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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I love a wrap top, and this blouse from ModCloth is no exception. I love the lipstick red color and drapey viscose weave, and the cut is incredibly flattering.
I always like the look of camel with a bold red like this one, so I would probably wear this with a pair of black or navy ankle pants and a camel sweater blazer for a business casual outfit.
The top is $69 at ModCloth and comes in sizes XS–4X. It also comes in white, black, and a white-and-black print.
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Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Paging Riyadh Opportunity
I am a single American woman lawyer, who has lived and worked in Saudi for the last three years; I have really enjoyed this experience and would recommend it to anyone who is interested. My email is baking dot expat with the mail of G**gle (NB: not banking). I would love to discuss life in Saudi with you.
In-House in Houston
Has anyone tried M-sculpt or cool sculpting to get rid of fat on their body? I have some stubborn belly fat that no amount of sit-ups will get rid of. There are so many options on the market now for non-invasive procedures but I have no idea if they even work. If anyone has has liposuction, I’d be interested to hear if you were happy with the results. Thanks Ladies!
Anonymous
I have done em-sculpt 3x, and i am just started a round of em-sculpt neo. I love em-sculpt. neo is the newer version, which seems to get better clinical results. it is pricey but worth it! i don’t have too much additional fat, it is just problem areas like my stomach, but now i’m working my way to a six-pack. i used to go to a board certified plastic surgeoun, but now i am comfortable with going at a reputable med spa.
I have also had cool sculpting – DO NOT RECOMMMEND. it was horribly painful, so much so that the nurse was like, “maybe just get lipo next time!” as she was massaging the frozen fat. Also, it left a little dent, but i feel lucky to have done it without any of the truly horrible side effects. look what happened to Linda Evangelista… horror show from cool-sculpting.
Anon
My friend who worked for the company says there are more Linda Evangelistas than anyone knows.
Anon
Not tried it, but got the result it sounds like you’re looking for through lean and healthy eating, drinking tons of water, and exercising intensely 5/7 mornings for an hour. Bonus: clear skin, and tons of energy.
Anon
LOL no. Plenty of people cannot get rid of that lower belly pocket through eating and working out.
Anon
Hahaha
Anon
I take it you’re 25 and childless. That was true for me at that age. Heck, it was true right up until I got pregnant at 38, and then no amount of running, lifting, cross training, or swimming changes it.
Enjoy it while it lasts, but cut the condescension.
anon
Lemme guess, you haven’t hit midlife yet, or you’re naturally thin.
Anon
+1 perimenopause is going to be a fun awakening for this person.
editor
Wait till actual menopause . . .
pugsnbourbon
What was the point of your comment, 11:20? You want to pick a prize from the box?
Anon
I would consult with a plastic surgeon. I got a tummy tuck and it was a game changer. The belly fat was actually loose skin. And the recovery was not terrible. Sometimes it’s easier and cheaper than the non-invasive procedures.
Anon
I’ve had a tummy tuck and additional lipo for flanks. Lower pooch fat was removed with tummy tuck, not lipo. I’ve gained COVID weight but lower stomach is relatively smooth. The lipo on flanks showed little impact. even 15 pounds ago. I would have saved the money and skipped the lipo had I known.
Anon
Also, before tummy tuck I was in best shape of my life. Lifting very heavy (deadlift at 260), on a competitive high-impact sports team, trim, etc. Skin was great. Hair was great. Pooch remained. Post baby it was like my tum looked like a deflated balloon. There is a valid argument whether I should have given my shriveled balloon so much power over my mental well-being, but there is no valid argument that exercise or water or healthy eating was going to solve it.
Waffles
I had eight or so rounds of coolscupting and it did ABSOLUTELY nothing for me. It was a massive waste of money and very disappointing. At least it wasn’t painful for me like another poster suffered.
Anon
It’s definitely fat and not some kind of distention? (I keep wondering about fibroids since I have other symptoms)
AZCPA
I have had Coolsculpting on my thighs, hips, and arms. Absolutely love it – the actual procedure was very easy, and while the 2 minute massage immediately after treatment is uncomfortable, I didn’t have any pain or discomfort once those 2 minutes were over. Results in my case were meaningful but subtle – not what lipo would bring but I feel better in clothes (and without them). My ex had the procedure on his lower stomach and had excellent results as well.
Anonymous
Yesterday’s discussion about clutter got me wondering – how “tidy” would you say you are? Did it change over your life?
I was a super messy kid. I got grounded for having a messy room, and started to shove stuff in closets/drawers so it would look clean. I got pretty tidy in college and about a decade after, but the last couple years of crazy hours during covid means I definitely have a pile of paper or clothes or something in almost every room.
Cb
I was a very messy kid, and messy throughout my 20s before moving in with my now-husband – he was pretty horrified by my piles of laundry and collection of mugs. I tend to be fairly organised as an adult, but tend to make a mess when embarking on a project – baking, an organising project, etc. My desk is notoriously messy.
I’m also a terrible housekeeper so we have a cleaner for an hour once a week, which means we only really need to wipe down the countertops, clean up any spills, and run the Roomba during the week. The weekly clean ensures that the space never gets that messy. I’m also fairly minimalist so if you have less stuff, there is a limit to how much mess.
One thing that’s really come to bother me is my bedroom being cluttered. I want it to be a minimalist space, so if laundry awaiting folding needs to live in my office, I can tolerate that.
Anonymous
re weekly cleans — don’t you have to organize for your cleaner? or do they organize for you?
PLB
I’d pay for a biweekly declutter. Is there such a thing?
anonymous
I’ve always been a pretty tidy person. Maybe moreso as a teenager because I was a bit of a perfectionist about how things in my room should be organized.
Now in my 40s, the main living areas on my house are fairly neat and un-cluttered. I like to make sure the kitchen is clean and dishes done before I got o bed. I vacuum and mop floors once a week. However, I don’t do things like dust on regular basis. My windows have spots on them from where my cats press their noses.
There is one spare bedroom that is kind of a dumping ground for things. I need to spend some time organizing in there, but I keep the door closed so out of sight, out of mind.
I WFH so I like having a clean, calm space. I am very anti-clutter and pretty ruthless about purging.
anne-on
I am much more blase about window smudges/pet hair as I simply don’t have time to wipe down windows/vacuum daily. I vacuum at least 2x/wk and it still isn’t enough to keep up with the large dog and long haired cat. It’s not the hill I chose to die on and pets aren’t allowed on sofas/furniture so it really is just our floors. I swear I vacuum before ‘company’ but if neighbors pop in yea, there may be dog hair tumbleweeds.
anon
I just call the window smudges my dog’s nose art. I don’t want to interfere with her artistic process!
anne-on
I was not super duper tidy as a kid but I’d say college/living in a studio as a young 20-something definitely fully reformed me. Visual clutter/mess makes me anxious (yup, adhd) and in a small space it ‘feels’ more overwhelming when things are cluttered as there isn’t space to shove things into.
Also I simply do not leave food mess (dishes, pots/pans, grease on the stove) out for more than an hour or so (more if things are piled in the sink and I’m waiting for the dishwasher to finish running). After living in NYC it only takes a time or two of walking into roaches/bugs/mice feasting on your dinner leftovers to cure you of that habit. I also to this day refuse to keep much food on the counter and all pet food must be in sealed containers or in a cabinet, again, cockroaches/mice feasting on an open bag of dry cat food is not a memory I care to repeat.
Anon
Visual clutter and mess also triggers something in me. I didn’t know it was ADHD but the feelings are very real and strong. I thought it was me being a Virgo and wanting to improve the order of a world tending to chaos in any given system.
Anon
I was messy as a kid. Now I’m clean but clutter is tough for me to stay on top of. I do dislike it though, so I tend to be more minimalist to avoid the clutter. My husband is “dirty” but neat – very organized and no clutter, but seems to not see dust or grime. We make a good combo I guess – though I do wish I could get him to get more on the minimalist train.
BeenThatGuy
I’m over the top when it comes to cleaning and being tidy. I grew up in a home with a weekly chore list, like many kids. I couldn’t do anything on Saturday until they were done (and I was not about to miss American Bandstand!). My mother would secretly write the date somewhere on a surface that needed to be dusted. I would be punished if that spot was missed. Or I’d have to vaccuum again if the pattern wasn’t up to her standards. I’ve had lots of therapy about it but I still keep a meticulous home. It gives me great satisfaction and eases my anxiety when I am stressed. But there is a little part of me left that fears getting in trouble if it’s not perfect…
Anon
I was an immaculate child, raised by clean freaks. A HS teacher helped me load fundraisers into my sedan in the school parking lot, and said in disbelief “You could perform surgery on the floor of this car.”
Now I’m married to a dirty hoarder, and hate my life. I’ve given up because I can’t beat back the tide. If I were widowed tomorrow, the first thing I would do is rent a dumpster.
anonshmanon
I am the adult child of a minimalist mom and a hoarder dad. Makes for an interesting combo…
Anon
I’m surprised you wouldn’t go total Viking funeral and load the junk into a boat and set it on fire.
Anon
Lack of proximity to the ocean is the only thing stopping me.
Anon
Lakes? Rivers? Fill a dumpster with water?
Too Neat
I have been a clean freak my entire life and am the ‘tidiest’ person I know. When friends/neighbors come to my house, they remark that my house is like out of a magazine and their inspiration. It’s mostly because it’s always clean-appearing.
It’s also a legitimate concern that makes me nervous to have kids! I need to learn to let go :-\
Anonymous
Married to a dirty hoarder too. It sucks, I hate it and relish when he’s on work travel so the house can be clean for a week. It’s disgusting and I’m ashamed of my house, but I don’t have the ability to work against the hurricane.
Cat
Have always been a bit of a neat freak. I have never been told I needed to clean my room! Even today “tidying” type activities are my favorite chores. I think it’s soothing – I might not be able to control the rest of my life but it feels great to know my house / office is in order.
Anon
I am a slob, messy not dirty. In case any other readers are thinking that everyone else is living in a meticulous space, come on over to my house.
anon
It me! I don’t mind clutter. I force myself to tidy it up, but left to my own devices don’t care about clutter or clothes on chairs or whatever.
PLB
My home is clean but cluttered. I wasn’t always okay with this level of clutter but adult life and having less time to clean generally has made me care much, much less. Also, I have too much stuff so that doesn’t help the matter.
anon
Same – I won’t leave crumbs on the counter or dirt on the floor, but I just DGAF if the mail piles up on the breakfast bar and I am a “thing” person. I have lots of books stacked all over, small bits of pottery and art scatter surfaces, clothes end up on backs of chairs in the bedroom for a bit, etc. ~ Anon at 10:16
Is it Friday yet?
Same. Food is all put away, counters are clean, dishes in the dishwasher, but available surfaces just tend to acquire clothes and mail and clutter and I have a LOT of books. I have definitely described my housekeeping as messy not dirty before.
Anon
My people!
Anonymous
zomg me too — messy but not dirty. but it gets so messy and disorganized so quickly.
Anon From Here
Messy room growing up, but I can’t tolerate much clutter nowadays. A big part of the mismatch between my first husband and myself was our differing tolerances around clutter and housekeeping. After we separated it was an epiphany: the mess in our house wasn’t completely my fault! When I was finally living in a space that didn’t have him in it, my place was always tidy, while his house looked like a tornado hit it, since I was no longer picking up after him all the time.
Figurative and literal dirty laundry aside, for me I think it was that I grew up in a generally neat and ordered home, so it’s how I expect my house to be. I probably kept my room a mess as some teenage rebellion but it was only temporary. I guess another thing that comes to mind is that I helped clean out my grandparent’s home when we had to move them to assisted living. I don’t want my kid or their kid(s) to have to deal with that much stuff, so I try not to collect too many things.
pugsnbourbon
I grew up in a cluttered home – big family + too-small house = clutter. I tried to keep my own stuff neat but I never really had full control over any spaces so it was hard.
As an adult I feel like my house is never clean enough, no matter what I do, and I’m self-conscious about it.
anon
I’m tidy. Lots of clutter and stuff absolutely raises my anxiety. My mom is a complete neat freak, so I learned from the best. However, having a family has been a real test of letting go. While our home is tidy and clean as far as family homes go, it requires constant work to keep it up when you have that many people underfoot. Everyone is decent-ish at picking up and we have certain times where everyone tidies the house, but more people equals more messes, usually.
Anon
+1 with clutter = anxiety and having to let go a bit with a family!
Anon
I don’t think I was naturally tidy as a kid (although I always liked things clean) but my mom was an absolute monster about keeping things tidy (to an excessive degree) so it spilled over. Now I’m probably the tidiest and cleanest person I know. I go over to my friends’ houses and I’m always sort of horrified by the things they find acceptable. And I don’t think I even spend that much time and energy on cleaning or tidying!
Nina
I was a very messy kid, my parents would get on my case all the time. They were clean freaks though. I moved into an apartment by myself and it turns out that I do in fact make things messy, but I like them to be clean, so its an eternal dilemma. My parents did get a kick when they visited and I was saying “dont put that there” “dont make a mess” etc
aBr
I made a new years resolution to put away my clothes after trying them on and rejecting three outfits in the morning. That should tell you how messy I am unattended. Two things that have helped – 1. having to tidy up before our cleaning ladies come each week and 2. hiring a professional organizer to come in and make sure that there are systems so stuff has a home. The latter was a splurge but not as much as you would expect.
Anon
Tell me more about the professional organizer thing! I need places for things that arent “dumped in a cardboard box”. Where do we put our camping equipment? Where do I keep my yoga mat and accessories? Will this help? How expensive is it?
abr
You can search through the National Organization of Professional Organizers to find someone local in your area. The company we use is $80ish per hour (some are less, some are more expensive). The process for our person is an initial consult, shopping list for products to buy (our house has a lot of cavernous spaces, think 4 ft wide kitchen cabinet with no shelves just a big open area), then they come out, literally pull everything out, make me realize that no one needs 50 mugs and help with decisions, then put stuff in homes that work. It’s also a discussion of “ok, you have a spare monitor from three years ago in your closet, can we donate it.” We’ve done several rooms in our home like this.
Anonymous
I grew up in a somewhat tidy house. We had two black labs so I was vacuuming up dog hair every day. I didn’t really consider myself particularly tidy (like, stuff left on the bathroom counter for weeks on end wouldn’t bother me… smudges on the mirror, an unorganized closet… none of this would bother me). It wasn’t until my serious year of college, living with 4 roommates in an apartment (vs two person dorm room) and having full responsibility to keep a kitchen and bathroom clean for the first time that I realized how much mess and dirt and grime bother me. I married someone who reallllly hates an untidy house, so our house, even with a toddler, is super clean. My in-laws house looks like a photographer for better homes and gardens could show up at any hour, day or night, and the house would be ready for a photo shoot without any adjustments. They clean it themselves, which is the amazing part to me. I also find that having clothes and linens perfectly folded and organized is incredibly calming for me, both the act of folding and then opening a drawer/closet with everything nicely organized. So I fold 100% of the laundry because I enjoy the results that much.
Anonymous
Clean house, but a messy desk, is where I have landed. Thanks to being grounded by the pandemic, I am actually making progress on the desk.
Anon
Super messy kid, but that pretty much stopped by the time I went to college. My parents’ approach of trying to get me to clean my room by making fun of me certainly didn’t help.
I’m moderately tidy now. We let clutter pile up sometimes, but it never takes more than half an hour to deal with it. There are some things where I’ll get just big mental blocks to dealing with it. Like overflowing recycling that takes me weeks to deal with.
Sloan Sabbith
I am very tidy at work and not at all home. I want to be tidy, I’m just not good at maintaining it.
Curious
I am tidier than my father in law and not nearly as tidy as my mother. To what degree depends entirely on my energy level. When I’m healthy, there may be things on the counter, but they are in their place.
ALT
I was a messy kid and am a messy but not dirty adult. My nickname in my family is Hurricane because I tend to leave a trail of “stuff” throughout my house. I’ve gotten marginally better as I’ve gotten older, but I will never be a super tidy, spotlessly clean person.
The only part of my life where I am fastidiously neat is my clothing—I don’t get stains, I iron and steam everything, I de-pill sweaters and things like that, so I think it’s a shock to people who imagine me to be fastidious in all other aspects of life lol
Senior Attorney
I’m pretty tidy. I grew up in a very tidy home and was required to keep my room neat, which I did. (I think it was easier to be tidy back in the 70s because honestly we didn’t have nearly as much “stuff” as we do now!)
Currently my house is not quite as tidy as I’d like because we have a lot of the aforementioned stuff. During the pandemic I have been working on decluttering and making sure there is a place for everything and that has really helped, but we still have the odd piles of books and papers here and there, and too many tchotchkes for my taste. I am absolutely fanatical about washing the dishes (loading the dishwasher) and cleaning the kitchen immediately after dinner (and breakfast, and lunch, on the weekends). I can’t really relax at night until the kitchen is closed, and it’s so nice to wake up to a clean and uncluttered kitchen in the morning. For actual cleaning, we have a weekly service.
Fortunately my husband and I have the exact same tolerance for clutter (low but not none) so we have no conflicts there.
Fed
I was a messy, messy kid. My mom would occasionally come clear all the dirty cereal bowls out from under my bed when she couldn’t find any. I was messy as a singleton too.
Then I had kids and lots of pets and keeping the house tidy was imperative. It was too many creatures to allow mess to fester. Now I’m very neat at home (not annoyingly so). My office is much messier.
Anonymous
I am not a clean freak but I dislike obvious dirt. While I dislike clutter (child of a hoarder), and I have stacks and piles in a lot of places, I can find anything I need in 5 minutes or less, which has been a good place for me to settle.
Anonymous
I was a very messy child and especially teenager. My room was always covered in clothes. Once I moved out on my own though I became very neat. My house is usually pretty clean, except my husband makes so much clutter. I don’t even know how he does it. So I sometimes just follow him around putting things in piles haha. We have three kids and two pets so we have to keep on top of it now.
My office (both home and at work) is always very, very clean. I am hyper-organized and cannot work surrounded in clutter.
Anonymous
I focus on what matters to me- no dirty dishes in sight, no food stored except in containers or frig, laundry only in basket (not on the floor, etc),bed made daily, and mail/papers put in recycling daily. I spot clean bathrooms daily (5 min task), clean kitchen counters and run dishwasher daily, dust/mop every week or so, change linens weekly, and deep clean bathroom about once a week or so. Basically if it’s dirty I clean it, but don’t stress otherwise. I’m not concerned with keeping the place looking pristine all the time- a little messiness is Ok.
Anon
I was also a messy kid and a tidy adult. 99% of the time if you just dropped by I wouldn’t be embarrassed of my home. There might be too much junk mail sitting on the mail table or a few dishes on the counter not yet in the dishwasher (probably because the dishwasher is full and running) and maybe a newspaper on the table, but that would be about it.
Tidiness is a combination of not having too much stuff and having a designated home for the stuff you do have.
Anon
I should add, we used to have a cleaning service but don’t any more. I got sick of how much stuff they broke (seriously they would break something and try to hide it) so I finally broke up with them in 2019. It’s been just me and my family doing the actual cleaning beyond tidying since then. I taught both my kids to clean bathrooms and they do a decent job. The rest is basically up to us. I spent a couple of hours last weekend scrubbing the walls where the dog rubs up against them and now it’s already time to do it again!
Anyway not everyone has a cleaning service! It was nice not to have to decide what to do about it during the pandemic anyway.
Anonymous
I love getting rid of stuff we don’t need anymore, and if you’re in the Northeast, highly recommend Greendrop, a service that comes and picks it up so you don’t have to do ANYTHING except choose which charity you would like to support. It’s amazing.
Anon
Advice on an AUSA interview? I’m an experienced prosecutor but haven’t interviewed for this particular position before — or, frankly, interviewed for anything in a while. I know districts vary in their processes, but any general insights/suggestions would be much appreciated.
Anon
No advice, but congratulations on the interview and good luck! Please keep us updated, if you think about it—I would love to be an AUSA someday.
Emma
I just found out I’m pregnant and we are very happy! I’m supposed to be the MOH at my close friend’s wedding in Portugal in early July. I live in Canada and would be about 26,5 weeks along assuming this little one stays put. What are the odds I can make it? (I will obviously ask my OB). And assuming I can’t make it, when is an appropriate time to say so?
NYCer
Depends on how your pregnancy plays out, but I think there is a good chance you will be able to go. I traveled cross country (6h flight) when I was 28/29 weeks, and my OB didn’t bat an eye. Friends who had travel intensive jobs pre-Covid traveled much later than that.
That being said, the bigger risk is of course going into labor and having the baby in Portugal. You would then be stuck there for several weeks/months while the baby is in the NICU. It is a small risk, but it is a risk.
Fed
Yes–between COVID and risk of pre-term labor, definitely obtain travel insurance to cover medical expenses abroad. So many people don’t do that, and the costs pile up quickly.
Anon
In addition to normal pregnancy concerns, will you feel Covid-safe traveling to and attending a wedding while pregnant? I would seek input from your doctor on this point. I haven’t been pregnant during Covid times, but colleagues who have been/are seem to be very cautious because of Covid risks.
Emma
That’s a good point. I honestly don’t know – I guess we would have to see how things evolve and I will definitely talk to my doctor. I travelled internationally in the fall and felt fine but that was before Omicron and pregnancy. We’ve wanted this for a
long time so definitely want to be safe. I love my friend and was excited for this wedding but will probably give her a heads up once I hit 12 weeks and tell her it might be tough to commit depending on how things evolve.
Anon
I think you’ll probably be able to go, but it depends entirely on how your pregnancy plays out. I would just tell your friend that you’re going to do your best, but you can’t commit.
Anon
I would tell her ASAP. I know 12 weeks is the “normal” time to tell, but I really think you should give the bride as much advance notice as possible.
Anonymous
Physically, it’s pretty good odds. I was traveling for work up until ~31 weeks with my first. I was enormous and the plane wasn’t very comfortable, but it was fine. As it happens, my first was born 2 weeks late.
I would tell your friend that you are pregnant as soon as you are comfortable, then have a discussion with her. FWIW, I was the MOH at my sister’s wedding when I was 39 weeks and 4 days pregnant (!!). It was only a few hours away from home. I drove, had all my hospital stuff plus my medical records, knew which hospital I would go to, and had a plan for my other kiddo if I had the baby. The JP was vaguely horrified/terrified when I told her how pregnant I was, and gave me a code of “lady, my water just broke, let’s get this wrapped up.”
Kiddo was 2 weeks late and had to be induced, so it ended up being a total non-issue at the wedding other than I was hot and fat and tired.
Just for giggles, you’d think my 3rd kid would also be 2 weeks late. I did too. I was working in an office and my water broke during a big meeting because kid 3 came 3 days early. Good thing she was cute!
No Face
26 weeks is a good time to travel actually. I traveled until 35 weeks or so. That said, I know someone who went into unexpected early labor at 34 weeks while visiting family. They have been there for 3 weeks so far as the little one is in the NICU. And on top on that, their other kid got COVID, so they couldnt see their new baby in the NICU because of quarantine.
When you hit 12 or 13 weeks, assess your risks.
Curious
+1 I danced a lot at my brother in law’s wedding at 28 weeks. Only had to sit down when baby started dancing too. It was much harder on me to travel to my sister’s wedding 4 weeks later; I was exhausted, gained 7 lbs of water weight overnight, and nearly threw up in the airport.
Anon
so now having known too many people who’ve had complications, i would not travel so far away past the point of viability which is like 21ish weeks. doctors say it is ok to travel and the chances are slim, but there is always a chance you go into premature labor or need medical care and do you want to do that in Portugal. I’m sure people are going to respond to me and say that i’m nuts, but I have one friend who lives in CA who ended up in FL for 4 months bc of delivering prematurely, another friend who was recently put on bedrest at 27 weeks and another friend who pre-covid delivered at 33 weeks while on a business trip.
Anon
Not nuts. I know someone who delivered on a Hawaii babymoon at 25 weeks. The baby was in a Hawaii NICU for almost 5 months. The mom ended quitting her job to stay in Hawaii with the kid, and the dad had to return to the mainland to work and missed a good chunk of his newborn’s life. Plus there were all the costs of an unexpected five month stay in Hawaii, not known for being a cheap place to live. I did not travel after the point of viability when I was pregnant.
Anon
I did, but only to places that were easily reachable in a few hours by car with known good hospitals. All it takes is tripping and falling the wrong way or a fender-bender or something else for you go need to deliver where you are in the moment. In the middle of NC then, so beach, yes, mountains, yes. Work trip to Arizona: no.
Anon
+I I don’t think you are crazy. I had a close friend with a similar story. And I personally had a major birth hiccup at 34 weeks (so not 26.5, but still…) after what was a TOTALLY normal pregnancy with zero warning signs (like I had literally had a normal OB check up two days before). I was so glad I was in my local area when it happened, it would have likely grounded me if that was a factor. For my second child, because of this I was totally aware of the point of viability for any plans and acted accordingly. This is one of those things where risk tolerances vary; but I also think you need to think upside/downside risk. Potential upside: you get to go to your bff’s wedding in beautiful Portugal. Admittedly, yay. BUT, potential downside: something major happens and you get stuck in Portugal among all the other scary things that that would imply. While the chances of the upside is much greater than the chances of the downside, is it worth it?? Only you can make that call.
Anon
26 weeks is totally fine to travel. I think I travel with my pre-Covid pregnancy until 34 weeks. If I was going to guess I would be that cases would be down in the summer but it’s really just about your comfort level.
Alanna of Trebond
How old are you and is it your first baby, and were you yourself premature? Apparently it can make a difference. I traveled to Argentina when I was 22 weeks and it was totally fine. I went hiking, etc., climbed mountains. Baby was born at 37 weeks (3.5 weeks early!), which was perfect – I was 7 weeks early so I expected baby to come early.
Emma
I’m 32. First baby. I was 3,5 weeks premature.
Alanna of Trebond
I think given what you’ve said I would expect to be able to go – that’s the same age that I was! Obviously depends on your doctor’s advice and how you feel but I wouldn’t overindex on the horror stories.
anon
Weeks 25-27 were the weeks I felt the best, and I could have traveled internationally. My hyperemesis was finally starting to subside, and I wasn’t huge and uncomfortable yet. I had quite a bit of energy too. (But of course it’s really hard to say now what kind of pregnancy you’ll have.)
Anonymous
Just FYI the Canadian government currently doesn’t recommend any non essential international travel and the government will not rescue you if you end up trapped in Portugal.
Emma
I’m hoping that won’t be the case by then, but we would have to see.
anon
Travel itself seems fine; I would be worried about getting stuck there. I flew at 35 weeks (back 36 weeks) for my brother’s wedding, but I was flying home and had scoped out hospitals/was fully prepared to stay at my parents for two months. International might be different. The flying itself was fine, except for fitting my whale of a self and my 2 year old into the airplane bathroom.
Anonymous
Congratulations! I don’t know what decision is right for you here, but there is a middle ground between staying on as MOH and withdrawing from the wedding. You could ask to withdraw as MOH but do a reading or something, where your absence would be less disruptive.
Anon
I think this is a great suggestion, and will likely greatly reduce any anxiety you may have and allow you to make the call that is right for you when the time comes rather than one that maybe isn’t out of guilt.
anon
Definitely worth asking your OB not only as it related to your health and pregnancy but also with COVID precautions. I had a baby February 2021 and could not travel out of state, much less out of the country within 2 weeks of any appointment – nor could I be in contact with someone who had! Obviously much has changed since then but check with the policies of the doctor and your delivering hospital.
Anon
When I got pregnant with my first, I traveled by plane 2-3 times a week for work. Continued to do so until I was around 33 weeks with no issue (provided I got a seat close to the bathroom!) So flying-wise, you’re probably fine.
Seventh Sister
I feel like your odds are good, though of course ask your doctor. I traveled for work around that time with my first – I definitely had to take more cabs than usual but I wasn’t sick all the time by that point and had gotten used to being pregnant. Maybe I’d worry more if the wedding was supposed to be in a very remote part of Portugal, but it’s a high-quality healthcare system in a developed country.
Anon
I had a minor freak out yesterday when I realized January is almost over and it’s yet another month where I haven’t “done” anything. People have written about how time feels different because, with Covid, we’re not doing the things that form memories and mark time (vacations, holidays in 2020, big birthday parties, etc.) I really don’t want to look back on this year (like the last two) and feel like it was a wash. Does anyone have ideas of things to do that feel memorable and might help me get rid of this feeling? Anything you’ve done this month that feels memorable? I’m unhappily single and live alone, which makes this harder.
Dr. The Original ...
I find a tv show I loved and rewatch it. I make calls to people who I know are lonely and just keep company for a while, even if we just talk about nothing important. I read more. I look into lobby days with local organizations and offer to lend support for the things I believe in. I watch documentaries about people in marginalized communities or going through struggles and then I find ways to advocate for them with my local politicians.
What about doing something for you, from therapy to self-help books, from learning a new skill to revisiting old hobbies?
If you are looking for something more experiential, what about going to your local thrift store on a sales day, buying tons of sweaters or comforters or whatnot, and handing them out to unhoused people? What about using volunteer match’s website to offer your time to some group in need? What about thinking about what your friends may need and offering to help them (from babysitting to running errands to doing laundry together to meal prep to being a listening ear they may not ask for)?
I don’t think the year is a wash if we come out on the other side more informed, more kind, more self-aware than we went into it.
Anonymous
Go somewhere new every weekend or two, even if it’s just to a bakery two hours away or a forest preserve. These mini adventures really break things up and give something to look forward to. Sprinkle in bigger adventures at your comfort level.
Anonymous
I like this. Alternatively, set a weekly or monthly goal based on an existing hobby or something you want to take up. For example, if you cook, perhaps make each month a theme based on a cuisine or a cookbook and plan to make, say, 4 meals in that theme during the month. Or, if you are a runner, set a monthly goal such as to increase your distance every two weeks or run 3 miles 10 seconds faster. Something like that. It is hard. Know that warmer weather is not far off!
Senior Attorney
Oh, the cooking thing is a good idea!
Anonymous
BTW – I suggested 4 meals to this single poster because in my experience as a singleton, cooking once means eating 4-6 times, but it could certainly be more intensive if you have more mouths to feed and cook more often.
London (formerly NY) CPA
Agree. Wrote down a list of cities and towns within about 2-3hrs of where I live that seem vaguely interesting. Every other weekend or so I just pick one and go for the day and check out whats there, and usually try to return home in time for dinner. Especially if you have a car (vs I take the train), the risk will not be significantly more than if you hung out walking around your town and went to a restaurant for lunch.
Nina
I feel like this. What exactly happened in January after all? I went to a big name comedy show, that was fun.
Go out of your way to do something at least slightly interesting on the weekends, like a day trip or local hike. Even in the snow, its honestly more memorable that way.
Host parties for every holiday you can think of if you’re comfortable with that.
A friend who take a photo every day last year said it was a lot of work, but also forced her to notice something every day.
A journal of books I read gave me some sense of knowing what I was doing day to day. Although I haven’t finished a book in January.
Anon
My Januaries are never filled with fun times. For me, it’s more of a post-holiday, buckle down month. In other words, I don’t expect much of the month in the best of circumstances. Plan something for February and onward that sounds fun to you and is within your Covid tolerance. I have marked the change to daylight savings time in March on my calendar, so that I start planning more after work activities once the days are longer.
pugsnbourbon
+1 – my only goal for January is to survive it.
Love the spring forward weekend. It feels like a blessing.
anonshmanon
Here is something to start with: the biggest stargazing events in 2022. Make a plan to catch one of them, whether it is just getting up at the right time, or packing a thermos of hot chocolate and driving to a place without bright lights where you can see in the right direction.
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/ten-dazzling-celestial-events-to-see-in-2022-180979399/
AnonInfinity
I felt that way after 2020, and one thing I did was pick up a hobby. I chose creative writing, which I think is a particularly good hobby for the issue you articulate. It has been fun to step outside myself and do something creative. Plus I’ve made friends. There have been a few times I’ve chosen to write about sad or traumatic events, and that has helped me process. Also, a year into this hobby, I can look back and see the progress I’ve made and I have several finished short stories and the first draft of a novel. It’s not the same as going on international trips or anything, but I feel so accomplished.
I’ve taken the classes on Zoom through a couple of different organizations. Gotham Writers Workshop and GrubStreet have been my favorites so far.
anon
I’m trying to do something ‘memorable’ at least once a month to combat that feeling – for me it’s doing things that are maybe a little more effort or slightly weird that I probably wouldn’t normally do. Laura Vanderkam talks about having “an anticipating self, an experiencing self, and a remembering self” – these are things that are primarily aimed at my remembering self. Some recent ideas:
* going to see a drive-through holiday light show at the local zoo (I don’t have kids, so this wasn’t a normal activity for us, and my husband was kind of grumpy about it, yet the pictures of the wacky huge animal displays continue to bring joy)
* going to an outdoor wildlife rehab center where you can see wolves, etc (we’ll be doing this on Saturday) – it’s kind of a long drive but hopefully will be interesting at least
* going to an outdoor sculpture park that we’ve driven past but never actually stopped at
Allie
I just signed up to start phone banking for the DNC for the midterm elections (get out the vote calls). I’m pretty disappointed in a lot of parts of the Democratic party these days, but doing something to help affect outcomes has really helped me feel better in the past and it’s nice to be able to do something for an hour or two every so often from the comfort of my home.
Anon
I am also doing political organizing. It feels really good to bring people together to push back against horrific policies, and to support good candidates and leaders.
anon
Reading is my main hobby, and I’ve started tracking what I read in a journal. Having a concrete list of books I’ve read and what I thought about them makes me feel like I’ve done something with my time. Of course, you could take pretty pictures and/or post on social media too. And this could apply to other hobbies–workouts, cooking and baking projects, knitting projects, etc.
I haven’t done anything big or amazing or all that memorable this month. But I try to focus on the little things that maintain connections even if they don’t seem like a huge deal by themselves–phone calls, small gatherings, handwritten notes, dropping off food, helping a friend or family member out. A month doesn’t have to be a wash just because we didn’t attend a huge party or take a huge trip or have a big holiday. Arguably, those things are just exclamation points where we reap the benefits of the daily work of connection and kindness.
Anon
My only January goal is to finish a book by the end of the month.
Sloan Sabbith
I set a goal of going to a new park or a museum every month in 2022. I went to a huge park I’ve been to before but walked a new route in the fog so it felt new (and delightfully eerie). Doing something new like that isn’t the same as travel, but it is something I look back on fondly. One weekend right before COVID I went to a local museum and still remember how much I enjoyed the change of pace from my normal weekend routine.
Anonymous
What is the best faucet-attachment water filter? I hate drinking tap and prefer bottled but a filter seems more sustainable. Any rec’s appreciated. :)
Jeans
Any jean recommendations for smaller waist but wide hips? preferably high waisted. I’m having a tough finding jeans that don’t gap at the waist, which I hate. I’m open to different styles except crop.
Anon
If you can find on Amazon, Levis used to have a curvy line (size up!), which I didn’t see on their website the last time I looked. Also, Gap family curvy denim has worked for me.
Anon
Why is this in mod?
Anon
W e b s ! T e I think.
Waffles
+ 1 Gap curvy jeans are my favourite
Anon
Loft has recently had decent high-waist, curvy jeans in a variety of washes and leg styles. I am not sure what is available at the moment, but worth checking.
Anonymous
+1 mine are curvy boot. Got them second hand so not sure if still available.
Anon
They are! And are the most flattering jeans ever.
Anon
Talbots offers some cuts in a curvy fit.
anon
I like the curvy Eddie Bauer jeans for good basics. I tried on a bunch…
Anon
I don’t think they’re “in” at this point, but I have a very drastic waist-to-hip ratio and Joe’s Jeans Honey cut have always been good for me.
Anon
+1. Not the ‘cool jeans’ of the moment, but they’re the only pair I’ve ever found that fit me well. For reference I have a 15 inch difference waist to hip.
Anonymoose
Everlane curvy cut jeans. I have the Curvy Authentic Stretch High Rise as well as the Curvy Cheeky Jean. They are AMAZING. Cannot recommend enough.
CHL
Pilcro the Icon flare jeans at Anthropologie.
anon
Literally all of them? But in all seriousness, look at curvy fits at WHBM, Old Navy, BR, and many other mall stores.
Anonymous
I’ve had good luck with Paige.
kitten
I’m 25-38 so not sure that qualifies but Re/Done 90s high rise loose fit me well in one size up. Levi’s wedgie fit too. I have an older pair from & other stories that fits like a glove but don’t remember the name…it’s a high rise straight leg. Have heard good things about Abercrombie curve love but I don’t shop there and haven’t tried them yet. Look anywhere that carries a “curve” line–some of them actually mean curvy and come in all sizes, not just extended sizes.
Anonnymouse
Universal Standard jeans have been great for this issue on me.
boots
As you can see, there is a huge variety of recs, and correspondingly a huge variety of shapes.
I have never found a pair of jeans that fits my high waisted curvy shape off the rack.
So for my shape, to wear high waisted styles I have to wear a belt or get them tailored. Be very careful though when tailoring waists of jeans if you prefer high waist, because if you are very curvy, you literally may not be able to pull the jeans over your butt if you have a large waist/hip ratio. This has happened to me, and is a very pricey lesson to learn. Also use a tailor that is experienced with jeans. So if you are having a hard time finding anything that fits – either have to have look for styles with a slightly lower waist/mid-rise, or tailor them (maybe not as form fitting as you would like and use belts), and combine with very stretch friendly materials.
AnonMom
Levi 724 is a high rise, straight leg, fits my curvy hips without waist gaps.
Anon
If you want 100% cotton, I highly recommend H&M’s “Mom Jeans” high waisted, ankle length. They fit me so well. Smallish waist, like an 8, hips are 12-14. I buy the 12 in this model, and I don’t really need a belt. I’m tall with short legs and a long body. They go a little bit past my ankles, so like 29″?
anonypotamus
This sounds odd, but the Abercrombie “Curve Love” line of jeans is almost a perfect fit off the rack for me. I have to look for their ultra high waist jeans to actually get it to hit my waist (VERY shortwaisted over here) but they need no tailoring. And they usually have a little bit of stretch to help the waist part get past the hips.
Anon
Citizens of Humanity Rocket is my ride or die.
Anon
Have a friend within a larger friend group and we are realizing our vibes are leading toward something more romantic. However, he’s separated but not yet divorced after about 16 yrs of marriage. I have known him a long time and our friend group has been trading stories about each other’s lives for many years. This is how I know the marriage was a mess for 5 or more years before the separation and the decision to split was mutual and is not combative. I am interested in him but with the divorce not yet being final, I’m wondering if I should worry about a reunion or if there is some other reason this is a bad idea. (We are in our mid 40s if that matters and I’ve never been married, this is his first marriage.)
Any advice? Guidance on dating someone during this process or why not to?
Anon
Does he have kids?
OP
yes, 2 boys who are in 9th and 8th grades. It sounds from what we’ve heard like the fighting at home got bad so the kids saw the split coming and both parents are working together to minimize the changes on the kids (Mom is staying in the house with the kids, Dad is going to stay in the same community area to lessen travel time and increase time spent together.)
Anon
I know many now-divorced that maybe were legit trying to see if they could work things our or were maybe just lonely, but there were many episodes of backsies over a course of a year or more before things finally worked out with a divorce. I know one couple where the minute the mom knew that the dad was seeing someone, wanted the dad in her house watching the kid just to make things oddly territorial (yes, I have a dog, so I am too aware of which car is where early in the morning).
Anonymous
Has dad moved out of the family home? Are there set custody arrangements?
If not, he’s straight up still married put it on ice.
Anonymous
Yes- have they filed?
Anonymous Canadian
“is going to stay in the same community area” means that he hasn’t done that yet which means he’s still living at home, so OMG please WAIT. Sorry, but otherwise this is too potentially messy and devastating for all involved, ESPECIALLY you and these children.
If he is in a relationship where there has been fighting for 4-5 years that is so bad the KIDS saw this coming, he has a bunch of work to do even if the (anticipated) split is “not combative.”
Also +1 to the observation that you may be his “transition woman” in these circumstances and who really wants to go into that role on purpose?
Anonymous
“Is going to” as in he hasn’t even moved out yet? Girl no.
Anon
OP, Dad is going to tell you the kids saw it coming because he wants to convince himself and you that they won’t be devastated and this is really the best thing for them. It might be the best thing for them, but in my experience even if kids are aware intellectually of the possibility of divorce, it’s generally not real to them emotionally and is awful for them. Guy needs to be focused on working through the divorce and on getting his kids through the crisis phase, not on a new romantic relationship.
BTW, I am a stepmom and I met my husband while he was going through his divorce (which was heavily litigated and took almost three years). It is messy, hard, and honestly, while it worked out for us that was in part bc I was willing to keep things at a very casual level and neither I nor he downplayed what his kids are going through. And also, you know, he had moved out and they had a custody plan in place. None of which seems to be the case for you, tbh.
boots
When my parents were in the process of separating, but my father still lived in the house, the most painful thing I remember was when another woman started calling the house asking for my father. Let’s just say, this woman was the most hated person in my life from that moment on.
He’s not even moved out yet? Really, you have to ask?
Anon
Unpopular opinion: wait until the divorce is final. A lot od reasons. Hi wife does not need to see him dating someone else. Divorces are always emotional and it might make her hurt, angry, and wanting to draw out the process. Wait because he was married for over a decade and should have some time to process. Wait because if there is really something there, the extra few months won’t matter.
Anon
+1M this is the right thing to do. Adding that even an amicable divorce is exhausting, and he is likely to have a full plate until it’s over, then an adjustment phase with coparenting. If you’re still both interested after that, then great.
Senior Attorney
Agree with this. Divorce is emotionally all-consuming and I don’t think it’s a great idea for you to be associated with it in his mind. Better to start out when he’s done with all that and ready for a relationshp.
Allie
Is he legally separated? Has he moved out? Are they still sharing bank accounts? Are they on the same cell phone plan? At very minimum the answer to all of these should be yes, yes, no, no.
NYCer
I agree with this. How separated is separated? And how long has he been separated?
Anon
In many East Coast states, separated isn’t even a legal thing. Even living apart, there is no “separated.” In CA, it’s a thing (means your dating =/= stepping out on a spouse), especially for community property. So, in my state, you are either married or single. There is no separated.
Anon
I think this partially depends on how long they’ve been separated. If it’s been a long time (like over a year) and the jurisdiction is just slow granting divorces, it’s a different situation to be than if they’ve been separated for one month.
I started dating about 6 months after my ex husband of 13 years and I separated and I accidentally hurt a couple of very nice men because I thought I was further along in my healing process than I was.
Anon
Actually, I just saw that there are kids involved. I would absolutely wait until after the divorce in that situation.
Anan
+1. The priority here should be the kids and their well being and them knowing that they are the most important thing. If there is really something worth pursuing it can wait.
Anonymous
I’d keep it friend level for a year after separation. Folks need time to figure out who they are alone before choosing another partner. Only he and his spouse know the relationship so I wouldn’t presume 5 years of gossip amongst friends is the truth. I also would want to know the person tried to save the marriage—that bodes better for your future relationship. If someone is quickly jumping in to something new then it isn’t that.
roxie
Yes. OP, you do NOT want to be the first person he dates or sleeps with post divorce. Ask me how I know.
Anon
I would wait. Let the dust settle. If you are interested in him in a serious way, there is less chance of being The Transitional Woman. And things could get awkward in your friend group, so better to wait until there is less chance of things not working out due to the timing.
No Face
Wait until the divorce is final. Even if the divorce is amicable and a long time coming, it is still an emotionally difficult time.
Anon
Wait. Wait. Wait.
Cat
Wait for the divorce. (This sounds like a new twist on the hypos from a few months ago, btw – if you’re a different poster, this is not the crowd you want to source for “go for it” advice….)
Anon
+1 my thoughts exactly. Sounds exactly the same except the girls became boys, and he’s actually asked for a separation (allegedly).
Anonymous
Ah damn this probably is out resident mistress, whoops, I fell for it this time.
Anonymous
Oh dear, I think you may be right. If so, OP, my advice is get some therapy for yourself and for the love of God don’t make these children’s lives any harder than their father is about to.
Anon
I would definitely wait. Not just because he’s likely to be a mess, but because you deserve more than what he’s going to be capable of giving you for a while. If he’s worth dating, then he’s going to need to be incredibly focused on his kids right now. You should not be a priority. The beginning of a relationship is a really fun, sweet time. You’re not gonna get any of that.
Anon
He’s either divorced or he isn’t, simple as that.
Anon
I disagree with this. Divorces can get dragged out for years! You can’t expect someone to put their life on hold because their soon to be ex is trying to make things difficult and drag their feet. I say life is short, so what feels right. If he wasn’t moved out or they didn’t file, have lawyers, etc. I would say wait. But you can slowly dip your toe in the dating pool.
Anon
I’ve dated two men in the separated / freshly divorced category.
One was an absolute disaster, but neither he nor I nor the lovely intentioned mutual friend who set us up knew that at the outset. His wife literally left him for her personal trainer one weekend while he was on a guys’ fishing trip – he came home and the house was empty, and he had, until that point, thought they were happily married. THAT takes years to get over, no matter what anyone says. He dated me for 9 months (I should have called it at 3 months because there were signs he wasn’t in a good place, but was so head over heels for him that I couldn’t), another woman for 18 months (ditto, poor gal), and has now been with the same woman for a couple years but still hasn’t proposed to her despite swearing he wants to get married and have kids (dude, we’re in our 40s now, fish or cut bait). My friend keeps me informed, and I’m glad he’s happy with his current girlfriend, but he needed a therapist years ago when I dated him and he’s never seen anyone, and I kind of ache for him that the tendrils of his ex-wife’s affair have stretched this far into his current life.
A few months after him, I met my now-husband. His divorce had been final for maybe a couple weeks? For reasons that are utterly incomprehensible to me, they stayed married for 12 years. He traveled for work a lot, so I guess that helped things last longer than they needed to. They didn’t seem to really even like each other, and first talked openly about divorce at year 8, but tried therapy and all that for a few years, but still came to the conclusion that they just didn’t like being married to each other. THAT is a marriage that had been over for years. He was totally ready to move on.
And my own ex-husband, with whom I’m still friends, actually met his now-wife while we were still married, and they began dating when we filed our divorce papers a few weeks later. He and I had been talking about divorce for ~18 months at that point, and I think meeting her helped cement for him that he wanted to move on. Her friends and parents were not at ALL happy that she was dating a guy who had only just filed for divorce, but they were and are so good together – better than he and I ever were – and they have two adorable kids now.
So, anyways, a heck of a lot can go wrong, but it can go right too. But in none of these situations were there children involved. I would wait for him to make a move – he has to be ready. And be prepared that you might be the transition woman, and know that that can hurt like heck.
Anonymous
One other (but lesser) thing to possibly throw into the “moving too fast is a bad idea” pile–you and he are friends within this larger friend group. They all will develop views on this arrangement for better or worse. One or both of you may end up losing those friends if they feel like someone is acting unkind or invoking too much drama. No one wants to hang out with the guy who is ignoring his kids during a divorce, the “other” woman, etc. You shouldn’t feel like your actions need to be dictated by what anyone else thinks. But he may need his friends to lean on right now more than ever and it’s not great to interfere in that. You probably will presume they’ll be loyal to you both. But folks who grew up with a bad divorce, who have been cheated on or who empathize with the mom who is parenting during a tough time may not be as supportive of the relationship as you would like, may drop you or may even rally others in the group against it. Hopefully that wouldn’t be the case, but it is an additional layer to consider.
Anonymous
It really depends on the laws of your state, I would be less concerned about paperwork and more concerned about where things really stand. I would want to see that they’re in a stable place and there isn’t a lot more hubbub going on. I also wouldn’t want to be a rebound.
– Is the property division final?
– Is the child custody stuff final? Do they have a schedule that everyone including the kids seem pretty settled into?
– Have they been living apart for at least a year? Do they have separate bank accounts etc?
Anon
Don’t be the first girlfriend following divorce. That’s like the first pancake, never turns out well.
Anon
+1
Curious
I can’t comment on divorce, but I can comment on pancakes, and I heartily agree. There is a Russian saying for this that I can’t remember the end of, but it’s basically “the first pancake is a fail”.
Anon
It literally translates to “the first pancake is always lumpy.”
Anon
I am very over the dating apps. How are people meeting people while Covid is still a big thing? I’m mid-30s and am feeling very discouraged.
Nina
I’m in my late 20s but over COVID I have been using the apps and its been doable. Haven’t found the one alas but I did date someone for 3 months, 5 months, and now I’ve started dating someone new. I’m vaccinated, they’re vaccinated, we’ve both had to postpone dates due to covid concerns (someone was exposed, meeting grandma so being extra careful) and everyone has been perfectly understandable about that.
But yes I do wish I could meet people off of dating apps because its a very contrived situation
Anon
Did I write this? I am in the same boat. I’ve just decided to take a break until the weather is better and I am feeling like I have a little more emotional energy for this.
Anonymous
depends where you are, but what about outdoor activities? I went skiing with the kids yesterday (random no school day) and the mountain was HOPPING by like 4pm with adults. So was the bar.
Anon
Same. I’ve been using the apps for YEARS with lots of dates and zero luck.
anon
I am a super active and social person and even pre-Covid struggled to people people who were in the want to date and can date head space outside of the apps. Therefore, I recommend taking a break from the apps (because they are discouraging, full stop), and doing whatever it is that you want to do that isn’t dating. I do this from time to time because dating is a slog and it’s exhausting and frustrating and all the things and sometimes, even though I am lonely AF, I just need to step back. (early 40s FWIW)
Dr. The Original ...
I just wanted to say thank you. I’ve been here since the very beginning and, though I’ve had to take a break after being falsely accused of tr0llness, I’ve long cherished the relationships here. I’ve been called out when I was wrong or letting my own BS cloud my judgment, I’ve bought clothing items based on your recs, I’ve shared multiple graduation celebration moments, and I’ve learned countless tips and tricks for existing in easier or more fulfilling ways. So whatever you’re doing, whatever you’ve done, whatever frog you are not eating, just know that you have made my life better by being in it, whether via a handle or as anons.
I’m not going anywhere, I was just thinking about it and decided to share the thought. <3
Ses
+1, much love to all the folks here.
Eat the frog, carry your inherited Birkin, wear The Skirt with a hair band on your wrist, Fooey!, YMMV, and don’t date the married men. ;)
Anon
Ah, the Skirt. I’m not sure when it passed out of my closet (probably 2 years later than it should have). It was a good friend.
Anonymous
Yes! I had the Skirt in black and in a robin’s egg blue. I used to wear the blue one with a tight black swear and heels and feel like a million bucks. (Who knew I’d be sitting here in sweats and wet hair WFH all these years later?) You guys also introduced me to the joys of the Longchomp bag (leather version got me through many a plane trip for a conference or client meeting), nude-for-me heels and fleece tights.
Of course not all trends have bone by the wayside. Even though the Skirt and I have parted ways, I’m still friends on occasion with Shots! Shots! Shots!
Anonymous
And all these types are making it look like Shots! Shots! Shots! and I are more than the occasional friend.
Curious
Glad you’re not going anywhere :) and we know you’re not a tr0ll! But you are a doctor now and that is pretty cool.
Vegan ideas?
We’re having (fully vaccinated!) new friends over for dinner this weekend who describe themselves as “unpicky vegans.” I love cooking but have realized to my shame that I basically never cook vegan! Google seems to be suggesting “healthy” vegan recipes over dinner party options. I don’t need something really fancy but I’d like it to be good! Does anybody have any recommendations??
Anon
My go-tos are a taco bar or Indian food (I make an awesome bhindi masala if I do say so myself, but a lot of common Indian recipes don’t use any animal products).
Anon
I like the blog Oh She Glows for vegan recipes.
Calrayo
That’s a good one! I also recommend Vegan Richa and My Heart Beets. The latter isn’t vegan, but has lots of vegan recipes.
Anon
As a mostly vegan, I eat a lot of Mexican, Indian, and Mediterranean inspired food, so I agree with the rec for those. Chana masala is good for a vegan Indian recipe and pretty easy. Tacos and burritos are always good, as are falafel, hummus, etc or grain and bean dishes with veggies. I really like the ATK Mediterranean cookbook for mostly plant based recipes, but it also has some with meat and fish.
No Face
Taco bar. Chickpeas roasted in taco seasoning are delicious taco fillers! The trader Joe’s soy chorizo is tasty too.
Ratatouille is also yummy.
Anon
+1. I’m a long time vegetarian who generally doesn’t like fake meat, but the soy chorizo is really good!
Anon
I think Ottolenghi has some interesting vegan recipes that are more suited for entertaining. If you search his name + vegan you’ll pull up a bunch.
Anonymous
Ha. We posted the same thing at the same time!
Anonymous
Check out Ottolenghi’s recipes. He is not a vegan or even vegetarian chef, but he is a veg-forward chef and you should be able to find something exciting and hearty requiring no or few substitutions to keep it vegan.
Anon
I think vegan is picky by definition. . . I’d be tempted to do veggie pizzas without cheese for them and a regular pizza for you
Anon
Not really…. I’m not vegan, but lots of the things I eat don’t use any animal products and don’t use weird substitutes, either. “Vegan” seems to provoke some sort of anxiety in a lot of folks, when there are plenty of options.
Anon
Rude.
Anonymous
Veganism is a moral philosophy. Assuming OPs guests eat any and all plant foods, they aren’t picky.
Formerly Lilly
Isa Chandra Moskowitz has recipes that are not reminiscent of a 1971 hippie commune. You can find some recipes on the web at theppk dot com. ppk = post punk kitchen.
Anonymous
Have you checked out the “feasting at home”blog? Her recipes tend to be vegan or vegan adaptable, dinner party pretty and really yummy with minimal effort. I particularly love her vegan pastas. You can make the sauce earlier in the day and just boil the pasta while you’re drinking wine and eating appetizers then toss it just before serving in a skillet with the warmed sauce and some pasta water. Works like a charm. The mushroom vegan Alfredo would be amazing this time of year.
Ribena
I’d make a big veggie pie with puff pastry on top (many supermarket puff pastry brands are accidentally vegan).
Anon
Pasta is vegan very easily. Red sauce, maybe with roasted veggies in the sauce. Garlic bread. Salad.
A
Indian food?
Stinky Sally
Weird issue – for the past week, my right underarm has a prominent (to me) BO smell, even right after the shower, while my left remains normal and scent-free. I haven’t changed my deodorant or soap and I can’t think of why one underarm is misbehaving or how to correct the issue. The scent remains even after a thorough scrub in the shower. Has this happened to anyone else or does anyone have any suggestions?
Anonymous
Never heard of this. Rubbing alcohol on the arm to truly get rid of any bacteria?
CB
This happens to me every so often and a chemical exfoliant does the trick. Don’t do it after you shave though.
Anon
Odor is caused by the interaction between you skin microbes and your skin, so perturbations in those microbes can cause a change in smell. If you don’t get any better advice, try to reintroduce the microbes from your normal armpit to the smelly one (just by rubbing). I don’t know of any evidence for this, but as an actual microbiologist, it’s what I would try first and consistent with my experience- I went through a short period where I tried to get away with showering every other day by wiping my armpits with alcohol and it totally backfired, presumably because it changed my skin microbes in a bad way. I quickly decided that I really just need daily showers if I don’t want to stink and have disgusting hair, but people obviously vary a lot on this.
Anon
This is intriguing to me. I wonder if something like topical probiotics could turn things around for me? (I feel that I could use another shower approximately 30 minutes after my last shower, even with prescription antiperspirant.)
Anon
Probiotics are one of those things that clearly have potential, but it’s not clear how well they actually work. The biggest problem is that your microbiome is a complex community made up of thousands of different microbes responding to the environmental conditions in different parts of your body, not just one or a few bacteria that you can add and assume that they’ll survive under those conditions. It’s also a huge problem that probiotics aren’t regulated, so there’s no guarantee you get what you’re buying- selling any live organism is tricky, because it’s hard to keep them alive on a store shelf. If this was a sudden change with no obvious cause (antibiotics or other drugs, change in products or habits etc.), your own natural microbes from your other armpit are more likely to be the “right” ones than something you buy from a store. But if it doesn’t get better on its own (fairly likely?), trying a probiotic is unlikely to hurt and might help.
Lydia
megababe makes an armpit detox mask…I think it’s called happy pits? I might try something like that. rubbing alcohol is a good solution too.
Elizabeth
Benzoyl peroxide! I keep Panoxyl foaming face wash with 10% benzoyl peroxide in my shower specifically for that purpose. It’s like $10 at Target. Follow the instructions on the label — you’ll want to apply it and leave on for a minute or two before rinsing off. It helps kill bacteria and get rid of the stink.
test run
+1! This happens to me sometimes and this is what does the trick. Just make sure to use your white towels/wear a white t-shirt after or you’ll bleach everything.
Anon
Yeast?
Anon
late to this but get s mammo. your armpit close to lymph. you might not be draining
anon
Recommendations for body pillows for shorter people that curve under your head and/or knees? I’m 2 years post partum and still using my pregnancy pillow, mostly because I’m a lifelong stomach sleeper but lately that’s been hurting my back so I use the Snoogle pregnancy pillow to prop me up so I’m not fully on my stomach. But it is starting to get flat and its huge and is annoying if I want to turn to the other side. I know there are those long straight body pillows but wouldn’t you have to also use a regular pillow under your head so that you aren’t always thrusting your head forward to be on the pillow? I don’t get it.
Anon
I keep seeing on the NYT this week that Wore utter has just reviewed body pillows.
anon
How do you know if Vitamin C serum is working? I’ve been using it for 6 months, trying two different brands, and I don’t really see any difference in my face. Does it just not work for some people? I’m latina with latte like color skin if that makes a difference.
Anon
It doesn’t do anything. Just hope in a jar.
anonshmanon
That’s beautifully put!
Anon
Dr Dray says no scientific evidence. I use a 25% vitamin C cream and it evens out my skin tone and heals blemishes faster. Haven’t noticed any other benefit after 3y.
Anonymous
I saw a difference almost immediately, 2 weeks or so? I use skinceuticals, didn’t feel like the cheaper ones did much.
bbb
+1
It makes my skin spots lighter and my face overall smoother and brighter. I also use Skinceuticals and definitely would not pay that price if it didn’t work.
BeenThatGuy
This. Skinceuticals is the one brand where I see a significant difference. Sunday Riley is 2nd but not a close 2nd.
Anon
Anecdata but didn’t do anything for me.
Anonymous
+ 1. I tossed my Vitamin C samples and moved on.
wet.ink.sigs
IME this is highly brand dependent. I’ve used cheapie no name serums from Amazon that did nothing. Paula’s Choice is my go to now (cheaper than Skinceuticals, but still the most expensive item in my skincare budget).
Anonymous
I use this brand as well. I thought it wasn’t doing anything and then I increased how much I was applying and I started noticing a glow to my skin. I use about 5-6 drops now.
Anon
I used Skinceuticals and had a bad reaction within hours. No effect over six months makes me think it won’t do anything.
Caveat: You’re supposed to keep it dark and cool, preferrably in the fridge. If it’s tinged yellow or thickening and gloppy, it’s old and has lost efficacy.
TDS
I’m old fashioned I guess, but I like Estée Lauder’s advanced night serum. I don’t think it has vitamin C, but I do notice results after a few weeks in minimizing forehead lines.
Anonymous
to the poster that asked about her 43 pairs of jeans yesterday…and all the follow up commenters: THANK YOU! The entire thread was on my mind this AM, and I mentioned to DH that I bet we could do a bit of decluttering and between when the kids got on the bus at 7:15am and when we went down to our respective home offices at 8:30, we filled SIX TRASHBAGS with stuff to donate. And this was the easy stuff. We are tackling more this weekend.
We got:
– Nearly 2 drawers of dress socks that DH has not worn in 5+ years. He saved 4 pairs of black and khaki, plus any nicer patterns in good shape. 14 ties (saved 20+). Bathing suits he has not worn in a decade.
– linens and towels (mismatched, for bed sizes we no longer own, dupes, itchy, old…including like 15 ratty pillow cases), old comforter, random old curtains that were sitting in our linen closet
– pants from the depths of the drawers I don’t ever open in my dresser
– about 15 items from our closet that were still in the bag we moved them from our last house in, in 2015. There was brief discussion of how nice they were, after which we decided that even if they are nice, they are 7 years out of style (at the least!) and probably don’t fit anymore.
– underwear and PJs from our youngest kiddo that are too small but were still stuffed in the back of her drawers
Ses
Whoop! Go you!
Anonymous
Doesn’t it feel good!?! I always feel lighter when my drawers and closets are clearer. Something about getting stuff down to what I’m actually using makes me life so much easier.
And, a few years ago, I realized that apparently I had a lot of stuff I owned simply to store it. That didn’t seem like a good life plan, so I became converted to the idea that clear space was far more valuable to me than owning stuff.
Mrs. Jones
Well done! I LOVE getting rid of stuff I don’t need. It’s good for the psyche.
Senior Attorney
Woo hoo!! You get a medal!!!
Anon
Wow, I’m not just impressed at the volume, I’m even more impressed that you did all this in an hour??!
Anonymous
Congratulations!
Anonymous
As I was going through some papers at my parents’ house, I came across some Walt Disney stock certificates that are in my father’s name in custody for me. I’m almost 30 and had no idea about these. My father said my grandmother had bought them for me when I was born and she had completely forgotten about them. It’s not much, a couple thousand, but still! Do I need to do something to transfer ownership to me or are they mine since I’m over 18? Any advice would be appreciated.
Anon
are they the paper ones with the cute disney pictures on them? they are kind of cute, so i am thinking of framing one rather than cashing it in bc no one has paper stock certificates anymore. i have some too. so i have some in my mom’s name in custody for me, and there is paperwork you will need to fill out to get your father off. i had started this paperwork before my mother passed away but we never finished.
Anonymous
OP and yes that is exactly it!! Where can you find the paperwork? I don’t really know if I want to cash them or just leave them as an in case of emergency thing but I feel like transferring them into my name is the right thing to do.
IL
I have a related question: what do you do with paper savings bonds from the government? I got mailed a stack of them that are just about to stop earning interest after 30 years. What do I do with them? Do I need to go to a physical bank branch or something?
Anon 2.0
I believe you either need to go to branch who will cash them and deposit them or visit Treasury Direct for an option to mail them.
Anon
I took them in person to my local bank branch and they deposited them at their current value. They know what to do.
Anonymous
I just cashed in all of mine recently–go to a physical branch (preferably one where you have an account). Had to find an older teller to help me who knew what to do; young teller’s comment was “I’ve never seen paper savings bonds before.”
Anon
Ha I love this
MJ
Since Disney is publicly traded, they have a transfer agent. Go to the Investor Relations website of Disney, figure out who the Transfer Agent is. Call the number listed there. Explain the situation. The transfer agent will have procedures for changing the certs to your name (and possibly also to book entry).
Also, if the shares are very old, there’s a possibility that they have split or reverse split, so you may have fewer or more shares held in your name than are listed on the cert. Hope this helps.
Anon
SCOTUS – i have mixed feelings. i wish RBG had done the same, but now just hope we can get the new nominee confirmed in time. i am not completely familiar with how the selection process works, but why is it ok for the president to say i am going to choose a black woman in this context, whereas in most other contexts if you were to specify that you were going to choose someone with a certain race/gender you would be sued.
anonshmanon
Is there a detailed recruitment policy for SCOTUS seats? How long does the position need to stay posted? I kid, I kid.
Anon
I seriously don’t think that there is a requirement to be a lawyer. Many prior people with this job had just read law. TL;DR: does Kim Kardashian know? I’m not sure if Armenian-American = Asian, but she’d check a lot of boxes and would liven up DC. And Kanye can buy yet another house across the street from her. Let’s do this!
Gail the Goldfish
There isn’t! There is literally no requirement to be a SCOTUS justice other than getting nominated and confirmed (of course, good luck getting confirmed if you’re not a lawyer this day in age). From SCOTUS’s FAQ: “The Constitution does not specify qualifications for Justices such as age, education, profession, or native-born citizenship. A Justice does not have to be a lawyer or a law school graduate, but all Justices have been trained in the law. Many of the 18th and 19th century Justices studied law under a mentor because there were few law schools in the country.”
Anon
Eh, for a long time this has been de facto policy. First you could only be a white man, then there was the Black seat (Marshall, Thomas), and then the woman seat (RBG, Barrett). I think that there are major issues with representation on the Supreme Court, starting with race and gender, but in some ways the fact that everyone except Barrett went to Harvard or Yale and is Jewish or Catholic is more disturbing to me. I went to an Ivy League school and got a perfect score on my SATs, but still find it absurd that getting high test scores and attending certain schools is the only way to become a Supreme Court justice.
Anon
Which is why I’d like the judge from SC to get it. Everyone else is much more straight out of SCOTUS D-pick central casting. If not her, anyone who went to State U at any point. Maybe a Protestant (kidding!)?
Anon
Gorsuch is Episcopalian.
More seriously, I don’t think that we should let the Harvard Law admissions committee’s opinions of 22-year-olds have such influence over our opinions of someone’s brainpower, work ethic, and drive.
anon
yawn from this atheist. I know it’s radical and I will never live to see this, but how about a judge deriving their ethics from basic humanist principles instead of a sky daddy?
Anon
Episcopalian is pretty darn close.
kitten
Lol sky daddy. I feel like most of these people know religion is made up but don’t feel like they can quite say that out loud yet? I could be wrong but at least in my circle it seems like everyone is an atheist but is culturally comfortable with anything Judeo-Christian.
Anonymous
He is a practicing Episcopalian who was Catholic educated/raised.
Anonymous
No kitten this is dumb
PLB
Anon at 12:19, I’m a believer but “sky daddy” cracked me up!
PolyD
Right there with you, anon at 12:19. Long past time for an atheist Justice.
Anon
Do you ever think that many people who belong to churches belong for the sense of tradition and culture more than any sort of rabid personal adoption of whatever its tenets are? Like there is a lot of agnosticism and even atheism within the pews? And many faiths’ message are OK with me in a general sense, especially the calls to do unto others (including those of different faiths, agnostics, and atheists). I can get an atheist on the SCT, but not one hostile to religion.
Anonymous
Do you ever think that if those people left the pews and formed social networks and bonds outside the church that society would benefit from wresting control over community from people who are rabidly attached to harmful dogma and tenets of religion?
anon
sure it’s not all bad. Love thy neighbor is great. Don’t steal and murder people, instant classic. But there are few candidates for high office that don’t make their religious affiliation a big part of their brand. That’s sending a bit of a mixed message as to how strongly candidates’ religious views are going to inform their work, which ultimately shapes the lives of people.
Wouldn’t it be great if we were post-all the -isms, so we wouldn’t first look at what gender, race, or religion a candidate for public office is? Yes it absolutely would, but until we are there, I will appreciate the novel and often unique perspectives brought to the table by female vice presidents, black sheriffs, and atheist judges.
Anon
I think we are there now. Honestly. Sotomayor is Catholic and divorced. T
Anon
Short article on the history of seats being designated for certain groups- apparently Scalia was nominated because he was “of Italian extraction.”
https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2022/01/supreme-court-breyer-scalia.html
Patricia Gardiner
I may be late to the party but… has anyone listened to the podcast Sweet Bobby? What a crazy story!! I reeeeeally want answers!
Anon
I’m listening to the podcast thanks to your recommendation and all I can say is – WOW. And if you like this story, you should check out The Puppet Master: Hunting the Ultimate Conman on Netflix! Wild stuff!
Patricia Gardiner
Thank you, will check it out!
Anonymous
Thanks for mentioning this. I listened to Ep. 1 while eating lunch today and I am all in.
Panda Bear
Yes! Horrifying and so sad.
Anon
are they the paper ones with the cute disney pictures on them? they are kind of cute, so i am thinking of framing one rather than cashing it in bc no one has paper stock certificates anymore. i have some too. so i have some in my mom’s name in custody for me, and there is paperwork you will need to fill out to get your father off. i had started this paperwork before my mother passed away but we never finished.
Blue Apron etc?
Does anyone have thoughts on the best home meal kit delivery, i.e. Blue Apron, Hello Fresh etc? My husband loves to cook and generally handles all cooking but it is becoming too much with two busy jobs and a toddler. I feel like we default to take out too much and I’d like to cut back. Since he is such a good cook and foodie, we’d be looking for the service that provides best tasting meals, not just the easiest (I did blue apron when I was single and liked it but want to know what else is out there).
anon101
Tried ’em all, here’s my quick take:
1) Blue Apron & Marley Spoon: most involved/complex, closest to restaurant style dishes
2) Green Chef: small portions but amazing because it’s all organic
3) Home Chef & Hello Fresh: best for the all-american palate, not super healthy, easy
4) Gobble: cheapest and fastest, but they also leave out pantry items like eggs and vinegars expecting you to provide those while all the other services send these items in the kits
Even getting 3 meals a week for 4 people is not enough for our household and we pad the recipes so we have leftovers by buying extra ingredients in the recipe to double it up. Leftovers are essential or else it doesn’t move the needle enough in my opinion.
Anon
+1 to everything above. Tried them all too, we did a few of them concurrently depending on menus that week. We padded everything as well. The padding was easy with Amazon Fresh delivery, the shopping list was easy to compile from the ingredients. The most important thing for me is husband could actually put dinner on the table. It took him twice as long as it would take me but I didn’t need to be involved at all and it was a blessing during a tough work period. I’m back to scratch cooking for right now but would go back in a flash. The overall monthly cost was not more than what we spend on food anyway because we did less random takeout that happens when I fail to defrost something on time. It introduced me to some new spices or food combinations, and we’re already pretty adventurous.
Cat
is the issue grocery shopping and meal planning, or is it taking the time to cook a dinner each night? Meal kits solve the first problem, not the second.
We’ve had more success cooking larger portions with the intent to get 4-5 meals out of one cooking session — e.g., lasagne, fancy meat loaf, big batch of pulled pork for sandwiches or tacos.
Anon
For us, those services didn’t address our sticking point, which was coming home late and tired and needing to get something on the table fast. IMO, those services are for people who hate grocery shopping and meal planning. That’s not our problem – we went grocery shopping on the weekends and always had time to cook nice meals then, but during the week we’d come home late and would be too tired to cook what we had. The fact that the boxes came with all these steps – and particularly the annoying “chop this artisanal carrot/rutabaga/squash” step – didn’t solve our problem. When we cooked for ourselves, we’d buy those pre-chopped veggies in the fresh section of the grocery store or get frozen veggies, and could get a home-cooked meal on the table faster than whatever the box had aspirationally promised. So consider whether your problem is weekend grocery shopping and meal prep vs. weeknight dinner time.
Waffles
This was my experience too. I’m better off to do my own planning and batch cook on the weekends. My time crunch comes on weeknights and the delivery services actually made that worse for me.
Anon
I have free boxes for Hello Fresh and Marley Spoon if you’d like.
OP
I’d love the free boxes. My email is ruthbaderg at the mail of G. Thank you!!
Anon
Sent! The hello fresh I think is just a discount and the Marley spoon is a free box!
Mrs. Jones
Hello Fresh is delish but takes a lot of time to chop etc.
Green Chef is delish and doesn’t take too much time to prep. I’m using it now.
Hungryroot is the easiest but not the fanciest/best-tasting.
All have good-size portions.
Curious
No one has mentioned sunbasket. We are somewhat snobby about food and really like their pre-prepped meals. I believe they do meal kits as well.
Senior Attorney
We’ve tried Hello Fresh and Sunbasket and always come back to Blue Apron. Right now we are pretty well locked down so we are getting four dinners a week and are generally really happy with the quality of the meals. I have free meals available if you like — send me your name and email to seniorattorney1 at gmail (that goes for anybody who wants them).
Sloan Sabbith
I use Blue Apron, my family ued HelloFresh. I like the Blue Apron recipes more. I get 3 meals a week for 2 people and always have leftovers for lunch. The HelloFresh meals seemed very much to cater to families with kids.
Anon
I did Green Chef since they could accommodate my diet. I was impressed with the quality of the meat/fish. The prep was easy. The meals eventually became a little repetitive (always an onion, always a sauce). They did feel healthier/more balanced than takeout. It felt spendy but I didn’t do the math.
Low Stakes Fashion Question
Does it look polished to mix silver/white gold and yellow gold rings and other jewelry? I found a silver and onyx ring from David Yurman that I really like, but not sure if it would look odd with the rest of my primarily yellow gold necklaces, earrings and rings? Also, is David Yurman still in style? I have no idea what’s trendy and generally very little fashion sense, so please be gentle.
Anon
I love mixing metal, especially in individual pieces. I have a two-tone wedding band, and I think it ties everything together. As long as the styles mesh (delicate with delicate, bold with bold) I think it works.
OP
Thank you – the delicate with delicate and bold with bold is the exact fashion for dummies guidance I need!
Anon
If Duchess Kate does it then you can do it.
Senior Attorney
My motto is “all metals are neutrals and all neutrals go together.” I mix metals all the time.
Anon
My first wedding ring set was a mix of platinum and yellow gold, from the 1940s. I loved it and felt like it gave me the green light to mix any and all metals.
It wasn’t worth keeping that husband to keep the rings, but mixing metals was possibly the best thing to come out of that marriage.
Anon
I love this.
anon
I’m trying to do something ‘memorable’ at least once a month to combat that feeling – for me it’s doing things that are maybe a little more effort or slightly weird that I probably wouldn’t normally do. Laura Vanderkam talks about having “an anticipating self, an experiencing self, and a remembering self” – these are things that are primarily aimed at my remembering self. Some recent ideas:
* going to see a drive-through holiday light show at the local zoo (I don’t have kids, so this wasn’t a normal activity for us, and my husband was kind of grumpy about it, yet the pictures of the wacky huge animal displays continue to bring joy)
* going to an outdoor wildlife rehab center where you can see wolves, etc (we’ll be doing this on Saturday) – it’s kind of a long drive but hopefully will be interesting at least
* going to an outdoor sculpture park that we’ve driven past but never actually stopped at
Solo trip
I’m having trouble pulling the trigger on taking what I hope would be a relaxing and restorative mini vacation. My parents rented a place in Hilton Head for the month of March and invited me and my family to come down for a few days. My husband doesn’t want to take off work and I don’t really feel like traveling with a 3 yo and 5 yo old by myself, so I’m considering just going solo. My family all just got over back to back to back to back cases of covid so we have literally been in some stage of quarantine since the new year. I’m SO sick of the freezing cold and snow. And I just need a break. A family trip to somewhere warm this spring isn’t in the budget this year, so this is my chance to get away where at least somewhat warmer without spending any money (my parents will pay for my flight with points). I have a great relationship with my parents and enjoy spending time with them. And the thought of being without any responsibilities for a few days sounds amazing.
I just feel bad for taking a trip by myself for no other reason than I just want to get away. I’ve left the kids before but always for a wedding or some other specific event. Should I go? any reason NOT to go?
Anon
Do it! I had planned a solo spa trip that ended up getting canceled because of Omicron but I hope to do it someday soon. This trip sounds like a great way to get some rest and relaxation for yourself, which is important.
Anonymous
No where in here do you mention whether your husband is ok with it?
Anon
I say do it!! But I’d try to make sure your husband gets a similar opportunity in the near future.
Anonymous
I got to the end of your first paragraph and was thinking, Why did she even post this as a question? I can’t see what the issue is here; what’s the conflict that she’s wrestling with?
Is it that you feel a mom is never supposed to leave her kids unless she has a “good” reason? I’m not a mom, but that doesn’t seem like sound thinking to me. For whatever it’s worth, that’s my response: I can’t possibly see the downside (assuming, of course, that you and your husband are able to work out a good childcare plan that doesn’t leave him seething with resentment, just like you wouldn’t want him to go off and leave you dealing with stuff in a way that left you seething with resentment).
Anonymous
Yes. Self care is family care. Do it. Don’t do it constantly, just do it now and occasionally.
Anon
Happy mom, happy kids.
Anon
Of course you should go.
Anon
I’d probably get shown the door if I showed up without grandchildren.
Anon
I’m a grandparent and as much as I want to see the grandchildren, if my daughter needed some restorative time away from the kids, I would understand and support!
Anon
That’s sad. My parents adore their grandchild, but if I told my parents I needed time away they would be happy to just have me.
anon
Go! If your husband has reservations, try to address those and make things as easy for him as possible, and still go! You don’t need an event or a “good enough” reason to take a few days off.
Solo trip
OP here – yes my husband is okay with it. I work part time and our babysitter can watch the kids on the days I would normally be off. My husband had a guys trip last summer and has another big (expensive and long) golf trip scheduled for August that I’m okay with.
I think another issue is that deep down I’m feeling bad about myself for not having some kind of fun girls trip and I’m just using my trip time to go away with my parents. I’ve been feeling down lately about not really having a solid friend group as much as I used to. Most of my friends are spread out, with either new young kids or pregnant, and planning a trip with them probably won’t happen for a while, if at all. This trip with my parents and a big stack of books and maybe a spa visit actually sounds more my speed now anyways.
Anon
OP,I felt exactly the same way when booking my first solo trip without my kid. Our society tells us that it’s ok for moms to go away with their husband (to have all the sexy times) or with girlfriends (to nurture their friendships and maintain their identify outside ‘mom’) but for some reason frowns upon moms doing anything that’s just for themselves, including traveling solo. My own mom told me I was “selfish” for taking a solo trip, when she has previously been enthusiastic about me traveling with friends and especially with my husband. But I don’t have girlfriends who currently want to travel and I refuse to accept that that means I don’t get to have girly trips my husband and kid wouldn’t enjoy, like spa trips and yoga retreats. Please please go and enjoy, and don’t let anyone give you a guilt trip!
Fwiw as my kid has gotten older, I find travel with her a lot more enjoyable, and we do mother-daughter trips pretty regularly, which helps me cut down on the guilt because I’m creating special travel memories with her and not just for myself. Maybe that is an option too as your kids get a bit older. But I would 100% take this trip now and don’t let societal messaging about what moms “should be” get in the way of a vacation you want and need.
Anonymous
Gotcha. In that case 100% go for it.
Anonymous
Go for it! I think it’s pretty rare to have a group of women friends who are all compatible with each other and who are willing and able to rearrange their lives in order to do trips together, and who are able to maintain these friendships over time. I’m not sure where the “friend group” thing came from in order that it became the norm women expect to have, but it seems at odds with how I’ve experience that life ACTUALLY works, where friendships change and reform over the years as people move, have kids, get absorbed in work or family life, etc. Permission granted to take ALL the fun trips, no matter who they’re with — parents, friends, your kids, your husband, or by yourself. Don’t deny yourself enjoyment simply because it doesn’t seem to match whatever ‘norm’ the culture is holding up at the moment.
Cat
my parents and husband get along fine but tbh it’s also nice to have 1:1 time with them where we can get the giggles over some old memory without DH being left out of the fun. Go!
Senior Attorney
And if you need another reason to go, it’s to set the precedent that both you and your husband take solo trips!
Wool sock search
I need new wool socks- Costco used to sell a multipack of women’s wool socks that I liked even more than smartwool or darn tough; i found smartwool and darn tough too thick and rather stiff. But Costco doesn’t have these particular socks anymore.
Any other suggestions? I see multipacks available in amazon- can anyone speak as to the quality or any of the specific options? I like colourful patterns.
Sloan Sabbith
You might try Smartwool again- I have some that are super thin in a couple of fun patterns.
Kelly
Hah, I had this exact same dilemma and my dad solved it for me for Christmas- bought me two different brands of socks. I realllllly like the Browning ones so that’s my recommendation. He also got me several pairs of Paca ones which are alpaca. They’re fine but I feel like they fit more like smart wool. Good luck!
Anon
Smartwool makes lots of thinner ones that are nice. They wear out faster than the thick ones, but I still think they’re worth the money when you want non-hiking socks.
anon
I’ve gotten Kirkland brand wool socks on Amazon before that I”ve really liked! Not sure if they’re the same to the ones you got from Costco
Momathoner
Boston ladies – I will be in town for the marathon in April. What are the best sights to see for a 10 year old, interesting yet not in the category of “my mom dragged me along on a lame school field trip”? (We are all Team Vax and Boost, if that matters at all for recommendations)
Anonymous
Boston tea party museum, if the weather is nice go over to the rose Kennedy
Greenway. If she likes shopping, Newburyport st with fancy brunch/snacks.
Mine is 8 and is happy just wandering around doing “kid in a cool city” stuff, like riding the T and browsing for junk in the carts at Quincy market. The duck boat tours are also fun.
Anonymous
+1 to these suggestions, plus Louisa May Alcott House if you and kiddo are at all interested in Little Women.