ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 387 Comments

Thursday’s Workwear Report: A-Line Sweater Skirt

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Last week, it went from 70°F to 30°F literally overnight in the great Northeast. I have reached the point in the calendar year where coziness is the main consideration for every article of clothing I purchase. This swingy sweater skirt looks cozy enough for my purposes, but still put-together enough to wear to work. I would wear it with a black turtleneck, black tights, and black boots, but it would also look great with ivory, navy, or camel. The skirt is $98 and available in sizes XS–XL at Ann Taylor. A-Line Sweater Skirt Target's A New Day line has a similar skirt in sizes X–4X. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 12.2.24 (Happy Cyber Monday!! See our full sale listing here!)

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

387 Comments

  1. I was going to keep an eye on this skirt for the inevitable 40% off sale (there’s one at AT every five minutes) but they only have a couple of sizes left. Looks cozy, and I think it would be appropriate enough for an internal meeting.

    1. They have 30% off full price items today: ATWELCOME1

      And that skirt is on its way to me!

    2. Sweater skirt + tights = static galore. This skirt would cling like crazy. Only works if you don’t need to wear tights. Hose might work? But I’m still skeptical.

      1. There are these ancient clothing items called slips! They look like skirts, but are thinner, elastic-waist, and usually made of a slippery fabric. They are inexpensive and easily procured from many retailers. I know that many here think they are SO old-fashioned, but they do a good job of keeping skirts from rubbing and catching on tights.

        Frankly, I do not understand why it is old-fashioned to not want your skirt to be riding up your tights, but I am old (52).

        2. Same, mine is from Target and cost around $10-15. Bought it 5-10 years ago and never had this issue again!

        3. It’s a mystery to me why slips aren’t more popular given the increasing amount of unlined clothing these days.

          1. I ‘discovered’ slips a couple of years ago, and I love them now – I’ve built up quite a collection.

          2. Slips are readily available at every Goodwill, resale or thrift store. The older slips are made well. There are also slips for unlined pants that keep you extra warm and protect you from the itchies!

      2. I’m in So Cal and wearing a sweater skirt today with bare legs, which is pretty much what I do all winter. (Or should I say “winter?”)

        But yeah, slips are a thing.

    4. I spent time in both my kids’ classrooms this morning before coming into work (at 10am)! I am so glad I did that. Stayed for extended dropoff in the preschool class and had signed up to be a volunteer helper in my elementary schooler’s class. I usually have very early mornings at work and don’t even drop them off, leave alone stay and read the announcements, meet their friends, etc.
      It’s been a hard few days with DH traveling on another continent and managing morning and evening routines myself, along with not a few crises at work.

    1. The quality of Ann Taylor? Fine. Not as good as you’d expect for what you’re paying. Lots of polyester and boxy shapes, at least in tops.

  3. I hope everyone is having a great week! What’s something you’ve accomplished so far? Stay warm, hydrate, and eat some veggies. The weekend is almost here!

    1. I made it to the gym 3 times this week so far despite work being insane! Almost all of my holiday shopping is done – just stocking stuffers and wrapping left to do. Honestly a little terrified of the next few weeks, I have about 14 days of travel between now and the holidays so trying to front load all the holiday logistics.

        2. Rude! Also not at all the correct use of humblebrag. The question was what have you accomplished, she answered with something she was proud of – that’s just a brag. Humblebrag would be like if someone asked what you were stressed about and you said “Ugh I haven’t gotten to my holiday shopping because I’ve been at the gym every day for an hour every day this week doing really intense workouts.”

          2. I hate when the jerks are also dumb. I did chortle at the one who called me a “drama lama” (sic) once though.

        4. The question is literally what have you accomplished. Not everyone’s accomplishments have to be couched in “well buts” or negative things to be acceptable, no matter how society has programmed you to think women have to humble themselves to deserve praise.

          1. OP here – I posted this because this week, the comment section on here has seemed particularly hostile. Good for all you ladies getting it done! Keep the humble brags (whatever that means) up! We work hard and I’m here for it :)

          2. I did not think she was bragging. All she really did was report on her productivity, which I do on occasion also. Why are some of us so testy? Dad says it is hormonal, but once we are post menopausal, that should not be an issue, Mom says.

      2. Amazing work being so on top of things before your busy season! Ignore the negative Nancy. She obviously needed an extra shot of espresso in her latte. Or a warm hug.

        1. Agreed! I haven’t even started holiday shopping and my list is small to begin with.

      4. Dang, girl, get it! I rarely even start my holiday shopping in November, much less make a real dent in it.

    2. I have been doing one dreaded task each day, things that require phone calls with hold music.

      1. Why do I find that so difficult – making phone calls and using out loud words?

          3. As a kid I would get so nervous to call someone, I’d practice it outloud first and then would pace while talking!

        3. My issue with the phone is that I’m talking to someone, but I can’t see them, I can’t read their face or body language, I’m only going off their voice. I also never know if I’m calling at a good time or inconveniencing someone.

          1. Here’s a great tip I learned from my divorce lawyer: Every time I call somebody, the first thing I say is “am I catching you at a bad time?” It really works!

    3. I got my Christmas cards done! Walgreens is having a sale for 60% off so I got a great deal. I’ll be picking them up this afternoon.

    4. I got all my grading done and sent off to the moderator two weeks before the deadline! I was travelling for work and had some downtime so just plowed through student essays in a cafe.

      1. Yes to the grading! I have set aside Monday mornings for grading and there are Mondays when I don’t finish until 1 pm. This week’s assignment went much quicker.

        For myself, I got an early start on baking for finals and put a double batch of cookies in the work freezer on Monday morning. I also finished setting up the format and parameters for my students’ final projects, which they will present in the last week of school (the week after Thanksgiving) and am lesson planning for the last lecture of the semester (next Thursday). In the homestretch!

        1. We have two more weeks to go – although it looks like we’ll go on strike during the final week so only one more lecture left to deliver and then a second batch of essays to mark.

          1. Next week, I have one day of presenting their final project format and getting them signed up for the online tool that we’re using, and then one more lecture. I have a lab day planned for Thanksgiving week since many will already be gone for the holiday. When we get back, they will just do their presentations because we aren’t allowed to give a final in first year seminars.

      1. Rock on! That’s a solid plan too. Iron intake is important and wine has… antioxidants?

    6. I ordered photo gifts for my mom and MIL. I’ve also scheduled a grocery delivery for all my Thanksgiving food (celebrating early, next weekend). Having those things crossed off the list feels great.

      The last few months have been insane at work and things finally are slowing down because of a big project that is finally done, so I’m feeling at loose ends here and not at all productive.

    7. Work has been really really tough this week and I’ve still come in every day and given it my all. I’m proud of that.

      2. That’s amazing! Pushing through even when things are rough is so hard – I hope you have some downtime this weekend :)

      3. Sometimes just showing up and putting one foot in front of another is the accomplishment. I am where you are right now. This season will pass.

    8. Slogging along but despite being home with four kids on mat leave (deployed husband), I also got my Xmas cards done! (Now the dreaded addresses). I also am on top of the shovelling, reorganized the laundry room and kids storage bins, and turned a nook in my laundry room into a little work desk for my oldest who likes a private space for her writing. She lost her “office” when we turned the guest room into a room for the new nanny. Head is firmly above water and I am very pleased with that.

      1. Dear lord you have ALL of my admiration for handling 4 kids and everything (literally) else with your husband deployed. I hope you are benefiting from a supportive family/community while he’s gone. My thanks to your husband for his service, and to you for your sacrifices that enable his service.

        1. Thank you. That is very kind. It has been absolutely awful, honestly. I am yelling a lot. It is tense. We have no support (including his parents who live two blocks away and routinely stand us up or cancel at the last minute). Going back to work in February will be a piece of cake! (Canadian so one year mat leave!) We did just bring in a nanny a couple of months early at great expense but I couldn’t manage without it. The last two weeks have been a huge improvement.

    9. I got a ton of small lingering tasks done this week. Enough so that even one of my colleagues mentioned that I’ve been super busy and productive!
      I exercised despite a nasty seasonal allergy flare up.
      I’ve had a really mentally positive week in general and have been working on re-framing my thoughts.

    10. I’m in job-hunt mode, so I’m counting all steps forward as mini-accomplishments. I found out I’m in the top 2 for a job I interviewed for a couple weeks ago. Also secured an in-person interview for early next week with a different, prestigious company.

    11. I’m the fattest person at my gym and I went twice this week.

      I know that doesn’t sound like much but it’s much for me.

      2. You are awesome! It must have been hard to push yourself but you did it!
        Go do it again and report back here – I am rooting for you. :)

    12. On Monday I had what I thought was a pretty solid phone screen for a job at a top-tier consulting firm in my city. My career has been mostly at tech companies and startups, so this would be a big change, but I really hope I get an in-person interview with them!

      On Wednesday, I started training for a seasonal retail job. Normally I wouldn’t consider this so soon after losing a job, I’m still on severance and not necessarily hurting for cash yet, but I figured it’s temporary, either I’ll get a new job soon and I can just work this on the weekends between now and Christmas, and I end up with a little extra money for travel, or it takes me a little longer and I’ll be glad to have a little extra income to mitigate the impact this will have on my finances. Plus, I get a nice discount and freebies at a store I often buy a lot from during this time of year.

      But it does mean working across from an Ann Taylor and being soooo tempted to buy new clothing during a time when I probably shouldn’t.

  4. I’m looking for a new, simple necklace to wear every day. Ideally something like a chain with a small charm. What’s on trend right now? Any favorite Etsy stores that might have something?

    1. My MIL got me earrings from Aurate and I haven’t taken them off in 3 months. They’re recommended a lot on this board. We could help more if you give budget, etc.!

    3. Are you looking for fine jewelry or costume? Do you want stones and if so what type (ex. precious v semi-precious, colored v. clear/white)?

      I always say you can’t go wrong with a simple small diamond (maybe .25/.5 carat, nothing too big) pendant on a white gold or gold chain. On trend especially is a sold metal halo around a round cut diamond on a dainty chain, one that rests just below the collarbone.

      Something like this?

      https://mejuri.com/shop/products/diamond-necklace-white-gold

      1. Anyone have any suggestions where I could have something like this made in Atlanta with my own stone?

  5. For the commenter who was asking for advice for her adult brother who hated eye drops: my eye doc gave me a prescription for something called TorbaDex. It’s like Vaseline and I put it near the waterline to help with allergies. It’s not cheap, but it helps. He could stand doing that, I bet.

    1. TobraDex is an antibiotic and steroid. It’s for eye infections from bacteria. Not allergies.

  6. Anyone care to indulge me in a self-centered whine? I’ve been struggling with some weight gain (a double-digit amount in just over a year on a petite frame) and am now firmly at the high end of “overweight” by BMI (which I know is a flawed measure). I’m a little bummed and overwhelmed because I’ve heard friends say things like “I cut out alcohol and lost 10 pounds quickly!” or “I just stopped drinking soda and fruit juice and that made all the difference.” I already barely drink any alcohol (maybe 5-10 drinks a year), I haven’t had soda or fruit juice in years (just don’t like it), and I eat a reasonable, mostly intuitive diet with fruits, vegetables, etc. I’ve eaten this way for a few years (pre-weight gain). Just frustrated that there aren’t really any “easy” cuts I can make and that I’m still somehow gaining. It seems like the alternative is to do something intensive like Weight Watchers or tracking every bite, but I’m worried about the potential impact on my mental health/potential for obsessiveness and I don’t want to return to how diet-crazed I was in my teen years (when I was much slimmer than I am now!). Just wanted to vent a bit to random Internet strangers. Being a woman in this society is hard.

    1. Have you had any bloodwork done? A thyroid problem is one thing that could lead to a weight increase.

    2. If by “double digits” you mean 10-15 pounds, you’d be shocked what a small difference in calories each day makes. That’s about 100 calories per day over the course of a year. That’s like… a few extra Hershey’s Kisses, a larger scoop of PB or hummus, adding avocado to a salad or breakfast…

    3. Maybe you’re supposed to be the size you are? Can you buy some clothes that fit well and you feel great in?

      1. Being borderline obese is not a size acceptance thing. BMI is an imperfect measure when it comes to the line between ‘healthy’ and ‘overweight’ but I read OP to be saying that she is moving from overweight to obese category. Being obese is not healthy. While a person can be active/fit and still be overweight, it is very rare to be active and obese. Regulary phyiscal activity is important regardless of weight, but obesity is very hard on the joints and makes regular activity challenging.

        1. This is not at all true. BMI is very imperfect. The most fit people I know are all obese according to BMA, simply because they have a ton of muscle.

          1. OP’s issue isn’t a high BMI because she’s a bodybuilder. Body builders who have moved from the overweight to obese category should be monitored regularly by their doctors regarding high cholesterol, high blood sugar, family history, smoking because there are health risks associated with excessive weight regardless of whether it is muscle or fat, particular in respect of strain on the heart and kidneys.

            Similarly, ultra-marathoners are healthier in many respects but are more prone to heart issues. Excessive exercise whether running or weight lifting, can be unhealthy.

          3. This is the case for my husband who has basically no body fat but is technically obese, but let’s take the OP at her word that the weight gain is of the kind that is not muscle mass.

          4. Right, but that is clearly not the case with OP. She hasnt mentioned a weightlifting hobby that has led to a massive gain in muscle. So, yeah, being obese is not healthy for a non-weightlifting woman.

          5. BMI is imperfect for even non-bodybuilders. Its meant to be a measure for *populations* not individuals.

            Body-builders are just one of the obvious examples of how its messed up to use at the individual level.

          6. Agreed. I wear a size 4 or 6, depending on the brand, but am boardline obese according to BMI. I’m not a body-builder or weight lifter, but I find it hard to believe that I am actually obese.

        2. ” it is very rare to be active and obese.”

          Wrong. I weigh 300+ pounds. I’m morbidly obese. I am very active – weight training, cardio, spin classes, walk to work, etc.

          1. How does your ancedata disprove what I said ? See any major public health survey for evidence that most obese people do not have your level of physical activity. I didn’t say it was impossible I said it was very rare and it is.

      2. This and please think about health, not size or BMI….if you are eating healthy and getting exercise, you are doing fine

      3. Please watch “what not to wear” with Stacey London….she inspires women to look their best at many sizes and body shapes by dressing well

      4. Yeah…I too used to be very slim in my twenties. I looked a certain way, and clothes shopping was easy. But I am able to say in retrospect that I was hungry much of the time, obsessed about food, and probably had an eating disorder. I’m not saying this is true for all slim people, but that’s what it took for me.

        I recently noticed that I’ve been able to keep wearing clothes for a longer time and have less turnover in my wardrobe or stress over clothes. Then it dawned on me: it’s because my size has finally stabilized. I no longer have an error margin with the fit of my clothes, or worry about what fits at what time. Why is this a new phenomenon? Because my size used to change all the time because I was trying to sustain something that wasn’t sustainable.

        I haven’t weighed myself in years, but I know I am above the recommended BMI range. I am also in the best shape of my life, especially in terms of strength, and healthy by all indicators. No doctor has ever mentioned my weight to me, and I suspect this is why.

        I usually don’t read these threads because the pro-diet voices far outweigh the others, but there’s always at least one of us. There is a kind of peace on the other side of this, if and when you’re ready.

        1. What? She has eaten the same way for years and sustained a stable weight. Now she’s gaining weight and is unhappy about it. You’re just projecting your own insecurities.
          OP, you didn’t mention exercise in your post. Now might be the time to try out a new workout or physical activity.

          1. She said: “I don’t want to return to how diet-crazed I was in my teen years (when I was much slimmer than I am now!).”

          2. To clarify, I was diet-obsessed as a teen, but have spent the last 5-6 years of my 20s/first year of 30s following more of an IE-style of eating. It’s only recently that I’ve gained this weight after years of stability (or at least stability within a range).

    4. I feel you. I feel like over 30 (and over 35 especially) in sedentary jobs the weight can really come on very quickly. It sounds corny, but I have an under-desk elliptical to pedal on during the day. It helps my urge to fidget and I do think helps a little bit to keep the middle aged spread at bay. I honestly also had to seriously up my workouts and add in a lot more weight training. The yoga/pilates/barre classes just weren’t enough of a muscle build/calorie burn. If I can only fit 2-3 hours of exercise classes into my work week I need them to be HARD HII type classes, and then do the gentle stretching/core work before bed or on the weekends.

      1. +1 to hard workouts and strength training. Now that I’m closing in on 40, that’s what my body responds to.

      2. Under-desk elliptical trainer? Oooh, what is this magic?

        I put the new Ring Fit Adventure Nintendo Switch game on my Christmas wish list, and I’m hoping that inspires a little HIIT type activity for me in the winter blues months. Has anyone tried it?

        1. It’s $$$ but it really is very quiet, easy to put together, and works well! It isn’t a magic bullet or anything but I do feel it in my quads and it certainly burns more calories than plain old sitting!
          https://www.amazon.com/Cubii-Elliptical-Adjustable-Resistance-Turquoise/dp/B074F1S194/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?keywords=cubii&qid=1573747468&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEzSU9LQ0lWUVE5RFNGJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwMjQ1NzMyM0xLSFpBNlk3SThFRCZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwODU4NTU1MjdYRTRHSU9LWTdCNCZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=

        2. My kid begged for Ring Fit for his birthday and I have to say the whole family has enjoyed it. I do HIIT type workouts 3 x a week but playing this game definitely made me break a sweat.

      4. For years, my body has really only responded to exercise (and lack of alcohol). This started in my twenties.

        Some people really do respond to diet – “You can’t out-run a bad diet.” Some people really need to exercise to keep weight off. IMHO, figure out which one you are, which exercises (duration, intensity, frequency) you respond to, and just understand that’s how your body works.

    6. WW and any form of tracking awaken my mostly dormant eating disorders. I like intermittent fasting. It cuts out the mindless snacking at night option and doesn’t make me crazy.

      1. IF has also worked for me with an eating window of 10:30am-8pm. I meal prep my breakfast and lunches so I only have to decide on those foods once a week on Sunday. Being routine about two meals and not eating after dinner means it’s not such a big deal if my dinner isn’t peak healthy.

      2. IF has worked for me as well. I have dropped 70 lbs over the last 18 months or so with IF. After years of calorie counting/point counting, etc., IF has been what worked and has taken away my food obsession.

        1. Counterpoint: if you have a certain type of slow metabolism, IF will make you sluggish and fatigued and do more harm than good. Source: my functional medicine specialist M.D. who recommended against IF and extreme workouts if I want to get chronic fatigue under control.

      3. I’m in the same boat as far as tracking – any form of tracking leads to disordered eating very quickly. What worked for me was working with my trainer and texting him photos of everything I ate for a month. If nothing else, the act of taking a picture made me make better choices, plus knowing that someone was keeping track of if I ate too little held me accountable on the other end. Then we were able to retool eating habits on a conceptual level. I realize this isn’t an option for everyone but throwing a similar concept out there as an alternative to IF or more restrictive options.

        1. I’m like that with tracking too. There’s an app called Ate Food Diary which works with pictures and I’ve used it in combination with “eating like a Frenchwoman” to drop a few pounds.

          1. Yes- Coach Viva works by tracking on photos, and I really appreciate having someone else eyeball the measurements for me. When I get into “1/2 tbsp peanut butter” I skew towards disordered eating, but if I snap the pic, eat what feels appropriate, and offload the measuring to someone else, I’m easily able to quantify what I’m eating and make appropriate changes.

    7. WW worked for me and it’s possible to do it without being obsessive. I view it more as keeping track of my portion sizes (easily scoop 2 cups of pasta instead of 1 if I’m not paying attention) and fruit vegetable intake. I don’t do any of the WW branded foods or any artifical sweeteners. Also trying to address some burnout, so to address decision fatigue, I eat the same breakfast and lunch every day (hard boiled egg + small yoghurt + piece of fruit, salad with protein from salad bar at cafeteria) so I only have to decide on dinner every day. As I’ve gotten older, metabolism has slowed down so I’ve had to reduce how much I eat daily. Back to back pregnancies threw off my sense of portion control and WW helped reset how much food my body actually needs in a day.

      How often do you work out? Weight loss happens in the kitchen not the gym but I find that working out improves my mental health and makes me more aware of my body and helps me view food as fuel for my body vs an emotional crutch (emotional eating is a challenge for me).

      Finally, I’m an abstainer not a moderator, so I can’t keep chips or cookies at home except in small reasonable quantities (like one box of cookies not three kinds, and never larger sizes).

      There’s no one answer, hopefully something that is working for me is helpful for you.

    8. I hear you on this. At 41 year old shortie who has never been thin and for whom maintaining a comfortable weight/size has always taken effort, middle age has been cruel. My thyroid is normal, my labs are good and are regularly performed. My weight is the number that gives me the most troubles. What has worked for me in the past has been intermittent fasting, weight training, and a couple of HIIT sessions. By restricting the time in which I eat, I don’t have to focus quite as much on exactly what I eat.

    9. It is hard! Instead of focusing on diet right away, perhaps bumping up your exercise will help you feel better. Even if the scale doesn’t move, it puts you in a proactive mode and can help with the emotional/mental aspects of weight gain.

      I tried WW a few years ago because I’d been successful with it about 10 years earlier but quickly found that it led to guilt/obsession/bad things for me mentally. I guess I’d rather be 10 pounds over my preferred weight and mentally healthy than 10 pounds slimmer and obsessing over every morsel of food.

    10. How old are you? I’ve posted about this before – earlier this year I had my hormones checked and my testosterone was so low that it didn’t even register on the bloodpanel. I’m in my mid-40s. I went to see a hormone specialist after my friend told me about it. I had low energy, but my biggest concern was that I used to be able to drop 10-15 lbs just by cutting back a little and adding cardio. But after the holidays I started to do that and nothing..the scale wouldn’t budge and I refuse to just accept that “that’s what happens when you get older.” It’s been about 8 months and the weight is coming off! I’m getting testosterone pellets inserted in my upper butt area – I’m going back today for my 3rd insertion (before my appointment I’m going to Ann Taylor to try on a smaller size of pants!) My thyroid was a little low too, so I attribute my weight loss to the testosterone and thyroid working right. I’m also exercising and eating better. It hasn’t been overnight, but it is working and I think I’ll be able to sustain it. The one down side is that insurance doesn’t cover any of it so it can be a little pricey. But considering all of the money I’ve spend on “fad diets” that never worked, I consider it an investment in my overall health. Oh, and one of the side effects is increased libido…so the hubs is thrilled with that. Sorry for the long comment, but wanted to throw that out there – have your hormones checked!

    11. Honey, you have my sympathy. I lost a whole lot of weight around 2005-2006 and then stress and hormones and other things got in the way (I’m 55) and I put all but 20 pounds back on by May of 2018. I was so over trying to diet and couldn’t even fathom what I would have to do to lose the weight. At one point, I saw a photo of myself at dinner with friends where I looked absolutely miserable. The next day, I started tracking calories on Myfitnesspal. I know that it’s inexact, but I got into a rhythm and it worked for me. I lost 85 lbs (obv far far more than you need to lose) and I’m still tracking because I don’t want to creep back up. I need to eat quantity so I don’t binge on snacks and because I work out a lot, so I eat a lot of fruits and vegetables and not a lot of meat. I eat chicken, fish, and tofu. I try to eat foods that I really like and I monitor my weight so that it only fluctuates about 4 pounds. It actually fluctuated 4 lbs in the past week, probably due to salt, but I don’t let it freak me out. I also eat chocolate and drink wine every day, doctor be damned.

    12. Thanks for the replies, all. For context, I’m 31 and reasonably active, but I’m also not setting any speed records with my running pace. My thyroid was normal at a physical pre-gain, but I might get it checked again since I have had some related (autoimmune) issues in the past.

      I’m not sure this is the size I’m supposed to be since I’m 20 lbs off the high end of the range I was in for the previous 15 years, but it’s possible things are going to be different in my 30s…

      1. You really can’t take your teenage years and 20s as the standard for your life. Hopefully you live to be 100 and those years are a tiny fraction when you’re at peak health.

        1. +1 I don’t think it’s at all reasonable to expect you’ll stay the same weight you were in your early 20s.

      2. Girl, I feel you. I’m still struggling to accept that my “healthy base weight” in my 30s is probably really 10-15 lbs more than what I was in my 20s. I’m trying to focus on just being active and healthy, and buying clothes that fit and make me feel great AND GETTING RID OF THE ONES THAT DON’T ANYMORE (that part is hard, and crucial), and not worrying about the numbers. It’s not always easy.

      3. In my experience, your 30s are a whole other ball game from teens and 20s. I’m 30 lbs higher than I was in college, still within normal BMI but my metabolism has clearly slowed significantly as I eat less now then I did then. I will say, a college lifestyle vs a working lifestyle is a significant difference in activity level. I walked a lot more in college and I’m way more sedentary now so intentional exercise like fitness classes, personal trainer, and running is much more important.

        You mentionned running, I actually found I had to watch my protein intake when running as running made me super hungry. Adding stregthen training with a personal trainer and limiting running to once a week has helped with the running induced hunger.

      4. I’ve fought a lot of battles…binge eating….anorexia…gained weight….lost weight….the whole thing.

        Anyway….I’ve been working with Nicole Holovach for a while. She’s great. She’s a registered dietitian and, for the first time maybe ever, I actually feel like I’m eating what my body needs. The weight loss has come slow and steady and I feel really good. https://www.wholehealthrd.com/

    13. I did Stronger U for weight management. They give you the amount of fat, protein and carbs to eat each day and within that, you pick your own food. I have lost 10 + lbs and am keeping it off.

    14. I feel you! I see that on forums all the time. Every couple of months, someone posts a thread on Ask Reddit that’s like, “formerly fat people of Reddit, how did you lose the weight?” and it’s so many people saying they just cut out soda and went for a walk once a day, or just cut out fast food and took the stairs instead of the elevator and the weight just fell off. Losing weight is much, much harder if your lifestyle is already healthy and you’re not sure where you can feasibly cut calories without feeling like you’re gonna pass out from hunger.

      The thing that worked for me was spin classes and low-calorie soups, but I’m not gonna say that’s The Thing everyone should do because it might not work for everyone. And even then, I’m still struggling to keep my BMI in the healthy range.

    15. I feel you! I’m in my late 30s and on the tall side, and I still find that gaining 10 lbs makes me go up a dress size. I actually disagree with some of the others who are saying that it’s unrealistic to expect to be the same weight in your 30s that you were in your 20s. Sure, maybe for some people but you know your body/habits best. I have found that counting calories/tracking macros doesn’t work for me psychologically. In case it’s helpful, here are five things I’ve found that work for me.

      1) Eating roughly between 11 and 8, although I don’t stress too much about timing. For some reason, giving my digestive system a break for a bit seems to help with how my body processes food, it gets rid of gas and bloating, and it definitely speeds my digestion up a bit.

      2) Frequent exercise (although not that long) that increases my energy and improves my sleep. The type of exercise doesn’t seem to matter. What matters is that when I feel good, I tend to listen to my body more and make better choices. The Aaptiv app is a really good source for short audio workouts of all kinds.

      3) Getting enough sleep! When I am starting to gain a few pounds, I really focus on trying to get back into a good rhythm with going to bed and waking up around the same time.

      4) Lower carb, higher fat. I hate tracking calories/macros, but I’ve noticed that I can generally maintain or lose a couple pounds by cutting out carbs and then boosting healthy fats for satiety. I focus on eating vegetables, meat/fish/eggs, with a little cheese/avocado/nuts/seeds.

      5) Having really easy healthy food options around that I like but am not tempted to overeat.

      Good luck!

  7. How would you handle snacks/food for a 9-year-old’s birthday party at which most of the parents will be staying? (This seems to be the norm where we live. Not sure why.) What would you serve and how much effort would you put into it? Hours of the party are 2-4pm.

    1. Honestly, I would just go with the regular cake/cupcakes and maybe a couple of snack type things like chips or goldfish. Personally, I like putting out a bowl of individual serving size packages – bags of goldfish, little bags of chips. It’s a kid’s birthday party, so I would cater to the kids, not the adults.

    2. Tell the parents it’s a drop off party…but otherwise very low effort. It is not a party for them and at that age they should be able to leave their kids so Hummus + carrots + pita chips.

    3. Beer, wine for grownups. Juice boxes/Capri Sun/sodas for kids. Finger sandwiches, veggie tray, pretzels/chips, maybe some kind of warm dip. Small plates, bowls, napkins. Grownups gather around food; kids will swing through and grab handfuls of stuff.

      1. Oh, absolutely! But we are new to the area, so at this point we are going along with what others have done. :)

      2. Hmm, in my experience this is not entirely true. Some parents refuse to let their child out of their sight, and you can’t exactly tell the parents to get out, if they’re not comfortable with it. I certainly wish I could!!

    5. I have only attended birthday parties up to age 7 based on my kids’ ages, but where I live, pizza and cake are always served to the kids no matter the time. And the parents are always offered some, but when it is not a meal time, most usually decline the pizza. I stressed about it before my kid’s party because it was a similar time, but just ordered the extra pizza and was so relieved to have enough to offer around. I know a couple of parents appreciated that we had some Diet Coke on hand in addition to the water and juice boxes, too. No one would have made a stink about it, but it made a good impression.

      1. This is my experience as well. Almost always pizza and cake, no matter what time of day. Sometimes a salad, fruit, or veggie tray as well, but not always.

    6. How far away do your attendees live? I grew up in a town where 3 different towns all went to the same school. That meant it could be a half hour to 45 minute drive to get to my classmates houses. If that’s the case, it makes sense that they would stay rather than drop off to head home and just turn around and come back again. Even going to the mall would be a 30 minute trip from the friend’s house so not really worth it. It would be odd to just sit in the car during that time too. If you were having a 4 hour party, you’d probably have more parents willing to just drop off.

    7. What food are you doing for the kids? Assuming not a meal, I’d just get a veggie tray from the grocery store and pita chips or similar for the parents.

      1. Agree, and maybe a tub of hummus, or chips and salsa/guacamole. I think it’s nice to have something munch on, but no one is going to be there because of the amazing food. Enough cake for parents to have a small slice (or if you’re doing cupcakes, some mini cupcakes).

  8. So, here’s the deal. I’m 45 and my period has gone from 5 days of bleeding every 26-28 days, to 10+ days of bleeding every 26 days. Right now I’m on day 14 with no end in sight. My gyno is recommending birth control pills which seems sort of ridiculous at this point in life. Anybody else dealing with something similar? Gyno says I have to try the pills for several months before we can talk surgical option. Brand he’s recommended is lo loestrin fe.

    1. Find another doctor. That would be a showstopper for me, as several attempts at going on the pill (of various makes/models/dosages) led to deep, deep depression that only lifted once discontinuing hormonal birth control.

    2. Sounds like perimenopause. Did your MD do a hormone test to confirm? I had similar symptoms at the same age a few years ago, it was perimenopause, and low-dose birth control pills were a good solution.

    3. So I’ve taken that BCP brand for years, and it’s been fine for me. I’m your age and was thinking of stopping because it’s seeming a bit pointless. My doc said since I don’t have issues, stay on it and it’s an easy roll into HRT and will make menopause so much easier. Not for everyone but I’m not one for struggles where I don’t have to have them. Of course everyone is different but this might be what your doc is thinking about.

      1. Thanks for this. I’m a little hesitant for BCP because what I remember from taking them years ago was not great.

    4. Yes and BCP was the only thing that worked (not the progesterone-only mini pill — that make things worse + cramps / bloating / GI symptoms). Late 40s.

    5. I had a bad experience with lo loestrin fe. I am honestly so done with gynecologists who seem to have no solutions other than the pill for any complaint. The pill is obviously a helpful therapy for some, but when there’s something wrong, the attitude shouldn’t be “who cares what is wrong, since with the pill we can just make it all go away.” I would want to be examined for leiomyomas at a minimum.

        1. I experienced relief at first because it did in fact stop my cycle (I took it on a continuous basis). But then I started getting skin issues (a rash on my face, dry skin, etc.). Then I got vulvodynia. Then I started clenching and grinding my teeth and experiencing a lot of tension and anxiety. I got breakthrough bleeding and had to take norethindrone to make it stop. The norethindrone caused terrible tension headaches. Some of these symptoms my doctors did not connect to the pill; others they encouraged me to “wait out.” Then I got insomnia which is my deal breaker. I quit against medical advice, and the anxiety, tension, pain, and insomnia resolved within days. My skin took longer to improve, but I swear I actually look younger now a year later than I did then.

          Apparently my estrogen and progesterone were both initially low, and I do not respond to progestin the same way I do to progesterone. I also have some comorbidities and, as it turned out, I had some nutritional deficiencies related to diet and to the comorbidities. So I’m not sure everyone would have the same experience (and now I’m dreading menopause). But for me this whole treatment approach amounted to kicking the can down the road.

          1. thank you for sharing this–i am nearing the age where i will have to start thinking about this, and it helps to know of your experience with this particular pill

        2. …I also experienced nausea and insulin resistance, and I ended up gaining weight from eating nausea-friendly foods that weren’t insulin resistance friendly. And I gained an entire shoe size in water retention. I had two bouts of VB I had to deal with. I feel that my gynecologists treated me like a whiner or some kind of negative nancy, and they definitely discouraged the idea that these symptoms were related to the pill, so I guess that’s why I lived this way for longer than, in retrospect, seems reasonable!

      2. So much this. Several years ago, I had a small/medium leiomyoma that was causing very painful cramps and heavy flow during my cycle. Lo Loestrin FE was prescribed and the first month on it I had cramping pain so bad I was on my knees in the ER waiting room, pouring cold sweat and trying not to cry.

        If nothing else, get your hormones checked and an ultrasound to make sure nothing else is going on before tinkering with medications.

    6. Why is it ridiculous just because you’re 46? They have other uses besides preventing pregnancy.

        1. My doctor doesn’t seem to think this is an issue. I am over 35 but under 40 (so still in the range where I want BC to prevent pregnancy). I was worried at 35 that I should go off it, but my doctor wasn’t concerned. Every one is different but i just wanted to share for those who are reading and prone to worry…

    7. This was me at 48 when I had ultra heavy 2-3 week periods every month. I had never been on hormonal birth control but tried Lo Loestrin just so I could get to work every day without having an accident. It smoothed things out with no side effects for me. (My doc was a peri-menopause and menopause specialist and said my experience was common. Even happened to her.) So after about 5 months, I went off of it, and flow was still light. But then the hot flashes started. I toughed it out for almost a year, but am now (at 52) on HRT. Good luck to you.

    8. Read the Period Repair Manual first before taking any meds/hormonal birth control. It was a total game-changer for me in getting a better understanding of my reproductive hormones and how to troubleshoot various period-related issues.

    9. Sh! The joys of peri menopause. Had almost the exact same experience and nearly lost my mind. Since I really didn’t want to go back on BCP my provider suggested we try Mirena. Still hormonal, but it has worked well for me without the side effects I had from various formulations of the pill. And I don’t have to remember to take it.

      1. Thanks. I actually had mirena for a while but it did a number on me – headaches, higher bp, etc., and I eventually had to have it removed.

    10. I’m surprised that your doctor didn’t suggest HRT instead of BCPs. Go to your GYN, or ask for a referral to an endocrinologist, and you will evaluated and treated for perimenopause and not for trying not to conceive.

    11. Have you had a pelvic ultrasound? This could be fibroids. In addition to surgery and bc, fibroids offer other treatments, particularly if you aren’t planning to have kids in the future.

    12. I’m late but has anyone suggested a Mirena? I had it up to and through menopause. Like many, I didn’t have a period at all on Mirena. Worth asking about it.

  9. Wanted to post a warning for people here about booking travel in the age of basic economy – sometimes it’s almost impossible to discern whether a seat is basic economy or not. My husband and I ended up with it by accident after literally three hours of examining ticket classes and airline policies and scrutinizing each option (and calling our travel agency) to make sure it wasn’t basic economy. As experienced travelers and after an inordinate amount of effort, we still ended up with the damn seats! Be super careful because certain airlines make it impossible to tell – if our travel agent was convinced it was regular economy too, that tells you something.

    1. What’s the difference between basic economy and regular economy? I don’t fly a lot.

      1. Basic economy has restrictions on seat choice and carry-on bags (I think you can only do the personal bag under the seat for free)?

        1. Depends on the airline. For American, you can’t choose your seat in advance (it’s assigned at checkin) and I believe the fare is nonrefundable, even with change fees. However, they still allow a personal item + carryon (I think the carryon part is new as a result of consumer annoyance). You board in the last group (with some exceptions). It’s easy to tell once you’re on their website because there are 3 columns of fares – basic, main cabin, business/first – on domestic flights.

          We did it once because the difference between basic economy and main cabin was like $200pp on a 1.5-hour flight — so a low risk experiment. We got seated across the aisle from each other both ways, so the system must try to keep you close together. For the $400 savings I’d do it again.

      2. IME with basic economy you cannot change or cancel with any terms, even for a credit with the airline. However, THEY can change your flight any number of times.

      3. It varies from airline to airline. On Delta, basic economy seats are assigned at the gate. It was definitely anxiety-inducing to see my name on the “standby” list, but the gate agent explained that you’re still guaranteed a seat on basic economy.
        Looking on their website now, it looks like they’ve combined Basic and Economy, so now there’s just Basic and Main Cabin. No restrictions on carry-ons though.

        1. Yep, Delta’s Basic Economy is the least awful… sometimes those gate seat assignments work out well. I’ve ended up in an exit row a few times because of it.
          My employer has elected to filter all basic economy fares from our Concur Travel Booking module. Of course, the handful of cheapskates pitch a fit because it, but you can’t please everyone, and after a few rounds of some admin booking Dean So-and-So in basic economy, removing those fares from the options was the obvious choice.

          1. agreed–i definitely don’t do this when i travel for work, but for personal travel, I have picked delta’s basic economy seats. for a short, direct flight, it isn’t horrible and sometimes the price difference makes it worth it. generally, i prefer not to fly any other airlines except delta. i find the service to be so much worse.

        2. Main Cabin is what most people refer to as Economy. They’re not combined, they just changed the terms slightly.

        3. When I fly Delta with basic economy tickets, I can pick my seat once I check in (on the app, usually 24 hrs before) so I’m not waiting for a seat assignment right before my flight. Is this not the case for everyone?

      4. Another big difference that no one has mentioned is that (at least on AA) you earn miles (both award miles and elite-qualifying miles) at a much lower rate (I believe 50% of the regular economy rate). I won’t fly it mostly for that reason, because keeping my status is important to me.

    2. What airline did this happen with? Every airline I’ve seen usually has pretty clear infographics on their website when you select your fare class about how much checked and carry on luggage you can bring and whether the tickets are refundable and how many airline points you get (e.g. cheap seats are less point accummulation).

      1. I flew United last week and honestly could not tell if I was basic economy or economy until I was at the airport. Would have been the difference of $60 in bag fees, so very grateful it worked out in my favor!

        1. This is interesting. When I recently purchased American tickets, it asked me like 5 times if I wanted to upgrade to main cabin before I could even purchase the basic economy tickets. I’m surprised that so many airlines do it so differently.

      2. This, not to mention the price is always a lot different. At the very least you can tell because your tickets are cheaper.

    3. What airline was this? Whenever I’ve purchased tickets, it has been very, very clear. but that has just been on American and Delta so I’m wondering what airline is doing this, especially since they want to sell the main cabin tickets at the higher price.

      1. Swiss Air. They call it “Economy Light” – words that only became visible after booking.

        1. To be clear, they have info on their site about what Economy Light is – the info was just absolutely hidden as to whether THIS flight was in that category.

        2. That seems like such a weird business decision to me. I thought the whole reason that airlines created two tiers of economy tickets was so that they could charger more for things that used to be included, like picking your seat at purchase. If you can’t tell what tier you are purchasing, doesn’t that just undercut the whole purpose?

        3. I fly Swiss all the time and I’ve never found this confusing – there’s different prices listed for each option when you search your flight and if you click on the ‘i’ there’s even a pop out graphics chart that shows the difference between Light, Economy Saver, Economy, and Economy Flex.

          I usually fly ZRH – YYZ though so maybe the US site is different?

          1. Yeah, I have no idea what happened. I promise you my husband and I are intelligent people and experienced flyers and we (and the travel agent) apparently couldn’t get it done over a three-hour span.

    4. United is worst – no carry-on suitcase and one small personal item allowed on board. They mean “small” to the inch and will not let you check-in online because they are going to measure it. They, AA, and Delta all started their basic economy this way but AA and Delta relented but United did not. AA will let you purchase a seat assignment a few days before departure (you are still boarding group 9) but Delta seems to assign seats preflight or at the gate only.

      1. Let’s be honest, you could have just stopped that post after “United is worst” (I have strong opinions on airlines)

        3. Yeah. I flew first on United exactly once and they measured my roller carry on bag. And I mean ok, although I had a soft duffel that is under size and they were unconcerned with passengers with bigger rollers that were walking by.

    5. How were you trying to book? Airlines websites tend to be clear about this. I almost always fly United and am a very frequent flyer. I also book all my own travel. On their website, when you go to book, there are different columns for Basic Economy and Economy for each flight, which is displayed as a row. If you accidentally click on a Basic Economy fare, you get a big warning window and you are forced to verify that is what you want. Delta and AA do the same with the rows/columns and warning box.

  10. Good morning to this wonderful community. I am looking for advice on how to best support my dear friend who was just diagnosed with cancer. She will undergo 3 months of chemo, then surgery, then 7 more months of chemo. I am devastated, and sad, and angry all at once, but most of all I want her to know that I am here for her unconditionally.

    1. I’m sorry about your friend. That’s so hard. If you try searching the archives, this question has come up a lot and there are lots of good ideas.

      1. All you have to do is tell her EXACTLY what you wrote here. To be clear, just say this:

        “I am devastated, sad, and angry all at once about hearing your news, __________(insert your freind’s name here), but most of all I want you to know that I love you and I am here for you unconditionally as you go through, and beat, this treatment regiment.”

    2. Oh, that’s awful. My best to her, you, and all those who love her.

      When one of my friends went through chemo for a big, scary cancer, I sent daily (well, almost daily) emails with random inspiration. It apparently helped.

    3. As someone who is in a similar boat right now (as the patient), I can’t tell you how much frequent check-ins help. Just a quick text of “thinking about you today” makes a lot of difference. It’s very lonely – even with people around – so knowing people are thinking about you is so helpful.

    4. Hello friend, I went through cancer treatment. The people that were the best support were the ones that called or texted at least once a week, came to sit with me during chemotherapy infusions, asked to come to doctor’s appointments, brought a meal, bought me a hat to cover my bald head, went with me to shop for a wig, etc. Just check in frequently, see how everything is going, ask what she needs, suggest some things if she can’t think of anything – just be very present in her life. Just that is enough! A lot of people get scared off by illness, and it can be a very lonely, isolating experience because people don’t know what to do or how to react so they wind up just staying away to give the person their privacy during what is a very hard time. Try to counteract that by drawing closer to her while she is going through this. Go visit her in person often. Bring a funny movie to watch together and just be present with her. Ask her if she wants to talk about it, and if she does, ask questions like “how are you feeling about all of this? What has been hard? How is your husband/child/mom handling it? Is there anything that seems to make you feel better/worse/happier/more comfortable?” You have a chance to be an awesome friend right now when your friend needs you the most!

    5. My mom had cancer and many months of cancer treatment. The most helpful things for her were when her friends offered to driver her to her chemo appointments and stay with her during them. When she got really sick, she just appreciated reading text messages or having someone come visit for a short amount of time. As she recovered, she enjoyed having friends come and walk around the neighborhood with her (the doctor said that was one of the most important things for recovery–getting stronger and getting moving.) One friend came once a week and just say with her and either watched TV and chatted or they would color in the adult coloring books. It was an easy activity but allowed her to do something creative. Also appreciated people who brought meals and paid for housecleaning.

  11. I just started using Poshmark as a buyer, and had an interaction that makes me wonder if I’m doing it wrong. I found a high end designer item in my size that I really liked. The price was a bit more than I wanted to pay, but the item had been listed on the site for over a month, so I figured the seller might take it for less, so I used the “make an offer” function to offer 75% of the listed price. The seller responded with the list price. I then offered 90% of the list price, thinking that if the seller rejected again I’d just pay full price. Well, the seller rejected my offer, and immediately DOUBLED the list price. This seems like such an extreme reaction that I’m wondering if what I did was way outside the norms for Poshmark? Is it not normal to bargain? Is there not an option for the seller to hide the “make an offer” button if they’re set on their list price? I like the idea of bargaining a bit for high end items, but I don’t want to go around offending people and miss my chance to get them.

    1. I’m a seller and buyer on Poshmark and to me your offer was absolutely reasonable and this person should have countered. Move on and don’t take offense, truly not personable.

    2. I’ve never seen the doubling price thing. If she was really huffy, she could have blocked you. I don’t think there’s an option to disable the “make an offer” button, but the seller can say “price is firm” in the listing.

    3. Yea, that’s a weird reaction you got from the seller. Most listings will just say ‘price is firm’ if they’re not open to offers. Otherwise I think a lot of sellers list intentionally a bit high, knowing they’ll probably end up accepting a lower amount. Sellers may get offended if your offer is insultingly low (like 50% of list price or more) but I don’t think 75% is an unreasonable starting point. I’d say don’t fret, you didn’t do anything wrong, you just found a weird seller.

      1. +1, this person is an anomaly, don’t let it discourage you. I routinely offer 60% of list, especially if I feel the seller has priced something on the high end compared to the market for that exact item or similar. You’re looking for the counteroffer. On the seller side, I’ve had people do the same – I haven’t listed a ton of items, but on the few I’ve sold, I typically get offers below list.

    4. IME poshmark is set up to bargain (the make an offer button is available) but very few of the sellers actually want to bargain or accept less than list price.
      There must be an option for the seller to hide the ‘make an offer button’ because some listings don’t have it.
      Sounds like you found a seller who wasn’t actually interested in selling their stuff. That’s dissapointing for you. It’s also kind of extreme or rude behavior on the seller’s part to double the list price after two reasonable offers. It doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong here. What a weird experience. I hope you are able to find what you need elsewhere.
      Toward that end, and again, in my experience, the clothing listed on poshmark is usually on the high end of the price range for used clothes, with scant interest in the bargaining process, and is very often not pictured or described adequately for me to know if it will fit or work for me. I will confess i haven’t tried shopping for accessories. Maybe that’s the sweet spot. As there’s not a return policy to speak of, I find myself going other places to shop for used clothes. Anyone else feel this way?

    5. I found that site incredibly flaky, like you should list high b/c of the crazy discounting offers and the shady people wanting to interact offline.

      I rethought things and for stuff I wanted to get rid of, just marked it at something where I know it would just get bought without questions (MMLF dress for $50, jardigan for $50). And that got rid of the noise and got my items sold in one shot. If I use it again, I will just have a lot of $10 and $25 items just so people are motivated to buy it now or never.

    6. I sell a lot on Poshmark, and this is a normal reaction. I will say that recently (like past 2-3 months in my two years of selling on the site), I’ve gotten more weird interactions with people. Like– refusing to pay more than $20 for a NWT Everlane top or challenging the authenticity of items I’ve sold them (in perfect condition with tags) due to inconsistent sizing with other Ann Taylor items, etc. It’s just weird.

  12. I’m not trying to start another environmental debate. However, whenever someone mentions something that can be improved in daily life it seems like pitchforks come out at the OP instead of introspection as to whether or not the change is actually a good idea and should be implemented. Personally I’m always changing when someone points out a flaw in my lifestyle so I’m always a bit taken aback when I see this. Finally, to OPs of past threads, because of you I’ve made a lot of positive changes in my life, so thanks.

    1. Agreed. I think sometimes people expect everyone to couch their opinions in “but only if this works for you!!! Everyone does it differently!!! We’re all valid!!!” And that’s just not how change is shared or how it leads to an impact. I’m grateful for the posts because they’ve highlighted a lot of ideas I had never thought of.

      1. Yes!

        I hate how combative those threads get because I often learn something from what someone else is doing that I end up implementing in my life. If someone is doing “more” than me, I don’t find that threatening but inspiring. Just like when I meet someone who is dressed really well, I try to study them for tips, not consider it an indictment of how I dress. I’m not going to adopt everything, but I do give it some thought to see if it could work for me.

    2. Agree. A lot of people don’t want to hear about other people making changes. It’s easier to think ‘I need Amazon’ vs figure out better alternatives. Same thing with ppl with two kids and giant SUVs. It’s not ‘necessary’. Doesn’t mean to need to cram into a subcompact, but 2-3 kids in a crossover or mid-sized suv is perfectly doable with minimal lifestyle impact.

    3. +1. Why *wouldn’t* anyone want to use less resources? Less stuff = more time and money, which tends to translate to more freedom and less worry. I’m always thankful for new ideas.

      1. A lot of people, including me, don’t take it well when “someone points out a flaw in my lifestyle.” There is judgment inherent in that comment and the pointing out is often served with a side of sanctimony. And sometimes stuff makes my life a whole lot easier and provides more freedom and less worry. For example, I could use the pots and pans that I have, but the Instant Pot that Amazon brought me makes it easier and faster to cook a healthy dinner for my family. I could drive a tiny car, but my SUV means I can carpool with other families and my kids get to be with their friends. You can agree or disagree, but if you’re asking why anyone would not choose to use less resources, here are a couple of examples.

        1. Giant SUV = carpool = one giant SUV makes a trip vs 2-3 cars also making the same trip + less parental wasted time.

          1. except what percentage of trips are carpools? I have a hard time believing that anyone who isn’t a SAHM is mostly driving carpool. Driving a mostly empty 7 passenger vehicle for a daily commute because of a weekly carpool isn’t better than not carpoolinig.

        2. To some extent, the way to avoid being defensive is to feel confident in your decision making process behind your choices. Not just the choice itself, but why you made it. Is your thought process rational? Is it consistent with your values? Does making the choice serve another important value? Did you consider moral/ethical issues and can you justify the choice you made even if some might consider it the “less ethical” choice? How big is the potential harm, really?

          I love hearing different perspectives on how to live daily life, or make big life changes. One of the tips that’s totally changed my ability to keep my kitchen clean and run my life is running the dishwasher more often— almost nightly even if it isn’t full. Here’s the rub- I’m an environmental lawyer. That’s my thing. But on balance, I have to consider my need for clean dishes (no clean dishes = getting impulse take out or getting more dishes so I have more to rotate through), the fact that I know myself and I have a packed schedule and ADHD so beating myself up day after day about dishes in the sink wasn’t getting me anywhere. The improvement in my ability to manage cooking and keeping a clean kitchen has been so worth it to me. So where can I make other choices that are consistent with my values and that I feel are environmentally friendly to “make up” for this choice? (To be clear, I don’t think that every choice needs to have a mitigation credit, so to say, this is just to make sure that my choices overall are consistent with my ethical values.) reduce consumption, public transit, … do my job, donate, so on and so forth.

          1. I agree with this. I think it’s one thing to make a choice and admit that it might not be the best environmentally but show how you came to the decision and why it’s the right one for you right now. It’s another thing to double down on how Amazon priming everything is the BEST environmental option for your circumstances when someone points out that there may be other reasons to do this but objectively there are changes you could make that would be better for the environment (see below discussion…).

      2. Sometimes, the posters are more out for blood than to be helpful.

        I made a comment about finding Amazon to be more environmentally friendly than driving 100 miles each way for the same item, which would use 6-7 gallons of gasoline. Someone was so eager to tear me apart that they told me I shouldn’t be driving a huge SUV with bad gas mileage… because she calculated 100 (i.e. one way)/6, not 200 (i.e. round trip)/6.

        That stuff gets old, fast. And it makes me think that it’s more about sanctimony than about actually suggesting improvements.

        1. Umm, an amazon truck brings the stuff to you after it’s basically been flown in a plane full of boxes half full of air across the country. It doesn’t magically appear on your doorstep with no emissions footprint. It’s literally never better for the environment to order random items on two day shipping from Amazon. Every time an Amazon thread comes up, someone is like ‘it’s better than if I drove’ and they don’t want to hear it that’s it’s not because then they have to accept that they are making an environmentally unfriendly choice for convenience. If that’s your choice, own it but don’t pretend it’s better for the environment.

          1. LOL. I’m not going to drive 200 miles to pick up an item that is shipped from literally the warehouse in my town.

          2. You made this point in the discussion yesterday, repeatedly. And you have made similar points in other discussions about similar topics. I would like to point out, based on what others are saying in this thread, that I don’t think your repeated harping on this topic and the berating you dole out to others is helping your overall cause or message. If you are serious about trying to change people’s minds, I don’t think the tactics you’re employing here are accomplishing your goal. I very much wish Kat had instituted a real commenting system on the blog, because at this point, I would definitely be muting you. You may be smart and you may have interesting things to say about other topics, but at this point you seem to have this very singular focus on one issue and are repeating the same message over and over, and it doesn’t contribute to the overall conversation. This has become a trope here, but in your case, I do think talking to someone about these obsessive thoughts you have might be helpful. I legitimately worry for people who get so wrapped around one idea or issue, and have such strong emotions around that singular issue that they can’t seem to let go of or control. I had that issue at one point in my life and therapy and medication really helped. Therapy in particular helped me understand that we have to let go of things we can’t control. No matter how much shaming, blaming,berating and haranguing you do here, people are not going to stop shopping on Amazon. I know at your core, you understand that, so exploring the disconnect between what you understand cognitively and how you are exhibiting your behavior might be helpful. Good luck to you.

          3. eyeroll. Yes, I 100% believe you that you know for sure that the one small specific item ships directly from the Amazon warehouse that is in your town and you live in small town with no stores but an Amazon warehouse. Sure, okay.

          4. @ anon 11:40

            I don’t know why you are replying like there’s only one person responding on this issue or only one person suggesting people reducing or stop using Amazon. I didn’t read yesterday but I made that one comment because I think it’s weird to obsess about avoiding driving a car when the Amazon truck has to drive it to your house anyway.

            But I do now agree with OP that it is unfortunate that people can’t discuss enviro issue on this blog when a million other issues are okay. If you’re not interested, scroll on by.

          5. “I do think talking to someone about these obsessive thoughts you have might be helpful.”

            Seriously? Please stop using mental illness as a hammer to shame people. What is wrong with you? Making a point often on a blog may be annoying but it’s not an obsessive thought that needs therapy or medication.

        2. If you really live in an area so remote that you’re 100+ miles from the nearest Walmart [or Target or KMart or Costco etc etc], you’re visiting the big city on a regular basis for things like entertainment and personal care and could make purchases at the big box stores while you’re there. It’s absurd to act your only choices are ordering from Amazon or wasting 6 gallons of gasoline every time you need to buy a AAA battery.

          1. LOL.

            This is why people ignore you. The particular item was one that is not found in my small city (a very specific pair of running sneakers), but is found in the big city 100 miles away.

            See, you’re just trying to be a smarmy jerk and failing to make any point except that you think you can run your life better than I can. Well, you’re making my point for me.

          2. If her point is that she can run your life better than you, she’s 100% right, especially based on your rude responses here, it’s probably better than you shop online and not interact with people because that seems hard for you.

          3. Actually, Anon at 11:41, I think you are making the below posters point that many people dig in their heels unnecessarily. There is a big difference between purchasing one unique item from Amazon because it can’t be found locally and purchasing basically everything from Amazon, which is what your post sounds like. Most of us are not saying to never use Amazon, we are just suggesting that it makes sense to consider whether you can instead purchase the item in a more environmentally friendly way from a local store.

          4. Calm down. I’m not making any judgment about your actions. I make purchases online too and have never claimed otherwise. But I think it’s absurd to act like purchasing on Amazon is the MOST environmentally friendly choice, even if you live 100 miles from civilization. You could combine your shoe purchase with doing or needing something else in the city where you have to go to get your shoes or you could not buy the shoes. It’s fine if you want the shoes ASAP and don’t care enough to try to combine the trip with something else. But own your choices and stop pretending that shopping on Amazon is good for the environment.

          5. Knock it off, both of you at 11:32 and 11:01. 10:51 said “item”. I guarantee she can get AAA batteries closer to home and that’s not what she’s buying. My parents live in a rural part of our state where they live 15 miles from a small city (Walmart, Menards, chain groceries, local stores) and 45 from a larger city (Sam’s Club, Target, Walmart, home improvement and sporting goods, etc) but 100 miles from the main hub of the state. They are not going to drive 200 miles RT to pick up the specialty cat food their cat needs, which they can’t get locally. You better believe that those delivery trucks roll past their farm everyday regardless – sorry, but not everyone who lives in a rural place wants to wear Walmart clothes and their time is valuable, too.

    4. There’s also a lot of absolutism on both sides that doesn’t help. Cutting out unnecessary stuff that you buy on a whim, might reduce your Amazon-footprint by 20%, that’s a decent step! But there will still be someone judging you. On the other side it’s ‘nope, I can’t get every single item I need at my usual stores, so I won’t attempt to reduce my orders at all’. I’m pretty sure neither side really acts in those extremes, but the conversation sure makes you think they do.

    5. With respect to many, many issues on this board recently, I’ve noticed a commenting cycle that is producing these negative effects:

      1) Fairly neutral OP but on a topic that provokes strong reactions (environmental stuff, politics, hot-button marital issues).
      2) Normal comments intermixed with comments that seem driven by defensiveness/guilt.
      3) Super attack-y/aggressive comments in response to the defensive comments.
      4) Thread spirals into a discussion of the defensiveness/attacky-y-ness instead of the original fairly neutral question.
      5) Everyone else closes browser and waits for the Coffee Break post to go up.

      1. I agree and it seems to have gotten noticably worse in the past few months. Bums me out but I try to skim by the extreme comments to the ones that are helpful.

        1. It hasn’t. I’ve been reading here since 2012 and every few months someone says things have gotten noticeably worse in the last few months. Never accurate.

          1. I have been reading since 2011 and it is worse. The commenters who cause most of the issues are much more volatile and dismissive, and the overall tone of most threads is negative, and it seems like any thread that reaches more than 10 or so posts turns into a flamewar. The “one-line put down” comments are much more common. The turn things have taken is evident in the comment count on the daily threads – around 2012 or 2013, the morning threads would almost always have 400+ comments (sometimes 500 or 600). A lot of commenters who were regulars have left just in the last year or so. It’s worse.

          2. Haha, I am 11:13 and I’ve got you beat by 5 years (started reading in 2007). On this particular point, I think it’s been worse lately. But the tone overall seems to ebb and flow.

      2. Yes this. I’m fine with hot button topics because it’s interesting to read different perspectives. I don’t find the nitpicking / “not seeing the forest through the trees” comments helpful. Like seriously, aggressive comments are not going to change anyone’s mind on an Internet forum, but I will think the poster is cra-cra.

    6. I totally agree. I was reading a newspaper article yesterday about how children born today are going to have every stage of their life impacted by climate change, and I really appreciate the discussions here about environmental changes we can make since I don’t really see them elsewhere. I’m not going to make all of them, but it has helped me re-think some of my habits that I have since changed. Actually, yesterday’s discussion made me think about what I purchase over the course of a year. Since I don’t feel like I can actually answer that for this year, I’m considering tracking all items I purchase next year, with the exception of food, gas, and experiences.

      1. That’s a great thought — I already keep a list of clothes/shoes/accessories that I buy for myself, I might expand that to a list of everything I buy.

    7. I agree! I actually use and will continue to use Amazon, but having read through posts like the one yesterday before inspired me to think about what I can/want to do instead. We ended up starting to compost this fall and it has made a tremendous difference in the amount of trash we have. Plus, my kids love it.

    8. “Personally I’m always changing when someone points out a flaw in my lifestyle”

      This is where you and I differ. I have reached an age, or maybe just a maturity point in my life, where I no longer care when people “point out flaws in my lifestyle” because I consider that very action – telling someone how they should be living their lives – to be unconscionably rude and a sign that the person doing the pointing out has low emotional intelligence and is probably pretty insecure. Considering that most people are just trying to get through each day doing the best they can, I think grace and understanding is a more loving choice than judgement and vitriol. I’m always looking for lifehacks to make life easier but I am not going to change something I’m doing because someone else thinks what I’m doing is wrong or could be done better. That goes double when that person is an anonymous stranger posting on the Internet.

      I feel like over time, I have developed enough self-confidence and self-worth that I no longer need to be concerned that I am doing things other people may not like; in fact, I am relatively sure I do things other people don’t like. And I don’t care. If you and others haven’t reached that stage, I hope you do at some point. It is incredibly freeing. Walking around all the time wondering “do people like me? Am I doing what other people think is okay? Should I be different because someone might not like me for who I am?” was like being in prison, for me.

      2. Meh, I disagree. I too enjoy the confidence that has come with age (so if someone on this site calls me “sweetie” before launching into a mocking post, I’m able to brush it off with no thought in a way I wouldn’t have been able to in my 20s), but when it comes to environmentalism, I don’t view it as criticism or pointing out flaws so much as offering other ideas or challenging me on legitimately bad ideas or assumptions I might hold. I want to be challenged and I want to think critically and not just glide along comfortably in my life. Since this board caters to a very privileged segment of the population, I think “everyone is just trying to get through the day the best they can” is less relevant than it would be for a struggling single mom with a HHI of $22K. You can get through your day smoothly just as well in a car with good gas mileage as in a car with bad gas mileage.

        1. “Since this board caters to a very privileged segment of the population, I think ‘everyone is just trying to get through the day the best they can’ is less relevant than it would be for a struggling single mom with a HHI of $22K.”

          If you like being challenged, let me challenge you with this: I think you are making broad generalizations about people (here, and probably in real life also) that are unfair and callous, and show you to be a person who lacks empathy and understanding. A mom with four kids and a husband who is deployed is in a particular kind of struggle, regardless of her household income. We have people here whose family members have cancer. Who have lost their jobs recently. Who are paying for parental or in-law care and that is straining them financially. Who have lost spouses or parents and are struggling with grief. Who have sick children or children with special needs. All of those things are a struggle. I don’t know how long you have been reading here or how many posts you read – you may only be reading the ones that reinforce your own previously-held notions – but we have a wide variety of people who read and post here, not just people who are “very privileged.” I will challenge you to look past your own prejudices and judgements and see things through more than one lens. When you do, I think you’ll see your own behavior and communication might need some work – not just your environmental practices.

          1. Just because hard life things happen to people with HHI doesn’t mean that the readers of this blog are, for the most part, priviledged in that their HHI is significantly higher than average.

            Like it’s clearly acknowledged frequently that the HHI of readers is much higher than average. Life happens to people with HHI too but we still have it much easier than most. No one’s taking issue with someone using Amazon to send their cancer stricken mother a get well gift. It’s clear that the issues are with people ordering from Amazon multiple times a day or week which has a huge environmental cost. As HHI people, we have more options than most to make alternate choices, even when we have difficult life circumstances.

          2. Different Anon, but I think that Anon @11:36 has a point that this site tends toward people with more income, which means that most people here do have options that the larger population does not. My sister has no degree, very little work experience, and a child. When she and her husband buy a car, they buy the used vehicle in their limited price range that is least likely to need expensive repairs. There’s no room for a discussion of mileage or gas vs. electric, because those options don’t exist in their price range. I’m a DINK with a degree and professional career, so it’s legitimate for people to say to me “hey, think about the environment when you’re making vehicle purchases.”

            Everybody has struggles, regardless of income. Some people have a lot of income and a lot of struggles–that’s legitimate. Some people have so much going on (cancer, deployment, family death, etc.) that they can’t spare the time or effort at the moment to take environmental impact into account on top of everything else they’re dealing with. That’s not who these conversations are aimed at. These are discussions of ways of shopping that minimize impact on the environment and they are more relevant compared to the general population because the income here tends to be higher. Yes, everybody’s dealing with sh*t. But I would hazard a guess that in general, users of this site have more leeway in terms of shopping options and therefore environmental decisions around shopping. If that’s not you, that’s fine.

          3. Yeah, that was my point – if most readers of this site have time to post about which bag to get or which shoes to get or which jacket is in these season, that does demonstrate that most have the capacity to think about which car to buy or how to reduce electricity usage. If you truly can’t for personal reasons, that’s fine – no one is making positive changes AT you.

      3. omg! It’s not about someone liking you or not if you want to improve your environmental impact. Some things are objectively better for the environment. It’s not a personal criticism or judgment to share information. If you were around in the 1970s, were you like ‘we don’t need to ban DDT, it’s useful for weed control?’

      4. Exactly.

        I voluntarily make a huge number of environmentally conscious choices and have for my entire adult life (late 30s here) – living in smaller spaces, being conscious of heat and A/C use, driving a fuel-efficient and older vehicle that I maintain well, vegetarian, walking whenever I can, consolidating trips to avoid excessive waste, buying only what I need and having a long-time hate for random consumerism and “stuff,” recycling that which can be recycled….

        So when someone gets on my case about Random Thing That Maybe Could Be Done a Bit Better, But We Aren’t Sure Because There Are Several Factors That Go Into the Analysis, it just sounds like faux virtue. Like, how about you start with the hundreds of millions of people who aren’t even doing the minimum before hassling me about whatever random stuff gets a pincecone up your rear?

        1. I don’t get the point of listing off your virtuous environmental choices and then saying people discussing other things they do or don’t do for the environment is a faux virtue.

          People aren’t interneting at you. If you’re satisfied with your environmental choices, just scroll on by.

      5. I hope I never stop growing and changing in life. If my personality and interests and habits were going to be static for the rest of my life, that would be really boring. Maybe I will consider the point raised and decide it doesn’t improve my life. But I personally like considering different points of view and options, and determining what makes the most sense for this point in my life.

        1. +1 I would consider my social group ‘radical 30 ish’ but even so my husband got into a spritely environmental debate with a friend a few weeks ago and it has sparked a lifestyle change, if it hadn’t I’d be a little sad. Growing is part of what makes life great.

          1. + 1million

            I was venting to a friend that I’m annoyed I don’t have time to compost with three kids when I could make it work as a DINK. She told me about a compost pick up service which I never would have thought exists in my small city. Talking about environmental options is not inherently judgmental about other people. I never want to stop learning and growing and feeling so confident in my choices that I’m not even open to hearing what someone else might have to say.

    9. It depends on the approach. If I see a comment that’s intended to be a suggestion to the group at large, I’m not gonna get all mad if it’s something I personally can’t do. If someone responds to something I say telling me “you shouldn’t do that, you’re killing the Earth and you should be ashamed!” I might be on the defensive, although when someone suggests an eco-friendly alternative, I’m all ears, even if I ultimately decide it’s not feasible. I guess for me, I’m already trying my best to reduce plastic consumption, food waste, and energy usage, and I’m open to learning, but I don’t like having people wag their fingers at me over every little thing I’m still doing “wrong” in their eyes. No one likes to feel like nothing they do is ever good enough.

  13. On a whim, I bought a pair of wide-leg dress pants from BR. Today I’m wearing them with a fitted sweater and ankle boots. Any other ideas for styling these? My eyes are still used to seeing skinny ankle pants with flats, even though I’ve stuck with trouser pants through most of the skinny era. (They fight my natural body type so hard; eventually I sort of gave up and continued buying trouser pants whenever possible.) Heels are the obvious choice with a wider-leg pant, but I don’t wear heels as much anymore.

    1. Pointed toes are your friend, whether bootie, low-block-heels, or flats! For a Katharine Hepburn vibe, go for a slouchy silk blouse tucked in.

    2. Relatedly, I also bought some wide leg pants and I’m struggling with what to wear on top. Most of my tops are more flowy, drapes, and a bit oversized to balance out a slimmer fitting pant. I have a couple of fitted sweaters, but everything else is looking really weird to my eye. I can’t figure out what to wear on top.

      I’ve been wearing a pointed toe ankle boot with my wide leg pants. It felt really weird at first, but I think they look okay. But it’s kind of funny how strange I feel with a different pant silhouette after years and years of skinny pants.

      1. Watch Season 2 of Succession. Shiv Roy wears her wide-legged pants with turtleneck sweaters in what looks to be luxurious fabrics, and the necessary pointy-toed heels.

      2. To balance a wide leg or flare leg with a drapey, flowy top, I do a half tuck of some sort.

  14. How much disability insurance do you carry? I’m 35, married, one kid, hopefully 1 more sometime soon-ish. I’m in average health. I’m the breadwinner by 5x. Only noteworthy debt is our mortgage…. I’m all over the place on what I need. I had an amount recommended and the annual premium was riiiiiiidiculous. We can offset that cost by also factoring in the pre-tax benefit my company offers, so the third-party premium should come down. But, holy sticker shock.

    1. I just have whatever is included through work, I don’t pay for more. Im also not high risk for becoming disabled.

      1. Why do you think this? Because you’re healthy, active, and in a sedentary job? Not here to throw stones, but unexpected disability can happen to anyone. Even the healthy, thin, active ones. If you have people who rely on you, figure out a way to carry at least some insurance (unless you’re independently wealthy or something).

        1. “not high risk for becoming disabled” and “unexpected disability can happen to anyone” are not mutually exclusive facts. Perhaps Anonymous @11:32 get decent coverage through work and doesn’t see the need for more, since her family would be ok with just what she gets from work. That’s the boat I’m in.

    2. It is a lot more than life insurance. I assume you are thinking Long Term Disability, not short? For LTD I have only 50% of my income. That is risky in some ways. I figure there are two situations where it comes in to play. 1) I am seriously and likely permanently disabled. In that case, eventually, my student loans would be forgiven/defaulted and uncollectable so that huge expense would go down. The income would be enough to provide care for myself.
      2) I am temporarily disabled in a way where recovery is long, but expected. Perhaps a year or two to recover from a seirous illness or injury? In that case, I think my student loans could be deferred. It wouldn’t be ideal. I could continue to pay my mortgage and other normal expenses, but not save for retirement or pay student loans, or expensive trips etc. It would be a financial hit, but I wouldn’t lose important things about my life.

      However, I’m not supporting any one else, so if a cut in your income would result in a huge disruption to your kids lives (losing the house, pulled out of schools?) you might decide you want to avoid that in the 1-2 year illness/injury situation.

    3. If you were going to rely on LTD until retirement age, could you bring your costs down? Move to a lower cost of living area, change your vehicles/commutes/other job-related expenses? I think in your situation I would be more worried about something intermittent or with a medium recovery time (a few years) where you’d still want to maintain everything in order to go back to work, but that can be mitigated with an emergency fund.

    4. I have 65% coverage through my work’s group plan. I looked into a supplemental policy and found that it was totally not worth the cost, even though I was the “best” class. (FWIW, my husband is a firefighter and we looked into getting a policy for him. It was something like $150 per month for a maximum payout of 2/3 his base salary, not including OT, for a max of 3 years only if he was totally unable to work at any job, not just unable to work in the fire service, so maybe a total payout of $100k for $1800 per year in premiums. We declined to purchase the policy.). For us it’s just better to have a little coverage for me, understand that in the event of a disability we’d need to make some lifestyle changes and cross our fingers that nothing happens while we still have three daycare-aged kids, because that is a huge expense that would be incredibly difficult to eliminate with one working parent and one disabled parent.
      Also worth noting is that pretty much anyone who has a professional opinion on this is probably also somehow incentivized to sell you the most coverage possible, so I think you’re doing the right thing by asking around.

    5. I have 65% through work (work covers the entire premium). I considered getting more, but it was very expensive, my husband also works and makes six figures, no kids and never will have any, and even if we only had 65% of my salary and 0% of his, that would much more than cover our living expenses.

  15. My sister-in-law is pregnant with her first and having a rough time. We aren’t close (have actively not got on in the past) and they live in a neighbouring state so don’t see them often. We sent flowers when they announced the pregnancy but I’m not sure what else to do? I wondered about sending some nice bath products aimed at pregnancy or something else? I want to show we are excited for them but we have always had a tense relationship.

    1. I would’ve appreciated a gift card (maybe an e-card would be easier than mailing a physical gift card) to a store like Gap/ON/BR where she could get some maternity clothes or shoes (because feet get bigger during pregnancy) or baby clothes or whatever.

    2. Lotion or hand cream, bath products, snack assortment (ginger candies, chocolate covered dried fruit, nuts, sour candies, fancy crackers).

    3. Anything you send her will be nice–it is always nice to receive a package in the mail and know that someone is thinking of you. I don’t know what you meant by “rough” time, but if she is far enough along in the pregnancy, you could send a little outfit or stuffed animal for the baby. I assume she will have a shower at some point for the very practical gifts, but just something small, packaged in a pretty box, would be a nice message that you are thinking of her and wishing her and the baby well. A package in the mail is a nice (controlled) way to say that you care from afar.

    4. a rough time in that she doesn’t feel well and is very sick or she is not excited about the baby? will you be seeing them for the holidays? do they know the gender/are they the type to want baby stuff in the house before the baby is born? depending on personality/type of person/why you’ve had a tense relationship and how much you want to spend, here are a few ideas:
      – a card with a starbucks gift card inside that says something like, “to treat yourself when you need a bit of a pick me up. looking forward to meeting our niece/nephew. hang in there!”
      – a little outfit or book or christmas tree ornament (if they celebrate) for the baby, saying something like “saw this and couldn’t resist. looking forward to meeting…”
      – they make monthly subscription boxes for pregnant women, but personally i think that stuff is a bit silly
      -gift card for prenatal massage or facial

    5. Honestly, if your relationship is that tense, you’ve already sent flowers, so it’s best to do no more. She may assume any gift has malicious intentions and it’s just easier not to go there. Go to the baby shower with something nice off the registry and call it a day.

      1. This was my inclination as well. I think gift giving in this kind of situation can really start to blur the line between self-serving and truly generous.

    6. I’m aim for something more gauged towards her, rather than the baby. If it’s a ‘rough time’ due to health reasons (as in there’s a chance she could lose the baby), maybe send a Home Chef/Hello Fresh/meal delivery gift card; cleaning service; grocery gift card…. something that will help her and her husband rather than the baby.

  16. After a bit of a break (spent the past year working in a non traditional setting), I’m starting a new job on Monday. The job is back to being a traditional office setting with a M-F 9-5 schedule (all of which are new to me).

    What routines, tips, good habits, etc do you recommend? I’m trying to think through my potential morning routine, Sunday evening get my sh*t together for the week routine, and good work habits I want to establish from the get go (old job had lots of downtime to waste on my phone).

    Everything came together faster than anticipated, so my start date got moved up 2 weeks. Thought I’d have more time to be thoughtful about this…

    1. Get up at least every hour, take a 10 minute walk/chat with co-workers break every 2 hours, get away from your desk at lunch. Load your desk with healthy snacks so you’re not digging into the office candy bowl (there’s always at least one). I work 8:30-4:30 and I made the following ‘routine’ for myself – 8:30-9, settle into my desk, check work emails for anything high priority, check fav blogs… 9-10, work work work… 10-10:15, break… 10:15-12, work… 12-12:30/1, lunch break… 12:30-1, rot brain on internet… 1-3, work… 3-3:15, break… 3:15-4:30, work. I had to establish a routine so that I didn’t end up sitting for hours on end and binge eating out of my snack drawer. Mornings, I HATE being rushed so I get up around 6am so I can lounge around, eat breakfast, have coffee, and watch the local news before getting ready for work. On weekends, Saturday is my lounge/fun day then Sundays are chores, errands, laundry day.

      Good luck at your new job!!!

    2. Not sure your preferences on this, but I find meal prepping (I do lunch for the week and 50% of dinner) to be a lifesaver. I can grab lunch on my way out the door in the morning and when I get home, all the time consuming parts of dinner (chopping, etc.) is done and I just have to do some final cooking (i.e. sear fish, toss chicken in the oven while I shower, etc.).

    3. Gretchen Rubin talks about a new start being a great time to make a change – if you’ve ever wanted to be a morning gym goer, now is the time. (I made this change earlier this year).

    4. I like to plan my next week on Friday afternoons. The office is generally quiet and I can think through anything that wasn’t completed this week and prioritize for next week.

    5. Figure out and adjust your food needs over the first month or two. I tried a few different breakfasts–smoothies, croissants, pretzels–before I settled on an assortment of nuts, fruit, and a kind bar eaten from 9-11ish that keeps me satisfied into the early afternoon.

  17. Has anyone bought a really big house (~6k sqft) and say if they are happy with their decision some time later? We live in a semi rural LCOL area and these houses are very affordable, but I’m still hesitant to make the jump though my husband really wants to. Would love to hear personal experiences!

    1. 6k is HUGE and way too much space imo unless you have a giant family. We looked at some houses in the 4k region (main floor) but ultimately ended up buying a smaller house (2300 main floor, plus a basement) for school district reasons. Our house feels perfect for our four person family and I can’t imagine having much more space because it would be such a pain to clean and maintain it. As is, it takes our cleaning service 5-6 hours to clean our house and costs us almost $200, which is quite a bit of sticker shock compared to the days when we had an apartment that was cleaned for $60.

    2. The people who are really happy might have an entirely different set of values or needs or desires than yours, so their happiness / lack of happiness may not be a lot of help for you.

      maybe you could tell us what your hesitations are? Then people who have faced similar hesitations might be able to tell you their stories and how it turned out for them.

    3. I have a 3K sq foot house, which feels huge to me. Unless you have a very large family (or a lot is a wing of unused spare bedrooms that you could close off), I’m not sure what else could be in a house.

      If it has a grand old-fashioned 2-story library with several fire places and rolling ladders for getting things on high shelves, definitely get that house.

      Otherwise, with that much sq feet, it is a lot to furnish, a lot to heat, a lot to cool, and a lot to dust (if not using it all regularly) or a lot to clean (if you are using regularly). A lot to paint, a lot to carpet, and a lot to Roomba. Which may be fine — maybe you can close off unused rooms.

      1. Agreed. 6K is A LOT of house. We bought 3K colonial style, 2 adults and 2 toddlers, there are currently 3 closed off bedrooms upstairs and I think a lot of central heating gets lost in the 2 story entryway with the extra large and impressive but unnecessary window.

      2. I agree with this. I guess if you have a bunch of kids, they each have their own room/bath. And then you could have a playroom/whatever. And a guest suite. Big formal living room and dining room, which are great if you entertain but totally useless if you don’t. But yeah, a lot of cleaning/heating/cooling/furnishing.

        The only reason I wish I had a bigger house is so I could have more rooms to decorate and have more wall space for art.

    4. Our house is now like 4500 since we finished the basement. All open floorplan, so it feels like a huge mess, all of the time, with kid crap everywhere. What I would do with 6000 square feet: indoor swimming pool. Separate wing if I had lots of guests staying often.

    5. Think about the cost of filling those 6k square feet with furniture, decor, and other stuff. Not to mention the cost to heat/cool it or additional cleaning time and cost.
      Imagine if you have to replace the roof or siding.
      I live in a just under 3k square foot house in a LCOL area, but I remember touring a 4300 sqft house and it seemed huge!

    6. Why does your husband want the big house? To me it sounds like a nightmare (so much furniture that’s needed! utilities! cleaning! the ability of ‘stuff’ to expand to fill the space available! enormous yard to maintain or pay to be maintained!)
      But this is the ultimate “good for you, not for me” debate — if you want a Clue house with everything from a billiards room to a giant library, have at it!

    7. I grew up in a 4800 sq foot house. Mostly it felt like a huge waste of space and a waste of money to pay cleaners to clean unused space every week.

      DH and I bought at 2700sq ft which is the perfect size for us and our 3 kids.

      Floor plan is everything. 2700sq ft can feel tiny or huge depending on whether or not the floor plan is functional for your family.

    8. Before you even get to “Do you want the square footage?”
      What’s the build quality? If a house that huge is really affordable, there’s usually a reason beyond a low cost of living area. Square footage is easy to build cheaply (badly). That’s how we get McMansions. Is it usable space? Is the fit/finish good? Are the systems adequate to the building?

    9. We bought a 6000 sq ft house because for many years our house was the headquarters for our extended family. People came from their jobs around the world to our house for the holidays and we had weddings and other major family events there. It was a lot of fun for many years. Recently we’ve downsized and moved to another city. Four thoughts come to my mind immediately: first, the big house was impossible to keep clean, even with regularly scheduled cleaners. Second, you’ll need to carefully consider maintenance and utility costs. The bills for heating and cooling a house that big can be astronomical. Third, consider resale issues. The number of buyers in your area who want a house that big may be limited. And last, it took us a loooooong time to completely furnish the house, so think about whether you have the time, money, and desire to work on Long-term decorating projects.

    10. I’m in the process of buying a huge (4k+) house, and we’re considering maybe having 1 kid, currently it’s just DH and I. I think it’s going to be fun, but the size is absurd for us, and the utility bills are probably going to be very painful. We went for it because we had very specific, hard-to-find, non-negotiable, location requirements, and we’re in a market with very few small houses.
      Also, we are definitely converting the downstairs into a big formal library, we’re already calling it that. And I want to see if one of the other rooms will work as a pseudo-greenhouse…which could be called a conservatory…

      1. A big house never sounded appealing to me, but now that you call it a Clue house…it sounds so much more fun!

    11. My husband and I (no kids) have 4400 square feet over three floors (not counting a partial basement), and it feels huge. We go up to the third floor maybe once every couple of weeks to do minimal cleaning. We are in a very LCOL area and it is a 100 year old house. Heating bills are crazy, mostly due to the 10 foot ceilings. I absolutely love the character of our house, and I am pretty emotionally invested because it was totally dilapidated and my husband fully restored it himself. If I was considering new construction, I would probably not go over 2000 square feet.

    12. I think it really depends on layout as to how big the house feels/actually is. Our house is around 4200 sqft- at least part of that is having a 2 story foyer/family room which contributes to the footprint and measurement. That being said, for our family of 3, it is objectively big. Our bedrooms function solely as bedrooms (which is good, bc the secondary ones aren’t big). Kid has a playroom, spouse and I each have our own home office, and there is a formal dining room and an dedicated guest room. The guest room doesn’t get used for much, but all the other rooms see a fair amount of use. We also live in an area without basements so storage is limited to garage, attic and closets. Does the 6000sf include a basement area? Overall, I like the size of our house.

    13. My parent’s house is about that size. They don’t use half of it day-to-day, but they do use the space regularly. If you have 3 or more kids, this size is very large but perhaps not insane – my parents have 4 bedrooms in addition to their master suite, plus some flexible semi-private finished basement space, which often all gets used during the holidays and family gatherings. They like being able to have everyone under one roof, as the nearest decent hotel is ~20 miles away. There is a large dining room and a second smaller dining room with a table perfect for cards and board games, so when extended family comes in for Thanksgiving and Xmas, there’s space for everyone to hang out and not be on top of each other. They have set it up with several zoned thermostats so they really only keep the main floor fully heated. Their bedroom suite is on the main floor as well, they designed it this way so they can stay in the house as long as possible as they age. The basement has a kitchenette, full bath and large bedroom, which was really nice as kids moved through HS/college, is great for guests with smaller kids, and could be used if they ever needed in-home caretaking.

    14. A friend has an 8k sq foot house. Family of 5. Also in a relatively low cost of living (the house was a little over a million, in a great school district) and built in 2000s. She constantly complains about not using 1/4 of the house and about the cost of upkeep. She was quoted a 5 figure number just to wash the windows. Also, one of her kids recently didn’t close the cage of a rodent pet and they haven’t been able to find this pet in over a week….

      1. Wow, that is huge!! That’s literally 10 times bigger than my house. I’m not trying to be holier than thou with my small house; I’m one person and a cat and I know it’s not feasible for most if not all families. But that big sounds insane to me unless you’re Mormon and have, like, 12 kids.

    15. I grew up in a 3200 sf 5/4 house with 11 other people. The bedroom situation was cramped, but there was plenty of living space (two living rooms plus a decent sized kitchen/dining/bonus room). I would never buy a house that big unless I was planning to have 3+ kids because it’s a lot to clean, maintain (dad was constantly repairing, renovating, etc), and furnish. If you don’t need all that space for people, it’s also a lot walking/shouting to get something or someone from one end of the house to the other (a pain if you’re sick, disabled, or elderly).

      I prefer homes that are well laid out with plenty of storage and versatile spaces that can become what you need as your life change. The same space can be a playroom, office, media room, craft room, or guest room at different points–the odds of you needing all 5 designated spaces at the same time are quite slim.

    16. I grew up in a 5500 ish sq ft house with 5 people, and just want to share that as a teenager there was a loooooot of distance between where my parents were and where my friends/boyfriends/me were (even with doors open and them checking on me regularly). I was a good kid, but my siblings less so, and each of us definitely got away with plenty of mischief given the amount of space.

    17. Not exactly the same at all, but my husband and I used to live in a 2BR/2BA condo (2200 sq ft) and it felt absurdly large. Too much to clean, never used the second bedroom, etc. Downsized to a 1BR/1.5BA (1400 sq/ft) and it fits our life better. Granted we have no kids and very minimal stuff.
      I’d figure out why your husband (and you?) wants such a massive house. Sounds like a massive pain and expense unless there is a good reason.

  18. I’ve started getting flaky skin on my scalp right around my hairline, mostly at my temples and forehead area. I’ve tried dandruff shampoo but it seemed to make my hair really dry and brittle. So did tea tree shampoo. Should I just start using actual tea tree oil? Or do something else? I’ve never had this problem until a few months ago, so I’m at a loss.

    1. See your derm — mine prescribed a special shampoo for eczema of the scalp. Kiehl’s also makes a hair oil I use before showering sometimes. Sephora also has a ton of products for scalp. May also want to consider how you wear your hair, if it’s up/back a lot you may be pulling sensitive skin too much.

    2. Sounds like it’s not very severe. Any moisturizing oil will probably help, like jojoba or coconut. But if it’s very near the hairline you can also rub in a heavy-duty moisturizer or Aquaphor.

    3. Avoid SLS (sulfate) in the shampoo. The label should say “sulfate free.” Made all the difference in the world to me, after a lifetime of tar shampoo, rinses and snow fall on my shoulders. No more!

    4. Following.

      I’ve tried tea tree oil, apple cider vinegar, T Gel shampoo, dandruff shampoo, Rx steriod foam, and now I’m on an Rx steroid liquid (these are doc prescribed like for calming excema on scalp).

      I have excema, but I manage every inch of my skin very well, it’s just my scalp. I have smooth and soft skin by always exfoliating and moisturizing. But I can’t properly exfoliate my scalp the same way so I still get a flaky scalp. Super annoying.

    5. I use dandruff shampoo but only once or twice a week and then the other days I use the OGX Tea Tree Shampoo. Maybe spacing out the days you use it won’t dry out your hair as much?

    6. I use dandruff shampoo but only once or twice a week and then the other days I use the OGX Tea Tree Shampoo. Maybe spacing out the days you use it won’t dry out your hair as much?

  19. Also posted this on the moms site – does anyone have experience with Newton-Wellesley OBGYN in Newton, MA? This is my first pregnancy. The location would be convenient for me and I want to deliver at NWH, but the person who answered the phone when I called this morning to ask if they are accepting new patients was a bit rude, so now I am reconsidering.

    1. I’ve heard really good things about them (former Wellesley resident – didn’t use them myself, but heard good things).

    2. a dear friend just delivered there and it is a “baby friendly” hospital. she wasn’t totally on-board with breastfeeding before birth, and after birth she tried it a few times and promptly was ready to move on from it.

      she & her husband had TO FIGHT to get formula for bebe. to the point where we were about to buy it and bring it into the hospital. Otherwise she had a really wonderful experience and had nothing but amazing things to say about the delivery staff. My visitor experience was good too if you want that :) easy parking, nice rooms, good accessibility

      1. Definitely look into what “baby friendly” means. It was not a mama friendly experience at all for me.

        1. No experience with the Boston area but RUN from baby-friendly hospitals. I call them “mother unfriendly.” No formula unless a doctor prescribes it for medical reasons, and no nurses to help care for your infant even if you’re so sleep-deprived you don’t think you can safely care for him/her.

  20. Ugh, my work situation has become unbearable, but I need to stick it out until Jan 31 for my bonus (which is about half of my annual comp). My boss and I are just on completely different pages – we have weekly meetings to discuss my priorities, which he agrees to, and I highlight what is getting put off to focus on these priorities. Well, when something inevitably blows up with something that was de-prioritized, my boss blames me – even though I’ve already specifically highlighted this as what can go wrong.

    These are known issues that have been building for almost 10 years and I don’t have enough resources to fix them immediately.

    It’s to the point where I’m almost scared to work on anything because in hindsight it will be the wrong thing for me to work on from his view. Every day I just feel like walking out and giving up but I know I can’t. What would you do if you were in my situation?

    1. I mean, when I was in your situation I developed a panic-attack-inducing phobia of my work phone/laptop/lobby and sobbed in the shower every morning and in the car on the way to work until I could resign. I can’t exactly endorse that approach, but I recommend switching into survival mode where you show up to work as required by otherwise prioritize your health in every way possible.

    2. Stick it out. I would do exactly as he would like to me do, not give any push back, and ask for guidance on how he would like me to proceed when something goes wrong. And just try to keep a low profile.

      1. Yes, don’t worry, January 31 will be here b/f you know it, so you will be able to take the money and run! I wish I was able to find a guy to impregnate and then marry me so that I would be able to do same, even tho I love my job, I need to have a baby (bebe), now, as my e’ggs are old. Based on the NY Times Article I wrote about, it will be VERY difficult for me to concieve a child at this point. TRIPEL FOOEY b/c if I had known this, I would have clandestineley gotten pregnant a few years ago, when so many men were willing to make a bee line for my crotch. PTOOEY!

    3. How much vacation time do you have? I’d schedule time off to take all of it between now and 1/31.

      1. Eh this seems risky, I feel like they might realize what she’s doing (especially if it’s several weeks of vacation time, plus the holidays, she basically won’t be in the office at all) and just let her go to avoid having to pay her the bonus.

        1. Or they might not pick up on it precisely because of the holidays, especially if she can come up with a story about visiting some faraway relative who might not make it to next December.

    4. Follow up on in-person conversations with an email summary of it.

      Then let the rest roll off your back. Acknowledge that he is going to be upset with you no matter what, and therefore, it’s about him and not about you.

      2. +1. CYA and then acceptance. I was never going to make my former boss happy and I just had to live with it until I left.

      3. I have a genuine question — the boss is not reasonable here, so what good does C-ing YA with email do? Since boss is unreasonable, it’s not like showing him with an email that he said X when he says he said Z is going to make a difference.

        1. It could keep OP from damaging relationships with other higher ups so that she has a stronger network when she leaves.

          1. yeah, she is not going to fix anything with the boss, but it will protect her when/if thing escalate beyond her boss. trust me.

    5. Could you send an email after the meeting, summarizing what you decided to prioritize and what will have to wait and the risks of that? It’s not going to help if your boss is a jerk, but then you have proof that you raised those risks.

      Otherwise, I think it is just one of those points in your life where you have to focus on the money and what that money will provide (covering basic needs, a vacation to X?). And make fun plans for the evenings and weekends so you have things to look forward to.

    6. What will happen after January 31 – do you plan to quit? If so, I were in your shoes I’d be job searching now, budgeting out my savings to make sure I’m ok in the event job searching takes a long time, and just putting my head down and doing my best till then. End of January isn’t too far away, and it’s unlikely anything will change (for the better!) if it’s been like this for years. Hang in there and get your bonus!

    7. The absolute minimum until January 31st. Especially with the holidays in the middle, it’s not that long to wait if it’s been going on for ten years.

    8. Work based on the priorities in the meeting. Which you document in a CYA email after the meeting. If he gets mad, don’t take it personally. You know you can’t read his mind, and you know he’s going to change it without adequate informing you, so just know that’s going to happen. It doesn’t mean you did something wrong, it means your boss is frustrated and taking it out on you.

      You’re job hunting in the meantime, right?

    9. Thanks, all! Yes, I am job hunting but I need to kick that up a notch! This slog is just so much… and the panic/anxiety is definitely creeping in. I’m just trying to do my best and get through it…

  21. You guys. I’ve been working a ton for a big deadline next weekend (we’re almost there). I’m tired. I have cramps. And my mind is distracted by a new crush. I just don’t want to work today. Help me get sh!t done?

    3. Find a motivating playlist (workout ones are usually a nice pace), promise yourself some reward (food/coffee/a movie/whatever), and mentally place yourself in the plot of your favorite action/suspense movie. Write the briefs for your client like Apollo 13 is relying on you to stay in one piece on its way back to Earth!

  22. What are the easiest things you can do/have done to develop a strong core? Caveat being that they need to be things that can be done easily (without much equipment) from a hotel/home — as my travel schedule for work doesn’t allow me to do barre classes, pilates etc. The only thing that comes to mind is planks but I imagine there’s other stuff.

    I’m one of those skinny people who as I’ve aged (39) seems not to have the strength I did – to say lift a suitcase etc. – when I was 29. There are some cardiac reasons for this, though I do have the ok to exercise, lift weights etc. and am just looking for easy things I can do consistently.

    1. Planks, side planks, bird dogs, leg lifts (while lying on back), supermans, dead bugs, and mountain climbers are my go-tos. The silly names drive me a little crazy but you can google all of those and see the form.

      1. Agree that all of these can be done from the hotel room, but hotels also have very nice gyms now….you can use the free weights and kettlebell in the gym to do light strength training – bicep curls, lunges and goblet squats

    3. learn some mat pilates exercises while you are at home (before your travel starts) and then do those from your hotel room.

    4. Make sure you include your lower back in the core workouts as well. Yoga seems like another option – it can be as easy or as hard as you make it.

    5. Blogilates. She’s on YouTube and has a website. Work through her beginner’s calendar and then sign up for her email list – she sends a new calendar out every month as well (you go through and do the videos she lists each day). She’s a little annoyingly peppy but hella effective.

    6. Barre3 online! Classes as short as 10 minutes, many core-focused, and don’t need props

  23. Office Smells Question:

    I used to have my own office, but due to company growth we are now doubling up and I have recently started sharing with a male colleague. My office now smells like… him. It’s not an awful smell, but it smells like guy (if that makes sense). When it was warmer out I kept the window open, but any ideas for maintaining a neutral office in my office now that it’s winter? Is just a plug in air freshener the answer here?

    Thanks in advance for any ideas :)

    1. Ugh please do not be that colleague who makes everyone choke and suffer eye irritation from some nasty Glade air freshener. Get some potted plants and open that window for a few minutes even on cold days.

    3. I’ve heard that people put charcoal briquettes in diaper pails to absorb the smell, so maybe a couple of briquettes somewhere hidden?

    4. I recently got air purifiers for air quality concerns due to wildfires, but a side benefit is that it helps with odors/staleness. It’s the Coway that Wirecutter recommends, so it’s not rated for VOCs.

      I’m going to second the request not to go with an air freshener. I know so many people for whom these cause major issues, some of whom don’t even have an underlying medical condition like asthma.

    7. Charcoal air purifier bags (I use MOSO NATURAL Air Purifying Bag. Odor Eliminator, Odor Absorber for Cars and Closets. 200g Charcoal Color from A M A Z O N). They don’t seem like they’d work, but they really really do. I use them in my “dog’s room” (i.e. the office/bathroom they stay in during the day) and it completely got rid of the smell. I was shocked.

      1. these work really well! I used them in an apartment bathroom that had poor ventilation and some funny smells and they worked like a charm.

    8. How long has it been? You will probably become nose blind to the smell fairly quickly.

      1. If the smell is anything like my ex’s stench, it won’t go away and you won’t ever get used to it. in Alan’s case, it came primarily from his excessive sweating, and that sweat permeated all of his clotheing, and since he had hairy armpits that he did NOT shave or wash, the stink was ALWAYS there, and it got unbearable whenever he pinned me down at night in bed underneathe him and had what he called good $ex. FOOEY on that. It was only good after it was over (mabye 2-3 minutes tops) and I could then just go to the toilet and rinse all of him off me. DOUBEL FOOEY!

    11. Desktop air purifiers are pretty common at my workplace (especially near the guy that wears cologne ). Just say, “this office is kind of stuffy in the winter “ and crank it up. Honeywell makes a quiet charcoal filter one…

  24. I just found out I’m going to be on an interview panel for the first time. My organization has a very structured process, so I’m not too worried about getting through the interview itself. But I am worried about how to form a fair but useful opinion, and give feedback.

    Also, I’ve worked with both candidates for years. The one I’ve worked more closely with, who I think has an edge on qualifications, I generally like. The other would be an asset but doesn’t fit the job description as well. And in the past, she’s made it clear that she is friendly with the rest of team, but def not me!

    How much is it appropriate to allow my previous interactions to sway me judgement about this hire? I’m confident my assessments are accurate, not imagined. But they are based on subtle things that other people haven’t noticed, and we’ve managed to act professional when we needed to accomplish something for work.

    1. You can absolutely use your past interactions to form your judgment! It would be a waste if you didn’t use that information you have available to you. It doesn’t sound like you’re making those judgments out of bias and as long as you don’t go in to the interview completely decided on who you’d pick, you’re fine.

      1. +1. Assessing candidates on past actions and past collaborations (even if that assessment is negative) is not the same as being biased against them because of a personal attribute that is not their fault or is irrelevant to the work.

  25. For the Thanksgiving buffet I’m looking for a set of serving spoon rests…please help with finding them online…would like to get set of at least 6…thanks!!!

    1. Small dessert plates that match stuff you already have. That way you don’t have specialty stuff to store and you can maybe use something you (or someone you know) already has.

      1. Thanks, OP here….I just remodeled my kitchen and also need to order some of those! You’re right that they will work I was hoping for a cute set

          1. OP here, thanks for the tip I’ll check into ‘snack plates’….salad plates are just too big

    2. I’ve gotten some really pretty ceramic coasters at Anthropologie … maybe something like that?

  26. “Our exhausted from life” family w young toddlers would like to take a vacation to Florida during Easter break week. We have never been to this part of America and would love to tour Cape Canaveral and just zone out on a pretty beach.

    I’m hoping for something similar to Sanibel Island but closer to the Orlando airport/ Cape Canaveral area. Any ideas for cute quiet towns w nice kid-friendly beaches?

    1. The Atlantic Coast is different than the Gulf Coast. Is one better than the other- that’s completely a matter of personal opinion, but rest assured, they’re different. I actually like Cocoa Beach and think it would be a great home base for your getaway, even though it’s not like Sanibel. PS… the KSC visitor’s complex is awesome.

      1. +1 to Cocoa Beach. I’m the one who posted the other day that I want to retire there. It’s definitely not a Sanibel vibe but it’s very family-friendly.

        My parents recently spent some time at the Canaveral National Seashore and stayed south of New Smyrna and liked it. Fair warning, the did stumble upon a nude beach there (not sure exactly where)!

    2. The east coast part of Florida near Cape Canaveral doesn’t have the same vibe as Sanibel–it’s much more built up/hotel chains/etc. Not as built up as like Miami or Ft. Lauderdale, but not the same laid-back vibe as Sanibel. It’s only about 2.5-3 hours to drive straight across from Cape Canaveral to Tampa/Clearwater. You might consider splitting the week and going to one of the beaches near Tampa (I don’t have specific suggestions, but I’m sure someone will). Or drive about the same distance up the east coast to Fernandina Beach/Amelia Island. St. Augustine might also be an option, though I haven’t been there in a quite a while.

      And I agree the KSC visitor’s complex is awesome. Pay for the special tours.

    3. My in-laws live in Melbourne, FL, and I am well travelled with small children in this area of Florida. Brevard County has a very nice zoo on Wickham Road just off I-95. It’s been awhile since I went to the KSC, but the food sucked (really expensive but bad burgers & fries) so don’t plan to eat there. LOVED seeing the space shuttle. The beaches at Patrick AFB are open to the public. We never bothered to drive to Tampa, didn’t see the need. Have fun!

  27. For a set for entertaining, I’d go cheap and not the ones with a big tail.
    Option 1: very chic, matte black
    https://www.crateandbarrel.com/matte-black-spoon-rest/s604247?localedetail=US&a=1552&campaignid=622767084&adgroupid=28469965136&targetid=aud-477838469452:pla-830697760298&pla_sku=604247&pcat=HSW&ag=adult&scid=scplp604247&sc_intid=604247&gclid=Cj0KCQiAk7TuBRDQARIsAMRrfUaJ6hkUC7KMkA988HGgv0yfUguRKP2fIjtmbNFvr–ehV89oYg4bnoaAvZBEALw_wcB
    Option 2: not glass so you won’t break them, gold will go with any other colors.
    https://www.target.com/p/cravings-by-chrissy-teigen-aluminum-spoon-rest-gold/-/A-54659458
    Option 2: these appear to coordinate, so you could get 3 of each. the square version could also be used as a mini-serving dish to hold some nuts or mints or something if you don’t need all 6.
    https://www.target.com/p/stoneware-ribbed-spoon-rest-gray-threshold-8482/-/A-76167340
    https://www.target.com/p/stoneware-genesis-spoon-rest-white-gray-threshold-8482/-/A-76167330

    1. Wow! OP here….Thank you for the shopping help! Exactly what I wanted…no tail and wide enough for the serving spoon! I love the Option 1 – “very chic, matte black”! They are understated and go perfectly with my new granite countertops – warm colors, black vein. Perfect!!!

      1. You’re welcome, glad you found my post down here as apparently I’m not capable of getting it under the right thread today!

Comments are closed.