Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Belted Cigarette Pant

427 Comments

1. It’s staaarting here in OR! And my department is not getting any work done this morning!

   1. So cool! I’m in the mid-Atlantic, so outside the path of totality, but my office will definitely be outside with our heads in boxes in a few hours. :)

   2. Starting here, too! Just ran outside to peak while on a break! I’m outside totality but we will still have a nice show. I have eclipse glasses and the weather is cooperating. But I have a gigantic calendar today and I’m not sure how to handle it because we are generally hard at it at 10:40. I’m thinking about taking a 20-minute recess at 10:30 to let everybody run outside for the best part.

   3. It was so cool! For those of you who still have it to look forward to…do take the time to run outside! Everyone you are working with wants to too!
      I was on the fringe of totality, and surprised that it didn’t get darker, but it got cold! And watching through glasses was awe-inspiring. Truly a one-in-a-lifetime moment that can’t be replicated.

   4. It started raining here just as the eclipse started. RAWR

2. I’m expecting my first baby in late January and just told my parents. They are 1) super upset I didn’t tell them sooner and 2) have no plans to reschedule a month-long vacation that begins shortly before my due date. (Note: they are very well off so paying a change fee is not an issue and they are retired so could easily take this trip any other time). I understand why they’re hurt I didn’t tell them sooner, but we really wanted to wait until we were out of the first trimester before we told anyone. I’m not a big sharing person and don’t think I would want anyone except my husband to know if I had a miscarriage. My parents were the first people we told. They have said they will come out to visit “sometime in the first month or two” but they will probably be on vacation for the first 2-4 weeks of baby’s life and don’t want to “travel” (it’s a ~5 hour drive) for a few weeks right after their big vacation. My mom’s mom flew out when I was born to help and my mom had always talked about doing the same for me. I’m hurt that they don’t care to be around for their first grandchild’s first days.

   My in-laws have offered to come, but I’m not enthusiastic about that for a variety of reasons including that my father-in-law is a very difficult (narcissistic) person who has to be “managed” which requires a great deal of effort from pretty much everyone around. I’m also not excited about people I’m not close to seeing me when I’m leaking bodily fluids from every orifice. I’d really prefer if they visited after a month or so, which is now basically exactly when my parents to visit.

   I know that on the scale of “parent problems” this is pretty trivial, but it just hurts. I have several close friends who are pregnant or just gave birth and their parents are over-the-moon about the grandchild to the point that they are annoying my friends by visiting too much. In contrast, my parents are acting like a distant relative is having a baby – “Oh congrats, we’re happy for you. We’ll send a gift and we look forward to meeting the baby in a couple months” – and it just really stings. I’ve always been really close with them and just expected them to be way more excited and involved.

   1. I’m sorry that this is so hard. To be honest, though, I was really surprised when I got to your last sentence about being really close with your parents. Between their response to you and your actions toward them (not even wanting them to know if you would have had a miscarriage, waiting so long to tell them) I assumed you had a mutually distant relationship. Perhaps this pregnancy is a time when you all can find ways to move toward each other, in spite of the hurt that both you and them are feeling right now?

      1. I think there’s stinging on both sides right now. If you are “really close” with your mom, I imagine she’s pretty stung, too. See how this progresses. Don’t set any thoughts in concrete just now.

      2. +1. I sort of get why they would be hurt though. So it sounds like they are maybe they are just acting from that space? Not saying that’s right, but if I didn’t tell my mom for 3 months I think I would also give her some space to come to her senses too. So I would just leave it alone for a bit. Maybe they’ll change their mind.

         1. FWIW, I have a very close friend whose parents did/said something similar (I think her dad even suggested that maybe he wouldn’t come at all and would just wait until the baby was old enough to travel to them – which would be a 5 hour flight + two hour drive). By the time my friend was into her third trimester, they’d totally changed their tune and her mom was there within 3 days of the birth.

      3. I see what you’re saying about us waiting a while to tell them, but I just really wanted to wait so I hopefully wouldn’t have to share miscarriage news with anyone. It’s not my nature to want to share news like that even with people I’m very close to and my parents and best friends know that. We told my parents first, before any of my best friends and none of my BFFs are hurt or offended that I waited this long to tell them (that I know of, anyway). I told them “You’re the [first/second/third] person I’ve told outside our families” so I think they know that waiting for a while to tell them was a me-thing not a them-thing.

         1. Gently, I understand your concern, but I also assume you didn’t expect your friends to come help you with the baby like you did your mom? I think this is just miscommunication and two sides being a little (and understandably) sad. I’m sure it will get better. Hugs.

         2. I think people can be hurt even if they will eventually understand. I would be hurt if my best friend or my daughter never shared news of her miscarriage with me. It doesn’t mean that’s wrong but it would be something I would want to support them through and so I would be hurt if that was the rationale. As everyone has said, you’re entitled to your feelings but so are they. If you want them there, say so. Maybe they think you don’t really care.

            1. I am usually in the “everyone is entitled to their feelings” camp, but in this case I think the expectation that OP would reveal her pregnancy news before the three-month mark is out of line and the parents have no right to feel hurt. It is her news to share when she feels the time is right. It’s not like she waited until she was about to pop to mention it. On the other hand, I don’t think OP is entitled to demand that her parents cancel their vacation to come help her with the baby either.

            2. I have to agree with Anon at 1:39. My first pregnancy was a miscarriage, and the only person in the world who knows is my husband. I talk to my mom every single day and I talk to my dad probably three times a week. We are as close as I think anyone can be to their parents. And I absolutely never even considered telling them about my miscarriage. And when I later had two successful pregnancies, I didn’t tell them until I was at least four months pregnant (and they were the first people I told).

               OP, you are the boss of you. You do not have to meet anyone’s expectations about what to tell and when to tell it. If your parents are upset about that, that’s their decision (they are the boss of them, too), and maybe it is in some way a “consequence” of your choice of telling them “late” in their opinion. But you were entirely within your rights to make that decision. They, similarly, are entirely within their rights to be big babies about it and react harshly, which is what they are doing, and hopefully they will change their tune by January. And if they don’t, it will get better over time, I am sure.

         3. We waited 14 weeks before telling both sets of parents. For my in-laws, it will be grandchild number 9. For my parents, it will be their first. I didn’t want to have to contact my parents to let them know we had miscarried, which would have broken their hearts. I think mums as shocked that we were so far along but otherwise, they are overjoyed.

   2. Hi, first, congratulations! Second, you are allowed to feel how you feel. And your parents are allowed to feel how they feel. Would it help to think maybe they are saying the same things to their friends (maybe not on an 0nline thread, though)? They could just as easily be thinking: “We wanted to be there right away and be there as much as possible, but they waited to tell us, maybe they want their space? They will still need help when we get back to the vacation, so we will just give them space and see them when we get back. But I’m sad because she is acting like a distant relative just telling us she is expecting a baby.” Perhaps putting yourself in their shoes helps. From your perspective, you only want certain people to be there right after the birth (totally understandable) but you also are not a sharer and did not want to tell anyone if something south happened. Did you ever ask your parents to come help and stay with you? It sounds a bit like you assumed it but unless you told your parents you wanted them there, maybe they just decided they couldn’t know when/if you’d have a baby, so instead of waiting to just take a vacation because you might want help from them after 4 weeks of baby’s life. From their perspective, maybe they wanted to come and stay and really help but felt that that’s not what you wanted?

      Again, you are totally entitled to your feelings and so are they. It sounds more like miscommunication than anything. I will also say that while I know moms who stay and are fulltime help from day 1, there are others that are more like your in-laws and the new parents ask them to visit further out, which is understandable.

      I’m sorry you didn’t get the reaction you were hoping for, but congratulations on your little one!

   3. On 1) they need to get over it. Its not like you waited until the baby was here. On 2), try to apply occam’s razor to this – if you and they have a good relationship otherwise maybe they just aren’t baby people or don’t want to crowd you or something of the like. A lot of people might feel uncomfortable intruding on your first days as a new mom and /or not find it all that fascinating the same way that you do because its a huge tectonic shift in your life, but maybe isn’t as much for them / they don’t feel its their place to have that level of involvement.

   4. It sucks that your feelings are hurt and that your parents’ feelings are hurt. Did you tell them that you wanted them by your side during delivery and the first few weeks of the baby’s birth? Like literally, “Mom, Dad, I need you.” If they choose not to change their plans, so be it but I’m wondering how direct you were in communicating with them.

      Regarding in-laws – tell them to come later if you and your husband really don’t think that your in-laws will be able to provide you with real help. Seriously.

      1. Thanks. Yes, I told them directly that I”d really like them to be there and I’m hurt they won’t be, and their reaction was “Well, we have this vacation planned then, sorry.” (They book their vacations more than a year in advance, so even if we told them the second we got a positive pregnancy test, the vacation would have already been booked. We got pregnant relatively quickly, so it was actually booked before we even started TTC). We just told them the news this weekend so I know they’re surprised and it hasn’t had time to sink in – perhaps they will change their mind.

         Fortunately husband is fully onboard with telling in-laws “You can visit at X time” where X is not immediately after the baby arrives. Neither of us thinks they will be any help and having his dad here is a huge that we don’t need in the first few weeks.

   5. Without knowing the specifics of the trip, I’m surprised you’re so certain that it would be no big deal to reschedule. A month-long trip is presumably something that’s taken some considerable planning, so to dismiss it by saying, “Well, they’re rich and retired, they can reschedule” seems a little unfair to them, even though I can understand why your feelings would be hurt over this. But I think there’s definitely room for empathy on their side, as well – they are feeling hurt and left out that you waited so long to tell them, and maybe frustrated that you expect them to rearrange something significant?

      Also, since you say you’re close with them, presumably you knew about this month-long trip prior to sharing your due date. So, even with a concern for privacy in general, it might have been nice to give them a heads up sooner that you were planning for them to reschedule it so they could be with you at that time.

      Overall, I can definitely understand your feelings, but it can also be seen as a little bit self-centered – you wanted to keep this off their radar until you felt comfortable, but now that it’s on the radar, you want it to supersede everything else.

      1. I see your point, but they booked this trip before we even started TTC. I didn’t see a lot of point in sharing pregnancy news super early when I knew the trip was already booked and I wasn’t otherwise ready to share the news. If they’d started talking about booking it in the last month or two I would have said something earlier.

         It’s a month in a condo in a tropical place they visit roughly every year (although they always go at a slightly different time of year and stay in a different condo). It’s definitely a nice trip, but the logistics aren’t complicated. From what they said last weekend it sounds like the condo is refundable and they’d just have to pay a fee to change their plane tickets to different dates.

         1. I don’t know… they had a month long international trip booked for a year, and you sat on your news (which I believe you were completely in the right to do), and then decided to tell them 5 months out. You say that you didn’t see the point in telling them earlier– why not? Did you expect that they wouldn’t change their plans for you? Or just did you assume that they would? If so, it sounds like you figured it was no big deal to delay delivering news that you believed would make them want to rearrange their travel plans.

         2. This was my question – how much of the trip was booked between the time you found out and the time you told them. Even if they booked flight/hotel before you found out, they might’ve booked other non-refundable excursions over the past month or two that they wouldn’t have booked if you’d told them earlier. Not that you owed it to them to tell them sooner, but I can see why they’re digging their heels in on this vacation if they spent money unnecessarily. I wonder if it might help if you told them that you found out about the pregnancy well after they’d already booked the vacation.

            1. They booked the flights and condo more than a year in advance (long before I became pregnant). The condo is refundable, the flights would require a fee to change. They haven’t booked anything else, refundable or not. They normally get a rental car a month or two before they go, and since they they go to this place every year it’s kind of like a second home to them and they don’t do any organized excursions. They do the same kind of trip every year (although where they stay and when they go varies) so I knew they weren’t making any new plans between the pregnancy test and when I announced to them. If they were planning or booking things while I was pregnant, I would have told them earlier. They were very clear last weekend that the flights would be the only thing they’d have to pay to change and I know they bought the flights in December 2016.
               I think they believe they should have been informed when I started TTC, but that’s way too personal to me to share and you also have no idea at that point when the baby will be due. I’m sure if I said “I’m trying to get pregnant, don’t take any vacations!” they would have ignored me (as they should have, because that would be crazy).

            2. I guess I just don’t get what you expected to happen. God willing, your parents will have ample time to visit with you and your baby and help you. “Missing” the first few weeks might seem like an enormous deal now– considering that having the baby will be a momentous first in your life– but in the grand scheme of things, maybe it sort of isn’t?

               My sister’s baby was in the NICU for 10 weeks and one of my parents didn’t visit for over a month despite being less than a 5 hour drive away. Now that’s a little messed up. (Now this parent cries tears of joy whenever parent so much as speaks of Precious Child…. this isn’t an indicator that they will not care about you or your baby.) But at the end of the day, people have lives. They chose this date for their vacation a year out for a reason. You seem very certain that they absolutely could move it no hassle whatsoever, but to me, all that sounds like is you digging your heels in and wanting to be right.

               If it’s too personal for you to share when you started TTC, do you really want your mom and dad to watch you deliver the afterbirth or figure out how to breastfeed or hanging around when you’re still in the mesh-panty wearing stage of recovery? I’m sorry, the more I read on this thread the crazier I think it is that you expect your parents to change their vacation because of your due date.

      2. Trust me, I get the hurt, OP, but LAnon’s last paragraph is spot on. You can’t manage or direct people’s feelings for them.

      3. I just want to say you get to be “self-centered” when you’re having a baby; or, in the alternative, I don’t think it’s self-centered at all to keep your pregnancy off the radar as long as you want and also ask your parents to be there. It’s just not.

         1. Sure, you can be, but that doesn’t mean you can expect other people to not have their own feelings.

   6. My parents never react with exuberant happiness to any of my big news (getting into college, getting engaged/married, pregnancy announcements, etc.) My mom in particular tends to react like a damp towel. I see other families reacting with unabashed enthusiasm and happiness, and that’s just not my family and it makes me sad. So I totally hear you.

      That said, this might be a blessing in disguise. I know so many people who have the opposite problem, where their families/in-laws want to crash the hospital while they are in labor or stay with them for weeks after the baby is born. It can turn into a huge, boundary-setting battle that leaves everyone feeling hurt. Not having guests for the first month sounds kind of amazing, honestly. In my experience, a month out you’ll be feeling so much better, recovered from delivery, and happy to have people around by then.

      1. +1 to this second paragraph.

      2. Thanks! It’s good to know that not having any guests for the first month might be better anyway.

         1. Having my mom around after I gave birth would basically have been the last thing I would have wanted.

      3. Yes! I would not have wanted a houseguest the first month. Even my parents. If you want help during the first couple of weeks, I’d strongly suggest hiring a doula. They can provide services after the birth and even stay with you overnight. This would have been much more helpful to me than either set of parents.

   7. Honestly, sometimes having people visit right after the baby is born is more trouble than its worth.

      1. Word. Unless they come to silently sweep and do dishes, then to hold the baby while you shower and lie about whether or not she cried (she cried, they should tell you she didn’t), and then leave… that’s basically all an immediately post-partum visitor should do. They can bring food too, that wouldn’t make me mad.

         1. I have to say that my parents and my MIL were angels the week I gave birth. They provided food, cleaned up the house, did laundry, walked the dog, and told me to take a 2 hour nap while they held the baby. I will never forget they did that for me.

   8. I’m sorry you’re hurt. If it matters, I don’t think your parents have any reason to be upset with you. I just had a first trimester miscarriage and I really regret telling people I was pregnant (third pregnancy, was smart enough to keep my mouth shut in first two pregnancies). I don’t think your parents are obligated to reschedule their vacation, but did you invite them? This may just be a miscommunication. I would let them know you don’t expect them to change their vacation plans, but if they do, you would be more than happy to host them for X amount of time (or whatever you are willing to do).

      I have to say that I’ve never understood why anyone would want their parents to come stay when they have a baby; I guess I just don’t have that type of relationship with my parents. Our first weeks at home with our first baby was a very special bonding time for my family of three. I think both my husband and I were more confident parents because we didn’t have anyone around second-guessing us – we figured things out together.

   9. First off, they may change their mind as the event gets closer. So don’t write off their involvement just yet. I can understand their feelings of being upset, but I also think that maybe they just need time to think and absorb before they figure out how they feel, and what they want to do.

      Secondly, you absolutely get to decide how and when you tell people about your pregnancy. You don’t get to decide how people react to it, including your own parents. I think you’re being a little unreasonable to think that they are immediately going to drop everything and rearrange their life because you are having a baby. Take it from someone who has been there: expecting anyone else to be as excited and invested in your pregnancy as you are is asking for disappointment. My parents were very excited about being grandparents, but their life went on. Additionally, many older people are either A., not that excited about babies, and B. lack the stamina and energy it takes to care for a newborn.

      I’m very happy for you and wish you all the best in your pregnancy. But this can kind of be the first lesson in parenting: when the chips are down, this is all about you. No one else has the responsibility and obligations you have toward your child. The only person you can reasonably expect to share parenting burdens with you is the baby’s father; anyone else who wants to get involved is a bonus.

   10. Wait. No. Sorry. Your parents get to live their lives. Just like you did. You didn’t want them to know except on your schedule. They aren’t rearranging their lives around you. Seems fair? And your in laws would help but again they don’t perfectly fit your schedule. I think you should take a step back.

       1. Umm, maybe you haven’t had a child yet but it’s kind of a big deal and the OP made clear that she is close to her parents and legitimately expected them to be excited for her. She waited the normal amount of time to tell them, and a LOT of parents would be willing to cancel vacations to spend those first few weeks with their grandchildren (my parents just cancelled a vacation when my sister got pregnant unexpectedly). So don’t make her feel guilty for doing what she felt was right – she had a legitimate expectation that they would respond differently.

          1. “and a LOT of parents would be willing to cancel vacations to spend those first few weeks with their grandchildren”

             If parents volunteer to do this, that’s wonderful.

             If a pregnant woman *expects* this to happen, she is acting like a spoiled little princess, and she needs to get over herself.

             Women have babies every day and the world keeps turning. The sooner a pregnant woman figures this out, the better. Parent life is not always a Pinterest-worthy mommy blog, aka, a fairy tale.

             1. Are you the Anonymous from Friday that said a wedding is not a coronation and non-attending guests don’t deserve beheading? I’m still laughing at that one.

             2. No, but I cosign that sentiment one thousand percent!

             3. I think you’re being a little harsh but I agree with the sentiment. Maybe OP’s parents are really looking forward to this vacation. They can’t plan their lives around when OP may be getting pregnant.

          2. I do have a child and I think both parties are in the wrong here: the parents for expecting that OP would tell them immediately, and OP for expecting her parents to drop everything to help her out. OP is presumably a self-supporting adult. She does not owe a pregnancy announcement to anyone at any particular time, and her parents don’t owe her anything in terms of visitation or assistance.

             1. Just to be clear, the main reason I want them to visit is not for the help (although I’m sure that would be nice), but for them to meet their grandchild at the very beginning of his or her life. My disappointment stems from the fact that I won’t have my parents there sharing in this incredible moment (and what I perceived – rightly or wrong – about their lack of enthusiasm about the whole thing). If my main goal was having help, there are definitely other, easier ways to get it.

             2. Agree 100% with this.

             3. OP, maybe they’re just not tiny newborn baby people. Your child isn’t going to benefit from this because there’s no way your child will remember it. Sounds like your parents have their own preferences and they don’t happen to be the same as yours.

   11. Honestly, they are being ridiculous. you do not HAVE to tell anyone anything until YOU want to. I am so sick of people being entitled to things that are other people’s decisions. Many of us are living proof that not everyone parent’s are *best* or not stress inducing. At this point, if I were you I’d hire help for that first month. Have the potential nanny or night nurse all back ground checked and ready to go on standby should you need help. It sucks but as someone who has crappy parents and in laws that I am not fond off – that’s my game plan. I will tell them when I want to and I will have them around when I want them around. Because carrying life and having a new baby IS NOT A JOKE. you deserve your privacy respected (not leaking around in laws) and you don’t have to feel guilty to keeping something so important to yourself until you feel ready. Enjoy your pregnancy and set up systems to have help along with the help from DH. *just in case*

       1. As someone who is VERY private and also very private about my health/sexuality I would NOT be OK telling my parents the moment I conceived I am pregnant. Nor would I want my in laws around me at such a vulnerable time. I dont even wear a bare face without makeup around them – much less be fresh off the birthing table. I am ranting to say – take your time and dont let anyone make you feel guilty. And CONGRATS :)

          1. That’s fine. But you’re also not entitled to have them have no feelings about it and reschedule a vacation to take care of you.

             1. I didn’t mention anything about their vacation :)

             2. Also didn’t say anything about their feelings because I’m not talking to them. I’m talking to the OP about HER feelings.

                People, I swear…. sigh.

       2. +10000

   12. I am surprised that people think telling your parents at the end of the first trimester is abnormal. I’m an only child who would describe myself as very close to my parents, and I told them at 12 weeks. I can’t say for sure, but I don’t think I would have told them if I’d had a miscarriage in the first tri. Over the course of the next week or two, we told my in-laws and several close friends. More distant friends found out once I was showing (if they lived near us) or through a Christmas card (if they didn’t). We never made a big social media announcement. We just preferred to keep it more private until our daughter was here. I’m not sure when they told their parents, but my two best friends told me about their pregnancies at ~14 weeks and both told me they hadn’t told any other friends yet. So I think the end of the first tri is a pretty normal time to tell family and close friends. I think it’s ridiculous for your parents to be upset, but I also think they will probably get over it before the baby arrives.

   13. You did nothing wrong – you shared the news when you felt to share the news.
       Your parents are acting irrationally and they will come around as your pregnancy progresses, I am sure.
       I would wait a month and then open the topic with your mother again. Tell her that even though you are looking forward for the baby, you are concerned with how you will cope in the first weeks and that you would live to have her at your side during that time. If this does not melt her heart, I would raise the stake and add that this is something that only she can be trusted with. You do not want your mother in law there – you want her there.

3. Any recs for cozy cardigans like the one featured on Friday, but at about half that price or less (<$50)?

   1. I’ve been looking at the bobeau cardigans, but not sure how nice they are. I feel like they’ve been mentioned here previously, hoping someone who owns one will chime in…

      1. Nice in the beginning, don’t wear/wash that well. But I am not the best at laundry so maybe if you have the patience to hand wash and air dry…

      2. I love my Bobeau cardigans that are made of sweatshirt like material. I also accidentally ordered one that was made of a textured synthetic material and I don’t like it at all. The only thing that would make them better are pockets.

         1. +1,000 I have several of them and I love them all. I dry mine on a rack though.

4. Anyone planning to go outside at lunch to try to catch the eclipse?

   1. Just did! Not a full eclipse here but it was pretty neat!

   2. 92% in Seattle! SO COOL! But now I’m paranoid I burned my retinas (I used glasses. It’s probably just allergies).

      1. Me too! I get light sensitivity migraines so I suspect that’s all it is. Anxiety FTW.

         1. Me three. A colleague used my same glasses (we passed them back and forth) and she didn’t seem bothered, so I think I probably didn’t melt my eyeballs.

      2. +1

         I glanced up quickly and am pretty sure I burned my already damaged eyes. Whoops. Loved all the sharing in NYC though!

   3. Sitting here waiting for the darkness. Had a heinous morning, took the rest of the day off, and keeping company with Shots Shots Shots good friend, Wine In A Tervis Cup. I’m not in the path of totality, but am not far out of it either – supposed to be 99%.

      1. I missed it because I was hanging out in my office with a work-appropriate relative of Shots Shots Shots, Peanut Butter on a Spoon.

   4. Yes! I went out to the parking lot with my eclipse glasses and had fun sharing them with people! We had about 60% and it was pretty great!

   5. We just had about 50-60% where I am (Canada). It was super cool.

   6. A bunch of us climbed out a window to watch through a granola box pinhole projector!

   7. I saw it! A woman was yelling in our crowded NYC park, “Anybody still need to see?” and passing around a bunch of pairs of eclipse glasses. Kindness is not dead.

   8. Caught it here in Raleigh–almost total, very cool! Fun event with co-workers and folks in the building.

5. Cloud cover in Chicago. So sad!

   1. It was still amazing with the glasses! I thought it would matter but it didn’t.

      1. Yes, I ended up seeing a lot more than I thought I would! Pretty cool with my fifth grader!

6. I hate when people are so entitled. And I hate when your talking about your feelings and instead of addressing that FIRST, their response is to challenge you with theirs. People suck.

   1. Okay I hate it when people get triggered by others genuinely trying to answer questions they asked the internet.

      1. There are definitely people who ask questions looking for validation that they are right, not actually looking for genuine opinions. You can tell pretty easily when they become very defensive about everything. And I totally understand the need to be validated; it’s something I probably do too much in my own life. But I go to real life friends for that, not strangers on the internet.

   2. Life gets very, very difficult when you walk around believing that “people (universally) suck.” Try therapy, seriously. It might help.

      Also, food for thought. Your feelings are important, but you might feel better if you can acknowledge that they are not always the most important thing, in any given situation. Other people and their feelings also matter. If you’re having trouble with personal relationships, the lack of that acknowledgement may be playing a role. I hope you feel better and have a better day tomorrow.

      1. My feelings are also way easier to deal with when I stop to consider things from other people’s perspectives. It’s like magic – boom, my hurt feelings become way less hurt when I realize other people have feelings that make them act a certain way, too.

   3. I think it’s pretty normal to respond to someone’s experience with something about your own, same goes for feelings. It wasn’t until I got into the Awesome Etiquette podcast that I learned to avoid “me too” statements because they make the conversation about you rather than keep it focused on the other person. The people you’re dealing with probably haven’t learned it yet.

7. Just rambled like a total moron in front of one of our city’s councilmembers- representing my nonprofit at an outreach event today and they stopped by and I just rambled on and on. I got nervous. :( I don’t usually get nervous talking about my work, but I was and I’m sure I looked ridiculous. So frustrated/embarrassed.

   1. You’re being awfully hard on yourself. I’m guessing that you WEREN’T ridiculous or a total moron. You wouldn’t have been hired for your job if you were.

      We all have moments when we don’t measure up the way we’d have liked to, but other people often either a) don’t notice or b) don’t remember. Go take a bit of a walk, laugh at it if you can, and be really kind to yourself.

8. If your city councilmembers are anything like mine, they also look like total morons at least 50% of the time.

9. These pants have a great stretch to them and a tailored fit! And love that they come in fall colors too.

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