Deal Alert: The Huge Zappos Clearance Sale

19 Comments

1. I love Zappo’s! There prices are great! One time I wore the shoes outside and then decided I did NOT want them. B/c I could NOT return them, I gave them to my cleaneing lady.

2. looking for insider, not -well known tips on how to get into big brand name companies in California. More specifically Marketing Jobs (Content marketing, branding, not product marketing) in the San Jose/SF/Bay Area. Brand names meaning KPMG, Facebook, Samsung, ETC. Not the run of the mill tips like “Use linkedin, network, apply, edit your resume etc” — got those already. I am open to unconventional tips, not-so-well known methods, advice, etc! Thanks for any input :)

   1. If you want to do content marketing, I would look into working at Marketo, which is a marketing automation company. They’re located in San Mateo, often are hiring because they’re growing, and it’s a great place to work (I summered there). They are the West Coast version of Hubspot, but they are run and managed by adults.

   2. Go to Stanford Business School.

      1. Or probably Harvard. But I think all the best secret tips come from your already known tip of Networking.

3. Question for the hive: how and when did you know you wanted a family?

   I’m dating a lovely man who’s perfect for me in every respect. He’s nerdy (like me), extremely sweet and intelligent, with a strong moral compass and great politics. We’ve been together for a year and have met each other’s families, but we haven’t talked about the next step. We love each other and share many hobbies and interests, and even adopted a kitten together. It seems natural that we will at some point get married and start a family. Natural, that is, except for my own expectations from my life. I never thought I’d meet someone like that, and I wasn’t planning on getting married or having children. In fact, I was anti marriage and children for a long time, though I’ve “softened up” in the past few years. Watching my friends get married and have children has made me think that it can be a wonderful adventure. I’ve been told over and over again I’d be a great mom (because I’m kind but stern when needed, I’m a good teacher, etc.) by people who don’t have a particular agenda (as opposed to, say, my parents). More importantly, over the past few years, since before I met him, I caught myself planning what I would teach my children, the books I’d get them, how our life would be organized–even what breakfasts I’d make. But pregnancy and childbirth seem terrifying to me, not to mention the whole being off caffeine and alcohol for months/years thing and breastfeeding and sleep deprivation. >.<

   I know he wants at least one child, and he's also 9 years older than me, so he probably wants to get on it sooner rather than later, though as I said before we haven't talked directly about making an official commitment. He's an only child, not by choice (his mother had some health issues that prevented her from having more children), which means if we do get married there'll be a lot of pressure on us to start procreating.

   I'm worried that I'm only considering these things because I'm in a relationship with someone who wants them. I'm worried I'm committing to something I'm going to regret later in life. I'm in grad school, planning to finish my PhD within a year, and I don't know what I'll do afterwards, but I'm also worried that if I start procreating before I have a real job, I'll never enter the workforce. I've always envisioned a life as an activist/scholar/traveler, and I don't know what that kind of commitment (to a man, to a family) would do to that. I don't know if I should put off having children–are there real drawbacks to having them in your 30s/early 40s (besides increased difficulty getting pregnant), in terms of relationship with them, or energy levels? My parents had me and my brother in their mid- to late-twenties, so they keep claiming that's the best age but obviously they're biased.

   So Hive Mind: Have you regretted having children? Having them too early, or too late? Have you made the opposite choice–prioritized your "free spirit" vision of a future over having a family? Have you regretted it? I need some perspective from practical, focused ladies. Apologies if this all sounds ignorant/unsophisticated, but I'm kind of freaking out. :(

   1. Oh! Extra factor: I have an anxiety disorder and am prone to depression. This is important for two reasons: 1) I’m worried about the possibility of postpartum depression, and 2) my boyfriend doesn’t know about the anxiety disorder, and knows about the depression but not how bad it can get (at my low point, suicidal ideation, for which I sought immediate help). I haven’t told him these details yet, mostly because he’s a psychiatrist and I’m worried about our relationship having doctor-patient overtones. I will tell him eventually, I just need to figure out when and how, so any advice about that as well would be super useful.

      1. I think you should GO FOR IT! TODAY!!! He’s a littel older, but he’s an MD doctor and he must be abel to figure out that you are kind of a “complex” person. But for whatever reasons, he still want’s you MARRY him and to father his children with you, meaning that he has weighed your good with the bad, and is willing to take that chance with you and all of your issues. Do NOT loose him! Moreover, he is probabley makeing enough money so that you do NOT have to work to support yourself. You can alway’s work once the kid’s are in school, and believe me, it’s no picnic. I’d trade places with you in a heartbeat if I had found your guy. You are very lucky, so do NOT blow it with this guy b/c there are alot of schlubs out there who could NOT give you 1/2 of what this guy will.

   2. 1. Tell your boyfriend what is happening with you mentally now, and then talk to your therapist about your anxiety.

      2. Talk to your boyfriend about kids and marriage and life plans. You’re making a ton of assumptions about what he wants.

      3. Stop catastrophizing babies. You don’t have to be off caffeine and alcohol for years. Pregnancy is only 9 months, there’s no reason to give either up before you are pregnant, you can still have some caffeine while pregnant, you don’t need to breastfeed.

      4. Newsflash. You actually still get a life if you’re married with a baby. Deal with reality not your anxiety.

      1. Thanks for the response. I know I can still have a life with babies, I’m just not sure I can have the sort of life I always saw myself having. Again, apologies if this sounds ignorant–I’m aware this can all come across as grating to high-powered working mothers.

      2. My earlier comment got eaten. :/ Thanks for the response. I didn’t mean to imply you can’t have a life if you’re married with a baby, just that I’m not sure these things are compatible with the lifestyle I’ve always expected to have. I am aware my cluelessness might be grating to high-powered career women who are also mothers, and I apologize for that.

         1. No, I don’t think you are clueless or grating. I think you are letting your anxiety make the decision instead of reality. You don’t owe me or anyone else an apology, but I think you owe yourself and your boyfriend openness to possibilities.

   3. I think you should talk to your boyfriend now about your anxiety, though to be honest, I’d bet he already knows or at least suspects – this is his field, and it probably comes through even though you don’t realize it.

      The anxiety is fueling the “freaking out” over this topic, but these are real issues. For me, I absolutely don’t regret having kids, and doing so absolutely changed my career trajectory, but that was my choice, and I don’t regret it. I’m still a high-achieving chick, and in demand in my field. I went to a top 3 law school and did well there, then spent years in a big law job. I switched to part time to spend more time at home with young kids, but I could go back to full time/career first mode any day I want. But I don’t want to. My kids are still little (baby is 1). My priorities shifted. That’s me. Yours may not. You can still make career your first priority with kids. You get to choose, and you take it one day at a time. You will be exhausted sometimes. That’s just how it is. The alcohol/caffeine deprivation during pregnancy is no big deal. At all. Do not waste one second of your life needlessly stressing about that.

      Post on the morning thread for more responses. Best of luck to you.

      1. Thanks so much for the response. I’ll repost on the morning thread and try to be less rambly while at it.

   4. I’m following this because I have the very same freak out on a pretty consistent basis! The more I talk to my SO, the less freaked out I am; turns out I was making a lot of assumptions about how my life would basically be over, and the more we talked through our priorities and the child rearing choices we’d make, the more it started to come together in my mind. For instance, we compromised on number (he dreamed of having 3, but came around to ‘one and done’ for money, lifestyle, and freaked-out-by-pregnancy reasons), and talked through the support we’d have, the roles we’d each take (I’m confident he’d do at least 50% of the childcare work, unlike many men), and parenting styles (he’s adamant about a laissez-faire approach, so no devoting our schedules to carting kids around to a million activities. One of my chief sources of anxiety is that my identity and life will be subsumed by the little parasites).

      Not sure if this is relevant to you, but I think one factor is that I had a very dysfunctional upbringing by traumatized parents, while he had an incredibly loving, idyllic one with awesome hippie parents. I think a LOT of my anxiety and his lack of anxiety about kids comes down to this, sort of like how a child of a nasty divorce is likely to be more fearful of marriage/commitment than someone whose parents have an admirable relationship. That doesn’t mean they shouldn’t get married! Might be worth thinking about.

   5. Late 40s here. I never really wanted children, and I always thought that children deserved to be in a home where they were *wanted.* When I met my now-husband, he kind of wanted one kid, but was willing to be open-minded to not having one, and I in turn promised that I would be open-minded to change and wanting a child. Turns out he changed to not really wanting to have a child, and we both have no regrets at all.

      Do not let anyone tell you what you should or should not do regarding something so important as having a child. To those who always told me I’d be a good mother, I asked, but does that mean I absolutely must be one, then? To those who said (regarding my not-really liking children much) that it would be different when it’s mine, I asked, but what if it isn’t? You can’t return a child if you have second thoughts. And don’t let anyone minimize your mental health struggles regarding being a mother, either. You may well struggle with anxiety and depression on and off your entire life, or maybe not. I have a dear friend who deeply wanted her two children but has also been fighting depression for years that had her in near catatonia at times, and she is quite possibly headed toward divorce.

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   1. I miss the report button.

5. Are ‘smoking slipper’ style shoes on the way out, or are they a classic? Like velvet or mohair loafer style, or like the Charlotte Olympia shoes minus the kitties. If they’re classics, are there any great ones out there? Comfortable, durable, nicely designed but not insanely expensive. Thank you!

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