Wednesday’s TPS Report: Crepe Sheath Dress

139 Comments

1. That slit on the top is not office-appropriate. Speaking of appropriate, anyone else mildly irritated by stores’ use of Vets/Remembrance Day to sell stuff?

   1. Agreed on the slit. No, it doesn’t directly expose anything inappropriate, but it’s designed to draw attention to the chest and will create a lovely boob-porthole window the minute she leans forward. Too bad because I love a good boatneck and this is a pretty color.

      Also agreed on the “every holiday means a sale” obnoxiousness, but this one doesn’t irritate me more or less than any of the other commercialized holidays. I suppose I am inadvertently rewarding some retailers for the practice because I’ve been getting my Christmas shopping started during these promos, but I don’t really feel like I’m saving any more than “normal” – like, Macy’s has an add’l 20% off all the time, I refuse to buy anything at JCrew that’s not marked down by at least 25%, etc.

      1. I don’t have an issue with Christmas-related sales (except the 3AM Black Friday nonsense), because a lot of people are buying gifts for others around this time of year. But yeah, I agree that the whole “there’s a holiday this week, come buy our stuff!” sales are, in general, getting out of hand. It usually cheapens the holiday, and in the case of Memorial Day or Veterans Day, it seems downright disrespectful.

         That said, when one in need of new furniture or a new car, I don’t think one is gonna complain that there happens to be a good deal on the thing they want in association with a holiday.

   2. I think it’s lovely and would not create boob window.

   3. I feel like the slit would be fine (from a “boobage” perspective), for the less-endowed, particularly if wearing a fitted camisole underneath in case of the “lean forward factor”.

      However, I can’t see how wearing a blazer over it wouldn’t look weird, so the dress is out for me.

   4. I agree. Even if the slit does not show any cleavage, it’s not appropriate.

   5. Agree on both points.

   6. +1. The slit is not office appropriate. And, yuck.

2. How do you deal with the feeling that you suck at your job and that the company made a mistake in hiring you?

   Context: I started a new job five weeks ago and I am turning out to be not so awesome in one particular skill set that is a major component of the job. I know it, my manager knows it, and I am feeling more and more frustrated every day. I’m taking steps to improve, and I know I will with time, but right now my skill level isn’t adequate and the feeling of incompetence is killing me. I hate feeling incompetent.

   I don’t think my job is in trouble because I have other not-so-common abilities and experience that this company needs. But how do I deal with the frustration until my actual skill level in this area improves???

   1. Girl five weeks? Take two and get a grip. You’re working hard and learning, you know it, your manager knows it, and it’s expected. Write things down, ask questions, and get on with it. You’ve got this

   2. Yay! This is a very cute Anne Klien dress, even with the slit on top, which I do NOT think will expose our boobie’s, but I can’t buy it anyway b/c dad froze my credit. Frank WOULD, however, put his hand in the slit to pretend it is a mailbox, but I would NOT like that and would compelain to the manageing partner, so it is just as well that I can’t buy it any way> FOOEY!

      As for the OP, I agree you should wait awhile. No one is an expert right away. It took me a year to BECOME INDESPENSIBEL! YAY!

   3. Think back on how you developed your other not-so-common abilities / skills, and the process you had to go through to become proficient.

      I think it’s mentally tougher to develop new skills the older you get. When you’re younger, you basically sort of accept that you suck at a lot of stuff. Once you’re older and you’re used to feeling capable and confident most of the time, it feels very uncomfortable to have to start from scratch on something. But you’ve done it before! You can do it again!

   4. It’s only five weeks! Give yourself more time. Be honest with yourself and proactive about seeking feedback from your manager, then work to improve. I’ve gained a lot of skills I never thought I would have an aptitude for this way.

      1. +1 Presumably you moved from a job where you knew how to do everything (most things?) you were doing. Now you don’t – you are totally going to feel like an incompetent failure (over-exaggeration) for a while, until the ratio starts to shift. It’s going to feel uncomfortable and it’s going to produce some anxiety (ask me how I know), but as long as you keep pushing through the “new-person” period and keep making new mistakes (instead of the same ones) you’ll be fine.

         FWIW, I started a new place 4 months ago and have been regularly assured (by everyone) that it will probably be at least a year before I start to feel comfortable. Part of that is from coming outside of the company and having to learn all the company-specific way of doing things. Part of that is having a complex regulatory environment that means you have to learn how to do similar things in different ways depending on which country is asking.

   5. Thanks for all your responses, and the reality check. Thinking back, I did acquire my other not-so-common skills by being curious, patient and non-judgemental. So, I’ll be patient with myself, do a couple of shots, and wait a couple of months!

3. If you wanted to start TTC in 6 months, what would you want to check off your to do list? Are there certain things you’d focus on in your career, personal life, or health?

   1. I’d want to be living somewhere I knew I would stay for a few years, and be in a job I knew I wouldn’t be likely to leave in the next 18 months. Moving or changing jobs while pregnant or with a baby sucks.

   2. Incredibly well-timed question … very interested in responses!

      What, also, might you do in advance in terms of prepping for those 9 months? Not prepping for baby necessarily, but for me. Should I get clearer on health insurance coverage? My doctor’s willingness to Rx me for STD (since I have a terrible mat leave policy and I’d need STD status to get paid for leave)? Those are things I’ve thought of on my own, but would love additional context!

      1. if you are still in open enrollment season, look carefully at the coverage options for you and your SO (if applicable). My policy was better at first glance, but it turned out they didn’t cover things like genetic testing (fetal DNA) and medically necessary formula.

         I had a Nov baby so we switched to my husband’s insurance and they DID cover the formula, which at something like $40/can was a HUGE deal when you go through a can a week! They also covered genetic testing which will save us a bundle next time around since we paid OOP the first time.

         Make sure you understand your maternity policy. I have had people on my staff that were very confused and disappointed when they ran the math on mat leave (we do offer paid leave, but there is a cap. My team is full of high earners that are well over the cap so the took a big pay hit they didn’t’ expect)

   3. Health: I’d get any shots now. E.g. I wasn’t vaccinated against rubella as a kid and that can be very damaging for the foetus. Got the shot after I stopped b feeding. For me, I also wanted to lose 5-6 pounds first, which I did. More importantly, I was fitter going into pregnancy.

      House: settle in wherever you want to be for next 2 years. Start lining up baby care options.

      Job: hopefully you’re in a stable job now

      1. +1 on the weight issue. I lost about 10 pounds (which put me on the high side of a healthy weight) and helped solidify healthier eating habits. It has made being pregnant and maintaining a healthy weight significantly easier, and it has also been easier to maintain those healthier eating habits while pregnant since they were already established.

         Also, start saving money.

   4. Fun question! As someone who’s about 3.5 months along, I would suggest you: get into a steady exercise routine if you aren’t already (because it’s hard to start one when you’re newly pregnant), go to any bars or drinking-related events while you can (i.e. if there’s a cute new wine bar you want to try out, go!), clear up any minor health problems you may have now (i.e. getting that pesky mole removed, etc), try to get situated in a job or home by the end of that window. Oh, and get Taking Charge of Your Fertility — great guide for how to actually get pregnant. If you’re older, you may want to see if you can get your AMH and FSH levels tested to see if you might have a fertility issue. That way, you can be aggressive and plan accordingly. Finally, expect that it may take a while. I have friends who got pregnant the first try and others who it took a year + for. Good luck!

      1. I don’t think I knew you were pregnant. Congratulations!

   5. 1) Travel. Take that big trip somewhere exotic that you have been dreaming of, since it might be a while before you are able to consider going there again. 2) Do your best work at work to build up your “bank” of good will. Pregnancy affects everyone differently, but for me I was surprised at how much it negatively impacted my focus, and in turn decreased my work performance, during certain times. I have been with the same company for several years though and generally do outstanding work. I found everyone to be super accommodating and very welcoming when I returned. 3) Talk to your doctor about what shots you should get now. For example, if you have never had the chicken pox, you can get vaccinated against it but I think you need to do that a year before getting pregnant (don’t quote me on that example). 4) Make sure you have Short Term Disability coverage in place, if you need it. Many policies will make you wait a certain period of time before it will cover your pregnancy related STD.

   6. I posted the other day – if you’re on hormonal birth control, go off it now and use condoms till you’re ready. No one tells you when you go on the pill that your cycle can take forever to regulate!

      1. That’s a good point. Apparently people on progesterone only pills experience hormone surges immediately upon stopping so you may get pregnant asap.

         1. Yeah, definitely don’t construe this advice as saying you won’t ovulate after stopping the pill – many to most women do! But it takes a lot longer for a sizable percentage of women, including myself.

      2. It didn’t take long for cycle to regulate (got pregnant the first month off BC)….however, I didn’t know that the chance of twins is much higher right when you get off birth control. Biggest surprise of our life but they sure are loved!!! Apparently my body was really excited to procreate and released multiple eggs!!

   7. Oh hai. I’m busy today. I’d focus on whatever you do to calm down. Rumor has it people who are trying to plan in advance of trying to have a baby need generally to chill.

      1. Haha, very true! We’ve tabled the discussion for post-Christmas but it is tempting to think ahead. There is some uncertainty around my job / next steps and weirdly, it might be better financially / career-wise to have a baby in that interim period.

         Going to enjoy cocktails and hot yoga while I can.

         1. I don’t have children, so take this with a grain of salt, but I think what I would be most concerned about at this stage would be making sure my relationship with my partner was solid and that we had discussed our expectations around sharing the work of child care in great detail. I see people around me planning the tiniest details of which crib to use, exactly what they should be eating each day, etc. but when they give birth they realize that their husbands are expecting a way more “traditional” arrangement than what they want. As a childless person that is what scares me the most about the idea of having kids and is probably what I would be planning the most carefully.

            1. +1 make sure your desire to be with your spouse is bigger and stronger than your desire for babies and that it’s mutual

   8. I agree with everything said above (namely big trip, drinks all the drinks but also get into a nice exercise routine, and check in with your doc about shots), but also not a bad idea to start taking prenatals or folate 6+ months in advance.

   9. In addition to all the ideas above (travel, exercise routine, and job good will in particular), I’d add saving vacation days if that’s how you’ll be funding your time off (not totally compatible with “travel,” I realize), and examining your health FSA if you still have time to change that. We maxed out ours for the year I was pregnant and am so glad– in addition to “normal pregnancy” charges (vaccinations, ultrasounds, etc.), it covered our doula and childbirth classes.

   10. I’d approach this the same way you’d approach any big life transition. For example, what should you do six months before moving to a new city? Enjoy the heck out of your current life. Do all the things that you love to do now — those things you will look back on with fondness when this stage of life has passed.

       Here’s an inspiring article on this point, regardless of what your transition is:

       http://www.frugalwoods.com/2015/10/21/finding-peace-in-the-present-moment/

   11. I would also go off BC and start taking prenatal vitamins now. As I mentioned before, I never got a period after going off BC and needed intervention to get pregnant, so best to know that sooner than later!

   12. Ditto to everything above, but also…

       Begin taking a multivitamin now! You need the extra nutrients (specifically folate) really early in fetal development–often before you even realize you’re pregnant.

       Also, if you are overweight/diabetic, get blood glucose tightly-controlled.

   13. I’m in the same boat. My doctor told me to start prenatals 3-6 months before trying, because by the time you are aware you are pregnant, key fetal development has already occurred so you won’t get much benefit from starting them after a positive test.

       Travel was a big one for me. I fully intend to keep traveling with kid(s) – my parents took me all over the world and it was awesome – but am aware that at least for a few years our vacations will look very different, so it was important to me to get some big adult trips out of the way. We have done big, “bucket list” trips each of the last three years and are planning to do one more this spring and after that will be ready to TTC.

   14. Agree with everything above, but one other thing that I wish I’d done is take some classes or otherwise engage in some hobbies that wouldn’t work well with kids. For example, I’ve always wanted to learn photography, but it’s not really practical to take some sort of regular class now (I could, but I’d rather not be away from the munchkins during my non-work time). We found that we were actually pretty well able to do most “going out” type things with a baby (he was great in restaurants and such), but there are some things where you just can’t bring them. Also, if you have friends that you haven’t kept in as good contact with as you would like, take the time now to try to fix that, because you’re not going to get around to it later.

       1. There are a lot of self-paced photography classes online – might be something you could check out when your kiddos are in bed.

          1. That one hour a day that I get is highly dedicated to watching grown up TV with my husband!

             (I know that it’s something that I can do if I really want to; it’s just that there are a lot of other priorities now.)

             1. Oh, I get it! I wasn’t disagreeing with your comment, just pointing out that a self-paced online class might be easier for a busy working mom to fit in than an in-person weekend class.

             2. It’s funny, because I don’t have kiddos, plans for imminent kiddos, or even a boyfriend, but there are definitely a lot of things I do now (classes, travel, certain types of hobbies) because I know that this largely-commitment-free-other-than-work period in my life will not last forever.

   15. Drink a lot of red wine (or alcoholic beverage of your choice). Go to a movie in the movie theater. Boudoir photo shoot.

4. This is kind of a random question, but does anyone have any tips or resources for selling furniture? A relative gave me a couple of pieces that, while I appreciate the thought, I am never going to use. I’ve used Craigslist to sell like…my childhood bedroom furniture, and am not opposed to going that route, but I have no idea what these things are worth, or how to figure that out. They’re all antiques but I don’t think they’re super-high-end. Thoughts?

   1. My town has a “HOMETOWN Online Yard Sale” page on Facebook. I am absolutely amazed by how quickly things (of all ages, styles, sizes, etc.) get sold. Maybe explore that for your town or a neighboring one?

      1. I’m definitely open to something like that, so I’ll look into. I guess my real question is how do I actually figure out what an appropriate price is for non-standard antique pieces, if I’m selling them on my own?

         1. Have you Googled to see if there are similar pieces out there? That’s what I would do. You can always lower the price if you aren’t getting any bites.

5. My g***le fu is failing me – I’m trying to figure out how long one’s hair would need to be to have a keratin treatment or similar, but haven’t really figured this out. Background is that my SP has curly hair and ends up keeping it very short because he hates the wave (I love it, but that’s beside the point). He’d like it to be longer but not curly so we’re trying to figure out if some kind of relaxing treatment is feasible.

   For the record, I suggested that he walks into a salon and asks for a free consultation, but as someone who has only ever had $10 haircuts, he balked at the idea…

   1. Maybe try calling a salon that does the treatments and ask? A compromise between going in to ask and googling

   2. Not sure about keratin but my (male) cousin has corse wavy hair, a few inches long on the top. His sylist puts an old school relaxer in every other haircut. It looks very polished and is otherwise low maintenance.

6. I have Instagram questions.

   Context: I am in my early thirties but not especially active on social media. But I have decided to start an Instagram account, mostly as a way to share benign photos of new baby and dog and life with friends/family across the country.

   Any pitfalls to avoid? When choosing a username, is there a problem with firstname_lastname (I’m a lawyer for the government)? Any tips?

   1. I wouldn’t use Instagram, but rather some more private photo sharing service for pictures of your child.

   2. Before you pick a username so amazingly easy to google, consider whether you want every single person you deal with at work (litigate against, do a deal with, send an email to, whatever) to be able to find and view pictures of your baby and dog and life (or if you are 200% confident in your privacy settings). For me, that would be a hard no. But, I’m also a great at online stalking and would LOVE if my opposing counsel or whoever gave me this creepy little window into their life. (Not for any nefarious reason; just for curiosity.)

   3. If you make your account private and only allow people you trust to follow you, I think it’s fine. The only potential pitfill is awkwardness if someone you know but don’t want to share pics with sends you a follow request. For that reason you might want a more anonymous handle.

      1. This is what I do. So far so good.

   4. I’ve actually found Instagram to be one of the better social media options for privacy concerns, just have the settings so no one can see any pictures unless you approve them.
      Maybe give yourself a little more room for identity ambiguity in the name? Such as make first or last name an initial or nickname instead, just so it isn’t the first thing that pops up if professional contacts are googling you?

   5. I wouldn’t use your whole name, just use a screen name.

   6. Agree with the above to use a generic screen name to cut down on follow requests. Also, this sounds strange, but don’t use your dog’s breed in the name. I did (breed is one of the doodle varieties) and get tons of follow requests from people with other doodle names who are apparently active “doodle networkers” and want to set up “doodle romps” with strangers in the same city who also have doodles. Call me a paranoid single woman, but it’s kind of weird.

7. Spinning off of yesterday’s paper planner discussion – Has anyone found a planner with 1/10 hour / 6 minute increments? What do you (lawyers or other billable hour professionals) use to record your time. I am having trouble capturing all of my time and I realize that it is only hurting myself so I’m looking for any tips to help solve this problem.

   1. Do you use billing software? The only solution that worked for me was literally putting in my time as I went. If I was having a crazy day, I would only put the most cursory description in – like “deal with interpretation issue” – and then go back and include appropriate details the next day. But at least all of the .2’s got captured rather than forgotten. I would also pre-enter time when I knew I’d be working on particular matters, and then all I would have to do is validate or update the time/description as I went.

   2. You can order special pads of paper this- my law firms have always had it in stock. Sorry can’t think of the brand. I make little tables in word with three columns- time increment, matter, task and update it throughout the day. End of day (week/month), clean up time entries, send to secretaries to put in timekeeping software- all they have to do is copy/paste.

      The biggest key, though, is diligence. But having an easily accessible place to record makes it easier.

   3. If you search for attorney timesheet templates, there are a bunch of word/pdf/excel ones out there that you can download. If you want a traditional planner, there’s one that a daily format divided into tenths of an hour. I can’t remember the brand (at a glance or similar) but the office supply stores should have it.

      1. I have looked, but have not found one at office supply stores or online :-(

         1. If you can provide an email address, I can send you a pdf sheet.

         2. Here’s the one I was thinking of. http://www.daytimer.com/daytimer/browse/product/2015+2-Page-Per-Day+Original+Planner+Refill+Desk+Size++(92010_15)/92010_15

   4. When I used paper, I would have a special pad with my time on it and carried it everywhere – I would write down the time I started something and what it was etc., and then if I got interrupted I would write down the time I started working on the interruption matter, etc. I didn’t use the special 6-minute pads. Then I would input all my time at the end of the day.

      Now I use software – if I am super busy I will just input the matter and an 0.2 or whatever and come back to fill in the description later. BUT it is really crucial to write it down or input it AT THAT TIME to remind you that you started working on it that day. If you don’t keep up with it daily it will totally get lost.

   5. What software would you all recommend? Right now, my firm has the secretaries enter our time so I record my time on paper, but I’d prefer to track time using software.

      1. What software would you all recommend? Right now, my firm has the secretaries enter our time so I record my time on paper, but I’d prefer to track time using software.

8. Fashion advice please. Is the riding boot craze on the way out?

   1. Yes, but it will be worn for years to come. Because we all have them. Chelsea boots are more now.

   2. God I hope not because I just bought a nice pair that I am loving from Nordstrom.

   3. I think riding boots are classic. They might not be the hottest trend of fall 2015, but I don’t think they’ll ever totally go out of style.

   4. I think so. Or at least I see fewer people wearing riding boots and more people wearing booties.

   5. I think knee high boots are always a classic look, but they are definitely not “trendy” in the way they were a few years ago. Booties have replaced them in that sense. But I fully intend to keep wearing mine, because I invested in several high quality pairs, all of which are still in good shape (and I love the look and the warmth they provide).

      1. I think it’s funny that they’re seen as “always” a classic. I literally remember the exact minute they hit the stores for this go-round. It was October 1999. I saw them in Macy’s at Downtown Crossing in Boston on my lunch hour and thought “I have to have a pair!” In that incarnation they were always heeled and worn with A-line knee length skirts. (Still a cute look.) We were still rocking the bootcuts and flares pretty hard and no one had dreamed up skinnies yet so we definitely weren’t tucking our jeans into them at that point.

         1. 1999 sounds right to me — I was in 8th/9th grade then and that’s around the time I remember becoming aware of them. Trends came late to our small Midwestern city and I remember my parents being fairly horrified when a family friend’s daughter (who was probably 18ish) got knee high black leather boots with a pointy heel. My parents told me they were “eff me” boots and I was never allowed to wear them. LOL.

         2. I grew up in an upperclass place and riding boots were “always” trendy. Whether or not people were actually going riding.

            1. Makes sense. In my area it was sailing gear in the summer and ski gear in the winter, regardless if you were engaging in that activity at the time.

   6. It’s funny you ask this because I was just thinking about it last week when visiting NYC. The oft-stated line on here is that they’re on the way out in favor of Chelsea boots, but I literally did not see a single person wearing Chelsea boots and saw tall boots on every woman who wasn’t wearing post-marathon running shoes. I ventured all over the city (but not the obvious tourist spots like WTC memorial and Times Sq) and hung out with local friends, so it’s not like all the women I was seeing were behind-the-times tourists. Personally, I think Chelsea boots are flattering on no one, so that’s a “trend” that can fade away quickly.

      1. THANK YOU! I don’t find Chelsea boots or many booties all that flattering with pants, at least not on my pear-shape. But I wonder if the trend has anything to do with our unusually warm fall, it’s far too hot to wear tall boots yet.

         1. Yes! I have been searching for comfortable and attractive Chelsea’s, but the ones I have tried on rub against my ankles, and hurt, even with thicker socks. I have hope that I may yet find the right chelsea style booties, but just in case…Does anyone have suggestions for taller booties, or boots that end three to five inches above the ankle, such as calf length boots (that are also flat or have no more than a one inch wedge?)

            I am also wondering about bootcut pants and jeans, which I end up wearing with shoes rather than boots. I end up wearing taller boots with skinnier pants, and shoes/wedges, new balance runners/ with bootcuts. Is this still current? I wear pants that suit my hourglass shape regardless of trends, but there are times I want to look “current.” Says the woman who cannot decide whether to wear dresses and tights all winter, order merlot skinnies, or navy bootcuts…or all three and feel overwhelmed with too many choices…sigh.

            1. Look for “moto” boots. They will be a little more open a few inches higher than the ankle and won’t be as stiff.

      2. I find knee high boots to be practical in rainy and snowy weather. They keep my feet and legs warm and I don’t have to worry about soggy hems.

         I’ve tried booties, but I can’t find a pair that looks good on me. They look fine from the front, but then from the side there are big gaps in the front and back. It looks like I’m playing dress up in my Mom’s shoes. I guess I don’t care enough about them to hunt down a pair for narrow ankles.

         1. Yes, I’m the same–I can’t find ones that look good with narrow ankles, and in my case my ankles bow out quite a bit so it looks even stranger. I also am quite a bit wider in the hips than through the rest of my leg, so the baggy boyfriend-style jeans that everyone is cuffing to wear with these boots makes me look like I’m 3-4 sizes bigger since they just hang from my widest spot.

            I get the look from an artistic standpoint, but from a pure “does this make me look my best” perspective, they’re not appealing to me.

            1. OMG are you me? I thought I was the only pear with skinny ankles and shin bones that were themselves curvy.

9. Family stuff is so, so fraught and annoying, even when you’re not directly involved. Help, h i v e.

   There is a lot of tension in my extended family right now for reasons too involved to get into. Long story short, my aunt (mom’s brother’s wife) has proven herself to be unstable and has no boundaries. There have been some recent incidents where she’s been mean to family members of mine, both in person and over text. I was not there, but I believe the family members involved completely. Additionally, I have never really liked or trusted her, but we’ve always had a civil, if not warm, relationship.

   We have been able to avoid her since these incidents since there haven’t been any big holidays for awhile, but we’ll probably have to see her at Thanksgiving or Christmas. She and I have not had a direct altercation, but I obviously can’t help but think less of her after her behavior toward my family members.

   So my question is twofold:

   1. How do I interact with someone who I do not trust or respect, who has been downright cruel to my family? I know the answer is probably to just be polite and keep my distance… but even that feels like a struggle.

   2. How do I suck it up and shop for PRESENTS for this person? It feels like a betrayal of my family members, but it would be worse if I showed up for the holidays without anything for her, right?

   Any advice/commiseration/sympathy would be greatly appreciated.

   1. 1. Politely and pleasantly. You aren’t even close to the most hurt person here. You do what you can to not escalate this drama.

      2. Joint gift for her and your uncle- they seem like perfect people for whatever regift you have lying around.

   2. Try hard not to be alone with her. That way, she and you both are more likely to behave yourselves in public and unlikely to share secrets (“well, so-and-so told me she was really hurt by what you said”…) If you are alone with her, keep things very, very surface and short. That’s how I handle my sister-in-law since a betrayal years ago.

   3. Do you love your uncle (the unstable one’s husband)? If you do, I think you should think of your kindness to his wife as a kindness to him. He is dealing with her on a daily basis. Being polite to her may be a gift to him. That’s not to say that you should cover up or ignore bad behavior. It’s just that if you’re not directly involved, you can be gracious to her and in doing so, give him some comfort.

      As for the gift: a nice throw blanket for their living room, given to both of them.

10. Didn’t get many responses last night – hoping for better luck this morning. Any recommendations for a reasonably priced trust and estates attorney in San Francisco? Marin County preferable.

    1. Try using the women lawyers referral network, looks like there’s at least one person on there for you. www(dot)woman2womanlawref(dot)com Learn more about what they do at the bottom of our resources page. http://www.womenlawyersnews.com/resources/ good luck!

    2. Reasonably priced can mean many different price points, to different people. Also, the answer will change if it’s a taxable estate or not. Can you give a little more info? Taxes or blended family or other specific concerns? I can give a better rec if I know a little bit more. Signed, your local T&E attorney :)

    3. Also, you could try UpCounsel.

    4. Mary Symons in Marin County is great — I’m not a client but another estate planning and tax attorney in the Bay Area and we are in the same study group.
       http://www.msymonslaw.com/index.html

11. I would like to upgrade to a nice trench coat but not ready to spend at the Burberry level. Any suggestions for high quality trench coats in the $300 – 600 range?

    1. How about coach?

12. How old are you, what’s your investible asset base,, and what is your income?

    I am asking because I’m shopping around for tax advisors/investment advisors and having a hard time finding a good fit since we are recently what i would call high income (350-400k annual) but our investable asset base is only in the 150k range since we are both 31, just finished a bunch of school and loan payments, and just bought a house ($750k).

    We are looking for someone to help us do long term strategic planning now that we have the income to fund it. Until this year, we’ve gone the DIY route for taxes but it is getting unweildy and it really seems like we could be more strategic.

    Am I looking for the wrong type of help here? No need to comment with real numbers if you can point me in the right direction using mine. I just feel like there should be a practice for someone like me!

    1. Not sure exactly what you are looking for but I would continue the DIY approach and post at the Bogleheads forum (I have recommended the group here before). There are a lot of high income folks at various stages of life and can give you a framework for thinking about long-range planning as well as how to find someone professional to help you, what questions to ask, etc…

       If you are looking for a tax accountant and you are in the DC area I highly recommend Robert Kopera at Squire, Lemkin, LLC. Even if you are not in the area, I bet he has a lot of experience working with couples who have similar incomes and are starting out investing and can guide you in planning (although he’s an accountant not a financial planner).

    2. You want a fee only certified financial planner (CFP). You can look them up on the CFP website. You are in a weird spot where you’ll probably be given to a not-great junior broker given your assets, if you were to see a traditional brokerage firm. Fee-only planners could do exactly what you need for the amount of help you want, by the hour.

13. How do you juggle multiple (more than two) bosses?

    I am in the early discussion phase of a promotion (yay!) but I have some nebulous concerns/questions. I currently report to two bosses; promotion would involve taking responsibility over a third area, so another boss. Two has been a lot to juggle, but three seems like it could be a clusterduck. Tips or advice here? Currently my two bosses don’t communicate much at all, but when they do it ends well for me: this promotion, yearly merit raises, etc. Third boss has a difficult reputation, so I don’t want to set myself up where he can torpedo future advancement, raises, etc.

    Learning how to juggle a dual-reporting structure was my biggest challenge coming into my current role, and something I really focused on learning to do well. Reportage to three bosses would be new in my org (I’m somewhat of a test case, I feel) so there’s a lot of unknowns all around. Advice?

    1. This is basically what big firm associates do all the time (I never knew what name to put on forms asking for my “supervisor” — totally depends on the case!). What I always found to be the best way to handle it was to let my bosses work it out among themselves. So if Partner A wanted me to travel to a meeting in NYC on the day that Partner B wanted me on hand for last-minute revisions to a brief to be filed that day, I’d tell the partner who approached me last that I was already doing X,Y Z for the other partner. So if B had already “claimed” me for the brief, when A says “T, I’ll need you to cover this meeting,” I’d say “A, I really hope I can, but on this case I have with B, we’re filing a brief that day and so she wanted me in the office for last minute changes. How can we make this work?” Typically, A would go talk to B and I’d get word from one of them that I was doing either A’s work that day or B’s. I think the key is presenting it as a challenge you’re eager to solve and as a simple factual problem (you can’t literally be in two places at the same time, or do 16 hours of work in an 8 hour period).

       One of the big factors in making this work is having all of your bosses on board, and having people who know it’s not your fault if you’re pulled in different directions (and it goes without saying that you do your best to juggle what you can juggle — you bring to them the issues where you really honestly cannot do all their work at the same time). And congrats on the promotion!

    2. Agree with TBK’s advice, but if this is not a law firm, things tend to be less hierarchical and more “just get my stuff done” because bosses in different divisions don’t actually have to play nice or defer to one another in ways that partners in a firm might have to.

       If you are moving toward this role, is there any way that you can have one of the three be your primary supervisor? Would that work politically? If not, communicate deadlines and what you are working on, and learn to say no/push back when requests are unreasonable timing-wise.

14. NYC Meetup TOMORROW at 6:30 PM at Grey Dog in Chelsea (242 W 16th St, between 7th and 8th). See you there!

15. Can anyone recommend an independent cleaner (or maybe a small cleaning company) in Philadelphia? I’ve tried Handy and it’s been very hit-or-miss for me so I’d really like to hire one person long term on a biweekly basis. Would also really appreciate price information – we have an uncluttered one-bedroom apartment that I can’t imagine taking more than 1.5-2 hours to clean thoroughly.

    1. I’d say $100-150 would be a fair price, perhaps closer to $100 if you want a focused “kitchen/bathroom” clean rather than the entire apt. I used Spotless 101 a few months ago and I believe they were on the lower end of that price range and did a good job.

       1. That seems really high! I pay $165 in the DC area for a monthly cleaning for a very cluttered townhouse (3 floors, 3 bedrooms, 3.5 baths) that houses five people (including two messy toddlers) and a large dog.

       2. This seems high to me, too. We’re also in the DC area, 3 br/2 bath, 3 floors including the finished basement. We pay $80 every two weeks, which we plan to increase to $90 after the new year because she’s been great for the last year+. She does the kitchen and bathrooms, sweeps/mops/vacuums, wipes down or dusts big empty surfaces, tidies a little bit (like if my kids leave their toys all, she’ll put them back in the toy bin), and usually does a load of towels in the laundry.

          Independent cleaners are MUCH cheaper than chains or services, in my experience. But you may want to consider whether they’re licensed. insured, bonded, etc.

       3. I pay $100 for 2 people for about 2.5 hours for a 4BR 2.5 bath 3000 fq ft house every 2 weeks. I will say that I do a lot of pre-cleaning (ie decluttering) and we don’t use or have them clean 2 of the 4 BR since one is the office i work out of when they come, and the other is our unused guest room.

          we also don’t have furniture in the dining room so they probably don’t clean it besides a quick floor mop. They also do not do my windows.

    2. I am in Philly but very close to the suburbs and I pay $60 every two weeks for a 2bdrm/2ba condo.

       1. If your cleaner is looking for new clients, I’d love to get their info.

          Also, thanks for the feedback, everyone! If anything, I’d like more of a non-kitchen clean – I stay on top of that myself, I just hate dusting furniture and sweeping/vacuuming.

          1. If you email me at my name at gmail dot com I will send you her info.

16. Has anyone been on vacation to Iceland? If so, looking for tips and advice. Thanks!

    1. Iceland is AWESOME. Are you planning to go in summer or winter? I’ve been in early summer but have heard great things about winter too (Northern Lights, etc.) Highlights for us were Blue Lagoon, Jokulsarlon glacial lagoon, and Gullfoss waterfall. Reykjavik is also just a really cool city – we didn’t “do” a whole lot there per se but enjoyed walking around, trying Icelandic food (which is mostly yuck, but it’s an experience) and shopping.

       I assume you know this but if you fly IcelandAir, you can stopover for free for up to a week enroute to Europe. So if there’s anywhere in Europe you want to go, it might make sense to combine Iceland with that, particularly if you have more than 7 days to travel.

       1. Say what about IcelandAir? I may have to explore this further because there’s a possibility I’m traveling to Europe this upcoming summer.

          1. http://www.icelandair.us/flights/stopover/

             IcelandAir is not the nicest airline in the world, but it’s an incredible deal.

             1. As a warning, they do silent boarding – they do not announce your flight over the loudspeaker, so the airport is jam packed with panicked tourists who think they’re missing their plane trying to get from point at to point b. Not a pleasant experience.

             2. Many European airports do silent boarding.

    2. I went earlier this year and it was great! WOWair does a think similar to icelandair – definitely an economy airline, but the flight is only 5-ish hours so it’s fine. I paid $400 R/T including my bag from BWI.

       Highlight: probably glacial snorkeling (which I thought I would HATTEEEEE) and the amazing bakery we stopped at afterwards, as well as renting a car and driving up to the west coast.
       Lowlights: caving (I’m kind of claustrophobic) and the gentleman’s club the group of guys I was there with wanted to go to.
       Nice but missable: blue lagoon, the fancy restaurant in the old house on the main drag where you can try the fermented shark.

    3. Yes, go! it’s awesome. You definitely want to rent a car and drive the ring road – even if you don’t make it the whole way ( you definitely can in a week), even doing the south part is amazing. You want to see all the sites like Thingvelir, Jokulsarlon, waterfalls, etc plus do a little hiking. Hiking on Vatnajokull (the glacier) is very cool! Also, you can’t miss the blue lagoon, and there are tons of other springs to visit along the way. Reykjavik is cool and has neat little shops and museums, but it’s not a city where you’d want to spend more than a few days.

       If you go you must make your reservations well in advance in the countryside, lodging is very limited. Also, I would recommend staying here for a night: http://guesthousegardur.is/ A farmer rents cottages on the beach near Vik and it’s quite a beautiful and unique place.

       1. Sorry, that was the wrong link — here are the cottages: http://reynisfjara-guesthouses.com/en/the-cottages

    4. We just went this past September. Such an amazing country. We got a lot of our tips from unlockingkiki.com. It’s a blog written by an American who moved there a few years ago. She has a bunch if guides and lists of things to do and places to go (and she was super helpful when I emailed her with questions!).

       Definitely +1 the comments about renting a car and not wanting to spend more than a few days in Reykjavik. The rest of the country has so much more to offer!! We also skipped Blue Lagoon and glacier hiking because of cost. Highlights for us were hiking to Reykjadalur (a one-ish hour hike to a natural hotspring with — warning! — very primitive changing facilities) and a day trip to the Westman Islands (20 minute ferry ride from the southern coast of Iceland: hiked a volcano that erupted in 1973, took a boat tour and got to hold a puffin!). And we were lucky enough to see the Northern Lights, even thought it was super early in the season.

       1. So I mostly did Reykjavik/golden circle/western peninsula when I was there, but I’ve been thinking about going back for a long weekend trip and now your post makes me want to do that and hit the south coast!

          1. You should go for the puffin alone! But seriously, the southern part of Iceland is amazing! It’s definitely less populated (the main roads are sometimes gravel…), but it’s SO beautiful. We stayed at an amazing hotel (Hótel Eyjafjallajökull) which was about half an hour away from the ferry. We were going to do the more traditional western peninsula stuff, but we actually rearranged our entire trip after seeing the posts on unlockingkiki.com when she went to the Westman Islands. I’m so glad we did!

             For others who have been to Iceland, did anyone else notice how weird the showers were? In two of the three places we stayed, the shower was more or less open to the rest of the bathroom, so the entire bathroom floor got soaked. Maybe that was just our experience, and it obviously wasn’t a big deal, but so strange!!

17. Hi ladies, does anyone have a particularly kid-friendly, healthy dinner recipe? This particular child does NOT like vegetables, so a recipe with hidden veggies would be great. Thanks!

    1. Whole-wheat pasta with tomato sauce.
       If you want to add fake-meat balls or spinach/chickpea balls, go for it.
       Is it just 1 recipe? So, it’s not like you have to feed the child for a whole week or anything? Then who cares about vegetables? Or, provide veggies and “dipping sauces” on the side and have a taste test. Really, the kid’ll be OK.

       1. Yep, just one recipe. Thanks!

    2. I’m a grownup who needs to hide my veggies so I eat them. My favorite is soup – roast veggies, add to broth, boil and use stick blender. Add cream to taste/feeling of indulgence. Pesto on top is good too. Any roasting veggies work with this method.

    3. My 5 year old loved the white chicken chili I made last night – whoever posted the easy recipe a few weeks back, thank you! I put in frozen corn, but it’s basically chicken, beans, spices (google for ideas), onion, garlic, and chicken stock. Best part was, quote, “I love this chili. I want it all over my face.”

       1. This might be the recipe Kate Middletown is talking about– I posted it recently! http://www.cookingclassy.com/2013/05/white-chicken-chili/

    4. If you have time, this recipe is so, so good. It has a few hidden vegetables in there (celery, carrots):

       http://www.thekitchn.com/recipe-slow-cooked-bolognese-sauce-recipes-from-the-kitchn-69968

18. Does anyone have any recommendations for online places that you can sell gently used clothing (mid-range designers/work clothes). I know that there are a ton of places out there, but i can’t tell which are the good ones, where you will make a few bucks! Too bad there isn’t a corporette based one! :)

    1. Thredup is good for this. I’ve sold a lot of old work stuff, and it’s easy. They also donate what doesn’t sell so it’s not a hassle.

       1. I would not sell anything remotely “designer” through ThredUp. I sold a bunch of stuff through them – they rejected almost everything I sent in, despite it being in like new condition and brands they say they accept. The things they did accept (which were mostly new with tags), they paid me on the very bottom of the range they gave for the item. I was selling mostly Gap/Banana/Ann Taylor, etc, and so it wasn’t worth my time to try to sell them individually and ThredUp provided me marginally more money than the tax write-off. But for anything truly designer, I’d take the time to sell it on eBay or look into other services. I’ve heard good things about Poshmark.

    2. Poshmark. Although you have to list the items yourself and generally be a bit active in their community to generate a lot of sales. But you set the price, posh keeps 20% of sale price and you get 80%, buyer pays shipping and they send you a prepaid label.

19. What is a good lip balm/ chapstick that I can readily find from the drugstore? TIA!

    1. eos – those little balls. they’re the bomb. i love the mint.

       1. Thanks!

    2. Softlips

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