the vaccine.

    7. This isn’t as cut and dried as some people make it sound. One, the flu vaccine isn’t always that effective; there are numerous strains of the flu that can go around and if the ones selected for the vaccine aren’t the ones that actually circulate, you aren’t protected from them. Second, even if you don’t have an allergy to something in the shot (for example, people with an egg allergy are told to avoid flu shots), there is always a possibility of a bad reaction. My BF was laid up for over a week after getting a flu shot a couple years ago, and when he contacted his doctor, she indicated this wasn’t uncommon. And for me, the site of the injection is so swollen and tender for days, that I can’t lift anything or work out. If you are in a high risk population if it probably worth it, but if you aren’t, it may not be.

      1. Oh come on. He wasn’t laid up by a flu shot. It’s coincidence. You do you, but don’t spread irresponsible nonsense around.

        1. Yes, because you were there to see the onset of symptoms AND heard his doctor’s opinion.

      2. “If you are in a high risk population if it probably worth it, but if you aren’t, it may not be”

        Don’t forget that even if you are not a member of a high-risk population, you might come into contact with a member of a high risk population or someone else who will. Easy example- my sister just had a very premature baby who is coming home soon. No one is allowed to visit (or really, come near her) without having had a flu shot. You never know who you might be near or come into indirect contact with. I’d hate to think of a vulnerable person being hurt because someone didn’t want their arm to hurt for a few days. Herd immunity is a thing. We live in a society- please please please think twice before you decide that your low risk of temporary arm pain is a bigger concern than the health of the immuno-compromised.

      3. Remember, even if the effectiveness is only %15 if other strains are missed, that is still better than 0% if you don’t get the vaccine. Your reminder that it may not cover all flu strains is relevant, but not a reason to consider not getting the vaccination.

        I realize that most people don’t understand statistics, but that should be clear.

        And regarding your arm being sore/swollen – did you take tylenol, NSAIDs? Around the clock? Why not? And regardless…. that discomfort is nothing compared to how you would feel if you really got the flu.

        Also realize that after you get the vaccine it takes 2 weeks to become protected for most people. It is always good to get your vaccinations as early as possible for that reason. I got mine at Jewel/OSCO at the end of August.

        I know several patients and family members of patients that have died of the flu and its complications. If you have babies/children/parents/grandparents in your families that are coming to visit during the holidays, then think of their safety if you are less concerned with your own.

        Also remember, you are infectious before you have symptoms. You can’t rationalize that you will hide away once you get sick to not give it to anyone….. but by the time you know you are sick, it is already too late.

        1. Carrie, what is your take on people with auto-immunity issues getting the flu shot. I’ve read conflicting things.

      4. Even if the strain in the vaccine doesn’t match up exactly to what’s going around, it should confer some immunity and make the flu milder than if you hadn’t had the shot at all.

        1. Yes. This. Even if it doesn’t protect against the actual strain (as was the case last year), it still lessens the symptoms because your body builds powerful antibodies.

        2. Exactly. Plus, there’s always a really good chance that the scientist who developed the shot got it right. So, why not take the odds that you’re going to be protected? My grandparents both have compromised immune systems and the thought of them getting the flu because someone thinks the shot might not be effective sometimes is really disheartening.

      5. I understand you can be sick because of an adverse reaction on something in the shot (i.e., egg allergies), but it is scientifically impossible to get sick from the actual virus of the shot. It is a killed virus, not a live virus. It can’t make you sick.

    8. Absolutely. The herd immunity of people who cannot receive the vaccination for whatever reason (age–young or old, allergy, etc) depends on the healthy members of the herd becoming immune. Flu causes lots of deaths annually. Many are the elderly & very young, or otherwise immuno-compromised.

      1. This is exactly what my doc told me about four years ago, when I had never had a flu shot. Now I get one at my workplace every year and have no regrets.

      2. yes – thank you!!! My child has severe allergies and other issues and is not permitted to have the flu shot. I am so thankful for the people who get it and help protect her.

        1. My youngest son had/has egg allergy. He tested positive for it as an infant (when we found out about his dairy allergy), and we’ve avoided eggs ever since. Even before his egg challenge a couple years ago, we DID go ahead with the flu vaccine because the evidence suggested that risk of reaction was so slight that it was more beneficial to get the vaccine. We did it in 4 doses, basically. The first year we did it at the allergist’s office, and she administered a skin prick with the vaccine. We waited 15 min to see if there was a reaction–there wasn’t. So, they gave half of the first dose (so, a quarter of the total), and then we waited another 30 minutes or so. Got the second half, and then subsequent doses in the same manner later that week. Since then, he’s gotten the regular flu shot or flumist for the last 3 years. He’s 7 now, and has never gotten flu, though we had some very very scary winters with lots of nebulizers and steroids for general respiratory illnesses.

      3. I had never had one before and never had the flu. This year, my employer has our provider come on site and give free shots. I signed up for one because of herd immunity. I figured I couldn’t square my anger about anti-vaxers with my lame reasons for not getting the flu shot. Yes, my arm hurt for a while and yes, I had felt crummy for a day because my immune system was gearing up, but oh well. NBD. But it could be a big deal for someone to who I might pass the virus to had I not gotten the flu shot.

    9. Some anecdata you may find interesting – I work in pharma/biotech, so my colleagues are largely scientists or physicians. Our completely voluntary flu vaccine program at work has near 100% utilization.

      1. I started getting the flu shot yearly after one of my colleagues (preventive med specialist) gave a talk at the college where I taught. I have not been sick since then.

      2. Ditto. have worked at numerous Boston/Cambridge biotech companies. Just about everyone gets the flu shot.

    10. Absolutely. Have you ever had the flu? Also I think this year’s shot is supposed to be particularly effective against the strains that they are seeing now.

    11. Yes. I got mine a couple of weeks ago – was able to fit it in on a Saturday, £13, no problem. I have some throat stuff that makes it a really good idea for me to get one, but the positive externalities are such that everyone who can afford it should get one.

    12. I have never had the flu shot. I have also never had the flu. so, to me, no, not worth it.

          1. Srsly? Your rationale is moronic. You never got a disease, so you don’t need to protect yourself from it because . . . wait why? You’re magically immune? You are made of Teflon and don’t transmit the disease to vulnerable people?

      3. I had the flu once about ten years ago. I was extremely sick for 10 days – meaning, I couldn’t leave the house for at least ten days other than to go the doctor. I was almost admitted to the hospital twice and if I didn’t have a caregiver at home, they would’ve admitted me. I passed out once. The flu is no joke.

        1. Same here, minus hospital stay. Husband was away and 9 yr old daughter fed and took 5 yr old brother to school for 4 days. In bed for 6.

          Then took me another week not to nap mid day or after doing laundry or groceries. After maternity leave, it was the most work I have ever missed. I would have called myself an ambulance except we had just moved and I was worried my kids would end up in foster care until hubs got home from bus trip.

          I always get it now and drag the kids.

      4. I’ve never been in a car accident, so I never wear a seatbelt. See how that logic doesn’t add up?

      5. You get the flu based off the fact that you might get it in the future though, not that you have never had it before. It’s not like a time traveller thing where if you had it last year and you get the shot, then you will not have ever gotten it????

    13. I’ve been a believer in these since my kids were little. Scenario – my son had asthma so he had to get a flu shot so I got one too in solidarity and to show him how it was done. MIL got one. FIL, my husband and my daughter didn’t. Christmas Morning – all three without shots were sick, in bed all day. No dinner, presents, holiday cheer. MIL, son and I were all healthy and happy.

    14. Yes – for herd immunity, for those who are immuno-compromised and can’t get the vaccine themselves.

      1. Another one here saying, yes, absolutely get it. Realistically, if I get the flu as a young, healthy woman I’ll be miserable but fine.

        My immunocompromised coworker? My friend’s newborn baby? The lovely woman at church who just finished chemo? They might. If I can help stop spread something like that, I absolutely will.

        And as someone who is now expecting to have a premature baby, my PSA is that if you’re around kids or babies, seriously consider getting a pertussis (Whooping Cough) vaccine.

    15. As someone with a PhD in immunology, 100% yes get the flu shot. As long as you aren’t immunocompromised or otherwise have a medically mandated reason not to get vaccinated (e.g., allergy to egg antigen), then there is absolutely no reason to abstain. I have been getting flu shots for years (in addition to basically every other vaccine on the market), and see no reason to discontinue the practice.

    16. I had the flu in 2005 – my boss brought it in to the office – and I was completely incapacitated for over a week. It took weeks to fully recover. The flu is NOT just a bad cold. I’ve never missed a flu shot since.

      A woman on another board I post to lost her adult son to flu last year.

      Please, please get the shot.

  19. So I’ve been reading/commenting here since my last year of law school – the ladies of Thissite have been with me through my entire legal career, as well as my marriage, my divorce, multiple cross-country moves, and a myriad of other things. Since the collective hive (ELLEN! and all) have known me since I was a baby lawyer, I wanted to let y’all know…I made partner this week. I am thrilled, terrified, delighted, and so so grateful to all the friends – real life and virtual – who helped get me there. So many thanks to all of you (and to Kat, who created this space).

    1. Wow! I’ve been following along for years. Congratulations on a fabulous achievement.

    14. Congratulations! That is a huge accomplishment and I’m so happy for you.

    18. super congratulations! No doubt testament to your amazing capabilities and hard work. You should be proud.

    20. Wow! Super-duper proud of you. I know you’ve had some ups and downs, but you have handled everything with grace and lots of encouraging words to others. BIG HUGE HIVE SHOUT-OUT: YOU DID IT!!!! YAY!

    24. I’ve been on thissite that long and have seen you through all the ups and downs. I always think of you when I feel depressed about BigLaw – because you’re one of the few people who is making it work and really embracing this job! So all of that is to say that I am really proud of you, even though I don’t know you in real life at all, and I’m sending you huge, HUGE congratulations. You are awesome.

    26. Congratulation’s to you! Now we are BOTH partner’s!!!! I have alway’s admired your p’ost’s and now I know why. You are very thoughtful and delibearte in your commentary and you know what to say and when to say it! Kudo’s to you! I hope your manageing partner is as nice as mine! YAY!!!!!

    32. As one of “the ladies of thissite” I am thrilled for you and touched that you thought to let us know. I know how hard you have worked and how much you have accomplished to get to this place in your life. Congratulations on your well-deserved achievement! And, Yay!

  20. I know a few people have mentioned foam rolling here in the past. Any recommendations for a specific roller? I looked on Amazon and it’s a little overwhelming! Regular, extra firm, GRID or smooth. I’d love to hear from anyone with experience. Also, any recommendations on particulary good websites for basic info or getting started? Again, there are a lot out there and while I can just pick one and start reading, I’d love suggestions if you’ve found someone helpful.

    If background is helpful, my husband and I recently began attending martial arts class with our daughter. Then we began working out more in general to get in better shape for said martial art. We’re middle aged and improving, but still not in great shape, so we’re experiencing normal muscle soreness plus some joint complaints and it sounds like foam rolling may help.

    Thanks!

    1. I got the cheapest 36″ x 6″ dia foam roller on Amazon I could find. Works wonders. I don’t follow a book, but I rather just sit/press/lay on it on whatever hurts. I roll back & forth, changing positions slightly to find the right pressure. I get calf cramps at night a lot, and if I do about 5-10 minutes of rolling my calves, I don’t cramp.

    2. I use a length of PVC pipe (which Home Depot sells helpfully pre-cut in 2′ lengths) covered in some old yoga mat. And a lacrosse ball for trigger point areas.

      Check out mobilitywod.com for recommendations on specific areas!

    3. So I a a bit of a foam roller addict… I started with The Grid roller and now have… ummm. like 4 different ones (I’ve only actually purchased one).

      I like the Grid because it doesn’t go flat, but others use cheapo rollers with similar effects.

      The most important thing I’ve found is learning HOW to foam roll well. Spend some time on YouTube, ask a physical therapist or chiropractor, and your results will just be so much better.

      Other things I’d encourage you to buy and use for similar muscle release/self massage: Tennis Balls (AMAZING for targeting muscle knots. I also stand on them to relax my feet.) I use Lacrosse balls for more pressure even.

      1. +1 on the grid. Because it has a layer of plastic, it will hold its shape and firmness, while a cheaper generic foam roller will eventually lose shape. A generic one will work just fine, but I believe that for its price, there’s nothing better than the grid. My chiropractor says the same, although he teaches triggerpoint classes, so is likely biased.

      1. +1 for the grid. The harder one is noticeably more painful, but I’m sure it’s more effective.

        Don’t be surprised to see some bruising when you first start using it.

  21. How do you all keep informed about candidates up for your local elections? I’ve been reading up on the candidates who are running for many local positions this year, but the information that is available on them is pretty limited – basically a hi, this is me, this is my family, and some resume-like information on their websites. No information on policies, what they would do as the position, etc. How do you decide when making an informed decision seems not possible?

      1. The frustrating thing is that party matters so little at that level. I mean, I suppose it is telling if you choose to affiliate yourself with one vs the other, but many people run on both the Republican and Democrat tickets just for this reason. I have a family member up for reelection who does that.

    2. Local papers will often send out questionnaires to candidates to answer about their positions on various issues, so perhaps keep an eye out for that.

    3. I first google news the candidates and try to spend 15-20 minutes reading up. I also rely on endorsements from local groups I trust, if those exist. If those don’t help, I base it on whether I met the person campaigning and got to talk to them — I figure that if I have nothing else to base it on a candidate that’s motivated to go out and campaign may do a better job than one that isn’t.

    4. I’d spoil my ballot in that situation. My local election this May was a choice between only two parties’ candidates (neither of which I support), so I wrote on the paper ‘none of the above’.

    6. Check vote411 dot org to see if there was a questionnaire by your local League of Women Voters to the candidates.

      Look at your local paper’s webs!te to see if they issued a questionnaire or did interviews with the candidates.

      If any are incumbents, you can check their voting record.

      If you are Facebook friends with people in your same town, post this question to see if anyone can link you to newspaper articles or questionnaires, or video of any local election events like Candidates Nights or Town Halls.

      If there are one or two key issues for you, see if you can find the candidates email addresses via a quick google and send them a (brief) email. It might be kind of late for that now if the election is tomorrow, but you might be able to learn a lot based on who replies to their constituents messages and what they have to say – although, again, at this point it’s down to the wire, so I wouldn’t necessarily write off candidates who don’t reply with less than 24 hours until the polls open.

    7. The Planned Parenthood affiliate in my area does a voting guide for local elections. If you have a cause that you are passionate about, try to find a local organization’s voting guide online. It is single-issue voting but still better than not voting or voting blindly.

      My state publishes voting guides for each race where each candidate gets about 300 words or so to promote themselves. In so many local races, one candidate will not have submitted anything. Unless there is a huge red flag in the other candidate’s blurb, I vote for the other candidate just because they put in the effort.

  22. I have an interview tomorrow at a PR agency. I have been practicing law for 30 odd yrs. (on and off litigation and some teaching), but last week was laid off (more like let go in a really ugly manner although my boss could justify his decision in financial difficulties within the firm – he didn’t even bother but rather turned a professional meeting into a we don’t like each other so why don’t you leave and I’ll give you your severance pay).
    I am (as may be obvious already) not in the US. The job I am interviewing for pays very little considering my qualifications but is very appealing to me. The offered salary is lower than the one I was paid until now and I was already underpaid and felt that I could barely survive but not live well and was very frustrated.
    My other option is starting my solo practice. I have been approached already by potential clients and a few clients at the firm wanted to continue with my but they signed a really draconian contingency fee agreement.
    should I ask for the salary i want and see what happens? agree to compromise if they make an offer?
    And about attire: suit? black dress with a jacket?

    1. Depending on the market, for a PR firm you could possibly go more casual. In DC I usually do a ponte or knit dress/jacket and maybe tights with flats or plain heels, with a nice but not super crazy statement necklace.

      But I have a friend who is with an agency in SF, was previously with an agency in NYC and before that Yahoo, and I think she wore black jeans to her final interview. Definitely wore an on-trend J Crew outfit at some point in the process, too (think, silk blouse and muted color skinny pants).

  24. Does anyone not have a LinkedIn? It’s generally not done in my current industry, but I’m planning to pursue other career options and am wondering how common that is elsewhere.

    1. I don’t; I’m small law, in a specialized field with its own network, see no need for LinkedIn for me personally.

    2. I’ve got to know, what industry is Linkedin not done in? It’s ubiquitous in my world – across industries so I have a hard time imagining this. That said, I’m in the Bay Area, so . . .

      1. My academic friend said they have their own version of LinkedIn. She’s in humanities.

    3. I’m a lawyer and not on LinkedIn but I’m pretty sure I’m a total outlier.

    1. It’s a pretty generic down coat. I wouldn’t say it’s stylish, but if you live in a cold/snowy climate, go for it.

    2. For me this isn’t a dress coat, and but I also wouldn’t worry about wearing a non-dress coat to work. If you really want it to do double duty, I think you should keep looking.

  26. How far in advance do you need to start studying for consulting case interviews? I’m a graduate student and just started getting interested in pursuing consulting, and I got an email today about applying for internships with deadlines in about a month. I’m not in business school or anything, so I feel as though I have a lot to learn, and I have school and my job on top of this. Should I go ahead and apply? Is there any reason not to for this?

    1. For reference, I am an MBA. I personally practiced for 2 months prior to internship interviews (January), and then practiced for another 2 months before full time. I would generally do 2-4 hours a week, plus another 2-3 hours of behavioral practice in the month before interviews.

      I think the time I put in would have put me a little on the high side, but there were people that put in more than I did. I did end up in my dream job at my dream firm, so for me it was 100% with it.

      I’d go ahead and apply, but unless you are a freak of nature at casing, I’d expect to put in 1-2 hours a day casing until the interview. Finding a buddy helps. I’d also look at Victor Cheng’s casing guide, which I think is the best option if you have limited time. Also make sure to put in time for behavioral questions. Consulting firms trend to expect a significant amount of polish, and behavioral interviews are a great way to show off your skills.

      1. Thanks for your input. Do you think that I’ll be at a disadvantage as a person without a business background and should therefore have to put in more time?

        1. I think you will be at a bit of a disadvantage, but you will learn a lot through the casing process. One of my casing partners said that he learned a lot from casing, and that it really added to his course work. If you put in the time, I think it could work.

    2. Wow, that is a LOT of time on case practice!
      I practiced maybe 6 hours total across 2 weeks (~2 evenings of multiple cases, the 2-3 one-off practice cases). Although, I was lucky to have people experienced with case interviews helping me the entire time. I applied as an undergraduate with no business background at all, and got offers at 2 out of 3 of the big 3.

      I would recommend that you do a practice case or two as soon as you can, and see how you feel about it. I think you get a sense quickly of the type of thinking needed for cases. I would also strongly recommend doing some cases with someone who has done cases before, preferably for the firms that you’re applying to – people who have worked at the company are ideal, but someone who has at least gone through the interview process and done well are good. Working with someone who hasn’t done case interviews before is a little like the blind leading the blind, though I suppose having a buddy is certainly better than having no one at all (I skimmed Case in Point and got nothing at all from it, doing live cases was much much more helpful).

      And second the note on the importance of the behavioral interview. People spend months on cases and forget about the behavioral component, which is 50% of the interview…

      And yes, go ahead and apply! No reason not to. I had a great experience in management consulting.

      1. Agree that casing with more experienced people is the way to go.

        Keep in mind thar expectations tend to be different for an undergrad compared to MBAs or other grad students. I interview now and always have to reset my baseline for ‘passable’ when I go from one to another.

  27. Following a conversation with my mother where she got upset with me for making my brother (my only sibling) my beneficiary on all my life insurance policies, I realized I need to document my wishes and who can make medical decisions for me if I can’t make them for myself, especially since I’m not married or in a relationship. (aka, not my mother)

    Where would I start for this? I think it’s a medical power of attorney/”living will”, but what type of lawyer would I see? Any recommendations for somebody in DC? I assume it’s pretty straightforward.

    2. You need a power of attorney for health care to designate the person whom you want to make decisions for you if you are incapacitated. You can also execute a living will, aka “advance directives” that spells out your wishes on specific things (for example, use of feeding tubes). My state health department has forms available online that are straightforward and intended for lay people to use without a lawyer’s assistance.

    3. Ask your doctor if she has a form. Many hospitals publish forms and guides for selecting a power of attorney and a few other roles. I have one from Kaiser that I haven’t filled out yet but it seems very thorough and well done. Interestingly, it includes a few scenarios and gives a multiple choice for what kind of care you want along with an area where you can explain your wishes in more detail.

    4. Why do you have multiple life insurance policies that you are leaving to your brother? Is he disabled and you are worried about his lifetime needs?

      I ask because I am single without kids (which I assume you are by your post), and see no need to have life insurance.

      1. I have life insurance through work. It’s a standard benefit where I am so I had to designate a beneficiary when I started. OP could have something similar.

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