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Workwear sales of note for 3.31.23:
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price tops and sweaters; up to 40% off all sale styles
- Athleta – All sale up to 60% off
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
- Boden – Up to 50% off; 20% off sale & new-season styles
- Brooks Brothers – Friends & Family Event: 30% off almost everything
- Express – All women’s jeans $49 + styles from $20
- Everlane – Up to 30% off spring essentials
- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase; swim from $24.50
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off entire site & storewide, plus extra 20% off orders $125+ with code
- Loft – $29 everyday shirts
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
- Talbots – Buy one get one 50% off! Free shipping on $150+
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
- What are your favorite parts of a typical day?
- At what point in your life (age, income level, whatever) were you able to take an annual vacation?
- What shoes can I keep at the office to go for mid-day walks (that go with everything)?
- How do you release stress or trauma that’s stored in the body?
- What are the best “networking for women events” you’ve ever been to?
- I feel like we’re burning through any savings we acquire…
- I hate my job and make 30% of what DH makes – should I quit?
- What do you keep in your office?
Tips for wearing heels without killing my feet?
Aside from just not wearing heels? I wear them inside at work only and commute in flats.
+1 to this
I can walk in a lot of block heels and wedges, but city walking ruins skinny heels (if it doesn’t ruin my feet first).
1. Figure out the height and style that is most comfortable for you. For me, 1-2″ is uncomfortable (kitten heels are the devil) while 2.5-3″ is actually better; more than 3″ are reserved for “sitting down days” only. Block heels/wedges tend to be more comfortable than stilettos thanks to stability and weight distribution.
2. Test different brands as they all use different foot models.
3. Anecdata, but for stilettos, I find heels where the stiletto part generates from underneath the MIDDLE of the heel lengthwise (as opposed to off the very back of the shoe) to be more comfortable.
4. Try ball-of-foot gel pads, assuming you can fit them comfortably (in many cases, the extra height makes the top of the shoe too snug, therefore mitigating the increased comfort…)
5. Higher quality shoes are often more comfortable because the materials used gradually adapt to your feet. Plastic will never “give.”
6. They’ll never be as comfortable as flats regardless.
– Don’t wear heals on your commute. I can take short walks in heels, like if I’m walking a few blocks to another downtown building for a closing, but anything longer than that I pack flats in my purse.
– Find comfortable heels. Reasonable height, block heel if that’s your thing, but also a decent quality brand with soft and breathable lining that won’t rub or pinch. Cheap heels really hurt in my experience – you don’t need to go full on designer, but no Zara etc. See the Corporette guide to heels as a starting point.
I’ve learned that taping my 3rd and 4th toes together makes it really possible to wear heels all day at conferences.
Whoa, tell me more – what do you use and how do you do this?
I use medical tape. it is FAR more comfortable than scotch tape. just wrap it around the two toes until strong enough not to break when you walk. make sure it isn’t too tight!
here’s a picture tutorial.
although, I think this amount of tape is a bit of overkill . . . but, whatever.
Thanks, I am definitely going to try this!
I’m not sure if my reply was eaten, or trapped in moderation, but . . .
I’ve found that taping my 3rd and 4th toes together makes it possible to wear heels at conferences now (i.e, lots of standing).
Wear more modest block heels. Everlane’s Day heel is the first one that comes to mind, but J.Crew makes one, and there are plenty at DSW.
FWIW, I can’t tell you the last time I saw a woman in DC wearing skinny heels who wasn’t part of the Trump Administration, a visitor, or wearing evening attire. For work, it’s block heels all the way around here.
I would honestly disagree with this. Most of the lawyers with whom I interact still wear skinny heels at more “formal” meetings or networking events, etc.
I’m in DC
In Chicago not DC, but yeah, skinny heels look either super-young, super-dated, or evening attire. Block heels and flats rule the day.
Even if your commute involves driving, don’t wear heels in the car. Driving in heels is murder in my feet and calves. Keep flats for driving a switch to heels at destination.
I always wonder how some women can wear 2″+ heels or stilettos for hours. I was on the ballroom dance team in college, and we danced in 3″ narrow heels no problem. The shoes were leather that conformed to your feet. Now, I can’t wear similar shoes for more than an hour. I am heavier now, so I think that may be part of the problem. I can walk in heels, but the ball of my foot starts to badly burn to the point my feet even hurt the next day. I have triangle shaped feet, wider in the front than the heel, so I have trouble finding shoes that fit. I typically have to put moleskin in the heels, and if I add a ball of foot pad, the shoes become too tight. Sizing up or wearing a wide won’t help because the heel is then far too large.
This dress is stunning. I’ve never been so tempted to spend $400 on a dress…
Same. Great pick!
DVF doesn’t work for me (5’2”), but that dress is gorg
I like it more than most shirtdresses, which tend to look frumpy on me. I am kind of hourglassy. Last time I tried on a shirtdress my husband said I looked like a 1950s housewife. Any tips for making shirtdresses – especially midi-length ones – look modern? What shoes would you wear?
I have this problem too – watching with interest
I like them, but not at work, b/c the men love to look at me and say “retro”, then try and fake tackel me, like they did when they were first starting out (in the 1970’s). I told them I was not even born then so why take cheap shots at me just b/c I am wearing a dress that is retro? FOOEY! I do not grab their suit and ties and say retro! Why is there a doubel standard here?
I’ve decided that a shirt dress–for me, a curvy size 12–must NOT have a pleated or gathered skirt. An a-line skirt, or a more shift -ike style work better.
1950s housewife is a s3xy look! Or am I alone in thinking this?
Not at all – I had that same exact thought!
I’m looking for some book recommendations please. I realised I like a type of book I didn’t even know was a thing (I wouldn’t call it a genre). The Nadia Stafford books by Kelley Armstrong and the Stephanie Plum books by Janet Evanovich are sort of crime/romance with a ‘will they won’t they’ relationship. (Having looked online this seems to be a common thing but I mostly saw recommendations for tv shows or more traditional romance/young adult). Any suggestions for crime novels with a duo? I also really enjoyed all the Kathy Reichs novels. I’m not against YA novels but I’m a bit done with post apocalyptic fiction. I do like fantasy such as Robin Hobb and Diane Harkness. Thanks!
I’ve liked the Deanna Raybourne novels – the Veronica Speedwell ones I preferred to the Lady Julia Grey ones but both were well written and moved nicely along with ‘the will they won’t they’ relationships.
If you don’t mind scifi/fantasy Gail Carriger and Seanan McGuire have great relationships (and LBTQ ones as well) in many of their series.
More spy rather than mystery but I like the Stella Remington novels.
Thanks, first one is 99p for the kindle so I’ll give it a go!
The gaslight mysteries by Victoria Thompson or the royal spyness series by Rhys Bowen fit that description perfectly, although they have a little less sass than J. E.
Not sure where you fall on vampires, but I love the Chicagoland Vampire series. All the books have a crime/investigative component with an ongoing “will they/won’t they” theme. The main character is a strong female who is the heroine of the book (the male counterpart definitely takes a side role to her).
Thanks, I liked Kim Harrison so this could be a good shout! I like it when you find a series with plenty of books already out too.
These are also written by a practicing attorney in her spare time! So cool.
This is the anon that made the recommendation. Do you also know the author? I used to practice with her :) I never understood what “spare time” she did this in, because she’s really successful!
Second the Royal Spyness recommendation.
I’d also suggest Margaret Maron’s Deborah Knott series. Although the romance isn’t super-prominent, I found it more satisfying than year upon year of Joe/Stephanie/Ranger never really evolving in the Plum books.
Is it Friday yet?
A bit heavier than Janet Evanovich, but the Cormoran Strike novels are crime novels featuring a duo (though it takes a few books for the “will they won’t they” to really be a thing). I loved them.
+1. Also, the original, Dorothy Sayers, esp. “Gaudy Night” (but that’s a few books in), and if you think you might be at all interested in something like this set in Ancient Rome, the Lindsey Davis novels are fantastic. Start with the first one, “Silver Pigs” (set in Roman Britain).
I like Karin Slaughter’s series with Will Trent.
Hannah Swensen mysteries by Joanne Fluke.
Elly Griffith’s Ruth Galloway series
The Miss Fortune Series by Jana DeLeon
The Beatrice Hyde-Clare Mysteries series by Lynn Messina are awesome. Regency-era.
Kaite Welsh’s Wages of Sin fits the bill here (plus, female medical students in the 1890s!). The sequel just came out but I haven’t read it yet.
Check out literature-map.com. You can input an author’s name and it “maps” similar authors. Those that are closer to your original author are more alike. I’m a Kathy Reichs fan and I also like Tess Gerritsen, Karin Slaughter, Lisa Gardner, John Sandford, Greg Iles, Michael Connelly, and Lee Child. These aren’t all in the “will they or won’t they” genre so check them out before you decide.
One Armed Bandit
Anyone with experience with shoulder arthroscopy? I have a paralabral cyst, no tears or anything like that. I am SO not looking forward to the recovery period, as I am not a good patient, not good at sitting around, etc. We have two young kids so thank goodness DH is hands-on and fairly equal in terms of parenting.
But I won’t be able to drive, for ~3 weeks I’m guessing. My computer work really requires two hands. Am i going to lose my mind? Am I going to have to sleep in a recliner?
I’ve had arthroscopy on my shoulder two times — first time was just to “clean up” the scar tissue from a labral tear, second time was to actually repair the tear. Recovery the first time was a breeze, I think I barely wore a sling for a week and it wasn’t very painful. Second time was different — I wore the sling for a few weeks, it took months before my range of motion allowed me to lift my arm all the way up and honestly I think it was probably a year before it was fully back to normal. It was also more painful, but that was to be expected. I went back to work at my office job pretty quickly, though. Only a few days later. I didn’t drive for a few weeks. For sleeping I used about 4 pillows to rest my arm on and also just make it more comfortable to sleep on my back.
In-House in Houston
Can anyone recommend a good eyelash curler? Mine has seen better days and it’s probably been 3 or so years since I replaced it. So I’m betting there’s something better out there. TIA!!
I have a Panasonic heated curler I ordered online for about $13. I love it and will never use a non-heated one again. It looks kind of like a mascara wand.
How often are you supposed to change eyelash curlers. I’ve had my shu uemera for an embarrassing long time…
mine has got to be over 10 years old….. not that that means 10 years is the right answer.
They used to sell just the little pads. The curler itself should last decades.
Pads are still available separately, and they basically fit all curlers. The curlers themselves have no reason to be replaced unless they break. My lashes are short and straight, and I’ve found that spending more doesn’t help with curling. I have a curler I bought at the drugstore and replacement pads I got on Amazon.
Try an eyelash lift! It’s a painfree (non stinging) treatment at your local eyelash place where they curl (basically perm) your eyelashes. Mine last around 6 weeks.
How much does an eyelash lift cost? As someone with straight (not even straight, more line downward pointing) Asian eyelashes, this sounds amazing.
Any suggestions for a birthday gift for a 13 year-old-girl? I don’t know her well, so I don’t know what she likes. So I need something fairly generic. If necessary, I can get her a gift card, but I don’t even know where to go. Thanks for any ideas!
I’d go with Ulta. If she (or her parents) aren’t into makeup she can at least use it to buy hair care/bath bombs/maybe nicer hair ties/etc.? At that age my mom would only buy the cheap Suave haircare and I was dyyyying for something nicer but didn’t have much $$ to spend on it.
I’d do Target, not every teenage girl is into makeup.
I’ll second Target. She can get makeup/skincare OR literally anything else if she’s not into that.
I got a target gift card for the first time at the age of 10 and was completely awed (in a good way!) by the CHOICES. I ended up buying one of those standy-up reading pillows. It was great.
I usually do a ‘zon gift card for this age/situation.
My daughters around that age would be thrilled with the Ulta/Sephora gift card. VS Pink is big at that age. Check out their MLB gear if there is a baseball team in her town.
My feminist 13-year-old daughter would be horrified by a gift of VS/Pink. As would I.
I’m a feminist but I also like pretty under things and comfy lounge clothes. What’s the problem with Pink?
I think as a default gift for a 13-year-old, an underwear brand that’s been suffering market share loss due to its outdated marketing and model choices is a bit icky. It’s one thing for a grown woman to choose to shop there if she wants, but I’d be grossed out by someone giving my barely teen daughter a gift card there.
Not the Anonymous at 10:43, but the problem with VS/Pink is that they stress a very narrow ideal of what a women’s body should look like and are actively happy that their products don’t fit many, many women. The CEO had said publically that he doesn’t want the company to make products for larger chested or larger sized women because he doesn’t want to appeal to their market and doesn’t care about those types of people.
Also, as a practical matter, depending on the size of the 13-year old, no VS/Pink stuff will fit her. Although VS sales associates are trained to put customers in to the nearest size that they stock, they often just give people very wrong sizes.
Yeah, same. VS Pink is made for a very … specific type of body. I also can’t stand the company and how it treats women who don’t meet their ideal, so I would not want my daughter shopping there.
I am a grown up woman with a 30″ band size. VS had me in 34s throughout my 20s. I am about the size of a 13 year old girl, so I’d just veto that.
I buy my bras for my daughter at Old Navy and Gap Body. When she’s a bit older, maybe Athleta (she’s out of Athleta Girl sizing and that stuff is spendy for me) as a special treat. But your $ goes further at Gap Body and their things are cute.
I imagine she really likes hanging out with her friends, so if you were to get her a gift card for a movie theatre, Starbucks, or the local ice cream place, you’re giving her an outing and a chance to be a generous hostess.
Honestly I feel like anybody including a 13-year-old girl would like cold hard cash better than a gift card to a place she may or may not be into. If you don’t want to just put a bill in an envelope, google “fun ways to give cash” for some ideas.
I have a younger sister who is 14 – I’d suggest any of these, depending on what you know about her:
Gift cards for
Primark – a little money goes a long way there and they have a wide range of products – makeup, room decor, fluffy socks, pajamas, clothes, accessories, jewelry, tech related gifts, food, etc. My sister loves Primark.
Forever 21 – similar to Primark in that a gift card can actually buy you quite a bit, and it’s also trendy and “in” with that age group now.
If you’re looking for pricier apparel stores, try Pacsun, Van’s, American Eagle, Abercrombie. These are the stores that most teens shop at.
If she’s into any kind of athletic activity (even dance, cheer, gymnastics, yoga, running, etc.) Lululemon and Athletica are very “in,” although she’d probably have to stockpile gift cards in order to purchase anything (unless you’re ready to gift large amounts of money.) If you want to buy something rather than give a gift card and know her size, a basic pair of black leggings in any of the more “boring” styles at Lulu will definitely be appreciated and worn. Even non-athletic teen girls tend to hang out in black leggings, and a nice pair is nice to have.
If you don’t mind gifting food-related gifts, any gift card to a fun, trendy food place would be very well received among my sister and her friends. Think Sugar Factory, Milk Bar, etc. depending on where you are located, etc. Also tickets/reservations for a trendy pop-up type Instagram location. Color Factory NYC is a great example and my sister and her friends went and loved it.
For a generic, can’t go wrong option, a gift card for the movie theater, local ice cream store/coffee shop, or Visa gift card (in my experience is desired more than Amazon gift card) would work.
If she’s into skincare, makeup, etc. you could do Sephora or Ulta. If you don’t know, though, I hate to push that sort of obsession on to a teen girl. To skew the scale the other way, since she is likely given lots of those types of gifts, try giving her a book store gift card or Kindle gift card. Or tickets to a local art museum, science museum, botanical gardens, etc. It can be nice to get something different. If you have a particular book (non-fiction or fiction) that you really felt made an impact on you buy her a copy. Physical books can be a rarity sometimes and even if she’s slightly bratty/too cool for that now, she may read it later and you might have a real impact on her.
If you’d rather buy things than give a gift card, a generic basket of fun things would always be well received amongst my sister/her friends. Include a small ($5-10) iTunes or Starbucks gift card, a mini bag of candy (Kit Kats, M&Ms, etc.), some fuzzy socks (ALWAYS a hit), any hair tie/scrunchie/cheap rings that you find at the check-out area of a Target, Primark, Forever 21, a cheap but fun phone case (check Amazon or Forever 21), string lights (super cheap at Forever 21), nice lotion, those cheap small tester type packages at the checkout of Ulta, etc. Sometimes little things are really fun to open as well.
Sorry for this being so long! Hopefully some of this helps you!
This is great. I am taking notes.
I have a question for lawyers with CLE requirements — anyone have a requirement to do an elimination of bias / prevention of discrimination credit? Does your state require that you do this credit in person (not live webinar, actually in person)? Thanks!
Never too many shoes...
I am in Canada and our Law Society recently introduced the requirement for one hour per year of Equality, Diversity and Inclusion as part of our professionalism hours. They do not have to be in person though.
I live in California and you can do the Elimination of Bias CLE online.
Same- I just buy a bundle online where they count some of the classes as in person by using randomly placed keywords.
My state counts some things like that as “live” and defines “in person” as actually in the room with the presenter. This requirement is “in person.”
No and I wish we did. Once I learned more about implicit bias I started seeing it crop up in my own practice. Part of my job is screening prospective clients and I have caught myself being less patient with clients that don’t speak fluent English. I’ve also noticed that in my personal injury practice my non-white clients get lower settlement offers. I suspect that it is in part due to research that juries award minority plaintiffs less money. It is also likely in part due to socioeconomic factors. If a minority client makes less money than a white client, the minority client’s lost wages claim will be less. If the white client has health insurance, they are more likely to get MRIs and physical therapy raising the amount of the medical portion of their claim versus someone without health insurance.
The one time I saw implicit bias work in my client’s favor, my client was here on a temporary work visa for a very specialized technical job that paid A LOT of money. He was in a car accident without car insurance (not required in my state) and the other side assumed he had no ability to pay without asking any questions about his finances. The other side just knew that he was from a non-white country and didn’t speak English. They assumed at their loss.
NY requires one credit of this per 2-year cycle. You can do it online.
NJ went to 50% live in person a few years ago and I hate them for that. Now I go to a lot of leasing and family law CLEs that have nothing to do with my practice area just b/c they are live and convenient for my schedule.
In Texas: no. The closest we come is occasional presentations on attorney wellness (not the same thing at all, just the closest I can think of). Those sessions count as ethics credit. I think we have to have three hours of ethics per year and half of that has to be in-person.
This is the NY State law for Bias:
CLE PROGRAM RULE
§1500.22 Minimum Requirements
(a) Credit Hours. Each attorney shall complete a minimum of 24 credit hours
of accredited continuing legal education each biennial reporting cycle in ethics and
professionalism, skills, law practice management, areas of professional practice, or
diversity, inclusion and elimination of bias, at least four (4) credit hours of which shall be
in ethics and professionalism and at least one (1) credit hour of which shall be in
diversity, inclusion and elimination of bias. Ethics and professionalism, skills, law
practice management, areas of professional practice, and diversity, inclusion and
elimination of bias are defined in §1500.2. The ethics and professionalism and diversity,
inclusion and elimination of bias components may be intertwined with other courses.
Thanks all! I newly have this requirement and am finding it challenging to find courses (as in, I cannot find any — not I cannot find any that appeal to me).
I wrote this above, but depending on your state, some online bundles count the online vids as “in person”. Often they sneak in a random word or place you have to click when they direct you to, to ‘prove’ you are watching. At least this has been the case for my CA credits.
Thanks, I just clarified (in mod) above before I saw your comment here. This particular requirement must actually be met in person. We have to do half of the whole annual CLE requirement “live” and live webinars with those checks are ok if you can ask questions of the presenters during the webinar (so pre-recorded webinar is self-study not live).
Favorite shampoo/conditioner? My roots are oily and I have a lot of straight, fine hair. I’d like to keep things under $15-20 a bottle. Thanks!
Aussie “Aussome Volume” or whatever they call it now (I think it’s been renamed) can be found for $3 or so on sale and works the best of anything I’ve used at all price points. Bonus that it smells great, too.
Kirkland Signature Shampoo + Conditioner from Costco. Giant bottles that last forever, really high quality stuff.
I have similar hair. Ouai leave-in conditioner mist has been a game changer for me. For drug store shampoo, herbal essences 0% paraben free Coffee fruit scent smells amazing and gives my flat hair decent volume. Link to follow.
Paul Mitchell Tea Tree Shampoo works great for my oily roots. It’s about $10/bottle.
The Body Shop banana shampoo is wonderful. My hair has never looked better than since I started using it. Not sure of the US price but it can’t be out of your range. I don’t bother with the conditioner.
Looking for advice on getting a dog from a breeder versus craigslist versus a rescue/humane society. My kids really want a dog and I loved growing up with a dog (a maltese that was given to us as a gift from the dog’s mom’s owner).
I have a lot on my plate: 2 working parents, 3 kids in middle and elementary schools, no family nearby, etc and would prefer a dog that’s easy to potty train since that was the source of a lot of stress with the dog I had growing up. I have a mild dog allergy, but am fine with the hypoallergenic and non shedding breeds. I also need to have a breed that doesn’t require a lot of exercise.
So, I’m looking at miniature poodle, cocker spaniel, maltese, havanese, yorkie, westie, shih tzu, etc and these types of dogs are not commonly found in shelters. The popular advice is that I should go to a reputable breeder, but those cost $2,500 whereas a dog on Craigslist is about $900 and up and from the shelter a fraction of that. I also like the idea of adopting a rescued dog and giving it a new home. One possibility is a 4 and a half year old dog that needs rehoming (found on craigslist), but it seems like we wouldnt be able to enjoy that dog for a long time.
Can anyone who has thought through any of these issues provide any advice? I’m torn between what I want (a healthy, no older than 2 year old, non shedding dog) and what I think is best for society (a rescue or humane society dog, any age).
I would suggest adopting a young adult dog from a rescue or shelter. While ideally your dog will have a long happy life with you, I would rule out senior dogs on that basis, not young adults, especially if you’re looking at smaller dogs w/longer life expectancies than bigger dogs. I think even with a very reputable breeder, you can have serious health issues w/purebreds — the people I know who bought dogs did tons of research on their breeders and still ended up with animals with serious undisclosed health problems. I would never buy a dog on CL — who knows where the dog came from (obviously a dog from a backyard breeder or puppy mill could end up in a rescue, but I’d rather get the dog from the rescue than pay $$ to the so-called breeder).
We had an amazing greyhound that we got at 4 & want to put in a plug for the breed. She never had an accident in the house — crate-trained when we got her (most greys are), although she preferred not to be in the crate and her house manners were never an issue. So nice not to deal with house-training, chewing, etc. Didn’t shed a ton and pretty clean for a dog. Although purebred, there are not lots of health issues that plague the breed, unlike other breeds.
I wouldn’t recommend such a high maintenance breed for the OP. Not high maintenance in terms of care but high maintenance in terms of oversight. Greyhounds are a sight hunter breed with a very strong prey drive. OP pretty clearly has very little experience with dogs and is too busy to learn about the specialties of a breed – there is nothing wrong with this there are high and low maintenance breeds for different kinds of owners.
And with busy jobs and elementary and middle schoolers who will probably do a large chunk of the watching, you just can’t have a breed that has to be on leash 100% of the time and/or needs a super tall fence with children who may forget to close the front door (not saying OP’s kids aren’t responsible, but that kids will be kids and are sometimes forgetful). One open door and a squirrel and that dog will get hit by a car or never seen again as they are almost impossible to be recalled without strong training.
Greyhounds are not all high maintenance! It depends on the dog. Some greys have a strong prey drive, but others are very mellow. Our retired racer was very low maintenance. She loved going for walks, but spent most of the day sleeping in her bed. She never once bolted on-leash our out the door. We had a fenced yard (6′ fence), and it was fine.
But with young kids, any dog is going to add your responsibilities, and stress level. Our beloved greyhound passed away at the ripe old age of 14 almost a year ago, and we are not rushing to get another dog.
I think any dog is going to require a good degree of maintenance, and greys are at least relatively straightforward with needing a fenced-in area (I don’t think it needs to be particularly high — my dog needed to be coaxed to jump over a fallen tree while hiking so any dog park fence was more than sufficient, but I realize she may have been an extreme case) or to be on leash when outside, which is a legal requirement in many places anyway. Plus they just don’t need as much exercise or a “job” like some dogs need to be happy and non-destructive.
Just as a counterpoint about Craigslist: both our dogs are from Craigslist and they are amazing. Well behaved, came to us fully potty trained, they both have problems with allergies that are pretty easy to treat (one is on a not-very-difficult special diet and one takes medication daily). They are mixes but have the best breed characteristics of their primary breed. Our girl got rehomed because a kid was allergic to her; our boy got rehomed because the family who had him couldn’t afford the vet visits and allergy medication for his allergies, and responsibly realized he needed a different home with people who could afford his vet bills. They are great, great dogs and I can’t imagine life without them. I realize not all Craigslist rehoming stories have happy endings like mine but I wouldn’t rule it out. I would definitely go to Craigslist before going to a breeder.
Maltese’s are notoriously hard to train, which it sounds like you know, and I’m confused why they are on your list.
Realistically you don’t sound like you want a dog? You don’t have much time for it, even little dogs need exercise!
But if you do want a fancy breed, which personally I see nothing wrong with, then yes you go to the expensive breeder. You get what you pay for and a $900 designer dog you bought on Craigslist is not a responsibly breed dog.
Seconding this. My family’s house was covered in dog pee and poop during our Maltese’s lifespan.
Most of the breeds you mentioned above need a lot of exercise–the poodle, westie and cocker spaniel. Yorkies, maltese and shitz tzu will be moderate, but still need regular walks and attention. I’d still go to a shelter and look at any dog labeled a “poodle mix.” You’ll be able to tell if it’s a non-shedding dog because the hair will be long (and honestly, probably matted and gross). These dogs go fast, usually within a day of being posted at my local shelters. I got a rare, non-shedding dog breed for $120 adoption fee, but this dog doubtless cost $2,000-$3,000 from a breeder. Within the breed, there are going to be lazier dogs and more active dogs. You could get a maltese that’s a spitfire, you just don’t know the dog’s personality. I would also look at local rescues that adopt from shelters and rehabilitate dogs. You could ask to be matched with a non-shedding, older dog that’s good with kids. Win-win. I would advise you not to get caught up in this rathole that every purebred dog is the same as its breed standard and will do X, Y, or Z in your family life. All dogs are different. My husband sometimes laments because my $120 dog is a jumper. But I remind him that he grew up with a purebred from a breeder that was food aggressive and bit people. Raising a dog from a puppy isn’t a guarantee it’ll be the perfect dog. Dogs will be dogs.
I think that is the key. If you can only handle a very specific dog, then now maybe isn’t the season of your life for a dog.
Don’t get a dog. You’re setting yourself up for disappointment. A dog that fits that list of needs doesn’t exist.
I volunteer with two rescues, one of which regularly has all of the breeds you listed. I would recommend going through a foster-based rescue, and being clear with them about your lifestyle. People complain about the screening rescues do, but half the purpose of that screening is to make sure you end up with a dog that is going to be a good fit for your family and lifestyle (the rescue has a huge incentive for adopters to not return or dump the dog). The benefit of a foster-based rescue over a shelter is that the dog has been in someone else’s home so they have a history with the dog and can tell you about its temperament, if it is potty trained, if it is going to destroy your home, what its energy level is, etc. The adoption fees for both rescues I work with are around $500, and the dogs come fully vaccinated, spayed/neutered, and microchipped. They regularly have healthy, purebred dogs in the age you want that are already potty trained. If you happen to be in the middle of the country or willing to travel there, I can give you the name of the rescue I work with – they adopt to people all over the country.
+1,000 I see those breeds in the rescues I am connected with on social frequently. My first dog was a rescued Yorkie.
Adopting a fostered dog is a great way to understand its temperament and whether it fits with your family lifestyle. You can’t say for sure what temperament a puppy will have. Why house train when you don’t have to!
My neighbor fosters dogs for a non-breed-specific rescue. She has a lot of kids and can tell you all about the dog after a couple of days.
For my lifestyle, similar to yours, I am aiming for a dog when my kids are in middle school in a couple of years. I don’t care about breeds, but my husband had a Newfoundland as a kid and really wants one. They seem so sweet, but I don’t want a puppy so we may look at breed-specific rescues, a local breeder, or fostered dogs that seem to be Newfoundland mixes. Or just find one that the neighbor is fostering that we click with.
I should have had a dog before having kids, but I didn’t.
This is the Anon @ 10:17 – the other rescue I work with is Big Dogs Huge Paws, which is a giant breed rescue. They operate in 9 different states and will transport dogs anywhere within those states when they are adopted. They occasionally get Newfoundlands so check them out when you are ready to adopt!
To Big Dogs Huge Paws — this looks perfect. We are in the SEUS though, so maybe there are local groups more like this.
Check out Big Fluffy Dog Rescue for the SEUS. I don’t know that they get that many Newfies, but they do get a ton of Great Pyrenees, which is kind of like a white Newfoundland. Having fostered both Newfoundlands and Great Pyrenees, I prefer Pyrs (and have owned several) – they are MUCH less messy (still lots of hair, but generally less drool and they aren’t water-obsessed so they won’t dump their water bowl all over your kitchen). They are also very independent so they are great for busy families – if you need to work all day, come home and let them out/feed them, and leave again for the night, they are totally cool with it. They are still happy to cuddle with you and get pets if you want to give them, though!
Can you go through a reputable rescue society specifically for these breeds/types of dogs? Definitely more likely to have what you want than a public shelter, and the adoption fees tend to be more like $200-$400 and they’re less sketchy than Craigslist (and guarantee that the dogs are actually rescues, not illicit breeders which are just as bad if not worse).
I do find your comment that you won’t be able to enjoy a 4.5 year old dog for a year for a long time odd, though. Lots of unpredictable factors affect the lifespan of a dog. Does 3 years really make that much of a difference when you’re talking about an overall lifespan of 10+ years? If all your kids are in elementary school, 8-9 years with the dog would put them all at least in high school by the time it passes away.
Adopt don’t shop. I suggest extending your parameters to include slightly older dogs and terriers. Most terriers don’t shed and live well past 10 years old.
We’ve adopted 4 dogs through Schnauzer Love Rescue, which covers the southeast in case that’s your area. All were about 3 years old when we got them and have lived until at least 12.
These dogs you mention do end up in shelters and are euthanized daily. If you have some patience and willing to search or get a relationship with shelter then one will show up. Also, there are many small mixes available and they usually are in better health than purebreds. As for the Craig’s list – small breeds live longer than larger so a 4 year old should have many years left. Essentially, whatever you do please do not buy from a breeder / puppy mill.
It sounds like you want an accessory more than you want an actual dog with actual needs and behaviors (like having accidents in the house, shedding, etc.). Volunteer at your local shelter with your kids! They’ll get interaction with the dogs there and also learn to give back to their communities. And you won’t have to deal with the parts of having a dog it sounds like you don’t want anyway.
I’ll push back on that. Two of my working mom friends got puppies over Christmas and it was like having a newborn all over again. And the chewing.
With an older dog, especially one that has been fostered, you know what you are getting. Just having a housebroken dog that sleeps through the night is a major win.
Please don’t discount older dogs, especially one that is 4(!) – that dog is still very young. I’m not sure how long your childhood dog lived or if it just died young, but small dogs routinely live to 14 or 15 years – is a decade with a dog really not enough for you? My 12 year old miniature poodle has only just started slowing down (which just means she sleeps a little more and makes real decisions about how far she’s willing to run for a ball) and has no real health issues (still running, jumping, going up and down two flights of stairs with no issue). And honestly, older dogs are more calm as they’ve left the puppy stage – many dogs are still in puppy/bad teenager stage at two and you’ll still have a lot of behavior issues.
Yeah, a small dog should live to 15-20. 4 is young and it’s weird to me that you rule out a dog that age as “too old.” 4 is a young adult dog.
Yes, 4 is actually an ideal age at which to adopt a dog. You’ll be able to get a good sense of its personality in a way that isn’t possible with a puppy, it will have outgrown the juvenile craziness, and it will still have many happy, active years left with your family.
We have a dog who is 5, adopted at 3 and one who is 5, adopted at 4. It is a GREAT age to adopt a dog and I don’t know we’ll ever adopt a dog younger than this again. Their personalities are pretty cemented and they have grown out of the destructive puppy phase entirely. Our previous dogs were adopted as puppies (under 1 year old) and one lived to 16 and really only went downhill the last 18 months of his life. The other we had to put down at age 12 as she got bone cancer. She was perfectly fine until the week before she got diagnosed and by then it was too late to save her. When you adopt at age 3, 4 or even 5, most likely you will still have a long time with that dog before it passes on (barring breeds like Great Danes or English Bulldogs where the lifespans are shorter). Nothing is guaranteed with any dog, just like with any person. Friends of ours adopted a puppy a few years ago; it got cancer at age 2 and had to be put down. I’m tending to agree with the folks who are saying that maybe this is not a great time for the OP to adopt a dog. They’re living beings that need care and attention no matter their breed, age or background, there are no guarantees.
In your shoes I go with an older dog, which probably means from a rescue (since breeders will presumably have puppies). We have a dog, a herding mix, which we adopted from a rescue at age 1. When we started having kids she was 4. I can’t imagine having puppy her and the responsibility of children. Honestly, she needed a lot of exercise and the first 6 months were very hard. For the allergy issue – could you look into a breed specific rescue?
Not sure about your area, but I live in a large city and our shelters/rescues have dogs like you are looking for all the time. Personally I adopted a 2 year old poodle/schnauzer/bichon frise mix that is house trained from a well known rescue a few years ago. What we did was sign up to be fosters, with the intention that we were looking for the right dog for our family while learning how to take care of a dog (and giving back to the community by fostering). The dog we adopted was our first foster assignment, she just checked all the boxes. That being said, I still follow a lot of area rescues on social media and frequently (like, multiple times a week) see other dogs that also seem to check all the boxes so I’m convinced we didn’t just get exceedingly lucky.
You should get a greyhound from a greyhound rescue. They’re lazy and don’t need that much exercise and they don’t have long fur.
Please don’t. They’re way too sociable to be an afterthought, which is what this poster’s work/family situation is setting one up to be. Please don’t get any dog until you can dedicate the time and actually want one because you want one, not out of childhood nostalgia.
I’ll just say as a Havanese owner, they were bred to be companion animals specifically. They do not do well being alone all day, at all. Probably not a good choice.
They are great travel/car dogs though, as that’s part of what they were bred for (carriages, not cars, but same idea! :)
Also, as a Havanese owner, they frequently are hard to train. Our much-loved 14-year-old Havanese has a wonderful personality, does well with small children and other pets, doesn’t have many bad habits, but there is a reason he’s had to wear a belly band (preventing accidents) most of his life.
I got my working-line dog from a reputable breeder (titled/well-known, $$$), partly because I’d never had a dog and didn’t know you could adopt from breed-specific rescues or get a puppy at the Humane Association. Partly because I was worried about health issues. For what it’s worth, my dog is incredibly healthy, but some of its littermates are not–it has to do with how much diet and exercise the littermates are receiving (or one, for example, who was spayed too young and it caused a mild incontinence).
I adore my dog and often post about how much we’ve invested in training him and how he’s the love of our life, but if I were in your shoes, I’d get a young adult dog that is good with kids and super chill/easy going. Puppies are cute, but require a TON of time and you won’t have a good adult dog, unless you spend time and money helping him/her get there. Large dogs are fairly easy to potty train (look into the potty doorbell method).
My real answer though is that you probably don’t need a dog. I work biglaw and even with a spouse with a flexible schedule (no kids), we spend a TON of money taking the dog to daycare and on walking because dogs don’t deserve to be afterthoughts and they also require a lot of training. You can pay a lot for training, but you can’t buy the time you need to reinforce the behaviors. I’d consider why you want a dog and if this is the right time.
Has anyone ever done vegetarian keto?
I feel best when I eat a high-protein, high-fat, meat-heavy diet but I just really don’t want to eat meat (environmental reasons). I am open to limited kinds of seafood and all dairy. Anyone have any experience to share?
I’ve done Eco-Atkins, which is similar but higher carb. Well-balanced vegetarian proteins have carbs. Is there really a reason to do actual keto if you’re not an epileptic or otherwise living with a medical diagnosis that makes this worthwhile? Just eat more plant-based fats and proteins without falling into a trendy macros rabbit hole and stressing your kidneys for no reason.
A close friend of mine is doing keto. She is pescatarian, no dairy. It has worked very well for her. She has lost some weight, is leaner, and healthier overall. She is a veterinarian and, while she was not terribly overweight, she was in poor health. She was working too much and living on beer and burritos.
I think there are groups for that on Reddit, would check there.
I just bought a full size clothes steamer. Life changing. And way better than the small travel sized steamer that spit water everywhere. Made me curious- What other products/gadgets has the hive found that fall into the life changing category? I’m wondering if there’s anything else I’m late to the party on!
Roomba, on advice of this hive. OMG, why don’t all indoor pets come standard with one?
+1,000 I don’t even have an expensive one. I just tolerate that it takes a long time to clean and that the carpet will need to be vacuumed by a person every other week or so. For the dog hair on the hard floors, though? Amazing!
My Eufy robot vacuum has been a gamechanger. I especially like it because it’s quiet so I can run it while I’m home without being disturbed, but it’s even better to run it when I’m gone and come home to clean floors.
Not a roomba but same category – a cordless vacuum cleaner. I have the GTech one and I love it. It means I can do a quick 10min vacuum without any of the faff.
Coordless vaccuum was life changing for me! I also just invested in a handheld coordless vac for my car.
Roomba – because while my Great Dane has short hair, he has a LOT of surface area.
For me, my Vitamix. Other blenders just weren’t comparable. Also my Dyson vacuum.
Metal pull out shelves in the kitchen from brands like rev a shelf. Sometimes hard to swallow the price initially, but makes all that under counter cabinet space so much easier to access and actually useful. Also, why are lower cabinets not all just drawers? My in-laws have only drawers in their kitchen and it makes their cabinet space light years more useful than any other kitchen I’ve been in.
This seems silly, but I spent $60 on a dish drying rack last summer and I love it. The brand is premium racks on amazon and I got the 304 Stainless Steel. It has 2 levels, a knife block, cutting board holder, and cup holders and I love how much I can fit on it, while still properly drying everything.
Oooh, I think I might need that.
I have a few of these:
– filter coffee machine with timer
– Joseph Joseph pasta serving scoop thing (it’s useful for serving literally anything but also for lifting boiled eggs out of the water)
– EggPerfect boiled egg timing device
This reminds me, Rapid Dash egg cooker. I use it so often I forgot it’s a novelty item. So easy and fast.
The OXO salad spinner. I can prep all my lettuce on Sunday and it keeps in the spinner through Thursday.
My expensive espresso machine!
This might sound strange, but I’d like to see someone who can help me learn to breathe better- deeper, more focused, relaxing breaths. I have back pain caused by a car accident and my PT, Pilates instructor and now yoga instructor have told me I’m a shallow breather and need to focus on deeper breathing to help my back and strengthen my core muscles. What kind of specialist/therapist/person can help me learn to breathe better? Has anyone had this issue?
The PT, Pilates instructor and yoga instructor should be able to give you guidance. Ultimately you just have to pay more attention to your breathing and make a conscious effort to breathe in the manner they suggest. I don’t think you need a breathing coach. You just gotta do it.
I have not tried it personally, but back when I was a musician the Alexander Technique was very popular.
Degree in low-brass performance here… many women have trouble with this (thanks patriarchy!) because to breathe deeply, you need to let your belly out if you have one. It can be tough if you’re self-conscious and it’s habitually ingrained to be “gut in, chest out”. In other words, your abdomen should be moving more than your rib cage when you breathe. Physical therapy can be helpful, but most people get the hang of it quickly.
I use diaphragmatic breathing to manage a chronic health condition, and I have notice major improvements since changing my breathing. Almost symptom-free now! First of all, I am surprised that neither the yoga instructor or the Pilates instructor gave you any direction on this. I go to a pretty hippie yoga studio, and I explained to them that I needed to work on my breathing and they gave me some pointers that really helped. But I don’t think you need to go anywhere special to learn this, you can absolutely learn it on your own.
So first, I would say just go on youtube and watch videos of “diaphragmatic breathing” (there are plenty, some people also call it “belly breathing”) and you will really learn the basics from there. (There are also some interesting Ted talks on how this type of breathing impacts your body physically.) My doctor told me I need to be practicing this at least 3 times a day. I did notice that the more I “practice”, the more I have started doing it naturally throughout the day.
Second, the tip that helped me (from my yoga instructor) when I was first learning was to lie down and tighten your pelvic floor as if you had to go to the bathroom and you were holding it in (or like doing a kegel) while you breathe in. For some reason this causes you to draw your breath in deeper into the very bottoms of your lungs. I have also heard the tip that before you take a deep breath, to exhale completely, then draw a deep breath, which is supposed to help draw a deeper breath.
Really the thing to understand is that you’re trying to draw air into the bottom portion of your lungs, closer to your stomach, rather than the top parts of your lungs in your chest. (Imagine it more like filling a bathtub from the bottom up rather than inflating a balloon.) When you breathe into the bottom of your lungs, that will naturally push your diaphragm down and press your stomach out, so you will notice your stomach “inflating” when you take deeper breaths.
Good luck with this! It has really been life-changing for me (and I was a complete skeptic about it when I started.)
+1 to diaphragmatic breathing.
Also, when I was learning how to play the flute as a teenager, my instructor would tell me to breathe deeply into my belly through my mouth, and then exhale slowly.
Inspired by Hermione
+1. Square breathing also helps you to focus on taking deep, full breaths. So do apps like Headspace.
+1 I’m surprised your PT didn’t have this as your first exercise. I have a chronic health condition and when I first went to my hippy PT/yoga/acupuncture place, my first and only exercise for weeks was diaphragmatic breathing. This was because I was essentially breathing backwards. The gist is a deep breathe that expands the belly (Buddha belly) then when exhaling through the nose, pull your belly button towards your spine, rinse repeat. Diaphragmatic breathing is the key to a strong core.
I learned to breath with my diaphragm in voice lessons and singing in choir, if those are things that interest you at all. I would say breathing techniques is a heavy focus in voice lessons.
Have you done the “breath of fire” yoga exercise? That might help you engage the diaphragm more. There are YouTube videos that explain it.
I’m a yoga teacher who uses a lot of breathing exercises in my flow yoga classes, and just want to add that I def would not start with breath of fire. Breath of fire is too fast and complicated for beginners to start out with, and honestly is something best taught by kundalini yoga teachers. And even then, personally it makes me breath more shallow and I can get dizzy from it. It’s not my favorite so I might be biased, but I would just really encourage you to start with the diaphragmatic breathing recommended above.
For some people, laying on your back with a hand on your belly and feeling the belly expand on the inhales and contract on the exhales really works well. Kind of wrap your arm around your belly so you can feel the belly going out in all directions, not just up and down. If your back bothers you during this you can bend your knees so your feet are flat on the ground; that helps release the lower back. If laying down isn’t working for you, try it sitting up.You want to be as relaxed as possible, so it’s about finding what works for you, not trying to force any particular position.
After you’re breathing into the belly, keep breathing that way and add in some exercises:
1 – equalized breathing. inhale on a count of 4, exhale on a count of 4. inhales and exhales are smooth and equal. repeat for 10 breaths.
2 – box breathing. inhale on a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, exhale for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4. repeat for 5 breaths, unless you feel uncomfortable with the restriction and then don’t continue. for some holding breath isn’t going to be a good thing.
3 – alternate nostril breathing. google instructions on this.
If you still want some in person coaching, the right yoga or meditation teacher would love to help and give tips with this. Some teaching styles don’t focus as much on breathing, but a lot of them do. In one of Glennon Doyle’s books she talks about going to a breathing coach as well, so breathing classes are definitely a thing somewhere.
If anyone wants to listen to beautiful music this morning, check out this article and Alma Deutscher’s YouTube channel. It’s hard to believe someone so young could be so incredibly talented. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/14/world/europe/alma-deutscher-prodigy-mozart.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share
Thank you for sharing. What an amazing girl and gift! I love her comment about being a feminist and thankful she’s a composer, not a housekeeper.
New music thoughts? Loving I Don’t Care And Katy Perry’s new song. Hate all things Billie Eilish and wish TSwift was doing better because I really like her and I don’t love what she’s putting out at the moment.
Sounds like you and I have similar tastes (although I actually surprised myself by loving a lot of Billie’s songs!). Here’s what I’ve been listening to lately:
New Jonas Brothers album. It’s such happy, fun pop. I love “Rollercoaster.” Along those lines, I still really like Voicenotes (Charlie Puth) and “Lost in Japan” by Shawn Mendes. I’m sorry, it’s such a good song! Yes, I am fully embracing my inner tween *insert embarrassed emoji*
Maggie Rogers: evocative, beautiful pop, good for in the background while working
Carly Rae Jepsen’s new album, Dedicated, lots of bops and adrenaline-boosting songs
Jai Paul’s “He”(moody) and “Str8 Outta Mumbai” (great for running, insane beats)
ROSALIA: love her! especially “Aute Cuture” and “Pienso En Tu Mira”
I’m kind of liking Madame X, Madonna’s new album! It’s all over the place and keeps things interesting.
Khalid’s new album for when I just want to chill
I also really love “Sunflower” by Post and Swae Lee. I dismissed it when I saw it on the charts because I was like, there’s no way I’ll like a Post Malone song… but it’s kind of sweet and the beats are great
“Thinkin’ Bout You” by Ciara reminds me of Jason De Rulo’s “Want to Want Me” from a few summers ago
You’re on the Lizzo bandwagon, right? If not, get on it!!!
Otherwise, I’m liking Diana Gordon (“Wolverine”) and Holly Williams (“Drinkin'” and “Waiting on June” — which makes me cry).
OMG I AM OBSESSED WITH LIZZO ATM, she’s so badass and her songs are so uplifting– Rainbow Hair, what else do you like?
I can’t stand Billie Eilish. I recently bought Cross Me (I’ve totally decided that I’m the HBIC), Sucker for You, and some Khalid.
Clairo. I like “Bags” and I’m old enough to be her mom.
I came to the realization this week at a conference that I kind of smell. I shower with an antibacterial soap daily, wash my hair daily, and use antiperspirant/deodorant all the time…but I feel like I still have BO.
Am I missing something?? I’ve thought about getting those shower wipes so I can refresh myself but that seems so wasteful.
Could it be your clothes? I’ve found that occasionally clothes I didn’t realize were funky when I put them on, show their true colors once warmed up to body-temperature.
When you do your wash, be sure to immediately hang or dry your clothes when the washer finishes. Tide Washing Machine Cleaners are amazing, too – especially if you have a front-loader.
If you rule all that out, ask a trusted friend for their opinion, so you can determine if it’s really a problem.
You might be imagining it or exaggerating, but make sure your clothes are laundered frequently, including outerwear. I often smell stale BO odors on people’s winter coats (when we’re all up close and personal on public transit). Also, I’d nix the antibacterial soap and switch to regular. You’re probably killing off healthy skin bacteria that help regulate body odor.
Worry about yourself
Right, antibacterial soap is for your hands ONLY, don’t use it on your body.
I do like to use antibacterial soap on my feet in the summer, but not my whole body.
What is the best way to clean a parka? I definitely feel that I’ve sweated into mine. It’s also complicated by the fact that mine has leather trim.
Could it be your clothes? I used to have a set of suits that, despite drycleaning several times and trying every trick in the book, just retained BO. It was so odd because they were 1-2 years old, did not get particularly heavy use, and I’m not a heavy sweater.
Could it be your clothes? You may need to wash some items (like jackets or sweaters that you wear over other items) more often than you think. Or, your detergent might not be getting the clothing as clean as you think. Especially some synthetics, they tend to hang on to the stink. There are special laundry detergents meant for sporty/tech clothes if it turns out this is an issue.
Also check your shoes. I find that stuffing stinky shoes with newspaper overnight helps a lot with that.
also, do you have a High Efficiency washer? the washer might not be getting your clothes as clean as you think. i had a bit of smell issue right after i “upgraded” to a HE washer, particularly with my workout clothes. Now i have to wash all loads on Heavy with a Hot temperature and a pre soak.
Second this- I got a new HE washer when my old faithful machine died, and I absolutely hate the new one. It’s a top loader and never fills with enough water to fully cover the clothing being washed no matter what setting it’s on. I complained to the appliance seller who told me they get these complaints all the time; new regs on water usage have made the water level requirements ridiculously low. I noticed clothes that were washed came out smelly unless I manually added more water to the wash cycle (I keep a bucket near the washer and use it to add water – crazy- but online search turned up many others who do this too). Also try Lysol laundry sanitizer- it does not bleach or stain clothes and really helps with odors. I use it A LOT. Wish I could have my old washer back…..
If you use the Bulky/Bedding cycle, it uses much more water and you don’t need the bucket.
I’ve gone through months where I noticed I smelled more than other times. You mentioned you noticed this at a conference, and I notice I perspire more when I’m meeting new people, and especially presenting or leading a workshop — it’s the worst when I’m ‘in performance’ mode and being ‘on’ and engaged.
I notice that fabrics matter — some rayon and viscose do not smell or highlight my smell, while cotton didn’t expect this from cotton) and poly are worse. I change deodorants when this happens — I rotate between dove, and men’s old spice. I do wash a majority of blouses after one wear, though not all. Showering a couple times a day helps too. I purchased body sprays by Nivea and boots brand, while I was in the uk and Europe, which help, but not sure of their availability / or like products here.
It’s a fact that nervous sweat smells worse than other sweat (like from being overheated or exercising).
I have body odor issue. I have learnt to manage it by
1. Remove hair from underarm at least once a week.
2. Shower twice a day (before work and before sleep)
3. “Crystal” brand deodorant
4. Clothes made of natural fibers. I never wear clothes made from synthetic materials, especially the ones that come in contact with my body. This is a big one. If I wear polyester blouses, I can smell myself around lunch time.
5. Washing shirts/blouses after every wear (So, my tops are predominantly cotton and linen).
In winter, always wear a sleeved cotton t-shirt under my wool sweaters (for work) and synthetic jackets (for weekend or when it is raining).
what kind of a smell is it? there is a guy i work with who smells all the time, and i think it is combo of never washing his outwear plus not really wiping enough after the bathroom. kind of gross but based on the smell, that is my theory. in his case, it isn’t really a sweat thing.
In case it is your clothes, I can’t praise this product enough. It makes even the smelliest clothes smell fresh again. https://www.febrezeinwash.com/
First off, is it the water at your hotel? Showering in hard water can really change the way you smell. I went to college in a town with weird water and spent the first few days of every semester wondering why my hands smelled like pee not matter how many times I washed them.
Second, are you sure you actually smell? I know people who tend to attribute smells in their environment to themselves, especially when they’re anxious. I recently drove by a literal tire fire with a friend who immediately apologized and swore she’d bathed.
Worry about yourself
People are suggesting it could be your clothes, which could be true, but I’d also give other fabrics in your home a quick whiff. Towels that don’t get washed enough (or well) can carry a smell that could easily transfer onto you, as can sheets that don’t get changed/washed frequently enough. Your home may have an unpleasant smell that you don’t notice but may be carrying with you on your clothes or coats (especially if you have pets!).
You could also be using scented products that smell nice on their own, but mix weirdly with your body chemistry. Changing that up can make a huge difference! I swear I once had a lotion that smelled good in the bottle, but gave me that weird, damp couch smell.
Finally, ask your doctor! The root of this may be a treatable medical cause, or you might need prescription-strength deodorant.
The fragrances in hotel soap, shampoo, and lotion often make me feel stinky, especially if the fragrance is of a “wood” or musky variety. Have you tried bringing your own toiletries?
It is probably your clothes. This winter, I bought about 5 Loft polyester shirts on sale. I’ve found they retain BO even when I wash with Tide and fabric softener. They were so cheap its not worth dry cleaning them, so I likely will toss and not re-purchase similar shirts.
Loft’s shirts are THE WORST when it comes to this problem, IME. I have plenty of other poly work shirts that smell fine, even after years of use, but the Loft shirts are consistently smellier. FWIW, I haven’t had that problem with their pants, which is a good thing since they fit me so much better than other workwear brands.
I have a Loft dress that does this. It’ll smell fine out of the wash but it always comes back by midday. It wasn’t always like this, maybe after I’d had it for a year or so. I’ve got a few other clothing items (including from other brands) that just seem to hold odor.
Is it your breath, or maybe tonsil stones? Your shoes? Clothes made of non-natural fibers? Maybe a sinus infection making you smell weird things?
All good tips from everyone, but gonna add washing your bra more to the list, especially in summer mine can get a funky smell (kind of like rotten fruit) if I don’t change it out daily.
+1. I’ve seen people here admit to washing their bras never or once a month and that just doesn’t fly.
Worry about yourself
Oh yeah, legit, get a bottle of Soak wash and a basin, wash those bras after . . . I don’t know, 5-7 wears maybe? Or fewer, if you get really sweaty while wearing one. And air them out between wears if you can.
Endless tooth pain
I’m wondering if anyone can shed light on what could be causing severe and acute tooth or nerve pain. Parent had abscess, then antibiotics, then dental surgery, and finally had back tooth removed— three months and over 15 appointments. With surgeons and specialists, as well as thousands of dollars later, the pain is still there on and off, and triggering severe week long — or longer migraines. Already had x rays, ct scans of sinuses, and all came back showing nothing is wrong. Is there anything he can ask for, or any other specialists he can be referred to? At this point, I’m worried that well being is compromised due to migraine and general weakness and malaise from painkillers.
Has parent seen a neurologist? I’d go there to look for a diagnosis. I’d then go to a pain management specialist to talk about other ways to manage the chronic pain.
PS was the CT only of the head? I’d ask for one of the neck as well.
Endless tooth pain
I believe the ct scan was in the neck too. Parent has not been referred to a neurologist, though has seen them in past due to a chronic migraine condition. The nerve / tooth pain seems to be triggering even more migraines.
If parent is having migraines shouldn’t seeing the neurologist be a good path?
ask about Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Syndrome
My sister had this as a child in both her leg and face (two separate occurances). It’s often misdiagnosed.
Endless tooth pain
Thank you for all the helpful suggestions. I’ve been so worried and this advice is such a great place to continue the process.
I had this after having a cavity filled with the newer “white” composite filling material. My body did not like either the material or the trauma of the dental work – this is going to sound weird but I’m very sensitive to ingredients, especially fillers, and I feel like my body was trying to ‘reject’ the filling. I had intense tooth and jaw pain along with extreme sensitivity, swelling, and swollen glands for 6+ months. No one could diagnose anything – all tests came back negative. Antibiotics didn’t work; specialists had no idea what was going on.
Eventually, everything subsided besides the TMJ from the dentist…. I did find forums of other people experiencing the same issue. The only thing that finally got rid of my sensitivity was switching to Dirty Mouth Tooth Powder with no weird ingredients in it (regular toothpaste kills my teeth).
I would recommend finding a homeopathic dentist – my dentist is going to send me to one for allergy testing if I ever need another cavity filled. Good luck – tooth pain is no joke; I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
I had an intermittent pain in one of my front teeth. My dental hygienist at the time said sometimes a small particle of sugar can get under the gum line and cause the type of pain I was experiencing. Ever since, when it tingles in that weird way, I floss and do some heavy rinsing and I don’t have further issues.
For me, this was a sinus infection. I could have sworn it was dental, but it wasn’t.
I’ve had this happen a bunch of times.
Worry about yourself
Yup, blocked sinuses can make your teeth hurt, it can really suck. But always worth popping a Sudafed to see if that helps.
Endless tooth pain
Thank you again for all the replies. I will look into all the suggestions.
I’m a 2nd year associate in consulting and had a headhunter type person reach out. We agreed on a time to talk an this is my first one of these. I’m actually about to be promoted and have no intention of leaving, but would like to hear more about what’s out there. Besides telling her that I’m interested to hear more but not immediately looking to leave, how do I prepare for this and what kinds of materials do I need to have? Like, do I send her a resume?
I wouldn’t send a headhunter my resume until I verified that they’re reputable through people I know (or internet friends here). That goes double if I wasn’t looking. Too many bad stories.
That is all you need to do. She will tell you about what types of positions they have and try and sell you on moving. IME, as a biglaw attorney, they are not interested if you are not looking to move and/or won’t be an easy candidate to fit. It is not about helping you make a good move, it is just about filing their spots easily.
This was me and my husband’s experience w/ recruiters & big law too.
Worry about yourself
If it were an internal recruiter contacting you about a position, I would honestly tell them you’re not looking to leave now, but would be happy to chat about the company in general, what kind of positions they hire consultants for, etc. just so you know whether that place might be worth applying to if you were ever looking to leave your current company.
If they’re an agency headhunter, I’d say forget ’em. They’ll never leave you alone once they have your information.
Just remember to go into the meeting knowing that this headhunter only makes money if you change jobs. Their job is not to be your market consultant or to “tell you what’s out there.” This is a salesperson, and they’re giving you a sales pitch on why you should leave your current job and take one of the opportunities they are trying to place.
Approach this meeting with as much skepticism as you would walking into a car dealership or picking up for a telemarketer. This person does not have your best interests at heart, they are looking to make a sale, i.e. get you to move. If you think you’d be susceptible to a sales pitch like that, and don’t want to be talked into leaving your current position, I would cancel this meeting.
Recommendations for day trips from the DC/Northern Va area? Life has been a LOT lately and on the weekends I find myself just moping and using ALL my time doing laundry, dishes etc. I think I need to get out and am in the mood for some solo trips/activities (not necessarily wanting to hang with friends just now simply because I’m not in the mood to make conversation, listen to others’ conversation etc.). Likes — small towns with cute downtowns where I can walk around, get coffee, etc.; within 2 hours one way would be great though the shorter the drive, the better. Not that interested in pools/lakes/beaches or in spas. I’d like to actually get out of the immediate area — I live in Arlington and have been to Old Town Alexandria and the wharf so I’m thinking another city/state.
Any thoughts on Richmond? People here always say nice things about it and I’ve been before but I feel like I was i in the “wrong” areas — like downtown by the old courthouse/state capitol etc. — pretty but very very quiet on the weekends; or I’ve been out in the suburbs with the huge outdoor mall which I liked but IDK if I want to drive for that as I could just go spend a day at Tysons (which I’ll likely do one of these weekends as well).
Frederick, MD. . . Charlottesville. . . . Annapolis. . . Fredericksburg. . .
In Richmond, check out the Museum of Fine Arts and then a brewery. Hardywood has live music many evenings. Neighborhoods that will be more lively than the state capitol area include the Fan, the Museum District, Scott’s Addition (breweries, at least one cidery, restaurants), and Carytown (shopping).
If you are into hiking, try Shenandoah National Park. Many of the popular trails are busy enough that it’s perfectly safe to hike alone. You can have lunch and sit by the big windows at one of the lodges.
Here’s a few in Maryland:
– Bethesda (hear me out, the downtown is nice for wandering for a bit, has gelato, cupcakes, and coffee albeit not all in one shop)
– Baltimore (Fells Point, Harbor East, Fed Hill neighborhoods)
Re: Richmond – I really enjoyed wandering Carytown and Maymont when I visited a few years ago.
anon a mouse
Take the train to Williamsburg! It drops off right by the William & Mary campus and there are cute places to walk around and eat there. I haven’t done it as a day trip but it works well as a one-night overnight.
Other options with cute downtowns – Annapolis, Ellicott City (and it needs the tourist $ after the floods recently), Harpers Ferry or Fredericksburg, Charlottesville (closer to 2.5-3 hours, but a lovely drive).
I would go to the Capital Building, then to the Supreme Court across the street. If you have time, go to the museum down the street, it is free (Smith Sonian), and then eat at the National Gallery cafe. Very cool!
Downtown Luray, VA (like where the caverns are) is adorable and has lots of cute little shops and places to eat and get coffee. Downtown Leesburg, VA is also great – old bookstores, antique shops, Delerium Cafe which is this cute beer place/eatery and the only other one in the world is in Belgium I think? For some reason the owners thought Leesburg was the best place in the US to open it up! I’d check those two out first because they’re short drives (esp. Leesburg) and have nice walkable downtown areas.
Oh gosh, go explore the Northern Neck and Middle Peninsula! We took so many trips down to that area to escape the city that we ended up buying a second house there. Kilmarnock has a lively little downtown with great shopping. Gwynn’s Island summer festival is next week – they’ve been doing it for over 70 years. Check out northernneck.org, virginiasriverrealm.com, visitmathews.com, http://www.gloucesterva.info/Tourism
Fredericksburg is a great day trip. Definitely check out George Washington’s Ferry Farm if you like history. It’s a reproduction of his boyhood home that they just finished building within the last 18 months or so. There’s a delicious little seafood place, too, The Happy Clam. And if you want regular shopping, they have an outlet mall somewhere around there.
And if all that wasn’t enough: https://www.virginia.org/juneinvirginia :)
Annapolis fits the bill. Harper’s Ferry is also a good day trip.
Ugh, love Harper’s Ferry, the heart of the Appalachian Trail. Seconding this.
For a super close getaway:
Paris has a lovely inn, with a good restaurant, but not much of a downtown. Warrenton, VA fits the bill with a charming downtown—the one b&b downtown is nice and an easy walk to all things downtown, but not quite as nice as the one in Paris. For a splurge, maybe Washington, VA? I haven’t been, but I think the Inn still has Michelin stars if you’re into that.
A little farther:
Charlottesville’s downtown is great. There’s an awesome inn not far driving from downtown and at least one hotel downtown.
There are a ton of really fun wineries & breweries in MD– google Rockland Farms… all are in that general vicinity.
Ditto Harpers Ferry. Gettysburg too.
I also love Staunton and the American Shakespeare theatre there.
I’ve realized that given my highly structured work life, I would benefit from having a creative pursuit to help me unwind and give my brain something different to focus on. However … I find crafting fairly pointless. (What am I supposed to DO with all that stuff once it’s finished?!) Any ideas of things I could do instead? Photography, maybe? I love gardening (with dirt and plants and such) and figuring out which colors/textures to pair together, but once the planting is done, it’s all maintenance. That’s satisfying in its own way, but not creative.
Not sure what falls under your definition of crafting, but knitting/crocheting can be very creative and there will surely be plenty of opportunity for the end products to be gifts or donations.
Knitting, especially if you are in a season of life when you need baby gifts.
And donations to local hospitals for baby hats (including preemies) and blankets are always welcome. There’s an organization called Knitted Knockers, which connects volunteer knitters with breast cancer survivors. Volunteers knit breast prostetics which are gifted to survivors. The knitted versions are way more comfortable than silicone options generally available. check out knittedknockers.org
I also feel crafting creates lot of clutter. Knitting has end products that I can wear and give as gifts or donate to shelters. Also, I enjoy it so much that I knit every day.
Cooking fancy meals for yourself. Or bread making. Or dessert baking. It allows you to try new things and consume or give as gifts the delicious results.
Baking – feed your colleagues!
I like cooking/baking. I feel like I’m learning and being creative, and working with my hands helps me to rewind. And then you can eat what you’ve made!
Food, like others have said, but I actually prefer laying healthy stuff–fruits, veggies, meats and cheeses. When you mentioned that you enjoy mixing texture and color, that’s what I thought of. It also pairs well with a non-euphemistic gardening hobby.
I have a coloring book I use as a creative outlet. I haven’t gone through a full one yet but will likely recycle once i’m done. I have also ripped out pages to send to friends/neice with a card because it’s pretty and they can recycle or keep if they wish.
Similar to the knitting suggestions, I’ve been sewing — largely for Kiddo, but also for me. At the end I have clothes! Definitely useful.
My Type-A hobbies are crosswords, Sudokus, making jigsaw puzzles (1000-3000) pieces, and reading books (my yearly goal is 50). I also sell stuff on the Mercari app because I get to be creative – photographing, writing the description/copy, then packing sold products up. I have zero patience for knitting, crocheting, crafts, etc. because it’s so easy to mess up and I’m way to type-A perfectionist to deal with that. I’d beat myself up for days if it wasn’t perfect…. I can’t screw up crosswords, puzzles, or books but I can still say “look what I created/did”.
I like to knit, and keep it to things like hats and mittens that I then donate to a shelter. I really want to try painting/drawing/pastel to create art that I can hang in my house, but haven’t had time to get the supplies.
Needlepoint – its basically paint by numbers and takes forever, so less of an issue with the end results cluttering the house
Basket weaving – save your laughter, but the kind I do is very time consuming and makes good gifts
I took a basket weaving class at a community college. You’re correct, no jokes, it was a CHALLENGE! I make three beautiful baskets that I use all the time but I was sweating to get the patterns and symmetry right.
No stated dress code
Vicarious shopping requested! I am going to a wedding in August in Banff, Canada. Dresscode is not stated but given what I know about the bride and the rest of the wedding, I think skewing a little more casual. The ceremony will be outdoors and exposed so likely to be chilly and windy… but I suppose could also be sunny and exposed!? I also hate being under-dressed but it’s clear my normal wedding attire would be too much. Any ideas?
I would do a maxi dress with wedge sandals or flats. Bring a cardigan or wrap in case it’s chilly/windy.
You could still wear a dress, just in a more casual fabric or style than you’re used to. Or, there are lots of cute jumpsuits available now. I’d get one in a neutral color and dress it up with accessories.
+1 – I think this would be the perfect occasion for a jumpsuit. Covers your legs, cute, easily dress-up-able. Have fun!
Where in Banff?
If the wedding is at the Banff Springs, Rimrock, Chateau Lake Louise, etc., I would err more on the side of traditional wedding attire.
Other venues (especially outdoor), a pretty maxi dress in a nice, flowy fabric with a cardigan or jacket over top would be perfect!
Keep an eye on the weather – it’s not unheard of to get any type of weather event in the mountains over the summer (rain, hail, snow, sleet… we see it all).
Has anyone relocated & had the company they were hired @ buy their house from them? How does that work? Can you opt out and get something else in exchange?
Husband is currently interviewing at a company that does this & I’m super curious how it works.
Anon for this
My dad’s company used to do this when they asked employees to relocate. They would purchase your house at its appraised value if you opted in (so if you got a better deal on the open market, you could of course take it). If you wanted to keep your old house and rent it out or whatever, I don’t know that you “got” anything else, it was just a protection against someone agreeing to move for a promotion but then being stuck from a housing perspective.
Buy? Or rent out for so long as you are an employee? The latter is far more common so you really need to understand the arrangement and what you may or may not need to pay back if not employed there for X amount of time or how much time you have to vacate if it is rented out on your behalf.
Yes. There was also an option where you could list your house yourself and then just be reimbursed for closing costs. For me it was covered with overall relocation assistance as well as the employer fully covered closing costs for the house we bought in the new location.
I opted to go with the version where the company purchased my house because then they covered any inspection items / deductions requested by the buyer. The way it worked was we had an upfront relo inspection and we were responsible for remediating those items but then additional items flagged by the buyer were covered by the relocation package. Had we listed our house ourselves, we would have had to pay for both categories.
Additionally, when we crunched the numbers the best deal was to sell our house and buy in the new location thus getting all closing costs on both sides covered. If your husband gets an offer you should get matched up with a relocation consultant / company who will walk you through the options and process.
Caveat – I’m not a big believer in tons of running room in the housing market (other than specific hot geographies) and look at owning a house as expense minimization as opposed to a real investment so I wasn’t looking to hold onto a house in a place I might never live again for gains.
We just bought the house and it is in a popular city… and spent a significant amount of money renovating it (but even at that, we were warned by our real estate agent that whoever bought it next would probably knock it down and build a fancy custom house)… and were hoping to rent it out even if we end up moving. But if they cover closing costs, that would be a hard gain to lose.
Is Santa Fe a bad idea for Christmas break? Anyone been? I know the weather won’t be warm but curious if it’s suitable for a restful vaca with the teenagers. TIA
I think it could be great! I was there around Xmas last year and it was cold (for a So Cal girl), but we had so much fun! There’s this center square that’s got huuuuge trees with lights on them, and a lot of the old buildings are lit up… and you can go to Meow Wolf!
Santa Fe is beautiful at Christmas time. It can get some snow every now and then (and the city is not equipped to deal with it), but the weather is usually pretty mild. You could go to Meow Wolf and skiing or snowboarding if that is your thing. Also art and history museums and beautiful architecture (The Cathedral and Loretto Chapel are beautiful.) It is nice to just walk around the plaza and eat haha!
Looking for a relatively cheap duvet cover set. The flannel one I have is just too hot for summer. I have and like Target Threshold sheets, so I’m probably just going to buy something from that brand, but would love to hear if anybody else has recommendations.
I got a plain light blue cotton one at ikea that I’m happy with. I haven’t been able to find one at Target that I could see in person to buy.. I’m really picky and hate syntheticy feeling duvets.
I also love the target sheets :)