Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Periodically, I like to take a quick trip across the pond (metaphorically) and see what kinds of gorgeous dresses The Fold has for me to swoon over. This emerald green stretch-crepe dress was the swooniest one of the bunch. The draping is absolutely stunning and the color just knocked my socks off.
This would be amazing for a big presentation or important meeting where formal business suits aren’t necessary, but a commanding presence is.
The dress is $495 at the Fold and comes in U.S. sizes 2–12.
A couple of sheath dresses in a very similar shade of green are from Tahari ASL ($129; sizes 2–10 in stock) and Donna Morgan ($138; 14W–24W).
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Workwear sales of note for 3.24.23:
- Ann Taylor – 40% off everything
- Athleta – 20% off shorts, swim, linen & more
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
- Boden – Up to 50% off
- Brooks Brothers – Clearance styles to 70% off. Some pretty serious markdowns!
- Express – 40% off dresses & tops
- J.Crew – 25% off your purchase; up to 50% off special-occasion styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 15% off 3 styles; extra 20% off 4 styles; extra 50% off clearance
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
- Talbots – 25% off select styles; 25% off markdowns
anon
Happy Monday everyone. I finally tried tight lining my eye liner for an event last night (thanks, YouTube instructional video!), and it looked SO much better than my regular old-fashioned eye liner on top of the lash line. Unfortunately my eyes are kind of irritated this morning. I’m not willing to give up on it without one more try. Can anyone recommend a hypoallergenic eye liner that has worked for you? I tend to prefer ink type eye liners. Currently using KvD.
Anon
Not exactly what you asked but I find cake eyeliner to be really great for tightlining. Perhaps you might want to try one if you want to stick to this look? I use Laura Mercier, no irritation, goregeous results.
Anon
+1 – I use her black eyeshadow stick with no irritation
Anon
I have better luck tightlining with a gel pencil. I have had no issues with the ones from Bobbi Brown (an espresso brown) and Trish Mcevoy (Arabian Nights or black.)
anon
Every eye doctor will tell you not to do this–your eye is irritated because you’re putting stuff in your eye that doesn’t belong there. Can you go to an Ulta or Sephora or dept store and have them do your eyeliner a different (non-tightlining) way?
Anon
I think you are confusuing tightlining with waterlining.
Anonymous
Huh? Tightlining is lining the “waterline” inside the eyelashes.
Anon
Agreed, not worth the risk to your eyes.
Anon
Favorite black forgiving in the waistband/stretchy-ish work pants? I’m 5’0 and currently 15+ over the weight I was when last in work clothes. Most of my pants are BR Sloan. When I’ve tried sizing up, they fit oddly, but suppose could buy a larger size in those and have tailored in all else fails. Is Betabrand worth trying? Thanks!
Marketiere
I think it depends on the style you want. I love my Brass Clothing ponte pants and they fluctuate with me. You can get them on their website or poshmark, etc. I wear a 4-6 in jeans and a S in these. If you’re lucky – you can find some of the wide leg ones second hand and they are amazing!
Anonymous
J Crew Factory Jamie pants
Anonanonanon
Ditto.
Anonymous
I just bought these!!
DeepSouth
Spanx perfect pants. I am an 8/10 (more 10 than 8) and can just fit into the medium in the knit. but got the denim in a large They are super smooth and wash like a champ. Scroll through the sale section.
mrskbp
Can’t wait to hear recs…I need the same type of pants!
Anon
Loft has both pull on crepe pants (with a super smooth waistband) and ponte knit pants that might fit the bill. I bought both last year but the same pants are offered currently. I have driven comfortably for hours to meetings and arrived unrumpled. I bought regular rather than petite in the knit (although I am only 5’1”) because I want them to be full length. I got the crepe in petite and those are great, also. I have worn both to corporate board meetings and they feel completely appropriate with the right blouse, jacket, shoes. I also wear them for every day office attire and I wear the crepe ones out to dinner, also. I just purchased a pair of the black crepe in regular length to give myself another option.
Shelle
+1 currently wearing my petite Loft crepe pants and loving them!
Anonymous
Do they need to be forgiving in the waistband if they fit?
pugsnbourbon
Not OP, but I can’t tolerate anything tight on my stomach (have always been this way) so the flood of elastic-waist pandemic pants has been a godsend.
OP – check Uniqlo and BR Factory. The Uniqlo pants I have aren’t pull-on but have back elastic and are comfy.
anon
Especially in the era of high-rise pants. I love them when I’m standing up. They can fit perfectly and look great. I hate them when I’m sitting down. So much tightness around the belly!
pugsnbourbon
Haha yes – hate it when I wear standing pants to a sitting event!
Seventh Sister
Uniqlo pants are pretty great, also Old Navy. Honestly, Uniqlo reminds me of what Gap was like back in the 1990s/early 2000s, great basics at a reasonable price.
Mrs. Jones
Athleta Brooklyn pants
MeHa
How do you keep these from wrinkling? They look wrinkled on the mannequin at the store.
Anon
Maeve ponte pants by Anthropologie
anon.
I’ve said this here before but the stretchy pants from Modern Citizen have been my go-to favorites for a year in the same situation! The ones I have are called the “Brooke.”
Anon
Thanks for the replies so far! I’m generally looking for skinnyish/straight-leg/subtle bootcut. I prefer looser tops, and feel like wide leg pants only work on me with tank tops and sandals, not as much with my work wardrobe. Basically, all of my weight gain has been in my stomach/waist, and curvy butt/hips/thighs have stayed the same.
Anonanonanon
I echo the J.Crew Jamie pants and also have had good luck with the Ann Taylor “easy” fit pants.
For the mom of the daughter looking for a unicorn school
With the financial constraints you have, consider the honors college of your state university. Having just gone through the college search with my daughter, these are a great choice – like a SLAC within the larger university. A big school has enough social space that you can find your people, and the honors college places you with like-minded serious students.
As far as loans, you may be surprised that she won’t be approved for enough to get her into real trouble. Our HHI is in the low $100K range and a merit award brought the cost of her private college down to the cost of our state college, but she had no aid beyond that cost – we were surprised that she was only approved for $3000 in federal loans.
Anonymous
Agreed this is a great option. I also think a private college counselor wouldn’t be a bad idea. They do have a lot of info and might help guide you. I think realistically you can stick to your budget and send her to an in state school or increase your budget and let her take loans (reminder she doesn’t need your permission) and she can go to all sorts of small liberal arts colleges that aren’t absolute top tier. Visiting os the best way to learn but don’t start visits if in truth you won’t pay for her to go to them.
Anon
FYI, undergrads are limited in the amount they can take in federal loans-it’s only $5500 in your first year. Parent co-signers are required for more borrowing.
Clementine
I read that whole thread and… I also just wanted to point out that it often works out.
I hated my college (big State school) but I went because it was free (Full Tuition as merit + Room and board as an RA). I should have transferred but when you’re a 17/18 year old looking at giant numbers and your parents say ‘Good luck, we can’t pay anything’… it’s overwhelming.
But then I met a group. I got really involved in a campus activity. Turns out a professor’s random suggestion (he discouraged me from law school and pointed me to a different professional degree) was fantastic and I ended up doing something I love. I ended up with a really happy life. And you know? I still wish I had just paid the money to go to (Dream Ivy) but… I didn’t. And I’m okay.
pugsnbourbon
+1. I did this and it was a great choice. Some schools also have honors dorms/apartments so she can find community there, too.
Vicky Austin
I also did this and I highly recommend it.
Anon
I missed the thread last week, but maybe the daughter should look at a service academy: high level academics/students focused on doing well, non-partying culture but students tend to find their own fun, a very wide range of extra curricular activities (and I believe most students are involved in something), students have a wide range of political beliefs (not all conservative) but unlikely to be pushy SJWs, and of course – no tuition and guaranteed job so no need for loans.
Obviously, it isn’t for everyone but may be with considering.
Anon
i was also going to say you should take geography into account a bit more. if your daughter has any sense of where she might like to be after college i would not go to a small private school in a geographical area she has no interest in at all.
Cat
Great choice, especially if she is considering a degree that isn’t as “practical” or have as well-defined of a post-grad career path as finance, engineering, etc.
Co-signed about geography. Smaller schools that aren’t ‘name brand’ often attract employers in that region.
Anonymous
I was going to chime in to say that I think you need to let her find her people. Even my very small liberal arts college was not a monolith. There were smart motivated kids, sober kids, artsy kids, hard partying farm kids, d3 sports obsessed kids, rich snobby prep school kids, and everything else you could imagine. Finding your people in any given group is also a lifeskill.
Anonymous
OP here. I appreciate all the replies. I do think it’s funny that, as is typical here, most people fought the hypo and answered “state school” rather than answering the question of how a student can gauge the culture of a school. She’s already ordered the Colleges that Change Lives book, so thanks for that recommendation.
I want to push back a little against the “she’ll never get merit aid!” snark in case other parents were discouraged by the discussion. First, to clarify, the “shooting for” SAT goal is because she is a junior and hasn’t taken the test yet and is guessing based on exactly one practice test. When she gets her actual scores she will of course have a better sense of where she actually stands. I am well aware that a generic bright girl from the suburbs with high-achieving but relatively common extracurricular involvement, perfect grades, and high test scores is just not that exciting to colleges. It’s a little too late for us to abandon our lives to home-school her while backpacking across another continent, or for her to learn to fence or play the bassoon, so she understands that she is not getting into Harvard or Stanford. The valedictorian of my high school couldn’t even get into those schools 30 years ago. Yes, the tippy top non-Ivies do not give merit aid. We may or may not qualify for some need-based aid at those schools; the calculators return a wide range of results, but I was encouraged by some of the comments. And again, as so many kindly pointed out a generic bright suburban girl is probably not getting in to these schools either. There are whole bunch of slightly lower-ranked schools out there that do give merit aid. We are not raising false hopes; she knows exactly what our budget is and that she really can’t make a final decision until she gets all the acceptance and aid offers. My nieces and nephews with much richer parents and much poorer stats all got merit aid to colleges where they were happy, in some cases full rides. I am sure there is some college out there where she will be happy without drowning in debt. The question remains how to tell where she’ll be happy, since as some mentioned on the weekend thread all the visits seem engineered to convey the same candy-coated impression.
Finally, this kid is quite good at managing money and is on board with the no-loans program.
Anon
As for finding somewhere she’ll be happy, like a couple others have experienced, I went to a large ACC school not in my state and I was miserable by first year but once I found my people (and my major) I was just fine. She can princess in the pea until the end of time, but college is mostly what you make of it and if she truly hates where she is after the first year and hasn’t found any people she likes or can relate to, she can transfer.
Cat
I think people push against the hypo when it doesn’t make sense to them. Like using “has a good business school” as a proxy for “insane competition” etc. doesn’t match up with what We The Hive actually experienced.
Anon
I don’t think that a state school is necessarily the correct answer here, but I also think that it’s insane to suggest that Duke is going to give her merit aid.
If I were her, I would throw out an application or two to me of the highly competitive schools (Chicago, Northwestern, etc.), apply to a half dozen solid schools that give great merit aid (Grinnell, Kenyon, St. Olaf, Smith, UVA), and a handful of safeties (state U, Clark in Worcester, etc.).
How to find them? Colleges that Change Lives to start, then campus visits. I loved the idea of Wellesley, set foot on campus, sand practically ran away. It’s a truly fantastic school, just not for me. Other schools clicked better. Take the tour, listen to how the tour guide says things (genuine enthusiasm? exhausted? rote routine?). Grab a coffee and watch students walk by and interact. Sit in on a class.
pugsnbourbon
Check out the “public ivies” too.
Anon
Like UVA, which I mentioned?
JD
This was my approach, helped coming from a tiny town in the Plains states with great test scores. I applied to about 10 schools, 2 highly competitive schools, a bunch of private schools that gave merit aid, some in the top 20-30 universities list, a military academy (family service history), some state schools that I could get a free ride at based on GPA. I waited to see who offered the best merit package then chose.
I would have her think about where she might want to live after college. You have stronger alumni networks and name recognition near your region.
Also, who wouldn’t want to go to an Ivy or Oxford if you could get magic money and redo it. Most of us don’t get exactly everything we want, and that’s just adult life. We have great lives :)
Anon
I also didn’t get the snark on the merit aid suggestions. I absolutely think a kid who is competitive for admission to HYPS (which your kid is, assuming she gets her expected SAT score) can get significant merit aid at many very good schools. The state school suggestion does not make as much sense to me as a merit scholarship at a small liberal arts college, which sounds like a much better fit for your kid personality-wise.
FWIW, I was very much like your daughter – excellent grades and test scores, AP and college classes, some interesting summer jobs and a 10+ year commitment to one sport, but I was no Olympian or national science fair champion and had no major childhood hardships or diversity points. I went to a top 5 school and met many kids like me there who were just “normal” smart and hard-working. Things are generally more competitive now, but I interview for my alma mater, and it’s not true that you have to have some incredibly unique skill or life experience to be admitted to the best schools. The majority of kids are still admitted based on the boring things: grades, cousework, test scores, letters of recommendation and essays.
Anon
People said she would get merit aid at schools that don’t even give merit aid, hence the snark.
Anon
Agree. My sister and I were regular white suburban kids from the Midwest in the ’00s. High SAT scores, good grades (but not straight As), fairly standard hobbies with some nerd fan favorites. Both went to east coast top 5 schools.
Whether we should have based on life paths is a different question….
Anon
Flip side: a young woman I know went to one of the top private schools in New England, was around the top 1/3d of her class, 2100+ SAT (on that scale), lifelong dancer, rejected at: Georgetown, Tufts, Duke, JHU, Harvard, Dartmouth. Went to UMich.
No Face
I think the question was heavy on the details, so that distracted people.
If your question is how to tell where she will be happy, the answer is visit, visit, visit. As many places on your list as you all can afford. Make a roadtrip out of it during a break if you can! There are colleges that I liked on paper that I did not like in person. I visited my undergrad in person and loved it the moment I stepped on campus. I literally went from “I’m just visiting because I’m already in this area” to “this is my dream school.” The vibes were accurate. I had a great time, learned, grew as a person, made lifelong friends.
I also have very fond memories of my college visit roadtrip. I had a single mom and we combined forces with my friend who also had a single mom. Very inexpensive roadtrip with cheap food and lots of laughter. 10/10 would recommend.
Anon
Yes, definitely visit in person! That made such a difference for me.
Anon
You would really benefit from a college coach. I didn’t do it for my kids because they were fairly set on where they wanted to go, realistic about what it took to get in, and both succeeded in getting into where they wanted to go (both of them , public universities).
Since you and your daughter don’t know, it’s a worthwhile spend to get the private college admissions coach to sit down with you for a few sessions at least. She can tell you what your daughter should do in the rest of her Jr year to be a more attractive applicant, and she will have lots of experience with the kinds of colleges you’re talking about to give some guidance. She will be realistic about costs, help you find private scholarships to apply for, and help your daughter figure out what she wants to do. My friend this and it turned her daughter’s life around. She’s doing so well at a school that wasn’t even on her list before meeting the coach.
Pull the trigger. You’re not going to get what you want posting here.
Anon
To answer the very specific “How do you gauge the culture” question, if at all possible, see if she can do an overnight with students in a variety of the schools she is interested in attending. It was an awesome way to interact with the students who I’d be living and training with. I found out quickly that the places I thought I wanted to go were not where I found the students I wanted to spend time with.
Also, folks are fighting your hypo because you also gave very specific parameters about finances and students, and schools are big — you can find pockets of like minded people everywhere. I think you are both looking too broadly, but limiting yourself.
Most specifically, I would recommend the College of William and Mary in Virginia or Miami University in Ohio. Out of state tuition is in your budget, the students there are serious and studious for the most part, and in state kids who are looking for a big party school usually go to a different in state school in each of these states.
Anonymous
Wow have fun with your terrible attitude.
Anononon
I missed the discussion before and am super late to this, but I would recommend going to stay with a friend (or friend of friend) overnight at each school that’s a real contender. In my view, the college tours are engineered to show you what they want to show you and convey a certain image of the school. If you stay over for a weekend with a friend and experience the dining halls, a few classes, and what the weekend social scene is like you’ll have a way better sense of it. There wasn’t a school on my list where I couldn’t find someone to take me in for a weekend either because I knew them directly or via asking my friend circle if they knew anyone who’d be willing. It’s likely that if your kid is interested in a school, she’ll have other people in her circle who were interested in it too.
I ended up crossing Columbia off my list even though it looked perfect for me on paper because I hated the vibe in the classes and thought UChicago was WAY more fun even though people told me to write it off as too stuffy and rigid. Never would have known if I hadn’t stayed for the weekend.
Sallyanne
She just started junior year, please take a deep breath and try to enjoy this time as stressful as it is. We drop our daughter off this week and I wish I could take back some of the anxiety that she (and the rest of us) felt during the search.
Does her high school have college counselors? If not or even if so, consider a college advisor (particularly for the essay- found much more importance in that than test scores). She has time to get a job between now and applying (also more important than volunteering and test scores). Echo all the advice about visiting and trying to do so while campus is in session. Take what the guides tell you with a grain of salt. We had luck in waiting until the end of the tours to ask more in-depth questions. Read the book Who Gets In and Why by Jeffrey Slingo. In many ways it is a crap shoot.
You’ve been given great advise by the posters. Best of luck!
Anon
I have a longer reply in mod, but while it might sound out of left field, I would recommend at least looking into a service academy
Anonymous
Love the color, don’t love the top – brings my attention to her chest instead of up to her face.
Anon
Agree. Normally I swoon over The Fold but this one seems more confusing than flattering. It looks more like the lining is twisted or stuck on something than like artful draping.
MeHa
Do you know of anywhere where you can see the fold dresses on normal people without lighting and professional posing? I am so curious what they really look like.
Anonymous
This dress reminds me of the old phrase for bras: over the shoulder boulder holders.
Anon
Adding to the praise of Caroline Winkler after watching some videos (“Facebook Marketplace: it is like Craigslist but less kidder-y” or something like that). I can’t get FB Marketplace to work for me but I am intrigued. The best wood furniture I own is from CL.
And because I got furniture from CL, do you every recover dink g room chairs (cloth on seat)? I dont love what is on there now and it is in great shape but it also is a striped pattern that I swear does with nothing I have. Just ignore? Have a white tablecloth over the table to protect the table from kids and using it as WFH desk.
Cat
Recovering chairs is a relatively easy DIY. Go for it.
Anonymous
I’ve had dining room chairs reupholstered. It’s usually several hundred dollars or up to a couple thousand if you’ve got tons of chairs just because nice upholstery fabric tends to be expensive. But I find it totally worth it.
Aunt Jamesina
It’s a much smaller upholstery job if it’s just padded seat bottoms that can be lifted up versus a fully upholstered chair or one with upholstery directly affixed. The first type is a pretty straightforward DIY, the other kind is an expensive pro job.
Allie
I think the key to FB marketplace is to remember that unlike CL it’s an algorithm. So, you have to train it just like TikTok etc. Search for what you want, click on anything similar to what you would like, save what you might really like, and the search results will get better and better.
Anonymous
I developed a Caroline Winkler obsession this weekend, who knew there were other 30 year olds who love antiques too?!
If the chairs are the kind that you can unscrew the seat (vs the kind with trim) recovering is really simple and shouldn’t take more than a day. the key to a good look is the details. Don’t over stretch or have loose fabric, if the fabric is patterned centre the design!
Greensleeves
Depending on how much money/effort you want to put into it, you can buy new covers on Amazon. I had to unscrew the seats from the frames, put the elasticized cover on, and screw the seats back on. They aren’t super fancy, but they look good and match my color scheme now. I just didn’t want to put the money into having them redone professionally, and the one time I tried to recover chairs myself just using new fabric, it was much harder to make it look nice (especially with curved corners) than I expected.
Anon
OP here: that’s for the advice. Was supposed to read “less MURDER-y”. Going to get coffee now.
Anon
I got a dyson airwrap as a gift (!!) and am now on a mission to try to do my hair in waves semi regularly. My hair is normally very very straight (air dries straight) and does not hold a curl well. Can anyone recommend a product that will help it hold? I did heat protectant and a soft hold hairspray from the drug store yesterday and the waves all fell out in about 3 hours.
Anon
I feel like the answer is cheap hairspray, but it must be applied by a Southerner or with twice the coverage that you think is needed. Just use flexible hold but don’t tough it at all once you have sprayed.
Anne-on
This – search some youtube or tiktok videos of pageant girls doing their hair, the amount of hairspray used was insane to me but makes sense if you’re going for hold. The other tip I saw is to invest in rollers or clips. So – curl the hair, then roll it up and let it completely cool in the roller. Do your makeup/get dressed, etc. before unrolling it. Then after combing out the waves add even more hairspray.
DeepSouth
Yes. This. Ellnet in the gold can or Big Sexy Hair in the red can from a drugstore. Spray a little section and curl. Repeat. Repeat.
S in Chicago
Ellnet is what I use. It also helps to do the cold shot of air at the end. I also don’t touch it much.
Also, make sure you are using the right rods. I have shoulder length hair and bought the longer ones separately and get much, much better results than the standard ones.
Anon
Not touching it is key for me. I was shocked how long my curls lasted when I got my hair done for my wedding but I was very careful about not touching it at all.
Anonymous
Don’t leave out the Jersey girls!
Anon
To get curls to stay in my hair I need lots of heat for a long time. Not sure how the air wrap works but maybe hold it for longer than the instructions say. It also helps if the curls can cool in shape, so maybe bobby pin them in the curl shape until everything completely cools.
Clementine
Kenra volume hairspray for hold and Kristen Ess texturizing/beach wave spray.
C2
I have the airwrap and LOVE it – it’s taken a bit for me to figure out the curling wand, but I dry my hair almost completely before I start curling. Then I start in the off position, wrap ends around it and then click it on, let it wrap all the way up the strand, hold on hot for about 15 seconds and then push the button up to blast it on cool for about 10 seconds. Turn it off and release the curl, then, if I am trying to get them to last for an event, I will clip that coil up together so it sets without moving. I can’t use hairspray (my hair rejects it and falls, so YMMV) but I use a thickening spray that adds some hold while my hair is still wet.
anonamouse
my formula: 1) high hold mousse to prep hair 2) bobby pin or clip to set curls until cool 3) liberally applied flexible hold hair spray to set cool curls before removing bobby pins 4) brush out or otherwise style 5) slight coat of hairspray to finish.
anon
Those of you who worked with recent college grads prior to Covid, have you noticed any differences between the pre- and post-pandemic hires? A new hire joined my team recently, and there are a lot of issues that I might expect from an intern (forgetting tech equipment at home, late to meetings, drinking too heavily at happy hour, etc). He was very professional during the interview process so this behavior is surprising. I realized his internships were probably remote so this is his first time at an office. I’m curious if anyone else’s recent hires are also a bit…stunted professionally and how long it took those employees to catch up. Or maybe this is typical of new grads and I should temper my expectations for now
Anon
We have a bunch of new grads in my office — both college and law school — and they are all fine except for basic new grad stuff. I’ve been out of law school for 10 years and working in government and have not seen a difference between this year’s hires and pre-pandemic hires. We do tend to hire people with good grades and lengthy resumes — multiple jobs and internships or leadership roles in extracurriculars. I personally always look for retail or food service experience when hiring college grads — anecdotally I find them to adjust to full time work better than those who only did internships.
Anon
That all sounds pretty typical for a new grad. I think we’re all working out how to interact in person again.
Anne-on
This seems like a very common issue – in fact, the last few mandatory ethics trainings I’ve had include ‘avoid heavy drinking at work events’ and talk about professional standards at dinners/cocktail receptions. In looking back I also cringe over the early career mistakes I made – someone would do him a kindness to explain company norms in a matter of fact way. Some of my gaffes that come to mind – if the company offered 5pm yoga of course that meant I should shut down at 4:30 to change and do yoga in the conference rooms instead of finishing up a project! Sorry I was late to that 8am/1pm meeting the line for coffee/lunch was nuts! I also once had to tell a supervisor I’d be late because I got off the train and realized I’d left my laptop at home as I was finishing up some work at home the night before. Oops. Managing my own early career new hires has made me want to buy all my old supervisors a drink and send them a sincere thank you note!
InHouse Anon
+1 to all this. So many early career gaffes in my first job out of law school (nyc biglaw) partly because, I think, my pre-great recession internships were heavily focused on the law firm-sponsored partying and not so much on work. I really appreciated the senior associates and partners who gently pointed out norms (e.g., just because you’re authorized to bill a client $25 for late-night dinner doesn’t mean you should spend that much! Rainmaker partners can get as drunk as they want at work events; associates cannot!). It all sounds super obvious now, but 25yr old me was embarrassingly clueless, even though I *wanted* to work hard and be a good employee.
Anonymous
Lolz you’re just getting old. New hires were doing all that 20 years ago
Anon
20 years ago everyone was drunk. Now, that isn’t the case. You never want your drinking to be noteable in any group.
Anonymous
I mean I started working 20 years ago. Not everyone was drunk. Sometimes new grads drank too much. They were told not to.
Anon
This is so true.
15+ years ago I started at a government agency right out of college with a bunch of other college grads (it was a 2 year new grad program) and the agency ended up canceling holiday parties forever after how raucous the one my first year there got. That’s not to mention all the not-work-sponsored happy hours and house parties. I think I saw every non-supervisor blackout drunk at some point in my first 6 months. This was also typical of my internships in law school as well — I summered at a very hard-drinking government agency and the lawyers drank right alongside the interns.
anon
LOL, yeah, this definitely sounds like new employee growing pains
anon
Ha! That could also be the problem, it’s why I wanted a reality check here. Maybe my first boss was thinking “Wow, Anon really needs to get it together. Kids these days.” But to be fair I don’t remember having to go home midday because I was hungover puking at the office…
Anon @ 10:30
I definitely remember being hung over and running to puke in the office bathroom and my internship supervisor — who was equally hung over — telling me to go find a quiet corner to nap because that’s what he’s going to do in his office — and then taking me out for hangover food over lunch. We went to court right after, where he realized that he forgot to put on socks.
Vicky Austin
Anecdata: my sister is a Corona Grad (TM) who was even hired pretty much directly out of school, and I’ve noticed the drinking thing a bit with her. (I have not said anything yet; maybe I should.) Perhaps these post-pandemic grads weren’t treated to the usual campus career fairs and seminars on professional etiquette that I was?
I was also in a Greek society (professional, not social) that had rules about drinking while wearing letters, etc, and I learned from the older members that this rule was partially to instill in you the habit of not overindulging at work events. Maybe that kind of social knowledge is also missing for pandemic college kids.
Anon
Nah, early 20-somethings have always behaved this was. Doesn’t have anything to do with the pandemic. Even Plato complained about kids these days!
Anonymous
New grads over-indulging is not new. Thinking back on 20-something me and my behavior makes me cringe – falling asleep in a file room while nursing a hangover, etc. I am amazed I’ve made it this far.
Anonymous
I think the issue is that some of the more senior employees actually care about the drinking now. In the past the old folks were partying just as hard or harder.
anon
Just like kids in schools, I’ve noticed that the during the pandemic starts did not progress and learn as much as others. In some ways, most of our pandemic starts are roughly at the same place developmentally whether they started in 2020 or 2021. Now that we are back in the office, everyone seems a lot more back to normal in training, learning, etc. The other aspect we’ve noticed is that we are getting a cohort where we are their first jobs – e.g., no on campus jobs, no summer jobs, etc. – where just a lot of learning on how to be in the workplace happened.
Anon
I’m an Old and I remember drinking too much at corporate functions when I was an entry level hire. Part of it was not knowing work etiquette and part of it was not knowing how to handle my alcohol. Drinking in college in my crowd was never about maintaining a pleasant buzz, it was a competitive exercise in who could get the most drunk.
Fortunately my drinking too much moments mostly led to me dancing a lot – my first employer always had a dance floor at their parties – and remembering who I danced with and how I danced with them the next morning always embarrassed the heck out of me. Now that I’m older and wiser I now realize it wasn’t just me, and that those senior male managers shouldn’t have had their hands all over me.
It would have been a kindness if someone senior to me, preferably a female manager, had taken me aside after the first party and had given me some kind advice on how to pace myself at a work function. Instead, I had to figure it out the hard way.
I still like to dance at parties by the way, but I try to do it sober now.
Anon
Ooof I just tried on a bridesmaids dress I have to wear in a few weeks and I’ve put on a few pounds lately and it doesn’t quite zipper. Wedding is in 2 weeks. What can I do do drop a few pounds in time?
Clementine
Avoid salt. Drink a lot of water. Focus on protein and vegetables. And honestly… at this point buy some high velocity shape wear and trust that it will be fine.
Vicky Austin
It might just be your cycle.
Anonymous
No alcohol. Lots of water. Order spanx now in a variety of styles.
Anonymous
If you are going shapewear, definitely try multiple styles. I find it often just moves things around and makes the garment not fit in a new area.
anon
Does the dress have any allowance for a quick alteration?
Mouse
A tailor can do wonders – especially if it’s just a few pounds change. Also you want to be comfortable during the wedding!
anon
+1. I cannot with the recommendations to basically starve yourself for a few weeks.
Anon
I would normally do this but I’m traveling for work this week and next so I don’t have the chance to take this to a tailor between now and then…
And, this dress being tight means that all of my normal clothes are also too tight so losing some weight would be beneficial.
Anon
That’s not entirely fair. Many of the recommendations are to skip out on heavy, processed, salty foods, which cause bloating. Water and clean eating take care of that in short order.
Anonymous
Even if you want to lose weight, 2 weeks isn’t enough time for anything more than a small de-bloat from giving up salt/sugar/alcohol. If your dress won’t zip that won’t do it.
Anonymous
Get to the tailor right now.
Sunshine
Lots of cardio and eating a plant-based diet. No alcohol or treats. You can do this for two weeks.
Anon
I mean, basically just don’t eat (much) until then. And definitely avoid salt.
Wallflower
Um, don’t do this. Eat like a normal person and go to a tailor
Carla
Ah my dress fits but its snugger than I would like – so we can be bridesmaids cleanse buddies on this. My plan is cardio and trying to eat healthier.
Grace
I take epsom salt baths once in awhile to reduce painful bloating (chronic stomach issues). That may be an option (obviously make sure you’re hydrated) as the baths can be dehydrating.
Anon
Eat low carb, buy some spanx, and steam the dress. Steaming can allow it to stretch out. Same with wearing it around your house.
Anonymous
IME when a dress doesn’t zip it’s beyond shapewear because it’s too tight around the ribcage or bust, and it’s also beyond hope that simply de-bloating will fix it. Get thee to the tailor, stat.
Anonymous
two pairs of Spanx that cover whatever area needs sucking in. that’s what lots of female stars reportedly do for the Oscars, etc.
Anon
Im going on my first work trip (to a conference) in years this week! I’ll be attending the conference alone and other friends in my industry but not at my company are also not attending.
Any packing tips? Tips for the conference itself? I know to wear layers/expect it to be freezing but that’s all I know! Attire is more casual than Im used to – no blazers needed!
Anon
I’d still bring blazers for the layering reason. Wear them with more casual pants.
Bonnie Kate
Your excitement makes me happy :) I have a conference this week and two more in early October that I’m very :s about so I’m going to try and channel some of your good vibes!
-Make sure you’re wearing comfortable shoes. Like REALLY comfortable shoes. My industry is casual; I can wear cute sneakers and remind myself constantly that I should wear cute sneakers otherwise halfway through the conference I’ll be plotting how I should sneak out and go and buy sneakers. Booties also work. They really should be flats.
-Make sure you have a lightweight bag big enough to stuff some papers (or your layers) in. Everyone is always looking for a bag at conferences; take an easy to carry tote. Some of the bigger conferences provide conference totes with registration which are fine, but I like to have my regular leather tote handy.
-But don’t put too much stuff in the bag, because you’re carrying it with you all day long. Be choosy about what literature you take from exhibits; ask them to email it to you instead of carrying it. At my last big conference I refused all literature, gave my card and told everyone to just email me since it was 2019 and I will never look at the piece of literature you just handed me. I said it nicer obvi, but it’s so much lighter to walk away with less paper.
-You’re allowed to take sit down breaks and not be engaged constantly. IDK why but it took me several years to figure this out.
-For my casual AF industry, (seriously casual: over half of the guys will be in hoodies and jeans and baseball caps) my conference uniform when I’m not presenting is dark wash jeans + company sleeveless polo that fits me well + company jacket with pockets + sneakers. Or white jeans + company polo + jean jacket with pockets + sneakers. I’ve also done a midi black dress + jean jacket. If you’re good at wearing white jeans, they are my conference MVP over the years.
Vicky Austin
My wonderful MIL just announced that plans for the biannual family beach vacay are Gulf Shores, AL this year. For my husband and me, that means connecting through DFW. We’ve never flown through there – we’d be coming from a smaller Texas city. Is anyone a resident expert who can tell me if newbies can make a 40 minute connection in DFW?
Anon
DFW is big and planes are often delayed. I would plan for at least an hour.
Vicky Austin
That’s what I was afraid of. Thank you!!
NYNY
Flew AA connecting in DFW last week and had to go from terminal A to terminal C, which took 20 minutes. Also, the hallways at DFW feel really narrow and crowded, with gates and shops infringing on space to get to your gate. If you have to go through DFW, I would budget over an hour to connect.
Anon
Are you flying United? My experience with that carrier is that United = delays.
Vicky Austin
Possibly; United is one of the few airlines available out of our city. I’m thinking we might drive to DFW instead and get a direct flight.
Sunflower
I’d do that. I’ve been stuck at DFW for 7+ hours when connections were canceled.
Anon
If you are flying UA you will connect at IAH not DFW. DFW is a AA hub, IAH is UA. If you are flying from a smaller TX city into DFW you will likely be on a regional jet and land I Terminal B ( possibly E). Your connection should be to a mainline flight and leave likely leave from A or C. Both would be a 10-15 minute trek via the Skylink. Boarding starts 30 minutes prior to departure. 40 minutes is doable if all goes well, but not optional. The minimum connection time according to AA is 30 minutes, but that is unrealistic.
Cat
+1, this is in theory doable if everything goes perfectly, but I don’t like to travel for leisure that way!
Anon
Agree with all of this.
Vicky Austin
This is the kind of detail I was hoping to find from someone! Thanks Anon. Whichever airline we go with, I do think we’ll drive to that hub rather than risk a dicey connection. Thank you all for the advice/shared experience.
DeepSouth
I have had 7 American Airline flights in the last year and my bags have arrived on ZERO of them. Never once to my destination or home. If you’re flying with little people, prepare for this hassle.
NYCer
I would guess United connects through Houston not Dallas. Either way, 40 minutes is a doable, but very tight connection. I would prefer longer.
Anonymous
Honestly I would never plan a 40 minute connection even in a small airport I knew well.
Anon
Definitely not. I just flew from Dallas to NYC. Flight was delayed and had to switch gates. The gates were not close by. Flights are getting delayed constantly these days. I wouldn’t risk it personally.
Mouse
DFW airport is LARGE. Would definitely plan for longer connection.
Anon
Sure, if you were a high school track star who still has it and you have great travel karma. Otherwise, bad idea.
Also, you are pregnant? If you are traveling when pregnant, allow more time – you might not walk as fast, want to be jammed into a train, be jostled, etc. You may want to pee in the bigger airport bathroom stalls, rather than holding it and using the tiny airplane bathrooms. You may need to stop for a snack. If your kid will be here by then, there’s also the headaches of toting an infant and baby gear.
anon
I still suspect that my PR for a half mile was between terminals at DFW at 11pm in three inch heels. 40 minutes can be done, but it is a lot of stress and sometime requires making it a break for it.
Anon
Assuming this is next spring/summer, you’ll also be traveling with a baby ( congrats!) and that always slows travel down (and there will be more to carry – will you have to travel with and check or gate check a stroller or a car seat?)
Anon
In my experience planes usually arrive early and most connections are in the same terminal. Could be tight if you need to like change a diaper, but 40 minutes is plenty of time for me solo.
Anon
Don’t risk it with a short connection. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been stuck in Denver or O’Hare. Give yourself 1-2 hours between flights and have a nice lunch at the connecting airport if everything is on time.
Anonymous
I was attacked by a neighbors dog yesterday. I was just on a walk at about 5pm. Huge dog that looked like a st.Bernard. It bit me several times but not hard enough to tear my sweatshirt. It knocked me to the ground. And I’m pretty scraped up on my knees and elbows (I can’t tell if the scrape on my elbow is from the dog or the pavement so my husband cleaned it extra good.) Another neighbor and her kids witnessed it and said she was texting the women who owns them that the dogs were out and knocked someone over.
My husband talked to his friend who is a police officer he said the police won’t do anything, except ask that the dog has a muzzle going forward. (These people can’t manage to keep the dogs in their yard I’m sure they won’t do that.) I know from stalking local real estate that the dog’s owners are selling their house and that they are apparently huge post 2020 trump fans. This makes me think they are neither reasonable nor compassionate and not worth talking to. I’m pretty sure asking them nicely to not be horrible and control their horrible dog is a waste of time.
Going forward, what is a reasonable way to defend myself from aggressive dogs? I don’t want to give up my daily walks and but I don’t feel safe at this point. Does pepper spray work on a dog?
Also just want to vent that why do people keep dangerous animals like this? There is no need to have dogs that are this big and this aggressive if you can’t even manage to keep them tied up.
Anon
I’m sorry that this happened to you. Those people seem irresponsible.
I have a dog that is big and generally fine. A couple of dogs he barks and lunges at. I keep him under control especially when I see those dogs and he is only outside on a leash. It sounds like this dog was out unleashed and unattended which is illegal in my city once they are off your property.
Anonymous
Thanks! I wasn’t walking with another dog, I was just on the street and it just attacked me.
It’s clearly a dangerous animal, I’m sure your dog is fine. Im so frustrated that I’m apparently without recourse here.
Anonymous
Absolutely not. Call the police and report it. Do not even consider pepper spraying a dog. It’s not the dogs fault don’t be cruel because you don’t want to deal with people. Honestly pepper spraying a dog is a great way to get shot.
anonyomous
This is deranged. Cruel to the dog??? At the point that it’s knocked you to the ground and is viciously biting you and (most likely) trying to kill you, you’re permitted to defend yourself without regard to whether it’s “cruel”.
Are you one of the people who thinks the increase in murders, r*pes, and other violent crimes nationwide is acceptable because the criminal justice system is “cruel”???
As to OP, yes, pepper sprays, bear sprays, and others work against dogs. (By the way, if it matters, which it doesn’t, the cause no permanent damage and are in no way “cruel”.) POM OC spray is what I would recommend. My advice would be to use a true “spray” rather than a gel or similar. You also need to be prepared to hit the dog as soon as it’s approaching. If you wait until it’s *actually* violent, it may be too late.
You say that the dog is big, but I would also note for the others on the board that human’s size is usually our best defense against vicious dogs. If you can’t escape (and keep in mind you cannot outrun a dog), experts recommend using your size and weight on top of the dog while strangling, to the point of death or unconsciousness, if possible. Worst case scenario (i.e., the dog is likely to kill you or permanently maim you or someone else), stick your arm down its throat. It will shred your arm, but the dog can only bite one thing at a time, and it will spare your (or someone else’s) throat, face, etc.
roxie
this is way out of line. Defending yourself against an aggressive dog in the moment is not cruel.
Anon
This. People in my city have been killed by adults. Adults even. I wouldn’t worry about the dog if one attacked me to the point of biting me and knocking me down. I’d worry about ME.
EM
You are right to file a police report. An elderly friend of mine was attacked by a loose dog & the bite it gave her broke the skin – forcing her to go to the hospital for stitches & antibiotics. Check if your local municipality has some kind of animal services/control and be sure to report the dog and owners to them as well. It’s one thing for an adult to be knocked down, etc. but for children or elderly they could suffer worse consequences than you have. Even if they’re moving, it sounds like their dog will be a menace until they leave.
In future, consider walking with something that your local jurisdiction would allow you to use against a dog.
Anon
It is the dog’s fault if they run up to you and bite you! I don’t see how you’d have time to “deal with people” in the seconds when the dog starts to attack. It’s not like you can ask it to hold on while you have a chat with its owner… and if the owner is there presumably they’d be stopping the dog, not at the ready with a gun to shot the victim.
Anonymous
The comment about dealing with people is about the OP’s refusal to just go speak to the owners about keeping the dog contained, which is the best solution for her safety and the dog’s. Jeez.
Op
I’m not going into the yard with a dog that has attacked me already. Talking to maniacs who keep violent dogs won’t guarantee I won’t get attacked again. You’re acting like I want to spray a jumpy jack russell or something, not a dog that’s is bigger than me and attacking and biting me for no reason. Honestly I hope you’re never attacked by a giant violent animal but please understand they are more cruel than the humans walking down the street.
Anonforthis
This comment is abolute nonsense (Your safety is more important than the dog’s!)
I’ve pepper-sprayed a dog before because I was in fear of my life. I have NO qualms whatsoever about any damage to the dog. My safety was more important. Pepper spray allowed me to get away. I’m so glad I had it with me.
If the dog is running around loose and attacks a human, then pepper spray does work.
I had to spray the dog several times for it to take affect. So don’t wait. Keep spraying until the dog backs off.
Anon
No advice but I am so sorry that happened to you! That must have been really scary and I am glad you were not more seriously injured. I hope that you can get some good advice from dog owners.
NYCer
I am sorry this happened to you, it must have been very scary. That being said, why don’t you try talking to the neighbors first vs. assuming that they won’t be reasonable just because they are Trump fans? Based solely on what you wrote, it does not sound like they intentionally let their dogs out of their yard. They could be horrified that their dogs attacked a neighbor. And you absolutely should not pepper spray their dog!
Anonymous
Im not going to pepper spray it unless it attacks me again, obviously. I’m not understanding why that I cruel. Is the protocol to just let a dog continue to bite you? That can’t be right. Im ina lot of pain right now and the dog is fine.
But why would a trump person care? Honestly, they relish cruelty and suffering.
Anon
I agree with this. Just because someone is unreasonable when it comes to politics doesn’t mean they are unreasonable in every other way.
Anonymous
You can get a citronella spray repellent, which is more humane to the dog (this is the owner’s fault, not the dog’s) and won’t disable you if the wind blows it back at you, which is the same concern you should have with using pepper spray on a human.
Anon
I would still speak to them and consider filing a police report. It’s not just about getting them to do something; it’s about creating a record to prove that they were aware of their dog’s violent tendencies.
Docs
+1
absolutely always file a police report and always talk to the neighbor.
way too many assumptions here.
anon
Yes. Even if these people lack compassion they may not lack self-interest. Now that their dog has a bite history they’re more likely to be found liable if it injures someone else and more likely to have their dog taken from them and put down if it attacks someone else. I’d expect this to incentivize most reasonable people to do something unless the are utter m0rons without an ounce of decency.
Op
These people are pro insurrection and seem to think the 2020 election was stolen to the point where they prominently display this paraphernalia in their home. I’m not counting on their intelligence or decency. They think rules are for other people.
Anon
Their homeowners insurance may beg to differ.
No Face
I had the same thought. Make the report to create a record, but don’t expect the police to “do” anything to help you.
Anon8
Definitely don’t use pepper spray. A personal alarm type device is probably your best bet. Something that makes a noise to startle the dog but does not harm them.
FormerlyPhilly
Call your town/city public health department and speak with the public health officer. And then email them a copy of what your phone call was about. And walk into the local police department and ask for a report to be filed. Don’t let them turn you away.
Start the paper trail. While it may not be helpful to you, it may be helpful to the next person who gets mauled by that dog when their lawyer does discovery. Happened to a family member.
You also want to speak with public health officer because of the issue of rabies or other infectious disease.
Document, document, document.
And I’m sorry this happened to you. So frightening. And enraging.
Pepper spray can make the dog more aggressive so I wouldn’t use it. I carry a stick and simulate catch while I can seek refuge as quickly as possible.
Anonymous
Did the dog puncture your skin?
I’ve unfortunately owned an aggressive dog before and when there is a puncture wound, it is automatically reported by the doc that stitches you up.
If the dog did not break the skin and is as big as a St. Bernard, then it isnt an “attack” so much as “an out of control/ poorly behaved large dog.”
*of course* that never should have happened to you. And of course the owner should apologize etc. but the line for what the police or animal control can do is going to be different based on the injury.
FWIW I would absolutely still report it. But do so thinking about your desired outcome. An apology? Getting the dog put down? Financial remediation? Protecting other neighbors?
Separately, you are pretty obnoxious for assuming someone can’t be a decent human and also support a particular political candidate. there are crappy dog owners of all political backgrounds out there.
Anonymous
Why did you own a violent dog and did you feel remorse when it harmed others? Did you think it was ok unless it bit you?
Anonymous
That was me. We adopted a dog that was impossible to train and aggression issues that we were unaware of at the time of adoption. We ultimately had the dog euthanized, but thanks for assuming we were irresponsible.
We learned a lot of lessons along the way about how this all works that I was sharing with OP.
Anonymous
Oh- and you should walk with a walking stick. It was a tip from our old dog walker. If a large dog comes at you, you can put the stick between you and the dog. Dog usually ends up biting on the stick.
Anon
Pepper spray is bear spray, but that would be a cruel thing to do to a dog that isn’t a threat to your life. I get that this was a scary and unsettling thing to happen to you. But I’m not sure if you can do much about it, it’s just one of those unfair things that happens in life. Sounds like hopefully those neighbors will move soon!
Anon
Dogs can kill people. If a large, aggressive dog lunges for you how is that not a threat to your life?
roxie
Surprised at the multiple responses here that you shouldn’t pepper spray a dog that is attacking you.
I like dogs a lot but they aren’t more important than my personal safety while one is harming me! JFC.
Bonnie Kate
+1 totally agree.
Anon
Did the dog bite aggressively or did it just knock you down in excitement? I think which case defines your reaction. Knock you down in excitement – talk to the owners about confining their dog. Bit you aggressively – file a police report and talk to the owners (after filing the police report) and carry pepper spray. I can’t understand people here saying “it’s not the dog’s fault it’s aggressive don’t spray it” – what is she supposed to do just let it kill her because it’s not malicious just violent?
Anon
Agreed. An off-leash dog attacked my smaller dog. She required four surgeries and my husband ended up at urgent care. We 100% walk with pepper spray now and will definitely use it.
Op
Im maybe not conveying this right but it but it ran up to me barking and bit me several times. Im still not sure it broke the skin because it didn’t break my shirt but my elbow is all scraped up. It then jumped up on me and was much bigger than me. It knocked me to the ground where I tried to just stay until I could scurry away. Im pretty bruised and scraped up.
Part of me thinks a dog that big and aggressive *could* have done much worse so I should be happy. But It was also an unacceptable amount of violence from an animal and I think it is too dangerous to have walking around preying on people.
I can’t really confront the neighbors without going into their yard and risking another attack. I’m not sure that all trump fans are prone to violence but being a trump fan plus keeping violent dogs? That’s a confrontation id like to avoid and I think I’m reasonable in that assumption. These are not kind-hearted people who just happen to have a violent large dog that they just happen to let roam the neighborhood.
I’d really like the dog to be put down.I can’t image what it would do to a child or why it should be out and attacking people. It seems like that’s not an option so I just want to be sure that if/when it happens again I am prepared to walk away in better shape than the dog.
pugsnbourbon
Try to get to an urgent care today so you have a medical record. Take photos of the injury and file a police report. I trust you that your neighbors are unreasonable. I hope they move soon. In the meantime I agree with carrying a large stick. I feel like I’d fumble too much with pepper spray or end up macing myself.
Bonnie Kate
Urgent care + at the very least, you need to file a police report. That is your recourse. That is your paper trail. The police should visit the neighbors and talk to them about what happened. Nobody wants police at their doorstep, so at least that is some kind of wake up/notification to the neighbors. And even if it’s not, your attack is on record and maybe it would be used as a piece of evidence to eventually put the dog down/remove from the neighbors care/etc.
Anonymous
You want the dog to be put down? Insane. You’re the person. At least try calling the police and animal control.
Anon
I am an enormous animal lover and often think animals are better than people. That said, I would not hesitate to pepper spray any animal that was attacking and biting me.
Some of you have a screw loose.
Anon
Agreed! I was shocked at the people saying it’s cruel to spray a dog who is actively attacking. Are you supposed to just get mauled?
Anon
GET A RABIES TEST NOW
Anon
You raise a good point that these people may not have their dog rabies vaccinated. That’s terrifying to think about.
pugsnbourbon
Unfortunately there’s no test for exposure. When you go to urgent care, they will be able to tell you if you should start the shots or not. That should also trigger animal control/police to visit the neighbors and get vaccination records.
Anon
I hope by now you have gone to the ER and had a doctor help you figure out if you need rabies shots and/or rabies immunoglobulin or not. This is the NUMBER ONE most important thing you need to do RIGHT NOW. Rabies has essentially a 100% fatality rate. If you get rabies you will die. You have a limited amount of time to figure this out. Once you have symptoms of rabies, it’s too late. You just die.
Depending on your state, if the dog bit you and is unvaccinated, animal control will take custody of the animal and monitor it for rabies for 10 days. Sometimes they have to put the animal down and test it for rabies instead.
This is serious stuff. Contact the authorities and get some help.
Anonymous
I’m really sorry this happened to you. It must have been very scary. I’m a first time dog owner of a 25 lb dog who can be nervous and I know he can appear scary when he barks/lunges.
One other thing you could consider is carrying a baggie of dog treats. If a dog comes running at you, throw them on the ground (scatter them). The dog will generally go for the food, unless it is really aggressive. I’m not dismissing the severity of your injuries (and would go to your doctor/urgent care), but if a big dog bit you aggressively, you would know and have needed stitches. I expect the dog is poorly trained and so the food would probably work.
An umbrella that you can pop open can also create a barrier between you and the dog. I would prefer that to a walking stick, which I think a dog would easily get around.
Anon
Is this a new thing? Several kids of people I know are seating college in the spring semester vs now and this has happened for a couple of years now. At first, I want sure what to make of it: a way to keep slots filled for kids who drop out? A way to keep their second chooses engaged? IDK if you are supposed to work or do a fancy gap year (there is a mix of Semester at Sea and taking classes at an overseas campus or interning and relying on AP credits to not fall behind; one is working at NOLs and one is working on trails in Colorado). Maybe there just isn’t enough dorm space?
From this site, I’m a bit suspicious that the reason it is done favors the college and not necessarily the student. Curious about what the real answers may be.
anon
I would assume the students wanted a break after HS and chose to start college later. Like a gap semester, rather than a gap year.
Anon
Your post makes no sense, but I think you’re asking about spring semester admissions? This is all about balancing enrollment and housing numbers to make optimal use of resources. Lots of students need an extra fall semester to graduate, drop out after one semester, or study abroad in the spring. Which of these is most common depends on the demographics of the school, but there’s nothing nefarious about it.
Anon
Are spring semester admissions a thing for freshman now? I totally get it for transfers in other years but it seems that so much of the freshman year experience is fall-based that at the sort of schools this blog goes to I wouldn’t expect to see it (vs community college or local state U with generous admissions taking kids who didn’t graduate until summer or fall from high school).
Anon
They’ve always been a thing. My little brother started in spring because he didn’t get in, did community college for one semester, and then was accepted for spring to the campus he wanted. Most people go in the fall for obvious reasons though.
No Face
This was a thing at my expensive private university. They had their own program and orientation. I always vaguely thought it was for people taken off the waitlist, but I may have made that up.
Anon
I started college 10ish years ago and knew a few spring admits. It felt kind of like a longer waitlist. I believe the ones I knew just lived at home and worked until they started school. The ones I knew adjusted socially very well, but I personally can’t imagine choosing it.
I went to a selective school that also has a reputation for being very fun so I guess they wanted to go to our school badly enough that they were fine with waiting?
I believe they both took summer classes to catch up academically to graduate on time.
Anonymous
The answer is usually dorm space. It’s just hard for a lot of schools to house people. More people tend to be abroad in spring so it frees up some space. Schools would rather take someone in spring than reject them totally if they can. It’s not some sort of weird conspiracy.
Anonymous
This has been a thing for years. I was offered a spring semester start for law school a decade ago.
anonshmanon
another reason is that students may have been admitted for fall semester but were not keen on enrolling for purely online learning, or had to postpone for life/pandemic reasons. Some schools offered deferred enrollment for these situations.
Anonymous
Are you talking about colleges offering spots to fall applicants for spring, or students deferring a semester?
Anon
I went to college in 1982. During the fall semester several of the students in my dorm wing ended up dropping out and moving back home. When spring semester started, those spots were all filled by new students who weren’t admitted for the fall. This has literally been happening forever.
Seventh Sister
I don’t know if it works anymore, but I think it’s also a rankings thing. Our local private university is very, very ambitious about its rankings but also offers free tuition to the children of full-time employees. Some of the employee’s children are OK but not standout students, and the university knows there will be some attrition, so offering spring admission to those kids makes for happy employees, happy kids of employees, and high rankings. Unethical? Maybe, but it’s hardly the least ethical thing this university has done in recent years.
Anon
The reported stats are generally based upon first year, fall semester students. Colleges and universities like to offer second semester admission because it allows them to fill the inevitable empty slots caused by attrition without weakening their rankings.
anon
It was a glorious 52 degrees this morning, and I found myself very jealous of my kids, who left the house wearing hoodies and shorts. That is living your best late-summer life, man. I wish office-appropriate hoodies were a thing, lol. I suppose the sweater blazer is the next-best option, but it’s NOT THE SAME.
Anon.
It’s hoody and shorts weather here, too, aka the Midwest uniform. Yay!
Anon
Hoody and shorts weather is the actual best.
Mouse
Oh man, this is hilarious to me, as here in TX 52 degrees is winter, and we’re happy to wear something BESIDES shorts. ;)
anon
I mean, it’s still going to get into the mid-80s this afternoon, so it’s a very temporary state of being. But this morning, the air was crisp, cool, and perfect!
Vicky Austin
As a former Midwestern transplant turned Texas transplant, I was hoody-and-shortsing it when it was 79 this weekend!
Vicky Austin
Gah, mod.
As a former Midwestern tr*nsplant turned Texas tr*nsplant, I was hoody-and-shortsing it when it was 79 this past weekend. Give me fall!
No Face
My office is casual, so nice office sweatshirt is actually on my shopping list.
anon
I would assume the students wanted a break after HS and chose to start college later. Like a gap semester, rather than a gap year.
anon for this
WWYD? I live in a quiet suburban neighborhood and work from home about 90% of the time. 9-10 months of the year, the weather is pleasant and I work on my front porch. We got new neighbors about a month ago who have two dogs. The dogs bark ALL DAY when their people leave. The dogs have deep loud barks, and our houses are only about 10 feet apart so it is extremely disruptive. I’m not talking about just when the mail comes, which would be understandable — they literally bark for hours on end.
The new neighbors seem very nice, and they acknowledged that sometimes the dogs bark a few weeks ago, but I don’t think they realize how bad it is. I’m having trouble coming up with a kind way to say that the dogs haven’t really adjusted and I’ve lost my peaceful front porch. Would appreciate thoughts on how best to phrase it, and if the dogs don’t improve soon, do I have any other options? Obviously I could call animal control but that’s an absolute last resort, and I don’t want to have to work inside because my neighbors have dogs.
Anon8
There are probably better ways to go about it, but I would try playing one of those high frequency anti-bark videos on YouT ube to see if that stops them from barking (not for a long time, but just a minute or two to see if they stop).
Anonymous
Do not do this. Literally the last thing helpful. So now you have animals upset and alone…and in pain…for what end? Better to talk with the neighbor who likely has no idea. They can then try to resolve. Things like frozen Kongs can help a lot with separation anxiety.
Anon
I’d be tempted to record the dogs and take the recording to the owners. No good owner wants their dogs barking all day, but it’s on them to find a solution.
FormerlyPhilly
Are the neighbors right next door?
Look into your neighborhood nuisance laws. Start keeping records of dates/times and audio recording. Bake them cookies and walk over and explain the issue in a neighborly way. If they don’t respond concerned, escalate. My sister and BIL years ago had the same situation and had to have their lawyer write a strongly worded letter, which they sent to the neighbor. The neighbor quickly got their dog on antianxiety meds which solved the issue.
You have rights too!
Anonymous
She literally has not told them once this is a problem!
Mouse
I would talk to them. If they’re considerate dog owners then they would want to know that they are barking all day! (I would!) Just a, hey, I work from home, and have noticed that your dogs like to bark all throughout the day. Is there any adjustments that could be made to help with this? I’d really appreciate it…etc. etc.
Anon
+1 – the solution to many problems is to talk to people
Anonymous
Yeah, this is the only appropriate way to start.
Of course you could walk over with a fake smile, a disingenuous and breezy message containing a veiled threat of legal action, and decoy cookies disguising your log of violations, indexed against the neighborhood nuisance rules and a thumb drive of recordings, but who wants to be that person? Or the one who started by calling authorities who might begin a process to take the dogs away?
Anon
Yes – before you escalate, give them a chance to fix it/work with you. You have to live next to them, and I’ve found people generally want to be kind and helpful, if you give them a chance to be kind and helpful.
anon
Agree with this. I used to worry about this after we adopted a new dog with separation anxiety. I knew that he barked for a bit when I left but I didn’t know how long it took him to stop or if he did. Fortunately I think he got over that pretty quickly, but I really worried that he barked all day. The only way I would have known is if a neighbor told me and I would have appreciated that.
Anon
Yes, I think the best approach to a good dog owner is something along the lines of “while you are gone your dog is very distraught and does not stop barking the whole time” and then note that you work from home so a non-barking environment is more than just a personal preference for you.
Vicky Austin
Same. My dog barked allllll day when left outside (was fine when inside). We had no idea until my neighbor who worked from home told us. As Senior Attorney would say, assume good intentions (at least until proven otherwise)!
pugsnbourbon
Yeah this is a different situation than the dog attack above.
Anonymous
Hi, I’m sure you’re not aware, but spot and fluffy are actually barking all day when you leave, thought you’d want to know.
Start there! See the response!
Anon
There are high-frequency devices that we can’t hear but dogs can that discourage barking. Check the river site. A friend used one a couple years ago with great results – just put it on their own porch and the frequency traveled to the neighbor’s yard and hushed the dog. (He called it a dinosaur egg – not sure if that helps your search.)
Anonymous
What the actual heck is wrong with people? No, you absolutely do NOT do this. You don’t put an animal in a constant state of distress. You be a grown up and tell the neighbors who probably have no idea.
How would you like high frequency ringing in your ears all day? What do you think that does to an animal, especially over time? And what do you think that does when the owner has no idea that you’ve done this and they are wondering why their animal is in a state of distress? Good way to get an animal to start biting or up its anxiety to a level the owner needs to put it down.
All because knocking on a door like a grown up is too awkward? Good grief. This board has some of the absolute worst advice sometimes.
Anon
1. Look up your local nuisance laws. If you are part of an HOA, see if there are any rules about pet noise.
2. Record the barking.
3. After doing these things, so you know exactly what your rights are, approach them. Say that the barking is disruptive to your work (leave out the porch part) and obviously the poor pups aren’t happy. If the blow you off, you have nuisance laws/HOA regs in your metaphorical back pocket – tell them that they are actually obligated to fix this. Otherwise, count on them to fix it however they see fit.
Anon
If they are gone they likely don’t know how bad it is, especially if the dogs don’t really bark much when they are home. As a dog owner, I would want to know this, both to be a good neighbor but also deal with any anxiety/ distress my dog is suffering! I would definitely politely say something because that is not good for anyone in this scenario! Hopefully they are responsible pet owners and neighbors and it gets sorted out.
Anonymous
Definitely talk to your neighbors first! A few years ago this happened to me – I have an incredibly quiet dog but she was getting anxious when we weren’t home and crying/barking. It was a new behavior (my work schedule had changed), and I had no idea because she never makes a sound when we were home and she had not done it in the past. My neighbor flagged it for me and I immediately started working on it with a trainer and solved the issue.
Anon
If the dogs are barking inside the house, Animal Control won’t do much. You’re better off negotiating with the neighbors but there’s not a lot they can do about their dogs barking inside the house when they’re not there.
I feel for you but it’s probably time to move your desk inside.
No Face
I would say “Hey, just so you know, your dogs are barking loudly most of the day. May be something for you to look into because they may need something.” Very possible that your neighbors have no idea. Leave out the porch.
Then, I would admit to myself that this situation is otherwise out of my control, get some noise canceling headphones, listen to pleasant music, and enjoy the beautiful weather working on my porch. Animal control and HOA enforcement is not going to actually quiet the dogs, so don’t waste your time and emotional energy.
Also, where you do you live?! I want 9-10 months of outdoor weather!!!
Anon
I have two dogs and if they were mine barking then I’d want you to come and tell me. I’d be mortified and make an effort to tire them out and leave them with activities, or arrange dog sitting, so my dogs weren’t unhappy and you weren’t bothered.
I would also care about you as my next door neighbor and want you to be happy.
Anon
Has anyone spent time in Puebla or Cuernavaca, Mexico? I’ve been to Mexico City several times and love it, so I was thinking of using it as a home base and doing a few shorter trips out to those two cities. Would love recommendations and thoughts!
Mrs. Jones
Cuernavaca is pretty and you must eat at Las Mananitas there.
Lily
Yes, been to both, albeit many years ago. Puebla is a very nice colonial city with lots of gorgeous architecture and lots of talavera tile/pottery (definitely leave room in your luggage to take some home, or have it shipped!) Also has great food (as does everywhere in Mexico but they have several delicious local specialties). It’s a 1.5-2 hour drive from Mexico City. I would take one of the first-class busses.
Cuernavaca is a popular vacation destination for people from D.F./central Mexico. It’s known for having year-round gorgeous weather (always in the 70s). It’s a pleasant place with lots of churches, museums, parks, etc. I’m sure it has some fabulous boutique hotels (probably fairly $$$).
Former Parisian
Read Under the Volcano by Malcom Lowry (a novel set in Cuernavaca and not too far from Puebla). I’ve been to Puebla (but not Cuernavaca); it has a delightful old town with interesting colonial buildings (a UNESCO heritage site), and it is pleasant/safe to just walk around. Overall it felt delightfully authentic and untouristy (as compared to CDMX). Don’t miss the Biblioteca Palafoxiana, the oldest library in the Americas. We stayed overnight in Cholula which is right next to Puebla and is home to a nice archeological site, which made for a pleasant morning out (although less impressive than, say Teotihuacan). Try the mole poblano in local restaurants. Our main reason for staying in Puebla/Cholula was to hike in the Itzo Popo area, although you can reach it just as easily from CDMX. The hikes are beautiful but strenuous given the significant altitude.
Anon Librarian
I have not visited Cuernavaca, but I did go to Puebla in January 2020 and liked it a lot. It is an easy bus ride from CDMX. The city has a lovely, small colonial historic center (the outside city sprawl is industrial and charmless, but you only see that from the back seat of your car service). One night is enough to get a good feel for the place. I was not in a rush, so I stayed a couple nights at Mesón Sacristía de la Compañía, which is on a short, charming street. (Note, however, that the block includes a karaoke bar, and I was amused rather than irritated to hear drunk tourists singing “Sex on Fire” while I was trying to get an early night’s sleep!) There is wonderful restaurant food everywhere, like El Mural de los Poblanos. At one restaurant (Fonda de Santa Clara?), I saw some tourists taking a cooking class, in case you are interested in that sort of thing. I really liked the Museo Amparo and Biblioteca Palafoxiana. I would recommend Puebla.
Shelle
Would you donate a clothing item that has been tailored to your body? I’m an extreme pair so I always take the waist in two sizes compared to the rear and hips. I’ve realized this pair of jeans is a size too small overall but they’re still almost brand new. Are these no good to anyone? Should I write a note on them that they’re not the size listed on the tag? TIA!
Anon
As a potential buyer, assuming you’re talking about selling on a resale site, I would definitely appreciate you mentioning the alterations. I received at least two extensively altered garments recently, which wasn’t noted in the description or obvious in the pictures, and had to ask for my money back because now an article of clothing I bought in a size I knew would fit me had no possibility of ever fitting me. One seller fought me and had to be ordered by the site to return my money. You don’t want that in your life. Disclose.
Anonymous
Donate.
Anonymous
Personally, I would not bother. Just as I don’t bother donating anything that is not in excellent condition. It really is okay just to discard the pants.
No Face
Donate to a thrift store that sells clothes in person. I mostly buy resale and try on clothes before I buy them. There are many brands, so sizing is bonkers anyway. I have literally bought S and XL shirts on the same day at a thrift store, lol. No need for a note.
Anon
Has anyone been to a Caribbean resort recently? I’m trying to plan a vacation and get sucked into reading poor reviews.I want to actually relax after a really hard few years. It’s so hard to tell because so many decent resorts went downhill since covid. I’d love some first hand accounts from a recent trip. Ideally I’m looking for an all inclusive, adults only resort that is a direct flight from NYC with a budget of $400 per night, maybe with some wiggle room there if it’s a great resort! I don’t want to pay a ton for a mediocre experience.
Anon
That’s not a big enough budget for a not mediocre experience.
Anon
I disagree; I’ve been to a half dozen AI resorts (including some very pricey ones that were more than $1k/night) and the best one by far was Live Aqua Cancun, and it looks like rooms there start around $450/night in low season. You can’t go dirt cheap (~$200) and have a good experience, but $400 is a big step up from the cheapest places.
Anon
That’s really not helpful anon at 11:02.
Anon
Yet it’s the same everyone else provided. It’s helpful to know that you can’t get what you’re looking for in a price range so you can adjust your ask, expectations or budget.
Anon
Just saying you’re budget is too low is not helpful. Obviously I’m not looking for a 5 star luxury resort. If you have nothing to offer within the budget then you have nothing to offer. Telling someone to just increase their budget is very out of touch and offensive.
JTM
My husband and I looked at every single resort in the Caribbean, and ultimately settled on the Hyatt Zilara in Montego Bay – hands down it was an excellent choice. The Zilara side of the property is adults-only, and the Ziva side includes families. It was nice to do things on the family side (restaurants, different activities) but then escape back to the adult side. Our room was gorgeous and we had a beautiful view of the pools & the ocean. Food was really good, drinks were well-made, and you could be as active as you wanted – my husband went scuba diving everyday while I lounged by the pool/on the beach. Highly recommend & planning to go back!
It is more than $400/night but they are constantly emailing me with sales so you might be able to snag it for cheaper.
Anon
I haven’t been to the Montego Bay one, but we were very underwhelmed by the Hyatt Ziva in Cancun. We paid over $800 and I didn’t feel like it was worth it at all.
Anonymous
That’s not a big enough budget for a great resort.
Lily
I strongly recommend an Excellence property. Excellence Playa Mujeres (north of Cancun) is the best all-inclusive I’ve ever been to. But you’ll need to up your budget if you want to go in the high season. I’m guessing you’ll want to budget at least $700/night plus flights.
Anon
Holiday Inn Resort, Montego Bay Jamaica. Had a blast. Not the fanciest, but I was thrilled. Lots of local folks and very chill vibe.
Cat
when are you going? if now / off season, I’d focus the search on Aruba as it’s far enough south to be out of the tropical storm belt.
Dr. The Original ...
On Friday, someone posted about trying to hire in higher ed and an anon commented that I am looking and said some really lovely things about me. I’m not sure who said either thing (and yes, I AM very much looking for something full-time). I just wanted to acknowledge it and own that I’ve been driving the struggle bus lately and discovering that really made and makes a huge difference. I am so grateful to be here, to have been here since almost Day 1, and to be in your lives. I know there’s often a disconnect between IRL and online but please know that your kind words make a difference every single time. I forget the tr0lls almost immediately but I remember the kindness for many years. <3
Jules
Love this. And I hope things improve for you soon.
Anon
<3 to you, too! And to all the long time posters who make this place worth coming back to. My employer just posted a position, which may or may not be a fit for you. Post a burner email if you want to chat informally (I am not involved with the hiring). https://jobs.lbl.gov/jobs/data-scientist-diversity-equity-inclusion-4997
Anon
I’m the one who suggested getting in touch with you! We met back in 2019 for ice cream when your pet died. Sorry I’ve been such a crappy email friend, and hugs to you on the struggle bus.
Anon
My sibling got their first DUI over the weekend, blowing a .24. I am not remotely surprised, as they have been drinking and driving for several years now despite repeated attempts to help them understand the potential consequences. I hope they get the book thrown at them….but they are also borderline, and [email protected], so my parents are trying to do everything they can to help including researching sober houses and an attorney to try to reduce any potential jail time/fines.
Since this board has so many lawyers, I thought I would ask – any guess on the outcome of these charges? What would happen if my parents pay for an attorney vs leaving it to a public defender? Also open to any advice on rehab for someone who has almost no income (sibling is late 20s but still lives with my parents and does not have a job).
Personally, I am also really struggling with the financial and mental strain sibling is placing on my parents. Which I know I need to speak to my therapist about. But it is incredibly hard to watch.
Anon
It will vary a lot by state (in my prior state, it was a motor vehicle offence with mandatory loss of license for a period of time, which got longer until the third DWI, which was a misdemeanor with IIRC mandatory jail time and loss of license. Some states are very different and some allow for job-driving but not other than job driving with a DWI revoked license. His/her car insurance will likely go through the roof.
Sister of an Addict/Criminal
depending on what state/first or only offense/etc., no books may be thrown. I’ve been in places with liberal tolerance for first strike, maybe a diversion program, probation, hefty fines. especially if sibling has other huge problems… Diverson Court might be best if this is their first time. But all in all it’s a wide-range.
this sounds more like it’s about you though, you’re right you gotta move on from your parents’ enabling, money spending, hand holding…
brokentoe
If you are a.24, diversion is NOT the right place for you. If you’re walking, talking and driving at that level, there is a serious alcohol tolerance and he needs, at minimum, a substance evaluation to determine what he is dealing with. As others have pointed out, there is a great deal of variation state to state, but he might also be subject to installing an ignition interlock device which will prevent him from operating a vehicle if he’s been drinking.
brokentoe
If you are a.24, diversion is NOT the right place for you. If you’re walking, talking and driving at that level, there is a serious alcohol tolerance and he needs, at minimum, a substance evaluation to determine what he is dealing with. As others have pointed out, there is a great deal of variation state to state, but he might also be subject to installing an ignition interlock device which will prevent him from operating a vehicle if he’s been drinking.
Also, because of the high BAC, the vast majority of high BAC offenders (pretty much anyone over a .15) in any state will also be subject to additional penalties or restrictions. So unless his lawyer gets the DUI charge pled down to something else (bad decision with that high of a BAC and the issues you’ve described), he would likely not be eligible for diversion (if available in your state) but also isn’t likely to go to jail.
Smokey
This is not directly responsive to your questions but I hope it helps. My son had a DUI eleven years ago, and I am certain it saved his life. We met with a lawyer we knew who sent him for a drug and alcohol evaluation, and told my son that to avoid jail time he needed to follow to the letter every recommendation that came out of the evaluation. From the evaluation, we learned that his drug and alcohol problems were far worse than his father and I imagined. My son was scared to death of going to jail so, per the recommendations from the evaluation, he went into rehab. He’s now been clean and sober for 11 years and is a changed person in every respect. Does he have health insurance that might cover the cost of rehab? Hopefully, the lawyer you find will truly care about helping your sibling, and not merely beating the charges. I also highly recommend Al-Anon or Families Anonymous for you and your parents.
Smokey
I also meant to wish good luck to you and your family. This is quite a lot to go through.
Sunshine
Also not responsive, but a similar story. My uncle was arrested for DWI. He was an alcoholic and drug addict. Spend a night in jail was the rock bottom point for him that caused him to get sober, which he was for the rest of his life. About five years after the incident, he contacted the officer who pulled him over to thank the officer for saving his life. I hope your brother has a similar experience and that this is the beginning of a new chapter for him.
anon
I heard this a lot when I was a newer prosecutor handling low level drug cases. That night in jail was a major wake up call for some people who turned their lives around as a result. Here in Philadelphia drug offenders are now just given tickets, and therefore they’re missing out on that life-saving wake-up call. I know it’s not the progressive thing to say, but sometimes jail really is the best option
Anon
What Smokey said. All of that. Your goal should be to get your brother to stop drinking.
My sibling went to rehab. There were also undiagnosed mental health issues, and dual-treatment rehab focused on getting dry and on therapy, medication, etc. I am not a psychologist and am NOT going to diagnose anyone, let alone over the internet, but will suggest that heavy alcohol use + suicidal + living at home warrants a mental health evaluation.
Your parents need to do Al-Anon to understand enabling versus helping.
Anon
Borderline personality disorder was already mentioned.
I don’t know if DBT for someone/everyone might be relevant.
Anon
The OP said “borderline, and suicidal,” which can mean anything from colloquially “borderline” to has an actual diagnosis, to everything in between (exhibits all symptoms, refuses to seek treatment).
I’m not trying to be a scold about this – what people think of as mental health issues and what are mental health issues are not perfect overlapping Venn diagrams. Armchair diagnoses aren’t cool – get a professional evaluation/ if the diagnosis has already been made, find a rehab facility that accommodates dual-diagnosis patients.
OP
Anon @ 2:26 was correct, sibling has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Should have made more clear. They have gone through many years of DBT, with limited change.
Lily
Ask your parents how they will feel when he kills someone (maybe a baby? maybe a pregnant woman? maybe an elderly person crossing the street?) next time he chooses to drink and drive. He’s making a choice to drink and then drive every time. They should let him hit rock bottom so he can get the help he needs. You clearly know all of this but perhaps putting it to them in stark terms will make a difference.
anon
Most states have diversion programs for first offenses. He will likely need to complete outpatient rehab and pay some fines, maybe some community service and a license suspension for a period of time (in my state that BAC would be a 60 day license suspension). PDs are generally very good though overworked, just like the ADAs. I would be extremely surprised if there were any jail time. Like, VERY shocked
Anon
I am in a strict state re: DUI and here, you get jail time no matter what, it is just about how many days you get. Job release is very common, so they may be able to get that (spend from like 6:00 pm to 6:00 am in jail, released to work and have to come back that night; and stay all weekend if weekends are included). A lawyer will be expensive, but probably worth it to get no jail time or reduced number of days.
Mrs. Jones
In our court, a first DUI sentence is generally: 1 day jail with credit for time served after arrest, 12 months probation, community service, fine, risk reduction program, victim impact panel, alcohol evaluation, and of course a license suspension, which can be modified to be able to drive to work and school.
A DUI or diversion court is a great option if they qualify.
Anonymous
Is that the going rate even with such a high BAC?
Anonymous
IANAL but I work with criminal defense attorneys. The #1 thing they all tell me is that clients need to show up and work with their attorneys. There is so much less that any attorney, no matter how well they are paid, can do for a client who doesn’t show up for the client interview and meets the attorney for the first time in court on the trial date. And so many clients just don’t show up.
Anonymous
Slap on the wrist.
My brother had multiple DUI’s in CT which is a state that is tough on drunk driving. He went to jail for 3 months after his 3rd (maybe 4th? I lost count and we are not close).
Anon
.24 is an incredibly high blow. I was a prosecutor and in the 2 years that my caseload included DWIs, I only saw a blow that high a handful of times. What they are looking at will depend a lot on the jurisdiction but an attorney will advise. Whether private or public defender is better also is jurisdictionally dependent — the public defenders where I worked were at least as good as private attorneys. The offers were pretty standard based on 1st/2nd/3rd offense, blow (above .17 was the highest level), whether there was a crash, etc. Most importantly, as I’m sure you realize, your sibling has a significant substance abuse problem and needs to be in rehab.
I’m sorry and good luck.
Anon
my kids have been back at school for a month, and i’ve had to ask to work from home on two days when i was supposed to be in the office because they’ve gotten me sick. i’m generally a reliable employee, i’ve been here for 6 years, but my boss is definitely into people being back in-person (though she knows i love wfh) and i don’t want to damage my reputation. am i overthinking this?
Allie
Being a parent just means having to miss work due to kids illness. It just does. There is no thinking/overthinking because there’s no changing it.
Anon
Yup.
anon
+1000. I did not realize this before I became a parent, although plenty of my co-workers would take days off for kids’ illnesses (pre-COVID) and no one ever blinked an eye about it. It is crummy but part of the deal.
No Face
Fact of life. I have way more colds now that I used to. I am lucky because I am in a workplace with many, many working parents so WFH when you get sick is ordinary. Basically, someone is always out of the office because they are sick or their kid is sick.
The politics are harder if you are the only working parent with young kids, especially if you are one of few women! If that is the case, be OVER responsive to emails and chats. Even if it is just a “received, I’ll have a substantive answer by EOB” email when you would ordinarily just send the substantive email later in the day.
Anonymous
Yes. What even is this? What’s the point of being dependable if you can’t work from home on two days.
Anon
What did you do when your kids were sick pre Covid?
Anon
Is there another parent in the picture? If so, can you trade off? My kids are older now but my husband and I did our best to make it 50/50 when they were little and catching every cold in preschool/elementary school.
It sucks but I agree with a prior commenter that it’s just part of the territory.
Anonymous
She can’t trade off for her own illness.
Anon
there is another parent in the picture and he is the one who took our daughter to urgent care yesterday, but somehow i am the one who ended up sick, probably bc i often end up sharing a bed with the sick kid and/or spending more time with sick kid on the weekend. i don’t really know how to control which one of us gets sick…
Cat
I think the issue is OP herself caught the bug, not being healthy but needing to WFH due to a kid staying home.
OP, I wouldn’t worry about it. No one wants people spreading germs around the office whether or not they’re Covid.
Anon
OP is getting sick herself, not just WFHing to stay with sick kids.
Anonymous
If you were sick yourself, as your boss I would be angry if you came in to the office to spread your germs. But I am that weird boss who encourages people to take sick time when they are sick.
Anonymous
I’d straight up address it with your boss. Be proactive. Nothing will change but s/he will know you’re aware and that really goes a long way.
Vicky Austin
I would say yes, because you asked to WFH rather than calling out completely. Assuming you do call out completely when you’re too sick to work, I wouldn’t think twice about it.
Anon
Does your boss really care if you wfh while sick? I think that is a different can than preferring people not wfh full time.
Anon
+1
OP
my boss is not as concerned about germs as many of us might be. she went on a cruise the second the ships were allowed to sail again during peak covid. but generally she isn’t a bad person. i’m just the only one with super young kids. the next youngest kid is mid elementary school and my other colleagues are childless or have kids in college
Anon
I know lots of people who were pretty blase about Covid who still don’t like getting sick. I wouldn’t assume she wants you to come into the office while sick just because she went on a cruise pre-Covid vaccine. I second the comment that a request for a full time WFH schedule, or even a full time hybrid schedule, is VERY different than mostly being in the office but staying home for occasional one-off things like illness or needing to meet a repairman.
Cat
+1 to this response, there’s a difference between “please don’t knowingly spread a germ around the office” and “I’m taking more of a risk than others on Covid.”
Anon
Yes, relax. You are still working, it’s only two days and no one wants germs in the office.
I know when an employee’s kid starts daycare or school that there will be a few months of near constant illnesses in the family and it settles over time. No one is doing anything on purpose and it’s a bonus if they can work from home.
anon
I’m in consulting and have an (older male) co-director on this project. We’re peers but I’m essentially doing all the work (the senior folks do know this and do value that) and my co-director engages in some weird gender stuff (e.g., I had my first incident where I teared up a bit and he basically said that I’ve learned how to manage men at work by crying on demand) but is basically trying really hard to treat me like a junior colleague who works for him (e.g., agreeing to take on a piece of work then calling me monday morning freaking out asking where it is and why it isn’t done).
our senior partners are broadly aware of this dynamic where he doesn’t do very much and I’m doing everything, and I’m being appropriately compensated for it. But they’re not aware that he’s been kind of a horrible person (e.g., I spend a night in the ER last week and when I got back he told me he felt I was slacking off while I was in the hospital- this is 100% not a normal way to behave in my workplace). I feel like the senior people should be aware of this but I’m not sure how to make them aware in a savvy way. help?
Anon
The solution is probably firm-specific. At my MBB, you should speak to the staffing manager and/or their central reviewer asap. This would not be tolerated. I’m less sure how this would work at a Big 4 or a boutique.
Anon
**Your central reviewer
No Face
I’m not a consultant, so take their advice on whether and how to discuss this with senior people.
My advice is to start documenting everything. So after you discuss him taking on a piece of work, send an email summarizing your conversation. “Confirming that in our conversation today, I will handle X, you will handle Y, and I am delegating Z to junior person. We will check back in on Monday re progress.” All verbal conversations get confirmed in writing, almost immediately. Concise and direct. He will not like it because he is using the lack of proof against you. That’s not your problem.
He says that you are manipulating men by crying on demand (?!!) “Your comment accusing me of ‘crying on demand” to manipulate men was highly inappropriate. Do not speak to me that way again.”
“Your comment that I was ‘slacking off’ when I was admitted to the ER was off base. As directors, our job is to promote our company culture, so we do not malign medical leave with each other or without our direct reports.”
At your review, regardless of how this shakes out, you should *really* take credit for everything you did on this project. When the next project comes around, advocate for being the sole director.
ANON
15 years in consulting. As long as the senior leaders know you are rocking it and the client is happy, would I ignore this person. Provide very basic levels of communication for the work you are doing to show that you are a “team player”, schedule a weekly touchpoint, and then be busy for all other asks from him. Nothing wrong with telling the senior partners in one of your regular meetings that he isn’t adding value and doesn’t improve the collaborative teaming culture.
Anon
Has anyone here dealt with a Bartholin’s cyst. I am really, really uncomfortable. I started noticing it Friday night and I can’t get in to be seen until tomorrow.
Anon
Yes it was bad, I’m sorry. I ended up having to have a marsupialization, which thankfully the office was able to do immediately. It resolved the issue permanently — before that it was coming and going for months. Doing sitz baths or just sitting in a partially filled warm bath provided some relief.
Anon
I am supposed to fly across the country tomorrow after my morning doc appointment. It’s the only business travel I’ve booked all year and it’s important to my business. Bad timing. Do you think it’s still feasible to go?
Anon
No experience with this condition, but just a tip for anyone who needs to travel with a painful condition that gets relief from heat: those stick on heat pads can be a life saver. In this case, the location could be a little awkward, but maybe you could leave the paper on so that they’re not sticky and just hold it between your legs periodically? If you put a jacket over your lap while on the plane you might be able to do it without looking super sketchy, or at least it could help when you’re alone or if you can figure out a way to stick it in your pants.
Anon
Yes, you can likely tough it out for a once-a-year event like this. Take some pain meds (may also help if you have or develop a fever). If the doctor does a procedure in the a.m. it will be minor – local anesthesia, and very fast relief of the pain from the cyst. Minimal bleeding, you’d be okay with a pad.
Anon @ 11:43
Sorry just checking back in now — hopefully you see this!
They can usually drain it at the doctor’s office, but I’ve heard that if you do that they tend to come back. But that should get you through your business trip at the very least.
anon
I think I had one (never went to doctor) a few months ago and I was on vacation and was really freaked out. It was so uncomfortable. What worked for me (it went away in like 2 days) was constant use of witch hazel pads, and warm/hot washcloth compresses several times a day. I’m assuming this made the cyst burst/heal.
Anon
Sit on a super, super (hot as you can stand it) washcloth periodically. I’ve had these a handful of times, and at least twice they’ve ruptured on their own with this method.
Vicky Austin
No experience with these cysts but for something like a sty in my eye, I always microwave the washcloth. It gets super hot and stays warmer for longer ime.
Anon
I had a recurring one. Like others said, a warm shower eventually made it burst. To get rid of it for good, you typically need an antibiotic ointment. I think I may have just tried Bacitracin though, and it worked for me.
makeup ?
I’m looking for recs as an alternative to the foundation I currently use, which is Revlon ColorStay. I really like it, but I want something sheerer that I can throw on on WFH days and weekends. I’m early 40s with combination skin that can be sensitive at times, and I’m looking for something that will even out my skin. I’ve tried Maybelline BB cream and it seems to settle into the lines/wrinkles on my face too much and then I tried Physician’s Formula CC cream but it made me break out. A drugstore option would be ideal because I hate to spend $$$ on a product and not like it.
Anon
L’Oréal true match
Anon
NARS Pure Radiant Tinted Moisturizer is the best, hands-down.
Anonymous
+1 to NARS
Smokey
I recommend Clinique Moisture Surge sheer tint hydrator, which is basically a tinted moisturizer. I also like the Clinique moisture surge CC cream. Not sure how the costs compare with what you’ve been using.
Anonymous
This is the opposite of drugstore, but Chantecaille Future Skin is unbelievably good.
NYCer
I like the True Skin Serum Foundation by Ilia Beauty.
NYCer
Oops, just read that you prefer a drugstore brand. No help there, sorry!
pugsnbourbon
I like the NYX Skin Veil. I have ruddy, oily, acne prone skin and it evens me out nicely.
Anon
I’m 44, use and like the Olay 7 in one tinted moisturizer.
anon
I really like the L’oreal age perfect radiant serum foundation or The ordinary serum foundation (at ulta, but super cheap)
Anonymous
I got my COVID booster yesterday and sharing side effects in case it’s helpful. I’ve had Pfizer now for all 4 shots.
#1: sore arm, #2: very bad 24 hours, body aches, chills, migraine, nearly passed out at one point, painfully swollen lymph nodes, #3: similar symptoms to #2 but not quite as bad, #4 (yesterday): minor body aches and chills for about 10 hours, minor headache. I was sort of dreading my booster yesterday after how bad my second and third shots were, but it was nowhere near as bad.
Anonymous
Agree, just got it and not nearly as bad as previous shots. I did have lymph node pain and overall achiness for 2 days though.
Anon
Agree. Updated Moderna booster: mild headache and draggy feeling from hours 14-20.
Pfizer #1: mild headache
Pfizer #2: bad headache, brain fog, fatigue most of hours 12-24
Moderna booster #3: minimal symptoms
AnonMom
Moderna #1: very sore arm, kinda icky for half the next day.
Moderna #2: really bad side effects for about a day and a half. High fever, very achy, thought it was actually COVID and not just side effects from the shot.
Moderna #3 (also got flu shot at the same time): unremarkable side effects, just an achy arm.
Pfizer bivalent booster (also got flu shot at the same time): a full day of being laid up in bed, but no arm pain. Nauseated, headache, fever, dizzy, body aches for a full 24 hours. Much better the second day.
Hollis
Have any ‘rettes been on a walking tour or food tour in Manhattan? I love both, but my experience being in NYC is that it’s hard to travel in a group anywhere. Then again, I love being able to learn more about a city and walking tours in other cities have really helped me enjoy a city beyond walking about aimlessly. If you have a specific tour to recommend, let me know.
Cat
have not done it myself but friends have recommended Secret Food Tours of NY and Foods of NY, both coincidentally also just recommended by a blog I read.
Anon
The AIA boat tours are supposed to be good!
CMS
I like Big Onion walking tours.
Anon
+1 Big Onion tours are excellent for history buffs!
anon
Would you interpret “all hiring must be complete by [date]” to mean that the company’s hiring decisions must be made by then? Or that the company’s hiring decisions plus the candidates’ acceptances/rejections must be made by then?
Anon
The latter.
Anon
As an aspiration nothing to do with reality.
Cat
lol +1000
Anon
The timeline could be real if there is a hiring freeze date for one reason or another, or if there is a restriction on use of funds that are supporting the position.