Holiday Weekend Open Thread

kate spade new york 'jewelbar' long station necklaceSomething on your mind?  Chat about it here. 

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, YOU GUYS! In keeping with Corporette tradition the posting will be lighter for the next week or so, but stay tuned for some year-end round-ups of my favorite clothes, suits, accessories, and posts (and feel free to use those as new open threads if you like). For the last Weekend Open Thread of 2012, I am dying for these long necklaces from Kate Spade, which kind of remind me of those long Chanel necklaces I’ve been ogling — but in a more fun, happy, affordable package. Each necklace is $98 at Nordstrom. kate spade new york ‘jewelbar’ long station necklace

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  1. Happy Holidays everyone! To those of you with huge deadlines in the following weeks, good luck and I hope you can relax soon :)

    • Yes, second all of that!

      And, I want to say HAPPY HOLIDAYS to Kat!!! And thank you again for the wonderful holiday gift of this site, an incredible community that is always there for me and where I have made so many incredible new friends. Have a happy holiday with your family, and THANK YOU!

  2. I love these necklaces but not sure if they’re worth $98.

    • eastbaybanker :

      I would agree. There is also an almost identical necklace in the sale section of some bay area JCrew stores right now, but I don’t see it online. But for a similar pop of color for $15, check out the JCrew Factory mini crystal and resin-link necklace. It comes in pink, blue and cobalt.

  3. Yay! Open Thread’s! I love open thread’s! There can, by definition, be NO Threadjack’s!

    I am waiteing for Myrna to come over with her exercycle. She is loaning it to me b/c I told the manageing partner I needed alot of new clothe’s b/c of my tuchus, and he gave me a chalenge. He said if I could loose 5 pound’s by January 1 (technicaly Jan 2, b/c I am home Jan 1), he will give me $500 as a bonus OVER AND ABOVE my clotheing alowance! YAY!

    I was worried that I could not loose 5 pound’s, but Myrna will be my trainor, and she is bringeing over her exercycle for me to use in front of my TV. She said that b/c I sit at home all the time watching TV, I can use her exercycle to watch tv and exercize at the same time. Also, she thinks that it COULD help my tuchus, but she did NOT hold out alot of hope b/c she said she does NOT beleive in SPOT reduceing.

    She also is takeing me running in Central Park! FOOEY. I do NOT like to run, and have to get running shoe’s that the manageing partner will NOT 30% reimbeurse for b/c they are NOT to be worn in the office. FOOEY!

    I have 12 day’s to loose 5 pound’s! I can do it MYRNA says! Yay!!!!

  4. If you dress your middle-aged husbands who may have a bit of a spare tire, what kind of jeans do you buy? I wish that I were lying, but my DH just bought himself a pair of Wranglers and a pair of Dickies. This is what happens when left to his own devices!!! At the same time, I don’t think he should be looking at the same brands that the twenty-somethings wear. Suggestions?

    • DH likes Polo/Ralph Lauren jeans and Lucky Brand.

    • Joe’s and Lucky primarily. Look for jeans with a medium rise that are fairly straight legged or bootcut. Avoid ones that are baggy or tapered.

    • Chaps, Levi’s, Calvin Klein (some styles)

    • Lucky Jeans seem my DH well. He is 6’1″ and has a belly (and we don’t really drink, so we call it a “root beer belly”). For work jeans he wears Carhartt. He does have a pair of wranglers he wears when we go riding and those actually fit really well too.

      The only “skinny” jeans I own are wranglers, that I bought to wear riding so they fit under my tall boots, they are pretty comfy!

  5. Anne Shirley :

    Happy holidays! No better present than reminding the office that no, your vacation location does not have cell service :)

    • That’s amazing. It feels so glamorous, you are going to someplace so hidden and exotic that cell towers haven’t made it.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      The lack of cell service was a material factor in determining where to honeymoon for exactly that reason.

    • Sometimes I don’t have cell service at my house.

      But everybody at work thinks I’m lying.

      • +1.

      • I have this same problem in my house! No cell service virtually ever, despite being in the middle of a large suburban area, and the portable debit/credit machines that the pizza place uses just don’t work and they have to go out into the street to get reception.

        It’s ridiculous, and something I will be checking when we buy our next house, since my cell phone is my primary contact number for just about everything. And having to look up a number on my cell to dial on the house phone instead of just hitting call from my cell is super annoying.

  6. Why do I have to be such a judgy mcjudgerson? I got an email from some guy through one of the internet dating sites, and I couldn’t read past the first line where he stated that “he travels allot.” This could be the most wonderful guy in the world but I just can’t even read his entire message. Sigh.

    • Sugar Magnolia :

      I think we judge sometimes when WE feel judged. and on a dating site, I would imagine you feel that way a lot. Maybe you just are trying to protect yourself from dating “Mr. OK” rather than Mr. Right too. I know I did that when I was single.

      Either way, you should be gentle with yourself – it is the holiday season!

      • Okay, so I just don’t think this right. Granola is right, she’s judging someone. So you can’t really say be nice to yourself, don’t judge yourself for judging someone else. This just seems sort of . . . I don’t know what. Like we can just excuse any behavior by saying “be kind to yourself” (not that what Granola did is that bad at all, just that it’s a slippery slope).

        Honestly, I think you should get over it. Lots of people have trouble with spelling and are otherwise wonderful and brilliant people. If his job further emphasizes that he may not have the education level you want, that’s one thing, but I don’t think you should judge him just for a misspelling in an email. It’s not even on his profile, where you could say he should be a better proofreader.

        • Plus he could be a foreigner, misled by the horrible general level of spelling in the US :-)..

        • What'sWrongWithYou :

          … I’m with Granola on this one. I have worked very hard to learn proper grammar/spelling and make an effort to check what I write before sending it off to be read by someone else. If he’s bad at spelling, he could have used a spellcheck (ftr, both spellcheck and spellcheker appear in my dictionary ;) ) program before sending the message.
          I immediately judge people for such mistakes. Sorry!

    • I think you’re being too hard on yourself. In that situation, I would have the same reaction you did – I wouldn’t conclude by any means that he was a bad guy, but I would conclude that he is probably not for me. It’s important to me to be with someone who shares my interests, and some of those interests include reading and education (not necessarily formal education; I mean being informed about interesting subjects and the world).

      It could be a typo, or it could be that he reads a great deal but the spelling never sank in somehow. And I would never reject someone as a friend for such an error. But on a dating site? The whole point is to judge people by their profiles and decide which ones attract you.

      • Anonymous :

        This. If that’s the only error in the email and you are otherwise interested, I would exchange a few more messages with him and see how it goes. But if there are more errors than just that one, it would make me think that either the guy doesn’t read, like, at all, or doesn’t pay attention to detail, both of which would be undesirable traits for me.

    • Too many fish in the sea for an allot.

    • I’m the same way. I had to give up on internet dating because i had eliminated every single person in my area for something little like that, and I just realized I am too horrible and judgy of a person to do internet dating ;oP

      When i meet people in person, however, i immediately am drawn to all the things i like about them! I guess i’m a crazy person.

    • Ha, thanks guys. I’m trying to take off my judgy pants and be more open minded, but it seems that all I can do is find reasons not to respond to the people who contact me. If, on the other hand, I had met this person in real life first and had been instantly drawn to him, I would probably not care about the “allot.”

      • saacnmama :

        When dating, it may be preferable to keep your pants on, at least in the beginning;)

        • Oh, so that’s what I’ve been doing wrong all this time! Haha.

        • Divaliscious11 :

          Off topic, but is this the same saacnmama from The Juggle? If so, I used to post over their a few years ago as Chitown lawyermom. Welcome!

      • risk adverse :

        Try to remember that you’re emailing him, not marrying him. You don’t have to go on date with him. If you go on a first date, you don’t have to go on a second date. For me, remember that the risk is low is key to online dating.

    • espresso bean :

      Don’t judge yourself! I would do (and have done) the same thing.

    • I once sent a “Really?” note to a guy whose profile said he was “extremely inteligent.” He joked back that it was how he snared smart women. We ended up dating for a few months. Great guy, but as it turns out, not extremely intelligent.

    • Meh, spelling/grammer is important to you. That’s ok.

    • I would date him. If he’s not as smart as you who cares? You’re not marrying him but even if you were being smarter will work there too.

      Go out and have fun! It’s Christmas ! But don’t be reckless!

    • I’d read the entire email because it could be a brain fart type of mistake, rather than a genuine lack of spelling knowledge. (Like typing their instead of there.) Usually the people who think a lot is one word spell it alot.

      But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with bad spelling being a dealbreaker. Everybody’s got their things they can’t stand.

      • I’m genuinely startled by much is being ascribed to bad spelling. And I say that as someone who won a couple spelling bees in elementary school and accomplished roughly nothing else throughout high school and college. I know plenty of people who excelled in chemistry and math — heck, even in English, but just didn’t spell that well. It doesn’t mean that much. My spelling was fine, but in high school I failed physics.
        I just worry about giving so much credence to one thing. We all have our capabilities and our challenges. Spelling well isn’t that great, and spelling poorly doesn’t mean much.

        • IDK, as a terrible speller myself, I’d be more than happy that people like the OP weed themselves out of my dating pool. If they have such a hyper critical reaction to a non-formal communication, there would be obvious compatibility issues for me. The little things in life don’t get to me that much. Heck, I’ve seen people have egregious typos on resumes (where typos are a much more relevant error) who have gotten the job anyway and have been been real assets.

          It’s fine that OP puts that much an emphasis on spelling. If it’s a big deal, then it’s a big deal. If more people were honest about what they cared about, then we’d all waste less time in dating. :)

        • Lady Enginerd :

          True, but presumably this email was typed on a computer that has spell check. I think attention to detail is important, and so this is one piece of very early evidence that he might, later on, forget appointments or forget to pick up milk on the way home. Not a deal breaker if it’s the only sloppy thing on the profile or in the email, but if it’s a pattern, he wouldn’t be a good match for me. So many of the ladies on this site are in professions where we must regularly present ourselves as credible and trustworthy in writing, so a spelling error from a prospective date sets off all the red flags that we presume a spelling error would set off in, say, a client.

        • I don’t consider bad spelling a dealbreaker, for the record. But like anon at 11:20 said, if it really bothers the email recipient, they’re probably not compatible anyway.

      • Yeah, my SO doesn’t always have perfect spelling and grammar when we text or chat but that’s more of a typing thing. Like “know” and “no” and “their” and there” and “they’re” but he does know better! When he sits down and writes me an email when he has time, his spelling and grammar are impeccable. He has considerably less education than I do, due to life circumstances, but he’s a very smart guy.

    • Sometimes autocorrect makes me sound like an imbecile. I’d chat some and see if it’s a pattern or a one off.

    • Don’t sweat it. It’s your natural screening mechanism.

    • hellskitchen :

      There’s usually at least five comments on this site every day from someone saying “sorry for all the typos in my previous post.” This guy’s email may be a genuine mistake. I would like to assume you aren’t judging every time someone posts a “sorry for the typos” comment on this site so I’d say cut him some slack

  7. Let’s play a game! What are the things you know your family will comment on about you during the holdays?

    Mine are my Dad – he will comment on my hair being blonder (got highlights yesterday) and he will marvel that I wear different shoes with every outfit.

    Your turn!

    • long time lurker :

      My mom will say I look like I need to sleep more/eat more/work less or some combination of the these.

      • My mom too – she’ll say I’m too thin (really, I’m not – I’m the same size I’ve always been), too overworked and look like I need more sleep (that may be true). It is her job as a parent to worry about me and I know she’ll never stop worrying. (And she knows she can’t ask me why I’m still single, so she’ll have to focus on other things.)

        Also, reading other commenters’ stories over the last few days of very difficult mothers with mental health and other issues, I just want to tell you how strong I think you all are are in coping with your situations. I realize how lucky I am to have a mother whose only problem is excessive worrying about me.

        Happy holidays everyone!

        • Legally Brunette :

          My mom always says that I’m too thin too (I’m not) and will stuff my face whenever I visit her. :)

          • Similarly, my father will look at me and say to my mother, “Doesn’t she look thin? She looks too thin.” And literally no one else in the entire world has said this about me, ever, and I will weight exactly the same as when I saw him last.

        • My mom will say that I’m too thin, even though she knows that it’s a sensitive topic because I’ve been dealing with serious nausea that’s made it hard for me to eat *and* that because of my eating disorder history, I hate talking about weight. She will do this not because she’s insensitive, but because she’s worried and can’t help herself.

          She will also remind me 1.4 million times not to forget my doctor’s appointment next week related to the above.

          It drives me crazy, but I love her.

    • BorderLawyer :

      fun game! My mother will definitely mention that my pants are fitting a little tighter than they were the last time she saw me, and will probably also comment on the extra glass of wine I intend to have if she says that!

    • I see my immediate family very often so they won’t say anything. Extended family: when are you going to have a baby?

      • Yeah, this is my situation, too. Except instead of a baby, it’s my hair is so long or they remember when I _________.

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        Everyone will comment on “what will do with the spare bedrooms in the new house?” and then stare waiting for me to say “fill them with babies” which I won’t. Instead, I will say, we already decorated them as fully furnished guest rooms so our friends and family can stay when they visit. Alternatively, I will comment on how I now have room to foster/adopt so many more pets and how the room that the prior owners had decorated as a nursery would be perfect for fostering a mama cat and her kittens. I will then score my relatives on who looks the most disappointed. I will offer that person a drink. I will then pour myself one at the same time and watch their disappointment further grow. I might even comment on how I need someone to remind me to stop at the pharmacy tomorrow and pick up my birth control prescription. I might cap it off by running with scissors.

    • Not seeing my parents this holiday but my mom is notorious for the subtle (not at all) tummy pinch. Never mind that I’ve lost 40 lbs. The minute I get off the plane, she’ll be talking about what we have to get done and who we have to see. My relatives will mock my academic pursuits and ask me about guys.

      Thank you for this thread as I was quite sad panda about not going home. Spending xmas by my lonesome and it might be a welcome change to the normal ‘step off plane, revert to stroppy teenager’ routine.

    • My mom – weight and wedding date. and if i’m not lucky weight again. and probably my skin (though it is looking much more fab thanks to all you lovely ladies and your Paula’s Choice recs. Seriously that stuff is amazing).

      • SF Bay Associate :

        So glad Paula’s is working for you, too! I love it.

        • I have been telling everyone. I’m still on the free samples, but I am singing their praises from the rooftops. Even my SO has noticed! I finally can walk around with no makeup on and not feel totally self conscious.

          • just Karen :

            I’m trying Paula’s Choice, but I haven’t found the right combination of products for me – I have a lot of small blemishes, but their Clear system did nothing for me – anyone out there want to recommend some of their favorites for breakout-prone combination skin? This will be what my mother comments on as well.

          • @Just Karen, lots of small blemishes sounds like a job for benzoyl peroxide. Have you given ProActiv a shot? I’m a Dr. Rodan fan. She is my dermatologist.

          • Just Karen, your skin sounds similar to mine. Paula’s Choice Clear line did nothing for my skin, but the skin balancing one, combined with a 10% benzoyl peroxide topical ointment (Clean and Clear has one at Target), works beautifully.

          • JustKaren – I chatted with a rep rather than purchasing a line. I have dry skin with lots of blackheads and scarring so I’m probably on a different regiment than you. I chatted and they sent me out samples and said if I wasn’t seeing results to call/email and they’d send me better samples so I could find the right formula.

            I’m on moisture boost facewash and moisturizer, the Skin Perfecting 1% BHA Gel Exfoliant, RESIST Pure Radiance Skin Brightening Treatment and i forget which toner

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        Oh skin. I am blessed with pretty awesome skin. Yet anytime I see my mom I inevitably hear “do you know you are getting a pimple right here?” She then proceeds to touch it.

    • Mother in law will comment on frequency of visits and likelihood of babies (probably).

      • risk adverse :

        Surely inversely correlated?

        • Probably not. I can guarantee once children are in the picture the pressure for more visits will ramp up. :-P

          • SF Bay Associate :

            But increased frequency of visits might dampen opportunities/enthusiasm for lady garden parties, thus reducing likelihood of babies.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      My mother will try to hint that she would really like a grandchild and PS you (SF Bay) are not getting any younger, but she’ll do it in a way that she thinks is slick because she knows that she will really piss me off if she says it too overtly. So, she’ll make it as veiled as possible in order to prevent me from having a legitmate reason to be pissed off. One of my extended relatives will make a comment to my DH (also an attorney at a good firm) about it must be tough on DH that his wife is at a bigger firm (read: better; read read: pays more) than he is.

      • So this is very crude, and it’s intended for shock value…but one of my friends (jokingly) suggested that when a relative asks me over the holidays when we are going to have a baby, I should look at said relative with a straight face, and deadpan, “oh, we only have lady garden parties in the back yard” (substitute your own words, but with same meaning). I could never say something like that but the thought of responding to an inappropriate comment in such an inappropriate manner makes me crack up.

        • Ok I read this as literally “in the back yard” (and was picturing out in the actually back yard under the trees) until I read it out loud to DH and he got it, and I got it about 1 second later. HA I wish I was the kind of person that would say that!

    • applesandcheddar :

      My grandparents will definitely tell me that I don’t eat enough (and ask me what I way if they are in a chipper mood), and if I am lucky and get a pimple, my grandfather will be sure to point it out. I’m sure they will also ask me if I am still “with that boy.” That boy being my boyfriend of 4+ years. Also my brother and his wife will probably ask me why I don’t buy a house (helloooo…I live in DC and they live in middle of nowhere America!).

    • TO Lawyer :

      I feel like I shouldn’t be negative on this thread and bring everyone down so close to the holidays but part of me is dreading going home because of all the comments I will get from my mom – my weight, my hair, my SO not being good enough, my deficiencies as a daughter.

      Sigh – I may be counting down to getting back to work to escape the queen of passive-aggressive land

      • Do what I do; turn it into a game. Every normal rude comment is one point, every really b*tchy comment is 5, and I get points for not responding (same scale). A whopper gets 10 points (you know the ones that you feel your BP go up and tears in your eyes). Then the points turn into a prize for me at the end – tequilla, pedicure, whatever! Build your scale before you go and you’ll be cheering for one more nasty comment to get you that new purse.

        • saacnmama :

          So they get points for the comments they make, or their comments are there for mine to be deducted from? I seriously need a system to not respond to my mom when she attacks. There is no predicting what she will say. Last time we saw them, they wanted to go somewhere for Tgiving so we did. One afternoon they wanted to split up. They’d take the trolley, we’d take the car, see each other at dinner. Around 4:15, as we were heading towards a little time on the beach and a badly-needed nap, they texted us their location. Took 45 min to get a straight answer out of them that we should pick them up. Horrible traffic. Mentioned heading back to hotel for a nap and you’d swear it was the most obscene/dumbest thing she’d ever heard in her life. I don’t spend time with people who treat me like that otherwise, and always, always, always, since middle school or maybe earlier, have felt like Bambi’s mama meeting the hunter when she uses that tone.

          • so the points work for restraint too. so if your mom says wow you look so fat you get 5 points. if you don’t comment you get 5 points. this equals 10. on my scale 10 is a glass of wine.

      • Anonymous :

        I see my mother fairly often. We see my sister about once a year. My mother will offhandedly, as if it is not happening at all, repeat every single concern I have voiced about my sister in confidence, only she’ll spin it as a complaint.

        And she will have a revelation that she has gotten REALLY fat when she once again realizes that she is bigger than I am.

      • eastbaybanker :

        I buy myself a lovely present every year, put it in my suitcase, and I get to unwrap it after I’ve survived my family visit and their cruel and judgemental comments about me going to hell or whatever for my sinful life choices. It’s my way of treating myself well after a rough trip. A couple years ago, I gave myself a Tory Burch clutch. This year, I will be earning a cashmere sweater.

        Also, I lower my expectations. If we don’t start World War III over dinner, I consider it an outstanding visit.

        I also try to make time to see highschool friends while I’m in town and bring running shoes. Both are good reasons to get out of the house.

    • saacnmama :

      My sister will comment on my job sitch.

      My mother will give me an appraising look and comment that I seem to be in pretty good shape (I’m totally not).

      My parents will NOT reply to anything positive I say about my son.

    • Anonymous :

      Weight will definitely be commented on, even though I’m the same size as last year, it’s really a running commentary from them that has been going on since I was 13, which obviously makes me feel *so* great.

    • The fact that I’m single (parents and extended family will make that comment) and the fact that I’m not providing them grandchildren anytime soon (parents only will complain). I’m really looking forward to “we’d worry about you so much less being so far away if you weren’t alone”, and “you’ve been finished school for almost 2 years now, what are you doing?”. It’s going to be delightful.

    • My mom will comment on how much younger I look with my hair in a pixie (she’s been after me to cut it ever since I started growing it ) (I know, we’re weird)

      I am also prepared for so many passive-aggressive comments directed at my brother because he requested we celebrate early. This is fine with me, since I have to work both Monday and Wednesday, but I’m predicting upset on the part of my mother.

      • My parents strongly prefer short hair on their two daughters, as well. Especially my dad. I am never ever cutting it short again, because I hated it short when I was in my adolescence.

    • My mom will comment for the millionth time about how having the woman be the breadwinner in the family is hard on a man’s ego.

      And then she will spend quite a bit of time trying to figure out why so many of my women friends are single, and then she will suggest I fix them up with some of my single male friends. Then I will remind her that most of my single male friends are gay, and she will say, “but they’re so nice!”

      • eastbaybanker :


      • Hey, mamabear, all of my male friends are gay, too! SO doesn’t understand it at all, but it’s been that way my whole life.

        I solve a lot of these friend and relationship questions by telling my family absolutely nothing about my personal life. Of course, then my Dad complains that I never tell him anything. EXACTLY!!

    • My mom will ask me when I last got my hair done, which is her uber-passive aggressive way of saying she doesn’t like the ombre that I *love*.
      My dad will tell me a hundred times how much he misses me, which never ceases to make me tear up. He has turned into a total softy in his older age and I kind of love it. We are so much closer now than we used to be.
      My FIL will announce (after we tell him that I am pregnant with the first grandchild) that he and MIL are NOT “free daycare” like all the other grandparents in the family, instead of being as excited as I wish he would be. Of course, I am hoping it will go differently than this… but I have my doubts.
      Overall, though, I am so so excited to get home and announce this pregnancy. I have been bursting at the seams for weeks!

      • Coach Laura :

        Congratulations eaopm3 on the pregnancy. I hope FIL exceeds your expectations.

      • Congratulations! Surely nothing can bring you down from something that exciting!

      • Mmm. How about announcing “I’m pregnant, but I’m sorry you’re going to have to wait in line as this child is NOT going to stay at any grandparents till at least junior high”? A bit of a preventive strike could help keep their mind onto what they really want.

    • “You look tired.”

      • Anonymous :

        +1. Followed by the “how late were you working last night? You should really get some sleep.” Oh, gee, thanks for the tip mom! I didn’t realize that after my sixth night of getting about 4 hours total of sleep, I was just freely choosing to work that late for no reason whatsoever. :-/

        • Anonymous :


          It hurts even more when I get to say, “Nope, I’m not tired…. this is just how I look…”


    • Its totally true that family over the holidays can be rough – I’m certainly on board with this and am no stranger to awful family events. But, while my mom will talk incessantly about her work and rarely ask about mine, she’ll also want to escape family gatherings to get secret drinks, and she’ll remind me that she’s proud of me and that together we’re not only working on our education/work/relationships to make our individual lives good, we’re also contributing to our family as a whole by doing so. My grandfather will be typically demanding and controlling but he’ll also cry when I leave and tell me how proud he is. My teen brother will very likely be a growly teenage mess, but he’ll also ask for advice and get sheepishly excited about giving gifts. And the super downers in the family are ex-nayed this year, huzzah!

    • Mine will ask me if I enjoyed going out to lunch and seeing Les Mis. #HoorayJews

    • Woods-comma-Elle :

      Great game! My parents probably won’t comment too much except to maybe say ‘you looked so nice blonde’ (I’m now a brunette and most people say it suits me better, it’s just what my parents are used to), but my great aunt who never married will ask if I have a boyfriend and when I say no, she will get all worried and upset and say things like ‘oh you really need to get one already, time is running out’. For full disclosure, I am quite happy with my status, but in any case it’s not like one just goes out and shops for a boyfriend like a pair of shoes… Hilarious.

    • Good game. As expected, my dad immediately started sniping about how I’m never coming back to America, and how he will follow me wherever I go because I’m the only thing he has to live for. My godmother has not yet said I would be pretty if I would put on a little more weight, but I’m sure it will come eventually.

    • Once had a great aunt who, every time she saw my brother in law, would invariably say “{name}! You got fat!”

    • I haven’t lost weight, and I’m not yet engaged. Two things that make my mom *so sad*. But she’ll get over it once she realizes she finally has someone to complain about my dad to!

  8. Hello ladies,
    I am a long time lurker and was hoping for some sage guidance from you all. I was recently diagnosed with PCOS and am kind of bummed. I am a happily married 27 year-old and am now concerned about fertility and my general health. I have always had terrible problems with blood sugar and now know why! I have also had weight fluctuations that don’t seem to quit even though I run regularly and eat healthfully. Anyway, I wondered if anyone had a similar experience. I also wondered, re fertility, if I should start trying sooner than I otherwise would have now knowing that I will definitely have fertility issues.

    I hope everyone has an excellent holiday!!

    • Hi Tig, I’m really sorry you’re feelning so bummed. I don’t personally have PCOS, but I do have several friends that have it and they have also successfully gotten pregnant and have healthy children. I don’t know the answer to when you should start trying, but these friends were in the 32-35 age range when they received treatment which included, I believe, a fertility specialist, a special diet (Atkins seemed to work), and they also took Clomid.

      Happy Holidays to you, too!

      • Legally Brunette :

        I know a coworker who has PCOS and had twins when she was 30. I don’t know her well enough to ask whether she needed any special treatments, but she did say that she felt that she needed to have kids earlier than she would have originally planned because of her condition. I don’t know if that is something her doctor told her or what, but definitely worth looking into. Bottom line, I don’t think PCOS will preclude you from having beautiful kids. Good luck.

    • My friend has PCOS and when she and her husband started TTC they thought it would take a long time, so they were shocked when she got pregnant instantly. Don’t let the diagnosis bring you down – it’s a good thing that you now know and you can address it (and probably feel much better).

    • Sorry. I have not been diagnosed with PCOS, but I have had doctors that really want to diagnose me with PCOS, so I just wanted to suggest that you get a second opinion if you have not already done so to make sure. From the doctors I’ve seen, it seems like the understanding of PCOS and misconceptions about it fluctuate wildly, and I would want to find someone that you really feel comfortable with before you start treatment.

      I hope you have a grea holiday and don’t let this bring you down!

      • great, not grea. sorry. sigh.

      • Yes, I have had a couple doctors try to diagnose me with PCOS despite the fact that I have none of the symptoms. It seems that to some doctors any hormonal problem a young, slightly overweight female has must be PCOS.

    • espresso bean :

      No advice, but just wanted to offer my sympathies. That sounds like a hard thing to deal with, but at least you know the cause of the issues. Half the struggle is just putting a name on something — now at least you know what you’re up against. I’m sure others here will have better advice to offer.

      Hope you have a wonderful holiday, too!

    • Thanks everyone! I had an ultrasound and have a ton of cysts, so I’m pretty sure I have it. I haven’t met with my doctor yet to go over treatment options yet, so hopefully that will clear some things up. I really appreciate everyone’s support!

    • Anon for this :

      I have fairly severe PCOS. For some women it’s an annoyance; for others it’s life-altering. I highly recommend the book “A Patient’s Guide to PCOS”. Also, if you haven’t already, you need to be seeing an endocrinologist, not a gynocologist. PCOS is often misdiagnosed and mis-treated, and you don’t want to wait until you’re TTC to see an endo.

  9. espresso bean :

    Question for the creative thinkers of the hive! I want to treat my sister to dinner out at her choice of one of two restaurants. Since I’m letting her pick, I don’t want to get a gift certificate. How can I wrap an experience creatively? Wrap the menus? Wrap a food item that they serve there? I may be overthinking this… any ideas?

    • saacnmama :

      Use the menus to line a box with 2 place settings of cutlery?
      Toddlers’ pretend food?

    • I love the wrapping of the menus idea!

      Some other ideas:
      -Make your own menu (like something you would have at a wedding) with the occasion/date at the top and instead of entrees, put the two restaurant names with a little description.
      -A little spinner or coin (think, flipping a coin) with the two options to symbolize the decision is up to her.
      -If you have great photoshop skills, create two pictures of you eating at each restaurant. You could also draw them if you’re more artistic.
      -When I was younger, my aunt took me to see a play as a birthday gift. She wrapped the tickets in a little evening purse (and she had a matching one – they were our “on the town bags”). If you don’t want to do an actual bag, you could also make one out of paper/grab a kids play one from the dollar store for kicks.

  10. Happy Anon :

    Sorry ladies, but I really just need to put this out in the universe somewhere and I don’t have any other outlets at the moment: my amazing boyfriend is coming to see me in 19 short hours!!!! We’re long distance, so I haven’t seen him since Thanksgiving. Yipee (mental cartwheel)!!!!!

    • TO Lawyer :

      awe yay! Hope you guys have a good time together!

      I’m already counting down to my SO’s arrival in 10 days :)

    • Awww, that’s really awesome and I’m super jealous. My guy and I are long-distance too and he’s only getting Christmas day off so he can’t come home. :( We’re hoping to either do New Year’s together or just take a trip somewhere together after the new year.

  11. I’ve gone anon for this, just to avoid providing any incriminating details, but this was too funny not to share:

    I’m a biglaw lawyer in NYC, and one of our MAJOR corporate clients sent us, as a holiday present, the following:

    Cornhole boards (plastic!), with their corporate logo printed on it. And the accompanying beanbags.

    The name of the game alone should make you realize this is a questionable marketing ploy…and do you really want your lawyers chucking things at your effigy on a regular basis?

    Then again, much pre-holiday lunch hilarity ensued (so, so many puns, so maybe they were just trying to give us some amusement……

    • I would think they did that because it’s inherently funny, and I would think they were a pretty cool client. Really.

      • You’re right — it absolutely hilarious. Maybe I should assume it was done with a sense of ironic fun…I guess the client themselves seems so humorless…perhaps I shall have to reassess.

        I feel like an 8 year old boy, in that the word “cornhole” just doesn’t seem like something you ought to say repeatedly with colleagues…

    • Out of curiosity, are they mid-western? I seriously saw this game maybe once in my life until I worked in the mid-west and suddenly it was everywhere! I didn’t even know it had that hilarious name.

      • It’s very popular in the south too and the trend is growing to have personalized boards. They’re usually made out of plywood so the plastic sounds a little cheap to me.

        • Yeah, plastic? Please, corporate client, get classier.

          Other than the plastic, I think that’s the best Christmas present ever.

    • I love this!!! I am going to guess that you probably don’t deal with the client’s marketing/PR people on a regular basis. IME they tend to be a little more fun than anyone I dealt with when I was outside counsel!

  12. Anon Anxiety :

    Do any of you suffer from anxiety? I am so stressed about a new job that the first thing I do when I wake up is vomit. I am going to the doctor today to ask for medication, but I just feel like a complete fraud because I am supposed to be this super confident, strong, high-powered professional. Please tell me I’m not the only one!

    • Hahahaha…I haven’t vomited, but things have been so crazy at work the last couple of weeks I’ve been sleeping very poorly, and tearing up when no one is looking and I perceive someone thinks badly of me (rationally, I realize they likely do not think badly of me). It’s not like I even work in a crazy high pressure biglaw job; just a normal law job.

      You are definitely not the only one. I am working on staying more rational in my head, the way I do on the outside.

    • Having been laid off this past year, I have nights when I’m sure that I’m going to walk into my new office and be let go. Needless to say, I don’t get much sleep those nights. :|

    • You Are Not The Only One!!

      first, BIG HUGGSSSS. second: I was just ‘putting up with’ crazy anxiety for like two years, thinking it was my own fault and I should just power through. Until I heard lots of amazing women on here who are even more successful and accomplished than I am talking about how much anti-anxiety meds helped them. Then I realized it was okay to ask for help and that just because I had this anxiety didn’t mean that there was anything wrong with me. And now that I’m finally on meds, it is AMAZING how much my life has changed. I am finally pushing through and making changes in my life and almost feeling like a normal person again.

      So, no, there is nothing wrong with you!! It doesn’t make you a fraud!! And don’t judge yourself for the meds, it will make such a huge difference when you get it worked out, I promise. MOAR HUGGGSSS

    • You’re definitely not. First day of work at the new job I barfed in the bathroom when they took me to lunch. It’s an issue I’ve been struggling with my whole life, but trust me when I say that only barfing that one time was a big deal for me! Before I got treatment I used to get sick in any kind of stressful or social situation, and it completely hampered my social life and my free time.

      I’ve been on a low dose of zoloft for it for around eight years now I think. I’ve also had xanax for when it was really bad in the moment to nip it in the bud (although I don’t need that anymore). The zoloft really just helps me deal. I tried going off it about three years ago and all the symptoms came back, right in the middle of what was supposed to be a fun vacation. Back on it I went – I’d rather take a pill a day and be able to comfortably live my life.

      It doesn’t mean you’re a fraud or a failure – it’s just an automatic response from your body to stress. In my case it actually runs in my family (my mom and at least one of her sisters experienced the same things when they were younger). I can’t control how my body reacts but I can control how I deal with it, which is what I focus on. My life is so, so much better now that I’ve gotten treatment.

      • Three years ago the symptoms didn’t come right back because you’re a truly sick person who needs drugs in order to not feel crazy anxious. They came back because you’re on a drug that’ll cause significant symptoms whenever you try to get off, and notoriously rebound effects. Here, there’s even a wikipedia entry about it You’re not alone. But please don’t mistake drug withdrawal symptoms for symptoms of your own, without drugs you’d probably be just fine, everyone has temporary anxiety in stressful circumstances and nobody becomes a lifelong psychiatric case for it.

        • This is part of the stigma that gets laid on mental health issues. If someone went off of blood pressure or cholesterol meds and the problem came back, would you jump down their throat about not really being a truly sick person?

          Yes, SSRIs have withdrawal periods. Nothing in the OPs post indicated that she was suffering from withdrawal. I suffered with anxiety for two decades before I sought treatment. I’m also on a low dose SSRI which manages my condition extremely well. I kicked-ass in life before I went on the drugs and I still kick-ass. I’m just better able to enjoy my success and good fortune now.

          Yes, some people have temporary anxiety that requires temporary treatment. Others, like myself, have an organ whose chemistry isn’t quite up to factory specifications. Because my organ happens to be my brain, rather than stomach or liver or whatever shouldn’t subject me to accusations of being a truly sick person or a lifelong psychiatric case.

          • Anon Anxiety :

            Thanks for the comments. This one from Anonymous is an interesting way to look at it. Thanks. I have lorazepam now and feel better. Zora and ES, would you have experience with how lorazepam compares to zoloft?

          • I do not have advice on that. What worked for me was talking through with my doctor (my PCP but she’s amazing) my symptoms and what my past experience with medications in general had been, and she talked through a couple different med options. We went with starting with a super low dose of celexa and slowly working up, because i am extremely sensitive to medication, and after a couple of months and some emailing we found the right combination for me. So, i hope you can find a good doctor, that can help you work out these decisions. Just taking that first step of walking into that office for my first appointment was HUGE, and almost made me feel better already. But having a doctor who listened and supported me, and finding the right meds, I am in a completely different place now where I can actually figure out my anxiety and what to change about my life to make it better. And i don’t feel like a fraud anymore! it feels really good. HUGGGSSSS

          • Silvercurls :

            Very late to this thread but wanted to say Thanks and +1 to Anonymous for her comment. We definitely need to de-stigmatize the circumstances of needing or taking meds for mental health reasons. I firmly believe in talk therapy and self-control (except when I’m around cookies, lol) but I also believe that it’s totally okay to use pharmaceuticals to correct a chemical imbalance in the brain. If someone can do without it, good for them, but they shouldn’t be the standard for everybody. Some people with diabetes can control their disease or symptoms by diet alone…and others cannot; ditto ADHD, depression, or [insert your favorite condition here]. I take two meds daily. My son takes more than two. Neither one of us is drugged into zombie-ness and I assure you neither one of us functions as well without our daily doses. It feels like TMI to be telling people about this but I view it as my personal contribution to getting mental health care out of the closet of shame and secrecy.

            OK, off my soapbox for now. Everybody have a lovely evening and carry on.

          • Anonymous :

            Anonymous from above.

            They are totally different meds. Ativan(lorazepam) is a fast acting drug and, while very effective for me in dealing with acute symptoms, leaves me definitely feeling like I’m “on something” and not in a way I like. I use it extremely sparingly.

            SSRIs don’t treat active symptoms in the same way. It actually takes a few weeks for them to start working. I went through a short period of less fun side effects (lower drive and very vivid drems that made me tired). Once I got past that, though, the result has been amazing. I don’t feel like I’m on anything, or dulled or in a fog. I feel like myself. Except I deal with stress in a “normal” way. My mind doesn’t race. I don’t obsess. I don’t have the constant flight or fight mechanism turned on. I still stress. I still have “oh sh*t” moments where appropriate. But my reactions are actually proportional to the actual problem.

            I waited far too long to get treatment. I wish I could get all of those years back.

  13. Happy Holidays to all my imaginary friends and daughters! xoxo

    • Thank you and same to you and your family and your husband’s ego. Also, I saw a VA license plate with Mamabear on the tags. You now have VA and NC covered. *mamabear empire*

    • ¡Felizes fiestas a vosotras!

  14. Anonymous :

    Company just sent an email to everyone on dealing with change and explaining the Five Stages Of Grief. I guess it’s safe to assume there will be no bonuses this year.

    • ….WHAT?

      That is too weird.

      My husband’s employer sent out a letter on Friday saying there would be layoffs on Monday. So everyone got to sweat it over the weekend. The letter from the notoriously conservative CEO also said it was because of the candidates “they” (the employees) had voted for in the election that the business would need to let people go.

      • Who lays people off on Christmas Eve? I want to punch them in the face!

      • Anonymous :

        “They”, as in “the little people”? The people who just want gifts from the government? The people who just don’t understand how things work because they are mere employees? Wow! What a jerk.

      • mamabear, aren’t you in the SF Bay Area? If your husband works locally, is his job in some sort of parallel universe? (Or perhaps more plausibly, the company is governed from somewhere else.) I just don’t see this kind of thing being possible in Berkeley….

        • @Granola, without being too self-identifying (more to protect my husband than myself) I will just say he works in the South Bay at a firm that feels very threatened by so-called Obamacare, rather than owning up to their very poor decisions related to massive expansion during a recession.

    • W.o.w.

      Both this and mamabear’s story are really bad.

    • saacnmama :

      Anon 3:55, could that be a slow response to the Sandy Hook massacre, the one that most of the nation has gotten over, or at least to the 3rd or 4th stage on?

      Mamabear, did your husband’s boss used to partner with a guy named Marley?

      • Anonymous :

        OP here — no, the company is just on their own planet. This email was odd even by their standards of insanity.

  15. Ugh I just need to vent! My coworker works at other offices some days because they have to, but then instead of remoting into their computer, which they have been trained to do, they send me messages all day long asking me to send them things from their computer and asking me to do things for them. Frustrating.

    • Sounds like you perhaps need to schedule a training refresher? Or can you use my passive-agressive method for people who can’t be denied, and reply by sending the exact reference to the page of the training manual that has what they need? (not a quote, that’d be too easy, more like” section 5.2.7 on p 82″, so they have to locate the manual and open it themselves) Resending the whole manual every time by email if necessary, so they can’t say they don’t have it. And at least wait 2-3 hours before doing anything at all for them, if necessary explaining later that you have -your- own work to do first. Make sure their time is more wasted than yours, several times over, every time this happens.
      And do provide support to the new victim if they start demanding help from other people in the office instead.

  16. Hi ladies. I posted a few months ago saying I was frustrated with my husband’s unlucky job search, and asking for advice on how to handle my frustration. Well, I took the advice (i.e., vent to a friend, but be as patient and encouraging as possible with my husband), and I just wanted to report that the long wait is over! He just accepted a great position that we are both really excited about. Talk about a wonderful Christmas present!! Thanks to everyone here for the advice and support.

    Happy holidays, ladies!

    • That is the best news! What a happy Christmas you’ll have! I’ve been there and the job search can be more draining (emotionally, psychologically, physically) than you would ever imagine. You guys must be so happy.

    • Hooray! Happy dancing for you and for him!

    • Amazing!

      Also – I think I was one of the ones who advised not to get on his case too much, as I was also looking for work and sympathized with how he may be feeling. I got an offer this week and have now switched my stress into deciding whether to keep doing what I’m doing (a little untraditional) or to accept the new offer. In any case, never thought I’d get a choice!

    • Oh, excellent :-)! Congratulations to your both!
      And now take the long-suffering friend to a very nice lunch..

    • Hooray! Pop some champagne to celebrate this awesome Christmas present :)

    • Aw, that’s wonderful! Many congrats to you guys, both on getting the position and on navigating this difficult period. Way to go!

  17. Happy Feds :

    Hooray for the President giving all the federal employees Christmas Eve off! Very excited for my unexpected four-day weekend!

  18. Thank Yous :

    Thank you note question – just got to my office after a day of meetings and there are 3 holiday gifts from execs I have done work for. It was nice of them, and I didnt expect it. I won’t see anyone until 1/2. Should I send a thank you email, or a handwritten note in January (in my office both would be overkill). Thanks!

    • I think that a thank-you email would be fine, especially if you send it soon so that they know you got the gifts.

  19. saacnmama :

    Yarg! So frustrated. I’ve been looking for weeks, but really need to figure this out before traveling in a couple days.
    I have an awesome little purse/wallet. It fits my cell phone, cards, has a couple zipper slots for cash, and most importantly, has a crossbody strap. It’s by Fossil, looks basically like this All I can find are either wristlets–useless when you’re pulling luggage–or bigger bags that would turn into black holes and could not be tossed into another bag like a wallet. C o r p r e t t e s to the rescue! Seriously, can you help me figure this one out?

    • Greensleeves :

      I have something similar I bought at Brighton. It’s actually a wallet, but came with a detachable strap. I slide it in my bigger purse when I’m carrying it, or put the strap on and carry it alone for trips, night out, etc.

    • onehsancare :

      I’m confused. You’re looking to buy one like this?

    • I'm Just Me :

      I’m a little confused … are you looking to buy one? If you search for shoulder strap wallet at ebags dot com there are several choices. You could start there and see if anything meets your fancy.

    • Wasn’t something like this featured on this blog just yesterday?

      • Saacnmama :

        Similar, but with only 3 card slots. Got my hopes up for a moment when I saw it.

  20. Mary Ann Singleton :

    My cheapo alarm clock just died, and I’m thinking of getting one of those clocks that slowly fill the room with light at the time of waking up. Any recommendations? Do they actually make it easier to wake up in the dark of winter?


    • springtime :

      Oh I am curious about this too. I live up north and I hate waking up without sunlight.

    • Greensleeves :

      Me too – I’ll be watching this one.

    • I have one! I like it. I use the light function in the winter when I wake up and it’s still dark outside. I use it along with my regular alarm clock. If you wake up on a winter morning and feel like you were in the middle of a deep sleep, I’d recommend it. I’ve noticed that it helps ease me from sleep into lucidness slowly – rather than just being jarred by a ringing alarm.

      It’s not the easiest to work — has kind of a lot of settings, alarm setting, light/dimmer/sounds to deal with – so you may not want it as a complete substitution.

      Hope this helps!

      • I have one, and I love it! I use the birdsong setting, and it’s really very pleasant. And I’m narcoleptic, so something that wakes me up effectively is likely to work extremely well among the not-sleep-disordered segment of the population.

    • I have one, and it does make it about 100x’s more easy to get up in the winter when it’s still dark out. IT takes up a lot of space on the bedside table, but I think it’s worth it.

      I set it to the radio, and wake up to the news and know that I must be out of bed before the radio show’s daily call-in trivia game is over. IT works pretty well.

    • Mary Ann Singleton :

      Thanks. Which ones are you using and where did you get them?

      • Midwesterner :

        I have the Phillips wake-up light and it’s fantastic. It gradually lights up over the course of a half hour and on the highest setting will light up a whole room. It makes a HUGE difference when you have to get up before the sun comes up in the winter.

        • Same here. I’ve got a lightbox by the same company, as well. Not the cheapest option (my alarm ran me 90 euros, my lightbox close to 200 euros) but the quality of the light is fantastic.