ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 301 Comments

Thursday’s Workwear Report: Bell Sleeve Sheath Dress

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I love the color of this bright green dress. The sleeves provide some coverage if you want to wear this without a topper, but I think you'd still be able to fit the slight bell sleeves into a blazer if you need it. I’d wear it with a white or navy blazer and swap out the self-tie for a light brown belt. It's available at Nordstrom for $76.80 (marked down from $128) in sizes 6–18 and also comes in pink and navy. Bell Sleeve Sheath Dress Two plus-size options are from Vince Camuto and London Times.  This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

301 Comments

  1. I love the spiral earrings posted on this site a few days ago from Mejuri. but has anyone actually tried the brand? is the quality good? worth it?

    1. I had the same question so thanks for asking! I bookmarked that recommendation pending further diligence…

    2. My husband bought me a locket from Mejuri for mother’s day. So I’ve only had it for about a month, but it seems to be of good quality.

    3. I have a slightly different pair from the brand. They look nice but gold is soft and so the spiral earrings easily bend if they get caught on something or you accidentally fall asleep in them. I just gently bend them back but Something to consider if that will annoy you for the price.

    4. I have a few Mejuri pieces and I think they’re good-quality and reasonably priced for their gold vermeil jewelry (I don’t own any of their silver or 14k gold pieces), I think the prices are competitive with, or slightly better than, a lot of similar jewelry brands one could find at department stores. Be aware of the measurements of pieces you’re interested in, with the pieces I’ve ordered, they’re always a little smaller than I thought.

      I’d also be a little careful about storage, I used to be very careless and just left one of the necklaces out in the open in a tray or a dish, and there was some tarnishing. (I’ve had similar tarnishing from other gold-plated or gold vermeil pieces that I stored similarly, so this isn’t an issue that’s unique to Mejuri.) I’m much more careful about storing my items in a jewelry box now!

  2. Just wanted to say thanks to all who gave suggestions for sandals with orthotics. I got some Vionics and I love them! Cute and my feet aren’t hurting!

  3. Any recommendations for a daily secular devotional type blog? I used to do devotionals with my mom growing up and like the idea but I’m not personally religious.

    1. A friend of mine gets Notes from the Universe in her email inbox, maybe that would be up your alley?

    3. Not being religious, I’m not sure if this is the same thing as a devotional… but I really love starting my day with a page out of the book Find Your Happy Daily Mantras.

    4. I liked getting the M-W word of the day. Learning (or confirming I knew something) was a nice positive start to have in my in-box. Not a devotional, but a thing of positive routine.

    5. Love this idea! On this wavelength, does anyone have any secular grace or night “prayers”?

  4. I have a question based off of yesterday morning’s discussion about the transgender runners in CT. Setting aside the question of fairness in competition, do the lawyers here think that the new legal case is sound on its merits? I’m not a lawyer, but I think that there may be a compelling Title IX claim here (depending on how sex is defined) and I’m not sure how that gets balanced against the state’s antidiscrimination law, which apparently requires students in school to be treated as their identified gender. Would the Title IX protections on the basis of sex supersede the state law because Title IX is federal antidiscrimination law? Or do you think the language in Title IX will recognize transgirls as female/indistinguishable from girls? I get that we don’t have all the facts of the complaint, but I’m just curious if any lawyers have a preliminary idea of how this might get decided.

    2. Daily conversations about this are getting a little tiring. From a legal perspective, there are colorable arguments on both sides. Legal filings are generally public if you are really curious.

      1. You know you don’t have to read, right? You can skip this conversation or close your browser. I find the constant talk about Rothy’s and retinol tiring, but I don’t go out of my way to comment on each post (and those happen WAY more often than anything related to society/politics).

        1. Hate Rothys. They are hideous plastic shoes and no we can’t tell you if they’ll fit your feet perfectly.

      3. Or maybe it’s because people are genuinely interested in a complex legal issue and don’t have anywhere else in real life where they can find this many lawyers in one place to talk to! Sheesh. People here love to tout their intellectual bonafides for all kinds of reasons but then when someone wants to open an intellectual discussion about a “non-approved” topic, this is what they get. It makes me sad to see a board full of professional achieving women lawyers respond to this type of post this way.

  5. One of our dogs had emergency surgery yesterday for an intestinal blockage (thank goodness for pet insurance). He had chewed a corner off of a throw rug in our laundry room and some of the pieces got lodged. Vet is recommending A. we put him in a place where there is no carpet or soft things when he’s home during the day – or we crate him, or B. we get a basket muzzle and use that on him during the day, to prevent him from eating more strange things and needing another surgery. They also want us to give him Benadryl, 50mg per day every day, for anxiety and if that doesn’t work will prescribe Clomicalm. We also got a referral to a dog behaviorist and I am going to make an appointment for when he’s recovered from the surgery. Wondering if anyone else has dealt with this, and how did you deal with it? We were really surprised by this incident as the dog really has not been destructive or overly chewy since we got him a year ago (at least compared to other dogs we have had, who ate anything and everything but never had to have surgery for it). We’ll do what it takes to make sure he stays safe – any tips/advice would be good. The muzzle idea sounds cruel but I don’t know if that’s a better option than crating? We have another dog and probably wouldn’t crate her – unless that’s the best way to make this work.

    1. A close friend’s dog did this several years ago. He ended up on on Clomicalm, in part because he was an escape artist, and keeping him out of rooms with rugs wasn’t going to be possible. He was pretty old (13-14 for a lab mix) when this happened, and he lived a few more happy years. He’d had some anxiety issues in the past, but nothing on this scale.

    2. From what you said, it seems that the vet is assuming the behavior was due to anxiety, which, absent other factors, seems a bit of a jump. Do you feel it was due to anxiety or boredom? My husky is not allowed bedding in her crate because she’ll get bored and tear it up. She’s never ingested anything that she didn’t throw up later (thank goodness) but it was plenty of a wake-up call to institute a no-bedding rule. She is not anxious in the least – not thunderstorms, separation or any of the usual triggers. She just had extra energy and got bored.

      As far as the muzzle goes, if it fits well and they’re acclimated to it, it’s no different than you or I wearing glasses. I’ve had greyhounds for over 20 years and muzzles are no big deal. That said, if a dog wants to get at its bedding, it can do so through a basket muzzle if suitably motivated.

      For safety’s sake, I’d crate with no bedding (or shredded newspaper if you absolutely need something, and once the dog is recovered, increase exercise. A dog can’t tear anything up when they’re asleep.

    3. That….sounds like an extreme response for one chewing incident. We have owned and fostered a ton of dogs and have experience dealing with a number of behavioral issues, and if it was my dog I would crate him (we currently crate our 1-year-old dog during the day because she can be destructive) and do nothing else. Young dogs (and some old dogs) chew things they shouldn’t. I totally agree that you need to contain the dog so it cannot chew things it shouldn’t, but medicating or muzzling him and hiring a behaviorist seems extreme. If you notice anxiety when you are gone, I would look into something like Adaptil before jumping to medication. Also, the recommendation to use Benadryl is weird – doesn’t have the sedative effect on dogs like it does in humans….it just treats allergies.

      1. We crate during the work day. We left our (two) dogs out for awhile, and after months of no problems they suddenly started chewing on toys that were put away on shelves (so, getting specific toys, some with small parts, off the shelves to chew on). These dogs go to the park every morning despite two kids in our family and get a walk midday from a dog walker – they are well exercised. They are just young and still chewing, so for their own safety, they are back in the crates. Honestly, they don’t seem to mind and we leave them big Nyla bones every day.

    4. I can’t speak to crate vs muzzle vs something else since my dog’s issue is anxiety but not expressed with chewing. (Mine pants and drools and shakes can work himself up to tearing and scratching things if it’s raining or garbage day. Benadryl has been wonderful for him—has been better than the first two prescription options we tried (one left him too knocked out and the other made his teeth chatter). The Benadryl does make him slightly more tired but takes care of all of the anxiety. Mine also saw a behaviorist. We trained him to go to a throw rug to soothe himself. We keep the mat in our guest bath. That also has helped a ton. Hell sometimes “go to his room” when there’s loud noises or other stressors.

    5. How old is your dog and what breed? If it’s a lab puppy then chewing stuff is to be expected and crating is probably your solution, and benedryl is overkill as they outgrow it. If it’s an older dog who has suddenly started chewing non-food items, the anxiety suggestion makes sense.

      1. OP here. He’s a five-year-old Beagle mix. He’s a rescue; we’ve only had him a year and he was rehomed from an abusive/neglectful family.

        1. Sounds like a bored hound.

          I would crate train (no bedding) and back off as he gets older. We send our hound to day care and have a walker on non-day care dogs. Hounds have too much energy and will find trouble.

    6. My dog, not normally ate a chewer, destroyed a rug one day. Turns out he was sick to his stomach, couldn’t get outside to eat grass (we have a dog door but don’t allow him access during the day when we’re at work because he’ll bark at the neighbors), and found the next best substitute. I’m not sure that I would immediately assume and medicate for anxiety unless there are other indicators.

    7. This response seems extreme. Dogs sometimes chew on things they shouldn’t. Does he have other symptoms of anxiety? Or was this a one-off incident? My dog has anxiety and is on Prozac, which has been great but only came after months of symptoms and realizing this was an ongoing issue. I wouldn’t jump to medicine immediately. As for the crate vs. muzzle, I think being in a crate all day, especially when the other dog isn’t, would be meaner than a muzzle (assuming you really even need that). Muzzle look aggressive to us, but they are really not a big deal once the dog is used to it. To them it’s about the same as a wearing a collar or a harness. Which is way better than being cooped up all day.

    8. I mean…isn’t the easiest solution to take the rug out the laundry room (you really don’t need it) if that’s where you keep him during the day? We keep our dogs in a similarly sized small room where they can’t do much damage (a large bathroom, plenty of space to stretch and walk but nothing that they would reasonably destroy). Medicating the dog for one chewing incident seems harsh, especially because usually the first line for chewing out of boredom or anxiety (not puppy chewing as they are teething) is more exercise and natural calming supplements (I am partial to cbd oil pet snacks 30 minutes before leaving the house).

      1. I was with you until you contrasted “medicating” with “cbd oil pet snacks.” How is that not medicating?

        1. I clearly indicated it as a supplement – it’s not a medicine. If you want to go into semantics go ahead and class it as a medicine – your daily multivitamin would be considered drug too. But Benadryl and anti-anxiety meds are a laboratory made pill with known ill effects. CBD oil treats (that are specifically made for dogs btw not randomly giving a dog weed) and calming supplements with naturally occurring tryptophan fall into this category have fewer if any negative side effects (save for a rare allergic reaction) that calm the dog/make him sleepy. My vet also prescribed melatonin – also a supplement. I’m saying the dog doesn’t need doggy Prozac for this.

          1. You have a ridiculous view about medicines and supplements. Of course random unregulated supplements can have ill effects, just like medicines. Medicines just have to disclose them.

    9. I would crate them both whenever they are in the house unsupervised. Dogs chew on stuff, sometimes without warning. A crate is a nice, safe, cozy den in which to sleep, which they spend more than half of their time doing anyway. It’s much crueler to put them at risk of eating something they shouldn’t than to crate them.

    10. My dog eats fibrous things when and only when his stomach is upset. Were there any signs of stomach upset beforehand? The assumption this is anxiety seems like a leap, but of course I dont have all the facts.

  6. I underestimated how long it would take me to complete a project. I thought it would take 3-4 hours, and I’m on hour 11 and I’m not done. I need to tell a senior partner I’ll turn it in late – what’s the best way to do this? I was told to take all the time I needed, I just didn’t expect I’d find this many issues.

    1. Just say exactly that. As you’ve gotten into the project it has become more complicated than you anticipated so you need some more time.

    2. Tell the partner exactly what you told us: I budgeted 4 hours for this project, but I’ve encountered issues X, Y and Z. I estimate it will take me X many days/hours to complete. How do suggest adjusting the timeline on this project?

      1. Yes, this. Communication is key. Partner will understand (and has likely done this a number of times too) as long as you communicate.

      2. This, and do it now. As a supervisor I’d much rather hear this than have to ask you what the status of the project is. Being proactive here is key.

    3. My boss had a really great suggestion for avoiding this. He told me to spend an hour looking at the project AS SOON AS I GET IT. Obviously this won’t avoid all problems from cropping up, but will find some and help you ascertain scope.

  7. I need to move out of my house for a couple of weeks while some work is done on it. I have 2 kids who can share a bedroom. Has anyone moved a family into an extended stay type hotel? I feel like they cater to work travelers and we might be a nuisance as a family (kids are school aged, so it’s not like babies who cry at night). OTOH, they have a breakfast bar and a pool, so the kitchenette might work for making dinner short-term. In my city, we could stay by the good mall (food court dinner options + whole foods nearby, mall walking for a change of scenery) in a 2-BR. There is laundry. Or there are ones in areas that are industrial that I would be wary about. AirBNB in my city seems to be for short-term party rentals (like people in town for reunions, weddings, showers, etc.) and not for 7 days * 2-3 weeks.

    Would it be better to call local places and discuss (maybe they’d do a bulk rate for such a long stay)? Are some chains better for this than others?

    I lived in a hotel for 3 weeks as a kid before an overseas move and thought it was awesome b/c of restaurants and pool and general sense of adventure. OTOH, my mom didn’t work then (I do FT) and my dad was largely away at language boot camp (we did language + culture + high-altitude food cooking workshops with my mom during the day).

    1. I think it’s totally fine. Look for somewhere that has a pool to enterain the kids, and is near a park so you can go the playground on the weekends as I can imagine no backyard gets old pretty fast. If it has an oven in the kitchen, that gives you lots of meal options (frozen lasagan, frozen shepard’s pie etc. I would be tempted to bring the food from the breakfast buffet back to the room as the buffets can sometimes be quite busy/hectic as everyone is trying to eat/get to work at the same time.

    2. You’ll be fine at an extended stay hotel with kids that age. I like extended stays when we travel and we’ve been in several with our toddler and seen plenty of other babies and toddlers. Unless the hotel prohibits children, no one is going to flip over a couple kids, especially if they’re older and not waking up at 3 am screaming.

      1. +1 to this. If your hotel has a pool, all the better. Wear them out swimming in the evenings, then let them order room service grilled cheese in front of the Disney channel. My kids wasted to move to the staybridge suites permanently after that, but we were just there while our floors were being refinished.

    3. You’ll be fine in any of those extended stay type places and it is worth calling directly to see if they can work with you on cost. Also consider furnished apartments – depending on your area and how long you are staying, it might come out cheaper.
      No matter where you stay, the whole experience will have its moments of awful. Know that going in and understand it is only temporary and enjoy the stories you’ll have for later.

      1. The extended stay hotels will absolutely negotiate a rate with you. Expect to pay about 70% of what the actual cost of the room is. And make sure you have a rewards card for the chain; those points will add up fast!

    4. I’d personally still look at Airbnb, there’s no requirement it has to be for a party or reunion, and as someone who has one, I’d be thrilled to get a family who wanted to stay for a couple of weeks. You could probably negotiate a good rate for staying longer.

      1. + 1

        I completely agree. The big benefit of an Airbnb is that most of them are stocked with a full kitchen and you can cook meals as needed which will save a lot of money. Also eating out most days gets very tiresome after a while, esp. with young kids. Sometimes you just want to be able to make a quick meal like pasta or grilled cheese without going out.

        Also in my experience, work done in a home can often be much longer than anticipated, so 3 weeks could turn into 6 weeks. Also you can find one with a backyard or even a pool which the kids will enjoy. I’m sure that many Airbnb owners would be up for negotiating a longer term stay.

        1. Most extended stay hotels have at least a kitchenette, so they won’t have to eat all their meals out either way.

    5. Part of my family lived in an extended-stay hotel while a family member was in a hospital out of town. There were a ton of families every time I went down for the free breakfast, and the staff was awesome, even if the whole experience was kind of awful (see: hospital).

    6. An extended stay hotel would be perfectly fine.

      But how long is it going to be? If it’s more like 2-3 months, instead of 2-3 weeks, I would look at short term apartment rentals, simply because I think it would be more comfortable for a longer period of time.

    7. A friend of mine growing up lived in one of these for a couple of months during a rough divorce and it was totally fine! Seconding all the commenters suggesting that you ask about weekly rates, they will probably work something out with you. Honestly I would probably prefer one to an airbnb bc of pool and all of the location related benefits you described, plus regular housekeeping to make things a little easier while you’re there.

  8. Came downstairs this morning to two mice in my kitchen (that are now deceased). Ugh.

    1. We have that same issue, mice having a snack in our pantry. The only thing that works is the cheap $1 traps that kill them. The mice here eat the bait in the”humane” traps and know how get out again.
      Also, I now have everything in the pantry stored in plastic boxes with lids, after the critters chewed through most baking supplies, noodles and gummy bears.

      2. Pro tip: set that $1 trap, then slide it into a paper bag laying open on its side. If you do get the mouse, all you have to do is pick up the paper bag.

        1. Another pro tip – take a piece of kibble (dog or cat both work) and glue it to the trap’s trigger so the mouse can’t nibble without springing it. Otherwise, they’ll just sit there and eat all your peanut butter or whatever without getting caught.

    2. What I don’t like about mice is that I just can swing a shoe and crush them like I can with roaches (it’s the south, y’all). Something about doing that to a mammal . . . [shudders]. Ewww. Needing more caffeine and maybe a stiff drink. AND A CAT.

    3. Hi, it’s me. I’m at your local shelter. I’m missing part of an ear and I’m a bit long in the tooth, but if you give me a nice home and a warm lap to sit in, you’ll never find mice in your kitchen again.

        1. I actually would tell it to the landlord of any place with an ongoing mice problem. This is how I talked my way into my first cat in a San Francisco flat.

          1. My no-pet apartment became very cat-friendly when six mice were caught in traps in a week.

          2. (un)Fortunately, I only get a few mice per year – I think they wander up from the brunch place two doors down. I nearly talked my last landlord into it – and then he sold the building and my new landlord is allergic (it’s a 4 unit brownstone, so it’s not unreasonable that they are pet-free for that reason). If the mice got bad though…

      2. It’s true, my cat doesn’t leave mice in the kitchen. He leaves any dispatched mice in the doorway to our bedroom as a present (I will say he is very tidy in his dispatching methods). We’ve only had this happen twice in the 11 years we’ve co-habituated with this cat, so he must provide some deterrent as well. And he is very cute and fuzzy.

        1. Yeah the deterrent effect is the thing. My cats have only caught one mouse (and knocked all the pictures off the mantel catching it) but I think the mice know which houses have cats and stay away. And my formerly feral, currently spoiled, brother cats are extremely serious about their jobs deterring mice and catching and eating any flies or moths that get in.

      4. +1. I was the only tenant in my small co-op who didn’t have a mouse problem (roaches? yes, those the cat liked to eat the legs off ::::shudder::::). She’s old and lazy now but apparently (from the NYC exterminators who surely know things) the smell of the cat pheromones alone does the job.

    4. We heard one through the vent last night – commiseration. Traps set. Wish I wasn’t allergic to cats.

    5. Yep, swept up mice poop when cleaning the kitchen the other day. I don’t think they’re in the pantry, but that’s probably a matter of “yet.”

    6. Cat allergy here, so unfortunately not an option.

      Also, if you live close to nature/fields etc, field mice are a thing, too (vs. house mice). Field mice look for a warm cozy place to build their nests and stay during the cold season. We’ve had a nest behind the dishwasher, they had ripped the insulation blanket to build it.

      But field mice don’t eat your food like house mice do and aren’t easy to catch, so we’ve decided to peacefully coexist with them. No way we can make our large house mice-proof except keeping the food away.

      The idea of putting the trap in a paper bag is genius!

    7. My neighborhood is on the edge of a rural town and surrounded by fields. Pretty much everyone in our neighborhood (including us) subscribes to bait boxes from a pest service. It makes a really big difference. We also have a cat who likes to catch mice in the night and then bring them (still alive) to us in bed to share. Luckily that only happened twice (two days in a row) before the pest people got us set up. We’ve been good ever since. (knock on wood)

      1. If you care about your cat and other animals, please reconsider using rodenticides. Cats, hawks, owls, foxes, bobcats, and other wildlife eat the poisoned mice and suffer the horrendous consequences.

  9. My sister had IVF with her wife and they had a baby today! Very exciting :) She doesn’t broadcast that she’s gay because we have family overseas who may not be as accepting and because it’s nobody’s business. But our family here is thrilled. She posted a picture of the baby on FB to announce the birth, and I cannot believe how many busybodies (not anyone in our family but casual friends here in the States) are commenting things like “Wait, are you married?” “Who’s the father?” “Who’s baby is this?” Everybody feels entitled to the back story.

    I want to write — SHUT UP and just write congratulations. Erg.

    1. so — she keeps her personal life totally off FB but then out of nowhere “surprise! baby!” Maybe people shouldn’t ask but the lack of context does invite curiosity…

      1. Hard disagree there, Cat– she’s entitled to have a baby, be excited about the baby, and tell the world about the baby. No one is entitled to “context;” the “context” is: she has a baby now.

        1. Not Cat but one of the “rude comments” OP objected to was “Whose baby is this?” I think that’s a natural question if you have no idea a woman is married or pregnant and she posts a photo of herself holding a newborn with no caption. That’s not really wanting “context” so much as the basic info about the situation.

          2. Is it? Lots of people post photos of themselves with newborn nieces and nephews or friends’ children. Obviously if she says “Overjoyed to introduce my daughter XYZ” it’s her baby, but if it’s just a photo of her and a newborn, I really don’t know that it’s a natural conclusion, particularly if you don’t know she’s married.

          4. Don’t call me a B word please. I would not comment on the FB photo, but I genuinely disagree with you that a photo of someone with a newborn is always their child. I’ve seen photos of people in hospitals with newborn nieces/nephews, grandkids’, cousins’ kids, friends’ kids, neighbors’ kids, etc. A guy friend unexpectedly helped deliver (!) his boss’s baby and posted photos of him holding the baby when she was about 5 minutes old (baby was still covered in vernix) and from the elated expression on his face you could have easily mistaken him for a proud new dad. I think it’s awfully rude to imply that anyone who doesn’t automatically KNOW it’s her child, especially when she’s unmarried and there was no prior indication she was expecting a baby, is a B.

          5. Read better. She is married. And there’s nothing to indicate that anyone thought it was a niece or nephew; they wanted to know who the other parent is.

          6. OP said many of their friends and family don’t know she’s gay, and since she’s married to a woman, I think it’s safe to say she’s unmarried as far as those people know. My comments were referring to the people who asked “whose baby is this?” not “who’s the father?”

          7. Of course a person might post a picture that is not their baby. But you can always private message/email the person to ask what is going on with their life if you absolutely need to ask & see what they want to share with you (but omg not “who’s the dad” or questions about the conception). But also, look at the reactions to the post already — if people are saying congrats, etc. and liking/loving the photo, just do the same.

        2. Agreed completely.

          No one is entitled to “context.” Read Miss Manners if you’re confused as to the appropriate reaction.

        3. That’s what I was trying to say. As I said, “maybe people shouldn’t ask.” I didn’t phrase that strongly enough but yeah, Facebook commenting “who’s the dad” is not appropriate.

          But the fact that people ARE curious is super natural. Seriously, wouldn’t you all be wondering the same thing?

          2. Okay, let me ask you this: I am 8 weeks along. I have no desire to put this on FB, do “bump” pictures, or anything else. If I want you to know that I am expecting, I will tell you.

            Are you saying it’s okay to be an a-hole to me when a baby picture goes up online?

            Bear in mind my husband and I fight over how his rude, nosey friends examine me for signs of pregnancy and I just want everyone to get a damn hobby that isn’t my reproductive system.

          3. I’d be curious. I am not a jerk to anyone, online or otherwise.

            My friend just posted a picture of her with a baby, in a hospital setting. It’s her GRANDdaughter, not her personal new baby. People can assume a lot in error without context.

          4. You get a gold medal in Missing the Point. If someone posts a picture of herself online and says that she just had a baby, the proper response is to congratulate her, not to ask five thousand questions that are Not Your Business.

            Back in the day, there were these things called “birth announcements,” and no one felt that the whole back story needed to go on them. “Janice and John are welcoming little Sasha and Kevin into the family, but we want you to know that despite being fraternal twins and the fact that Janice is 41, they were conceived naturally. The couple had been ‘trying’ for several years but finally, John’s sp3rm hit the magic eggs and all went well!”

            I don’t ask menopausal women how their gardening life is going after things dry out down there, because it’s not my business. Why are they entitled to know the circumstances of conception?

        4. The question asker is not entitled to an answer, but it’s not weird or wrong to ask the question because it’s normal to ask questions when a baby appears out of nowhere. Cat said it invites curiosity, not that the askers are entitled to know all the mother’s business.

      2. She posts from time to time on FB, including pics of her as a pregnant woman. So it’s not totally a surprise to anyone who follows her on FB.

        It’s ok to be curious. Nothing wrong with that. But the tone of the comments is very…I need to know the back story. They don’t need to know the back story. People have zero discretion.

        1. Yes, it’s amazing how many adults act like 3-year-olds when something is in front of them that they don’t know all about. “Need to know” is a real concept! You can internalize it and keep your questions to yourself! Other applications:

          –Someone’s ethnicity who doesn’t look white to you
          –Someone’s weight change
          –Someone’s non-typical physical attribute of any kind
          –Someone’s family member who appears to be a different ethnicity than they are

          1. “–Someone’s ethnicity who doesn’t look white to you”

            I get this constantly after moving to a new region of the country and it is driving me wild. I am a white person w one arab grandparent and I always felt like I benefited from a great deal of white privilege and identify as white. these questions drive me batty. I guess I don’t really have anything to contribute just how rude and intrusive and honestly terrifying these questions are to be given the political climate.

      3. Contrary to the multitude of people here that seem to have distant or toxic relationships with family members, it is super weird to hide basic personal details about your life (like marriage and kids) from family and close friends. If she doesn’t want her family to know she’s gay but then gets upset when they ask about a random new baby that she never mentioned, then she needs to get them off her facebook or put them on limited viewing status. You also can’t get mad when people don’t care about or mention a partner or child that you never talk about or fail to acknowledge exists.

        1. I DO have toxic relationships with family and I still agree it’s super weird! I didn’t tell my grandmother or cousins I was pregnant (they are terrible people and I didn’t want them to know), but I was definitely aware it was weird and I was zero percent surprised when they eventually found out (after the birth) and were absolutely outraged about not knowing earlier.

        2. Please read the post again. None of our extended family has actually asked. It’s casual friends and acquaintances (think our old elementary school teacher) who are asking. She’s never hidden anything from her close friends. But a gay marriage is a hard sell to our Middle Eastern aunts and uncle. And anyway, she’s not mad. She’s gazing lovingly into her baby’s eyes.

    2. I mean, that can be surprising. I have a friend who had a baby (no husband, 2 kids, so not sure what all happened). I ran into them when they moved to my city and have to bite my tongue (and my unfiltered kids’ tongues) re any dad-type background items.

      BUT if someone in my family spontaneously had a baby after radio silence for 9 months, I’d think “Congrats and WTF” but wouldn’t publicly say more than “Congrats!!!!!!!!” Then I’d call Aunt Lydia, b/c she knows all and she talks.

      1. that would be my reaction too. publicly i’d just say congrats and then i’d have lots of questions in my head, that i would not share with the person who just gave birth

    3. Come on. What did you/she think would happen? Maybe they shouldn’t have said it but you didn’t think people would wonder? Amongst cultures where it isn’t cool to have 3 kids with 3 different daddies, people are going to wonder.

      3. Do you mean like the president of the US, only with 3 mommies instead of 3 daddies.

    4. Ha, I was that person who surprised everyone. I was married (to a man) but we had been married for almost 10 years and hadn’t had kids so I think everyone assumed we were infertile or childless by choice. Then I didn’t announce the pregnancy on FB (superstitious and wanted to keep it private in case something went wrong) so when I announced the birth of my daughter, I surprised a lot of people. Several people said something to the effect of “Wow, we thought that ship had sailed!” and one person straight up asked “Did you use a surrogate?” Can’t really blame them for wondering, but most people have the sense not to say these things publicly.

      1. I have a great aunt who comments on picture of my kids and I guess my husband is so not-young that she mis-identifies them as the grandfather. Old people; you have got to love them b/c otherwise they’d just be troublemakers.

    5. By the way… congratulations to your sister and her wife, and congrats to you, the new aunt!!!

    7. I don’t understand why someone would be so private as to hide the fact that she’s married, and at the same time post photos of her new baby for the world to see. You either want privacy or you don’t. You can’t really hide half of your family and show off the other half.

      1. Because our family comes from a country where homosexuality can be a death sentence at the hands of government authorities. She’d like to go back visit our extended family, so she’s careful about not advertising that she’s gay and married to a woman.

        1. Which I feel like is a valid justification but is beside the point.

          To ask those questions is to ask about that person’s s3x life, and that’s not appropriate. What if the answer was, “I went through a crap time in my life, made a stupid decision, but decided to keep the baby instead of terminating”? Or if she’s straight but Mr. Right hadn’t come along, and she decided to go that route alone? Or if it’s her niece’s baby, whom she is adopting because her niece is like 17 and wants to finish her education before taking on the burdens of parenthood?

          Seriously, people need to mind their own business about other people’s reproduction.

          2. What is wrong with you? You absolutely can announce the birth of a baby to the world without inviting discussion around the circumstances of conception.

            Read Miss Manners, you rude twit.

      2. I think this is where I’m at.

        I’d suggest your sister either (1) defriend anyone she doesn’t want knowing about All Of The Above and/or is behaving in a way that makes her uncomfortable, or (2) hiding/sensitizing who sees what posts. My threshold for social media connections is if seeing your name/being reminded of your existence annoys me or if your comments cause any sort of angst within, SEE YA. No need for niceties via a “friendship” over social media. I have enough annoying people I have to deal with in real life. I have zero tolerance for that ish on social media. I cannot control the actions of others, but I can prevent them from impacting me.

    8. This means the DOB of this poor child is forever easily find-able. Is the SSN next? People need to stop doing this. It’s not just the mom’s privacy/life at issue / on display.

      1. Huh? I dont get this at all. I think i’m pretty paranoid about my kids’ privacy (we did social media birth announcements, but other than that they’ve never appeared online) but a child’s birthday is hardly sensitive or personal information. They will celebrate it with 20+ classmates every year in the future.

  10. You guys. This late perimenopause stuff is no joke. I’ve started having hot flashes at night and they really interrupt my sleep. I’m not sweaty, but I’m radiating heat to the point that even SO notices it. I’ve turned the AC down, added a fan, and switched to airier sheets to no avail. I’m considering supplements but need to discuss with my dr. first. In the past she’s said that low-dose Prozac often helps but I need to stay away from antidepressants for occupational reasons. I know this board skews younger, but does anybody have any other suggestions?

    1. Probably not all that helpful, but I switched over to sleeping in linen tee shirts (so, not smooth and woven, more like a knit tee shirt but linen) that I get cheap from Loft. Helped keep me cooler and they dry faster when you get sweaty (sorry, I know that’s kind of gross).

      I also have kept taking my birth control pill (very low dose one) which may help moderate the symptoms. Not the answer for everyone, but it’s an option. I think BCPs are very similar in content to HRT, but I think they are usually a lower dose. I really should look that up sometime.

      1. +1 to the pill. My doc recommended staying on it and eventually moving to HRT (my understanding is HRT is actually the lower dose but I’m. It sure it matters)

    2. This is me. All I can tell you is that having a bed setup where it’s easy to kick covers on and off is key. So a loose comforter, no hospital corners. I wear cool nights pjs from soma.

      I have this during the day, too. Yesterday i was playing the game of putting on a shawl due to aggressive air conditioning and then whipping it off and fanning myself with a notepad every 30 minutes or so. I’m sure my fellow meeting attendees thought I was insane.

    3. Temperpedic has a mattress that is made with cooling gel (which would be an expensive option), but they also have a matching pillow that is a lot cheaper. My husband bought it for himself but I have stolen it. I use a heating pad when I have migraines and the pillow keeps me from overheating even when our room is otherwise pretty warm – so it might help for this too.

    4. We switched our mattress cover recently, from a run of the mill one to a breathable, cooling one we found at target. My DH runs super hot, and he’s been pleased. Also, multiple fans. We don’t have AC, so sleeping in the summer involves at least 3 fans directed on us. And, sometimes an ice pack for DH.

    5. I have switched to linen sheets. This helps a lot. Also, I just recently bought a comforter/duvet insert from Casper that is part down and part wool. The reason for the wool is that is has a wicking affect which is great for night sweats. I haven’t had it long, but so far it’s working great. I wear wool running socks even in the summer in my Southern US state and those handle sweating so well. I think this comforter may be the solution I was looking for for years.

    6. HRT. I know there are risks, but I need to live a sane life – and without decent sleep, it’s anything but. We all take risks. This is one I accept to be able to feel normal and get the sleep I desperately need to function.

    7. I found switching in more soy protein helps. I also like the SOMA sleep shirts, I think they are called Cool Nights. I also got a small blanket and put in just on my husband’s side of the bed, so he doesn’t suffer when I am sleeping under just a sheet.

  11. Does anyone have resources (particular books or website) for family members with loved ones in SMART Recovery?

    Or any resources that particularly helped you with understanding a loved one’s addiction?

    1. SMART Recovery has materials for family members, have you checked them out? They also have al-anon-style meetings in some areas, you could see if there is one by you. Sorry if these are things you already looked into & wishing you the best.

      1. I am specifically talking about a book/workbook for family members, I think we purchased from Am*zon

        1. Thank you. I’ve looked into the book. Did you find it helpful? There aren’t any family meetings near me, unfortunately.

          1. Yes, we thought it was fairly helpful in terms of framing how we were thinking about things.

    3. I read a lot of books when my partner was getting sober and there was one that stood way above the rest: Alcoholics Anonymous aka “The Big Book.” You can buy them for $5 at an AA meeting, but I bought mine at Barnes and Noble.

  12. Are you (or were you) bothered by your student loan debt — like seriously contemplating what would happen; how you’d ever buy a house/have kids/switch jobs etc. Or was it more like a — oh well it’s another $600 or $1000 payment for the next 10 (or 15 or 30) years, no different than a car payment or electric though obviously bigger? I was recently talking to a friend who makes great money (in biglaw and is a junior associate so she’s no where near the up and out scenario for another 6 years) who was telling me she is losing sleep at night over her 200k in debt. How did others on this board feel about it?

    1. I graduated with 130k in debt and paid it off in 8 years on a 150k salary. I did worry about it, and thought about it often. The size payments I was making were a real tangible day to day hit on my finances. I’m 35 and I can’t buy a house because I don’t have a down payment and that bothers me. But I didn’t lose sleep over it just kept plugging on.

      1. What was your interest rate? Unless your interest rate > market returns which have been sizeable for the last 5-6 years, I’ve never understood the rush to pay down debt at the expense of savings, investments, retirement etc.

        2. Well, maybe I’m dumb and wrong, but that 200k of debt is going to be accruing a lot more interest than the comparatively paltry sums I would be able to put into savings when I’m first starting out.

          1. The idea is that you could either pay an extra $x to your debt, where the return is equal to your interest rate, or put $x into your 401k where it would get market returns (which I think are 6-7%, excluding inflation).

          2. You’re not dumb and wrong. These are terrible interest rates. Paying down that debt is like a guaranteed 6% rate of return.

            It would be one thing if the debt were 3% or something. But I’m staring at interest rates of around 7% to start law school. Rule of 72 means 7% interest basically doubles your debt in 10 years.

        3. Some people just don’t like having debt, and those kinds of payments make them feel chained to a certain job or a certain lifestyle that they may not like. I’m one of those people. I understand the math arguments for not paying off certain debt and saving instead, but the loss on that interest rate calculation sometimes is worth it to me for peace of mind and a feeling of freedom. We do things all the time to increase our mental well-being that cost money, and to me, I’ve done the cost/benefit analysis, and have decided that in some cases it’s worth it.

          I had a small student loan after law school and paid it off very aggressively with my mid-law salary and bonus because I just don’t like the feeling of paying someone else each month instead of paying myself. I didn’t lose sleep over it, but I didn’t like having it.

        4. market returns are not guaranteed and zero debt buys you freedom to take a lower paying job/move locations etc.

        5. My husband is a finance person and doesn’t scoff at aggressively paying down debt, even debt at <5%. As he puts it, if you had a hedge fund with a guaranteed 5% return, everybody would be dying to invest in it. And that's effectively what paying off a loan at 5% is. The market frequently returns more, but not always, and the guaranteed return is worth something (financially, not just emotionally, although the emotional component is significant for many people too).

        6. For my family, it’s that we can’t buy a house until the student debt is gone. We still invest in retirement, but I hate how long this student debt is delaying our home-buying.

          1. Why not? I’ve bought two houses. I still have loans. You have to live your life.

          2. 1:39 here. We literally can’t. A very basic starter house in my area is $700k and wouldn’t be much of an improvement over our rental apartment, which is too small for my family. A house we’d actually want to buy is $850 minimum. We literally can’t afford that with the amount we’re paying in student loans monthly– either to save for a $50k down payment, or the mortgage even if we had the down payment.

      1. Where are you so that I can tell people to avoid it? My experience (and my law school friends’ experience) is that you don’t get “the talk” until you’re hanging around as sort of a super-senior associate…

        1. I think many firms have gotten more “aggressive” in that regard. My firm def used to be — talk starts at year 6 but really you weren’t pushed out until 8-9 and every once in a while someone who worked hard but was never going to make partner could get “lucky” and go unnoticed for 11-12 years — esp if the firm was super busy. But now my firm (NYC based, vault ranked around #30) does one set of push outs at year 4 and in recent years despite the great economy it’s been like 40-50% of the class. And THEN if you survive that, the next up and out marker is still year 8. So the work hard and you’ve got 8 years of high income isn’t guaranteed anymore at all. (I’m a different poster than the person above so it looks like more than one firm is operating this way now.)

        2. I think that this is sort of common. There is the soft talk, the people urged to apply to in-house jobs, all along the way.

          We had people get told it wasn’t working out after 1 year (and it wasn’t). And others who did good work and were good people but just weren’t going to make partner get helped to have a soft landing.

          The “you need to find another job and be gone in 6 months” is sort of the final talk.

          E.g., DC is full of 4th-6th years looking for a job b/c they are being soft-counseled out that that is often the first thing recruiters mention: Are you here because your firm is trying to push you to leave?

        3. Your experience is out of date, Cat. It’s increasingly common for firms to start pushing some people out as 5th years. Most firms don’t do a major purge at that stage, but it is a point in the pipeline in which a non-trivial number of people get pushed out.

        5. That seems common to be as well. There is one push-out phase around 4th year, for those who don’t bill much or are clearly not being considered as possible partner material. My firm didn’t even really have a second push out at the partnership stage. Everyone who made it past 4th year was consider someone they would consider for partner, and then enough people left on their own that most people who stayed long enough eventual made partner.

          It has been like this since I started in 2011. Maybe it was different before then

      2. I was in DC BigLaw a million years ago when 1L salaries went up to 125K and ever since, every wave of salary increases results in more soft pushing out, and done earlier than in the past. Plus making you so miserable you want to quit. But the problem is that bad lawyers stay, so they need to get pushed out b/c the work only goes to the good ones, so the slowest people get counseled out before you knew they were pushed. But we now push out people who are second-years. The good people who won’t make it get put with clients. But the soft pushing starts as soon as you land. Now that we’ve just had another round of raises, expect it to result in fewer jobs.

        I prefer the old days, where you had some time to ripen and find your place. And lower loans b/c law school wasn’t so shockingly expensive.

        1. This. I have been saying this for years. Every time salaries go up from 125k to 140k to 160k to 180k to whatever it is now for first years, everyone cheers as if it’s the best thing ever. Reality is when it was 125-140k starting for first years, it WAS eight years at least in NYC/DC if you were generally a hard worker; that gave you time to get your bearings, learn, get good experience, and run cases even if you weren’t going to make partner; it opened up more options for you long term because you could go to midlaw, government etc. and represent that you had in fact taken a dozen+ depos and run multiple large cases for big corporate clients. Around 160k is when my first started pushed out 4th years. And now it’s more like 3rd years. It really isn’t a long time at all financially (8 years at 140k starting works out to more $$$ over time as there are 10k raises + bonuses, than 4 years at 160k starting) or in terms of learning how to be a lawyer.

          1. It’s 190k now! I think it’s crazypants and personally I would much rather have a slightly lower (but still six figure) salary and more time at the firm to save money and get good training and connections. I think the people that pushed for 190k are so naive, and it doesn’t help associates at all, financially or otherwise.

          2. I agree that the salary raises shorten the runway, but there are few associates who want to stay 8 years. Pretty much everyone I know left of their own choice by 6 year. Assuming you go straight from college to law school to the firm, that means that you are selling away your years from 25 – 33. I did it, and it sucked. If I could go back in time, I would exchange some of my saved money for those years back.

          3. Agree with DCR as well. Plenty of associates come in with the intention of leaving within 3-5 years, so the salary increases are beneficial for this sizable population. I am thankful for the increases as they have helped my husband and me (Anon at 10:57am below) aggressively pay off our debt and get closer to our goals of leaving biglaw to go government / in-house. I’m too junior to have the big picture perspective, though. Just from the POV of associates who want to leave as a mid-level, the raises have been good.

    3. I *only* had 60k but I treated it like another bill. When DH and I got married, we had about 100k (about 40 of mine and 69 of his). It was annoying, we paid it off, and then we treated ourselves by taking a portion of the monthly loan payment we no longer had and bought a new (to us) fancy car. The rest was diverted to childcare Bills bc by then we had had our second kid.

    4. I wasn’t thrilled with it, but wasn’t losing sleep over it, because I had a plan to pay those d@mn things off ASAP and executed it. I paid extra to principal each month and allocated almost all of each year’s bonus to them. I had $175K in loans when first year salaries started at $135K, and made my last payment 4.5 years after law school graduation. It was indeed an amazing feeling to be a “free agent” after writing that last check. With first year salaries at $180K now, there’s no reason your friend couldn’t do it faster!

      Most people don’t leave for lower-paying in house jobs until 4th or 5th year anyway, and you’re not “up or out” as a 7th year most places, you’d be getting “the talk” more as like a 10th year.

    5. I’m also a junior associate, came into the firm with close to $220k in debt. I’m very lucky that my husband is also biglaw (he started with $131k in debt). We actually just paid off his debt recently, and we have about $90k left in mine. Combination of very aggressive payments with our bonuses and living off of one income.

      Can your friend refinance her loans, if she hasn’t already? For us, the psychological burden for us is really big, hence the aggressive payments discussed above. But, we don’t have to be aggressive, because the interest rate on mine is only negligibly larger than what my savings account earns. If your friend can be in that position, it may help her feel better about the decision between paying debt vs. save money / invest.

      That said, we have chosen to be very aggressive in paying down debt because 1. we may not remain in biglaw for too much longer and 2. it just *feels* better to know that no part of our money is going toward student loan and it can all go toward saving for a down payment. We know we’ll be living in a HCOL area (either NYC or CA) for the foreseeable future, and we want kids too, so the knowledge that everything we’ll be earning can be saved feels good.

      I worry a lot though about how we will ever save enough for a down payment and then make enough to pay a mortgage AND childcare. We’ve thought about how can we buy a home budgeted for just one income, but in CA, for example, that’s just HARD to accomplish without compromising a great deal on good school districts. It’s one reason we probably won’t have kids for a few more years until we build more of a nest egg.

      But it’s nothing I lose sleep about? I feel stable in my job and career prospects so far seem good. If your friend is in a similar position, I say refinancing and remembering that she has a great job that pays well and can support aggressive repayment hopefully should help ease the psychological burden for her.

      1. If there’s an expectation of kids on the horizon, that’s definitely a reason to pay down debt aggressively maybe even at the expense of investments etc. Simply because childcare in NYC/Ca can easily be 2400/mo+ per child. You can simply defer your loan payments to childcare.

    6. Only had 75k at 2.8% interest rate (graduated 14 years ago). Never worried about it, it was just a bill. Actually I was adamant that I was NOT going to sacrifice wealth building for my loans — maxed out the 401k, did not put a single bonus dollar into debt, built up an investment account etc. Despite that I still made double/triple payments and finished it off in 13 years (it was unnecessarily structured as a 30 year loan).

    7. A $200k debt would absolutely keep me up at night. This is a large reason why I didn’t go to grad school.

    8. It stressed me out as well. I was lucky that I got married the year I graduated and DH had no debt so we lived a student lifestyle on his salary and socked my entire salary against the debt. Can she budget to put her entire bonus against it each year in addition to her monthly payments? And up her monthly payments each year so that they are a consistent percentage of her salary. Many people forget to increase their payments as their salary increases. Having a plan may help her sleep. Also, she should focus on her job as her best chance of paying off the debt and she needs sleep to do her job well so getting a good night’s sleep is a step towards paying off the debt.

    9. I currently *only* have $75k and am only recently able (5 years out) to start aggressively paying down the debt. I am in a MCOL city, and the market was not great when I graduated, so my income was not high enough that I could be super aggressive paying off my loans and still maintain an ok quality of life before now. I currently own a home (DH had saved money for the down payment before we got married). Most of our savings come from DH’s income, which he gets frustrated by. My student loan interest rate is also double my mortgage rate (6.5-7% compared to 3.25%), so he also gets frustrated that things like bonuses, tax refunds, etc. make more sense to throw at my loans than the mortgage. I don’t lose sleep at night over my debt, but I do periodically have moments of panic when I realize how much child care costs and how easy it would be to pay for if I didn’t have a loan payment…

    10. Yeah, my law school debt (~$150k) felt like a huge burden and I wanted to pay it off ASAP. It took me three years in Big Law to do it, and I prioritized it over other saving, including for retirement. My law school loans were at 8% so it was financially prudent, but even if they’d been at a lower interest rate, they felt like a huge albatross that I wanted to get rid of ASAP, especially before taking on a mortgage because the idea of having two major debt obligations at once made me really nervous (I’ve never had consumer debt or taken a car loan, although a car loan would make me less nervous because it’s much smaller).

    11. Yes and no. Yes in the sense of worrying how it will impact future financial decisions, but no in the sense of not worrying about it day to day. You knew the level of debt you were entering into and you can’t change how much you owe, so you just plod along planning around it. If that means you have to rent with roommates for the foreseeable future, that is just your life and it’s not something to ultimately wring hands over. This saying is super applicable here: “Accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can” (I believe adapted from the Serenity Prayer”

    12. Echoing what other posters have said about people getting pushed out of biglaw earlier than they used to. Or what if your practice group leader leaves and your work dries up? What if you are assigned to work with an insane boss whom you hate? Lots of reasons to leave biglaw other than being pushed out. Also, you have to consider that she may not want to be there for another 6 years, or at least want to feel like she’s not golden-handcuffed to that job. The biglaw life isn’t for most people, even if they’re good at it.

      1. Plus times have been good in biglaw for the last 2-3 years, firms are generally pretty busy, you see much bigger summer classes, fancier events that firms are spending $$$ on, salary structures have increased etc. That’s all good and well but firms played this game in 2007 as well and then 2008 happened — and they seem to have forgotten??! We’re likely within a year or two of some kind of recession, slowdown — when that happens work does slow down at least in corporate and real estate (and if in your firm corporate and real estate are the historical big $$$ generators, they are NOT taking the entire hit — they won’t just lay off their associates, they’ll push for litigation and other departments to bear some of the cost cutting too). I think it’s prudent to NOT think of it is an eight year long career because as the last recession showed, firms had NO problem doing stealth layoffs. My firm laid off 1/2 of our 4th years over night under the guise of “they have performance problems” — all of them, which they apparently developed yesterday evening!?

    13. I 100% lost sleep over it. That’s why/how I paid off my law school debt within 4 years of graduation — I lived in a portion of my BigLaw salary and threw the rest at loans. I knew that I wouldn’t be in my BigLaw job forever, and I wanted to have more flexibility to take a lower-paying job if I needed to. I also only took on the loans with the knowledge that I would make $160k immediately after graduation and for at least a few years thereafter, so I was true to my plan and used that high-income time to pay off the debt. Now I have a lovely law degree paid for, but I certainly didn’t take the debt lightly; I checked my loan balances nearly every day until they were gone.

      My husband, on the other hand, deferred his law school loans, paid the minimum, and didn’t really worry about it, ever. He ended up paying them off about 14-15 years after graduation. He is a much less anxious personality type than me, his attitude was, debt is a part of life, it’s a cost of doing business, I have the cash flow to pay the payments now and expect to be able to do so until they’re paid off, so why would I stress about it? Both of us ended up in the same place, with our loans paid off and no significant financial hardship as a result, so I think our disparate attitudes are personality-driven, and neither is more “correct” than the other.

    14. I’m not losing sleep about it, but there are worries in the back of my mind about it sometimes and about what happens if the market crashes or whatever. I also find it sobering to think about how paying off the debt means putting off other life milestones like buying a house or having children. As the years in repayment have gone by, it’s started to weigh a little more on me, and it makes me wonder if I’d feel the same way about having a mortgage, even if that’d be a different type of debt. My SO and I both started in biglaw with significant student debt (me at ~$195k total, him at ~$175k) and have been moderately aggressive about paying it off while still saving and investing, and being a bit too conservative with our emergency funds so we both have a good amount of cash on hand that we never put towards our loans. (He paid his off in close to 4 years, my timeline is… a bit more complicated because of repaying a lot less while clerking, but had I just stayed in biglaw from when I first graduated, it’d have taken me maybe 4.5 years or a little less. As it is, because of clerking, it’s going to take a little past 6 years.)

    15. 2009 grad with ~$180k in debt. Took me a year to even land a job, which paid a whopping $40k in NYC. By the time I landed at my next job (~100k), the interest had ballooned to over $200k. It’s slowly decreasing, but it’s still over 6 figures 10 years after the fact, and I still have a ways to go. I’m in my mid-30s and have lost lots of sleep over it. It’s basically a second mortgage.

    16. Graduated with $158k in debt. I’m on the standard 10 year repayment plan, but hope to shave a year or two off of that. Honestly, it’s any other bill to me and I’m fortunate to not think about it much. I don’t make Big Law money, but am also not at a big risk of getting pushed out. Part of me thinks that it’s keeping me from buying an apartment, but I’m not sure how true that is. Single, no kids and no desire for any.

    17. Honestly? No, I don’t worry about it. I pay it every month, but I am not in a rush to pay it off. I like to live my life. I just bought my second house (will sell the first one soon), I own my car outright, and have no consumer debt, but I just DGAF that much about my student loans. It has affected where I live and what job I take, but I don’t feel constricted by any of that. Both of my houses are plenty big and are updated. I have a perfectly fine car, have pets, am able to do the hobbies I want to, etc. I don’t feel deprived in any way tbh.

      I have ~$120k left from law school, make $125k in a LCOL area, max out my 401k, save money each month for vacations, emergencies, etc., and feel fine paying a bit over the min on my private loan and the IBR adjusted payment on my feds. Does it make the most financial sense? Nah, but I am enjoying my life and I am saving. I’ll probably pay off my private loan with the proceeds of the sale of my house or with my bonus this year. Then throw that money into an IRA instead.

    18. As someone who’s hung around big law for awhile (not partner – changed practice groups and other things), most people are gone by 4/5 years. I would not bet on longer. She should aggressively pay down debt whether she wants to stay or not. She should look at big ticket items like rent – get a roommate for example. Probably doesn’t have/need a car. Unless she’s trending to top 25% of her associate class for performance, I would even skip 401k to get that number down. She could pick back up with 401k if she gets the numbers down to something more reasonable like 100K.

    19. Think of it this way. How fast did college go by? That’s about the average stint in biglaw for associates and then you really should be able to live off of $90 – $115. She needs to pay off $200K using post-tax money in that amount of time. She needs to be serious/aggressive if she’s got anywhere near $200K. Like get a roommate sell the car dont bother with the 401k aggressive (although I’d pick the 401k back up if/when the debt gets to more manageable numbers for the tax benefit). Also, she needs to refi student loans if/when she can.

  13. What burden, if any, does an attorney have to do their diligence before taking action on behalf of a new client in a civil dispute?

    Much abbreviated story: our house is for sale. Yard sign when in and within three days we were picking an offer (VHCOL and competitive market). The day we picked an offer an abutter to us had an attorney send us a notice, threatening to sue and put some sort of blemish on our title effectively preventing us from selling, if we didn’t fix a small non-structural wall on our property that divides our lots that was “encroaching” on her property and “poses a threat” to her well being (it’s a small, 2 foot high wall that is ugly but… tough?). It’s bogus. We’ve talked to multiple attorneys who all agree it’s bogus. Given timing of buying our new home, having offers in hand to sell the current home and cost to repair of $5k we just said screw it, we’ll fast-track repair and get this sale closed. One wrinkle is that because of the lot layout and orientation of the wall, the only way to repair is is through her lot, which she’s agreed to through her attorney in writing.

    Fast forward three weeks to today and please take my word on this but the lady is certifiably nuts, which we knew and which is why we haven’t spoken to her in more than three years prior to this. She’s lying to her attorney, to us, to our contractor who is actively out on the site trying to repair the wall. Here’s the real genesis of my question: her own attorney who issued the initial notice went so far as to fire her as a client yesterday. He effectively said to my attorney she is crazy, illogical and has no grounds for the threats to sue, etc. so he’s washing his hands of her and moving on.

    Did he have some obligation to investigate before issuing the initial notice which started this whole mess? I’m not looking for damages or anything, maybe just peace of mind? I’m sure a counter argument is that we should have just challenged the notice or threatened to counter-sue, but non-legal-professional me feels like the attorney who issued the initial notice is in the wrong on some level here. Thoughts?

    1. How would he investigate this? If you have a wall that’s encroaching or falling over onto her property, it’s a totally reasonable ask to have it repaired/removed? She may be crazy, but that’s not going to be apparent on meeting with her if she has a reasonable ask.

      1. It’s not encroaching and it doesn’t pose any life safety threat to anyone on either side of the wall. It’s ugly, which she’s told us once before (3+years ago) was her concern with it. It really feels like she walked in, said write this letter, and he wrote the letter. He said to us after the fact that he never saw the wall to begin with.

    4. Edited to add: her current behavior is significant because she’s preventing my contractor from completing the wall. It’s legit 1/3 built as we speak. He puts a stone in the wall, she picks it up and moves it. He digs a trench for the base of the wall, she takes the shovel and digs somewhere else. She’s also verbally harassing him and his team while he works – we have witnesses. She’s interfering with our ability to complete the wall which was her (and the attorney’s) request from the onset. I’m afraid she’s going to yell “trespassing” next and not let the contractor finish the wall.

      We are scheduled to close on the sale of our home on Wednesday under the condition the wall is finished (we know can escrow 125% of outstanding balance due, blah blah and put it on the new owner who is eager to close ASAP for other reasons so they’d likely agree… this we know this option exists but are trying to avoid). Without her attorney, we have to talk to her directly which is near impossible. I wonder if this woman has some sort of dementia. She’s about 82 years old, based on what I can tell from online digging.

      1. I dealt with an encroaching wall issue with one of my clients, and the neighbor was harassing the contractor and his staff, even following them to Home Depot to harass them. Our office sent her a cease and desist letter and the issues with her stopped. Maybe get a law office to send a letter to her directly.

        1. This.

          I’m guessing the OP is not an attorney. Often, non-lawyers want to “solve” things in a certain way, which neither solves the actual problem nor can even be done. You send a cease-and-desist, citing her own desire to have it fixed at your expense. Going after her former lawyer does nothing to stop her and won’t work anyway.

    5. lol you’ve just described the bane of my existence, plaintiff’s attorneys.
      these guys don’t GAF. they just shoot letters, without having properly assessed their clients, or their clients cases/claims and let the chips fall where they may. fire a client down the road? who cares, onto the next cuckoo client with outlandish claims.
      all this to say, you have to move on, finish your sale, and enjoy your new home and hopefully not-nutjob neighbor. there is no recourse against these asses.

      1. Thank you kindly. This is the plan. Really not looking for any recourse/action against her attorney….it’s just puzzling to me that you can fire off threats to sue so loosely, and suits that could eff up someone’s largest asset – the sale of our home. ‘Tis what it is, but wowza. This has been a lesson.

        1. I mean, lawyers can’t control their clients. Lawyers are advisors, but the clients steer the ship (assuming it’s not illegal or presenting harm to someone). I’m not saying there aren’t bad lawyers out there, of course there are, but we cannot force a client to do anything.

        2. Well, gently, you kind of let it eff up your life. If attorneys could only take action when it wouldn’t bother anybody, they wouldn’t be very effective.

      2. Seriously. I hate pff — the ones who do PI or med mal or dumb property stuff like this. Just an amazing waste of time and money which drives up the cost of doing business for everyone. Its just awful to watch so many people trying to get something for nothing. OP, most states have statues where you can pursue someone who files a frivolous lawsuit against you. The problem is that that also costs you time and money, and who wants that? So it’s not nearly the deterrent it should be.

    6. An attorney’s obligation is to represent their client, within the bounds of the law (so, he can’t lie to the court on her behalf or commit fraud). But he has no obligation to make sure the client isn’t crazy or even that the claim has merit, certainly not before sending you a simple letter. Maybe before filing an actual complaint, the filing attorney would have an ethical obligation to not be on actual notice that the facts alleged in the complaint are false. But the client being crazy/unreasonable isn’t something that impacts a lawyer’s ethical obligations. Certainly you’d have no cause of action against the attorney imo.

      1. At least in federal court, you have a ethical obligation to make sure that the claim has merit under Fed. R. Civ. P. 11 before filing a complaint. However, IME, courts are reluctant to sanction attorneys for violating it, so it ends up being a very low bar. And it wouldn’t apply to a demand letter anyways.

        I assume, but don’t actually know, that most states have similar standards.

  14. I would be all over this pick, were it not for the bell sleeves. Love the color, but that trend needs to be done.

    1. So glad this shade of green is coming back around – it’s my favorite. And yeah, I can’t do “fun” sleeves.

    2. I’m not a fan of this pick at all. The bow + sleeves + flouncy skirt looks like it wants to be at (if not IN) a wedding. I can’t imagine wearing this in the daytime to the office.

  15. I’ve been really enjoying the book recommendation threads over the last few weeks, so I thought I’d throw my question out to the Hive– I’m traveling to Russia, Mongolia, and China this summer, all for the first time, and I would love to read books about those countries both before and during the trip. Both nonfiction and fiction recommendations welcome, the more the better! As an example, I loved Katherine Arden’s trilogy to get a sense of medieval Russia in a fantasy/historical fiction way, and Mastering the Art of Soviet Cooking (a memoir) to get a sense of some more modern history.

    1. Elizabeth Bear has a fun fantasy series about China/Mongolia. First one is Range of Ghosts. I really liked them.

    2. Wild Swans: Three Daughters of China is fantastic. The author writes her own story as well as the biography of her mother and grandmother and it’s amazing to see how things changed across the generations.

    3. Have you read the Poppy War? Fantasy, but apparently strongly based on events during WWII between Japan/China. I don’t know if I can stomach it, but the The R*pe of Nanking: The Forgotten Holocaust of World War II is supposed to be excellent. (trying to avoid moderation).

      1. I really liked The Poppy Wars but fair warning it’s crazy ableist. Lots of “I’d rather die than be handicapped” / “he’s better off dead than living without a foot so just leave him” type message. I know it bothered a friend of mine who’s post-military injured.

    4. Moscow to the End of the Line by (Venedikt Yerofeyev). If you like novels, Master and Margarita (Bulgakov), and I love Doctor Zhivago. Tom Bissell’s God Lives in St. Petersburg is good short stories (plus his nonfiction Chasing the Sea if you’re going to Central Asia/are interested in the Aral Sea.)

    5. A Gentleman in Moscow is fiction, but has a lot of Russian history woven into it. One of my favorite books of all time!

      2. I tried very hard to get into that book but could not and I hear the same from many friends. It’s too bad since the description sounded perfect.

    6. I enjoyed Country Driving by Peter Hessler and Lost on Planet China by J. Maarten Troost

    7. Two novels:
      The Hottest Dishes of the Tartar Cuisine – funny but not light
      The Revolution of Marina M – well-written melodrama

    10. Wolves eat dogs by Martin Cruz Smith about a murderinvestigation in the Chernobyl restricted zone.

    11. Russia:
      -I read some of Anton Checkov’s plays about 15 years ago and enjoyed them. The most famous are The Seagull, Three Sisters, Uncle Vanya and The Cherry Orchard. They were all written around the turn of the century.
      -I also really enjoyed Anna Karenina. It is by far my favorite of all the Russian classic novels.

      China:
      -Amy Tan’s The Joy Luck Club. It’s more of an immigrant story and a lot of it is set in the US where Tan was born, but some scenes telling the characters’ backstories are set in China.
      -Pearl Buck is an American writer who grew up in China. Of her novels set in China, I particularly enjoyed The Good Earth and Pavilion of Women.

  16. Do you wear bottom mascara — and how old are you? I’m 42 and never have, and wonder if it’s a generational thing… I grew up wanting to avoid the Tammy Faye Baker look.

    1. I only wear it if I’m doing an evening eye look where i bring a bit of smoky shadow around under my lower lash line. Otherwise no lower lash mascara. Yes it’s generational and outdated.

    2. I recently started again after noticing a lot of people doing it and I have to say I’m a fan of the look. Give it a try and see how it looks on you, low stakes thing to do.

    3. Yes, in my 30’s, a *very* light coat. I’ve tried both ways and it’s more flattering for me. No under-eye eyeliner, though.

    4. I do, I’m in my early 30s, it’s black and I’m blonde — I live in the South, so heavy eye makeup is definitely the norm.

      2. Light swipe of mascara AND bottom eyeliner. I’m in my early 30s. In my opinion, the mascara & bottom eyeliner distracts from puffy eyes/dark circles

    6. I use a little, but I pull it off the ends of the lower lashes, so only the parts nearest my eyelid have a little color. I don’t want long spidery lower lashes.

      1. This is pretty much what I do, mid-20’s. I used to skip it altogether because I thought it looked cute – sort of doll-like? Not sure it looked cute so much as just weird.

    7. I’m mid thirties and I put a tiny bit on the bottom because my lashes are invisible otherwise. It looks natural imo.

    8. I use brown mascara and I use it on the bottom just to give my lashes some color. They are otherwise very light and somewhat sparse. I wear thick glasses, so I even wear lower eyeliner because otherwise my eyes sort of get lost behind the lenses.

    9. I’m 29 and I wear bottom mascara every day. However, I only use a little bit of mascara and I only use a “natural” mascara, i.e., it doesn’t do much more than darken up what’s there, rather than increasing length or thickness.

  17. My office has amassed a collection of perhaps 200 disposable utensil sets (the kind that come wrapped in plastic with a napkin, salt & pepper, fork and knife). We generally use regular silverware in the office (we have a dishwasher), so these just don’t get used, and even though we say we don’t need them, catering orders often include them by mistake. Anyone have any good ideas on what to do with them? I don’t want to just be wasteful and throw them out, and am hoping someone has an idea of an organization that might need them. TIA.

    2. Post as free on Craigslist and leave them in the lobby for someone to pick up.

  18. Do any of you frequent travelers have advice on gaming the hotel status thing? I travel frequently but to the same places over and over. I have been Marriott loyal, but I’m “only” gold status and have been really unhappy with the downgrade of the new Bonvoy loyalty program. The late checkout has been cut short and I no longer have breakfast/lounge access.

    I’d like to switch to another program but I hate to start at the bottom. I’d prefer Hyatt because that’s convenient for one of my more frequently preferred locations. Would they status match me? Would I have to get their branded credit card?

    If you have done this I’d appreciate any tips!

    Help me Obi Wan Corp-kenobi!! You’re my only hope.

    1. Most loyalty program describe on their website how they status match, how long it lasts, what you have to do to qualify etc. Status match is not uncommon but generally you will have a set period during which you have to complete a certain number of stays to maintain the match so you may want to take application and travel timelines into account when you submit.

    2. I think all the loyal Starwoods folks are VERY unhappy with the ‘Bonvoy’ program, interesting to hear you’re upset as a Marriot person too.
      I’m likely dropping my Starwoods AmEx once I burn my accumulated points this summer vacation. IMHO, the best/fastest way to get points is to sign up for a branded card and use it for the majority of your purchases unless you travel a fair amount. I usually do roughly a dozen trips a year and those still don’t come close to the points I get from my credit card spending. If you’re traveling multiple times in a month I think you’ll have better luck talking them into status matching you and in accumulating points though.

      1. Yes, *everyone* is mad about “Bonvoy.” And irrelevant to status, but man that name is terrible! As someone who works in marketing it makes me cringe so hard.

        1. I CANNOT STAND that commercial where it is all they say the whole time!! It’s so grating!

        2. The ads are freaking awful too. As if you’re going to travel the world and people will universally greet you with “bonvoy!”

          Also those ads show a gift in a box on the bed, implying that elite member receive a gift. That has been zero percent true for me as a gold. No gift, no amenity, not even a mention of an upgrade.

    3. I think Hyatt has a reputation for not doing much in the way for status matches (check The Points Guy for this). If you have an Amex Platinum (I don’t, but used to), I believe you automatically get Marriott Gold. If you want to stick with Marriott and move up to Platinum, but won’t get enough night stays, the co-branded card might be the way to go. The difference between Gold and Platinum is pretty significant. FWIW I’m Marriott Titanium Elite and don’t have a co-branded credit card, but I do travel a lot. I opted for Marriott because of the number of properties.

      And agreed, Bonvoy is a terrible name!

    4. I’ve just avoided the individual hotel chain’s reward programs and book all my travel through hotels.com. You get a free night for every ten nights you book valued at the average of the 10 nights’ prices. That way I can just stay where I want and still earn rewards.

      1. Thanks but I’m really not about the points stays. I’m about the status and minor perks.

    5. Under the theory of don’t put all your eggs in one basket, I’m a member of everything, and stay at the best hotel in the location I’m going regardless of chain. That way, I have a baseline with every chain, even though I don’t hit crazy status with any of them (unless I’m on a long term project in the same location which occasionally happens).

    6. A coworker told me that Kimpton was good at matching, though that was a few years ago and they don’t have the properties Marriott does.

  19. How do you find a good shampoo for your hair? I feel like hairdressers just try to sell you on whatever line they sell in their salon. I constantly try new types, but seem to struggle to find the balance.

    My hair is naturally blonde (so shows any oil buildup or grease immediately), fine, thick, and newly wavy after being straight all my life. As I’ve gotten older, it’s gotten a lot drier and frizzier (lots of flyaways). However, most shampoo/conditioners and products are too heavy for my hair, making it looks greasy and weighing it down. I’d love to find something clarifying, light, and moisturizing…

    Any suggestions on how you found your unicorn shampoo? Or if you have similar hair to mine, would love any recommendations!

    1. I’ve been liking the drybar detox charcoal shampoo and conditioner for this, although it’s a bit drying (don’t use it every time). No 4 haircare has a good clarifying shampoo as well.

    3. I have hair kind of like yours, and I like the John Frieda Blond line of shampoos (I get highlights, so I use one of the highlight-preserving ones).

      I also love OGX Sea Minerals conditioner, but it seems to be disappearing. I found it at Walmart (online) a while ago, but recently I could only find it at a site called pharmapacks (no idea what that site is, but I ordered from them and it all seemed to go fine).

      So now I guess I’m on the hunt for a new conditioner, too.

      Oh, I also use Dry Bar’s Mudslide (I think that’s what it’s called – Mud Pack?) deep conditioner every week or so – let it sit while I finish up my shower business, rinse it out, then rewash the roots of my hair with shampoo.

    4. I have very similar texture hair but a dark color and my hairdresser recommended trying the Kristen Ess shampoo line at target. Its a little more expensive than pantene etc. but not absurd and I love it! its the first sulphate free shampoo that I feel like really gets my fine hair clean enough. I still keep a cheap clarifying shampoo around and use as needed, about once every other week. I use the regular shampoo from that line and I know there is also a specialized blonde one. When my hair is having a frizzy day I use a little dry oil spray, its the ogx morrocan argan oil, also very affordable! keeps my frizz in check but does’t make my hair greasy.

      2. When you say frizz, does that also include static? My hair is fine and super staticy, even in summer. Would that argan oil help?

        OP – I have fine hair but a lot of it. Blonde, turning darker. I like Tresseme Botanicals shampoo. I think I just found it because I’m cheap and there aren’t that many options. Herbel Essence is way too heavy.

    5. My hair is similar, and I use Aveda shampure religiously. I do cheat with a variety of conditioners (seems like only the drugstore chemical filled versions can make my hair able to comb), but I’ve stuck with shampure for years. Good luck!

    6. I love kerastase number 2, it’s very moisturizing without making my hair heavy. Huge improvement with fly away. I also get a kerastase leave in conditioning treatment every time I go to the salon (every 3 to 4 weeks). I have long, dark fine (but a lot of it) hair that I get colored (touch up every 3-4 weeks, pull through and with a glaze every 12)

    7. I have a lot of very fine, blonde hair. It’s long and gets greasy very easily. What I’ve been doing lately is using a volumizing shampoo with a moisturizing condition only on the ends. Seems to work pretty well.

    8. You either want a humectant (usually described in packaging as volumizing) or you don’t.

    9. Prose is totally worth it for me and I have this type of hair. My back-up option is the green L’Oreal clay shampoo.

  20. Do any of the ladies in government wear khaki/stone slacks to work these days? Maybe with a jacket? Thank you!

    1. I haven’t really seen khakis in a number of years, on any age group of women. Beige khakis also seem to be out for men – I see most richer brown tones or dark blues and grays, even some olive green.

  21. I’m looking for a flat shoe that would be cute to wear with summer dresses. Our work place is business casual but not jeans/sneakers casual. Specifically: light neutral color, not ballet flat or rounded toe, leather preferred because synthetics like Rothy’s don’t let my feet breathe. Maybe something perforated, maybe a smoking slipper or loafer?

  22. I know there’s been some discussion here about desk decorations –

    I work in a fairly political office, so things aren’t as off-limits as they would other places. I really love quotes, poems etc . . would it be out of line to have a small framed quote on my desk? Its from a pretty famous U.S. speech, but not necessarily a line that people would immediately recognize.

    1. Go for it! I have a huge “We the people” Shepard Fairey poster in my office.

    2. I don’t see how that would be out of line in even the most conservative offices?

      1. I guess I just thought it’s kind of random? It’s not necessarily connected to work, not obviously about my family or friends. But it’s very similar to the other quotes/posters people posted about!

    3. I agree. Go for it! I have a “Nevertheless, she persisted” acrylic block in my office!

  23. Has anyone had an issue with large fibroids causing incontinence? I am meeting with my gynecologist later today to discuss treatment options but am very nervous. This is seriously impacting my quality of life, so I need to address it but am hoping to avoid surgery.

    1. Hugs. Just want to let you know its a really common issue, both my best friend and i have struggled (sorry, no advice, it wasn’t fibroids). I hope you get all the medical help you need, don’t waste any energy on shame that you can possibly avoid!

    2. I know you indicated that you wanted to avoid surgery. But my experience was that surgery was the absolute best choice. I had to have an abdominal incision due to the size of fibroids. Healing was rough for about 2 months but I feel so much better now. I didn’t realize how many aches and pains and small problems were attributable to the fibroids.

  24. On weekends and days where I go to physical therapy I will put on work out clothes when I get up then walk the dog, do errands, etc before I go to the gym or physical therapy. Everyone around me wears athleleisure (spelling?) all the time and manages to look stylish. I do not look stylish.

    I am happy with both my Lululemon and Old Navy compression leggings and capris. But I don’t know what to do about tops. I am 32D so I wear fairly solid sports br@s. I am looking for recommendations for short sleeve tops that are not too baggy (so I can actually work out/do PT) that also look reasonably fashionable.

    Do I need to wear a support tank with a jacket? That seems like a lot of layers when it’s warm.

    Do I need to buy “cute” sports bras that peek out of whatever workout shirt?

    I’ve tried the ON tops and they seem either revealing, plain or covered in random sayings. The Lululemon tops are on the short side – I wish they were a little longer – even hip length, not necessarily like a tunic.

    Where do people find cute workout clothes? And why am I so bad at this?

    1. I like the C9 stuff at Target for shirts. Also I don’t think I’d wear them for a super sweaty workout, but for errands and PT or stretching, check out the lux tanks at Old Navy. They are longer and a comfy fabric, not clingy (more like a swingy shirt).

      2. +1. I think most, of not all, of my favorite workout shirts are from Target. They have a drapey, somewhat fitted muscle tank that is my jam and I own in multiple colors. The Joy Lab line has some tees with cute knot details too.

        I also have some Nike men’s “athletic fit” T-shirts with my college name on there and I like that look for workouts that are sweaty.

    2. I’m a 32DD, and I wear a size 8 in the lulu energy bra, if you’re looking for a cuter bra. I really like the crisscross straps in the back.

    3. Try the Calia by Carrie Underwood line at D!ck’s Sporting Goods. It’s on par with Athleta price and quality, and it’s all cute. Lots of pieces will bridge that gap between errands and working out.

      I’m also a big fan of Under Armour clothing and sports bras, though I’m not as chesty.

    4. I’m a 32DD, approaching DDD, and I rather like the Zyia sports br@s. Their bomber works really well for runs, size medium. (I also loathe mlm.) One of my friends loves their workout tops.

  25. Just sharing in case this is your day or week and you feel like you’re the only one who doesn’t have it together – I’m there too. Yesterday I had such a bad day I actually cried myself to sleep. The morning started with daughter wetting her bed – not a normal occurrence, and she said she was awake and was just sitting there “when the pee came out”. We were late to school and she was upset. I went back home – I work from home and did unimportant work waiting for the biweekly cleaners to get here to leave for a coffee shop to do some real work before I had to go to a far-away-but-much-cheaper pharmacy to pick up meds for our dog with autoimmune. The cleaners were two hours late, during which the dog pooped in the house twice. I threw in the towel on work and went straight to the pharmacy. On the way there my car’s check engine light went on so I drove like grandma, and now I have to find a new auto shop because the one I loved closed two months ago. I barely made it to my physical therapy session (was hit by a car a while ago) and then ran to walk the dog and pick up the kid. At pickup, I was informed that my kid had bit another child in the face (!!!). I got zero sympathy from husband upon his arrival and a general sense that my job is unimportant now that he has a better job (I still make 50% of HHI and have been far outearning him until very recently). Cheers to a much better day today.

    1. 1. Hug.
      2. If you post your car’s make and your area, someone can probably recommend a shop. (Repost on the afternoon thread.) You can have one of the auto stores scan your car’s ECU to read the codes, which will tell you how urgent this is.

    2. Raises hand! I needed to feel like I was not the only one. I hope today has been better for you. :)

Comments are closed.