Coffee Break: Gerlinda Pump

94 Comments

1. I love these, but no idea what I would wear them with. Ideas?

   1. I think these would look good with white/(light) gray/navy/black and maybe a blush pink or lavender accent.

   2. Navy….lots and lots of navy, as well as other deep jeweltones and cool colors.

2. Ugh, the thought of tights-clad toes poking out of a suede peep-toe bootie – awful. The shoes themselves are OK, but it’s a pretty narrow window of time (at least in NYC) when deeply colored suede feels seasonal but the weather permits bare toes.

   1. +1 These would be a million times more useful with a closed toe.

   2. +1 — this is one trend I will be firmly ignoring.

   3. +1 – I find open-toe booties to be adorable in theory but completely impractical. I’ve decided that they work in places that are warm in the fall/winter.

   4. Respectfully disagree. Enjoy the look and comfort of tights and peep toes. Great way to extend the season a little as the temp drops. Agree that it is absurd in the slosh–but for a crisp fall day–perfect!

   5. It’s how we Floridians do Fall.

3. I’m so ready for fall solely for the weather. And my leaves-scented candles. And football. Seriously, is summer over yet?

   1. FOOTBALL!!!! +1000

   2. I am right there with you.

   3. I hate summer.

      I love fall.

   4. Me too! Given what winters are like in New England, I get alot of flack for stating that I don’t like summers. Honestly, if I liked 80+ degrees and humidity, I wouldn’t live in New England.

   5. Ooh, tell me more about your leaves-scented candle, please! Where did you buy it?

      1. Bath and body works actually. The white barn one called Leaves. Sooo good.

         1. Thank you!

   6. Noooooo! You cannot have my summer! I need 2 more months of sweating. I seriously love it.

4. A colleague recently mentioned that he’s paying for alcohol at his son’s wedding reception, like it’s a tradition. I never heard of that before; I thought the bride/her family (obv assuming a hetero couple) traditionally paid for reception costs. What did I miss? Perhaps it’s a cultural/religious thing.

   1. Traditionally, bride’s family pays for everything except: honeymoon, rehearsal dinner, wedding bands, liquor.

      1. +1

   2. Not a tradition that I’ve ever heard of. Couples and their parents – both sets – frequently agree to bear various shares of the costs, although the old school rule is that the brides family pays. Not surprised that the grooms parents would have offered to pick up some of the cost of the reception.

   3. This is a thing I came across in several wedding “how-to” article/books/etc.

   4. My parents paid for our wedding and reception but they objected to paying for alcohol (except for a champagne toast). They don’t have any religious or moral objection to alcohol but they don’t drink themselves and I guess they didn’t want to pay for something they wouldn’t use themselves. We offered my DH’s parents the opportunity to pay for an open bar if that was important to them (they declined). It could be a situation like that.

   5. I don’t think that it’s quite tradition, but it seemed to be a common way of doing things way back when I got married around the turn of the century. (I never get tired of referring to 2000 as the turn of the century.) I think that we did something like that.

      1. That is so awesome. I, too, got married to the former around the turn of the century (1999, actually). Henceforth I will be busting out that terminology at every opportunity.

   6. My husband’s parents are divorced and his mom offered to pay for a rehearsal luncheon and his dad paid for the wedding open bar. My parents gave us a gift toward the wedding and we covered the remainder. I don’t know if it’s traditional, but it worked for us.

   7. My uncle paid for the alcohol at his son’s wedding. We are planning our wedding at the moment, and we’ve received monetary gifts from both sets of parents. I think traditional is tradition so much any more

5. Ladies (especially those who live in cities where black is ubiquitous, like NYC)- I ordered some flat black boots in the NAS (the Blondo Velvet Waterproof Riding Boot) and they fit and feel great. I feel like they’re classic and will last a long time. I’ll be moving back to NY from Denver in October, and am trying to veer my wardrobe back in that direction…it has gotten very casual over the past couple of years! I feel like I *should* own flat black boots, but I only want to keep them if they would be on high rotation (>1x/week), and I’m failing to come up with lots of outfits I might wear them with. I wear a uniform for my job, therefore these would be strictly for personal wear.

   Are boots over blue jeans still in? That look seemed a little dated when I tried it. I would imagine they would be better over dark gray or black jeans, but I also feel like black jeans are sort of out too (are they?). I can see them going great with tights and a sweater dress. Otherwise, I don’t wear many dresses/skirts in the fall/winter. Over black leggings?

   So, do you consider flat black boots a wardrobe staple? What outfits do you commonly wear them with?

   1. I don’t own boots (my calves disagree with them) but I feel like I saw a ton of people wearing boots with jeans last winter. I’d read that it was a dated look but it seems to have been hanging on last year in NYC.

   2. Less of a staple now than they were 3 years ago, but not “out” IMO. Short booties or OTK boots have definitely taken over the “trendy” title if you want to look more current.

      1. Yea, I see what you’re saying. I do have ankle boots that I love, and I just don’t think I can bring myself to wear OTK boots (plus, I only want to buy something that will be reasonably in style for at least 5 years).

      2. OTK?

         1. oh- over the knee!

   3. So, they are a wardrobe staple for me. I have a very pared-down, minimalist wardrobe. In colder months, I wear my flat black riding boots 90% of the time (with jeans, black jeans, or corduroys tucked in, with wool pencil skirts, with wool dresses, etc). I have three pairs – one Tory Burch, one Aquatalia for if it is snowy/icy/raining but I still need the dressiness level of leather boots, and one Le Chameau rubber for when it is snowy/icy/raining and I can be casual.

      They will never be out for me.

      1. This. Regularly visit a couple European cities in winter and they seem to be standard winter gear in northern Europe as well.

   4. I would say not out but not over jeans (for now… I’m sure it will come back).

      I wear with skirts and leggings.

      1. +1

   5. I don’t think flat, knee-high boots will ever go out because it’s a very classic look, but agree that ankle boots are much trendier now. I actually think OTK boots look a little dated. They were super trendy a few years ago and I don’t think they’re as classic as riding boots. Personally, I prefer to wear my knee-high boots with tights or leggings because I think it is a sleeker look. My jeans always seem to get bunchy and look lumpy, plus they are not super comfortable. But that is more about my personal comfort – I see people in knee-high boots and jeans all the time who look great. I usually wear my boots with tights and dresses during the week and with leggings and long (butt-covering) sweaters on weekends.

   6. I have a great pair of black Stuart Weitzman riding boots that I LOVE and eagerly look forward to breaking out every fall/winter. I think that blue jeans with riding boots looks dated, but wearing them with black leggings or a skinny black pant remains a ‘classic’ look to me. I’ll wear them with a black pant or legging, but not with blue jeans.

   7. Thanks all. This is exactly what I was thinking, so I’m glad you all confirmed. And, hopefully boots over jeans will come back in soon (though I’ll probably just wear that now anyways, if I’m being honest).

   8. Tall boots with jeans are somewhat dated, though they’re ok with leggings or black jeans, or in with tights and a skirt/dress. Short boots / chelsea boots are what everyone is wearing, aside from when it snows.

   9. my wallet was so much happier before I knew these were a thing.

      I adore my blondo booties and wear the crap out of them.

6. I’m curious about how to classify the firm I work at. Do universal (within the US) categories beyond biglaw and small firms exist? I’m an associate at a firm with four offices in three states (across coasts) that has ~50 attorneys. It is a specialized firm that exclusively does a few niche practice areas within a larger, yet still specialized area. Think 3 specific kinds of insurance litigation – but transactional.

   I’ve had a biglaw associate friend tell me it’s a small firm and a small law (3 attorney firm) friend tell me it’s midsize. One person told me it’s a boutique firm due to the specialized practice area. Is it just all relative? When other lawyers ask about my firm I usually say “50 attorneys in 4 offices all doing X law”. Is there a more succinct answer that would be (for the most part) understood across the board?

   1. I’d say midsize x-area boutique.

   2. Midsize boutique

      1. +1.

   3. Yay Kat! I am generally a fan of bootie’s, but the open toe DOOMS this one for me. Sorry! As for the OP, I agree with the other OP’s that you work in a boutique firm like me. Your’s is bigger then mine, as we have ONLEY a signal office with 18 attorney’s 6 paralegal’s and 8 secretarie’s, plus the manageing partner, who does NOT do independent legal work, only oversight / billeing’s. I hope to become the manageing partner by 2018, as Dad think’s this is a job for a younger partner, and Cravath has a FEMALE manageing partner not much older then me.

      What does the HIVE think about female manageing partners? I say if we can have a lady president, we can all be manageing partner’s at our law firms and corporation’s. Am I right? I hope so! YAY!!!!

   4. That sounds like a boutique firm to me, based on the niche practice area.

7. Did anyone else absolute loathe wedding planning? Like, to the point of misery and anxiety? Between family issues, my stage fright, money worries. . .I am just so overwhelmed. I feel like I’ve brought up elopement a million times and my fiancé refuses unless his mother can come, which leads to the whole we-can’t-invite-his-mother-and-not-mine. . .and then fathers would have to be invited, then siblings, which defeats the entire purpose of eloping. The whole thing just has me on the verge of tears 20 hours a day. Any suggestions short of therapy and meds (already taken care of)?

   1. What if you did immediate family only? Parents + siblings (include partners + kids). Could also do parents only if not close with your siblings.

      This is not worth medicating yourself over. Figure out a balance that works for you and Fiance

      1. We thought about that early on, but we are both children of divorce. An immediate family only wedding would mean a lot of discomfort all around.

   2. The best thing about being married is not having to think about wedding planning any more! It’s bizarrely stressful and emotional – and I’m not someone who usually finds planning emotional or stressful.

      1. So this was almost my family dynamic (& we did elope, but H was totally on board with that and I completely understand it’s not for everyone). We did do a dinner party about 6 months later that our family now calls “our wedding.” I’d highly recommend the approach we did with the dinner party for an actual wedding – we rented a private room at one of our favorite restaurants (it held 50 people seated & that was the perfect number to balance out the immediate family drama) & the restaurant pretty much handled everything else (or had the capability to handle – my good friend is a florist so I wanted to use her instead of the restaurants). I did paperless post for invites (I love paper, but this made things so much easier – no tracking down addresses, etc.). The hardest part was the seating chart, which felt like an LSAT problem given the family dynamics. If the restaurant dinner had been our actual wedding, I probably would have either had the wedding onsite informally or gone to a ceremony location & followed it up with dinner. In short, I agree with everyone else that the key to making it “low stress” is to keep your event small & find a venue that basically does everything for you. It also helps to not care that much – I love Pinterest for other people, but when it came to this, I just didn’t put a lot of effort into all the details (told my florist friend to do what she wanted), found one example of a seating chart that I could copy & did that, found something pretty to wear that I loved & called it a day. No favors, invites, DJ/band, etc.

   3. Dude, tell your fiancé to plan the stupid wedding, esp since he’s the one who wants a wedding. Or hire a wedding planner.

      1. + 1 million on the wedding planner. I knew I didn’t want to plan a huge wedding that we were really only having because Lovely Fiance wanted it (although I admit I am on board now), so we outsourced the planning and oh my gosh! It’s the best money we’ve spent! She sends us emails saying things like “Do you want flowers delivered to hotel or church?” And I say “hotel, please.” And then I think “good grief I never even knew that was an issue. Super glad it’s handled.”

         Also, how about elope with immediate family only? It would get you out of the whole “wedding” thing. Or just parents. Same thing only smaller. I would totally do that in your shoes.

      2. Yeah +1 billion to the planner. I am organized and it was still just too much for me. The day we hired her, I literally couldn’t stop singing and dancing around the house. Now it’s actually fun and I get excited, whereas before it felt like a fulltime job that I was failing at but desperately trying to do a good job at!

         (FYI, our wedding is in a major city and we both have big families we wouldn’t dream of not including, which contribute to part of what makes it inherently overwhelming.) Ask friends for recs, consult Yelp, etc. and have clear guidelines. For us it was the planner needs to be available to meet on nights or weekends and needs to communicate via email with us. We wanted someone calm (i.e. not excitable and not a shouter- at least not in front of us) and someone who could take the reins on things that were no big deal (so give us 3 bands to pick from but planner makes the call on smaller details).

   4. A wedding with just parents and siblings (and siblings-in-law and nieces/nephews if applicable) is not technically an elopement but it’s sure as he!l easier to plan than a regular wedding. Why don’t you do that? Alternatively, your fiancé needs to plan it. You want to elope. He wants a wedding. The person who wants the wedding should plan it.

   5. Any chance you could just plan a big dinner for everyone without all the “wedding” ceremony stuff? People can even get up and say nice toasts to you during it, but basically you wouldn’t have to be “on stage” yourself. This is basically the main reason I eloped (the fact that it was cheaper and easier was a bonus).

      Also, FWIW, I find it troubling that your fiance would rather subject you to something that puts you on the verge of a breakdown vs. upsetting his mother.

      1. “FWIW, I find it troubling that your fiance would rather subject you to something that puts you on the verge of a breakdown vs. upsetting his mother.”
         THIS! OP, your fiancé is showing you what your lives together will be like. Think long and hard about whether this is the kind of person you want to marry.

         1. I totally understand why you’d think this and trust me, we had many long discussions about it. He’s the only child of a basically single mother (father wasn’t/isn’t a huge part of his life), so I respect that he wants a wedding for her. Certainly doesn’t make it any easier on my end, though!

            1. I think you are missing the point. Him wanting the wedding, regardless of the reason behind it, is totally reasonable and not a sign of anything. Him wanting a wedding and you shouldering the time/stress/burden of making it happen is.

            2. I hope to read that your fiancé and his mother are planning a beautiful wedding for you all in a few months.

         2. Can we not. Allowing mom to come to the wedding is not the same thing as prioritizing mom’s whims over OP’s mental health. Mom is allowed to have feelings too. It would be incredibly hurtful to be excluded from this moment in your child’s life.

            What’s more fair is to say, it’s problematic if OP has expressed her level of stress and fiance is all, well whatevs you’re the bride so it’s all on you.

            1. It’s understandable that he wants his mom at the wedding, but it’s not reasonable to make his fiancée plan it, especially given how much stress it’s causing her. Wanting to have a wedding his mom can attend isn’t prioritizing mom over OP, but forcing OP to plan the wedding his mom wants is.

            2. With the key addition being – if he wants the wedding a certain way to accommodate his mother, then he should be taking the lead on planning.

   6. I hear you. We made our lists of must-have people. For me, that was seven people. For him, it was about the same. Those people were non-negotiable to both of us. So, given that those people would be sharing our day, we then thought about what we wanted that day to look like. It still was overwhelming for me at times, but I tried to put it in perspective by telling myself that all I wanted was to be married and share the day with my future spouse and my seven. If that happened, all would be well.

      1. Yes! Although I am now enjoying planning (again, a planner is awesome), I also know that things go wrong or not as planned. As long as I marry fiance at the end of the day and my five are having a good time (also why I chose a planner so my mom could enjoy the day, too), it’s a successful wedding. And we are having 250-300 people!

   7. I feel you. I just… try not to think about the day of. Like I try not to think about my death.

   8. Have you considered just throwing a non-wedding wedding? (For example, throw a backyard bbq or similar casual party, and at some point early on, ask for everyone’s attention, do a short ceremony, and then just continue with the party.) Keep in mind that there’s no rule that says that you need to have any of the traditional wedding stuff, and this would make sure that moms and whoever could still be there.

      I didn’t absolutely hate planning mine (which was pretty traditional), but it was very stressful. I can’t imagine doing it again.

   9. If your fiancé is fine with having a small event with just parents and siblings and that will make you feel less stressed, then just do that. You can still do whatever aspects are important to you–if you want pictures, hire a photographer, if you want a fancy dress, go for it. Take everyone out to eat after (or don’t!) and enjoy your day!

   10. I hated it so much and almost had a breakdown.

       The resources, advice, and women at Apracticalwedding.com saved my sanity.

       And our wedding was awesome! Seriously, I have no affiliation with the site, just experience that it kept me just on the side of the sane / insane line.

   11. My now-husband did about 40% of the planning work. I was resentful it wasn’t 50% but it made the whole thing a bit easier. That, of course, means giving up control but it was worth it to me.

   12. I was pregnant when we got married and we wanted to get married before we had the baby. We got lucky with a small church and then we had thirty guests in supper club restaurant complete with a band that played the standards. One maid of honor, one best man. Pretty much the only planning for the reception was picking the menu and getting the cake. Done and done. And EVERYONE had a great time!!!

   13. Yes. The only reason we aren’t engaged yet is that I don’t want to plan a wedding and neither does he.

       Right now, the plan is to have an immediate family-only destination wedding at a location associated with one of our hobbies. My side will have 6 people, his 3. Instead of spending money on all the wedding stuff, we will cover airfare and hotel for our guests. All I plan to do is: buy dress, contact wedding planner at resort, and send checks to reimburse everyone for their expenses. He’ll invite everyone and buy our tickets. We might have a stateside wedding at the courthouse to cover the legalities.

   14. Yes. We ended up hiring a wedding planner. If I had to do it over, I think we would have done the courthouse and then dinner with ~ 15 people.

8. I recently got married and have legally changed my name to take my husband’s last name. My old maiden name is now a middle name. I’m finally at the point of changing everything over at my firm and they’ll be changing my email and profiles to match the new name. I’ll be going by First Husband’s Last internally but keeping First Maiden Husband’s Last on the website and external stuff, so I’m still recognized. Any suggested wording for a firm-wide/contact-wide email? I was planning on letting external people figure it out – my old email will re-direct to my new one forever and I’ll have a line in my signature directing people to change their contacts. But whenever they change my email/firm profiles, I’ll need to notify internal people so they can still find me in directories, etc. Do I email the whole firm? Everyone I work with? Only people I work with frequently? And what do I say?

   1. I did exactly what you’re planning to do, and I didn’t send out any kind of mass email. The people I worked with frequently knew I was getting married and understood the name change was related to that. Anyone else will see that you have a new name and figure it out, and as long as your old email will redirect I don’t see how their could be any issues.

   2. If your email auto-forwards, then your internal messages should get to you too. People should be able to figure it out. Make sure that you are searchable under both names for a little while (perhaps IT has a solution to this). I don’t think a firm wide email is necessary.

   3. I took my husband’s last name recently and considered sending out a mass email, but ultimately decided against it. My old email automatically redirected, so that took care of most of the problem. In case there was any lingering confusion when I replied to an email with my new email address, I updated my email signature to ‘First New Last Name (Maiden Name)’ for 6-9 months.

   4. Have you ever received an email like this from anyone else in your firm? If not, I don’t think it’s necessary. I’ve never received an email like that and have only seen notes in signature lines.

   5. You don’t need to email anyone proactively, just update your email signature as suggested by others.

      I recently changed my name from First Middle Maiden to First Middle Married (maiden is gone completely). People still found me in the directory just fine – they looked under “First” when I didn’t show up under “Maiden” :)

   6. I think you should email the people you work with frequently indicating that you’ve changed your name – just a quick “FYI, I’ve updated my email address and firm contact info for my new name, Jane Maiden Married.” I only advise this because I didn’t tell anyone after I changed my name as an associate and a partner wandered by asking why my phone number was re-directing to someone else. He knew I had married recently but the name change just didn’t register. Absolutely no need for a firm-wide email though.

9. I made it to the mall for the first time in ages last weekend, and found a couple of staples that I thought I’d share:

   First, this tee from White House, Black Market: https://www.whitehouseblackmarket.com/store/product/soft-touch-scoop-neck-tee/570181487?color=1464&catId=cat4769286&fromSearch=true&scPos=1-2801-3130

   It’s just a really good example of the sort of dressy t-shirt that is so easy to throw on with a cardi or jacket. Nice fabric, decent price, and I love the scoop-neck. I got a white one (which still needs a cami, but looks really nice) and a reddish one (not sure if it was the same color as this picture – the picture looks more red, while mine is more of a brick color). I’ll probably go back and get more when they have more colors. I’d say that they run a little big.

   Second, DNKY Fusion seamless hipsters – I’ve been looking and looking for something comfortable that doesn’t show lines, and these seem to fit the bill. I got them for about $8 at Dillard’s, but it seems like they have them at other department stores, too. The color selection is completely blah, but they are functional.

10. TX ladies – looks like I might be relocating to Dallas for a job! Any recommendations for areas to live with less than a 30 minute commute? I might need to rent a furnished apartment for a little while until I’m completely moved. I found a great house in the Oakhill/North Wynnewood area but I’m not sure if that’s a good part of town. Also, things to do?

    I’m in the northeast now but grew up in TX so I’m not too worried about culture shock or anything along those lines. Just trying to picture what life will be like and I’m so excited.

    1. I’m a life-long Dallasite and I don’t know where this area is. Can you provide the major intersections instead? Also, you said you want less than a 30 minute commute but didn’t say where you would be working. I suggest you re-post tomorrow as there are sevreal regular readers who live in Dallas and can provide some feedback.

    2. Welcome, welcome! :)

       I’ve been in Dallas for almost a year. I also haven’t heard of that area. What are you looking for in an area? Married? Any kiddos?

       30 minute commute to where? Downtown Dallas?

       As far as things to do, I’m very open to being corrected, but it seems like a lot of Dallas things to do revolve around eating and drinking. There are also a few running and biking trails (Katy Trail, White Rock Lake). It’s definitely leaves a bit to be desired for the outdoorsy. I agree with Jane, though, repost tomorrow to catch more Dallasites!

       1. It definitely***

11. 1. Do you have a gym membership?
    2. If yes, what do you do there?
    3. If no, do you get a workout in somewhere else?

    I know I should sign up but I keep waffling… I love doing workout videos at home because it’s free and flexible. But somehow I never actually end up doing it. My office has a really lovely gym (at a reasonable price too). Basically I’m looking for motivation to convince me to sign up. I’d also like to do mor than just run on the treadmill but I’m a bit intimidated.

    I’d love workout classes but I work long, irregular hours. Plus, the gym is just so much cheaper than paying per class in my HCOL area. And yes gym has classes but times don’t work for me.

    1. I go to the local city gym 2-3 Xs a week. Thirty minutes not the bike and 15 -20 minutes of half-hearted machines.

    2. We have a family membership to the local Y. Both my husband and I use it for strength training and cardio. We’ve done some classes before, but they aren’t really our thing right now. We also like year round access to a pool, playground, and kids sports since we have a young child.
       Can you sign up for a short trial period to see if you like it? Also, to see if running into co-workers bothers you?

    3. 1. Yes, I do Classpass because I also love classes). I also have a free gym at work and a free (but teeny tiny) gym at home.
       2. I love the bootcamp classes and I love lifting weights. I cannot stand running on a treadmill, but I will if I have to.

       Try lifting weights – you can start off with the machine weights. They all have pictures of what you’re supposed to do and what muscles to work. Use a low weight and get the form right, then try increasing the weight. Also, your gym may have trainers there – they usually walk around the gym and can show you a move or two (but they are trying to get you to sign up for personal training). You could also sign up for personal training for a couple months to learn some moves. Good luck!

    4. 1. Yes, and have for about 6 years
       2. Mostly cardio. Because of some structural issues, running is hard for me so I tend to use other machinery, or use the treadmill to walk + hills. I love having cardio that automatically does intervals for me and the only way I will work out is if I can do it while watching TV (Lame, but true. I once went to the gym just to watch an Olympic opening/closing ceremony because I didn’t have TV). I also do some minimal weight + mat exercise. I’m terrible about classes and have never really used them. Every gym I’ve joined has also included at least one personal training sessions, which has also made me feel more comfortable about going. When I first started, that was really key to making everything less intimidating.
       3. I never do things that I say I’m going to do without going to the gym – workout videos, at-home workouts, etc. It’s not habit, so I often just forget, but I also like being able to do cardio and then other stuff.

12. So, anyone know when Cole Haan does their 30 percent off sales?

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