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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
If you’ve got a bunch of “summer outings” with interns or summer associates coming up, this dress will do it all. You can toss on a blazer for the office, but this would also be perfect to wear for your Broadway shows, your baseball games (add sneakers), your cooking classes, or your scavenger hunts.
I’m very into the dresses-with-loafers look recently, so I’d probably pair this with my favorite Rothy’s.
The dress is $99 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XXS–XXL.
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
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- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
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- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Nina
I’ve been eating apples with peanut butter for breakfast and that seems to be a great balance of protein/fiber/fat/etc to keep me full for a while. What are other breakfast ideas along these lines?
nuqotw
Dates and cashews.
Anon
Eggs with steamed greens and black-eyed peas.
Cb
I like eggs with canneloni beans and some tomatoes.
In this vein, I had the nicest lunch. Tinned tuna, a bit of mayo, cucumbers, on a bed of rocket, with pomegranate glaze. So, so good. Finished it off with an Reeses’ egg.
Anon
chickpeas with brown rice or quinoa
OOO
Smoothie with bananas, berries and plain yogurt. I typically use whole milk yogurt.
Anonymous
You can buy frozen avocado chunks to throw in the smoothie to up the fat content. They are awful if you defrost them and put them on a salad, but just perfect in a smoothie.
anon
cottage cheese with blueberries
Anon
I had a whole grain bread (Dave’s killer) with almond butter this morning. My other go-to is plain 2% yogurt (traditional or Greek) mixed with whole grain cereal. Need some fat in the yogurt to make it both filling and taste good.
Nina
These are other breakfasts I’ve done. Whole wheat toast is also surprisingly filling.
Anon
Toast with pb and sliced banana. Pb is like the holy grail for feeling full for me
Anon
+1
Anon
Whole wheat toast, peanut butter, and fruit.
A smoothie with berries, greens, protein powder, chia seeds, whole fat Greek yogurt, and milk.
An omelet, scramble, or quiche with eggs, veggies, and cheese.
anon a mouse
Greek yogurt with granola and a drizzle of honey.
Steel-cut oats made with protein powder and dried fruit.
Anonymous
High fat yogurt with berries and nuts? I also like yogurt with diced apples, cinnamon, and almonds/pecans. If I am very on top of things I’ll cook apples down into a compote on Sunday and spoon them over yogurt/sprinkle on nuts in the AM for a super fast brekafast.
Anon
I do whole wheat toast with peanut butter and apple slices or avocado toast with either the sriracha baked tofu from Trader Joes or sauteed greens and tempeh “sausage” (I use the recipe from the Rise and Run cookbook).
Anon
Oatmeal, PB, fruit, and protein powder
emeralds
Bananas with PB also work well. You could experiment with other nut butters, too–I could happily eat Justin’s maple almond butter with a spoon.
Not reinventing the wheel from other responses, but my other no-prior-prep-leave-no-pans-to-be-washed breakfast options include whole wheat freezer waffles with PB and a banana, whole milk Greek yogurt with berries and oats, and a basic PB&J followed by a piece of fruit for a morning snack.
Anonymous
I lived on the ‘french toast’ freezer waffles topped with peanut butter and honey my senior year in college. I couldn’t look at them again for ages but when I was pregnant I LOVED those for breakfast with cream cheese, cinnamon, and honey on top.
Vicky Austin
Dang that actually sounds amazing.
emeralds
OMG that sounds delicious.
Anonymous
It was basically homemmade cream cheese icing and I was totally ok with that. The baby wanted dairy!
Anonymous
Avocado toast. If you are lazy like me you can buy single-serve cups of “avocado mash” in the produce section next to the guacamole. Toast a slice of Dave’s Ki11er whole-grain bread, spread with butter if you like, add avocado, top with TJ’s Everything But the Bagel seasoning.
Anon
Greek yogurt with chopped up fruit or berries and chopped walnuts.
Depressed OP from a few days ago
I posted a couple days back that I thought I was going into a bit of a depressive episode after years. Thanks for all the suggestions. The last couple days I’ve been more diligent about my schedule/sleep/gym and its definitely helping. I will look into getting a therapist and signing up for a regular class – I used to take art/language classes and that definitely helped a lot.
I was thinking about a vacation and unexpectedly found out that I have Good Friday and Easter Monday off. I have a bunch of those long weekend trips, including one the next weekend, so idk if I’m going to go anywhere, but I’d like to make it a rejuvenating staycation. I’ll find the therapists then for sure. Go to a nice spa probably. Plan things with friends, especially some who are unemployed or have those days off. Other replenishing staycation ideas?
Cornellian
This may or may not be replenishing for you, but consider finding a house cleaner or even organizer who can come in while you’re out at your spa day or with friends. Coming home to a clean or slightly more organized space always feels so luxurious to me. It’s not cheap, but compared to flights and a hotel for a vacation it’s not that bad.
Anon
Not sure where you live, but Easter week gets touristy in my city with spring break so YMMV but for a weekday stay cation I like to check out museums or other attractions in my area that are too crowded or annoying to do on weekends. Ditto check out breakfast spots that get too crowded on weekends and have a leisurely breakfast out.
I also love trail running and use staycation days to hit a trail a little further out then I’d normally do.
If you enjoy cooking or baking, a project that’s more involved than I’d normally make.
+1 to you wanting to pamper yourself. I usually get my nails done during a staycation.
This time of year I love to grab a drink or a treat and take a leisurely walk in my city and enjoy everything coming into bloom. My neighborhood literally looks like a postcard with little side streets with brick row homes and cherry blossoms.
I love reading a really good book (ideally outside) or doing an easy craft project (currently like to throw on a movie, pour a glass of wine, and do paint by numbers). Something where my mind is engaged just enough to help get myself out of a funk but not too much that it require brain power.
My number one staycation advice is to deep clean your apartment before it starts. If my apartment is a mess (as it is currently), I’m not going to enjoy my staycation
Anonymous
I love to take myself to our main shopping area, grab a coffee, browse for housewares, buy a book, and then take myself to a nice lunch (I’ll usually sit at the bar) and read my new book. I’ll often follow it up with a hike/yoga/some type of workout and when I get home order dinner, shower, put on clean pjs, and go to bed early. Bonus points if I’ve done laundry so I can go to bed on clean sheets.
Anon
I don’t get many days like this, but when I do if the weather is nice, I like to go on a shopping trip that includes a nice lunch for myself, by myself. And usually bring along a book, which I read at the restaurant. If the weather is nice I might stop at a park and read my book there for a while.
Anon
For all of you who are avid readers, where do you get your books? The library? Used book stores? Do you buy books new online or at bookshops? Borrow books from friends? I see people who are constantly reading books and wonder where they get them from. I checked out a book from the library for the first time in forever and then lost it. But generally, it takes forever for me to return books, because it is another errand for me to run. How do you develop a reading habit? Do you read mostly fiction or non-fiction?
Cora
Kindle ebooks
Libby ebooks
Library books
I don’t buy much. I buy used books sometimes.
Anokha
Fiction. a Kindle + Libby changed my life! (Libby lets you borrow e-books easily from your library!)
Walnut
Exactly this. Libby is life changing.
Anonymous
This. So many books at your fingertips. I’m a fast reader and it was amazing to not have to carefully allocate luggage space for all the books I wanted to read on vacation.
emeralds
Yup. Libby sounds like the way to go, OP.
To answer your question, I read mostly fiction. I use the library heavily, whether Libby or the branch that’s walking distance from my office–I go on my lunch break. When I buy new books, they’re almost always digital, but people know I’m a reader so I get gifted a fair number of books in hard copy too.
anon
Same. I only buy books that I know I will enjoy re-reading. If I do buy them, it’s via Kindle.
Anon
+1000 to Libby. I downloaded the Kindle app on my phone for free and read there.
Anonymous
Libby is great when it works, but our library system has so few copies of popular books that it can take months and months for your turn to come up, and you might not be in the mood to read that particular book when it does. We don’t have reciprocity with any other library systems either. I usually end up buying Kindle books.
I only buy hard copies of books that aren’t available on Kindle or that don’t work on Kindle, such as those with tables and charts or the Norton Critical editions mentioned below, or special books that I plan to reread many times. My house has an open floor plan and there are no more walls on which to put bookcases.
PLB
Many cities have libraries where you can have a digital library card without living there. The digital card allows you to check out materials on Libby.
anon
+1. I have library cards to multiple big cities. In some cases you can purchase them if you’re not a resident for a reasonable yearly fee, which, given how much I read, pays for itself in a few months at most.
Anon
Could you list some of those cities?
Vicky Austin
Try Broward County in Florida.
Anon
Brooklyn, NY library gives library cards to kids, regardless of where you live.
ALT
I LOVE Libby. It’s so nice to switch between reading something on my iPad and picking up on that same place when k read on my phone (like if I’m waiting somewhere)
I also check out physical books from the library or swap with friends. I rarely buy books.
anon
I read a lot, almost exclusively fiction. I borrow from the library, buy used, and buy new. Reading library books on my phone or kindle eliminates the losing/running another errand problem. I never expected to like e-reading but I got used to it quickly and I love it now. I also borrow audiobooks from the library all the time.
anon
Edit to clarify: I get audiobooks through the Libby app; I don’t go into the physical library and check out compact disks!
Anon
Library ebooks. I have both my city’s library (very, very underfunded) and I’m very, very lucky to have the library for the town where my family’s vacation house is (wealthy tax base and most residents are seasonal so very, very well funded).
I have a kindle but really 90% of the time I read on the kindle app on my phone. It’s easier for me because I always have my phone with me. I use my kindle only when reading outside (the beach, park, my balcony).
Anon
I buy a lot of used books online or in bookstores. I think the only new books I own are ones that just came out or that I preordered to support the author. I do borrow library books, but my library doesn’t have fines unless the book is lost (so wouldn’t help your situation) and I can return the books at any branch (which is convenient where I live).
Aquitaine
Similar here. I buy used books and when I’m finished drop them off at little free libraries (there are three on my main walking route).
Anon
There are little free libraries all over my neighborhood. We give a lot of books away there & they seem to always get taken. I can think of about 8 little free libraries on my usual dog walking route.
Anon2
Library for me. I read about 4-6 books per month and would go broke buying them. I also don’t love reading on a kindle, but if you do that could simplify things for you (rent from the library on your kindle). I have a basket in my living room where library books are kept, aside from the couple I’m reading, which tend to stay next to my bed and next to the couch (yes, I read one book upstairs and one downstairs at a time so I always have one handy). I read about 2/3 fiction, 1/3 nonfiction.
Is the library near other places you go, and you can “errand pair”? For me, I put so many books on hold that I return the old ones when I go to pick up the new ones.
If you would rather buy, BookOutlet . com has tons of books for up to 50% off.
Cb
Yes, we have a library basket where books are kept. I’ll take a library book upstairs, but don’t let my son, as I’ll find things on the shelves weeks later.
Anonymous
We have a library book basket too.
Anon
Library now. I just spent an absolutely obscene amount of money moving cross country and a lot of it was books. I need to thin the herd but I’m a sentimental fool and a number are academic references for my field. In my new city, I’m a library gal (I borrowed from my library in old-city, too, but also bought books, usually used), and am instituting a one-in, at least one-out policy for books (and most anything else).
anon
+1 library. I’ll buy a book if I really want it sooner, but don’t want to wait for it (holds list can get long for new books that have gotten a ton of publicity).
Two things that help with library logistics for me:
1) my library allows us to put anything on hold, including books currently available at my local branch or nearby branches. I can put a bunch of books on hold, then go pick up everything from the hold shelf a few days later. Great if I’m crunched for time!
2) my library has a 24/7 return bin, so I don’t have to wait for library hours to return.
Also, in California Link+ is an amazing way to get books from all over the state that my own library doesn’t have.
Anon
I do the library for 99% of my books now through the Libby app. If I read something that I truly love and want to add to my permanent collection, I buy it used from Thriftbooks. We have three tall bookcases of books and I think that’s about the right amount for our small space, but I’d love to have a library one day.
Anon
Oh, and I read a lot of fiction and nonfiction. I like a mix.
Anon
My parents have a smaller house b/c the bookshelves shrink each room’s dimensions. They are even in the dining room now. I love books, especially older atlases and old encyclopedias, but not all over the effing place — not sure if I’d need to reinforce the foundation.
Anon
My house is becoming your parents house. The only rooms there aren’t bookshelves in are the bathrooms. And yes, I mean I have bookshelves in the kitchen too. My home office is fully lined with bookshelves. I love it.
Anon
My kitchen is tiny, but I still have a cookbook bookshelf :-)
Anonymous
We’re big readers and each bedroom has a bookshelf, our kid’s play room has two, and our sitting room has a big one as well. I STILL cull the books 2-3x/yr (kiddo cycles in/out of kids books quickly and school happily takes whatever he is done with). I pretty much only buy books I can’t get through my library/libby.
anon
I get almost all my books from the public library or Little Free Libraries around my neighborhood. If I want a book the library doesn’t have, I will buy it from a local used bookstore or Thriftbooks. I’ve never had trouble remembering to return books, but I’m lucky enough to have lived in walking distance of a library my entire adult life.
I read a mixture of genres, but more fiction than nonfiction. I try to alternate more challenging books (literary fiction and informative nonfiction) with brain candy (junky thrillers and light memoirs).
My best advice for developing a reading habit is one, to always have a book nearby, and two, give yourself permission to stop reading anything you don’t like. I’m also a big proponent of reading before bed — I have trouble sleeping if I don’t.
Anon2
+1 I read every night before bed. Put the phone down, read 15 minutes, and you can get through a lot of books that way. It also helps ground me, as I don’t feel like “myself” if I haven’t read that day
Anon
+1 This is how I read 100 books a year.
Anon
You must be a super fast reader! I thought I was a pretty fast reader, but I also read ~100 books a year and I read for way more than 15 minutes per day. I’d say I average at least one hour of reading per day.
Anon
To Anon 11:28, I read way more than 15 minutes a night, sometimes for hours! I meant reading every night before bed is mostly how I read so many books in a year.
Anon
Ohh ok gotcha, that makes me feel better haha
Anon
I read constantly and 95% of what I read are ebooks from the library. I very rarely read physical books anymore. According to my book spreadsheet, about 20% of the books I read are nonfiction, but I suspect that the amount of time I spend read reading nonfiction is much higher than that, as I often read the gigantic nonfiction books you really don’t want want to lug around in hardback, but balance that with shorter fiction books, though I also love epic novels. Basically, I like variety- literary fiction, nonfiction, mysteries, scifi, fantasy- I like it all! I think that makes it easier to read a lot, as I can switch between books if I’m not in the mood for something, and having hundreds of books on my ipad or phone makes it easy to read at any time and never have to worry about running out of books (I’m a fast reader, so I used to have to pack half my suitcase with books and still would run out before the trip was over).
anon
Library- I belong to 2 different ones- my city library and county library, and I mostly check out audiobooks and listen to them when I’m driving/doing chores etc. I read everything, depends on my mood.
Anon
Thanks for mentioning the county library. I didn’t know that was a thing so I just signed up for mine!!
Anon
At least in my area, city and county library both have summer reading programs and fun events so it’s definitely worth looking at both calendars on a regular basis.
anon88
I read 52 books last year, here’s where I got them–
– Library – If I go in-person I use it as a little treat where I browse and get a stack of books. No guilt if you don’t end up reading a library book. As others said the Libby app is amazing for audiobooks and ebooks. I hate reading on my phone, so recommend an e-reader for ebooks. Also, random tip– If you live anywhere in New York state you can get a membership to the NY Public Library, which gives you access to more ebooks and audiobooks.
– Ebay!! I buy most of my books here. Sooo much cheaper than retail prices, typically quick shipping. Lots of big sellers have promotions like buy three get one free.
– Local book stores – I love having local book stores and make a point to buy some from them, even though the prices are higher.
As far as cultivating a reading habit, make sure you’re reading something you actually want to. For example, my sister read 5 books last year because she was reading “highbrow” things she thought she “should.” This year she’s decided to just read whatever “lowbrow” romance/sci-fi she wants, and she’s read seventeen books this year. SEVENTEEN. Follow your whims and interests.
Don’t be afraid to give up on a book you’re not enjoying. Life is too short. I don’t end up finishing probably half the books I start.
Read first. Don’t count on reading in bed as your main reading time or once you’ve finished everything else. Designate a time and say you’re going to read then. For instance, when I get back from the gym I try to read for an hour. I put my phone in another room. Yes the kitchen is a mess and I need to shower, but if I do everything else first I’ll run out of time. Once you build the habit you could probably loosen up about this.
You have to put your phone down. This is honestly the hardest thing for me, but reading is so much more rewarding than scrolling, it’s worth trying to change the habit.
Vicky Austin
+1 to following your whims and interests. I read 140 books last year – in a year when I also gave birth to a baby. None of them were Anna Freaking Karenina or anything – it was just what I wanted to read and thought would be fun. And I was right.
Anon
When your first child is an infant is actually a great time for reading. I’ve never read as much before or since as I did that year, because I had so many hours of nursing and having a baby who had gone to bed for the night at 7 pm. It’s harder as they get more mobile and sleep less. You can still make time for reading of course, but I’ve never had the abundance of reading time that I did that year.
Vicky Austin
Yep exactly! In fact, I used my Kindle to help me stay awake during middle of the night nursings – it was dangerously easy to drift off in the comfy chair with a warm baby on you when you’re exhausted. That window is closing, as you say, but it was a good time while it lasted!
Anon
That’s AMAZING and though I’m a voracious reader I’ve never come close to that. But I do find pregnancy and new motherhood to be excellent times to lean into reading. I spent much of this winter on the couch (pregnant with #4) while my husband supervised the other kids. And postpartum is one time I do pull out my kindle so I can read during all those night feeds
anon
That is CRAZY IMPRESSIVE. Wow. And here I was feeling good about my 30 books!
I also have learned that it’s key to bail on a book that isn’t capturing my attention. If I’ve read 20-25% and it feels like a slog, I’m usually done.
Vicky Austin
All reading is great! Congrats on 30!
Anon
I’ve found that 52-72 books is the sweet spot for me – any less than 52 and I feel like I’m not reading enough, but any more than 70, I’m not being active enough. It’s all about finding the level that works for you. That’s so great you read a ton with a newborn!
anon
I read webnovels in a language that’s not English and I can generally download epubs for those. For English ebooks, I borrow from Libby or occasionally will buy from the Kindle store. Library selections vary depending on which library system you’re a member of. I have cards for both my hometown (purple county in a red state) and the city I moved to (purple county in a blue state), and new city’s library’s selection is soooo much better. More titles and more copies of said titles.
Cb
I read 75+ a year, and it’s split pretty evenly across Kindle, Libby on the ipad, library books, and book purchases. I feel like £15-20 in an indie bookstore is a vote for the type of places I want to see in my community.
Lydia
love this attitude toward bookstores! and you’re supporting authors, too, which is great.
helloanon
Library, always and forever. I keep a running list of books I want to read on my phone and make liberal use of my library’s reserve function. Spending a few minutes browsing the library shelves at my local library (fortunately well funded and well stocked) is also one of life’s little joys for me, and my library always has thoughtful displays up with book recos. I read a lot on my phone and ipad via the Libby app too. I keep my physical library books in a stack on the same bookshelf at home so never worry about losing one because they always return to their “home” when I finish reading.
Anon
I get all my books from the library (physical books). I go at least once a week.
Anon
I’ve been having good luck with an app called PangoBooks. It works a lot like ebay but on a nice app. I usually check on that if I get excited for a book recommendation and my library is going to take forever. Just last week I got two fairly new release books both hardcover for $10 each. And the person who sent it packaged it up super nicely, put extra stickers with it, and I was even able to find someone in my state selling them so shipping was super quick. The app is also really well set-up to sell books, but I haven’t tried that part yet.
Anonymous
Our library has a massive digital collection, so I check books out that way and read on my kindle. I also do physical books but I go through so many it’s untenable.
shananana
Library book sales, thrift stores and garage sales are my go to spots to when I just want to add some interesting things to the “to be read pile” without having to worry about how long it may take me to get to them. Also as a recovering shopping fan, it scratches the itch while being a pretty inexpensive habit as usually books are a dollar or less at places like that around me. Also then if I don’t like the book, it just goes back in the donate pile.
Anonymous
I use the Libby app on my phone and get ebooks and audiobooks from the library. I occasionally check out actual books too, but mostly I listen to audiobooks.
Anonymous
Library and second hand stores mainly. Sometimes historic area gift shops.
I mostly read non-fiction
Anon
I already commented up thread on my own reading habits, but it occurred to me that I should report on my husband too. He came to the US when he was 14 years old and as a result, struggled with learning English at school for a while and never found it to be fun. He also never became an adult in his country and learn to read for fun there. For a long time, he thought of himself as “not a reader” and unnecessarily limited himself. He read a few books in his 20s and no more. Well, at age 35 or so, he’s picked up the habit! He’s read through a bunch of classics on our bookshelf, including those with old-fashioned language (Sherlock Holmes, for one) and has also been reading Harry Potter in his native language. Just this morning, he grabbed the latest from the series and is reading that over breakfast when before, he would have been on his phone.
Moral of the story? Don’t limit yourself with “I’m not a reader.” It’s never too late to become one.
joan wilder
I love this story!
sprinkles
Library ebooks. You have to put more than one on hold so that usually by the time I finish one the next is available. I also check every time I buy something physical on amazon for offers for kindle credits if you choose a slower shipping option.
Anon
I just buy books. There is a small bookstore, but I will get from Target or Amazon if they don’t have it or can’t easily get it (weird foreign stuff for my kids). I donate the ones I don’t want and ones that are cluttering up the house to a place that funds our Habitat Restore. Someone has to buy new books. Authors need to eat. Happy I can be that someone. I like a book vs a screen unless I’m flying somewhere and then I will just read the DM on my phone or the WSJ on their app.
Lots to Learn
Goodwill! I find lots of great books at my local Goodwills, for about $2 each, max $5. I browse, buy whatever looks mildly interesting, and add to my pile at home.
For specific books that I want, I usually put on my library hold list and get most of them within a few weeks. Our library will even find at other branches and have them shipped to my local branch and held 2 weeks for pickup. It’s fabulous.
Anonymous
For help choosing books to read, check out the Modern Mrs. Darcy blog and the author’s podcast What Should I Read Next.
Vicky Austin
Libby + send to Kindle = more books than I can read.
Cat
I pretty much exclusively check out e-books from the library via Overdrive. Very easy to send to Kindle.
Anonymous
I buy so many books. It’s comparable to DH’s budget for vices. I religiously purchase books at a local bookstore every place I travel, roughly every 2 months. I am similar with returning library books. I read on kindle and purchase on $1.99 sales, often.
Gail the Goldfish
Library, both ebooks and physical. My local library branch is just under a mile from my house, so I will use a walk to the library as exercise as well. I will buy books from my favorite authors (ebook and physical) but mostly borrow everything else. Husband buys a lot of books used on ebay or amazon. We also have one of those Free Little Library stands near our house that I will occasionally pick stuff up at. I’ve always read a ton, ever since I was a kid. I mostly read fantasy and sci-fi stuff. I’m a lawyer and the last thing I want to read after a day of reading law stuff is non-fiction (i do occasionally, but it’s got to be really engaging nonfiction. Give me escapist brain fluff).
Anon
I buy physical books online like from Amazon, but usually check to see if there’s a used version from one of their affiliated used book sellers. They take a few more days but it’s so much cheaper it’s worth it. I also buy new books from authors I enjoy, sometimes preordering them.
That said, the majority of my books these days are from Libby, the library app, and I read them on my kindle.
Anon
My neighborhood FB group has a fairly active bunch of readers. People are always posting pics of book piles with a “Who wants one or all?” message. We also have a number of Little Libraries with decent turnover. I also borrow from the library thru OverDrive — the trick is to load up your hold list and then manage it. I borrow real books from the library but I both walk by and drive by a branch daily so returns are easy.
anon
Libby is great, and I have stuff on hold constantly. Unfortunately, new releases are always very very backed up, so if that’s important to you, I’d suggest allocating some of your budget to purchasing new books.
anon for this
I read at least a few pages every morning and every night. Sometimes I’m in the mood to read more, but the deal I have with myself is to just make forward progress. I also give myself permission to abandon a book at any point if it’s not clicking.
We have books all over the house (and not enough shelving for them, sigh). We load up at the library used book sales, and buy new, and receive them as gifts. We also go to the library at least once a month — our library checkout period is 3 weeks and they auto renew if there aren’t holds, so monthly is a good cadence for us.
I’m also a devotee of the Kindle USB hack, where you keep your kindle in airplane mode always. Check out an ebook from the library and download it to your computer, then connect a USB cable to your kindle and transfer it that way. That way the books are there, ready for you when you are. They also don’t disappear when the checkout period is up — as long as the kindle stays in airplane mode, it never knows that the checkout period has ended. I probably have 75 books on my kindle now from the last few years, so when I’m ready to start something new I can see what I have available.
The only downside of the Kindle is I prefer my kid to see me reading an actual book instead of engaging with a screen, so I try to always have one physical book in progress.
DB Cooper
Came here to mention the USB hack! According to a librarian friend, there’s no downside on their end to doing this (helps their numbers to show checkouts), just be sure to “return” them right away after your download to be kind to the next person on the hold list. If you want to delete the files from your Kindle to clean up your book list, you can copy the files to a backup folder on your computer in case you want to reread them later. Be aware, the USB download is linked to whatever Kindle you check off when you’re getting the file from A–z-n, so you’ll need to download a copy for each Kindle if you’re sharing with family, instead of just copying the single downloaded file. Love this!
Doodles
Kindle ebooks borrowed from the library for 21 days. If I don’t finish in that timeframe, I can usually re-borrow it. I don’t buy books other than coffee table type books as gifts or occasional cookbooks. I read mostly fiction for fun and sometimes pick up a memoir (like Spare). I also belong to a bookclub. We read a variety for the bookclub. I don’t do audio books. I prefer podcasts or music in the car.
Anon
Apparently I’m an outlier here but I just buy them on Amazon for the kindle app. A book is like $12-15 and even if I buy a few, that’s a cheap cost for a lot of entertainment. I get what I want to read immediately and no hassle.
Lydia
agree! I like supporting authors by buying their books.
Senior Attorney
I love my Kindle and I’ll admit I buy most of the books I read. I did just join Kindle Unlimited and I’m enjoying it a lot so far. I need to check out Libby, too! I read mostly fiction and maybe 20% non-fiction. Last year I read 99 books.
Anonymous
I buy most of the ebooks I read. Last time I checked my local library had really poor online access. Will check again to see if they have upped their game.
Anan
Ebooks from the Library via Libby or Hoopla.
Hard copies I havr around the house are 90% from Little Free Libraries, 9% borrowed from library and 1% from the library used bookstore.
Anonymous
Library — mine and I pay for a subscription to the Queens library. There’s a list online of all of the libraries that provide cards to people remotely. I also deliberately buy books from independent booksellers. Yes, I do buy on my kindle but I also want to support small shops and buy a handful of books from them a year. Another way to do this is buying kid gifts from children’s bookstores.
Anon
I do a combo of everything. I read a lot of non-fiction and a smaller amount of literary fiction. I *love* browsing bookstores and finding newly released (or used) books that way (and I buy them there). Sometimes when I’m looking for a specific book I either order online used, order through my bookstore, or get from the library. I strongly prefer to read physical books, but I sometimes get ebooks from the library if it’s something I know I won’t re-read, or because I’m stuck somewhere without a book and I can download something on my phone. I have a large bookcase and it’s my physical limit for books. About 1/4 is currently unread, and I won’t buy more until I clear some space. When I finish a book, if I loved it, I shelve it, and if not, I either give it away, put it in a little free library or my building’s laundry room, or donate to a charity bookstore (usually when I have a small box built up).
Because I read a lot of long non-fiction, I’m sometimes reading one book for a few months. I usually buy these books so I don’t have to worry about due dates. I don’t mind having a bit of a backlog on the to-read shelf, so I can always find something I’m in the mood to read once I finish one book. I skip around between reading something from the shelf or something I just got.
I used to keep lists of everything I read, but I found it made me have too many feelings about whether I was reading enough or the right books, so I stopped. I don’t travel enough to worry about bringing a lot of books with me often, but when I do travel I often find used bookstores and come back with more books than when I left. Most major cities in other countries have used English language bookstores and you can sometimes find really unusual stuff in them!
Anon
Oh and I have a small collection of those free promotional bookmarks from bookstores I’ve been to! I try to grab one at every new store I visit.
Senior Attorney
One of the reasons I love my Kindle is that I can carry my entire library with me when I travel!
What to wear?
Looking for outfit advice. Family second wedding, late April, upper midwest, evening in a bar/restaurant sort of place. I’d rather lean more toward a going out outfit, while still wedding appropriate. Need to avoid sleeveless and work okay with my middle aged apple figure.
Anon
Personally, I dress for the occasion not the location. I would still dress up and for something new, I’d probably go see what Tuckernuck is offering.
Anon
What about a fancy jumpsuit?
Anon
+1
anon for this
If you have a LL belt bag, which size is best? Planning to buy one for a friend — is the basic 1L one the right move or should I get the bigger 2L? She’s a busy mom of 2, more stylish than I am.
Anon
Prefer the 1L. It holds a few basics and it’s quite useful for travel (phone, keys, cards, passport). And small enough to easily drop into a diaper bag or tote.
Anon
1L is the most popular for a reason.
Anon
Do the 1L
Anon
I am not more stylish than you, because I misread this as “LLBean bag,” which I have and is great, but is a bit outdoorsy (and I can’t imagine in a 2L size).
Anonymous
If she wears sunglasses, get the 2L.
Jo March
Second. The 1L looks better on me because I’m short but the 2L is what actually fits the essentials + compact glasses case.
PLB
Agree. I fit my full size wallet, largely key ring, lipgloss AND sunglasses in mine.
Cat
1L. I fit slim wallet, phone, keys, gum, chapstick, and sunglasses case (Ray Ban) perfectly. Any bigger and it defeats the “essentials only lightweight” purpose!
Anonymous
I need the 2L for all this. The 1L will just barely hold all of those things but the sunglasses case. The sunglasses case requires the 2L.
anon
Same. IDK how you’re fitting that into a 1L, but color me impressed.
Cat
I think it’s the size of the stuff? Like wallet = card case size, keys = just a house key on a ring (live downtown so rarely drive), gum & chapstick fit easily in one of the little mesh pockets, that just leaves sunglasses (RB cases are slim) and phone for the main compartment!
If you carry All The Cards and a janitor-esque key ring it might not work as well.
Anonymous
Car key fobs are huge these days.
anon
I personally think the 1L is really small if you carry a wallet and/or sunglasses, but it seems that lots of people make it work. I have the 2L and don’t find it cumbersome.
Anonymous
Help, I have dental benefits with my company. My visit was in October, I told them I would submit the claim myself (first time doing it this way) and have only got around to the task today. The insurance needs me to submit by paper instead of electronically because I had X-rays. So I did. Then I called to see how long things would take. The clerk told me that I only had 90 days to submit because that’s the arrangement my company has with the insurance provider. This is new info. I am loath to be out so much money—about one thousand dollars. Any suggestions? TIA
Anon
Don’t wait six months next time? Find a dentist that will take your insurance? I think you’re SOL on this one.
Anon
+1
Anonymous
Ask your dentist to issue a new bill so the bill date will be recent. It might still show the original date of service but I’d submit anyway and see what happens.
Anonymous
Yea, I think 90 days is pretty standard. You also waited till the next calendar year, which can also be a problem. I think you’re out of luck.
Anon
The requirement to submit within 90 days is valid. It’s in almost every contract. The good thing is that hospitals are required to submit your bills in a timely manner, which reduces the chances of getting a bill for something that happened a year or so prior. The bad news is, you have to be on top of your game in submitting claims.
Anon
Yeah, if you’re the kind of person who doesn’t deal with this stuff promptly, I think you need to find a dentist who will. My dentist left my insurance network last year, but they still file the paperwork and I get a check in the mail within 10 days.
Anon
In my experience, the medical provider has X months to submit but the actual patient has much more time. I’d try to pursue it and appeal if possible. Dental could be different.
Anon
Learn the expensive lesson about timeliness and don’t do it again.
Anonymous
I agree with the chorus here, but you could possibly try asking your HR team. The 90 days’ requirement might be something your company could choose to waive. If you go this route, be very, very polite in your initial ask.
Anonymous
We are hosting Easter brunch this year.
I want to do an Easter egg hunt. It will be my kids- girls 5,8 & 10, plus my brother and his fiancé who are late 20s and fun and would happily participate (or help hide).
What are some ideas for what to hide in the eggs, other than jellybeans and coins? My soon to be SIL has a lot of dietary restrictions and my kids don’t really like or need much candy but I’m having trouble thinking of what else to do that would fit in an egg :).
Anon
I make special ones for older kids that has nailpolish in it. It has their name on it so a little can’t get it or someone else. It has to be the larger eggs for it to work.
Anon
Money.
Anonymous
My grandma would hide a few eggs with $1 or $5 bills in them and then there was always a golden egg with a $20 bill inside. When my kids were little they would have also liked temporary tattoos or stickers.
Anon
You are generous! We have plastic eggs we used for years and years. Everyone knew the golden egg had $1 in it. The carrot shaped egg was also special because it had more candy than the other eggs.
Anon
Cute little erasers (you can get packs at Michael’s); temporary tattoos; stickers; fake mustaches.
Anon
Cash. Hide 10 eggs with $1 bills, 2 eggs with $5 bills, and 1 golden egg with a $20 bill.
Anon
In addition to the coins, the big event in my family is still the $5 egg (started probably 40 years ago when $5 meant a lot more). Every year people get excited about the $5 egg, but a $20 egg would be even more exciting :)
Anon
i think it is busy toddler, but her family does some hilarious easter egg hunt that your kids might be old enough to enjoy. lip gloss, nail polish, erasers, stickers, key chains
Anon
Mini play doh for the kids!
Anonymous
I’m the OP and sadly, the playdoh years are behind us. And wouldn’t fit into an egg anyway ;). Maybe I’ll get some art clay or something.
Anon
We did lottery scratch off tickets when our kids got older! those were a big hit.
anon
Instead of a traditional easter egg hunt, last year we did a scavenger egg hunt for our 6yo. Each egg had a clue for where to find the next egg, and the last “egg” was a small toy.
Anon
What if the eggs are empty but when they turn them in after collecting them, they get a small toy/book/etc?
Anonymous
That’s what my grandmother did for family egg hunts. I never even knew that people actually filled the eggs until I was an adult.
Anonymous
We have a lot of kids with nut allergies on our block (and do a multi family egg hunt) so we’ll do sweedish fish, sour patch kids (the individual ones or small packs), coins, ‘gold’ eggs with a dollar, stickers, temporary tattoos, erasers, and necklaces. We also set up a ‘trading station’ and kids could swap candy/treats amongst themselves there (this was VERY popular). Each family also offered a deal – any kid who wanted to trade in their haul for a small toy/gift card to a local toy store could do so. I then coordinated taking the cady to send to soldiers – I have deployed family members so I use candy as my ‘packing peanuts’ when I ship stuff overseas.
Anecdata
temporary tattoos
novelty erasers
I know you thought of coins already but if you travel internationally and have a random Ziploc of leftover international coins, I remember those being /so cool/ at those ages
Vicky Austin
oh that would be super neat! (And a great use for the random foreign coins I have kicking around that aren’t even valid in their own country anymore…)
Anon 2.0
Go to the bank and get 50 cent pieces or $ coins!
JD
Little finger puppets. Small hair accessories (like the fun stuff at CVS). Jewelry. Puzzle pieces. Little toy figurines like farm animals from a set or grab bag.Temporary tattoos or stickers cut up into small pieces.A few giant eggs filled with something larger.
Senior Attorney
I used to put mini-Legos in Easter eggs.
anon
I like to kids eggs and grown up eggs. The grown up eggs have mini bottles of liquor. Trick is to make them visually distinct.
Anon
My uncle has done a sweet egg hunt for years for all his grand nephews and nieces. There’s a bug age range, so he assigns a color to each kid, and hides the little kids’ eggs in very easy spots.
Anon
I am in charge of my family Easter egg hunt and there are toddlers involved who are not quite ready for jellybeans and chocolate eggs yet. I am doing stickers, yogurt melts, goldfish, hair clips and dollar bills.
Anon
I moved around a LOT as a kid, so I switched schools a lot. I somehow read Oliver Twist three years/schools in a row, but missed things like Pride and Prejudice. I’d like to go back and read what I missed. Do I get a crappy paperback (lightweight, portable)? Or do I get one of those fancy library editions with leather? ALSO, are there any good versions of what will be my starting book — Pride and Prejudice? I loved the Hamilton Libretto with its TONS of margin notes (reminded me of the old, old MTV pop-up videos). I’d love to teleport back to an English class that discusses this all (but there are YouTubers who do). I’m not intersted in returning to school (or high school, for thta matter), but I miss the lively discussion with a learned leader (vs wine-book club chatter, which is valuable for chatter but not as an English class).
Anon
As someone who has multiple copies of P&P, I’d strongly recommend “The Annotated Pride and Prejudice”–a little academic, but it’s got facing-page annotations that would fit the bill for margin notes. Norton Critical editions are generally good as well, and have essays about the work in the back, but for P&P I’d reach for “The Annotated P&P” first.
Anonymous
As an English major who wrote her seminar paper on P&P, I second these recommendations. If you liked the Hamilton book you might also enjoy the newer annotated edition edited by Patricia Meyer Spacks. The annotations are less academic and it has lots of illustrations.
Shelle
As another someone with multiple copies, this sounds amazing thank you!!
Anon
I LOVE my annotated P&P!
Cb
Novel Pairings and another fiction podcast have both done P&P readalongs which might give you that sense?
Anon
I just want to say I’m envious of anyone reading Pride & Prejudice for the first time!
Anon
I’m the OP here. Why? Is this a treat? Or because it takes you back to a specific time? I think I also got Hamlet multiple times and he just struck me as a cranky adolescent each time. I get the step-dad backdown drama a little more now that I’m older (had no friends with divorced parents growing up).
Anonymous
Not 11:41, but there is just something magical about your first time reading a favorite book.
Anon
When I was a tween and read it the first time, I focused on the romance. Now as an adult the real treat is the wry social commentary and some of the absolutely hilarious language some of the characters use – it sounds popper and of the period, but much of it is dripping with sarcasm. I love it.
anon
I mean, just the opening sentence is dripping with sarcasm. It’s so great. (And same here, a lot of that was lost on me as a tween reading it the first time.)
Shelle
For me reading P&P the first time around it was a lovely experience to be introduced to the characters because they are so well written and feel so real. Also the wit (nobody makes us laugh at ourselves like Austen), the beautiful language, the sexy tension between the main characters, the memorable lines… It is a fantastic book! Your description of “cranky adolescent” reminds me that reading Hamlet was great as an angsty teen ha! His isolation and alienation, the doomed lovers, Ophelia’s overbearing dad and brother, and then big dramatic finish boom everyone dies!
JD
Pride and Prejudice is an easy read compared to most older literature, with a relatively modern writing style. I think this is why the book has survived in populatiry, similar to some of the Bronte sister books. It has a strong and relatable female protagonist. It’s fun but not trash. If it were me, I’d read through once with a standard book, then re-read in a month with an annotated guide. Don’t analyze it the first go round!
Eager Beaver
I love the annoted Jane Austen books edited by David M. Shapard.
roxie
Might I recommend the Great Gatsby if that was one you missed? It is still my fave and I reread it often.
There are very cute and cheap used paperback versions online, there have been so many different covers!
Perhaps unpopular, but I tried reading P+P for the first time in my 30s and really couldn’t get into it. Love the movie though!
Anon
OP here. I read that and I feel that I knew a million Jay Gatzes, but didn’t meet a Daisy Buchanan until later, so I did not get her and did not get the pull. I also didn’t like the Mia Farrow Daisy in that movie since she was all known for the weirdness / Woody Allen / Soon Yi situation then. Ick. I did later see houses on Long Island and beyond my teen stereotypes from the Long Island Lolita story, OMG wow — that was amazing. East Egg for the win.
PolyD
Same. Could not get into Pride and Prejudice.
Anon
Also agree. Love Gatsby, have never been able to really get into anything by Austen, and I’ve read 3 or 4 books and watched all the movies (which I like better than the books, but are still not really my thing).
Anon
I’ve tried to read Jane Austen a few times and can never get into it! I love Clueless though…
Anonymous
if I were you I’d listen to the audio books! This is how I read all the Dostoyevsky and Tolstoy that I skimmed too quickly in high school :)
Anon
After you finish PP, check out Reading Lolita in Tehran. It’s a memoir told through the lens of the characters reading classics. I’d read the classics first (you can find from the book jacket) and then read the memoir.
Anon
Read the other Austen novels.
Brontë
Add Wodehouse and Oscar Wilde
Thomas Hardy
Agatha Christie
I love anything by Arthur Hailey or Erich Segal
Add a dash of fun with Georgette Heyer.
Anonymous
I just found out that an ex boyfriend recently died at a tragically young age. We were together off and on for many years during college and after. It was an intense and not always healthy relationship – but I loved him so, so much. I had not spoken to him at all since our final breakup over a decade ago, but thought about him often….
My question is whether I should send a condolence card to his parents (who I knew) expressing my deep sympathy and how much he meant to me. I don’t want to do anything that would upset them, and I realize that sending a card could come across as selfish (just looking for my own closure etc). But, I also could see it being well-received as a kind gesture, and it could be helpful for me. Thank you for your thoughts.
Vicky Austin
I was recently in an oddly similar situation. I messaged his stepmom, who was the parent I had had the most contact with when he was in my life, on Facebook to say I’d learned about his death and wanted to say how sorry I was. It was received with gratitude. I don’t think you can go wrong. And I think a physical card is probably better than Facebook in this instance because they don’t have to feel guilty about not responding.
I’m sorry for your loss, and I hope you can navigate the (very weird!) feelings of this with a steady keel.
Anonymous
Thank you so much for the kind response.
Anon
I would absolutely send a card. No one would be offended to know that more people cared about their loved one. I’d also offer that you deserve closure too, if the funeral is something you’d want to attend, I think that’s absolutely fine too.
Anonymous
Yes send the card
Anon
I think it would be a kind gesture. To keep it from sounding like “me me me” Inwould sandwich his importance to you or how saddened you are by his death between other more outwardly focused sentences or paragraphs. For example, state his good qualities, then how his death saddens you, and close with condolences and sympathy for how much they will miss him.
anon a mouse
Send the card. Especially if it’s been many years since his death, they may not have as many touchstones to his young life at this point. Say you only recently heard the news, even though it happened long ago, and share a positive memory or two. Say you still think about him often. You may or may not hear back, but I think this would be a comfort to them.
anon
Send the card. You don’t need to write a whole novel, but tell them that you are thinking of them and send them all the good juju or whatever. It doesn’t matter what you say, just that you said something.
Anon
definitely send. recount a memory or two of him. The parents will appreciate it.
Me
recount a flattering, happy memory or two. Since losing my mom, my favorite thing is when people share their memories of her.
anon
+1
Anon
This is always my approach. I especially try to share a memory the loved ones may not be familiar with, so that I’ve given them something new.
anon
I read once that one of the kindest things you can do when someone dies is share a few good memories you have of the deceased with their family. Making new memories is something they don’t get to do with their loved one anymore and hearing new stories or memories now is a gift. I think sending a card with a story or two that the family would enjoy would be so thoughtful.
Anecdata
My sister passed away a few months ago at 28. What my parents want/wanted more than anything was stories from people who knew her at different points in her life, and just to know that her life had an impact, and that she was remembered. I think your ex’s family would like the card.
Anon
condolences to you and your family.
Anonymous
Send the card, and also be realistic about how the family remembers you. Do they remember the relationship the way you do, and think of you as the intense, on-and-off again girlfriend who was in and out of their family for years, and was often unhealthy for their son? If so, don’t write anything that will cause them to remember all the drama. Say something simple and generic and make it about them, not you. Instead of telling a special memory about you and him, tell something you remember about him and his family together
Anonymous
Thanks. They would absolutely remember me. They liked me a lot and were supportive of our relationship. (And most of the drama and hurt was caused by him.) Absolutely agree the card would need to focus on only positive things. And that’s a good idea; I could say something about how I knew he loved his family so dearly.
Seventh Sister
I’m in a similar situation, but his parents passed away a couple of years before he died. If I knew his sister (she was quite a bit older and lived abroad so I didn’t ever meet her), I would have sent a card.
Since I feel like contacting his surviving family would be about me, not him, I had his name added to my church’s list of the departed for All Souls Day (it’s an Episcopal church so he didn’t have to be “faithful departed”). The church was really kind about it – asked how to pronounce his last name, read it aloud during the service, etc.
Anonymous
I thought about this question as if it were my own very serious ex boyfriend (same circumstances- together for a long time until our mid 20s, which was 15+ years ago). I would absolutely send something, though I’d send the card from the perspective of a “friend of the family.” Don’t make it about you and your loss; send your condolences and memories.
“I was heartbroken when I heard the news of X’s passing. He was such a big part of my life for many years. I’ll always remember his [important qualities] and [share a memory or two, eg. “Christmas 2012″]. Wishing the entire family love and healing. Sincerely, OP.”
Anon
The answer to this is always yes. Send a card. You are experiencing your own loss (which I am very sorry for – I know this sort of thing brings up complicated feelings). But his parents won’t see your card as being about that. They’ll appreciate that he meant something to you and that you’re thinking about him.
Anonymous
Yes, please send a card and note. My high school boyfriend died young, and I sent his parents a note telling them how much, and why, I loved their son. I included a short example of how sweet he was to me, and one of him being a good friend to others. I also told them that, even these many years later, I still think of him every time I hear the song “Take it to the Limit.”
Unknown to me, his dad was also dying, and his sibling later told me how much his parents loved hearing memories that were new to them, and that people would remember their son. Please do it!
Anon
I have an overnight layover coming up in Dubai. Any recommendations for an evening tour? We probably will be too tired for much sightseeing after the 12 hour flight, but we’d like to have someone drive us around to see the sights. Landing around 7 PM.
Anon
Not sure if this works with your schedule, but we did a food tour in Dubai with Frying Pan Adventures (Middle Eastern Food Pilgrimage) that was excellent.
Anon
If anyone is interested in following up on the kids/smartphones conversation from earlier in the week, it looks like Jonathan Haidt has a new book out called The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness. I’ve really enjoyed his other writing (The Coddling of the American Mind was really good). Thought I’d pass it on. This is going on my library hold list ASAP!
https://www.theatlantic.com/podcasts/archive/2024/03/smartphone-anxious-generation-mental-health/677817/
Anon
Glow Kids is also good. It was published in 2016, so there is probably even more data available now, though.
A. Non.
Just to throw it out there – we always do an egg hunt with hard boiled and dyed eggs. Dyeing the eggs is so fun with kids that age, and we don’t end up with more trinkets.
it seems like you’ve already got the plastic eggs, so…embroidery thread for friendship bracelets? Hair ties? Chapstick? Gum? Non-candy snacks like nuts or goldfish (could get kinda messy though)?
Also, from a seasoned egg hider – have a mix of difficulties but write down the super hard locations, especially if you use real eggs 😆
anon
Funny story: We did that one year when my son was around 4 or 5 years old. Months later, we noticed a RANK smell coming from his bedroom closet. We couldn’t figure out what was going on. After at least a week of tearing apart the closet and doing copious amounts of laundry, I found a hard-boiled Easter egg in one of his shoeboxes! OMG, it was so foul. LOL. So look closely if you go this route!
Anon
I grew up in a house where we boiled and dyed dozens of eggs (and ate multicolored egg salad for a week) and had a competitive Easter egg hunt, which became larger via marriages and grandchildren. One year as soon as the eggs were hidden, a murder of crows descended and found and trashed just about every hidden egg! Murder felt like the correct term that year.
Anonymous
OP here- real or plastic, i always number them so I know if one is missing!!!
Senior Attorney
The last time I did an Easter egg hunt we used hard boiled eggs (in the back yard) and one of them ended up missing — we decided one of the neighborhood critters beat us to it!
Anon
We usually dye one dozen eggs and then supplement the egg hunt with plastic eggs
Anon
I would like to become more intentional about setting personal goals for myself.
Coming from a toxic background where I learned not to share any important or meaningful aspirations because that enabled people around me to ridicule me or sabotage my plans, how do I start? I am not a NY resolutions type. Anyone have suggestions on how to start something like this?
go for it
Clearly we grew up in similar situations! Practice makes better, and you are now a grown person without those people around you. Whew.
I do morning pages first thing every day…3 handwritten pages as sourced from “the artists way” in an old school marble composition book. Within them if I get an idea I circle the word IDEA, and that is where i get my goals from. They can be mundane ~ buy flowers for myself each week, clean the cat litter……. to specific~ book the personal trainer for my arms by x date, research new roles on Tuesday nights from 6-7 pm, book the gallery show. At the end of the book I transfer the IDEAS into a tabbed excel sheet by topic (for me that is art, house project, work, travel etc). I have found that by the end of the book I have done at least 50% of the IDEA prompts.
Good luck!
Anon
Journal it, or tell just one trusted friend. I never announce my fitness goals for the year, but I do write them down, and then I track things in a planner — walks, workouts, new lifting goals and my accomplishments. It’s there for me to look back on, but no one makes fun of it or nags me because I’m not meeting my goals.
anon
Is it necessary to share with others? Your goals are for you! Alternatively, if it is important to share, can you pick one trusted person that is privy to that info?
I rarely share my goals with anyone besides my husband and my sister.
Anonymous
I only share my goals with teachers, coaches, mentors, etc. who are involved in helping me achieve them. Also with my husband if there are scheduling implications for him (e.g., rehearsals, performances, practices, races).
Anonymous
Setting goals and sharing goals are two very different and separate things. You can set goals without sharing with amyone, or only sharing with select people.
With setting goals, decide what you want to do, and decide when you want to do it by, and then decide what your small daily and weekly to-dos are that will get you there.
anon a mouse
I always set yearly goals (similar to resolutions) and check in on how I’m doing monthly. For example, one of them last year was to read only books by women authors. Another was to stretch myself professionally and to work to augment my network.
I don’t think you have to broadcast your intentions and the fact that you’re setting a goal for yourself – unless you want to! But if it comes up organically, you can tell the people in your life that you’ve decided focus more on X, and say it in a way that makes it clear it’s not up for negotiation. If they press you, stand firm: this is something that I’m trying for now, it’s important to me.
You got this!
Anon
Today is a readerly day I guess. I remember people posting about various African authors they liked, maybe Nigerian ones in particular. If you posted on that, can you re-share your best picks? Can be fiction or non-fiction. I’m just ready for something new that’s good.
joan wilder
A beautiful heartbreaking recommendation (fiction but based in truth) is Small Country by Gael Faye, a Franco-Rwandan author. Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, who is a Nigerian writer.
Panda Bear
I really liked Chain Gang All Stars by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah.
Anonymous
Americanah by Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is a great read.
Maudie Atkinson
A few suggestions for authors writing (or who wrote) in French, but for which there are readily available English translations.
At Night All Blood is Black, David Diop
So Long a Letter, Mariama Ba
The Beggars’ Strike, Aminata Sow Fall
If you read French, these are also great to read in the original.
Moose
Another reading question! What book(s) do you think everyone should read, or should be required reading? Subjective question, but want to hear lots of opinions!
Anon
Invisible Women by Caroline Criado-Perez. It’s the best skewering of male-default bias and design that I’ve read.
Anon
An atlas. Shockingly few people know basic geography.
anon
Ooh, that’s a good one. Is it weird that as a kid, I loved looking at atlases and encyclopedias?
Anon
You are my people.
Anon
Same!
anon
This is when I love this site. Mwah!
Anon
My 6yo son is convinced he likes nonfiction much more than fiction. On our last library trip he selected a student atlas and two books about Nevada (we live in Connecticut)
SMC - San Diego
I posted about this a few weeks ago but I actually collect world atlases (my oldest is from 1889), so I vote not weird at all.
Senior Attorney
Two facts I just learned that blew my mind:
1. (Virtually) all of South America is east of Florida
2. Buenos Aires is a tiny bit south of Cape Town, South Africa
Geography facts
3. Berkeley is further west than Palo Alto.
4. Los Angeles is further east than Yosemite.
I love weird facts like this!
Anonymous
An overview of philosophy.
Anon
A Man Called Ove, Brit-Marie Was Here, or pretty much anything else by Fredrik Backman.
Anon
I have such a love-hate relationship with this author. The only one I unequivocally liked was Beartown. All the rest have extremely quirky and/or flat, unrealistic characters and situations, and finally in the last fourth of the book they come together impressively and the book redeems itself. But I really don’t enjoy the first 3/4…I guess I like more realistic fiction
Anon
He has a very unique writing style. I think it gets old fast. The first one of his I read was Anxious People and I looooooved it, one of my favorite books in a decade, recommended it to tons of people, etc. I read Beartown and it was ok but the writing started to grate on me. I could not get through Ove at all, and haven’t attempted more of his books because I feel like I’m just over it at this point.
Anon
See, to me the non-Beartown ones are so very real and do such a wonderful job of describing feelings, behaviors, and thoughts to which I can relate. That is why I think they should be required reading: to impress on readers that actual people out there in the world function that way far more often than one might think.
I like the Beartown series, too, but I think it is more dramatic entertainment than realistic.
Anonymous
I’m going to approach this another way and say read whatever you love. Too many people get turned off of reading because they have some idea of what they should be reading. Read YA if you want to. Read romance novels or mysteries or sci-fi or graphic novels. It doesn’t matter if you ever read a single most important book in your life — just read.
PolyD
Yep. I have read very few of the books people say everyone “should” read and I feel like I am a functional, normal adult anyway.
Actually, given the past few years, I think books people should read should include a good, comprehensive overview of genetics and molecular biology, a basic guide to how statistics work, and a good overview of how our (the US) government works.
Senior Attorney
Completely agree with this. I read a shocking mixture of nonfiction (serious and pop), literatary fiction, and absolute crap fiction, and it works really well for me.
roxie
This question is impossible to answer as it depends hugely on one’s culture, language, and context.
I can tell you what I think 40+ college educated white women in the US should read though :0
Anonymous
International news sources.
An atlas.
A dictionary.
Religious texts that are not their own.
Old recipe books.
Children’s books.
Anon
I absolutely love to read recipe books. I cook and am able to be adventurous about it, but absent reading or re-reading recipe books, I fall into ruts of the tried and true. Recipe book reading inspires me to mix it up.
Anon
The Mahabharata
Anon
Ugh. Working from home today and somehow fell down the rabbit hole of “project I’d like to do at some point but is NOT a priority” and now 2 hours later I’m mentally spent and ready for lunch without having actually accomplished any of what I need to today.
Vicky Austin
Oh hi, I see that you are me posting from yesterday.
Anon
Regarding the sling bag discussion above – what do those of you who carry a bottle of water use?
I would like something almost like a tote but crossbody. Especially when I’m out and about with my dog. Not on a walk, but like yesterday when I took him to the vet and met my friend for an outdoor lunch – I had to carry his collapsible water bowl and a water bottle/Nalgene in my hands while also wearing my cross body bag & trying to wrangle him on a leash. This has happened often enough that I know I need a different solution. A shopping bag slides off my shoulder while my hands are busy with the dog.
anon
When I was at Disney recently, I saw people carrying water bottle slings. Corksicle looked popular, but there are probably other options.
Anonymous
I have one for my Hydroflask. I clip the collapsible dog bowl to it.
anon
I’ve used a ChicoBag Bottle Sling for many years, basically whenever I want my water bottle but I’m not bringing a backpack. Highly recommend!
anon
Baggu has a few larger crossbody bags. I can fit a water bottle and a book in the medium crescent crossbody. Their duck tote also has a crossbody strap.
Trixie
There is a clever doggie water bottle that has a flip down dish for the water. This eliminates carrying the bowl.
Anon
I’m looking for a specific type of skirt: black midi or just below knee, not pencil, but not flowy. Ideally not an obvious elasticated waist. Is this what an A line is? Any recs?
Cat
JCrew’s Gwyneth slip skirt works well for this. It is an elastic waist but the band is disguised the way the fabric folds over it.
So-So Charlotte
What kind of fabric? I’m seeing lots of silk/satin, bias-cut skirts around (like this one from Quince https://www.quince.com/women/silk/silk-skirt )
Book Recommendation
The question about Pride and Prejudice made me think of this recommendation for anyone who loves cozy classics, domestic history, and pop-up videos. The Annotated Anne of Green Gables edited by Wendy Elizabeth Barry and Margaret Anne Doody is incredible. Get the hard copy. I enjoyed reading it so much.
Anonymous
Oooh, you just solved my Mother’s Day gift dilemma for my mom! I will be ordering copies for her, myself, and my daughter.
Vicky Austin
That sounds amazing! Adding to my gift list for my literary-minded sisters.
houseblues
I fell in love with and made my first offer on a condo this week but lost out to an all-cash offer.
I was so proud to have 20% down as a single woman in a VHCOL city but alas. Capitalism sucks.
Homebuyers, will I find another place I love as much?
Anon
I read a book review recently of a book I’d like to read about how Techno-Feudalism has killed capitalism.
Anon
What’s it called?
Anon
yes! different market, but we lost out on a house i LOVED to an offer that was like 150k over asking. while there are certain things about that original house our current house does not have, it turns out the layout of the house we do have is better for our family and we are on a corner lot and i love not having neighbors on both sides
anon
Oh, I am so sorry. When I look back at the houses I “lost” to another offer, it always ended up being OK in the end. You will find another home that you love!
Anon
I stalk houses I didn’t get like other people stalk ex lovers.
Anon
We just bought a house and the idea of loving it didn’t even cross our minds. It’s in the right neighborhood, within our budget, and we can close on it before our landlord sells our current place and we get evicted. I’m in my 40s, have now owned 2 houses and rented at least a dozen houses or apartments. I haven’t loved a single one, but they were all a roof over my head that I could afford and met my needs at the time. Such is life in a terrible housing market.
JD
Yeah I bought at the peak and getting a home I loved was not on the table. We got the home that met our Needs checklist and not much more. There are a few pain points that we just have to live with for now, but at least you get to remodel and decorate how you like. Good luck!
Anon
What is the peak? You never know when you’re at the peak.
If you need a house and have the money, buy the house. You can’t perfectly time the market.
Anon
I feel like this comment diminishes OPs feelings. She’s allowed to be upset that she didn’t get a home she loved after working hard to save up for the down payment as a single woman.
houseblues
thanks :)
FWIW I’m not offended so much as flummoxed by Anon 12:55’s comment. How sad that you don’t love your home and didn’t consider needing to! We clearly live very different lives. I recognize the immense privilege in being able to prioritize loving where I spend most of my life.
Anon
You will. I have learned the hard way that I need to think about the transaction and perhaps any needed immediate renovations or changes, and to not spend a lot of time picturing myself and my family in the house, how it’s going to look when I’m done with it, etc. There’s a couple of properties that I allowed myself to bond with during the negotiations phase and that I still mourn not getting. Ridiculous but true.
Sunshine
Congratulations on achieving the goal of having this kind of savings! Well done you.
If you’re going to continue looking at condos, I highly recommend looking closely at any condo’s reserves, reserve studies, finances, deferred maintenance (if any) before buying. I happily lived in a condo for over a decade, but after attending years of board meetings, I realized the HOA had kept dues artificially low for years, which meant the funds were not saved to repair things that begin to go out on a 60 year old building. There was no money saved to replace the old roof, refurbish the elevators, replace the carpet throughout the building, etc. So the only options would be massive increases in dues to pay for these things (and to start saving for the next time they would need to be replaced) or special assessments. As much as I loved living in the building, I decided to sell before those dues increases and or special assessments happened. And I’m so glad I did. Because my friends who remain in the building are telling me that dues are increasing by about 15 percent per year and there is still talk about special assessments. Once a building gets behind, it’s hard to recover.
However, if the buildings you look at seem financially and structurally sound, condo living can be great!
JD
Also look at the percent of rental units. Sometimes high rentals can impact what kind of mortgage you’re able to get. Chat with your broker.
Anon
This is such good advice when looking at condos. I sold one after attending two meetings where very much needed, proactive work was voted down because other homeowners were intent on maintaining artificially low fees. It was clear to me that there are major issues ahead.
NW Islander
You will. It might take a long time. It took another 10 years for me. I was still the single woman…but one with all-cash.
Houseblues
Baller response, thank you!
Anonymous
I’m sorry you lost out – that is frustrating, and I’ve been there. The jump to “capitalism sucks” though is a bit hyperbolic and what would you propose as an alternative???
Anonymous
Not OP. As an alternative to our current dysfunctional form of capitalism, I would propose a market economy where the government actually fulfills its proper role of remedying market failures, information asymmetry, and consolidation of power.
As a spinoff to the required reading discussion above, I’d like to see every high school student be required to take college-level intro courses to microeconomics and macroeconomics. Not the dumb, useless “personal finance” courses that are currently required and don’t even teach them how to balance a checkbook, but real economics courses that expose the ways in which our economy is structured to take advantage of ordinary working people for the benefit of a privileged few.
Anon
Louder for the people in the back!!
anon
I had posted yesterday about what wondering when to stop thinking you’ll hear about a job you applied for. i applied first week of February. Just got a call, maybe posting it here was a push to the universe.
Anon
CONGRATS! And good luck.
Anon
A job posting I’m very interested in just went up at my existing company. It’s asking for nearly exactly my skillset and I know the hiring manager, though not well. Can you help me write a script to approach him? I have been at my current job for two years, with the same company for 8. The posting is for the same title as my current. I would imagine the first question would be – why do I want to move? The reality is my current unit is imploding due to client funding cuts and I’m being asked to pull off the impossible on a shoestring budget. As much as I love a challenge, I have soberly and creatively evaluated the situation and there is just no way to win, so I have been job hunting and interviewing already. What should I actually say in response to that question?
Anon
Some variation of being ready for something new and interest in whatever it is that makes the new job different from your current job.
Anon
Can you talk about growth in the new unit?