Weekend Open Thread

138 Comments

1. Those of you with killer menstrual cramps, what do you do for pain? I feel like I’m taking an awful lot of Tylenol to stay on top of it. I use a heating pad, but it doesn’t seem to do much for pain so much as feel cozy when I feel so awful. (I don’t have endo, but the gyn said there might be a touch of adenomyosis.)

   1. My gyno told me to start taking ibp 24-48 hours before your period starts so that the cramps can’t even start. I did that this month, and it helped a ton.

   2. Honestly, masturbation!
      And Ibuprofin for the pain, combined with paracetamol to keep it from being metabolized.

      1. I still have this issue, and agree that this greatly helps. If you feel unusual about doing this, be in the privacy of your dorm where others will not hear you. Grandma Trudy told me about this remedy when I first went to college, and it helped alot. She proved that we all can learn alot from our parents and grandparents, so it pay’s to listen to them.

   3. Advil. Always Advil. To me, Tylenol is for headaches. And I start a minimum e-pill dose around the time I am expecting it to start, perhaps even the day prior.

      Some times, my body just laughs. The key thing is never the muscles start cramping. If they do, it is a hot mess of time and meds to attempt to become functional again.

      1. Yes, Advil is the only thing that ever works for me. Sometimes I take three at a time.

   4. I’m not a doctor so take this with a grain of salt, but I think Ibuprofen might be a better painkiller option than Tylenol (acetaminophen) for period cramps since Ibuprofen targets the prostaglandins that create contractions of the uterus. Tylenol probably does this to a certain extent, but I think Ibuprofen is better at reducing contractions. I take 400 mg as soon as my period cramps start, and up to 800 mg total in a day to stay on top of it. When I had the paragard IUD my cramps were out of this world (still totally worth it to me to not have hormonal BC, so I toughed through it), but now they’re not too bad.

      I’ve also had some success with CBD but only if I start it before cramps really kick off. I sometimes take some CBD at night if I know my period is coming, and I usually sleep OK through the night.

   5. Advil. Dramatically better than Tylenol.

   6. I find ibuprofen more effective for cramp pain, and I think it’s the standard recommendation. I also use zinc and magnesium as preventives and Epsom salt baths to feel better.

   7. I used to prefer Aleve than Tylenol : the pain was less intense.
      I had twins and about 3 months post delivery I had an IUD (Mirena) installed. It has been fabulous for me: no more period, no more menstrual cramps. I had it for 4.5 years now it will need to get replace in the next few months for another 5 years (so until I am around 45 old). I know some people do not have positive experience with Mirena but for me it has been nothing but positive.

      1. Maybe I am reading too much into your post, but are you saying you intend to not replace again at 45? I am 46 and this is the first time I have really desired a no-period solution because now my cycle is somewhat unpredictable (for the first time — I have been lucky) and taking on new characteristics. Just curious if you have decided (or been advised) that your next replacement will be your last and, if so, why.

         1. ? I read it as her saying she will need to get it replaced again at 45. They only last about 5 years.

      2. +1 to IUD/Mirena. I got it at 41 after 2 kids, in part because I occasionally get migraines with aura and hormonal birth control is not recommended after a certain age with that profile. Have not experienced any side effects, except for no period. Love it.

   8. Take Alleve at the first hint of a cramp.

   9. A lot of obgyns don’t know how to diagnose endo — you can’t do it from a pelvic exam or even from an internal ultrasound, depending on how it presents. If it’s really bad, particularly if you throw up or miss days of work, I’d seek a specialist opinion.

   10. My PCP said to layer Advil and Aleve. 3 Advil per dose (every 6 hrs) and 2 Aleve per dose (every 12 hrs). This gets me thru the first 24 hrs when it is really bad.

   11. Naproxen (Aleve). Tylenol is useless for cramps.

       1. I wouldn’t say it’s “useless.” I’m allergic to Aleve and Ibuprofen, and Tylenol is much, much better than nothing, although I believe everyone that the other medicines are better if you can take them.

   12. Advil. 4 regular size pills every 3-4 hours. If I miss a dose overnight I pay for it in the morning.

       Tylenol does nothing for muscle relief for me.

       1. I thought that much Advil that regularly was really bad for your liver? 1 pill is normal dose.

          1. That’s Tylenol and in any event have discussed with dr. It’s only 2 – 2.5 days a month. The alternative is spending a day in pain and puking because the cramps affect the nerves in the stomach/intestine area soooo not stopping.

          2. I think you’re thinking of Tylenol. Advil isn’t metabolized through your liver.

   13. I have better luck with ibuprofin than Tylenol and staying on a regular dosage schedule when they’re the worst. You have my sympathies. And I don’t know if the heating pad does a ton, but it does make me feel better psychologically! If you can, light yoga can get the endophins moving and that helps.

   14. If you plan to have kid(s), it might get much better after you give birth. I had pretty killer cramps before having my child, but nothing now (although I’m only 3 years postpartum and my doctor said my cramp-free days might not last forever).

   15. Tylenol for Women (I don’t know if they still make them — I haven’t had cramps since I stopped using single use plastic pads and started using organic cotton pads from Hannah Pad. Life changing.)

   16. Tylenol with codeine
       Only need one or two (first 10 hours are incapacitating). Finally got a prescription after years or missing court or working with pain – tired of hearing ‘its normal.’ Push for something real…it wouldn’t be tolerated if it was men.

       1. Yep. Tylenol 4 has kept so many things under control. I thank my stars I’m not addition prone because opiods have so greatly enhanced my life. (Don’t fret–I still pay close attention to whether I’m misusing them, and fully disclose all uses to my docs.)

   17. Is the heating pad hot enough? Close enough? Heat is one of the few things that reliably helps me, even when the pain breaks through. They make pads to stick in your pants that you can wear around without being tethered to an outlet. Other than that, I second (1,000) the advil over tylenol suggestion. And I would also def call your gyno to futher discuss. Unless you’re off hormonal bc for some other reason, this seems like a good reason to be on it continually (IUD w hormones, pill without a blank week, implant, whatever).

   18. I struggled with cramps all of my adult life, but they became nearly incapacitating in my early 40s. High doses of Aleve were the only thing that took the edge off, and a hot water bottle was better than a heating pad. I tried a TENS unit and found that to be helpful too.

       Ultimately I was diagnosed with a fibroid and adenomyosis and had a uterine artery embolization. It was a game-changer and solved the problem without a hysterectomy, which I was trying to avoid. I haven’t needed a painkiller since.

   19. Read dr greger

   20. My periods have been 1000% better since I stopped using regular tampons and pads. Combo of Thinx and DivaCup – – which I had some issues with getting to be 100% leak free consistently, I think my cervix sits pretty low during part of my cycle, so I’ve been using Flex Menstrual disks for a few months and just ordered the reusable version to try…but even with leaks and any issues figuring out the cup, I will seriously never go back to tampons – they HURT compared to these!! It’s a little weird at first, you gotta get REAL comfortable with your anatomy, but I couldn’t be happier, my cramps have gone from 3-4 days of almost disabling pain, disposable heat pads all day (available at the drug store near the muscle pain area if you want those!), and Advil every 4-6 hours on schedule, to barely realizing I have it other than 2x/day most of the time. 1000% recommend trying if you’re just used traditional tampons and pads.

   21. I’m not sure if it’s placebo effect or not, but I find that if I drink warm tea/water, stay away from anything cold like ice water or even salads, I tend to not get any cramps. This is a tip passed from my Chinese grandmother to my mom and then to me. I also eat this special herbal pill once a day for about 3 days after my period. Whenever I don’t do this, I get debilitating period cramps. It’s called Gold Label Bak Foong Pills (or the White Phoenix Pill) and I trust the Euyansang brand. Sounds odd but it works for me.

2. Anon for whomever wants to be, reminder to feel free to comment or +1 to show support for those who share <3

   1. I have a crush on my boss! He’s single and maybe 5 years older than me.

      1. Haha, I had a huge crush on a colleague (in a different office) who through a series of coincidences became my boss in my office for a while. It was both good and bad, but I’d like to think I handled it well. Ultimately he left the company and about a year later, we ran across each other again and started dating. Not gonna lie, it was hot. It only lasted about six months before the lust goggles came off, but it was a fun six months for someone in her 40s who didn’t think she could feel like that again :)

   2. I have an unexplainable fetish for allergic sneezing and asthma. So now I have a fantasy of my very allergic and a decade younger colleague. Wrong on all accounts

   3. I’m really excited about the rumor that my grandboss is retiring this year.

   4. My boyfriend wouldn’t take a key to my house (he said he didn’t want to be responsible for it, at the time). I don’t want to always have to worry if I’m home from the gym, or if I’m drying my hair or whatever when he arrives, so about 3 weeks ago, I put my house key on his key ring on a Saturday morning when he was sleeping. He still hasn’t noticed (he has a bunch of keys for different things at his place), but some day, he will text me to say “let me in” and I will text back “Let yourself in with your key.”

      1. Ugg, this makes me sad. He doesn’t want to be responsible for a key? Oh, honey…

         1. right? putting the key on his keychain is not the answer. He’s being quite clear about the relationship – he does not want this step.

            1. Yes, unfortunately, I don’t think he is going to be happy when he gets surprised with this.

         2. Yeah, I don’t think this is a good sign!

         3. Yeah, I don’t think this is a good sign!

      2. … and then he’ll say “thanks for forcing upon me something I told you I did not want”? Maybe you should take the key off of his ring as this is could turn out poorly if he’s not ready for that step.

      3. This has desperation perfume sprayed alllllll over it. Anon at 4:12, you deserve better than this. And PS, his reaction to finding out you forcibly “gave” him a key may not be what you think it will be. Life is not a rom-com…

      4. Oh no…you really are trying to force him into more than he wants? This really won’t end well. He clearly meant he wasn’t ready for a key to your apartment.

         1. Hey all, this was a thread to post a secret without getting pushback. I don’t think this poster was asking relationship advice.

            1. Nobody is commenting meanly, we’re just trying to help out this woman who might want to reexamine her relationship.

      5. While I think this means he wants s-x on demand, I think that is all he wants. I do not think he wants anything more; i.e. he does not care about being there when you are not there for s-x. Once he is there for other things, he thinks you will have him tidying up, fixing the toilet, shopping for her when she is not there, etc. He wants to be able to have his 5 minutes of huffeing and puffeing, and then leave you with the mess to clean up after he pulls up his underpants and leaves. Sorry for the bad news, but I have been there and have that done to me, even for guys with graduate degrees who think of us women as simply orifi to park their weenies for 2 or 3 minutes while there needs get satisfied, and then POOF, they are gone! DOUBEL FOOEY!

      6. Take the key of when he is not looking. This is not a good sign, that he doesn’t want it, and pushing him in this way is not a great move. Just say “let me know when you want the key” and let it go…

      7. No, I told him about it this weekend and we had a good laugh. It’s all good. He doesn’t think he needs it, but he’s fine to keep it.

         1. P.S. I don’t care what any of you all think.

            1. I was in the same position as your boyfriend once! My boyfriend kept trying to give me a key, but I was on a bad spate of losing stuff, and I didn’t want to lose his key! (I had to get the locks changed on my townhouse…twice!) I thought I couldn’t handle the responsibility. Now we’re married with two kids, and I know I can handle a lot more responsibility lol

            2. Yeah, when I first offered it to him, we were staying at my place a lot so it made a lot of sense, but it really was early on and we’ve been together quite a bit longer now. He is now settled in his own place so he didn’t mind as much (he has a whole slew of keys for his place). When I asked him what that key was on his keyring, he actually thought it was for something else, so we laughed about it. It was not desperation at all. It would be so much more convenient for me to have a key to his place because, at this point, I can’t even lock up behind myself when I leave in the morning and he’s still sleeping. But, he’s feeling very independent about having his place after being married for many years, so I will not push it. He knows what the risks are, and I am being respectful of that. He is enjoying decorating his place and being the sole decision maker. We’ve had a laugh about that, too, because I’m pretty opinionated!

   5. I’m worried that my best friend is making a big mistake by having a baby with her husband who is 34, unemployed, has never made more than $12 an hour (due to lack of trying more than anything), and a slob around the house while she’s a neat freak who gets frustrated with him a lot. I want her to be happy but I’m scared she’s on the path to becoming a single mom.

      1. Oooooh that sounds like a recipe for disaster. Single mom is one thing – she’s on the road to being a single mom with an ex with custody privileges, the need to have a nice enough apartment to have kid visit, never being able to move without permission… is she pregnant already or just trying?

         1. Pregnant already. They’re excited (honeymoon phase style) but a lot of what’s under the surface is worrisome. Trying to just stay out of it but it’s hard when she vents about it or says certain things about him.

            1. On the plus side, he might be a decent house husband / primary care giver?

   6. I’ve had s3xy dreams about a coworker for the past couple of nights. This has been an off-and-on thing for years, particularly during times that we’re working closely on a project. I would, ever never act on it (we’re both happily married), but it’s kinda fun and enjoyable to dream about.

      1. This has totally happened to me too with the bonus that he’s gay. So weird but kind of funny.

   7. I’m trying so hard to be a good mom to my 14 year old daughter but am constantly wondering if I’m messing everything up.

      1. Right there with you.

      2. You’re both good moms! Even if you don’t feel like it on some days, just remember that being a good mom versus a great mom doesn’t have much impact on your kid – all you have to do to prevent them from being screwed up is don’t be a REALLY bad mom (abusive, neglectful, etc.). It’s research-backed and everything.

      3. You ladies are doing great!! I wish I’d had a mom who was interested in parenting at all.

   8. I basically haven’t done any work since before the winter holidays. Part of it is that January and February were brutal months for my family in terms of illness and I had to take a ton of sick days for myself and to care for my kids, but mostly I just can’t motivate myself to do anything. My work is (obviously) not deadline-driven at all and my boss is super relaxed, but I know I can’t keep doing this for much longer.

      1. I could have written your post word-for-word. I’m trying to snap out of it without much luck.

   9. Two things:

      I married “down” and regret it
      I think my grand boss is hot

      1. Can you talk about what you mean by “married down?” I’m curious what has gone wrong and it’s something I’ve thought a lot about as well.

      2. Same, girl

   10. I daydream about what I would throw away if my hoarder husband died.

       1. Oof, that sounds really rough. Hope you’re okay and it’s not a health hazard.

       2. Same here, although my husband isn’t near hoarder level. He just has a lot of stuff. I’d start by clearing out all the DVDs he’s bought and never watches.

       3. Me too!! He’s not a hoarder in the mental illness sense but the man refuses to get rid of anything!

          1. I’m with you!

   11. Secret #1 – I am sleeping with my neighbor. We’re both unmarried, but he’s much older. Five people have seen us out walking and I vehemently deny it is anything else.

       Secret #2 – I am moving next month due to a new job. Haven’t told neighbor or anyone else yet … Because I’m selfishly enjoying the sex and “fun” of not being tied down.

       1. Sounds fun, I love older guys.

   12. Have the hots for my 59 year old surgeon. Total old man babe.

   13. Going to law school was a crazy bad mistake and I don’t know WTF I was thinking to persist with it so hard and for so long (practiced law for 15 yrs before going back to grad school). Now I wonder if sticking with the next phase is just totally unrealistic and will I ever not be getting EIC every time I file taxes… Sigh…

   14. I have a crush on my new judge, who is a bit nerdy and not my normal “type”, and I think he also has a crush on me. He’s single but I’m married. I tend to develop crushes on men who I think are attracted to me. (Not sure what that says about me, nothing good, I’m sure). I am afraid this could get weird. I’m in front of him on a regular basis and I find myself fantasizing about taking things further.

3. I’m getting recruited to join a national /biglaw firm. They recently opened a regional office in my midwest city. I’m at a regional midlaw right now. The salary is 60% more than current and they are offering to guarantee a certain dollar amount / months of employment. I’m a 5th year, partner track at my current firm but recently realizing my preferred practice area at this firm has too many lawyers.

   What should I ask for, think about, worry about? I hate to burn a bridge but would like to make more money.

   1. I’ve been at smaller satellite offices of big national (1000 attys) and mid regional firms (200attys) in relatively specialized practice groups. You’ll want to have a plan for integrating with and working with others in your practice group. Even with technology, you’ll need to be deliberate about getting exposure to the decision makers and people who can feed you work. This might be a bit easier if there are others in your office in your practice area and/or you have your own book. Also, ask questions about what the partnership and of counsel paths look like. If the field feels too crowded in your current firm, does moving to bigger firm change that? Will they keep your year?

   2. You should worry about how you are going to get work now and how the firm will be investing in you and in your locale to ensure there is a continuing flow of work plus opportunities for growth. Will there be a big local player in your space joining, with whom you will work? Is there existing work to be done for local clients or in your jurisdiction that is controlled by distant partners? Who are those clients and partners? Also, what is your anticipated trajectory and how does that play at that firm? If you will be aiming for partnership, how are partners compensated at that firm? (e.g., heavily weighted toward business developers or more evenly weighted for those who perform the work) Does that work for you? What is driving their decision to move into your region? Are they looking to be full-service there, or to service a particular industry/sector/client or to bolster a specific local lawyer bringing a large book? Are they recruiting individuals or groups?

   3. This may be too late for the original poster to see, but consider the rate structure for the firm that is recruiting you — do they charge rates that are not drastically out of line with those charged by the regional firms in your area? I am a junior partner in big law in a smaller city with lots of strong regional firms, and I’m finding business development efforts are much more difficult because of our relatively high billable rate. I didn’t notice or care as much when I was an associate, but if you are hoping to stay at the firm for the long-haul, this is important to keep in mind.

      1. Meant to delete the word “not” in the second line – sorry about that!

4. Quick question on out-of-office auto-reply protocol. I’ve booked Monday off last minute because I am burnt out and at a breaking point need a true break to keep me from quitting my job with no job lined up. Ideally this would give me a 3-day weekend to rest and reset, but there is often weekend work to do. I also haven’t given anyone notice that I will be away that day, except for one partner who I told today because I anticipated our work from today spilling into Monday. As of right now, I should be able to clear my plate by end of day such that I don’t have anyone waiting for something from me on Monday. Should I set my OOO message when I leave today so that people get it on the weekend and Monday (even if they aren’t asking me to do work – ie. on emails on which I am just copied), or wait until Sunday night and put it on then?

   1. Don’t set one at all

   2. I would put it on now so you don’t have to remember to log in and do it on Sunday.

   3. Outlook should let you set when the OOO message starts being sent out.

   4. Set it today. Maybe it’s just my horrible office mates but a lot of times they’ll drop Monday meetings on my calendar during the weekend or super early on Monday. It’s the only way to ensure Monday ends up being totally free and not a “can you just sit in on this 10 min call at 1 p.m. that will totally ruin the rest of your day because you can’t relax” situation. Not that I’m bitter.

   5. Just set it now.

   6. Team do not use OOO and see what happens. If anyone emails you on Monday, say I am OOO and will get back to you on Tuesday (or just say will do if that person say by end of week or something.)

      1. Isn’t the point of an OOO so you don’t have to actively email anyone on Monday? Don’t understand.

         1. This is probably a biglaw thing, but I reserve my OOO for truly off-the-grid vacation. I found it much easier to disconnect and find coverage for a real vacation if I am able to be reasonably responsive on these long weekends.

            1. Me too. I often do NOT set an OOO when I feel like the OOO is going to annoy people more than not getting a response until the next day.

               In OP’s case, I think outlook will let you schedule the start of an OOO message. I would do that for Sunday at 11 pm or Monday at 6 am.

   7. I set mine to come on shortly before I leave on the last day I work before my planned day(s) off. If I’m off for over a week I also set a pre-OOO that says it’s my last day and to call me if it needs looking at urgently before I get back. Because there’s nothing more than having a back and forth with someone over a week, continuing the thread on Monday, and discovering they’ve gone on two weeks’ holiday.

5. By the way, thanks everyone for the clothing budget (or not!) input this morning!

   1. Sure. Have fun building a wardrobe that works for you!

6. I have the hooded Barefoot Dreams cardigan and I love it, but it’s very light gray and it does shed on black. I wish I had been able to buy it in a darker color!

7. So for the past two days I’ve felt generally rotten (very tired) and I’m having chills and muscle aches that go away when I take a DayQuil capsule but come back as soon as it wears off. But I don’t have a fever; my temp is holding steady at 98.9, which is normal for me. I worked from home the last two days out of an abundance of caution and also just not feeling up to being in the office, but I don’t know what’s going on here. FYI there are no identified cases of coronavirus in my city (yet) and I got the flu shot in October.

   1. You need to see whether you have a fever when you are not taking medication. You can still get the flu despite having had a flu shot. Please continue to stay home and feel better soon.

   2. If you’re concerned and not getting better, maybe just go to urgent care for peace of mind / to see if they can give you anything to speed recovery? I know if it *is* the flu, the medicine they give is only effective for the first few days (3?) so you should go as soon as you can.

   3. It’s good form to be out until you think your spreadable phase if over. In your case it’s probably not coronavirus so should take the regular precautions of post-symptom contagion for cold and flu.

   4. It’s probably a bad cold. Chills and body aches are possible with a bad cold. You run a much higher fever with the flu. 102-103 is normal, 104+ is not unheard of. It’s extremely unlikely to be coronavirus if you haven’t traveled and there are no local cases in your city.

      I work in healthcare and my family does not go to the doctor unless we are seriously ill or have a bacterial infection that needs a prescription for antibiotics. Unless you have an underlying health condition such as pregnancy or a compromised immune system, you will not be given antivirals for the flu. You will be told to stay home, rest and drink fluids. It’s better for everyone (including you, because you might catch something at the doctor!) if you stay home and save hospital resources for the elderly and sick (this is true in general but especially so with COVID-19 looming).

      1. Restrictions on tamiflu seem to have become a thing for the first time this flu season–where did that come from? I’m so confused and blindsided by it. Example: Two-year-old gets the flu (confirmed diagnosis). Mom, dad, and kid had a flu shot. Doc says no tamiflu for mom and dad (who are healthy but mom has asthma). Dad promptly gets the flu (duh). Somehow mom stayed well. If that had been last year, all three would’ve been told to take tamiflu, and maybe grandparents, too, if they’d been around toddler during the contagious phase.

         I’m not fighting back, just confused by the science. Is it similar to the overprescribing of antibiotics? I thought that was not a thing w tamiflu…. Anyone know the science behind this?

         1. I’m not sure about a recent change. The doctors I know have always been reluctant to prescribe Tamiflu to healthy adults. Things like pregnancy, cancer, being very elderly and very young (under 2 usually, but some do under 5) will make you more likely to get it. Asthma isn’t normally a big flu-related concern if you’re otherwise healthy. Resistance isn’t a concern so much as the really serious possible side effects, and the fact that Tamiflu isn’t proven to be all that effective. The benefits of giving it don’t generally outweigh the risks unless someone is high-risk for flu complications.

            You are more likely to get it if you go to urgent care/ER – because you felt bad enough to seek emergency care and they don’t have an ongoing relationship with you, doctors there tend to feel like they have to “do something” more than pediatricians/family medicine doctors, who will be more likely to encourage rest and hydration and following up in a few days if you aren’t improving.

         2. The science and cost effectiveness do not say that everyone in the immediate/extended family should be pre-treated with Tamiflu. Not everyone will get it, not everyone will get as sick, Tamiflu is a really crappy drug and barely has any effect (but a huge $$ maker for the company who makes it). You don’t even pre-treat high risk people with it. In fact, the vast majority of healthy people who get the flu do not need it.

            Docs who generally pre-treat for most common ailments are not following CDC recommendations.
            Overtreating has a true cost to society – both in $ and side effects and the building of resistant to antibiotics/antivirals so that they are no longer effective. Your doctor was overtreating in the past.

   5. My health plan has an advise nurse you can call. I use that to decide whether I need to see a doctor.

8. What are some home- or laundry-focused cleaning blogs worth checking out? I’m considering a light renovation to a an early 1990s condo and would like to optimize for easy maintenance. Thanks for any thoughts!

   1. Ask a Clean Person’s Jolie Kerr is great https://kinja.com/JolieKerr, https://play.acast.com/s/askacleanperson
      Personally my easy-to-maintain favorite improvements are reducing grout in favor of continuous surfaces (backsplash, countertops, floors), big/deep built-in storage, getting good quality bath/kitchen hardware, and on easily cleanable oven and fridge.

9. There is a great post from several years ago about how to buy a blazer to keep in your office and wear as a separate. The consensus seemed to be that if you have mostly black pants, you should go with a different color blazer. Or maybe a blazer in the same color if the fabric was different? Any other opinions on this topic? I wear mostly black bottoms and want a blazer to ‘up’ an outfit for an unexpected meeting. Any views on whether I could wear this j crew matelasse jacket in black with black pants? Or would that look like I was trying to make a mismatched suit? Thanks for thoughts!

   https://www.jcrew.com/p/womens_category/suiting/novelty/portfolio-jacket-in-matelasse/K5586?color_name=oxford-

   1. That would work well in a color.

   2. Do not recommend black on black even if one of them has texture, the texture is not easy to see on black. If it was herringbone (which is slightly multicolored) it would work better. Given that I would recommend a color.

10. For the poster from Friday asking about shoe care for premium leather boots: I would invest in a few (4) quality products, which, if you will use them properly and regularly, will keep your leather/suede shoes as good as nee for years. Most of the cheaper products contain artificial ingredients that will create unbreathable layer, which will crack with usage of shoes. Buy Saphir (or even better Saphir Medaille) 1) renovateur cream (which removes previous layers of creams and dirt), 2) transparent or black cream (will moisturize and nurture leather and keep it supple), and 3) either transparent or black wax and a medium sized horse-bristle brush. Then check some YT videos on how to polish leather. The whole process takes 15mins 3-4 per year (apply cleaning cream, wipe off, apply nurturing cream and brush off, apply wax and brush off), but your shoes/boots will look amazing! I use all of these products on my leather handbags as well.

    1. That was me, thank you!

11. I had knee replacement surgery on 2/25, about ten days ago. The pain is just crazy, despite my taking Tylenol, max dose each day, Aleve, max dose per day, and about 35 mgs. of Oxycodone per day–taken as prescribed. The Ortho practice wants patients to taper off the oxy after ten days or so, but the pain is just killer. I think the opioid crisis has made treating acute surgical pain really tough–docs don’t want people on it. I am anxious about being “pushed” off the med–there is no reassurance that my pain will be taken care of. I will say that I think I am sensitive to pain, and as an almost red-head in a family of red heads, maybe I need more pain meds than your average person. (Red heads are known to be pain sensitive.) Anyone out there with knee replacement experience? Any comments from docs? Thanks!

    1. I’m a physical therapist. I agree that post-surgical pain management has become a big problem with docs so worried about opioids. However, in my area (Midwest), I’ve actually seen more of an issue of patients being afraid to take what the doc prescribes and having leftover pills. I’ve had patients with high levels of pain on meds for more than a few weeks sometimes, so that’s not unheard of, and not one of them has gotten addicted. After knee replacement, pain management is super important so that you can do your therapy and get your range of motion back. I think you need to talk to the surgeon about your pain levels and tell them if it’s affecting your ability to do your exercises and PT.

       1. I’m anon at 11:45. +1 to all of this.

    2. Keep pushing for the pain meds you need. Docs are very hesitant to prescribe it but I have had good luck being calmly and kindly persistent. They may not prescribe you very many pills but stay on it while you’re in acute pain. I have had this exact problem with another major surgery. Of course, I ended up only needing one of the ten pills they proscribed as a refill–and I would have told them if I’d had any other follow-ups! You might also try hydrocodone. I prefer it (for the better/less intense) side effects, and docs may be more willing to prescribe it? I think it’s slightly less potent, but I am NOT a doctor and could be wrong. Good luck! I hate how stigmatized treating pain has become as an unintended consequence of the opioid crisis. The crisis is real and should be addressed, it’s crappy that those experiencing pain and not addicted end up bearing a cost.

12. Silicon Valley Interview Help! I’m an attorney interviewing with a big silicon valley firm next week – think Apple, Ebay, Google. The position would be in my home city. I would normally wear a full suit to interviews, but I’m starting to doubt whether this is wise. Are there any attorneys here who work in-house at one of these places? Any advice? Full suit and heels? Full suit and Rothys (which I love and already own) to show that I care about the environment and I’m practical, or something more casual? I know I’m probably overthinking this. Ugh.

    1. I would do a blazer and sheath dress or something like pants and a blazer, but not a full suit.

       I had some video interviews w Google recently and everyone was very casual, much more casual than my jeans friendly office. I have read that SV companies sometimes ding candidates that overdress, but at the same time I feel safest in a suit as well.

    2. +1 on blazer and sheath dress or pants and a blazer. No need for a full suit and heels. I am in-house at a big SV firm and the only time we see suits is when outside counsel is visiting and they stick out. I also found that making a comment/joke about how normally you’d be in a suit or not sure how to dress for SV can lighten the mood if you feel worried about your outfit when you arrive.

    3. Blazer, sheath dress, non-rothys flats. Feel free to be colorful, or wear fun earrings or bag. The blazer and sheath dress might be tweed or ponte- they dont have to be wool suiting material.
       I doubt that most people equate rothys to caring about the environment- but there’s also a chance your interviewer wont know what Rothys are at all and will think theyre just casual slipper/flats. The candidates who are dinged for overdressing are more likely product teams- not attorneys, sales, or other customer-facing people!

    4. Same industry and third/fourth this.

    5. Thanks so much guys! I really appreciate it!

13. Will post again Monday but my mom is sliding towards dementia and I need to start helping her with her finances, with an eye to taking them over fairly soon. Any basic guidance? She is very fussy about reconciling her bank statement, lately that has been taking her weeks and weeks, honestly that is all they really have to deal with besides taxes. They don‘t do online banking, which I think would help me, but getting my name added to their account with Bank of America was a no go because dad, 91 and very frail, couldn‘t come into the branch & sign the paperwork. They did say we could close that account and open a new one with just me & mom on it (what?) but they have lots of automatic payments and deposits (Social Security & pensions) so that seemed like a no go. Ugh! Elder care is no picnic but the wise ladies of this board seem to have great insights (looking at YOU, anon probate atty ;)).

    1. Do you have power of attorney? That’s the first thing to do if you haven’t got it, and getting access to information and accounts will be easier once you have it.

       1. Yes I do! Although just copies of the dox (and the bank said they would need originals, OK…). The copies have worked just fine at the hospital to get medical records thankfully.

          1. Just get new ones and take the new originals to the bank! There are notaries that will come to where you are and do it. Hurry up and get this done while you still can!

    2. Your parents need wills, durable powers of attorney for health care, durable powers of attorney for finances, and a set of medical directives for each of them. If they don’t have the $$ for an attorney you can buy online forms — you get what you pay for, but it’s better than nothing. Also get put on their financial account as a co signer and do the same with their safe deposit box.

       1. Some of these documents will probably need to be notarized. There are notaries who will come to your parents’ house. Search for “mobile notary” online.

          1. Thanks to you both! Starting to feel much better, because we actually have all those things already except cosigner on the bank account (I have access to their safe deposit box so I’ve seen all the estate planning dox). Maybe I am in better shape than I thought. Dealing with mom just requires a sh*t ton of patience because she is hella confused and keeps accusing everyone of stealing from her (except me so far).

14. God I would kill for some chocolate ganache cake right now.

15. Size 14/16 here…
    Are white pants just a no?
    I got this beautiful royal purple color tank which would look awesome with some white pants. I’m just not sure is white bottoms are ok for bigger ladies…

    Thoughts?

    Any recommendations for truly opaque white pants ?

    1. I think the fabric is really what makes or breaks white pants. I think a good ponte pant from somewhere like Ann Taylor a similar price point could work in white. The cut and fit is going to be important, since any lumps or bumps from the pants not pinching or gaping or whatever else the fabric decides to do will be highlighted in white. If you have short legs I’d stick with something like a straight cut pant. If you have long legs I feel like a subtle flare could look nice. Leggings can be really nice when paired with the right shoes or top. But ultimately you’ll have to spend a fair amount of time in stores trying on a lot of different pairs to find the perfect ones to pull it off. So basically, I don’t think white pants are a no, but they do come with an extra set of considerations and work to find the right pair (regardless of actual size, I’m a size 0-2 in pants and I still haven’t had the energy to find white pants I actually like).

    2. As a counterpoint, I am a size 18 and rocked white pants all last summer with great success. I feel as long as the fabric is not too flimsy or see-through, they are fine. And the shine a completely different light on my colorful summer tops. If you want white pants, you go girl! Life is too short to obsess over every little detail – at the end of it, it won’t matter how many things you pulled off to perfection, but how many things you had fun pulling off!

       1. Thank you! Where’d you find you dream white pants?

    3. I think heavier white denim is great for this! I bought a pair of Everlane white jeans (I’m a 14) and thought they where opaque enough.

    4. I have great white pants from White House Black Market. I like the skinny crops and have them in several colors. I also have the wide leg version as well. They are partially lined, so nicely opaque and have a great drape. The are also at a price point that makes it reasonable to replace a when they get tired, as I think white pants tend to do.

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