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Updated: Apr 16, 2019 83 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Britten Belt

Coffee Break

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I've said it before, and I'll say it again: It can be really difficult to find good belts for dresses. The Fold has many drool-worthy things right now, and among those is this cool, sort of harness-y belt, which is available in burgundy and tan. I think it looks great and can very versatile — it seems like a substantial belt that's interesting and well-made without having too much personality. The Fold is an interesting brand to keep an eye on (or check out the store on your next trip to London); they've got a lot of easy-care and a lot of things with pockets. I like this belt in burgundy (pictured), but the tan is also lovely. It's $95 and comes in four sizes. Britten Belt

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  • Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
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Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anon

    Wanted to follow up on the thread from yesterday morning about being single later in life and feeling sad about it. Can anyone in their 40s or older speak to having gone through this and feeling better no matter how life turned out? Loved the commiseration in that post, but also curious to hear a perspective from slightly older readers. If you stayed single, did you stop caring as much ? Did you meet someone when you least expected it? Did your priorities change?

    I wonder if being in your 30s makes it worse because there’s so much pressure to find someone, get married and have babies within a certain timeline. I don’t usually miss being in my 20s, but I do miss the way time felt expansive and infinite, like anything was possible. Increasingly as we get older, our choices or life circumstances define us and separate us from those of our peers, and it can feel lonely.

    • Anonymous

      I didn’t read yesterday’s thread, but I spend most of my 20s wanting to find my husband. Not just because I wanted to start a family, but also because I just didn’t like dating and wanted to feel settled down with someone who was right for me. I regret wasting so much time worried about whether I would meet someone or have kids, but it was also really legitimate because it was very important to me. I feel like women have been trained by society to apologize for looking for a husband…and yet demonized if they choose not to get married or have kids.

      I ended up meeting my husband when I was a few months shy of 33, we married at 35 (after 1.5 years of dating and a 7 month engagement). A mutual friend introduced us in a low key way and it took off from there. We had a quick engagement because I discovered that I had a low ovarian reserve and would likely have trouble getting pregnant…and I did! Took lots of IVF, but ultimately had two beautiful children (not twins). Just turned 40 and have lots of friends who met their partners in their mid-30s. I think the only downside is that you have to kind of rush to have kids. And that WAS a big downside for me. I wish we had had more time to be married before trying to get pregnant (especially in a highly stressful, medicalized way) and the first few years of having young kids is rough on your marriage. I also wish I were a younger parent because I feel like I would have more energy and could have spaced my kids out a bit more (and maybe have a third baby).

      But mostly, I wish I could have the time back that I spent worried and depressed that I would never meet someone.

    • Ellen

      I am not there, yet, but I am still single, as I can find no DECENT man to marry me. Yes, I have had some schlubs offer, but just b/c I am bringing home a paycheck that they want to glom off of, dad says. He is probably right b/c no man would even look at me until I became a partner making good money. Why are men such parasites? FOOEY! At least Sheketovits was interested in me (at least for $ex) when I was a nobobody. DOUBEL FOOEY!

    • Anon

      As another late 30s single person, I echo OP’s request. We all hear about what life is “supposed” to look like but what happens when things don’t go that way?

    • SMC - San Diego

      Interesting question! I am in my early 50’s, have never been married and have been single (without a long-term relationship) for 20 years. I had all the usual dreams about getting married and spent much of my 20’s in a relationship with someone who turned out to be inappropriate (not a bad person; just not MY person). And sometimes I am still sad about that. I would really like to have someone and I do not think that it going to happen.

      But I am at peace. In large part that is because I decided to go ahead and have the child I wanted much more than a partner via donor insemination. In large part it is because I realized that there are many advantages to being single and I chose to focus on those. In some part it is because I realize that sharing my life with another adult at this point would be really hard.

      There is no magic bullet. I just decided that the trust and courage needed to constantly put myself out there for dating was not in my essential make-up and that the chance of a relationship was not worth the effort. And then when I had my child (now almost an adult) I spend my late 30’s and 40’s focused on her. And now that I am no longer in the weeds of day-to-day parenting, I have my dogs and my hobbies and my friends. My life is full and complete even if not exactly how I planned on having it turn out.

      • Another anon

        I would love to hear more about this decision. 39 and getting divorced here. No kids. The end of the relationship was the right choice and I am not feeling eager to jump into another long term relationship right away (not that the opportunity has presented itself), but am deeply sad about not having a kid. I’m very independent – I can and do rationalize the plusses of being single, the possibility of meeting someone with his own kids later on, but still – are there single moms (by choice or otherwise) out there who can share their experience of having a child on their own?

        • Anon

          Alyssa Shelasky is freelance writer/bl0gger who had a kid on her own, and has written quite a bit about her decision to be a single mom by choice. She met someone pretty soon after having her baby, fwiw, and they’re still together several years later.

        • Bubbles

          I’m a single mother by choice of an awesome, active 5 year old boy! It is great but tough sometimes doing everything alone and if you get sick, it is really hard. Just some mornings I would love a break or to sleep in a little.
          Honestly, so many of my friends are in not so good marriages or are getting divorced that I am glad there is no one to fight with!
          It took me a long time on this journey-had many miscarriages then adopted. I just wish I would not have waited so long to do this-being younger and having more energy seem appealing.
          Happy to chat more about the process.

      • Anon

        Can I just say thank you so much for sharing this?! I am not in your same situation (married, have never wanted kids), but honestly hearing you talk about how you came to this decision and how well you seem to know yourself is very inspiring. Particularly when we, as women, are often pressured to question every decision we make (especially in the marriage/kids arena.) Just from this snippet you sound like someone who is very self-assured and who truly knows and trusts herself, and you sharing that here is very much appreciated. I would also love to hear more about your life and how you came to this decision.

    • ValkyrieLawyer

      I know this response is a bit late, but here goes. I was pretty much single until my late 30s–had a few long-distance relationships but they fizzled. I’ve never wanted children and thankfully do not have a biological clock, so I was spared a lot of the angst about never having kids. However, I had quite a bit of angst about not being able to find my person, and the available dudes out there got weirder and weirder as I got older. Eventually, I stopped caring and built a pretty awesome single life for myself. At that point, I felt pretty good about life since I was living it on my terms.

      HOWEVER, just as I was settling in to my forever singleness, I met my person through the most random of circumstances. (The old cliche happened–I met someone when I wasn’t looking.) He ended up being perfect for me, and I just got married–at age 41. He was worth giving up my freedom for, and, although I didn’t expect life to turn out this way, I’m happy that all my bad experiences ended up leading me to a pretty great place.

      • The original Scarlett

        +1 – Almost the same story except I had a bunch of long term relationships with the wrong people that o kept trying to make work. I’d really just about given up when I met my husband, too, also right around 40.

  2. Anon

    This whole outfit is gorgeous. I don’t think it would look as good on me as it does on the model, but I love the look on her.

    • anne-on

      I recently bought this dress and it is truly stunning in person, worth it for high visibility days. So far all the pieces (ha, all 3!) I’ve bought from the Fold have been complimented multiple times.

  3. Anon

    Advice for where to get colored ponte pants? Do they exist? Does anyone wear them? I live in black ones in the winter in my casual office but black is too dark for me in spring/summer. Trying to revamp my spring/summer wardrobe – Jeans are uncomfortable for me all day and as a petite person, I feel like a little kid in dresses (except sheath dresses which are just too formal when my boss is in jeans and sneakers).

    • HSAL

      NY&Co has some. Avoid the patterned ones because they look cheap, but the solid colors have held up decently for me for the price.

    • Anonymous

      Meet your new friend: the slim ankle pant in stretch crepe from Eileen Fisher. Not as hot as ponte but just as comfortable and holds shape well. Not clingy so you get the comfort of a legging without looking like a legging.

    • PolyD

      I just got some olive ones from Loft. They may also have navy. Boring, but colors.

    • anon

      Dumb question, but I truly do not get the difference between ponte and leggings and why ponte is supposedly appropriate for work. To me, ponte just looks like a thicker legging. Others seem to make it work, but they really just look like leggings or fancy workout pants on my body type.

      • Go for it

        +10000 if they look like leggings they kinda are, albeit a tiny bit fancier. No to office appropriate if all you have is too visible.

  4. RNMP

    Does anybody know how The Fold sizing run? I’ve been drooling over some of their dresses to wear at a talk I’ll be giving at a national conference.

  5. Housecounsel

    +++ this dress is gorgeous, color, etc. How does it work on those of us who are well-endowed? True wraps are challenging.

    • Anon

      I can’t speak to this specific dress or brand, but wraps like this what have the extra fabric/soft pleating work really well for me.

    • anne-on

      It comes up quite high and isn’t really a ‘true’ wrap in that it’s not adjustable – there are two buttons, one inside by your left elbow, and one on the outside of the dress where the fold meets the waist. You may need to size up and tailor down to accomodate your chest, but I wouldn’t be concerned about it flopping open.

  6. anon

    Midwest people: Are outdoor rugs worth it or not? I love the look for decks and patios, but HOW do you keep them from getting grimy and gross? On my house, the roofline extends over the porch so it’s somewhat protected from the elements, but it’s not closed in all the way. It’s not impossible to hose down the area, but not easy, either (think balcony off a second floor, with no stair access). I don’t want my Pinterest dreams to be detached from the realities of wind and heavy rain. :)

    • A.

      We’ve had them on patios and usually powerwash or hose down once a year. If you have notice re: bad weather and can hang the rug over your balcony, that might help decrease the gunk factor too.

    • Anonymous

      We have one on our porch. It’s gray, so it hides some of the grime, but we bring it out to the driveway and hose it down every so often. We hose it down one last time in September or so and then store it in the basement during the winter.

  7. Houda

    I feel validated! After years on here, I finally own an outfit that made it to the shopping edit. I have the dress in this color and the belt in this color too and because I look like the model in coloring, I knew it was a head-turning piece.

    • Anon

      I want to see more posts about your personal style – some of the stuff you’ve posted has sounded so great! Maybe Kat can do a guest post feature or something like that with you?

      • Anon

        I love that idea (and your suggestion of Houda)! I also nominate Senior Attorney … her descriptions of her outfits always sound amazing and have inspired me to up my wardrobe game a bit.

    • Anon

      At this point, Houda, you aren’t following the blog. The blog is following you.

      Supa-stah!

  8. Apple

    If money were no object – what childcare situation would you choose? Backstory – my husband and I are looking at trying for our first child in the next year or two, and we’re trying to start wrapping our heads around childcare options in our HCOL city. While money will be an object to some extend, we’re trying to understand the pros/cons of each situation so we can have a better idea of costs associated with what we want our childcare situation to look like.

    Plus I think it’s an interesting discussion question.

    • Anon

      Nanny or nanny share for the first year. Structured day care with supervisory staff from that point forward, preferably in a center where the kids naturally transition to a preschool in the same center.

      • Anononon

        We have a nanny and the kids go to MDO (which we lovingly call Nanny’s Day Out) part time (three days a week and then five as they get older). I think we get the best of both worlds. Plus the nanny is teaching them a second language that they wouldn’t get at day care, and that is invaluable to us.

    • Anon-nah-nah

      I have a nearly three-year-old. I would do a full-time nanny and send DD to daycare part-time for the socialization with other kids.

      • Anon

        I tried that with my then-three year old. Sent her part time for socialization while husband was a SAHD (and home with toddler brother.) She never fit into all the friend groups at preschool. The pecking order was topped by full time kids. Once my son was old enough for preschool we sent them both full time, and my daughter finally, happily was accepted into the friend group.

        • Anon

          Was she only going certain days? I think it’s easier to fit in socially if you attend 5 days/week but are just picked up early.

    • Crindy

      Honestly? If money were no object I’d stay home. But it is an object, so here I am.

      • Small Firm IP Litigator

        So much this. I’m childless due to a combination of financial constraints and time constraints brought on by having to work due to the financial constraints.

    • Anon

      It does depend on the specific options in your city, but generally I would say nanny for a infant/young toddler, daycare for an older toddler or preschooler. Young babies need love and cuddles, food, sleep and not much else. Not that babies at daycare are neglected, but they will get a lot more individual attention from a nanny, and a nanny allows the child to maintain their own individualized schedule, which can be crucial if you have a kid like mine who was not ready to drop her second nap until 18 months (there are exceptions but most daycares will put all kids on one nap/day at 12 months, which is too early for most children, and many kids don’t sleep well in the infant classroom). However, by age 2 or so, kids get a lot out of learning and playing with other kids in a classroom setting, and a nanny needs to be doing a lot more than just loving on them. Maybe you can find a nanny who is loving and attentive and also has the energy, education and willingness to provide a developmentally appropriate toddler curriculum, but in my experience that was a lot harder to find than just a loving, attentive nanny who could soothe a crying infant. We made the switch from nanny to highly-rated daycare center around age 18 months and it felt right for us. Fwiw, we paid $60k annually for a 40 hour/week nanny and currently pay $18k annually for 50 hour/week daycare (though we only used more like 40 hours).
      Rationally, I can understand the upsides to an au pair + preschool combination but I would never be comfortable having a non-family member live in my home. I would have loved to have one of the grandmas move in and be a nanny but they weren’t interested and that’s not something money can buy.

    • Anon

      Nanny for the 1-2 years. High-quality daycare center with a good ratio starting at 2. Ideally, a daycare center that becomes a high-quality preschool, so that you can stick with the center until you start K.

      For a multiple-kid family, I’d probably look for a part-time preschool program until the youngest is old enough that full time daycare seems like the right fit. If you regularly work long hours, I’d also consider morning preschool plus nanny for older kids. Most daycares close at 6:30 at the latest (mine closes at 5:30), which is fine for us because I can mostly set my own work hours, but is a huge hassle for several of my friends with less control over their schedules – only one parent can work past 5 pm on any given day.

    • Rainbow Hair

      My ideal would be staying home close to a year, then sending Kiddo to daycare for half a day for the next year or so. Then “full day” daycare (like 8am-3pm) and then picked up by a parent to spend the afternoon at home. Since this is a fantasy, half the time that parent would be me, but somehow I’d still be employed at the job I love. :-P

      • Anonymous

        This is basically our exact situation – kiddo had a parent home with her for a year (me for 6 months, DH for 6 months) and then started going to daycare from 8:30 am to 3 pm (DH and I swap the early pick-ups). I feel like she gets the benefits of going to school, getting to know other loving adults and learning how to interact with others but she also gets a lot of quality time with us and quiet afternoons at home to decompress. I know we’re really lucky to be in this position and it isn’t feasible for most two working parent families, but if you can do this I highly recommend it.

    • Surrogate

      I would want to use a surrogate and have a live-in nanny. My husband would be such a good dad, but I am not interested in the pregnancy/raising babies or toddlers.

    • Seventh Sister

      Honestly, I’d pick a high-quality daycare center that takes infants over a nanny. I think being all by yourself with an infant can be isolating, plus a center has to maintain ratios and has the ability to shift/schedule staff so that if someone is out someone else can step in. Maybe a less than full-time schedule, so a part-time nanny that can do pickups or dropoffs a few days a week. OR if money was no object, renting a place for my mom to live in my city so she could watch the baby for a few months before starting daycare.

      • Seventh Sister

        Honestly, I think daycare workers (and daycares in general) get a bad rap and I’ve been more impressed with most of my kids’ daycare and preschool teachers than most of the nannies I’ve met.

        • Anon

          In my area, a pretty large percentage of the nannies are former daycare teachers who can make more money nannying.

      • Anon

        +1. We could have afforded nanny or daycare, and we actively chose in-home daycares from the get-go (at a few months old). We were lucky in that we found wonderful daycares that we felt really did spend a lot of quality time with our babies.

        Among other reasons, for me, the management aspect of a nanny (Payroll? Taxes? How to work vacation and sick days out? etc) Just sounded overwhelming. That’s probably more in my head than anything, as obviously plenty of people figure it out, but I really liked the idea that – for example – our daycare set their vacation days and you either take it or leave it, but I didn’t have to waste brain power figuring out if it was the right amount or timing or whatnot; or worrying about what raises for a nanny I should do (daycare just tells you their rates); or just having the general pressure of feeling like someone’s sole employer.

    • Anon

      I agree with several other people that my ideal would be a full-time nanny and part-time preschool starting around age 2 for socialization. Unfortunately there aren’t a lot of choices for non-religious preschools in our area, and daycares are basically full-time or nothing. Nannies also want to work full-time. Paying for both a full-time nanny and full-time daycare was not financially feasible for us (and seemed like a tremendous waste of money even if we could have afforded it), so we went with what seemed like the next best thing: nanny for the first year and then daycare.

    • Quail

      If money was truly no obstacle, I would do full-time day care AND a full-time nanny who also was a house manager while kiddo was at daycare. Nanny would help with getting us out the door in the morning, cover sick days and snow days, and also do some household stuff like grocery shopping.

      For the first 18 months or so, I’d have the nanny pick up the kiddo early and maybe take kiddo in a bit late. But I’d still do day care for most of the day because I think it’s very hard for one person to be with one infant all day (it takes a village and all) and I prefer the supervision of day care. Once the kiddo is 3, I’d have the nanny take him/her to all the tiger mom enrichment activities (swimming, piano) we desired after school so that our weekends could be more free.

      And of course in my fantasy world the nanny would be easy to find, pay, employ, and her car would never break down and she would never get sick. The day care would be close to my house, provide all food and everything the kid could need so I didn’t have to send anything in the morning, send me lots of pictures without my child ever seeing an electronic device, the staff would be highly paid and well-trained and never have any turnover, and there would be beautiful outdoor space with the perfect balance of sun and shade. :)

      • Quail

        I meant to add that nanny would do dropoff and pick up from daycare every day, unless I or my spouse wanted to do those. Once kiddo was 2-3, he/she would stay for the full day unless there was an activity. (We’ve had great experiences with our preschool – we especially love Montessori for this age.)

    • LaurenB

      I had twins. Live-in nanny all the way. I didn’t have to worry if I had to leave the house early one day that my daycare provider wasn’t going to show up – she was there, and even if she was a bit under the weather, I didn’t much care if she just rested, she was still there for safety purposes. No wrangling twins into outfits to take them someplace, adding stress to the day. They started going to preschool at age 3 for socialization, which they would have done with me at home anyway if I hadn’t worked.

  9. Anonymous

    any advice for public speaking when your voice shakes? I am a good presenter but in high stakes ones when I start I have a shaky voice and a little trouble catching my breath. goes away about 30 seconds in but i hate it as a first impression

    • AnonZ

      Yep – those two things are related. Focus more on your breathing and less on your voice, and the shakiness will probably even itself out. You may be unintentionally holding your breath or taking breathing very shallowly when you’re nervous. Think about taking a deep breath (in and out) before you start and a slow breath between each sentence, for the first few, until you feel settled in.

      I used to have a similar problem and I realized that I was typically taking a deep inhale before beginning to speak, but then I’d tense up and not really exhale, and then the breathing and talking would be all messed up until I finally relaxed enough to fully exhale and get back on a normal rhythm.

      • Anon

        +1 – sounds breathing related. Try to practice diaphragmatic breathing at home, where you learn to breath deeply into your lower lungs (they call it belly breathing sometimes) rather than deep breaths into your chest. Even if you feel like a breath in your chest is a deep breath, this is really shallow breathing, and when your body senses shallow breathing it sends a physical signal of stress, even if mentally and emotionally you’re calm. I’ve had to learn to use diaphragmatic breathing to control a chronic health issue, but I’ve found it to be handy in controlling stressful situations as well.

    • Anonymous

      Just turn to your slides and start thinking of it like you’re in a normal business meeting where you’re explaining something. That short bit of time is normally enough to get the voice going.

      Also, be aware that it sounds way shakier to you than to anyone in the room.

      And by the time you’re diving in to the meat of discussion, no one is even remembering. Like at all.

      I feel this way all of the time. And yet I’m constantly complimented on what a great presenter I am. (So much so that I’m often invited back to speak for industry events or to give webinars for some other part of my company that has next-to nothing to do with me–so I don’t think they are lying, even if it feels to me like they are.) I think we’re all our own worst critics.

    • Anon

      To the extent you know in advance what your opening will be (i.e. if you’re a lawyer, probably not in court where you’ve received a tentative ruling or the other side spoke first), rehearse your opening thirty seconds repeatedly. Practice speaking slowly and pausing to breathe (and for emphasis, as needed!). That way, you’ll be almost on autopilot until you get past the initial nerve/shakiness. Of course, you don’t want to make it sound too memorized, but with good presentation it won’t.

    • Anon

      The key is to stop caring on how other people see you; adopt a power pose (ala Amy cuddy ‘Presence’ book & TED Talk) and being very sure about your presentation material. Practice, practice practice… Before a speech, I kind talk out loud (when I’m at home) about my speech and I find it develops way better than my original idea. And my confidence level increases.

      Also, to start with, talk about an interesting hook – to pull in the people into your presentation. It grabs your audience attention and gives you something to hold on to and takes your mind off your voice or nervousness. Put on a big cheerful smile and start talking!

    • anonshmanon

      I hope this isn’t too late – I have the same problem, although it takes me 2-3 minutes to shake it. I’ve gotten advice from a voice coach and there are a few warm up exercises that you can do before your next presentation: deep breaths, and when you breathe out, either do it through a straw in your mouth or press your lips together and only leave a small opening through which you breathe out. It’s all about making those muscles work hard to push out the air and thereby get warmed up.
      If you have the chance to be alone before the presentation, humming for a few minutes also warms you up well.
      I typically present in a session with others, so I just inconspicuously do the more-difficult-than-normal breathing out before it’s my turn. That has totally solved the issue for me.

  10. Anonymous

    Can anyone recommend a tailor in DC who does a good job with women’s alterations and isn’t insanely expensive? I have someone to do the basics like hems, but looking for someone who is capable of handling slightly more difficult alterations (e.g. taking in waists of dresses and blazers). Downtown area preferred, but willing to travel for someone good. I feel like I’ve talked to every woman in my office about this, and everyone seems to know a tailor who does a great job with men’s clothing or women’s formalwear but no one can recommend anyone who does a decent job with women’s business clothing.

    • Mpls

      Have you asked the formal wear people if they do business wear alterations? Or asked the formal-wear tailors for suggestions?

      I mean – there’s not that much different between taking in the waist on a formal dress vs a work dress. Fabric may differ, but the types of adjustments are going to be the same. Its more important that the tailor is used to working on a female form. Why not give them a piece or two to try and see what you think?

  11. References

    I have been asked to submit 3 references before a final round of interviews at an organization, and I am having trouble nailing down my references. I have had three jobs after law school, but I do not want to list anyone from my current employer because I don’t want them to know I am looking. I am wondering if listing two managers from my last position would be strange. Otherwise, I’ve had supervisors from internships during law school, but I haven’t spoken to them in a while and I honestly don’t know for sure if I made a great impression.

    • Rainbow Hair

      What about a colleague from the last job before your current?

      But if your question is “is it weird to have two references from one employer?” I think the answer is no, and that’s what they get for asking for three.

    • Anonymous

      I have been in a similar situation and have used both managers from a previous position and co-workers from my current current employer who have now moved on to other employers. Though probably not ideal, I’ve also used people who I have served with in a leadership position on various professional boards and community organizations.

    • K

      I had 2 jobs after law school, and when applying to my current (3rd), all my references were from my first job. They will understand that you don’t want your current employer to know that you’re looking to move. Honestly, if it’s a big company, they probably just have a process they have to follow and want you to provide some plausible, breathing human so that they can verify that you’re not a serial killer.

  12. Anon

    Can anyone comment on the going rate for having a man’s blazer re-lined? Philly. I do realize it’s a decent work effort to do so wasn’t expecting $20 or anything like that, but was just quoted $100 and trying to judge if that’s high or reasonable. Bonus points for Center City recommendations…

  13. Little Red

    OMG! That dress and belt are gorgeous. I will definitely check this brand out.

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