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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 140 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Polly Lace Peplum Jacket

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Alice + Olivia Polly Lace Peplum Jacket I fully expect at least half of y'all to call me crazy, but: I really like this lace peplum jacket. And yes, I like it for the office. Even though I'm still iffy on lace at the office, I think that the tonal underlay elevates this from “lacy blazer” to “white blazer with texture and oh hey it's lace.” I love that high collar, and I think the blousy feel is perfect for the blazer. I'd wear it with pretty much any color except black. It's $495 at Bergdorf Goodman. Alice + Olivia Polly Lace Peplum Jacket Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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Comments

  1. Sweaty betty

    Has anyone tried Botox for excessively sweaty palms or feet? I am nursing so I can’t use topical products like Drysol. Thanks for any advice.

    • Hollis Doyle

      I’ve never tried this but am very interested in hearing the responses. I have tried Certain Dri on my feet, but that didn’t work and was kind of gross and messy. Otherwise, I just use Summer Soles in all of my shoes to keep the sweat from destroying my shoes and my feet from sliding around causing blisters and other nastiness. Haven’t found anything for my hands though…

  2. Two Cents

    For those who are nursing (or going to nurse), I wanted to throw out a recommendation for tops from Milk Nursingwear. They are reasonably priced and very flattering. They are having a spring sale right now too.

    • Leslie's Closet

      I found layering to work really well too – nursing bra + camisole (could be nursing or not!), and then a shirt over top. Then you can pull aside the top shirt (either up or down, depending on neckline and stretch), and you still stay covered.

    • TCFKAG

      I don’t think they’re ugly at all – I think they’re a cute take on the whole saddle shoe thing that’s happening right now. I think for weekends they’d look super cute with shorts or capris or whatever.

      For work, they’re a little iffier – maybe with black pants? Depends on your office really – but I think styled correctly they could work, though I think for the office the two beige versions might be a safer pick. And I don’t know if women’s shoes will give you the same benefits of width – but I really like the women’s solid navy version of these http://www.colehaan.com/colehaan/catalog/product.jsp?catId=100&productId=726798&productGroup=726797

      • LuxLea

        Agree 100% with TCFKAG! These are super cute, if I lived in the US, I’d have ordered them too :)
        An idea on styling them for the office: I think they could work very well with a pencil skirt and a nice blouse (or would it be too ‘quircky’?)

        *English is NOT my first language, please excuse (and correct if you have the time ^^) my mistakes!

      • Diana Barry

        Thx! The women’s shoes are too narrow for me now, unfortunately – I have some but have had to get them stretched before they will fit.

    • NOLA

      I think they could be great with the right outfit. I love the blue and green! My workplace is very casual so I could see wearing them with jeans. With a blazer, I think it could look professional. If this were my style, I’d be figuring out a way to make it work.

    • Monday

      1) Leaning toward awesome, but I have often liked shoes that others found ugly. 2) My honest guess is no, assuming you got the blue ones. The only work outfit I could MAYBE see with these is along the lines of blank pants and white button-front shirt. 3) This is very dependent on your style and what you tend to do on the weekends. For me it would not make sense, but if you love them and have very clear ideas of how they would get worn at some point almost every weekend, then perhaps.

      • Diana Barry

        Thanks ladies. I did get the blue ones – I really wanted some loud shoes! I see myself wearing them on the weekends w/ jeans etc instead of sneakers, eg taking my kids to dance class, that sort of thing.

        • Monday

          That’s the first thing I thought: with jeans, to elongate with dark blue (in addition to just being fun). I have blue weekend shoes for the same reason. Enjoy!

  5. momentsofabsurdity

    For Leigh from yesterday – I think the Philosophy product you’re thinking of is the Philosophy Microdelivery Peel. If so, I loooooove it, it’s incredible.

    For everyone who responded yesterday, thanks — I’m trying to keep as busy as possible. My mom’s scan is this morning and I’m not sure how long until the results come in but hopefully very quickly. Oddly enough, my mom is freaking out much less than I am (or maybe she’s just worried about how much I’m freaking out and trying to downplay it). Trying to remember she’s closer in in the circle of kvetching than I am – she’s usually the one I call when I’m stressed out!

    I am just hoping and praying that this is something minor and treatable. Thanks everyone for the advice – I’ll focus on trying to get stuff at home and at work in order and staying super busy until I know – and then I guess, I’ll know and we’ll take it from there.

    • Leigh

      Thank you! I am considering trying it to get rid of some of my old acne scars.

      Sending good thoughts and prayers your way regarding your mom.

      • Anonymous

        Third time trying, hopefully this posts:

        I haven’t used it for acne but it definitely smooths out my skin, evens out my complexion and makes my skin crazy soft. However, I wouldn’t use it more than once a week because it can be a bit harsh on your skin if you use it too much.

        • Leigh

          Thank you for that info. I’ll probably use it once a week. I have the one minute enzyme peel, and haven’t noticed any difference in my skin, so I’m looking at one of the stronger ones.

  6. Monday

    For those who use makeup brushes daily, how often do you expect to have to replace them? I use only a blush brush, but I use it every day. I have a pretty nice one that is about a year old, and it’s starting to shed. Is this reasonable for a quality brush? Should I just accept it’s time to get a new one? I might even get the exact same one if a year is a fair life span for it. Thanks!

    • LuxLea

      I’m not a specialist, but my blush brush is from S*ephora (very cheap, paid it maybe 10€?), from 4 years ago, and I use daily too and it hasn’t moved since I bought it. Hope it helps!

    • recent grad

      I’ve had my Bobbi Brown make up brushes for about 9 years and they’ve held up to daily use beautifully. I definitely would recommend them.

    • Lilly

      I have a Chanel brush I use for blush daily that I bought in 1999. Looking at the website, the current equivalent would be the “touch up brush” – and it looks pretty much just like what I have. Mine has never shed, has no wild hairs that stick out, and essentially is in the same condition as when I bought it.

    • j

      I have several inexpensive Sonia Kashuk brushes from Target that have lasted for 5+ years. I clean my brushes every week, avoid getting the ferrules wet, and dry and re-shape them carefully. One is starting to shed hairs, but for $10, it’s hardly something to cry over. I use it now to brush bits of hair off my face after I trim my bangs. On the other hand, I have an ELF brush ($1) that is less than a year old and the ferrule has already separated from the handle. I just glued it back, the brush is still perfectly fine to use.

    • Terry

      Do you wash it with soap and water? I’ve been having the same issue and am wondering if the way I’m cleaning the brush is causing problems.

    • MU JD

      I have a set of brushes that I bought at ULTA about 5 years ago that are in great shape – no shedding. I use a gentle baby shampoo to wash them.

  7. Dogs

    Pet threadjack- Is it feasible to have a (small, low energy) dog while living alone in a big city and working in Big Law? I really, really want to get a dog, but I’m worried that my lifestyle isn’t conducive. I’d love to hear from people who have done this.

    • Gus

      Feasible, yes, but honestly, it’s a really big commitment to make. It can be done, if you’re willing to spend a lot of money on daily dog walks or doggie daycare, and boarding when you travel. But also keep in mind that sometimes at the end of a long day, your friends may all be going out for a drink, that then turns into grabbing dinner somewhere, and then maybe more drinks after that. Will you be ok with having to take a pass on that so you can go home and walk the dog? My husband and I had a dog when we were both young associates in BigLaw, living in a big city, and it was fine, but there were two of us to split the work of taking care of the dog.

      • JMDS

        Completely agree with this. There is no better feeling than coming home to a dog who is just over the moon to see you, but it is a huge responsibility and you really need to be prepared to have a life more tied to home.

    • Fiona

      I think it depends on the nature of your Biglaw job. Is it 2000 hrs/year Biglaw, or 2500+ hrs/year Biglaw in New York? If you work longish days (10-12 hours), but are home every night and most weekends, I think it would be ok. Definitely hire a dog walker for at least one 30 minute walk in the middle of the day, though. If you’re working more than that, especially if you’re never home on weekends, I think it’s not fair to even the lowest energy dog — they are pack creatures and like to have their person with them.

      You could also look into getting a pair of dogs or a senior dog from a rescue organization. For the pair, even though it’s more dogs, at least they will have a friend during the day. For a senior dog, it’ll be even more low energy and won’t mind a nice long sleep while you’re at the office.

      • Dog

        Agree with Fiona that it depends on the nature of your Biglaw job. I have a large breed dog and I’ve had him since law school. My Biglaw days were ~ 2000hrs/year. My dogwalker came every weekday for a mid-day walk, and then in the evenings only as necessary. I’m now in-house, and the arrangement is the same (with very few evening walks needed). It worked for me.

        Do the math, however. When I add up the daily weekday walks plus the extra care when we travel out of town, our four legged child costs about $6,000/year in walks alone (this is before food, well-doggie vet visits, etc). For me, this is probably the best money I spend, because we love our dog. For other people, this might be batsh*t crazy. Just be aware of the dollar amount required to keep your pet happy and healthy before you bring him/her home.

      • Anonymous

        Just FYI, I have a bulldog, and I think she would HATE to be walked by a dogwalker every day. We are home every night and all weekend, and she definitely likes us being around better, but she just sleeps all day. I mean, when we leave in the mornings, she’s still asleep in bed. So I think it depends on the dog. We give her lots of love while we’re there, though, and we take her to day care when it seems like we’ve been gone more recently.

        • Anonymous

          We didn’t have her as a puppy, though, and I’m sure she was more energetic then. We got her when she was about one year old.

    • AIMS

      It is feasible, but probably not with a puppy. If you’re set on a dog, I’d look into getting an older one.

    • goldribbons

      Can you consider working as a dog walker for your local animal shelter? That way, you only “have” the dog when you can spend time with it (though obviously it wouldn’t be yours). Alternatively, you could look into a short-term foster program (e.g., guide dogs for the blind) where you’d have a dog for a year or less, so you could see how it works out.

    • Anonymous

      Maybe an adult dog that would be able to use a piddle pad/other indoor potty arrangement? I don’t see why not. It would take some work to find the right dog. Is it ideal? Obviously not, but I would certainly think that lounging around a comfy home for hours alone would be preferable to being stuck in a shelter.

      Barring that, cats are pretty cool, if you like/are not allergic to them. :-)

      • Dog rescue volunteer

        Why not is because dogs need exercise as well as visual and scent stimulation. When they don’t get enough, many (although not all) of them will develop behavioral issues. Also, if she is working long hours, she will not want to come home to a dog in serious need of burning off steam.

        • Anonymous

          Of course, this is completely solvable with things like doggy daycare, midday walker, etc, as above. You either need not much money, but a lot of time, to have a dog, or some time, and a lot of money.

          There are plenty of dogs out there who really do just want to snooze all day, though. OP should definitely think about going through a rescue where dogs are in homes so she can get a good idea of the dogs personality in a home environment pre-adoption.

          I work a lot and have a small dog. I had a dog walker for about a year until she basically told me that he didn’t have to ‘go’ midday, she usually had to wake him up from a deep sleep to take him out, and that she really didn’t think he needed that midday stimulation. So now he gets daycare 1-2x per week and the rest of the time snoozes at home. When I get home we usually go on a long walk. He’s an excitable dog (very much so) but this is plenty for him to remain non destructive and happy.

    • Dogs

      Thanks for the responses! I am fine with getting a dog walker during the day, I’m just worried if that will be enough. I think that I’ll be home most nights and weekends, but there would certainly be some nights when I won’t be home until late (for either social or work reasons). I’m currently doing a clerkship, which is basically always a 9-5, but I start in Big Law in the fall so I’m less certain what my schedule will be like then.

      I’m intrigued by the idea of an indoor potty arrangement…does that work well?

      • Dogs

        Oh and I’m definitely fine getting an older dog as opposed to a puppy. As cute as puppies are, I know that there’s no way I’ll have time to train it and give it all the attention it needs.

      • Anne Shirley

        Definitely wait until you’ve started and see what it is like. I think the best gift you can give yourself as a first year is a lack of outside responsibilities. You’ll be worried enough about your work without needing to add puppy guilt as well.

        • TBK

          +1000!! Do not get the dog until after you’ve been at biglaw for a year or so. I had a cat and it was just about right. He slept on my feet and curled up next to me on the couch, but I could be gone for up to three days without needing to get a pet sitter and never had to worry about getting home in time to let him out/feed him the way you do with a dog. I now have a dog and it’s about 10xs the responsibility of a cat. Fine now that I work shorter hours and am married and more settled, but would not have worked while I was a biglaw associate.

          • Brant

            Agree, Agree. I thought you were already working at the biglaw job. Start that first, then get the dog if you still want it.

            In the meantime, I second the suggstion of volunteering as a dog walker for your local shelter (weekends). You’ll get a lot more info on the type of dog that would/wouldn’t work for you. Ex. unlike the poster above who got a dog at one year that snoozes all day…I have a 4 year old dog that can run 6 miles and looks annoyed when you’re done. He sleeps from exactly 9:30pm to exactly 5:45am, spends the vast majority of his time on High Alert watching the back yard for intrusive squirrels (probably is sleeping for 3-4 hours of the 8 hours he’s home alone), and wants to play endless tug/fetch with DH/me when we get home.

            He’s a handful, but totally worth it. Would NOT recommend this dog for an apartment or someone away from the home lots.

      • TCFKAG

        So – our dogs go to a playgroup instead of a dog walker – which gets them out of the house for four hours during the day instead of just half an hour or an hour. They come and pick the dogs up and drop them off and in the mean time the go to the woman’s backyard and our rambunctious puppy plays with every dog there and our older curmudgeon ignores all the other dogs but gets a break from being indoors.

        Not sure if they have these in NYC – but its been a great option for us and has resulted in two dogs who are very, very well socialized with other dogs (people … we’re still working on that with the puppy.)

    • S in Chicago

      Totally feasible but do your homework and think honestly, putting the dog’s needs before your desire. Will you have time to walk the dog? Will you have funds for a service to walk the dog when you are at work (since your days will be long)? Will the service be available if you are called on to extend your day at little notice? What will you do when you travel? Will the dog be in a crate most of the day and night? Dogs need stimulation–will you have time to train, play, attend to vet needs, etc.? Are you a homebody on weekends or out socializing a lot–and are you ready to no longer be that spontaneous with plans, cut evenings short to get home to the dog, etc.? If you can juggle all of this, then keep in mind that some breeds are better suited than others, and an older pet will usually be your best bet since temperament is already more of a given (websites like petfinders will let you search shelters by breed and age). I’m not in Big Law but work very long hours and made a pact with myself that I wouldn’t get a dog until I had a household with at least two people. I broke down when volunteering at a shelter (trying to get my dog fix on), and the 10 year-old I adopted ended up being my best friend for another six years before he passed (some of it with me single and some of the time with me married). It isn’t easy at times. But if it’s a priority to you and you are prepared to fully sacrifice, you can make it happen.

    • Anon

      I have world’s lowest energy dog (basset hound). He doesn’t need a lot of exercise, but he still likes to have his people around as much as possible. He is fine being left for a normal 9 hour workday (with a dog-walker coming at mid-day to walk him), but he gets noticeably sad if I go out in the evening or spend a lot of a weekend day away from the house. He looks so unhappy when he is left and cries with excitement when I come back, so it kind of breaks my heart to leave him. Luckily I only work 40-50 hours and between my partner and I he doesn’t get left alone on evenings and weekends too often. I would not want to attempt this as a single person or if we both had really intense jobs. Honestly, I think a cat would be a better fit for you.

    • Brant

      Depends where you live, but dog daycare was a lifesaver for us. We weren’t biglaw, but we were out of the house 7am-8pm and the dog we got was, ah, much higher energy than we had anticipated. He went to doggie daycare 4x week, got dropped off on the way to work and then we paid to have him “delivered” home to us at 6:30pm. Pooch hung out until we got home.

      We had the time to spend with him on weekends, and we know our 7-8 schedule was temporary (DH went to grad school so was home more).

    • Ellen

      I would like a dog some times, but I would NOT be abel to take care of it on those times that I travel to other places. So I do NOT have a pet. Some times, the men I deal with are dogs, so I can think I DO have a PET. FOOEY!

  8. Emerald ring?

    Anyone want to help me find a beautiful emerald ring to wear on my right hand? My husband and I have a milestone anniversary coming up and he would like to buy me a nice ring. We got married when we were very young and didn’t have much money, so my engagement ring is very simple — probably about a 1/2 diamond carat. DH now wants to splurge for a nice ring.

    I know nothing about rings except that green is my favorite color, so I thought an an emerald would be nice. I think I like the vintage/antique look, but I don’t know if those sorts of rings would be overwhelming on my finger.

    I live in the Boston area and would be open to recs on specific stores to go to. Online too is also fine. Thanks!

    • Monday

      One thing to be aware of is that emerald isn’t very durable, so if you plan to wear this ring all the time you might need a lot of protective casing for it (if possible) or just to accept the stone may need to be replaced. My mom got a mother’s ring with emerald custom made and the jeweler barely even agreed to do it due to this issue. She usually wears it as a necklace to avoid breaking the stone.

      If the ring just being green is your priority, then some sapphires and tourmalines might be stronger.

      • Emerald rings

        Really? I was not aware of this. And I’m currently typing with an emerald ring on my right hand – it was a gift in my late teens/early 20s and I’ve worn it regularly since then. And I don’t think I’m particularly careful with it.

        • Mpls

          I think it depends on the emerald. They are a pretty hard stone (7.5 to 8 on the Mohs), but inclusions and they way emeralds are formed can make them susceptible to breaking. Durability will depend on how the stone is cut around the inclusions.

          So… maybe vintage stones to show they’ve passed the test of time?

          • May

            Very impressed with your knowledge of precious stones.
            The emerald is one of my favourite stones too, and our jeweler was reluctant to pair it with certain other stones (diamonds and rubies) saying it was ‘softer’ and liable to break or crumble.
            At the time I thought they were thinking of generations of use.

            I know someone who wears an emerald ring daily for many years and I’m wondering if big is not best for emeralds? A large emerald may be more liable to damage, rather like a larger mirror, perhaps?

            Would a circlet of emeralds around a larger stone suit you?

            Or else there’s other precious / semi-precious stones which are green too.

            Happy hunting, and congratulations for making it to a milestone anniversary.

      • TK1

        I have 2 emerald rings, one I’ve worn almost daily for 25 years and the other almost daily for 10 years and I haven’t had any issues. I didn’t know this was a problem. I don’t do anything special to care for them, but I do take them off for yardwork, cleaning etc.

        • Emerald rings

          I know, right? Mamabear should get a commission from Beladora once I get my bonus, because I’m pretty sure that I’m going to be buying myself a pretty ring as a treat.

    • Bostonian

      There are a couple of vintage jewelry stores in Downtown Crossing. The jeweler’s building also has many options–just walk around and see what you like. Barmakian is a local chain with a large inventory of pieces of good quality and a store just over the NH border, but service can be snobby and pushy (which always irks me). Also consider going to a smaller jeweler in your neighborhood or town and asking them if they can custom make something for you. They are often cheaper.

    • Gus

      Try Small Pleasures on Newbury Street — I’m not really into vintage jewelry but I’ve been in this store before because they also do watch repair, and I’m always tempted to buy some of their stuff.

    • NOLA

      I’m a big fan of Ross Simons and, right now, they have 48 emerald rings in their estate section and various rings of all shapes and sizes in the regular ring section. As for whether or not it’ll overwhelm your hand, you’ll probably need to try on some different settings. I have a large emerald cut vintage aquamarine ring but it’s basically just the stone on a narrow band. I have long fingers so I can pull off a bigger ring, but it sounds like you might have smaller hands.

      • NOLA

        Oh, and have you considered green amethyst? Totally different color green, but so pretty.

        • Image

          Is it really an amethyst anymore then? I thought amethyst was just the name for purple colored quartz.

        • TBK

          You might also want to consider green tourmaline. I have an heirloom ring that we had thought was emerald but when I had it appraised, it turned out it was tourmaline. Tourmaline doesn’t have quite the cache that emerald has, but my ring is very pretty.

    • Brant

      Check out AdCo in the diamond district. They’re small/intimate so you should probably call and make an appt first, and see if they can make what you’re looking for (they do mostly custom work).

      if you dont’ like them (which you will!) there is a barmakian and about 300 other jewelry store in the same building. (DH went to get my engagement ring at barmakian, put a deposit down, then happened upon this place and never looked back)

      • Brant

        i dont’ actually think there is a “diamond district”- that may be the name of the building. They’re in downtown crossing, though, and you can find them via google.

    • Becky

      Uniform for female newscasters is now definitely a form fitting sheath in a bright distracting color. Great for getting clothing ideas. But also a little distracting.

      • Jill

        I always think it’s weird that women newscasters frequently wear sleeveless dresses and men wear a long-sleeved shirt and coat – aside from the double standard in clothing, isn’t one of them going to be either too hot or too cold?

    • Brant

      I complain about this to DH EVERY TIME we watch local news (which has been more frequently here in Boston…). it’s not even the “sexiness” that bugs me–the women just look significantly underdressed when compared to their male counterparts. Some are in clear business casual, while the guy sitting next to them looks like he’s going to a board meeting.

      If you watch BBC correspondents, those female newscasters are dressed in what I would put as on par with our male newscasters.

    • Monday

      This reminds me of a commenter here saying that all the female partners in her firm had started wearing sleeveless tops, tight skirts, and stilettos to work every day. On one hand, I want to say great, more examples of choice. On the other hand, the commenter said (no surprise) the men in the office loved it and it was starting to feel like an expectation. So that means, effectively, fewer choices. I think the article pointed to a bit of this problem–that looking a certain way in a tight sleeveless shift is becoming a requirement. And I agree about the disparity between this look and a suit and tie on the men.

      • Monday

        PS–annoying that the headline and sub-head Slate has given this article makes it seem like it’s about , uh, women looking good, as opposed to the interesting critique it actually is. I would never have read it if it hadn’t been linked here with the OP’s much more accurate billing.

  10. Mint julep help

    Hello! Two julep questions that I need to resolve this week:

    1. Is it possible to make my mint syrup minty enough so that I can dispense with mint springs in my juleps? Or should I just add in the sprigs b/c that’s what people expect in a julep? The trial run was sweet enough and bourbony enough (OMG — I cut it to 1 oz per julep and still thought it was way strong b/c so much of the cup has ice in it). I have done this before, but seem to be off of my A game.

    2. Finger foods to go with? I am thinking of pimiento & cheese sandwiches and pizza (for small children and the likelihood of beer-drinking men), but what else? I am trying not to make a million things, but what else is easy and goes with (the latter is more the sticking point). Otherwise, I am all about the mini-nuggets from Chic-Fil-A.

    • AIMS

      I would discourage (1) because, personally, I think mint syrup tastes awful and mint leaves make drinks sooooooooooooo delicious. A mint julep without mint leaves is just a waste of bourbon, at least for me.

      As for (2), pimento cheese sandwiches sound delightful. Another really easy finger food idea could be deviled eggs (make them ahead of time), or continue the sandwiches idea and make some cucumber ones (everyone loves those)… If you do chicken nuggets, you can make (or get) a bournon dipping sauce on the side to continue the theme…

    • MsZ

      I don’t think you can do without the mint sprigs. Part of the drink’s flavor comes from having that fragrant sprig all up in your nose when you take a sip . . . plus, it’s beautiful.

      • Lizzy

        We make our juleps with mint simple syrup. Basically, you heat a cup (or more) of water, stir in an equal amount of cut fresh mint and let it steep. Then you strain the syrup (which keeps in the fridge for a while). You build the julep with the mint simple syrup, bourbon and crushed ice. They are more than minty enough.

        You do want the springs of mint up top, however, because like MsZ says, the fragrance of drinking through the spring of mint is essential.

    • Kanye East

      re: (1)

      If you make your syrup right, yes. It’s possible to get all the flavor without having to accessorize your drink with extra fruit.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Instead of mint syrup, I do simple syrup with muddled mint leaves, so that’s an option. Also, last year I discovered the mint julep spritzer, which is delicious and takes care of the too strong problem (and also makes it less bourbony tasting, should you have friends that don’t like bourbon). I can’t find the recipe I used online, but google does show a bunch of options (I used sprite instead of lemon juice and seltzer)

      And I’m glad you mentioned this because I forgot it’s almost May already. Time to dig out the julep cups!

  11. LuxLea

    Hello everyone,

    Long time reader, but first comment!
    Just looking for some advice and support from you awesome ladies.
    I’m 26, live in Europe, studied management and have an MBA. I worked for 2 years as an account manager, above teams of 50-70 people, lots of work and pressure, but it was great.
    I had to quit that job because we moved away. I got a job as a business manager for a consulting company where we live now (basically finding new clients), and hate it. First I think sales is not for me, but also the company where I work is awful. The bosses are mean, manipulative, they actually insult us during meetings, and 6 people (for a team of ~30) have been fired, for no reason, in the 6 months I’ve been here. So of course I’m looking for another job. But I don’t really know what I want to do :/
    Right now I feel very worthless (is that the correct word?) despite my previous accomplishments, because of the way I feel here. I fear I’ll never find another interesting job (like my first one). I don’t know which positions to target in my job search, or which industry? I don’t have any expertise, and can’t see myself in anything specific.
    As anything like that happened to you? What do you think I should do?
    In the mean time i just apply to every position advertised, and no one calls back (no kidding…)

    Anyway, sorry for this long rant, thanks in advance to anyone who might have some advice for me!
    (also, non native English speaker here! Please forgive any mistakes I made, and feel free to correct me!)

    • Diana Barry

      Maybe you could make some lists of pros and cons – what you liked so much about your first job and what you don’t like about this one, etc. That would help you to identify your strengths and jobs you should target. Your current bosses sound awful!

      My first thought is to look for account manager positions similar to the one you had before – managing teams of people, etc. Hope you find something better soon!

    • TBK

      It sounds like you’re having trouble identifying why *you* would want to hire you and therefore you’re having trouble thinking how anyone else would want to hire you. I’d sit down and make a list of all your skills. Try to abstract them to make them as widely applicable as possible. That’s your skill-set and expertise. Once you see the list (that I bet is much bigger than you’d expect), you’ll start to regain your sense of self-worth. Next, I’d do what Diana Barry suggests and make a list of everything you liked and disliked about both your first job and this job. Those lists will help you evaluate other jobs to see if they’re likely to fit in your “like” category or “dislike” category. If any of what I wrote is difficult to understand, let me know and I will write it again in simpler English (but it sounds from your writing that your English skills are excellent — I would never have guessed you weren’t a native speaker if you hadn’t said anything).

      • LuxLea

        *blushes* Well maybe English will be at the top of my skills list then! Thank you for saying that, you made my day! I can check my grammar and spelling, but it’s hard to know if I sound (or read I guess?) fluent and native.

        Thank you so much to both of you for your great advice. I should have done those things already… I’ll definitely start here.
        Diana Barry, I have looked at account manager positions here, but I’ve found that so far no one wants to put me in charge of team, because of my age. For my first job, I was lucky that my bosses were willing to trust me (and they also put me through a bunch of tests over a 3-month period to see if I would be able to ‘take it’…), but so far I wasn’t so lucky. And honestly, I can’t blame them! Which brings us to TBK’s point, I need to know why I would want to hire myself for… ;)
        Ideally, I would really like to find a position where my direct superior could be a mentor, someone I could observe and learn from. I don’t mind being underpaid and working long hours as long as I learn something (new skills, or discover what I like, or don’t like…) Is it naive to wish for such a position (regarding the mentor, not being underpaid ^^)?

        Again, thanks a lot for sharing your wisdom with me ladies! :D
        (international solidarity for the win!)

  12. Styling Help!

    Hi!

    So I recently bought this blazer, and love it for my business-casual office:

    http://www1.bloomingdales.com/shop/product/splendid-blazer-nantucket-stripe?ID=673618

    But I need styling help. I have worn it thus far with a black sheath + black shoes + small beaded necklace (that plays off of the faded blue in the jacket). Other ideas? Colors to add? I thought it might work with my gray clothes but I’ve discovered it looks a bit off (like I am trying to match, but not succeeding).

    • Penna

      I think this would look great with a navy skirt, tan skirt, or a number of colored skirts – I’m thinking oranges, magenta, that type of thing. I’d probably stick with a white top underneath and nude for you heels in those circumstances.

    • A Nonny Moose

      SO cute! I’d rock it with a yellow, red, or kelly pencil skirt for a casual day, or any of those color pants on the weekend.

  13. hellskitchen

    TJ – I need to send an engagement gift to friends in New Orleans and would prefer to use a local mom-and-pop business if possible. Any recommendations for New Orleans based businesses that do gift baskets and such? Also, gift basket is my default option but I am open to suggestions for creative engagement gifts – anyone gave or got any engagement gifts recently that they loved? My budget is around $60-70

    • NOLA

      I’ve never gotten anyone a gift basket so can’t help with that, but my first thought was Orient Expressed on Magazine: http://www.orientexpressed.com/58703/BRIDAL.html
      I gave their white fleur de lis platters for Christmas to a few people and they were a huge hit.
      Another possibility would be Little Miss Muffin. They’re in Old Metairie and Lakeview.

      • hellskitchen

        Ooh, those are pretty! They would be perfect for the New Orleans theme and something they can keep longer. Thanks NOLA!

        • NOLA

          You’re very welcome! By the way, I didn’t see the platters on the website, but the ones they had at Christmas were in two different sizes and similar to the bowl and cake plate they show. The large platter was, I believe, $26 and the small was $14. The small is perfect for a cheese and cracker plate. They may still have them. Just call the store.

    • darby

      I love As You Like It silver shop – it’s a local NOLA business & they have a selection of gifts online/ship nationally & locally in NOLA. You can get a nice vintage piece – I like serving trays/platters/that sort of thing.

  14. Pendleton update/question

    I ordered several pendleton blouses (silks, 1 poly) and two of their wool dresses, but when they arrived, the materials felt cheap (even at 100% wool) and it was somewhat poorly construct (1 zipper borke while taking it off and fit was not an issue).

    Arrived on Saturday and I returned everything this morning. I’m out shipping, but at least now I know.

    Is this a situation where Pendleton used to be better but now is economizing (I’m looking at you Ann Taylor)?

    On the other hand, my Brooks Brothers purchase was AMAZING. $27 for a suit skirt in very nice material.

    • NYC

      I think maybe the blouses have gone downhill (I did not order any, because I did not like the last ones I tried whereas I have a silk blouse of theirs from several years ago that is really nice). But I just got a wool skirt suit, blazer, and a skirt and I think they are all really well done. The jackets are a bit boxy, so I’m going to have them tailored, but the construction and fabric seems really nice.

      I have never ordered one of their dresses.

    • Mint Julep

      I have a dress of theirs that I love. I bought an 8 for my hips and had the top taken in. I always get a lot of compliments on it and even have gotten compliments on the fabric. It’s from 2011 or newer.

      I’m wearing a pair of 2009 wool pants today (hellooo, it’s almost May — could I not be in wool flannel this time of year?).

  15. Leina

    Random nail polish threadjack: has anyone had good luck buying nail polish on Etsy? Recommended shops/sellers? Thanks!

  16. Anonforthis

    Two questions:
    1) I interviewed for a job I really want and have since been told that they’ve narrowed it down to one other person and me. It’s been narrowed down to the two of us for about a month now, with no decision. I was just asked last week to provide references for the first time. Totally speculating here, and obviously impossible to read other people’s minds, but what are the chances this means I’m their pick and they’re just dotting i’s and crossing t’s? It just seems unlikely to me that they’d still be hemming and hawing and that our references (i.e., three people we’ve each hand-picked to say good things about us) would be the tie-breaker.

    2) How on earth do I keep my mind on my work when I know they called my references on Friday (my references told me) and so I might get a call any minute? (Also, this interview process has been months long and my current job is pretty terrible. So this is all extra distracting.)

  17. Anon

    I recently started dating someone, and he has been great so far. However, he revealed that he admits he was a bit of a jerk in high school- you know, the typical popular guy syndrome. Would you guys pause for concern about that? I mean, it was nice that he admitted it to me, but at the same time, do old habits die hard? Anyone have any stories good or bad they’d like to share?

    • Samantha Baker

      Just because someone was once a popular, high school jerk doesn’t mean that they’ll always be a popular, high school jerk.

      • darjeeling

        if it isn’t Sammy Baker Davis Junior! (or if you’re not that Samantha Baker feel free to ignore me)

    • TBK

      Um, the fact that he’s self-aware enough to say this says all kinds of good things about him, not the other way around. Why on earth would this worry you? We all did things as children we would never do as an adult. Give the guy a break and appreciate that he sounds like a thoughtful person.

      • KLG

        Exactly. I was hardly a mean girl in high school, but looking back I wish I had been more inclusive and it definitely frames how I behave now. I make an effort to talk to my awkward coworkers because I didn’t do that in high school. If he seems great so far and admits there was an issue in high school, assume he has changed until he shows you otherwise.

    • Anonymous

      I think if he’s acknowledged he was a jerk, then he knows “jerk” behavior and is distinguishing it from his behavior today. So I wouldn’t end the relationship – but I understand why it might make you pause for concern.

      I think it also (for me) would depend a bit on whether it was more “too cocky for his own good” or more “bullied other kids, really disrespectful of women” flavor of jerk. Either way it’s who he was, not necessarily who he is – but I would just keep my eyes open for signs that he may not have grown out of it as much as he thinks he has, you know? There may be no signs and he may be completely past it – or he may be telling you he’s past it while his actions today tell differently. Either way, keep your eyes open and judge him based on his actions of today vs his sins of the past.

    • May

      Please don’t overthink it.

      We are not that driven by old habits. We override initial responses by being aware of them, and this guy sounds pretty aware!

      Personally i tend to give a lot of attention to my instincts because i believe we process certain bits of information like non-verbal cues without even realising it.

    • anon

      If everyone who did dumb things in high school was a failure of a person as an adult, we’d all be in trouble. Let it go.

    • Moop

      Based on your post, I believe that all you really have to go on here is his perception and his expression of regret. He perceives that he was a jerk in high school and could have been kinder. Presumably he also told you that he now regrets it? Nothing wrong with any of this.

      If this was more of a brag … Man I was so popular in HS! I got away with being a jerk to the minions! … then you have reason for concern.

    • DAR

      No, the ones you need to worry about don’t know or admit that they were a jerk way back when…

    • OP

      Thanks- just needed a gut check, and maybe a virtual kick in the booty. I’ve never dated a guy like him before- a lot of my ex’s are nerdy quiet types who were not jerks in high school, but were kinda insecure/jerky in adulthood in a different way. Basically, I’m trying to learn to avoid mean guys.

      I’m not going to hold it over it head of course. My first reaction was “wow, so impressive for your to realize your mistake and admit it” so I’m glad it was in line with your reactions :).

      • Meg Murry

        Were his friends in high school jerks too, and does he still see them/is he still friends with them? High school jerks tended to travel in packs, and I know several that seem to have grown out of their jerkiness when they are on their own, but when they get back together and especially if they are drunk or high, they revert back to being jerks in a group. So if you live near where he grew up and he sees his old friends regularly, be aware that he may regress when with them, or even if he doesn’t, the friends may still be jerks.

  18. Anonymous

    Maxi dress on a dinner date – yes or no? It’s not particularly beachy (one solid color) and I am not sure where we’re going but it’s almost certainly casual.

    • senora

      No. Maxi dresses are lovely and all but guys don’t “get” them. Wear something sexy–jeans and a cute top or a cute sundress.

    • Anon

      I have a friend who is going to Vanderbilt this fall for law school. I’d like to get him a gift certificate to a local coffee shop if there is one that students frequent as a graduation gift. Are any of you familiar with Nashville? Thanks for the help.

      • FP

        Starbucks is right across the street from the law school so that’s probably where he’ll be the most. However, Fido and Bongo Java are good local coffee shops that students end up at (both are a bit of a walk from the law school building).

      • Anonymous

        There’s popular local one right across the street from the law school, but I can’t remember the name of it.

          • Natalie

            Grins is technically on campus (but I think more of an undergrad hangout), is owned by Bongo Java (who also owns Fido), so if you got a general Bongo Java card, it would work at any of those. Their coffee is some of my favorite in Nashville.

  20. anon

    Ugh, I put down a deposit on a car yesterday and I’m suddenly realizing that I got caught up in the moment and agreed to pay way too much for the car (like, $1000 more than Kelly Blue Book fair price) and my credit union won’t finance the amount I need them to. Has anyone ever successfully negotiated after putting down a deposit? I haven’t signed a purchase agreement, but did put down a $1500 “locating deposit”. Hating myself right now, and totally dreading explaining to my husband if I can’t fix this why we’re going to have to pay 5% interest on this car to finance through the dealer instead of the 0% rate my credit union would have offered.

    • mascot

      It probably won’t hurt to negotiate. Is there that much money between what the credit union will finance and your down payment? I would run the numbers and see if it makes sense to cough up a little more up front to get the better rate.

    • Anonymous

      I could be totally wrong, but I thought that you had 3 days to change your mind about a car purchase.

    • Anonymous

      Are you using a dealer? That seems like a huge locating deposit. I think I paid 100 and it was refundable.

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