ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Wide-Leg Pants

A woman wearing a black top, cobalt blue pants, and black sandals

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

How pretty are these bright cobalt pants from Aqua? Every pair of pants I’ve purchased this year has been a similarly wide-leg cut, so I’m excited about the idea of adding some fun colors to the mix.

For work, I would wear this with a powder blue or turquoise top, just to really lean into the bright colors. If you’re feeling a bit more subdued, I would do gray or navy.

The pants are $78 at Bloomingdale's and are available in sizes XS–XXL in eight (!) colors.

Here are two plus-size options (lucky sizes only): Talbots' wide crop pants, for $89.99 on sale (also in three other size ranges) and straight-leg pants from J.Crew (up to size 24), on sale for $69.99.

Sales of note for 12.5

313 Comments

  1. This screams “extra fabric leftover from ~2010” to me. I had this shade in cropped ankle pants, a pencil skirt, a sheath dress with an exposed black zipper, and probably 2-3 color blocked tops. Donated most of these items in the last 5 years.

    I like the silhouette, but I don’t know that I’m personally ready to bring this shade back quite so soon after donating these items! I also haven’t seen bright colors much recently – some red, and pink a couple years ago.

      1. I had a pencil skirt with a bow at the waist (2013, I think), a cobalt and blue top and a pair of ankle length skinnies (both 2012ish), all in this shade. I kept the skirt because it’s so pretty even though it looks dated now.

    2. +2, plus it does nothing for my complexion and so I skipped it even when it was popular!

    3. Cobalt always makes me think of the MOB gown my mom wore to my 1994 wedding. (She looked stunning in it!)

      1. I wore a blazer this color to a big meeting the other day (inspired by someone here who said she likes to wear bright colors to conferences to stand out), and I felt fantastic and got compliments. I really hope it is coming back -I’d love a newer version of that blazer.

          1. Yes I consider it to be a closet basic for me. Conversely I look terrible in earth tones. At some point you have to wear what flatters you and not worry too much about passing trends.

            That being said, I don’t love the pants.

          2. Same. I buy colors that flatter me, not colors that are deemed fashionable. Bonus, I can wear them as long as I choose to and not have them scream “out dated!” when the color trends change.

        2. Yes! I love my cobalt blazer. Which I probably did buy in 2010, but I still love it.

        3. I love vibrant gem tones. Emerald green, cobalt, raspberry all look really good on me.

      2. Yess I bet you do!! I’m currently obsessed with cobalt blue – very attracted to the color in shirts and hats. I actually really like the combo of cobalt with a splash of pink.

    5. I’m sure someone with more fashion sense than me could come up with a way to style it with something other than black, but I just cannot get past how strongly it invokes memories of my local roller rink’s decor back in the late 80s.

    6. I think cobalt is coming back. It’s not my favorite, but I don’t find it offensive? I’m personally sick of earth-toned everything.

        1. Does this mean coral or aqua chevron is coming back, lol.

          HS class of 2012 and man the hold that bright colors and chevrons had on us at the end of high school and early college was something else…

          1. I was a young mom in 2012 and OMG, that chevron print was on every baby and toddler thing ever. I never liked that print, and now it’s permanently embedded in my memory because it was so ubiquitous. And yeah, coral and aqua everywhere. It’s not a terrible combo, but it was so overused, so now I hate it, lol. Even my youngest sister’s wedding colors were mint and coral!

      3. Yeah I was at the mall this morning and cobalt was all over. The person who thinks it’s dated is in for a rude awakening.

    7. I have a dress this color and while I can sort of see that its dated, the dress is a great cut for my body and the color works with my complexion and it happens to be really comfy. Any thoughts on colors to pair with it that are more modern? I’ve done cream in summer and a sort of wine color in winter, which I think look ok. Any other ideas because I do really like the dress.

      1. My first thought is my light pink leather moto jacket is a perfect match for your cobalt dress. :) Stark white in summer, even bright orange if you have the confidence to pull it off, olive if you want to go more neutral. A medium or dark gray might work as well.

        1. +1 this suggestion. Currently I really love cobalt + light pink and cobalt + hot pink A LOT.

          1. I also really like cobalt + cognac color leather accessories (belt/shoes).

            I have cobalt wide leg cropped pants I just bought last month – I love it with a crisp white button up shirt, cognac leather belt and cognac leather chunky loafers.

      2. I would do a monochrome look and pair it with other blues to look more current (see: Princess Kate or Duchess Meghan wearing a suit, shirt and coat all in the same colour). Bright colours paired with black or other bright colours are very 2010.

      5. I like “off” weird matches like a putty/nude, pine green, denim, lavender/lilac–something like that.

      6. I like cobalt with navy. One of my favorite outfits is a cobalt dress, navy blazer and navy shoes. I think it looks good as a column of color. This summer, I may try pairing it with a light blue the same way.

    8. It has been 15 years.

      I get it – truly I do. I went through something similar. But there is a whole contingent here that keeps saying “OMG so dated” about colors and styles from 15-20 years ago. I suspect it is because they are what older women were wearing when you entered the workforce or became aware of fashion. But people now in their mid-20s are setting style and they do not remember 2010. Fashion cycles and if it has been over a decade it is probably back rather than out of style. And based on what I see on social media and being covered by multiple fashion bloggers, cobalt is having a moment.

      It makes me look like I am suffering a terminal illness so I did not wear it then and will not wear it now. That does not make it dated, just not flattering on me.

      2. +11111 Cobalt is indeed having another fashion moment.

        And yes to something being “so dated” . . . until it’s not. “Mom jeans” were “so dated,” “so hideous” and “so awful.” Until they weren’t.
        Related, it nearly killed me when mid-century modern roared in as a full trend. Because I associated it with all the tired, “so dated,” “so awful” decor piling up in thrift stores that nobody in their right minds would touch. But the young people loving it hadn’t grown up with it as I had and didn’t have any negative associations with it. To them, retro was fresh.

        1. Of course things are dated til they’re not, but it feels to me that cobalt is still dated. It hadn’t been “out” long enough to be back in again, IMO.

      3. Eh I’m only 30 and the cobalt looks dated to me, I remember having a cobalt skirt at 21 in my first office job. However I do understand it’s coming back my cousin’s wedding colours this spring include cobalt and she’s 27.

      5. I get kind of sick of it too. There’s a Millenial continent here who seem to think anything that was in style when they hit the work force is “current” and anything else is “dated.” Sorry, babe, time has marched on.

        1. Ha, I feel like millennials are more apt to be anxious that they’re not current, but maybe that’s just me projecting :)

          1. Is THAT where the obsession here with “dated” is coming from? I try to just ignore it.

        2. I’m a young millennial here (30) and anything that was in when I started working is definitely dated (pencil skirts with sleeveless blouse and heels, statement necklaces, skinny pants and jeans, Calvin Klein / Macys work dresses, for example).

        3. I think it’s the opposite actually – as a smack in the middle of the generation Millenial, everything that was ‘in’ when I hit the workforce (cobalt w/ black, pencil skirts, statement necklaces, chevron, shrunken blazers, etc.) feels very out (with new versions on the precipice of being back in, like statement necklaces!). It’s the gen x’ers in my office who still dress that way TBH.

      6. Agreed.
        I was thinking the leopard print skirt is an different but similar example. It was HUGE in like what 2018? And now somehow it is back again already? Like, the exact same leopard slip skirts….I am bummed I got rid of mine
        Covid changed fashion permanently and changed trend trajectories…

        2. I think it’s a bit soon to say permanently, but I hope the more comfortable shoes trend is permanent!

      7. I think the reason it looks dated to me is because this is the first time in my life I remember elements from my first “nice” workwear pieces coming back around. And then I donated them or they bit the dust. It’s less that I remember my bosses wearing it- more oh, wait, should I have not donated that? (Answer – still yes.) It’s a great color for me, too, but this is the first time I’m experiencing what my mom used to say about colors and trends that I wore/remember coming back.

    10. Cobalt is just a color, like any other color. Making it modern is about how you style it, not about the color.

      2. Agreed. There are color “trends” but colors do not become dated, especially primary colors.

        1. I think the cobalt and black combination is dated. Color combinations can definitely look dated.

  2. What, if anything, are you doing at your seder to recognize the hostages? We have long included an orange on the plate. We started asking the four questions about antisemitism several years ago, and this year we will add #jewbelong’s ten plagues of antisemitism to our recitation of the ten plagues (dam – blood – silence). But I had not planned to add anything about the hostages until I read about some options this morning: pomegranate, removing one of the three matzahs to indicate absence, a yellow ribbon, a special prayer from Israel’s chief Ashkenazi Rabbi Lau. So I’m curious what others are doing.

    1. Going to my in-laws so not hosting but reading for ideas. I love what you’ve mentioned so far.

      1. You may have seen more recent news than I have, but I’ve read that Hamas may have lost track (my read: killed or sexually assaulted beyond the point of deniability) of some of the hostages who were supposed to be up next for swaps. It’s hideous that protesters here are chaining themselves to bridges for this POS organization.

        1. If the hostages are even alive still. If Gaza’s are starving, it’s hard to imagine that they would feed hostages. But I am guessing there is no current proof of life and Hamas isn’t saying because it’s the only card they can play here is that Israel historically freed on something a 100:1 ratio to gets its hostages or even bodies of hostages back.

        2. Hamas has acknowledged hostage deaths.
          My favorite part of this whole negotiation is how both sides value the lives of women so much less than the lives of men. (But that is central to the religious ideologies supposedly driving both sides, so it is not really surprising.)

          1. They haven’t come out and said that they all died (or what happened to the women after they were taken hostage).

            Not co-signing that the outcome re female hostages shoes that neither side values women (although I have an opinion about this general area, to be sure).

          2. They are literally negotiating the return more Palestinians held by Israel for the return of each male Israeli under 50 held by Hamas.

          3. Also, I did not say they had acknowledged all the hostages have died. And I am not co-signing anything else you wrote, either.

        3. No one, or almost no one, is protesting in support of Hamas. They’re protesting on behalf of the Gazan people. Come on, you know that.

          1. Hamas is the elected leader of Gaza. It *IS* Gaza. I’m absolutely not saying all civilians are complicit in Hamas’s terrorism, but this isn’t like a schism of society. So *what* exactly do they want the world to do? These are the elected leaders! I don’t understand this at all.

          2. I appreciate that more mainstream protestors may feel that way
            But there are people clearly supporting Hamas with their words, signage at protests, and certainly actions and it is not made up to acknowledge that.

            I struggle with having movements be defined by the worst actors and try to avoid that, but the “worst actors” are indeed present in every movement and denying that does not help your cause.

          3. That’s like me hating on all of my Jewish friends because I don’t like what Israel is doing. That would be antisemitism on my part. I don’t do that.

            When was the last time a free and fair election was held in Gaza. What’s the average age of Gazans.

            Hamas is not the same as Gazans. Shame on you.

          4. then their protests should also include demanding for release of the hostages and Hamas to surrender.

          5. Hamas has majority support in Gaza, both before and after October 7. According to a look conducted by the Palestinian Center for Policy and Survey Research, 71% of Palestinians supported Hamas’ decision to attack Israel and 70% were satisfied with how Hamas has handled the war. Just 5% thought Hamas committed a war crime on October 7.

          6. You mean the party elected by a 44% plurality of voters who exercised their vote in 2006 and that was propped up by Netanyahu to ensure they have stayed in power for 18 years since? That one?

          7. @12:18 — I truly hope you never involve yourself in international politics in any form or fashion if you believe in collective punishment and ethnic cleansing/genocide of a civilian population based on the actions of a government or military. Decades/centuries of international law has evolved to prevent this kind of juvenile and simplistic and vengeful thinking from acceptance on the world stage.

          8. There are a lot of people protesting in support of Hamas and don’t really understand what they are doing.

          9. I’m 12:18 and need to respond to the attack on me, just to clarify that in no universe did I (or have I) discussed collective punishment. I was saying that this isn’t like an insurgent group, it’s the government, and it’s complicated and difficult, and that is lost in many of the protests in my area. I believe very strongly in two states and am currently involved in a group raising large sums of money for World Central Kitchen. I am not exactly sure when we started taking comments on this board in the worst possible spirit intended instead of thinking of people as generally reasoned and that everyone is coming from different points of view and parts of the country, but this attack that I am for “collective punishment” or “genocide” was, to me, extremely hurtful, even on an anonymous board.

      2. I am biased, but here goes: Hamas is rejecting deals because they don’t have any/enough hostages left and they were allowed to get to this point because while the whole world was focused on telling Israel how to behave, no one was paying attention to what Hamas was doing.

        * I never heard the UN “demand” that Hamas feed the hostages or its own civilians.
        * I never heard a journalist ask why Hamas didn’t stop using its own hospitals and schools to store weapons.
        * I never heard anyone demand that Hamas allow the Red Cross to examine the hostages.
        * I never heard any supply chain experts discuss how Israel removes non-humanitarian aid items from the trucks before they cross into Gaza and then the contents are collected into fewer trucks on the other side (to save fuel) and that’s why the truck count is lower.
        * And on and on.

        2. There literally are tons of articles about the red cross trying to negotiate access to examine the hostages.
          The fact that Hamas uses schools and hospitals as civilian shields has also been discussed at length. Maybe nobody has taken the time to say “and that is a bad thing to do” because it goes without saying.

        3. Yup. Still waiting for organizations to demand that Hamas use its tunnel network to distribute food to civilians.

    4. i think this is a beautiful idea and i also saw that there is a special haggadah being sold with proceeds going to The Hostages and Missing Families Forum. I am personally not in charge of any of the 3 seders I am attending this year, so it will not be up to me, but perhaps i will suggest it.

    5. We are adding some pieces about the woes of the Palestinian people, especially the children. Their suffering mirrors ours in Egypt in so many ways.

      1. Not Jewish but I’m glad to hear at least someone is recognizing the genocide of the Palestinian people.

          1. Agreed. We shouldn’t need a false label of genocide to care about civilian death. It still matters.

          2. Maybe you should read the investigation reports on the genocide in Gaza. Yes, genocide, the murder of more than 30,000 Palestinians who have died in the conflict (13,000 children), there are 12,000 missing and 71,000 people have been injured. In just 6 months.
            The report says that in the first two weeks of attacks Israel blocked the entry of any type of humanitarian aid into Gaza, and in the subsequent months it has continued to impose tight restrictions on the arrival of water, food, electricity and fuel.

            “This deliberate policy has caused severe food insecurity throughout the population; those trapped in the north have had to resort to feeding themselves animal food or grass,”

    6. I am not Jewish, but an invited guest to a Seder. I am told there will be two matzot, not three, at the table this year, to acknowledge absence and suffering and starvation. I am not sure how the symbolism will play out exactly (I.e, which matzo will be missing, the related acknowledgement, etc.)

  3. What kind of specialist would you see for help managing arthritis pain in the lower spine?

    My PCP referred me to a pain specialist a year ago and I despise him. It took 10 months for me to finally get him to tell me that my MRI shows obvious arthritis in several of my lumbar vertebrae and that is the source of my chronic pain, not a lack of core strength. I am done telling him over and over that I want a long term plan, not opioids without a clear reason other than masking the pain, and not another referral to the same stale PT lady who acts like I am a fragile elderly person who just needs to do Sit and Be Fit in order to cure whatever ails me.

    1. a pain management doctor or a physiatirst. that said sounds like you know what is wrong (diagnosis) so maybe something a little more holistic– accupuncture, pt, massage therapy….. i am not woo woo AT ALL and I love my accupuncturist. I really feel like it helps.

    3. This is going to be specific to your geographical area. It isn’t about finding the “right” type of doctor, necessarily, just about finding the doctor who doesn’t suck. That said, I think there are doctors who specialise in arthritis.

      You can try a different physical therapist, if PT is able to alleviate your condition. I found that cash pay physical therapists are often much better than those your insurance company sends you to: they need to be, in order to get people to part with their hard-earned money, and they don’t need to spend their time justifying the expense or going through insurance-required modalities. You can also submit the bills to insurance on your own or use an HSA.

    5. A sports medicine doctor may be better about different non-surgical modalities to help. They are also more accustomed to getting people active and moving again and may have connections to better physical therapists in the community.

      1. This was actually going to be my suggestion too. Can you talk to runners or google to see something like ‘lower back pain runner treatment recommendations’.

        In my city, there are two big ‘centers’ which both handle bone and joint and back pain stuff. One is much more focused on basic mobility and pain management and draws an older crowd and the other is much more physical therapy focused and draws a younger crowd (and all the local college athletic programs use). Seeing as it’s arthritis, I might even call one and ask if there’s a rheumatologist on staff or who they recommend for ‘people who really want to stay moving’.

      2. Not joking – if you live in a city, look for who treats the ballet company in your city. It will likely be advertised as they are providing their services pro bono. If no big ballet company, look at the local pro sports teams. If you can, make an appointment with that sports medicine clinic who may have better PTs in your area.

        2. For pro teams, the groups who are listed as team physicians or similar generally pay the team to do this. It does not mean that this is who the players actually see for real issues.

          1. This is not true at all in my city.
            Do you really think they would risk their incredible valuable athlete’s health to … the highest bidder?

          2. Yup, they go to a game once a year, provide care during the game and get to call themselves an official team doctor.

        3. 100%. When I fractured my pelvis, my orthopedist happened to also be the consulting ortho for our city’s ballet. He was still kind of arrogant but I trusted his medical expertise.

      3. A sports med practice is the way to go. They are accustomed to patients who need to get healed and get going. When my first knee became a big problem, I asked my PCP for a referral to a sports med orthopedic practice instead of sending me to the doctor who treats slightly overweight, very out of shape 50ish year old ladies. Made all the difference in the world. I found out that the two doctors in this practice work with players from the local NFL team. The only caveat is that since they were accustomed to NFL players and wealthy clients as families, I also learned to be cautious about very new, not covered by insurance devices and procedures that they were used to doing for their patients. I moved on to knee replacements but have continued seeing their nurse practitioners for steroid injections into my post-Covid inflamed hip bursa. These guys can slip a needle into a joint with minimal pain, I suppose because they do a lot of it.

    6. I have lumbar arthritis, and so did my mother and grandmother. It sucks and I’m really sorry you’re going through it. Treatments for spinal arthritis are limited, and to some extent, the type of doctor you choose will impact your treatment options. Orthopedists are surgeons, so you’re more likely to have surgery if you go that route. PT and steroid injections are common less-invasive treatments, but it sounds like you need a new physical therapist. If you can find a rheumatologist, you may be able to identify the type of arthritis you have and come up with a long-term plan.

      1. This. My daughter was a competitive gymnast and needed several rounds of PT for various issues. The only ones that were effective were at the sports PT practice associated with our local D1 university that also had a PT school. I have hypothesized several reasons for this. 1) A higher skill level. 2) A true focus on return to full function/athletic performance. 3) Lots of demand so they didn’t have the incentive to keep you coming twice a week in perpetuity the same way that the local place that served mainly little old ladies did.

  4. I am looking for a cardigan jacket like the J.Crew Emilie but in true white. The style is ubiquitous, but I cannot seem to find white, rather than cream. Any ideas?

    2. The J. Crew one is already a very, very light cream. Is this one white enough?
      https://www.anntaylor.com/clothing/sweaters/cata000011/827857.html?dwvar_827857_color=9192&dwvar_827857_size=700&currency=usd&country=US&cid=PLA_AT_GGL_BRD_PMAX_AT_GGL_RTN_Sweaters%7CSweaters&ogmap=PLA%7CRTN%7CGOOG%7CSTND%7Cc%7CSITEWIDE%7CCORE%7CPMAX_AT_GGL_RTN_Sweaters%7CSweaters%7C%7C18209833329%7C&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwiYOxBhC5ARIsAIvdH50CfREMCKjF2K3QZpgF065ZmDVJ_DcpcvjelMhBUWu5JXo2auZfjssaAmhaEALw_wcB

    3. I have the Nic + Zoe Fringe Mix Jacket in “paper white.” The links are giving me trouble but it’s at Nordstrom and Bloomingdale’s.

  5. I found a Karl Lagerfeld one at Nordstrom Rack. This ain’t Chanel but it is white and I wear it a ton.

  6. Are there books for older children navigating care for elderly relatives who live far away? I wish we had a geriatric social worker in the family but I am figuring out things in my own as parents slowly slid and managed mostly OK. But dad is a cancer survivor with some ongoing unrelated issues and mom just got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, stage 4. So things are changing. She has stopped driving but could. He drives. No local family and I am a plane ride away. In a house in the country, but with two good neighbors, one set of which is my age. Money is thankfully not a problem but at some point we will have a very sick woman in a house where all bathrooms are upstairs, that sort of thing. How often do you check in on a widower? What if your daily call is not returned promptly (keep calling, loop in neighbors, place welfare check as last resort)? How to tell absent catastrophe if dad should stop driving?

    1. No advice but here for the comments. My mom died suddenly almost two years ago, and now my dad lives alone out in the country in a very rural area. He’s fine for now, but….

    2. I’m sorry you are in this situation. I will be soon too I think. I have found the AARP’s web-based caregiving resources helpful for things like thinking through all of the questions that need to be asked, making plans, etc. This guide is a good starting point:
      https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/prepare-to-care-planning-guide/
      But they have a ton of free info and resources, including state-based guides.

    3. First things first:
      1. Do you already have POA? If not, get that in place ASAP. I cannot stress this enough. This is one where you MUST “do the thing.”
      2. Talk to your dad about a retest at the DMV. In some states, anonymous people can write in and request a retest for someone. This is what we did for my relative with dementia and she did indeed lose her license (actually, she had let it expire, but wasn’t able to renew it).
      3. Set up Find My location tracking on all the iPhones and iPads. This is a good way to keep an eye on where someone is without calling every single day.
      4. Look up geriatric social workers in the area. We finally found a good one and she has been a lifesaver, although it is costly.

      My advice comes from experience with someone with dementia and your challenges may be a little bit different, but I do strongly support the first point for any kids involved in their parents’ care.

      1. OP here. #1 is fine; #2 isn’t for right now (Mom is often in the can and she’d be sure to say something or report to me if things seemed unsafe; the concern is when it’s just him and I don’t know that he has backed into 5 things this week, etc.).#3: Mom has an iPhone and we follow each other; Dad is resisting getting anything beyond a basic TracPhone, but will inherit hers but will he get how to use all this? perhaps eventually. #4: is there a certification to look for or an org they tend to belong to? We are just aware of some who work with the hospital (possibly for the hospital, so not sure if they also freelance).

      2. On #3 – Apple watches too. Mom fought it but became a huge adapter when she realized it could page her iPhone. (Real reason for purchase was tracking + fall detection)

        1. This is making me feel ancient but ping my iPhone is one of the most commonly used features of my Apple Watch haha

    4. My MIL was living alone 4 hours away. DH had installed a simple Ring security system during a hospital stay to keep an eye on things. In addition to wearing a pendant that she could (in theory) summon assistance with, the Ring system could detect if there was movement in the house so that my husband could tell if she really wasn’t moving/able to answer the phone, or just that she’s left the phone off the charging base (she didn’t like cell phones). Saved him from a frantic call to 911 more than once.

    5. Honestly it sounds like once mom is gone, dad is going to need to stop living alone. It’s not fair to place the day-to-day responsibility on the neighbors. Sadly, I think he’s going to either need live-in care or to be moved to assisted living. What you describe is not sustainable and it’s not going to get any better over time. I know for my parents, they were managing okay until they weren’t and then it was a crisis.

        1. This times a million. The full set. Durable POA for health care. Generic POA for handling finances and contractual obligations.

      2. IDK how you get adults who are currently managing to agree to assisted living (that they may not need today), especially if they are in the midst of intense caregiving like this. And after, they will be in some intense grief in an empty house. I feel like it would seem to be a lot of change.

        And for the rest of us: we scoff at The Villages, but maybe there is a point to moving from a house to at least a retirement community as we age, because at that point it won’t be ripping off the bandaid of suddenly leaving the house you’ve raised your kids in with a spouse who isn’t here anymore. Maybe we need to gradually make transitions so that the final ones aren’t so abrupt?

        1. My MIL recently bought a house in a 55 and up community and it’s been great. She bought new house (so very little maintenance) and the community’s activity center has a pool, gym, a bunch of classes/clubs, etc. HOA takes care of all lawn care, snow removal, etc.
          I also appreciate they have internal support mechanisms built in, like a group of volunteers who can drive each other to appointments, etc.
          It really has worked out well, because it felt like a step up in some ways versus maintaining a bigger home/property in the country.

          1. I hear you, loudly. And yet, I find myself at 53 with a middle-schooler, so pretty sure I’m not really going to fit in until the kids are at least in college, if not through it. [How is it if you have boomerang kids who need to come back to live as they get launched? Frowned upon? Or not allowed at all?]

        2. In my limited experience, it takes a [preventable] crisis to force an adult into assisted living who doesn’t want to be.

          1. Yes, most definitely. When I moved my parents to asssisted living (in a crisis), I discovered that many if not most people who end up in those places do so as a result of a crisis.

            People, talk to your parents. Make it clear that they need to have a long-term plan. And if they refuse to make a plan, the plan they are making is for other people to decide what happens to them.

    6. What we did in my family all in the pre-Facetime, early cell phone days: (1) Installed a chair lift. At first, grandma only used it for sending the laundry baskets up and down but she adopted it over time. House had multiple staircases so it was less intrusive. (2) Someone (child, grandchild) came to visit every six weeks or so to take care of stuff (change lightbulbs, plant flowers in the flower bed, take her to dinner, etc.). (3) House keeper came once a week, and we had an aide/assistant come twice a week to buy groceries, pick up meds, take her to appointments, etc. This worked for stubborn grandma who lived well into her 90s in a 150 year old house, only going into a nursing home for the last few months.

      1. This is excellent, practical advice.

        They will need a lot of help, likely soon.
        Stage 4 pancreatic cancer can progress very rapidly.
        I encourage you to visit as soon as you can, and look into FMLA options at your work.

    7. Not to sound catastrophic, but you or dad need to contact palliative care/hospice ASAP and get that lined up in case mom needs it. There are always exceptions but pancreatic cancer, stage 4 is more often than not very quick and aggressive. We’re talking months, typically. It may not be long until dad will be on his own, accelerating the conversation of whether he should move into assisted living or not.

      1. I agree with this. My mom died in the hospital before Hospice could get to her. The social worker at the hospital was trying to arrange it, but it takes a while, and mom died while waiting. She had a long illness but we only knew for sure it was “the end” for about a week.

    8. I just want to add a cautionary note: I do not see anything in OP’s post to indicate that Dad is not mentally fit. She is getting excellent suggestions, but some would be privacy concerns at best and illegal at worst unless he has consented. (It reminds me of the person who posted here that her family took the keys from an elderly family member and he called the police, who gave them back to him because that was theft.)

      Also, OP – I suggest not borrowing trouble regarding your dad right now. Get through the crisis with your mother first and then talk to him about what he wants to do next after a few months. And remember (and believe me when I say I know this is easier said than done), he is a competent adult. You can set limits on how much help you are prepared to offer. You do not get to dictate to him what he does or where he lives.

      I am sorry about your mother’s diagnosis.

      1. What if mom agrees to all of this and dad, in his grief or hard of hearing-ness, sort of forgets that it was done and then flips out afterwards at child’s intrusiveness? “But mom said it was OK” may not go far at that point.

        1. If mom consents to monitoring, etc. and then dies, OP would need dad’s consent to continue. His wife cannot consent on his behalf. In fact, I doubt she could agree on his behalf while she is still alive. But that is premature at this point. Nothing OP said indicates that ANY level of monitoring would be needed while both of her parents are still alive.

          Frankly my suggestion is to deal with one crisis at a time. OP’s mom has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. The family needs to deal with that now. I agree with talking to her health care providers about the availability of hospice care and when that referral is appropriate and how to handle the issue of no downstairs bathrooms. Mom’s doctor probably has good suggestions here and a lot is location dependent. If they do not have a durable power of attorney for healthcare, who that holds that and her wishes need to be discussed. Barring a sudden decline in Dad’s health or functionality, next steps for him can wait and will depend on what he wants to do.

  7. I am often feeling mentally overwhelmed at work. I technically have enough time to get everything done, but it seems to be a problem with summoning the mental energy and needing to switch gears frequently to fit everything in. This is especially true on heavy meeting days. I feel mentally scattered all the time, even though I know I’m capable of doing the work. Also, I am a manager, so I tend to prioritize being responsive to my team over blocking out time for my projects. Yes, I do struggle with anxiety and take an SSRI for that. So, how does one effectively manage their time when they are an anxious, type A perfectionist? Because things are pretty darn bad right now.

    1. This sounds like burnout from change fatigue (generally happening at work and in the world), combined with a personality trait, which is where I found myself a couple years ago as a manager in an in-house legal department 2 years ago. I felt exactly how you describe and being a manger wasn’t helping. I felt sometimes like I was in a fog or just confused, scattered. The only way I can describe it as “I couldn’t think straight.” For me what helped were two things – 1) identifying less obvious sources of anxiety that were in my control, and making changes there, and 2) finding ways to “fill up my cup” (do things that really make me feel joyful and happy) which helped to counteract the negative things I could not control. So an example from the first category was that I discovered during covid I have a fear of heights. It’s not major, but it does impact me to the point where I get anxiety from being on the ground floor. A part of me was not willing to admit this fear for a long time, but it was real to me. I couldn’t control where my office was located (2nd floor), but my family did move to a single story house and it has helped a lot! I know not everyone can make big changes like that, but the idea is to identify the controllable sources of anxiety (even if they seem strange or small or big, or whatever they are) and give yourself permission not expose yourself to that source of anxiety. An example from the second category was that I realized I enjoy connecting with people in low key settings, so I added weekly volunteering with my kids school and church activities and it really brings me a lot of happiness and reduces my anxiety.

    2. Can you narrow down your list to a shorter one that only fits on a post-it note? I find that helps me when my overall list feels overwhelming – the post-it limits what I can put on it and as long as I cross off the items on that list, I’m okay with my day. Anything after that is bonus.

    3. I have a similar job with lots of meetings and often feel similar to what you described. I started writing a very short to do list every morning (like just three things) and that has helped keep my guided towards working on my priority tasks between meetings and emails. It also makes me feel like I’ve gotten something done that day when I otherwise might feel like I worked all day and got nothing done. It’s not a total solution but has helped me a little.

    4. I’m not anxious so take this with a grain of salt but, to do lists with prioritization and fully embracing that perfect can be and often is the enemy of done. Good enough is almost always good enough, so that’s fine by me. I don’t have time for everything to be “perfect” and my perfect isn’t going to be the same as everyone else’s perfect anyway soooooo.

      This approach has worked well for me – I keep getting excellent reviews, promotions/raises, and retention bonuses.

    5. * Look at your meeting schedule and decide what is and isn’t important–can you delegate to someone else? If you have to attend the meeting, is there a way to move them onto the same days? For example, I worked somewhere with a “no meeting” Friday rule that was pretty much respected. Those Fridays were heavenly for getting my deep thinking and writing projects done and giving a mental breather from having to feel “on” for calls.

      * Do you have to be present for every meeting or would a transcript or video recording (that can be sped up) do? (For example, I worked at a marketing agency where our project manager would send me meeting clips and note a time stamp for pieces that pertained to my small part of a much bigger project )

      * Block out some project time on your calendar and hold it just as sacred as other meetings.

      * Gain control over team requests: Schedule a recurring weekly 1:!1 check-in meeting with your team leads and/or hold “office hours.” Try to put that time next to other points of time that otherwise aren’t deep thought (beginning of day, end of day, next to lunch or next to a recurring meeting). That should hopefully minimize the need for a lot of instant message chats. Try to chunk focus hours together as much as possible.

      *Organize your day by priority. I keep a running list of what needs to be done for the day and a separate list of “longer term”–visually knowing what is and isn’t a priority for the day frees up a lot of mental space.

      * Protect your mental health. Give yourself a set “off” time for the day and hold yourself to a decent bed time. Look for time to get outside and go for a walk to help relieve stress and connect you to the bigger world.

  8. Do you think AI will displace a lot of jobs? I think yes. I use AI at work, and I already see how it would reduce the need for number of bodies because it can help you do more in less time. I suppose the hope is AI will also create new jobs that will be even better and higher paying than the ones it displaces, and / or we’ll have a system where people can enjoy technological progress and not have to work all the time (HA HA).

    1. AI can not do any ‘original thought’ so it’s good for researching and summarizing but that’s about it. In my policy role it can be used for summarizing things, but not writing new policy so it’s kind of helpful, but not really since ultimately I’d still want to read all relevant documents before writing up a policy, guideline, law etc (before anyone flames me I’m not American, in my country policy staff actually write laws and lobbying is a very arms length thing with minimal impact).

      1. You really have to know your topic if you’re relying on AI for research. I’ve tried it for fun on several niche topics that I know a lot about, and it just got it blatantly wrong. It would be so embarrassing to turn in anything as work that AI generated.

    2. It’s definitely going to impact our qualitative research. It can already summarize findings from interview transcripts somewhat well.

    3. Absolutely. Just like in the industrial revolution, machinery and manufacturing made a lot of jobs obsolete (and created others), the same will happen here in the information age, AI will make certain jobs obsolete, and create new industries that did not exist before. I think a simple example is a toll booth operator – these jobs have largely been replaced by technology and AI billing for years now, though there are local pockets where you will still find people who are toll booth operators.

    4. I don’t know, I think prior to the desktop PC, there were a cohort of admins to do important tasks but ones that didn’t need a huge degree of expertise. I’m an academic and previous generations didn’t have to book their own travel, do their own references, type stuff up, make their own slides, transcribe interviews, etc. Now we have to do all that (loads admittedly made easier by the existence of PPT,) plus manage our online profiles, deal with greater pastoral care burdens, do loads of public facing stuff, and publish loads more. I wonder if AI has the potential to reduce some of that admin burden, letting us focus on things that AI can’t do?

      I’m currently paying for GPT4 because it saves me so much time with little tedious tasks, and I know I’m not exploiting its true potential.

      1. I’m a lawyer in government and we used to have a typing pool! When I started here 15 years ago, there were still several much older attorneys who did not type or use computers, and our receptionist would type documents for them (and yes, print out all their emails).

        From what I’ve seen so far, AI seems like it will be great for eliminating a lot of junior-level work (like summarizing, or preparing nice looking slides from notes). It also seems like it will get better at handling or routing routine requests. But it’s very far from ready to reproduce the real thinking work done by most professionals.

        1. The problem is that if you don’t learn to do that junior level work, you won’t be able to learn enough to advance.

    5. I’m curious to see where this goes, myself…

      But from the Google AI generated summaries that pop up when I search for various medical related topics, it is unsettling how many errors/misappropriations/inaccurate summaries that I have seen pop up at the top of the pages. NEVER rely upon those. Look for a published paper from a noteworthy medical/scientific source.

      1. yeah, some of my colleagues use the AI thingy that sends out summaries after a zoom meeting, and it is doing a very very bad job. Literally capturing the wrong information such as saying X is a priority, when we actually agreed it was not a priority.

    6. It’s interesting because part of my job is reviewing grant applications and I can absolutely tell which ones have used AI to help the writing. And it’s always terrible writing.

    7. Honestly, not really. I am not worried about my job (lawyer) and I am waiting to make a more firm determination about other jobs until after the copyright infringement/IP stuff shakes out. These public LLMs need to be able to grab as much information as possible (assuming good data) to teach the models and if they can’t, well that stymies the usefulness of the models. For example, everyone knows that Google is purposely ignoring OpenAI scraping YT because it’s doing it too, even though for at least OpenAI the scraping violates the YT terms of use, but if crack downs on this type of scraping happens well . . . That at least somewhat changes the AI game.

      We have an in-house AI pilot happening and right now it’s not even remotely useful and not yet providing a benefit over what humans do.

      My GC is also VERY conservative and we are going to be very slow adopters at my employer.

      Shrug.

    8. Yes it will displace a lot of jobs since it will save a lot of time for people who know how to use it, however it won’t displace all jobs and the people who learn to use AI even moderately will be okay (because you will need a human to use it) and the people who have the big idea generation/know how the systems work will be okay because they are still needed to direct all the people.

      I cannot wait for AI to be able to read an email and start a whole file folder, including logging the new project in a database, giving it the right project number, saving the necessary excel files and filling in the basic information. We do that over and over again and it’s a series of clicks and data entry that isn’t hard but I can easily see how it could be automated. I might not even need AI for this but Im also not technical enough to figure out how to shortcut all of that.

      For tech podcasts that discuss this topic, check out Hard Fork and Pivot. Both are really great.

    9. I think we’re a ways off from that happening in a lot of roles/industries, but definitely will have an impact. For example, graphic designers are still absolutely needed to direct & review & guide AI, but in the not so far future, there will be a lot less of them needed on some teams as AI can do some things SO quickly and already do them very well. (like versioning product shots/backgrounds. Human faces, not so much)

    10. I’ve worked with AI implementations, and at least in my experience,I believe it may transform jobs and reduce headcount, but it won’t fully displace them. An example is autonomous medical coding. The technology exists now, and is being used in many major health systems. All medical records in scope for autonomous coding are sent through the AI, and it codes only those it can complete with a high level of confidence. The remainder still go to coders. So it may reduce staffing by up to 50%, but it doesn’t replace people entirely. And since there is constant change and regulation in the industry, subject matter experts are needed to continuously monitor and train the AI. These are more complex, higher-paying jobs that were created by the AI implementation.

    11. I’m not worried. I know a lot of people who worked or have worked in AI. Other than the hypebeast tech bro types who have their own interests in pumping up the volume, there is no good use case for AI that would displace most jobs.

      1. Maybe not right now, but surely you can see that it’s coming in the not-so-distant future?

  9. A few posters have mentioned books or resources over the years to better understand / track / live with / manage menstrual cycle symptoms. I’m looking to compile a list and order a few books / watch some things – please share if you have any you like!

    1. This is not exactly what you are looking for in terms of managing your own health, but you might like Periodical by MSNBC, which I suspect you can find online or on demand.

    2. Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler (don’t be alarmed by the size, it’s a quick and interesting read)

    3. Dr. Jen Gunter has a substack called The Vajenda with excellent, frequent posts. She also has a new book out about menstruation called Blood: The Science, Medicine, and Mythology of Menstruation.

    4. I don’t love the author’s credentials, but I seriously benefited from the Period Repair Manual when I took some of its questions to my PCP.

      Nancy’s Nook on Facebook is worth knowing as a resource.

  10. Is it just me or are dresses thinner and thinner these days? I feel like it’s basically mandatory to wear Spanx under all dresses these days to avoid showing it all.

    1. Agreed. This reminds me I bought a dress the other day from a cheaper brand and I was *shocked* it had a liner!

    2. I’ve worn a slip under my dresses twice this week – one a full slip and another just a skirt slip. (I can’t stand the way spanx and its ilk feel, particularly in warm weather, so prefer slips to get the coverage and keep the air flowing.)

  11. Low stakes question:

    I received a gorgeous pair of earrings for a milestone birthday. Unfortunately, the backings are slightly too big for the posts. Where can I buy replacement earring backings in sterling silver? Is a jeweller my best bet?

    1. They have a ton at Amazon but if you want to be sure they fit a brick and mortar jeweler might be better.

    3. While kinda pricey, I bought a pair of Chrysmela earring backs that I wear with all earrings — they 100% stay on no matter what. I was constantly losing earrings and have not lost a single one since I changed to the Chrysmela backs.

    4. Your jeweler can thread the posts and fit backings so that there is pretty much zero chance of losing an earring from your ear. I do this with any set of earrings that has real value or sentimental value because I am a champion earring-loser.

  12. Wanted to share a new to me brand – Dudley Stephens. It’s ‘elevated’ athleisure – lots of pullovers/sweaters/sweatshirts for preppy moms. It goes on sale frequently and seems to be a unicorn of washable, holds up well, and looks great on zoom calls. I’ve got a few of the ‘terry fleece’ tops and they are perfect for the weird spring weather that goes from warm to chilly in an hour.

    1. My Tuckernuck friends have been all over this. I have a dupe for the big fleecey turtleneck from the Gap from several winters ago.

  13. I turn 40 this year and am a mom of 3. Even though I have worked in professional management settings my entire career, I feel like I dress very young. Can you recommend some brands to help me mature my style? I’m thinking Boden, but maybe at a slightly lower price point?

    1. Talbots. Depending on your location’s demographics, you may have to order online for workwear, but there are often good sales, they’re good about returns and the sizing is consistent.

      1. I feel you just have to know your body and your style.

        I have bought some of the best washable work pants there that I washed and wore multiple times a week back when I was post-partum. I’m a pear and not everything there works for me, but their stuff wears like iron and the washable stuff is durable and made of quality fabric.

        I need a new suit and will try there first in the fall.

        1. That was my point. The OP wants mature-looking brands, and Talbots firmly satisfies that request. No one is going to mistake a Talbots suit for something a 20 year old wears as satirical clubbing attire.

          1. I personally find it offensive to recommend Talbots in general, but especially to a 39 year old. By “mature”, I assumed she meant sophisticated/polished not literally just an older person.

            I get that not everyone cares about clothes. Some people just want to look socially acceptable and be comfortable at a low price point, but OP can do better than Talbots.

          2. Offensive? Really? LOL. I’ve had Talbots pieces in my rotation since my early 20s (in my late 40s now). In most circles, any outfit in their catalogue would be considered polished and appropriate for its intended occasion. It’s not on the cutting edge of fashion, and that’s not what the OP was asking for.

          3. yes lol. I think i’m triggered by Talbots because it reminds me of my own mortality.

    3. What don’t you like about your current style – do you feel like you’re too casual or something else?
      Also I’m 37 and recently clicked through a Chico’s ad before I realized what I was doing.

      1. OP here- I think it’s the cuts. My 39yo body is not the same as my 27 yo body and the same cuts are just not flattering anymore. Separate (but possibly related) is that I WFH now (lawyer) and have very few video calls, so yes I think it’s also just dressing too casual. (How many days have I worn running shorts or yoga pants and done neither?) Talbots looks great and I see what others are saying that you can find the right styles and cuts there that look age-appropriate without looking stodgy.

    4. Target’s Merona brand, on Poshmark or used locally, is another option at about the lowest possible price point.
      I miss Merona. Target really punched above its weight with that line.

      2. I completely agree. Merona was the best. The new Target lines have some similar styling but the quality has been really bad imo. I also liked Old Navy circa 1999. I think I still have a pair of wool pants that look great from back then.

    5. I am the same demo and I wear a lot of Everlane both for work and casual. Everything is pretty low maintenance and there are regular sales.

      1. I’ve been intrigued by Saint and Sophia. Can you speak to their quality, sizing, ease of returns, customer service?

        Thanks!

        1. I purchased a bag and liked it a lot! no experience on returns but it seemed high quality. Also they often have deals on Shop (the app linked to the payment option — I think the deal is called “Shop Cash”?) that up the discount. I’ve been eying a few dresses but haven’t ordered yet…

        2. I have some cropped pants and a knit top from them. I find it TTS for a pear shape. The quality is better than I expected for the price.

    7. I’m a little bit older than you. I had the same transition in how I liked to present myself. The reality is I have to spend more per item to get the style I want.

      I have far less clothes today than I did 5 years ago. Literally 8 office dresses and 4 jackets. Ann Taylor for basic and Akris for big boss board room style meetings. I really like my Hugo Boss dress too. For shoes I wear a 3” heel because I still can and it brings me joy. Cole Haan suits my feet. Nine West is also good but the lining of their shoes is now plastic which I hate. If you prefer flats wear flats. It’s called f u 40 for a reason.

      I do recommend reviewing your skincare. My skin changed and I wasn’t on top of it. I’m liking the Japanese skincare. I started with cle de peau and transitioned to Habo Labo Tokyo which is a small fraction of the cost.

      1. people telling you to shop at Talbots because you’re turning 40 is making me sad because that’s only a few years away for me.

        I agree on spending more per item and I second the Hugo Boss and Akris rec. I also think Veronica Beard does our age range well. I got a 100% wool suit there for 70% off recently. I follow social media of brands that inspire me and try to emulate the styling, even if I have to buy cheaper versions of some pieces.

        I keep a wishlist of expensive items I like and when I’m in a waiting room/watching something boring my partner wants to watch on TV I’ll google items to see if anything from my list is on sale. I like to think that my wish list manifests sales. I’m currently waiting on a particular Victoria Beckham dress, Nili Lotan suit, Cinq a Sept blazer, and DVF dress to go on sale.

    8. Not sure why there’s so much hate for Talbots. I skew preppy and classic, and I’m both tall and cusp sized. I’ve worn Talbots since my 20s. They have really, really high quality pima tees (their bateau neck pima tees are perfect “liner” but slightly dressy tees). They have very good quality pants. And if you choose wisely, they do have some classic pieces.

      You don’t have to style yourself in head-to-toe Talbots or wear what they wear, but they still have good quality clothes at reasonable price points. You don’t have to wear all of it–some of it may not be for you. But they have cute stuff! Swear!

      1. +1 on the tees. The curved neck, scallop hem is my favorite.
        Even some of the silly stuff can be fun… I wear the heck out of a cotton button down with a cute dog print on it. Everyone already knows I’m a dog person and I love it with jeans and a sweater vest on a casual day. It makes me happy, so I wear it, even if the target demo is 25 years older.

      2. My theory is it is their print ads. They are very active 70s, goes on a cruise, or shopping with friends vibes. When you have 8-10 items on a page, all ultra colorful and all matchy matchy, that skews older. Individually the items are nice, if you like colorful. But when you advertise ALL the pieces as part of a head to toe look, with as many items as shown as possible, that’s not ‘fashion’.

    9. I turned 40 this year, and totally get what you’re saying. I think focusing on adding a 3rd piece, belts and lip color are all helpful in maturing a look. I actually made my 1st Talbots purchase this year, returned half of it and kind of regret what I kept. I’m not old enough and the quality isn’t as great as It thought it’d be.

    10. I too have shopped at Talbots since I was in my 20s. When I was plus sized, they were the few places that also had a large plus petite section. But also, when I just wanted a basic dress or skirt that came to my knees, it’s a great place to look in a reasonably affordable budget. Plus they’re located more places like Ann Taylor. I still buy lots of sweaters there.

      1. I have to go wear jackets/blazers for work, and I really like the ones I have from Talbots.

  14. A couple life changes, like a new job with new schedule and lots of personal travel, have gotten me out of my healthy eating and workout routines. I’m up about 10 lbs from where I was in the fall and about 15-20 lbs from where I want to be.

    I know the basics of how to get back to being healthy; however, I need to “kick start” this. Whenever I go back yo healthy habits it really, really helps me to have some level of quick success (even if it’s not sustainable) to stay motivated. So, does anyone have tips for a kickstart (losing a few pounds relatively quickly) that will make me successful?

    Some relevant info: I’m a 5’4 pear, age 30, usually a side 4-6 but currently a size 8 (which means a lot of my clothes don’t currently fit). I have a desk job where I work 4 10s, which means I need quick but impactful workouts on days I work but also means I have time for long workouts 3x a week.

    I have access to a full but basic gym both at my office and near my apartment. I used to take lifting classes (at a gym near my old job) but both gyms now don’t have classes. I like to run, bike, hike, play various sports, and lift, but I’m not very knowledgeable about putting a program together for myself.

    I eat everything, I’ve just been lazy and relying on convenience foods too much lately. When I’m being healthy I usually do a protein smoothie or chia pudding for breakfast, a grain bowl with chicken and veg for lunch and a salad with fish or chickpea pasta with sauce for dinner. My snacks could be improved, as could be my ice cream habit, too much half and half in my coffee, and social drinking. But, those things are unlikely to change.

    I want (or need) to get back in shape for several reasons: I am not comfortable in my body, my clothes don’t fit, my hobbies are active and I can still do them but they’re more fun when I’m fit, and finally, I have a childhood friend’s wedding in mid July and I’m going to be seeing a lot of people I haven’t seen in a decade and I want to look good!

    I’ll take any suggestions, tips, or encouragement this board has!

    1. I have used a three-day boost to start. Clean eating. No alcohol or caffeine. Some form of cardio every day. After three days, you will be ready to glide into something sustainable.

    2. You can simply do a seven day fast to reset. Then you will know what hunger feels like and start to reset when you are eating, eating to satiety, and overeating.

    3. You could lose lbs just from cutting out or cutting back on social drinking. Do you often snack or eat a heavy meal when you drink? Do you have the energy to work out or prepare healthy meals the next morning?

      1. Yes, I could lose a few pounds that way but not the full 20. I drink a few drinks a few times a week (probably one drink twice a week and then one night (Friday or Saturday) a week when I have 2-3 drinks) and I change my eating habits on days I drink. For example, yesterday I met up with a friend for happy hour where I had one glass of red wine and then came home and ate a salad for dinner.

        I’m usually fine to workout or meal prep or cook healthy food after drinking. On the occasion I’m not, it’s for other reasons (such as five hours of back to back meetings during lunch) not because I drank the night before.

    4. Get an Apple Watch. I always thought they were ugly and I didn’t want to be one of “those” people getting constantly distracted by watch notifications. But I find closing the rings pretty motivating. It’s dumb but it works. It tracks my heart rate so it knows when I’m exercising whether I tell it I’m doing a workout or not. I’ve been walking 2+ hilly miles a day recently and a lot the motivation is just the feedback I get from the watch.

      I’m sure a fit bit is similar for strictly fitness, but
      I really like how the Apple Watch seamlessly integrates with my iPhone.

      1. I have (and am addicted to) a Garmin watch. I’m usually training for something (I usually run 2-3 half marathons and triathlons), but took the winter off from training as I was adjusting to my new schedule.

        I have a July triathlon on the schedule so I’m easing back into training, but I’ve been less committed than I typically am, unfortunately.

        1. Lots of good advice upthread: I especially like the 3 day fast (or just fast alcohol for a week). I also think you should look into weightlifting (again). It is easy, quick, SO good for you, and won’t interfere with your running if you do it thoughtfully. I pay $30/mo for the Ladder app bc I have a garage gym. I love it! I’m doing weights 3x a week. Now I need to incorporate running :)

          1. I’ll look into this app, thank you. I loved lifting when I did it, I’ve just been out of the habit and seem to really, really be struggling to get back into it!

          2. I just signed go for a trial of Ladder and the intro class reminds me a lot of the lifting I used to do. Thank you for the recommendation! Looking forward to giving it a shot.

          3. Not sure if you’re still monitoring, OP, but I have never completed a better triathlon than when I was heavily weight training, so have fun and lift heavy sh!t!

    5. Cutting take out always helps me reset as planning 3 meals a day plus snacks makes me more conscious of what I’m eating.

      1. Luckily the only takeout (lunch on days I go to the office) I get is Sweetgreen. I know it can still be caloric, but I figure at least I’m getting several servings of vegetables. But, there are definitely better options for me.

        Or, it’s probably more impactful is healthier convenience food at home. Like I used to rely on a smoothie as my quick and easily meal but now I’m heating up a frozen meal or having a bowl of cereal (which isn’t unhealthy but also provides minimal nutrition).

        1. The same way you chose a healthier take out option, I would focus on stocking healthier convenience foods. Like maybe instead a bowl of cheerios, it’s a bowl of greek yoghurt with some chopped nuts and frozen fruit thrown on top.

      1. Ugh yes I unfortunately know that this is the answer. I’m really struggling with the discipline to do so, though.

        1. If there were a shortcut, none of us would ever have this problem. I’m not saying I’m always able to suck it up and just do it, but I haven’t found a way to life hack my way to discipline.

    7. I find if I plan my exercise for the week and write it down I’m much more likely to do it. Look into online weight programs like Caroline Girvan or KatB_fit, you can play them on your phone while at the gym. Shorter workouts for a few days a week, and longer workouts on the days you have more time. Walk everywhere you can. Drink water.

    8. My former boss paid for an expensive weight loss program with a bunch of supplements and passed along the “kickstart” program to me and recommended just doing that and not the supplements. The kickstart is basically a low carb/high protein meal plan with 4 meals a day. It worked great for me, gave me some great noticeable results quickly and I felt like I could go into maintenace after that. Convenience meals was the killer for me.

    9. The problem with a “quick start” is that you’ll gain it right back just as quick and get discouraged. There is no “quick start” for weight loss, because you’re just shedding water.

      Here’s what has worked for me to take off quite a lot of weight and to get in much better shape:

      * Cut way, way back on your social drinking. You can still go out with friends, but have something nonalcoholic and non-sugary, like soda with a splash of cran or other juice.

      * Get back on the lifting. There are SO many free or low cost programs to get you back on track. I’d recommend LIFTOFF: Couch to Barbell if you are starting from zero. Other good programs are Rise (Jason and Lauren Pak) and Persist (Marcus Filly), and they offer a lot of free content on Instagram. The other cool thing about lifting is that you will get “noob gains” – you’ll find yourself getting stronger a lot faster than you expect.

      * Eat more. If you eat too FEW calories, your body goes into famine mode and starts trying very hard to hold onto weight, plus you will get cravings for fatty, high-density food. Switch to eating more lean protein and veg, less salads. A program like MacroFactor or My Fitness Pal can help you figure out what your calorie goal is for slow and sustainable weight loss (no more than 1 pound a week).

      1. * Eat more. If you eat too FEW calories, your body goes into famine mode and starts trying very hard to hold onto weight, plus you will get cravings for fatty, high-density food.

        You have to be close to literally starving for this to happen, not just skipping your mid-afternoon snack for a few days in a row.

    10. Order a meal delivery plan for a month or two. Better than takeout because it’s calorie controlled and still convenient.

  15. Question for the lawyers – Will the employees who were just dismissed from Google for participating in the anti-Israel protests have a case to make about unlawful termination? It sounds like some trespassed in private offices and other things that were pretty clear violations of policies, but it sounds like there’s a question of whether these are legitimate protests about workplace conditions (because of Google’s contract with Israel).

    1. What is the workplace condition? A private company entered into a contract. If you don’t like it, work to change it legitimately through internal channels or leave. I call implicit antisemitism on this question.

      1. Absolutely not – I am 100% on the side of Israel, even though I do feel a lot of sadness for the women and children of Gaza. I personally think the employees should be fired but I don’t know enough about whether their claim that it’s a legitimate workplace action has any merit. Not a lawyer.

        Also, speaking purely selfishly, I’m over the protesters being so disruptive because it’s my nightmare to be trapped on a bridge as I drive into the city of SF for sensitive medical appointments. Believe me when I say my sympathy is at an all-time low…

      2. Genuinely curious, why is there implicit antisemitism in this question?

        I do agree with your other point questioning what workplace policy they could have been protesting, and private employers can make contracts with whoever they want.

        1. Because no one asks this question about contracts with any other country or organization. Only Israel and Jews.

          1. That isn’t true – there have been large protests against business with China, Russia, Saudi Arabia, and even anti-abortion states. I agree there’s a double standard for Israel, but it’s not automatically antisemitism to ask about workplace protest law.

          3. It is not antisemitism to question Israel’s actions in Gaza. That’s a tired excuse and doesn’t help you.

          4. The question was about yesterday’s protest. The protest was about Israel. The poster did not stage the protest. You have a point, just not here.

          5. China, Russia, Saudi Arabia and anti-abortion states = / = Jews & Israel. That’s the implicit antisemitism.

            No one is trying to kill Chinese civilians in their own homeland. Ditto Russia and Saudi Arabia and anti-abortion states.

          6. Anon at 12:57– What? Russia is killing Ukrainians in their own homeland. China is killing and imprisoning Uyghurs in their own homeland….

          8. FFS. Yup! There’s been literally no protest against any other country’s policies ever in tech! Only Israel!! /s

            At this point, just say you’ll are happy about the killing of Palestinian babies and just be done with it.

    2. That isn’t a workplace condition. If you don’t know that Google operates in virtually every country in the world and has contracts with everyone, that’s your own problem.

      1. Right, but do employees have a right to protest against workplace contracts that are NOT their own employee contracts?

          1. Sure, they can protest. But there is not right to be free of the consequences of your actions. That is the logic part that I don’t get.

        2. Lol no. What kind of crazy is this. You don’t have a right to protest what your private employer does.

      1. You do have some unionization-oriented rights that protect speech and protest around workplace conditions, but I agree that they don’t likely apply in this case – entering the building and private offices is different from picketing outside; and the argument “company works on X project = workplace conditions” is tenuous at best

    4. I’m not in CA so maybe there’s some state law that applies. But on a federal basis, employees of private companies don’t have a right to protest. Private employers can fire anyone for any non-discriminatory reason and political views aren’t a protected class. Very different story if you work for the government (federal, state or local) though.

      1. Both CA and NY have state laws protecting you from being fired for “lawful off duty” conduct but I’m not sure how “off duty” applies to salaried non exempt workers when their protest is really clearly linked to their status as Google employees (and of course the people who were arrested for entering the building/offices and not leaving) are not protected. It would be different if they were eg. writing letters to the editor or running a fundraiser to support WCK, entirely in their personal time with personal resources (which in many states, you /could/ still be fired for, same as you can be fired for rooting against your CEOs alma mater in March Madness; but in CA and NY, you are protected for)

        2. Before anyone jumps out to protest their employer’s acts (or anything else) please know that California’s protections are really, really limited. Talk to an attorney. It is complicated and partly depends on your employment contract.

          We just fired someone for something they posted on social media and he tried to raise this. We are confident he will lose if he actually sues. If you post racist, homophobic sh*t on your social media page – where you also post where you work – be prepared to lose your job over it. Similarly if you publicly criticize one of our biggest clients, you can expect to lose your job.

    5. I think that the problem is that people live like they are in a bubble and then find that, no, they aren’t in a consequence-free zone at all and then cry about that.

      1. It is hilarious to me that todays’s protestors seem to have missed the fact that civil disobedience and protest involve consequences (eg students freaking out if there are disciplinary consequences for shouting down/obstructing a speaker.) it’s called Letter from a Birmingham *Jail,* not Letter from a Birmingham Starbucks.

    6. The only person who can give you a sensible answer is an employment/labor lawyer who practices in California, because we have specific protections here and there are laws that protect employees for off-duty conduct in some cases. Anyone else is guessing.

    7. I suspect the employees are probably subject to arbitration as a condition of employment. So it’s likely we’ll never know. With a CA jury trial, anything is possible.

      1. I stand corrected. Google doesn’t require mandatory arbitration for employees.

  16. Anyone have experience with products that protect light colored suede from stains and dirt? I’m afraid to try regular leather spray on my new light-colored suede shoes in case it stains them…

    1. You want to avoid sprays that contain PFAS. Those chemicals are getting phased out because of their toxicity and it’s really not something you’d want to be tracking in to your house on your feet. I’d suggest just wearing the shoes in nicer weather.

    2. I’ve used Kiwi Suede & Nubuk Waterproofer Spray and been happy with it.

  17. Yesterday there were a couple of questions about contracts that went sideways and people potentially losing money. We are about to embark on a substantial renovation that will cost a ton of money. We’ve vetted the contractor and feel generally confident (he’s done a lot of work in our neighborhood). And yet, the contracts are with his business, and I’m keenly aware that the business could declare bankruptcy at any point and just take our money. How do you protect yourself from this? Is there additional insurance I should be considering?

    2. Set payments based on milestones and a final amount based on completion of the punch list.
      I recall my bank requiring I get construction insurance, but it was more about the materials and job site conditions than my already-paid money.

    3. There is something called a completion bond that does what you are describing. I’ve only seen them for large projects, where the lender is requiring it. Not sure if they are available for home renovation projects.

      But yes, the contract should spell out a payment schedule dependent on completion of specific phases/tasks. Ideally you’re doing the work with permits, so that there is a third party ensuring everything is to code. Once a task has been completed and signed off by the city inspector, you make a payment for that phase. If your contractor is asking you to pay large sums in advance without tying them to measurable goals, that is concerning whether he stays in business or not.

      If your project is large enough it may be worth getting a lawyer to look the contract over before you sign it.

    4. This is the bonded in licensed, bonded, and insured. In my state contractors have to have these, although I’m sure the amount required by statute hasn’t been raised in 30 years and isn’t enough to really cover everything if they did go out of business.

      1. Ask to see actual papers confirming all this if you care about it. We were looking to have some work done at our house and were told multiple times that the contractor was insured. When we asked for the papers, they couldn’t provide them, they were expired, or we were told they had a (laughable) policy that they only provide proof of insurance to current customers rather than prospective ones. Trust but verify.

  18. Has anyone found a way to get inexpensive magazine subscriptions? I’m trying to cut down on screen time and I think magazines would a fun substitute but there are so few at the grocery store these days and ones that are there are so expensive!

    1. Your public library! Some are available digitally, others in person.
      I used to hit my local Goodwill for back issues of Cook’s Illustrated, one I like to keep around

    2. Magazines sold individually are always super expensive relative to the cost of a subscription. I used to have yearlong subscriptions to a few magazines for the price of one or two issues at the store.

      1. Yes, and once you subscribe you will forever receive offers in the mail for cheap subscriptions!

      2. Just open up the magazine at the store and a card for like a $12 / year subscription will fall out. There are at least 3-4 in every magazine, in my experience.

        I like magazines. The ones I always go back to are Vanity Fair and Vogue. Excellent writing, interesting topics, and in the case of Vogue, some artful fashion photography/eye candy.

        I also like the New Yorker but that’s a weekly growing pile of guilt for me. I can’t keep up with it.

    3. The magazine store subscription websites. Cheap as can be. Though some magazines just don’t do discounts.

    4. Have you looked up teh cost of subscriptions for the magazines you want? I’m sure it’s cheaper than the cover price.

    5. Yes! The Libby app. I get Vogue, Bazaar, Town & Country, New Yorker, AD. All for free. They have hundreds available.

    7. Not print, but digital: If you have Kindle Unlimited, there are a lot there available for your e-reader. Your local library will also have e-magazines available through their database/s.

  19. Birdies — the hype is real, yes? My feet need some comfy shoes that don’t look wackadoodle or geriatric and that would also be OK at work.

    2. I love mine and constantly get compliments. I have a velvet loafer in turquoise and then just bought the same shoe in a medium/deep gray. Literally – the best.

    3. I haven’t tried Birdies, but I love Vionic. I am a 7.5 or 8, and the 7.5 fit me so well.

  20. The AskAManager commentariat would hate me today . . .my team is fully remote and we don’t have that much time built in to just chat or hang out. I scheduled a 30-45 minute online games session today and I actually think people had a good time and it was good for the team.

    1. LOL!

      My team is also fully remote and sometimes we use the built in games in Teams sometimes, just for a break.

    2. The AAM commenters are the most contrary and miserable bunch of miscreants. I liked doing stuff like that with my team when I was remote too.

    3. I love this! What games do you use for the team? I’ve got 8 people and curious!

    4. I think this really depends on the team. I have at least 12 hours a day of work and meetings. If someone adds 30-45 minutes to my day with something unnecessary (that I doubt I will enjoy), I am beyond annoyed.

      1. Yeah, honestly that was my immediate reaction. This would have gone over like a lead balloon with my team in corporate finance that all, including me, worked long long hours.

      2. Well, no one is working 12+ hours here. I know what work they do, this didn’t cause anyone to stay late etc. And, this is literally once in a blue moon. This is also a much younger group and some non-work interaction really is necessary. It’s definitely a know-your-workplace thing though. Here it was supposed to be 30 minutes but people were pretty into it so it went over. If I had squashed it at 30 mins I would have been the no-fun boss.

  21. Loneliness alert. Long time lurker. 40s, single, no kids, in a big city, in a demanding job. I have lots of close friends, but they are now scattered all over the country or have moved to the burbs or just aren’t generally available with young kids. I do have some groups I’m a part of (book clubs, volunteering, etc.), but I miss the days when I had my close friends around and we would make plans to see a concert or get food that night or week (life was good in our 20s!). Even when planning ahead, it gets demoralizing when I ask a bunch of people if they are available for something weeks out and they all say no (I don’t take it personally – we all have busy lives!). I sometimes go to events on my own, but it’s not my favorite. And if I don’t have plans on the calendar, I can end up with a whole weekend alone. Would love to be in a relationship, but online dating has never worked for me (yes, I have tried and tried) and haven’t had the luck to meet someone who sticks in real life – I’m picky, for sure, but also have a lot to offer, some people just aren’t lucky I guess! I end up traveling a lot to see family and friends, which is always great, but when I’m home with no plans for a full weekend, that always gets me down. Not generally depressed, but feel like I’m missing out and this wasn’t the way it was supposed to go. Anyway, just having a moment of feeling lonely, and hoping for some support from this group that has always kept me informed and entertained!

    2. In a similar life stage and I can totally relate. I agree that it’s really challenging when you have a zero plans weekend. People with spouses and kids have each other to fill that conversational void, so they don’t need plans for basic interaction. We do. So I make sure I have something on my calendar every weekend, even if it’s not the usual “plans” like dinner out with friends. Sometimes it’s a yoga or HIIT class. Sometimes it a lesson in something I enjoy. Volunteering has also been great for this—I feel engaged in my community, I’m helping others, and it gets me out of my own head.

      I also try to invite people over more for casual hangs, especially brunches. Then the socializing comes to me! I’m up front about the fact that there might be a little bit of clutter on the counter or maybe i didn’t fully wipe down the baseboards. People love to be invited over, and it’s sometimes easier than trying to plan a dinner.

      Even with all these strategies, I still sometimes end up alone for a full weekend with nothing on the calendar. In that case, I force myself to get out of the house and off my phone. I’ll go for a walk, read a book at a cafe, or browse local boutiques. Anything to get me out of the stir crazy anxiety phone refreshing mode that sets in when I’m home alone too long.

      Good luck! Thinking of you.

      1. Book club on the weekends has also been good in terms of having weekend plans!
        I wish my group of friends still hung out more without formal plans. I’ll hang out with you while you fold your laundry. I read an article about how 90% of what you do with friends people who you are often very close to, like in college was . . . nothing. A lot of hanging out in the quad, studying together, maybe getting coffee. Helping them move. Trying to cook.

        1. I think the adult version of this is errand running. I’m mid 30s, single no kids unlike almost all of my friends, and I’ve said to every friend with a Costco subscription “if you’re making a Costco run let me know,” or telling a (normal) gardening-enthusiast friend that I’m planning on making a trip to the garden store in the burbs if they want to join. My friends with kids love the farmers market on a weekend morning, so I’m often meeting them there. And that can turn into coffee at the playground, or a brewery in the summer, and maybe dinner and then its 8pm and I’ve filled my day in a very college-esque way. I think it does help that most of these friends I’ve known since we were just bumming around in college or even earlier so it feels normal. This was also much harder when the kids were babies in the strict nap schedule phase.

          1. This is a great idea. Before I had kids my friends would invite me to their kids events and sometimes I would go, sometimes not but it gave me weekend plans to get out at least. After I had kids I would invite one of my girlfriends who was single over to just hang out while I was doing stuff around the house, laundry, tidying… she would just hang out on by bed like a sister. We both enjoyed it and I didn’t expect her to help, we would just chat.

        2. This makes me so nostalgic for college. At the time you don’t realize how special it is to live with your friends and have so much free time to just hang out.

    3. Did I black out and write this? Sigh. And what someone else said below–I don’t always want to do PLANS, I’d be happy just hanging out and doing nothing, or doing chores or errands or whatever, but…hard to convince friends (especially introverted friends who have enough people-ing at work and with family!) Especially these days more and more if feels like so few of the people I know are still single/childless, by this age, and so many have moved away so I have great people in other cities, which doesn’t help….

    4. If you are not opposed to hanging with your friends’ kids, you could try to coordinate something for the kids – like, get together with them to see the monkeys at the zoo – and you and your friend could catch up while the kids play. Or offer to bring over a meal or pizza to enjoy with them one night. I know that is not the same as hanging out just with your friend though.

    5. Some senior centers look to have people come in to give their residents company or just sit with them, or play the piano for them or something – would you consider hangouts with a few older residents that might be mutually beneficial, since they’re lonely too?
      Someone else who is usually needy and lonely for company is kids! My 7yo used to play Monopoly with herself (moving both the coins, etc) because of lack of someone else to play with when I was WFH. Can you offer to spend a couple of hours playing board games with your friends kids in the 6-10 age category? This is the best age since they are pretty good company and often eager to have someone to talk to, and the parents often need a break.

    6. I hope you find someone- you sound lovely and reasonable and I’m sure there is that somebody out there for you who is looking to cure the same thing.

    7. No immediate suggestions, but some advice – maintain some sort of contact with the friends with children. At some point their children will age out of needing such a constant presence. When that happens you will likely be back to doing thing s with these friends. And at that point in their lives, some of these friends may well be glad to have non-child-enmeshed friends.

    8. Thank you for starting this thread
      In my 40s with kids and getting ready to divorce and share custody so I may have a few lonely weekends coming up… I feel ya

    9. These are such sweet comments – just the support I expected from you all! Totally agree on errand running and hanging with friends with kids – I do that often (my one friend’s kid always greets me with “what treats did you bring me today”?), and I’m an honorary aunt to many of my friends’ kids, which is seriously a delight. It’s mostly missing having my go-to person who you could call any time to hang out – just feeling nostalgic for my youth I guess, and a little stuck in my 40s. I am lucky to have a very good and fulfilling life, just good to know I’m not alone in having some down days/weekends feeling lonely. Planning out all my summer travel now to try and avoid those lonely weekends! Thanks everyone!

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