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Neiman Marcus now has a section titled “Video-Call Style,” and I can’t decide if that makes me want to laugh or cry. It’s 2021, so I guess we just have to lean into it!
This silk blouse from Joie was one of my favorite picks. I love the pale pink color and poet sleeves as a replacement for a basic white blouse. This would look great worn with some skinny ankle pants for the office or with some high-waisted denim for the weekend.
The blouse is $278 at Neiman Marcus and comes in sizes XS–L. It also comes in caviar and porcelain.
A couple of more affordable options in regular sizes are from Vince ($89 on sale; XS–L) and H&M ($17; XS–XXL). This Eloquii top is available in sizes 14–22 and is $49.
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Ellen
Hi, Everyone–I have been so busy with Rosa’s COVID issue that I have only gotten back here from Chapaqua where I was taking care of the kids. Rosa was very sick and she was not yet vaccinated. I have an appointement for a COVID shot next week, so I was lucky not to catch it. Rosa went into the guest house for a week and I was there even after once she was not contageous b/c she was to tired to even drive a car. Fortunately, Ed drove everywhere necessary, and the housekeeper did all of the cooking but what a mess that was.
I therefore urge the HIVE not to listen to the crazies out there saying that the vaccine is not good. It is better then the alternatives. PTOOEY!
Volunteer work recs (in person)?
I’m looking for more volunteer work. In the last year I was a poll officer, and I volunteered at a vaccine clinic. I’m looking for more chances to work side by side with other people. (I’m vaccinated.)
Did you do any in-person, group volunteer work in the Before that you enjoyed? Thanks!
Veronica Mars
I loved volunteering as a side walker for a therapeutic riding program. You get to interact with the children and the horses for an hour lesson. Some horse experience would be helpful but they train adult volunteers on what to do.
CountC
I loved doing this too – it was really rewarding but also emotional!
I am continuing to volunteer at the mass vacc site until they no longer need volunteers. I have also volunteered for a program which helps women re-enter their communities after being incarcerated. I have enjoyed volunteering with animal rescue, but you have to be VERY picky IMO/E. I also enjoy doing trail work with local race directors and runners.
Anon
I tried to volunteer at vaccination sites here in the Bay Area and they keep emailing me that they don’t need any more. So yay for volunteers!
CountC
That’s awesome!!
pugsnbourbon
I volunteered at a small local museum giving tours. I’m really passionate about the subject matter and I love sharing it with others. Hopefully we’ll be opening back up soon.
FFS
That’s really cool. I didn’t even know that was a thing. What kind of museum?
pugsnbourbon
Medical history specific to the site (former psychiatric hospital). It sounds scary or ghoulish but it really isn’t. If they tried to go for shock value I would never have volunteered.
Anonymous
Are you at the Mutter?
CountC
This sounds amazing (typed by someone who has photographs of the Eastern State Penitentiary on her living room walls)!
Hildy J.
Thanks for asking this. I’ve been wondering the same. I’ll follow with interest.
Ribena
Yes, I work at a charity bookshop! Mostly at the cash desk because I love talking books with people.
Anonymous
Now that the Boy Scouts is co-ed they could use female adult leaders and helpers of all kinds. It is fun if you are outdoorsy but it is not all outdoorsy (merit badge counselor for some of the professional type merit badges, serving on boards of review). There is even a need for paperwork help at camp (so many COVID waivers).
Anon
I prefer to continue working with Girl Scouts, as I feel that historical programs for girls and women are often hurt when the historically male programs decide that times are dire so they will go coed. Are there reasons to support or volunteer with Boy Scouts rather than Girl Scouts? Serious question.
Tessa Karlov
I think the Boy Scout program is a more rewarding experience for any kid, boy or girl. When I was in Girl Scouts we mostly focused on arts and crafts, going to plays, and the ubiquitous cookie selling (YMMV depending on the troop). Boy Scouts do more impactful work in my town and the Eagle Scout program is an opportunity that I’m bummed I never got.
Anonymous
So happy to see you’re still judging an entire program based on your personal experience
Anon
I would have loved to have joined Boy Scouts as a kid. They learned real life skills that are useful even as an adult. The Girl Scout troops available to me did not. Yes I’m judging the entire program based on my personal experience, because I don’t believe there’s a Boy Scouts troop in the world as bad as the local Girls Scouts troops were, which reflects poorly in my view on Girl Scouts.
Seventh Sister
I think this is very troop-dependent. I lead a very camping-and-community-service-focused Girl Scout troop. My troop in the 1980s started out crafty but quickly morphed into a camping/outdoors troop when my mom and her BFF took over. The great thing about Girl Scouts is that it is very DIY (this is also the bad thing about Girl Scouts).
Anon
In our city, there are not a lot of girl scout troops and those I’ve seen tend to spend all of their weekend days selling cookies outside and standing on hard cement. No thanks. There were some Brownie troops. Our very woke church was involved in neither. Our cousin was in one but it was 45 minutes away.
We did Y Guides for a while, but the ages in our group never meshed well. We tried BSA scouting (I think it is called now) on a whim and have loved camping (which we planned to do previously but never did) and the different learning opportunities you have that also let kids explore careers a bit while they are young.
I did Explorer Scouts when I was in high school and it is all career-focused and not at all related to camping; it has been co-ed for a very long time. Venturing is another scouting thing that I don’t understand fully and it has been co-ed for a while (and seems to be very camping / outdoor focused).
I think that in the BSA version, you could have that in Girl Scouts, but frequently it is very leader-dependent and many troops don’t have 4 deep leaders who do camping (and the critical mass of dads and moms who had had boys involved and dragged their daughters along let it evolve naturally once the switch became official).
More anon
For contrast: my Girl Scout troop camps and hikes, and when they aren’t camping, they are usually working on community service. They have helped with animal shelters, taught younger girls about asthma, worked at food banks, painted schools….the best part is that they make all the decisions on what they want to do and then plan it all to make it happen. Totally girl-led.
Anonymous
That is how our BSA troop is — scout led once you are I. Middle school. At the cub level I believe it is different. More parent or leader-led. Lots of service projects. One hot day we put flags on veterans’ graves for Memorial Day. Tons of scouts from our city were there and it’s really moving.
Anonymous
I’m not even sure how they spend “all of their weekend days” selling cookies – they are only sold for like a month one time per year?
Anonymous
A lot of Girl Scout troops seem to bulk buy cases and sell until they sell out. I get that fundraising is a needed thing but my kids need more than this and never were interested.
Seventh Sister
One of the problems with Girl Scout camping is the way that troops are formed. It’s a big learning curve to go from “middle-class person who went camping with their family a few times” to “Scout leader taking a bunch of Other People’s Kids ™ on a camping trip.” I imagine that’s even harder if you from a background where no one went camping or did much traveling of any kind. Boy Scouts seem to have a lot more institutional knowledge and troops that last for decades, which facilitates outdoor activities.
Seventh Sister
I’m a huge Girl Scout booster but the cookie thing takes way too long and is over-emphasized as a fundraiser. Our cookie season in Southern CA was very long this year (basically end of January to April), but that is VERY unusual and our troop stopped selling pretty quick after an initial order. The reason you see those girls out there selling cookies is that most troops pay for everything their troop does through cookie sales. Parents are remarkably resistant to paying anything other than nominal dues because, “can’t you just sell cookies”? Also, the organization is very hostile to other kinds of fundraising or even letting us keep monetary donations. Other kids’ organizations can be sponsored by local businesses, charge higher dues, etc. Girl Scouts makes it REALLY hard to do anything innovative with fundraising because we’re just supposed to sell cookies, and only cookies.
Anon
I hope that someone from the Girl Scouts is reading this. I had a good Brownie troop as a kid and was in a sorority in college and then the Junior League. But I went to a college and a law school that at some point let in women rather than go bankrupt when all of the male students were off fighting WWI. So, I see both sides.
I know one friend who got her Gold Award and it’s a shame that people don’t know what it is. Everyone knows what an Eagle Scout is.
In my city, women are busy now with work and kids and I get that you get the women leaders that you get. IDK how open they are to male volunteers, but Boy Scouts often had women volunteers and women leaders long before there were girls in scouting, so they really have a breadth and depth of leaders that is really impressive to me. I’d love to see the Girl Scouts be a great parallel organization and not every troop and org clicks for every kid and family, but our church runs a girl scout troop and funds it at a Title 1 school that won’t allow my kids to join the troop b/c no outsiders can be in the building when the troop meets there after school unless they are leaders. We would have loved to have joined, but we are not allowed to. They don’t also have a troop for parishioners even though they have Boy Scouts (but they have yet to go co-ed due to . . . IDK). All of the girls we run across in BSA scouting go to one very on-the-ball troop at one of two random Presbyterian churches (where they meet in the parking lot due to covid). They would have made excellent Girl Scouts.
Of Counsel
Serious answer from a former GS, daughter and granddaughter of GSs (I have my Grandmother’s pins!) whose kid was in Girl Scouts through middle school and dropped it because “all we do it sit around and talk about our feelings.” I was not a leader but I was pretty actively involved since all of our moms worked full time and everyone agreed to pitch in. The systemic issues I saw were:
(1) Their bureaucracy was overwhelming. Every official event had multiple forms – many of which asked for the same information. It reached the point where we would label our outings as “not an official Girl Scout event; this is just friends getting together” because it was ridiculously onerous. As the person tasked with gathering all of the paperwork I fielded a lot of parent complaints (e.g. “why do you need my dentist’s name and number for a local overnight on a weekend? Why do you need it three times?”)
(2) The “Journeys” were stupid (at least according to every single girl in our troop). Just the fact that troops would do “Journey in a Day” workshops shows how much they lacked any depth. And by emphasizing them, they turned GS into something mothers and grandmothers no longer recognized.
(3) There is a lot less emphasis as an organization on outdoor/nature activities. And don’t get me started on the “training” that is mandatory even for experienced hikers/campers. Certainly a really good leader can overcome this, but that is what it takes. The organization does not support it and it creates a lot of roadblocks.
(4) And OMG the fundraising issues. I did not mind selling cookies. Our cookie selling season was pretty short. But they made it difficult to raise money any other way.
Some of this might be Council dependent but my daughter always complained that her friends in Boy Scouts got to do more “real” stuff and was bummed that they opened it up to girls too late for her.
Seventh Sister
Yeah, I think the bureaucracy can be very onerous, and I was delighted that our local org finally moved to a blanket permission slip for most non-meeting activities. I”m a pretty inveterate rule-follower but I was lucky that we ditched most of the permission slips early on and no one broke an arm at a sleepover.
I think the Journeys are dull, but weirdly, my kid and our group seem to like most of them. I don’t know enough about education or curriculum to figure out why they like them. It’s a big mystery.
As for the Gold Award being perceived as “lesser,” I think that colleges and military recruiters are actually pretty aware that the Gold Award is a real achievement. But every third dingus that walked by the Girl Scout recruitment tent I manned a few years back had something to say about how being an Eagle Scout was a “real” award.
Seventh Sister
I’ve been pretty surprised/appalled at how little emphasis there is on outdoor activities. And we live in a place that is just lousy with beautiful places to hike and camp, but the council would prefer we use their crappy sites. Why? When we can drive to Joshua Tree in the same amount of time and spend less money?
Anon
Thank you for this detailed response (and thanks OP for asking the question!).
My daughter is getting interested and this helps me decide.
Anon
I’m a clinic escort and have found some good friends that way. It’s not for everyone but I find it really rewarding. It’s a little like working retail – having to keep a straight face while being yelled at.
Anonymous
I feel that working retail as a teen was what really helped me manage adult jobs with drama. Every person eats food — grocery stores and superwalmarts get to see everything.
anon
I’m a volunteer tax preparer for low- to moderate-income communities and I absolutely love it: https://www.irs.gov/individuals/irs-tax-volunteers
I knew almost nothing about taxes before this program. I attended a couple days of training to learn the basics, and I received a lot of support from tax pros on-site once we got to work.
Anon
I maintained Petfinder for my local animal shelter. There was a team of us assigned different days. I was every other Sunday. I could get in and out in a half hour if I was in a rush or make it a half day event if I had time to kill. I would take inventory of the animals, take info and pictures of the new animals, and when I got back home update the website. So, take off all the animals that were adopted, add on the new ones. I made a lot of connections and friends through the shelter FB volunteer group even if I didn’t see that many people in person while volunteering. I’d also be a one-off volunteer at their events.
Z
I volunteer as a mentor for my city’s Big Brothers Big Sisters organization. I have been matched with my Little Sister for almost 3 years! It is so rewarding watching her learn and grow. We do proper outings every couple of weeks and talk on the phone/email in-between. This is something where the time you put in can have a life-changing impact on a kid in your area, so I highly recommend.
Anonymous
Sadly, in our city, you need to match by gender. They have too many female volunteers and too many boys needing a match.
Z
Interesting, in my city they are actively trying to recruit more men but do pair up Big Sisters with Little Brothers if everyone is cool with it.
Anon
Volunteer at the local pet rescue!
Elizabeth
My local food pantry has a delivery system for seniors — I deliver food to about 15-20 shut ins per week. it takes an hour or so, and it’s been nice to connect to other humans during the past year and to feel like I am doing something genuinely helpful for someone who needs a hand.
Ribena
How is it that we have been remote for over a year and people are still struggling to mute themselves when they’re not speaking on large calls? Infuriating.
Anonymous
Right?!
CountC
Or take themselves off when they ARE speaking. It’s amazing. Not in a good way.
Curious
Lol I mess this up at least once a day. It’s not that I don’t know HOW, it’s that sometimes I’m sharing screen and can’t see I muted myself etc.
Anon
Not every day, but same. I feel like different people have different settings, so sometimes I’m double muted (phone plus screen) and sometimes I enter with no mute, even though I clicked to mute on entry. My company also uses three different video call software packages, depending on the organization, and my role crosses all three, so that adds more complexity.
anonshmanon
this habit of zoom moving the controls around based on whether you are screen sharing or not, is actually terrible from a design standpoint.
Anon
It’s way better to be muted when you shouldn’t be than the other way around. And frankly, it just happens. To get infuriated is an overreaction.
Anon
It’s hyperbole for comic effect…
Anon
I am convinced that those same people will fall over dead if they aren’t constantly shoveling chips in their mouths. Will you die of malnutrition if you’re not loudly snacking into the microphone for a half hour at nine in the morning? I can see your Outlook calendar, Dave, you never have back-to-back meetings.
Anon
Full confession. I’m a year in and have never figured out Microsoft teams on my computer. Every time I connect via computer everyone gets an echo. I have to hang up and join by cell phone. I’m always so glad when it’s Zoom, because zoom works fine.
I’m a contractor with my own equipment so no IT support.
Anon
Can you use teams on your computer but with headphones? I *think* that takes care of the echo for some.
Anon
has anyone ever resized a pool at their home to make it smaller and/or change the shape? DH and I are house hunting and finally came across a house we like, but the pool takes up more of the yard than we’d like.
Anon
No, but as a former pool owner that sounds incredibly expensive. a lot of the pool’s systems are set up to the size of the pool (number of returns, power of the pump, etc). I’m guessing you’d have to re-work all of that in addition to filling in the part of the pool you don’t want. I’d call a pool company and talk to them about feasibility.
Anonymous
Not a thing.
NYCer
It actually kind of is a thing (I know a handful of people who have done it), but it is just a very expensive thing!! It is basically equivalent to putting in a new pool, and even more expensive since you have to teardown/fill-in the old pool first.
Anonymous
Not a thing at all
Saguaro
Yes, my brother did this when he bought an older (1925) built house. It is basically filling in the old pool and building a new one. While maybe not that exactly, you need to think of it that way in terms of work and cost.
Cat
It won’t be quick enough for making a house decision, but the blogger Design Darling is planning a pool renovation for this summer I think. It sounds quite possibly more expensive than installing the pool in the first place.
Anon
The blogger Design Darling is doing this but they seem to have gobs of money.
Cat
ha- jinx!
anon
OMG she has literally redone every room in the house. It’s insane.
Anon
i’m the OP and I read her blog. DH and I actually looked at a different house that would require re-doing every room. i don’t actually think it is that insane – just a lot of work and money. while my parents have been in their house for much longer, at this point with the exception of one room, every room has been re-done in some degree since they bought the house
No Face
If she’s a design blogger, isn’t that her job? That is how I view bloggers anyway.
Cat
In theory yes, but I find the results so very underwhelming for what she pays… it’s all blinding-white paint and lucite and no other color other than blues…. and what appears to be an outdoor-intended Serena & Lily dining table… inside. She did pick up a few vintage pieces FINALLY.
I follow her more for her more personal posts than design inspo.
anon
You would be building a brand-new pool.
Senior Attorney
I have no idea if this is a thing or not, but what about putting a deck over part of the pool?
Horse Crazy
I also have no idea if this is a thing, but it sounds really cool! You could sit at the edge of the deck with your feet hanging over/into the pool…yes please!
Elegant Giraffe
We just considering changing the shape of our pool and it was prohibitively expensive.
Anonymous
Question for the medical people–
What conditions–other than being on a ventilator, of course—-would prevent someone from being vaccinated and wearing a mask?
Anonymous
Apparently anxiety (I asked here before).
One I ran into after posting and am taking the person’s work for it: tracheotomy.
Anon
Depending on the specifics of their trach, they would just wear a mask over the trach.
anonshmanon
Known allergies to some of the ingredients, immunocompromised conditions that make it likely that the vaccine won’t be effective are two that I could think of. Phobia of needles is also pretty common, and not so easy to just get over.
anonshmanon
Ooops, those were all about not getting vaccinated.
I am healthy and notice that breathing is harder with the mask, so anybody who has lung issues that make breathing hard, i could see how a mask would actually prevent them from getting enough air to function.
Anonymous
This is a lie being spread by anti-maskers. A friend of mine is a respiratory therapist, she works at a hospital and is a medical professional, her patients have limited lung capacity/breathing difficulty etc and ALL of them even those with super limited functionality, can wear a mask.
Anonymous
This. My Dad has COPD and 50% lung capacity and just finished radiation for lung cancer. Wears a mask constantly with no issue.
Even for those exceptionally rare situations where someone cannot wear a mask, that does not entitle them to enter a retail store, a store just has to provide an accommodation. They can deny entry but not service. So like curbside pick up instead of shopping in store.
Anon
Yeah my aunt is at limited lung capacity, is on oxygen 24/7, and is waiting on a lung transplant.
She wears a mask without issue
Anon
Honestly even the severely ill people I know with diaphragm weakness are wearing masks when needed because they’re also high risk. It’s really, really hard for me to take seriously the mask complaints from people whose diaphragms aren’t partially paralyzed?
It’s very easy to hyperventilate while wearing a mask which can make you feel lightheadedness or even black out (I’ve blacked out from mask wearing more than once). But I’m told the solution in this case is to wear masks more so you get used to it (exposure therapy).
Anon
There is data that looks at this. Basically, it all says that wearing a mask does not impair gas exchange for most people. One study showed some oxygenation/hemodynamic deterioration when volunteers performed strenuous aerobic activity (running on a treadmill) in an N95 mask (and the deterioration was not to a harmful level). But not for normal activities.
Anonymous
There is data to show that this is NOT a thing. Anecdotally, I have a hospitalized family member with diminished lung capacity right now, with an 02 sensor on at all times, and his levels are unchanged. He’s been wearing masks.
anonshmanon
Ok let me rephrase. I have a healthy lung and notice discomfort wearing a mask. I could easily see how someone who struggles to breathe as it is, could feel more severe discomfort wearing a mask. Just acknowledging that not everyone’s experience aligns.
Anonymous
Ok, but that’s anxiety, not lung issues.
anonshmanon
yeah, I hadn’t seen OP’s other post explaining that this pertains to actual claimed exemptions in the workplace. The first post was phrased a little more general, so my response was in that context. I was just trying to acknowledge that it’s not easy on everybody, but not making excuses for antimaskers.
LaurenB
Well, then just imagine the discomfort that they’ll feel on a ventilator. Sheesh. “I don’t like” and “it’s a bit uncomfortable” are not medical issues.
LaurenB
Breathing is not harder with the mask. Surgeons wear N95s for hours on end to do surgeries (and nowadays sometimes with face shields and/or disposable masks on top) and they breathe just fine. This is anti-mask nonsense. In any case, if you have trouble breathing in general due to lung issues or other conditions, you should be MORE desirous to avoid Covid.
LaurenB
I did not mean to exclude nurses and other health care personnel such as respiratory therapists who also wear masks for hours on end.
Anon
On the allergy front there isn’t a version of the US-approved vaccines yet made without polypropylene glycol, for example. It’s not an unusual allergy so it’s likely that they will come out with pg free vaccines at some point.
Anonymous
I am the OP. maybe I was not clear enough. Inquiring about conditions that would contraindicate BOTH the vaccine and mask wearing. Several people in my workplace say they are medically unable to get the vaccine and also medically unable to wear a mask. Does this make sense?
Anonymous
I would bet 99% of them are just jerks.
Anon
I understand what you are asking. What they are saying does not make sense.
anon
The only known condition that affects both of those things is a very specific strain of Republicanism.
Anon
Ha!
Bonnie Kate
Made me laugh :)
Anonymous
Said it before and I’ll say it again, but refusing to wear a mask is the new “my dog is an emotional support animal.”
Anon
Which is code for the “I really like doing yoga when I feel like it”
LaurenB
More like “my peacock is my emotional support animal, so it needs to come on the plane with me.”
Anonymous
No. But the same reasons people are anti-mask are likely the same reasons that they are anti-vax. It is extremely unlikely that there is any legitimate medical reason for either let alone both, let alone multiple people with this issue.
AnonMPH
They are just lying.
Anon
I wear a mask and am getting the vaccine but I have reasons that make both a bit more complicated for me. As I believe COVID is real, I think my discomfort is worth the benefit of both the mask and the vaccine. If I didn’t think COVID was dangerous, I’d possibly have a different cost benefit analysis.
So, I have both claustrophobia / anxiety and a medical condition that makes me go to the bathroom more frequently than most people, particularly when I’m anxious. Occasionally, if I’m rushing around somewhere in a mask and get hot or suck in my mask while trying to talk, I will begin to have a panic attack. That has never led me to taking it off in public or demanding an accommodation. It did make me switch masks to a dry, cooler, thinner one that I had in my purse but that was a hot second without a mask while I swapped them. I’ve also gone outside to take mine off and catch my breath. It’s a bit of a struggle but so are so many other aspects of life with anxiety and claustrophobia.
On the vaccine front, I’m absolutely getting mine and I’m already scheduled. However, I was very concerned about the long waits in the car to get my shot. People in my area have waited 2-3 hours in a car line. I usually cannot go more than an hour without using the bathroom. I have since learned that most sites have porta potties along the way and I’m just keeping emergency supplies in my car in case worst came to worse.
I suspect there are people that have not worked on their anxiety the way I have that could not bring themselves to wait in a long car line or power through in a mask. Like others have said though, that means they get a reasonable accommodation like curbside service or work from home, not that they get to be in public without a mask.
Anon
I firmly believe that if I had to have a doctor’s note to have access to my work computer during my maternity leave, these people should have to cough up doctors’ notes to validate their claims. (I was not on disability or paid leave of any kind, BTW).
Anon
Perhaps they are waiting on a brain transplant to fill the void in their head.
anon
I have needle phobia along with severe hemophobia but I refuse to use that as an excuse. I get quarterly blood draws to monitor an autoimmune disease & I know I’m going to faint at every appointment so I just plan for it.
Anon
Is needle phobia that hard to get over? Take a Xanax, if you faint you faint (I’ve fainted before), but don’t go without needed medical care.
Anon
Contraindications for not wearing a mask are very few – they include trigeminal neuralgia (some patients, not all), facial injuries/burns, severe developmental delays.
Anon
This is about right- there are very few conditions that prevent you from wearing a mask at least some of the time. I might add really severe anxiety or PTSD triggered by feelings of suffocation, but even those people can probably handle it under some conditions. Along the lines of trigeminal neuralgia, I have chronic migraine with the pain focused at the back on my head and a lot of neck pain concentrated behind my ears. I can’t tolerate shirts or jackets with stiff collars or anything that pushes on the back of my head for a prolonged period of time. I can handle wearing a mask that fits well for an hour or two when I need to, but I’d be really miserable if I needed to wear one all day every day, so I mostly stay home. If I did have a job where I had to be in person, I’d probably ask for a WFH accommodation or some other options to help mitigate the pain. It wouldn’t be reasonable to ask to not wear a mask.
Clementine
FWIW – the person I know who has a true medical reason that they are not able to wear a mask (namely – it triggers severe panic attacks related to PTSD/Anxiety/sensory issues) did a lot of work with their medical team/therapist to be able to tolerate masks more and wore a face shield and got vaccinated ASAP.
Ariel
Most of the people in one of those categories should be vaccinated as soon as possible.
Anon
Patients with primary immune deficiency, such as myself, can get the vaccine, but it may not work for us depending on our exact conditions. This is my current fear.
There are extremely few true contraindications to wearing a mask. One would be a severely disabled person who cannot put it on or take it off themselves.
Ribena
Some people have PTSD that comes into play when their face is covered like that or other sensory difficulties.
Cornellian
I don’t know if there’s a big overlap in these groups (such that they couldn’t wear a mask OR get vaccinated), but folks with certain developmental delays certainly can’t wear a mask. It’s one of the reasons I wish special ed teachers had been prioritized earlier: those kids need in-person education and many genuinely can’t safely wear a mask. Vaccine-wise, I think there are very few reasons, including anaphylactic reaction to previous vaccines. I see below that you’re asking about your coworkers, and I’m pretty sure they’re just jerks.
or maybe they’re just trying to finagle a way to keep working from home forever.
Mask > Covid
I am pregnant and wearing a mask triggers my nausea, to the point I have literally thrown up while wearing one (do not recommend). I still wear one when needed, though I am staying home more because it is extremely unpleasant. I did get my first shot as soon as I was eligible so this is not exactly an answer to your question.
Anon
Fragile masculinity, for one.
Anonymous
+100000.
Horse Crazy
Probably the most common condition.
Anonymous
Kiddo work up to a large whitehead surrounding a blackhead. Please unsubscribe us from 2021!
Anonymous
I am sooooooo sorry. This must be devastating for you both. Maybe you can put your kid on a few courses of Accutane and rejoin society in 2023? I hope your kiddo realizes how life-destroying a zit can be, that they really shouldn’t be in civilized society with such a monstrosity, and gets on board with resolving this disaster for your whole family ASAP.
Anon
Wow, you’re a jerk.
Anonymous
Was this a nesting fail? I am not the parent who is communicating that she and her child need to go into hiding for a full year because the kid got a pimple.
Anon
It’s obviously hyperbole and yes, you are a jerk! Just scroll on by if it offends you that much.
Anon
I thought it was funny, as a third party with no skin in the game (hur hur).
Anonymous
Excellent. That was the plan.
To the OP – As someone who has suffered (and it is suffering) from blemishes from 13 to 45, please do treat the kid’s acne and be sensitive to the frustrations of it and also teach your kid resiliency and self-confidence. Sorry if I offended you, but the idea that you were potentially messaging to your kid that this is worthy of social isolation, or indulging their own feelings in this regard, is troubling. I both had blemishes and dates every weekend.
anon
The CDC says fully vaccinated people can travel! Wahoo!
Anon
The entire advice said that fully vaccinated people can travel safely for themselves, but nonessential travel is still not recommended for public health purposes. I get that it’s exciting, I’m excited too, but let’s make sure we get the advice accurate before we post it and share it.
anon
How did I know someone would respond like this?
Also, the CDC literally didn’t say anything about not traveling due to public health when you are vaccinated. It says: “CDC discourages non-essential domestic travel by those who are not fully vaccinated.” And now I will quote you: “Let’s make sure we get the advice accurate before we post it and share it.”
https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2021/p0402-travel-guidance-vaccinated-people.html
Anon
Oh so you admit that you came here just to stir the pot. Got it. Have a good life!
anon
Yep, she was being super rude and angry all over the other thread a couple weeks ago. Such a sad hobby!
Anon
That’s not the gotcha that you think it is. Yes that’s great that the guidance changed as of just a few days ago. However, when Rochelle Wallensky at the CDC is practically crying on public television about the fourth wave and her sense of doom, I’m sure you can understand how the message was mixed.
Please don’t start posts like this just so you can eagerly pounce on people. We’ve had enough of that. Also, I’m pretty sure you were already on the weekend thread where this was discussed.
Anonymous
Okay, but her sense of doom has nothing to do with fully vaccinated people (traveling or doing anything else). It has to do with people not getting vaccinated and not observing social distancing/travel restrictions. Those of us who are getting vaccinated get to reap the rewards.
Anon
My bubble was burst when someone fully vaccinated for over a month that I know still got Covid. UGHHHHH
anon
Oh no! Can I ask how bad it was, and what shot they got?
Anon
Do you feel that you have any lingering feelings/effects re the last year or is it more like eh it’s fine I just sat home for a year and now I’m jumping on a flight or whatever. Like do you feel you’re still processing it in some way?
A.
I’m an fully-vaccinated extrovert who’s been working back in the office in July and I’m still not comfortable dining in restaurants for reasons I can’t fully articulate. My spouse has had his first shot with his second scheduled for the end of the month, and I realize both of us are extremely lucky to be this far along in the process. I also have three kids who aren’t vaccine-eligible, so even though vaccinated people aren’t seen to really be spreaders I do think some of my anxiety comes from the fact that until they get the shot, our family isn’t totally “safe.” So…yes? It still feels weird to have my fully vaccinated in-laws over inside our house since we were extremely cautious, only did outdoor gatherings, etc. for all of last year.
Note: I know that my feelings aren’t totally rational! And yes I believe in science.
Cornellian
I don’t think the (indoor) restaurant fear is unfounded. Restaurants don’t cycle air through filters at nearly the rate that even office buildings do (i’m currently on a team developing updates for our office building). Most restaurants seem to have “mixing ventilation” systems which are pretty good at keeping temperatures uniform when you have a door opening and closing and a 100 degree kitchen in the back, but apparently also very good at dispersing Covid and other contaminants. Very recent green office buildings apparently also often have this system, which also results in a low ACH number (air changes per hour, so the filters have less contact with the air).
Indoor restaurants will probably be the last thing I add back to my life. I’m less worried about coming back to work full-time (in my own office) than restaurants, for sure.
Anon
I haven’t gotten sick once with anything this whole past year. It’s not just about COVID for me; I really have to ask myself whether a restaurant meal is worth even a head cold or a sick stomach. It’s been pretty amazing to wake up every day feeling fine for so long!
Anon
Same. I used to get severe persistent bacterial sinuses infections like clockwork every spring and fall. My ENT swore it was seasonal allergies, I wasn’t eligible for sinus surgery, and I just had to grin and bear it.
I haven’t had one since fall 2019. Pollen still exists in quarantine, Dr. Expert.
Anonymous
Indoor restaurants won’t be happening for me for a long time, I think. I didn’t really love them in the before times anyway and I agree with everything you said. I’d rather stick with take-out or fast casual when needed – that way I get the benefit of not cooking but the comfort/relaxing vibes of eating at home or at the park.
Senior Attorney
Same. Hubby is fully vaccinated and I got my second shot last week, and I guess no reason not to eat indoors at a restaurant after I pass the two-week mark, but… gah. There’s an ick factor there that I can’t quite explain.
So yeah, definitely still processing it.
Anon
FWIW, I’m not ok with my fully vaccinated husband eating indoors. I fully believe that eating inside a restaurant is basically the most dangerous thing you can do. Yes, it is a very small risk that he will catch it at a restaurant and bring it home to me, but why take the risk when he can either eat outside or wait 6 weeks till I’m fully vaccinated.
Anonymous
+1. If the vaccines were truly 100% protective against contracting COVID, I might feel differently, but the real-world efficacy is something like 80%. While that’s still amazing, I don’t feel like testing it at a restaurant or an indoor wedding where you can guarantee the risk is way higher, especially when there are easy alternatives like takeout.
The Lone Ranger
I’m going to be processing for a long, long, time. I’m currently half vaxxed, so starting to think about re-entry, but I’m going to need to take things very slowly and really consider everything. There are some activities that really make me want to throw up my hands and cry.
pugsnbourbon
I’m a hot mess, so I think I’m definitely still processing. I visited my family this weekend for the first time in a year – all of them are vaccinated and I didn’t leave their house – and it all felt VERY weird. I won’t be comfortable eating indoors or getting on a plane for a few more months at least.
Cat
I am all about the flights because travel is our biggest fun hobby. We already have one set booked. But it’s going to take some “easing in” to indoor dining and any indoor dense crowd (church etc).
Anonymous
Same. I’m fully vaccinated and taking a vacation this summer that involves a flight to a destination with outdoor activities, but I’m still not sure I’m going to feel ok about indoor dining, and I can’t imagine indoor crowds right now.
Anonymous
The pandemic isn’t even over yet, and there are plenty of other issues from 2020 that are very much present in 2021. I don’t even know if the essential workers, medical care providers, and other front line people have even had a chance to stop and begin the work of processing yet.
Add to that, it appears that as things are opening back up to full capacity again, mass shootings are making a come back (at least in America).
Of course individual responses will vary. I personally am still processing.
Monday
Ask A Manager had a great post about this last week. I will look for the link. Overall she was saying that people are traumatized–yes, traumatized–and that a major part of hesitancy that may look irrational (after vaccination) is a logical effect of seeing how little we could trust leadership/guidance during the past year. That was spot-on for me as a health care provider and US citizen.
Monday
Link: https://www.askamanager.org/2021/04/my-staff-is-anxious-about-reopening-even-though-theyre-vaccinated.html
Senior Attorney
That was an excellent column. Thanks for the link.
Anonymous
Well, and our fellow continent-dwellers! What a lot of jerks there are. You can’t wear a freaking mask? Cry me a river.
Anonymous
I am fully vaccinated but still uncomfortable in my workplace. There are too many there that are oppose masks and the vaccine on religious, philosophical or political grounds.
Anon
It’s going to take me a while to process and I think that’s fine. Anyone who would say that you should just jump right back into things and that you’re a paranoid freak if you don’t is not taking into account the mental toll and the mental changes that happen after being told to lock down for so long. It literally changes the way that you perceive the world and that takes time to work around.
Anon
Check the CDC website for fatalities by age. For the elderly, this is polio or Ebola: 10% fatality rate for those 85+, and a very high percentage of deaths among the elderly are from COVID. Compare children and young adults: not just a lower fatality rate (by a factor of a thousand or more), a fewer percentage of their deaths are from COVID.
BeenThatGuy
While this is all factual data, I have to throw in the phrase “there are worse things in life than death”. I know several people who just aren’t the same physically and mentally since having COVID. I know a Dr, in her mid 40’s, who had to leave her practice because her brain no longer functions the way it used to. I’ve always been more afraid of that outcome than dying.
Anon
I know people who died of cancer at age 20. I know people who lost their children. These things are horrible but thankfully RARE. For people your age, the chances are quite low of dying, being in a hospital, or having long term problems. Anecdata are not data, sweetie pie.
In “things worse than death,” there’s also imprisoning your healthy fellow citizens, destroying the economy, and the endless fear-mongering about how even vaccinated people have to stay in lockdown.
Live your own life in fear. Let me live mine.
Anon
So to all of you without disability insurance (or without disability insurance), please go out and get yourself some. You may be young and invincible, but you are more likely to become disabled than to die. I can get going without life insurance if you are single/childless, but you need adequate disability insurance. I don’t work for an insurance company, but I’ve see people who never thought twice about it suddenly need it (and then it is too late).
anon
How are we a year into this and people still don’t understand how an infectious virus requires a collective response? Looking at you @11:05.
I agree that there are worse outcomes than death and no, they are not that rare.
Anonymous
I like my quality of life higher than ‘not dead’. There are tons of reports of young healthy people who are having lung damage. University of Innsbruck was one of the first to identify COPD like lung damage in some of the athletes who train there.
Anonymous
I agree. Some people approached this pandemic as “well, I’m going to get it anyway, so what’s the point of being EXTRA strict” whereas I approached it as “I do not want to get it.” I’m also high-risk.
Anon
Citation? I haven’t been able to find it.
Anonymous
In some ways it feels like it’s a little bit harder on me now (vaccinated) than last year. IDK I think last year was such a blur because I was just doing what I had to do — staying in; keep working from home; go to the store 1x/month (couldn’t get instacart in my area for months); worrying about and lecturing my senior parents re staying home and repeat. Like it became autopilot within a month and for those of us lucky enough to have WFH jobs and the money to get everything delivered or buy all groceries upfront for one month at a time, then it was just about stay in and away from others.
Now it’s a bit more “uncertain.” I know the vaccines make it safe to pretty much do anything but I do find myself being like — uh I really want to go on vacation but OMG flights are PACKED; I don’t want to end up in a hotel with anti maskers (to me vacation = hotel, not AirBnB); I don’t want to get on the metro; do I resume a job search I had going in 2019-20 or is it “safer” to stay at a job that has handled the pandemic well; is there a chance we get a 4th wave and/or have to spend 1000000 hours in the fall searching for booster shots — in which case it’s better to stay with the known employer; is there a chance you end up with a new employer only to find that the economy turns and it’s last in first out; is there a chance you arrive at a new employer and realize they are totally anti mask/social distance and intent on packing the entire office into the building 40+ hours a week? So yeah as things open up I def feel more uncertainty now than before.
Anon
I am still in lockdown. Can’t even put into to words how it feels hearing that people are “jumping on flights”.
Anon
I hear you. And same. I am kind of numb to it now though.
Anon
Same. We are in our third strict lockdown here. I probably won’t be vaccinated until late summer. Yay Canada!
Anonymous
Can you try to put it into words? Are you envious? Scared? Nervous? Excited? Angry?
Anonymous
I”m not that poster, but I feel similarly and I think my emotions fall somewhere between resigned and angry. I have a hard time figuring out why certain people behave the way they do. A friend of a friend is a doctor, an actual medical doctor, and she’s been acting like there is no pandemic (Crossfit, extensive travel, tons of family meet-ups) and now refuses to get the vaccine because of “possible effects on fertility.” She’s planning even more travel now. Not all people are exactly like that, but she is definitely in the “jumping on planes” camp and I feel angry at her. I don’t feel as angry at people who have been “careful” to some extent, but I also wish they would plan more cautious travel. They all seem to be heading to Miami or Mexico without plans for distancing and that seems stupid and selfish.
Anon
Not OP, but as someone used to immunosuppressed family members, I thought I was already aware of how selfish and careless people collectively are. A lot of could be blamed on structural problems, like understaffing and poor business practices (i.e., many people who miss work don’t get paid).
But this pandemic has shone a light on how aggressively selfish people are even when their own needs are met, and they just want entertainment. It’s unfathomable to me that humans are willing to chance killing a stranger because they don’t like a bit of cloth on their face. I just feel overarching despair at humanity as a whole.
Anonymous
I relate to this as well. There were a lot of people who I can’t describe as anything other than horrendously selfish and arrogant. Some of them literally killed their own family members and seemed to feel no remorse/desire to change their actions. In those extreme cases, it’s honestly sociopathic.
anon
+10000000. The commenter up the page who described this as “imprisoning your fellow healthy citizens” is a great example of a garbage human. Unfortunately she’s got plenty of company in that dumpster.
Anonforthis
So, in a unique situation where in addition to my day job (where I have been fully WFM) I own a restaurant with a family member. I think the combo of having no choice but to be there lending a hand when we could be open and lots of therapy specific around dealing with that, I am closer to being okay with it than I would have been otherwise. During the times the restaurant was closed, and I went 6 weeks or more only work from home (and being very covid cautious in every other area due to the restaurant risk) the anxiety around being out in the world again would ramp up. There is definitely an exposure therapy aspect to dealing with being out in the world with all that is going on. Am fully vaccinated now, and so is our entire staff, but we are still mask mandating in the restaurant, including requiring patrons to wear masks when servers are at the table, and i expect our state will continue that until vaccine percentages are higher. We get a lot of people at our restaurant dining out for the first time since the lockdown began as we seem to be a place people feel the most comfortable giving it a try.
So summary – so much therapy the last year, getting out and doing safe things, and starting with the places I felt were following the rules the best slowly made it easier to think about rejoining the world.
That said, will happily work from home in my day job forever, as the productivity and work life balance has worked out well for me due to all the juggling.
Anonforthis
I should add since someone is going to have issues with my comment – my therapy was in large part around the fact that I was being told I was a terrible person from every angle – don’t open and I’m letting the government run my life and how dare you insist on masks. Open, and i was a terrible person for being open and not just staying closed for public health, despite the fact that would have caused personal bankruptcy for myself as well as the restaurant as we had only been open a year when the first lockdown happened. It took a very long time for government help to happen and I will come out of this with another 100k plus in debt from trying to live to see the end of this. Where we landed, being the most cautious we could be while also attempting to keep our lights following the state rules ended up okay with the therapy sessions.
Anon
I feel a bit like I’ve been through the wringer on the school front. I am not a murderer of teachers for wanting schools to open when it appeared that other local schools did it safely 6 months before our schools even attempted it. I am also not wanting for my children or their peers to die. I hate what happened within the school community on social media and am relieved that my kids will be at new schools come August (not my leaving in a huff; they aged out of their current schools and were moving on; whatever drama likely occurred at the new schools was unwitnessed by me). I feel like we need a control+alt+delete on the past year.
anon2
I read the responses so far and did take a minute to think before I answered because my initial gut reaction was, heck yea as soon as I am fully vaccinated I am ready to go (w/mask). My gut is still correct.
I am a single person who lives alone and who is doing the majority of the activities that I have always done – I have continued to be able to participate in my hobbies (all outdoors and almost all naturally socially distant), I have been in the gym since they reopened in my state, I worked in the office all last year until I got lazy around the holidays (and am still lazy), I go to the store when I need to/want to, I saw my friends outside last year during nice weather and we are almost all vaccinated now and will resume outdoor visits as soon as that is done. I don’t have hesitations about indoor dining once fully vaccinated and plan to go back to regular travel as well. I will still wear my mask, but I am super low risk so . . . I am naturally a loner and while I miss my friends and am excited about seeing them again, it’s not like with families and schedules we saw each other frequently in the before times. I recognize that I am VERY VERY VERY fortunate that my life really hasn’t changed much, so it’s not hard for me to jump right back in to “normal” things.
anon2
I do want to add that I would never ever shame anyone who feels differently or is making different choices. People have to do what is comfortable (and safe) for them.
Anon
Not single but otherwise the same as you. I took Covid seriously in that I followed the rules, but I didn’t let it get deep in my head. I’m almost fully vaccinated (halfway there, second shot on Friday), and once that’s in full effect, I’ll play by the existing rules (mask until the mandates go away) but then very much resume my full life again. I’m in party planning mode more than travel – traveling domestically isn’t as exciting to me and I miss my friends and all the events.
Anon
I’m not single, either, but also similar. I work in an essential industry and have been working in person throughout, and didn’t feel a ton of anxiety coming from the people around me (we wear masks and try to keep our distance, but it seems more out of consideration and politeness than fear). I was vaccinated months ago, but even before then, I considered my risks from Covid extremely low, so it’s just not something I’ve been anxious about. I’m still following the actual rules (masks, distance, etc.) for social reasons, but at this point, those are just the motions and it seems like something completely foreign to my life.
No Face
It will feel very strange to be in a large crowd indoors again.
Anon
while the question in this post is not so relevant, i think the response by Alison was spot on: https://www.askamanager.org/2021/04/my-staff-is-anxious-about-reopening-even-though-theyre-vaccinated.html
even once i’m fully vaccinated, i personally plan on listening to the CDC. i have kids who are not vaccinated. i do not plan on indoor dining or attending large unmasked gatherings (wedding) anytime soon. honestly, i’m not so into outdoor dining bc at least where we live, there is no distance between tables, they are all right on top of one another. that being said, i will finally go get a haircut and pedicure bc those can be done masked and we do plan on flying this summer to visit grandparents, but once we are there, plan on staying home and/or doing outdoor distanced activities. realize this might not sound totally logical, but what DH and I are prioritizing for now.
Anonymous
That sounds logical to me! Trust yourself. You’re your own best advocate and if you had followed a lot of the “advice” from others online, you could be in a really bad place…
Ribena
I’m definitely still processing it.
In terms of my return to daily life it will take me a long time to get used to ambient noise and movement that comes with having other people around (I live alone and have been WFH throughout – I spent two weeks with my parents over Christmas and found the noise pretty difficult).
In terms of getting back to interpersonal relationships I’m going to find getting back to hugging and so on pretty difficult – and dating is going to be weird too, what with having avoided getting in anyone’s personal space for so long (that’s not even accounting for the difficulties of having got myself into a long distance thing).
anonymous
I think I’m done processing, because my life isn’t going to change that much when things start opening up. My company shut down several satellite office buildings, so now I’m a permanent WFH employee. I don’t have any office to go back to, so I’ve settled into a routine that works for me.
Thankfully my job is one that can be done easily from home. Even when I was in the office, I was on calls with people in India or various locations across the US. My boss is in a different state. I don’t have any local co-workers that I would collaborate with in person. So instead of sitting in my cube on calls, I’m at my dining table.
I do miss travel and am looking forward to that. However, my husband started a new job after being laid off so he’s waiting until he’s been there a bit before we plan a big trip.
kayla
I’m completely fine, raring to go, the science and statistics say its safe so once I’m fully vaccinated (need another 1.5 weeks for it to fully take effect) I’m ready to go on a flight, eat indoors, whatever. Yes, I’m still taken aback for a second when I see people go indoors on a tv show, so that impact is there, but in reality I’m ready to do anything.
Anon
Yeah, totally. Not in the overreactive fear sense, but in the it’s hard to remember that that going out to restaurants or traveling is A Thing and hard to remember how to do it.
Anonymous
I’ve never been a fan of crowds or densely packed spaces. For example, I intensely hate restaurants that pack tables in so closely that you’re practically eating with the table next to you. I dislike crowded bars where I get jostled constantly. Over the past year, I’ve been scared to be that close to strangers. It’s no longer an aversion it’s a fear. I don’t see that magically changing overnight. I’m now fearing going back to normal life because I’m concerned that my low-level anxiety in crowds is going to be more like panic attack level anxiety. I also have a weird mix of jealousy and fury at everyone who is SO READY to get back to being around crowds, host networking events, all the stuff I know I’ll have to go to and I’ll dreading.
Anon 2.0
Nope, I am SO ready! I have a job that required me to be in person this entire time, in an office, that is now open to the public. I have started dining out again, I never stopped shopping (with a mask of course), and frankly have lived my life with the exception of travel. As soon as I am fully vaccinated I am traveling again. I am not processing, just really eager to get back to normal as soon as possible.
anon for this
I’m extremely anxious about what reentry looks like. Partly because over the last year some friends showed their true colors w/r/t public health and it’s permanently altered my views of them, and I’m really not looking forward to seeing them again. And partly because I got to keep my kid in a bubble with just a couple other families and I really liked it! My family has definitely grown closer and I don’t want to lose that.
Anon
Same, but in my case it’s family. It’s hard for me to imagine having anything other than a Facebook relationship with them at this point. It makes me very sad.
Anon
I have airline credits and a boatload of miles to use up but I’m not anxious to fly anywhere once I’m fully vaccinated. Partly because the number one place I want to go (France) just did another shut down, so I’m not sure I could go. It’s going to be reasonably local road trips for us for the foreseeable future.
Anon-for-this
Someone in my family has been hospitalized each month since last August, I’ve gained 20lbs and I feel like I no longer recognize my spouse.
I feel like I’ll be processing for a long while.
Anon
I am fine, but I’m also someone who had a pretty easy year. I was WFH (which I preferred), my extended family lives nearby and I saw them throughout, my kids’ school has been in-person all year (with masks/distancing required), and the pandemic never got that bad in my SEUS city. We limited our social activity, but didn’t eliminate it (outdoor activities only, with a small number of friends). We limited our travel, but still took a few flights to see extended family elsewhere. I know a few people who got COVID, but none were seriously ill. We got tested a number of times and were never positive. My husband (big law) was super busy, which wasn’t awesome but resulted in a very good bonus. We’re all fully vaxxed now except the kids.
I am sad about the overall societal impact and there were things I missed this year – festivals, indoor church with music, the weddings and baby showers I didn’t go to – but I don’t feel like I’m traumatized or have anything to process. Mostly just looking forward to going to indoor restaurants with friends again.
Daffodil
For me, it’s more that I got divorced since we’ve been locked down, and the world that I’m returning to is going to be very very different from the world I knew before. While the pandemic made some aspects of the divorce harder, it also let me hide away and take a lot of time to process. But now, going back to the “real world,” I no longer have my partner to travel with, go to dinner with, and do all the typical things we used to do. I have the best friends in the world, but it’s not the same. It’s scary. And something I’m definitely working through in therapy.
Anonymous
I still have some reflexive reactions to seeing people in crowds or close talking, but I am very excited for the day (that will come within about 6 weeks assuming my lazy BF will just go stand in the line this week) when all in my friends and family circle are vaccinated and we can go about life freely. I get super excited seeing the restaurants in my area filling up their patios and opening up their interiors. And I am planning a July 4 plane trip to see my parents. Of course I don’t think people who aren’t vaccinated should be partaking, but that won’t mean that I don’t.
Anonymous
For those formerly in BigLaw, do you participate in alumni events? I am now getting asked to them (possibly this is new). But in my mind, they fired me (or had the “it’s time for you to look for other opportunities” talk after it had been clear for a while that they just didn’t have that much work of the type I did; I’m not really sure why they hired me in the first place). I don’t have any hard feelings — I got paid and most people left anyway after a couple of years (I guess I overstayed because I had loans to pay off and the $ was better than I’d ever dreamed of).
And, oddly, I am invited to alumni events at a local firm that I never actually worked at (I had an offer when some lawyers in my group left to go there but they withdrew it after they realized that they hadn’t done a conflict check. Oops.).
Cat
Yes (although I left on good terms) – it’s a network that can stay on autopilot if you participate a few times a year. Never know when it will come in handy.
Anon
So I’m in the same position as you — got told to leave — and yes I do attend. I don’t go every year to the annual reception but probably every 2 years. I spent about 0 time talking to the partners — except a few of the retirees who’ve become more human; the existing partners have no interest in me as I can do nothing for them business wise right NOW and this isn’t a firm where they think — be nice to a person now, who knows what they’ll be doing in 3 years. But if go to see the other former associates. Sure it’s networking with them but really those people were a huge part of my life from ages 25-33 as I spent every waking moment at work; so yeah I want to see them and catch up from time to time and the alumni event allows that on a large scale in a way that going out to lunch individually doesn’t.
AFT
Similar boat, and I try to focus on the relationships that I have with the folks I worked with (both who are still there and have left), and the value the firm can provide to me. The way I see it, not promoting me – and ultimately showing me the door after I’d said I wanted to move in-house – wasn’t about them not liking me or thinking I’m not good at my job, but rather the nature of the pyramid shaped structure of the firm. honestly, I’m a lot happier inhouse & i landed my in-house job just before I would have had to leave without a job, so that helps.
Alumni events with lots of alumni also seem to be much more about the relationships and people than the firm, so (in the before times) those were much more fun as it was an opportunity to connect without the sales/baggage of the former firm.
SimpliSafe Rec
Thank you all for the Simplisafe recommendations! I’m not the original person who asked about alarm systems recently, but it was something that I was researching as my family recently moved into a rental. Our Simplisafe system was super easy to customize to our specific home, shipped the next day, and only took about 30mins to get totally set up. I really like how easy it was to configure and set up. I breathed a sigh of relief last night when it was all set up.
Anonymous
Thanks, Simplisafe rep.
SimpliSafe Rec
Cute, but no. Just a regular poster who wanted to share some feedback.
Vicky Austin
Yeah, what? This was an actual conversation in the last few weeks. No need for the snark.
Vaccine & Antihistamines?
I’m getting my first shot today (woohoo!), and it’s also allergy season here. Has anyone seen anything advising to NOT take an antihistamine the day of your shot? Cursory googling says it shouldn’t be a problem. I normally take a daily zyrtec.
anon
I’ve heard that it’s fine, especially if it’s something you normally take.
Anon
I volunteer vaccinating and it is not one of our contraindications (following CDC guidelines).
Anon
I read from either Cleveland clinic or CDC that you should not take the antihistamine, but it’s only so you don’t potentially mask any symptoms of an immediate allergic reaction. You can take it again after your shot.
Anon
This is not the CDC’s guidance. The CDC recommends against the prophylactic use of antihistamines before the COVID vaccine as a method of avoiding potential allergic reactions. There is no recommendation not to take them if you already routinely do.
Cat
we aren’t, but just because it doesn’t seem like a big deal to skip one day for the purpose of making sure whatever immune response we get is as good as possible.
Anon
That’s not the reason that you should skip it. I have a response that got stuck, but you should only avoid taking it so you don’t mask any symptoms of an allergic reaction immediately after the jab.
MagicUnicorn
Allergy meds don’t suppress the immune response so unless you have reason to think they might mask an allergic reaction to the vaccine, maintenance allergy meds are supposed to be fine.
I believe that IS the reason it is recommended to avoid taking pain killers/fever reducers immediately prior to (and for a bit after) getting the vaccine, however.
Anon
Genuinely curious if this is actually founded in any science? I took allergy meds both days I got my shots because it hadn’t even crossed my mind not to. And I hadn’t heard anything about not taking them until just now.
Anon
No, there is no science that says not to take allergy meds before getting your vaccine. There are (non-medical) recommendations out there that you should pre-medicate with antihistamines to lessen the chance of some of the side effects. This is no recommended and unlikely to have any positive impact. The allergy meds will not impact your body’s immune response. They potentially may mask an adverse event. the guidance is to take them if it is something your normal do, just not prophylactically. There is a weak recommendation not to premeditate with ibuprofen/acetaminophen prior to the vaccine. This is from several previous studies involving other vaccines that showed a possible blunting of the immune response in some of the studies. After is fine.
emeralds
Thank you for asking this, I’m scheduled for tomorrow (yay!!) and hadn’t even thought about it. Glad it looks like my survival allegra should be okay, though.
Anon
It never occurred to me to ask but I took my daily Allegra the same day for each of my doses
AnonMPH
It sounds like people are mixing up the recommendations about not pre-medicating with painkillers, with the question of antihistamines. There is guidance to wait until at least 4 hrs after your shot to take painkillers (and a recommendation to take tylenol, not ibuprofen) because these drugs are anti-inflammatory and you WANT your body to have an immune response which is, at is core, inflammatory.
That said, I don’t think there is actual evidence that if you take advil right before your shot that you won’t be protected from covid, just a theoretical benefit to waiting.
Financial advice
I’m in a rather unique financial situation and could use some advice (American in the Netherlands). I’m in my early 30s and in a phd program (ie: very low income), with a few years left.
Not married, no kids planned, no debt of any kind
On this income I can afford my necessities and not much more, I contribute less than $500/mo to an investment account in the US available to US citizens resident abroad. I also have cash savings (about 6 months of expenses) and I have a 401k (worth about 3 years of gross income) from working in America in my 20s (but I cannot continue to contribute to my 401k from abroad). In my field a PhD is correlated with a minimum 50% more likely 100+% more income potential.
My goal will be to move back to the US and contribute again to a 401k (but I’m leaving open the possibility of a post-doc in Europe, putting me at 36-37 before I could do so) but in the meantime I’m concerned about building my cash savings and possibly having funds to buy a small property (even just an apartment) on return so that I’m building wealth rather than just living year to year.
One thing I could do but hate the idea of is move into a shared flat (I don’t want to move in with my boyfriend just to save $$ so would find a friend etc), possibly doubling my investment contributions. I cannot work outside the university per my contract.
For you financial gurus, what would you point me toward for advice? I sense I could be doing more but am not sure what.
Anon
How long do women in your family live? If you think times are lean now, imagine funding potentially 30 years of retirement based on 20-30 years of work. I’d get the roommate now and save the difference. Maybe consider what the post-doc will cost you in terms of forgone greater earnings by just resuming work.
OP
Thank you for the reply, most women live into their early 80s. I have definitely thought about the opportunity cost of doing the phd at this age – that is, the lost potential earnings. Probably I should have done it in my 20s but hindsight is 2020. After I got divorced (at 29) I really felt that I couldn’t keep putting off the professional goals I have for my life, and that does come at the cost of my financial goals (hopefully just in the short term).
anonshmanon
I’d also collect more information on whether a postdoc is beneficial for the career that you are pursuing.
OP
Fair point, honestly I would only do it if the salary was really competitive and the project fun. It’s not necessary especially since I already have a good amount of work experience prior.
anonshmanon
There are some postdocs that pay a decent salary, but I don’t know if there are any that can compete with industry comp.
Anon
Agreed! Postdoc in the country you plan to seek permanent employment in. This will be your network beyond your PhD program faculty, and their connections will help you get a final placement. Do not do a postdoc because it sounds “fun.”
Anon
I would take a look at Choose FI – they have a ton of podcasts, websites (much of which is free), etc. They have some podcasts geared towards expats, but also a ton of ideas for saving money, investing, etc. Sounds like you are off to a good start on your own though!
Veronica Mars
Apologies, I’m not very well versed in the international aspect of your work and what that does to your tax laws, etc. but I think a Roth IRA would be a great choice for you because it’s almost a combo saving/investment plan. A normal US worker can contribute up to $6k of post tax dollars per year; and you can pull that money out with no penalty (although you don’t get the space back, so once it’s pulled out, it’s pulled out.) So in theory, if you did 6k per year (which may be more than your budget allows) for the next five years, you would have 30k plus the growth (about 8k assuming 8% growth); you could take out that 30k for a down payment without penalty and the 8k would continue to grow. Obviously there’s risk in how you invest and if you know a house is on the horizon you would want more conservative allocations, but that could be a good investment/savings combo piggy bank to get started.
OP
Thank you for the idea, unfortunately a Roth (basically any tax deferred retirement plan) is not available to Americans abroad.
Anonymous
I did a house share in my 20s, a large house with rooms rented to grad students. It was fine for a couple of years, and helped me save.
Curious
Are you already in subsidized housing? At your income level in the Netherlands I paid $330 EUR a month to share a subsidized flat where I had a very large studio room (probably 20 feet by 10 feet) and only shared kitchen and bathroom. It was lovely and far closer to “living alone” than most American sharing situations, because we didn’t have to share living space.
OP
I have my own studio and pay 800e (which is a slightly-better-than-average price in my city). Your cost for a share is probably a little under what the current going rate in the market would be in my city (around 400e).
Curious
Got it. I wonder if City Hall can hook you up with further subsidies. The Dutch social safety net is available to immigrant residents, and I found it surprisingly good.
Anon
This may sound harsh, but if you plan to come back to the US, I’d make sure your degree program will have the same rate of return as it would at an American university. There isn’t as much respect here for foreign degrees. I’d also move in with boyfriend or friends – school is the time to do that. Save the money while you’re in a transitory situation.
OP
Thank you, my program is widely recognized in the US and my supervisor is one of the top 5 leading experts in my field.
OP
That is to say, I think in my case there are fewer concerns about relevance back in the US. Appreciate the point on recognizing this as a transition time and making associated housing choices.
NupNorth
Did you check if you are eligible for/ are you receiving rent benefit etc in the Netherlands? Could be a possibility if your income is that low
Curious
Yes! This is the name of the thing I was talking about above.
Anon
Definitely get a house mate. Don’t do the postdoc unless you absolutely need to.
Anonymous
Can anyone speak to electronic signatures?
I have to (no other option) do business with a small business that’s still in the dark ages – old-fashioned website, paper checks only, and paper forms only. They managed to email me their forms in Word, so I PDF’d them, filled them out, signed them electronically, and emailed them back. 15 minutes, done. They’re saying they need wet signatures.
I know, I know, I can just print the dozens of forms at a copy shop (because I don’t have a printer because it’s 2021 and the world is electronic), go to the post office, stand in line to snail mail them with appropriate postage, and wait a week for them to be received. But I can’t stand this company and really, really want to tell them that e-signatures are a thing and federal law says that my PDF e-signature is just as valid as a wet signature.
But, I was just reading and it looks like maybe both parties have to agree to e-signatures? And I guess this ancient company isn’t agreeing…but I don’t know that they’re not agreeing so much as they don’t think it “counts.” AGH.
Anonymous
Are you in the U.S. or elsewhere?
Anon
If you want to do business with them, you need to give them a wet signature.
-Sincerely, a lawyer who has to explain that yes, sometimes I do actually need a wet signature
anonshmanon
Can’t speak to the signature issue but you can order stamps online or find a post office with a postage machine. Not only won’t there be a line, but the machines are often accessible for longer hours than the staffed counter.
Shananana
yes, I prefer my post office machine in the lobby afterhours or on sundays so I can do my post office business with no one there. Highly recommend. I only go to the post office during normal hours when I have a package that won’t fit in the bin, as our local postal carriers do not pick up packages, even if you schedule it online.
pugsnbourbon
You can sometimes buy stamps at the grocery store – ask at customer service or the register.
Anonymous
If you live in my Atlanta neighborhood, be prepared to go to multiple post offices, as ours ran.out.of.stamps.last.week!!
Anon
What are you trying to do? In the abstract you’re right but there may be some psychological hold up at that company. Either way, I’d try to explain before embarking on the errand and accepting the first no.
MagicUnicorn
If you are sure there is not a legitimate outside reason for that requirement, perhaps tell them you don’t have access to a printer and ask that they send you paper versions with a SASE for the return. This doesn’t always work, but sometimes the hassle of doing that is enough to kick the other party into joining this century, at least for one instance.
Anon
I like this idea.
Another idea: is their issue that they want a hard copy of a wet ink original or they want a signature that looks like a real signature rather than whatever image your e-signature software produces? If the latter, will they accept a pdf copy of a wet ink-looking signature? I’ve signed things using an electronic pencil on my tablet and back many years ago would paste in a photo of my signature.
Anon
I run my own business. First of all, you need a printer. Second, get off your high horse about how dumb your clients are. That’s not going to win you any contracts.
I have had many instances where an electronic signature was specifically not accepted, including doing business with state governments (so, not tiny “dark ages” businesses.) I had to print, wet sign, and scan my contract to send it back as a pdf, as well as sending the signed original by regular mail. This is not an extraordinary requirement and if you want your business to actually function, you have to work to meet your client’s needs. Which means, again, both buying a printer with scan capabilities and getting over yourself.
Anon
It sounds like OP might be the client in this situation, but I agree with the needed attitude check.
Of Counsel
Understand your frustration – but the Central District of California expressly requires “wet” signatures on some documents (PHV applications come immediately to mind) and will reject them if it looks like an e-signature. So no – federal law does not say that. And frankly I think you are overestimating the extent to which the world is electronic.
You can either get one printed out, sign and mail it (mail is not that difficult; many businesses including grocery stores and Costco sell stamps or you can buy one from a machine at the post office; if this is a form just put it in an envelope with first class postage and put it in the mail box – no need to stand in any lines) or ask them to send you a SASE and a hard copy. The latter will be even more of a delay and depending on your relationship they may decide not to bother with you.
Anonymous
Anyone familiar with Buffalo, NY? It’s my friend’s birthday and I’m looking for gift ideas. I’m not sure if there’s anything local that might be nice, or gift certificates to local places? She doesn’t really have many hobbies and has been working a lot. She usually just buys herself whatever she wants, so this is hard! Budget is around $75.
anon
Without knowing more about your friend’s food/beverage preferences, vaccine status/comfort with public activities, restaurants, etc. here are some ideas for gift certificates:
* Fowler’s Chocolates: https://www.fowlerschocolates.com/products/gift-card
* Breadhive: https://www.breadhive.com/shop
* Spot coffee: https://www.spotcoffee.com/
* Talking Leaves Bookstore: https://www.tleavesbooks.com/talking-leaves-gift-card
anon
A nice place to get a gift certificate for is Premier Gourmet. It’s a nice place that has fancy olive oil, cheese, etc.
Do you know where you friend lives in Buffalo?
Anonymous
Thanks! Google maps tells me she lives near Bryant/Allentown/Masten Park. She’s also new to the area.
anon
Ok, cool. Gift cards for places close to her:
Betty’s – really good brunch restaurant near her
Spot Coffee – local coffee shop chain
squeeze juicery or ashkers – if she’s into smoothies and healthy food
Mr Pizza – very good pizza
sunshine and bluebirds – local jewelry shop
half and half – local boutique
She also lives very close to the albright knox art museum. You can maybe get her a membership?
anon
Love the Albright Knox, but it’s closed for construction until 2022. Would be a good gift option in a year or two though when the new museum opens!
Anonymous
Looking for experiences of people who’ve had multiple IUDs. Did you have the same experience of spotting/cramping for months after the second if you had that problem after the first?
My Mirena is now past end of life. I don’t need it for birth control now so I’m considering just getting it out and not replacing (I do have some minor aches and cramps that I think are related to it, so would be nice to get rid of it and verify that’s the issue). But then I think maybe I should get another because it’s convenient barely having a period, and it’s possible I’ll need it as birth control again in future.
However…I would hate to go through the annoying several months of spotting all over again.
Shananana
I have the skyla, and am going on my 3rd next month – did not have the spotting issue. That said, I do not get my period at all on it, it was very all over the place off it (I have PCOS). I will say, removal is way more painful than insertion, so painkillers ahead of time highly recommended. Some cramping same day that tapered off within 24 hours. All that said, I specifically have the skyla due to small size and is a lower dose of hormones than the Mirena, so ymmv.
OP
Thanks! I was thinking of specifically asking for one of the smaller ones (for some reason I was considering Kyleena maybe because it’s rated for a longer time?).
NYCer
FWIW, I have a Kyleena and never had any real spotting after insertion. Still on my first one though (after kids).
Shananana
I’ve heard very good things on that one – it did not exist when I got my first one and I am reticent to change since this one is working well for me and my gyn concurred.
pugsnbourbon
Interesting – my removal didn’t hurt at all. The new one I had inserted right after did, but less than the first time.
To OP: I had two mirenas back to back and did not have issues with spotting after getting the second. I guess since the first one had already thinned things out, there wasn’t anything to dislodge? (I am not a doctor).
I will say that getting periods after a decade of not having them is a real bummer.
Anon
I’m on Mirena #3 and I had the same spotting issues with all of them.
Anonymous
I had Mirena and switched to Paraguard and got heavier periods, but no unusual spotting except for 6-7 years in. Not sure it’s related.
Cornellian
Not directly responsive, but there are more hormonal options than Mirena. you might consider checking out the (smaller and lower dose) skyla or kyleena. Some folks still don’t have their period on it (I had mine on Mirena and also on the much lower dose Skyla), you’re covered for birth control, you’re avoiding spotting, and it’s a lower hormone dose (in terms of potential side effects).
no name
I’ve had three: Skyla (until it expired), then Paraguard (only one year), now Kyleena. My periods never went away with either Skyla or Kyleena – my body just doesn’t respond in that way to IUDs. But the spotting this time around with Kyleena was quicker to go away and less intrusive from the start. So my guess is you will have to go through it, but it will be easier.
Regarding the minor aches and cramps: when the ultrasound tech was checking my Paraguard before it was removed, she explained that I probably shouldn’t have gotten it in the first place because I’m too petite (and then showed me on the screen how much of the real estate it took, so to speak). The Paraguard is closest in size to Mirena, and the Kyleena and Skyla scale down proportionally to their more limited lifespans. So you may want to explore getting a physically smaller IUD – either the Kyleena or Skyla – and see if that helps.
Bonnie Kate
I had Mirena (no periods) then switched to Paraguard. I didn’t have any notable spotting. I do get heavier periods now with Paraguard but I wanted to do a non-hormonal option to see if it would help with my acne (it didn’t, I had to do accutane anyway).
Anon
My second Mirena went very differently from my first. I’ve had actual periods on the second one, when I had not a single drop on the first one. They’re very light and brief, but they’re definitely consistently there. I’m annoyed but resigned, since my normal non-BC periods are an agonizing flood that last 9+ days.
Anonymous
Thanks for the data point…that would definitely be annoying since the only reason I’d be doing it right now is to not get (much of) a period. First few years on Mirena I had basically nothing, now I get a light (relative to the beforetimes) period as I think the hormones must be wearing off, 6ish years in…
DeepSouth
I had no periods on my first mirena, but did have a. lot of spotting the first few months.
I got a second one and the insertion was just as painful, but I didn’t have any spotting and still no periods.
I LOVE it to the level that I could do an infomercial testimonial.
gov anon
Just had my Mirena replaced a few weeks ago. I had a little cramping and some light spotting for a day or two. No where near what I had with the first one.
anon
I just replaced my Mirena for the first time this summer and was SUPER nervous about having the terrible adjustment period (spotting, cramps, etc for 4-5 months) that I had when I got my first one 10 years ago. But, happy to report all went smoothly with the replacement – had some intense, but very brief, pain during the actual replacement process and some mild-moderate cramping and bleeding for the rest of the day, which went away over the next couple of days and was completely back to normal by the end of the week. Hope yours goes just as well!
banana crisis
Grocery store delivery mixup has led to me having 20 bananas.
I will freeze some when they get overripe for future banana bread…but any other brilliant uses for extra bananas? I do not need to eat 20 bananas worth of banana bread.
Monday
Smoothies!
Vicky Austin
I slice banana bread and freeze it.
anon
smoothies? banana pudding?
anonshmanon
Wrap in a plastic bag and store in the fridge. The skin will turn brown but the banana ripening will slow down(it’s counterintuitive but it works), so you can stretch out the eating.
Anon
Smoothies!
bananas
peel, slice and freeze in smaller bags to add to smoothies.
Anonymous
Post on NextDoor and let people come get them – I do NOT care for bananas haha
Anon
Was coming on here to say this. Or a Facebook free group.
Anonymous
Peel, freeze and blend with frozen fruit for ‘ice cream’. This is my ‘go to’ dessert when I want to give my kids a treat. Mango works really well.
anonshmanon
ooh, I forget this each winter and rediscover annually. Works great too with frozen berries. Added sweetener or cream optional.
Curious
Or 2tbsp of peanut butter and 2 of cocoa powder and some water or juice. Frostee!
EM84
Blend bananas with other goodies (eg choco chips) and freeze them in portion sizes for delicious home-made ice cream
banana crisis
Somehow these smoothie/”ice cream” ideas didn’t occur to me but yes, that’s perfect! Thanks!
Anon
That happened to my neighbor. They made any kinds of banana bread and distributed among the neighborhood, asking us to vote for the best recipe.
AnonATL
Peanut butter banana baked oatmeal. Freezes really well, So does banana bread
Anon
Slice and freeze the slices in single banana portions. When you want a dessert, try one sprinkled with unsweetened cocoa powder—eat frozen or nearly so. It doesn’t sound very good but it’s surprisingly tasty and satisfying.
Minnie Beebe
Maybe I’m aging myself, but my first thought on seeing this blouse was “I don’t wanna be a pirate!” Anyone else?
anon
I get the reference! I didn’t think that about the blouse though. I like it.
EM84
+1!!!
good luck
Totally. It was my first thought too.
Anon
Help me choose a wreath and door mat to decorate my front door. It’s an interior door (like a condo door in a hallway) so no weather concerns. The inside of my home is mainly white/ivory and black, with a touch of pale pink, and lots of marble stuff. I like florals and berries on wreaths. I’ve looked at Pottery Barn, etc. but nothing has really jumped out at me.
Anon
Eucalyptus will smell nice and look good with the pink.
Magnolia leaves are pretty and you could tuck some lilac in them for fragrance — the one in my yard is getting close to blooming. Or gardenias.
Diana Barry
Look at White Flower Farm- not cheap but nice!
Anonymous
You might look at Balsam Hill, they have really good quality products.
anon.
The very best wreaths are on the Food52 market. I love them.
Anon
Roomba Qs:
Do you all buy the replacement bags that are the iRobot brand or are any on amazon OK? I’ve had bad luck with non-brand diswasher rolling parts not fitting (the wheel thing that the lower rack moves on).
Also, the replacement kits with the spinny things and the long rubber things (and maybe a HEPA filter) — how often will I need them? We have a mulchy back yard and kits and a fluffy dog.
Also, have any of you gotten the feeling that your Roomba is trying to eat your ruggables? We don’t have any real rugs b/c we can’t have nice things. I think the Roomba is chewing on the binding (dog is past that stage), but it will be years before we buy more rugs.
Anon
My roomba doesn’t use bags, so I can’t speak to those, but I buy all the other replacement parts from random brands on Amazon and they all seem to work fine. I buy the parts separately, as some need to be replaced much more frequently (the long rubber things, filters) and others fairly rarely (the brushes and the spinny things). I think I’ve only replaced the spinny things 2 or 3x in 7 years, whereas the rubber things break down and have to be replaced several times a year. I think they say to replace filters monthly, but it’s definitely every several months for me. Probably go through 1 brush a year? I run it 3-5x per week (cats).
Anon
My roomba does use bags and it plays nice with our ruggable rugs. My rubber things get a little chewed up from my long hair so replace them maybe twice. year.
Anon
I meant that it doesn’t use bags.
Anon
My roomba also doesn’t use bags, but the replacement parts like brushes and filters I’ve bought from generic brands have been fine. And I’m more likely to be willing to replace them when they’re not super expensive so it’s been a win for me.
Anon
I have thick wool rugs and it seemed that the Roomba was eating them, so, sadly, we had to return it. I think the hard rubber spinning things were too harsh for my rugs.
Anon
They make styles that have brushes instead of rubber things. My 600 series is like this, and it’s one of the cheaper models.
Anon
Anyone have a friend/family member who got Covid who just seems different/distant now? Friend is mid 40s in NYC. She got it last March in NYC when everything was pretty scary/unknown. It was a rough case — not hospitalized but had to buy an oxygen monitor, was making a plan for what she’d do of she needed a hospital etc. Since then I know she’s had lots of dr appts — cardiac, pulmonary — and they’ve checked out with them saying there’s no lingering problem but she clearly did not feel 100%. I assume that has passed yet she’s just way more checked out of everything — work; friendships etc. This is someone who I’d talk to every 2-3 days either by phone or text and now a simple text gets a 2 word response 3 days later. I’m sure I’ve backed off too because if someone doesn’t want to talk why pester them and frankly sitting home 24-7 what is there to talk about — but it just occurred to me recently how we hardly connect at all and when we do it doesn’t seem the same at all. Anyone else?
Anonymous
I have a friend who got Covid who wrote a short article about feeling this way afterwards. That is mere anecdata and I will be honest that some of their friends and their SO are not sure what to make of it. But the article came out early and I have seen this sentiment echoed by other Covid survivors since.
Another piece of anecdata is that I have not had Covid and I have maintained in-person social contacts throughout the pandemic but generally feel “disconnected” because I am a person who needs external forces to keep me motivated and on track and a lot of those forces have dissipated with SIP and WFH.
Anon
I doubt they’ve done all the tests that might be relevant. We know that this virus has neurological effects. We also know that it can be the triggering event for autoimmune conditions, which often take up to seven years to diagnose in our healthcare system. Unless she feels completely recovered and fine, it’s both possible and likely that she still has a lingering problem that didn’t show up on the tests that they did or that is difficult to test for.
Anon
Why not ask her how she’s doing instead of assuming?
Anon
So I don’t know of anyone personally but this doesn’t seem implausible. She doesn’t feel right. She goes to her dr — they send her to cardiology, pulmonology etc just in case. Those drs say nope your heart and lungs are fine, go live your life. But she doesn’t feel right — maybe more exhausted etc — so of course whatever energy she has has to go into work, running her household etc and she’s too spent to be texting friends etc.
Anon
It could be lingering effects but even if it isn’t, going thru that esp in NYC last year was scary — bc they were basically saying sorry we have no hospital care available etc — it’s possible she’s just in a different, more reflective place, rethinking lots of things like her life, job, etc.
kitten
I had mild covid but I had another near-death experience a couple years ago and it definitely changed my perspective. I no longer care that much about many things that others get worked up over. I still do good work because I like the benefits of my job but I’m not personally invested. I stopped pretending to like people and have a much smaller group of friends. Some of my old friends are no longer compatible, others I realized I never really liked. I have no way to know if that’s what’s going on here but throwing it out there as a possibility.
Anonymous
Yes, I’ve had this experience too.
Anon
Birth control question: My DH is now snipped so I’m not sure what BC, if any, I should be on to avoid periods. Pre-kids, I would take the pill straight through the sugar week so I would go years without a period. After my last kid, I had the Mirena put in, also letting me go years without a period. That’s now coming to an end, and I’m not sure if I should get another or if there are other options that allow me to avoid periods. I feel like I’m completely out of the loop on what options are best. Do I stick with the IUD? Try to go back to daily pills? Anything new that I don’t even know to research?
(Yes I know technically I could ask my gyno but I’d rather avoid two appts – if I can call ahead and say I want to get my IUD replaced at my annual visit, I’d rather do that than having to consult about it at my annual and then schedule another for the removal/ insertion.)
No Face
If you responded well to the Mirena, I would just get another one of those popped in. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. I was spoiled by my Mirenas and would never go back to daily pills, refilling prescriptions, etc.
Anonymous
+1. l don’t think I could go back to daily pills. The set-it-and-forget-it-and-also-get-highest-efficacy approach of the IUD is perfect for me.
Diana Barry
I always thought that if your DH had been tested post-snip then no need for you to do anything else?
Vicky Austin
Seems like she liked the period-avoiding aspect of BC, though.
Anon
Not for birth control per se but there’s a lot of other benefits to the pill if it works for you. For me, limited cramps, great skin, no weight gain and now I’m rolling into menopause without issues (posted below). My husband’s reproductive status is irrelevant to this.
Anon
Yes, correct, since he’s been tested then we don’t need the birth control aspect any more. That’s why I wondered if there were other options I should consider for purely the avoiding a period issue, since efficacy of the BC no longer matters.
Good point below to consider HRT or other menopause impacts. Based on family history, I’m probably due for that in the next 5-10 years so smart to research my options.
Cornellian
There’s a relevant post above in this thread.
I’d also look at the physically smaller and lower dose Skyla and Kyleena if you like the Mirena. I also have hte Nuvaring as a teen, and it was great. More effective than pill, slightly less effective than IUD, but you can keep it in for 4 instead of 3 weeks and skip your period entirely. Plus if you ever want to get your period back, it comes back more quickly than with an IUD.
Anon
The only downside though with a smaller IUD is that it may not stop your period because the hormones are different. Skyla was terrible for me and has a lower rate of stopping periods. If the hormones in the Mirena are working then it may make sense to continue using the same ones.
Anon
I’d say the pill if you’re planning to use HRT in menopause – you just roll from the pill to that and it makes the whole thing easier. I’m a big just give me the drugs and have no adverse pill reactions so am happily doing that.
Anonymous
If you don’t know…Mirena has been shown to be good for 7 years instead of the 5 it’s officially rated for. So unless you are actually starting to bleed more already you might be able to get some more use out of it!
AFT
ditto this. I’m in a similar situation and – based on advice of doctor – we just left the Mirena in, now at the 6.5 year mark. No breakthrough bleeding yet. I’m 40, FWIW.
Anon
I personally wouldn’t avoid periods just for convenience; I want my endogenously produced progesterone.
AZCPA
You are assuming convenience. Not the OP, but I need to avoid having a period as well, and has nothing to do with convenience.
Anon
OP sounded pretty cavalier and also as though she didn’t have a medical professional advising the safest course of action.
My own doctors suppressed my cycle because I had severely debilitating PMDD as well as severe pain and out of control PCOS. It was the best medical care I could access at the time. But I would strongly advise anyone with those conditions to investigate other options after everything I’ve been through. Far too many gynecologists have become comfortable with prescribing BC for every gynecological condition.
Anon
I’d avoid the BC. I had a mini-stroke in my thirties. BC actually does carry risks! It’s important, but if it’s just to avoid periods… I’d at least weigh the risks.
Anon
Yes… It’s my understanding that when these meds are brought to market, their safety is tested against the safety of “pregnancy,” not against the safety of going through life without being pregnant. (This is one reason why BC is easier to get approved for women than for men.) A medication for just avoiding periods would have a higher safety threshold to clear. A friend of mine had a stroke in her thirties too, and I was a bit surprised that this is just a known risk.
kitten
+1 BC almost killed me in my late 20s
Southeast anon
I always thought I was a go-getter in my career while seeking some work-life balance. But I found myself unemployed and job-hunting in the early days of the pandemic last year, so I took the job opportunity that offered the right combo of WFH safety, money and no need to travel. It was a lateral move for sure, if not a slight step back. And after a year in this role, I’m not unhappy with the extra mental space I don’t have to devote to my job.
I’ve been hearing more from recruiters lately about bigger roles but I’d be more likely to travel some, have a team to manage and work longer hours. I am not excited by those things at this point. Maybe it’s because I still want to have a second kid, or because my first kid is starting school next year and will have a more rigid schedule. More money would be nice, but I’m at a solid salary now.
My question: is this laziness/career apathy? How have others changed their attitude towards work and life in the past year?
Cat
Based on the number of people I know who have retired a year or two earlier than planned (6 and counting), you are not alone.
anonshmanon
I have taken a sharp career turn two years ago and stopped pursuing a prestigious role that I thought I wanted for 10 years. What helped me make peace with the identity portion of this change is recognizing that while I was going for prestigious role, I didn’t have very complete information about what the day to day would be like, nor about alternative jobs. The more I learned, the clearer the decision became. It’s smart to adjust plans as you learn more information.
Shananana
I think that so many of us are realizing we were being sold a vision of what successful is, and are realizing success is not just about work.
In a similar situation that started just prior to the pandemic hitting, nice lower stress job, will remain primarily wfh, make great money for my location/life style (not OMG I’m rich, but comfortable and happy), can take my dog for a walk in the afternoon and still get all my work done and my bosses are thrilled with it. I get called for jobs with larger titles and more money and I just can’t see moving back to that now. I have hobbies again. I can make plans during the week without having to cancel them last minute for work. I mean occasionally, but its rare not every week like prior jobs.
I could happily do this level work at this salary level until I retire, and I never thought I would hit that point at 39. I thought I would remain ambitious and reaching for the next rung for a long time still. Its been a process of accepting it, but I’m getting there.
Anon
+1 to this and NoFace below. I thought I wanted continued advancement but made a switch halfway through the pandemic and think I’m at my happy place until I retire, already at age 40. Maybe once my kids are in college or if some other big milestone happens, I’ll think differently, but I’m cautiously starting to realize success isn’t only about my work.
The value in much lower levels of stress, in seeing my kids for more than two hours each day during the workweek, in taking my dog for a daily walk, in having hobbies and interests and still making decent enough money to do them, it’s all worth much more to me than a higher title and longer hours and higher stress. As awful as this pandemic has been, with all of the grief my family has experienced, the one tiny sliver of gratefulness I can manage is how it forced me to slow down long enough to reassess my definition of success.
No Face
I was working my way down a specific, demanding career path pre-pandemic. Now? I don’t care about that path in the slightest. I care about spending time with friends and family, cooking and eating well, and working out. Maybe doing some travel. Getting my second dose tomorrow and I’m not looking back!
I really sacrificed my well being in many ways for my career, and the firm I was so profitable for did not value my safety at all during the pandemic. It was a real eye opener. I’m not doing that for any for-profit entity ever again.
Anon
i hate this idea that not wanting to go for the biggest/most prestigious job means you are lazy. i mean yea, if you are sitting at home watching tv all day drinking cocktails while unemployed and refusing to do anything to look for work, maybe i’d call you lazy or potentially depressed….but instead it sounds like maybe your priorities have shifted and that is ok. many of us on this board are high achievers who growing up i think were always told they can do ‘anything’ but just cause you can, doesn’t mean you have to do it nor do you have to want to do it. some people are also apathetic towards their careers in the sense that they don’t care as much about the work portion of their lives and devote time/energy to other things.
Anon
Hahaha yes I find myself partially retired a good 5 years before I thought I’d even consider it but you know what? I have enough saved and I make enough to pay the bills and if my go-getter self who made a lot of money is still in there, I haven’t seen her lately. And I’m fine with that.
FFS
Any food-tracking apps people really like? I’ve used SparkPeople in the past but the app isn’t working for me right now. I also tried My Fitness Pal at one point, but preferred SparkPeople. I can go back to MFP but wondered about any other good options. I don’t need anything fancy, really just a step above me handwriting everything.
Anon
I’m using LoseIt and I like it
Shelle
Seconding LoseIt because my partner is very happy with it and has found it to be effective.
An.On.
I used My Net Diary and found it alright – it was free, and while I did have to fuss with recipes/ingredients sometimes, I ate enough of the same things over and over again that it wasn’t a huge headache for me. I guess my bottom line would be: It did what I wanted, but I had pretty minimal requests and never planned to use it more than a few months.
anon
I really like cronometer
Anonymous
My cousin (who is like a sibling) just announced they are taking a leave of absence from a tenure track academic career in order to join an elite group in a dangerous line of work. Think rescue diving, infectious disease frontline work, etc. They got credentialed and admitted without telling any of the family. We are very proud but also nervous for them (this is like going from being a math prof to jumping out of planes during a natural disaster). I’m an only child and cousin is like my older sibling, I think I’m worried and a little hurt that they didn’t tell me they were working on this or had this dream. Just needed to tell a stranger – I don’t even know if I can send a care package since they are constantly on the go in this job, but if you have ideas for how I can be supportive, I’m all ears!
Anon
The best way to be supportive is to understand, and to understand that sometimes people need to keep their biggest dreams private. They don’t need their family second guessing them or trying to discourage them, especially when the dream is dangerous. Just tell cousin you love them and are happy for them.
Anonymous
+1. Family and friends often aren’t understanding about risky dreams. I wanted to go solo backpacking and got SOOO much pushback and that wasn’t even a “dream” the way something like this would be.
Vicky Austin
God, if that ain’t the truth.
Anonymous
This kind of sounds a bit like mental illness, huge life changes without prior consultation is usually a red flag. You seem like a caring relative so I’m assuming that there are healthy dynamics so no rational reason to hide this.
Anon
Um no, see above – it’s perfectly rational not to want to hear it from your family, which is the most likely group to overstate the risk.
Monday
That was my immediate interpretation too: Cousin kept this a secret because they knew people would be concerned and Cousin was determined to do it anyway. So it was announced as a done deal. I can easily see making that decision.
ANon
I did this. I took a risky job, told no one about the long process to get it and only told people once I was accepted and had my placement confirmed with a start date. I didn’t want anyone second guessing me (they would have). The response was nervousness when I shared that I accepted the role, however the more they learned about it the more comfortable they became with the role (it was a job that is pre-judged/misunderstood pretty heavily by the general public). I’m now 10 years removed from the job itself, and my parents are still incredibly proud of me and the work I did. They literally (and annoyingly) tell any new contacts about their darling daughter’s selfless, brave time as an underwater basket weaver. They like the drama of it, I think, but it was like…. no that big of a deal?
Support the cousin. Seek to learn about the job. He/she liked it for a reason so there’s likely more you can learn about the job and the cousin’s interests if it does strike you as surprising the person is pursuing it.
Anon
What are the good but pretty cheap sunglasses that everyone likes?
A.
I don’t know about everyone, but I love love love my Goodrs. Most of them are $25, they have a ton of styles, they fit me great, and I can afford to have a few pairs at a time.
Vicky Austin
I think those are the ones OP is thinking of – they’re recommended here a lot. I love mine!
Anon
Yes, these are the ones! Thanks everyone!
pugsnbourbon
My wife got a pair of Goodrs as a gift and I steal them whenever possible. They’re great!
I also like the ZeroUV brand on Am@zon.
SSJD
I recommend Sunski. Got my first pair last summer and they have been great! They aren’t that cheap (I got a $98 pair). But they have these removable shields on the sides that keep sun out from all angles. I am very happy with them. You can get cheaper Sunski pairs for about $50.
Z
I got my prescription sunglasses from Warby Parker for about $130 a couple years ago. Not sure if that’s “cheap” but I think its good if you need something with a prescription.
Shelle
May I ask if 130 is after insurance coverage? My insurance doesn’t cover Warby Parker. Actually I don’t think my insurance covers prescription sunglasses period. Thanks!
Z
It was not including insurance, my vision insurance doesn’t cover sunglasses.
Z
Looking at their website again, It looks like their prices have gone up since I got mine 3 years ago, the same frames with prescription lenses are $175 now.
Shelle
Thanks for the info. 175 is still worth it for my long commute!
Clementine
Goodr?
Sunglasses
Goodr?
Anonymous
I know everyone loves Goodr, but they don’t do prescription. Anyone have recs for something similar that does Rx? I want something that it’s okay to beat up a bit when I’m in the outdoors.
Anon
Zenni and similar stores have cheap prescription sunglasses. I am not really familiar with Goodr but if you want quirkier styles try Polette.
Anon
Tifosi. The runners I know swear by them (more than Goodr) and they come in prescription.
Anonymous
Eyebuydirect for Rx sunglasses.
Anon
I need some pep talking. I need to query my first international freelance client about why their payment is 5% lower than I invoiced, when my bank claims it isn’t a transfer fee or a currency conversion. Having a hard time working up the nerve.
Senior Attorney
Don’t ask why. Just inform them that their payment was short and that they need to remit the balance: “Hey, received your payment but for some reason it was 5% short. Please remit the balance of $___ ASAP. Thanks!”
Anon
+1
Anon
But leave out the “hey” and insert “I” before received.
Anonymous
They might be required to withhold income taxes – I would good that first.
Anon
Why would an EU company withhold income taxes on a US freelancer?
Anon
This might seem like a weird question, but If you’re single with no kids and have done estate planning, who are you leaving your assets to? I have living parents (dad in mid 70s, mom in late 50s) plus a 50 year old half brother that’s married with two kids and a sister that married last year, no kids yet. Brother and parents have significantly more money than sister, parents co-signed my mortgage (I had just started a commission based job when I bought and didn’t have two years in the industry) and are on as joint tenants with rights of survivorship, so they’ll get my house by default, which I’m totally fine with and my mom is a realtor so could sell very easily, but I don’t know what do with everything else- bank accounts, retirement, about 300k in life insurance between a personal and work policy.
Anon
I have kids now but before I did, I made a simple will and left 10% of my net assets to my local children’s hospital and the rest divided between my nieces and nephews, held in trust by their parents until they received a 4 year college degree or turned 25, which ever was first.
Then when I had kids my husband and I created a living trust with our kids as the alternate trustees if their parents are dead. Same rules as the nieces and nephews in terms of age.
I made the mistake of telling my sisters, my nieces’ and nephews’ mothers, about the will when I was single, and my one sister was kind of pissed when I had children and changed it, so I recommend keeping it quiet!
Anon
Your sister’s reaction? Seriously, who wouldn’t understand that having kids would likely displace nieces and nephews?
anon
OP here- this is totally something my SIL would get mad about. I am 99% sure I want to be childfree, so wouldn’t be an issue, but if it was…hooo boy.
Anon
Yeah you never know. That was actually one of the first signs my sister was going to end up where she is now – a dramatic, entitled, perpetual victim.
Anonymous
Splitting between charitable causes that are important to me and nieces/nephews via college funds (so it goes to them and not their parents). Get along great with my siblings, I just intend the money for my nieces/nephews college not a house reno or similar. It’s not a ton but enough for them to take an unpaid internship or a year abroad or other similar opportunities that they might struggle to afford.
Anonymous
Married, no kids…
1. the surviving spouse
2. if no surviving spouse (ie both die at once): split it equally across our nieces and nephews, even though we have siblings/parents. Will go into trust if the beneficiaries are under-age.
Anon
Married, only child, and childfree, with no desire to leave money to my deadbeat extended relatives.
Half our estate goes to our local public library. The other half goes to the rescue from whom we adopted our most beloved cat (RIP).
anon
YOU ARE MY HERO
#lifegoals
Anon
Until they die, my parents.
Explorette
I have some going to each of my SO, brother, and SIL, some going to charity that I support, some going to a scholarship fund with my law school, the rest goes to my nephews in trust until they are 35.
op anon
This sounds like a great plan- and then I’m not really trying to figure out if sister that makes less should get more or something, which is what I have conflicting feelings about right now- she and her husband are comfortable, but my brother and my parents are very, very, very comfortable
Anon
Married, no kids and don’t plan to. At the moment, we don’t own a house so all of our assets are in joint accounts with my dad and his mom as beneficiaries or spouse as prime beneficiary and parents as secondary beneficiaries. Once we buy a house, we might do real estate planning, but as long as our parents are alive we’ll probably keep them, with the assumption that they’d give money to our siblings as needed. Eventually, we’ll probably change it to a combination of siblings, nieces/nephews, and charities.
CountC
Late response but I asked my friends if they wanted anything (I have nice jewelry and my sister would not at all want or appreciate it), so my friends are getting sone stuff, and my financial assets are being split up based on who gets/agreed to take the most expensive pet (horse down to dogs and cats), some to my sister, some to various charities, and then some to my bff’s son (I asked/discussed with her first).
Anon
Late response. Married, no kids. When I die, about half of my estate will go to a tuition-free college that I support and social justice organizations that I care about and that do good work. A little goes to friends who don’t have a lot of money. The rest goes to a trust that my spouse will have access to until she dies, upon which the remainder of the trust will go to charitable organizations.