Suit of the Week: Talbots

76 Comments

1. I’m leaving academia but I’m not really sure where I want to go anymore. I don’t know how to figure out my next steps because I don’t have an end goal in mind. I thought about trying a career coach but they cost about as much as a therapist! Any advice on how to start figuring things out? I feel like the more coffees I get with people to learn more about their roles, the more confused I become on what my next steps should be.

   1. After reading up on Varsity Blues, you could be a college counselor (but without the bribing and the fraud) and probably do alright. I get the feeling that schools are under-resourced on this and parents and kids alike probably would pay for a third party to provide guidance / timetables / gentle nagging.

      1. I don’t know that an ex-professor really has any qualifications to do college counseling. They’re usually very far removed from admissions. It’s a common career path for people who used to work in college admissions offices though.

   2. It might start becoming clear once you rewrite your resume and start applying for jobs. Maybe skip the “figuring out the Grand Plan” step and enjoy the “what’s next” step?

   3. also in the process of leaving academia. I found it helpful to reflect which parts of my day I enjoy and which ones I abhor. After meeting a bunch of people to learn about their work, I tried to see myself in some of these positions and what my gut said about it. I also looked up the compensations for various positions.
      For me, there isn’t The One Thing that I expect to discover as my calling. There are many options and I probably won’t do the same thing for the next 40 years anyway. That takes away some of the pressure.

   4. If life coaches are too expensive, you can go through some of the steps yourself using library books or kindle unlimited books. First, read the book “The Pathfinder” by Nicholas Lore. Then “Now What?” by Laura Berman Fortgang and “Coach Yourself to a New Career” by Talane Miedaner. Also perhaps “Coach Yourself to Win” by Harold Guttman. Do some online reading of career searching or coaching blogs. Then start talking to people again after you have a clearer idea.

   5. IMHO, it is worth paying for a career coach just as it is worth it to pay for therapy. It can be a full on game changer. Consider the cost divided over your years still expected to work.

      1. Not the OP, but I would love to know more about this. Do you find that they know more than one specific field? That’s always my worry, that they only know a couple of major fields and wouldn’t have specific enough information if you’re an odd fit.

         1. Oftentimes they do. I believe a google search in the nearest city to you would turn up a person, or email Ask a Manager for a recommendation. Generally they ask for a listing of skills, interests, education etc. A good self directed place to begin is get the book and workbook What color is your parachute and really do all of it~ It can feel like a bit of a slog~I found it most helpful when I was moving across polar opposite fields.

   6. Somewhat different timeline, but I left my doctoral program when I was ABD and worked as an academic paper editor (in an entirely different field) to pay the bills while working with a career coach to discover my passion. I went into the nonprofit sector and never looked back. I also recommend reading the book “Finding Your North Star”.

   7. Do any of your places of education (ugrad, grad school, etc), have a career center for alumni use? I know many can seem like a joke (including mine when I was in law school), but i did go back at one point (after a change in staffing), and basically asked “What can I do with the education I have that isn’t this?” They gave me some ideas and some leads on alumni to talk to to help with informational interviewing. So, it’s career coach-lite, but might be a place to start before going full-on career coach.

      *And yes, they were actually helpful in pointing out some functions in industries that I had no awareness of, and I’m working in one of those today.

   8. I’d start with the materials from the Standford guys who have applied design thinking to making life decisions — designing your life. They teach a class on it, and I believe have workshops and books by now. Several of their lectures/talks are on youtube. I think they’d be useful for you because there’s not a clear path forward for you — you’re going to have to feel your way forward and design it as you go. There’s not one clear right-or-wrong answer.

      1. Design Your Life, by Dave Evans. (He’s my uncle!)

2. FWIW, I’d love to buy my kid used clothes. But this is what happens:

   Kids go to school with uniforms.
   Kids used to wear mix of new uniforms and hand-me-downs from kid down the street.
   Kid 1 grew to be taller than kid down the street, so all clothes became new.
   Kid 2 wears Kid 1’s outgrown clothes.
   Totally outgrown clothes go to friend with same-gender kid 2 years younger than Kid 2.
   Not sure what happens after that but school has a uniform closet for needy families (public school) and after 3 users, clothes might be worn out.

   So there are used clothes, but there never any buying or selling of them. I feel like this is common in nearby families or among friends / people you know. There is just so much outgrown clothes (my kids are at an age where things are outgrown more than worn out; frequently dresses were handed down but legging and pants wore out).

   Kid 1 is now .5″ shorter than me (but 30 pounds lighter) and she gets hand-me-downs of weekend / athleisure items from me. I got a pair of shoes that she outgrew that were barely worn. Life is strange like that.

   1. I had kids in my late 30s, the last of my friends to have kids. As such, my family has been the beneficiary of lots of hand-me-downs. It’s been great (and sometimes overwhelming). I remember the first time we were offered some hand-me-downs: I drove over expecting a shopping bag full and instead got 2 rubbermaid containers, neatly sorted from size 3 mo to 4T. I’ve been passing them on to a colleague who has a same-sex kid ~1 year younger than mine.

      1. I’m amazed they held up well enough to pass on again! I have 2 boys and by the time the 2nd one is done with them they are ripped/shredded/faded. They just are not built to last. Carters/old navy/gap with lots of Kirkland organic thrown in.

   2. In the case of something specific like a school uniform that you literally can’t find used, yeah, there’s not much you can do. Are the clothes specifically branded for the school, tops and bottoms? If not, but you’re required to get some specific type/brand of clothes, can you find them used online if not in your community?

   3. As the shortest in the family, I still sometimes get hand me downs from my younger siblings. Most of our clothes growing up were handed down through cousins, siblings, friends, etc. until they wore out. We didn’t really buy used clothes because what was available at resale stores was as expensive as new stuff on sale (which will last through more kids and so was a better purchase for us) and pickings at thrift stores were slim, dated, and worn out.

      It was the same story with uniforms–people passed them from family to family, the PTO had a uniform sale, and generally anything purchased from a store was bought new in order to maximize the time until it was worn out. I think buying used can work well for adults, but B/S/T and hand me downs are more effective for kids.

3. Any recommendations for quality, longer term souvenirs from Tokyo or Mumbai? We’re visiting starting next week and I am so excited, but stumped at what to bring back for my in laws and fam and co-workers. I was thinking many flavored kit Kats and maybe indigo clothing or napkins from Tokyo. And perhaps cotton scarves from Mumbai? Thanks!

   1. Mumbai: On the street beside the National Art Gallery are artists selling their works. Lots of variety in sizes, budgets, styles. That would be my pick.
      Tokyo: So many interesting not-sweet sweets. Would be fun for co-workers to sample a variety.

   2. Do you have to bring them back anything? If you do, I think consumables are the way to go. I’ve personally never cared for souvenirs as gifts. I didn’t go to the place so I don’t need to remember it. And 99% of the time they’re very tacky and don’t fit my personal taste.

   3. Souvenirs I have appreciated are:
      – Christmas tree ornaments (more so one traditionally from that area as opposed to a touristy one that says the country on it)
      – From Asian countries, a nice set of chop sticks and the little ramekins that soy sauce goes in. Makes my sushi take out extra fancy
      – Scarves, I can never have too many
      – Unique jewelry from someone who knows my style
      – food/drink

   4. When I lived in Japan, I bought and gifted quite a few noren. Some friends used them as intended, others as wall hangings, but most are still displayed somewhere in the recipients’ houses many years later..

   5. Mumbai – Clothing, particularly handloom clothing (unique designs and hand crafted by artisans, not mass produced) is a big product of Mumbai. Cotton and silk are the top choices. Try tunics that can be worn with tights in either cotton or silk. Scarves would work for decoration but less for warmth, as wool is not typically used (the climate being warm year round). I suggest to go to a chain store such as Fab India, which has great, curated, locally made selections (but somewhat pricey) and then also try out the sidewalk vendors (much lower cost, slightly lower end items that tend to be cotton, and sometimes the colors are not fast. You’ll have to search about to find something you love). On the colors – natural dyes like Indigo and red are very common and they may bleed in the wash, so ask if that is a concern for you.
      Incense can be a nice gift, also you get really nice handcrafted items such as inlay work or carved wood etc. for various uses. The airport tends to have a good pick for a quick selection in case you haven’t had time beforehand.

   6. Mumbai – saris and jewellery, handmade soaps, anything from Forest Essentials (shop at airport).

4. I am currently a postdoc and I’m having my first non-academic job interview on Friday. It’s a first round video interview with a non-profit. I have posted here before on the hard time I have had in this postdoc. The relationship with my immediate supervisor hasn’t been great–I posted about being yelled at in meetings etc. In the beginning in this position I struggled with a new programming language and a heavy workload. So in this interview I’m wondering whether to give a reference from current position. I had asked the director of the lab–who I met with periodically–since she was interested in following the project I work on. She has since left the position to work in another institute. She had agreed for me to use her as a reference but at the moment I wonder if I list her she might probably mention to my supervisor that I am looking for jobs. I have about 5 months left in my contract. Even though it’s obvious I will leave ( it’s not a permanent job after all), there is another colleague in the team I feel has treated me with condescension at times. Someone had advised me to decline giving references from current job since “I don’t yet want them to know I am looking incase I don’t get it.” So in this instance I’m not sure what to do.In the beginning I had decided I would give references from current job and previous ones, now I’m not so sure. (P.S. When I applied for this position in the non profit I had not listed any references since I was yet to ask them, it was a last minute thing). Advice please!

   1. Send an email to former director, confirming that you gave her as reference. Mention by the way that you’d like to keep this confidential, as your supervisor isn’t aware yet of your plans.
      Decline a reference from your current job with that exact reasoning, this is perfectly normal. And besides, the former director can vouch for you in that job, so it’s a reasonable substitute.

   2. If you have a good reference unconnected to your current job, then I would start there and tell them you can give additional references as you move through the interview process (closer to, or at, a job offer) as you don’t want to jeopardize your current job.

5. When do you think is the best time of year to plan a long weekend in Chicago? Also, any favorite restaurants or couple-y things to do? Thank you!

   1. Personally, late May/early June is my favorite time of year – it’s reliably warm enough to be outside without a winter coat but no oppressive heat/humidity yet. September is generally less humid and more pleasant but you may get a random day near 90, and by late October there’s already a risk of snow. We had even less of a fall than normal this year. :(

   2. Late September or early October would be my pick!

      For couple-y things: I’d see a theater or comedy show (like at IO – Improvised Shakespeare is reliably hilarious – or Second City, which has a new rooftop bar with a great view of the skyline (though this bar is not a romantic ambiance)). Also look for seasonal things to do – we have a ton of them. Time Out magazine’s Chicago edition is a good way to find out about them. The river walk at sunset or after dark can be really romantic. Some restaurants to check out that are a little more couple-y include Band of Bohemia and the Allis. A couple bars worth checking out are Cindy’s (and also the Library area on the second floor of the same building, the Chicago Athletic Association – this is a good option for coffee/snacks), Drifter (go early and expect to wait), the Library at Gilt Bar, The Darling, and Lost Lake (this last one is not really romantic – it’s a tiki bar – but the cocktails are amazing).

6. When you live in an area where people break in where they can and your spouse/kids leave a door unlocked and/or unclosed at least monthly, I feel like I can’t have anything except electronics out and open in the house. Do you recommend getting a home safe (heavy) for things like passports, jewelry (sentimental value; it’s insured, but I can’t imagine not having some special pieces), birth certificates, SS cards, etc. or using a bank safe deposit box (often much smaller I think)? Would a home safe just make it easy for thieves to identify what they should drag offsite?

   Also, what do you do with old tax returns and financial stuff that you should save? I’ve assumed that typical thieves are not so savvy as to go for that sort of stuff, but it is potentially much more valuable (could get a credit card, drain 401Ks, etc.).

   1. I’d get a lock with a combination that locks automatically behind you after a few minutes.

      1. To clarify, for your front door and/or whatever door gets left unlocked.

         1. OP — we have 3 doors to the outside (soon to be 4) and often the doors are not even shut (e.g., someone grills outside and never quite recloses the door), so they couldn’t be locked remotely. We have a punch lock on one door and the others are keyed (weird, older house). When I’m the last to leave, I do check, but often that’s not the case (and one kid will be changing to a late bus schedule and one kid will get home early). I came home to a ransacked house as a kid following a burglary, so I know my kids know not to go into a house with an open door.

            But I just don’t want valuables to disappear forever and plan for failure in the door-locking system (plus: a thief could always break in from a door not visible from the street).

            Good home safe? Safe deposit box? Something else?

            1. Can you swap out door hinges so they close automatically? Like a hotel door. There are hinges you can get that will do this. Then an electronic lock that you can control remotely.

            2. These aren’t locked remotely, they lock automatically. Although if you can’t train your kid or husband to actually shut the door, I don’t know what’s going to solve your problem.

   2. What about a wall or floor safe, it’s more discrete and should fit the items you’re describing. I also have digital images of all those items and keep them in an easily accessible place on-line–cloud, email, whatever makes sense for you. That way, if anything is lost or stolen, especially while travelling, it’s easy to access the details.
      Old financial stuff I scan and store digitally.

      1. We have a wall safe in the walk-in closet, hidden behind a wall-mounted mirror.

         1. Excellent! I should put Senior Attorney on retainer for gems like this.

   3. Identify theft is a pain in the a$$ but they won’t actually succeed in taking your money that way. It will just be a logistical hassle sorting it all out and closing accounts, etc. Also you should have your credit frozen so people can’t open new lines of credit in your name. Existing credit cards are generally very prompt and reasonable about refunding unauthorized charges. I’ve had my credit card # stolen probably 5 times and I’ve never lost a dime – it just cost me time.

   4. I’d get a smartlock that you can control from your phone. That won’t solve the open door, but that is a problem that needs to be solved with the kid/spouse. Closing doors is something any child over 5 should be able to handle without any difficulty.

      1. Ha — so should a 50ish spouse, so I’m just assuming that burglars will burgle but trying to limit what they can get to electronics (replaceable) vs Really Important Stuff.

         In addition, a person a few streets over had her whole house emptied out over the summer while they were on vacation. I think that short of a big dog, your house can get robbed. Maybe off-site at a safe deposit box?

         1. Why don’t you have an alarm system?

      2. Yeah I’m puzzled as to why her entire family so regularly fails at such a simple task.

         1. Yeah, seriously, why isn’t her question “How do I get my family to do this very basic, necessary thing?”

         2. Kids, especially, don’t always remember things, especially if they are busy or have a lot of things to keep track of that day. If you’re perfect and never make mistakes, congratulations – you are literally the only person on the face of the planet who can claim that and not be embarrassed to do so.

            1. No one is claiming to be perfect here. My family has–on exceedingly rare occasions–left the front door unlocked overnight. It’s the frequency with which this happens to OP’s family that is puzzling. Are they constantly staring at their phones? Consider putting down your devices and living more mindfully–being present in the moment is a wonderful thing.

   5. Can you get an alarm system so that you will be notified of a door left open and can turn around to close it?

   6. You can get hinges/arms on doors to auto close. They can be ugly but it’d say that’s better than the alternative of assuming you will get robbed regularly.

      I’d also key all the doors to the auto-locking type with keypad entry.

   7. I’d recommend
      1) getting a pneumatic door closer so the door closing is no longer an issue, compounded with an autolocking lock with keypad (in case someone forgets a key)
      2) a disguised and very heavy (as in 75 or 100+ pounds) floor safe and a burglar alarm – even though a grown adult can lift that weight, burglars are criminals of opportunity, they’ll grab whatever they can run out with in 2-5 minutes after the alarm goes off. Lugging a heavy safe is not going to yield much if they have issues carrying it – even 2 people would have to move slowly.
      3) If it bothers you that much, just get a safe deposit box at a bank – especially for very expensive jewelry (a side thought that if you own super expensive jewelry why do you live in an area where burglary is that much of a concern?)

      1. To your parenthetical on point 3, not the OP, but this wouldn’t be weird at all for a south asian (lots of inherited jewelry and jewelry given as gifts on special occasions).

         1. FWIW, I have some very expensive jewelry that I have jewelry riders for. I couldn’t fund the cost of replacement. But that stuff (diamond studs) is replaceable. I’m more concerned with the sentimental value items that money can’t quite replace and I wouldn’t want to try. Grandmother’s ring is grandmother’s ring and there isn’t another like it. Even if it a $1000 item, I’d rather have it not be gone to begin with.

            And people move. And move into temporary digs. You can’t always modify things (rental house).

   8. It is increasingly common on this site for people to answer a question the OP has not asked. I recognize the impulse to be helpful – but she has not asked for solutions to doors left unlocked (and honestly in a high crime area door locks are no guarantee).

      OP: The problem with most small safes is that they highlight “steal this”. I use a combination of a safe deposit box for things I do not need often (SS card, second back-up hard drive; I live in a high-fire risk area so this is partly a safeguard against loss by fire) and a small safe that is bolted to the wall in my closet for things I need to be able to access. I keep my jewelry and the OTHER backup hard drive in there, along with a prescribed drug that I do not need often and that has high abuse potential and a couple of hundred dollars cash. I do not keep hard copies of tax and other documents – everything is saved as a PDF.

      Good luck!

      1. It is not “increasingly common,” it happens everywhere on the internet and always has. And I’m sorry, but if you ask dumb questions you sometimes get answers you don’t like. Deal with it.

      2. I think we, as OP’s are just trying to be helpful, as many times, the original OP is to distressed to be able to piece together what she wants to say, so we do have to interpolate sometimes for her.

   9. Get a safe installed into the wall or floor.

      And have a come to Jesus with your husband and kids. Closing the door behind you is a skill that can be mastered by first grade.

      1. FWIW, if it’s not mastered by then, it is a terminal condition and you just have to go into mitigation of risks mode.

         On my street, every unlocked car gets rifled through. Some people keeps their keys, including house keys, in there! And we get a lot of solicitors, who often test the front door since they have a cover. One neighbor had two A/C units stolen out of their construction site (I have no idea if you can fence those; they are big and heavy, so ultimately there are some pretty b*llsy crooks lurking about what seems to be a safe area during the day). It’s just property crime. I’d just prefer not to be its victim.

   10. Get a burglar alarm, and go for more expensive alarmed perimeter rather than just motion detectors. I think we had a whole meltdown on here once that degenerated unto name calling about whether burglar alarms are necessary, and I don’t want to start that again, but in your case

       1) you can’t set the alarm if one of the doors is ajar
       2) anyone who walks in will be greeted with a very loud alarm signal if they don’t enter the code within 45 seconds or so
       3) for most casual criminals, 2) is enough to just choose a different house

   11. I have 2 big dogs, and don’t keep anything locked up. You’d also never find my papers and spare cash unless you literally went through my house little piece by little piece (think of hiding the candy in a vegetable bag in the freezer). My closest friend, who’d probably be the one stuck dealing with my dogs and my carcass if I suddenly keels over also knows where that is. I don’t own guns. If I did, my home security would be much tighter and I’d most likely own a safe of some sort for them. As for my couple of larger things that are actually valuable, they’re not the typical items that a tweaker would snag and pawn and they also don’t *look* valuable (in dusty non-descript cases in a corner next to the water heater, LOL) to the casual observer.

7. I like that suit a lot! I tend to wear brown a fair amount in the fall/winter. I usually pair it with ivory or camel. Certain shades of green, peach or rust orange work well, too.

   1. I find Kat’s color suggestions odd. Grey would look dreadful. Ivory, tan, soft yellow, apricot, gold would all work.

8. I love the suit pictured but I am super allergic to wool. As I age I get more and more allergic to the point I have had to get rid of anything that has a trace of wool. I had some tweed like suits from BR Factory that looked wool but weren’t but I haven’t seen anything like it in awhile. Has anyone bought any nice winter suits lately that are non-wool?

   1. Not lately, but Nordstrom’s Halogen line tends to have some nice non-wool suit options. I’ve gotten several over the years.

9. What’s a comparable alternative to the Amazon Fire Stick? My mom needs something she can use to watch Netflix and Hulu on her non-smart TV. She hates Amazon, though, so I can’t convince her to buy the Fire Stick (although she steals my password to watch Mrs. Maisel lol). She doesn’t want a Playstation or other gaming console. What other devices exist for this purpose?

   1. Roku

   2. Roku. I have no complaints.

      1. +1

   3. The Roku stick. My parents have one in their guest bedroom and one in their bedroom. They started with Roku before the Fire Stick became popular.

      1. I also have a roku stick, and a subscription to YouTube TV, an HBO subscription, an NHL subscription, and Amazon prime subscription (because apparently I love Jeff Bezos so much I want to make out with him, according to some of this morning’s posters)

         Roku stick has no problem with any of this, and we’ve eliminated Dish/Cable. Even with all of the subscriptions above, it’s still half the price in total every month.

   4. A Roku seems perfect! I have the very simple Roku Express and as long as she has an HDMI port and wireless internet, it’ll be great.

   5. We had both a Firestick and a Roku and GREATLY prefer the Roku. We have one on each TV now. My elderly MIL who can barely use her cell phone can easily navigate the Roku after we got it all set up. The Firestick glitched a lot, maybe we had a bad one or something but have not had the same issues with any of our Rokus.

   6. Chromecast

   7. Some Blu-Ray players may have the Netflix and Hulu apps on-board as well (or at least they did about 8 years ago when I got mine), if she’s in need of a DVD/Blu-ray player as well.

   8. Thanks, everyone!! Roku it is.

10. autumnal – such an amazing word.

    I would look horrible in this suit but the word is amazing

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