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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 104 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Teri Tote

Coffee Break

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black shoulder bag for work VinceWhere is the line between “tote” and “large shoulder bag”? This is billed as a tote, but to me I would call it a large shoulder bag — albeit one you could probably stuff a letter-sized file or two into. Either way, this tote is winning rave reviews — and it's only $250! For once I'm not featuring the colorful version, but note that it also comes in a mint green and a blushy “rich cream.” Vince Camuto ‘Teri' Tote (L-2)

Sales of note for 8.30.24

  • Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
  • Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
  • Boden – 20% off
  • Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
  • Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
  • Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
  • Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
  • White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale

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Comments

  1. Anonymous

    How big an emergency fund do you think two people with no kids but plans for kids within the next 2 years or so should have? My husband and I are trying to pay our mortgage very aggressively (I’m aware that we might make more money in the long run by paying it more slowly and investing the money in the stock market, but we both want to pay it off as fast as possible and I’m not interested in advice telling us to do otherwise). We have about $130K left on the mortgage and no other debt, but no assets besides the house, a relatively small amount of money in retirement accounts (no employer matching for either of us) and the cash in our emergency fund which is currently about $50K. I’ve heard the rule of thumb about six months living expenses for the emergency fund but that doesn’t seem like enough, since we live in a low cost of living area and our bare minimum monthly expenses (including the minimum mortgage payment) are all told probably less than $3K. I don’t really feel comfortable with less than $50K in the bank but my husband would love to bring it down to more like $30K and throw the rest at the mortgage. I’m curious to know what amount others are comfortable with.

    • Bette

      I only have $10k in my emergency fund but I have very low expenses and live in a LCL city. I’m choosing to rack up some investment savings now. time value of money and all of that.

      I also have a very well paying job that is very secure – like I would have to commit a crime to lose it type secure.

      No kids and my SO is well employ in a stable profession.

    • Bonnie

      50K is probably more than you need in an emergency fund. Any reason why you’re not funding your retirement accounts? Even without employer matching, there are many other reasons to fund them.

      • Emergency Fund

        The same reason we’re not saving money generally, we would rather pay off the mortgage first and then start saving aggressively. We have pretty modest incomes now (LCOL area) and will have pension plans so we don’t anticipate way lower income in retirement, so the tax advantages that exist for many people don’t really apply.

      • Anonymous

        $50K may not necessarily be more than you need in your emergency fund, but it’s probably fool-hardy to not fund your retirement accounts more fully at your young/pre-child age, even without an employer match. These are your prime savings years for purposes of the time value of money. Plus there’s the tax benefits of doing so.

    • NYC tech

      I think 6 months is a pretty good (even conservative) rule of thumb. Then adjust according to your personal circumstances. Are you a single-income family, is your job unstable, is the job market in your area in bad shape, does one of you have a severe/chronic health condition that raises your chance for disability or death, etc.? Then adjust upwards by a few months. Is the opposite true? (Two incomes, highly stable jobs or an in-demand skill set in a good market, good family connections to fall back on in a true emergency, excellent insurance policies in place to cover disaster scenarios, etc). Then you could get away with dropping it down a bit, according to your comfort level.

    • ace

      I’d also consider maternity leave plans. E.g., if kids are ~2 years out and you anticipate wanting to take a partially-unpaid maternity leave, I might also plan to have an amount equivalent to your salary for the unpaid portion in emergency fund, just in case.

    • padi

      One thing to consider if you’re paying down your mortgage is refinancing before you have kids. This will bring down your monthly payment, meaning lower monthly expenses and less need for a larger emergency fund.

      I don’t have kids, but I would think $50k in an emergency fund is a good place to be once the kiddos arrive. Until then, $30k sounds adequate.

    • Anonymous

      We have 6 months in the fund. It seems like $50k is more than enough for you. What about estimating how much you’ll need WITH kids and then throwing the rest at the mortgage? Even just adding in childcare expenses since that’s the biggest cost and other things can be harder to estimate.

    • Meg Murry

      I’m guessing you have a decent amount of equity in the house, so could you get a home equity line of credit (and not use it unless there is an emergency)? That way you could throw that $20k at the mortgage, but know that you COULD borrow it back in case of a true dire emergency (for instance, needing a new roof + new furnace + major car repairs after one of you has been out of work for 6 months). Our HELOC is under 4% right now, which is actually lower than our mortgage interest rate, even after refinancing.

      Although in counting your 6 month emergency fund don’t forget to add in the added cost of buying health insurance out of pocket or through COBRA as a potential monthly expense. Same if you have any other benefits you currently get through an employer that you would have to pay more for if one of you lost a job.

  2. Anonymous

    I’m all for paying the mortgage off as fast as you can! It is as good as an emergency fund, because for most people housing is their biggest expense. If one of you got laid off or I’ll, there will be less strain on your emergency funds if you only need to pay for food utilities and gas

    • AnonAdvice

      A mortgage and house is not an emergency fund.
      If you got laid off because of a recession (2007-2012) and then could not sell your house because the market was down, it would not be a liquid asset.

    • Anonymous

      I think this is implying that having a paid-off mortgage eliminates one of the biggest monthly expenses: the mortgage payment.

      • Anonymous

        Depending on region though, the property taxes/monthly maintenance/HOA/insurance may still add up to be enough that it wouldn’t be possible to pay those bills to stay in the house. Throwing all free cash flow at the mortgage under the idea that it will result in a permanent roof where one could ride out any economic emergency is not the best strategy. And depending on what the emergency is, you may not *want* to stay in the house–it could end up being far bigger that needed, poorly located to a new job or family member in need of medical attention, etc. And yet all of your money is tied up in the house if, as AnonAdvice mentions, the market isn’t ripe for selling.

  3. Bonnie

    Soooo tired. I think I’m still trying to get used to daylight savings time.

    • Ellen

      Yay! Kat, this IS my t’ote bag! I LOVE it!!!!

      As for the OP, I am also still operating on Eastern Standard Time. FOOEY b/c I hate wakeing up in the dark and haveing to start moveing b/f it is light outside. It does NOT matter yet that it is LIGHT later, b/c I am busy workeing inside anyway. When the summer come’s, I will be abel to spend more time outside, mabye in Carl Schruz Park, but for now, FOOEY!

      Rosa is comeing tomorrow to take Grandma Leyeh up to stay with her, Ed and the Kid’s for a week. What a relief b/c the manageing partner is getting VERY antsey that I am NOT billeing enough. I am geting steps in on my eliptical machine and watching the news, but today, it was all about Belgum. I used to date a guy from Belgum, or at least he wanted to MARRY me and move back there. FOOEY b/c I never wanted to move to Belgum, and especialy now with all of the middel east terrorists who moved to Belgum. Dad says it was a smart move for ME NOT to have married that banker. DOUBEL FOOEY on middel east terrorists!

    • TO Lawyer

      I wonder if that’s what’s been going on with me too – I’ve felt so sluggish for the last week. I can barely focus all day.

    • Anonymous

      +1 Ever since DST I’ve been having trouble falling asleep at night, maybe because there’s more sunlight during the day.

      • NYNY

        That’s your body saying “Why are you going to bed an hour earlier than usual?”

  4. padi

    San Jose Meet-Up!

    This Saturday 1pm at Original Gravity in downtown San Jose.

    Let me know if you are coming so I can reserve table space!

    See you there!

  5. Siri

    What can I do with my old iPhones? I have a few of 3, 4 and 5s…. I don’t want to list on eBay but is there some other way to get some money for them?

    • Anonymous

      Phone companies have buyback programs but when I looked at that for my 4s recently the maximum value was $10 or something…not exactly worth it.

    • SillyValley

      Gazelle (.com) is a reputable company that buys old phones. You probably won’t get much if anything for the older models, but the 5 might be worth something decent.

    • Anon

      Um, you said no eBay, but…eBay.

      I sold a 4s that had a shattered front AND shattered back for $60 a few weeks ago.

      • CKB

        Or a homeless shelter. Around Christmas time I heard an interview with someone who worked for a homeless shelter and they were asking for old cell phones so their clients could get pay as you go phones which would make it much easier for them to get jobs and stay in touch with family. It was something I had never even considered before.

  6. Going anon for this

    Curious if there are any r e t t e s working in an industry that’s heavily regulated (ie finance). Typically, if law enforcement or the authorities investigate a company or the people working there, how long does the investigation take? The questionable actions were all committed by one person but all the people that report to her were also suspended pending the outcome of the investigation and are also being investigated because they are her subordinates. These people are in limbo because have been suspended from their jobs and the investigation makss it impossible for them to find work elsewhere in the meantime. Just looking for general information as to how long these kind of things can take.

    • Anon finance

      In my experience, it totally and completely depends. Factors could include how high profile the investigation is, which agency is doing it, and any political behind-the-scenes pressure at the agency. I’m aware of one investigation that’s going on six months right now at one company…

  7. Anonymous

    Favorite underthings for your shape? I’m not very curvy and usually buy from Gap Body but feel like I could use an upgrade.

    • Clementine

      Tall, and busty with an athletic frame.

      Wacoal bras are my favorite, but I’m all about the Anita nursing bras right now. For underwear, I swear by VS cotton underwear- mostly thongs as I actually find them the most comfortable.

    • Mindy

      Pear shaped, moderately busty. Natori bras are my favorite by far. No hg underwear but I like hanky panky thongs.

      • Anonymous

        Pear shaped, no bust

        Calvin Klein bras
        Hanky Panky thongs
        Soma vanishing edge panties

  8. Anon

    Advice needed – I am in my late 20s and my husband and I plan (I know, planning sometimes doesn’t work out) on having children by the time I’m 30. In the next year, I will advance with my company to become part of management and oversee those below, initiate projects, delegate research, etc. Am I foolish to step away from my company full-time when I’m at this point in my career to be home with future children? Really, the hard work of moving up in my company is nearly finished and I can step into the type of role I’ve always wanted. However, my heart tells me that I’ll never regret the years I stay home with children. I’m not worried about jumping back into a career when my kids are all in school, but more so worried about leaving a company that is great (and mom friendly) only to stay home full time.

    • Anonymous

      This is an unpopular opinion on this site but there is absolutely no substitute for staying home with your children. They will benefit hugely.

      • Anonymous

        I agree with this sentiment, but I also think it doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. Children will also benefit hugely from a mom (or dad) who is home a couple days a week or who has the flexibility to leave in the middle of the day for a school play and then login to do work at home in the evening. I think going cold turkey right off the bat is risky. Why not cut back your hours or look for a more family-friendly job initially and not quit completely until you know you love being at home with kids? Many people don’t.

      • Boston Legal Eagle

        That’s definitely not categorically true. Kids benefit from having two loving parents – who watches them part of the time is less important, IMHO. Spoken as a kid raised by two working parents.

      • TBK

        Not if it makes mom deeply unhappy. I was miserable the year I was home with my kids. I’m not saying we didn’t have some good times, but I don’t think for one instant that my kids are worse off now they’re home with an au pair.

        • LAnon

          +1

          I think my mom thought it was really important to stay home with us when we were small. She didn’t work from the time my older sister was born until my younger brother was in first grade… which meant she was away from work for 12 years total!

          It’s pretty clear in retrospect that she didn’t like being a stay-at-home mom. She was cranky and resentful the entire time she was home with us, and even afterwards because she struggled significantly to get back into the workforce in a meaningful way after 12 years off.

          I would have been much happier with a mother who was gone sometimes but was happy and fulfilled.

        • SFanon

          +2

          My mom was a full time SAHM and did not seem to like it at all! She went back to get a master’s when my youngest brother was out of elementary school, divorced our dad, and seemed much happier thereafter.

          My growing up experience has become a cautionary tale for raising my kid. Also, did you see that thread a couple weeks ago about all the middle-aged women getting divorced, after they’d been SAHM for years, and having a hard time restarting their careers? Don’t leave a company that is “great and mom friendly” to stay at home full time! Dial back as necessary, but keep professionally active.

      • cbackson

        Raised by two working parents, am by all measures highly successful, have a fantastic relationship with my family, and disagree entirely with your statement.

        • cbackson

          I would also add that my parents (married for 47 years!) have the best marriage of any I’ve ever personally witnessed.

      • Sarabeth

        Huge and unsupported generalization alert! Most kids do just fine in a high quality daycare (and there is a substantial body of research showing this). There are certainly some kids whose temperaments are such that one on one care is a better fit. But there are also lots of parents who would be miserable staying home, which is certainly not good for their kids. You have to evaluate your own situation, but the idea that all kids will do better with a SAHM than in a high quality daycare is a pernicious myth that actively hurts women.

      • Senior Attorney

        Nope. Not supported by the research, which is that kids don’t do any better and the moms do worse when the moms stay home.

        • Anonymous

          I tend to agree that generalizations are bad all around, but for every “my SAHM was sad and unfulfilled” story, there are lots of “my working mom missed my event/damaged her health by never sleeping/was always stressed out and felt inadequate/etc.” Saying “moms do worse when the moms stay home” is just as wrong as saying “kids do better when the moms stay home.” Plenty of moms are happier staying home, just like plenty of moms are happier working. Everyone should do what’s best for them and their families.

      • Opal

        No effing way.

        Broad generalizations on both sides of this question benefit NO ONE.

    • Anonymous

      If you love your career, I would think long and hard before leaving completely. I’m not nearly as anti-SAHM as many people here (I think it’s the right thing for many people and if you can afford it, more power to you), but I do think you should not just assume you can easily go back when your kids are all in school. Especially if you want to have more than 1 kid, you’re looking at what, 7-10 years easily until all your children are in school? It’s REALLY hard to come back from a gap like that if you’ve been 0% involved in your career while you’re home. Is there any possibility of going part-time, either at your current company or a new one? Or at least doing some consulting work? I’m also not a Sheryl Sandberg suprfan in general , but I think this is CLASSIC “leaving before you leave.” It may take you a long time to conceive, or once you’re home with a baby you may actually be really looking forward to going back to work (it happens to lots of people!) Absolutely don’t quit until you’re home with the baby on maternity leave and know you don’t want to go back.

      • Anonymous

        +1 million to “Absolutely don’t quit until you’re home with the baby on maternity leave and know you don’t want to go back.”

        You may love being a SAHM, you may love it for 6 months and want to work again or you may hate completely. You won’t know until you are in it.

        And you have no idea if it will take you 1 month or 1 year or many years to get pregnant/otherwise start your family.

        I was lucky that I had a year off in Canada but I had to go back to work for my own mental health. I don’t feel guilty about it because my kids are much better off with a happy working mom than a depressed resentful SAHM.

        • Anonymous

          I was raised by a SAHM who was miserable and 100% should’ve been working. Issues from our childhood still impact my siblings and I into our 30s. I would agree, do NOT make this call until you’ve had your child and know for sure that this is what you want.

    • Anonymous

      Adding to the chorus you’ve heard before, as someone with an established career, I would not make any absolute pronouncements or statements about this until you’re at least pregnant, much less until you know how you will actually feel about parenting 100% of the time. Staying home *could* be an option for me. My husband makes a good living and we totally swing it, though it would mean giving up some of the extras (vacations, worriless spending on coffee/eating out). That said, I would go.absolutely.bonkers staying home. It is absolutely not for me. I love my child, but the idea of being arms deep in play-doh and pretend and swim lessons all day every day would drive me nuts. I could probably a 1960s/1970s hand’s off SAHM; I could not be an all-in one today (and I couldn’t afford daycare w/o my job). While I suppose I expected this a bit, I did not know how I would feel before LO was born. You likely won’t either.

    • WestCoast Lawyer

      The good news is, this is not a decision you need to make now, or even when you get pregnant! If your company is great (and mom friendly) go for the promotion, be awesome, when you get pregnant take the maximum maternity leave offered and don’t make any decisions about whether or not to come back until your leave is about to end.

      I know lots of women who have completely changed their mind about what they thought they wanted (either to return to work or to stay home) after their kids were born. If you aren’t sure by the time your leave wraps up, try returning to work and seeing how it feels and make a decision then. You may be 100% right that you would love staying home and wouldn’t regret it, but even if that’s your ultimate decision your child will not be scarred if you go back to work for a few months and then decide to stay home. But if you check out before you know what you really want you could do serious damage to your ability to re-enter the workforce.

      I will also say that, in my opinion, the kids get much more fun/interesting when they are toddlers. If money were not an issue I would have seriously considered going back to work until they were 3-4 and then taking some time off to spend with them once they were old enough to do fun things with but before they started kindergarten. Everyone has different stages of childhood that they like best, and pre-kids me would have totally thought it was the baby stage, but with a particularly cranky baby it was honestly a relief sometimes to go to work.

      • MomAnon4This

        +1 This is what Leaning In is about. Live the life you have now, not the imaginary life with kids.

      • Coach Laura

        Building off what West Coast Lawyer says, many people report that staying home later provides more benefit to the kids and family in total. But the crazy-no-sleep period with two working parents (especially with more than one kid) is also a stressful time that you would avoid by staying home.

        It’s also hard to plan a return if you don’t know how long you’ll be gone. 2 years is a blip – in 10 years most people’s memories of you will be faint even if you keep in touch. Most people who are gone 5-10 years have to step back quite a bit in terms of level and complexity of work. There’s a huge chance you won’t get that fabulous role and flexibility when you return – you’ll have to prove yourself again, which could be daunting. I think that this is a reason a lot of women don’t go back.

        My quick advice would be to: Lean In now and get the most trajectory acceleration before you have kids.
        Make lasting relationships now. Join an industry group, network and make a name for yourself. Examine your environment to determine what, if any, consulting or part-time opportunities might exist if you were to need/want that later.

        Then, while on leave decide if you’re coming back or not. If you don’t go back, maintain those relationships indefinitely with LinkedIn messages, emails, phone calls, coffee meetings. And make it a point to do meaningful volunteer work, do continuing ed, keep licenses active etc. once you’re past the infant stage. What you want is a name recognition and ability to reconnect with your current contact if/when you ever need a job.

      • Anonymous

        +1 to waiting until you are on maternity leave to make any decisions. I thought I would be heartbroken about going back to my extremely demanding job, but I ended up cutting my maternity leave a month short because I was so unhappy being home. I love my kid, have fun with him, prioritize spending time with him, and we are very close (he is 6 now), but most Sunday nights, I truly look forward to getting back to work the next morning.

    • Anonymous

      Cue the trolls telling you you’ll be divorced and penniless soon… I do think being a SAHM mom can be really great for both the mom and the kid(s). I had a mom who had a career, but they let her take a multi-year unpaid leave of absence so she was effectively a SAHM to me through kindergarten, and I loved it. Some things to think about:

      Before you leave, can you plan ways to stay connected in your industry while you’re home? It’s generally easier to get back in again if you’ve been planning and networking (and staying up to date on CLEs, or whatever the industry equivalent is if you’re not a lawyer) than if you’ve been completely separated from your industry for 5+ years.

      How will the dynamics of your partnership change if your husband is the sole earner? Of course there’s no way to know for sure in advance, but you may have some idea if he’s the type that would hold it over you or “control the purse strings” so to speak.

      How much of your identity is based on your career and your ability to earn income? I think a lot of people don’t realize until they quit how important their career was to who they are as a person. I know that I take a lot of pride in being able to pay my own bills and buy whatever I want (within reason of course) without consulting my husband, and losing my buying power would be hard for me, even if my husband wasn’t being a jerk at all.

      I also agree with above comments that you absolutely shouldn’t leave until you are on your mat leave. You can’t “know” you want to stay home until then. You just can’t. You think but you don’t know.

    • Same-ish Boat

      I’m in the same boat (late 20’s, married, planning to have a baby in the next 18-24 months). I finally got into management and am in the position I thought I always wanted when I was in my early 20’s. It feels great to have gotten here, but to be honest, I’m not enjoying it as much as I thought. Also, my company is not terribly working mom-friendly and 90% of the top performers here are men with stay at home spouses (which is not an option for us, given that my husband is our main breadwinner).

      I will likely stay home for a few years once our first baby is born and hopefully go back into a reduced and more enjoyable role once our kids start school (yes, I realize this is not easy to do, but I would be willing to take a cut in pay/responsibility to get started again). It’s not a popular opinion on this site, but we can swing it financially relatively easily and I think it’s what’s best for our family and our marriage. I’m also really burnt out (I graduated college early and have been working full time since I was 20), so I think I need a few years to focus on building our family and then hopefully transition back into a less-demanding role in the future.

      Sometimes I feel really guilty about this, like by consciously leaning out I’m providing to my male-dominated firm/industry that I can’t cut it. But I try to tell myself that I can do it, that I technically “did it” (by getting to the role I’m in now) and it’s okay to take a step back if that’s what I really want.

    • CPA Lady

      If its what you really want to do, then do it. However. I have two bits of food for thought.

      1. If you have always been an ambitious ladder climbing kind of employee, it may be harder to step away than you think after the novelty of the baby wears off. From my own personal experience, when my daughter was 1 I left a high pressure high reward job to work pseudo in house (still working full time) and as awesome as it is, I’m still struggling with the fact that there is no ladder to climb at my new job and I have no place to channel my ambition. I’m sure that would be so much harder if I were a SAHM. Maybe thats why pinterest was invented? Or all those godawful pyramid schemes all my SAHM friends are into these days?

      2. Your relationship with your husband may change as you become his dependent rather than his financial equal.

      • Anonymous

        And to add to point #2, I’d want to be on the same page up front with my husband that at some point he would need to step back in and assume parenting responsibility. I think that a trap that is easy to fall into when one parent stays at home is that that parent becomes the default parent to the point where the working parent has abdicated responsibility and won’t be able to step back in to be a co-parent. (Sadly, I’ve seen this happen a lot.) If your husband isn’t responsible for the kids by himself on a regular basis, he’s not going to be up for you going on a business trip, for example, or staying late to work on a big project.

    • Anonymous

      I’m planning to leave once I have a baby, but I’m really burned out on law and pretty miserable I my current job. If kids weren’t imminent, I think I’d quit anyway within a couple of years. If I loved my career and quit to stay home, I fear I’d resent my kids evenif I enjoyed the day to day of stay at home parenting.

    • Rarara

      Raised by two working parents, who, out of necessity, worked a LOT, to the point where I never saw my mother except for a few minutes in the morning and a few minutes before bed. I think I would have been better off had my mom been more present when I was a kid. But behind present doesn’t have to mean being a SAHM.

  9. language skills

    I’m considering applying for program that’s for people who speak a particular language. It doesn’t say anywhere how fluent one needs to be, and the event itself is in English. I speak this language fairly well, but not enough to conduct all business in it, so I’m not fluent. Should I just apply and let them decide whether to consider me or not? Or will I make myself look foolish? There’s no one I can ask at this stage.

  10. espresso bean

    Just have to plug the sister tote to the one on this post, the Vince Camuto Dylan. It’s very similar to this one, but it has more structure. I got mine in the ash grey on sale ($178!) at Nordstrom last week, and it’s amazing. It has everything I wanted in a tote:

    *minimal branding
    *minimal hardware, but what is there is beautiful
    *gorgeous leather
    *zipper top

    Cannot recommend it enough.

  11. Shoes for Bad Feet?

    I’ve been looking at Trotters and Softwalk to deal with some foot pain. Anyone have any experience with these brands? Any other brands you would recommend? I need something with arch support. No great shoe stores in my area, so I’ll need to order to try on and return by mail.

    • Seattle Freeze

      Do they have to look good? Switching from pretty shoes to Sanitas clogs helped my super-cranky foot immensely. After several months of primarily wearing clogs, I can wear low kitten heels in the office a couple of days a week, but still wear the clogs most days. They’re really comfortable, narrower than Danskos, and I can stand/walk for hours in them with no foot or back pain.

      • Shoes for Bad Feet?

        I see clients a lot and walk the two blocks and back to the courthouse nearly daily, so I’d like something somewhat cute. I’m afraid my days of cute shoes are numbered, though. Even when I do little walking in anything other than tennis shoes or flats with orthopedics I am in pain by the end of the night. Sigh.

    • Anonymous

      I’m more Stuart Weizman than trotters, but a found a pair of trotters booties this year that I got in 2 colors. I get compliments on them, and they have held up well. The style is OK, but I’m happy for the price.

    • I'm Just Me ....

      Not super cute, but Aravon brand at Nordstrom and Zappos. I have the Portia and a style that they might not be making anymore. I can walk for a couple of miles in them. They are made by New Balance and are almost as comfortable as a sneaker.

  12. LondonLeisureYears

    I promised to share what shoes I walk 20,000 steps in a day so here goes. First, I take my shoes into a cobbler at the beginning and end of every season to treat the leather to protect against weather, to clean them and to add on rubber grip bottoms. I always make sure they treat the leather when they are brand new before I wear them out. I wear smartwool socks and make sure that my shoes can fit bigger socks because I think they make my feet a lot happier too.

    In the fall.winter I wear-
    Pikolinos boots (short and totally flat)
    Hudson boots (short and totally flat)
    PAM project oxford style shoes
    I have a pair of short flat Tretorn rain boots that I wear if it is raining a lot. I do not like wearing my Hunters for lots of walking and keep those for days I with kids that want to jump in puddles.

    Spring/Summer:
    AGL – I have 3 pairs. Again, I added the rubber grips on the bottom
    Tretorn causal tennis shoes – 2 pairs
    If its raining I have a pair of kaydee crocs that I can wear

    BTW I hated my tieks. I find that lots of cutesy tennis shoes don’t actually have great support so I put in super feet inserts. I also have a bunch of uncomfortable cuter shoes that I bring to events and will switch into when I arrive but not wear when walking there. I do not like wearing sandals on the tube or when walking around London. My feet get so dirty. So I will if going to a picnic or something wear a pair of cute tennis shoes to walk there, and then switch right before I get to the event.

    • Anonymous

      I had a pair of Tretorn rainboots and found them to be so uncomfortable! They were totally flat with no support. I like my Hunters because they fit more like an actual shoe.

      • LondonLeisureYear

        What style do you have? I have the Eva which is pretty shoe shaped.

  13. WorriedToday

    I am 43, blessed with good health and usually happy with my looks and the changes that my age entails… but these days I am not so happy about wrinkles, my mid-section, you name it… any recommended reads?

    • Emmer

      No recommended reading, but do you have the time or desire to try to achieve a fitness goal? Not because it will change the way you look, but I’ve found that it changes how I perceive my body. I have always struggled with feeling fat or whatnot, but I find that an extra pound or jiggle in my butt doesn’t bother me if I remind myself that my body accomplished running my fastest 10K or my highest score in spin class.

      • CKB

        This. I swear I’m thinner on the days I run. Objectively I know this is not the case, but my attitude towards my body changes when I’m working out regularly. I think this is because I’m focusing more on what it can do instead of how it looks. I’m 40, fwiw.

    • Anon

      Yes – any reputable news channel. There is a lot of scary sh*t going on in the world today and it’s good to remember that my crows feet aren’t the end of the world.

    • Annie

      I just read a book called Dietland, which is a piece of fiction. It was good (not great) overall – some parts of the story were a little weird. However, that book made me think a lot about bodies and cultural norms, and it was quite empowering in some ways. I think it might help you get through this and focus on the things about you that are truly important (hint: it’s not about your looks!!!).

    • January

      “I Feel Bad About My Neck,” by Nora Ephron, or Anna Quindlen’s memoir (don’t quite remember the name).

  14. Excel Geek

    Ideas for food to serve for dinner when the guests don’t eat meat (kosher, don’t eat meat outside of the house) but kids are involved?

    Kids seem easy – mac and cheese – or maybe pasta bar.

    Is there a way to class up pasta bar to include the adults?

    Other ideas?

    • Camille

      Salad, garlic bread and pasta bar for the adults too. Prepare chicken, steak, and some veggies (broccoli goes well with Alfredo, mushrooms would be good with marinara, etc), and then prepare an Alfredo, marinara, and pesto sauce. You can add meat if you wish and your guests can stick to the pasta, salad and veggies. I’ve done this before with a larger group (some non meat eaters, and some who were), so it may not be as applicable if your only guests are non meat eaters.

      Other thoughts, mac & cheese for kids and “Salad Bar” for adults. Have a few types of lettuce and all the fixings for a great salad! Variety of nuts, dried fruits, dressings, olives, etc. can make a boring salad taste delicious!

    • Senior Attorney

      Last time I was in that situation I did make-your-own pizzas. Super fun and the food became the entertainment as well!

  15. TMI (sorry...)

    Anon for this, because, well, it’s a little gross and personal. I’ve been working out a lot more lately and have been doing it in spandex pants (as opposed to running shorts) for the first time ever, and, well, I’ve got my first ever infection “down there” now. I think it’s from sweaty undies and spandex, but that’s just a guess. No other changes I can think of (no hormonal shifts, same partner for 10+ years). How do I prevent this going forward? No spandex? Different undies? Suggestions?

    • Mindy

      Shower or at least change out of your sweaty clothes right away. I know sometimes I stop at the store or run a quick errand after working out and before I know it an hour has passed.

      There are also special workout underwear that claim to wick away moisture, though I don’t know how effective they are. Also look for moisture wicking pants.

      • Mindy

        Diet-wise, I find that drinking more water, eating more probiotics (yogurt, kefir, probiotic juice, etc) and taking probiotic pills helps a lot.

    • Anon

      My suggestion, shower as soon as you can after your workout. I also don’t wear underwear in my workout clothes, that seems like it would just trap more sweat and germs.

      • Anon for TMI

        Agreed on not wearing underwear with spandex workout pants. My personal areas may be unusually hearty (never had an infection of any type down there, in almost 30 years), but I never ever wear underwear with workout leggings/shorts and the thought of it seems really uncomfortable to me. If that’s a bridge too far for you, I’d look at the wicking underwear various activewear brands offer.

      • Anonymous

        +1, especially if the underwear is cotton. I know cotton is generally preferred for underwear because it allows “breathing” but when you’re working out, cotton is not the best material because it traps the sweat. Wear spandex that are made of tech fabric (so not “fashion” spandex that unbelievably exists) and make sure you aren’t washing it with fabric softener, which destroys the wicking capabilities. And then change out of them and into dry cotton underwear and looser fitting shorts immediately after finishing your workout.

      • Anonymous

        My ob/gyn recommended not wearing spandex or wicking material, but sticking to cotton panties and cotton pants when working out, shower as soon as possible after working out, sleeping with no underpants (loose pants are ok), and taking live probiotics that require refrigeration.

    • SFanon

      Have you recently been on any medication? Antibiotics can throw off the usual body flora (microbiome) leading to infections.

      Probiotics and yogurt w/ live cultures are good for restoring it. Maintaining good hydration ensures that you pee often and flush everything out.

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