Coffee Break: Soho Heavy Grain Pebble Tote

108 Comments

1. Ladies, as of today I have a job title that actually reflects what I have been doing for my team in the past 18 months. No raise with it, but it’s excellent ammunition for my annual review next month.

   I had been promised this title several times before, but it always dropped one reason or another. this time? I pursued my latest manager relentlessly until he made it official. One could say I leaned in.. or at least, leaned on his doorjamb a lot to get it. :D

   *dances around like a complete idiot*

   1. Right on, sister!

   2. Yay you :)

   3. Good job :)

   4. “dances around like an amazing overachieving chick”

      FIXED.

   5. Hurrah! Good for you.

      1. NICE WORK!

2. I ordered a few things from Old Navy yesterday, and just received an email that my order had been cancelled. I didn’t cancel it, and the items *appear* to still be in stock, so I have no idea why it would have been cancelled. Has anyone else had this problem with Old Navy (or Gap, BR, etc)?

   1. They’re probably out of stock and the website is not updated to real time.

   2. I’ve never ordered online from the Gap family, so I’m no help to you there. Still, if I were you, I’d call customer service to inquire about the cancelled order and see if they can reinstate it.

   3. No, you should call. The only times I’ve had something cancelled in an online (not Gap family) order is when I’ve mistyped my zipcode and the payment verification failed.

      1. Same, that’s happened with my BR orders when I mistype something in payment info.

   4. Last week I received TWO orders from Old Navy. One was the order I had placed, and the other had my name/address on the outside of the package, but inside was someone else’s stuff!! I brought the other person’s things to a local ON store, and the salesperson said they would refund the person. I’m like “wha??? Won’t they wonder what happened?”……so unfortunately it sounds like their business practice is problematic at best.

3. I ordered a pair of shoes online. Today is my first day wearing them and they are too small. I was hoping that they would relax throughout the day but I think I just need a half size bigger. I’ve only worn them in the office (I wear different shoes to commute). Is it wrong to return them worn even though it was only for a little bit?

   1. If no one can tell, then you aren’t doing anything to reduce the value for the eventual owner.

   2. Yay! I love this bag, but it’s at Bloomie’s and I am NOT allowed in there any more, at least as long as the tall smelley guy from Security works on the Lexington Avenue door. FOOEY!

      As for the OP, yes, it is OK to wear and return shoe’s as long as you do NOT scratch the bottom’s or smell them up. My sister, who has smelley feet, tried to return shoe’s to a store in Weschester, but they smelled funny so they did NOT give her credit for them, and she had to take them back.

      When I was in law school, I knew a woman, Teresena, who kept alot of food in her closet b/c she did NOT want her roomate to eat it. One time, she hid a stick of BUTTER in her shoe, then forgot about it. It began to stink, but she did NOT know where the stink came from and then stuck her foot into the moldy stick of butter when she finaly put the shoe’s on week’s later. I think she had to throw those shoe’s out! FOOEY!

      I met a guy today on the food line at Macy’s who want’s to go out with me. He has bad teeth and bad breathe also, so I gave him the wrong telephone number. Why can’t a guy like Jared Kushner eat at Macy’s and we could then go out, then get MARRIED, and I could then RETIRE to a life of LIESURE!!!!! YAY!!! That is all I want– a cute rich guy who will MARRY and impregnate me while my EGG’s are fresh! Where is my PRINCE? ALL I wind up with are FROGS!!!! DOUBEL FOOEY!

   3. A friend of mine worked retail during law school. The part she hated most was returns. She was required to accept even ties with food stains on them without comment. It’s possible that you could get your money back for shoes that will be tossed. Just know that the sales person will remember you.

      1. Did she get in trouble for the condition of said items later? If not, it’s not clear to me why she should care.

         1. Maybe she cares because she’s a good employee and cares about her employer getting screwed.

            1. But the employer is the one who sets the policy. I mean, I wouldn’t return a stained item either, so I don’t want to state the principle too strongly, but on some level, if the store is going to take everything back, is it really that bad to take them up on it?

            2. The employer isn’t getting screwed if they allow it in their policy, though. It’s not like she’s lying about having worn them.

            3. Are you talking about the shoes that have only been worn for a few hours in a carpeted office? They can probably be returned because there’s no sign of wear. That’s hardly different than trying them on, IMO.

         2. Tesyaa is exactly right. It just drove her nuts to see people take advantage. She would have gotten in trouble if she had refused to accept them. I can see her point about people scamming. I think they called it their “good faith guarantee”, but people returning an item after wearing it for the wedding or whatever were clearly not operating in good faith.

            1. I don’t get this attitude. some stores have awesome return policies. some stores have terrible return policies. the ones with awesome return policies have them so people will remain loyal. it works out for them in the long run or they would not do it, as they are undoubtedly in the business to make money. if they were not OK with you returning items for any reason, then that would not be their policy. its not taking advantage of anything.

            2. Sometimes the policy is not set in stone but the store will accommodate an insistent or pushy customer. That, to me, is taking advantage, assuming the item isn’t defective.

            3. Yes, it’s the store policy. But like I said in the first place, some employees may not look so favorably on you taking advantage of it, just fyi.

            4. I don’t think this is returning in bad faith, especially considering she ordered the shoes online. It turned out that the shoes don’t fit – that’s a little different than wearing them for an occasion and then returning them so you’re not stuck with the bill, in my view.

   4. Most store’s (in general – nordys and zappos are about the only places I buy shoes now) have a policy that as long as they’ve only been worn indoors, on carpet and have no visible wear or dirt, they are returnable. How else are you to know if they fit? I routinely wear new shoes around the office before I know that I’m going to keep them but I’m nerdy enough that I’ll change them to go to the restroom or to the lobby if not carpeted.

   5. Yes I’ve returned shoes like this to DSW. They definitely inspected them, but they had only been worn in the office on carpet and had no scuff marks. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, shoes are hard to get a correct fit.

      1. I have a friend that worked as a manager at DSW, and their return policies are insane. She had to do pretty much anything the customers wanted, which drove her nuts when people were clearly taking advantage of it.

4. Aw man! I came here to get people’s opinions on these dresses, but really like this bag. It would match the dresses well. Too bad it costs as much as all 3 of them put together!

   The reviewers for one of these dresses says it is ok for work. They are all roughly the same length. What do you all think, for a somewhat “creative” industry office? Could I wear these to work with dark tights and boots or conservative shoes?

   http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/betsey-johnson-plaid-fit-flare-sweater-dress-online-only/3746367?origin=related-3746367-0-1-PP_4-Rich_Relevance_Recs_API-&recs_type=related&recs_productId=3746367&recs_categoryId=0&recs_productOrder=1&recs_placementId=PP_4&recs_source=Rich_Relevance_Recs_API&recs_strategy=

   http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/gabby-skye-jacquard-fit-flare-sweater-dress/3555699

   http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/niczoe-rise-set-fit-flare-knit-twirl-dress-regular-petite/3825612?origin=related-3825612-0-1-PP_2-Rich_Relevance_Recs_API-&recs_type=related&recs_productId=3825612&recs_categoryId=0&recs_productOrder=1&recs_placementId=PP_2&recs_source=Rich_Relevance_Recs_API&recs_strategy=

   1. I think only the Betsey Johnson would look right with tights. The other dresses are summer dresses to me.

      1. Since they’re sweater material, I think you could wear the other two with tights if you wore a tissue tee or very thin turtleneck under the dresses, or had a jacket/cardigan (though that might look weird with a sweater dress?).

5. What a pretty bag–love Botkier.

   Here’s an off-the-wall question–does anyone have a resource that they have successfully used for assertiveness training? Medium doesn’t matter–audiobook, online course, etc.–I would just prefer something recommended by someone who has used it.

   1. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu

6. I think my comment just got ditched for having too many links in it. These dresses are both at Nordstroms. I’m wondering if they would be appropriate for an office in a sort of “creative” industry. I’d wear them with opaque tights, a long-sleeved bodysuit, and conservative shoes or boots
   Gabby Skye Jaquard fit and flare sweater dress in berry/gold
   Betsey Johnson plaid fit and flare sweater dress

   What do you think? Would they work for work?

   1. Evidently “bodysuit” does not mean what I thought it meant. I’m thinking of a garment to keep me warm, with snaps at the bottom. Can anyone suggest better search terms? What that word pulls up is not what I need.

      1. Onesie. You are describing a onesie.

         (Or a bodysuit, if we are in the 80s/90s).

         1. Now you’re talking ’bout my g-g-g-generation! I’ll try googling the garment I dressed my babe in, & see if it works.
            Thanks for the update.

            1. Erm, actually, what that pulls up at Nordie’s isn’t what I’m looking for either, lol. Guess I just have to search beyond the 1 store.

            2. I would look at Victoria’s Secret online. I’m pretty sure that is where I purchased mine in the 90s.

      2. Like a baby onesie? For babies?

      3. If it doesn’t have legs, I think this would be a leotard maybe?

      4. adea has the bodysuit, and that is what I would call it, too.

   2. Both would be appropriate in my business casual office. I think you’re fine.

      1. Same. Assuming skirt length is appropriate on your height.

         And I believe the word is bodysuit. Or at least it was in the 90s. Both of these dresses remind me of the 90’s, too, actually.

   3. http://www.charlotterusse.com/product/Mesh-Yoke-Long-Sleeve-Bodysuit/271272.uts?cid=ps:nonbrand:Google&adpos=1o14&creative=50228828824&device=c&matchtype=&network=g&gclid=CjwKEAiAv7ajBRCIldS7rp7wzFkSJAAA1n4DWrvB6wd7K1TrH-wb4zhKV5PrQKYCGaaXPherwvB-rBoC9XXw_wcB

   4. http://www.modcloth.com/shop/basic-tops/my-one-and-only-bodysuit-in-black?kpid=54428-BLK-12%20(UK)-REG&gclid=CjwKEAiAv7ajBRCIldS7rp7wzFkSJAAA1n4DP3nFg_4SSiRI-18GYTN9E5cZk-UOx_RJNEA6Cl47yxoCa0fw_wcB

   5. Those are both great. Thanks, Baconpancakes!

7. What a pretty bag–love Botkier.

   Here’s an off-the-wall question–does anyone have a resource that they have successfully used for assertiveness training? Medium doesn’t matter–audiobook, online course, etc.–I would just prefer something recommended by someone who has used it.

   1. Hostage at the Table – George Kohlrieser. It’s not directly for assertiveness, but I feel like all the concepts apply. Very good book, and an interesting read. For me, the title refers to the position you are put in by not being assertive.

8. Can anyone recommend a person or practice, preferably in Center City? I have a medical rather than cosmetic concern, if that matters. Thanks so much.

   1. I love Dr. Camille Introcaso at the Pennsylvania Center for Dermatology at 8th and Pine.

      1. Thank you!!!

         1. I ditto Dr. Introcaso. She’s great!

9. Any recommendations for brands of sweaters? I saw someone yesterday recommended Vince sweaters – is it really worth it? I’m sick of sweaters either not fitting right or pilling right away and I’m willing to spend a little more if necessary to get something decent.

   1. I love my vince sweaters. they fit great and are generally soft and comfy while still stylish.

   2. On the lower end, I’d recommend Uniqlo sweaters. I’ve had one of their cashmere sweaters for year and it still looks great.

      1. second the Uniqlo sweaters.
         I wear them all year except summer. When it gets really cold, I use them as layering pieces.
         I may add, that I buy 3 every year and they usually hold up pretty well but not longer than 2.5 or 3 years.

   3. Love Vince, though the fits tend to be more oversized, so you may want to try sizing down (depending on what you are looking for).

   4. Vince sweaters are AMAZING. Yes, expensive but truly worth every penny. Soft, warm and so stylish.

10. so….. any advice on boosting libido? We’ve only done it once in the last 2 months because I’m just not interested- probably a combination of my grandmother dying and being busy and frustrated with work, but I want to be interested, and DH has been very patient and kind and I feel like he deserves better. Advice?

    1. Just go for it.

       1. Yup, this. Even if you aren’t “interested” when you start, I’m betting you’ll get interested pretty quickly.

          1. I actually don’t think this is very helpful advice. What if you get started and then you don’t get interested? Then it’s just bad for you and your partner, and I know because I’ve been there, and that ends up with both parties being frustrated and/or sad. Bad s3x is worse than no s3x, at least for me and my partner.

             I don’t really have any better advice, but “just go for it” doesn’t always work.

             1. I think you need to have a frank conversation in advance with your partner that you want to try to see if him initiating and starting slow will get you in the mood, but that because you’ve had a generally decreased libido he needs to know it might not work and to give you space to deal with those feelings without taking it personally.

       2. Yep.

    2. Kudos to your husband for his compassion and understanding your grief, and to you for caring about his interests.

    3. Pick up some, ah, quality reading – the right subject matter can make you feel a lot more inclined to have fun times

       1. Or watch any movie with Richard Armitage.

          1. North & South . . . ahhhhhh.

          2. Hello. I’ve found my people.

             1. +1000….me too.

          3. Member of the Armitage Army checking in. “North and South” is an excellent suggestion. TDH man smouldering while wearing a cravat is an excellent mood enhancer.

    4. Think back to when you were dating. What used to get you in the mood? Date nights? Cuddling and watching a movie? New lingerie? Some drinks? Do that. Make s*x a priority, so if you have to skip the gym, an hour of working from home at night, your favorite TV show, whatever it is, do it for that one night. I’ve also heard that some, um, solo time, can help up your libido so you could always try that too.

    5. So in a variation of just do it – if its not that you’re physically having issues, I would pick a day and time and actually schedule it. Ideally on a weekend. And then commit to plenty of time for foreplay. Or don’t go for the full-blown LGP the first time but stick with second or third base.

       And also, there have been times where physically I couldn’t for awhile and I’d sometimes give without intending to receive.

       So many vague metaphors so little time.

    6. We went through a dry spell recently and it wasn’t always as easy and just do it and you’ll get into it. My solution was to start watching p*rn together when we wanted to do the deed. Clearly it depends on how you feel about that whole thing, but it worked quite well to get me in the mood.

       1. Outlander, Episode 7 – The Wedding. Absolutely inspirational.

    7. In some ways it depends on what you mean by “doing it.” Maybe you can start with manual and oral stuff for him, with the understanding that penetration is off the table- that way you aren’t under pressure to get in the mood and you two are still enjoying intimacy. If you get into it, you can always change the agenda in the moment.

       My general tip is to lower the stakes so you don’t feel pressured. Nothing is more of a turn-off than feeling like you “have” to have a good time.

11. Makeup recommendations? I wear–and love–Nars tinted moisturizer as my base in the spring and summer, and most of fall. Except this year, fall decided to be freezing and my makeup looks bizarre, like badly applied powder. Is there a similar product out there–medium coverage, SPF, oil free–that will do a better job of coverage in the winter? I commute via foot and public transportation, so being outside is just gonna happen.

    Related: has anyone tried the bare minerals mascaras? I loved the CoverGirl Naturaluxe, but it was discontinued. I don’t need curling or volumizing, just defining, and something that won’t irritate my eyes.

    1. I have a clinique bb cream that I like a lot which I think would fit your requirements.

    2. For the foundation, look at Estee Lauder Double Wear Light. I’m currently using Lash Domination by BM and I’m mixed on it. The formula is great, definition and volume (but I have pretty great lashes :) ) but I’m not a fan of the brush — it’s too big IMO. I haven’t had any irritation, but the stuff is hard to get off!

       1. I also have Bare Mineral’s lash domination and hate it! No matter what I do it comes out clumpy on the brush, and I agree that the brush is too big. Once on, the mascara doesn’t look any better than drugstore brands. Not worth the price!

    3. I swear by mineral foundation these days. I like bare minerals with the big fluffy buffing brush.

    4. I don’t like mineral foundation because I can always see it on others. Try something like Lancome Teint Miracle or Givenchy Photoperfection – both are creamy, luminous, medium coverage and make your skin look beautiful and polished especially in colder weather.

    5. Bare Minerals anything is not worth it. For mascara, try YSL or Armani.

    6. I use BareMinerals Volumizing mascara and love it. I think it lengthens and defines more than it volumizes.

    7. Clinique High Impact mascara works great for me. The price isn’t bad, it looks incredibly natural, doesn’t irritate my eyes, doesn’t flake off, no clumping…I love it for everyday. It’s not going to make you look like you have fake lashes, but it’s going to make you look like you have naturally amazing lashes. My $.02. I also like Lancome Definicils, but I always just have the free samples that I get when I buy my face cream, so I haven’t purchased the full size.

12. Cover fx cc cream is great.

13. I live in a one-bedroom condo which shouldn’t be that hard or time consuming to keep clean and organized. But with my crazy schedule I really think I need some professional (weekly?) help. I am about to schedule my first appointment with a cleaning service. I would appreciate any advice because I don’t really know what I am doing. Thank you all in advance.

    1. Specify if you have specific cleaning agents that you want them to use. Make sure your vacuum is easily available. Pick things off the floor / surfaces that you want cleaned. Tell them what you do not want them to do (i.e., “load and run the dishwasher but do not put the dishes away,” or “do not reorganize the jewelry on my dresser,” “please do my laundry (with instructions)”). Expect that stuff will be put in places that make no sense to you.

       1. +1 and if you haven’t picked a place yet, yelp was really helpful for me. We spend a bit more than we could be paying but out cleaners are amazing.

          1. Every single service on yelp has a maximum of 2 reviews so I am going with the service that left a flyer under my door. Am I making a mistake? I don’t really know my neighbors so I didn’t ask around. I did ask my property manager but she didn’t have any recommendations.

             1. I guess it depends why the reviews were bad. Not showing up exactly on time or getting every bunny of dust is much more manageable than cleaners that scratch furniture and don’t mention it (not that I speak from experience… Ugh!) or, worse, steal.

       2. This may be silly but do I provide the cleaning agents or do theybring their stuff? I don’t have carpet in my condo, only hardwood and tile so I don’t use a vacuum cleaner not to scratch the wood floors. Not sure if that matters at all. Do I tell them this?

          1. Yeah tell them not to use a vacuum since that is important to you, though they may already know that. They provide the cleaning agents unless you want something really special, but you can always ask if you should provide any supplies or equipment. My cleaners bring everything.

             You will probably want them to come bi-monthly.

          2. Ask them. Some cleaners (my mom’s) have the employer provide, but some (mine) bring their own.

    2. I usually give detailed instructions for 2 things : delicate surfaces (hardwood floors, fine wooden furniture, non-scratch pots – have come home to find these stacked up one inside another – and so on) and hygiene (separate clothes for floors, surfaces, food-prep areas etc). Everything else I’m fine to be a bit more flexible.

14. I don’t know if I need advice or just commiseration and good thoughts: my fiance’s mother has been unwell for some time–she suffered a traumatic brain injury that was the equivalent of a stroke about seven years ago–and has sharply declined since this summer. Today her doctor told my fiance’s brother, who has power-of-attorney and is the main point person for her care, that it was time to make a decision about whether to take “aggressive” measures (ie, a feeding tube) or merely to keep her comfortable. She has a DNR on file but no other stated wishes in terms of end-of-life care.

    She’s 68, partially paralyzed, legally blind, and has been essentially bedridden since late August. (She’s been confined to a wheelchair since her injury.) Up until this recent decline she was conversational and had excellent long-term memory. When we visited her this weekend, she was almost entirely non-responsive and clearly very weak. She has been refusing most food for the last six weeks or so and has begun refusing all food and all medications.

    Fiance and I are getting together tonight with his brother and sister-in-law and hope to get his mother’s two sisters on speakerphone to discuss the situation. There is really no happy outcome that I can foresee, although I guess I’d welcome suggestions on how to help fiance process and how best to support him through this.

    Sigh. I’ll sign off with a PSA: talk to your parents about what they want for the ends of their lives. Don’t let yourself wind up in this situation of not knowing which hard decision to make.

    1. This sounds like a very difficult and sad situation, and I am so sorry to hear your family is confronting these tough decisions. Although it may be too late in the evening to be of use to you and your family, when my family had a similar decision to make, we discussed the issue with her medical providers and something one of the nurses said really stuck with me: she isn’t dying because she’s not eating; she’s not eating because she is dying. I do not know whether you will find that to resonate as I did, but I want you to know that there are no easy choices and you can only do what you think best at the time.

    2. Sorry to hear you are going through this. My family went through this with 3 elderly relatives; my grandmother lost both of her parents and her husband within a few years of each other and all were in a slow decline type of situation with varying lengths of time and decline. She was the decision maker for all of them, and in every case she went with medical intervention to keep them alive as long possible. I know at least one of them had a DNR on file, and I feel like that is an indication that they would go toward less medical intervention and letting them go when they are no longer going to make a recovery. My mom is still angry with her, because she feels like she went directly against her wishes. In any case, it is never an easy decision. It’s awful to watch these people that you love wither away in pain, and when they get to that point, they really are not themselves, and never will be again.

    3. So sorry that’s happening. I agree with your PSA. It’s important to talk about these types of situations before they happen.

15. I had a water-cooler conversation at work this week – totally unrelated to any work issues – that struck a very personal sore spot and made me tear up. Briefly, and the conversation moved on…but I still feel like such an idiot for breaking the cardinal “no crying at work” rule. How do I stop kicking myself about this?

    1. You are a human being. Your colleague recognizes that you are a human being. There are studies that show that this type of human emotion actually builds relationships in the office. It’s not the kiss of death to tear up at the proverbial water cooler.

    2. People cry, it happens. I’ve even seen (gasp) my male colleagues get emotional and tear up about non-work related things.

    3. The “no crying at work rule” is about crying ABOUT work. You dont want to cry every time someone is harsh or you get a less than stellar review. I’ve seen plenty of people cry about non work related things- and never thought even a smidge less of them.

16. Does anyone know the difference between the Furla Dolly and the Furla Elena bags? TIA.

17. Paging Godzilla: http://gizmodo.com/barbie-f-cks-it-up-again-1660326671

Comments are closed.