Suit of the Week: Brooks Brothers
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Sales of note for 1/31/25:
- Ann Taylor – Suiting Event – 30% off suiting + 30% off tops
- Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20 off your $100+ purchase
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Up to 40% off winter layers
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off sweaters and pants
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – End of season clearance, extra 70% off markdown tops + extra 60% off all other markdowns
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- My workload is vastly exceeding my capability — what should I do?
- Why is there generational resentment regarding housing? (See also)
- What colors should I wear with a deep green sweater dress?
- How do you celebrate milestone birthdays?
- How do you account for one-time expenses in your monthly budget?
- If I'm just starting to feel sick from the flu, do I want Tamilfu?
The guy I just started dating has a birthday at the end of the month, and I’m not sure what or if I should do something to celebrate. I was thinking of offering to take him out to dinner that night (or on the day before/after, if he already has plans with friends) and then sending him a happy birthday text that morning. Is that too little? If so, ideas for what else to do? For context, the hypothetical birthday dinner would probably be date 7 or 8, depending on how our schedules match up next week.
That sounds perfect.
That’s about what I did when now-DH had a big birthday about 8 dates into the relationship. We did a nicer dinner than I’d usually do for a date, but not extravagant. It was perfect for that occasion based on how long we had been seeing each other.
My husband had a birthday like 4 weeks after we met, so I planned a night out around his favorites — steak, whiskey. I still remember being surprised he let me take him out on his actual birthday!
I work in a male-dominated financial company, where most of the higher ups are men, and 95% of the assistants are female. My team of 12 has 1 male assistant out of the 5 of us (I am an assistant). The bosses treated us to an appreciation day, where us females got manicures & pedicures after work during the week. The male assistant is going golfing with the men in the near future during the day, excused with a half day off. The other women assistants told me they’re pretty unhappy, and there’s a lot of favoritism shown towards the male from our bosses. It’s especially frustrating because our work is somewhat communal, so whenever someone is out, the others shoulder more work, so him missing half a day will give everyone else more to do.
What’s the most effective way to approach this with our team? I don’t want all of us women to come off as complaining that this is unfair, but…. it seems pretty unequal
I don’t really have any advice but I agree it’s really unfair that he got time off work and you didn’t. And even setting the unfairness aside, choosing who does what activity by sex always grosses me out. Some men would enjoy pedicures more than golf and some women would enjoy golf more than pedicures. Your company sounds so gross and sexist, sorry.
Terrible and horrible and gross. I am so sorry.
Do you or any of the other assistants actually want to golf? If so, perhaps that assistant could approach a higher-up with whom she has a good relationship and mention that the golf outing sounds like so much fun and she loves xyz about golf or has been wanting to check out a particular course or whatever. Maybe that would at least get the higher-up to articulate the discrepancy and put a little more thought into it going forward?
So one female assistant was on a college golf team, which makes this all a bit worse. She’s never been invited (worked here for 5 years) because they “joke” that they need to practice before she comes with. I’m pretty new (under a year) so I just learned this, and am slowly learning our team dynamic. I don’t golf, but I also don’t really care to get my nails done. I thought it was great to bond with my coworkers but one woman couldn’t come because she has kids and she would’ve been able to if we went during the day.
The bosses have told me since I was hired, that they plan for me to take on their role in the future because two of them will be retiring in the next few years. The other male assistant is also in the same boat as me, the other female assistants are not. I want to help change our team for the better and for whatever reason I think my voice is heard a little more by the bosses, but I don’t know how to go about it.
I’d approach it simply as a matter of equal appreciation: Bosses, it’s so great that you want to recognize the assistants. But the way things stand, not everyone is being recognized equally. Only one person gets time off work for an activity, and some people can’t participate in things after-hours. Would you be open to either giving everyone a half-day off, letting people pick which activity they participate in, or finding one activity that everyone can do?
Oh haha what a funny “joke.” If you think they listen to you and want you to stick around, can you just have a frank conversation with them? Say something like you enjoyed getting to know your coworkers better. But express disappointment that it wasn’t an activity you all could do together based on the timing and the choice of activity (that’s the most diplomatic way I can think of saying it). And be ready with some other ideas for next time for things that you could all do during work — lunch out on their tab for all the assistants? A half or full-day of PTO as a bonus? It’s possible that having that convo will prompt more self-awareness & possible remedy from the higher-up about what they did this year.
Thanks Rosie & anon a mouse. These both sound like great suggestions, I am hopeful that they’ll hear me out, I just didn’t know how to put my thoughts into a clear message besides complaining that it’s not fair.
That “joke” is so telling. Women aren’t invited to golf with the bosses either because they don’t play…or because they do, and are too skilled and might beat everyone. SMH.
Yeah, that’s messed up. I would simply assume each assistant gets additional .5 days PTO off record and if anyone questions you just refer back to the appreciation gift.
I once had a male assistant when I was a summer law intern in the US government, and he turned out to be gay, which is NOT a bad thing. So if he is and he is going golfing with the guys, he may not like all of the locker room trash talking finance guys tend to have with other finance guys when it comes to $exueal things they do with women. Of course, if he is straight, he will fit right in. FOOEY on men who trash talk like that about women.
One thing that makes me especially annoyed about this is because in addition to the time off work and the gendered activity, the male assistant is getting valuable face time with the bosses that the female assistance doesn’t get. I don’t have a concrete suggestion, I’m just mad.
It makes me wonder if they see promotion potential in him that they would not see in an assistant who is a woman.
This is the sort of thing that shows up in discrimination lawsuits all the time. It’s indefensible.
I’m with you.
My only suggestion would be something like… light it all on fire?
Dracarys
I’m down!
+1
This reminds me of this recent thread on ask a manager, except the people involved had different opinions about the issue. You have a lot of the other assistants willing to push back as a group and this thread can give you some language to argue for equal treatment.
https://www.askamanager.org/2019/05/our-traditionally-male-company-has-an-annual-golf-trip-but-our-new-female-employees-dont-play.html
When you have a first date with someone who is intimidating or seems “out of your league” in some way, how do you avoid getting psyched out? Think someone who seems more accomplished, more attractive, substantially younger, whatever.
I mean, they clearly like you for some reason. So they don’t think you’re in a different “league” or they wouldn’t bother.
That said, I once dated one of the hottest guys I had ever seen. Turns out he was a disaster and had basically zero self confidence. (I was a disaster too at the time). So you really have no idea what is going on behind the “perfect” or intimidating exterior.
Yep. Good looking people are still people. I am conventionally attractive and have been called hot numerous times. I don’t date people who would be considered super hot because I care a hell of a lot more about personality which in turn makes the person hot to me.
As the poster above said, this person wants to go on a date with YOU. Own that!
Everyone has skeletons.
Make sure you get to know him b/f you do anything you might be ashamed of later. He DOES want to go out with you, as we assume he asked you out, and even if you asked him out, he said yes, so he can’t be out of your league, Myrna says. But just make sure you don’t drool all over him b/c this will inflate his e’go even more then necessary. And do not, under any circumstances, have $ex or otherwise “garden” with him until you know he really likes you for you, and not just for your lady-body parts.
I used to get nervous, but upon meeting many of these people they’re more relatable in real life (and some people look wayyy better in pictures than they do irl).
Yeah I had a date with a guy that looked really hot in his photo, which was probably a headshot. He was good looking, but not as good looking as he appeared in that photo. Current guy is hotter than his photos and I don’t mind that at all.
Yes to what everyone said, but if you aren’t comfortable and can’t be yourself around someone, you probably shouldn’t be with that person.
Yes, remember that guys are just humans with XY chromosomes. You have femininity, which is what they crave. That is why this guy wants to go out with you! Otherwise he would not have asked you out! As women we need to remember this is why men pursue us and will continue to do so as long as we give them offspring. So go out with him and be fruitful and ready to multiply, but not right away.
Way to double down on your trolling, troll!
I don’t know where I heard this (maybe here?) but I like this phrase: No matter how hot you are, someone, somewhere, is tired of your bullsh*t.
I had a first date with a guy who looked like JFK junior in his prime. I was pretty psyched. I figured I had nothing to lose so I had dinner with him, made out with him, and then said no to a second date, because honestly he just wasn’t my type personality-wise.
Best at home leg wax?
The best kind is warm wax that you have to microwave (like Parissa) and pull off with muslin strips. When I wax my legs I microwave it to melt it and then stick it on a coffee cup warmer to keep it warm. I put down a layer of wax paper on my kitchen floor because it’s messy and then sit on it while I wax my legs. I use popsicle sticks to spread the wax and as I go I usually put the muslin strips in a bowl (you want lots of extras). I wash my muslin strips and reuse them.
I weighed myself this AM and I’ve lost 20 lbs in the last 4 months or so and I’m so excited and I can’t say it to anyone in real life (and I’m 5’10” and it’s been gradual, so no one has really noticed in real life). Just wanted to get excited to a bunch of internet strangers!
Congrats! What have you been doing, if I may ask?
Congrats!!
That’s awesome, good for you!
That’s awesome!
That’s awesome! :)
Amazing! How exciting for you! Just getting that scale moving in the direction you want is a BFD.
Congrats! Just wanted to say that I have a strict policy of not commenting on anyone’s body. So, people may have noticed, but are too polite to say anything.
Yes, it would be awful to say “Congratulations on your weight loss!” and have the person reply, “Well, it wasn’t wanted/on purpose because I have cancer/insert other really bad thing here like death/disease in the family.”
Had someone say this one time and when I was like “yeah it’s actually because I have a really bad infection and can’t keep down food” they doubled down and told me “wow, I would LOVE to not be able to eat!” B**ch please.
Same. I had a really serious bout with what turned out to be depression and basically stopped eating and sleeping and everyone was telling me how great I looked and how to keep it up. Someone I knew pretty well asked what I was doing to lose the weight and I said, “Eating every three days and sleeping two hours a night, wouldn’t recommend it” and they looked chastened and then I felt even worse so…+1 to above.
But congrats to you! It is awesome to be working on it and feel the reward.
+1. I lost A LOT of weight after a miserable break up with a toxic ex. People noticed and congratulated me on it and it just made me feel worse.
What’s your favorite protein bar to keep in your bag that holds up if you don’t eat them often?
Quest Cookies & Cream
Oatmega bars
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 3 years and we’re considering moving in together at some point. I’m living at home right now in a VHCOL area to try to save up for a down payment on a place (which I will have in the next 6-9 months) but my boyfriend’s lease ends before then and his roommate is moving out, so he feels like he has no place to go and that I’m deserting him if I stay living at home. Him living at home with me is not an option, and I guess I’m just torn about whether to continue saving for my dream of owning a place or to put that on hold to live with him. Any advice is appreciated!!
Do you want to live with him now? That’s what I would base my decision on — whether I wanted to move in with the dude, now.
do you think you will marry this guy?
This. If you’re old enough to have somehow found this board, I assume you’re an educated professional woman in at least her mid-20s. If you haven’t made up your mind yet whether or not you’re gonna marry this guy after 3 years, I’d urge you to be thinking about why you’re still together with him. (If marriage / lifelong partnership is a goal of yours.)
moving in together solely because of leases never seems to work out within my friend group. Can he get a sublet for 6 months?
Ha, in my experience people always move in because of leases, like that always precipitates the discussion. But it tends to be on the tail of “we’ve been spending the night together 5 nights a week anyway, let’s save some dough since my lease is coming up anyway.”
+1. I also don’t like the drama/pressure he seems to be bringing, if he is indeed saying he has “no place to go” and you’re “deserting him” if you don’t move in. If moving in with him doesn’t appeal to you on its face, these circumstances should not sway you.
Yeah – “deserting” language is a red flag. You don’t owe your boyfriend housing.
“If I move in with you now, that puts off my ability to buy a place to X years from now. If I wait, I can buy a place in the next year. I’d much rather buy a place and THEN talk about moving in together (if that’s true). I’m really close to an important goal and don’t want to lose that momentum.”
I think 3 years is a perfectly normal timeline for adults to move in together. If I was your partner I’d be concerned that a grown ass adult would rather live with their parents than with me. Have you ever lived on your own before? Is this maybe a culture thing I’m missing?
OP here. And yes, I’ve lived on my own since graduating college 10 years ago, including when I put myself through law school at night. I moved home temporarily a few months ago when my lease ended and when my parents began spending 75-80% of their time in another state temporarily to take care of a terminally ill relative and wanted someone to be in the house while they were gone. Plus, rent in my VHOCL area was about 70% of my take home pay, so living there for the year that they’re out of the house I thought was a responsible way to save money for my own place.
Why can’t he move in with you then?
His commute would be 2+ hours each way, so it doesn’t make sense. Plus…my Catholic parents who don’t want to condone living together before engagement in their home (elsewhere is fine, but not under their roof).
Real talk: based on the math in your post, you are in your early-to-mid thirties and you’ve been with a guy for three years, and you’re still not sure if you want to move in with him or be with him long-term. It’s time to fish or cut bait, especially if you want to have kids. If he’s not “the one” you’re wasting your time and his time, and it’s time you can’t get back. Read a few of the “I can’t find a good guy” posts on this blog – it’s rough out there and it doesn’t get easier to find someone as you get older. If your goal of buying a place is more important to you than compromising so that the two of you can live together, I would plan on buying that house by yourself, not with him. It’s not reasonable to expect a guy (who I am assuming is also in his early-to-mid-thirties?) to wait around for you until you think everything is perfect. If your boyfriend was my guy friend, I would be advising him to break it off with you and move on. If buying a house is more important to you than this – or any – relationship, that’s fine. But be a grown-up and realize you probably won’t get to have the boyfriend and the house on your exact timeline. It may be one or the other. That’s called “life.”
+1 well said
Plenty of grown ass adults do this to save money (like OP) or because of religious or cultural reasons. It’s smart.
And not everyone wants to live together before getting married.
Are you serious about him? Not sure where you are in your life but if I knew I wanted to marry him, I’d move in with him. I’d want him to feel the same way before I moved in with him, too. So I guess if you’re both on the same page with respect to marrying each other you’d pretty much then be engaged. You’re not really saving anything living at your parents then because your finances would be combined. On the other hand, if I didn’t want to be with him long term I would absolutely not give up the cash savings of living with the parents. FWIW I lived with my parents for about 5 years as an adult to save money for a down payment, so I totally get the appeal of stacking up that cash, but at a certain point it shouldn’t stop you from living your life
I think it’s very reasonable to stay at your parent’s house to finish saving. This is different from “both our leases are up, let’s move in,” in my opinion, since you have this other goal that you are hoping to accomplish through your current living situation. What do you hope will happen with the relationship going forward? If you’ve been together 3 years, you should be able to talk to him about your financial plan and goals. If you cannot have that conversation or you are not on at least similar pages regarding financial stuff, that’s a bigger deal IMO then whether you move in with him now versus a year from now.
So, I was closer to your BF in my situation. I graduated law school, and my lease was up. I’d been dating my now DH for about a year and a half, and we knew we were going to get engaged soon. DH lived in an undesirable area of town near his office. He had been saving up to buy his own place for years and wanted to buy something pretty immediately (that still would have been in an undesirable area). I ended up moving in with him that summer and convincing him to put off buying something until we could buy something together. We saved for three years longer than he had initially wanted to and bought something in a much nicer area that makes much more sense for our lifestyle than what we would have done if he’d bought something on his own. Being together was definitely worth him waiting a few more years to buy something.
That makes sense. Do you mind me asking if you both make similar salaries? We’re both attorneys but I make substantially more than him and he’s doing a loan forgiveness program so won’t be making anywhere near what I’m making for the next 10 years while doing that. I guess I just feel that 6-9 months of not living together is worth being able to provide some kind of financial security for us for the future since that’s not something he will be able to do for a long time.
I’m concerned that he wants to move in because it benefits him, not the relationship.
Hey Anon I don’t think this is the guy for you. Your underlying sense that he wants to move in because it benefits him and the way that he’s acting point to that. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. I don’t think you should feel pressured to move in with someone.
This is so weird but lately I feel like I’m predicting things before they happen. It’s not like a clear vision but more of just I have a feeling XYZ will happen and then it does. I completely believe in science in general and I know I’m not really psychic but some days it seriously feels like I am! I can’t tell any of my IRL friends this because they would laugh at me so I’m sharing here. You will all probably laugh at me too but at least I’m anonymous :)
Like, predicting things you have no reason to know will turn out one way or the other? Or things where you are making an educated guess and they’re turning out to be correct?
The human brain has a tremendous capacity to notice patterns – even when they aren’t really there :) I promise it’s just a confirmation bias that you notice when you’re right. Or self-fulfilling prophecy for things you have influence over.
I was in an intensive all day meditation class and meditating when I became aware (without any one telling me) that my grandma had passed away (my family is an another country). I checked my phone after that session to see if my parents had messaged me about it and saw nothing. My husband came to pick me up that evening and when I got into the car, he said my parents called him and informed him that my grandma passed away. They didn’t want to message/call me and disturb me when I was in class, so they had called him !!!
Not to freak you out, but this can be a symptom of seizures. Might be something to check out if it’s brand new to you.
Write down the premonition to see if it’s even really happening. I think neurologically there can be a fake memory of having had a premonition (a little like deja vu).
Yes this
Was anyone else watching the Scotland/ Argentina match? Jeepers creepers.