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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 199 Comments · by

Wednesday’s TPS Report: Single-Button Blazer

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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Anne Klein Single-Button Blazer | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Because apparently I can't let this one go, I present you with today's option for a super-bright pink blazer: one from Anne Klein, a brand that I've always been fond of. The single-button blazer is $129 at Macy's, available in sizes 0-16. (It's also available in petite sizes, and I believe this cowl-neck sheath dress — which I've been coveting anyway — matches, at $99.) Anne Klein Single-Button Blazer Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com  Update: The prices on these pieces were reduced, bumped up before this post published, and now reduced once again. The blazer is now $95; an extra 15% off with code SUMMER makes it $80. The dress is now $75 and comes down to $63 with code SUMMER. (L-4)

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. I'm Just Me ...

    The dress is actually 74.99 until 7/27. And given that it is Macy’s, there is probably another % off coupon available as well.

      • Carrie...

        I agree. That dress is great. As I am built like a 12 year old boy on top, I need these sort of gathered necklines to add volume and interest to balance things out.

        And yes, there’s another 15% OFF the dress with the code SUMMER.

  2. HSAL

    Has anyone seen this in person? I see that it’s called Raspberry but it’s really red on my screen.

  3. Red Beagle

    Love this jacket. I probably wouldn’t wear it over the matching cowl neck dress as it would be overwhelmingly too much pink for me, though, and unless the dress fabric is very drapey, you might have too much fabric bunching up at the neckline.

    I’m a big fan of Anne Klein for both clothes and shoes – for some reason the cuts of the clothes and the sizing works very well for my body and feet. I’ve found the quality decent for the moderate price point.

    • Lyssa

      I’ve only ever ordered from Anne Klein once (I don’t think that I’ve ever seen their stuff in a brick and mortar store), when I ordered about 5 items, and found every single one to be pretty low quality and nothing like it had looked online. I wound up sending the entire order back and was very disappointed. Did I just get a one-off, I wonder? I wouldn’t say that I have particularly high standards in clothing and often shop at “cheap” stores, so I’m always surprised that this brand seems to have staying power for folks here.

      (I’m not saying this to be insulting to AK or anyone who likes it, I’m genuinely trying to figure out if I just got a bad batch that time or not.)

      • Anonforthis

        I’ve had problems with AK, too. I picked up an AK suit at the drycleaners once and found that the drycleaning and/or pressing process had basically melted the fabric in places.

  4. Ellen

    Kat, I totaly LOVE ANN Klein, and these 2 pick’s, especialy the blazer and the sheathe dress! I am forced to be inside today b/c YESTERDAY I got a sunburnt. FOOEY! I was not sure it was that sunny out and onley put on SPF 15. I also was NOT out alot and was under an umbrella, but I still got sunburnt. DOUBEL FOOEY!

    When I told my dad, he reminded me that all of the Barshevsky’s are very fair in compexion b/c of our royal lineeagge, and I should remember this b/c I got sunburnt as a child. He told me that mom’s family were a little darker, but not somuch as to overcompensate for the royal lineeagge. Her also reminded me that we have a distant conection to the Romanovv’s, who I alway’s thought were from Rome, but they are NOT. Dad wondered how he could be so smart and me not, and he blamed it on MOM’s side of the family. FOOEY on dad b/c I reminded HIM that I gradueated from law school and am a partner, so how dumm can I be?

    Dad wrote the letter for the manageing partner’s brother who is goeing to meet with the board next month for an interveiw. Dad and him did not 100% hit it off b/c dad realised that he wanted for me to be his new girlfreind. I told dad not to worry b/c I want a guy who was no more then 15 year’s older then me and this guy was about twice that much, even if he was viril.

    The lifguared at the hotel pool came over to talk to Myrna and me and he was the one who said I should not be by the pool w/o a cover up so he gave me a big hotel towel, which I used or else I would be realy burnet. His name is Charlie, and since he is a lifgueard, we called him Charlie the TUNA. He laughed and said that he was alway’s very fresh and did not smell like a tuna! He asked if Myrna and I wanted to tour Ocean City with him so we said Mabye later this week. He has a freind that will meet with us so it could be fun. I did not get a text today from the manageing partner, so I just logged on to collect my 6 billeing hours. YAY!!!!

  5. Boden: can't quit you

    So, after a spring of heartbreak where all Boden items (mainly dresses) ordered had waists near my armpits and made me look pregnant, the fall catalog arrived yesterday. And I want everything in it (mainly shirts, so perhaps they will fit?). I had bad luck with skirts from them before (the longer pencil, like the Notre Dame, had a short slit, so it didn’t accommodate my long-ish strides and I felt like I was mincing around like Peg Bundy).

    • SuziStockbroker

      I wish I could quit Boden, as the US site won’t ship to Canada and so I have to order from the UK. Exchanges are a NIGHTMARE; extremely expensive.

      I have only bought casual dresses from non-work hours there but I luuuuurve them. I have a short waist so they are pretty flattering on me.

      • BigMed

        I love their style, but i too have become so frustrated with shipping and returns. Very expensive and since the sizing seems to be a bit all over the place, one can spend a small fortune on returns with them. Also, I find the unpredictable shipping irritating….some items ship from UK and thus take forever…I once had an item (non-back-ordered) take 3 weeks. I travel, so I don’t like to have stuff arriving at random, unpredictable times and sitting on my doorstep. Wish they had better shipping/return service. I would order all my clothes from them.

    • Two Cents

      I completely agree with you on the ridiculously high waist of most dresses but I found two exceptions. These dresses looked great on my hourglass/pearish shape:

      http://www.bodenusa.com/en-US/Womens-Dresses/Work/WQ082/Womens-Audrey-Ponte-Dress.html?NavGroupID=4

      http://www.bodenusa.com/en-US/Clearance/Womens-Dresses/Day/WH646/Womens-Broderie-Ponte-Dress.html

      I’m sort of glad that most of the Boden dresses don’t work on me because otherwise I’d probably buy the whole catalog.

    • In the Pink

      +1,000 for their dresses

      Le sigh

      Wish they had hourglass models; but no one really does!

    • Yup

      Wrote a long comment that got erased. 100% agree on the dresses but I found two exceptions that worked very well on my hourglass figure: the Broderie dress and the Audrey Ponte dress. Would have kept them except that I’m preggers. The Audrey dress has recently come in gorgeous colors like magenta and royal blue.

      In a way, I’m glad that most of the Boden dresses don’t work for me. Otherwise I’d probably buy the whole catalog.

    • Agreed

      Although I love the longer lengths, as a general rule, my long waist, pear bottom doesn’t appreciate the higher waists they have so often. Exceptions and recent successes:
      Chic Wool Dress http://www.bodenusa.com/en-US/Clearance/Womens-Dresses/WQ073/Womens-Chic-Wool-Dress.html
      Ponte Shirt Dress (genius for work travel) – was in black and “petrol” blue which may pop back if you don’t like the brown http://www.bodenusa.com/en-US/Clearance/Womens-Dresses/Day/WH536/Womens-Ponte-Shirt-Dress.html
      I don’t have any experience with the skirts

      I know we don’t have the same issue as Canadians, but I’m still peeved at 10$ shipping (in US) AND $7 returns. Too much, and it keeps me from trying them much more often.

      • PolyD

        They do run free shipping and return offers from time to time. I wouldn’t say “often,” but it does happen. Not sure if you need to sign up for their emails to get those offers.

  6. Runner

    I went for a run yesterday and I chafed all underneath my breasts. This is the first time I’ve had such awful chafing, probably because I’ve lost some weight and the band on my sports bra is a little big. What do the other runners and athlete do to soothe skin that’s already chafed? I know bodyglide can prevent it. I think fresh air would help, but it’s not socially acceptable to stop wearing a bra and shirt to work, which is really just adding irritation.

    • Pink NYC

      I actually like the Monistat anti-chafing cream even after chafing–it seems to form a protective layer while the skin heals.

      • Contracts

        The Monistat anti-chafing gel is awesome. Made me able to wear dresses in the summer! I also use it as a makeup primer.

    • Scout

      Aloe to soothe and Vitamin E. Vitamin E is seriously magic. Get Vitamin E oil to rub on it from a health food store and it will prevent any scarring.

    • Lavinia

      Really thick lotion, sometimes A&D ointment.

      And I’ve been known to put gauze pads flat against my skin , under the underwire to try to prevent more irritation when it’s really bad.

    • First Year Anon

      I am cheap and use Vaseline instead of body glide, if you aren’t worried about your bra getting a bit goopey.

      • anon

        But Bodyglide is so worthwhile for shoes that rub your feet as well! It’s saved me many a blister in my dress shoes and a container lasts for years.

    • Solo

      Calendula. It’s a homeopathic ointment you can find at most health food stores or online. I’ve been using it my entire life thanks to my hippie parents. It’s magic. I also get chafing under my breasts thanks to marathon training, and this really works. For prevention once the irritation is healed, I would use moleskin on your skin to create a barrier between the bra fabric and the skin.

    • Clementine

      For really awful chafing, I’ve found that the best thing is to sleep with nothing on it and during the day if necessary to put nonstick gauze pads between your bra and your skin. The nonstick gauze with a little bit of ointment on it really has helped.

      Also, I have found that wearing lace bras felt more comfortable to me as they let more air get in.

    • TXLawyer

      Oops, saw that you already know about bodyglide! I just try to keep a chafed area as dry as possible and avoid the temptation to mess with it. I hear baby powder is good as well.

    • Red Beagle

      Neosporin helps me with any sort of owie, including chafed or blistered skin after marathons. Slather it on like butter on toast.

  7. Boston job hunt

    I’m a mid level associate and the only jobs I have had post-law school are clerkships and working in Big Law. I’m seriously looking to transition out of my Big Law firm and don’t even know how to go about a job search that isn’t Big Law focused. Any tips for looking for a job in Boston?

    I am interested in:

    – non-profit/public interest orgs
    – medium/small firms
    – federal gov’t jobs (my understanding is that the pay for state jobs is really low and I don’t know if financially I can swing making $50K) – I know about usajobs but are there other sites I should be looking at?
    – potentially in-house gigs (I’m a litigator, and I know that litigation in-house jobs are tough to find in Boston)

    I am working with a recruiter but she specializes in Big Law, so isn’t much help. Any leads to specific websites or recruiters or other leads would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

    • January

      American Association of Corporate Counsel for in-house jobs (someone please correct me if I didn’t get the name quite right).

    • AnonLawMom

      Do you keep in touch with friends from law school? If you are a mid-level, chances are many of your classmates have already moved on from BigLaw. Maybe get in touch with some to see how they made the switch. A recruiter is really only going to help you move to another firm because that’s how they make money. Very few recruit for IH positions. Don’t forget to search non-law specific jobs boards like Indeed or Monster. Some IH positions are occasionally posted there. For non-federal government jobs you will probably need to dig a bit deeper to find open positions (i.e., city attorney positions, etc.). If you are in Boston, don’t forget to look for legal positions at local universities on their job websites as well.

    • TCFKAG

      For medium to small firms in Boston I would check out the Mass Lawyers Weekly listings, Indeed.com, and your law school’s job listings (if its in the area.) Agreed that Idealist is good for non-profit gigs. And Federal jobs, you’re going to have to become besties with usajobs (though I also see those jobs listed on Indeed – though you still apply through usajobs.) If you’re interested in state government, the listings are on the Mass Human Resources Division website.

      I’ve never had any luck with recruiters – but some of the smaller boutique lit firm list with them and have lower billable hours requirements and at least are friendlier environments .

      Other than all that, I would do some networking with well connected people you know in your firm or other firms – they may hear about places hiring and pass your resume along or tell you about it. Though the volume is lower on jobs like that, the results rate on interviews are higher I think.

  8. The Skirt

    I know the Halogen seamed pencil skirt is “The Skirt,” but what’s the difference between the fit of that and the regular Halogen pencil skirt? The regular one comes in some colors I like, but I don’t want to get it if it’s definitely going to be a fail. I do seem to have the right body type for The Skirt, as there’s a 14″ difference between my waist and hips. TIA!

  9. AN

    So, if you had enough money in the bank to see you through to the end of your days, would you continue working at your office job or quit to spend time with kids, and just do whatever you wanted ? Curious on how this would play out when money is out of the equation.

    • Anon

      I would quit to spend time with my kids, travel all over, but would probably try to take some cases on contract basis so I could keep doing some work, just not the full-time, in the office everyday work. (I am an appellate public defender and really do love the work.)

      • ac

        This. I would love to have freedom to travel, more time with kids, and less stress overall, but would need to keep my brain working or I’d go crazy. I’m in biglaw and (sometimes) really love my work ;)

    • M

      My husband and I have had this discussion before. I would 100% quit and do something I love. Most likely I would either open a bakery or work with animals. My job pays the bills but I don’t love it.

      • pd

        Its really funny you say this because I JUST told someone today my dream jobs would either be 1) open a bakery / coffee shop or 2) have a big piece of land and start an animal sanctuary. Maybe someday….

    • Boden: can't quit you

      Work part-time on a set schedule (9-2, M-TH, with 6 weeks of mandatory vacation).

      I enjoy my work (but not my current schedule).

      • hoola hoopa

        I’d also work part-time. I love my job, but I would also love to only do it during school hours M-Th. I have two coworkers who do that and I am so envious.

    • Diana Barry

      100000000% quit. Actually I could probably quit now, but I won’t until we have a much bigger cushion.

    • HSAL

      Quit, no question. I would probably get another degree because I miss school. I’d travel. No kids now but I’d probably have some later. Volunteer work.

    • Romey

      I’d ask my firm if I could go at a very reduced schedule (less than 50%). If that wasn’t an option, I would quit and try to get into either event planning/wedding planning or something in the beauty industry (makeup artist?) I love this question, it’s so nice to play out those life fantasies in your head :)

    • mascot

      I really do like what I do most days so I can’t imagine quitting work entirely. I wouldn’t mind getting a master’s degree in something and maybe parlaying that into a part-time law/consulting gig.
      Oh and lots of travel and family time. And maybe some intensive hobby pursuits (like 2 week cooking schools abroad or learning a new sport)

      • Boden: can't quit you

        I’m with you. If I were older (mid-50s?), I might quit. But my children are in school, so I’m not free to travel the world all the time (plus my friends still work or have children if they don’t). I don’t want to be stuck with free time + good cable package = couch hermit. I gave myself Fridays off for tennis or to pack so we could spent time at our hypothetical mountain / beach house each weekend. :)

    • emeralds

      I’d keep working in my field because I love it, but on a part-time/volunteer basis. I’d fill the rest of my time with family, friends, the hobbies that have fallen by the wayside in my adult life (painting, writing, photography), and a travel blog.

    • Clementine

      I’d go part time too. I might try working as a consultant, but part of me would enjoy working back in academia.

      Actually, I think if we were all set, what I’d like to do is have my husband quit working. His job requires extensive travel, so we spend months at a time apart. He also has the personality to be a stay at home, but I think he might pursue something he loves doing as a hobby now. I can see him becoming a home inspector or teaching HS History and really loving it.

      • Cb

        I’d probably start a think tank, hire really smart people, pay them and treat them well, and let them get on with it.

    • Spirograph

      I would definitely quit. I might find another job I enjoyed more and where I could make my own schedule, which would be part time with regular sabbaticals. Or I might just dabble in classes at local universities, volunteer, and travel a lot. I think I’m the type of person who needs to be doing something, but I’d probably have a go at being a beach bum (or ski bum, or some other kind of oudoorsy activity bum) for a while, just to see if I like it.

    • Tibby

      I’d quit my current job, take 2-3 years off traveling, living all over the world, and taking classes (language, photography, history, art, dance, yoga), and then go back to work part-time doing criminal defense appeals (which I currently do pro bono, but sadly only get to spend 5-10% of my time on each year). If I had enough extra money to do something real cool (as opposed to just having enough to not work), I’d start and run a legal non-profit. I do enjoy being a lawyer and would definitely not want to give up my career entirely, but after several years in BigLaw it would be great to take some time off.

    • AN

      Thanks for the replies, ladies. I am in that place right now where ( by the grace of god), money is not an issue. Kids would love me to stay at home but while I don’t love my job, I do need to have my own stuff to do to keep me busy…be it job, hobby or whatever….apart from kids. Biggest fear is that I get bored…..so thought I’d see what others might do. I am 40 this year and have worked for almost 18 years.

      Most likely will try to parlay my job into a part time thing if possible, or take up new hobbies…learn a language etc. but pretty much decided to quit by year end.

      • Carrie...

        Congratulations.

        I think this is a great decision.

        When you are old and grey, you will never wish you had worked more. Especially at a job you do not love.

        Equally important for you to think about other part time work/projects to keep you stimulated after quitting. You know yourself best, but I have seen some become depressed without maintaining these outlets.

        Good for you – and enjoy.

      • JJ

        What a wonderful problem to have (and I genuinely mean that). I didn’t discover my hobby (photography) until I was 30. Until then, I had never really tried it and had no idea that I would love it. If I were you, I would take some time to try a bunch of new things and discover what you love. It might open up an unexpected life path for you.

      • SuziStockbroker

        I am in a similar situation. I am a few years older than you but have 3 young children. I do not want to be a SAHM, but would like to be home when they get home from school, and travel more than we do.

        As another poster mentioned, 9-2 M-TH would be perfect for me, but given the nature of my work *someone* has to be in the office from 9-4 M-F. I work 9-5:30 ish at the moment.

        What I might do is stockpile $100K, then hire an associate (which would be 100% paid for by me, not the firm), in anticipation that my revenue would go up with this additional person on my team, and that s/he would pay for themselves, or mostly pay for themselves, by the second year.

        At that point, maybe I would be comfortable leaving the office at 2 or 3 and working from home for a couple of hours, and taking more vacation.

      • good question

        I am in a similar situation. I am a few years older than you but have 3 young children. I do not want to be a SAHM, but would like to be home when they get home from school, and travel more than we do.

        As another poster mentioned, 9-2 M-TH would be perfect for me, but given the nature of my work *someone* has to be in the office from 9-4 M-F. I work 9-5:30 ish at the moment.

        What I might do is stockpile $100K, then hire an associate (which would be 100% paid for by me, not the firm), in anticipation that my revenue would go up with this additional person on my team, and that s/he would pay for themselves, or mostly pay for themselves, by the second year.

        At that point, maybe I would be comfortable leaving the office at 2 or 3 and working from home for a couple of hours, and taking more vacation.

        • AN

          Husband will keep working as he likes it most of the time. I am talking about multiple 7 figures after deducting the 2 mortgages we have. Mortgage rate is super low so we are better off investing.
          By nature, I worry a LOT so it took years to even consider quitting as an option. All assets and savings are owned jointly so that is one less worry.

      • Meg Murry

        Late to the party, but I only work 15-20 hours a week now and I LOVE it. My job is lower level than it was before, without much (or any) growth potential, but I work with nice people and its rarely all that stressful.
        I will admit that I don’t feel all that satisfied by my job anymore, but I’m satisfied with my overall life and it feels so much better than having a semi-satisfying job and having the rest of my life feel like I’m barely holding on by a thread.
        If I reached the point where I and my husband never needed to work again, we’d probably put the money into investment properties so we would still have some kind of cash flow and projects to do if we wanted, but still be able to travel and such, plus it would be something our kids could be involved in in the future if they wanted. Husband would probably want to run a farm and a brewery, which I might be willing to go along with if money were really no object.

    • Anonymous

      I would quit to spend more time with the kid for sure, but I would also do volunteer legal work part-time. I like my work, I just don’t like being away from my baby so much.

    • ss

      I got to this point a few years ago and kept on working. I don’t think my rationale is surprising for the other folks I know in a similar position – I rather feel I have a vocation for what I do; most days, I believe that I ‘make a difference’; my professional success is a big and enjoyable part of who I am.

      But I did leave a large company to become a principal in my own shop, which did vastly improve the ratio of rewarding/ satisfying/ fun activity vs. slog. The ‘upwards and onwards’ career path at large institutions was already heavily eroding what I enjoyed about my work at the time I left.

    • AIMS

      I would never want to not work. If I won the lotto tomorrow, I’d continue working but just use ALL my vacation time.

      I don’t have kids though. If I did, I think I would still want to work but maybe I would switch to a reduced schedule like 3-4 days/wk. instead of 5. I like my work, but more than that I just can’t imagine what I would have to talk about to my SO or many of my friends if I didn’t have to leave the house every day. I know there are volunteer activities I could do and I could take classes, etc., but I just worry that I wouldn’t actually do any or much of that at all and then I’d become a really dull person to talk to. Not saying this is the case for others who don’t work, just my own inner fear.

    • Lyssa

      I’d quit and spend time with my husband and kid (and probably be more open to more kids, while now we’re almost certainly limiting it to only one more), travel, etc. I think that I’d like to write as a job for a while, on politics and food. (I’ve freelanced some before, but found it completely unsustainable, but if money weren’t an issue, I could just do whatever I felt like.) When kids got older, I’d probably go back to the working world, though, unless the writing thing proved sustainable.

    • AnonLawMom

      Quit, without doubt. Spend more time with kids and maybe start my own small business (yoga studio is where my head goes). Travel more. Get involved with local politics.

    • cbackson

      Because I am a weirdo, I would continue doing my crazy biglaw job. I’d just take better vacations.

    • loco

      I would work part time at a prison with their education system. Prisons with inmates under 21 in many states are required to go to classes and work towards a high school education, but usually teachers and systems are terrible. In college I volunteer taught at one of these prisons and really believed in the work – I think that prisons are failing their roles as rehabilitation facilities in part because education is lackluster and teachers are unmotivated, neglectful and sometimes fairly abusive to inmates.

      Anyway! I loved the work, but just couldn’t bring myself to sacrifice my future (financial stability, being able to give my kids a good life, etc.) to commit a career and lifetime to it. I’d do that part time and spend the rest to travel, volunteer, do my other hobbies and eat my way through the world.

      • hoola hoopa

        Interesting you mention this. A coworker found himself in a similar scenario as OP and he took early retirement and is teaching yoga at a prison. He loves it.

    • West Coast Lawyer

      I think about this a lot (even though it’s not remotely a possibility right now). I like my job a lot – the biggest downside is that I would like to take a lot more vacation than would be considered reasonable in most full-time positions. I also am really proud of the example I am setting for my kids, especially my daughter (of course, I’m not suggesting SAHMs are setting a bad example, they are clearly giving their kids other benefits that I am not). I think I would take a couple of years off to travel and spend more time with the kids, and then try to transition back into a part-time position or heavy volunteer work (in my mind I’d love to walk into my local legal aid office and say put me on staff 3 days a week and you don’t have to pay me).

      • Burgher

        My immediate response was that I’d still want to work, but the vacation and travel aspects are problematic. I love my child but I’d never want to stay home full time, even with all the money in the world. So I’d probably take some time off to travel and to re-asses. Then return to work part time, possibly at a smaller company where I could have more of an impact.

    • Anon

      I would quit and enroll in a Phd program in Computer Sciences. Then I would take up teaching and work as a consultant in the software/hardware industry. I like my job, but I always think about Phd. I have mentioned to my husband many times that if he was earning double the money that he is earning now, then I would have quit my job and started working towards a Phd.

      • anonPhD

        Maybe look into it now? PhD programs in technical fields typically pay graduate students to attend. Unless you’re very underpaid now you wouldn’t make your current salary, but there would be no tuition costs and a small stipend. (I’m not in comsci, but in the physical sciences I think it’s now typically ~$20k.)

      • Anonymous

        Your response is intriguing. What is appealing about a phD? Is it because you’d like to go into academia? I’m a lawyer and a phD, with all of those years working on one major project, just seems daunting.

      • Anon

        I think there are a couple of reasons why I always think about it.When I completed my grad school, I really felt I was just half way done. I didn’t feel like I completed my education. My mother called me on the day of my final grad school exams, I was weeping so badly because I just didn’t want the school to end. It’s been more than 5 years now, but that feeling never went away. I know it sounds crazy.

        I work at a very good company and have a challenging job. My grad school friend who went on to do a PhD and I took the same job interview and cleared it last year (off course, he was fresh PhD graduate and I was working for 4.5 years) . So it will not really make a big difference if I continue to work in the industry. My other friends also advise against quitting my current job to do a PhD.

        The reason I hesitate now is I get paid very well and I want to have children. I don’t want to be living on a stipend and my husband’s salary with infants and small children. I want to be financial secure at this stage of my life and I don’t feel financially secure with just my husband’s salary.

  10. momentarily anonymous

    I recently started a new job in a business formal environment (suits, blazer + dress/pants/skirts) after spending a long time in a business casual environment. Many of my business casual clothes are now sadly retired from my wardrobe.

    For those of you who work in a business formal environment, what does your wardrobe look like (# and colors of pants/suits/skirts/etc)? What are the pieces you end up wearing again and again?

    I’m trying to stratgically plan out my new purchases, and would be interested in hearing what your most versatile pieces/outfits are.

    • lawsuited

      I have 4 suits:

      Navy with blazer, ankle pants, wide-leg pants and trumpet skirt
      Black with blazer, ankle pants, wide-leg pants, trumpet skirt and sheath dress
      Light grey with blazer, ankle pants, wide-leg pants and pencil skirt
      Black with cropped jacket and pencil skirt

      I have 3 seperates blazers in white, a light latte-colour and red, plus 4 pair of seperates pants in black (2), charcoal grey and navy.

      Most often I wear seperates pants with a matching shell (to make a column of colour – a trick I learned from k-padi) with a different coloured blazer and brightly coloured shoes.

      I wear a suit about twice a week, mostly with ankle pants in the summer and mostly with wide leg pants in the winter. I hardly ever wear my skirts, but YMMV.

    • Boden: can't quit you

      I use suiting pieces: jacket + dress + skirt + pants a ton (and it helps to own this if/when you travel so you can minimize packing). You can break up the pieces (maybe a very trim cardigan) and then just need tops / blouses. I don’t buy suits anymore unless I can get at least jacket + two other pieces.

      Depending on your budget you could get similar sets from Nordstrom (Halogen) up to St. John-level of expensive.

    • Orangerie

      I don’t have to wear a suit every day, but my normal work uniform is a sheath dress and a coordinating blazer or jacket.

      My dresses are a combination of solid colors in suiting material (mostly black, grey, and navy with a few deep jewel tones), subtle prints (color combos are mostly black&white, some grey, purple and blue as well), printed wrap dresses and solid color ponte sheaths for more casual days.

      Suits are navy, black, charcoal, and a lighter medium grey. I try not to wear the individual pieces alone so they don’t wear out at different times.

      I love jackets with interesting details either in their texture, color, or cut. One of my favorites is an aubergine 3/4 sleeve collarless blazer with pleating detail at the back. Other jackets that get a lot of wear: navy schoolboy blazer from J.Crew, black collarless peplum hem blazer with a subtle texture (item 3568144 from Nordstrom, in black), grey/black tweed moto style jacket, navy knit tweed sweater jacket, and a white collarless jacket that I use in spring/summer.

      Most of my pencil skirts are worn way less frequently than my dresses, just because I am lazy and would prefer to pick out two pieces instead of three (skirt, top, jacket/sweater).

      If you like wearing skirts or dresses, I would try to find a few in classic materials and colors to use as your foundation and build from there. You can pair them with more conservative items or with more colorful, printed, textured items.

    • mascot

      I’ve gotten a lot of mileage out of my black seasonless wool trousers. I rarely wear the matching suiting jacket, but having several pairs of identical pants allows me to rotate and even out the wear.

    • Diana Barry

      I have 2 mid grey suits, 2 black suits, 1 pinstripe grey suit, 1 very light grey suit, 1 herringbone/plaid (very subtle) grey suit, 2 navy suits, and 1 white suit. I mostly wear pants in the winter and skirts/dresses in the summer – I have 3 suit dresses matching one of the black, 1 of the navy, 1 of the light grey. I have 3 suit skirts matching the other navy, one of the black, and one of the grey, and for the rest I only have pants. I have a lot of tops (mostly in bright colors and prints). I wear a suit almost every day but I have too many for what I “need.” :)

      • Diana Barry

        Also, it depends how formal your business formal is and the climate, whether hose is required, whether you like to wear skirts or pants more, etc. I don’t wear hose with my suit skirts so I mostly wear them in the summer – in winter it is warmer to wear pants or heavier-weight skirts with tights underneath.

    • AIMS

      Not counting old suits I hardly wear I mostly rotate:
      — (1) navy, (2) black, (1) gray pinstripe, and (1) charcoal suit
      — many sheath dresses and a few skirts and maybe 2 pairs of pants. With these I wear different more interesting blazers, sweater jackets or cardigans.

      I like really simple suit separates because you can mix and match those easily. I’ve recommended this here before but the BR lightweight wool suiting is good for this: pants, skirt, & blazer in black and navy — can be worn together or separately, simple enough not to be too memorable. I think you could get those three pieces in two colors (or even one) and really stretch that out with only a few more items thrown in (an interesting blazer or two, a few sheath dresses, some pretty blouses…).

  11. Sparrow

    Sorry, meant to be in reply to AN.

    I would definitely quit and spend some time traveling. I would like to go back to school to take art history and drawing/painting classes and spend some volunteering.

  12. Yuck

    Can I vent for a second? Yesterday, a guy in my office – I would call him a friendly acquaintance, but he’s one of those types who thinks he’s everyone’s best friend – sidled up to my desk and asked leadingly, “has anything… chaaaaanged…. with youuuuu?” After going back and forth trying to get him to clarify his question several times, he switched to, “let me put it this way, you have one child, right?” I can only think this dude was trying to ask if I’m pregnant, and I was aghast. I said, “are you telling me I look fat today?” which was not my shiningest moment, but had the desired effect of making him leave.

    The thing is, I *am* about 3 months pregnant, but have not told anyone at work for professional reasons, and because I’m a private person in general. I’m not showing, and none of the people I’ve told even know this guy, let alone would have passed the info on to him. I can only imagine that he looked at my web browsing history and saw that I’d clicked through to links on maternity clothes or something. Or maybe he read my personal e-mail, or posts to this s1te (maybe he’ll read this one. Ha!). I work somewhere with a “your computer use may be monitored” policy and reviewing computer use is legitimate part of this guy’s job. But I’m finding this seriously, seriously creepy and inappropriate. Ugh.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Maybe he read your history but I’m guessing he noticed something else about you. I use the bathroom a lot, am frequently nauseous and sip ginger ale/eat crackers and sometimes pass up booze. People think I’m pregnant all the time and I’m not. You might be doing other things different too like not coloring your hair that co-workers pick up on. I’m only saying this to make you feel better that he might not be stalking your internet but now I worry I’m going to make you paranoid about other people noticing subtle changes.

      No matter what, super yuck for him to ask.

      • Spirograph

        Ha, well now my normal username is on this. Guess that’s not part of editing! :)

        I thought about that, but I am lucky (so far) to have magical unicorn pregnancies where I don’t have any symptoms, and this guy sees me infrequently and only at work. If I were sitting at happy hour sipping a soda instead of beer with one of my work besties and she looked at me askance, I would totally get it and probably fess up, but there is literally no other way he would know. I also know this guy has looked at my computer usage before, becuase he’s commented on it. So really I should have known better…

        And no, I’m not showing. I know the “you’re pregnant?! Wow, I couldn’t even tell!” lie well enough. I’m tall with a long torso, I’ve gained 1 lb, and my clothes, which are basically tucked-in blouses and open jackets that wouldn’t give away that silhouette to even a critical observer, fit and fall normally.

        • tesyaa

          Since internet use is monitored, and your internet connection is company property, you have to assume everything you’re doing is being seen, even if monitoring is sporadic or minimal. That said, his comment to you was rude and inappropriate. If he’s not otherwise a jerk, maybe he’s just seriously lacking in social skills and thought you’d be pleased that someone caught on to your pregnancy!

          • loco

            Yeah that’s creepy and totally unprofessional on his part. You could look at ‘fun’ websites on your phone or something – I do that sometimes with this site

    • Anonymous

      Girl. You ARE showing. That’s how he knew. Everyone else does too they just aren’t saying anything. Pregnant women are always like “oh I didn’t show until my 5th month “. Uh- huh. Sure. You tell yourself that, but we all knew at 2.5 months.

      I really really really doubt that he has been snooping your computer.

        • Anon

          Maybe the delivery was rude, but the message is pretty true. I’ve never had a coworker or a friend-i-see-often announce a pregnancy that I didn’t already know about. I’ve only ever been surprised when it is someone long distance that I haven’t seen in a while.

          It is normal, and most people will say nothing at all about it. Unfortunately, your coworker is a douche.

          • ac

            Agree. I would not jump to the “he saw my browsing habits/email” conclusion, but rather assume he picked up on something you did and combined with knowing the age of your first kid guessed pregnancy.

            Like the Anon above, I have often guessed (admittedly sometimes incorrectly!) when a friend is pregnant before being told, I just have the foresight/manners not to say it (unlike this guy).

        • anon2

          I don’t think this delivery was that rude… it’s not mean or malicious, it’s just saying that although the OP doesn’t feel like she’s showing, maybe others HAVE noticed.

      • Burgher

        Haha, I know everyone shows and carries differently, but I’m 3 months pregnant with #2 and it’s getting pretty darn obvious at this point. I look like I did at 5 months with #1!

        My husband is trying to be nice and say I look the same, but my 5 year old niece (who did not know yet) came up to me a few weeks ago and hugged me, and immediately blurted out “are you having another baby???” Gotta love kids.

      • Anon in ATX

        This has been my experience personally – I had a male coworker guess before I announced – as well as my husband who guessed his coworker was pregnant before she announced (and he is the LEAST observant person on the planet)

    • anon

      Totally inappropriate, totally uncalled for, and super sh!tty to have to deal with. Hugs.

    • PinkKeyboard

      Contrary to anonymous I’ve known several people (including one of my best friends) who showed not at all till 5 months. To the point that they were concerned the baby wasn’t growing because they looked absolutley no different. I think you may be right that he checked your browsing history, but if you are a private person then just continue to ignore him. I click on pregnancy stuff all the time because i’m weird (and not pregnant), it’s really none of his business and he’s incredibly rude.

      • Maddie Ross

        This. Not sure how a second would go, but I legitimately was not showing until I was well past 20 weeks. I went to my gender ultrasound in my regular pants and was super concerned about the baby not growing or a missed miscarriage (which I had experienced before) because I wasn’t gaining weight or showing. To say that something applies to “all” women or “all” pregnancies is just silly.

        • Wendy

          Me too, with my first… it wasn’t until I started eating way too much around the holidays, which may have also had something to do with it. What can I say, baby liked pie!

      • tk1

        I wore my own clothes comfortably until 5 months, then went up one size to my moms clothes at 6 months. I didn’t need maternity clothes until 7 months, so it happens.

    • rosie

      “are you telling me I look fat today?”
      Good combination of snark and effectiveness…perfect response!

      • rosie

        I responded, now in moderation. I know I could edit to fix it, but I have no idea why so no idea what to fix. Kat & Kate, can we please get some guidelines for what sends things into moderation?

        • Anon Associate

          +1 I have a question stuck in moderation and I have no idea what triggered it

        • Blonde Lawyer

          The three letter word that starts with an f and is a not nice word for overweight is triggering moderation now I think. I tried to type it with dashes and an at sign but still ended up in moderation.

          And this is in moderation so maybe the word moderation goes to moderation. I give up.

      • hoola hoopa

        I also think it was a great response! That’s 100% icky. Yuck.

        My boss was just telling me yesterday that he was approached by a someone (female!) up the food chain who specifically requested that he ask one of his reports directly whether or not she was pregnant. Can you believe it!? So many levels of inappropriateness.

    • TCFKAG

      I have to agree with others and guess that he noticed *something* that made him think you’re pregnant and I think its pretty unlikely that he read your internet search history (unless that’s his job…in which case you should talk to your boss.) But what bugs me is whether or not he noticed something – I would never bring up a “maybe” pregnancy with a colleague (or even most friends) – I mean, for the exact reason that it could be offensive if they aren’t and make them uncomfortable if they are! After you come “out” if he makes some reference to this like “I KNEW it” – you can say, “yes you did, but in the future, NEVER mention it to someone.” Because he clearly doesn’t get it.

      All of that aside, try not to worry about it too much. Just ignore him and enjoy your unicorn-pregnancy until you do get to announce it at work. And then give him a piece of your mind. :-)

  13. Eloquii

    How does Eloquii fit?

    For example, does their 18 fit like a straight 18 or an 18W? W sizes tend to have more ease in the waist and hips and longer length, so I take a straight size 18 or a W size 14 or 16. Although the sizes on Eloquii.com are listed as “16”, “18”, “20”, etc., I wonder whether they fit like W sizes because it is a plus-size brand?

    I realize I could just order multple sizes, but I live in Canada so returns are more expensive and difficult.

    Any help would be very much appreciated!

    • Sydney Bristow

      I didn’t realize they were back! In my past experience with the brand, it fits like W sizes.

  14. JEB

    Posted this over at CorporetteMoms, but only received one response (albeit, a helpful one!). Thanks in advance for any advice!

    Hi all! What the heck do I wear to an interview while 24-25 weeks pregnant? I’m definitely showing, so hiding it isn’t an option. Should I purchase a maternity suit? Simply wear a nice black dress? If I wear a dress, should I wear one of my regular blazers over it, unbuttoned (and clearly too small at this stage)? Also, should I bring up the elephant in the room on my own, rather than ignoring it?

    To give a little context, I currently work for a federal government agency. The interview is with another section within the same agency, so they follow all of the same leave policies, but they are completely separate in terms of hiring. So when I ask about bringing up the fact that I’m pregnant, I don’t mean for the purpose of discussing their leave policies…more just acknowledging the fact that I would be taking some leave later this fall/winter, which would have an obvious (but temporary) impact on their own staffing needs.

    • Diana Barry

      I would wear a dress with a matching blazer that doesn’t close. (Note, I had several maternity suits but none of them were great.)

      I would bring up the leave if/when you get an offer – so you can talk to the person and say “As you know, I am X number of weeks pregnant. I will need to take leave beginning on X date and returning on Y date.”

      • Spirograph

        I agree with all of this. I bought and returned a few maternity suits, because I thought they were too expensive for something so poorly made, unflattering, and limited-use. I would definitely not buy one just for an interview.

        As an interviewer, I would give a pregnant woman a pass for not wearing a typical interview suit, as long as she made an effort to look professional and put together.

    • Maddie Ross

      I wouldn’t buy a maternity suit unless I had to – and having one interview is not a “had’ to situation in my mind. If your new job would require you to be in a full on suit the next 15-20 weeks, then maybe. But otherwise, definitely wear a dress (preferably in my mind a dark solid color or dark muted print) and a coordinating blazer even if it doesn’t button.

    • SuziStockbroker

      If wouldn’t wear suits to the office in the new job, I wouldn’t buy one.

      I wore a regular blazer over maternity dresses a lot, or over a maternity dress pants/skirt/maternity blouse combination. I never bought a maternity suit and I work in a business formal industry. I don’t think I could actually find any nice maternity suits actually.

      In my opinion,. as long as you are wearing a jacket, its all good.

    • JEB

      Thanks ladies! The potential new job requires court appearances (as does my current one), but I’ve been getting along just fine with maternity dresses and regular blazers. So I will do the same for the interview.

      I don’t know why, but interviewing pregnant is making me extra nervous, even though I know that it shouldn’t.

    • Philanthropy Girl

      I recently interviewed at 30 weeks, and went for a simple black dress and flats. I had already had an informal chat with the hiring VP, and noted that it wasn’t a great time to look for a job, so I opened the door and we briefly discussed timeline in my interview. However, I wouldn’t have said a word if it wasn’t already open for discussion.

      Be prepared for the “when do you think you can start” question.

      My interview went great by the way – so no need to be nervous! Good luck!

  15. DVF wrap question

    Anyone else out there a 32B? Have you found a DVF wrap that isn’t falling off of your top half?

    A lot of the wrap fitting advice I’ve read is for our bustier friends (larger = more modest). That is the opposite for me, where I’m wearing a lot of fashion tape with a size 10 (bought when I was a post-partum 8 and sized up). Now, I’m thinking that I need to shop for my bust size and then hope that my hips / tummy fit OK (which it should with a wrap). Planning on wearing a cami anyway, so modesty won’t be an issue.

    • k-padi

      36A. Same issue. I guess the solutions are to wear a Cami or use a safety pin to hold it together.

      I have the same issue with other wrap-like tops.

    • Samantha

      I’m small on top and have the same problems. I’m also a pear, so I have to buy something that fits my lower half, and address the top problem through (1) tailoring or (2) discreet pinning along with wearing a cami.

    • TCFKAG

      Someone who comments here (or used to) said that she had little fish and eye hooks put into the neckline of dresses like DVFs at her drycleaner so that she could raise and fix the neckline that way. I’ve never personally tried it, but its an alternative to the cami. Though I’m not sure it would help if the whole dress is just baggy around the shoulders and ribcage.

    • anon-oh-no

      im 32D and have the same problem. I think it has more to do with proportions. in any event, I don’t wear wrap dresses.

  16. Bargains from juniors/kids....

    For those petites/extra slender folks out there, what was your best bargain you found from scouring girls/juniors sections?

    There was a story on NPR yesterday talking about how adults are looking into kids departments lately for cheaper clothing alternatives when it fits their body type. We know well about how vanity sizing has hit the Women’s world. Well, unfortunately due to rising levels of obesity and earlier development in girls, girls sizing has also gotten larger on their high end.

    I am 5′ 7″ and slender with flat chest (34A) and often struggle to find XS women’s that are cut ok for me. It occurred to me after listening to the NPR story that maybe I should be looking into more girls sections. Maybe a large/XL is right for me.

    Has anyone found good bargains on T-shirts, cardigans etc… this way? Would be happy if they were of good enough quality to wear to work.

    • Cb

      I buy basic sweaters from the school uniform section at Marks & Spencers. They’re fairly casual and limited in colours but they’re nice for everyday wear. The sleeves are too short on me but women’s sweaters generally have the same problem.

    • Tibby

      I’m petite (5’0, 105 lbs but curvy – 32DD) and I’ve had *some* luck with shopping in girls/juniors sections, but it really depends. The biggest issue for me with tops is sleeves — long-sleeved tops/dresses rarely work because the sleeves are always too short. And I’m petite — I have short arms! With pants/skirts, my hips become an issue. I’ve had the most luck with short-sleeved or sleeveless tops & t-shirts. I do have a rain jacket that’s a boy’s medium, though, and it fits perfectly. You just have to experiment.

    • AIMS

      The only kid items I’ve gotten are from the boys section. Brooks Bros. boys polo shirts – for some reason the fit is a lot cuter than the women’s on me. And completely by accident: a tweed RL boys blazer with elbow patches. I’m 5’3/’4 but with narrow shoulders and short-ish arms, so have a hard time finding blazers that aren’t frumpy looking on me and this one fits perfectly. I actually found it in a TJ Maxx clearance section for around $40 and didn’t realize it was a boys blazer ’till after I bought it but I love it.

    • Lyssa

      I’ve tried to do this a few times (though not recently) and never really had much luck at it (although when I was waiting tables and had to wear white button downs, I found the boys section to be a great resource). I’d particularly like to find bras that way, as they are very hard to find in my size, but I guess even junior-aged girls usually have more going on up there than me!

      • tesyaa

        I buy bras for both myself and my daughters in the girls’ departments at Target and Kohls. We are all in the vicinity of 34A. The regular Target women’s department is also one of the few sources of 34As.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      My best friend buys all of her running shoes, hiking shoes and flip flops in the kids section. She gets the same name brands, similar styles and saves a ton of money. She also has small feet.

      I bought a bunch of polo shirts in L or XL from the boys section of a department store. They fit me better than mens and I couldn’t find women’s polos at the time. I think it was winter and I needed them immediately for a job. I also have a couple of summer skirts in kids XL but I don’t wear them often because I think they fit weird (extra material in the stomach even though the waist fits).

      My husband got an awesome cardigan from Gap that was apparently a boys XXXL mis-hung in the men’s department. Or purposely hung w/ the men’s large as no kid was going to buy it.

      I also scored a dress this past weekend on super deep discount at BR or Loft. I think it was mis-sized though. It was a zero and still a bit too big and I’ve never worn a zero, even as a teen (nor do I aspire to). I only tried it on because it was cute and looked like my size despite what the tag said.

      • Maddie Ross

        I buy kids shoes – particularly brand name ones like Keens or Merrells in kid sizes. So much cheaper! I would watch buying running shoes from the kid’s section is you are actually wearing them for running and not just casual wear. They do not have the same cushioning or structure as adult running shoes and therefore are generally not meant for the some type of use and mileage an adult might put on them when actually working out.

      • Bargains from juniors/kids....

        What a great idea! Which brand? They aren’t too see- through?

        I would love some simple V-neck white T’s to wear in the summer, and I have noticed some of my Dad’s simple undershirts are surprisingly good quality.

        • anon

          Hanes? I don’t know, whatever comes in a bag of 5 for $10. I got them from Target. They’re definitely opaque.

    • tesyaa

      I always want to buy girls’ tshirts and cardis at various stores (Target, Lands’ End) but they are boxier, less fitted than adult sizes.

    • Susie

      Riding pants (Kerrits schooling tights) – the same one (Kerrits schooling tights) cost $50 for kids sizes and $75 for adults.

    • Veronica Mars

      I’ve gotten a few good pieces from Target’s boys section (usually XXL will fit me well)–plaid button downs, boyfriend cardigans, etc. The main thing I notice with boy’s clothes is that they’re very boxy through the chest and don’t taper AT ALL. However, I have very large, man shoulders so they actually fit great in the shoulder. I’m a size 4 normally, if that helps. I’ve also heard of some of my friends getting Girls XL or XXL Denali jackets. Probably works the same for Patagonia too. Main thing is checking the sleeve length.

    • TCFKAG

      I’m generally a bit too heavy/broad of shoulder to shop in the kids section, but funnily enough, the best deal I get for kids stuff is sports jerseys (like the NFL or MLB branded ones.) I mean – I generally loathe the shirts that are targeted specifically for women – but the kids jerseys look just like the adult ones but are sometimes 50-75% cheaper.

    • anonsg

      I know someone who buys almost all her shoes, especially casual ones, in the kids section. I also buy shoes in the kids section (I’m a 5.5, sometimes 5)

      I buy pants, jeans, and shorts in the kids section, esp. casual clothes. I find a size 16 in old navy is about a size 4-6. Length is even sometimes too long for the jeans, haha. Pants in the kids section are always cheaper, especially jeans.

      • Sadie

        I buy boys shoes frequently, (my feet are kinda wide so in addition to being cheaper, they usually fit better).

        I also buy my winter gear in the kids section. Sometimes a girls XL, sometimes a boys L . I’m 5’2″ and wear a women’s 4/6.
        Kids ski pants /jackets are WAY cheaper and just as good.

  17. Anon

    So, police are going to come today and take my mother for an up to 90 day involuntary mental health commitment. My father signed the papers, with my blessing. I know it’s the right thing to do, but this little movie keeps playing in my head. Police coming up to the door, police handcuffing my mother, my mother confused and angry.

    I guess just looking for support or commiseration.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this. It is scary and seems awful now, but your mother is going to get the help she needs, which is ultimately a good thing.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I’m so sorry to hear that you are dealing with this. If you have a local mental health crisis center, they may be able to send a case worker to assist/oversee the process. She may not be handcuffed. They may call an ambulance and have the officer ride with the ambulance with another following rather than putting her in the back of a police car. Only if she physically struggles will she likely be handcuffed – or if she makes threats of self harm or begins to self harm.

      I hate to bring this up, but for your mom’s safety, please ask your dad to make sure there is nothing around that she could use as a weapon. All too frequently someone that is mentally ill will attack the police and some cases end sadly when that person threatens the police with a weapon. If no weapons are available that is much less likely to happen.

      • Anon

        Thank you for this description of what will actually happen. It really helps. I’m fairly certain that the only way she would self-harm or attack the police would be if she had for notice of what is happening, so I think my father went to work today as normal, and everything will appear perfectly normal to her until the police show up. That’s part of what makes it hard, I know that she’s safer not knowing what’s about to happen, but it hurts to think about her feeling shocked and betrayed.

        Thank you everyone for your good wishes, they’re keeping me from going crazy with worry.

    • Anon in NYC

      I’m so sorry. Hopefully your mother (and your family) will get the help they need.

    • Carrie

      I am proud of you for pulling together as a family to take care of your Mom. It is just awful, and unfortunately, sometimes necessary. I can only imagine how difficult it was to come to this decision.

      Often the police have experience with this sort of situation, and I have heard some good stories. I will be thinking about you and your Mom today.

      Hang in there. You can do it.

    • SuziStockbroker

      I am so sorry. My mother has mental health issues too.

      I hope she gets the help she needs.

  18. Flying Eastern Europe

    Am I being paranoid? I was supposed to be going to Eastern Europe, as far as Budapest, but with everything going on in Ukraine, I’m starting to really freak out and want to cancel. Does anyone have any insight, or sources I can use to determine if it’s safe?

    • Anonymous

      Yes, you are being paranoid. You can definitely cancel if that’s what you want to do but this post comes across as ignorant at best, sorry.

        • anon

          I should clarify. I don’t think it’s ignorant so much as extremely risk averse to the point that yeah, I think it’s a bit paranoid. Not judging, because I’ve definitely feared random things that were probably also paranoid. if you want to cancel the trip for your peace of mind, then go for it. Peace of mind is important. that said, it’s still paranoid

        • Anon

          +1. Statistically, it is more likely that you’ll get in a car accident on the way to the airport because a distracted driver was trying to change the radio station to one reporting news on Ukraine than it is likely that you will experience any effects of the Ukraine issues while in Hungary.

    • AIMS

      You’re being paranoid. Assuming you’re flying from the US, you will not be flying over Ukraine and to the extent that Ukraine and Hungary share a tiny sliver of a border, a) Budapest is nowhere near it and b) (even more importantly) all the chaos in Ukraine is far on the other side of the country, away from Hungary.

      If you want reassurance, go to the State Dept. website. Without checking, I am pretty confident you will find no travel warnings.

      • cbackson

        Agreed. OP, gently, have you looked at the distance of these things on a map? Budapest is something like 900 miles from Donetsk and the areas that are the focus of the conflict.

        Put differently, would you be nervous about going to Paris if there was violence in Warsaw? It’s roughly the same distance.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t think asking for more information when you don’t know something is ignorant. But I also think it is safe. You aren’t flying anywhere near Eastern Ukraine. Check the State Dept website for up to date travel advisories.

      • Anon

        It’s ignorant to not even know where the violence is occurring. While it’s not clear from OP’s question whether she knows this information, I’m betting she doesn’t.

        • Flying Eastern Europe

          I know exactly where the violence is occurring. I am actually Ukrainian so I am well aware and am knowledgeable about the history between Russia and Ukraine. I just thought hey, maybe I should distance myself from war zones, instead of flying (from the US) thousands of miles to get closer to it.

          • Anonattorney

            Unncessarily rude and critical responses like the ones you’re getting are exactly why I hate it here sometimes. I think I’m taking a break for a while. Good luck Flying Eastern Europe! I’m sorry you were chastised for asking an entirely legitimate question.

    • OttLobbyist

      If you are concerned, when you get to your destination, you can check in with the local embassy or consular office (assuming U.S. embassies offer that option). The Canadian Department of International Affairs has no specific advisories for Eastern Europe, and only the usual high crime advisory for Russia, with specific regional alerts in the areas of conflict, if that helps. Also, ignore the people who are diminishing your question. No one can predict the future, and it is better to do your research and ask questions so you can make appropriate decisions before you leave, and on the ground. Should you go, have a great trip! :)

    • TCFKAG

      I think calling this question ignorant is fairly overstating things. But I also think that if you are assessing risk in this case that your risk is quite small – you won’t be flying through Ukrainian airspace and Budapest is quite far from the violence.

      I think some nerves probably make sense and are just par for the course when something like the MH 17 disaster is in the news all the time. So try to distract yourself. Turn off the news, stop reading articles about the conflict, and instead focus on planning a kick butt itinerary for your trip! It’ll be awesome (I’ve been to Budapest and it is beautiful and fun.)

      • Flying Eastern Europe

        Thank you- that was my concern. When commercial planes are being shot down, and I’m going on a plane, it tends to make one nervous!

  19. Anon Associate

    I’m a third year associate working at a small firm and have not taken a lengthy vacation since I started (i.e. haven’t taken off more than 2 days in a row in 3 years). I’m going away for a couple weeks starting next week and all of a sudden, I’m getting all sorts of snarky comments about my commitment to work from both my boss and fellow associates. Any suggestions for something I can respond with that demonstrates my commitment to work but also my entitlement to vacation?

    FWIW I cleared it with my boss before I booked anything – there is nothing pressing on the schedule until 2 weeks after I get back and he was fine with it then but now, not so much…

    • MollySolverson

      Ugh, so annoying. A former coworker used to behave similarly – even after I covered for her during multiple vacations. Unfortunately, I never figured out how to make it stop. I would usually just respond with a positive comment about how much I was looking forward to my first vacation in X years and express my thanks for her willingness to handle any issues in my absence. If comments from the boss or coworkers are complaints about extra workload due to covering for you, I would respond directly by asking if they have concerns about a particular project (and to boss, confirm that you have spoken to coworker(s) about how to handle in your absence). I would not waste my breath justifying my right to take vacation days or my commitment to work. They are probably just bummed that they do not have an awesome vacation to look forward to and this will all blow over soon enough.

    • Bee

      It sucks that boss said your vacation was OK if it wasn’t. He’s your boss; it’s his job to tell you if it’s not acceptable to take a vacation that’s longer than, say, a week, which is pretty typical at most firms. That said, a lot of lawyers are terrible managers and you’re expected to pick up on nuances of firm politics on your own.

      How long do other associates at your level generally take off at once? A couple of weeks seems pretty out extraordinary to me, but if that’s normal at your firm, then all you can do is thank people for covering for you and be helpful when you have to return the favor. If other folks only take a week at a time, then limit your vacation time in the future. I wouldn’t say you should apologize, per se, for taking vacation you didn’t know you shouldn’t take, but maybe go out of your way a little more to show your appreciation – take them out to lunch or bring them back something small as a thank you.

      • jc

        You don’t need to thank anyone for taking vacation time that is allotted to you. Your boss approved this, if he changed his mind he can say so but it appears he’s just jealous as Molly suggests above. Enjoy your vacation and ignore those comments!

    • Tex

      I took two weeks off for my honeymoon, informed the partners I work for 6 months in advance, with monthly reminders, and then weekly reminders in the month before, and made sure anyone who was “covering” for me was up to speed. And I still got crap for it. But then again, I can’t remember the last time any partner I work for took a vacation (associates routinely take 1-2 weeks off at a time).

    • AIMS

      I’m sorry, leaving aside the tone of anon @11:55’s post which could have been a bit kinder, how does what you posted not confirm that Flying IS being completely paranoid? There is no travel warning or travel advisory for Hungary. She asked a question. She got a direct answer. I really don’t see what the problem is, but I can’t imagine that calling someone an a-hole is any sort of a solution.

        • AIMS

          So one person says something snarky, another says “a-hole” and then this place becomes like every other unreadable message board? Isn’t it so much more effective to just say something like “no need to be snarky…”?

          • anon

            I agree. I also think that while we shouldn’t be rude, there’s quite a bit of value in getting candid feedback. No need to tear each other down, but we shouldn’t have to validate each other all the time either. I think critical feedback is super helpful, but we should take care to deliver it in a not overly harsh way.

      • NYNY

        You’re right, I shouldn’t have put it like I did. But, keeping in mind that a plane was just shot out of the sky, it is not paranoid and certainly not ignorant to wonder if it’s safe to travel. So many anonymous users on this board slap down legit queries, and today I snapped. I’m sorry for my choice of words, but stand by my opinion.

    • Anon

      But there isn’t a warning for Hungary and you wouldn’t fly over any of the places on the warnings list traveling there from the US? Unless maybe you are flying from Hawaii or Alaska across Russia.

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